Super Fans of Super Hans

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1:19Visit Upwork.com right now and post your job for free. That is Upwork.com to connect with top talent ready to help your business grow. That's U-P-W-O-R-K dot com. Upwork.com. I can't eat anymore. Well, as we know, like during, if I'm doing this, if I'm on a film set, like every day they come up and go, what do you want for lunch? And I go, nothing. I don't like lunch. If I have lunch, I just want to sleep. for the second half of the day. You don't like lunch. I love lunch. For me, food is like a reward. So I basically want, I mean, I have bad eating habits, but it's like, what I want to do is I want to get up.

2:01I want to have absolutely shit loads of coffee and basically like some other sort of fuel. I do think I sort of invented bulletproof coffee. Like when I was at school, I would get up and I would have butter, like toast, like drenched in butter and like rocket fuel strength coffee. and actually that is basically what the silicon value they were like have coffee with fat in it basically caffeine and fat is essentially what you need in the morning so i was like i bet so i invented that you yeah some people put butter in their coffee i don't know if that was a wind-up actually no they do know that's it's called bulletproof coffee that's what that's literally it's like that's what it was like bulletproof i was like yeah tell me about it mate yeah where have you been where have you been i used to when i was working at matalan yeah when i was 16 and I'd be at like college say college it was a musical theatre college during the day and then musical theatre no such thing and then I'd do a shift afterwards at Matalan 5 till 9 and I used to be so tired and I didn't have any money and there used to be a coffee machine but they there was two things there that were free sugar and water and i used to just put loads and loads of sugar in a cup of water and just stir into it yeah and just just drink a couple of cups of that to try and get me through the shift i would describe that as a short-term way of eating yeah it probably actually um I think if you'd have popped a little bit of salt in there as well, that in a way, I always remember when I was a kid and they were talking about like disaster relief and just trying to get people fed if there's just no food at all.

4:01And they said, what we can do is we can just give, particularly to children, we just give them water with a bit of sugar and some salt in it. And it was like, if nothing else, this will like keep them alive. Yeah. And that always stuck in my head. And so that's what, you know, you were quite close to that. That's it. You were sort of almost doing that, but just not the salt. But I think you do need salt as well because you lose salt too. It's only been recently that I've learned that salt's important. Yeah, it's important. Because I've grown up being like, oh, you've got to stay away from salt.

4:35Don't have too much salt, right? But if you don't have salt, you do die. There's animals that... There's like monkeys or something that have learned to lick salt off rocks or something. Cows have a salt lick. Right, right. They have a big rock of salt and they go over. Yeah. And I'm just thinking they didn't address that in Castaway. No, no. And apart from that, it's perfect. Because I always watched Castaway and I thought, right, okay. I reckon I reckon I could if I just follow that blueprint yeah the Tom Hanks blueprint I do that as well whenever I'm always like sort of half taking notes yeah I'm like even with that thing about the the child I was like how can this help me well no I was doing the same top tip when you were telling me that story I was like right if I'm fucking about like lost somewhere yeah in a forest or something like that yeah I need some some kind of sugar glucose fresh water find some salt that will help me that will get me through what I need to get you know that's what I was thinking how does this apply to me yeah anyway what are we doing are we recording yet I think so yeah yeah I think so we're just in aren't we yeah do you think you guys would survive well you've got good survival instincts then well I mean I've been on basically a survival show oh that's true so you know oh yeah don't Came 6 out of 12.

6:04So don't talk to me about... Well, no, I don't know whether I've survived well, but I've survived longer than Leomi Anderson. I've survived longer than Leomi Anderson. She's a supermodel? She's a supermodel. Lawrence O 'Ellen Bowen are quite... Yeah, he's wheat bladder. Yeah, he got caught because he had to do a wee. Right. Yeah. Boris Becker, not prime time, not prime Boris Becker. No, not 17-year-old Boris Becker. Not 17-year-old Boris Becker. Boris Becker with, I think, quite a fucked knee. Yeah. But anyway, so basically I would survive longer than... I keep forgetting you did that. I was good at the challenge.

6:47My whole thing was basically just don't get into the bear pit because that's obviously horrible. To quote the adage, you don't need to be able to run faster than the lion, you just need to be able to run faster than your friend. Right. Like, you know, Lawrence Ellen Bowen became a friend. Yeah. And he's the friend I'd choose to be in there with a lion because the lion would eat him. Did you get to spend much time with Bear? Well, no, because he's mainly hiding behind trees. Was there not? Yeah, but I just mean. So when you do see him, he's like, you mean off camera? Even then? Even then, he wouldn't come out.

7:26At the wrap party or something. Even at the wrap party, it was like... I do think that's why people don't like it. There was an open bar and everything. The production team had laid on a really lovely party for you all. Bear's still drinking his own piss. Yeah, Bear was still drinking his own piss. The producers there are going, that's just what he does. He wouldn't wash because he was worried that panthers would smell the aftershave. Where was that shot? Costa Rica? Yeah, Costa Rica. Did you have to get any shots or anything like that? I had quite a lot, yeah. tennis i already had tennis probably rabies i think had that i didn't follow any of them up though you have zika maybe yeah um fucking zika came and went don't remember zika so the mini disc no zika was yeah it was well it was just sony wasn't it was zika was this thing it was for about a month it was like fucking zika and i was in i was i'd been offered a job i was in america at the time i'd been offered a job but it was being shot in south america the zika thing was kicking off and i said no i don't want to do it i don't want to go to south america right now it wasn't like it wasn't a great job they were asking me to do it so that's always my um icebreaker joke every time i get offered a job yeah i go all right yeah who's turned this down then yeah no i i like what i'm not on the top of anyone's list and i appreciate that i know that if i'm on the top of someone's list i'm like i'll put i'll i'll go give me the list this is a bad talk to this person yeah yeah i once had a meet a zoom call with a director and um because i always do that i like there's so many jobs i'm like i feel like this person be able to do it better than me and um i had a i had a zoom call with a director once and just as i went upstairs the office to go and do it claire went do me a favor don't talk them out of you getting this job because you do that all the time well you're british it's impossible for you not to you have to you have to i don't know i feel like if you spoke to this person because they'd be they'd be so good at that i remember i brought up johnny sweet once oh right yeah for a job that i didn't do and i assume he didn't do it any either well i mean i'm a big sweet fan and i it was just he might have gone no give it to buckley i mean you know i mean it's and then they were like well I'd forget it.

9:53There was a part. Yeah, exactly. But there was a part and I was like, have you spoke to Johnny Sweet about this? They were offering me a role in something. I was like, have you spoke to Johnny Sweet? He'd be so good at this. No, I can't afford to be that general. I mean, that is, listen, I'm. I know, but you know when you just sort of go, see, I just say whatever's in my head too much. Yeah. Way too much. Because I'm like, when you're in a meeting, Yeah. you've got to do half the talking, haven't you? You have to. And I do just run out of things to say. So then I go, you should give the job to someone else.

10:31Because that's what I'm thinking in my head at that moment. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's hard when people say, don't say what's in your head. Because you're like, well, there's not another bucket of stuff I could say. Like, there's either stuff that's in my head or nothing. Yeah, that's it. I can't go into other people's heads. because I was finishing a double act with him. Well, he won the peri. Yeah, so what happened? We went up as a double act. And you were the slowest. The lion got you. Went up as a double act again two years later. Then Stockton up as a double act. He just went up on his own, won the peri.

11:06Yeah. So, interesting. I've got... You were the slow one in the lion analogy. Oh, I see. Sorry, I was the slow one. Yeah, exactly. I was the slow one. He ran quicker. I want to tell you something now. that um so when i was a uh this is the kind of this is the kind of sort of foundational self-esteem that my character's built on um i don't really know anyone in the creative industries at all my parents are teachers yeah and when i was doing my edinburgh show my dad invited his only mate who was in any way near to the industry and he was the head of radio drama at bbc radio 4 and he came and saw me and Johnny in our show.

11:44And afterwards, my dad said, what do you think? And he said, and my dad tells this story and enjoys this story. He said, Johnny's the one. So that's just, so that's the foundation. Yeah. So it's all built on there. So get that in. Yeah. Get that in first. And then go to America. And then everyone's like, why do you not look anyone in the eye? And you're like, well, because of that sort of shit. Because out of two people. When's the last time? I wasn't even the favourite in that. No. And also your dad was the person he was talking to. Favourite, like a favourite family story. Do you want to know what?

12:19Well, what's Sweet up to right now? What's he doing right this second? Wrote a novel. He's wrote a novel. Oh, he's got a novel out. Right. Really good. Yeah. He's a proper talent, but it's sort of wasted because he's quite posh. You keep saying he's not. Well, he's not. I mean, this, like, me and, me and Johnny, I think are of a similar class, which is that we are the children of like, teachers, and his dad's a solicitor, but we went to Cambridge, so we're kind of posh by proxy. Right. But I don't think, we're not from wealth. No. But, obviously the way the British class system works is that if you go to Oxford, you're like, you can join in a bit as well.

13:04You're not right at the top, but you're allowed to be somewhere. And, so that's where I'd say that's where we are basically yeah you know it's the sort of journalist class but it's not the prime minister class do you know what I mean it's the yeah but he's a real talent he's a real talent and but he's I get the vibe that he's never been hungry well it's I think he's never been he has a kind of lackadaisical back in back in the early days where I was striving to be an actor and yeah drinking fucking sugar water and all that sort of I don't imagine he was in that situation. No, I think he, I think, and he's not even, I mean, and also you were even, you were doing your best to bring him up as well.

13:48Well, yeah. Recommending him for parts. Yeah, but he didn't want to do it because it was shit. And I was like, and that was fair enough. I do regret it. I do regret it because I sort of lent on him. I sort of, because I knew him a tiny little bit through you and Bird. Yeah. And I was like, oh, he'd be so good to get Johnny Sweet in on this. And I made him do it. I begged him to do it. And I can't do that again. But he's good. If you don't know Johnny Sweet is, I'm sure there must be some stand-up of his or something. He's got this strange cadence. He'll say any sentence and it's amusing. He's just naturally funny.

14:23It's really bizarre. I used to be in stuff. But he should be acting more. He should be on the TV more. Yeah, I know. But also, I'm guessing he's being asked. But he's just like, oh, well, whatever. Yeah, I suppose he has got kind of, I think there was, I think particularly Cambridge, there was a thing where like you weren't really allowed to appear ambitious. You had to be like, oh, crumbs, have I succeeded? So it's like you had to get a first, but you had to get a first without actually making any effort. Oh, what are you doing? Whoops. They seem to have given me this first. And so I was so fucking confused when I was at Cambridge because I was like, Am I supposed to be trying?

15:11Because I can't do it without trying, but it seems as though you're not supposed to try. The thing is, everyone is secretly trying. Oh, fuck yeah. I do wish, I say this all the time, I do wish I'd had a bit more education. Well, I mean, it's everything that goes down the side of it, really. I wish I'd, and it's the classic, very cliche, but I wished I'd taken advantage of what was available to me as a young man but I didn't but at that point in my life I just didn't give a fuck I think I I think I sort of I don't know I think I think it took me a long time to mature I'm still not there but it took me a long time to mature mentally well yeah but I mean I think that's the thing like people young people actually aren't I always felt like at university you were treated as though you were really old like when like I've probably said this before literally on this podcast but like when you when you graduate you're dressed up in these you look like you're being prepared for burial like you're you're you're putting these huge robes and and hoods and like my mate's daughter would like yeah that they'd have these evenings and stuff these balls or whatever they look like fucking harry potter yeah all these kids yeah I know that I wonder if there's some sort of initiative you know you know like sort of people on benefits or something like that that's at the taxpayer's expense i wonder if you could send them to a college or a university yeah i mean that's three year or two instead find something that they're they're passionate about because you do oh yeah i genuinely don't i i i don't think it i don't think it's unusual to not realize until your 30s where you're like oh that's actually quite interesting and i'd like to know more about that and it's not unusual at all i did history because i sort of quite liked it at school yeah and history history's the one though yeah history is brilliant but i didn't even do it i also i was really bad like really really really bad at it like i didn't know anything at all like i did i just i'm listening to a podcast about george orwell now and i wrote my dissertation on george orwell and actually looking back i'm like fucking hell my dissertation was shit it was just like right I was like Orwell says this then Orwell said this then Orwell said this and I didn't interrogate I wasn't like any some of this isn't true or like this isn't and what was the thing you were obsessed with yeah I thought it was all about the number five because I finished my dissertation I was incredibly tired and I walked past the clock that was five o 'clock and I was trying to write about fascism I was like what is fascism I saw the clock and it had five and I was like five ism and then I thought I've cracked it yeah I was so tired but like I think it's like what you need to do is say here's somebody who's giving an account of what like human experience is like and i've actually had some human experience and does this person's account tally with what i think human experience is like but you haven't had any human experience yeah you were at your parents house and now you're at university trying to work out whether somebody who's 40 is telling the truth about what it's like to be 40 well how the fuck do you know i mean it's like it there's so so much in a way they probably shouldn't do any arts degrees until people are 50 can you just do maths for young people and then do how easy is it to just fucking turn up what just go in just go in you can probably just you can it quite easily turn up to lectures i reckon you're also you're allowed to go to other people's lectures there's that episode in peep show yeah and Gilmore Girls where Mark yeah he's trying to he's trying to get with a university it'll probably be harder and weirder now I think in that episode it's just like yeah that's Peter Capaldi in that episode yeah he plays the he plays the the sort of Professor McLeish yeah yeah yeah that's right yeah yeah I mean I I have a said I have a I have a feeling that all the kind of big tech companies they're like i heard a podcast where it was like what's the ideal like working camp like working environment for a company it's not an office it's sort of a place where there are places where you can work on your own but there's also social areas and it's like yeah it's a case of university what you're talking about is university like they they didn't invent it basically they went to they went to universities and then they set up their own companies and they were like let's do a thing called a campus and you're like yeah yeah that's I think people just, it's the perfect environment to kind of work and learn, basically.

19:43It's kind of, it's simultaneous. It's private, but then if you leave your room, you'll just encounter, like all that stuff that people say about what the ideal workplace would be like, like chance encounters with people in real life who share your ideas. That is a university. And that's what that is, like for sure. And it's social, but also somewhat serious. and you're kind of all in, but you're kind of allowed to drop out as well. Like you didn't have to go to any lectures. I mean. But that's where it lies on you to be responsible and for your own actions and stuff. Yeah. Have you seen Matt King's book?

20:27Oh, Superhands' book. That's new, isn't it? I haven't seen that yet. Is it out? I need to read that. I think it's out, yeah. I am Superhands was a I drawed on Superhands when we were making the Inbetweeners with a character of Jay just that sort of bizarre weird claims and Matt King's performance in Peep Show was something that I always had in the back of my head when I was doing Jay from the Inbetweeners such a good performance in that he's the best character And that's also in a weird sort of fucking egotistical, I don't know. But it was like whenever Superhands was in an episode or in a scene, he always stole the scene.

21:15And I was like, that's what I want to do. Anytime that something's going on and there's a load of people there, I want everyone to go, oh, look at that guy. And he just does that so brilliantly. I believe his book is called Moorish. Yeah, Moorish. And it's out September of this year, so it's not out yet. Absolutely brilliant way to describe crack. It's a bit more-ish. Oh, that's right, yeah. I like it. Is it maybe even in the pilot where he goes, partner Guinness, mate, no logo in the phone. No logo in the phone. Yeah. That was, I was. One of my favourite scenes is when they don't really, but they think, Jez and Superhands think they've inherited a pub off of some girl who's a bit mentally fragile.

22:09So they're like, we'll take the pub off your hands, don't worry. And they're arguing about what they should call it. And Jez is going, I'm not calling it Free the Pedos. And he's like, all right, we'll meet in the middle then. What about the dog and pedo? And he doesn't want to change anything. Yeah, they go into the pub and there's a washing machine. He's like, that stays. What do you mean? So we're going to have a washing machine in a pub. No, think about it. What's the washing machine doing in the pub? I need a pint. Freak him out. That's a good episode. I like it when the doctor says, okay, guys, you've had your fun with the sectioning.

22:47There's going to be no more sectioning. If you section me, I will section you so fast. That's so good. I wrote an essay about Peep Show at university as well. Did you? Yeah, yeah. It is brilliant. It is really good. That's cool. what was the theme Jesse and Sam didn't they do some stuff on the in between us no they might have done a pass or something Poppa probably did yeah Poppa's another genius as well yeah he's fucking brilliant he's so quick like that he's enjoyed Friday Night Dinner so I've got scripts that I've been working on for like 10 years I mean look around you the second series of look around you especially yeah I can't find it I've got it on DVD but I don't have a fucking DVD player I want to watch it again.

23:30Yeah, where do you get a DVD player? Well, I'm sure you can get a DVD player off Amazon. Seems a bit. I'm not getting a whole DVD player, so I can watch one DVD. Well, exactly. We need to get a look around you on the internet. Maybe just look at the DVD and just feel it. You better get a sense of it. I've got so many DVDs. Do you remember when we used to go into Channel 4? That was so good. Oh, yeah. We get all the bits and pieces. Yeah. That was amazing. Every time we used to go into Channel 4, we were making the in-betweeners. and we were like we were we were genuinely kids at the time pretty much when we and they were like right guys uh just go into that room then there was like tubs of channel four that's where i got my peep show dvds and stuff like that and they're like just take whatever you want we're like really can we it was like being on funhouse where they give you the prize it was mental oh god can i can i have three yeah you know four if you want oh god it got to it got to a point where They're like, we'd been to Channel 4 so much and they kept doing that.

24:28I'd go to Channel 4 and I was like, right, right. DVDs? Can we get some? Can I get some DVDs, please? Yeah. Oh, should we do a podcast, Joe? Yeah, sorry. Joe and James, Joe and James, Joe and James, Joe and James, Facts Up! Welcome to Joe and James Facts Up. This is a podcast where each week we'll be bringing facts to one another that we deem interesting. And our policy is the more interesting, the more true it is. we will also be digging into the weird things that you'd like to think are true but don't want to research in a segment that we're calling fact check so if you want to send us your facts our email is hello at joeandjamespod.com we've also got a whatsapp number 07822 034 330 and you can follow us on socials at joeandjamespod and you can also watch all our episodes in full on YouTube just search for Joe and James Factor there's also some sort of form that I don't feel like I've ever got to the bottom of I like that it's just people are using it but I don't think I've ever really they know where it is we don't it's in the description there's a link in the description I've never really been up with what a description is they were saying it's in the podcast well if I could describe a description do you?

25:44No. Anyway. It won't work. Let's do our little catchphrase, Joe. Okay. Now, let's get... It's now. Now. Now. Let's get fact up.

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27:52Visit Upwork.com right now and post your job for free. That is Upwork.com to connect with top talent ready to help your business grow. That's U-P-W-O-R-K.com, Upwork.com. Here we are Okay hello everyone So you've Been sending in some Real fact up stuff That was very natural For us to discuss And James We've got here an update From someone I remember And this Is Chris who was running the Manchester Marathon That's right yeah And we talked a bit about that and about how if he did it, like you said, you know, nothing's really going to change. Yeah. And I can't remember what I said, but we've got an update here.

28:47So he says, guys, you absolutely made my day with that pub while I was running. I can honestly say it did indeed keep me alive. Good stuff. He puts, it didn't get me any fanny. No. So that tallies with your warning. Yeah. everyone's already forgotten I did it yeah I'm never running on another marathon again anyway I really appreciate the mention and the facts and it was just the lift I needed and the mention for the charity will hopefully bring in more donations which is Hospice at Home Carlisle and North Lakeland so you know why not donate to that yeah go on thanks again and keep up the good work Chris did send a little picture as well of him with what I assume are his kids as well so that was nice oh family man it's a family show let's find out whether they are his kids or not before yeah okay I'll drop him a message or let us know Chris please yeah just wouldn't be they had signs saying go dad so I'm assuming that's what I'm assuming okay well okay so far but even then so far so good as far as Chris they still might not be his that's true I should have done my due diligence I don't know what he's missing well he should find out whether that is because it sounds like he's out quite a lot running these marathons what's Mrs.

30:02Chris Cowley doing while the cat's away that's what I think the mouse marathons golf fishing stuff like that it's all stuff that blokes do because they're not getting their leg over that's all it is that is really all it is and listen I'm not I've got like endless amounts of hobbies I'm in the same fucking bracket don't you worry about that I'm not like bragging that me and my wife that we've got two kids we've been together for fucking ages. I'm not saying that we've got an amazing sex life by any means. When it does happen, it is amazing. But that's what blokes do. They sort of, if they were like having it off a lot, they'd be like, because if it was like, oh, I'm going to go away for golf this weekend.

30:46And then Mrs. goes, well, do you want to? Or maybe we could, you know, maybe we could have a bit of fun together. They go, oh, sorry, lads. I'm not coming to poor school. Oh, no, for sure. Yeah. I mean, I think some of these male hobbies are literally a way of killing time. It is, yeah. It's killing time in between sessions. Yeah. That's the only thing guys are doing. Yeah. Just describe it as in between sessions. Yeah. I was just checking, yeah. Cool.

31:14Oh, gosh. Well, thank you, Chris. Yeah, thank you, Chris. I'll tell you what, Chris. I would have liked a little time there. I'm guessing that it wasn't that impressive, which is why you've not included it. but well done on doing a marathon more importantly well done on raising money for that hospice he's always good can't really have you for that one and just like you know my timing for the marathon I did was six hours six hours or as far as we know so that's like walking pace no it's not it's not I'm a fast walker um i do three mile just over three miles 3.2 miles with the dog when we go for a walk okay and i average about uh 18 minutes a mile walking yeah okay well i mean what i would say is that when i finished that marathon i thought what's happened there is i've gone on a long shit walk yeah okay so i don't think i think marathons are weird the marathon is something where the whole point of the first story is that the person died after they did it like the marathon legend is a guy had to run to deliver news of a battle right because they didn't have phones because it was ancient rome yeah and he when he got there he was exhausted and died from the effort of delivering the message.

32:45Did he deliver the message though? He did deliver the message. So it was very much a case of don't kill the messenger. First, because it's good news. And second, because he is already dead. And people are like, that sounds like a good thing to do for fun. I quite like half marathons. I mean, I think all the kind of, all the sort of horrible stuff comes in the second half. But I have actually looked on the Manchester Marathon website for Chris's time. I could be wrong, but this is under Christopher Cowley. And he ran four hours, 22 minutes, 30 seconds. That's good stuff. That's really good. That's really good.

33:21People aim for four hours, don't they? I think that's the thing. If you can do a sub four hour, then you've done really well. Yeah. But four hours, 20. Very impressive. That's really good, Chris. Good for you, man. That's really, really, really good. Hopefully, you know, you get to have it off because of it. Yeah. Because that's the only reason men do anything. Joe should we move on to your fact for the day Yeah okay now just before we do this fact I want to just I'm gonna I just want to introduce Something that I I don't know it's the sort of thing It's like things you didn't realise were puns So I've got two just to kind of get the section going Is this a little feature?

34:01It could be a feature I don't know I'll see if people like it Things that you didn't realise were puns I'll tell you what we do need to make a feature Sorry Joe No no go on Suggest what you'd like me and Joe to reenact next? You know what? I have already got on the case and I've called it Joe and James Script Up. Oh, okay. And there is a post on our YouTube page where people can suggest some scripts and we've already had like quite a lot of submissions. Someone suggested 50 Shades of Grey. I mean, if you're lucky, maybe we can get around to it next episode. Yeah. One person said, can you do the upside down kiss from Spider-Man?

34:37Yeah. I would love to give that a go. That was really difficult. Not really. Not really a script, is it? No, it's not. No, we should do that later. That's why we'll just do that later. Private, Leo. Absolutely. I thought we were pretending like you don't do it at the end of every episode. Oh, yeah. Yeah, sorry, yeah. At the end of every episode, me and Joe like to celebrate a successful recording by doing the upside down Spider-Man kiss. Yeah, right. So, yeah, this is my little idea for, it's called like Things You Didn't Rise Are Puns. and so for example there used to be a magazine called Boyzone and sometimes when like sometimes like when Harry Kane scores 50 goals a season people are like this is Boyzone stuff like this is that as in like this is Roy the Rover stuff right but I think the band Boyzone is a pun on Boyzone I wasn't I know the band Boyzone I wasn't aware of the magazine Boyzone Okay, well, I think that's a pun.

35:37Boys OWN. Yeah, as in a boy's own paper. Right. Like, this is something for the modern boy. It's the Yorkie. Yeah, it's like, are you a boy in today's world? Right. You need boy's own. Yeah. Because it's for you. Yeah. And you're a boy. And I think that's a pun on that. And then the other one, match of the day. Yeah. Is a pun on catch of the day. Of course it is. Right? So this is what I'm talking about. Let's get this going. Let's see what else is out there. You've blown my mind with that one. Yeah, there's stuff out there. And people say, you know, there's no new land left to discover. Well, in the mind there is.

36:25And I'm saying, and I think it would be good if, you know, as we got something going where we're out there looking for them. for these puns match of the day match of the day of course it is yeah see i didn't um i know back like long before my time match of the day was the only way that you could see football on the television yeah for many many many years and it was funny because you could only watch it really really late at night yeah or really really early in the morning it was like we want you to be tired yeah it was just but i always just thought match of the day when i so the match of the day for me is the highlights of uh of the saturday games yes and maybe the friday one before yeah um but the match the first game would always be the big one yeah on the highlights it'd be like united v liverpool or something like that and they'd spend about 20 minutes on that one yeah Yeah, yeah.

37:23And then... Little bits and pieces. Yeah. And I always thought, oh, that's the match of the day. The first one is the match of the day. Oh, I see. Like MasterChef or something. Who's won? Yeah. That's the match of the day. And then we'll get to the other matches afterwards. But no, of course it's catch of the day. Of course it is. Catch of the day. Fucking hell. Unbelievable. And I just think there's stuff out there. As I say, I think... I didn't realise that Girls Are Loud was a pun for a while. But of course it is. Go on. As in girls are allowed in this club too. Well, girls, yeah. Right? And also girls, like.

37:55But it's spelt aloud. Allowed. Yeah, well, that's what I mean. Because it's spelt aloud as in they are allowed. Well, that was the thing. I got that. But I didn't realise that it was a pun on A-L-L-O-W-E-D. They were kicking the doors down, weren't they? They were like, you know, girls can do this too. Yeah, absolutely. But also we make music, which is loud. Yeah, and we're loud. Yeah. You didn't get that? I didn't realise that. I didn't realise Beatles was a pun. So, I mean, everyone knows Beatles. Beatles is. Because it's spelt differently. Yeah, it is a pun. I would say that The Beatles, as a claim to actually maybe being one of the worst band names of all time, because at the time there were loads of other bands around, and it was all because they all had beat in them, so it was like the Mersey Beads.

38:33And they were like, what about The Beatles? And you're like, well, it's terrible. I mean, it's terrible because the image is some Beatles crawling around. I imagine they spent, what were they called before? Oh, fuck, it's just gone out of my head, and now my kids are going to disown me. What, before they were called the Beatles? Before they were called the Beatles. Were they called like the Herdsmen or something? No, it was, ah, shit. I can't remember what they were called. It's on the anthology albums and stuff. But they, I imagine. Do you want to help? Yeah, go on. What were they called before?

39:07The Quarrymen? The Quarrymen. Of course they were. Jesus Christ. Yeah, the Quarrymen. Oh, I'm going to get pelters for that one. But they, I imagine they spent all of 30 seconds coming up with that. Yeah, it does. Yeah, yeah. But I think there is a trend with bad names that are actually really good. Like the Arctic Monkeys, I think, is a terrible name for a band. It's very poppy. I mean, it's not. It sounds a bit. It sounds like a band for children. It's like Eiffel 65. It sounds like the 90s sort of. Oh, something came up on my phone the other day, actually. And I was like, Jesus Christ. The Scatman, 1994.

39:50when I was watching and it was the bloke who was and I don't know if this is true or not but they were, the story you know sometimes they do a video and there's a description and that's how they suck you in and you read what's going on and the story that this whoever it was that made this Instagram account that was serving up to me was that he did genuinely have like a really weird stutter and he turned it into a I don't think that's true I really don't think that's true Interesting It's not interesting I don't know if they'll make it into the edit Have you got a name for the feature? Because if not I've got a suggestion I haven't got a name for it Well my suggestion would be pun believable Because you have said unbelievable So if you're happy with that Yeah I really like pun believable Is this just open to comments?

40:41Yeah I'd like to know what puns are out there And it doesn't matter if they're obvious because that can be quite funny as well. If you're someone just going, I didn't realise this was a pun. I just sort of, I just said this all my life. Yeah. I'll insert the jingle that we make here. I think the band Boyzone is a pun on Boyzone. Of course it is. Match of the day is a pun on Catch of the day. Fucking hell. I didn't realise that Girls Are Loud was a pun for a while, as in girls are allowed in this club too. And people say, you know, there's no new land left to discover. Well, in the mind there is It's Unbelievable Jeff Yeah, that'd be great If we could have some more I mean, it's People are crying for more jingles on this podcast Yeah, we need more jingles I do like a pun I think they're very silly And they are root one I know Gervais famously isn't a fan of the puns I think in one of the XFM shows Or the podcast or something He says like, oh, I hate the puns the pun is the lowest common denominator of comedy.

41:49I don't think so. Well, no, I do. I agree it is, but I can't, I'm sort of a... I think it's in the eye of the beholder. I'm sort of a masochist, I suppose. I can't help myself. I like shit jokes sometimes. A day without puns is a day without sunshine for me. But I think it's almost like it's a way of generating... I often think like rhyme when things rhyme. People are snooty about rhyme as well, aren't they? Like poems that rhyme a shit. But rhyme is also a way of like, it generates a connection that's completely random. And actually there is something interesting about a connection that's completely random.

42:32The brain quite likes things. Absolutely, it plugs straight into the brain. You remember something if it rhymes not. Yeah, it does, yeah. But also it implies that there's a connection between these two things, even though there's not. But I would say the brain always makes one because that's what the brain does. So there is something interesting. We have to have connections, don't we?

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44:56Shop now at liquidiv.com. Liquid IV, hydration that goes wherever life takes you. Let's get on to your facts. Yeah. Joe. Why? Because today's facts. Jesus Christ. What a theme, eh?

45:18I really tried to think outside the box with my one. I asked the team. I was here. Stay tuned. That's coming later. For the most recent episodes, I wasn't here. So I asked the team what were interesting things that came out. Okay. Okay. Did you go what? No, actually. I thought that sounds about right. Yeah. Did you? Oh no, yeah, but did you go, oh, I'm going to have to come back. I'm going to have to get on top of this a little bit. Right. So I've been complaining about traffic and roadworks recently. Yeah, absolutely. So the team of ourselves today. So we decided to build a whole podcast episode around that.

45:52That's the bit that stood out. I can't believe it. What were they talking about? I can't remember any of it. I can't remember. Joe was moaning about the roadworks. I think you've got a taxi to the studio. Yeah, it does take fucking ages. It's mental. The main type of person you see in central London is a builder on a construction site. Oh, am I willing to stay? That was just a naked man running. Finish the fucking city. Let's live in it for a bit. Hold on. Hang on a minute. One second. I was in London for literally 10 minutes and I saw a naked man running through a park and then I went by a pub called the Cock Tavern immediately after.

46:25Oh, wow. My God. Can you believe it? Because he was probably running out of the pub. And they were like, come back. Because you're our cock. Otherwise, we can't be called the Cock Tavern. Pre-12 naked in the park. Pre-12 naked is pretty amazing. And my taxi driver went, ha, ha, ha, London. Oh, London, yeah. I am okay. I didn't see the cock itself. I just saw arse. Just saw arse. Okay, okay. And I hope that person's well. Did you not want to see the cock a little bit? They are interesting. Yeah, I've seen them. It's fine. As a, you know, I say I was going to have a man with a record of staunch heterosexuality.

47:05I don't know, it wavers a little bit, to be honest. But you do sort of, if you see a cock, you've got to have a little look. You want to take it in. Yeah. Are you curious? Yeah. They're funny things, I think. Yeah, exactly. Flapping about. Yeah. That'd be really sore as well. you feel like you get kicked in the balls sometimes if you don't um strap yourself that's why i wear white fronts i've never i've never particularly had the urge to be like like was it like um naturalists no or naturists yeah yeah naturism oh yeah i don't know i don't i'm not i feel like it's totally unnecessary yeah sorry joe i interrupted that but it really was no no But yeah, we're going to do facts about roads today.

47:52So we're going to do, yeah, some road facts to help repair our relationship. Why? Is our relationship fractured? No, I think... With roads. Oh, with roads? Oh, okay. Oh, okay. I was trying to come up with something about potholes, but it wasn't quite well. Oh, I see. Oh, okay. Well, the potholes, that sounds like a better direction. Yeah. That sounds like more our level. Yeah. Well, I've said I was thinking about it now, so that's just as good, isn't it? Okay. I would like to if I did own a pub though I do like I do like that you can get away with nonsense names for a pub and I would just call it the big cock yeah ye olde cock yeah common misconception by the way ye olde well that's how they used to write th with a sort of y so it's always been the the yeah interesting still think it's fun though but in old old English ath would become a sort of weird wire thing.

48:48Fabulous. There we go. Wow. And we've had a fact before. There we go. Also, my, I just, my fact, I just, I think this is, well, I'm just going to say it. Listen, man, there's only so much you can do about roads. I was fucking sweating on the train in today. Don't you worry about that. This is my category, my fact. What's the category of vehicle on the road that's had the biggest increase in the last 25 years? hang on what category of vehicle what category of vehicle what type of vehicle have we got has had the biggest increase I would say the car it's not vans vans is that right vans are up vans are up I don't know why in fact

49:40vans are up listen do you remember I owned I think it was 1997 to 2024 I got this fact from the RAC. This is going to be really creepy. I don't know how you get stuff from them directly. Do you remember I had a van for a while? You've got a breakdown, haven't you? Do you remember I had a van for a while? I do remember. Oh, well, that thing in America. No, no, no. I had a van. I had a VW transporter. Oh, yeah. I think I do remember that. He's the white one. Yeah. I went to halves with my father-in-law. Yeah, I think I did. Yeah. My father-in-law buys VW bus magazine and stuff like that. Great read.

50:13He's got a subscription. Great read, that. my god and I magazine so how often does that come out I'd say once a month it can't be weekly come on I mean on yeah it stays twice a day but yeah I've you know he's left it in the living room every once in a while and I can't help myself I've had a little look in I go fucking hell this is cool some of the stuff they do with these with these transporter vans I mean vans there's I'm interested in the highest on the back of your driving licence you have a thing it says like what categories of vehicles are you allowed to drive Now, you can't just get into an HGV.

50:46You need a special license. Yes. But you can go up to, I think, Luton van. And when we moved house, I drove our own Luton van. Yeah. This is what I want to ask you because you're a bit older than me. Yeah. And you've been driving longer than me, I assume. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm a seasoned road user. Yeah. Have you got your driving license on you? Yeah. Because I've been driving for a while now as well. I passed my test when I was 17. Yeah. It was the first fucking thing I needed to do. Yeah. when i was 16 my parents moved town just as i left school so i was like just in the town where i didn't know anyone and i couldn't go to school or meet any or make any friends or anything like that so i've got to get a fucking drive i've got to get the fuck out of here so i can go back home and see all my pals yeah um but my driving license has got all like i can drive all kinds of shit and i think that's just because what have i got here like i can do like a tow thing um i think i'm allowed to do i think i'm allowed to do this i've got a motorbike i've got like a motorbike a van a car i can do a tow um but are you saying that because i'm like a bit older that maybe i'm in a different category vis-a-vis like i think dementia and stuff no no no so like no that's not what i'm saying i think they've done i think they've done down the driving test as years go by i think they make it a bit more easier okay because claire would claire yeah claire what when i first met claire my wife she didn't have a driving license yeah and the back of her thing she's not qualified to drive half the stuff that i am and i think that's just because it was a bit can i see yours yeah yeah yeah this is not interesting this is not a good podcast but it's it's just for my own people can comment what can they drive yeah yeah my dad's got a hgv license that's impressive that gets that does get the pussy yeah if i had a hgv license i would just i was a single man i would just accidentally accidentally drop it oh we're exactly the same well so what claire claire wasn't allowed to drive as much as you or you were no there's loads of things that there's loads of things that claire can't can't do on the back of her license so it's weird i don't know what it is so when did she get hers when was that before or after you it would have been about 2012 oh do you remember the paper counterpart yeah where the fuck was that ever my god when you had to like produce it to hire a car yeah and you'd be like i don't i i've got all the like i've got that in my little leather wallet um that keeps all our passports in okay I'm alright on passports my daughter's my daughter's taken to just carrying her passport around like just because she likes to have it right yeah and I'm like could we not do this yeah it's genuinely not an argument I can win I'm like she wins the argument I'm like okay just take it have it take it out then it is like negotiating with terrorists sometimes it's madness you can't do anything you can't do anything you literally can't do anything because also they don't understand and you don't want to come across as cruel or mean yeah but sometimes they're just like a passport to a toddler it's just a little book with their picture in it and they're like oh fucking brilliant yeah amazing you can't really communicate with them no you can't lose that that's going to be a real problem if we lose no and no yeah no it's very hard to there are so many things that like even in order to explain what are apparently quite simple things that you encounter quite quickly in the course of having a child, you need to have an understanding of like international borders.

54:35I'm like, if she was trying to ask me, what's a passport? I don't really know in a way. I mean, it's a sort of thing. I don't really know. It means you can get on a plane and you can go board. There are these things called nation states and like, well, the history of them is that, I mean, it's complex. Did you give us your road fact? No. Yeah, I did. More vans. More vans. That was it, of course. More men with vans. Men with vans. Men with vans. but yeah no i did have a van and it was fucking it was so i loved it yeah it was so handy yeah like well part owning a van with my father-in-law um we it was sort of like a timeshare sort of thing yeah um and whenever uh it came down from scotland and i'd have it for a couple of months there my god they are really helpful i every time i go to like we've got a storage locker that i'm just gradually emptying out and i can't get anything in my car i just can't i had to do like 12 trips and there wasn't very much in it i every time i put like two boxes in our car and i'm like that's it i can't take anything else and actually having a uh having a van would have been so it's good yeah i should probably say it was like um it wasn't like a transit it wasn't just like a workman's van um he'd done some work to it and stuff it was very lovely in the back there There was a little kitchen and stuff.

55:55Oh, my God. Seats turned into a bed. Oh, that's really nice. I'm not 100 % sure what he was up to with it, to be honest with you. That's right. I don't know if he was a serial killer or something. Yeah. There was a lot of rope in the back. Yeah, he just, you know. I'm joking. He'd take it out for the weekend and then he'd bring it back and have it cleaned. There was some rope and leather gloves. Yeah, yeah. And a ski mask. Oh. Yeah, can I just say when we moved into our house. That's not true. That's not true. No. It's not true at all whatsoever. Tell you what it's true though. When we moved into our house, I drove the Luton van.

56:27The Luton van is one of those things with like the flipper at the back. Right. That kind of comes. No, it's called a, what's it called? It was a ramp, isn't it? A ramp. Yeah. And you push stuff on it and it goes up. It goes. Yeah. Did you push the button to push it up and down? Yeah, it was pretty cool. I felt like. Yeah. Pretty good. Yeah. I felt like I was. I bet Hannah was looking at you while you were operating there. Yeah. This is. Yeah. I was like one of those like dock guys in the wire. She was like, yeah. So I'll probably. be down at the union bar with the boys later absolutely drinking 50 beers yeah with the irish union yeah and then going back on shift yeah yeah i don't sleep um but basically um yeah i drove that and my dad followed behind him he had a actually a vw van at that time as well bit beaten up interesting story bought it for 10 grand uh it immediately started to fall apart recently sold it £75 so is that scrap?

57:25well the bloke came my dad's a terrible negotiator right the guy was like £500 then he came around the house and he was like oh it's got a few problems it's probably going to be more like £75 to£100 and my dad went £100 the guy went £75 so why did he mention£100 then? yeah dad is not a negotiator he's not he's all he needed to say was, well, I think he could have got more than£100 anyway. But in that situation, he could have gone, look, give me£100 now, you can take away. That's all he needs to do. Yeah. He's not good with money. Right. Not good with money. Clearly. I don't think he likes money.

58:07No, can't stand the stuff. Doesn't like it. Doesn't like it. Anyway, he followed along behind in that VW van. and then my brother had hired a zip car. My little brother had a zip car. So this convoy arrived, this Luton van, and a quite old knackered VW. And other people around where we live, we pass other people. People are constantly moving in and out of houses. And so we'd pass other people who were like, I remember on the same day we saw a proper moving crew. I think it's Friday. Yeah. I feel like Friday is a moving day. Everyone moves on the same day. Yeah. I don't know why. I think I haven't moved for a long time but I feel like it's like Friday's moving day that's when everyone does the you get the weekend then though right so move on the Friday take away because it's usually a big fucking chain of nonsense where the people have to leave the house that you want to move into and so everyone does it on the same day doesn't they yeah there is there's this weird and this is weird it all has to be done in a day and it's actually quite inconvenient because everything is like and go now and you're like oh fucking hell but it's a whole house world of stuff yeah but it has to be now you know is there not a way anyway see i was quite lucky when we when we moved house i kept the flat that i was living in at the time so i could just keep popping back a couple of days afterwards and grabbing stuff and things that's helpful yeah our last one we were like we had to get out we had to get out um anyway we turned up in this convoy and the uh the boy who lives next door saw us moving in and it was me and my dad.

59:51And he's got a little bit of a limb because he's got like, and it was Hannah's dad, who's like actually not got a limb, but it's like, it was these two old blokes. And then it was a little procession of like children. The other people helping were all children. So it was like, so like Cara's two boys were helping. They were like five and three. So they were carrying in little things. I think probably like my daughter would have been actually she would have just been a baby yeah so it was like it was these old quite old men yeah and children carrying in like single items and you were just having a fag watching yeah well I was helping as well but it looked so bedraggled basically yeah compared to the classy kind of like livered removal men kind of won shit over so they're trying to car as children to hurry up yeah come on lads get yeah are they boys yeah yeah come on lads fucking pull your socks up yeah anyway the boy next the the boy who lives next door uh his mom later told me that he'd said to her that it looked like the end of the world when we were moving in right because it looked like a basically it looked like some people who were like fleeing a war zone it was like individual items none of it was packed properly um yeah no i can imagine that yeah yeah absolutely listen i love you to bits and uh but organized is not a word i'd associate joke with you at all.

1:01:07No, I don't like to plan stuff that I feel anxious. Why would you? No, no. Well, if I feel anxious about something, if I plan it, I'm going to have to think about it before it happens. So I'm more like, just let it hit me. Yeah. You know that bit, you're in Deep Impact where like... I've never seen Deep Impact. Okay, well, it ends with a woman and her dad. Is that the one with Morgan Freeman's the president? Oh, I think it is actually. Yeah, I do know of it. And it's got Tia Leone is in it. and quite genuinely quite a good film and at the end she's like standing on the beach with her dad and just they just let the tsunami hit them and i'm like that's what i want life to be like with me just just let it hit me okay i i i won't bother watching it now then well it's still good what's it's actually it's primarily about um family interestingly and i actually think quite ahead of its time because it's got a female lead whose story isn't primarily about a romantic relationship And actually, because it's about a meteorite, you're like, oh, it's just a kind of blockbuster.

1:02:06But actually, I think it's aged quite well. I think it's aged quite well. There's some deep themes in there. Well, I think it's called deep impact, of course, because again, it's another pun. It's pun believable. Because the impact is, I mean, it's a little bit like melancholia. It's like, sure, an asteroid hit the Earth. But the human mind is so gigantic that actually, that's not even the most significant thing that's happened to this woman. The most significant thing that's happened to her is that she's reconnected with her father. Should we do fact check quickly? Yeah, let's do fact check, yeah.

1:02:35We should do the rest of the podcast. Do you do the rest of the podcast, yeah. Oh, God, I'm sorry. I feel like I'm a little bit tired. No, that's all right. That's all right, sorry. But, yeah. No, I'm not. Is that not for, it's because I've, you know. Again, not noticeable. It's literally fine. Is it all right? I don't know what to tell you, Joe, that will make you feel good. It's not me. No, what you said is fine. You are bang on. I'm bang on where I normally am. Exactly where you normally are. It's unbelievable how good you are. It's unbelievable, yeah. yeah thank you very much let's do fact check um this is the part of the podcast where we read a fact or a question that you'd like us to get to the bottom of and then we're gonna have a good little think during the break yeah oh is there gonna be a break i don't know i don't know where the break i don't know where the break is gonna come in this episode gotta move the car in half an hour um because we're basically down to the last five minutes somewhere we're okay let's we're doing right because my fact's super quick as well yeah there we go we're fine but fact this is the point where you give us a fact.

1:03:30We'll have a little think during the break. We'll decide how true it feels to us and decide whether it passes our fact check. It's all Joe in the... You've really fucking screwed Joe over in this brief. You're giving me a lot to do, but it's okay. No, listen. I can manage it. Shall I do this just to give you a bit of respite? This week's fact check comes from Kay and Ryan, who have sent us a voice note. Hello, James and Joe. This is Kay and Ryan coming to you from Woodstock, New York. And our fact today is about friendships. Have you heard about this seven-year rule of friendship? Supposedly, relationships or friendships that last more than seven years will last a lifetime.

1:04:15But what do you think? Based on your own personal experiences, do you think this is a fact? Does it reign true for you? Also, just curious and all, being from Woodstock, New York, Which artists would you both have liked to see If you could have attended the original Woodstock Festival Anyway, love to you from New York That's exciting Pretty exciting We've gone international Pretty exciting to have an American listener I feel like Ryan didn't have too much to do with that Who's there? Did he produce the message? I think Ryan's doing as he's told And I assume these guys are in a relationship listen and good for you ryan you're flying under the radar and that is how that is how you um navigate a relationship anyway maybe they're friends though because their thing was about absolutely not otherwise ryan would have said something right let's um let's have a little break and then we'll come back with our thoughts uh welcome back to joan james fact up hello So we were just fact checking on the behalf of Kay and Ryan, who wanted to know if a friendship lasts, if a friendship lasts seven years, it's a friendship for life.

1:05:31And I have to come straight in with, again, I think there's something in this. I think there's, I've heard a similar thing, not about friendships specifically, but about relationships. There's that thing, is it the seven year itch? The seven year itch. So if you make it past seven years, you're probably going to be okay. If you can get part, if you, the seven year, this is it. Yeah. This is what it is. This is what this thing is. Yeah. What we're doing right now. Yeah. And if it's cool with you, then we're all gravy. Do you know what I mean? But I do think there is some actual, I don't want to say science, but I don't know, anecdotal evidence or something like that, where um the seven years if there's a relationship for seven years you've pretty much gone you've pretty much uh you've probably traversed everything that will happen you've probably gone you've probably sort of maybe this is a i heard conan o 'brien use this metaphor once but like it was almost like you've crash tested it like you kind of um yeah you've put it through all the stresses what if we test it in this way what if we test it in this way i think he was actually talking about having children as well i mean children will crash test the relationship more than more than anything right the most stupid thing you can ever do is if you're in a relationship that isn't working go let's have a child and that will hold us together like a child is basically trying to tear your relationship apart i would say yeah that'll be a strain on it yeah you need to be you need to be in a good place before you're like yeah you'll have you'll have less sleep you uh we'll have more responsibilities.

1:07:17You'll fuck up more. You'll fail more. I mean, I think... You'll bicker a bit more as well. Yeah. I think basically children succeed, adults fail. Children are very good. That's basically, that's my basic narrative for life. As a child, I was always succeeding. As an adult, I'm constantly failing. Children are very good at turning their parents against each other. There's been loads of occasions where my kids are in the wrong and then me and Claire will start arguing. And then we both go, hang on a minute. Wait a minute. hang on a second here well what my daughter and they're no longer in the room or anything and you go what they've done it again they are good at it my daughter is just very basic she likes me to take her to the park because I'll buy her more treats I mean it's just literally it's just completely basic that's it that's all dad's got I do have this thing where you might I have this theory I've got I've got blind obedience I mean that's that's something but every every child right has a has an actual physical connection to their mother.

1:08:18Yeah. Do you know what I mean? It came out of the mother. I do. And I do think. The father's just some blood who happened to be there. Yeah, exactly. I do think it's way more difficult for a dad to get that connection with their children. And we do. We have to please them a bit more, I think. I think mums get away with stuff, but they still want their love. I think dads need to I think maybe I think there's a bit of pressure on the dads to go listen I'm going to have to get you into trouble now because you are acting like a bit of a dickhead but also still like me I heard something said about how men almost need to kind of sort of choose to like go through a kind of rite of passage even though they haven't actually gone through it i don't know i mean this is i don't know whether this is like right but it's sort of it kind of rang true i can't it was on a podcast but this guy was sort of saying well you know if you've gone through childbirth like it's fairly obvious that you've gone through a rite of passage whereas if you're the father you kind of haven't really done anything yeah so you have to go well i sort of need to imagine i've gone through right of passage you just choose to be a different sort of person there is a little sort of chip on the shoulder i'm sure there are mums everywhere that would go well you fucking do it then if you think it's so great you try yeah but there is a little bit like a dad's where it's like uh an overcompensation of um yeah you do you you feel like oh i didn't really work for this like because my kids are amazing i absolutely love them to bits they bring they have made my life so happy yeah but i didn't do the pushing and the no and the drugs and the needle going in the spine and all that sort of stuff i just sat there and played football manager yeah no the um so there is a sort of i there might be a latent sort of overcompensation for dads um that's you know daddy you know sweets and chips and yeah and crisps and things to try and make up for the fact that we didn't, we weren't, well, the fact is we weren't ever in any physical pain.

1:10:47But it's not, for me. Sorry to interrupt. I think there's an issue with your mic, James. I'm so sorry. No, you're absolutely right. Of course you apologise. I'm sorry. No, I'm just generally, just generally, sorry. But dads weren't in as, but there's, it's also the opposite. I feel like I'm having a therapy session where I'm having my own breakthroughs. Whereas not only were we not in any physical pain, but the physical stuff of the child was actually quite good for the dad. I know, yeah. So you do sort of go, oh no, I really owe a lot. I'm in debt already. I think it's not so much that. For me, it is about not having given birth.

1:11:29But I think it's more that my biggest fear as a father is basically that I haven't really grown up at all. I'm still basically a child myself. I think basically I was a child until I had a child. And then I was like, I can't be a child anymore. It's not that I don't want to be. I love being a child. I love it. Because if you're a child, you're judged positively. It's like, compared to nothing, you did this. There wasn't anything before and now you've been in a play. Oh my God. Whereas if you're a parent, I think a bit like the state, you're judged negatively. You're like, it was supposed to be perfect and it's fallen short and you're like well okay so it's all by the way it's only ever going to be a failure and it's not that my daughter says anything like that it's that i constantly think that but basically my biggest fear is essentially i'm still basically a child like a male child maybe a male adolescent i'm selfish and self-centered i basically i want to be the main character in my life yeah and the truth is i can't really be the main character there's a bit chris rock stand up where he said every man should stand in front of the mirror every morning and go, fuck you.

1:12:34I thought that is basically what it feels like. It's like, there are times where I'm like, the best thing you could think, Joe, is you need to think that you've died, all right? That character, the body isn't dead, but that character's dead, okay? So sometimes when having a child, honestly, if I could put a finger on what the emotion is, genuinely it's grief. It's grief for the Joe who died. But I came to terms, I actually was quite comfortable when I first became a dad because I just was like, oh, I wasn't a dad yesterday and now I am. And now I just have to be a dad. That's what everyone does.

1:13:11That's what every parent does. There's no real set of guidelines. All the babies are bespoke. You find out what works for you and what works for the kid. Because I've had two. And both being dad even now at this point, being i'm a different dad to one of them than i am the other one because they both need different dads they both need different things from me so you do you you do wing it and you work it out you will work it out yeah um but i think your job as a parent is just to make sure that your kids are a slightly better person than you are yeah and then hopefully they'll do the same yeah and then that's what you sort of um there is that's the goal that's what you sort of aim towards yeah um but but if you and it's very easy to over complicate and to overthink but if you just try and instill some things stuff that you've done wrong things about yourself that you don't like you've got a chance now to make sure that the uh the thing that you've made isn't the same person as that yeah and that they're a bit better than you no totally i mean i i it is i mean i yes I agree with all that but it's um yeah anyway so let's go back to this I think I definitely think there's something within that there's something in that seven years of a relationship whether it's a friendship whether it's a romantic relationship I think that that's the test the seven years if you if you get through that seven years you're uh you've pretty much handled everything that could happen uh emotionally and i think that's agreed on but not just like i say not just anecdotally but psychologically i think there's something in it lily may have you got something to help us out oh sorry i'm gonna say that's fact by the way joe i think i think it's well okay i think it's i think there's something to it i i think i think that's more true with relationships with friendships i think i have a slightly more cynical take which i think is it's often to do with the time of your life in which you made friendships and i think yeah i've got friends that i made when i was four yeah i think it's quite hard to make really good friends uh when you're i don't know over 30 yeah uh but i also have made really good friends over the age of 30 um i love like genuinely just wonderful people so actually in a way maybe they just need to be really really good whereas maybe some of the friends you make when it was just you haven't been the same junior school as them it's that is literally just because you happen to be in the same gym i think to some extent the in-betweeners one of the things that makes it poignant is like it's kind of just the people who were there yeah but actually because of that time in your life they're your best friends you don't really get to choose your friends when you're a child when you're an adult you do get to choose your friends yeah well that's interesting what you say yeah about the in-betweeners as well because i think i don't i assume i assume it didn't well yeah because it's uh joe no you're joe simon cooper yes and will mackenzie yes now i think the original idea yeah for those characters yeah were that then their last names started with the same letter and that they and that oh i see what they were just next to each other and i've got a really really vague recollection of ian and dan talking about this interesting uh how how it was just circumstance that it was like right you go and sit next to that person and that's how they became and can i just connect this back to something we said earlier that's a bit like the pun or the rhyme it's like that's chance it's meaningless but the human makes it meaningful and i would say there's something quite beautiful in the idea that two human beings totally randomly chosen on the basis of mathematical coincidence can be put together and they'll become friends that's what the human brain does it makes connections where there was nothing but random chance um and so that's why i that's why i like puns good unbelievable Unbelievable What's Google saying, Lily May?

1:17:13So have a little look And I would say there's not a wealth of research done on this On the friendships There's a sociologist, Gerald Mollenhorst Who's done a bit of research And his kind of thesis of that is that I'd always trust a guy called Gerald Gerald I'd just be right there, sure Gerald I mean, to be fair, it could be Gerald Oh, Gerald So is it G-E-R Gerald's a name, isn't it? I've heard that name before. Is it an A or an E after the G? A. Yeah, it's Gerald. Gerald. It genuinely could be Gerald. It's quite a nice name, to be fair. I feel like it's Welsh. Probably is Welsh. But go on, what are they saying?

1:17:50He says that from the research he's done, people tend to rotate their friendships around seven years and it's around half their friendship circle that ends up being rotated every seven years. Right. And bonds that survive that tend to endure because they've gone through significant changes together from his research. Makes total sense. Makes total sense. I did look a little bit into the seven-year itch as well, which is more about romantic relationships and partnerships. The research is kind of based on divorce rates mostly, and it's also known as the four-year itch. And a bit of the research is kind of disputed because of where the seven years or the four years begin.

1:18:32so a lot of couples divorce four years after getting married but when a relationship starts and that's the sort of peak divorce year um but a lot of relationships obviously start before then so it's just working out where the seven years begins might be the same itch but yeah exactly so you have one of those itches where it's like here and here you're like somehow it's the same itch um but also people say that there might be troubles before then but once you get married there's sort of a general boost in relationship and there's sort of another phase of the honeymoon phase after you get marriage and then that is when perhaps disappointment comes in when was that so it's and with the friendship thing it's like there's a there's a kind of a reshuffle after seven years so if you survive the reshuffle you're in you're locked in for life and it presumably means you're in you're in both groups like well there we go kay and ryan um hopefully we've um first of all so exciting to we're in new york was it sorry woodstock oh and kate also asked what artists would we want to see the original woodstock i'm gonna go boring but the jimi hendrix um performance was absolutely amazing it was incredible and i have seen it i've seen footage of it obviously i wasn't there um but i've watched all that and it was amazing and they sounded incredible.

1:19:52And I loved that he had those big – it was almost like cable-tied. I assume it was really windy at Woodstock or something like that because he had these big orange, sort of yellowy-orange foam things around his microphones, and they looked like they were put on at the last minute because – yeah, it seemed amazing. And I've also watched that documentary about the Woodstock. They tried to bring it back in like 99 or something like that. Yeah, I've seen that as well. It was a fucking carnage. It's absolutely incredible. It was terrible. It was January. They literally burned it down. Yeah, yeah. Like at the end of the weekend, they handed out candles to everyone and the people used the candles to basically burn the festival down.

1:20:36Yeah, brilliant. It was, yeah, I mean, yeah. But thank you, Kay and Ryan. Can I do my answers as well? I don't know. I was going to say Andrews as well, probably. I think The Who played as well. Who else was there? With The Grateful Dead there? Who played Janis Joplin? That was a great performance.

1:20:56Dorothy Stills, Nash and Young. Maybe they're the ones I would have, just in terms of like, I know Janis Joplin's obviously a legend, but actually I don't know her work as much as some of the other names you've mentioned. What's interesting about quite a lot of those names, I feel like they really maintained, they were still in the spotlight when I was listening to music, certainly the 90s, like Santana, Joe Cocker. Whoa, fucking Santana and Matchbox. What are they called? 22 or something? Matchbox 19 or something? Yeah. There was a lot of that kind of - Move like the ocean. There was a lot of that kind of like Latino stuff that was all in the charts when I was at school.

1:21:36And I was like, this is a disaster for me. Matchbox 22, yeah. But it was like, I already couldn't dance, but it was like - Ah, let's forget about it. Yeah, that's it. What time to be alive? Brilliant. It was a terrible time to be alive. I was like, I'm a 17-year-old boy from Essex. I can't do, like, Latino dancing. Are you fucking joking? It's like, of course. It was like, oh, here comes... It was all that kind of stuff. It was like, unless you could, like, rumba, you couldn't go to a nightclub in Chelsea. I was like, I can't fucking rumba, obviously. I play championship manager all day. I don't know where my hips are.

1:22:09There was a lot of... So I can't join in. It was like, it was incredible. Honestly, they should teach you how to dance at school. Instead of sex education, they should teach you how to dance. There was a lot of Hispanic stuff going on, wasn't there? It was like, she bangs, she bangs. Oh, yeah. Oh, baby, that she moves. It was all that. It was all that kind of like south of the border. And I was like, not south of the border. No. Get me stuff from Scotland or something. Where it's like, stuff from Norway. Like, I don't want this. If you want me to dance. Sashaying skirts. If you want me to dance, I can do a jig.

1:22:41Honestly, yes. River dance. River dance. I can do that. That's as rhythmic as I get. Yeah. Awful. It was a nightmare. It was a fucking nightmare. It was like from nowhere having to be really, really good at fucking water polo or something. It was like, I can't do it. Obviously, it's a totally random skill that you've just plucked out of the air, and I'm supposed to be really good at it just as part of my general Saturday night out. Right. Joe, you've got to move your car in a second. Let me do my fact, and then we'll say goodbye. My fact's super simple. We had to do a fact about roads. Yep. So I decided to, I was having a look at the Lombard Street in San Francisco.

1:23:17Okay. You know what that road is? I know Lombard Street in the city of London. No, this is in San Francisco. It's that very famous street where there's loads of curves on it, right? Yes, yes. And I was looking at that and I was thinking about maybe coming up with the history of that. And then just because of the way my brain works, I just went, I wonder how much it costs to get a house on that street. So here we go. The most expensive house on Lombard Street in San Francisco is 950 Lombard Street, a 9 ,500 square foot compound that sold for 27 million in 2020. Although it was originally listed for 45 million.

1:23:56Okay. Obviously, your dad didn't buy that. He wasn't involved in the negotiations on that one. It was owned by - If he owned that house, he would have sold it for 75 pounds. It was owned. Yeah, they would have gone, well, probably get... It's either 45 million or 75 quid. It's not absolutely perfect. Here we go, though, Joe. Yeah. It was owned by OpenAI CEO Sam Altman. Brilliant. Well done, mate. Thanks for that. It is known for its Batcave garage, a cantilevered infinity pool, and extensive amenity-filled grounds spanning a full city block in San Francisco, by the way. is that grim i don't know keep me out of it um but i assume san francisco is famous you know for uh being able to pay to live there it's mental isn't it yeah big housing problem its key features uh include a four-car garage uh there's a wine wall there's a spa there's a sauna there's a wellness center and a 12 000 gallon rainwater harvesting system that's pretty uh good isn't it It's a good house.

1:25:04And if all he had to do was unleash a force that's probably going to destroy the world in order to get that house, he'd say, well done, Sam. Good on you. Good lad. So that was my fact for you. Lombard Street. To be honest, that's a very good fact. I think most houses do go for around three to five million on that street. But this one sold for 27 million. Listen, I've got to go. You've got to move your car. I've got to have a piss so badly. I've never needed a piss more in my life. but I'm all fact out what have we learned today Lily May can you recap us please I'm never going to remember what was it the seven year itch is a thing yeah seven year itch is a thing there's more vans on the road than there used to be which is pun believable by the way yeah absolutely it's pun believable and who would have known living in San Francisco is quite expensive I never knew that but we hope we hope you've learned something or had a nice time I'm struggling next week we'll be back armed with more facts chats and cracked tarmac.

1:26:02And don't forget that you can get in touch with us if you'd like us to fact check something that feels true to you or whatever nonsense that you want to get to us. Our email is hello at joeandjamespod.com. Our WhatsApp is 07822 034 330. Or you can follow us on social media at joeandjamespod and head to the podcast description if you've already forgotten those details. I've got to go for a piss. We'll see you all next week. Bye guys.

1:26:30Joe and James, fight off!

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