Playing Cards and Curling One Out

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1:06Oh, I've got bought another t-shirt if we wanted to make it look like it's another. Oh, you have done that? Yeah. I didn't think you did. I did. It's not iron, but I've got a sweatshirt to put over the top, so it'll work. Do you want to do that? You can do it. Do you want to do that? I was told it wasn't. I've brought another shirt as well, but I've been. Like, we've got it. Should we do it? Well, then my hair gets messed up. Okay, let's leave it. Leave it then. Am I just obviously wearing the same thing? Yeah, but I am as well. It's fine. Are they going to kick off and go... Who's going to have a go at us for making two episodes of the podcast?

1:36It just adds engagement to the post. Yeah. Oh, they've done this with everyone the same day. Yeah. Okay. They like that. Keep listening. People love it. Yeah. Okay. People love it. People love it. Anyway, people love it and we'll do one more for safety.

1:54Yeah. yeah yeah yeah okay um yes we are doing a podcast right now and we are recording and um me and joe are constantly uh getting the note one more for safety just to just to just to bring our listener up yep which i think is a polite way of saying that was shit do it again yeah well yeah if by safe they mean yeah yeah at an acceptable level absolutely yeah Joe and James. Joe and James. It's fucked up again. Joe and James, Joe and James, Joe and James. Joe and James, fucked up. Hey, listen, welcome to Joe and James, fucked up. Thank you for joining us. Hello. Each week we'll be bringing one another a fact that we deem interesting.

2:46And our policy is, and this is policy here, the more interesting, the more true it is. That's what we're saying. That's it. That's the bar that we've set. we'll unpack it we'll debate it and then we'll probably start talking about some stuff that has nothing to do with it obviously we'll also dig in to the weird things that you'd like to think are true but don't can't be bothered to research in a segment that we're calling Fact Checked no we're not calling it that we're calling it Fact Check yeah we are calling it yeah one mother's eighth we've always called it Fact Check check because of that for once of a better word fact check yeah so if you want to send in your facts for us our email is hello at joe and james pod.com yeah and our whatsapp is our number we've got a phone number here get in contact 07822 034 330 and our socials are at joe and james pod and you can DM us anything that you think that me and Joe will find interesting that you consider as a fact.

3:54I'll be honest with you. Doesn't have to be a fact. It doesn't have to be a fact. Last week's wasn't even if it was a question. It was literally a question. Yeah. It was like, well, what? Yeah. So how's that fact? So listen, if you want, it can be anything. If you've got something that you're not sure is a fact that you want me and Joe to verify. And again, we'll verify if we think it sounds right. but also if you've got a fact that you don't know whether it's a fact or not we'll still talk about that you can also head to the podcast description if you've also if you've already forgotten about all that stuff which I have as well hello at James James and no that's fine don't start saying that no head over to the description honestly yeah otherwise we'll loop round and that's that yeah anyway Joe how have you been I've been actually really well yeah just We don't have to.

4:45Should we, you know, we're wearing the same clothes as we wore last week. We're clearly recording one. We haven't gone home and put back on. We're recording one podcast after the other. Not forever, just two at a time. I think what we should do is just come up with a uniform. Yeah, like Steve Jobs, which we are like, really, because we're doing a similar sort of thing. The black polo neck, the blue jeans. What's wrong with that? That's fine. I imagine he just had I haven't got any jeans that fit me anymore though have you got any jeans that fit you I've just bought some yesterday I've just like given mine away which was horrible I just bought some yesterday because I was I was like I haven't got any more jeans that I'm like I need to talk myself out since since Covid not because of Covid but since Covid and the lockdown keep this in keep it in bless this is all good bless you yeah since I haven't really next week will be a fact about sneezing oh hello there we go yeah yeah yeah Yeah.

5:44The world's first sneeze. The world's first sneeze. Who was it? It was actually, it was Norman Tebbitt. He was the first one. And then they were all going, oh, that'll never catch on. What a reference. Do you know what we've got to do though, man? The problem is, right, is I cannot, because we have like a 15, 20 minute break. We do, we record two podcasts. Listen, I don't want to pull the curtain back too much, right? We record two episodes in one day when we're doing this podcast. But where we record this podcast, there is this amazing, like, street. Yeah. And it's just full of food up and down the street.

6:24All those sort of, what do you call them, food trucks. Yeah. Oh, my God. We've got to go. I know. We've got to take a little wander down there. I haven't even ventured out of the building. We've got to do that. I'm just going down and. My problem is, is that I'm starving right now, by the way. Okay. You made that rap. Did you not want to come down and get a wrap as well? You made that look so nice. Thank you. But if I eat something... What a nice compliment. I don't even know what that really means, but thank you so much. You did such a good job. I ate it nicely. Yeah. And it smelled really nice as well.

6:55Yeah. If you'd like something eaten... Well, give them your agent's details and get... They can get content. If I had something to eat, if I had that wrap that you ate just now, I'd want to sleep. I get that as well. And you know what I mean? I don't really enjoy his lunch. I wish, to me, food is either to get me up in the morning, as we call it. Yeah. For want of a better word. For want of a better word. For want of a better word. Actually, in this case, I think it is the best word. It's perfect, isn't it? You know, when I've been, for want of a better word, asleep. Yeah. And then I, for want of a better word, wake up.

7:38and then I want a better word get up then food is just like get something into this body this horrible I've never been a breakfast guy I've never been a breakfast guy here's a fact for you I say fact it's fine it's something I've heard yeah the meal breakfast is is fabricated it's completely made up I think it's I think it's like the meat industry in America no way And they were like, we've got to sell some bacon. We've got to start selling some bacon. Let's start lobbying politicians and stuff. And then all of a sudden it becomes sort of doctrine. It's in the curriculum where it's like, here's the, you should eat three times a day.

8:26And that's not natural. But the sleep is not natural either, is it? The eight hour, we basically sleep in four hour chunks naturally. Like we have, that's the kind of shape of the wave. and it would be much better to do. That was factory workers. Of course, yeah. That was factory workers. You need to, yeah. The nine hour day or whatever. That's all factory stuff. It used to be back in, again, don't know if this is true or not. Doesn't matter. It used to be. Let's go back to the medieval period for a second. So you'd go to bed at like seven. Yeah. Go to sleep at seven in the evening, wake up around 11.

9:04Yeah. And come together as a community. You'd commune again for about two or three hours during the middle of the night. Yeah. Because nighttime's dangerous. It's not electricity. You can't just have streetlights on and stuff like that. Are there strangers coming into town? Well, also, of course, you know, if it's the winter or the autumn, you're not going to stay up once the sun's gone down. Yeah. I'll tell you this. Also, you've got stoke fires and stuff during the night and things like that. Absolutely. Absolutely. I'll tell you this. So people would wake up in the middle of the night for a few hours.

9:32Yeah. And then go back to sleep sort of a few hours before dawn. Yeah. And then that would be their night. And get your next bit, yeah. But people would come together and meet up and stuff. I mean, I know, and I really like that. And it's another, everyone's in a slightly different mood.

9:51It's, there's, it feels like a good time. I find the evening a good time to think, I feel like things have fallen away. I feel like I can be like, right, where, what we actually, the day is so cluttered and so crowded. is so noisy and like so I think that that period of like waking up in the community I mean I would have I would really like that.

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11:27Right, James, it's time that you told me something. You want to fact it? Yes, please. I'll fact your brains out. Don't worry about that. Please, please. So we mentioned the toilet. Yeah, yeah. So I've got a couple of facts for you here about the old toilet. Yeah. Some of them are good, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Queen Elizabeth I's bathroom problem. Yep. Here you go. Yeah. Her godson, who we all know, Sir John Harrington. Oh, yeah, yeah, Harrah's, yeah. Sir John Harrington built her a flushing toilet in 1596, but she refused to use it because the noise was embarrassing. Oh, okay. So she didn't want people to know, to hear, yeah.

12:15Her flushing after she'd done a turnout. And that's the thing. So what was she doing in that case without the flush? Like how was she just doing it into sawdust? That's as far as I've got. That's okay. But you know what? It's interesting, is it? Because it's... I thought they just... Because toilets were Tudor. Well, as I keep mentioning, you're a historian. Tudors are the other side of the medieval age, aren't they? Yes, they are. You might even say that that is possibly how you would make that distinction. It's sort of about 15. So their renaissance sort of. Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah, the Tudors would be.

12:56So do you think they were still, because all those, all those castles were already built, right? And they had those things. They were just hanging off the side of the building, weren't they? I think basically it was all pretty horrible. And in fact, one of the great sort of. Wasn't a king assassinated because someone climbed up the toilet on the side of a, and stabbed him up the arse. There's quite a lot of stories. Gonna need, we're gonna need a Google. There's quite a lot of stories in history about kings dying by having stuff shoved up their arse. I don't know why, but it just seems to be a bit of an obsession.

13:27The irony is, I'm dying to have stuff. Well, I know, forget the flushing toilet, bring back the gentleman climbing up the ladder. But, no, so two things to say is that the sewerage which is obviously a big issue for a large city. And one of the great sort of heroes of Victorian London is... Jon Snow. No, that's cholera. Yeah. But there's a guy called Basil Jet. Oh, okay. Who invented the Victorian sewerage system. Right. For which he is rightly revered. Because obviously if you can't get rid of your sewerage, after a while everyone's going to start dying of disease. Doesn't he have a knock-on effect to Jon Snow then?

14:13Jon Snow realised that cholera was spread by water. So, yes, so Jon Snow, I don't, when was cholera? The cholera epidemic was 1800s, right? Jon Snow, he - He traced it to a well. He traced it to a well on Broad Street. Yeah, yeah. And he worked out that people that were getting their water from one company was down or upstream, I can't remember what it was, from where the sewerage was getting pumped into the Thames to another water company. So it was the Southwark and Vauxhall Water Company and another company that I can't remember. I think if you had your water from the Southwark and Vauxhall Water Company, you definitely basically got cholera.

15:00Yeah. But the Broad Street pump was because a baby got cholera and they were throwing the shitty baby nappies down in a cesspit and that was leaking into the pump. It's all there, mate. You figured that all out. You figured it all out. You figured it all out. It's all there. And the other thing I said about kings and queens and toilets is that the privy chamber obviously literally means the people who are around you when you go to the toilet. So if you were in the privy chamber - They were privy. Yeah, they were privy to what was going on. And also they were literally in the privy. So they're the people who, and you've got like the groom of the stall, which is literally the guy who basically wipes the king's ass.

15:37Yeah. So yeah, going to the toilet is important. It's actually if you're, so when people sort of say, oh, you know, like it's all the, all the important business is done in the toilets. I don't. It's on the golf course now. On the golf course? Yeah. Is it? I think so. I don't know. I'm just talking shit. Is that why I'm, yeah. Apparently you've got to be into golf to be, to be important. Yeah. I've got a question for you, Joe. So there's this thing that's over the last year or so. Yeah. And I have gone fucking hell. Yeah. That is me. that apparently men at least once a day think about the Roman Empire.

16:12I've heard this as well. I don't think I do, although I'm sure I've got my equivalent to what that would be. Now, I do. Do you? You know, the Romans. I do think, like, I do. It creeps into my head, the Roman Empire. It just does. It's the sort of obsession to bring back the Roman Empire. If you look at, like, after the fall of the Roman Empire, A load of leaders come back and they all basically call themselves Caesar. So Kaiser in Germany just means Caesar. Tsar in Russia, that just means Caesar. We've got the Holy Roman Empire as well, which is kind of not really the Roman Empire. That I need to, not on this podcast because it's going to be fucking boring.

16:53But that I do need to pin you down and get you to explain to me what the fucking hell the Holy Roman Empire was. Yeah, it's complicated. Just a load of states in the middle of Europe. What's weird is it? We won't know. We can't get into it. We can't because it is, I know, I know it's really boring, but I do want to know all about it. Yeah. But because I do, because I do think about the Roman empire quite a lot. Yeah. I do. And this is a toilet fact for you. Yeah. Obviously sanitation and stuff like that. It's quite high up on the list on the Romans. They loved it being clean and all that sort of nonsense.

17:21That's right. Nonsense. Yeah. All that rubbish. But the toilets, the toilet situation. Yeah. And I'm just like, oh no, I wouldn't be able to do that. Like they all just sat on benches. No, like dividers and stuff. Yeah, yeah. All sharing sponges, washing their eyes and stuff. But again, talking about like the communality of toilets, there's a bit in the war novel, All Quiet on the Western Front, where in the early part of that book, there's a German, so it's told from the point of view of a German soldier. Yeah. And he talks about how blissful the early months, before really there had been any fighting or anyone had really died, and his mates had died.

17:56He just said, those were the good times. It was just brilliant. We were sitting in the sun, watching the aeroplanes fly overhead. like it was, I was with my friends, it was glorious. And one of the things that he really, really loves is he says, we'd go and get these thunder boxes. We'd put a big kind of oil drum lid in the middle to play cards on. A thunder box is basically a box to shit into. And they'd all sit around and they'd play cards and they'd be shitting away. And he said, I know you're going to say that this is disgusting, but he said, believe you me, all of that goes, all of that goes.

18:25You don't give a fuck about that when you're a soldier. Like you're, and he said, this is, he literally, this is just, this is as good as life gets almost just sitting around having a shit playing cards with your mates in the sun and like if it's a cross section of life yeah yeah yeah what more could you want than in that moment yeah i know yeah i mean completely curling one out yeah playing cards with your pals yeah yeah and it does you know it is a room that that serves a kind of uh a mental function i think it's a room where you're on your own and you can kind of regather your thoughts martin ames apparently used to say when he was going for a shit, he'd always say he was going for a rethink, which is quite nice apparently.

19:05A couple of little quick toilet facts for you here, Joe. Yep. We all know Thomas Crapper, but the word crap already existed before him. Yes. So do you think he thought, I'd better make toilets then? Because... Well, he was a plumber in the 1800s. It's funny, isn't it? So maybe it's a family business. Yeah. Like a sort of, you know, people that are called Smith and stuff like that. Yeah. Oh, I see. Yes, exactly. Like as in they'd be blacksmiths. And he's a, yeah, could be. Could be. The space shuttle. Or maybe they were just rubbish plumbers. It's just called crap. We're crap plumbers. My name's Andrew Schitt's Plumber.

19:47Right. Also, by the way, I think you're on something there. Yeah. If you're thinking of starting up a plumbing business, call yourself crap plumbers. Like that is a marketing dream. like that will just go viral. Yeah, yeah. Last one for you, talking about toilets, Joe. Yeah. NASA. Yeah. The space shuttle. Yeah. The toilet on the space shuttle reportedly cost around$50 million to develop. Wow. So, because you can imagine trying to go for a shit. You can't stick your ass out the window, can you? No. Embarrassing. No, yeah. They were trying to pull you back in. going for a shit in space. Like that must, like if you go to the ISS or something and like, yeah.

20:32Yeah. Taking a shit, that's going to be difficult to make it go in the direction that you want it to go. It must. Yeah. Would you have to blow on it or something? Yeah. You go, just waft it. Just waft it away from you. Waft it to your mate. Yeah. Yeah. And they're like, oh, fuck off. Oh, not again. Got ya. Yeah. Got ya. Will you be asleep? Yeah. Just floating. Just a turd floating from your face. someone's videoing it on their phone oh i'll tell you what stick that on tiktok that'd do very well you'd make the money back actually you'd get the 50 million back but they think uh just again it's joe and james facts up yep here's a fact for you don't know if it's true just yeah as i say so i think nasa talking about nasa yeah i think they spent millions and millions of dollars right yeah um making a pen that can write in space it can write upside down and stuff um i'm i'm getting a bit of that information from the sitcom seinfeld yeah um because he gets into an argument with someone that has the nasa pen that can write upside down anyway right um and this is like a thing it was told to me when i was a kid i think it was a teacher you know when you get those teachers that's like i'm gonna blow this yeah seven year old boy's yeah yeah yeah and they think they're so cool i didn't want my mind i was just like don't but i remember I've been in primary school and his teacher said, yeah, NASA spent, I don't know, $20 million on trying to develop a pen that could write in space.

21:58The Russians took a pencil. Yeah, I know. And it's as if they're saying, so maybe you want to revise your opinions about how you're going. I think I was trying to be indoctrinated, like at the age of seven. What are they saying? What are they saying? They're like, so maybe you should stop trying to develop that pen. I'm not developing a pen. I'm not developing a pen. Again, I don't know if that's true. I don't know. No, no, but I think I've heard, I think I have actually heard that at all, but I think it's like, the implication is always that you should be like, well, so. I do think there is a lesson.

22:28Have you got anything to say? I do think, I do think that, I understand what you were trying to teach me. It was like, you can't, sometimes you can overcomplicate stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And, you know, instead of engineering a pen that will work in space, take a fucking pencil. Think of there's something that's already there. Yeah. Yeah. Also, you can rub it out. That's the good thing about pencils. So you could write down moon. Oh, no, it's not. rub it out. Sun. Sun. Yeah. And no one has to know. I think. Where's the Americans? It'll be full of all. Is that a genuine transcribed conversation from?

23:03They did that. It was like, Houston, we're looking at the moon right now. Oh, hang on. Sorry. One second. No, that's the sun. It's the sun. That's the sun. We're about to land on the moon. Houston. No, sorry. I think we've got a problem. Oh, no, wait, no, we don't.

23:23my favourite story from school was about the an argument between the sun and the wind you heard this and there's a bloke walking along and he's wearing a coat and the sun and the wind say let's see who can get him to take his coat off and the wind goes first and goes no wonder we're we turn into the people that we are yeah no but I quite like this because you get all told all this fucking no but no I quite like I quite like it. And he goes, and he's trying to blow the man's coat off. And the man just obviously pulls it even more tightly around him. And then the sun goes next and just shines. And the man takes his coat off of his own free will.

24:01And I suppose what he's saying is, you know, what is it? You catch more flies with honey. Right. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. There's more, you use more muscles frowning than you do smiling. Yeah. I mean, I was never sure. So what? So what? I should base all my emotions on muscle use. you use up way more energy frowning than you do smiling yeah but also and also there'll be stuff that's even less energy yeah neutral neutral just plain waste no muscles being used there I've done that have I told you that my resting facial expression often looks so worried that when I had the I'd argue that's not a resting face it's not really restful no when I had the COVID vaccine when I was sitting afterwards where they monitor you to see if you're, you know, if you're allergic to it.

24:49Yeah. They thought I was having an allergic reaction, but I was actually just sitting there with my own thoughts. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Well, I do. I mean, that's. I have constantly. They were like, medic. I've mentioned this before, but I have had, I've been constantly told ever since I was a kid. Yeah. I've been constantly told by strangers to cheer up because it might never happen. It's fucking outrageous that they say that. And I'm like. They've got no right to say that. I'm at one. Fuck off. Genuinely fuck you. One, like, if I do look miserable, maybe something has fucking happened. Exactly. Right?

25:23Mind your own business. Yeah. Stuff happens all the time. But two, like, I'm fine. It's just my face. Yeah, I know. Like, unless I'm walking around grinning like a fucking lunatic. Like I'm the Joker from Batman or something. Yeah. Yeah, I know. You're somebody, you watch over and somebody going, ah, ah, ah. Like, you just, like, what? You'd go, well, he's all right. Yeah. There's nothing wrong with that guy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I have to walk over with a smile plus on your face. If I saw someone walking around, like, grinning, I'd go, what the fuck is wrong with him? Yeah, yeah. And to be fair, I wouldn't go up to him.

25:54No, of course I wouldn't. I'd be too afraid to go up to him. Yeah, no. Yeah. You wouldn't go over and say, cheer down. It has. Relax, mate. Yeah, yeah. So there's some toilet facts for you, Joe. Oh, that's good. Before we get to your fact, Joe, we've obviously got fact check. Yep. where a listener sends in a fact that they haven't fact-checked. They haven't fact-checked. And what we do is we, it's not really that we check as we've made, we don't research, we don't go on the internet. We see if it rings true. Last week, last week I didn't, who was it? Monty or someone. Yeah. Matilda. Matilda. Matilda.

26:34Monty. Matilda sent us. Monty. Matilda sent us in a fact, right? Yeah. That I didn't think was true. or the it wasn't a fact it was a question yeah it was a question actually it wasn't a fact week two but we disagreed but then you we disagreed I won you over you won me over with some spurious sort of stuff that looked like but it was in the end it turned out to be sort of half true but that's it that's how facts work yeah that's how facts work that's how facts work love it I love it so let's let's move on now to fact check yes here we go okay so Sharon has got in contact with us this week. Yep.

27:14Yep. Sharon.

27:19I've got Sharon. Oh, this is, that's for example. This is. Oh, that's for example. Yeah. Yeah. To give you an example of what fact check is, our regular feature, for example, Sharon, Sharon gets in touch and says, Crispers, Crispers, Crispers. crispers it's a crisp that you eat at Christmas Sharon says crisps always go out a day on a Saturday is that true and then we'll go away and decide whether it's true or not we decide and we want to be clear it's up to us it is up to us so it is time for fact check right so I'll do it so that's the example that's the example but this is now the I feel like if we'd just gone into the fucking fact they probably might have got it it seems weird to do an example and then sharon giving us examples okay so sharon doesn't really exist she's an example of a human like that might so if you don't know what a human is so ai sharon ai sharon said um crisper um and but but about here now that might be my fault no no no no so do you actually say what it was crisper what was the fact that sharon said uh that crisps always um go out on date on a Saturday, which I also have heard.

28:40So that's a true fact. Okay, that's true. So this is the next... You've got this. I'm holding in my hand this week's fat check. And this comes from Hayley. And she's asked, is it true that you can't feed ducks bread? Well, I have done. So have I? So we're going to go for a break and sit tight while we come back and say that that is true.

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29:57Right. While we were internally discussing... About the ducks. About the ducks. But then we got onto a little subject there. Lily May. Do you like Lily May or do you just like Lily? Lily May. Lily May. It was new to me, right, this thing. And I sat there quietly because I was waiting until we started recording again to bring this up. Lily May, I can't remember how we got into this discussion. She said, when you really force down the standby, the off button on a television, you feel like you're suffocating the television. I don't know what that means. I don't know. I don't know what that means at all whatsoever, but I think it's fascinating.

30:39Yeah. Right. And also it made me think of the generation below us. Right. Yeah. Explain to them the on off button on the television now. Yeah. Right. Yeah. My kids, they've got their own TV. They've got their own, they've got, they've got what we call the play room in our house. They've got their whole, a whole fucking room dedicated to these spoiled little, little dickheads. Right. Yeah. Yeah. And I, not yesterday, the day before, they were going to me, and I went, do you want to just go and sit in the playroom and just watch some television? Just go and relax. Yeah. Right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm busy doing something at the moment.

31:17Yeah. Something important. Yeah. Right, go and watch some TV. You've got, I've built a whole room dedicated for you to be able to do that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. um they then one of them said um oh um he lost the remote to the television so we can't put it on anymore and i went how long has this gone on for they're like it's been a while and i went what so now because they haven't got the remote control they're just looking at the tv going well fucking that's amazing but i don't know what suffocating the television means I think kind of what the modern equivalent is. Go on. When you turn up an iPhone.

31:55Yeah, I know. You have to hold it down. Yeah, I know. It feels like you're killing it. So you're squeezing the life out of it, right? No, I know what you mean. It's like you're saying, it's like it's going, it's not too late to change your mind. And you're like, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Do you know? It's like it's saying, it's still not too late. Yeah. You can stop this now. You can stop this now. You can walk away. You are terminated. terminated. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. No, I do get it now, actually. Right. What were we talking about before the break there? It was Sharon, I think, with Crispus.

32:31No, sorry. Yeah. No, Sharon was the - She was the example of the person. However, instead of looking up and thinking about what we were supposed to talk about - We dealt with Lily Mays. I just would like to answer Sharon. Oh. I would like to give Sharon an answer. You want to answer Sharon? This hypothetical woman that doesn't exist. Yeah. Do Chris always go out of date? I asked chat GPT. GPT. They've got to change that fucking name. GPT. It's too much, man. Fucking hell. Make it like, just make it Biff or something like that. Just make it a thing. What is it? Chat GPT. Every letter you're like, what is it?

33:18Yeah. They've got to change that. I think they will rebrand that eventually. Anyway, I said, do British crisps always go out of date on a Saturday?

33:31ChatGPT said, ha! That's how it kicks off my message back. Yes, that's actually true. And it's one of those wonderfully quirky British things, because we're so quirky and wonderful. I think that's how the rest of the world... I don't want an AI tell them I'm quirky. I think that's how the rest of the world describes us, doesn't they? Yeah, they're so quirky. They're so wonderfully quirky. They're so quirky. Can we have independence? It says here, crisps in the UK usually have a best before date that always lands on a Saturday. It's not because they magically spoil quicker after the weekend. It's just an industry standard.

34:08It's an industry standard. There you go. So thanks, Sharon. Hello, Sharon. Thank you, Sharon. But what was the actual, who was it? The actual one was to check for Hayley. Is it true that you can't feed ducks bread? Right. I fed ducks bread. I used to go to Parslow's Park when I grew up. I used to take a loaf of bread with me and feed the ducks and the swans. Yeah. In the duck pond. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, yeah, that's what I - What's wrong with feeding ducks beef burgers? Oh. That's from Partridge. You feel their belly full of fat. They flow better.

34:57That's Chris Morris. When I go to my local park that has ducks, it now seems to be the case that they discourage feeding bread to ducks because it's actually not very good for them. And they sell a specialist kind of duck food. Feed. Yes. I'm going to be honest, man. you should feed them the correct food that you can generally buy from the kiosk that will be next door to the pond. No, no, mate. That's just big duck food. It might, yes. That's all the big duck food corporations. Yes, it could be lobbyists. Because I grew up, and I was under the impression where if I didn't feed these ducks, they were going to fucking die.

35:38Well, I was under that impression as well. I was like, God, if we haven't fed them for a while, what are they going to do? Yeah. We went down to the duck pond recently. And I would take a lot, we'd buy a loaf, a loaf before I went to this duck pond. Not just a couple of slices. And I would spend hours there just ripping off small pieces and throwing them to the ducks. We now do buy a bucket. This is normally my parents' house with my daughter. And we buy this bucket of duck food that is supposed to be good for them. But sometimes they are so bored of being fed. Like we went down there the other day and literally, they genuinely just - They want a burger.

36:17They do want a burger. They literally all flew off. Like I was standing with my, holding my daughter's hand. I was like, I'm really sorry. I don't know what to say, but all the ducks are just flying away from us. They're gone. The bread thing is not true. The bread thing is not true. Joe, I'm sorry. I know that you got some information, but that was skewed information from someone trying to sell you. Rather than going to Happy Shopper and spending 20p on a loaf of bread, someone, what are they charging you? Seven, eight quid? Well, I mean, I... How much money are you spending on duck feed at this special kiosk?

36:50I don't know. It seems to me that probably the bread is not the best thing for them. What's wrong with it? I suppose it's basically... Alright, brown bread. I'll get them brown bread. Maybe the... The truth is I don't... I don't know. Well, I'm telling you. I'm telling you. It's absolutely fine to feed duck's bread. Right, that's what we're amazingly saying. So go out there, they need your bread, go and feed it to them. Okay. I'm being told that I need to say once again that maybe our facts aren't true. We've got a problem here already. No, I just think if there's health and safety involved then we should probably say...

37:31No, but I can only say so many times throughout the episode that by the way, what I say may or may not be true, even though I call it a fact.

37:43My fact is that if you're worried about germs using toilets, if you're worried about germs, you should use the first cubicle in the row because it's likely to be the least used. I'm going to tell you something else. Yeah, go on. I'm going to, I'm going to, where did you get that? Is that something you were just told? It's something that I almost word for word read. Because I've been told, so you go into a public toilet and there's a row of cubicles, pick a middle one. Right. Because either the first or the last is one that on average people for some reason feel that's the one to go. Yeah, the last.

38:36I'm getting into psychology here, Joe. Like I don't want to get into it too deeply. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course. Yeah. Because I'm just brushing over it. With the first, you're kind of closest to the real world. I reckon if you were to ask someone who's an expert in this, Darren Brown, maybe we can get him on the phone at some point. Yeah. What is the least used cubicle in a public toilet? He'll say people will usually go either the first or the last. they will avoid the middle because yeah there's something about the middle that people go no i don't have anything to do with that we want an end of terrace don't you that's what you i mean mid terrace is fine yeah you want to have you really want you want to have an extra ideally neighbors on both sides you want to have a bit an extra bit to your driveway don't you exactly yeah exactly yeah you always get a little bit maybe you get the turret yeah or something do you know i mean yeah so yeah so i think that but you're saying use do use well again i mean this If you're trying to avoid germs, use the first cubicle.

39:36Yeah, this is, yeah. Yeah, that's what he said, yeah. All right. I mean, I don't know whether that's, I definitely think that if you're choosing to use, well, I do sometimes choose to use one of the middle ones. I do now because I heard that. Because you heard that. So that's the thing, isn't it? It's getting, it's kind of, yeah, doing one of those things. But listener, if you're listening to this, have a little think. and I bet you're sitting there going, I do use the first. I do use the first. Like if they're all empty. Yeah. If they're all empty and you've got a choice, you can pick whatever cubicle you want.

40:14Statistically, you're either going to go for the first or the last. I can see the last. Again, don't. There's just something I've heard. Yeah, but it's funny that we are at loggerheads on this. Will you say funny?

40:34it's um for want of a better for one of a better yeah um should we leave it there maybe we will yeah we're getting the nods we didn't really get very much out of that did we but i think don't use one of the middle ones is what we're saying um you no do use the middle one yeah just use the one that looks cleanest that hasn't got a shit on top of the seat at the end of every podcast um we've been advised to maybe summarize what we've just been talking about you know there's not gonna be anything it's not no we can't i can't it's fine i can't even begin to know where to start with where where we've been i don't think it's necessary well i've it's not something i'm going to be taking away as information no but i am now gonna go and do some research into ducks and bread yeah yeah and try and find some kind of definitive yeah because are like they got what's bread gonna do to a duck i suppose the implication is that it's maybe a bit too rich they're they're not really designed to to digest this stuff and you might make a similar point about you know human human beings and maybe we probably eat too much but i would argue to the duck i would say well you fucking feed yourself then if you know if you know what you're supposed to be eating yeah they choose to eat it and well i don't know well it's yes it's yeah a boatman or whatever they're called.

41:56Yeah, water boatmen. Yeah. They're pond skaters. Again, pond skaters. What do they eat? Ask one of my kids what a pond skater is. They'd look at you like you were a prick. Yeah. But I think that's really sad. This country. How about three episodes? Two of them have basically ended up with shit. Yes. Yeah, sorry. No, it's fine. It just keeps coming up. That's fine. It does keep coming up. And I suppose we bear some responsibility for that. full responsibility surely let's not say full never say full never what did Queen what did Queen say never complain never explain yeah no that no the Queen said that yeah I remember it it was like never explain never explain yeah never complain Do, do, do.

42:54Never complain, complain.

42:58Joe, Joe, I am all fact out. I'm fact out as well. I am all fact out. We do hope that you've learned something or had a nice time. Doesn't necessarily need to be both. But we'll be back next week armed with more facts, chats and craps. Don't forget that you can get in touch with us. there's a bit of me that dies. Don't forget that you can get in touch with us if you'd like us to fact check something that feels true for you or to you, on you, or whatever nonsense you'd like to tell us. You can email us, hello at joeandjamespod.com. You can send us a WhatsApp on 078 220 343 30. I need the gaps.

43:53our whatsapp is 07 I don't mind the gap ages ago that's why we need Oscar Wilde what was his name Oswald Lawrence you can send us out you can send us a whatsapp on 07 822 034 330 and of course our socials are all at joeandjamespod and if you need that information in a way that makes sense, you can head to the description. It will obviously be more legible than what I've just spoken. Hey, listen, right? Legible. I went with legible. Legible's all right. I went, I groped for a word there. Legible came up. That was it. Yeah, you know, for want of a better word. For what? Right. Goodbye, everyone.

44:42That was a podcast. We did it. Bye, bye. Yeah.

44:47Joe and James, Fox Off!

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