Have You Ever Thought About Listening To This Podcast Again? You Will...

0:01I know you want to get into this episode of Facked Up, but just before we do, you're going to want to hear this first. On Help I Sexted My Boss, quite the mystery is unfolding as Jordan North's microwave has been stolen by one of his mates. It's not exactly something you can sneak out of the house easily. You're going to want to hear how the boys unpack this drama. Search for Sexted and get the episode lined up to play next.

0:29Hi, my name's Alistair Green. Are you going to say your name or just have a massive pause? Oh God, that was revile. My name's Rachel, yeah, Stomachs. It's a podcast that we make. It's called Don't Think So Somehow. And all we do is bicker. It's largely pointless. We don't really get on or even enjoy doing it. I got ID'd for alcohol the other day. You're joking. Yeah, in Leeds. that's mad it's like id and judy dench this might just be a podcast for you don't think so somehow every time i get a message saying loving the new podcast i'm like why why like

1:15yep i mean my phone doesn't need to be on silent there's only two people that message me one of them sat right there i mean and the other one's my wife and i've just spoken to her and i know that i feel like when i when i did the text message conversation i had with her was pretty much like right i've you know giving you enough time now with what you're supposed to be doing so i won't hear from her for a few hours

1:39so it could just be i don't even need it i mean honestly when i did um celebrity bear hunt when I was off grid for three weeks. Oh, you're always banging on about that. Well, I'm just saying, I did come sixth out of 12. So, you know, I think I've got a right to bang on. In the top 50%. That's in the top 50%. Yeah.

2:00I was away for three weeks and I was like, oh God, the emails I'm going to miss. Going to have to catch up on everything. Oh God, it's going to hit me. Came out one email. Yeah. It had been sent that morning. and it was from Ian Morris, who writes the between us, and it said, are you in fucking Costa Rica? So, nothing. Just literally nothing. Anyway, Joe, should we do this podcast? Let's begin our podcast. We're going to have to... Do you remember the jingle that they made for us? Yeah, I remember that. We're going to have to play that, so play the jingle. Joe and James. Joe and James. Oh, Joe and James.

2:46Joe. and James fucked up again Joe and James Joe and James Joe and James Joe and James fucked up yep that's that isn't it we said that was fine we okayed that we did yeah yeah haven't haven't heard it since I've forgotten what it was like all I remember was how it made me feel when I first heard that jingle I remember I said it sounded like the kind of thing that I might make which I think I meant it in a good way I think it's good. It's complimentary, isn't it? I think so. Listen, we should probably talk about what we're doing here. Welcome to Joe and James Fact Up. It's a new podcast. This is episode one.

3:30Yep. Might be the only episode. Well, I think we've contractually obliged to do 48. That's correct. That's absolutely correct. I mean, the way this podcast came about was I said to you, oh, we should do a podcast together. Yeah. I'm like, yeah, sure. And that would be great, just me and you talking bollocks on a podcast, people will like that, surely. However, every podcast nowadays needs a concept. Yep. Big old concept needed. And I said, well, why don't me and Joe just surprise each other with a couple of facts every week? Yep. That was my first idea. That was the very first thought, and here we are.

4:04And look at us now. That's what we are. Much like, do you remember the jingle where things are suggested once? Yeah, that's it. And then it's allowed to drift, I suppose. Is it allowed to drift? My theory is right, is that everyone always does their best first. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, I think I follow that. I understand, yeah, you wouldn't... We could have said, can you do another jingle? And they would have gone, well, yeah, we can do. And they would have come back with something that wasn't as good as, believe it or not, that one that we just heard. There's no point in, if you know where the ceiling is, just walk away, I suppose, and walk into the studio and begin doing the podcast.

4:47Yeah, absolutely. But I think it's a pretty good idea. Thanks, Joe. Thanks, mate. And I've got a fact ready. I've got my facts ready as well. Actually, I've got two, but I don't... Are you all right? Are you all right? My eyes started leaking. Okay. Well, we're going to talk about that in a second. Yeah, we'll get to that. we'll get to that we're going to be talking about facts we'll be unpacking it debating it Joe's just taking a swig of tea was that right? we're going to be digging into the weird things that we all like to think are true but never bother to check in a segment that we're cleverly calling fact check that's when we're checking stuff we're going to be fact checking stuff that's going to be a fact that's been submitted to us from a listener is that right?

5:39And if you've got a fact or something interesting that you think me and Joe, you know, would enjoy hearing, we've got an email here, Joe. Bloody hell, have we? It is, again, just following the theme. I feel like this is the first idea of an email address. It's just called hello at joeandjamespod.com. Okay. That's okay. We've also got a WhatsApp group. we're all in a whatsapp group together with all the listeners oh it's just a number um our whatsapp number is 0782 2034 330 and you can also get in touch with us um on socials yeah yeah which i know that you're you know all about those don't you joe i bloody love a social we are uh at joe and james pod all one word on instagram and tiktok yeah anyway here we are joe this is it joe and James Fact Up, brand new podcast.

6:36How are you? I'm great. Yeah, I'm good. Yeah, I'm really well. We just did a little promo thing, didn't we? We did, didn't we? It was lovely. We're two lads there that built the Inbetweeners car. They've got nothing better to do than to build a replica. They built an Inbetweeners car replica. And to be honest, it's absolutely lovely. I mean, they've got... It's so much nicer than the one that we had. It is nicer than the one we had. Well, the one we had, I would say, was not roadworthy. I don't know. We were talking about the accelerator would get stuck down. That's not safe. I don't know how it managed to get anything.

7:06It had a top speed of honestly about 55 or something. It was really, you couldn't drive. If you had to overtake, you'd put out into the outside lane and you'd be like, well, nothing's happening. I wouldn't have gone that fast in that car. The bit where we had to pretend we were going 100 miles an hour. When was that? Was that in the show? Yeah. Do you remember? I've got no recollection of that at all whatsoever. It was in the first series and we drive 100 miles an hour. the chica chenso well yeah i mean that yeah of all the stuff from the in between us i feel like that's the most unbelievable i would say so yeah i know i think that's probably true actually we got that car to a hundred miles an hour yeah yeah so go on all right that's our first interruption that we've had don't interrupt us i didn't uh because it's i didn't have my mic positioned properly.

7:58That won't matter. It's not really an audio medium, is it? It doesn't matter, does it? Podcasting. No. It's mostly smell. But, yeah, no, we just... By the way, can I just say, is anyone working on that? Smell-O-Vision? Because we've got a lot of other... Isn't that something from like the 60s or something? Why haven't we got it? We've got it so fucking easy, do it. Or admit you can't do it. Well, I don't think it is easy. Do you remember, I had a 3D... Sounds easy. I had a 3D TV briefly in 2010. Yeah. It was when I first... You don't want it, do you? No, I did, because I'm such a techie guy. That's what I was saying.

8:36No, but because I'm such a techie guy, right, I wanted this 3D TV. You have to wear glasses, by the way. Yeah, of course you do. That's what makes it so good. In your own living room. Yeah, yeah. And it was when I first got together with Claire. Right. Sexy time. Oh, you look like James Bond in those three-dimensional glasses. We'd be in my flat and I'd be like, pop those on. Oh, I'll tell you what. What are we doing? I was like, I've got us a 3D film. We watched The Universe on Blu-ray 3D. Oh, that's sweet. Is that like an educational film? Looking at planets and stuff. Yeah. That's nice. That's like a man thinking, what would a lady like?

9:19Isn't it? In your make. Fucking hell. Oh, that's nice. I don't know why she's still, I don't know what she's still doing. I don't know what she's doing with it. She should have known then. Like, what the? That's mad. I mean, well, listen. Ladies talk about red flags in guys. All I can say is the universe must be a fucking good film. Anyway, apart from that, Joe. Anyway, yeah. How are you? Are you good? I'm well. I'm really well. I'm, yeah, you know, just excited to do this. Excited to share some of my knowledge with you. Yeah, yeah. I mean, we are videoing this. That's what I call it. You are.

9:56That is the... We are videoing this as well for YouTube, so if you're listening, you're missing out. You're missing out. It's bloody brilliant. On an incredible set. It is really good. A couple of points I've got. Go on. Who picked the... I mean, Kelly Clarkson, CD. Who picked the posters? They're a bit of a rum old bunch, aren't they, these posters? Did you request any posters, Joe? I might have requested Earth Club 7, genuinely. Right. I genuinely might have done. I don't think, I didn't request... Cut. Well, Cut, for example. My eyesight's too bad. Who stars in Cut? Who's who? Molly Ringwald.

10:42Right. Jessica Nopia. Simon Bossel. Sarah Contz. And, this is amazing, can't even know. Sarah who, sorry? Well, Sarah... Sarah Contz Sarah Contz and then genuinely Kylie Minogue and Kylie Minogue Kylie Minogue yeah she's there we're good pals with Kylie aren't we did she present an award to us once she gave us an award she did I feel like yeah it was at the it was at the comedy awards yeah I think I think it was like after we'd brought the first film out or something and I feel like I'm going back probably about 15 years and it was I can't remember what the award was it was something like a lifetime achievement award at that point already if they're giving you a lifetime achievement award they're like please don't do any more like that's well done and I didn't we didn't do any more I didn't do any more

11:44I'm just getting over a knee injury are you? couldn't walk for about three days how did you get a knee injury? Fuck knows. Bloody hell. I don't know. I think the only thing I can put it down to is that I was on a train for a while and I was sat in an awkward position. It was a packed train. Oh, my goodness. I mean, I just turned 38. Yeah. And I feel like I'm moving into a different phase of my life now where you will just wake up and your knee's fucked. Yeah. For no reason at all whatsoever. It's the same with my skin. Like I woke up quite, just brilliantly, because the universe hates me. I woke up quite spotty this morning.

12:25So I popped a couple of spots and they will just be, like I've got like a spot on my cheek. Like that's been there for about a month. No, I know, they're deep, aren't they? I had one where I'm like, can you just fucking shit or get off the pot? Like come to the surface if you're gonna, right? Yeah. Or fuck off, is what I've said. But also, what's the rules? Am I getting old? Or am I still a teenager? I know, one or the other. I'll never be able to grow a beard. I'll tell you what, I know this because of my dad. I'll never be able to grow a beard because he can't. I mean, he's not going to have a nail.

13:01I can tell. Yeah, but you can grow a good goatee. It goes straight to goatee. Yeah, but that's quite good. Is it? Yeah. So if you look at people like Dave Grohl, Johnny Depp. Yeah. They don't have, like, the strong beard. The thing I feel about them is that, like, they are also, you know, Dave Grohl or Johnny Depp, whereas for me it's just... Dave Grohl, Johnny Depp, Joe Thomas. Yeah, that's the same category. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, okay, well, maybe I'll grow it over the course of the series. Do it. Would you like that? Yeah. You do, you've got a strong moustache. I do sometimes do odd things like I did a show once where I had to give a lecture about hair it was a comedy show sounds hilarious, carry on I can't believe I I'm going to be honest with you I can't believe I haven't heard of it I don't know how they did it anymore but you know it certainly got a good response on the day and above all I enjoyed it that is a subject that's not been mind enough in comedy is hair.

14:14Yeah. You could do a whole 90-minute stand-up on different hair, different types of hair. Yeah, tried. Tried to. It didn't... It's not as much as you think. Really? No. Really? I didn't have a choice about the hair. They said you have to do the history of hair. Okay. I think they gave me a choice of topics. I said, that's the best one. Wow. And then during it, I was kind of like... What was the show called? Tell us what the show was called. Comedians Giving Lectures. I think I might have been the second series, actually. Viewer, Kate is nodding. My manager's nodding. Yeah. However, she's really, really nice and polite, and I feel like she might just be nodding to make you feel better.

14:53She's, look, it's fine. Is that true, Kate? I don't mind. That's what I want. No, she's saying, no, I have her. What I want from my life is people nodding to make me feel better. That doesn't need to be sincere. I don't mind pity. No, of course not. I've got no... Pity's fine. If I had a problem with pity, I would have never have lost my virginity. Yeah, yeah. No, I mean, I have no problem at all. Absolutely not. No, any of that. No, absolutely not. I like pity. I like being pitied. So what was this thing about hair, Joe? Basically, so I was sort of, I was kind of riffing in the speech about how it was a bit of a bad topic.

15:29Right, yeah. And I was like, I don't even know how to, I don't know what to do. So you incorporated that into the act? I incorporated that into the act, yeah. Sort of saying, you'll notice that none of you audience members are enjoying this. That's basically what we're doing now. Yeah, it is, sort of, yeah. It's a good, listen to what, it's a good trick. Getting pity. It's a good trick. Pity laughs, I'll take pity laughs, pity sex, whatever. Yeah, I mean, it's all fine. And all of it's fine. All of it's fine. And anyway, so I was kind of, I'm completely out saying, oh, it's not a very good topic.

16:03And I don't even think the producers think it's a good topic, hair. Because one of the things they've asked me to do, or no, one of the things they suggested I could do is that I could shave like a monk's tonsure into the back of my head. You know how monks have the bald patch? Like a Zidane, yeah. I was sort of saying, you know, do you know what the producers suggested to me? They suggested I could shave a bald patch into the back of my head, like as if I'm going to do that. As if I'm going to do that. And then as I was writing the speech, I was like, it'd be funny if at the end of the speech I had done it.

16:37Yeah, that's a big commitment. And then I did do it. I did honestly I did do it and it looked it was much much much much worse than I thought it was going to be oh you did it I did it right hang on a minute I did it no I did it honestly and I had quite long like longer than now like quite long floppy hair yeah and honestly like the makeup artist who was doing it was like I don't want to do it like do you really it was like she was going to she didn't want to do it but she was like I was like honestly do it it's fine it'd be funny I've got really I've got really fast growing hair what does that mean I just thought I because that was based on like I kind of I seem to have to go to the hairdressers all the time I know but whenever I go to the hairdressers it seems like oh god I feel like I was just here yeah a haircut doesn't last long no however if you get a little mux bald a haircut doesn't last long yeah that takes a while that cut's gonna last it does absolutely and Hannah wouldn't let me because I was like look what I'll do I think almost to myself I had in my back pocket the plan if it looks mental which it fucking did I'll just shave it all off I'll just be you know I'll just have a skinhead got home Hannah was like you are not having a skinhead I'll tell you why she said it will look stupid of course don't want to book it there then I've got a couple of questions imagine if I looked stupid it was honestly I'd run my hand through my hair and I'd be like oh god it was like I'd had a lobotomy genuinely it was like you'd had an operation had an operation You know, if you have an operation, they have to...

18:08Yeah. And I had to... It was really... If I was to have an operation on my head, right, and they had to sort of go in, I would say just shave it all. Of course. Honestly, she went loving. I don't want just like a circle. Oh, no, just a circle. It's mental. It's like, it's all right. We've not shaved everything. I know, I know. First of all, if I'm having an operation on my head, I'm not worried. I'm just like, secondly, just shave it all off. Yeah. Yeah. It's much, much worse than just having it all shaved off. I know what you mean, right? Because I do... I've always subscribed to the thought or the belief, I suppose, that I've made up myself.

18:49If you're trying to be funny, if you're trying to make people laugh, then if you look funny, you're already like halfway there. Totally agree. Which is why I had all that bleaching done to my hair during the in-betweeners. Absolutely. Then I had a moustache for white gold and stuff. like I've never I've never had a problem with looking like an idiot it's always what I've always said about my body as well it's like I could lose weight but I just wouldn't be funny then or you know I could you know you don't want to there's nothing funny about a bloke with a six pack I just think it's not and that's why I could have it that's what I'm saying I could it'd be easy it'd be easy for me you remember Theo Theo James yeah from the first Inbetweeners film he's the villain right because he's too handsome right but the thing is right he's I've not I've not spoken to him since we did that film or whatever well he's you know I can't get near him now I can't won't answer his phone after everything they're chucking him in the bond ring and everything yeah you know he's from the in between us yeah you know but he you know he'd give me an audition at least for unbelievably handsome right wasn't he like unbelievably handsome he is yeah fit little body on him on the guy as well I don't want to objectify but no I think I think sometimes you have to mama mia yeah right but then also I was like oh I get it you're a good you're a good looking guy and then also was you know you'd spend a bit of time with him yeah also a nice guy nice so he's good looking and he's a nice guy yeah then when he was like delivering lines and stuff like that and he was being quite funny I was like right we've got we've got to fucking stop there mate you cannot be don't come into out but yeah you can't be that handsome that nice and also quite funny as well No, I totally...

20:35You were one or the other. Absolutely. I had to become funny because I was such an odd-looking man. I hope he gets Bond. He's one of us, isn't he? He's one of our own. It'd be great. It'd be, you know, it would be... I mean, he doesn't answer my calls or anything, sure, but I do hope he gets Bond. Yeah, yeah. And he's great in The Gentleman on Netflix, the TV show. I haven't seen that, but I have seen him in White Lotus, where he's very good. Oh, also, he can do an American accent, so well done. Do you know what, right? If he wasn't such a great guy, I'd fucking hate that dickhead. But he is really lovely.

21:11He's really great. So that's it. Yeah.

21:34Yeah, before we landed. We put the Jack and Ash show on for the road trip and somehow we took the wrong exit because we were laughing. Worth it if you got to finish the episode. Well, I listen to the Holiday Expert show every week. Oh my gosh, yeah, you're always trying Chelsea's tips. They've saved me a fortune. Wherever summer takes you, hit follow on your favourite podcasts and search Audio Always on any podcast app to discover your next favourite listen.

22:06Hey, Joe, right? Yeah. I've got to talk about a fact. Yeah. Again, this is what I was talking about earlier when I said that this was the first idea because you're not allowed to just have a podcast. You're not allowed to go to people. Can me and Joe just talk about funny nonsense for a little while and make that to a podcast? They go, no, there needs to be. It has to be structured. So this is just an obligatory... I know, I know. You know, because it's called Joe and James Fact Up. Yeah. And even though which people will eventually learn that this show has nothing to do with facts at all whatsoever.

22:41And the place that I get my facts from is the same place that you get yours. It's called Instagram. Yeah, I don't know anything. It could just be the Mandela effect. We don't know. Yeah. So I need to give you my fact here. Okay. And it's our first episode. Yep. So we were given the theme of firsts. Yep. And that's what I found a fact for you. It's going to be a double for you. Yep. Whoa, triple actually. Bloody hell. Because it involves a fact. Or is it just a double? I can't remember. Okay. It's a fact, right? More than one, though. So that's one. You like facts. Oh. We both love facts. Yeah.

23:21It involves Cambridge University and coffee. Oh, my God. This is perfect. There you go This is absolutely perfect And I'm really I'm going to be really disappointed But I'm worried That you might already know this Oh interesting But I hope you don't Okay okay But as you are A Cambridge grad With a history degree I thought you might like this one It's very considerate The first ever web camera Go on No you know this I think I actually do know this I know Can I Well no Shall I complete it Yeah go on Was it of a pot of coffee It was It was It was at a It was invented at Cambridge University to check if the coffee pot was empty.

24:01Yeah. It's kind of... The Trojan Room coffee pot was a coffee machine located in the computer lab of the University of Cambridge, England. Yep. It was the subject of the world's first webcam created in 1991. Yep. And it was to save people, people that were working in the building. Yep. It was to save their disappointment of finding the coffee machine empty after making the trip to the room. A camera was set up providing a live picture of the coffee pot to all desktop computers on the office network. I'll tell you what, I have had temping jobs where, like, the only thing I had was to go and get a cup of coffee.

24:46So I don't want to know. You want it to be... I want to have to find out. You want it to kill some time, don't you? I mean, for heaven's sake. I had a temporary job where I'd sit there being like, okay, I can probably have a poo. That's like 15. Yeah. Probably, let's be honest. Washing my hands. I'd use paper and the dryer. You sure? Get your money's worth. Yeah. I'd stay there till the paper towel was itself dry again. Right.

25:17I, yeah, coffee. I mean, I'd be like 20 minutes. It was a boring job. The webcam was eventually connected to the internet a few years later and the coffee pot gained international renown as a feature of the fledgling World Wide Web. That's, it's the thing. Remember that, say it? The fledgling, oh, the fledgling, yes. They stopped it, it was retired in 2001. Wow, got out early. Yeah. Why? Well, because that was after the boom, the dot-com boom. I suppose, we need to make some cuts. do you want to hear who created who created the first webcam yes please bear in mind it's Cambridge University to be honest pretty posh pretty posho you'd admit to that wouldn't you Joe it is quite posh but they do get through a lot of work as well so it's one of the people that created it apparently two people had to come up with it lazy one of them was was Quentin Stafford Frazier.

26:22That is harsh, isn't it? Yeah, Quentin, you can never, there is no working class person called Quentin. No. I'd say if you looked at the 1966 England World Cup winning squad, there would not be many Quentins. There's not a Quentin, innit? Not many Quentins. Plenty of Gordons and bobbies and stuff. Plenty of Gordons, yeah. Cricket, you'll find a Lord Quentin. Yeah, from 1921. Yeah, yeah. That won the Ashes, but also won the gold in swimming. Yeah, and he was also, like, secretary to the Treasury or something. Like, yeah. Anyway, that was my fact. Let's have another swipe. JT. Yes. We've got a question from a listener.

27:03Oh. Because we're the fact boys, right? Very much so. That's what we're going to be known as from now on. So if you're, you know, if you want something verified, come to us. We'll put our stamp of approval on it. Or maybe not. Or disapproval. This week's fact check. Okay. It comes from Rosanna. Okay. And she's asked, do cows really have different accents? Now, I'm going to be honest with you, Joe. What does that mean? Animals don't. Do animals have accents? They don't use words, do they? Listen, we might learn something together. Okay, let's see. I mean, good fact if true. So let's do a little bit of Google.

27:42So we're going to research. I'm going to Google it. Yep. that's as much as I'm prepared to do I'm probably going to give it a little as well and then we'll come back with an answer for you stay tuned

28:03hey it's your ceiling vent so I'm dripping could be the rain could be the upstairs bathroom yikes you could hire the guy your neighbour recommended but I'm pretty sure that's just his cousin. Do we know if he's licensed or does he just stone a ladder? Listen to your home. Go with Thumbtack. Upload a photo or voice note and we'll diagnose your project and match you with the right pro for the job. Thumbtack. We know homes. Hire the right pro today. This summer, wherever you go, take your favourite podcasts with you. I downloaded the Surgeon of St Helena series for the flight. Well, I bet you finished it.

28:41Yeah, before we landed. We put the Jack and Ash show on for the road trip and somehow we took the wrong exit because we were laughing. Worth it if you got to finish the episode. Well, I listen to the Holiday Expert show every week. Oh my gosh, yeah, you're always trying Chelsea's tips. They've saved me a fortune. Wherever summer takes you, hit follow on your favourite podcasts and search Audio Always on any podcast app to discover your next favourite listen.

29:15Right, welcome back to Joe and James Fact Up. I can't believe we're doing this. I just mean podcast. Yeah, I know. We've been diligently fact-checking whether cows have accents from Rosanna. And first of all, I'll, you know, lay out my stool. Is that what it's called? Is that a saying? Yeah, set out. Set out my stool, show my wares. I've heard like set the table recently. Set the table. Yeah, I'll set the table. There's three things that I'm prepared to use for research. Google, Wikipedia and chat GPT. I asked chat, do cows really have different accents? And they said yes. That's what I've got as well.

29:59To some degree. Yeah. And also are we saying accent or are we saying that they don't all sound literally the same? Research and anecdotal evidence suggests that cows and many other animals, Joe, can develop vocal differences that resemble accents. For example, regional variation. I mean, literally, like, you can get a West Country cow and a Northern cow. Farmers have reported that cows in different areas moo with slightly different pitch, rhythm or tone. Rhythm? Yeah. I'm going to be honest, like, this... I tell you what, it's charming, I think, because these farmers are around the cows. I've met a couple of farmers, and they do like a laugh.

30:45Right. Okay. And I do feel like this is something that farmers would go, oh, yeah, no, yeah, yeah, no, they have different accents. There's something of the drop bears about it. Yeah. Is there that thing that Aussies say to poms? Herd influence. Yep. Just like people, animals living closely together may pick up each other's vocal habits. Just like people, animals live in herds. Here's the one that's the important one. Scientific backing. Okay. Now we're into it. So let's see what GPT says about this. Let's see if I'm Quentin Stafford Clark. Studies on animal communication, including birds, whales and primates, show that vocalisations can shift based on social group or location.

31:29In cows, researchers at the University of Sussex, which I assume is being funded financially, found evidence that individual cows... This is not something they're doing in their spare time, are they? This is money going into this, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. Well, maybe the cows are funding it. They found evidence that individual cows have distinct voices and that social environment may influence these sounds. There is something here on YouTube where I think you're able to guess where different cows are from. So do you want to hear this? Yeah, go on. Shall I guess? You guess, and then I'll... Hold up here.

32:06Are you going to listen? Are we going to listen to an advert now? Have you ever asked yourself, do cows move in different accents? Hold it to the microphone, Joe. Okay. No, I don't think this... I assumed this was going to be different cows. Oh, is it just someone talking about it? Because we can do that. Yeah. In a way, it'd probably be better if we did that. rather than just playing another podcast into the microphone. Should we just, should me and you just sit here and listen to a good podcast? Yeah, yeah. Okay, hold on, let me see. Do cows have accents? Let's see. Let's see, so.

32:43I mean, welcome to my world, guys. Here's Joe, right now, if you're listening and you can't watch this. Oh, yeah. Here's Joe Thomas trying to work an iPhone. Just Googling some stuff. Hang on. I've given up on that because it was. I assumed there'd be somewhere on the internet where there'd be different there'd be a sort of playlist of different moves I reckon there is Joe I think the problem was that you were trying to access the internet I pretty much sort of had to explain to you what a podcast was before we started doing this I mean I thought it'd be I thought it would be more to hand I can go away and I asked you this morning if you've got I said have you got because you were like oh man I'm worried about my facts I called up my brothers I asked my friends because you were trying to get facts I said to you have you got GPT I quite like the sort of the human element you're very analogue aren't you Joe I'm quite analogue yeah and I tell you what man I respect you for it it does make this job a bit more difficult Yeah, I mean, look, I'll use AI.

33:56I've got no choice. But, you know, and it will use me. And eventually, it will win. That's the thing. And that's, yeah. Right now, it's a symbiotic relationship, isn't it, the old AI? Yes, it is. The AI is looking at you going, oh, what's he like? What's he don't like? You know, what's he all about? Yeah, I know, I know. I am looking forward to sex robots, though. Me too. That is one thing. If you could put, you know, those hyper-realistic sex dolls. Yeah. I once watched a documentary about a bloke that owned one. Yeah, I think I've, yeah. With a mate of mine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he was, and the sex doll had to be shipped back for maintenance because it had been worn out a bit too much.

34:40But it looked like a person, like it looked like a human being, this sex doll, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I went to my mate, Matt. Yeah. I went to my mate, do you reckon you'd ever get one of those? and he went no because and i thought he was gonna say because that would be weird obviously right because this bloke that we're watching this documentary about he sent this sex doll away to and he was like telling the sex doll like putting it in a box with like packaging and stuff going it's okay we'll be together again soon don't worry they're just gonna they're gonna make you better better and stuff like talking to the sex doll like a lunatic right yeah yeah and i went to my mate would you would you get one of those and he went no and i thought obviously not because this boat looks like a nutter and it would be a mental thing to buy, right?

35:23A sex doll. And he went, because I think I'd get into it too much. Yeah. He went, I think he just, I'm watching this guy. He was like, I'm watching this guy and his life seems simpler than mine. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I suppose it's a level of self-knowledge that your mate had. Yeah. He was like, yeah. It's best that don't go down that rabbit hole. Don't. You know, you know, probably a better expression. Yeah, absolutely. Joe, I believe you've got a fact. I've got a fact as well. Well, it's funny. I think there must be sort of something in the water because my fact is of a similar kind of provenance, I suppose.

36:05So my fact is that... I don't know either. We're talking about the early days of the internet. Yeah. So, you know, the first banner advert... Right. appeared on a website in 1994. Go on. You know what a banner advert is, right? Yeah, absolutely, yeah, of course. And it got a 44 % click-through rate. Wouldn't get that these days. No, it wouldn't. You're lucky if you get 1%. And also, can I just tell you what it said? It doesn't even sound enticing. It sounds like, you wouldn't click on this nowadays. The banner said, this is what it said. Did it just say nudes? No, it didn't. It said... Because that would get a good...

36:44That's a 44 % click rate, that is. it said have you ever clicked your mouse right here you will that's what it said like if you nowadays that's quite good now if if you saw it now I know that 44 % of people were like yeah to be fair there's different ways you could I feel like you went a bit sinister with the way have you ever clicked you could have gone have you ever clicked your mouse right here I just feel like it was a to me like it seems like if you had that on your screen now, you'd be like, that is either a virus or pornography. I think, yeah. Whereas, but if you were so trusting in 1994, why not treat the, oh, okay.

37:26What's the worst? Oh, yeah. That sounds thoroughly charming. What's the worst that could happen? I certainly will take a leap into the absolute unknown. What was that? Do you know what website? 44 % though. Do you know what website that was on? It was an advert for AT &T and it was on Wired. It was then known as hotwired.com but that then became Wired. It was Wired Magazine, basically. I think that's right. So it was basically, they actually, they had a series of adverts around that time saying, will you ever video call your mum? Yeah. You will. It was about the future. It was saying like, these things will come.

38:01So it was sort of, it was riffing off that. But yeah, it was, yeah. And that was, I suppose, similar to the, you know, the coffee pot, you know, winning a kind of medal or something for, no, it wasn't. It was a well-known, it was sort of, it was loved. It was beloved. It wasn't used to coffee pot. So it just wasn't very much on the internet. So we're like, oh, an advert. Well, that's new. It's novel. Oh. Apparently people sent it to each other. Have you seen this? Well, you must see this. It's an advert. When you first started saying what the advert was for, and you said A, I got excited. Right.

38:33Because I was going to say, was it AOL? Oh, interesting. American. Online. America Online. Yeah. Well, I mean. Do you remember you used to get, I don't know. Do you know what, man? It was like there was a little robot dialing the number. Why did they need that sound, did they? You got a CD. Oh, you did, didn't you? It was like you get 60 minutes of internet free. I love that. They implied that it was kind of hard to get. My school had a big campaign to try and get on the internet and they very much implied that you weren't allowed on the internet unless you had a school website. Yeah. And they're like, the website's finally finished now and we've just we've been allowed on it was like what are you talking about I remember when I was at school I was in the library with my mate and he was on the computer and it looked like it looked like websites and stuff that you would this day and age recognise as a website and he was going to the librarian who and I don't know what it is about librarians they're grumpy aren't they they are they're so grumpy they don't like you taking the books out you turn up to the counter and the load of books they're like what, you want to take this away?

39:42Look after them then, because I haven't got many. But she would bite at everything, right? I don't mean literally bite. So he was on the computer and he was going, miss, like talking to the librarian, miss, am I on the internet? He was going like that. And she was going, no, you're on the intranet. She said that. And he went, whoa, I'm on the internet. No, it's the intranet. She wouldn't let it go.

40:13I've never been really clear what the intranet is. It took me quite a long time to realise that it wasn't just people getting it wrong. I feel like it was an internal internet was the intranet. I'm getting nods. Intranet, yeah. Yeah. It's like if you're in a large organisation and you need to be able to share stuff internally. Yeah, that was what the coffee pot was. Started off on the intranet, ended up on the internet. Yeah. And then it was taken down. The intranet? No, not the internet, not the intranet, but the coffee pot. The coffee pot was taken down. In 2001. Listen, man, I remember going to my mum's work when I was a kid in the 90s.

40:48And so, like, that coffee pot thing was 91. To 2001. Yeah. So my mum worked for the home office, right? Yeah. And you think that's going to be pretty cutting edge. Like, it's an important government, I don't know, building, I don't know, right? Department. Yeah, department, right? she, I remember being a kid and watching her type something up print it out put it in like a little for want of a better word, dildo right it looked like a sort of dildo it was very phallic there might be a better word right yeah well we definitely haven't got a better word and put it in this tube and it just sort of, again one for a better phrase, sucked it up sucks it up up the for want of a better word anus um right that's how that's how i don't know if that's amazing though i don't know if that's a comment on how old me and you are now because we're not old men are we we're not old men i think just how quickly technology you know what i think i think it's a little of both i think it's mostly just you cannot believe how old-fashioned it would look if you went back to like 2001.

42:05So you were just not, like most people without, you remember not having a mobile phone? What's the television network where it's all the old game shows and like all old catchphrase and stuff like that? Challenge TV. I fucking love Challenge TV. I love watching like, you know, Big Break and all that sort of stuff. Do they have Crystal Maze? I think they do have Crystal Maze on Channel. That was a fun show. me and Claire were watching it like last year or something like that a couple of years ago or something and we were watching an old catchphrase and it was like God look at the state of them when was this 1972 or something and it comes up it was like first broadcast 2002 oh God yeah oh geez no no no honestly it's really weird like it you you don't have to go too far back for it to be like you're like oh is this the 50s yeah no it's I totally agree But I do think large organisations take quite a long time to modernise.

43:03And maybe there's a case of, like, if it works, stick with it. That's it, yeah. They needed information internally, quickly. You know, I think... And it went round in pipes in the building. And it's fun as well, isn't it, I think? I'd love to work on that. No, I did really used to enjoy watching them shooting round the pipes. I didn't even think that they were real. Honestly, I thought they were just from films like Arthur Christmas and stuff like that. No, because there was also like a big stack of these. Yeah. Well, I don't want to say dildo. You don't have to. It was a huge stack of them. Yeah.

43:37Because obviously, like, to send one message, you needed this pod. Oh, it's brilliant. Imagine if you made those and then you found out the Home Office wasn't using them anymore. You'd be like, oh, we've got trouble. We've got an object going to something else. We need to start making something else. The company that made those sort of suction, air pod, internal information things, they must have been making a killing for years. Yeah, yeah. I bet they couldn't believe it when email came out. They were like, oh, we're fucked now, aren't we? Yeah, I know, I know. I might try and find out a fact about them.

44:07That's a good thing. For you next week, Joe. I would actually really like that. I'd love to, I would, because they are, they are fascinating. And I think, and they're fun. They make you, it honestly feels like someone's gone, let's have a bit of fun at work. Do you know what I mean? It's a bit of a laugh, isn't it? We need this. We need it. Come on. What's a fun way of solving this problem? Right, so what have we learnt this week, Joe? Cows have got accents. Coffee pot was the first camera. First webcam. And I've forgotten what yours was. The first banner advert. Oh, the first banner ad. With AT &T and 44 % of people clicked on it.

44:44Anyway, I'm all fact out. if you haven't noticed Joe I've moved to the outro of today's podcast that's all we have time for today we hope that you've learned something or had a nice time how could you have learned something you don't I mean it doesn't matter but we'll be back next week armed with more facts chats and cow pats oh yeah we're gonna there's words we're gonna should have proofread that Do you want to say, for want of a better word, cowpads? Is that what we're... Here is the important bit. How are we already saying cowpads? For fuck's sake. Here's the important bit. We should never say that.

45:29Shouldn't ever say that. I've got to get this bit out, Joe. Even if I saw one and someone was going to tread in it, I wouldn't say it. I'd just let them tread in it. I've got to get this bit out. Don't forget that you can get in touch with us if you'd like us to fact check something that feels true to you or with whatever nonsense you'd like to tell us about, our email is hello at joeandjamespod.com or you can send us a WhatsApp on 07822 034 330 and our... The papers. Hang on one second. It's the shuffling of the papers. I've been told that we're going to have iPads next week. And our social...

46:13our socials are joeandjamespod on Instagram and TikTok guys thank you hopefully you like that I'm going to be honest Joe just a little retrospect our first episode done this could have been the best podcast you've ever listened to or it could have been the worst I don't think and for one for a better word I don't think there's any in between thanks for watching the podcast yes Yes. Joe and James, Joe and James, Joe and James, Joe and James, fight off. And could I also add, have you ever thought about listening to this podcast? You will.

46:54Right? It's just because of the advert. Yeah, it's a callback, it's a callback. It did come across quite weird. How about, have you ever thought about listening to this podcast again? Oh, good point, yeah, good point actually, because otherwise they wouldn't have heard it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. And maybe I could just add, have you ever thought about listening to this podcast again? You will. I turn off the winking. Did you wink? No, no. Don't go for the winking. I'll do it again. I'm just talking to a camera. I'm saying to a camera, there's no one behind it, do it again. You jumped in straight away going, no, I can't wink.

47:25You can't wink on the internet anymore. No. Wink. I said wink. No, you can do something.

47:36Oh no. Okay, right. Here we go. Go on, Jay. Have you ever thought about listening to this podcast again? You will.

47:48Oh no. That was even more creepy than the wink. Should we do one more? No, we're done. No, it's fine. Okay, forget it. Forget it. Hi, my name's Alistair Green. Are you going to say your name or just have a massive pause? Oh, God, that was revile. My name's Rachel. Yeah, Stomachs. It's a podcast that we make. It's called Don't Think So Somehow. And all we do is bicker. It's largely pointless. We don't really get on or even enjoy doing it. I got ID'd for alcohol the other day. You're joking. Yeah, in Leeds. That's mad. It's like ID and Judi Dench. This might just be a podcast for you. Don't Think So Somehow.

48:30Every time I get a message saying, I'm loving the new podcast. I'm like, why? Why? I like...