Does Joe Have The WORST Trainers?

0:00I'm Jake Stouck, co-founder and CEO of Serval. We built Serval to automate the IT work that slows companies down. Onboarding, password resets, access to applications, my laptop stopped working. While employees wait for help, their real work is put on hold. IT desperately wants to automate this work, and that's why they need Serval. You just tell Serval what you want to automate in plain English, and it's built. No drag-and-drop workflows, no expensive consultants. Employees get unblocked and IT teams go from drowning in tickets to building what actually matters. With Serval, IT becomes the AI engine powering the entire company.

0:39This is a new way to run IT. We guarantee you'll automate 50 % of all tickets and we'll prove it to you in a free four-week pilot. Go to serval.com slash tickets. That's S-E-R-V-A-L dot com slash tickets.

1:00This episode is sponsored by ZocDoc. Have you been putting off a doctor's appointment or need a dentist and don't know where to start? You've definitely been there and that's why we use ZocDoc. Actually, over the holidays, Michael had a dental emergency and seemingly every office was closed. But we hopped onto ZocDoc, found an in-network dentist, had great reviews, saw real-time appointments available, which was key. It was on New Year's Day and booked an appointment in just minutes. It took so much of the stress out of the already stressful situation. ZocDoc makes it easy to search and compare over 250 ,000 local in-network providers across more than 200 specialties.

1:41So you can find the right doctor or dentist and book instantly. Ready to be seen? Download the ZocDoc app today and book that appointment on your to-do list. That's Z-O-C-D-O-C. ZocDoc. Joe do you want to put your mic a bit closer Go on Speaking to the microphone Okay We're recording Joe We're on here we go I'm tired man Put too much energy into that last episode That last one got a bit out of hand I got a bit of excited at the end Yeah well let's try I'm tired as well I don't know if this will cheer you up This is our 50th episode Oh, yeah. Okay, 50th. So half century. Okay. Let's change gear.

2:28Bit more excited. 50 not out. We just had new marketing people come in and speak to us. They're in charge of getting sponsorship and things like that. Do you know what? Even in my head, I was just like, this conversation's pointless. No, they have some ideas. Yeah, I'm sure they've got loads of ideas. No, they're not going to come to anything. Yeah, yeah. They need to find companies that will pay to be mentioned on this podcast. Well, also, like, one of them was quite new. So he was like a teacher on the first week in a rough school, being like, I can turn this around. Honestly, loved the optimism.

3:05Loved how optimistic they were. If we see him again, he'll be a broken man. He'll just be... Trying to get sponsorship for this podcast is going to destroy those people. Bless them. God bless them. Also, we do need sponsors on this, because you've just bought some new shoes. Yeah, here they are. Ooh, new shoes. Is that something? Is that an advert or something? Not sure. Ooh, new shoes. There was something about new shoes in the Inbetweeners that they wanted to become a thing, which was the flippers, where Will is wearing some black, long shoes. And everyone's going, you've got fucking flippers on.

3:49And he says, these are Italian. And then you're like, hey, where are my fleepers? Did that make it into the show? Did that get broadcast? I think it did. It did, yeah. It was like, hey, where are my fleepers? Oh, dear. I like the in-betweeners. In my head, I think it's good, but then sometimes I remember it. No, you're not going to ignore everything. I think they thought that might be like a new Buswankers. I think they thought that fleepers would be the – it was a bit like how, you know, Trainspotting was just made as – That episode. Is it? Yeah. Unbelievable, that. You're just going to eat like that on...

4:26Some people don't like the eating, but he's eating some minstrels. Mouthful. Somebody actually wants to sponsor us. Does anyone want to sponsor us? I just emptied the packet in my mouth. Yeah, that's quite something. That's why you should get counters. They're less noisy. I heard you talking about them. Well, they can't sponsor us now. Counters can. Minstrels, you're out. Counters, come in. I think I prefer... It's by the same company, Galaxy. Well, fine. Galaxy, make your counters and your minstrels. Okay. I've got a fun-serving suggestion for minstrels, though. I mean, if Galaxy want to sponsor us first.

5:02If it's anything to do with the microwave. It is. Yes, boring. Come on. Root one. It's excellent. So the shell stays hard, but the inside becomes gooey. Exactly. Don't tell me that's not fun. It is quite fun. So it's because the microwave, of course, works. And here's the science. The microwave expands water in the food. So if there's no water, it can't heat it. So presumably the shell has less water in, which makes sense, because it's hard, whereas the inside is soft. It would melt eventually, wouldn't it? Maybe, yeah. I mean, actually, they tend to crack, and they actually start burning the inside if you go too long.

5:46So you have to watch it. You know that's how the microwave was invented? Yeah, now I've got you. Now I've got you. They were doing stuff with microwaves, right? Yeah. One of them had a chocolate in his pocket. And it was in his breast pocket. And the thing, he went to have his chocolate, he was like, fucking hell, it's melted. And it was because they were messing about with microwaves. It sounds so safe. And then that's how they eventually got to the Faraday cage, which is, you know, when you look in your microwave and you can see that little, there's a little sort of thing. That stops the stuff from melting you.

6:32Can you put your keys in there? Because I've got... Here's a fact for you. You can put anything in a microwave. To begin with. I don't know what will happen. Yeah. Have you ever sliced a grape in half and put it in the microwave? You start getting lightning. Do you? Yeah. What's in a grape to make lightning? I don't know. I'm not sure. You slice a grape in half, you put it in, turn the microwave on, starts fucking flashing and stuff. Whoa. All right. A ball of plasma gas. There you go. Yeah. Yeah, that's lightning, isn't it? That's what lightning is, essentially. It's sort of electrons or whatever getting all excited.

7:12and then when they get excited enough and they form a sort of bell cord. They say between touching grapes. So it's that way you're slicing it in half so you've got the two halves together. Because there's a lot of images of two grapes together. Oh, maybe the slicing of the grape doesn't matter. I was told slicing a grape will... So the grapes will kind of join hands in a sort of... Tin foil. Like if you put tin foil in a microwave, that can do some shit. Metal is not good. Here's the thing. Did you ever used to do a thing at school where you get a crisp packet? You make it small. And make it small.

7:49Yeah. That was good. You have to stick it in the oven. Make it turn into a key ring. Put it on your keys. Put it on your keys. I've got a little Walker's crisp packet. Yeah, pretty cool. That was cool. Cool. Good times. Do you remember Conkers? Conkers. Another thing I've got at home. Do you remember Pepsi Max pencil cases? Oh, in the shape of a can? Yeah. Do you want to tap clear? No. It's Coca-Cola, but it looks like water. Oh, yeah. No, you're a couple of years older than me. Yeah, I am. I remember you used to get clear cola from Panda Pops. Panda Pops. Yeah. Chipsticks. Candy sticks. Anyone else want to say some things from the past?

8:35Rationing. Rationing. Scampi fries. Scampi fries. Scampi fries. Yeah. Love scampi fries. Polio. Yeah. Dysentery. Yeah. The Maxim gun. Boom. Battleships that were painted all weird, like strange zebras. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I still don't know. I trust the Navy know what they're doing. Because, you know, they like... There's one... Yeah. You know, they painted them all weird during World War II and stuff. because the idea is that when there was a U-boat and he had to have his little periscope, it wouldn't be able to work out where the beginning of it. Yeah, yeah. I still think I'd be able to work it out.

9:18Yeah. Because I would just be like, we'll just go for the middle. Yeah, that's the point. You don't have to go for the... You're not taking a penalty. Yeah, just go... You're trying to get in the corner. Yeah, just go straight down the middle. Straight down the middle. No goalkeeper anyway. Or is there? He might be painted as well. Goalkeepers. They didn't work, did they? The ships are safe. Why? You've got a goalkeeper. You've got a goalkeeper. Well, also, another thing about the goalkeeper, in a similar sort of – do you remember a few years ago, it was quite fashionable for goalkeepers to wear fluorescent colours.

9:50Oh, yeah. So they'd be like fluorescent orange. Yeah, like you look bigger. Yeah, no. So what it would do is in the split second that your brain's got to shoot at the goal, right, if you're a striker, you don't have much time on the ball, do you? No. You get it and you've got to shoot straight away. you've got to get those shots off fast. Your brain would just instantly look for a target and more often than not, you would shoot at the goalkeeper. That's amazing. So just like a sort of subliminal, got to hit something. Well, that was the science. I'm not sure if it was actually true. This was just nice to look.

10:26I said that was the science. I'm not sure if it was true. Yeah. The one bit that's often, yeah, not true is the science. 50th. Yeah. 50th episode of this. Yeah. We've made 50 episodes of this. And I've got to be honest, Joe, I think these are just getting better. We're just warmed up. Yeah. We are just warmed up. Yeah. We've not even got to where we want to be with this podcast yet. There's so much more. There's so much more to come. What are your favourite memories of the first 50 episodes? Do you know what, right? Do you know what's really weird about doing this podcast is as soon as we've done an episode, I can't remember a single.

11:00When we get to the end, we used to say things like, what have we learned today, Joe? and I've asked that to be removed from the script. Oh, that's why it's gone. Because I can't remember anything that we've spoken about even before we've ended the episode. Yeah. And that's, I think in a way, that's the sign of just a fantastic experience. It's just, you do it, it's over. Did that even happen? Yeah. Did we even do that? I don't know, man. It's like if you go to a theme park or something, the sign of a really good day is that you're driving home in the car and you're like, did we even go to a theme park?

11:37Go and see your favourite band play Wembley. And you're like, did I even, I can't even tell you what songs they played. Yeah, I can't remember anyone playing anything. You must have had a great time then. Yeah, that's how you know. But no, we're, well, it's nice, isn't it? I mean, it's a 50 partnership, 50 not out. Yeah. 50 for no loss. and I don't know what a loss would be. Well, one of us is sacked, I suppose. It'd be hard to do Joe and James fact up if one of us got sacked. Well, it could be Theo James. Right, so you're getting rid of me. Well, no, just because Theo James popped into my head.

12:16Or it could just be called... Like that for the recent goalkeeper. It could be called Theo James fact up. Theo James, yeah, yeah. I wouldn't mind that. You'd be up for that, would you? Yeah, I wouldn't mind that. You know, he's a big star, isn't he? Yeah. No, I mean, it'd be a big piece of it. He'd be a big boost for listeners and he probably wouldn't have all the problems that I've got. So like he'd be a bit more of a safe pair of hands. You have to cover for me quite a lot when I've got my eyes closed or something like that. I don't think he's got that problem. He's just a... He was really good in White Lotus and I'd like to ask him about that as well.

12:46Yeah, he was really good in White Lotus. He's got a better body than me. The thing about, can I say about White Lotus? There's, well, I mean, I've got, my body is, you know, this is all exactly as I want it. Don't think this is just how it happens to have turned out. This is tweaked. I've got exactly the fat content I want. Have you had tweakments? I hate that word. I don't even want to talk about it. No, I hate one. Tell us all about your celebrity tweakments, your secret celebrity tweakments. No, just honestly. Come on, we're all adults here. We're all adults here. We don't have to talk like we're in a bloody, in the cat in the hat or something.

13:29Yeah, I don't even want to.

13:34This episode is sponsored by ZocDoc. Have you been putting off a doctor's appointment or need a dentist and don't know where to start? You've definitely been there and that's why we use ZocDoc. Actually, over the holidays, Michael had a dental emergency and seemingly every office was closed. but we hopped onto ZocDoc, found an in-network dentist, had great reviews, saw real-time appointments available, which was key. It was on New Year's Day and booked an appointment in just minutes. It took so much of the stress out of the already stressful situation. ZocDoc makes it easy to search and compare over 250 ,000 local in-network providers across more than 200 specialties.

14:16So you can find the right doctor or dentist and book instantly. Ready to be seen? Download the ZocDoc app today and book that appointment on your to-do list. That's Z-O-C-D-O-C. ZocDoc. Waiting for your sign? Here it is. Shop Labor Day appliance deals at Lowe's before they're gone. Get up to 45 % off select major appliances. Plus, get free delivery, haul-away, installation and parts, and a two-year Lowe's protection plan on purchases of$999 or more. Labor Day deals are on now at Lowe's. In-store and online. Valid through 916, while supplies last. Selection varies by location. See Lowe's.com for more details.

15:00Hi, it's Mark Bittman from the podcast Food with Mark Bittman and the website The Bittman Project. One of the things that makes Whole Foods Market different is their commitment to quality standards. More than 500-degree insert bands store-wide to give us peace of mind whether we're browsing through the store or shopping online. and it's been this way since 1980. Their selectivity makes your shopping easier. Shop Whole Foods Market in-store or online. Thank you.

15:32What about, one I remind you of some of my favourite memories from the 50th episode. Yeah, let's do that. It was supposed to be us reminiscing about, okay, yeah, Lily May. Go on, Lily May, can you remember anything we've said? What are some of your favourite memories? Yeah, because I've listened to the episode several times. Of course you have. God bless you. You've had to. This is my job. You're paid to do it, which is the only reason. You've not been sectioned or something. I'm really sorry. Do they provide professional support outside the job? Do you dream of us? Excuse me? No, but in a horrible way.

16:06Yeah, nightmares. Yeah. Do you go to sleep at night? You've just listened to the podcast for the third time. It's the third edit of the podcast. You've listened to it all the way through. now it's bedtime I can finally go to bed and then our voices are in your head still I don't dream anymore don't sleep anymore don't sleep anymore, don't dream anymore is this a sort of Lady Macbeth experience for you just like, yeah you can't get your hands clean, just get it off out I love to cry in the shower or anything yeah but that's the best place to do it yeah of course, because no one can tell exactly yeah um one time on fresh meat um i said can i have a dressing room where i can cry and no one will be able to hear me carry on i believe you one of the saddest things i've ever heard um they honestly found me a room it was a big conference you take the door off it you take the door off it and then and then they heard you anyway i don't what i don't understand did you do that in a hotel or something you just took a door off I smashed my way out of a hotel room once.

17:13I got locked in the toilet and the only thing I could come up with was I'll have to sleep in the toilet and get out in the morning. And then Hannah said to me, what was going to happen in the morning? And I was like, well, I, oh yeah. That's it. Anyway, so I smashed my way out and then I was buzzing from it. I was like, and I was just going around the hotel and being like, I just smashed over my door. Just the people I didn't even know. I was like, I just broke a door down. Well that's one of the highlights for sure Of the 50 episodes I think one of my favourite memories Was also learning about the gorgeous palanthreform Oh yeah that was good That's one of my favourite memories I think I enjoyed hearing your story of Two Girls One Cup from The Inbetweeners Yeah he didn't want to do it Very insightful That was a massive cultural thing That passed us by And they wanted real reactions to it That was our VE day in a way and we didn't get to...

18:08Anyway, never has the nation really been united since, I don't think. I've enjoyed making a new tradition of Battle of Hastings Day. Yeah. That's been a good one. That's a good one. I really enjoyed making you guys do the aura farming dance and I feel like I should get you to do more of that stuff. I can't even... I don't remember that one. I'll show you a clip of that. It's good stuff. Your war horse audition. Yeah. That was a fabulous story. and getting you to then do the Twilight script. That was a strange time. Yeah, I did the Twilight thing. That was good. That was a good one. I enjoyed learning about your love of birds.

18:46Well, they're interesting. Nature's interesting. Interesting. I don't find them sexually attractive. No. We'll see. And I enjoy your toes touching. Especially some of the birds where I grew up. Toes touching throughout the episodes. I think that's very sweet. Why aren't you coming around anymore? Well, you've got your new shoes. I don't want to wreck your new shoes even more. There's no effect about these new shoes. They've already got a mark on them. And I fell over my way out of the tube. Fell over. Fell over. Fell over, Joe. You're falling over. You're cutting your foot. Well, they're a bit...

19:21You know when you've got new shoes, they're not quite... They're not a second skin yet. Do you know what I mean? They still feel like... They're a millimetre longer than you expected them to be. In fact, can we make a note of this date? Because I'd really like to, I mean, honestly, next week they'll be fucked. Can I just say, I did a part in a TV show recently, and the guy was basically a bit of a loser, essentially. He had mental health problems and he was rather, not that that makes you a loser. Fuck's sake. But he was a loser. A stupid, pointless waste of space. Right. And one of the ways that they showed this was that he was wearing basically these shoes.

20:02and all the cast were laughing at them. They were saying they looked like paracetamols. And I knew that I'd bought them as my new pair of shoes. And I was like, I'm going to have to wear them. I looked up those. They're so expensive, those shoes. I know they are. The thing is, look. And look at them. Honestly, they look like you could get those from George's or something. I know. I'm just, can I just say, I don't know anything at all about fashion at all. I was just told. If you just want plain wine. I was just told that people wear white trainers now. I probably read it in like G2 or something.

20:37I don't know what I'm doing. I would be perfectly happy if somebody just dressed me every morning and said, this will keep you out of trouble. If you wear trainers like that. And now it turns out that people have moved on. They don't want to wear white trainers anymore and they call them paracetamols, which is offensive to people who have to use paracetamol and are in pain. Could you describe the shoes for anyone who's just listening on audio? Go to Next. Go to the Next website and type in White Trainers. But Joe's ones are from Arigato. And what are they, about 200 quid or something? They cost about 250 pounds.

21:12Mental. The pair. That's the pair. Each. Yeah, you get two for that. But they do. They look like Next Trainers. I know. I have just put White Trainers into Next. I know. And there's so many shoes that look like yours. I know. And also, I kind of... And how much are they? about, well, the most expensive ones I can see are 35 quid. Oh, God. But also the ones that the costing department had bought me for my character, they were just the ones from, you know, I think Debenhams or something, if that still exists. And I knew they'd only cost about 35 pounds. Yeah, CNA. Mother care. And they looked exactly the same at Woolworths.

21:53They looked exactly the same as mine that I knew were at home and I knew I'd spent a lot of money. I just thought that a few years ago, basically, I just thought that – I saw an article, basically, that basically said white trainers are now just – they've won. That's just what everyone wears now. And I thought as long as they're new – and basically, I'm wrong. I don't understand. I don't have a problem with the trainers. They just look like trainers to me. They just look like a man wearing a trainer. Fine. Well, that's not what they were saying on the set. They were being very cruel about them.

22:22The problem I have is – And they made me wear them. The problem I have with them is the price that you pay for them, when you could get the same ones for 35 quid? Well, I assume that there's something about them that... Also, speaking of walworths quickly, do you find it weird when you go to a different country and they've got the same thing? It's the same name, but it's a different thing. Oh, I know. Yeah, walworths in Australia is a supermarket. Yeah. What's the story there? How did that happen? What's happened there? How have we got walworths and they've got walworths? Well, that one closed down as well.

22:58Is that gone closed? We don't have walnuts anymore. That one's gone. They've still got it, yeah. Oh, they've still got theirs. Don't worry about that. I remember when I went to... Can I take something else? Go on. In New Zealand, they call a cucumber a telegraph cucumber. Because it looks like a telegraph pole. There's no other form of cucumber. No way do they call it that. They call it a telegraph cucumber. Why? Is there a different cucumber? Well, apparently. Is there one that doesn't... Well, I would go again, but... But again, it's the same shape, though. It's the same shape. I asked someone in the shop.

23:28It probably was Woolworths. It was Woolworths. I said, why is it called a telegraph cucumber? He said, I just think the shape. I said, is that just a cute, as a Brit, can I safely buy this? But the cucumber was around before the telegraph pole. So what were they calling it then? I do not fucking know. I do not know. I do not know. Yeah, something like the AI mango. Why do you call it that? Don't. Oh, right. I was just thinking of something that didn't used to be around. Don't. And it was better when it wasn't. We're going to have to start a drinking game. Every time Joe mentions AI. I'll die. Don't make me do it.

24:00We're angry for this 50th episode. I know. I thought this would be like a nice, jolly intro. No, no, we are jolly. We're like Dylan. We're getting more angry as we get older. I think I used up all my fun energy for the first record. Is the chocolate not helped? No, I think maybe it... Oh, I shouldn't have had chocolate. I never usually have any sweets or snacks or anything. And I think maybe I spiked and now I'm crashing. I remember one time on the set of The Inbetweeners when you consumed an entire chocolate bunny. And then about 45 minutes later, you were just in a heap in the corner. What was the thing that you did on The Inbetweeners?

24:35I ate an entire packet of a big... Fizzy sweets or something. Bigger than that. Like, I ate them in like a minute. Yeah, that was a stupid thing to do. And then it was my single. Yeah. It was my close-up. Yeah, I think you had like 45 seconds. Yeah. To eat like, what I would say is a carrier bag sized Haribo. Oh my God, it was horrendous. And Ian Morris was like... He was goading me. He was like Brent. He was like... Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was tickling. Yeah, yeah. He was literally like that. And then we had to finish the rest of the scene that we were shooting. This is what I mean. When people say, like, what was it like making the Inbetweeners?

25:09Unprofessional. It was unprofessional. We completely fucked around. And if there was a TV show or a film at the end of the day, we were lucky. That's completely true. There was no... And also, we weren't... We didn't focus on the film. We didn't respect it. I don't want to say we didn't care about that. On the first week, they heard us on Cannes, like, taking the piss out of the script. Like, we were laughing.

25:30The very first week of us making The Inbetweeners, before The Inbetweeners had ever gone out, before the TV show had ever gone out, we were just going, this is shit. Who's going to... We were going, no one's... We were laughing our heads off. We were going, no one's going to watch this. Yeah, that is entirely true. There was absolutely no respect. But we were all mic'd up. Yeah. We all had little microphones on for sound. And what we didn't know was that the creators and the director and the producers and everyone was listening to us. We were going, this is fucking rubbish. It took such a long time for us to realise that they could hear us.

26:07I remember Bird looking over and going, oh, they can hear us. Yeah, honestly, yeah. Yeah, there was absolutely no – the process was not respected at all. it's why I do find it quite difficult to kind of take things seriously after that because to be fair it did go quite well and I'm like well that was on the back of no kind of reverence for it at all there was no I remember the second film they'd rented a hall for us to rehearse in for a week and they just gave up on about day three because every day was just an argument about whether we should have to rehearse it's because I kept turning up going oh we don't need to do this I kept saying my argument was you want to rehearse this scene when are we when when are we actually filming this when are we actually shooting this and it'll be like three months down the line i'll be like well i'll forget everything that you just said so what's the point and also in a totally different setting where like yes i don't know maybe it maybe it helps i don't know but it yeah but i do think i i genuinely and this is a bit of a cop-out and it is a bit like enabling i don't know what the word i'm trying to say but no i understand it's like one of those it's like one of those arguments where it's like um you get to carry on doing exactly what you were doing anyway but now you're saying that you're doing it because it's actually what's best i think i think i think it became a bit of the secret sauce yeah i think when people watch the in between us and i do think a lot of people watch it and go god they must have ever added laugh making this yeah and we did yeah we did It was the most important thing.

27:44The TV show wasn't important. When the TV show came out, I was like, oh, yeah, this was this side thing they were doing where they were going to – what are they doing? Yeah. Episodes. They were doing some episodes and stuff. Oh, okay. This isn't representative of the experience. I remember we'd be doing something. They'd be like, right, we're going to set up for another scene. You guys sit here and hang out or whatever. And we'd be mucking about and stuff. And then when they'd come to us and be like, right, we're ready to – we'd be like, oh, what? No, we were annoyed. For fuck's sake, we're still doing this.

28:18Yeah, we treated it. Just crying out, just crying out with pals. We treated it as an encumbrance. Yeah, it was like the filming of the show was really getting in the way of us having a good time. Yeah, honestly, that was how I experienced it. They'd have to kind of come over kind of tenderly. Yeah. Guys, do you think you might? No, not now. hey listen if you do this scene we'll get a dominoes or something okay yeah all right yeah good to know that's right well happy 50th happy 50th joe you don't look a day over 49 thank you very much and um may there be 30 more 30 more i think that's 32 32 more i've got 32 more in me any more memory down memory lane over the last 50 weeks well I enjoyed the world up yeah that was good yeah I thought that was good I have to say I keep thinking about the VW sausage one and thinking that maybe that should have won we still haven't written on the wall we still haven't written on the wall should we change it so VW wins we still haven't written on the wall who the tournament champion was I wasn't here for the final so I'm going to put it down to that I know that was a disaster wasn't it yeah it was should we write it up now who was it Rathbary Anal Glans one Oh of course it was Yeah I think that was still We'll put it on It was still Have we heard back?

29:43Did they like their Have we heard Did they get their certificates or anything? You know what? I haven't heard I will check Not a thank you or anything No But I don't want to discredit them Because it might just be I haven't seen it Fair enough Okay Fair enough But I have got certificates waiting For our three winners Well should we do? Unless there's more memories I think I was going to mention I forgot Well, obviously it was brilliant A fitting memory Well, welcome to the 50th episode Can I just go to the loo before we go any further? Yeah, absolutely I'm so sorry

30:20I'm just going to... Absolutely, why should we? Yeah Joe and James, Joe and James, Joe and James Joe and James, Facts Up How was your piss? It was fine It was fine It was fine, thank you Okay, welcome to Joe and James Facts Up a podcast loosely about facts but is more about the chats if you want to get in touch our email is hello at joe and james pod.com you can call you can whatsapp us on 07822034330 or you can follow us on socials joe at joe and james pod and you can watch all our episodes in full on youtube and apple podcasts just search for joe and james facts up now let's get fact up

31:01This episode is brought to you by Flaming Grill Pubs Joe, tell me all about your perfect pub experience I want you to paint me a picture Alright So firstly, what time of year is it? Well not too hot, but obviously not too cold Because I'm thinking in the beer garden But maybe it's still coat weather Okay, okay What do you think they're showing on the TVs? Well football seems to be the most appropriate I'd say Brilliant, yeah The footy Anything else? Well, definitely a buzzing atmosphere, for heaven's sake, every night. But also it's good to have the most delicious food. Essentially, I'm thinking of the ultimate local pub.

31:37Well, what you've basically just described is a flaming grill. They've got the big screens to watch the match. There's cold drinks and most likely a beer garden. Plus, amazing value on tasty food fresh from the grill. So, for example, buy one, get one free on a range of burgers every Thursday. Well, James, I mean, there's two of us. Should we pop down and get some dinner? I thought you'd never ask. Visit your local Flaming Grill. Joe and James, Factor!

32:07Right. So... You alright? Just coughing. We're showing our age. It's 50. That is 50. That is 50. We've hit 50. This is what 50 looks like. 50? You got a pension? No. I've got a pension. Do you want to know my attitude to my pension? Go on. I just like it back. I don't it's not enough to save me when I'm old but it would be useful now I would like that money back can I get it back I don't know can I I think there'll be fees there'll be fees because obviously I got to I didn't have to pay tax on it when I put it in there but I've not added to it I put it in I put it in I put one lump sum in at one point yeah it's out there somewhere I don't know what it's doing I've got a little I've got stocks and shares ISA that I think might be below zero I didn't know that was...

32:55Not much, because I didn't know much in there. I think in the end, it had about£20 in it. And I looked down, I think it had gone down to minus£6. That is, minus£6. So do I owe them£6? We've got some facts up stuff. Well, here we go, some correspondence. And I'm pleased with this. It relates to a moment that I know you enjoyed when I started saying Buffalo. Yeah, let's bring that up again. Yeah, I tell you who else enjoyed it, Tom. And he's emailed in. Go on. And he's put, hi, chaps. Recently, I suddenly woke around 3 a.m. You're welcome. Thinking of Joe referencing the buffalo, buffalo, buffalo, buffalo, buffalo, buffalo, buffalo, buffalo, buffalo.

33:37And how the word club could possibly work in a similar manner. For instance, there is the biscuit and the biscuit slash chocolate bar, the large stick slash weapon, and then a group of people sharing a passion, the action of hitting someone something. Okay, so you've got, yes, it works because you've got subject matter, noun, and verb. So you could maybe say club, club, club, club, club, club, club. The club, club, the club, club, which is the club that you, that actually, the club that actually is a chocolate bar. club the club club club so the group of people who meet up because they have a mutual interest in using a chocolate bar as a weapon the club club club club he he's had to put in a the here which is a pity but i think this is a work in progress the club club club the club club club club the club club club yeah

34:51the club club club James I'm going to direct this next paraclet after you do you think there are any other words that could be stretched to fit? I think I'm going to kill myself. Okay I was also then reminded of Joe reading a list of night time thoughts from his phone either on your podcast or another one I think that might actually have been another another one. I don't remember that no that was on a podcast I did with Jessica Nappick called perfect day where I said I don't really like the day, particularly the middle of the day, but I like the morning and the end of the day because you know the day's ending.

35:21I stick by that. The day's good when it's either beginning or ending when you can either think, oh, what might happen? Or, well, at least it's over. The middle of it is when you see the world and you're like, what a shithole. Though on reflection this may have been imagined. I don't think it was imagined. I'd love to hear your thoughts. And then he's put, P.S. My first name is Thomas Joseph, the opposite of Joseph Thomas. Not relevant in the slightest. It is relevant, but bonus information regardless. All the best, Tom. That was the most interesting part of that. No, it wasn't. The whole thing is interesting.

35:55It seems like a bit of a doppelganger for me, to be honest. That's it. I'm in a fucking Joe Thomas, Thomas Joe echo chamber. Tom Joseph. When I was a small boy, people couldn't get their head around I know we're 50 they just couldn't get their head around the fact that my name wasn't Thomas because that's maybe arguably the the more common first name but it's not not by I mean Joey's are perfectly I was just always being called like Tom Thomas it's not that complicated I mean like if my name was like Smith Thomas or something then okay fine but that was a problem at the time for me and and I'm probably ready to move on.

36:39Okay. I wonder if Thomas Jail has the opposite problem. Oh, okay. So maybe do people think that you're... Well, no, I don't think he does. I think Tom is... It's a name that people want to be a first name. People like it, I think. And I don't know. Joe's... It's all right. I don't know who's... No, Joe's a good name. Joe's a great name. It's okay. It's okay. Sort of Italian. Yeah. Like... Giuseppe. Yeah. That's it. Sepp Blatter. That's a... was his first name Giuseppe yeah so it's the and there's also Yusuf which is the kind of I guess the kind of Arabic is that right version of Joseph so also Jesus' dad well he wasn't really was he all he did was bring him up good point in a way he was in that teach him carpentry and all that he was in that workshop every day what thanks did he get doesn't even get his name on the desk do you reckon Jesus ever went You're not even my real dad.

37:39Yeah. Do you reckon he ever said that to him? I've got to be honest. And that whole thing about God getting a woman pregnant. Yeah.

37:52Is that what happens? It's a good one, man. It's a good one. It's a good one. It's the equivalent of a bloke going on a bender for three days and going, oh, I was abducted by aliens. Yeah. Never mind that. what about your beard what's that did you see that flash of light never mind that oh no no that was a bit yeah he said he went he'd gone away we're talking about Carl Pilgrim again yeah and he said he'd been abducted by aliens and they said never mind that where have you been for three days they were like well he was on a bender obviously obviously that's what he was doing anyway thanks Tom that's a sarcastic thanks It's not a sarcastic thanks from me.

38:38Thanks, thanks, thanks. Thanks, thanks. Thanks, thanks, thanks. I honestly think that's going to make people switch off. It's not going to make people switch off. I think it will. Let's try. Also, we haven't answered. If you say the same word over and over again for about 12 seconds, I think listeners will switch off. They can skip. I think that's worse than dead air. I totally disagree. How often do you turn on a podcast and you just hear somebody saying, club, club, club, club, club, club, club, club? to be fair. The club club. What's his name? David Schneider from On The Hour. Oh, yeah. And he just said leaves for about a minute.

39:18Leaves. And that made me laugh quite a lot. But he's saying... Leaves. Basically, leaves. Do you reckon leaves could work? You need a verb that can be both like reflexive and like whatever the opposite of that is. And it needs also to be a noun. Depends what you mean by need. And it, well, need, need, need, no. You'd need. Need. Need a dough. You need, need. Yeah. No, let's not. Why did the baker have smelly hands? Because he needed a poo. It's all right. There's something else. Oh, did you say smelly hands? Hello. Yeah, smelly hands. I thought you said so many hands. So many hands. Why did the baker have so many hands?

40:01Because he needed a poo. Yeah. Hello. Hello? Hello? Are there any bakers out there? Hello? Can we just have a quick think about other things that could... No. No, no, no. No, no, no. No. No. Let's move on because it is time for fact check. Talk about Warren Buffett and buffeting people. Don't Buffett Buffett. Let's Buffett. Buffett. Ask the Buffett. No. Buffet. Buffalo, Buffalo. Right. We do need to do fact check. I'm moving on. Can I move on? Yeah, you can move on. It is time for fact check where we read a fact or a question that you'd like us to get to the bottom of. Then we're going to have a good think during the break and we'll come back to let you know how true it feels to us.

40:48Honestly, Joe, because I've got my facts coming up later in this episode and it's really fucking boring. So we can't just sit here saying buffalo food. I'm just trying to think of a... You need a verb that works both ways. you need a noun and you need a sort of something that's a bit like a kind of a geographical indicator um this week's fact check comes from ryan who sent us an email ryan says ryan here right now to the fact just listen right yeah good i'm pleased with this as well it comes from ryan right now i've just put a comma and i think that might help right now to the fact right just listening to the episode where james talks about his bird fetish thank you for naming it thank you for naming it and it made me think of a couple of bird facts you could check sorry to joe lily may and anyone else in the room in the studio if this gets james a bit excited well okay it's my turn to be a bit excited to be honest because joe's still wanking over buffaloes is it true that a crow can recognize human faces and is it also true that some birds sleep while flying also a bit of a pun for pun believable he's chucked in the pun believable for us perfect In case you wanted some extra bird content, foul play instead of foul play.

42:03Yeah, nice. No, that's not a pun believable. That's a game. James Games. That's a game, yeah. That's a James Game. Yeah, because it's not – We haven't fully established – Is there a Wallace and Gromit Murder Most Foul? I think there probably is. Yeah. So that's a pun believable. Well, and Shaun the Sheep. Shaun the Sheep, that's one. He loves them. Yeah. Anyway, Ryan says keep up the good work, which I can only assume is sarcasm. Right, let's have a quick break because I've got stuff, I've obviously got stuff to say about this. We'll see you in a second.

42:57and seemingly every office was closed. But we hopped onto ZocDoc, found an in-network dentist, had great reviews, saw real-time appointments available, which was key, it was on New Year's Day, and booked an appointment in just minutes. It took so much of the stress out of the already stressful situation. ZocDoc makes it easy to search and compare over 250 ,000 local in-network providers across more than 200 specialties. So you can find the right doctor or dentist and book instantly. Ready to be seen? Download the ZocDoc app today and book that appointment on your to-do list. That's Z-O-C-D-O-C, ZocDoc.

43:38Hi, it's Mark Bittman from the podcast Food with Mark Bittman and the website The Bittman Project. One of the things that makes Whole Foods Market different is their commitment to quality standards. More than 500-degree insert bands store-wide to give us peace of mind whether we're browsing through the store or shopping online. And it's been this way since 1980. Their selectivity makes your shopping easier. Shop Whole Foods Market in-store or online. Thank you. Waiting for your sign? Here it is. Shop Labor Day appliance deals at Lowe's before they're gone. Get up to 45 % off select major appliances.

44:19Plus, get free delivery, haul-away, installation and parts, and a two-year Lowe's protection plan on purchases of$999 or more. Labor Day deals are on now at Lowe's. In-store and online. Valid through 916, while supplies last. Selection varies by location. See Lowe's.com for more details.

44:41All right, should we go straight on? Yeah, welcome back to Joe and James Fact Up. Can I just say very quickly, just because I've... Don't say Buffalo. I'm not going to say it. Or AI. I'm not. This is a good old-fashioned one from the 1960s. I think the Beatles album Revolver is a pun believable because it's a record and it revolves so I think what they said is do you know what this is? this is a revolver the record is revolver the record is a revolver and they've got form I give you because the world is round it turns me on that's a pun believable is it because the sky is blue it makes me sad?

45:24That's a pun bullet. So they've got form. They know exactly what they're doing. And I'm just saying that I think that I've unearthed it. Should we ask Paul McCartney to get in touch? Yeah, can we ask? Yeah. Or Ringo. It's fine as well. I know he doesn't have family anymore. He doesn't. Please stop sending me. Please stop sending me fan mail. Peace and love. Peace and love. Oh, I know packages. Right. We were just fact checking on behalf of Ryan, who wanted to know if it's true that a crow can recognize human faces. And is it also true that some birds sleep while flying? Both true. Yeah. Both true.

46:09Fact. They can sleep while flying. Crows, I think. He does really know as well. Have you noticed? You are right. I mean, you know, I'm just saying you do, Pierce, know a lot about this. You do know a lot about birds. They're interesting creatures, the birds. Magpies are very similar. Very intelligent is the old magpie. They're a bit brainier than perhaps we have historically given them credit for. Aussies have an awful problem with magpies. They attack them, don't they? They do. And they remember who they're attacking. They remember. They remember. They were testing the fences for weaknesses. Brilliant.

46:47They remember. Right? That's something we should do as well. We should. Maybe that should be our script up because it comes up a lot. We've got to do a bit of Jurassic Park script up at some point. Noted. So magpies, they do recognise. So if you hassled a young magpie, if you caused a magpie a bit of trouble, it will remember you. For the rest of its life. that's what I've heard yeah so I think that's true also is it true that some birds sleep while flying yeah what's those great albatross I think an albatross sleeps albatross they never land they never land they sleep on the wing yeah yeah so I'm gonna I'm saying but both they're both fact up it hurts imagine sleeping while flying yeah I'm always amazed by those you shouldn't you shouldn't sleep and fly by the way no no don't do buzzed buzzed flying either yeah um that's yeah i also was amazed by um those sailors who are just like the only person on their boat and they'll just go to they'll go to bed for the night like they'll they'll they'll make the boat secure and then because i'm like what is something i just don't think i could if i was the only person on a boat i don't think they go to bed for the night i think they have like two hour naps and stuff they don't they don't just wake up at seven They watch a box sale or something.

48:20They don't just, right. Can you get a delivery? 10 o 'clock. It's bedtime now. So if I go to bed now, I'll probably fall asleep about 11, wake up at 7. Yeah, they're trying to get eight hours. Yeah. Yeah. They'll go back to work. I think they have little. They have little. Yeah. Okay. Okay. I'm just assuming. Yeah, they probably don't sleep. They probably don't have lions, I imagine. No. But, God, imagine sleeping on the wing. Let's throw it over to Queen Lily May to get the Queen's consent. I've said that. I've not even bothered to ask Joe his opinion. Well, I'm still trying to think of a word.

48:53Yeah. I know you are as well. Do you know what? Do you know what situation we're in, Joe? Yeah. We're doing a podcast now where me and you have to have conversations and I'm too scared to engage you in a conversation right now because I think you're going to go on about fucking words that you can say over and over. The question to get me out of it is to come up with something that's both a place and a verb. Stop. Business can do that. We can get them to send some in. No. No? We're done with the French. French has potential because if you French someone, as in you kiss them, you might also be French, but it's not a noun.

49:27Someone from France, their nickname could be French. Could mean Dawn French. Dawn French. French. Dawn French. French. French. No, stop. What are we having with those? But there's a plural as well. That's the thing. That's the thing. There's a plural. Buffalo works because it's... I'm going to be sick. Okay. It's quite a specific constellation of... This is winding me up. Okay. I'm going to fall out on your 50th. Oh, God. Where's the birthday party? There's always fights at a birthday party. I'm going to fucking knock you out. Okay. so according to the national wildlife federation um crows can distinguish faces in a crowd so they can differentiate between faces so i'm willing to consider that fact i don't think it's all birds but crows he said crows are our list as such so ding ding ding on that um and then nature.com I've looked at and they say that birds can fly while sleeping but what they do is they have like one eye closed and one cerebral hemisphere at a time.

50:48So they're basically like half sleeping on one side and then they'll swap. They did say that there are studies that have shown that some frigate birds have been flying over Oh is that what it is? Yeah. Frigate birds have flown over the ocean for up to 10 days and they've been seen to sleep with one hemisphere or both simultaneously which I think is interesting. Yeah. So yeah. Also just to add on that I think there's a what are those little I'm so tired Joe. My brain's gone. Honestly my brain's gone. Rens? Finches? No I'm not thinking of a bird. My brain was already quite tired before we started this and the buffalo thing has made my brain melt.

51:32Okay well don't blame me. Blame Thomas Joseph. No, I am blaming you a little bit, and I am also blaming Thomas Joseph as well. Well, me and him are almost like one of those kind of – was it a man, a plan? Stop. A canal. Panama. What are they called? Those little dogs of the sea. Seals. Seals, yeah. Yes. I think there are some seals that sleep underwater, and their brain goes into auto mode, and every sort of 10 minutes or so, they just float to the top. Oh, wow. and then they just float back down again. That's cool. That's cool. I feel like I'm sleeping underwater at the moment. Have you seen, there's been a little bit of a flicker of a buzz around free diving.

52:17These people who dive, you can do it for a lot longer than you think. Yeah. They love it. Yeah, you can train your lungs. You can train it. They go down and after about 18 minutes, the spleen releases a kind of emergency load of really oxygenated blood. Basically, you're sort of making your body think it's dying. Yeah, you come to the... They don't do it 18 minutes, do they? They honestly do. Some of these records are mental. There's more than 20. What's the longest person someone's held their breath underwater, Lily May? That's a good fact. I'm sure lots of people already know, but I don't know it off the top of my head.

52:50While Lily May's looking up that, Jo. I've got it. Oh, you've got it. I've got it. So apparently the longest time someone has held their breath voluntarily is what this says. Yeah. underwater using pure oxygen is 29 minutes and three seconds how do you do that using pure oxygen though what does that mean use oh that i think that's that they breathe oxygen yes 10 minutes before diving so they suck pure oxygen and then i don't i don't think that's considered like kind of it's not pure no yes that's yes exactly that's not in the uh that's not cricket it's not in the spirit yeah i think that's not i'm not sure that would win you a competition do you see that bloke um in the that local cricket team get done for clicking his fingers

53:38oh god everyone's gone everyone's like no no not on my watch like everyone's like dead against it i know i was like that's quite funny yeah i think you probably have to say you shouldn't do that but the pile on well that's the thing that is the thing about cricket it's a very it's a strange sport yeah where whereas even like sports like football and it's like you know it's very much nowadays you know see what you can get away with the dark arts what can you get away with yeah which i oh by the way also i just i i really hate all that yeah that sense of like oh it's it's like cheating well yeah yeah what they're talking about is cheating but getting away with it what can you get away with and cricket has upheld it's been a bastion of sort of sportsmanship and uh and fair play and winning the right way yeah and like winning but not doing it the right way that's not winning so there was a sense that you know you would a batsman would walk that's it yeah you know that it's a lot of trust yeah in cricket because even if like the weather's quite shit you have to sort of go well you can like declare and stuff like that or you can be like i think we'd probably have got if you look at our run rate we probably would have got to this amount so like it's a lot of sort of um yeah there's a sense of like you don't just treat the other side as like they're just your enemy and you should do everything you can to destroy them to destroy them yeah and and so yeah when when this like just the local cricket team it's been in the news and everything and it's just and it's just and everyone's up in arms going and apparently they did they've gone that's not my cricket they've gone back through their records and like there's there's they've had all these like caught behinds like there are a lot of them to be fair yeah that wicketkeeper is taking a lot of catches right it's just a bit weird that it kind of that it works in a way i wouldn't have thought how lousy click it well that's why that's why you've got to get the um that's why when you get to a certain level of like test cricket international cricket and stuff like that they use the snicko and things like that yeah because yeah i suppose it is important um yeah no i think i think it becomes a bit weird if if everyone's just trying to cheat all the time because that's just like you know the phrase i would say is part of the game and i would say it's literally the opposite of the game.

56:15The game only exists because that stuff is excluded. I would have thought. Isn't that... It's like saying handling the ball is part of football, the game. It's just not true, is it? It just isn't true. What were we talking about? Did we do fact check? We've done fact check. I've confirmed it is so fact it hurts, I believe. It's so fact it hurts. and the crows oh Jesus oh god Joe we've got my facts now yeah I actually this is such a shame for the 50 it's incredibly long I know I copied and pasted some stuff and what did we say about the well don't you what did we say about the crow again they can oh yeah you said crows can but not all necessarily all birds did you read my facts then because I wanted it no I just saw I saw I sometimes give the scripts a read before we go in right don't look at my facts because I've got a question right it's time for James's fact I've got a question for you, Joe.

57:11How many people live in the City of London, do you think? Well, I used to live in the City of London. Oh, bollocks. So definitely one. And one of the interesting things about the City of London is that it's the only place in the world. First of all, the City of London has its own government, which is run by the Lord Mayor of London, which is different to the mayor. So it's like a city within a city. And the people who vote for this Lord Mayor, I think I'm right in saying you're allowed to vote on the basis that you're a business within the City of London. And how many employees you have, I think, has something to do.

57:44Yeah, and some of these wards, they're all called things like St. Barnabas Without. I think some of them, they're literally uncontested, as in no one even stands. And yeah, so that's the... Well, because you're such a clever clogs, you've ruined it. Well, no, but I'm just saying, I don't know. I imagine it swells with all the bankers. If I was to tell you the City of London, its resident population is around 9 ,000 to 10 ,000 people. I actually would not be too surprised. Would that knock your socks off? It would have knocked my socks off. I might bleep that bit. It's still interesting because even though I, I mean, because I lived.

58:28I forgot that you lived in the City of London. I used to live in the Barbican, which is maybe the only large. I completely forgot that. sort of bit of housing inside the city of london this was a fact that i learned just this week by the way no it's pretty amazing it makes the city of london rather unusual place because it's a place in which well it goes back imo the interest of residents are may be outvoted by the interests of companies companies basically so the city of london uh has its own special rules and laws that go back to medieval times. The City of London actually only has about 9 ,000 people living in it, which is nuts when hundreds of thousands of people commute into it every day.

59:16So during the working day, the population can swell to well over half a million people, even though there's only about 9 ,000 people living there. It's incredible. Like Venice or something. It was something... Oh, Christ, Joe. I've fucked... You ever thought it? I've ruined the 50th episode. You haven't? It goes back to medieval times where they were trying to stop the monarch from having too much fucking mucking about with shit. Okay. Right? Even to this day, even though it's not law, but ceremonially, the king still asks for permission to enter the City of London. Wow. It has its own police force.

59:56Did you say that earlier? No, I didn't. The City of London police is completely separate from the Metropolitan Police. from the Met yeah um it has its own Lord Mayor which is different to the Mayor of London um businesses get to vote one of the city's most unusual features is that many businesses can appoint voters in local elections um since only about 9 ,000 people live there but hundreds of thousands work there companies are giving a say in the governance of the city through a unique voting system absolutely and when I was there it was very much case of do you want to build a massive new office block even though there's loads of empty office blocks here and the answer So as always, yes.

1:00:31It's governed by a medieval institution. The City of London Corporation traces its origins back to many centuries. It's sort of like a really old, ancient homeowners association. Do you know those things they do in America? Where if you move into a street and you buy the house and it's your house and you've bought it and everything, the street has rules. Yeah. So you can't just put like a couch out on the front lawn and stuff like that. You get fined and things. You get these homeowners associations that are really fucking... No, they are. They're quite... Fascistic. Yeah. No, there was a thing...

1:01:13Which I think is bizarre in a country like America, which is all about freedom and rights and my personal space and you're not allowed to enter my home. Yeah. You will get shot. They've got that attitude. But then they've also got these H-O-A-E's or something where these people, they meet up in the community centre once or twice a month or something like that to discuss new laws and things that they're going to... Well, no, it's an interesting because it's very libertarian, but also very sort of heritage driven. and I think heritage is something that is quite difficult to organise just on the basis of a load of randomly acting individuals.

1:01:59So those two things I think probably do pull in opposite directions to some extent. But yeah, Sicily London is a little like that as well. And obviously Barbican is listed so you weren't allowed to do much to it. Which I agree with, I think. It's a beautiful piece of architecture. But yeah, you couldn't even put in double glazing as a result of which it could be quite cold which is surprising to say at the moment. Yeah, it could be damp as well. So just to clarify, I was trying to catch you out because I said the City of London. And you thought I might think. I thought you might fall short. No, no, but I know it, yeah.

1:02:35But the City of London has about 9 ,000 to 10 ,000 residents. Greater London, made up of the 32 London boroughs, plus the City of London, comes in at 9 million residents. That's unbelievable. So it's a thousandth of the population. Yeah. But then you get your London metropolitan area, which is sort of, I assume, like where I grew up, sort of zone five on the tube. Yeah. That then swells the population to over 14 million people. Bloody hell. All those people that are just sort of inside the M25. That's right. It does, you know, it dominates, doesn't it? It does dominate. I always think it's a bit of a shame we don't have, and I think it's why it's interesting to try and various different governments have tried to kind of, you know, make it a bit more even in terms of the North and the South.

1:03:28You know, I feel like the Johnson government sort of spoke about doing it. Burnham spoke about doing it. But we do have this natural kind of gravitational pull towards London, which I think is probably a bit of a problem, to be honest. I think so. I don't think it's right for one city to. In America, you've got East Coast cities and West Coast cities that have equal clout and a few in the middle. But they are not as important. Also, I try not to get offended when Northerners slag off Southerners and stuff. Because I don't think they actually mean Southerners. No, they don't. I think they mean Westminster.

1:04:07But I'll tell you something that confuses me nowadays. So I grew up in Dagenham. Yeah. And that, as far as I'm concerned, I grew up in Essex. Yeah. Because Dagenham is in Essex. I would have said so, yeah. But now you see stuff, it's like Dagenham East London. Dagenham Romford East London. I'm like, that's not London. Yeah. You can still drive in it. You can drive to places and park your car and stuff. Yeah. It's not London. No, I wouldn't think of, I would think of that as like West Essex. I always thought that once you got to let's have a look I'm in Dagnum get in my car Chigwell I think Chigwell Chigwell's not London it's got a tube station it's on the central line that's fucking nuts oh there are eppings on the central line yeah that's insane that's a forest that's not London yeah that's true so it can't be the tube it's not the tube it's not the tube but the tube's a bit biased as well isn't it because it's like there's loads north and not very much south no south of the river south of the river tube is like I think it was more difficult to build tunnels south of the Thames.

1:05:13There's something in that. Maybe I'll look that up and that might be my fact next week. There's something about the clay or something. Is it all a bit on clay? Well, maybe not all. That's what you're saying. Isn't it... Does it get chalkier as you go south? And then... I don't know. There's something about south of the river. What's the geological... It's difficult to... There's something about it. But I do know the reason why London doesn't look like New York or something like that, why we don't, I mean, the last sort of 25 years, 20 years or so, we have had a lot of skyscrapers and stuff. But it's because the London ground is quite soft.

1:05:51It's not good. It's no good. Okay. So New York, for example, super hard. Yeah, that's like hard. Yeah, that is, isn't it? Yeah. So you can build up. I think I'm actually reading about when that came about, like geologically. It's like there was a huge series of volcanic eruptions and like all the way to like the Appalachians is just like. What a shame this episode's been, eh, Lily Mae? No, we're doing all right. You know what? I'm an ignorant northerner, so I'm learning about all this stuff about the world. Yeah, it's not interesting though, is it? No, we're doing all right. It's not entertaining.

1:06:19No, this is good. I like this. I'm actually learning for once. James, what's more interesting than me talking about where I used to live? I know. I'm doing the same as well. I'm talking about where I grew up. Yeah. What's wrong with that? I know. Joe before we go I've got to mention this Luke has got in touch with us via the Fact Up WhatsApp and he wants us to talk about you know I think this was the first episode wasn't it? It really was And now we're on the 50th he wants to talk about the dildo tubes Oh well I think Luke saved this entire series One more time Luke says Hi guys I've got an interesting fact for you that relates to something you've previously spoke about Through my work I visit a ton of different places every day.

1:07:02Today I visited an Ikea and needed a set of keys from them. Imagine my surprise when I was told, head down to the room and go inside and we'll send the keys down to you. I had only one thought, dildo tubes. Much to my enjoyment, I was right. Ikea still used the pneumatic tube system to send things around the building. Now imagine my absolute pleasure when I got to send the keys back through the dildo tube. You've got to send them back. Thought you might enjoy this as much as I did. Keep up the good work, lads. Absolutely love the dross that you've been supplying weekly. Oh, Luke. Thank you. Thanks, Luke.

1:07:38He did send a video if you want me to play the video. Yeah. Let's check out the video. It's only short. There's no way I'm going to be able to see it. I can see it. Oh, yeah. Yes. Is it out of focus? It's a bit. It's a bit. I don't want to slack off his phone, but it does look like it's recorded on a potato, yeah. Right, okay. Thanks for that, Luke. I appreciate that, man. I mean, that's great. I mean, they're really great. I just think there's a little button and it's just great. I thought we were coming to the end of this episode. We're not because we've got another message from Kevin via the Fact Up WhatsApp.

1:08:13Kevin says, hey, Joe, James, Queen Lily, mate, and everyone who listens, hello. Hello. So going off Cameron's hole digging from last episode, I have a question for you to ponder. Is there any place on earth where you could dig a hole straight through the earth and wind up in another country? Love the pod and love the facts and specifically the chats. Maybe. How could you do it? Maybe somewhere in Alaska. Well, what about this? I know because there's not, I was going to say north to south, but the Arctic. The poles. But the Arctic isn't, there's no land underwater. No, it's just ice, isn't it? It's just ice for now.

1:08:52But you can dig through ice, can't you? Yeah. You can drill through ice. Yeah, but I don't think that counts. Right. That would have occurred to him. He's not a complete moron. Would? He's thought of that. Would the middle of Russia make you pop out in Canada or something? I think you have to do the full diameter of the Earth. I don't think you can just do a slice of... I don't think you can go like... In my head... If it's like that, I don't think you can go... In my head, I'm trying to think of that map that they use to show how close Russia is to America. Yeah. Because you know when we look at the map, it's like that, isn't it?

1:09:33Yeah. But then when you use that map, it's like they're just... That's right. There's a thing they do to maps to flatten it. Yeah. And it makes certain countries that are massive, and particularly Greenland, is not. It's what you told me, this. Is it the Anderson projection or something like that? Something like that, yeah. So basically the ones that are close to the poles get really stretched out and then the ones that are in the middle get a short change. So like Greenland looks like a whole continent. India gets a little bit diddled. Africa does as well, I think. Africa gets diddled as well.

1:10:02And maybe South America as well. Yeah. Because people don't appreciate how fucking massive Brazil is sometimes. Yeah, yeah. Because it looks like half the size of America. It looks just like a sandwich within a sandwich. It's just like, it's a bite of, do you know what I mean? Yeah. It's like, it's a bigger, South America is basically just a bigger version of Brazil. Yeah. It's just been expanded out left and down a bit. My favourite one is Chile. I was about to mention Chile. Chile's a weird shaped country. So weird. Just a one strip. It's just like a little slither of a country. Yeah. I'm sure it isn't, but when you look at the map, when you're there, it probably seems silly.

1:10:43It does seem a bit silly. Why don't you just make that the whole of Argentina? Why don't you just Argentina and Brazil just go together? Even though I know it's not, I imagine if I went to Chile, I'd just be able to be like, touch both sides of it at the same time. Do you know what I mean? Like even, I appreciate it probably. Yeah, you'd have to sleep north to south. You would, yeah. Your feet would be... That's right. They've got one road. Yeah. Your head would get wet and your feet would stick out the country. I know. That's right. Right. Can we end this? Well, let's at least have a go at answering this.

1:11:15Yeah. I need a glow. I think the middle of Russia. I think the middle of Russia, you might come out in Africa. South America. That would be mental. You'd come out in Canada, I think. Not Canada, I think. Because then you're just going north to north. I think you have to do the full... How wide is the Earth? Oh, so you're saying we need to drill through the equator. You have to travel through the equator. So, no, because it gets really thin around the equator, apart from Africa, which is probably the fattest bit of chunk of land. No, no, I'm not saying you have – no, you don't have to go through the equator, but you do have to go through the middle.

1:11:53So what I mean is that – He's just saying if you dig from one hole – and also I'm not – yeah. Well, if it's just straight through the earth, then what I would do is I go to the South Pole and I just go down a little bit and just take – I know what you're saying. Sorry, Joe. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. My brain has gone fucked. That's all right. I do think... We're doing some... This is hard science. I do think maybe Russia, though, and you might pop out in Chile. Yeah, I think Russia... That would be an amazing shot. Yeah. If you manage to find Chile from the other side. If you manage to pick out Chile.

1:12:22That thin little tiny... Oh, my goodness. Yeah. Slither of land. Yeah. Yeah. Imagine that. Because obviously, if you go through Russia, you'll come out of the south somewhere. That's right. That's what you mean. I think that's the rule, yeah. Sorry. I think you have to go through the middle. Yeah. Russia to Chile. Yeah, something like that. Is that what we're saying? But I think you'd just come out in the Pacific. It's, you know what? If you're lucky, you might pop out at one of the... Galapagos or something. I was going to say... I'll tell you what I might do. I was going to say Jonah. Jonah, this is what I do.

1:12:56I'd start on a tiny island in the middle of the Pacific. And then try and get to Russia. Yeah, so don't start. you can control where you start yeah arguably you can control where you end as well but I I don't know so I'd start on the Galapagos then go through the middle then I really think I am coming out in Russia do you think it may be in somewhere in the in Eurasia Mongolia or something yeah somewhere in the Eurasian landmass yeah because you've got a lot there you've got a lot to aim at there you've got a lot of Russia you've got a lot to aim at you've got a lot of China yeah you've got a lot of India you've got yeah you've got a lot you've got a lot there that's what we're saying India would be too south, I think.

1:13:36Big country. Yeah, it might. That's what we're saying. You were going to say country, right? I was going to say country. Right, okay. Yeah, let's go. I thought I mentioned India and you should make big cunts. Can't be weird, big cunts. They're big cunts. Lily May, have you got anything to help us out with this? Yeah. So we've had a little dig of major land-to-land digging areas. so Argentina to China it's a pretty big one would that work? yep brilliant Chile to China Chile to China okay so we're sort of on the right yeah we weren't too bad Spain to New Zealand didn't know that one oh that's that's my favourite one that's a nice one isn't it that's a nice one yeah that's holiday either way yeah Greenland to Antarctica yeah Antarctica Antarctica yeah we said that was just ice though didn't we no yes Arctic Greenland is Yeah yeah Rock Yeah So is the Antarctic Indonesia to Brazil Okay And then obviously you were talking about Russia Russia you can connect to parts of Chile Yeah Antarctica and Argentina Brilliant Nice So we actually got it So yeah So Kevin Proceed Thanks Kevin I'm all fact-out, Joe.

1:15:02I am the most fact-out I've ever been in my life. I feel like I've given you too much crap today. So sorry.

1:15:20No, I think they were a bit swear. I was kind of going off on it a bit. Usually that's fine. but you're tired and I think there were bits where I didn't get a good sleep last night why not but we hope that you've learned something today dear listener and we'll be back next week armed with more facts chats and chats chats chats chats chats chats chats and don't forget that you can get in touch with us anything you'd like us to fact check or just something anything anything what time is it it's only four it's quite late isn't it oh dear yeah but it's too early for bed it's too early for bed yes i was literally thinking can i go to bed yet i don't think i mean i'm not sure you're going to come back from that if you start right don't forget that you can get in touch with us if you'd like us to fact check something that feels true to you or whatever nonsense that you want to get to us our email is hello more of that club more say more of those club things as well you know Honestly, just send it to me.

1:16:24I'd give you my actual number and just send it to me. Our WhatsApp is 07822034330. And you can follow us on social media at Joe and James Pod. Head to the podcast description if you've already forgotten those details, because God knows I have. Bye, guys. We'll be back next week. Bye. Bye.

1:16:45Joe and James Factor.

1:16:55I'm Jake Stouck, co-founder and CEO of Serval. We built Serval to automate the IT work that slows companies down. Onboarding, password resets, access to applications, my laptop stopped working. While employees wait for help, their real work is put on hold. IT desperately wants to automate this work and that's why they need Serval. You just tell Serval what you want to automate in plain English and it's built. No drag and drop workflows, no expensive consultants. Employees get unblocked and IT teams go from drowning in tickets to building what actually matters. With Serval, IT becomes the AI engine powering the entire company.

1:17:34This is a new way to run IT. We guarantee you'll automate 50 % of all tickets and we'll prove it to you in a free four-week pilot. Go to serval.com slash tickets. That's S-E-R-V-A-L dot com slash tickets.

1:18:20We'll be right back. Selection varies by location. See Lowe's.com for more details. Your daily supplement routine doesn't need to be managing a handful of different bottles. Onnit's Total Human brings key research-based vitamins, minerals, herbs, and amino acids together in convenient day and night packs. One all-in-one product designed to make supplementation easier. The day pack supports cognition, focus, and cellular energy production. At night, the Night Pack helps you wind down and supports a calm, relaxed state. Less time managing your supplements, more support for your day and night. Shop Total Human now at onnit.com.