Joe and James "Audition" for Twilight

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1:22Yeah. I said that I am going to get so drunk this week. I didn't know that. How many episodes are we doing? Two? Okay. That's fine. If we're doing three, we'd be... So this episode, I've just started. I'm on my first beer. Yeah. By the time we get to the next episode, that's the one you're really going to want to tune in. Yeah. You'll be... I've sort of set myself a challenge. Yeah. I'm drinking for two. Yeah. That's what I used to say to my wife when she was pregnant. That's lovely. But just because last week I couldn't have a drink because I was driving. being able to drive somewhere after the record.

1:59And it genuinely put me in a really bad mood. I was really furious. Yeah, you were really... You really felt like snookered by life. Yeah, I was like, well, hang on. This is not why I signed up to do a podcast. To be sober. Yeah. What are you talking about? Yeah. And did it go all right in Manchester? Yeah, fine. You were doing the BBC, weren't you? Went all the way up to Manchester, did BBC Breakfast. They were really, really nice. they were really nice actually big in between us fans that's nice which is always which is always great the guy the what do you call them they're not news anchors are they host yeah presenter presenter presenter yeah well anchor's probably still correct it's a bit sort of retro isn't it yeah John he he's a big in between us fan and he before I went on he was live on television right And he sent someone out while I was waiting to come on and said, oh, can you get James to do a video for my son?

3:00He's in Australia at the moment. He'd absolutely love it. And this lady who didn't know the Inbetweeners, she was one of the producers, one of the floor runners. And she was like, oh, John, he's a big fan of the thing that you do, the Inbetweeners. He wants you to do a video for his son. His son's 19. He's traveling Australia at the moment. he said you can say whatever you want you can she went you can be as rude as you like and then I rattled off some stuff and she was like oh and I said when she gave him the phone I went I can be as rude as I like and she went yeah and then I did a little video for his son she went oh I wasn't I wasn't expecting that yeah I mean I'm sure you were you were charming with it so I sometimes get asked to do videos and people go like oh you call him a cunt telling me he's a fat dick.

3:53Yeah, yeah. And you're like, well, I don't, I just don't know that person. No, I don't want to say it. I feel like it's a bit harsh, isn't it? Yeah. Coming from, like coming from, I don't even know you, mate. Yeah. And I'm calling you a fat dick. Yeah, I know. Yeah, it's like. Yeah, it's just, it's hashtag bants. There is someone who comments on every podcast. I was saying, can you call someone a fat prick or something? Yeah. Yeah. I'm not doing it. Yeah. And I've purposely not used the language because I actually quite enjoy seeing it every, like seeing that they've read and listened to the episode I've seen your message every week I'm not doing it we just don't know this person might not deserve this abuse so we can't just yeah they might be oh no I'm sure they do they probably I'm sure they'll be alright but we're just we're just not doing it because no no it's now funnier for me okay because this bloke wants me to take take the piss out of his mate yeah but I'm getting more joy out of him asking every week yeah yeah so we're basically we're trying to Keep asking, see what happens.

4:51I'm sure I will. I'm sure I'll end up doing it. Why not? There's probably a bit more life in it. Oh, man. I think he's going to. It's good to be back. Good to be back with a beer. Yeah. Oh, we can now say that we're going to be live. Yeah. At the big festival this year. Oh, yeah. Yeah. It's been officially announced. essentially basically what it is is it's a big massive party um with live music and loads of really great food in alex james the bassist from blurs back garden yeah like that's what it is whenever we i've been we've been i've been going there now what four years on the trot now it's brilliant it's absolutely amazing it's like yeah i love going there um and i do walk around i go this is just his yeah this is just a part of his house this is just a part of his yeah it is weird yeah it's nice to have a house it's great though you can have a yeah you can have a great big massive festival I could have a festival in my garden but it'd be it'd have some problems yeah it'd be fire festival it'd be fire well yeah there'd be lots of things on fire it would be well we could do that that would be quite a festival in my back garden be quite I'll tell you what turn up with stuff that you want to burn yes Yes, bring some, yeah, anything you want to burn.

6:14Yeah. If there's anything you want to put in the compost, you can, yeah. If you've got anything for the fox. Have you got one of those bins? I've got two compost bins. No, have you got one of those like metal bins with the whole, they look like. No, I haven't got that. No, I've got a wood burning stove. Right. That's what you're just chucking stuff on. Yeah. Yeah. It's just in there. It's only litter. It's a little stove. I have to chop everything up quite small to get it in there. And also when I moved to the house, I was like, why get a shredder when I've just got a fire? It turns out it takes a really, really long time to burn confidential documents.

6:52I've got two big... There's a rumor that says it's just a fire hazard. I've got two big... We haven't got smoke alarm. I mean, to be honest, it is... The house might burn down. If you hear the house is burned down, you don't even really need to be surprised. I don't know the rules with burning stuff. I don't know whether it's easy for stuff to burn down or hard to burn down. Something that Claire has told me, and I've never asked her, but a fact that she pops up with once or twice a year. Pops up with? Is how difficult it is to burn a body. Yeah. So if you're thinking of murdering someone and you'll go, oh, just burn the body, apparently it's really, really fucking hard.

7:34You need to get it really, really, really hard. Yeah. If you do want to get rid of a body, listeners, viewers. Would chemicals be bad? Well, I was just saying pigs. They do, don't they? They eat everything. Bones. Yeah, I mean, again, it won't surprise you to learn that I was at the zoo again this week.

7:52And they've got some woolly pigs. Right. And I was there with my daughter who would look at these woolly pigs, and I was genuinely thinking, they'd eat a body, wouldn't they? If I put, if I, because the pigs, they're very, very ambiguous creatures, aren't they? Because essentially, they're friendly. Yeah. They go around and they're meant to be quite clever. They're not dirty. They don't deserve that reputation. No, they're meant to be really intelligent. They're intelligent. I think they like to have toys and things, but they will just completely devour a corpse. They can herd sheep. Pigs can.

8:19Oh, well, as Dick King... Don't tell me. And also don't tell Dick King Smith, the author of The Sheep Pig, a.k.a. Bay. I didn't know that was a book. I just knew it was a film. It was a book. Yeah, Dick King Smith. He also wrote George Speaks, which was about a talking baby. Right. What's funny about that is they're like, well, babies do learn to talk. It's really just about, oh, it's a talking human. Well, do you remember Harrison was like that? Oh, yeah. Like Harrison learned to talk really, really quickly. When he was like a year and a half, like under two years old, it's something I'm super, super proud of.

9:00Yeah. I never really big my kids up because they don't, to be fair on them, I do love those guys. Yeah. They don't give me a lot of stuff to big them up about. Okay. But Harrison, he had a checkup before he was two from the nurse to come around to see his development and stuff like that. And she was like, he's got the vocabulary of a five-year-old. Wow. And it was, like, I took him to Australia and stuff like that. And he was, like, cracking jokes. It was like wheeling out. when we went to dinner and stuff, I'd like wheel out this toddler, this baby that could talk. It was like, look who's talking.

9:37Yeah, he'd come out and be like, so do you think England will reclaim the ashes? But there is a lesson there because I was like, God, he's going to be really intelligent when he grows up. Right, okay. Well, it didn't work out that way. We all peaked. He's a good guy though. I like him. You know, he's my boy. I like Harrison a lot. but we all you know we all peak at different times he peaked and he peaked at 18 months yeah you know he should have he's on the downslide now and a long the long tail of harrison um well no i obviously i doubt that i'm i think that sort of brains at an early age is gonna stick with you but then the opposite happened for jude right because harrison wouldn't shut up Jude never Jude took ages to learn how to talk properly because Harrison would just talk for him all the time he would constantly be like oh Jude wants one of them and we go no he can say we had to say that to Harrison all the time no Jude needs to tell us when he wants something well this was the dynamic of me and you when you were asleep in the interview and I was talking for you yeah that was it when was that?

10:48we were talking about it Was it last week? Last week. We were doing an interview with the Radio Times. James was just sick. It was at a big table. I remember being at a big table. Yeah, not that big, though. I mean, it was, I think you thought it was so big that parts of it were invisible. Right. But it was a big round table. I don't really know why. You always end up with these weird setups for interviews. Yeah. You always end up in like a boardroom where there's like 20 chairs. That's what it was like. 20 chairs. It was like, where should we all sit? It was like a meeting room sort of thing.

11:14Like in a, yeah. And you. I was just quite tired. Yeah. And I just put my head on my arms on this desk while we were being interviewed and just fell asleep. But they were directing questions to you. They were asking questions. And I was trying to go, yeah, I mean, I think what James would say to that is that, and then you woke up and you told me you'd had a dream about a rhinoceros. Yeah, that was weird, wasn't it? Yeah, and my reaction could only really be, well, that is also not something we can tell the radio times. No. Oh, sorry about that. I was just dreaming. No, it's literally, I mean, yeah.

11:50In my defense, right, I bet they thought, oh, these actor types. Yeah. He was probably out all night. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fucking drugs and drink and all that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, it's because I was, I must have been a dad by that point. Yeah. Yeah. So that's what that was. Yeah. You can't, you can't really, if you do want to be like a successful actor, actor yeah you've got to have nothing else at all going on in your life whatsoever you have to move to america yeah you have to do stuff like that to leave your country if you're english you want to become a successful actor you need to leave yeah your country if you've already got success yeah and you're established then then you can have some kids and stuff like that but yeah i'd i'd done the in-betweeners and then i had some i had kids so that's that's as successful as i'll ever get because i just don't have the commitment yes it's hard to like yes i suppose whenever i would uh when i was young whenever i heard about anyone who was the age that i am now and they were trying to sort of start something else up like i would always be like just give up just come on just i was honestly like i'll see you in six months when you've given up right and i suppose i'm i'm now that it's funny some friends of ours told uh us a story about like they're a couple who i suppose who's mine and Hannah's age.

13:32And they'd started going to Spanish lessons, I think. And they became friends with this other couple who were doing Spanish lessons. And this was a younger couple, like, I don't know, 23 or something. And one day after class, this younger couple said to them, it's so good that you guys are, you know, trying to learn a skill. This is going to be patronizing. Later in life. Yeah, good. Later in life. But the point I'm - Fucking hell. Like you've got, like, well, because you've probably got Alzheimer's. The implication of that is literally that. That's the implication. Later in life, what they're saying is, because I imagine it's not quite what it was, is it?

14:10Do you know your son's name? That's it. Yeah, yeah. A backhanded compliment. One of the worst backhanded compliments is, I think that's honourable. I think when you hear something like that. sometimes i've done stand-up and the person afterwards has said do you enjoy it come on they go come on that's really brave of you i've had that as well yeah you've had that yeah um my point was not because like i've had all of those types of comments like none from column a the sort of um the sort of acting job this like to want to be a successful actor or what you've got to be all in and I wasn't I wasn't blaming my kids by the way when I said that it's because now it used to be years ago from when I was a kid up until up until I had kids basically where I was like I just I really really want to be a comedic actor so much that's the most that's the that's all I want I really want that and now all I want to do is hang out with my kids So when a job does come and there's been some opportunities come my way and I've gone, I'd rather hang out with my kids than do that.

15:28Yeah. I suppose you can't fight nature, can you? Children do sort of like appear to... like well i have i have i have one child i and she has she has completely blown out of the water any other ambitions i might have had not because i can't do them because i'm like well they're pointless like they don't matter yeah they just don't matter like you're like well like well that's it that's that's my point as well maybe they do matter yeah but it's just in your brain some amazing opportunity might come and you'll go, oh, well, I won't see them for a few weeks. I don't really want to do that. We were always quite diffident about opportunities, weren't we?

16:13Even when Warhorse came along, we were like, oh, da. Fuck off. Yeah, we didn't take anything seriously. When I heard that Warhorse edition came in, honestly, genuinely what I thought was, that sounds shit. That's genuinely what I thought. It sounded like, honestly, what it put me in mind of was a show we used to watch when I was at school called Badger Girl. Yeah. Where I was like, it just sounds like Badger Girl. Right. It sounds like, it sounds rubbish. Horses can't talk. How's it going to be about a horse? A horse isn't a main character. You're going to have to make up some story about a horse.

16:47It'll have to be a really simple story. A horse cannot have a complicated story. Well, yes. A horse is like, oh, I've lost my stable. Oh, I'm back in the stable. Yeah. That's as far as that can go. Oh, the bang startled me in the middle. But this was a war horse. Well, that's why I'm in the bank. A war horse, yeah. But yeah, no, I sometimes worry that I am too in charge of my own career. So if, for example, if, let me think of a big, if Twilight. Yeah. If I got the script at Twilight. Yeah. It hadn't, Twilight wasn't a thing. I'd not seen the books or read the books. Okay. You read a book, don't you?

17:27That's what you do. You don't just look at them. Yeah. If you want the full immersive experience. If you want to kind of. So I've not read the books. Twilight's not been a thing yet in the cinema. And they've gone, we want you, James, to be the lead in this film. It's called Twilight. I'd read that and I'd go, this is fucking rubbish. I'm not doing this. And then it would go on to be what it ended up being. I know. And I've done that. I've done stuff like that. I've done loads. I've done it a handful of times. This is probably quite good in the end, to be fair. Yeah, we should have maybe taken it seriously.

18:07Yeah. I remember I saw the trailer for it. I thought, oh, they've done something that looks quite good. It looks quite good. That's honestly, literally I saw the trailer for it. When I first saw it, I was like, oh, are they making a film about that play where they get their knob out and stuff and fuck a horse or whatever it was? Yeah. I don't know anything about that play. Four Horse vs Equus. I don't know anything about that play. I just know that. Oh, I know. It's just that one. The only thing anyone knows about that play is it's got, well, Radcliffe was in it, wasn't he? Radcliffe, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

18:41He hung dong, didn't he? He did. Yeah, he did. Good on him, to be honest. He's committed, Radcliffe. I like Radcliffe. I've got a lot of time for him. I've got nothing bad to say about Radcliffe. He seems like genuinely a lovely fellow. I will defend him to the ends of the earth. Yeah, I think I'd probably die in a ditch for Radcliffe. He seems like a good egg. I'd kill for Radcliffe. I have killed for him. Yeah. That's how I got the part. There was someone else who was up for Potter. I'd let him. They had a bit of an accident. Right. I'd let him, you know. Shame those other Potter candidates couldn't make it to the audition in the end.

19:19Let's just say they'll be singing in the new year. Joe and James. Joe and James. Joe and James Joe and James Facts up again Joe and James, Joe and James, Joe and James Joe and James, facts up What are we doing? Are we doing a podcast? Yes, well actually what I was going to propose is just for what you said there I thought it'd be nice maybe if I could get you to read some of the Twilight script to one another Who would like to be Bella and who would like to be Edward? I don't know who any of them are So Edward is vampire and Bella is his love interest and the main character. I feel like just because of our physicality, I feel like I would be better suited for Bella.

20:09Well, if you look in our little WhatsApp chat, I've just sent you. Oh, wow. So Edward, that's Pattinson, is it? Yeah, that's Pattinson. So he's a vampire. He's a vampire. And then Bella is human. Yes. And they go to the same school they meet and I've got a little bit of the script here of when she's sort of putting together that he is a vampire. Okay, here we go. All right, here we go.

20:42You're impossibly fast and strong. Your skin is pale, white and ice cold. Your eyes change colour and sometimes you speak like you're from a different time. You never eat or drink anything. You don't go out in the sunlight. How old are you? 17. How long have you been 17? A while. I know what you are. Say it. Out loud, say it. Vampire. Are you afraid? No. Then ask me the most basic question. What do we eat? You won't hurt me. Where are we going? Up the mountain. Out of the cloud bank. You need to know what I look like in the sunlight. I should say in brackets it says that they fly sort of. It's worth, worth.

21:41Best line in it so far. This is why we don't show ourselves in the sunlight. People would know that we're different. This is what I am. it's like diamonds. You're beautiful. Beautiful. This is the skin of a killer, Bella. I'm a killer. I don't believe that. Because you believe a lie. A camouflage.

22:18I'm the world's most dangerous predator. everything about me invites you in my voice my face even my smell as if i would need any of that as if you could outrun me as if you could fight me off i'm designed to kill right well i think i've proved my point

22:44And that guff is fucking, what, billions in the box office eventually? Yeah. I enjoyed that. And I mean that. I mean, that is ridiculous. If I got that script, I'd go, oh, fuck off. I don't... You know, honestly, the reason I find those scripts difficult is because I find it really silly having to pretend to be a vampire. Yeah. Well, yeah. I mean, I just... I shouldn't be an actor because genuinely they go like oh you're a giant and I'm like oh I'm not a giant am I just write about just people normal people why is there so much stuff about cartoons why are there so many I've seen all those films they're all like men made out of rock and like little raccoons and like why are people watching that why are you watching that yeah Marvel films what are you doing how are you supposed to audition for that like there isn't such a thing as like a woman made out of ice Yeah.

23:41How do you know whether you're doing a good job or not? Exactly. There's no character. You're like, well, there isn't a character. Oh, that wasn't convincing. What wasn't convincing? Well, ice, the brain made out of ice. What are you judging it on? Literally, what are you judging it on? Okay. Yeah, and I'm fine. I just genuinely... Also, what I'm going to do is I can't tell they're doing a good job. I know they're better than me. I don't know what they've done. What have they done? How did they get into character? Well, that's fine. I'm just talking, and I'm sure they're all fine actors in the Twilight films.

24:13I'm not having a go at anyone. I do like Patterson as Batman. I like that Batman film that you brought out, and I'm looking forward to the next one. That's for Donald Trump. I haven't even. That's a good one. Talking of things that you find difficult to believe. A man dressed as a bat saves the day. Oh, come on. But if I got that script, I didn't know anything. twilight wasn't this phenomenon that we now all appreciate you know i've never seen the films never read the book but i i know i know twilight i feel like um both vampires and zombies are one of these things where people where people are like they sort of behave as though they are really real and you're like no they're quite quite a lot of people are prepping for like a zombie apocalypse Yeah.

25:02If I see something about zombies or about vampires, I'd just go, oh, no, not for me. Yeah. I'm not into the zombie thing. Apparently, The Walking Dead is, I mean, one of the greatest TV shows that's ever made. And I do, but just the fact that it's about zombies, unless it's Shaun of the Dead, I've never really enjoyed a zombie genre. I suppose it's also I don't really see I don't understand why it's a genre like Day of the Triffids is about plants right but there's one idea right nice idea doesn't sustain a genre it's like saying basically the villain is one like there's a Stephen King thing where the villain's a car isn't there it's called the car again it's like Oh, let's make 25 films where the villain is a car and it'll be the car villain genre.

26:00No, one. It's one idea. The only reference I have to a lot of Stephen King stories is that they've been parodied in cartoons. I think Futurama did the car one, where Bender turns into a car that kills a werecar or something. I remember that one, yeah. I think that was a reference to Stephen King. The Simpsons have done it a lot I feel like Yeah

26:30Should we do the episode? No, no, I'm just Hang on Just think about more cars Oh, sorry Think about cars Think about cars He thought of cars It's a blur song, isn't it? But And we're at Feastival And we're at Feastival And we're at Feastival We've done it Right, that's the intro That was a big long Feastival ad that was all the pain in the end everything's an advert for feastival yeah we all work for in the end you just end up like feastival is this big yeah shady corporation that has infiltrated every part of our lives we all work for feastival got the tattoo we're all working for feastival yeah oh speaking of tattoos oh right okay so i've um yeah you were telling me so yes i um i have promised um to mention the fact that i did a gig not really a gig a sort of uh an in conversation event recently um and uh a lad came along and he has got he got me to sign my name on his arm afterwards and he has got it made permanent permanent into a into a tattoo which is um you know pretty that's commitment pretty pretty yeah pretty incredible so i'm like um the libertines yeah yeah i've got so the first of first of many i imagine so he's called um he's called reese reese and uh you can we've got actually in a sense well it's not quite an action shot but it's me let me say this i think it's me saying it's It looks like it's me saying, do you actually want me to sign your arm?

28:18And him saying, well, I suppose, do you actually want to get a tattoo of it? And he's saying, yes. He's got quite a lot of other tattoos. Yeah, so it's fine. So it's not like he's sullied an unblemished. What was he drinking? He was drinking Thatcher's gold at the time as well. Yeah. Yeah.

28:44so that's one and then we've got did he send you a picture of the tattoo so yes so yeah there's the picture of the tattoo you can actually see that that's my

28:56oh yeah that's backwards though well no what i think it's just it must be in a mirror yeah well yeah he's mirrored it yeah idiot do you want to say i mean we can't what are we supposed to do with that um well we can mirror it back can't we we can yeah so we'll so we'll put these we'll put these pictures up so i'm the brains and i'm the looks exactly of this operation so so there you go thank you thank you for doing that reese um it's good to know that if i ever forget what my signature looks like i can just um call up reese and you can come to whatever shop i'm in and i'll say oh there it is stand still and then i'll copy it down yeah yeah you should collect them other people's signatures yeah just get all the boys get all the in between us absolutely yeah yeah i don't know how you i don't know well maybe yeah i am i was thinking then it Maybe we could arrange something like that, but I can't be bothered.

30:05It's a lot of work. It's a bit of work. It's not even a lot of work. Rhys, we would arrange it, but we just can't be honest. It's not even a lot of work. We talk to each other all the time. We could just go, do you want to meet up here next week? And then we could let Rhys know we're all going to be in the same place at the same time. We don't want to have to do anything, really. No. That's the truth. That's the truth. And unfortunately, that's an insurmountable barrier. There's nothing can be done. nothing can be done. There's nothing we can do. You can't. Nothing can be done. What do you think of the shoes, Joe?

30:38Well, I mean, I... I feel like our shoe stuff does very well on the socials. Well, I would say that... And I've gone purposefully for a tasseled loafer today. Yes. Because I just thought that'll wind people up. I think they're... That'll wind people up on the internet. I don't have a problem with them. I think they actually look almost like a sort of smart slipper. Well, it's a loafer, isn't it? Yeah. It's a loafer. Yeah. In a way, it's for loafing around in. The only problem with the loafer is... It's for mooching around in. Is that they are slip-on, right, aren't they? Yeah. And honestly, walking from the station to the studio today took me forever.

31:18Well, because they kept coming off. I just had to walk a lot slower than what I normally walk. That is a floor in a shoe, isn't it? Yeah. That's the one thing you need from a shoe is for it to stay on your foot. They need to come along with you, don't they?

31:34Yes. But there we go. A little tasseled loaf. Enjoy that. Can't wait for the comments. I feel that, oddly, our feet are just slightly foregrounded, aren't they? They're kind of in the middle. It's more like in this central area, this is where the feet are. And this is almost like the main area in a way. I sometimes feel like they're talking and we're just watching. What? What was that? What was any of that? Don't worry. No, I was just trying to talk about sometimes when... No, leave it there. Just leave it. It's right in my field of vision, my shoe. Yeah. Well, I've just become very aware of our shoes.

32:13I have as well. I don't know. I never used to worry about them. No, no, it was not. It was not something that I spent as much time as I do nowadays thinking about before I come in. I'm constantly worried. I just, I'm going to, you know, I'm, um, anyway. Okay. Welcome to Joe. Hello. Right. So, okay. Oh my. Come to Feastival. Should we start this podcast? Do come to Feastival. Oh yeah, come to Feastival. Come to Feastival. The shoes will be in attendance. Hey, we might, um, should we just bring loads of shoes? Oh, that's quite a good idea. Yeah. Come for the podcast, stay for the shoes. We'll change, we'll change shoes, um, live in front of you all.

32:51Um, welcome to Joe and James Fact Up. this is the podcast where each week we'll be bringing we'll be bringing facts to one another that we deem interesting and our policy is the more interesting the more true it is we'll also dig into the weird things that you'd like to think are true but don't want to research in a segment that we call fact check so if you do want to send in your facts our email is hello at joeandjamespod.com our whatsapp is 07822034330 and you can also follow us on socials at joeandjamespod and you watch all our episodes in full on YouTube. Just search for Joe and James Fact Up.

33:24Now, let's get fact up.

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35:11joe and james facts up i'm so excited at the moment joe go on this morning this morning i treated myself to a mcdonald's breakfast oh you dog i got myself a mcgriddle a sausage and egg mcgriddle right god i'm started now i used to when i i've worked in america quite a bit and days when I like before I used to go into work I used to stop at a McDonald's drive-thru Mock Donald's Mock Donald's yeah that's a good name for it if you wanted to rip off if you wanted to rip off McDonald's you could call your restaurant Mock Donald's it's the post-invasion of Ukraine McDonald's in Russia yeah they do they do this thing called the McGriddle in America it's essentially your McMuffin but instead of the muffin part yeah um english muffin yeah it's uh two pancakes oh with little parcels little bombs of syrup in the pancake already then you've got a bit of sausage an egg and a bit of cheese they're absolutely amazing i used to love them when i was when i was in america and i've been saying for years when were they going to bring them out when they're going to bring them out they brought them out today and i ordered one as soon as i woke up this is all power you've got like you five years ago you said bring him to england and only five years later it happens this is it yeah you know you cut your fingers and just five years later i'd like to think claire had something to do with it because that was the discussion i had with her in the kitchen they should bring these to america yeah she's gone yes boss yeah i'll get on that straight it away yeah she's like do you get that or do you want me to you heard that right and then they did it yeah i might start doing that i mean i i actually out i might start pretending i'm like that was our little thing on on the in between where like the runners the runners would come over and they'd be like you know i'm just gonna be like sorry are you wearing a wire you're wearing a wire you're wearing a wire the fuck man you're wearing a wire you're fucking listening to it was One time it was like, oh, can we get makeup checks on Joe?

37:31And I think it was Bird. It was like, you wearing makeup? What's that?

37:37They put loads of makeup on us. Well, as the, yeah, the further we went along. Yeah. They were literally painting our cheeks. Oh, God. Shaving three times a day, painting our cheeks with like skin color paint to make it look like that we're a baby face. Filling the wrinkles. Oh, dear. Anyway, Joe, it is time for Fact Up. Do you want to take the reins? Yeah, right. So this week, James, we've had... Two days in a row I've done that. We've had a theme request. Right. We've had a theme request. From who? From a guy called Chris. Is that how we operate now? We just let people decide what we're doing.

38:26We discussed this a little while ago about things that we wanted people to suggest. We did actually ask for this. And we did ask for this. And now someone's done it. And now we're sort of... I'll let them off then. So Chris has requested one. I thought it was a nice theme and a nice reason. So we asked for something. Somebody's done it in a nice way. And you think that just for those two reasons, that it now has to fucking happen? I just don't like being told what to do. Yeah, even if I asked. Even if I asked and they're nice about it. I'm like, if I go to, you know, a coffee shop, I say, can I have a coffee?

38:59And they put it on the counter. I say, what the fuck is this you're pushing at me? I worked in retail. Go on. And I did find it difficult being told what to do from strangers. Right. They'd be like, oh, can you find this for me in a different size? And I would be like, yeah, all right. I don't know what it is about, mate. like it's some it's a problem but if you tell me to do something i probably won't do it i'll probably be unhappy that you've told me to do something i don't know that's that's a big problem i need to sort that out but that was the one thing i hated working at matalan it was like oh can you fetch me another one of these okay what when i worked in retail i worked I worked at BHS and many of my colleagues were other teenagers who worked there maybe four to eight hours a week I did four hours a week right I did a four hours 12 I did 12 hours a week but the result was like if you ask a teenage employee in a clothes shop for anything they don't know they're never there yeah they somebody said to me like do you know where this is I'd be like honestly you'd be better off asking a person who shops here yeah frequently yeah like they they They're not there.

40:24The whole week they're at school and they're there for hours on a Saturday. You might as well ask anyone. I did Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday. Five till nine. Nine till five? No, five in the evening. Oh, right. Okay. It was just part time. So it was four hours an evening. Was it Monday? Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday. Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. Three days a week. I did 12 hours a week. Right. And I was on£3.69 an hour. Yeah. And they used to say stuff like, oh, after the store shuts, would you be okay to stay another hour? Don't worry, we'll pay you. And I'd go... Brackets,£3.69. Yeah, I'd go, no.

41:14I'd go, no, I want to go. I walk home and I might literally find£3.69. i mean that is bad yeah 369 yeah because i was 16 i i applied for the job and had the job interview when i was 15 right and um and it was like it was a few weeks before i turned 16 my you know when you do your gcses you do them quite early in the year and you break from school earlier than what you usually would. I was 16 in the summer. Yeah, okay. So I finished school when I was 15. And then I had a couple of months, my dad going, are you going to get a job yet or what? And I go, well, what? I'm not really allowed to get a job yet.

42:00I know. So I already had a job lined up before I was 16, working at Matalan in Romford. I turned up to the job interview, never been to a job interview in my life, just, I hadn't even had my GCSE results. I mean, I never got them. We need to find out what they are. Yeah, I wonder what they were. We need to find out what they are. I've been told different stuff from different teachers I've seen over the years. I've been told I got a B in maths, which cannot be true. But what was the story? You had a job lined up. No, but I turned up to the job interview. Oh yeah, you turned up. Turned up to the job interview.

42:37Right, if you're turning up to a job interview, how do you present yourself? smartly I guess clothed I don't know so I wore the suit that I wore to my prom

42:53and I was in this sort of waiting I was in this waiting room and there was other like kids my age but they weren't dressed like mental they weren't like in their pyjamas or whatever but they were just sort of like jeans and trainers and a polo shirt or something like that I was like tired But it was a prom suit as well It was a black shirt It was a black shirt and a black suit With a red tie A red tie Oh wow Yeah it was mental You would have looked like a member of McFly Like Kraftwerk or something Kraftwerk And I saw I'm here by the interview I saw the guy, the manager Andy his name was I saw him write down as he was talking to me, very smart.

43:47I've never been to a job interview in my life. I got myself there and stuff. You know what? I think you did the right thing. I didn't have any outside help or influence from anyone. You don't have work clothes when you're that age. You're lucky if you have smart clothes that aren't your school uniform. I'm not sure I would have had anything at that age other than my school uniform. I mean, when I went to BHS, I used to wear my school trousers and probably a school shirt. And I would have borrowed a tie off my dad. That's what you don't have. You know, young people don't have a kind of sort of apprentice style wardrobe, I would have thought.

44:27But I was on like£12 a day or something like that. Yeah, it's amazing how much work young people would do for fuck all money. I had a paper round. I mean, again, I have to say this was not, this was actually fine because it was only like a half an hour every morning. And I got£12 a week for that. And the paper round was the only job you could get where you weren't 16. That's the thing. You couldn't, you weren't really allowed to be, well, I don't know whether people are familiar with like the law, but you're not allowed to employ children. No, you're not. Yeah. And so if you are - My dad didn't understand that.

45:07He was just like, well, you left school, so next time to work I was going bloody bloody Gladstone can't even can't even employ children anymore I'd like wake up at like 11 o 'clock in the morning and stuff like that yeah like I for a good couple of months of my life straight after school I was like doing that and he was like what's the only thing to call this my dad was a postman so he'd come home he'd be done by like 2 o 'clock he'd come home he'd be like you still you're still in your pyjamas I've just done a day's work I mean I don't know what point you're trying to make You don't get credit for working late do you?

45:46You get an enormous amount there is definitely a thing where we think it's morally good to wake up early and it's morally bad to wake up late, why? I'm just asking that question, if you get the same work done, really who cares it's not any more ethical to wake up early than it is to wake up late, I would have thought that's obvious is apparently not obvious to people. It is, in fact, a deeply ingrained belief. Almost maybe the strongest belief in our country. The entire thing holding our country together is that it's morally good to get up early. I mean, I don't like... I don't like... I feel like I've...

46:22If I get out of bed late, I feel... I mean, I thought I'd injured my bollocks one day when I thought I'd woken up too late. But I feel... You already feel guilty. What you need is people to come and say, it's all right. It's fine. Not be like, you fucking dirty dog. What's the theme of this week's episode? We're supposed to be reading out a request. Yeah, yeah. Okay, here we go. Good afternoon, all. Who's this from? Sorry, Chris. Turns out to be from Chris Cowley, but we haven't got there yet. CC. CC? He CC'd us in this message. Here we go. Good afternoon, all. I listened to your pod whilst running as I'm training for the Manchester Marathon on the 19th of April.

47:02Why? Well, I was going to say good man. You said why. Why? marathons we are not getting through this climbing a mountain i get cameos come through and it's like um oh can you wish dave the best of luck is climbing a mountain next weekend yeah and we just you know just say good luck or whatever yeah and i always go why are you doing it yeah because i tell you what if you're doing it to impress people this is what's going to happen you'll go oh just climb that mountain alright yeah that's good it's going to be so much work potentially dangerous potentially life threatening and people are going to go oh that's that's cool yeah okay well in any case well done Chris for running the marathon knickers aren't going to drop for you none of that no it's not what you think in your head is going to happen because you did a marathon or you climbed a mountain it's true that to a large extent you'll simply slot back into society and things will continue.

48:02Everyone will go, oh, that's good anyway. But nonetheless, well done for running the marathon. It's a shift. Go on. It's a shift. I'm training for the Manchester Marathon on the 19th of April. I've been planning my soundtrack for the run. I can't listen to music. I need podcasts to keep me going. And yours will be first on the list. I'll take back what I said, Chris. You're a legend. Yeah, we should have. You're a legend. and I'm so impressed that you're doing a marathon. Yeah. And I think you are going to get so much fanny. Yeah. There's going to be genuinely a baby boom. Oh, my God. If you could throw a mention in to keep me alive, it would be much appreciated.

48:47Maybe even some marathon-based facts. And a mention for the charity I'm running for would be lovely too, Hospice at Home Carlisle and North Lakeland. I've got no jokes about that. Yeah, that's a great cause. I won't make fun of hospices. No. That's where I draw the line. No. Anyway, Chris, best of luck, mate. Loving the podcast. You guys are the voice of my youth. Thank you very much, Chris. Chris Cowley. I was only joking about running marathons and stuff. I'm just one of those guys that are too bone-eyed to do that sort of thing. You famously did one, didn't you? I did one. It was rubbish, but it was because it was during COVID.

49:24The app broke. We've been through this. We've been through this. We don't need to go through it again. But this, the Manchester Marathon, IRL. Well, mine was IRL, but not as much of it as I'd want. Yeah. And that'll be great. Great city, you know. But we're going to do facts about marathons. Marathons. Yeah, thank you. All right. Okay. So I'm going to lead. And here we go. So it's your fact. This is my fact. You hit me with your fact. Yeah. It says here, Joe Presents Facts. Joe, we've only been recording for about an hour and a half, and you'll hit me with your facts already. This is really incredible.

50:04So I have read a book called Born to Run about running. It's a few years old now. Is it Bruce Springsteen? Yeah. Also, I remember. The book. It's not Springsteen, but I think, you know, certainly would be aware of Springsteen. I'm sure. Yeah. And one of the people who the author of this book meets, they're called the Tarahumara people. And they are from, I think, near Chihuahua in Mexico. and they are amazing runners.

50:55They run for fun. Yeah, don't they run over mountains? They run, yeah, it's called the Copper Canyon. Isn't that the thing that Carl Pilkinson did? It may well be. Like Moaning a Life or Idiot Abroad or something. And they win a go or something like that. It might be. Well, the detail I like is that they kick, I think maybe not in all variants, but they kick a wooden ball in front of them. There's a ball. It's a little wooden ball. I think it's made out of maple. That might not be. I think that's right. These races are 50 to 100 miles. They race night and day. Right. And the sport or the activity with the ball is known as Rarajipari.

51:42I'm almost certainly pronouncing that wrong. and might be pronouncing the Tara Humara wrong as well. But in any case, these people are just incredibly good at running and do it seemingly just for different reasons, but for for the joy of it i suppose and for because it's it's a social activity it may also be a way to meditate or kind of to to think to kind of make decisions um and and and in this book that i read the the thing that the writer pointed out was that they don't really wear much on their feet at all. They either run barefoot or they have tyre, they make their own sandals out of tyres.

52:42And there's a lot of, I mean, That's what Carl Pilkinson wears. That's it, yeah. And in the book, the guy who's writing the book, who's an American man, he likes running, but he keeps getting really bad, like knees and stuff. And like he's injuring himself. And he begins to think that the key might be to not wear, like counterintuitively, counterintuitively to not wear too much on your feet so rather than support your particularly your heel if you have lots of padding on your heel it basically the shock isn't absorbed by your foot but it's passed up your leg and it's going to a bit a little bit like the theory about how boxing gloves are almost if you're gonna box you should just box bare knuckle because actually you want to feel it in your hands not like that like if you're protected if it's like well don't worry we've got gloves on so it doesn't hurt our hands what you're really saying is so that allows you to punch the other person's head incredibly hard yeah so that's getting same with um that that that uh that sort of idea yeah that idea is the same with like american football yeah nfl exactly and rugby yes so yeah so even though rugby when you watch rugby yeah it looks it genuinely looks way scarier yeah yeah um but the nfl they do tackle and they do and it is very physical and stuff like that but because they're all so padded up and they're wearing helmets yeah and there isn't there's hardly an inch of their body that doesn't have some sort of protection on it yeah they go in even harder yeah and i think there are way more sort of um injuries brain injuries and stuff like that than they are in rugby yeah like especially when you think about when they scrum and they're not wearing helmets and they've got they've got nothing on at all they come in together and they scrum yeah but there's something counterintuitive where because yeah i've got a helmet on or something like that i'll go even harder it's as though perhaps you you you disengage the part of your brain that's actually thinking about what sort of shock it's going to be whether you really want to absorb that type of shock and instead you're like it's all right i've got loads of padding so i can just hit hit hit and um and uh there is yeah so so i think i think i remember in the in the in the book he sort of starts to use far different types of footwear um boat shoes are quite popular almost like you know like swimming shoes like you've got something basically just it's got no padding at it's just there so that your foot doesn't get cut they're called toms well yeah well there's there's there's espadrilles i know i've got a pair where your toe there's little things for each toe it's like a glove it's a toe it's quite funny as well um and um do you remember toms they were a thing for a little while is that what they were called yeah they're massive i remember louis Tomlinson from One Direction made them like really big for me.

55:50Is that why they're called Toms? No, it's not why, but it's a fantastic coincidence. He had these red Toms. Are they socks with toe? I'm pretty sure you wore a pair. They're kind of like canvas. For the Inbetweeners film. Oh, yes. I know. Yeah. Yes, a little like that. Yeah. The idea is essentially you don't actually need to protect your foot with padding. If you want, just put something on it so it doesn't get cut if you run on a sharp stone or something and the other point i remember from this book is that we pay far too much attention to the heel the heel is not the thing that you should be landing on you should be landing on the middle of the foot or even middle of the foot well you should be like running almost at the front of the foot like that the balls so the balls the ball of the feet yeah the balls yeah and um this and one of the one of the details I remember about this book is that prosthetic uh feet balls I've famously do not use prosthetic balls no we've we've been through this but prosthetic uh feet didn't even used to have a heel because it was seen as so irrelevant it was like well you don't the heel isn't the thing that you should be putting the weight on anyway so essentially we pay too much attention to the heel you shouldn't be landing on the heel you should be landing on the front of your foot I don't want to derail you, Joe, but an ambulance has just turned up in my house and I don't know if that's something I should check out.

57:17Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I think that's fine. Carry on your... Well, I think I've more or less finished, actually.

57:26I'm sure it's fine. Okay. Yeah? I've just opened it like two minutes. All right. It must be a neighbour or something there. Yeah. That's weird, though. I mean, yeah. It was just distracted. To be fair, that's a fair enough distraction, isn't it? It is a fair enough distraction, yes. I'm sure it's fine. And also, I can't do anything, can I? I'd honestly just turn your phone off. Claire's there. Turn your phone off. Turn your phone off. I can't do anything now. There's nothing you can do. Honestly, I can't do anything from here. I just, you know, maybe you just need to kind of hit the road and not look back, if you know what I mean.

58:05That's it. Never go back. Never go back. you know the idea of the go bag so you're always ready to go I don't have a go bag but what I do have is a car full of rubbish so that at any point I can go to the tip right it's gone up the road did you talk to Claire? yeah I don't have a go bag but I bought something recently it was a bit pricey, it was around like 500 quid and it's a it's probably about the size of this TV it's a battery and I just said to Claire if there's a power cart I just said I've bought a battery just in case I don't know building a shelter sounds a little bit zombie apocalypse even though I hate zombies even though they bought me but I was just like why have you bought all that garlic and a Bible as well.

59:07Is that, what's that for? But it is, it's just in case, in case something happens. Just in case. I can charge the phone, we can turn the radio on, we're still in contact, we still can get information. What would you call? Maybe as well. Whoever else has got a battery. Well, I assume... You know, the battery community. I assume the situation that I've created in my head why I've made this battery that communications will be down, but we can plug in a lamp and we can plug in a radio and sit there and find out what's going on. Find out what's happening. I wanted something as well that would last a few...

59:52You can listen to the list of casualties being read out. That would last a few days. So I bought this great big thing. It's actually probably a little similar to what they would call the Jenny when we were on set. The Jenny, of course, yeah. That was loud, though, wasn't it? That was petrol-powered, wasn't it? I think it was petrol-powered. Yeah. So, yeah. But this thing that I've bought, I can also buy solar panels for it as well. Okay. So they're, in a way... I'm not sure what I'm prepping for. No, but the question that this raises, if you can... But I said it to Claire. I was like, I'm not being fine.

1:00:30like 500 quid is a big bill to spend on anything really yeah there's not a house right yeah and i was like i've spent 500 it's quite it's quite a lot of money to spend on something where you need to do such a long description of even what it is i just feel like it might there's a chance that it might come in handy and i'd rather i'd rather have it and not need it than need it and not have it yeah and claire was like you know i'm into that that's like me and my gun well yeah she was like yeah no I'm totally on board I was like oh good I mean the thing with the solar panels and the battery it almost begs the question why are we not all just doing that anyway that's the next there's stages to my thinking let's I need to find a well I need to find a natural well on my property which is going to be difficult I'll be honest with you have a really good route around There's not a lot of space to look for.

1:01:32I need to set up a solar farm. That's going to also be a problem. I'm very restricted space-wise. You're probably going to have to, you won't be able to put your data in the cloud anymore. You'll have to kind of bring it down and have it. I'll have everything backed up on a local server. Yeah, absolutely. And seed bank? Yeah. I need a seed bank, yeah. I need to keep wheat. Wheat and all the others. Hops is going to be very important. Yeah. Kind of like, why is there nothing in the seed bank except hops, barley, and some bottles? Hops, barley, and some jugs.

1:02:12And some dry roasted peanuts. Some pork scratchings, and I'll sit through whatever Putin's got to produce. Yeah. This isn't a seed bank. It's just a pub. hey joe it is time for fact check um this is the part of the podcast where we read a fact or question that you'd like us to get to the bottom of and then we're gonna have a good old think during the break and we'll come back and let you know how true it feels to us to decide if it passes our fact check okay so this week's fact check comes from nick who sent in a voice note love it hello it's nick here uh when i was growing up and we were driving through the countryside my dad would always tell me that if you saw cows lying down uh that means it's about to rain and i've always accepted that as gospel truth uh i was wondering if you could look into it for us uh love the podcast uh look forward to listening to more of it lovely lovely little voice good stuff from Nick Yorkshire definitely Yorkshire sounds like Uncle Jeff good question we're going to get on the case and we'll be back with a facts stat I literally don't know what that phrase means what's stat you say quickly I'm going to get back to your stat I hear like in dramas in hospitals that they say I need this stat.

1:03:46But where's the origin of stat? They could say quick. I need this quick. Let's have a little break. Oh, Christ. Right, let's have a quick break. I'm going to go for a piss and we'll be back. We'll talk about cows lying down in a second. Oh, God, I'm dying. Off you go. I'm bursting.

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1:06:43I just read a really good fact. Oh, yeah. I was having a sit down way. Yeah. We are closer in time. Yeah. We are closer to the Tyrannosaurus Rex than the Tyrannosaurus Rex is to the Stegosaurus. Wow. that is extraordinary actually that is extraordinary yeah we think of dinosaurs all sort of living together in a big house you know but actually well we think of Jurassic Park we think exactly they're all together they're all in little paddocks and you can't let them out for the love of God don't let the electric fence go down so is it fair to say that we're now investigating two matters first of all this cows business and second of all for the first time why we say stat I don't know where to start with the stat thing I might have to think about that well should we do the cows thing first we'll do the cow thing first the cow thing's quite cut and dry for me is it true I was told the same thing I was told the same thing but now I'm questioning I feel like I've been told something in that area oh the cows are lying down that means it's going to rain soon How would they know?

1:08:04How would a cow know if it's going to rain? Well, animals can sense things like atmospheric pressure, I imagine. Do you reckon? I think so. It's like our dogs know when there's an earthquake like a minute before everyone else. Yeah. Well, if it's not because it's going to rain, why are they lying down? Yeah, because they sleep... And do they all do it at the same time? They sleep standing up, don't they, cows? they don't like lie down to sleep they sleep standing up do they? I'm out of my depth on this one I'm too much of a city boy yeah to understand the cow situation but I was told isn't there an app that can tell me the answer no go and get some dirt on your boots exactly that's my problem but I was told cows lying down means it's going to rain at some point Soon.

1:09:01And if they're all doing it together, what possible advantage could it bring them? Is it that they think, well, it's going to rain, so let's just settle in for a bit? Well, I suppose so, yeah. You'd just sort of get ready for it. Yeah. I don't know if I'm projecting on the cow. Is it so that they can keep a little bit of grass dry under their bodies? Maybe they keep under their bodies dry. They know when it's going to rain, so they lie down. They keep the grass dry beneath them. Keep it a little bit dry. Also, red sky at night, shepherd's delight. Red sky in the morning, shepherd's warning. Is there anything in that?

1:09:40Well, I have only ever used it when I've seen a red sky at night. I don't know when the last time I saw a red sky at morning was. Red sky in the morning seems, that feels more like a zombie apocalypse again. Yeah. Blood, blood moon in morning. Yeah, yes. Bleeding weeping moon in morning. Shepard's warning. Honestly, Nick has broken me a little bit here. He's broken me a little bit because I've heard the exact same things as him and I've not really thought about it until now. it sounds stupid but when I was a kid I was like oh cows are lying down I was told that's when they rain well when rain's gonna come as I believe I've mentioned it's only really quite recently that it's I think occurred to me as a hard fact that if you sit close to the television you don't get square eyes yeah I've really only I've really only let that go maybe within the last year really I thought you know what I'm ready to leave that superstitious practice behind.

1:10:55So yeah, again, I mean, it's an, he's hit upon an interesting, an embedded cultural belief. As I say, why are they all, why are they all sitting down at the same time? If it's not going to rain, I must be for some reason, but maybe they're just copying each other. I think I'm too emotional. I'm too emotionally invested in this fact. Because I want it to be true. Yeah, me too. I, I, I, I've believed it to be true. I was told. Why was I told it? Why are we all told this stuff? Yeah. If it's not true, then that is out of order. That is so out of order. I agree. I agree. So what do you think? Fact up, true or fact off and it's false?

1:11:40I'm going to go fact up. Fact up. Yeah. Fact up. Just because we, I think as a society, we need this to be true because it's something that we can organise things around. We'll be questioning everything. Yeah. If this isn't true, I don't know what to believe anymore. Yeah. That's a lot of pressure. Do you know what I mean? So as far as we're concerned, it is fact. Next you'll be telling me that when the sun goes down, it doesn't go off and go to bed in a little house and the moon tucks it in. No, that is true. Yeah, I mean, that's true. Or thunder is just God moving the furniture. Exactly. We know that's true.

1:12:25Yeah. We're saying it's true. We think God's got furniture. What furniture would he have? Yeah, a futon or something like that. I think he's got a NutriBullet. I think he's got... He's definitely got a NutriBullet. He's healthy, isn't he? He's healthy. He looks like himself. He's probably got a whole home gym. Yeah, yeah. No, yeah. Yeah, he's either got a Nutribullet or a Ninja blender. He's not like, he's really not one of those like, he's not a conspiracy theorist, but he will occasionally say, look, honestly, you do need this supplement. Yeah, try it. But he's honestly not like that. He is science, but like, he's just, actually, there are things that modern medicine misses and it's okay.

1:13:09And he is worried about his testosterone levels. Yeah, and like he does, I think he - He wants to keep on top of them. He does, he imports some sort of, some kind of bull hormone or something. Yeah. It's not because he's, you can only get it on the dark web. But it's not because it's. No, it's because. It's because they can't. It's because of the man. Yeah. It regulates it. It's safe. It's just that it takes 20 years for stuff to go through medical testing. So it's like. And he definitely eats raw liver. Yeah. But again, it's not, he's not, he's not, he's not that, he's not that way. He's not like a fad.

1:13:44He's not faddy. It's just that, like, he's just done his own research. He's all right. He's looked into it himself. And he's come to his own conclusions. He's not a sheep. Yeah. He's not just following the herd. No. No.

1:14:04Oh, dear. Right. Okay. So we're saying it's fact. You're saying it's fact. Lily Mae, have you got any actual... Yeah, I've done a little digging The Queen is about to speak Thank you So the Met Office have done a little bit of well they've got a little article on this and they say that I don't trust those Well I've got two sources so I will come to you with both sources The Met Office is the most untrustworthy source I have planned so much shit around those guys and they have fucked me Well you might be pleased to hear that if you don't trust them then They say that 61 % of people believe this to be an accurate way to forecast rain Yeah Right And according to the Met Office this is false They say it has no scientific backing And that cows lie down for multiple reasons Sometimes including just having a rest And there's no evidence to suggest it's related to the likelihood of rain Right and they all just have a rest together at the exact same time Well There's a whole field of them as you're driving your car past.

1:15:12And why would 61 % of people believe something if it wasn't definitely true? The Met Office. Like, why would we vote for something if it wasn't a really good idea and definitely going to help? Yeah. Oh, sorry, the Met Office. I thought we were living in a democracy. Yeah. But no, in your ivory tower. You're in St. Petersburg. The Royal... With your snout in a book. The Royal Meteorological Society. That's in my impression of the metal. Go on, what's the next one? So my second source, the Royal Meteorological Society. They say, cows lying down before rain, what could be their motive? It's been suggested that they don't like sitting in wet grass or eating damp grass.

1:16:01So they are actually planning to keep the patch dry. So you are. Or that cows slip over when it rains. Well, hang on a minute, Lily-Mae, because we need to pause to just really give me my flowers for coming up with that. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. So I don't know, you just bolt straight on, but actually. Logic. Well, I was coming around to say. Well, no, but yeah, I hope so. So we're going to applaud at the end of the section. JT, logic. Not each individual. Yeah, if that's, yeah. Yeah, I just prefer we applaud individually. Now? Yes. Okay. Do I clap as well? Well done, Joe. To keep the grass dry. Yeah.

1:16:35This PhD is awarded to Joe Thomas. for his research into it's to keep the grass dry. There we go, yeah. Who was that? So the Royal Meteorological Society. The website is Met Matters. Royal? Royal Meteorological Society. So it's another load of meteorological cats. Yeah, but they're obviously more trustworthy. Well, they're royal. Than the Met Office. Yeah. Well, the Met Office, that's just for non-royals. Right. So you go, is it going to rain? They go, no. And then the king goes, is it really going to rain? and they say, yeah, it is. The king lies down. The king lies down. That would be a system, wouldn't it?

1:17:14Imagine us sitting outside Buckingham Palace and looking up at the king's bedroom. He's in a little glass box. And going, oh, he's turned his light off. He's lying down. He's going to rain soon. He's doing a half squat. So what does that mean, cloud? Six more weeks of winter. Thank you very much. We didn't finish the second half because I made you... No, I mean, I sort of forcefully went through it and then you interrupted me back. So it's fine. So we kind of interrupted each other by our way through that. So we got... As far as I'm concerned, you, myself and Nick are correct. Yeah, we're correct.

1:17:52I mean, also, yeah, good idea to pick a fight with 61 % of the population, my office. Yeah. Good luck to you with your 39 % army. Oh, Christ. We've got so much more of this episode to do. Yeah, I mean, we can skip the fact if you want, but we've got time for one more fact. We've backed up. Skip all the... Hang on. Okay, no, let's carry on. Let me just quickly say, if there is something that you'd like us to fact check, head to our episode's description for all the ways to get in touch. Okay. What's your marathon fact for Chris? Right. I've done a little bit of digging into marathons and trying to find something interesting about marathons, which I think you've proven is difficult to do.

1:18:38Well, no, it's difficult, but it's not difficult, but if someone's typing or if there's an ambulance, if there's an ambulance outside your house. You're distracted by everything. I don't know. Oh, I'm worried about my family's safety. I'll keep my facts nice and quick. OCD or what? Have you heard of Rosie Ruiz? Rosie Ruiz. She ran the Boston Marathon in 1980. She claimed victory. She finished with an unusually fast time. Okay, hold on a minute. Witnesses said they never saw her on the course. She looked barely tired at the finish. Basically, I just wanted to find out who the biggest marathon fraud is.

1:19:25Okay. And Chachi, GPT, Google and some other stuff all threw up Rosie Ruiz for me. This is widely considered the most infamous marathon cheating scandal ever. Race officials, reporters and other runners quickly noticed that she didn't look tired. Most marathon winners collapse or struggle. She looks relatively fresh. no one remembered seeing her elite runners, spectators and even photographers couldn't recall her during the race she was missing from checkpoints and she had some suspicious behaviour before the race she reportedly blended into the crowd and didn't interact with other elite runners within days investigators investigators pieced together what likely happened.

1:20:23Witnesses reported seeing Ruiz on the subway during the race. She was spotted joining the course about a mile from the finish. And there is no photographic or official evidence that placed her on most of the route. She had basically cut almost the entire course. She was stripped of her title. Just eight days later, and she was disqualified from running the New York City Marathon. Where she had used a suspicious qualifying time. Right. It permanently damaged her reputation. Yeah. Well, there we go. I suppose it probably would permanently damage your reputation. So, yeah, I was trying to find out the biggest sort of cheater in marathon running.

1:21:14Yeah. And apparently it's Rosie Ruiz. Yeah. the Boston Marathon 1980 not the worst thing to happen at the Boston Marathon no it's not no no should we wrap it up there yep yeah I'm all fact out Joe I am fact out as well and I will say if you think this this podcast was a bit long hello marathon so who you know who's maybe we've done it on purpose to fuck with you absolutely yeah that's what we do yeah we're not getting on the stuff are we that's all we want to do you're going to be with us every bloody step of the way. That's all we want to do. Well, we wanted to give... That's all we want to do.

1:21:51Who was it? Chris, Nick. Who was it? Chris or Nick? Chris. Yeah, we wanted to give him a podcast episode that will get him at least halfway through. Exactly. I mean, yeah, he might have actually finished the marathon before the podcast finishes. He'll be listening to this on the way home in the car. But what have we learned today? We've learned that some people in South America do a special little running thing where they kick a ball but they wear little to no protection on their feet which apparently is actually better for you we learnt about Rosie Ruiz who's the biggest cheater ever and that's it isn't it and cows lie down if cows lie down it's going to rain don't believe the Met Office or that smokescreen of words and scientific evidence that they tried to...

1:22:46Absolutely. Like... Well, we hope that you've learned something. We'll be back next week armed with more facts, chats, and chafed chaps. Our email is hello at joeandjamespod.com or you can send us a WhatsApp on 07822034330. You can follow us on social media at joeandjamespod. Head to the podcast description if you've already forgotten those details. Bye, guys. Goodbye. Make sure you stick around for next week's episode because I'm going to be more drunk. Bye. Bye. Bye. That's it. That's the end of the episode. We've done it. That was, I thought that went quite well actually. Joe and James, fight top.

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