Joe and James Discuss Women’s Parts

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0:36No endless searching required. Thousands of growing businesses already trust Upwork to hire highly skilled freelance professionals for everything from one-off projects to ongoing support. It's free to sign up, and posting a job is easy. Visit Upwork.com right now and post your job for free. That is Upwork.com to connect with top talent ready to help your business grow. That's U-P-W-O-R-K dot com. Upwork dot com. This message is brought to you by Cologuard. If you recorded songs off the radio for a mixtape, it might be time to screen for colon cancer. The Cologuard test is non-invasive, requires no special prep or time off, and you start screening right from your home.

1:15It's just three simple steps. Set up, sample, and ship. If you're 45 or older and at average risk, ask your doctor about the Cologuard test. Available by prescription only. Learn more or request a prescription at colaguard.com slash podcast. I'm not sure how these next two episodes are going to go, Joe. I'm sure they'll be okay. Because I had to drive in. Okay. So you weren't able to do your... I can't just sit here and drink beer. Ah. Get a bit drunk. Oh, I see. Which is where I get my power from. Yeah, no, I get it. It kind of, it helps you kind of explore through your mind a bit. It just opens a few gates.

1:59You know Popeye with his spinach? Yeah. That's me with Stella. Yeah, yeah. Because I just don't have a personality unless I'm a little bit drunk. I don't think that's true. But I think that maybe it just gives you that little, lets you like jump the fence. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Just gets you out of your, just gets you out of the centre. Yeah. Yeah. Stops you from overthinking stuff. Yeah. But yeah, no, I'm sober and fed up. I'm sorry, man. I'm sorry. We could always OD on Hobnobs or something. I'm not sure how we all feel about this. Someone called me a poof on the way while I was driving through London today.

2:43What? I hadn't heard that word since. I haven't heard that for fucking ages. Since we did the in-between. I know. Genuinely, it's retro. Going all the way back. It was some bloke. That is old school, isn't it? I definitely didn't know who I was, by the way. It wasn't like an in-betweener's banter. It wasn't in-betweener's banter. Because you can get a bit confused with in-betweener's banter because sometimes it's like, well, I think it's somebody calling me a cunt, but actually he seems very happy. And I'm getting a hug. So it's actually all right. It wasn't that. It was somebody walking in front of me on a zebra crossing, pointing at me, and then, again, having seen this for a good few years, doing that sort of limp wrist.

3:26That's incredible. Yeah, absolutely. Pointing at me going, you're a poof, you're a poof. You're a shirt lifter. Yeah. Your big girl's blouse. You're friends with Nancy, whoever it is. And I was just like, what have I done? Bloody hell. I'm just trying to keep myself to myself. What are you signalling? No, I don't know. I don't know. And I don't mind it. No. I don't have a problem with it. But I just Like I said I had to drive in today I've got to drive to Manchester As soon as we finish this Have you? Because I've got to go And do BBC breakfast tomorrow Oh god they're all Manchester Now aren't they?

4:04I just hate Doing stuff live It's hard Not that it's like Awful or bad Or they treat you mean Or anything like that It's absolutely fine Yeah I just don't like Live Yeah Broadcast Yeah It's Especially at that time In the morning as well It's so early isn't it It's just like I'm just a bit, you know, just a bit miserable. Yeah, you're feeling a bit fed up. A bit fed up, yeah. Well, you know. Even though I shouldn't be lucky. Very lucky and fortunate. Well, no. Sometimes you can't help it, can you? No, I mean. Even when your life's going really great and stuff, you just, you know, I had to drive in today.

4:40Some bloke called me a poof. I've got to go to Manchester later. I've got to do this sober. I love doing this. I look forward to doing it. This is like me getting out for the day when we come and do this. I have a few beers with you. Yeah. And we have a laugh and stuff. I feel like that's been taken away from me this week. Yeah. You've got nothing left. I've got nothing. You've got nothing. I'm a simple man. I've got a couple of things. Beer and you. Yeah. Oh, it's genuinely moving. And you're all stressed out as well. I am stressed. You've had a stressful couple of days. I've had a stressful couple of days as well.

5:15So I just don't know how these... And we're doing two episodes today. We're doing two. One of those April falls, so I meant to be all... Or like... Or happy. Yeah, exactly. It's April Fool's. It's the April Fool's episode as well, and I'm not even drunk. April Fool's. Unbelievable. It's terrible. You're the one who's been pranked. I've been, yeah. Take a ride of beer. I'm the fool. And you've got to get a... Well, no, not only go to Manchester. Listen, Manchester's a lovely place, but it's... I pity the fool. I've... I used to pity the fool, and now I'm the fool. Yeah. Well, I mean... Yeah. Yes.

5:47Yeah. Self-pity. That's the kind of jokes that you're going to get from Sober Buckley. Mm. Mmm. Mmm. I'm drinking water. Yeah. It's like acid. Yeah. Burns. It burns. I've asked for smart water because it's got electrolytes in it. Is that what it has in it? I didn't know that. Yeah. With added electrolytes. Is electrolytes basically just sugar and salt? I think so. I don't know about sugar. I hope it's not sugar. I'm trying to stay away from that. But it's... It will only be a little bit. But it's to help you hydrate a bit better. Smart water. Who was that bloke? I hope it's not too smart. Who was the richest?

6:27Matt Samusa or something like that. What was his name? He was the richest bloke that's ever lived. He was the Mali Empire. And he destabilised the world economy. He destabilised gold. Because he went on this pilgrimage from Central Africa. to, where do they go when they do the Hajj or whatever it's called? Oh, the Hajj. Yeah, Mecca. Mecca, yeah. So he did the pilgrimage to Mecca. Yeah. And he took, like, about 50 ,000 people with him. Right. Like, all the sort of people that work for him and stuff like that. Entourage. Yeah, big entourage. Can't go a pilgrimage without an entourage. He was just giving people gold all along the way, from, like, Africa all the way to Mecca, just handing out.

7:10Everyone was just, like, running up behind him. He was just handing out loads of gold. Gold became worthless. Right. So on the way back, he had to start asking people to lend him back the gold or something. And that he would then pay them back. I see. It was like a bank, wasn't it? It was a bank. You have some money. Oh, that's too much. All right. Lend it to us. It was like a bank about 20 years ago. It was. They loved it, didn't they? Yeah, they were like, what can we do? We'll give you some money. No, no, no. It's like that guy named Matrinas. Give us a blowjob. I'll give you a blowjob. it's like something just one or the other there you go now give it back now hang on give some of it back yeah they'd have people out on the streets banks and be like do you want a mortgage well I wasn't thinking of it yeah I thought you meant after the crash no before the crash it was like everyone have a mortgage everyone have a mortgage and you haven't got a job don't worry don't you worry about that don't worry about it you don't need you don't need a job in today's modern economy exactly your job can be being in debt I just don't think I'll be able to afford the mortgage yeah well that's the It's a beautiful thing about the mortgage, right?

8:15You don't have to worry about that until later. Absolutely. Absolutely. Right now, I need nothing off you. Have you got nothing? I've got nothing. We're my kind of guy. Step this way. Step this way. Yeah, they did sell too many, didn't they? This Mali empire, they had loads and loads of gold. Yeah. No one was allowed to know where the gold was. It was like a state secret. Yeah. And where they were mining the gold, there was no salt. So they used to have to put salt on camels or horses or something and take it to the people that were working in the mines. Oh, right. Okay. So they could retain water.

8:55I see. Because it's nuts, isn't it? Because it's always like, oh, if you have too much salt, you'll get dehydrated. You do need a little bit. But you need salt to be able to retain water. You need a little bit. You need a little bit. More the better, I say. You're listening to Sober Facts. Oh dear. Right, let me just go and put some of this over there. You put some of that over there because I've actually got something for you, Joe. Okay, right. Before we get into the podcast, I've got, for all the Ricky Gervais XFM show fans that listen, that love it as much as we do. Yeah. I've got some monkey news for you.

9:31Oh, yes. I've got some actual monkey news. Actual monkey news? Chimpanzee that. Chimpanzee that, monkey news. In the Congo, chimpanzees have been observed wearing masks made of leaves, bark and cloth while raiding markets to avoid recognition. So a bunch of monkeys in the jungle, right? They've been like... Got a bit crafty. They got a bit crafty, right? So he's gone. They've been robbing people. See what you're thinking. But no one knows who they are because they've been wearing masks. but look I've got a picture for you I've actually got proof and maybe I should send that into the into the whatsapp so we can put that on the screen is that AI?

10:18there's no way that's it is that AI? the masks they look like they look like the masks that you wear to a venetian mask ball they're incredibly well made I couldn't make a mask that good I don't think I mean I don't think that's real You don't think that's real? There's something about that What's the news source? What is it? London Bait Head It's not exactly ITN is it? No Bait Head Fish is a fishing site Or baiting Tricking you into I mean they do look They do look scary I mean, this one here looks like a sort of plague doctor. It's terrifying though, isn't it? I'd be absolutely terrified if they came in.

11:07I was going to read the story. That's brilliant monkey news. Chimpanzees. No, what does it say? I don't think there's stories. Stories like this have circulated about chimps in the Democratic Republic of the Congo, claiming they use leaves, bark or scraps of cloth as masks while raiding food stores. What I think is the story might be true, but I'm pretty sure that picture. Right. Imagine Pilkington around these days in the, doing monkey news in the world of AI. And I think people would leave stuff to try and get him to. Yeah. Like Pokemon Go. They'd be like, just leave that there. Yeah. See when Pilkington finds it.

11:52no i mean i in a way i suppose one of the um one of the things that i think about that podcast is it makes me a bit nostalgic for the the certainty of gervais and merchant that like the the gatekeepers will prevail in the end and actually will get a return to just well we all know you're like not the middle 90 % of people all kind of agree and actually it's more like the the Pilkingtons of the world of one like they they are the ones who have prevailed in the yeah yeah like it's yeah some they yeah and I mean there are bits where they make fun of him by for the fact that he's gets it he gets all his news off the internet yeah they're like well that's wrong yeah imagine that it was only 20 years ago it's like what are you doing you're getting your news off the internet that's crazy news is news is written down on a big piece of paper um but sticking with it rolled up sticking with this joe yeah um i've found a um instagram account that is basically rockbusters no way it's called um it's called jelly armchair all one words okay but they put up a little sort of cryptic clue guess the film so it's a picture of a crow and then there's a tent with the letter l in it and then there's a load of legs pointing at the shin what's that okay but it's brilliant it's brilliant so it's a film it's a film crow so is it does Is Crow in it?

13:39Bird. You've got to be more Pilkington. Because when I saw the answer, I was like, that is Pilkington. Three shins. You'll never get it. What is it? It's Crow-L intent shins. Crow-L intent shins. Crow-L intentions. Yeah, I mean, that's, yeah, it's. Yeah, check them out. It's the fact that the vowel sounds are just nowhere near. Yeah, I was listening to the podcast on the way in today, the Ricky Gervais one, and one of the answers was Collie Osborne.

14:26Collie Osborne. It's like, even what he gets to is so far away from... Oh, God. And it was like, this vegetable started down under. Collie Osborne Collie Osborne get them no her name's not Collie get them on the boat it's a lot cheaper buy on ferry buy on ferry buy on ferry buy on ferry if you're going to get that get it on the you know and you're going just get it on the boat because it's cheaper buy on ferry yeah you say Brian ferry well no you don't you sort of you don't say that though do you well no you do say it you do say it they're so good they're so good but yeah check out what was it called Jelly chair.

15:09Jelly armchair. Jelly armchair. All one word on Instagram. Crowell Intent Shins. It's brilliant. It's absolutely brilliant. It's really good. Hey, should we do a podcast episode? Yes, please. Joe and James. Joe and James. Oh, Joe and James. Joe and James. Facts up again. Joe and James. Joe and James. Joe and James. Joe and James. Facts up. Hello and welcome to Joe and James Fact Up. Each week we'll be bringing facts to one another that we deem interesting and our policy is the more interesting the more true it is. We'll also dig into the weird things that you'd like to think are true but you don't want to research in a segment we call Fact Check.

15:51So if you want to send us your facts our email is hello at joeandjamespod.com Our WhatsApp number is 07822034330 and you can also follow on our socials at joeandjamespod. and don't forget that you can watch all our full episodes on YouTube. All you have to do is search for Joe and James Facts Up. Now, let's get fact up. Joe and James Facts Up.

16:32just$10 today to see them in your own light and match to your decor. Plus, get$50 toward any rug of your choice. Visit Ernesta.com today. That's E-R-N-E-S-T-A dot com. Guessing is for game shows, not your business. Workday is the enterprise AI platform for HR, finance, and IT, with AI grounded in your context to get work done and done right. It's a new Workday. In a world where AI is changing every role in every industry, knowing who actually has deep expertise matters more than ever. Upwork connects you with the highly skilled freelance professionals with proven track records, so you can hire with confidence.

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18:08oh look i've got this this week are you ready yeah go on how are you james well i think i've touched on it you're across because you can't have a beer fed up tired drive to go drive to so correctly so like you know you you well you're not drink driving so so i know you know good well and and uh you know small small small wins i'm making this sound like you always drink drive you dare you never do but i'm just saying you're doing the right thing you're setting a good example no you can't drink you know you can't drink drive you shouldn't drink drive and um i mean that's fine that's a good message that's a good message but and you know i appreciate that it's it's less of a treat for you because of that which is a you know it's a shame i'm sorry i'll tell you the problem i'm having is is when i'm doing these and i'm a bit like especially once we get on to like the second episode and stuff and i've already had a few beers yeah i'm really really enjoying myself yeah and i do genuinely i'm like this is so funny we're being so funny yeah and i really do enjoy myself yeah and then anytime i listen to this podcast back um i always tell katie katie's like did you listen to the episodes to make sure i i'm happy with it i haven't said anything that's going to get me cancelled yeah anything and i just say i listened to the first 10 minutes it was really boring i couldn't the way the way to be happy I'm going to pass that.

19:22But if you have a couple of beers and listen to this, you're going to be fine. But now I feel like I'm listening to the podcast. Yeah. The nightmare scenario. That's the takeaway message. Yeah. Be on it. Don't listen. Buy on ferry. Buy on ferry. Always buy on ferry. Buy on ferry. But I'll be all right. I'll be okay. Still not 100%. Still not 100%. Still a bit ill. Still a little bit ill. In fact, it's reminded me, I just need to do a little thing. I need to squirt something up my nose. Yeah, go on. So you sort of vamp. Sure, sure, I do. Keep this. You're not going to do that in drive either, by the way.

20:02Hang on one sec. I've brought this stuff with me. It's really good, to be fair. What's it called? Otravine. Oh, yeah. Otravine Sinus Relief. It's really good. Yeah, Hannah's always on this. Oh, squirt is nice. VFX. Yeah. There we go. Do you have issues with sinuses and things like that? Yeah, sinus and throat. Apparently, I've got big tonsils. So that's where God wanted to bless me. Yeah, lucky Claire. So I'm always saying to Claire, she's always like, she always has a face of disappointment, and then I open my mouth and I go, check these out, baby. So mostly your aura is it. Your sex life. That's it.

20:53The oral sex is amazing. Look at those tonsils. Well, you can't even do anything with them. You can't. You don't even need them. You can get rid of them. If she had a cock, they might then come in handy. They might give it a little difficult or something, wouldn't they? My kids have also inherited big tonsils. Yeah. Again, I bet they're like, thanks, Dad. I don't even really know what they are because what they're not is that dangly bit. No. That's the epiglontus, is it? Is that what it's called? No, I don't know what it's called. I was going to say the uvula. Is that a vagina thing? Vulva. Oh, no, I think that might be a vulva as well.

21:34Uvula. That's not, it's not another vulva. I think there's another vulva somewhere. You know how, like, you have, no. The search? No, you're right, it's a uvula. Uvula, right. It's the soft color which hangs above the boat. Yeah, there you go. What's the point of that? I don't know what that is. It's just for cartoons, isn't it? It's just like a little bell. It's just for Jerry to play, do speedball boxing on Tom. That's it. No, I think there's another, because you know, sometimes you've got like, like, so an orifice, like there's more, when I think of orifice, I think of the arsehole. Yeah. But that could be any.

22:18Orifice is just a word for. It could be your ear hole, couldn't it? It could be, yeah. It could be. I'm always thinking of that. I'm sure I brought it up. Stan Collymore when he was on Talk Sport. Yeah. Oh, that's right. And listen, he's not, you know, I'm not a big fan of Stan Collymore, but he's not the smartest at all in the shed, is he? So he's presenting. He's a presenter, right? Been doing it for years and years by this point. He was on Talk Sport and he was commentating on a football game and he was just talking about how the team aren't giving enough. And he was like, you know, they should be just giving more.

22:57Passion should be coming out of every. And I was going, I was going, poor. Say poor, Stan. Say poor. Orifice. I was like, oh, mate. You could say Volvo, I suppose. Yeah. Anyway, how are you, Joe? I'm fine. You're good? Yeah, I'm good. so I've what we've done I have actually I've been to the tip again this week I've actually I've told you this because I came and did the Buckley's didn't I that was fun as well that was a great day I went to the tip and I did the Buckley's kind of I can't imagine a better day to be honest that's everyone's dream it's a dream yeah well I mean you know in a way I was like good day yeah and so that was yeah that was great I wore a little sparkly jacket didn't I?

23:54Just about fit. Joe came on and did a bit for me and Claire on our live show at the Palladium during the week. I presented a game that I was told on the night you hate Yes, that was the joke That was the joke and it is stupid It is an annoying game actually How's the house looking? Any updates? No, not really any updates. We're kind of, we, but as a kind of, we have to finish this. The plasterer who's doing almost everything, actually. He's an amazing guy. He can do everything. He's still got a set of our house keys. We've only got two sets. So it's actually incredibly inconvenient. So at the moment, the people who have got keys to our house are me.

24:45We have as many keys as you. And our plasterer. Yeah. You know you can sort that out though, can't you? You can cut keys, can't you? Absolutely. I really am treating these keys as though they can't be reproduced. I can't. I've treated them like these kind of artifacts we found. I will say this. When we moved into the house. It takes about two minutes to get it done. Yeah, I know. They're at supermarkets. You can always find it. Yeah. It's usually like a cobbler. Cobblers. Yeah. They do keys and shoes. I used to love walking past the cobblers when I was a kid. Yeah. There used to be one on Dagnam Heathway.

25:21And I don't know what they do in there, in those cobblers. But there was always this sort of strange chemically smell that I really loved. Really, really. And I always used to love the smell of petrol as well. Yeah, it's funny, isn't it? Smells. There was a smell that I used to associate with holidays. and it turned out to be the smell of the stuff they used to basically clean piss off walls i i don't but like i was like i love that smell yeah and do you ever um do you like the petrol station smell yeah i do like that as well i still do i still like the petrol station smell it is it's a nice i think there was just something about the petrol station was a good place it was like you'd be you know you'd be with your with your parents and like in the back of the car was like being in the car.

26:05Yeah. There was maybe the prospect of getting some sweets. Yeah. The parents kind of relax when you go to the service station. It's like suddenly you're allowed to get whatever you want. And I don't know. Yeah. There's something about. Yeah. I like those little those little moments where you can just sort something out. I didn't have any petrol and I've now got a full tank. I don't know. Just little. I never used to get a full tank. It always used to be like a tenner. Right. But now I do fill it up. Now I feel like a big man. I filled up the other day. When I go to the petrol station I just feel it straight up.

26:36All the way up. All the way up. James all the way up Buckley. That's what they call me. Is this good? Is this going in? I think it's quite good. And I went to get some fuel the other day. And it was more than two pounds per litre. Right. I've got a diesel. I know that's terrible. The worst one I could have. I'm going to try and get an electric car, I think. Do you reckon? Yeah, I think so. I shouldn't be driving around in a still burning hydrocarbon. A diesel's even worse, isn't it? Yeah, I'd happily get it. They thought it was better for a while. I don't know why. Well, that was what everyone was told when they...

27:09Yeah. It's better for the environment. Because you don't need to... It's more efficient. It's more efficient. It's definitely more efficient. You can do more miles with a diesel. This is terrible. Have you got a fact for us, Joe, for the love of God? Oh, yeah, I have, actually. Yeah. So tomorrow is April Fool's Day. Yeah. So we thought we'd celebrate our love of foolishness, and that is certainly true. Oh, yeah. today because you know we need more than one day why not we need a whole year uh i do it every day of the year i do do it every day and then the next year i'll start all over again absolutely with some foolish facts great right so my uh fact is that in 2018

27:56a woman won a million pounds on the lottery. Nice. And she told her husband, but he didn't believe her because a few weeks prior, she'd done an April Fool's joke telling him that she'd won£250 ,000 on the lottery. Someone did that. Yeah. Someone did that to... When I was working on something, we were rehearsing. Yeah. somebody brought in these fake scratch cards. It's a really common prank, it turns out. And then did it to this actress and she got really, really pleased and she was going, oh my God, oh my God. You would get really pleased. I think it was like £75 ,000 or something like that and she was going, oh God, oh, I can pay for my kitchen now.

28:43Oh no. And then it was like, oh, are you joking? Just joking. Just joking. but you know look on the bright side we've had a laugh haven't we yeah oh you fucking can't put a price on that can you yeah eh yeah friendship squadron never dies yeah yeah good girl practical jokes for the good for the good ah I'd say I'd better do this now actually go on you wanker you wanker such a sad little man am I didn't know that and then is that the end of the episode I think it is actually I think so yeah Yeah. What's his name? Ricky. Ricky. Of course, yeah. Ricky! Anyway. Ricky, no! We're doing April Fool's facts today.

29:33Joe is going to present his fact first this week. Oh, that was your fact, wasn't it, Joe? It was my fact. Oh, yeah. Fucking hell. Was it that bad? I mean, I hope. That's the fact It wasn't really a fact It was a story Yeah Oh It did feel like a fact I've gone into a loop My brain's fallen into a loop It was in the news Well just do it again One more time for us Okay so my fact This is all stated like this Yeah Jesus Christ What an awful word I instantly forgot you gave us your fact Oh my God So it was a woman She won the lottery Yeah Her husband didn't believe her because she'd already pranked him the week before.

30:24She'd already pranked him a couple of weeks before. She won a million. Yeah. Or they won a million. Right. But he didn't believe her because she'd done a prank a couple of weeks before pretending that they'd won 250 ,000. But then in the end, he did believe that. In the end, he did. And that's... That's the fact. That's the fact, yeah. All right. So it reminds me a bit of that. anecdote I told a couple of minutes ago that wasn't that wasn't a fact that was oh fuck it I mean this is I can't do this sober man that's honestly like oh man that's like a stand up when the heckle goes when does the comedy start yeah we're heckling ourselves you just did that yeah anyway anyway moving on what fact have you got oh no I have got so much Why don't we just keep going until it feels like a mess?

31:23I can say the same thing again, James, if you want me to. Well, look, in the course of this, I have, obviously I was looking up April Fool's facts, and there are some, I don't often do the sort of lists of facts, but I think this is maybe a time that I could do it. I stack them, I fact stack. Because this is a classic time to fact stack, I think. it's again it's straight from the pilkerton playbook yeah if that wasn't because he's always like that he does a bit of monkey news and he goes oh have you heard about a monkey that got married or something like that and then he goes that's not the monkey news by the way yeah so i think he'll like he fills it out and he's like that's not i'll just chuck that on you on on for you for nothing and i always i think i've got about five it's good and it's obvious that it well I suppose it probably was the monkey news it's like when I'm playing I Spy with my daughter I'll guess it yeah correctly it's obvious that's what she was thinking of but then she'll pretend that it wasn't that and she'll go no and you're like well come on what else is there there's purple exactly the other thing she does is she will give a colour and it's obvious she just hasn't come up with anything and I've just got to find something.

32:43Yeah. They are sneaky. They are sneaky. They're quite sneaky. This is, so this is what, this is why I need to be a bit buzzed. Yeah. They call it in America. Because you've got this energy and I usually will cut you off or like try and lift this up a little bit. Yeah. And everyone has a go at me in the comments and they go, will you let him finish a sentence? and I have to go, he won't. He won't finish it. He will not finish the sentence. And I'll just keep asking him the same question over and over again when I'm sober. But seriously, do you have a fact for us? Shall we move on to fact check?

33:25Yeah, okay. Let's try and... I've massively derailed this. Would you like to hear some other April Fool's Day things that have happened? because I did look up some other ones. So, for example, well, maybe I'll end up with one of yours. Yeah. Yeah, I don't want to. Have you got a Patrick Moore one? I can't remember. Okay. I can't remember. I only looked him up about four years ago. Okay, well, let's not, we won't do the Patrick Moore one. Why don't we do a quick fire after we've heard James' right at the end? Give us a quick fire. If I don't have a Patrick Moore one, because I do like Patrick Moore.

34:02Yeah. You know, all the star stuff that he did. Yeah. And Games Master and all that. Yeah. Hey, let's move on to fact check. For the love of God, this is the part of the episode where we read a fact or a question that you'd like us to get to the bottom of. And then we're going to have a good old think during the break and decide how real it feels to us. So this week's fact check comes from Lewis, who has asked. Hi, Cartwright and Cooper. Nice. Lewis here. Long time listener. First time WhatsApp messenger. do you think that's his surname if he's doing our surnames from between us? Might be yeah Couldn't it?

34:42Might be Should be really just for consistency I would hope that it's his first and last Lewis Lewis Maybe he's from Lewis Yeah oh here we go Oh this is a good one Yeah Yeah it was fairly It's pretty thin stuff I don't know why I genuinely don't know why I said that This is a good one It says, do all animals have a mating season? And if so, why don't us humans have a mating season? Or do we? I don't know if this is a fact question or not, but interesting to know why. And who better to ask than you guys? Correct. There isn't anyone better to ask. Absolutely. So we're going to get on the case and we'll be back with the facts.

35:23Stats. Joe and James, Facts Up!

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37:22so it's her it's her birthday it's Claire's birthday today you're going to Manchester I'm going to Manchester I've just left hey I've got a joke is that is that the birthday present you getting out of her hair well that's what I said to her yesterday to the kids because I went you know it's mum's birthday tomorrow yeah so I hope you guys are going to make her feel special because I'm going I'm leaving I'm leaving for the day and they were like what are you doing for her I went well I'm leaving for the day there you go and Claire was like yeah it'll be nice yeah not bought her anything for her birthday either not bought her anything not bought her anything she's going to Paris with some friends for a few days for a hen do okay and I said well instead of me buying something really expensive that you don't like why don't you go to Paris which famously is a really good place to shop, isn't it?

38:16Get yourself something special. Yeah. You know, something that maybe costs a few quid. Treat yourself, it's your birthday. And then you get something that you really want instead of me wasting money. Yeah. But I know what she's like. She'll just be like, nah. Nah, there wasn't really anything that I really, really wanted. There wasn't much in the boutiques of Paris. Yeah, there wasn't anything there. There wasn't one thing in Paris that I wanted to buy. anything after there's there's no good shops in paris so we'll see how that works out yeah um it's hard isn't it like but like by the time you get into you know the kind of the time you've got the kind of years on the clock in a relationship that you know you and you and me do yeah it is hard to come up with stuff yeah there's like there's there's mileage there you start kind of well you risk just kind of going around again yeah i don't mind going around again i'm happy to receive just duplicates of stuff I got 10 years ago.

39:17Or even just getting things fixed. Yeah. I've got a bag I'd quite like fixed. Maybe that's something I can get done for my birthday. Yeah, you can do that while you're getting your keys cut, probably. I could, actually. Get my what cut? Keys cut. You get keys cut? Yeah. Have I done my fact yet? Anyway, just... That's a fact. You can get keys cut. That's blown my mind. Just before Joe's fact, we've got a fact here from Lewis, who wants us to finally get to the bottom of whether all animals have a mating season. Including humans. Including humans, which is interesting. It's a really interesting question.

39:56Yeah, I'm guessing humans don't. Otherwise, we'd all just be born. We'd all be born. At the same time. Yeah, it'd be like birthday season. Yeah. However, I do think a lot of kids are born... September, October because of like sort of the drunken Christmas bumble. I would assume that Christmas is a... Now, I've... So I've... A little fact about my family. Yeah. My birthday is the 28th of October. Right. And my... I've got three younger brothers, the oldest of them. His birthday is the 28th of July, which is exactly nine months after my first birthday. Right. So I'm assuming that that got out of hand.

40:44Yeah. So they just went straight away again. Yeah. So there was a big party for my first birthday. There's nine months difference between you and your brother? Oh, no. One year and nine months. Oh, yeah. No, one year and nine months. Right. So, yeah. Yeah. And then. I don't know what I'm supposed to make from that. I don't know what. And Hannah's birthday is the 28th of December. Right. So there's all these 28s. It's the 28 is the thing that you're giving me. There's all this 28 stuff going around. Right. What do you think about animals? Do all animals have a mating season? Now, it's a great question because I think actually probably most animals, it seems to me, do.

41:35I've watched the Attenborough stuff. Yeah. They always seem to be like, even if it's fish, there's always like a big cloud of fish sperm in the water. And that's what it's like. Yeah, those salmon. Yeah. That's depressing. And then it washes up, doesn't it? Yeah. And then I think bears eat it. They do. They love it. But I do. Yeah, they love a bit of salmon spunk. They do. They do. I would say I actually think most animals don't. Oh, right. I think your glamour animals. Yeah. That Attenborough loves to get involved with. Yeah. The salmon. Yeah. The hyenas. The ones on the big BBC salaries. Yeah, those ones.

42:12Your bears. Obviously, they're seasonal. But if you think about rodents and rabbits, I mean, they famously. They do. They're at it like rabbits. Yeah. But aren't you maybe coming up with animals that don't have a major disease? That's what I'm talking about. Okay. I don't think they do. I think they just fuck all year round. No, but I think that they do have a mating season because I believe, this isn't rabbits, but an adjacent species, hares. The phrase mad as a March hare is meant to mean that the hares are on heat. They're all randy. They're randy. I feel like a rabbit. I feel like if you left two rabbits alone, they'd have it off of each other, no matter what time of year it was.

43:04Animals must... Do they just not have sex for the whole rest of the year? That's what I'm thinking. They must do. I don't think... I think I heard... Like I say, I don't think dears or any of those ones on Attenborough, but... I think I heard some cats having sex last night. Oh, they're always... Again, they're always at it. Although my old dog, Paisley... But then again, we are kind of in mating season at the moment. Oh, we. Well, it's spring, isn't it? It's spring, yeah. So they're all just having it off. They're all out there. Like, just, yeah. I think, to me, it seems as though there is a yearly cycle.

43:41And animals go, they go to one place to feed. Yeah. And then another place to mate. Yeah. And then that's sort of it, isn't it? Yeah, like. That's all they do, isn't it? I do think it's propaganda, though. I do think it's that umbrella propaganda. Because every time I think of mating season, I do. Think of like hammerhead sharks when they do that amazing drone shot of the millions of hammerhead sharks all coming together because it's mating season. And yeah, it makes good TV. But your rat, they're going to be doing it whenever. Maybe they don't clump together in large groups, rats. And they all do it with each other as well.

44:23It don't matter. I think they're all siblings and whatnot. They don't seem to care about that sort of stuff. I think most animals do that. I don't think they're like, you know. They haven't got the Iceland. They've got the Iceland problem where on the dating apps in Iceland, you have to be quite careful that you don't end up with someone who's basically related to you. Right. So is that something that's... It's a problem that they have because it's such a small population. So if you're not related to any of them, that's a pro. That's a plus. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Well, if me and Claire ever split up, I might.

44:57sign up to a date and have been moved to Iceland. You were like, well, I've got one big positive in my column. Absolutely not related to any of you. Yeah. I'll put failed husband and father, but probably not related. Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah. So, I mean, but let's move on to the second part of Lewis's question, which is, do humans? No, I don't, I think humans evolved to not have a season. It would appear that we, Yes, we... But what about our nearest and dearest chimpanzees and bonobos? Do they? I think they... Don't they also have it off for fun as well? Not for just... Dolphins do. I think bonobos do.

45:45They're always wanking. I don't know that much. Whenever you go to the zoo or whatever. Yeah. So they must like... They must like it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, they presumably... yeah what are we saying then joe well we've got to come up with one okay i think i think we can i think we we can say that humans certainly do not have a major season but i mean also and i would say that louis you are a human yeah i know you could have answered that yeah unless you're a dog or something yeah he doesn't say a dog with a mobile phone but i was gonna say my dog she used to have two seasons where she'd start like bleeding all over the kitchen and stuff.

46:29Twice a year. It used to be like towards the end of the year and sort of springtime. It'd be like before and after summer. Yeah. Yeah. So I don't know. I don't know, Lewis. You've stumped us, mate. Apart from the human thing.

46:48I just think that by the time you're talking about an animal that's as sophisticated as a human being that has multiple ways of kind of socializing I just think you're kind of superseding all that aren't you i think you're probably you're probably like you've got you've got it's up to you you've gone beyond season yeah you've gone beyond just kind of having these very very big kind of biological switches yeah you're you're um uh well i mean also i mean we we know that they don't i mean yeah yeah so we yeah i don't know I don't know what to say. I mean, yeah. Well, listen. As you say, if it was the case, that would mean that we'd have all these, you'd have whole bits of the year where it was no one's birthday.

47:49Yeah, exactly. Everyone would just be born in September. The birthday time would become like Christmas. It'd be like, you know, the high street. It'd be like, it's birthday land time. And we'd all have to, and also everyone's birthday would be shit. No one would be able to go to anyone else's birthday. Yeah. Can you come? Well, I can't. That's mine. Yeah, it's my birthday. It's supposed to be like Christmas again, wouldn't it? We'd have to have one huge marquee for everyone. Yeah. Well, to quote a great man, do all animals have mating seasons? Can do. Some like it, some don't. Yeah. That's what I'm going with.

48:30Some like it, some don't. I'm going to go. If the question is, do all animals have mating seasons? I'm going to say no. I'm actually, I'm almost, I don't want to, I'm just wondering whether actually maybe they do all have mating seasons, but just not humans. We're saying no. Okay, we'll say no. I'm just thinking the mouse. I think you're assuming that a mating season has to be, they literally all congregate in one massive area. No, but even just like, no, I don't mean that. I just mean the mouse is going about their business. and then when it gets to spring, they're like, oh, let's have it off.

49:08I think they're doing it all year round. They've got to be.

49:14Because also the lifespan of a mouse, what's that, two years or something? They can't just have two. Some animals do, though. Some animals, they're born, they mate, they produce offspring, and then they die. That's it, like a butterfly. some butterflies they're like only around for a day aren't they Pilkington caught one didn't he yeah well he just he waited until tomorrow and his mum said don't catch it the other day he said I'll just I'll get a deaf one tomorrow then yeah can we go Pete's in charge today by the way Pete can we what's what's the we're gonna I'm saying I'm gonna you're saying no I'm gonna rule I'm gonna say no okay fine I think Joe disagrees well no I think maybe they could be it could be more than maybe some are biannual or triannual.

50:04Well, there we go. Well, yeah, I suppose. But I don't think all animals. Let's say that... Yeah, okay, no. I'm just saying no. All animals. That's what he's asking. All animals. So if we're going to play the law of averages, even if there's just one animal that doesn't have a mating season, then we're correct. That's how I'm thinking. Okay, fine. Okay, based on the fact that this is a rich and varied world absolutely let's say no because actually I don't know go on so no not all animals have mating seasons perfect there's three types of breeders do you want to know the types of breeders absolutely so seasonal breeders which is mating seasons opportunistic breeders which is your mouse they've got loads they've got loads of yeah you were right about the mouse so when they've got loads of food or it's the weather's good yeah that's when they'll have it off And then continuous breeders, which is humans.

51:03Are there any animals that are continuous breeders? Just to give me an idea of what. Because I thought a mouse would have been a continuous breeder. But they're just... Apes, monkeys, cats, dogs, tigers and lions. Right. Wow. Continuous breeders. Well, that was... That's, you know, I hate to say it. But that was... I genuinely learned something there. Thank you, Lewis. Lewis the cat, whoever you are. What episode? Is this episode 26? Yeah. That's the first time we've learned something so far. And I don't like it. So it's sort of about a year, aren't we? Twice a year, we'll learn something. Twice a year, we'll learn something.

51:49We'll learn something. Learning season. Learning season. It's learning season right now. Yeah, once a year. We're not continuous. No. Absolutely not. Absolutely not. I've got a foolish fact for you today, Joe. I was just doing a little bit of research, and I was trying to find out what the worst April Fool's trick that's ever been played. I've got a couple for you here. In at number one is Google's mic drop Gmail prank. I don't 100 % understand this one. One of the most infamous modern April Fool's failures, in 2016, Google added a mic drop button to Gmail. Clicking it sent your email plus a Minions GIF dropping a microphone and muted the entire thread, preventing further replies.

52:44So it just stopped anyone from being able to email back. The problem was people accidentally used it on serious work emails. so it meant that nobody could reply or carry on the discussion it sounds very similar to just a virus some users reportedly sent it to bosses, clients and job recruiters the backlash was so fast that Google disabled the feature within hours and issued a public apology I hate that everyone's got to apologise for stuff all the time yeah we over apologise we certainly do here's another one for you Joe BBC's spaghetti tree hoax I sort of vaguely remember this Not that I was there It was in 1957 I've heard tell of this Yeah This is often called the most famous April Fool's prank in history The BBC aired a documentary On Panorama Quite a serious TV show A waste of Panorama's time Showing Swiss farmers harvesting spaghetti from trees At the time spaghetti was unfamiliar to many people in the UK.

53:53Hundreds of viewers called the BBC asking how they could grow their own spaghetti trees. The BBC reportedly replied, place a sprig of spaghetti in a tin of tomato sauce and hope for the best. I like that. Good. So, yeah. So, that was before. So, 2016, Google was apologising. Yeah. 1957, people were going to add your spaghetti. Let the last continue. BBC doubling down. doubling down because just having a laugh everyone's having a laugh for heaven's sake yeah in 1996 Taco Bell claimed they had purchased the Liberty Bell and renamed it the Taco Liberty Bell can I just ask I'm sorry if you know this makes me an ignoramus go on what is the Liberty Bell it's the bell with the crack in it it's in Philadelphia isn't it it's something to do with is this an American Revolution thing yeah so again it's due to, I know a lot about history.

54:51Yeah. And actually, it's just, this is a gap in the English people's knowledge of history. But yeah, no, I don't know a lot about it. But there's a famous bell, I think it's in Philadelphia. And they were going to call it the... It's the Liberty Bell. I can't remember why it's called the Liberty Bell or what. That reminds me of that April Fool's thing that Trump did, where he said he was going to rename the Kennedy Center, the Trump Kennedy Center. Oh, no, I know he did actually do that. because that would be that would be like unbelievably crass and being really poor and he did actually oh he did actually do it well Taco Bell did something similar they they they claimed they'd bought the bell and they were calling it the Taco Liberty Bell many Americans believed it and were furious the National Park Service received hundreds of angry calls and Taco Bell revealed the prank later that morning despite the outrage it became one of the most successful PR stunts ever I think it's a fine because that's how people they can actually buy it that's how people work don't they they go yeah what this is a sacred part of american history and taco bell are labeling it they've they've commercialized the liberty bell they're calling it the taco liberty bell i am furious i'm also hungry now as well so i better grab a taco bell before yeah i i mean yeah all publicity is good probably Steve.

56:13In 2021, Volkswagen announced that they were going to rename its US division Volkswagen. It's not his vault. That type of vault to highlight electric vehicles. That's not funny. No. Oh, what a laugh. The only problem was and here's the world that we live in. So this was back in 2021. this is the world that we're living in now is that major news outlets reported it as real okay so and i do think and i can't remember who i was listening to talking about it is that we are we are moving into a phase now we're coming out of the misinformation phase um where and now we're so paranoid and do not believe anything um that we it doesn't matter if it's off the internet, it doesn't matter if it's on the 6 o 'clock news.

57:11We just won't believe it fully until we see actual proof because of things like this. Volkswagen do a little April Fool's joke on April Fool's Day, by the way, and major news outlets start going, they've renamed it. Can you believe that? And I don't know whether even they believed that it was true, but they just go, oh, this will get a lot of comments. And that's what the news has become. We've got even serious, actual sort of reputable organizations that used to just give you facts and just go, this is what's happened today. Now they're basically TikTokers. So did they think, they thought it was real or they were in on the joke?

58:00They thought it was real? I don't know whether they did think it was real or not, but they were just like, well, they're claiming it to be real. So that's it. that's all we need to do Volkswagen have said this so that's fact now and so we report that as news and that will get a lot of people commenting on our yeah no it's a shame that Daily Mail have a TikTok account right and it is nuts I can't remember exactly what they've been saying on it but it was reporting on something and it was just like this is nuts and all the comments were like hey are you okay daily mail right are you are you okay are you all right you're the daily mail it was like you're the daily mail yeah why it'd be like some youtuber did this i mean it's very difficult isn't it because if you if you're going to say the way that we fund our news is by getting people to click on it then sort of by definition just anything that people click on you kind of have a financial obligation to put on your website.

59:09Yeah. So the whole thing is completely upside down. There's less. I mean, the news has always been like that. We've always been aware that the news can sensationalize stuff because it used to, if you had a sensational headline on the front page, it would sell papers. Yeah. And it's just evolved. Yeah. And carried on. Yeah. But now it's just really. Yeah. We need to sort of. Yeah. There needs to be some sort of. stop there's got to be some end game we've got to have some little reset somewhere as an institution I've seen stuff about me like at my level like it's not even going to get clicks because no one gives a fuck about me but I've read stuff about me and I go I didn't know that that's completely made up but you're allowed to just say that are you It does, yes.

1:00:06It seems like it's kind of out of control. I mean, yeah, it would be good if... But also, I mean, you know, we should say, because I know that, you know, lots of serious news organisations will listen to this. They will, yeah. And it's very important. There are good news organisations. There are better and worse models. and which is why we only talk about the facts on this show we don't want to feed into this loop that's going on we only talk about the truth and facts and when I've seen stuff about me by the way that's not true I don't mean it's like are we saying that because it was probably something embarrassing no those stuff are usually true the stuff where it's like good James Buckley's done this he's made this much money I go, I mean, it's nice that people think that, but I know for a fact it's not true.

1:01:05And that's, you know, we just believe passionately in the truth, don't we? Yeah. I wonder if I could take that news article to my bank manager and I'll go, look, see, this is the news, by the way. And I go, oh, right. Well, we must be wrong. Let me just put a few more zeros on your bank account there, James. Yeah. Well, I mean, it's the news. It is the news. Should we wrap up? What are we doing now? We're wrapping up. We're done. Oh, finished. Okay. Do you want to give us your Patrick Moore fact? Oh, yeah. Give it. Oh, yeah. Patrick Moore. Don't leave us hanging. So Patrick Moore did an April Fool's prank where he told people that because there was a special alignment of, I think, Jupiter and Pluto that evening.

1:01:49Pluto. Pluto and Jupiter. Yeah. They're very far apart. Gravity would very briefly not apply on Earth. Right. So he said, if you jump up in the air at 7.30 this evening, you'll be able to fly. And so he was on the telly and he went, okay, three, two, one, jump. And lots of people did it. Amazing. One person hit their head on a shelf and someone else said that they had flown, they couldn't get down. So I don't know what happened to them. My kids tried to say that to me a couple of weeks ago. They were literally like, oh, apparently next Tuesday, we're going to have no gravity for four seconds. And I went, well, that's not, I was like, that's not going to happen.

1:02:30They were like, is that true, Dad? I went, no, it's not. It's definitely not. I was like, that would be the end. That would be the end of the world. If we lost gravity for four seconds, absolutely everything that isn't planted into the core of this planet would just fly away. Everything would go. Yeah, I suppose it would. Because we're traveling. I mean, I don't know the facts, but we're spinning very quickly. We are moving, aren't we? And if there was no gravity there involved, we would just get flung. We would just get flung out to space. Surely. You're right. You're right. Tuesday or not. Tuesday.

1:03:04I don't care what day it is. Yeah. No, and gravity. No, anti-gravity. Yeah. It doesn't give a fuck about your schedule. It doesn't, mate. You can't go, well, I've got a meeting at 1.30. Not anymore. Anyway. I've seen meetings with a black hole. Let's wrap this up. Yeah. I'm all fact out. Me too. What have we learned today, Joe? I can't remember well you forgot my fact immediately well no oh no yes sorry before we go do you want to give us your fact no also the Patrick Moore fact was great the Patrick Moore fact that was a better one that was much better I don't know I always do you know what if it comes too easily I'm like no that was much better so we learnt I worked too hard we learnt a woman won the lottery once we learnt that Patrick Moore made everyone jump up in the air yeah we learnt that not all animals have a mating season and I said some stuff as well about the taco liberty bell so there you go, you're welcome we'll be back next week armed with more facts chats and mating acts and don't forget that you can get in touch with us if you'd like us to fact check something that feels true to you or just any message you want to get to me and Joe our email is hello at joemjamespod.com our whatsapp is 07822 034 330 and you can follow us on social media at joeandjamespod.

1:04:23Head to the podcast description if you've already forgotten those details. And make sure you listen to next week's episode because if you thought this one was bad, I'll be even more sober and tired next week. So Sober James Part 2 next week. Stay tuned. Bye, guys. Bye. Thanks.

1:04:46Joe and James Factor.

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