Jesus Is Sugababes And Also Doctor Who

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0:37Do you want to know a little secret about Audi? Yeah, go on. So, again, this is very... I don't know if it's true or not, but it's definitely a fact. Sure. Because my wife's aunt... Yeah. She's big in the meat industry. She's really high up. She's a big swinging blade. in the abattoir. She's an executive in meat. So she supplies meat to both Marks & Spencer's and Aldi. Same meat, boy. Wow. It's the same meat, boy. Just different packaging. That's amazing. Because I was telling you, they do that, what's that ham called? Iberico. Yeah. Spanish sort of, Portuguese, like Iberian, I suppose. Yeah, I suppose it is.

1:26where the pigs are if you can find it they sell out really quickly but if you can get it in Aldi because if my neighbour sees it he always gets me one it's that little thing and you get a little knife with it as well oh it's the whole yeah it's a very it's not like a big leg it's not the whole leg but it's a it's a small part of it it comes on a little wooden display thing yeah and it's like at the right angle and you just shave a bit off yeah We have that in the kitchen, just sat out in the kitchen for about a week, and I'm just walking past, just shaving off a bit of ham every now and then. I love a bit of that.

2:02Fucking brilliant. But there you go. So when you're paying those Marks and Spencer's prices. Wow, my goodness. Wow. Same meat. I'll tell you what. I can't believe it. They've eaten acorns, haven't they? Those pigs. Oh, is that what it is? Yeah, that's why it tastes so nice. The pigs eat acorns, and then they... Do they like the acorns? Oh, no, you're going to put me off this thing. because I don't like eating. Listen, I am a piece of shit. Like I am a total hypocrite, right? Because I think there is something, I understand why some people would be vegetarian because it's like, I do feel it is a bit much making something possibly suffer and die just so that I can eat it.

2:42Yeah, like the foie gras. I'll never have foie gras. Yeah, I don't have that. Never have shark fin soup. Me and Claire left a restaurant when we found out they had shark fin soup once. Because what, they cut the fin off and then the shark has to carry on. They just dump the body. They just dump the body back in there. They just, they take a whole shark. They just chop the fin off there. Like it's awful, isn't it? Have you seen that bit in The Simpsons where they show you how they make a new bowling pin? Oh yeah, and they take a whole tree. They make an entire tree and they throw away all of it apart from the little pin shape in the middle.

3:10Yeah, they shave a whole tree down. Yeah, they shave a whole tree down. Yeah, that's pretty much what your shark fin soup is. That's terrible. But I do think there is something sort of noble about maybe if I went out into the wilderness with a bow and arrow. Yeah. And I shot a deer and I used the pelt and I ate every part of that deer. Yeah. The bones were used for something and da-da-da. I just don't have it in me to kill something. Yeah. I wouldn't be able to actually, not even with a bow and arrow, but even with a gun. Like I wouldn't be able to pull a trigger and shoot a deer, but I would still eat it.

3:46So that makes me even worse. Could I kill a deer? I send other people out to do my dirty work for me, and then I just slap whatever they've got left over on the barbecue. On the other hand, I think I probably couldn't be in the military, and yet I still rely on... No, I couldn't be in the military. In extremists, we sometimes rely on people committing violence in our names. So I think it's a relatively normal position in society to be reliant upon people doing jobs that you could not yourself do. I am the worst. I'm so... like not military level. This is our Christmas episode. Sorry, yeah, no.

4:27Merry Christmas, everyone. I was just trying to tell you, Lily May, why I wouldn't be a good soldier. Because I'm worried about the fucking draft and stuff. I'll be honest with you. Yeah. A draft? Yeah. I'm worried about conscription or whatever. I don't know. Genuinely, I think we're a bit old. I think we'd be all right. I'm still in my 30s, mate. You might get fucked, yeah. I'd be one of those generals going, Send another young man to his death And it'd be you I used to say that about you Yeah no Let's get onto that Get onto the football match The Christmas truce Ball comes bouncing in the no man's hand Where did it come from Was it a German Was it an Englishman Who cares We haven't even done the intro yet We couldn't even audition for a war film We fucked up the audition I think it's funny when you see a football computer game and on the, you know, the adverts on the side of the pitch on the computer game and it's like, join the army.

5:24And you're like, these guys can't even handle real football. They should be in the actual army. Yeah, sure they can. I'm sure they can. I can't be in the army. Three reasons why I can't be in the army. Yeah. Main reason, coward. Yeah. Really scared. Yeah. Really frightened. Yeah. Not brave at all whatsoever. Yeah. Just stupid and quite lazy. and I think you have to be the opposite of all those things to be a soldier. What do you say coward, stupid, you probably have to, yeah, well, yeah, I think you're right. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I think I'm the same. I mean, I don't like getting up, you have to get up early, don't you?

6:02I think sometimes they make you go to sleep even if you really need a wee. Yeah, stuff like that. They make you hold it in sometimes. If you're like, it's really annoying. They're like, you're in a trench, you can't get discovered. You're like, I just, I can't have a piss, please. He's like, but they'll find us. You're like, how am I going to get to sleep then? I am going to cut this. If you cut this, good luck with the next episode because I won't be there. Right. Right. Can I play you the Christmas jingle? Good luck replacing us. You won't find. There's nobody can do what we do. No one. Let's hear the Christmas jingle.

6:34Okay, you ready? Yep. Ho ho ho ho ho and James Ah Joe and James Ho ho ho ho and James Ho ho ho ho ho ho Joe and James Factor Merry Christmas Did he say Joe at all? Yeah Oh he was going Joe ho ho I thought he was just going ho ho ho and James I thought he was calling you a hoe, mate. I wouldn't take that. I'd knock Santa out. Yeah. But he tried it. No one calls me a hoe. He's quite a big lad, isn't he? Do you reckon you could beat Santa up? It took ages. What about me and you together against him? We'd get him together. Yeah. You'd hold down his head and I'd just fucking kick the shit out of him.

7:23I'd yank his beard and knee him at the same time in the face. Yeah. And I'd just have his head down. I'd be going, fuck you. Yeah. You fucking smart ass. do you know what I mean oh your face is red now yeah do you know what I mean all the clutter what happens I read that thing the night before Christmas and all through the house not a creature was stirring not even a mouse that's a little Christmas tradition at my house it's a good story I read that because mum Claire who I also call mum sometimes And she has to do a lot of tidying up on Christmas Eve. Yeah. And I always go to the boys, come on, let's get to bed, and then we won't have to do any of the tidying up.

8:11Oh, okay. So me and the boys, we get into bed, and we all get into mum and dad's bed, and I read T 'was the Night Before Christmas. I know what. A couple of years ago, I ruined that. It's not even that bad, right? But I did ruin that poem story thing, and now we can't read it without laughing hysterically, because it mentions, it goes on to talk about Santa's rosy cheeks. And I go, why has he got his bum out? And for some reason, we can't get through that story now. Once we start talking about Santa's rosy cheeks. Oh, God. Well, I mean, there is a bit in the Bible, and we'd have it in assembly.

8:54We'd have the Bible readings coming up to Christmas. And there is that bit where I don't know what they're expecting, but it literally goes, the Virgin Mary goes, well, how am I going to have a baby when I'm a virgin? And then the angel says, the Holy Spirit will come on you. And that literally is in the Bible. That's not how you get them pregnant anyway. I know, but I mean, how are you men to get, we'd get in trouble for laughing at that. And they're like, well, what are you fucking expecting? Because usually - Is that why they didn't want to translate? Because usually if you're not trying to get them pregnant, they do go, oh, just go on me.

9:26That's true, actually. Is that going to make it? Just come on my arse. Should we do the intro? Can I do one more? No. No, we've got to do the intro. I've got another one for later. I'll do it now. I used to have a temping job. Yeah. And we had a franking machine. It was... Should I say it was sausages? No, it's for mail. You know when you get an official letter, it hasn't got a stamp. It gets a code. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then the postman looks at it. or woman sure a lot of them are woman woman a lot of them are woman a lot of a lot a lot a lot of postman a lot of postman are woman yeah postal worker a postal worker there you go basically the student it was in i worked in an art college yeah and uh we had a staff meeting once and somebody said we've got a lot the door to the post room because I keep finding students in there franking off.

10:32Right. He didn't say franking off. No, he did. He was franking off letters. He was like franking off letters. Right. And I was going. And no one else was funny. No one laughed at that. No one laughed. Everyone was being very serious. I was like, oh, fuck you then. Someone said the phrase. We've got to lock this door because people were going in there. I keep finding students in here franking off letters. Yes, he said franking off letters, but he definitely said franking off. He didn't say franking letters off. He said franking off. Well, franking letters off still works. Franking letters off still works.

11:01And I went round to get, for the expected response, there was nothing. And I thought, I did not know death had taken so many. Yeah. Fucking hell. Anyway, welcome to Joe and James Fact Up. Each week we'll be bringing one another a fact that we deem interesting. And our policy is the more interesting, the more true it is. We'll also dig into the weird things that you'd like to think are true, but don't want to do the research. in a segment we're calling Fact Check. So if you do want to send in your facts, email us hello at joeandjamespod.com and our WhatsApp is 07822 034 330 and you can follow on socials at joeandjamespod.

11:37And you can watch all full episodes of this, whatever it is that we're doing. All full? Yeah, I know. You can watch all full episodes. Awful episodes. you watch awful episodes just go on YouTube search for John Jones Fact Up and head to the podcast description if you've already forgotten those details now let's get fact up

12:03okay here we go correspondence Christmas spirit Christmas spirit it's Christmas Merry Christmas Merry Christmas Merry Christmas green your red and by the way Merry Christmas and by the way Merry Christmas um um yep People like our little OG Gervais show references. Yeah, okay. Because I think a lot of them appreciate that they're not just the podcast. We do a deep dive, our little XFM. No, it's the XFM shows. Brilliant. If you're not listening to them, give them a listen. You can find them on the internet. They're absolutely brilliant. And what's really weird is that they just swear in them. And it's a Saturday afternoon they went up on.

12:48Yeah. like Gervais Gervais thinks if he does a pause he's like you always go on you stupid little cunt and you're like no you still said it like you're like it's like you little fucking you fucking shit yeah and they're always sagging off the radio station they're like no it's a Timbalt radio station on a Saturday afternoon I think there was one point where they like play a song and they're just like what was that shit let's not play that ever again oh they hate Muse don't they sorry about it and the CD got jammed in the CD player there yeah I don't know he really hates Muse I don't like Muse when they when they draw down into it it's like he says he really hates that they did Feeling Good they did a Feeling Good yeah I quite liked Muse certainly that first album that first album that first album that with like was it like Muscle Museum don't know I don't know I thought that was quite good I don't think that I don't like them and I I can still objectively appreciate why lots of people do like them by the way just for me personally I didn't like it when he basically had a fucking computer on his guitar bit too much effect he had like a sort of touchpad on his guitar and stuff and I was just like bit too much tech anyway I've got a message here Joe this is from Jesse it's via email Jesse says and I don't know what I don't want to misgender Jesse no that's well said but Jesse says hello J &J driving back from Wales listening to the poddy bloke and did a pub quiz last night bloke and actually had a question about the cheese night cheese bloke conundrum apparently the fact came from Charles Dickens A Christmas Carol where he exclaims his visions are based on a piece of cheese he had before he had a kip but then I feel like cheese does actually give you nightmares because I have definitely experienced this phenomenon none.

14:46So it is also, so it also could be a load of arse. Cheers, Jesse. Thanks, Jesse. That's true. I was thinking of that. Scrooge, who is haunted by the ghosts. Scrooge McDuck. It's Scrooge McDuck. Yeah. And ducks, they really shouldn't have cheese. So like, that's what's happened there. You're not going to give them bread anymore, are you? No. Hmm. No, you shouldn't actually, I think. I used to give ducks so much bread when I was a kid. Yeah. There wasn't much to do when, when I was a kid. And I'm talking about when I was a toddler. Yeah. Nowadays. Yeah, you've got to buy special food from... I mean, I'm sure it's better for them to be fair.

15:23Nowadays, they're all vaping and stuff already. All the ducks, yeah. Kids, toddlers. Oh, kids, sorry. I thought you meant... Have you got any Christmas traditions, Joe? We watched Jonathan Creek. Jonathan Creek? Yeah. I've never, ever, ever watched Jonathan Creek. It's so good. I've never watched Bally Cassangel. I've never seen that. I've never watched... You know, I haven't watched it. Go on. Just thought... Found the title confusing. Yeah. Is it a place? I think Bally Cassangel might be a place. Do you know what I'm talking about? What was his name? Phil Thompson. Is that his name? Played a priest.

15:59It was during the 90s, but he was like a sexy priest. And all the mums fancied him a little bit. That was the hook. That was the hook. But you can't... He's a no-no. Yeah. Can't go there. No. Not with that dog collar on. Then he tried... then there was a sexy woman in it as well for the men. So everyone was, everyone was, there was a barmaid or something, I think. Okay. I don't know. I never watched it. Yeah. But didn't, never watched Jonathan Creek. You've got to watch Jonathan Creek. It's brilliant. Never watched Doc Martin. I haven't seen Doc Martin. I haven't seen Doc Martin. Do you know the conceit of Jonathan Creek?

16:29Go on. He's a magician's assistant. Right. So he knows how like tricks work. Right. And there's always like an impossible murder to solve. And he figures it out using like lateral thinking. Oh, is that it? Yeah. Oh, that sounds rubbish. Well, get back to me when you're ready to apologise. Shall I watch it? It's really good. It's really good. It's really good. It's really like, it looks really nice. Those of the episodes that sort of seem to be set like at Christmas or kind of in cool locations. It's very festive, even if it's not specifically set at Christmas. And believe you me, there are Christmas specials.

17:13He's a magician's assistant. The magician is the – I know they try and make them all cool these days and dark and mysterious, don't they? But they are all a bunch of nerds. I think magicians are blokes who are trying to get access to women. That's it. That's all it is. They're trying to impress women. That book, The Game. Yeah. Which I had access to only because Kingsley was reading it in Fresh Meat, so it was a prop. Yeah. And I flicked through it, and he kept meeting fucking close-up magicians, and I thought, yeah, well, there you go then. Yeah. Do you know about this book, Lee and I? Yeah, yeah.

17:50He almost didn't make a distinction between close-up magicians and pick-up artists. He was like, well, it's basically the same thing. Yeah. But I've never read it, but the message was basically – It was Treating Mean, Keeping Keen. It was Negging, basically. Yeah, Negging. That was the thing, yeah. Yeah. And he was the same bloke that wrote Dirt. Is that right? It's Dirt. The Motley Crue book. Was he? I think so. That then went on to be a Netflix TV show. Oh, right. I say I think so. It's a fact. It's on my podcast, so it's a fact. Yeah. It's Joe and James Fact up. I decide whether it's fact or not, and if I've said it, it's fact.

18:25Thank you, Jesse. So we didn't really get onto that, did we? In Jesse's defence, it was a boring email. I don't know how that defends him. I think I was about to say in our defence. I suppose Scrooge. To attack Jesse for a second here, that was a boring email.

18:48Because I also think it goes back to the Middle Ages that people started talking. Didn't we talk about this? Yeah, that's why you sent the email in. Yeah, and didn't we discuss that it goes back to Middle Ages? There was a... I can't remember. I can't remember either. We talk so much, don't we? But it's also like Scrooge is in denial and he doesn't recognise his own emotions. So he's got to stick up his arse places and he's not... I think Dickens is almost saying that he's a bit of a kind of, almost a sort of materialist. Like he doesn't recognise. He's like, well, I don't believe in ghosts, no such thing.

19:24Nonsense. and I think they've got to stop making films of that now as well Christmas Carol they do like one every year these days and it's always got like a star cast because the Muppets did it man it's the definitive version the Muppets one is perfect it is if you want to get the story across in a way that's so entertaining Michael Caine oh he's so good he's so good he looks so frosty and kind of like Like, he's got that, he's got like, he's got that shard of ice. He's literally, he's literally like, he's got. Simon's mum's in it. Simon's mum. Yeah. Pamela Cooper. Yeah. She's in it. She plays his nephew's wife.

20:05Yeah, that's right. Yeah. And what's so funny is that in that, and actually when she was my mum, she's a really like pretty, attractive woman. Like, you know, and in the in-betweeners, we're like bag of shit. Yeah. She gets called a bag of shit. And in that, she's almost like, she's picture postcard beautiful. Absolutely, yeah. Like she's like, she's this beaming and happy and smiling and embodies. And then comes in with this man who's like this nephew, Scrooge's nephew, who's also like, I shall keep it in my way. And yeah. I think we all carry some guilt about that. The way that Simon's mum was.

20:39She comes in for a lot of flack. Was attacked. Yes. Not physically, but her physicality was attacked. Her physicality was, yes, it was. Yeah. Constantly. Constantly. what am I going to tell my dad to leave your mum she's a dog I love that line I absolutely love that line oh no oh no what am I going to tell my dad to leave your mum she's a dog oh no I had to go up to her and go Robin by the way we've written some lines we had to apologise to her we didn't Ian and David did Ian and David yeah Ian and David had to apologise to her my little Christmas traditions Joe it's all around movies yeah we've got a list of films that we need to get through.

21:23What sort of things? The ones set in stone are Christmas Eve, Home Alone 1, Christmas Day, Home Alone 2. We do not move those at all whatsoever. That is the peak of Christmas entertainment for us. Around there, maybe during the day on Christmas Day or during – they're the evening films. They're the big evening films. I need to get – because it's my favourite Christmas film, National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation. Yeah, I think Hannah likes that. Oh, it's brilliant. I fucking love that film so much. We also do The Die Hard, the first two Die Hard films. Oh, nice, because they're at Christmas, are they?

22:02They're set at Christmas, but they were released during the summer. They were summer blockbusters originally, but they're set at Christmas. That's fucking like, that's a flex, isn't it? Like releasing it during the summer and setting it Christmas. It doesn't even matter. Who even cares? We'll run this race in the wrong season. We'll still win it. They're two of my favourite films. Yeah. Oh, Christmas Chronicles. What's that? Strap yourself in. Okay. Well, are you... Christmas Chronicles. I think it's called Christmas Chronicles. It's absolutely brilliant. Get your family involved in this one. It's a modern Santa Claus film, right?

22:39Yeah, yeah. And it's... What's his name? Kurt Russell. Kurt Russell. He plays Santa Claus. Right. And he's so brilliant in it. and the films are so great yeah what about the Santa Claus the Santa Claus that's really good yeah I think there's about 20 of them there's a lot I first went to see the Santa Claus we get through all of those we first went to see the Santa Claus me and my friends at school we didn't want to we wanted to see GoldenEye and GoldenEye was a 12 and we were some of us a 12 some of us 11 and they were not ideeing us they were just asking you were 22 yeah it was weird I was hanging around with those boys yeah yeah but like you know I told them I was a lot younger so it's fine.

23:18Absolutely. People say you look younger. Yeah, and if you can get away with it then I think it's fine. We were all queuing up. We were all 12. Some of us were 11 and they were sort of in a really half-hearts way not ideeing us just going like, how old are you, how old are you? One of my mates went, when he said, how old are you? He went, I'm 11. I'm nearly 12. And we... That was it then. We didn't get in. That was it then. We didn't get in. Panicked. So we had to go and see the Santa Claus instead. Just say you're 12. Just say you're 12, mate. Yeah. They didn't care.

23:51This summer, wherever you go, take your favourite podcasts with you. Have you listened to Life With Nat yet? It feels like you're having a cuppa with Natalie Cassidy. I am hooked on British murders. I listen to one and then before I know it, I've listened to three. Oh, I know. The cases are so gripping. Sarah Cox has had me howling with laughter on the Teen Commandments. I've never felt prouder to be an embarrassing parent. wherever summer takes you hit follow on your favorite podcasts and search audio always on amazon music to discover your next favorite listen

24:28right oh dear right it's my fact it's our festive special yep it's christmas time if you couldn't tell we've got stockings up so we're bringing you some facts with a merry spirit today and i didn't I didn't just read that. Yeah, you said it with merry spirit as well, didn't you? Hey, I'm an actor. So here's my... You're not going to try it again. Okay. It's our... Joe, it's our festive special, isn't it? It certainly is. It sure is. So we're bringing you some facts. Hello. Yeah, we got tinsel up and all sorts. We shouldn't even have to say it. It's fabulously clear. It absolutely is. So we're bringing you some facts with some merry spirit.

25:08Yeah. Now, my fact is... sorry do you want me to you could have had some festive spirit there oh sorry okay oh come sit by the fire it's the 4th of November yeah I mean he hasn't even had gunpowder night yet no gunpowder night I've only just got over Battle Hastings Day and now we're celebrating Christmas already I've still got a fucking stinking hangover from Battle Hastings Day and now you tell me it's fucking christmas that's it still got um arrows hung up on the walls i know honestly the waste is what does me honestly it's so i got all wooden arrows this year i just i can't have any more it's it's very capitalist is it's all made in china yeah yeah anyway i decided um joe to talk about jesus the baby with the beard and talk about the similarities between the god Mithras and Jesus Mithras is the Roman god or one of them I don't know, did they have many gods?

26:19They had quite a few Zeus That's Greek isn't it? Was Zeus Roman? Zeus was Greek that was like Hercules and stuff wasn't it? If the Disney film Hercules Zeus was Greek was he? Apollo that's a Roman one Apollo Mars Mars quite a lot of planets aren't they? Coincidence I think not No So I decided to bring you some

26:48some similarities between I can't stop doing that It's so weird I feel like I'm interrupting No You're cracking my style here a little bit Sorry Right Similarities between Mithras and Jesus I'm just going to rattle through these because my facts are always shit. They're not shit. Both born on the 25th of December. Mithras was said to have been born from a rock. Don't know what that means. On December 25th, the day of the winter solstice festival. Jesus' birth is celebrated on December 25th. Chosen later to align with the same Roman solar festival. Oh, okay. It's one of these, isn't it? It's where they get it all to...

27:29And by the way, I'm not poo-pooing Jesus. No, I'm not. I know a lot of people, I like him. I thought he was a nice guy. Bloody good bloke, I say. But it could be that Mithras and Jesus may be just the same thing. Mithras was called the light of the world, saviour, mediator, and unconquered son. Jesus is also called light of the world, saviour, mediator between God and man, and associated with divine victory over darkness. Certainly is. An unconquered sun. Yeah. Mithra. Some Mithraic reliefs show Mithra surrounded by 12 figures. Jesus had 12 disciples. Oh. A lot of people think this is linked to the months or the zodiac.

28:16Ah, yes. Yes. Mithraic initiates held sacred banquets symbolizing a shared meal with the God, often featuring bread and wine obviously Jesus loved a bit of bread and wine didn't he couldn't get enough of it the Eucharist Holy Communion and then there's also good versus evil Mithraism involved a cosmic struggle light versus darkness moral dualism I'm saying words now I'm about to say a word here inherited from

28:54Zoroastrianism Zoroastrianism. Yeah. Zoroastrianism. Yeah, that's like the first Middle Eastern religion. Isn't Zoroastrianism like the oldest still going religion? Yes. Is it still going? Do they have anything to do with the Mazdakites? I don't know who that is. Don't know about the Mazdakites? Get right into it, mate. All right. Mazdakites. Yeah. I think that's what they were called. I might be wrong. but just proper ancient religions that I believe nowadays we all just group in one thing we just call it paganism we might do which isn't fair Christianity emphasises the struggle of God Christ light versus Satan darkness they believe in heavily ascension final judgement eternal life same as Christianity and also purification with water Christianity does baptism So there you go, just little similarities.

29:54And he was a Roman god. Yes. Yes. But I would say this, right? I know that a lot of people would bring up those facts and go, see, and do what you were doing when you were like, see, isn't it convenient? Yeah, that it was the same day. That it was the same day. Yes. Like they just hijacked something that was already there. But not in a bad way. I just think they wanted to keep the holidays where they were, I think. Yeah. Just genuinely. They were like people who had flights booked and stuff, and they're like, oh, now you've moved it all around. It'd be a big mess, wouldn't it? I, however, think when I see stuff like that, I go, like there's something in it.

30:36There's got to be something in it. We call this person Jesus now, but everyone's been banging on about the same bloke since even before we started calling him Jesus. So you think, right. So I don't know. I just sit there and go, maybe there's something in this. Same bloke. Maybe I'll observe Lent. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, no, completely. Maybe Avril Lavigne is dead and was replaced by... Oh, yeah. That's one, isn't it? Yeah, because that... Oh, God. What would happen if we found out Avril Lavigne was dead? It's quite a sort of widespread sort of conspiracy theory. Yeah. Yeah. there was a band who were literally replaced by their own tribute band no they didn't die but they just quit and it was Black Velvet and it was like Superman right is it Black Lace Black Lace I don't know but I do know that what are they called Sugar Babes yeah right yeah they were eventually all replaced yes and now there's two Sugar Babes yeah and I think they both go out on tour right yes they're back to they're back to the original lineup at the moment.

31:46They're back to the original lineup. Yeah. The original original. The original original. Because one of them left. Yep. And they were replaced. One by one. And eventually the next one left and they were replaced. And then the final third one left and they replaced. So it was a completely different band. They just carried on calling themselves Sugar Babes. Yeah. But now the original three, the very first Sugar Babes, and they're back. Yeah. So it's amazing, really. So, I mean, do the other ones have to just sit it out for this bit? Because the original ones are back? I guess so. I don't know. Are they on the bench or something?

32:18They can be the sugar babes, I suppose. I don't know. Yeah. So confusing. It's a lot like Jesus. It's the same. It's the fucking same. It's all the fucking same. Mithras was the original. Jesus took over. Yeah. I think what you're talking about is Doctor Who, aren't you? Like where they die and then it's regenerated. Doctor Who is a bit resurrect-y sort of what is that he regenerates also is it no the Doctor because it's not they also it's not a matter yeah you're not allowed to say Doctor Who are you the character is not called Doctor Who yeah I said Doctor Who when I was doing Doctor Who I said something like quick Doctor Who and they said no we don't say that it's the Doctor and the Doctor is not perhaps human and certainly I think I believe not gendered as well no which is um quite made the show quite unusual for its time yeah the body is just um just which I would argue is everyone's body is just a vehicle to get around in yes it doesn't really it's not really who you are no no it's just a coincidence that you were given that body what are we talking about Lily-Mae so Jesus is sugar babes and is also Doctor Who that's what we got yes that would be a good title that would go down well right Jo we better do some fact checking yeah because that's what we do here this is the part of the show where you send in something that feels like it might be a fact you'd like us to confirm it because we are the authority then whether then then Lily May tells us whether we're right or not so it's a bit it's a bit convoluted we'll work it out at some point so we'll be reading a fact or a question that you'd like us to get to the bottom of and we're going to have a good old think about it during the break and then we'll let you know how true it feels to us Joe you always read the facts the fact check out for us to check I think they like to give me something easy to do I think that's basically what it is I don't do the bit at the top because it's a bit sort of knotty and there's lots of different numbers even I struggle with that don't I Well, a lot of that internet speak is not proper letters, is it?

34:37No. What's that A? Symbols. I think it's at-turner. That symbol means at-turner. At-turner? And I don't know. I don't 100 % know what that means. I don't know if it's because it doesn't sound Latin. It doesn't sound like ampersand or, you know, the little and symbol. Maybe we can do symbols for another episode. All right. Lily Mays telling us to move on. Joe, do read us... Oh, it's from Nicholas. Is that why he got in this week? Because he's called Nicholas. Saint Nick. Yeah. This week's fact check comes from Nicholas, who's asked, Hello, fact elves. I am 100 % convinced that Father Christmas is real, like scientifically certain.

35:22Unfortunately, some non-believers, a.k.a. Grinches in disguise, keep telling me otherwise. Please, for the sake of Christmas joy around the world, confirm that Santa is indeed out there, slaying the night away. Let's restore some much-needed Christmas cheer and faith in flying reindeer. Love the pod. Merida, yours. Thank you, Nicholas. Thank you, Nicholas. Ho, ho, ho. Well, let's have a quick little break and then we'll talk about Nicholas's... whatever he was that he did.

35:53Sorry, I was reaching for some chocolate. Joy to the world! Why are everyone's English?

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36:43Joe and James, Factor! So listen, Nicholas got in touch, which I think, and I'm going to be honest, it's a bit suspicious that Nicholas... Yes, I'm a little bit... is annoyed about the, and I quote, Grinch is in disguise. Yes, it seems. Not believing. Yes, I'm expecting a voice note from Rudolph soon. Yeah. However, Joe, I've just made a little. We'll give him the benefit of the doubt. I've just made a little TV show. It's a little Christmas special. Have you? Yeah, with Lenny Rush. And it's about whether or not Father Christmas is real. Nice. Okay, documentary. Well, it was actually originally a documentary.

37:29Yeah. But they expanded on the idea and wrote a script for it. And it's about this boy who Lenny plays. Yeah. He's basically trying to prove to his dad that Santa's real. Because his dad's a bit miserable and stuff. And he's like, come on, you're too old to believe in that. However, Lenny, the boy, he goes and talks to some experts and stuff. and they do go into detail about how scientifically Santa could do the things that he could do. Yeah. So travel at certain speeds. Yeah. Even though we don't know how to do that right now. Yeah. At one point. Somebody said any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.

38:20I don't know who said that, but it's like if it was. Well, it is, yeah. Imagine seeing a fucking television for the first time Being like how do they get people in that box Yeah and you'd be like what is magic I remember well this is a little bit similar to that Do you remember when you used to In the early days in the wild wild west days Of the internet and you'd go on Napster and Download your music Or whatever And I remember at one point Now you stream music Didn't you? You don't even bother downloading It because it never actually needs to be on your hard drive no it doesn't no because it's such a small file these days like I remember you'd have to like leave your computer on overnight if you wanted to download three songs or something that's right yeah and then the internet started getting a bit faster yeah and my mate said something to me like oh it only takes me about like two minutes to download a song and I was going well that's bullshit it because the song is three and a half minutes long so how do you yeah it's interesting how on earth can you download something yeah how can you download it quicker than what it takes to listen to yeah so thanks like i was convinced that that's how it worked that's i mean i didn't understand that yeah like the it was a file yeah and it was uh but it is no but it's extraordinary and it's just information and the size of that information would you remember the first cd people like oh look at this no i don't remember that this has no okay well i do it came out and people were like this contains 700 million bytes of information.

39:53You're like, my God. 700 megabytes or something, wouldn't it? That is. That's a CD. The mind is so blown that it just gives up, I think. It's like, well, it's fucking worth it. Magic. I think it is. People do treat it like magic. I think there is, I'd say particularly that type of technology, it might as well be magic. But that's why I don't think it gives, it doesn't do a service to people like Santa Claus, religious icons or whatever, because people just go, oh, it's down to magic. When maybe, and it's what we do in this little TV show that we made for Christmas for Channel 4, when you start to actually do some research and look at what's available to do today and what could possibly be available in even the not-too-distant future, for instance, being invisible, there's ways you could...

40:41You know, camouflage has been around for years and whatnot. And when it comes to time, getting round the world, well, time is very, very malleable. Depends where you are in the universe or how fast you're going, I should say. Time and space are both relative. Absolutely. Right? I think that's right. I didn't get beyond that. No, I don't know. I was reading a book about this. I did stop because it was getting a bit... Heavy. Yeah. Yeah. They kept going on. kept a little rabbit in on. Yeah. But shut the fuck up. I'm going to say, we're fact checking on behalf of Nicholas who asked, is Santa real?

41:21I'm going to say Santa is real. I think I'm going to go with that. I think even though we don't quite understand how he does the things that he does doesn't mean that they're impossible. Yeah. Let's be open-minded on this and let's say it's beyond our understanding. Yeah. But that's no reason to... Poo-poo it To poo-poo it Yeah, so we are going to say that is fact Santa's real Queen Lily May Fact Were we correct? You are correct We're correct Correct, Santa is real Santa is real Fact How do you know? It says on her computer I've done my research Done your research Don't question my research now Sorry I think she's like she knows someone who works for him right like he's like quite high up apparently oh is that right yeah and it's like I know what guy yeah and like a few people in the media know so he's like a sort of open secret at a certain yeah you know level of if you're an insider thank you very much for getting in touch Nicholas if there's something you'd like us to fact check head to our episode's description for all the ways to get in touch I also have a lovely advent fact for you today James.

42:40It's a Christmas fact, just, I'm sorry. Oh Christmas, oh I see because it's not Advent anymore. It's actually a festive fact. Well I've actually established in my hymn bit that Advent and Christmas are different things and you actually shouldn't sing Christmas songs until Christmas Eve and before then you should sing Advent hymns like Oh Come, Oh Come, Emmanuel. Yeah. Oh Come, was it You Branch of Jesse Draw? We had a Jesse didn't we? the quarry from the lion's claw did you ever watch emmanuel in space that was good um no what's that you remember when like um is emmanuel a porn film well sort of you remember when we were kids the only way you could get anywhere near some porn was waiting until everyone went to bed and you put channel five on on a saturday night yeah so you'd have like emmanuel in space on right okay is there a follow-up to the film emmanuel i think so yeah yeah so my fact is that in In Iceland, they don't have one Santa.

43:41They have 13. And they're called the Yule Lads. The Yule Lads? Yule Lads. And they start turning up on the 12th of December, and they come one a day up until the 24th. How many days of Christmas are in that song? 12? Well, this is a different thing. No, no, I'm just wondering. Yeah, 12. So on the first, yeah, obviously. Yeah, you know what it is. Yeah. You put it up. But yeah, so this is another thing. I don't know why. I'm just wondering if it's that sort of law thing, law, L-O-R-E law. Yeah, 12 and 13. Where numbers turn up a lot, 12, 12 disciples. Where all these numbers turn up all the time.

44:24I think you may well be right. 12 is obviously a number that we. Joe Rogan, eat your heart out. Yeah, yeah. He just believes everything, doesn't he? Yeah, no, it's good. If you don't check anything, then it's fine. Yeah, that sounds nice. They just will not accept that the pyramids were built by anything else other than aliens. They are just like, it's got to be aliens. Yeah, no. They did a whole thing. Do you know this? They did a sort of an infrared or a sort of a, I don't know what it was, a deep scan of the pyramids, right? and realised that at that time when the pyramids were being built, the Nile was much closer to the pyramids.

45:10The Niles moved over thousands of years. So they could have floated stuff down the Nile. Yes, they could have done, yes. It seems like the pyramids always seem like a weird choice to be like, well, that's impossible. I mean, I know they're good. If they were upside down, I'd go, how the fuck did you manage to do that? I mean, it seems... But the fact that the structure, they go, they're so big. And I go, yeah, but there are pyramids. Yeah. Like, they cannot fall down. Yeah. Like, that's why they're the shape they are. They're not going to overbalance, aren't they? Yeah. Yeah. No, you're right.

45:40Yeah. No, I don't think they're brought by aliens. No, I don't think so. And I don't know why people get so worked up about saying they are. I hate that, that people... If humankind does something, like, really amazing, that they go, must have been fucking aliens somewhere along the line. Yeah. Like, going to Mars. Remember when, was it Buzz Aldrin that punched some bloke in the mouth? Yeah. In the mouth because he said. Yeah, he said the moon landings were fake. Yeah, the moon landings were fake. Yeah. Like, I would as well. We've done some quite remarkable stuff, haven't we? Like, the fact that you just go on ChatGPT and talk to it in fucking English.

46:12And it responds in English. You're like, well, humans built that. But you're saying we couldn't have done the pyramids. When they go, like, there's all these reasons why humans couldn't get to the moon. Like, you go, yeah, it was really fucking hard. Yeah, it was hard, yeah. So really like clever people. Yeah, the richest country in the world spent loads of money on it and put their best brains on it. It was really, really hard. Yeah, it was difficult. And also like really, really dangerous. Yeah, all that stuff you're saying where it's like it seems almost impossible that they'd be able to do it.

46:39Yeah. That's why it's so brilliant that they managed to do it. And you would like – you'd be like – people died on these missions. They did, yeah. Like those – it was the lot that died in the test thing, thing like while they were down while they were still down yeah were they were they sort of killed to bolster the conspiracy yeah yeah oh wait a minute it winds me up joe why were we talking about pyramids your lads the your lads yeah so um there were 13 of them and they thought there were 12 no 30 i did yeah 13 but you were you that whole chat that no yeah no there are 13 but you You know, it's nearly, that's close to 12.

47:20It's like when your mate tried to get into that flip to the 12. Sometimes it matters. Yeah, he said I'm 11, but it's almost 12. Yeah. Come on, come on. It was like my tip, wasn't it? That's right, yeah. 43 pounds, there's 40. Well, that's, yes, there is 40, yes. That's about right. Yeah, there's 40. There you are. You provide the three. And that's Joe Maths. Yeah, that's Joe Maths. So they're, and they're all, they've all got these funny names. They're all called things like Sausage Swiper. Right. And Pot Liquor. One of them's called Window Peeper, which is... Creepy. Which is a bit creepy. I think the idea is, I read up about it and he's not a pervert.

48:08He's looking in to find things to steal, apparently. Yeah. So basically, primarily they're motivated by food. Right. One of them's got a name to do with like Skir, which I assume was a modern word. But you know that kind of fat-free Icelandic yoghurt? Ski. Skir. S-K-Y-R. Oh, okay. I think that's like not a brand name. Unless the website was sponsored. I don't think it was. It wasn't like the Skir website. I don't know, man. They have this fat-free yoghurt. Called Skir. Called Skir. Right. And I mean, you can get. Where is this? Sorry. Iceland. Iceland. Iceland. Right. I went to Iceland recently.

48:45Yeah. I've never been I'd love to go to Iceland well let me tell you about this I went there and I it was it was amazing and the and I was the first night I was I was really really tired but I wanted to kind of I kind of wanted to go to bed yeah I didn't really know what was going on any point so basically we I've travelled with one other woman and I thought she was she was one of the actors in it so you were there for work I was there for work right yeah and I met her at the airport and she was saying she was sort of saying oh we haven't got a script through yet and I was like oh I guess we'll just have to we'll have to improvise stuff she was like yeah I suppose so and then on the plane she was like oh you know I think you've got a costume fitting when we're there and I was kind of going oh fuck it's a fucking costume yeah like at 8pm and she was like well you're first and I was like oh no well you can you can go first if you want and she was like didn't really say anything right and then we got there and it turned out she wasn't one of the actors.

49:48She was costume. So I didn't really know what was going on. I was tired and I did the costume fitting. Did you say, oh shit. I was like, oh fucking costume. What have we got? That was her. And then I went up to my hotel room, went into the bathroom, shut the door. And then I thought of something that I wanted to write down on my phone. and I thought, I'll just go get my phone and just door didn't open. And I was like, that's weird. So I kind of didn't, I didn't sort of panic. I like went to the toilet and then I had a shower and I was like, it'll probably be open now. I don't know why.

50:35And it was a sliding door. Yeah. You know those sliding doors where it has not much of a grip on the handle? Yeah, you've got no purchase there, yeah. that's just not a fucking opening yeah and I was honestly like well this is a fucking disaster I don't I haven't got my phone and what my plan was I was like I'm gonna have to sleep in the bathroom I have to sleep I have to sleep here right like on the bath mat yeah and maybe get the shower curtain or something as a as a as a thing and I was like and part of my brain was going you just need to shout help at the top of your voice and I was like I'm not fucking I'm British I'm not doing that I'm not sorry no I'd rather okay I'm not I just think no one would hear you no one would hear me and so basically what I had to do after a while I was like I've got to fucking get out of it and basically I there's no window no windows I've got you in the palm of my hand oh my god there's no window so you got to the point where I was like I'm just going to have to kind of bust it out yeah so I got the door and I basically just pushed with all my might and with my I got my feet and I just pushed back.

51:43And basically the whole door frame came away. Wow. And then I was really kind of worked up and panicked. And then I was just going down. I was like, I better go and tell someone from production. I was just going down there. But I was so kind of adrenalised. I was just telling everyone. I was like, I've just come out. I've just broken out of my hotel room. I was locked in my bathroom. I had to come out. And it was like people I didn't need to tell. People who didn't need to be told about it. Like people in the loft. I was like, I've just been locked in my bathroom. I had to break out. And then eventually I told the producer, he was like, well, don't worry about it.

52:14And then I said, I've had to break the lock to get out. But I think he didn't quite realise, it looked like I'd trashed the hotel room. Like it looked like there were bits of timber just in the room that I'd just broken off the door because I had to get out. And it was, yeah, it was just there for the whole time. So it just looked like I'd trashed my room. You are pretty rock and roll though, isn't it? I'm pretty rock and roll. But it was weird, it was really, but then Hannah pointed out, so you said you were going to sleep in the room so what were you going to do in the morning? And I was like well I'll get out then.

52:45She was like what do you mean? We'll still be locked. And I was like oh yeah. No it will be. I was like well it'll be unlocked in the morning. It'll work itself out. It'll work itself out. It'll unlock itself at some point. I always think that. It's like the way I thought the Covid lockdown was going to end on January the 1st because I was like well it's a new year. Yeah. Just start again. I mean it's not going to go on for... Yeah. It's fresh. The disease won't go on beyond the 31st of December. It's probably over now, but it would be a good idea to just say January 1st. It would definitely be over January 1st.

53:16So, yeah, that was what happened. What's the thing about Iceland? They've got 13 Santas, but basically they're not particularly benevolent. They mostly steal stuff. And the place that we went to, which is like their home, where you might see them, it's kind of lava field, they were described as vicious trolls. Yeah. So they're quite like, they're sort of thieves, really. Scandinavian. Yeah, but interesting that we've been speaking about Christianity because I have a sense that – I don't have a sense – other people who I've sort of jockeying off here. Yeah, you're allowed to have the same sense as other people.

53:52That actually that's kind of much more what gods were like. I mean, he's not – he's not a god, but like supernatural figures were like. They were far more transactional. They were like, if you're not nice to them, it's not like they don't turn the other cheek. They don't look at Jesus. He's like, he turns the other cheek. It's like if you, he says, well, kill me then. Like Loki and people like that. I'll love you anyway. But whereas, yeah, whereas the older. What was the pagan god of mischief? What was he called? He's quite a famous god. Might be Loki, actually. Might be Loki. Might be Swindon, actually.

54:25Or is it? Might be Courage, actually. It is Loki. It's Loki. They're much more like that, basically. It's fun. They actually sound a lot more fun because you get a bit, it sounds to me like you get a bit of interesting sort of food every day because you have to leave a bit out as a tribute to the, to whatever like bun grabbers going to come around, like whatever they're called. They all, they all basically sound like a bunch of little perverts, basically they turn up and they're sniffing around. They're all trying to find like one of them likes to eat like the bit of, there's a bit of like thick milk on top of a pail or something.

54:58And he likes to come and have that. And then one just wants like the grease from your griddle pan or something. Oh, no problem at all. To be honest, actually it's fine, isn't it? Yeah. They're like... Cleaning things up. Taking the stuff you don't want. Who discovered Iceland? It was the Vikings, wasn't it? Or the Norse? Because they called it Iceland, even though it's not completely covered in ice. And then some bloke killed someone. He was a bit of a pain in the arse. They set up like a colony in Iceland. Then there was some dickhead there that was always getting on everyone's nerves. He ended up killing someone.

55:34I think he was called like Henrik the Red or something, or Leif, Henrik Leif or something like that, right? He was, no, no, I'm not, this is good. No, I'm not for Henrik Leif, it's just funny. Daniel Nutt. They were like, you've got to fucking go, mate. You're getting on our nerves. You've murdered someone and everything. And he went, all right, I'm fucking off then. And then he carried on going a bit further towards the west. I know where this is going. And he found Greenland. He finds Greenland. Right? Yeah. Greenland, absolutely covered in snow. Awful place. Like, at that time, like, not a good place to start a colony at all.

56:12It's a bit rum, isn't it? It's a bit rum, Greenland. Nowadays, absolutely fine. We've got the technology. We can get on with it. But back then... Yeah, also, like, fucking melting everything now. So, you're going to have to live out there. But back then, it was pretty grim. Make out wine. Yeah. And he was like, well, I'm here, and I sort of want other people to join me here. I know what I'll do. I'll call it Greenland. Yeah. Is that going to be like, Sweetland? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, like cookies. Toyland. Come and join me. What's the name of the bloke? I can't even begin to pronounce his name. It was something the Red, though.

56:44I can't find that myself. Go ahead. You can't find Herit Leif? You're not telling me you can't find... Slippery character. Yeah. Erik the Red. Oh, okay. Erik the Red. Norwegian explorer Erik the Red discovered Greenland around 982 AD while exiled from Iceland. he named it Greenland to make it more attractive for settlement in those days you could just do that couldn't you you come back no one else has been there you've got to check this place out what's it like what's it called it's called Greenland by the way that's all you need to know unbelievable why can you grow loads of stuff there you tell me it's called Greenland yeah no but can you because we're going to need food and stuff it's called Greenland mate that's all I'm saying yeah if you need any more information than that go and check it out yourself yeah get there oh we can't fucking grow anything here brilliant and then they also went off and went further into America they yeah there's definitive proof nowadays I think there has been for the last couple of decades they got everywhere yeah all the way into Russia they got I suppose they didn't get to the moon give them a bit of time give them time they haven't yet they might do off they go anyway what are we talking about Christmas we can wrap up if you want that's the end of that that's the end of that what have we learnt today genuinely this episode we have learnt the least no have we have we learnt something I can't remember what we did at the beginning I was talking about Mithras Mithras well that was interesting we also learnt that Santa's real Santa's real yeah we just don't understand like just don't we say arrogant and that we learnt and we learnt that Greenland was that wasn't my fact though my fact is there are 13 Yule lads yeah Yule lads And they all, they start coming on the 12th and the last one comes on the 24th.

58:36There is a thing about Yule logs. They start coming on the 12th and they don't stop until Christmas Eve. Jesus. Yule logs is a log that - So why don't they call it Iceland? Yeah, yeah. Ah, no, but with them, Yule logs, it was one log and it would be burnt gradually over the course of the Christmas season. So it's a big bit of fuel. Yeah. Well, anyway, we'll save that for next Christmas. I'm all fact out. I am fucking shattered. I'm absolutely fact. We hope that you've learned something or at least had a nice time. We'll be back next week. We'll be back next week or are we having a little break?

59:22Oh, actually, yeah. I altered the script elsewhere, but I didn't there. Next year? We're going to have a little break. We're going to have a little Christmas break because I think you can tell we need it. But we'll be back with more fact chats and Santa snacks. And don't forget that you can get in touch with us if you'd like us to fact check something that feels true to you. Or with whatever nonsense you'd like to tell us, you can email us. Hello at joeandjamespod.com. Or you can send a WhatsApp message 07822 034 330. And our social media handle is at joeandjamespod. head to the podcast description if you've already forgotten those details Merry Christmas we'll be back in a few weeks how many weeks have we taken off two two weeks we'll be back in two weeks and we definitely will be back because we're going to record that episode right after we finish doing this the magic of Christmas Merry Christmas guys bye bye bye Joe and James back to our whole Merry Christmas

1:00:28I'm Claire Buckley and if your idea of relaxing is listening to seriously unsettling stories before bed then you are going to love my podcast Pretty Scary From terrifying true crime haunting ghost tales creepy alien encounters and anything weird it's the stories that leave you staring at the ceiling afterwards questioning absolutely everything Lock your doors get comfy and prepare to dive into the darkness Just search for Pretty Scary with Claire Buckley.