Joe Thomas Won't Listen To This Podcast And Neither Should You

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0:28So shop now at liquidiv.com. Liquid IV hydration that goes wherever life takes you. Thumbtack presents Uncertainty Strikes. I was surrounded. The aisle and the options were closing in. There were paint rollers, satin and matte finish, angle brushes, and natural bristles. There were too many choices. What if I never got my living room painted? What if I couldn't figure out what type of paint to use? What if I just used Thumbtack? I can hire a top-rated pro that knows everything about interior paint, easily compare prices, and read reviews. Thumbtack knows homes. Download the app today. I was hearing myself eating on one of our podcasts recently, and I was like, I don't like that.

1:10Why are you listening to our podcast? I like to listen to them back. Don't listen to them back. Do them and forget about them. I might stop listening. Yeah, do stop listening. I might stop listening. That's always been our mentality. I've carried that mentality from the in-betweeners. Yeah. Where we just, and I genuinely think it does make, I genuinely think it stops you from going mental, but it also makes your work better. Yeah. So whenever I do a podcast, whenever I do a TV show, way back when we were doing the Inbetweeners, and I think we all had the same mentality where it was like, oh, I forgot people were going to see this.

1:45Oh, fuck it. Honestly, magazine articles have come out and I'd be like, oh, yeah, God, that was quite, like, we were very rude. Yeah. We were very rude. Well, we were young and we were so excited. The thing is, is that like all of that was good and fine. Like it was just like you can start to see stuff that isn't there if you just keep on going back. I think we're all right. I think we're all right. I think we're okay. I suppose in the end, either you think, you either sort of, yeah, I mean, I'm contradicting myself here, but like you either trust your judgment or you don't. but like for example i but i get i get thrown by stuff yeah right i was doing a sound up gig once and it was like an hour and at one point i made that gesture and i was like has that become like a kind of far right gesture now and i've got the audio of me doing this gig and i can literally hear where you're the moment where i'm like and i should probably say for our for our audio listeners joe was just doing a sort of the okay sign yeah the okay sign no the divers make and stuff yeah and i was like and it's like now the thing is i didn't do that with any bad intention and yeah i was like oh was that does that i mean i'm in this and the point is it did totally fuck up that gig so stop listening to the podcast i will never listen to this podcast again and neither should any of you we got no don't say that don't definitely don't say that no we got we got katie on it we got yeah i know you know it's fine no it's fine also i think i genuinely me think that me we're in a great position because i think that uh you know being from the in-betweeners and um just how the the fact that the the like a big part the reason why the in-betweeners was such a success was because the people watching it i don't um i don't i don't subscribe to that theory of being like well the in-betweeners was good so that's why you watched it.

3:50I think it was, I think there was a lot of people in the early days that told all their mates to go and watch the Inbetweeners. And that's why we ended up where we ended up, which is absolutely brilliant. And I think we are very lucky with that. Yeah. And I think we belong to Britain. I think we belong to this country. People put their arm around us and they're like, oh, don't worry, they're a couple of idiots. People are cool with us. We're like the country's little idiot brother. yeah we're like yeah we're like oh he's got like um like i remember when i like a couple of my mates had little brothers and stuff you know you got passed to him they were genuinely quite funny and they wanted to hang out with us and they would just be sort of wheeled out and be like yeah watch my brother do this and they'll do something to try and impress us that's what we are people don't take any notice of what we've actually got to say people don't take it seriously i think it's funny because i'm because the thing is i'm an older brother in real life so i think i I find it difficult to be like the younger.

4:49I'm always like, no, I'm aware I'm not a serious person. I'm always like, no, I'm serious. But I think the reason, I think to the extent, what am I saying? I think people are really locked and loaded to be like, oh, don't take them too seriously, which is a great position to be in. Well, that would be. You shouldn't really take, apart from a couple of things, you shouldn't really take anything too seriously. well I yes I think I probably agree with that I don't think life should be taken too seriously no I mean I think also I just do take it seriously so it's it's easier said than done don't get me wrong it's easier than done I think I'm I don't practice what I preach I say I don't take it seriously and then I I don't practice anything that I preach I'm genuinely someone I've got mates and they're always like you're quite you've got some good you've genuinely got sage advice She was, you've genuinely got a great outlook and I'll talk to you about a problem and then you'll make it seem really simple for me and really cut out all the bullshit.

5:55And I think I'm really good on the outside looking in. And I feel like I've done that with you. I've had conversations with you and you've panicked about something. I've got, don't worry about it. Everything's going to be great. If you're going to do this, we'll do that. It'll be fucking brilliant. Don't you know? Yeah. But I don't have that. I don't project that on myself. Well, it's hard. Yeah. I mean, it's difficult, isn't it? It's hard to kind of, it's hard to take the advice that you would give someone else. Yeah. But I agree. I think your advice to others is pretty good. It might be. I think it's just all about simplifying stuff.

6:26I think when it comes down to it, at the end of the day, if you're out of the rain, you've got some food, a comfy place to sit. Yeah. Got a TV. What more is there, really? What more could you really want? No, I do sort of, I had a little mantra when I was in my 20s, which was if you don't want to do something, you don't have to do it. Don't do it. And I was aware I just wasn't really doing anything. But I mean. But also, if you do follow that philosophy, you might come to a point where you go, nothing matters. I don't really have to do anything. Well, most people who seem to have achieved some kind of enlightened state of mind, generally they seem like they're kind of like nuns or like monks or something.

7:16And they don't really do anything. Yeah, the Buddha. I mean, that's famously what he sat by a tree for about four years or whatever it was. I don't think it was four years. But that was the whole starting of a whole religion. Was he sat by a tree? Yeah. He got visited by some demons or something, and he just didn't pay attention to them. I think I'm simplifying. There's a chance. There's a really big chance I might be simplifying. But he reached enlightenment, and enlightenment basically was, you know, what do you need? You need air, food, and water. Yeah. And the rest is all just sort of a bruising bonus.

7:54I like the idea of, you know, of ignoring the demons. I think that's a good piece of advice. And we do live in a world, don't we, where it's like you're constantly being told there are demons there. You're constantly being like, I was listening to Yuval Noah Harari. Of course. Who wrote Sapiens. Yeah, Sapiens. And he was saying that like. No, was it him that wrote Sapiens? Yeah, no, it was. Yeah, he wrote Sapiens. Yeah, he wrote Sapiens. and like he was sort of saying how you know in in a kind of in a in a in a i suppose yeah like a state of nature essentially if you were i mean i've already read this but yeah explain it to the audience that listen if you were if you were if you're an early human just kind of walking across like the african plain most of it's fairly boring you're like oh there's kind of a shrub there and then there's kind of like, you know, maybe a bird in the sky.

8:54And you're kind of quite bored. Yeah, of course. Actually, that's a bad example. Chill out, guys. And then you see a snake. Right. And you're like, if that doesn't command your entire attention, you'll die. So it's really, really important. Evolutionarily, your biology is designed to make you pay complete, 100 % attention to that snake. And he basically said, and when you're on Instagram, it's basically just going, snake, snake, snake, snake. I mean, it's a point that I've heard other people make, but I just liked how he made it particularly. And Instagram, it is like snake, snake, snake. He's very insightful.

9:33Yeah, I mean, it's - What's his name again? Yvonne Harari. Yvonne Harari, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. And he, yeah. But what were we saying? Oh, yeah. No, we're just - We're not got onto the podcast yet. We can just talk about bollocks for a little while. Yeah, that's fine. Well, the point is... That's an offshoot of Hinduism, right? I don't know. I genuinely don't know. It's not one of the big three monotheistic religions. I thought that... I think it's actually accepted that Hinduism is the oldest practicing religion. I thought it was Zoroastrian. I thought it was Zoroastrianism. I think Zoroastrianism.

10:21That sounds old. I mean, the thing is that you're like, well, that's the oldest one, obviously. Like, that's, come on, Zoroastrian. Yeah, because that's what, like, the Persians and stuff were. Yeah. It's just because it's got Z in it and you're like, well, it's, you know, clearly. Xerxes and them lot. They were, who were, by the way, well, all right. The Persians. The Persians. Right. Yeah, they were sort of, a lot of the time they were seen as liberators more than conquerors. So they had that big thing with Greece. Well, I say Greece. It wasn't Greece at the time, but Athens and Sparta. The people that we would think of as the ancient Greeks.

10:58But that big, the 300 battle. Oh, yeah. It's what the Odyssey is about. And the other one, the Iliad. Iliad, yeah, of course. There's two epic poems. Yeah. And I think they're both about those. I haven't read them. Thamopolis? Yeah, Thamopoli. Thamopoli? Sorry, I'm just hearing Monopoly. Monopoly? Yeah, the Battle of Monopoly. There was a little bloke in a top hat with a monocle and he kept the Persians at bay. That's right. No, but the Persians are like, well, right. Because Athens and Sparta were like, oh, we don't want to get involved in them lot. They're going to come over here in a minute.

11:38They're taking over the world so far and they're awful. They've got all slaves and stuff like that. First of all, they didn't have slaves. All their stuff, I mean, they might have had slaves, but all of their buildings that were built and things like that and all the infrastructure and everything were paid by paid specialists, paid people that, you know, masons and whatnot. They weren't slaves. Yeah. And then secondly, when they conquered you, they'd be like, oh, if you want to get involved in Zoro, what's it called? Well. Zoroastrianism. Yeah, Zoroastrianism. If you want to get involved, cool.

12:15But if you want to practice your religion, we don't give a fuck. It's up to you. And loads of people were like, oh, yeah, they're cool. They were literally like they would liberate people. They were generally quite liberal, which is sort of quite – it goes against, I suppose, the narrative that we have in the Western world of the Middle East. Yes. Of being sort of strict sort of, you know. Well, yeah, I mean, we tend to have this dichotomy of like the West. Like, oh, women can't drive and stuff like that. Yeah. Was it called like, when I was at university, there was this phrase, the West and the rest, which seemed to be banded about.

13:00But I think as a kind of, that's how people in the, people in what they think of as the West think about the world. like we there's always that tendency in history yeah in history to contrast yourself who's right with everyone else who's wrong

13:19but it's funny with just a little touch wasn't it was there a little touch I think a little touch they have their own little world don't they what are they all about mummy and daddy talking again which one of us is mummy oh who is it oh we're both i think we're both mummy both mummy neither of us are ready to we're in a lesbian relationship we're in a lesbian relationship and our children are our shoes our children are our shoes no that's all right they've got their own little children's table down there um but um what's talking about i don't know i don't know at all um well yeah i mean the thing is that if you have like a a large structure that kind of dominates over this sort of in a way links back to this other thing i've been listening to goliath's curse goliath's curse goliath's curse is a book what's that it's a book about states and civilizations and it's like you can kind of look at them you can look at ostensibly benevolent civilizations and say this is actually a structure of domination even like you know what we would call civilized liberal states are still in the end ways of dominating people and you could also look at other types of but you could also look at the other way like and there's quite a lot of examples in history of like empires that because they were like a bit weak and kind of weren't really able to police things very well were actually quite a nice place to live like i think the one that everyone was going on about a few years ago was the Austro-Hungarian Empire.

14:57Yeah. And I watched that Wes Anderson film, Hotel Budapest. There was a kind of, I think there was a kind of, because the Austro-Hungarian Empire, although it was an empire and it had an emperor and wasn't like maybe a democracy in the streets of the sense, I think in hindsight, it wasn't a particularly strong empire. So you kind of do what you wanted. And like, there was quite a lot of diversity. And actually compared to a lot of the stuff that came along afterwards, it starts to look quite good. and I think it's like the famous thing from Life of Brian when it's like the Romans what have they done for us yeah yeah well yeah roads yeah no I think it is often it's often a bit like that but it's interesting how people think of states because I think you can kind of you can look at them it's almost entirely in the eye of the beholder some people seem to see them as entirely sort of structures of oppression and other people are like well yeah but I wouldn't personally I wouldn't want to live in a place that didn't have a state it seems like well it's quite a lot of political ideologies seem to be like oh if we could just get rid of it and you're like well do you want to get you really want to get rid of it I mean anyway but then in a way they are maybe in the end structures of domination what I'm saying is I want to be dominated yeah that's what I'm really saying yeah that's what I'm saying I do too I don't mind it it's fine it's absolutely fine I do like I do like being told what to do it makes my life easier yeah maybe states just need domination but we just need a safety word as citizens that's what we need isn't it yeah we just need a little sort of yeah yeah and i yeah keep taxing me but then when i say banana yeah you've got to stop that's the problem is though is that you end up in a situation um like the league of gentlemen yeah what was that episode i think they run a b &b or something that couple that run a b &b but they're like into sort of dominatrix and sex games and stuff yeah and they end up in those sort of little rubber chambers where they're all getting air through a tube.

16:55And this bloke who's just sort of like, his wife's well into it and he's not. And he's just, he sort of goes, I haven't watched it for years, but he's like, I'm just going to pop to the shops. And as he walks out, he like kicks off the pump, like the plug that keeps giving everyone air. And there's about 20 people that just die, that just suffocate in his B &B. Oh God. League of Gentlemen was full on, wasn't it? League of Gentlemen, man, so good. League of Gentlemen is so good. They're real heroes of mine, all those guys. Yeah. Absolutely brilliant. They felt like they went slightly unsung. Possibly because The Office came along so soon afterwards and everything was about The Office.

17:32Not unsung, but I felt like they were maybe slightly presumed by The Office and everything. And that was all kind of like - I think they were a lot more romantic than The Office. Yeah. That third series of The League of Gentlemen where every episode sort of happens in the same day and it all meets at the end, that car crash or whatever it is. Yeah. It's genuinely genius. Like, it really, really is. Like, that is like... Yeah. That's peak. Like, if I was to write something, it would be fucking set in a swimming pool or something. I don't know. I would just be like, oh, here's a situation and I'll write about that.

18:18Whereas they just sort of really went to places. I think as a young person, it was easier to look at the office and go, I could probably write something like that. It's way more accessible. Because I know people as well. Yes, way more accessible. It was the kind of thing where people would go, oh, this is the kind of thing I would have written. Well, yeah, of course you never would have done. But also, League of Gentlemen, it was very uncomfortable. It was. It was really, really uncomfortable because there was a lot of tragedy going through all the characters. They all had a really, really – and I think that's where you should go with comedy.

18:54I think you should – Well, have you seen them – I think the best way to deal with tragedy and stuff going on in your own life is to be able to – I know it's easier said than done, but to find the funny side of stuff and to be a little bit like, well, if I was looking at this, this could be a sitcom right now. I've dealt with stuff that's gone in my life and I've been like, fucking hell, this would be funny if it was written down. I think both comedy and tragedy are to some extent to do with getting away from denial and moving towards this kind of acceptance. Who's the guy that, the sort of local DJ or something that wants to get the band back to, Creme Brulee!

19:33And it's so heartbreaking. It's so sad. They're really, really interested in that kind of like bygone era of entertainment. like go on let's have a laugh I've got all the old gear with me look we could get it out have a bit of a do all the old songs again and yeah it's like yeah and there is but I think I mean the the town is called Royston Baysy but there is you say more romantic yeah there's something yeah they are there's more of a there's a kind of yearning yeah there's this kind of like there's a nostalgia to it and a deep kind of sadness to it I thought Monkey Dust was the same as well I don't know Have you never seen Monkey Dust?

20:12I don't even know what that is. It's a cartoon. It's a sketch cartoon. It's absolutely brilliant. Like, it's not fucking laugh a minute. No. It's really, really grim. It's basically Black Mirror, about 20 or 25 years before Black Mirror was a thing. Oh, right. And it's really, really grim and dark, but genuinely quite beautiful, quite amazing. Monkey Dust is incredible. I can't believe you've not seen Monkey Dust. I don't think, when was it out? Late 90s, early 2000s? Early 2000s, 2003, the first episode aired. Right. It was BBC Three. Do you know what I'm talking about, Lily-Mann? No, I've not heard of this, but it looks like it's got a great cast as well.

20:59It's brilliant. It's absolutely brilliant. It's really, really grim. It's really grim, but it is very observant and very, and it makes you, it's a comedy that makes you feel a bit of shit about yourself because you're like, oh no, I'm like that. God. Yeah, Monkey Dust is genius. I need to look up the people that did that and what they then went on to do. Just in my head, obviously, it's not about monkeys. No, it's got nothing to do with monkeys at all whatsoever. But it was like there's this one long and it's sketches and I assume they're all made by different people because a lot of the look sort of changes from one sketch to another.

21:52It's as if they've been drawn by another person. Right. And like one of the ongoing things is like this dad thing. who's separated from his wife and he's down on his luck and he's got a son and his wife's moved on and the bloke that she's with now is such a great guy and like he'll turn up with like a a present for his birthday he's like oh yeah um i don't know his name jeffrey got me um got me the bigger one of those and stuff and he's like oh all right yeah that'll be good and then and at the very end like this goes on for like a whole series or whatever and at the very end um the dad's just so heartbroken he's got his son for the weekend or something he's like i'm just gonna go into the other room for a second son he fucking shoots himself or something and uh like it's right yeah it's incredibly dark it's like um i'm amazed i haven't actually like it's like uh do you remember blue jam yeah yeah i do remember that i've got that on dvd and i couldn't watch it yeah i think i watched one episode he's like kevin eldon in it and it's chris morris isn't it yeah it's very very yeah it's chris morris on steroids blue jam has it got an apex twin soundtrack i think it's got a lot of kind of like yeah it's really really yeah um the writers are really interesting so it's A guy called Harry Thompson.

23:23He played a part in like big panel shows like Have I Got News for You? And also the news quiz for Radio 4 really early on. And then he's also worked on things like Never Man the Buscocks. It is very, like Monkey Dust is quite satirical. It's quite sort of. He helped create Ali G. Right. And the other guy is Sean Pye who worked on Extras. Right. He also has worked on a few other little bits, but the 11 o 'clock show as well, they both worked on together. Yeah, but that always makes sense. So like extras, that sort of like getting into the minutiae of a situation, an allergy, a cultural. Yeah. It's basically like it's cultural commentary.

24:07Sounds great. You've got to watch Monkey Dust. It's really, really. I can't believe we've never spoken about it before, to be honest, because it was such a big thing for me. British animation as well. Yeah. British comedy animation is quite sort of few and far between. Yeah. I'd say. Like. Yeah. You've got that. You've got stressed Eric. Oh yeah. Which is really good. Yeah. Mark Heap. Yeah. Was that. I remember stressed Eric's again, it's about a single dad who's got a really stressful job and trying to fucking juggle everything. And everyone basically takes the piss out of him because he's quite mild mannered and quite meek.

24:45and uh and the end of every episode he gets so stressed that a vein comes out of his head and strangles him like that's the sort of hunch line of every episode okay and uh i did a thing with mark heap a few years ago and i went and spoke to him and i was because he's fucking brilliant like mark heap kevin eldon all those people i absolutely loved a bit that is an amazing like mark heap in uh mark heap in fucking brass eye um when he's talking to the cow or something he's like fucking idiot fucking idiot idiot idiot stupid idiot and um and i said to mark i said i gotta tell you this story right um you actually put my not him not you know but yeah i was like you actually uh put my wife into labor i was like we were she was like jew ready to go and stuff and we started watching stressed eric right and she claims to this day watching that fucking got so intense and stuff that we ended up then having to go to hospital and then we had a baby at the end of it bloody hell well because like it made her it's a stressful watch isn't it it's annoying incredibly hilarious brilliant characters um the stressed eric cartoon is a sort of um it's a it's a partnership between i think i assume some british production company and the people that I think made Rugrats and Real Monsters and stuff like that.

26:10Calypso something. Oh, right. We're getting really comedy nerdy now. This is stuff I like. I don't know if people will enjoy listening to this, but I love like... I've always struggled. Apart from The Simpsons, I can never quite get into animation. I don't know why. I really like adult animation. I really do. There's some really good stuff. There's a really bizarre one. I say, now I'm sure I'm really late to this bandwagon. There's this thing called Smiling Friends. And it's really off the wall and really weird and really bizarre. I think it's like a, what's the grown-up cartoon network thing called again?

26:53Adult Swim or something like that. Yeah, that sort of thing. Rick and Morty. Rick and Morty's great. You'd love Rick. Have you watched Rick and Morty? One of my brothers likes Rick and Morty. You would be well into Rick and Morty. Is it? It's like the Doc and it's sort of got this kind of back into the future. That's how it started. It was Doc and Marty. Yeah, okay. Okay. And then they sort of expanded on those characters and they're like, well, we can't call it Doc and Marty. So they called it Rick and Morty. And it's really like Rick and Morty's great. Rick and Morty's brilliant. I actually, I was watching Rick and Morty a lot before anyone else in Britain was watching because an American friend of mine was like, oh, you've got to check this out.

27:34and I managed to sort of get hold of it and stuff. And then it became a thing. I think I almost have a sense with animation that there's so much of it that I don't know how to kind of... Because with The Office, it was like, oh, there's a season. There's an arc to it. And The Simpsons was slightly case apart. But I'm just trying to work out why I seem to have some massive block watching adult animation. I think you'd like Rick and Morty. I think F for Family is really good. Bill Murr? Is that his name? What's his name? Bill Burr. What's his name? I think it's Bill Burr. Bill Burr. That one was quite, that one's quite sad as well, I remember, like, feeling quite tragic.

28:13Quite sort of, yeah. Do you think that, um, cartoons tend to be sad because it's, it's a more poignant juxtaposition that it's a cartoon which would normally be like, Well, that's the thing, yeah. Looney Tunes and kind of, I think that's what you've got in your head. I think it's easy to write off a cartoon and be like, oh, well, they're, you know, yeah i think uh bojack horseman i love will on it bojack horseman you should watch a bit of that it's about a bloke that was in a successful sitcom at one point in his life yeah and now he's not sure how am i supposed to relate to that exactly um and he's i mean the thing about bojack horseman was like it's is it like some of the people are people and some of them it's all nonsense it's it's it's incredible pathos and genuine heart and tragedy disguised as a cartoon yeah and i think i love that i'm well into that i love all that sort of stuff why do you think that why choose to make something a cartoon rather than live action because you can you can create a world that doesn't exist you can completely just create the whole yeah uh and you can go to places that you wouldn't be you would you can't go to on i i think it's a great medium i think it's a really incredible i mean like ask the japanese all their anime and things like that they go to oh like it's all fantasy and um and some of that stuff i don't know too much about it my oldest kid knows more about it than me he knows a lot more about like spirited away and stuff like that yeah and um but he also then talks to me and he's like this is all hand drawn this is all this is all like this was made in 1984 or something like that yeah and it's still breathtaking to look at it's still like you can definitely see there's so much care and thought i saw a thing on instagram which was like at the end of the day it's a cartoon yeah so it's sort of no i think i don't know maybe i have some kind of inherent snobbery about cartoons i should push on get rid of um but then again i did always watch simpsons so i don't know like um there's there's the simpsons traversed it they're quite quick are they just a bit too quick for me i think there's a kind of there's a sort of they often seem quite quite spiky and quite flippant and quite sharp in a way that makes me feel like oh god well i it's like what you were saying before about this The Simpsons, how they were so engrossed in the, you know, don't sit too close to the TV or rot your brain.

30:52The Simpsons is primarily, yeah. It was the MTV generation. Yeah, yeah. Where everything had to be fucking like bright and yellow and had to be there right then and then. Yeah. And now we've gone further. Now we've gone even further than that. Like people can't watch something that's longer than 20 seconds now. i've put out instagram reels that are like 30 seconds long and you can you get the um analytics and stuff of how well that video is done yeah and it is like people watch the first five seconds and then it just drops off and yeah it's yeah it's worse isn't it uh but you gotta give monkey dust a little go i think it's on i've got it on itunes i don't know if it's still on there i say itunes is that antiquated now you don't say itunes anymore do you there might be a iTunes I don't know Apple TV Apple Store or something yeah I still I've until quite recently I was trying to find iTunes I was like yeah it's called Apple Music isn't it I think there might be episodes that have been put up on YouTube yeah go and check it out it's really good it's really really good Joe and James Joe and James Joe and James Joe and James Facts Up I should probably say that just as we did a little cold open there I needed to go to the loo before we actually started the podcast, so long we were talking for.

32:17And you know me. I like a little sit-down way. Yeah, that's right. I absentmindedly just plonked myself on the toilet. The seat was up. Oh. Yeah. The seat was up. I'm so sorry. It was all cold. So you were just on the rim. I was just on the porcelain. gave me the shock of my life and then he jumped out my skin my yeah that's what happened to larry david wasn't it in an episode yeah it's his back or something because he just falls into the toilet anyway anyway i always put the seat down i would just like to put that i never lift the seat up if i'm at home i'm not standing to piss in my own house sit down relax enjoy yourself i do on a couple of instagram reels or something anyway i also sit down to eat just so i've honest sure yeah um um let's do the old podcast shall we here we go can so girls can't stand to piss at all i reckon some could i know nothing about the female anatomy at all whatsoever i remember one time claire was having a claire's sorry just false false i don't know if i spoke about this on mine and claire's podcast before but there was a early on i sort of get the gist of it now of the situation but early on when i was going out with it's the first girl i've ever lived with by the way claire and um and her period started at like an inconvenient time.

33:54We were supposed to do something that day or that evening or something. And I said, why don't you just like sit on the toilet and just push it all out in one go? Fuck's sake. And she was like, that's not how it works. I was like, what if you really like gave a big push or something? I don't know. I know nothing about women. Oh, yeah. No, I mean, I don't know very much more, but I know it doesn't. I know you can't do that. I don't know. I don't know how I'd be able to live if I couldn't, like, you know, stumbling home from the pub or something, just piss in a bush or something like that. That would be such an inconvenience to my life.

34:34Yeah. Quite lucky, aren't we? We are quite lucky. We should remember that. Anyway, welcome to Joe and James Facts Up. I think this is a funny appendage, but it is helpful sometimes. It is. It makes sense to me. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? anyway welcome to joe and james facts up where each week we'll be bringing facts to one another that we deem interesting and our policy is the more interesting the more true it is we'll also dig into the weird things that you'd like to think are true but don't want to research yourself in a segment that we call fact check um we're also doing our tournament at the moment um it's called the world up if you think uh that you've got a real fucking if you think you've got the best fact better than anyone else's then send it into us your money where your mouth is absolutely Absolutely.

35:17Our email is hello at joeandjamespod.com. Our WhatsApp is 07822034330. And our socials are at joeandjamespod. And you can watch all our episodes in full on YouTube. Just search for Joe and James Facts Up. Now, let's get fact up.

35:38Hi, I'm Nick, co-host of The Best One Yet. You optimize your workouts, your portfolios, and that rando startup idea that hit you in the middle of the shower. But if you're not hydrated, you're already playing catch-up. So we keep a stash of liquid IV in our studio. One stick mixed into 16 ounces of water is clinically demonstrated to hydrate faster than water alone with three times the electrolytes of the leading sports drink, plus eight vitamins and nutrients. Whether you're traveling, exercising, or podcasting the best business news ever, Liquid IV makes it easy to stay hydrated wherever life takes you.

36:07So shop now at liquidiv.com. Liquid IV hydration that goes wherever life takes you. Hi, my name's Alistair Green. Are you going to say your name or just have a massive pause? Oh God, that was revile. My name's Rachel, yeah, Stomachs. It's a podcast that we make. It's called Don't Think So Somehow. And all we do is bicker. It's largely pointless we don't really get on or even enjoy doing it i got id for alcohol the other day you're joking yeah in leeds that's mad it's like id and judy dench this might just be a podcast for you don't think so somehow every time i get a message saying loving the new podcast i'm like why why

36:56okay so you guys have been sending in some real fact up stuff for us to discuss got a uh i got a message here uh via the whatsapp from sophie and pete is this going to be another one of those situations where it's just definitely from sophie yeah and pete has just been added to the well yeah who is it wasn't it the couple from New York. Yeah. And it was just from her. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She just stuck his name on it. What was that? It's like when you do birthday cards or Christmas gifts, isn't it? I can't write, so Claire has to write all of those. But it was that sketch with Carolina Hearn and Thompson, Steve Thompson.

37:37What's his name? Where it was like they were a couple and she'd be rabbiting on and he'd be like, right. And you're like, child dear. oh yeah okay um so steve sophie not steve sophie and pete say hello joe and james thought you might like this as you spoke about e17 on the pod last week that would have been a while ago yeah that's right back in 2006 my husband worked in a bar and e17 were booked to do a set at 9 p.m they sat upstairs drinking and finally came down at quarter past 11 did one song and then fucked off yeah rock and roll. They left a suitcase in the room that they brought to get ready.

38:21They left Henley's tops and Lacoste t-shirts, which were big at the time. So my husband and the other chef stole the t-shirts and wore them for the next few weeks. Love the pod. Sophie and Pete. Not a fact, but thanks. It's a fact. It's a fact. Yeah. We don't always want facts, do we? We want other bits and bobs. I bloody love E17. Yeah, I like E17. Disappointed by this behaviour. Who's Whose behaviour? E17. They should have played more than, you know, one song. Oh, yeah, in that situation, yeah. They're playing more than one song. But they were the bad... Late to the stage, maybe. They were the bad boys of pop.

38:56They were the bad boys. They were street and they were real. They were the anti-take that. Yeah, yeah. Who I also love. Love to take that as well. Did you see Robbie Williams?

39:09Send me a comment. Did he send you a comment? He sent me a comment on one of my Instagram posts. I did not see this. Saying, oh, I saw what you said about me. And I'm a big fan. And that was so kind of you. Oh, my goodness. Yeah. I was nice about him as well. Where's my Rob Williams comment? Which is James was nice about him. Yeah. I was being nice too. Sorry. Not nice enough. Well, that's lovely. Yeah, great. One step closer to getting him on the pod. Well, maybe you're a pod to get rid of me. Well, he'll sit in that chair, obviously. Unbelievable thing to say. they love Henley I'm not sure what Henley's tops are Henley's yeah are they sort of rugby look let me get a picture of them and Lacoste I know what Lacoste is obviously the crocodile yeah Henley's have that is that right oh yeah there you go with the text it kind of looks like something you'd wear on the in-betweenies in-betweenies sure that's the CBBC version yeah that's like on the telly tubbers where they have like the mini telly tubbers that's the next generation yeah oh yeah yeah I'm a nerd I'm stupid I love the girls I'm a big pervert one two three

40:29I remember when I first started going out with Claire oh yeah yeah that's quite what like Neil would wear yeah yeah absolutely I remember when I first started going out with Claire Claire's mum sent her a text saying I'm trying to find The Incredibles on the television I can't find it anywhere It's the Inbetweeners

40:56I'm upset about that The Inbetweeners No it's both good names Listen don't get me wrong Stay tuned there'll be a cartoon called The Inbetweeners I want some cash from that Oh, we've got a message here from Rebecca. I assume she's going to follow up from our, it says here burying sausages because we were talking about that before. So we're moving on from the E17. We're just saying, fine, you know, acceptable form of payment. That's just great. Fine. Sorry. That's just great. I've said it before because I've got both my ears pierced. Yeah. I had both ears. I had earrings because I wanted to be like Brian Harvey from East 17.

41:44But you've got to remember, I was Dagnum, sort of East London. They were real sort of – they were real heroes when I grew up. I was in, like, primary school and stuff. Anyway, Rebecca's got a message. Hi. The sausage thing is true. Do you know what? I've heard the sausage theory thing outside of the podcast recently over the last couple of weeks. Incredible. Because the weather, it was supposed to rain And the bride-to-be said, I will bury a sausage or something So, yeah, the sausage thing is true My friend got married last month and she buried a sausage Not sure if it was raw or cooked However, the sun was shining all day long for the wedding Mind you, she did buy us some Etsy spells for the weather too So what, is that some spells from Etsy?

42:31Yeah You can buy spells? Yeah, you know about Etsy witches? No So there's witches that live on Etsy and you can buy spells from them. So like hex your ex-boyfriend or something. Yeah, that's what I want to know. So Etsy as in the shop. Yeah. That's where all the witches are these days. They're all on Etsy. Yeah. Yeah, totally. So it could have been the sausage, could have been the spells. Rebecca goes on to say, love listening to your absolute bullshit, Rebecca in Durham. Did I not take that one out? No, but to be fair, it's accurate. Very accurate. It's actually quite polite compared to what it is.

43:07That's what this podcast should have been called. Absolute bullshit. Absolute bullshit. Yeah. So the sausage thing is, well, so everyone's doing it. It's working. Wasn't the in-betweeners going to be called Pricks? No, Dickheads. That was it. Dickheads. Yeah. They're like, oh, we can't do that. We can't call a show Dickheads. Chris Young wanted to call it 1234. I know. What? 1234. for the in between the in between the name of the in between the show came really really like it was made it was ready to go on television and it got to the point where it's like what the fuck are we going to call this thing yeah wow yeah i think it's a good name i think it's a it's now it's the right name at the time i was a bit like whatever like you know when someone says the name of their kid and you're like yeah it's fine i mean it's not terrible it's just like yeah the child can grow up With that name, fine.

43:58It was, I remember the attitude being very much like, that'll do. Yeah. No one's got anything better. No one's suggested anything better than The Inbetweeners, so we'll call it that. In a way, they totally match the attitude of the - There's a song called The Inbetweener, isn't there? Yeah, there is. It's some - It's a Dalman Albans ex-girlfriend. What was her band called? Sleeper. Is it Sleeper? Yes. Yeah. Justine Frishman. There you go. It's my era. I think the name helped people understand themselves In their school setting though Yeah I think that was a very very lucky coincidence Yeah Because a lot of people are like Well you know because it's in between sort of adolescence And adulthood And they're also you know They're not the cool kids Well that was the original thing wasn't it The original thing was that we weren't the cool kids But we weren't the geeks We were sort of the in betweeners But now when you think about the in betweeners They were fucking lunatic.

44:58They were worse than the geeks. The geeks were fine. The geeks were all right. These boys were creating all kinds of problems for themselves. They should have just got on with some stuff. Yeah. There's a bit of madness to be made in the middle though, isn't it? When you don't have the attention from either thing. I suppose one of the... Ian and Damon always said when they were writing the show, their kind of unofficial motto for the show they always had in their head was teenage boys are dickheads so like i think the idea is that even if you take like a fairly large like median sample of teenage boys they'll just that these aren't even the worst ones but they'll be like totally hopeless useless feckless like they'll fuck everything up weren't the donovans yeah i mean you i think you have to go quite far to the extremes to find anything other than just the general sort of fecklessness yeah that's what me and all my friends were and like Like, we were kind of comfortably in the middle.

46:01It wasn't like we were even the most losery of that. We were just... Yeah, there was a pecking order. There's a pecking order. It's just the middle is very big, basically. The number of generic teenage boys is most teenage boys, I think. I wish I was popular at school. I think my life would have been a lot easier if I was popular at school. I was popular at school but I think I did it by being nice I was unpopular but I was also really sarcastic and had a joke about everything I was just a pathetic people pleaser I was like I'm going to make sure everyone likes me no I'm going to make sure that people laugh at me and find me funny I was unbearable at school I hate bumping into someone I've met from school because I'm just like oh no Oh, you remember when I was just a fucking dickhead.

46:56But I wasn't popular by any means at all whatsoever. And I was still bullied and stuff. I still had some problems with all that kind of nonsense. I wasn't a bully at school or particularly mean or anything, but I was just a bit of a sort of like, I don't know. It was really bizarre. I sort of wanted attention at school. Now I can't think of anything worse. I don't want anyone to give me any attention I'd rather just come and go not have anyone look at me or anything whereas at school I was like I'm going to be a star one day fucking unbearable absolutely unbearable anyway I don't have a lot of friends from my actual school anymore I got friends that I grew up with in my town but I went to a different school to my town You left, didn't you?

47:50Right? Yeah. At 16? Yeah, everyone has to. Eventually. Well, no, you left the town, didn't you? What's that? You moved, didn't you? I did move, yeah. My parents moved. Yeah, not long after I left school, yeah. And I was stuck in a town where I didn't know anyone, or there was no opportunity to meet anyone. And I had to constantly try and find ways to get back to Dagenham. I was like, how do I fucking get back to my mates? Anyway. Hey, Joe. Yes. I don't know if you've heard, but there's a tournament going on at the moment. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Everyone's talking about it. Everyone's going on about it.

48:31Everyone's going crazy about it. It's just like every single piece of merchandise in every shop has got this just plastered over it. Absolutely, yeah. Everyone's cashing in on this tournament. You've seen those big screens Like in public spaces Where people are like Just going to watch it Box park and stuff They all want to know What's going on Yeah They're all outside Wembley at the moment Yeah Because they want to They want to watch They want to know What's happening With the world up Yeah It is time for What are we? Round four Match four Match four of five Match four of the world up 2026 Yeah Hey We've got a jingle for it There are so many facts, but which one is the best?

49:28Only the world of has the power to decide.

49:50At no point could I look at where the first beat of the bar was. So we've got three weeks, including this one. Yeah, so this week, match five, final. Yeah, so for the next three weeks, we'll be pitting your facts against one another to crown the ultimate fact up fact. It's important, Joe. It is important. It is important. I mean, we're sort of saying like what's like the one truth that we can organize everything around. The world stops, doesn't it? Now that the world up is happening at the moment, you know, hotel room prices are going through the roof and people are selling their homes to follow this tournament.

50:30so it's a lot like it's a lot like the Battle of Hastings day Joe where everyone just stops everything it is you know people are stopping work right now because they're like we've got to tune in to Joe and James because we've got to find out the fact type of results yeah all those people having sickies well but even the bosses are going yeah sure fair enough go on well they're bloody watching it as well that's why so Joe I think The manager's doing it. And that's the boss. So what sort of day is it? We're in heat four. Here we go. We're in heat four. Is that what the actual World Cup's being called, do you reckon?

51:09The what? It's a football tournament. Heat. It's a soccer tournament. Sounds rubbish. Because it's sort of America, Canada and Mexico. Yeah. It's not group stages, is it? It's like heats. They probably call the teams like freshmen. Yeah. And they're going to get to the playoffs. And, oh, it's going to be a disaster. They're feeling pretty embarrassed that it's been scheduled at the same time as this. I think it's going to be terrible. They weren't to know. I think the coverage of the World Cup is going to be, everyone's going to find it really annoying. But don't worry, because we've got the world up.

51:45Joe, who have we got first? Well, this fact comes from Charlotte via WhatsApp. Right. Okay. There's a chicken named Mike. Oh, we can't do this one. Why? Well, it is on the Ricky Gervais show. I know, but we talk about the Ricky Gervais show too much. But we haven't specifically done this fact. We definitely have. We haven't. No, we haven't. I don't think we have. We haven't done this. I don't think we... Oh, no. I don't... It's been sent in. I thought it was good. So Charlotte, who has also listened to the Ricky Gervais show, has given us their fact. Here we go. There's a chicken named Mike that survived for 18 months after its head was cut off because part of its brain stone was still intact.

52:27Yes. It was fed with an eyedropper. That's correct. Also, I met Joe after showing Falmouth last year. He was the most lovely man. That's nice. You are lovely. Oh, thank you. You are very lovely. That's Charlotte from Red Ruth Cornwall. Charlotte, good fact. We already know, and everyone listening to this already knows, that that's true. It's a strong fact. It became a side show, didn't it? It became a sort of a tourist attraction. Yeah. he used like a pipette to drop nutrients and proteins and stuff into its hole yeah yeah um he uh i'll tell you something yeah um here's one thing that i've just that i always think whenever i re-listen to the podcast the ricky gervais podcast yes um but i never follow up i never sort of go oh i should really look that up so the brain stem was intact so was there still a bit of the chicken's head flapping about no i assume the brain was in the skull no i think the idea is is the idea is that did he chop it wonky or something that the nerve the central nervous system such as is is the brain but also even in humans some of it is in kind of the upper spinal column like some of the right some of the machinery it's not all just up here some of it's kind of down here a thing came up for me on instagram the other day where a bloke was like he went to the doctor or something he went to hospital he was like saying i've got pins and needles in my legs and things and they were like oh we can't work it out must be a nervous thing so they did like a ct scan of his brain and it's fucking hollow oh he's got like a bit of brain going around his skull but the The inside of the brain, he's got like a brain.

54:17If you had a model of a brain, like a porcelain model where they just sort of used some sort of mould or something, that's what he had. The inside of his brain, like 90 % of his brain wasn't there. And still to this day, like scientists and doctors are like, how the fuck has he got to this point in his life? I feel like I've heard a similar story as well. I think the brain is incredibly good at repurposing neurons. So making connections somewhere. Yeah, so if you lose, if you can recover from brain damage because the brain will kind of move it somewhere else. Well, they're sort of lobotomies in a way, weren't they?

54:58They take out a chunk of the brain or they put a spike in the brain and sever some stuff, but they'd still, even though they weren't completely normal, but they'd still walk about and stuff. And I feel like I've heard that story or like, or maybe a similar story. But I mean, with this one, I mean, yeah, it's just... Do you want to see a picture of him? Yes, please. Yeah, I'm sure I've already seen a picture of him. Oh, yeah, okay. His face kind of looks like, and I hate to say anus. It's a bit like it, yes. It's like a beaver's anus a little bit. Well, there you go. Which will do this fact some favours.

55:37Yeah. So that's a strong fact. Yeah, well, Beaver Anus might start freaking out when it sees its doppelganger. It might. Oh, my God. I thought that was... Listen, it might fucking... It might shit it in the final when it gets to squeaky bum time. Let's see how squeaky the Beaver's anus is. Yeah. But, yeah, no, it's a true... We all know this fact. It's a great fact. It's brilliant. And to me, the fact that it comes via, you know, the British British show, it's fine. I mean, it's via Pilkington. Yeah. I think it does it favours, especially on this podcast and our listenership. Hey, Joe. Is there anything else that we can sort of – It's sort of cut and dry, that one.

56:23We're going over really, really well-trodden ground here. How long do you think you would last without your head? If you could just function. Well, if I had the bit of the – do I have the little – Well, you'd have to see how many times I blink. Just count how many times I blink. And then that's Pilkington. Pilkington's got a really good... Pilkington was obsessed with beheading for a little while. What it was really good is that, so one version he says that the head got cut off and when it was in the basket, it blinked a certain number of times to see how long. And that was a kind of genuine experiment.

57:00But then in another version of the story... Was there a body walking around? He kind of misremembers it and says that the body without the head continued to walk. he's got it that they painted a line on the ground and it was like walking along. And he says by the end, it sort of just couldn't be bothered. It was like, the reason why people don't do things in the ending, car people can destroy us is always because they can't be bothered. It's like, it sort of couldn't be bothered doing it anymore. And it was just getting a bit annoyed. And then there's another version where he said, oh no, the first version.

57:28So the blinking is the correct thing. It was how it was the guy, he was a scientist, he was beheaded. He said, I'm going to keep blinking. Was he beheaded because like sort of crimes against God or something like that. Yeah, something like that, probably. Or maybe, well, no, probably, frankly, probably just because he was still, maybe if it was the French Revolution, it might even have been the other way round. It might have been that he was still practicing Catholicism and they said, no, you can't do that anymore. Anyway, so whatever. No, but then he was a scientist. Yeah. Don't know. Anyway.

57:58That is, that's the reaction after listening to the Ricky Gervais podcast. Yeah. I remember listening to it when I, like years ago and listening to the first time, It was like me trying to connect the dots with Carl Pilkington. Me helping him. As a listener, I'd help him. Because Gervais and Merchant would be like, come on, mate. So in real life, it was the scientist was blinking. Pilkington had it when it was just the head. He said they'd chat a load of questions at it. Yeah. And it was answering. And then he said by then it couldn't be bothered to answer. Amazing. Isn't the funny thing about that?

58:34is like, oh, what's that story that you said about the beheading? And he had gone from blinking to, oh yeah, and he was chucking a load of questions at him. And then after that, it becomes that the body is walking along a line. They drew a line on the floor. Anyway, so yeah, the, yes. Hey, listen. I think it's, the detail that always stands out to me is it was called Mike. It's just a sort of kind of bog standard name. Really. Sort of like. It's a brilliant fact. Yeah. With an eyedropper. Yeah. And we know it to be true anyway. And I'm sort of predisposed to put Charlotte through because she's so said I'm so as a lovely man in Falmouth.

59:19So. Yeah. That's brownie points. You know. Well, listen, let's take a little ad break and then we'll find out what Mike the Headless Chicken is up against after some stuff that you can buy, I suppose. Go and buy some stuff. Why not?

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1:00:41This summer, wherever you go, take your favourite podcasts with you. I've downloaded six episodes of Help I Sex with My Boss. That's a long flight. No, that's just getting through security. Our group chat's basically become Get A Grip. Every week someone's sending clips from Andrew and Vicky. I'm on UK True Crime. Walking the dog, heading to the pub. Oh, it's totally become my thing. Well, I listen in the hot tub. I haven't dropped my phone in. Well, yeah, anyway. Wherever summer takes you, hit follow on your favourite podcasts and search Audio Always on any podcast app to discover your next favourite listen.

1:01:19Joe, we are right. That was halftime. That was the halftime whistle. The halftime whistle's just gone. Maybe we could do a little whistle. Some sound effects. Sound effect or something. I don't know. This is one of those situations where me and Joe should be more involved and maybe give you some ideas. That's okay. The good thing about recording in advance. Instead of getting towards the end of the tournament and being like, hey, it'd be good if we did this and did that. But maybe we'll do all that. And then by this episode, everyone will understand why. Brilliant. So that's nice. This one, I do like this name.

1:01:56So, Joe, we were just talking about Mike the Headless Chicken. We're going to find out now who Mike is up against. And this one comes from Monty. I like that name. Yeah, I like it. Monty. What's the first thing you think of? Monty Don. Oh, Monty Don. Yeah. Oh, Monty Python. No, I wasn't even going to go there. My great-grand had a dog called Monty. Monty. That wasn't what I was thinking of either. I was thinking of Burns Oh Monty Burns Anyway They're all fine I see him as a Montgomery Yeah Montgomery Burns Yeah but I think Montgomery more than Monty Anyway Monty via Instagram says A day on Venus lasts longer than a year on Venus I love stuff like that I actually love that So it takes Venus longer to turn than it does to go around the sun.

1:02:51Exactly. Which is amazing. That is amazing. It is amazing. Have you seen those? I mean, it seems a shame. It's going to be difficult for us to, you know, do you think we'll ever experience that? This is the group of death. This is a real group of death. Both these facts. They are both quite. Should maybe go through. They're both quite Gervasian as well, actually. I think they like all space and stuff, don't they, as well? I love space stuff. Have you seen the pictures? Do you remember? Do you remember? It was before we were born. When they went to the moon? No, when the Soviets sent a ship down to Venus.

1:03:36No. And took pictures of the surface and stuff like that. It lasted for about half an hour or something before it was completely destroyed by the conditions. So it just got burned up, but it did send some stuff back. But it got to the surface. It went to Venus's surface. That's amazing. I think, is there a lot of pressure on Venus or something? There's something going on on Venus. It's so unhospitable, Venus. Because that's the irony. It was always like Earth's twin. Like when they first started doing astronomy and stuff like that, a lot of people theorised that Venus was another Earth. but it is so like this fucking it's chock full of sulfur and all sorts and it's awful I wouldn't want to go there on holiday go on also you could spend a whole year there and you wouldn't let anyone near me die if you book seven nights in a hotel on Venus bloody hell can I recommend there's a really nice song it's for children really about planets go on it's nursery rhymes one two three uh the planet song it's really good do you want to sing it do you want to sing it so it goes um uh the one about venus so it goes i am the sun i'm a burning butterfly i'm very big hang on a minute isn't that just our house is a very very no no no no i don't think so Our house is a very, very, very nice house Anyway, the verse about Venus goes I am Venus I'm the same size as the earth But I spin the other way And much more slowly I have no water I am Venus It goes like that It's a nice song, I just think, for anyone It's really lovely That's really nice Yeah It does spin the opposite way, though Yeah It does I think there's only like a couple of planets in the solar system.

1:05:41There's one planet that's a bit wibbly-wobbly. It goes all over the place. I can't remember which one that is. Has it got an elliptical orbit? Is that what you... No, no. The way it spins, it's sort of... Oh, really? It's a bit like... But there's a thing. There's some sort of thing where after an amount of time,

1:06:08It's sort of like Darwinism in a bit. Eventually, planets that are orbiting a star will basically turn the – they'll all go the same way. Unless something drastic happens, they'll all be sort of going the same way. Whereas Venus doesn't. Venus dances to its own drum beat. Venus is like the goth of the planet. So, yeah, fuck it. I've got a comic on that. No, that's Uranus, surely. Yes. Because it's all cold and dark and spooky. And they bully it. It's called Uranus. They bully it, yeah. Anyway, yeah, that's a great fact. It's a really good fact. Yeah. It's come to the point now where we've got to go, whether we've got to go with Mike, the headless chicken, or that a day is longer than...

1:07:06I'm leaning towards the Venus thing just because I love space. I know that the headless chicken fact is brilliant. We love it. I've got years worth of entertainment out of that. Maybe just because... I know that she said that you were lovely. I'm going to feel really guilty if we don't put the chicken... Is that what's going to get Charlotte into the final? Joe no you know what I can't are you thinking of your penis

1:07:37it has to be objective doesn't it yeah you can't have flattery here and and um you know no I say do yeah so we make our own rules up we can do whatever we want we're the governing body of this I this tournament because I wouldn't mind a bit more flattery. I wouldn't mind a bit more. You know, here's a fact for you. Also, James, I like the shirt you were wearing the other day. That sort of thing. That might help out. Might help your calls. That's nice. Each fact also comes with a little bit of a fact and a compliment. Yeah. Lovely package. Just, yeah, facts and a compliment. I mean, that's... Lily May, a little compliment coming your way.

1:08:22I'd love that. Yeah, one for Lily May. You've got to get through me, which I'm putting them through to you. Yeah, it goes through you first. And compliments will absolutely get you everywhere. Yeah, we don't even know. Heaven knows what's happened further up the chain. So has there been any really good facts that they've just sort of slagged you off a little bit and you've gone, oh, you're not going through then, son? Yeah, exactly. Yeah. And loads of people are slagging me off as well. None of them are getting through. No, they're not.

1:08:51I wouldn't slag Limeo off if you want to get anywhere really no not if I want a podcast to be made or to have any kind of structure I'm sure I'm pretty confident there will have been corruption higher up the chain but I'm saying it's going to stop now you can't have a world tournament without a bit of you know without some palms being greased and stuff you know it's just the way that things get done that's the fifa motto certainly was joe i'll leave it up to you joe i've said who i want to go through sorry my ring doorbell was going on i'll said who i want to go through uh now it's up to you whether you're i think wherever you're a man of uh no look i mean conviction ultimately the podcast has to come first uh and i think that because the chicken in fact has been well represented elsewhere.

1:09:47Yeah. I think the world up, if it's about anything, is about actually discovering talent. And I think Venus has got it. Okay. So Venus, I think you're going to go through. Well done, Monty. Venus is through to the final. Congratulations. Well done. We'll have to try and be quite difficult to schedule Venus for the final. Cause obviously we'll say, you know, it's in a week's time and then they'll turn up in 40 years time. Yeah. We'll try and we'll work it out. Well, Venus has got two Earth weeks to go. Yeah. So just you work that out. That's right, isn't it? Yeah. From this point? Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

1:10:31Two Earth weeks to go. So Venus, we'll leave it with you. Make your own way there. Okay. Well, let's wrap it up, Joe. That's it for this week. That's it for this week. What have we learned? Well, we've learned, not really learned. I know we already knew about the headless chicken, not to discredit it. It's still a fact. It's still a great fact. It's still very interesting. We've learned about Venus. About Venus. Yeah. Again, maybe realer. Maybe I knew, but it's worth being reminded about time on other worlds. Absolutely. We learned about monkey dust. We did learn about monkey dust. That was good chat.

1:11:04We hope that you've learned something or at least had a nice time. We'll be back next week armed with more facts, chats and another World Up match. I don't think I did that in the last episode. Nah, but it's fine. It's fine. It's fine. Don't forget that you can get in touch with us if you'd like us to fact check something. Our email is hello at joandjamespod.com Our WhatsApp is 07822 034 330 and you can follow us on social media. Our name on social media is at joandjamespod and head to the podcast description if you've already forgotten on what I said or if it didn't quite make sense. Goodbye, guys.

1:11:41We'll see you next week. Bye, everyone. Bye. Bye.

1:11:48Joe and James Factor.

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