Don't F*** with Trees

0:00Hello, I'm Monica Reinagle, host of the Nutrition Diva podcast. Summer is here and with it, the hot and sticky weather. A morning working in the garden, or maybe on the golf course, can leave you more depleted than you realize. And plain water isn't always the most efficient way to restore the balance. That's where liquid IV comes in. Its science-backed formula is clinically proven to hydrate faster than water alone. Whether you're exercising, playing outside, or simply surviving a summer heat wave, it's an easy way to stay hydrated. Shop now at liquidiv.com. Liquid IV, hydration that goes wherever life takes you.

0:59follow on your favourite podcasts and search Audio Always on Amazon Music to discover your next favourite listen.

1:09I do remember when I first got the iPhone and you get notifications and stuff. It'd be like Sky Sports or something. It was literally Sky Sports, BBC Sports. That was all my notifications. And it did just make me feel like I had friends. I know, it is. Your phone would just go off. Sorry, I better just better just handle this. Okay, so awaiting the medical, are they? Bloody medical. Yeah. I love it when people go, the presenters go, we'll bring you obviously the latest on that as soon as we have it. And it's like, yeah, if you would, please, it's important. I know. It's important. I know whether they are signing him or not.

1:47As soon as you got it. Yeah. As soon as you've got it. Breaking news notifications are pointless, by the way. Which is news. Because it'd be like breaking news. Yeah. This person's just died. Yeah. So you click on it to read what's gone on, and it just says, breaking news, this person's just died. More to follow. More to follow. But look, I try and detox from my phone sometimes. It doesn't last more than like 35 seconds. I'm just like, while I'm trying to do it, I'm on my phone. Yeah. Google, how do I do detox from my phone? Check GPT. I just think I do it when I'm anxious, and I do it when I'm not anxious.

2:24Yeah. It's perfect. it's like what shows you to calm down if i'm already calm like how should i celebrate being calm yeah it's it's just awful it was to stave off the anxiety in it stave off is that a word stave off yeah yeah but i saw a video about endorphins and it was endorphins maybe endorphins or the little hit of i think it is endorphins you get when you it was a video on instagram obviously ironically yeah you know and i'm sure other people probably seen it as well um and um And it's this little kind of bird thing going along and it finds a little shiny object. And it goes, it kind of eats it.

3:02And then it goes, woo! And it's floating and it's wonderful. Right. In fact, I think the first time it sees it, it ignores it. And then the second time it's, and basically that's the hit that you get when you, I don't know, are on Instagram. Right. I just do a little tiny bit of shoplifting. Yeah. And that keeps me. Yeah. Yeah. That keeps the adrenaline running. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Just a tiny bit. Yeah, just a little bit. Just to keep things real, just to feel on the edge. Yeah. No, me too. I find an abandoned building and I just burn it down. And then I know, no one knows he did it, but I know it was me.

3:42A little bit of arson. Yeah, just a little bit. Yeah. I'm just trying to take the edge off. and if there's a really like historically old tree i just chop that down those guys were i love what those guys when they were texting each other after they chop the tree down and you're like well presumably you've only done that to create an impression and then when they're then when it's on the news they're texting each other going here we fucking go yeah and you're like yes here we go yes but i mean yes here we go yes the thing you did to make an impression here we go oh here we go oh it's in the news now you're like yeah the thing you did to presumably be in the news is in the news and you're going oh in the news oh that was I don't know what did they get done did they get any did they get any jail time any prison sentences I think maybe they did get jail time don't chop down people quite like trees they've really miscalculated they've miscalculated I think I think almost the only thing that everyone in Britain agrees on is that we like trees I don't don't think you're going to find many people who don't like trees people hate it don't know if they move in if someone moves into a house where there's a big old tree yeah and then they move in they're like get rid of that yeah the whole that's it man no they were sentenced to four years and three months in prison yeah there's tree death a tree death you would have to say an absolute pair of plunkers like you fucking idiots yeah what are you so pointless so pointless i can't even it's It's not even like there's a narrow window where it goes well.

5:17I think there's no window where it goes well. They have some kind of points approved. Did they? Well, they said, didn't they say something like, oh, no one else would have the minerals to do this? And you're like, but it's like, oh, yeah. But he's like saying, yeah, because it's a terrible, horrible thing to do. Like the fact that it's maybe slightly brave in some perverse way is stupid. It's like saying, oh, God, no one else would have the minerals to chop off their own head. But I did. You're like, well, yeah, it probably did take minerals, but it's still fucking stupid. I've got it here. It says they were just detoxing from their phones.

5:52Is that what it was? One thing led to another. Oh, I knew it. I knew it. That is just work, though, as well. I know. Like, I know. They were tree surgeons. I remember my mate. They were tree surgeons. Basically, they went to work. They were like, what should we do? Let's go to work. My mate's dad chopped down a tree in their garden, and then the stump became a problem for years. Yeah, yeah. Constantly, I've got to get rid of that stump. I don't know how I'm going to get rid of it. Yeah, yeah. I know, because they go, well, here's a, we haven't done, we could do tree facts, but I'll do a little bonus tree fact.

6:26Give us a little bonus tree fact. This is just for Instagram. This is just, everyone knows this already. But if you want to draw a tree, the width of the trunk is always the same as the width of the three principal branches added together. So if your trunk's that, your branches should be like that, that and that and then it will look in proportion that'll be nice for the audio listeners oh Lily May what an awful thing to do to me are we doing that well some have appeared on that already is that right yeah why some yeah sort of sort of what does that mean it's like the early days of radio this is good isn't it yeah a slick operation yeah I have written over the last few months, Joey, little, what I call in-betweeners memories, which I think people would enjoy.

7:16Yeah, I think people would enjoy them. So we'll get into those in the next podcast. Nice. Can't be bothered to do it right now. What about now, obviously? Exactly. A lot of them are about the show and a lot of them about... The funny stuff happened when we weren't... Well, when we were... I say weren't making it, when we were supposed to be making it. Yeah, when we were wasting their time and money. Time and money. Time is money. Just constantly getting told we're losing the sun. That's all we were told. Come on, guys, we're losing the sun now. And all the cloud stuff, they'd always commit to either the sun's out or the sun's behind a cloud.

7:54And that would always be on a day where the sky was just a patchwork of cloud. And you'd be like, well... Britain is the worst fucking country to shoot outside in. Imagine trying to do something in Manchester, where it's like you get cloud, rain, sun every day. You just couldn't like, even, so we were at least - Is that where Fresh Meat was? Yeah. Yeah. A lot of that was in the studio. But yeah, it was like every day you're like, what's the weather? You were like, what are you talking about? Meaningless comment. Yeah. Everything. The weather is everything. So we weren't, but yeah, it was still quite bad.

8:24The other thing was planes, wasn't it? We were like, let's film beneath the world's busiest flight path. We had a couple of weeks, I think it was. I have got memories of it I don't really remember actually filming The Inbetweeners that much or the episodes or the other people that were in it or like I've got I think I mean because our story of it is really it was about the order in which we shot it which is not the order of the story so I'm like oh yeah you don't know what it's going to come out like no you never know but do you remember is it the third series and we were talking about it in a recent episode because that chap was it Joe again that wrote in and he tried to have a tactical wank that episode when we were shooting that episode we were outside on the doorstep and it was the whole she shit down my arm and why did you say vagina that whole scene you've got to watch it Katie it's really good but I remember that whole week like we were shooting outside and stuff and that Iceland volcano had gone off.

9:36Yes. So they just grounded flights for ages. There was no planes in the sky. And we were, everyone was just like, it's fucking brilliant, isn't it? Yeah. No planes. It's a good job they didn't look into that volcano because, you know, quo bono. Do you know what I mean? Quo bono. Very, is that what it is? Who benefits? Pro bono. No, what I'm saying is like, who benefited from that volcano? Do you know what I mean? is it a coincidence that it just happened to go off when we were filming? Oh yeah. Yeah, sure. It naturally went off. I wasn't, uh, there's no underhand stuff. Be careful, Joe Rogan. Yeah.

10:11Yeah.

10:15No, that was good. Yeah. Like it was just because you'd have Richard and Bob just going, right, we've got to stop playing, plane coming in. 30 seconds, 30 seconds on the plane. Yeah. It's amazing that any television gets made in my view. Like they're so small. the windows where you can actually do anything. You're like, okay, sun's out. I was a plane. The plane stopped. Oh, the sun's gone in. But you shoot in one direction and the sun's out. Yeah. And that's locked in then. Yeah. And then to turn around, the sun also has to be out again. Yeah. This can't go in a podcast. It can. This is terrible.

10:49I've got something in here. I've got a podcast that can go in. Go on. What? Have you? Well, no, I mean, there's a podcast that's at that level if you want it to go in. Can we? Can we just... Weather. Can we just listen to the Ricky Gervais XFM show? Yeah. Can we just do that? Put that on. That's one of the reasons why I'm in a bad mood, because I'm recently going through all those again. Yeah. And I absolutely fucking love it. It's been a few years since I've listened to it. Yeah, they're fantastic. Left my fucking headphones at home. That is annoying. That is up there. But, because I can't be alone with my thoughts.

11:26No, I agree. I can't do it. I sometimes put the headphones in and forget to put a podcast on because the Pavlovian response is that it calms me down. I'm like, where the fucking headphones? Where are they? Where are they? Oh, thank God. And then it's like I'm listening. I'm like, oh, yeah. And there's nothing on. I can't be alone with my thoughts, which is why I bring a little gadget with me. It's called a Steam Deck. Yes. Okay. And you can play video games on it. Yeah. Right? Such a baby. I've got to grow up. Nearly 40. When in the fuck am I going to grow up? It's not going to happen. I mean, I only say that because I am 42 and it doesn't.

11:59No, it's just to. Well, that's the thing as well. You've always been a couple of years older than me. Yeah. I've always seen you and I've known you since I was 19. Yeah. So I've always been like, that's the guy. That's a good, like you've been like a mate's older brother. Like that's what I'm aiming for. Yeah. Terrible influence on me. Yeah. No, yeah. You don't want to. You don't want to. You don't want to follow me. No. I mean, that's. Yeah. That's. Yeah. but yeah I've got my little gadget with me that wasn't charged I was gutted I was furious on the train yeah just watching the rain I think it's awful I think there's an there's an adjacent experience which is when you not that I've been to the gym for fucking ages but like when you go to the gym and you come out and like you shower and then you haven't got your deodorant never shower at the gym don't you No.

12:56I love showering at the gym. No, I just go straight home, jump in my own shower. Oh, I shower at the gym. Do you really? I love showering at the gym. People are not trying to talk to you and stuff while you're trying to sort of... They don't. No, they don't. I like communing with my fellow man. I do as well. Genuinely, I don't know whether this is... I like the nudity. I like it. I feel there's a democracy to it. I like looking at the other penises. I can't help it. No, that's the thing as well. like men's changing rooms at the gym. Yeah. I don't know what women's changing rooms are like. God knows I've tried.

13:31There's negativity. Keep getting... I'm on my fourth different gym now. I keep getting banned. Just nobs everywhere. It's nobs. And I don't mean like they're nobs. But it's also the guys who are like... Nobs with nobs. But it's weird, isn't it? That like, obviously I don't... I like the fact that there's no pressure to put clothes on. Yeah. I don't, you know, wave it about. I try and keep it under wraps. Yeah, yeah. It's not out for longer than it needs to be. But some guys just... Unless I'm with you, I don't want to shower with anyone else. Yeah, that's right. But some blokes, I mean, it's like the last thing they do is cover the penis.

14:18Oh, absolutely. Yeah, they'll be like doing their hair and stuff. Yeah, yeah, walking about. Yeah. Joe and James. Joe and James. Oh, Joe and James. Joe and James. Fact up, yeah. Joe and James, Joe and James, Joe and James. Joe and James, fact up. Hello and welcome. Jesus Christ. Welcome to Joe and James, fact up. Each week we bring one another a fact that we deem interesting and our policy is the more interesting, the more true it is. we'll also dig into the weird things that you'd like to think are true but don't want to do the research yourself in a segment we're calling fact check so if you do want to send us some facts you do get involved anything doesn't have to be facts does it i wondered whether um some of the listeners send in some themes suggested that's a really good idea or if they could just privately send us the facts that we read out because it's quite annoying having to research them all the time that'd be good if they could record a podcast they could record a podcast and send it to us through whatsapp yeah but i don't want them taking the credit so i'll have a little earpiece in and i'll have somebody better no i don't want to do that it's too much work okay but they have to call themselves joe and james they call themselves yeah okay we'll put we'll just put that out instead i mean it won't be any worse yeah it can't be can't it can't be um i won't be happy until we are the worst podcast.

15:46That's what I'm aiming for. Yeah, so if you want to send anything to us, facts, funny stories, maybe a bit of advice. Maybe you want some advice for me and Joe. We had that beard thing, didn't we, for me? But that... What was that? Somebody told me that I should inject caffeine into my face or something. Oh, the beard shampoo. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. But James, are you suggesting that you give advice to the listeners? yeah if you want if you need some advice maybe you're in a bit of a pickle um maybe you need some relationship advice yeah don't hit up ai hit up two actual humans exactly all right we've got don't spy on women in the changing rooms yeah don't be doing that no peeping that's my advice cut out the peeping but you can uh cut out the peeping what's wrong with peeping just cut out the peeping.

16:39Oh, sorry. I thought you were saying we need to cut out peeping in this episode. Oh, peeping. No, no. You must pee pee. That's not what I said. Right. Email us. Our email is hello. Do we understand each other anymore? No. We don't seem to be cross-purposes. We don't understand each other anymore. We don't. Oh, no. It's gone. Our email address is hello at joeandjamespod.com. Our WhatsApp number is 07822 034 330. You can follow us on our socials, JoeAndJamesPod. You can also message us on that. And you can watch all our episodes on YouTube. Search for JoeAndJamesFactsUp on YouTube. You can watch our episodes and sort of some of the episodes on Spotify as well.

17:25Check that out. Go and see what that means. Now, let's get fact up.

17:34Yeah, the house is... You know, I think the house might be a kind of multi-generational project. Like it will be completed by my great-great granddaughter. Well, no, yeah. You know the Sagrada Familia in Barcelona, this cathedral that they still haven't finished it. Every generation adds a bit. It's like 500 years or something. Yeah, yeah. So it's a bit like that. I thought they had finished it. I thought they'd recently finished it. I feel like I saw something on Instagram. It was like, finally fucking done it. I think they shouldn't finish it because the whole thing about it now is that they, yeah, just, Barcelona is not meant to be finished.

18:15Barcelona is like Sim City. I'm going to have to say go on, I think. No, because if you look at, if you get like a satellite view of Barcelona, it is so satisfying. Oh, I see. The layout of it. It's on a grid, isn't it? Yeah. Really good Barcelona. It's a great city. I don't know how they did that. They must have done that so early on. Because London and any town and city in Britain is all squiggly all over the place because it was just dirt tracks. It's basically like where the pony felt like walking. They're like, oh, it's gone down there. Yeah. Right. There's the road. The horse has gone down there.

18:59And also, like, only until quite recent, like, that's modern history. The car's not that old, is it, really, when you're looking at history? It's interesting to have a grid without cars. The place you're living in now, Joe, again, I've not been there yet. I've got to go around just to sort of put it in my head. Well, it's a house. Because it's a big chunk of your life at the moment, is the house that you live in there. How long have you been there now? Two years. And we've... just recently managed to kind of do up two rooms right so it's taken ages yeah the god i mean he's got back garden i've i just genuinely never go in there like i haven't got when i went out when we moved because i'm an idiot i was like well i'll probably spend quite a lot of time gardening yeah and it's like no you've got a fucking new like baby daughter they take up a lot of time Like you're not retiring, you fucking idiot.

19:59Like you're like, so, and one of my, one of my birthday presents when I moved in, my parents bought me all these kind of spades and shovels and stuff. I thought, oh, I think Joe's going to be. Your mum's a king gardener, isn't she? She's a very good gardener. She's, she's, she's a good gardener. But like my garden, I feel so embarrassed by it. Like if like footballs have come into our garden and no one ever comes in knots with them because our garden looks like it belongs to like a mental old bloke. Yeah. who's like it's overrun I've never mowed the grass don't go to Old Man Joe's don't go to Old Man Joe's I've never mowed the grass he eats children at the back of at the it's basically been there's a fox that I would say just is sort of squatting in it like as in it's just it's pad crack fox what?

20:43a crack fox a crack fox what does that mean? oh you've not seen it from the bush it is a crack I can already say that it is a crack fox it's only got one eye you know like those It's urban foxes. That's what I grew up with, urban foxes. They weren't like glorious sort of ginger golden country foxes. No, they're scrawny motherfuckers. They'd gone through the mill. They have, yeah. They'd lived a life. This fox looks like it's been on a pirate ship or something. Screening at night. Yeah, they all... Oh, Justin, yeah, fuck me, yeah. When there's cats as well, isn't it? They're like, You're like, what's that?

21:19And it's like, I think it's... Is it a cat mating? You're like, well, it sounds horrible. Anyway, so, yeah, it's like, I feel like a bit of a sort of,

21:32a bit of a kind of savage. Like, we've got, the fence at the back of our garden now has just fallen down in the winter. Yeah. And I'm like, I don't know what to do about that, man. I know how to fix a fence. There used to be a garden bench in our garden that we inherited. It's a good place to keep a garden bench. And it just immediately fell apart. Like we sat on it, it fell apart. And then basically what I'm doing it is I'm, what I'm doing with it is I'm, and this just feels a bit like, it feels kind of vaguely desecrating it, but I'm burning it bit by bit. You've got one of those bins? I've got a wood burner.

22:10Oh, oh, oh. And so I'm just burning, yeah. And then also I took down some shelves before Christmas and like I'm burning them as well. So I just feel like, I could like the people by the house, I'm like, basically what I'm doing is I'm burning all their old stuff. Yeah. Burning it. See, the house... In a loving way. But the house is going to look really nice when it's finished. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. When it's finished, it's going to look amazing. This house that you bought, it sounds incredible. It's an amazing house. It's an old house. It's very traditional. Yeah. But it is a doer-upper.

22:39And we didn't quite realise that it was a doer-upper. It's so much work. Basically. It ends fucking marriages and stuff. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Unless it's like... and this is good advice to anyone, you know, buying a house, everything is a do-or-upper unless it's absolutely fucking perfect. Yeah. Like, unless it's literally a turnkey and you go in and like, it's brand new, they've just renovated it and you like the renovation. Yeah. That's not a do-or-upper. Every single other house is a do-or-upper. That'll never happen. That's like a holy, that's a holy grail of house. I think we did see one that was that and we were like, I think we quite like to do Upper House though, wouldn't we?

23:21See, my problem is... You don't want to do Upper House. My problem is... Don't do Upper House.

23:32Hello, I'm Monica Reinagle, host of the Nutrition Diva podcast. Summer is here and with it, the hot and sticky weather. A morning working in the garden or maybe on the golf course can leave you more depleted than you realize. And plain water isn't always the most efficient way to restore the balance. That's where Liquid IV comes in. Its science-backed formula is clinically proven to hydrate faster than water alone. Whether you're exercising, playing outside, or simply surviving a summer heat wave, it's an easy way to stay hydrated. Shop now at liquidiv.com. Liquid IV, hydration that goes wherever life takes you.

24:07This summer, wherever you go, take your favorite podcasts with you. Have you heard this week's The Girls' Bathroom? Yeah, every episode ends up in our group chat. Secret Mum Club makes me feel like everyone else's house is just as chaotic as ours. That's weirdly reassuring. Well, I've been listening to Big Kick Energy. You don't even like football. Exactly. That's why it's so good. Wherever summer takes you, hit follow on your favourite podcasts and search Audio Always on Amazon Music to discover your next favourite listen.

24:42Jo and James, Facts Up! Quentin's here. Is that right? No. Quentin's here. Is it Quentin or working class Quentin? So the letter heading is working class Quentin. Oh, it's right. From Quentin. Oh, sorry. It's because it says an on there, doesn't it? Yeah. It is from Quentin. It is from Quentin. Via fact up form. What does that mean? We have a form that people can fill in with their fact up facts. How do they get to that? Any post office. It's in our post office. But not the one that sells you the stamps. I think it's the foreign currency counter. Right. That's when you get, yeah, okay. Bureau de Changes.

25:19It's the Bureau de Changes. Get it back inside the Bureau de Changes. Go on then, walk. The lolly, you walk. I've got people queuing up to work in this Bureau de Changes.

25:31The Bureau. That's the day-to-day, isn't it? So good. So good. What about me? Do I look cool? Well, do I? Do I? Am I cool, kids? Do I really look cool? Right. I'll read it, shall I? All right, lads. My name is Quentin. And if you recall back to the first episode, Joe said there is no working class person called Quentin. I see. To which James agreed. So I'm actually here to fact check you both because I am as working class as they come. I'm living proof that your statement was false. But if there is some secret club of Quentyns that gets me higher up in the world, then I am all for it. and eagerly await my invite.

26:15We found a working class Quentin. Well, I'd like to know more about this. I'd like to know why you're called Quentin. Do you know what, man? So many people think they are working class. They're like, no, I'm working class. I'm sort of the earth. Yeah, yeah. And they're called Quentin. Yeah. And you want to go, oh, no, hang on a minute. Yeah. You've never had a turkey twizzler in your life. No. I want to know what your parents did for a living. I want to know the area you grew up in. But also I'd like to know, and conversely, if you are, you know, proper working class, why, I'm not saying you're not allowed to be.

26:49I'm just interested in the, like, why Quentin? It's an unusual name for anyone. I'd just be interested to know, was it, were you named after a Quentin? Or is it just that your parents liked the sound of it? I'd just be interested to know. Quentin Crisp? Who's that? Quentin Crisp. Quentin Blake, I think, would be, basically like Roald Dahl. Wasn't Quentin Crisp the guy from Top Gear, the original Top Gear, the 90s Top Gear? No, that was a different, that was Quentin and he died recently. Quentin Crisp was, I think, maybe a kind of elder statesman of the Conservative Party, something like that. Is that correct?

27:28Yeah, he's referred to as an English raconteur. Yeah, yes, that's right. He was one of those chaps, a bit like... It must have been, he must have been mentioned in The Young Ones or something like that. I think now you've said this, I think we had, ages ago, you had some names that you mixed up and it was from The Young Ones. And we got to the bottom of it that it was completely the wrong name and Quentin Crisp was the actual name from the quotes. And I think that's why you pulled Quentin Crisp from. You should never watch The Young Ones. It sent you spiralling out of control. You're just pinging to the universe now.

28:04What's that over there? What's that over there? What I shouldn't have done was be obsessed with the young ones at the age of like eight years old. It's a bit young, yeah, for the young ones. Also, it's funny when you're exposed to stuff that like there's no way you could get the references. Like we did a play called Art when I was at school. and that's about how when you're in your 40s you realise that you're no really on the same ground culturally and sort of maybe politically as the people you went to university with. So I love the idea that that was given to us as a load of 16 year olds. Hey lads, lads, you're 16.

28:47You know how like 20 years after you've been to university a very very specific situation you know you know all those ideas you've got right now yeah yeah imagine imagine abandoning those because you just want to be sensible and uh and then you end up in in this play yeah but it's weird i just it's funny what it's funny what is like yeah i don't know i don't it was it's some of the stuff that you that you get on the other hand I think it's you know it's a lovely sort of cross pollination and I'm sure that watching the young ones when you were eight actually probably it doesn't really matter that you I mean you presumably weren't actually either sort of pro or against Thatcher when you were eight but so you probably well no I was I was against against yeah I didn't know anything about her or yeah no me too do you know what I mean yeah but it was just like they took the piss out of Thatcher all the time so I was like yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

29:45Didn't know anything about Ritter whatsoever. Yeah. And it's funny. I mean, I think I remember listening to Alan Partridge when I was a kid and I didn't really understand that it was a satire of a certain sort of talk radio host. Yeah. I thought it was funny. Yeah. And a little bit rude. And that was enough. But I didn't quite... I knew that Alan Partridge was funny, but I didn't really quite know what it was that it was taking off. I was like... I remember I watched I'm Alan Partridge first. Yeah. And then I sort of went retroactively as a kid, as a teenager. So I was like, oh, knowing me, knowing you.

30:20Yes. Went into that. And then I got into the day-to-day. Yeah. And I was like, oh, fucking hell, there's all a load of radio shows about this as well. Yes, there are. Yes. Will he hold up his notes? What's that? Cobweb. Cobweb. You've lost the news. Oh, Hanrahan Hanrahan. Pedro Hanrahan Hanrahan. Yeah. Good stuff. He said. He actually said that to you, did he? Peter, you've lost the news. Right. Leaving them no choice but to go into the tunnels and kill the horses with hammers. Should we go into a fact? Yeah. Let's go into a fact. Okay, but again, I'd like Quentin to... I know it's annoying to fill in forms, but could you fill in another form?

31:04Honestly, all we've got is Quentin's word here. He's just gone... You said there's no working class Quentins. I'm a working class Quentin. I bet he works in the family business for something Do you know what I mean? Okay, yeah, okay, maybe He's got to be a postman from Parkin called Quentin and I go, right, yeah Well, you could just say that now, couldn't you? Don't tell him the right answers I am helping him out a little bit Maybe we're I don't think Quentin would lie I don't think Quentin would lie Maybe it's a trick, maybe we anyway maybe we don't want to say it's a parking a parking from post a parking from post it's time to do our facts yeah can I just say just sometimes you lean slightly that way and your mic is pointed slightly over that way so if you want to just that's it I don't think it's going to make much difference it's not going to make much difference but you know I'm here so I may as well say it no I just mean it'll make difference to the audio quality sure but I don't think it's going to save this that's okay I think we're having a good time I'm having a great time I'm enjoying it I just know this is a bad episode listen no we're alright I'm here to edit it together Lily May gets rid of the worst stuff and then whatever's left I know and that's the thing so if you're if you're listening to this and you're going fucking hell this is the best this is the best they had she does work magic does Lily May she does but even magic has limits so we What's our facts, Lily Mae?

32:40Emergency services. Emergency services. I just went a bit boring. Okay, well, I'll give the context to why we're doing it is because it's come up quite a lot in the recent episodes. We've spoken about the emergency services. We had peeing in the gladiators. Yeah, the gladiators are both emergency services. Peeing in a policeman's hat. Yes, yes. Helmet. Yes. So I thought we could do some more research into the emergency services. Yes. Well, I asked for the strangest things that people have asked for when they call the emergency services. That's good. Yeah. I don't know if they're true or not. I don't know if, well, I think they're all true, but I don't know if someone was just on the wind up.

33:22Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Here's, so I'll start off with ambulance. Yeah. Here was one. Can you send an ambulance? I've run out of milk and I'm very upset. But you don't even get the milk. Is that milk? A caller asked if paramedics could help turn their mattress over because it was too heavy and dangerous. That's good. Someone rang 999 because they had hiccups for 20 minutes. Worried it might be permanent. I have hiccups. When I get hiccups, I have it for days. I did used to hear horror stories when I was a little boy and my little fact books that I had then about people who had hiccups for their whole life.

34:04They are, yeah. And I thought, oh my God, what would I do? It's in the Guinness Book of World Records. Horrible. Someone had them for about 40 odd years or something like that. Yeah. Oh, that would... I get depressed when I've got them and I've had them for a couple of days. They're a fucking... I get a headache. It stops everything that I'm trying to do. Like, it just really gets in the way of me achieving anything. They're rubbish. I'm worried I'm going to get them now. I can actually feel myself getting them. Police calls. Go on. That tested everyone's patience. Oh, test everyone's patience.

34:34A man demanded police attendance because his ice cream melted before he got home. This can't be a wind-up, isn't it? Yeah. You can call the fire brigade and get them to go with their foam. Replenish it. Foam. That's for electrical fires. Good knowledge. Foam is for electrics. It usually has a cream. This is all part of my CSCS training when I need to get approved to work on building sites and stuff. Very good. Good to know. Some boys at my school set off the water. You wouldn't put a water? I wouldn't. No, not now. Not on an electrical fire. No, not anymore. Don't use water. You need foam. You need foam.

35:15The, just FYI, if you are thinking of setting off a fire extinguisher at school, maybe, as a joke, just like, you know, the water in there fucking stinks. Yep, yep, I did it. Because it's been in there for so long. It's disgusting. like this. It's like from the 40s or something like that. It's horrible. Yeah, it's really, it's been completely out of the water cycle. It's just been in there. There's, you know, different Galapagos tortoises living in it and stuff. I've spoken about this before on someone's or mine and Claire's podcast or something like that. But there was a time where I was at school.

35:47I was sat behind, I turned up a little bit late, so I had to sit behind my drama teacher's lesson. I had to sit behind him while he was talking to the rest of the class yeah and the only thing i could sit on was to perch on a fire extinguisher oh god and uh and while he was talking to the class i was behind him like pretend yeah yeah i had the hose in between my legs i was like the funnel yeah i was waking up and so i put the i put the hose in my mouth and leant back a bit leant on the trigger no it went like up in my face all come out my nose oh no it was fucking rank it was awful that's disgusting And I didn't get into trouble because my teacher laughed at me and knew instantly that he'd lost all sort of credibility.

36:36Oh, no. It must be hard when you're a teacher and they go, that's not funny. And they must be like, it is funny. It is funny, though, isn't it? It is funny. I'm so sorry, Erin. So please, please, please. Police was ice cream melting. A caller reported a crime after discovering their partner had eaten their takeaway leftovers. That's valid. You're not having that, Lily May? No, I think that's perfectly reasonable. Who are they wanting to arrest? Who are they wanting the police to arrest in the ice cream one? It is theft. Not the takeaway one, the police, the ice cream one. Are they saying they should arrest the vendor?

37:11I think that was the one. The sun. The sun. The sun. They're going to go after the weather. One person rang to say their neighbours was looking at them suspiciously. Brackets, no further details. that's pretty good here's some fire brigade 999's rescue a cat that wasn't stuck and refused to come down out of spite he's just being stubborn so you're happy now that's called a fire brigade look at you you idiot to put out a bonfire that the caller themselves had lit and then changed their mind about oh that's I mean it's a bonfire that's got away from them and they've just gone oh no Can't be bothered.

37:55I let it myself, but I've changed my mind now. This is too much. It's starting to get really close to the house. Oh, that's amazing. Some Coast Guard calls. Someone rang to complain that the sea was too loud and they couldn't sleep. This has got to be people winding them up. No, I suppose, yeah, you... No, that probably... I don't even... Yeah, it's not the... Yeah. Obviously, there's nothing they can do. And the all-time classic, a 999 caller once asked, can you send someone round to tell my son to go to bed? The call hander heroically and politely replied, that would be a parenting matter, not an emergency.

38:37I can see that. That's the one that I can understand most. Oh, so what they should have done was they should have said, put your son on. Oh, yeah. And then the son would have thought it was cool and then they would have... I was constantly being threatened by the police or the man when I was a child. Policeman's over there. Or it's like, if you don't put your seatbelt on, the policeman will come and arrest daddy. Yeah.

39:08Just like... Yeah, I don't... Yeah, you're right. There is... The law really looms over children, doesn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think in general, children aren't really... I was terrified of them. Pretty much. I know, yeah, but you don't know that when you're a kid. No, you don't. I remember I was... You don't. I remember I was trespassing on our primary school. Yeah. For some reason, it became the place where we would hang out. We were all teenagers at this point. We'd left primary school and we'd go and climb the fence and go and hang out in the nursery school playground, right? Like at the weekend.

39:47We didn't do any graffiti or anything like that. Like, you'd never know we were there. We came and left. And the Barking and Dagenham Council turned up. And he was like, it's the B &D. The B &D. It's the B &D. And me and my mate, Francis, were hiding in the bush. What was we, 12? Something like that. And the guy, who I now realise as an adult, was talking bullshit, was just going, and I don't even think he had a radio, but he was going yeah I think we've got a couple of them still left in here we're going to have to call in the dogs and me and my mate came out of the bushes with our hands and nothing happened to us by the way it was literally like right don't go in there anymore please yeah sorry about that sorry about that sir anyway okay should we move on to fact check this is the part of the show where we'll be reading a fact or a question you'd like us to get to the bottom of then we're going to have a good little think during the ad break and decide how true it feels to us yep Joe do you want to give us this week's facts sir yes okay so this week's fact check comes from Liam who's asked when I was a child we were always told that if you cut a worm in half both ends survive good classic one actually can you please fact check this well this is classic this is XFL we already know the answer to this and we'll let you know it I mean I say I know the answer to it it's just my information we heard it on an equally stupid podcast so Liam we'll be back with the very quick answer after this ad break

41:47Hello, I'm Monica Reinagle, host of the Nutrition Diva podcast. Summer is here and with it, the hot and sticky weather. A morning working in the garden or maybe on the golf course can leave you more depleted than you realize. And plain water isn't always the most efficient way to restore the balance. That's where liquid IV comes in. Its science-backed formula is clinically proven to hydrate faster than water alone. Whether you're exercising, playing outside, or simply surviving a summer heat wave, it's an easy way to stay hydrated. Shop now at liquidiv.com. Liquid IV, hydration that goes wherever life takes you.

42:23Holidays are meant to be fun. So why does booking one suddenly feel like a full-time job? Prices going up, rules changing, too many options. Bring back groceries, I say. Or you could listen to The Holiday Expert Show. The podcast helping you travel best, spend less, and know what on earth is going on. I'm Chelsea Dickinson, the holiday expert. And I'm James Robinson, the holiday slacker. Every Wednesday and Friday, we'll help you make sense of travel, save money and answer your holiday dilemmas. Listen wherever you get your podcasts.

42:58Liam has asked us, if you cut a worm in half, both ends survive. Can you please fact check this? Well, we already know the answer to this and lots of our listeners do as well. because Pilkington talks about this on the XFM where it's not true. I think it's the longest part of the worm survives. Yeah. You cannot cut a worm in half and make two worms. You don't get two worms. No. You get one shorter worm. Mm-hmm.

43:30But I don't know. I don't know what to say. No, that's it. It's really cut and dry for want of a better. But he's really cut and dry. Lily Mae, can you back me up on this one? Yeah, I can. So I've done a little bit of looking and I found a BBC Science Focus page. And it sort of concurs that, that it says, earthworms have a very simple nervous system with a single nerve running through the length of their body and side branches for each segment and no brain. If an analid is cut in two, they can regenerate to a certain degree. And in some species, you can end up with two worms. but the common earthworm however will only regenerate from the tail end the head end always dies the head dies?

44:15I thought it was the other way around why don't they just call the bit that lives on the head? yeah why are they doing this? I think you could well that's now the head but which end of the head is which end of the tail is now the head? it does say the tail end that's left will be able to sense along the whole of its body even though it's separated. Well, there you go. There you go. Interesting. So it doesn't have a brain, but it does have a head. Stop saying interesting because we're not living up to that.

44:48Boring. That's better. That's very boring. Thank you. So it's not... It's not fact. That's not fact up. It's fact down. It's fact down and I knew that wasn't fact up because of the XFM shows. That's where all my information comes from. Bottom, the XFM shows, Blackadder. That's where all my history knowledge comes from. It's a lot worse. Hamilton, basically my entire knowledge of... The musical Hamilton. Yeah. I've never seen it. I love musicals as well. I'm a big musical fan. I absolutely love musicals. I've never seen it either, but I've listened to the soundtrack. It's the soundtrack that annoys me.

45:28It's a bit too rap. I think it's slightly too long at the end where Hamilton's dead and then his widow is just going, and that wasn't the end of the story because I then had a life where I set up libraries for children and did lots of other things. You're like, all right, just stop the musical now. You have to stop at some point. They're turning into our podcast. Don't do that. Don't do that. So, Liam, sorry about that. Mate, not fact, no fact. I think it's time for Joe to give me a 999 fact Right James? Yes Call 999 I didn't know whether you were going to say that Because I have a killer fact for you today Right, go So my fact is that Ben Franklin Benjamin The American, Benjamin Franklin Yeah Well, Benny He invented electricity He didn't, yeah He didn't invent electricity he did he was one of his many things that he sort of gave birth to spent a lot of time in europe as well yes um apparently the residence that he the resident that he lived his residence in london yeah um i don't know if this is fact up or not um but apparently he because he was a man of science right yeah i can agree with that years after he'd left that place because he lived in london for a bit and paris as well what they left and then after he left they found a robot in it or something no no no okay yeah they found loads of dead bodies in the in the basement no i don't think he killed those bodies i think he was doing experiments on deceased okay yeah sort of scientific yeah yeah Yeah.

47:18And they found loads of fucking nonsense going on in the basement. Right. Well. Don't know if that's fucked up or not. Well, I've just given it a quick little look. Apparently over 1 ,200 bone fragments were found from at least 15 people. Wow. Including children. You've got a hobby, haven't you? Is that how you go mad? I know. You go mad and you start chopping up children's bones or something. Yes. So. So he basically was involved in a, well, the only specific fact is it was Philadelphia's first fire brigade. Right. He set up a fire brigade or helped set up a fire brigade. And the deal that I liked about this group is that they were, because fires were kind of, they might be put out, they might not be put out.

48:10Like a lot of it in the early days was insurance companies where it was part of insurance. and in fact the reason that in the UK there was a formal fire brigade was because or the beginnings of the formal fire brigade was because insurance companies got fed up of having to pay out for fires so that was kind of the birth of it or the beginnings of the birth of it in the UK but yeah so in Philadelphia Van Franklin was he was a fireman and his group of firemen they would the detail I liked was that they would meet up eight times a year they're like that ain't a fire brigade mate that's not no you don't need to meet no you've got to be ready okay so the fire brigade rule here so any first on the agenda any fire any fire is currently burning no there'll be every eight times alright see you see you in just over a month yeah if they get a phone call during that meeting then they will go and put it out but like they met up they just talk about fire generally shoot the shit shoot the shit Any fire-based stuff?

49:14Any fire-adjacent facts? If I did facts as well? He also left a load of money to Philadelphia in his will. Did he? I think it was something like$100 ,000 or something like that, or$10 ,000 or something like that. And a load of bones. And he said, oh, and you're not allowed to use this for 200 years or something. And that became sort of$8 million or something with inflation. and interest and all that sort of stuff. Lily May, what happened? So I can see something here about he left $4 ,000. $4 ,000. Which was loaned to tradesmen and businessmen. And they could draw portions of the funds over several years.

50:04That's the great American sort of entrepreneurial... Yeah. He also negotiated with the French to say, go and give us a hand with these British. Yes. He also was obsessed with Native American society as well, because when they were like, oh, we need to fucking start our own thing going on here. Yeah. They're taxing us. We've got no say. Which, in their defence, they did just want to have a little bit of say at Parliament. and George at the time didn't even open their letters. Like they sent him, I think they sent him like three or four letters going, there might be. Three or four? Well, you can't do more than that, can you?

50:50There might be a bit of, well, this was the days where it probably took about six months for it to get there. Yeah, because it was on a whale or something. Yeah, and they were like, listen, we're all a bit annoyed here because you're taxing the shit out of us. And we just want to have a little bit of say. Taxing us a little bit, really. not as much as the home country. Yeah. And also... And they were much more expensive because they kept getting into wars. And it was also to pay for the war against the French and stuff. Yeah, so it was like, can we tax you a little bit for the wars that you keep getting into?

51:19But... And they said no. But I think they were like... You're a tyrant and you're... I think they were happy to pay the tax. They were just like, can we have a bloke in Parliament? Can we just have one guy? It's like, can we have a blowjob? Pay the tax, but... BJ wanted a BJ.

51:39But... So that whole thing. Yeah, no taxation without representation. Yes. So they did. And George wouldn't even open the letters. He was going, no, fuck them. He had a fag on. He was like, no, those little fucking American cunts. They can have fag themselves. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, what? They're starting something, are they? Fucking sort it out. Yeah. Well, I don't know about those letters, but my... You sent them letters. But also... My information is that the level of taxation that was being asked of them was really not that high considerably less than you pay if you were in britain and britain was spending a lot more money on them because they kept getting into yeah a little bit um but he did um benjamin franklin spent some time with native americans looking at their societies and how they make everything work yeah because he was very much like we need a new system here well that's interesting Benjamin Franklin fireman was a fireman yeah again it goes back to that thing of like what we were talking about when Germania no no yeah it always goes back to that yeah but sort of like 100-200 years ago yeah where like a cricketer won the ashes yeah but also won the golden relay yes and was also a member of parliament everyone did everything yeah and then some people didn't do anything yeah yeah can that be right helped set up the FA and things like that yeah it is that isn't it yeah yeah should we stop should we end this episode yeah is it alright yeah let's put let's put let's put this episode out of its misery what have we learned today we've learned what have we learned don't chop a a worm in half just don't do it no don't chop a worm in half it won't make two it won't make two little worms it will just sort of make a worm a little bit less good than what it was before And they do a bloody good job, worms, don't they?

53:36They mulch up the soil. Yeah. We really need them. They're very important. I know they're a bit gross, but that's not their fault. We learned that someone once called 999 because their ice cream melted. And we also learned that Benjamin Franklin was a fireman. So that's good. Ben, is the hero next door?

54:00What's the lyrics to Fireman Sam? he's always on the scene Fireman Sam and his engine's bright clean yeah he's always on the scene yeah well when he hears that fire bell chime Simon Simon how does it start? Simon Fam Simon Fam God when he hears that fire bell chime Fireman Sam is there on time is that the beginning of it? yes when he hears that fire bell chime that's it

54:34putting on his coat and hat in less than seven seconds flat seven seconds that's what it says that's it as well that's what we grew up with when was the last time like honestly I genuinely think if my house was on fire I'd go leave it they're not gonna turn like it'll be burnt down by the time they turn up anyway yeah yeah I'll drive like because it is I'll drive myself to the hospital you know yeah seven seconds but I grew up with Fireman Sam it's like you're meant to be here in seven seconds mate what's going on that's what Fireman Sam taught me does he have a cat or is that Postman Pat that's Postman Pat with a black and white cat does Sam have anything integrity Sam's he's just got his word yeah and that's no animals no apparently they used to use Dalmatians yes if they used to run alongside if Looney Tunes have got anything yeah to believe is that right yeah it's in cartoons no wonder this world is in the fucking state it's in because we grew up watching Looney Tunes Ren and Stimpy there was a whole episode in Ren and Stimpy where they become fire dogs they paint themselves in Dalmatian paint which doesn't work no but just as a kid I was like well that's a thing isn't it is this Dalmatian thing really well known then there is a Dalmatian environment Sam as well called Radar Radar anyway I'm all fact out Joe I am all fact out me too and we hope you've learned something I had a nice time we'll be back next week armed with more facts chats and BJ tax and don't forget that you can get in touch with us if you'd like us to fact check something that feels true for you or whatever nonsense you'd like to talk to us you can email us our email is hello at joeandjamespod.com our whatsapp number 07822 034 330 or you can follow us on social media at joeandjamespod.

56:32You can head to the podcast description if you've already forgotten those details. Oh god that's awful that one. That was right. Thanks guys. Bye. Thanks. Bye.

56:44Joe and James Facts Up!

56:51Hello I'm Monica Reinagle host of the Nutrition Diva podcast. Summer is here and with it, the hot and sticky weather. A morning working in the garden or maybe on the golf course can leave you more depleted than you realize. And plain water isn't always the most efficient way to restore the balance. That's where Liquid IV comes in. Its science-backed formula is clinically proven to hydrate faster than water alone. Whether you're exercising, playing outside, or simply surviving a summer heat wave, it's an easy way to stay hydrated. Shop now at liquidiv.com. Liquid IV, hydration that goes wherever life takes you.

57:52And search AudioAlways on Amazon Music to discover your next favorite listen.