Should Joe Get Botox?

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1:06got your little Greg's there thank you very much it'll be cold by now well no I haven't things I've only just had some toast but thank you very much I really I do appreciate I will have it probably at half time you had some toast what are you having on your toast there there we go now this is a conversation this is it now butter and peanut butter butter and peanut butter yeah yeah yeah always It's butter and peanut butter. Yeah. Honestly, you've got to try it. It's really nice. I'm sure it's great. Yeah. It's lovely. I've got, I just assume everything's better with butter. It is. I've never done the butter and peanut butter.

1:38I feel like the fact that it's called peanut butter means you don't need to put butter on it. No, it's a lie. It's not butter. It's not butter. It's a peanut paste. I mean, it's like you could call jam, like fruit butter. Right. But it's not butter. But doesn't it make it? They shouldn't be allowed. Doesn't it make it difficult to spread on the toast if there's already like a layer of melted butter? It melts in. It melts in. And then you put on the peanut butter. Do you know what you could do? It's gorgeous. You could pre-make peanut butter butter. You could get a bit of butter, a bit of peanut butter.

2:14Keep it in the fridge. Mix it in a little bowl or something like that. Keep that in the fridge. That's ready to go on your toast. It's not a bad idea. Straight away. It's not a bad idea. I nearly had some toast today what stopped you? what are you laughing at? no it sounds good yeah? yeah no but I like a pate oh I like pate oh I like pate do you like marmite? yes I love marmite you just need very little I think the thing with marmite is people say I don't like it it's like well okay I mean but you need to think of marmite almost like salt you just need you don't need to go too overboard with the marmite it's just a little corner here and there I never had Vegemite is that the australian version of marmite no it's slightly different well marmite is a byproduct of the brewing industry yeah yeast yeah so basically that was that's genius because during the war yeah so they're making this beer and they're like what's all this stuff that's like um kind of left over yeah i think it was when they were doing corned beef or something like that yeah and they and then no i don't don't throw that away they did the same in australia but it's from a different.

3:21I think Vegemite is not a yeast extract. I think it's different. It comes from something else. They're doing something else in Australia. Surfing. They always do everything differently in Australia. Everything's different in Australia. It's all different. Everything's different. That's what they should say for their tourist. Everything's different. Come over here. Everything's different. Everything's different in Australia, mate. That's really good. Everyone wants things to be different. Yeah. Things will be different over here. They'll be different here. Just come here. And then New Zealand can go, it's different to Australia.

3:49It's different here as well. It goes back again. Yeah. It is a bit like that. It's going to Australia, it's really different. You go to New Zealand, it's like, I was back to England again. And that's how it works. That's how countries work. France, different. Germany, just back to being the same. Right. Spain, different. Portugal, back to being the same. Have you ever been to Berlin? Yeah. Yeah. What was that like? I like Berlin. I mean, it's not a beautiful city because it's been heavily destroyed through time, but it's got a lovely culture. It's very vibrant. I went actually on a... I'd like to go to Munich.

4:24Yeah, I'd like to go to Munich. I am going to Munich. You're going to Munich? Mm-hmm, in August. It's like the birthplace of beer. Yeah. That's when I first started putting hops in their beer around that area. I bet Munich's lovely. I'd also like to go to, and it's unfortunate because I know it's just where Hitler went on holiday, but that sort of southern Germany, north Austria, alpine region. The Eagle's Nest. Not literally, not Bercht's Garden. If the eagle's nest is not on Airbnb, they have missed it. Well, no, I think they destroyed it. I think precisely for that reason, because it was like, well, the problem is...

4:54So, I mean, I don't mean literally there, but I just think that it's very obvious that that is a beautiful... You know, say it like Hitler, he did have quite a good taste in holidays. Right. That is a good view. I don't know what you want me to say. It was a birthday gift, wasn't it? The eagle's nest. Was it? I think it was for his 50th birthday or something like that. That's a nice present. How old did he live for? Hitler. Died on his birthday, didn't he? Did he die on his birthday? There's lots of bonus facts here, aren't there? That's for free, that one. More podcast facts than we've ever had.

5:26And to be fair, we've not brought up Hitler for ages on this podcast. No, we haven't. Apparently, we're told we have to not do it because people get upset. No one's ever told me not to bring up Hitler. There have been times that we've spoken about too much in a row. Yeah, we did have a lot of Hitler chat for a while. I think if we get to like 20 minutes. He's sort of backing my consciousness now anyway, because I'm watching the Tom Hanks World War II documentary thing. How's that going? Where are you up to? A new episode came out this morning, so I'm going to watch that. But where are we up to?

5:54We were up to around sort of D-Day. It's difficult because he's covering everything, Tom Hanks. Yeah. So both theatres, the European and the Japanese. So Hanks is spread pretty thin. So, yeah. So it goes like, you'll be D-Day in Europe. And then it'll be like, the next episode will be like, right, let's check back on what's happening. And then you'll have to go back to sort of 1942 a little bit. Just ignore that bit. That's what I say is, VJ Day, just whatever. Just take it out as a given. Do you know, right, how amazing America was basically like fighting two people with both hands. They were like two full-scale wars going on both sides of the country.

6:43And they came out of it and they still had loads of money. Unbelievable performance from America. Not just a hat rack, eh? Unbelievable. Unbelievable performance. How old was Hitler when he died? 56. 56. And he was born on the 20th of April, died on the 30th of April. Oh, okay. Sex and funzig. yes exactly wow I don't know if you know this he had a sibling called Paula Hitler Paula Hitler oh yeah I think that is true I'm not sure there was a Hitler alive in Britain for some time a relative Hitler with a son named Hitler I know he's got a nephew his last living relative got done for being a paedophile really and he's not the worst person in the family oh that's bad isn't it that's bad but you would be you'd be like oh yeah I'm a massive pedo but could be worse could be worse mate yeah I hope they don't find out be careful I hope they don't find out that my relative is Hitler yeah yeah apparently they think I'm just a pedophile remember what happened last time you locked up one of my relatives in my family yeah it's true started getting ideas wrote a book did wrote a little novel his struggle yeah they didn't put him in prison for long enough that was one of their errors he tried to overthrow the government and they were like right you can go to prison for about five months yeah and you could have a nice settle and stuff and write a book have you ever read that no no but when I was I thought you might have done just because of history no but when I was on a trip I was reading a big biography of Hitler by Ian Kershaw and one of the girls on the trip was a theatre trip said oh I've bought that for my dad because I thought he'd like it and she showed me but she'd just bought it Mein Kampf right so I was like Yeah, I don't know about...

8:33Maybe you don't buy Munkampf. Yeah. I haven't read it. I've sort of... I've read a book that talks about it quite a lot. Can you buy it? I'm not sure you can... I mean, you can probably buy whatever you want, but I think probably not legally in Germany or maybe in some places. I think they were still selling it for a long time and proceeds of it, after the Second World War, proceeds of it went they all went to that pedophile went to that pedophile no they went to some Jewish foundation thing yeah and even and then eventually but it was sort of like not well known that that was going on right and then eventually they were like oh no I don't think we should be taking money from this yeah um no so I haven't no I don't know I haven't read it but um And it's quite sort of, you know, he makes himself out to be rather more of a sort of...

9:36He was lucky the geezer was such a lunatic. Yes. He was lucky because he did have this thing about him that he thought he was sort of like sent here. He had a sort of God complex. That's exactly what I mean. And he just refused to believe. He'd be like, right, we should, let's go and invade Russia. Yeah. And everyone around him was going, oh, I don't know, man. But it was this thing called, I can't remember what it is in German, living space. Lebensraum. Lebensraum, that's it, yeah. And he was like, let's go, they've got loads of space, haven't they? Yeah. Even though at the beginning. And they're not using it.

10:17Even though at the beginning. They're not even using it. All the people, yeah, but they're not using it. Even though at the beginning, Hitler was like, oh, don't worry, Joseph. You're all right. Yeah. Yeah, no, they had a pact. We'll carve up Poland together. There is a famous quote. And then very quickly, he was like, yeah, mate. Yeah. We're coming in. Pretty incredible. And he could not understand why, even though everyone was going, no, don't do that, Hitler. Yeah. Well, I'll tell you what, one of his problems, I do mean this, as a man and as a general, he was a racist. So he thought that they'd win because they were better.

10:54Yeah, that was it. It's that way it would be easy because the four of them can't even beat one of us. He's like, no, they can. Yeah. They can. If anything, it seems like they're a bit better. And in that thing, in Stalingrad, they had some general there who was apparently a rubbish general. Yeah. Little sort of bloke, didn't really have much experience or whatever. And Hitler was like, oh, just send him. Yeah. This will be a piece of piss. Just send him. Then obviously, they all got stuck in the city, didn't they? They did. And he's like trying to get a message back to Hitler going, can we pull out of this?

11:30And he's like, he'd literally said like a few days before, oh, we've taken Stalingrad. Everything's going great over there. So he was going, no, no, no. No, you've got to stay there. Yeah. And there's no retreat from this. and then he promoted the guy. Right. I don't think he was general. Maybe he promoted him to general and no general had ever retreated in the history of Germany, right? I see. So he was then under pressure and it was to try and make him kill himself. Right. He was trying to get him to kill himself. He was trying to get him to kill himself rather than them have their first general go and retreat.

12:13Well, again, I think two other sort of... He was a right wanker. He really was. He was a real dickhead. But in the end, I do think his own ideology undid him. So first, he was a racist, and that makes you a bad general. And secondly, he was a fascist, which means that basically you think that the more fervently you hold a belief, the more likely it is to happen. So when people come back and say, just like you know, all your men are starving to death and freezing to death, he'd say, well, they just don't believe they're not in it. They're not into it enough. Their heart's not in it. Tell them they've really got to try.

12:48Seriously try. And so, yeah, there you go. And as for Stalin, he just seemed like a... There's a famous quote that says, in 1940, the only person on planet Earth that Joseph Stalin trusted was Adolf Hitler. Because he was so paranoid. And Stalin had kind of... The reason the Red Army was so crap to begin with because Stalin had killed most of the generals because he thought they were plotting against him. So it's a miracle in a sense. But also he was so paranoid that he was getting information from Japan, information from Britain, like people going, Joe, mate, he's about to invade. And he's going, no, no, no, we signed this pact.

13:30There was a point where he was invading. I think that the things were crossing the border. I'm sure that's right. Things were like the Germans, like units had crossed the border. Yeah. And Stalin was like. He went on holiday. Yeah. He went on holiday and all his like the underlings, the people just below him, were like, we need to get him back to Moscow. Yeah. Because he's just sort of falling apart. Apparently, like he got really upset. There's a quote. I read a Martin Amis book where he said that they went to his dasher, which is like his summer house. And they were like, the Nazi invading. And he went, and he just looked absolutely, they honestly looked like he might not be able to do it.

14:14He looked utterly crushed. And then he kind of went, he said something like, what do you want me to do? And they went, well, we're hoping you might sort of organize the defense of the country. And apparently he went, fine. It was just like.

14:34Just got here. We just packed all the car and everything. It was honestly that. It was like, it was, yeah. What now? Oh, what? You sure? What, and I can't do it from here? I've got dinner reservations at six. I've got to go to Moscow, have I? For fuck's sake. He was like, fuck's sake. All right. Well, you can tell my wife. I'm not fucking telling her. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. No, I mean, it was quite a weird start to that war, I'd say. Yeah. A weird way for the war to begin. Right. Joe's closing his eyes again. Sorry. Let's... Sorry. Shall we get into... Have we done anything? You've done some stuff.

15:11I mean, yeah. I was just trying to trace back from butter and peanut butter to then Stalin. But you know what? There's a clear route into it. That's good. Yeah. Okay. You want another route? The Nazis... I probably already said this. They made butter from a byproduct of the coal processing. processing. Right. Is that right? Yeah. And also like Bueno and Ferrero Rocher. They're all made out of. Because there was such a chocolate shortage. They're like oh we should use hazelnuts a bit more. Turns out really delicious. Yeah. They were spoiling them. Joe and James. Joe and James. Joe and James. Joe and James.

15:53Facts Up. Welcome to Joe and James Facts Up. A podcast loosely about facts but is more about the chats. If you want to get in touch Harry email is hello at joeandjamespod.com our whatsapp is 07822034330 you can follow us on our socials at joeandjamespod and you can watch all our episodes in fall on youtube and apple podcasts just search for joe and james facts up now let's get facts up

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17:02I am hooked on British murders. I listen to one and then before I know it, I've listened to three. Oh, I know. The cases are so gripping. Sarah Cox has had me howling with laughter on the Teen Commandments. I've never felt prouder to be an embarrassing parent. Wherever summer takes you, hit follow on your favourite podcasts and search Audio Always on Amazon Music to discover your next favourite listen.

17:28Right, everyone. listeners is everyone hello is everyone is everyone sitting guys guys hello is everyone sitting quietly right everyone everyone at home listeners and watchers i don't think people should watch i preferred it when people just listened the podcast is a good car thing for me. It's a good old car thing. Yeah, or running. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, all that stuff. Yeah, walking the dog. I always have a podcast. But now everyone has to see everything and they comment on your shoes. Have you listened to Finn vs. History yet? No. Oh, you've got to listen to that. Do you want to know what I listen to?

18:13Go on. Two football ones. Right. Totally Football Show and The Guardian Football Weekly. Right. You don't do the rest is football? or goal hangers where the bants is flying. I can't add a third one. I'm not much into the... I quite like fairly rigorous analysis. I don't want a bit of banter, but I quite like... I have enough banter on here. This is the home of banter. Full of banter. I work in the fat duck. That would be like after I've finished my shift and going to you know kebab shop right do you know what I mean it wouldn't be the same yeah um uh is that Blumenthal's place yeah yeah I think he's not there anymore because I think he had something like a mental drove himself mad he went a bit mad and he was working too hard yeah he was trying to there's 24 hours in a day and he I think he was trying to work about 21 of them yeah and you're thinking that's too many to do on work you hear about that about kitchens and chefs and stuff all the time.

19:22Yeah, that industry seems quite... It has a sort of foreign legion quality where it's like you always can kind of drop out of society. Yeah, it's just food. I know it is honestly just food, isn't it? I like it. Yeah. As long as there's butter in it. Well, that's the thing. I often wonder whether they actually eat that stuff when they go home. I want to go to chefs. What do you have when you get home? Give me that. Cook me that. Well, they make themselves a nice sandwich or something. I bet they do. We'll just make me that. That's fine. Yeah. I don't really need to, I don't need the boundaries of food pushed any further than they've already been pushed.

19:59I'm happy with where we are. I'm very Carl Pilkington with food. We don't need any more inventions. We've got all the main vegetables. We've got all the meats. Well, Blumenthal was the opposite. It was like a laboratory, wasn't it? Yeah, it was. All the stuff he was doing. It was. But what I quite liked about Blumenthal was that he was, because he was self-taught, he wasn't snobby. Like I think he was always very clear that he wanted, he didn't want like a really grand wine list. He wanted stuff where you could buy something even if you didn't have. I'm a fan. I think he's a genius. I'm a fan as well.

20:33I do think he went a bit mad. Yeah. He went a bit mad. But again, that's why I'm a fan. I mean, I love people who go a bit mad. Yeah. That's kind of my, that's my thing really is like people who drive themselves mad. Yeah, you love those sort of mental geniuses, don't you? I think being mad is a more honest response to the world, to be honest. I think really sanity is just the first stage of madness. It's just like the antechamber to being a full human, which is you're mad. The honest state is like you're mad. And then before that, there's a bit where you're kind of sort of - Still trying to cling on to not being mad.

21:06Exactly. Exactly. Just relax into your madness. What have we got going on, Joe? Okay. So this is - We've got some correspondence. We've got some correspondence. Now, you've been sending us some fact-up stuff. You've been sending in some fact-up stuff for us to discuss. And here is one. I believed you when you said that then. Thanks. That was with so much enthusiasm, Joe. Oh, well, I, you know. Is it because you're annoyed because you fluffed it the first time you tried to say it? No, I'm not annoyed. I think you were a bit annoyed. You got a bit annoyed. You said it and then you were like, right, I'm just going to say it like this now.

21:45Don't worry about me. Stupid sentence. I've never felt better. This is from Richard via the Fact Up WhatsApp. And this is a message about Venus causing parenting problems. Right, I'm in. Hi, Jan James. Firstly, thanks very much. You've managed to completely derail what should have been a simple conversation with my seven-year-old daughter. Sorry. I'm sorry about that. I know that conversations with daughters can be more complicated than you expect. After hearing the fact that a day on Venus is longer than a year on Venus, I confidently thought, I'll explain that. How hard can it be? Well, that was your first mistake.

22:20Five minutes later, I was being asked, so do you have a birthday every day? Then, so is it Christmas every day? Then, so a day isn't actually a day then? All good questions. At this point, I realized I was in well over my head and questioning everything I'd ever known about calendars.

22:38If you can't rely on calendars. Yeah. so here's my question if you lived on venus when would you celebrate your birthday every venus year because you've gone around the sun or every venus day because that's what we'd normally think of as a day or do venusians just avoid the whole issue because they're too busy melting please settle this before emily starts telling her teacher birthdays aren't real cheers Richard well um first of all let me just try and work out well what the fact was to begin with so a day on trying to explain to a seven year old girl why a day is longer than a year on Venus okay okay so basically it takes Venus a lot longer to turn around itself than it does to go around the sun yes that's all you can tell her and I'm sure she'll eventually understand the concept I think the answer is...

23:37But with the birthday thing, I would go back to the too busy melting. Venus is famously really inhospitable. I think the Russians managed to land something on Venus. I think it survived for about four minutes before it packed up. Okay. But had it had a birthday? That's my question. Well, it was only there for four minutes. Okay. So it had fucking ages to go before there was either a year or a day. but what i would say to a seven-year-old is um celebrate it on the year because that's shorter than the day that's a good um and you get to have your birthday sooner than it would for the sun to go down um but i i think though that the answer is that you would celebrate it when it's finished its orbit so if you had if you had a hundred and if you had a year that lasted I don't know 50 days in as much as we think of it yeah you would just you'd have a birthday every 50 days how long does it take for Mars to go around the sun because the days are very similar I think Mars is like 22 hours or something like that so it wouldn't be a big shock is that why Elon Musk is trying to go to Mars because I just think out of all the planets in our solar system Mars is the easiest one to...

24:56So Mars takes around 687 Earth days to complete one orbit around the sun. Christ. So you do every half year, you'd have a birthday? Maybe. You'd have two calendars per year. It is a good question, though, because actually, so 50 days go by, whatever it is on Venus. So let's say it's 50 days. So 50 days, you're born on Venus. Right. 50 days later, it's your birthday. You're now one. Oh, 50 days. But a day hasn't passed. Right. 50 Earth days, are you saying? 50 Earth days. So let's say, for the sake of argument, a day on Venus is 100 Earth days, but a year is 50 Earth days. I don't know if that's true.

25:47So you would... It would have gone... So the bigger unit is, in fact... the day so maybe what you should say is I was maybe you should flip them so you have a birth year and then you say I won't have another birth year until next day right I think we should just do what Britain did when it started conquering the world just have Britain and then just plus GMT GMT. Yeah. Because I've had to have phone calls from LA and stuff, and trying to organise that's really difficult. Yeah. Imagine trying to fucking... You've got a mate on Mars, and you need to sort of catch up with him. When did you make the phone call?

26:40When's a good time for both of you? It's a nightmare. It is. So, yeah, Richard, I think we've cleared that up. And if your daughter doesn't understand anything that we've just said just then, she's an idiot. No, she's not. She actually sounds very clever. Yeah, she sounds very inquisitive. She sounds too clever. Yeah, I know exactly what Richard's going through with clever kids. Kids that ask the sort of logical questions and you just have to go, because it's just the way it is. Just trust me on this one. Yeah, just come on. Just trust me. Shall we move on to fact check, Joe? Yeah. It's fact check time.

27:26It's reading. Reading's the problem. Yeah, that's enthusiasm. This is the part of the show where you send us a fact or a question that you'd like us to get to the bottom of. Then we're going to have a good old think during the break, and then we'll come back and let you know how true it feels to us to decide whether it passes our fact check. Okay, so this week's fact check comes from Deb. Deb. Deb. Deb. Debby. Debby. Go on, Deb. Deb Lynam. What's Deb? And Deb filled in our fact-up form. She took the time and I, for one, thank her. She says, if you are being tickled and want to not react, put your hands over the tickler's hands.

28:14This tricks your brain into thinking you were tickling yourself. or finger up the arse no that's dogs if dogs bite you or cigarette up the arse that's that's um it's blowing smoke um listen let's have a little break and then we'll we'll we'll have some thoughts about that cheers Deb see you in a sec

28:46Back to school is busy enough. The last thing you need is shopping that makes it harder. Whether you're moving into a dorm, your first apartment, or just getting organized for the semester, Wayfair makes it easy to get everything you need in one place. Furniture, bedding, storage, decor, study essentials, all at prices you'll love. With fast shipping before move-in day. Get everything you need for back to school season. Shop Wayfair.com today. Wayfair, every style, every home. I'm Claire Buckley. And if your idea of relaxing is listening to seriously unsettling stories before bed, then you are going to love my podcast, Pretty Scary.

29:25From terrifying true crime, haunting ghost tales, creepy alien encounters, and anything weird, it's the stories that leave you staring at the ceiling afterwards, questioning absolutely everything. Lock your doors, get comfy and prepare to dive into the darkness. Just search for Pretty Scary with Claire Buckley.

29:47Um, right. We're back. Welcome back to Jo and James Fact Up. We were just fact checking on behalf of Deb, who said to not react to being tickled, you must put your hands over the tickler's hands. And then your brain thinks that it's you tickling. Yeah. um right well i feel like that this could be an experiment yeah um i just don't really like being touched or touching other people though it's the only problem that's okay no i was i had the same thought i was thinking do we do we need to do this yeah i don't it's fine you're not prepared that's okay well let's just um i don't it will really this podcast has really hit new low if is just me and you tickling each other.

30:36Tickling, tickling.

30:40Yeah. Well, I mean, it would make a virtue of the visual component, I suppose. Speaking of The Office, not that we were. No, no, go on. Have you watched the Gervais thing on YouTube at all? No. I've not either. Have you watched it? Is it? I didn't know it was on YouTube. He did. He's got a YouTube channel. Oh, I did see that, yeah. And he's made a 25th special video, special YouTube video. But I've not watched it. No. I've not watched it. No. I would have liked to have had something a bit more... I mean, not that we can fucking talk about retrospective TV shows. But I would have liked to... We've set the bar pretty high, so good luck.

31:26I know that Martin Freeman and Mackenzie Crook did a thing for BBC Four, which, again, I still not watched.

31:39Yeah. I just think, you know, also having done one, I just think they're pointless. What, like a remake type thing? Not a remake. No, like a retrospective. I think it makes more sense, like me and you doing a podcast. and then every now and again we talk about the thing that we did while we were doing the Inbetweeners that feels more interesting if you were an Inbetweeners fan having us speak candidly and sort of honestly rather than sort of making some kind of format out of it I don't know retrospective is more of a sort of rambling format isn't it do you know what I can't stop thinking about your thing that you know when you said like it's only recently that people like look into the past so much yeah because even when you look at like films yeah and novels and stuff yeah um like i think i think we're like past the original year of blade runner or and the terminator and and all those films like that where by now we were supposed to be in flying cars and stuff yeah in these sort of futurist well we do have mind-blowing technology i mean when i i kind of you know if i'm in a city i had to park in brighton and my car park was up a road that said you can't drive up this road and i went on to the ai bit of i'd pre-booked a car parking space but i couldn't get to it because brighton's full of these pedestrianized streets and i was like it's physically impossible for me to get to my car parking space so i went in and just put into like google like can i drive up i don't know south street to get to the just park car park and it was like yeah don't worry you can always do this there'll be it just it's it's mind-blowing that there's something that i know that in a sense it's just a kind of it's a really sophisticated machine that kind of is really good at predicting what word is going to come next but like that is that is kind of mind-blowing but then on the other hand you've still got people like delivering food by bicycle yeah as as kind of a massive part of our Yeah, it's not enough robots.

33:52Symbionts. Were they called in Blade Runner? Oh, the simulants or something. Simulants, yeah. Well, I mean, it's not, I suppose, the genre that I think most accurately sort of predicts the future is that one called steampunk, where it's like you've got this incredibly high technology, but also this stuff that's held together with gaffer tape. And like, you know, you'll have, you've got a phone that can, you know, speak in natural language and understand natural language. But at the same time, it's sort of blue tacked the dashboard of a car or something like that. Is that the, who's that geezer?

34:25It's one of the most famous people in the world. He slapped Chris Rock. Will Smith. Will Smith, yeah. The Wild Wild West film. Yeah, that's steampunk. That's steampunk, isn't it? Yeah, that's right. So it's like all technology bits run on coal. Yeah. Sort of thing. That's right. Brilliant. But the other thing about like the, about kind of. You'll do anything not to tickle one another. No, we're good. I know, it's like we're making awkward conversation. We should, we should. What about this weather, eh? We should get back to this. Just very quick, I think the other thing about retrospective, sort of the retrospective nature of everything, is that sometimes it does feel to me as though we are just chewing over the same old content.

35:02Like the fact that, was it during the pandemic, like the number one show on Netflix was Friends? Probably. And I suppose it seems as though... I used to love Friends. It's like we're putting the same stuff back into the machine. And even those amazing large language models, what they're doing is they're reading what sort – they're constantly looking at the past. They're constantly looking at everything that's been written up until this point and then using that as the sort of – as the way they train themselves. I don't know. I suppose I'm saying it's not as sure as we've run out of story. What are we saying about this thing?

35:40See, I just don't know. I don't know. I just don't know. It's a fascinating... I'd like it to be true. It's hard to tickle yourself, I guess, is there? Yeah, you can't tickle yourself, can you? You can't. Can you not? I think the soles of my feet are so tickly that I... I'm really ticklish. What's the most ticklish bit? For me, it's the soles of my feet. Under my armpits is quite tickly. Under my armpits, okay. And my belly. Oh, like a baby. Yeah. my kids uh my kids know how ticklish i am and they try and tickle me to be fair this is i'm going back a few years now um they don't do anymore which is a shame uh but i used to have to like when they were little yeah and i'd like just be lying in bed with them or something we'd watch a bit of tv or something in bed yeah and then they'd like have a little wrestle and then they'd start tickling me and i'd have to go you can't like that's really dangerous because i will just like fling you across the room or something like i'm gonna hurt you if you keep tickling me yeah yeah but that just made them want to do it even more um i'd be screaming with laughter have you seen the documentary tickled no what's that uh it's um it's a new zealand filmmaker who stumbles across a a kind of internet subculture of people who are kind of into seeing videos of it's kind of like blokes being tickled right and he kind of he thinks it's kind of quite funny and he kind of digs away at it and then he's like a fetish thing it's basically a fetish yeah right And then he starts getting these really threatening emails telling him to kind of back off.

37:35Why? What's he doing? There's a guy who's basically getting these videos made for himself. Right. And it's basically a bloke's tickling other blokes, basically. And he obviously probably gets off on it in some way. But if you see the videos, you're like, there's pretty, you know, it's quite vanilla, really. Like, if it's not your thing, you're just like, well, fine. It doesn't seem like a massive problem. Like, the men are being paid. They know what the deal is. They don't really have to do anything that horrible. But when this documentary maker wants to kind of contact him, he goes absolutely fucking crazy.

38:13Right. Oh, so he wanted to make, oh, right. Yeah, that's right. So basically. It's because he was making a documentary about it. It's because he's making a documentary about it. And the guy gets really, really touchy about it. Right. ironically yes ironically yeah yeah we probably turned him on as well he was like oh stop it stop making a documentary I put my hands over your hands while you're making it and it was really good right but there's a good bit at the end where he kind of goes he rings up the guy's I don't know wife or something and you can see that he doesn't quite know how to frame it because he doesn't know how much she knows or like

39:00it's like he's never contacted her before and he doesn't know whether she knows about her husband's kind of tickling stuff and he doesn't really know what to say and you can see that he's like how do I introduce this and he basically just goes oh he's sort of back with the tickling stuff and it's just like and she gets what he means I haven't explained that very well basically I'm just like that's the bit I remember For Deb's dilemma, I'm going to go back to good old-fashioned fact-up rules in that I like it. So as far as I'm concerned, I'm going to be passing on that fact to other people. I think this is a classic example of it sounds good and therefore it's fact-up.

39:46It's fact-up. It's fact-up. I would also quite like to hear from the Queen, I think. We'd better... okay so i've done a little bit of uh looking yeah and so basically um the reason you can't apparently tickle yourself and obviously we've spoken how we we can in some ways but the main reason you can't tickle yourself in the same way others can is because of your um cerebellum tracks in your motor movements that basically predicts your sensory feedback so it's predicting the movements and how that'll make you feel it's not a shock yeah so that's why it doesn't hit the same but if you were to place your hands in the same place that someone else did it may interfere with that and actually mean that it would would work yeah that that the predictors would then see what their movement is the same as your movement and make the tickles less effective so really interesting interesting stuff it's fact up it's great thanks for that one deb thank you deb that's that's um good bit of life advice as well yeah good bit of life advice you never know when it's like knowing the Heimlich manoeuvre isn't it it's good you never know when it's going to come up it's the same with stabbing someone's stabbing you but oh it doesn't hurt yeah except if you stab yourself it doesn't really work does it yeah and that's why they go why are you punching yourself why are you hitting yourself why are you hitting yourself you go I'm not you're doing it if they don't listen no no it's them that is just even as a kid I was like you are route one mate Yeah.

41:20Think outside the box. I know. Joe, it's time for my fact. Oh, okay. I've got a fact this week. Okay. I think you're next week. Even though I was last week. Yeah. Yeah. Doesn't matter. It's okay. I've got one here for you. Again, nice and quick. Go on. It is, I'm going, I'm on a bit of a space thing at the moment. Yeah. So my last one was about Venus. Yeah. This one's a little bit about space. I've got a space one as well next week. I'm just watching a lot of space stuff at the moment and all my facts for the foreseeable future will be via Simon Whistler. So if you've already heard this, Soz. But he is basically how I get all my outside information these days.

42:07So, Joe. Yeah. You know they say there are more stars than grains of sand on Earth. Yes. Yeah? Yes. That's a saying, isn't it? Yeah. I think I've garbled it a little bit. No, I've heard stuff. There are more stars in the universe than there are grains of sand on Earth. Yes. Which is great, isn't it? It's good to know. It's a good fact. And each of those stars could support life. Wow, yeah. It's now been estimated that there are between 5 and 10 sextillion, that's 21 zeros, of grains of sand on every beach on Earth combined. 21. sextillion. No, 5 to 10 sextillion. 5 to 10 sextillion. Yeah. Okay.

42:515 to 10. 21 zeros. Which is a huge number. Huge, huge number. Absolutely massive. However, this is still nowhere near the amount of stars in the universe which is estimated to be one septillion, which is 24 zeros. 24 zeros. That's incredible. That's incredible. What are we worried about? Yeah. Yeah. Are you looking for Liebenschwall? What's it called? Labensraum. Labensraum. Don't be looking in Russia. No, look up there, mate. Look up. Or if you're a small creature, look on the beach. Yeah. There's plenty. Yeah. Beach, space, depending on size. Not Russia. So there's my fact for you, Joe. That's amazing.

43:36And do you think there's any aliens out there? Yeah, there's got to be in there. I'd like to think there's at least something, like a moss or something. No, no, no. No, I think there are genuinely, there's intelligent life. Yeah. Good ones. Interesting ones. Yeah, good ones. I'm not having a go at, you know, man brains or anything. I think there's definitely, definitely a bit of, like you say, a bit of moss or a bit of bacteria. I wouldn't be surprised if there's a bit of that going on in our very own solar system. Well, wasn't there water on Mars? There was water on Mars. I think there's still water locked in its poles as ice.

44:16But what's the one of the moons there? Is it one of the Saturn ones? Begins with a T. Apparently it's got loads of water. It's got way more water than Earth. Is that Titan? Titan, yeah. I think it's Titan. I think it's got more water than Earth. There's Titan. and there's something going on because there's some sort of activity. Like we've observed some sort of eruption or gas or water vapour or something coming, forcing its way through the ice crust of Titan. So they're thinking, what if there's like those hot springs, those underwater hot springs, what are they called? Do you know what I mean?

45:07geezers or something like that yeah you know but you know the underwater ones where they've they're just so mineral rich and stuff like that and life can just um yeah i know yeah it's just sort of um

45:22like they're crusted they're crusted with like coral like deep sea coral or whatever or i don't know what it is but they're thinking there's quite a big chance that there's probably something going under the ice sheets of Titan. That'd be good. I'd like it if something... Also, it might not be Titan. Well, I did look... I just looked it up and it did say Titan has an abundance of water locked in solid ice under the moon's bedrock. And it says it's a slushy layer. It's a slushy layer. Slushy layer. Blue raspberry. It was a slush puppy layer. They've got drinks and it's a drink planet. it well that's where slush puppies come from what if they had little puppies that lived there there's no life oh there's puppies sorry i forgot the puppies yeah they're slushing about i wonder sometimes with life like i'm sort of that's a pun believable by the way it is isn't it yeah a hush puppy yeah it's everywhere yeah they're everywhere once you start when you start watch out once you're aware of yeah pun believables they're all over the place they're in your house you can find them everywhere before we go Joe yeah we've got a voice note okay from some guy called Brad okay let's hear what Brad's got to say Charlie James I've listened to your podcast since it started and I love it it's just two mates just chatting absolute nonsense that I like to do with my mates and you've made something out of it so well done but I just listened to a bit where Joe mentioned about getting Botox under his arms and it took me back to a time when I just turned 18 back when you could go around a nightclub people were still smoking the good old days and I don't sweat from anywhere apart from my armpits only place I sweat from and my friend told me about this roll-on stuff that you'd roll on your armpits of an evening it would tingle and sting to hell the next day you wouldn't sweat from it and it was a life changer I went out and bought the most expensive t-shirt I think I've ever bought at the time and I was 18 and it was about 40 quid for that t-shirt and it was grey I couldn't get away with wearing grey and I remember walking around the nightclub looking, no sweat patches but what it didn't tell you was you have to perspire from somewhere so what I hadn't realised is my whole back was wringing wet because the sweat has to come out from somewhere and it was a nightmare so not really a fact just a story Brad from Shepard keep up the good work lads aww nice one Brad, cheers for that it's definitely a fact I've heard that stuff recommended to me and it didn't work for me i i wasn't there some sort of um medieval plague medieval thing where it stopped you from sweating and your body just cooked or something i feel like that's oh my god i feel like that's something that happened in the dark ages there was that thing where people danced themselves to death or something a whole yeah yeah and it kind of it was contagious yeah weird you suddenly find but yeah brad you are absolutely right you do have to sweat you've got to get it And I would say we need to stop sweat shaming.

48:56I agree. I think it's a natural bodily function. Yeah. By the way, sweat doesn't mean that you smell. Sweat's got nothing to do with body odour. As long as you go home and shower after you've been sweating, you're fine. Yeah. Old sweat is the right thing. Old sweat is the problem, yeah. But you have to sweat. You'll die. Yeah. It's your body regulating its heat. You'll be really, really ill if you can't sweat. Yeah. Which I believe is what I said to you when you were talking about Botox. About having Botox, yeah. He's also right about grey. Grey is a complete nightmare. Grey shows up a lot, yeah.

49:33Absolute nightmare. I mean, basically you want – white's actually quite good. White's fine. White's okay. White or black? Grey's really bad. Grey's bad. A couple of times I've worn grey jogging bottoms while I take my kid to ice hockey practice. and then at the end of the day i help him take his skates off and i lift his skate up yeah and i wedge his foot in between my legs so that i can undo it all and stuff like that and then obviously there's like wet ice and stuff and it just looks like i've pissed all over myself yeah yeah no gray's a nightmare it's not your friend it can't keep a secret don't trust gray don't just don't trust grey with your secrets?

50:18Trust white. We're all for we're not, you know, we don't see colour, but greys. Greys, yeah. The only prejudice we have. They're against greys. Greys. Have you seen The Grey? It's about a wolf. Yeah, I've seen it. It's got a really weird line in it where he goes, these wolves, they don't fuck around and they don't give a fuck about nuts or berries. Stupid line. Fucking stupid line. I am shocked that you've seen that film. I've only seen that line and I I thought, fucking El Nisan, they've got you saying some right old shit in this. Oh, so you've not watched the film? It contains the line, they don't give a fuck about nuts or berries.

50:53No. That's a shit line. I tell you something. How did that get through? I mean, some of the lines that end up in films, you're like, you've had so much time to get that better. Listen, it's Nisan. He's a drawer. He's a box office drawer. I'm not blaming Nisan. It is Nisan. And I love those. Don't get me wrong. He's an incredible actor and he's got some really fine body. of work but he I love his post taken career I absolutely love it he's very funny on extras yeah he's really funny he's really good but he's no not extras no it's not too short yeah but he me and Claire are like I'll come home one day and Claire will be like Neeson's got a new film there's a new Neeson film yeah we're like right that whistle it's Friday night I can take away watch Neeson fight some wolves I'd like to watch The Grey in its entirety I don't think you'd like it right I think it'd make you angry why because it's a bit because there's things that I watch that do make me angry as well as an out of work actor and I'm like well I mean I could have done that yeah that's what you wanted yeah I think that you'll be like that's all you need to know about that film okay they don't give a fuck about nuts or berries well this is the thing when I'm not working but it is fun it's great fun it's a good fun film I like a monster film right I do like a monster film new Godzilla film coming out oh we should probably mention as of recording um Dr.

52:30Grant Sam Neill passed away I know yesterday really sad really fucking I was like oh that feels like Party of Childhood yeah ripped out yeah yeah I was gutted yeah um I really liked his sort of, his vibe. He was brilliant in Peaky Blinders as well. Had a great character in that. I haven't seen Peaky Blinders. Peaky Blinders is good. The first, yeah, especially the first few series. More men should dress like the characters from, oh no, less men. Sorry, less, yeah, less men. I was at a wedding the other day. There was one Peaky Blinders guy there. I just turned to Claire and went, he's got about another year.

53:12you wouldn't go around dressed as like a Tudor what are you doing I know it's not Birmingham in the 1910s oh bloody hell I think there's a member of a gang over there and it is 1910 no wait a minute fucking unbelievable just stop doing it buy some normal clothes and just put them on it is a nice look it's fine it is a time it's like what we're saying I know you're about looking back. I will say those trousers are good. The old-fashioned trousers. They come off past. Yeah, I've got a few pairs of those. High-waisted men's trousers are great because they keep all the... This is the area. It's like a little garter.

53:52This area of my body is the least favourite. Garter's what women wear around their legs for... Girdle? Girdle, that's it. Girdle, yeah. Keeps you all in check there. Yeah. Makes you look fitter than what you actually are. It does, yeah. I look fat, but then if I can get my trousers up higher, I'm like, I'm not fat. Look at that. That bit looks great. That's what Simon Cowell does. Yeah. this is the hard stuff he has his trousers right up to his neck doesn't he and then he wears big boots with boot cut jeans you can't see that they're high heeled classic I'm all fact out Joe me too what the hell have we learnt today we've learnt that you can you can neutralise being tickled by holding the tickler's hands yes we've learnt that there's definitely more stars than there are grains of sand, but there's way loads of grains of sand.

54:45There are. So what does that tell you? And also Titan, look to Titan. Look to Titan. For your next hit. For your next holiday. For your next holiday.

54:57I can't stop fucking playing that. We've got a Jet 2 playing back from our holiday. Every other fucking song. It's like, welcome to Jet 2 holidays. Oh, I wonder. No, Jet 2 radio. I wonder what's going to be playing on this radio. station oh is it that one yes it fucking is that one stop playing it i was in a taxi yesterday and we were listening to heart you had heart on the radio and that is i know commercial music plays on commercial radio stations right so it sort of makes sense but i would say that heart fm is specifically this new genre of music i've decided is called boots advert and it was just every song that came on i was just like i'm sure this was a boots yeah i know what you mean where is my husband girls this summer find yourself a man it's all just boots advert music every single one of those songs could have been on a boots song then it was like fucking ollie merz or something like that and it's all just very cheerful and boppy and sort of like feel good.

56:11I do know what you mean. Every song come on. I was annoying Claire because I was going, this could be on a Boots advert. This could definitely be on a Boots advert. Anyway, we hope that you've learned something or had a nice time. We'll be back next week armed with more facts, chats and tickle attacks. Yes. And don't forget you can get in touch with us if you'd like us to fact check something that feels true to you or whatever nonsense you'd like to tell us about. by emailing us. That sentence is too long. Yeah. Well, I should say it's a fine sentence, but it's too long for my brain. Yeah. We get that down in length.

56:47Our email is hello at joeandjamespod.com. Yeah, that really ruined this episode. What a shame. What a shame. Our WhatsApp is 07822034330. Or you can follow us on social media at joeandjamespod. And if none of that made sense, which I'm assuming it didn't all that stuff's in the podcast description bye goodbye oh goodbye clap clap clap back to school is busy enough the last thing you need is shopping that makes it harder Whether you're moving into a dorm, your first apartment, or just getting organized for the semester, Wayfair makes it easy to get everything you need in one place. Furniture, bedding, storage, decor, study essentials, all at prices you'll love with fast shipping before move-in day.

57:51Get everything you need for back-to-school season. Shop wayfair.com today. Wayfair, every style, every home. I'm Claire Buckley and if your idea of relaxing is listening to seriously unsettling stories before bed then you are going to love my podcast Pretty Scary from terrifying true crime haunting ghost tales creepy alien encounters and anything weird it's the stories that leave you staring at the ceiling afterwards questioning absolutely everything lock your doors get comfy and prepare to dive into the darkness just search for Pretty Scary with Claire Buckley Finally.