This Is What I'd Tell The Social Worker

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1:23With Business Plus, you can access the top 1 % of talent on Upwork. AI-powered shortlisting delivers a curated shortlist of top freelancers matched to your goals in under six hours. No endless searching required. Thousands of growing businesses already trust Upwork to hire highly skilled freelance professionals for everything from one-off projects to ongoing support. It's free to sign up, and posting a job is easy. Visit Upwork.com right now and post your job for free. That is Upwork.com to connect with top talent ready to help your business grow. That's U-P-W-O-R-K dot com Upwork dot com Do you know what I don't say, Mum?

2:02You don't need to when you've got a child Because they fucking get up If I'm not up by 10 It's because my child has died Right Alright? Yeah I'm honestly like And then I have bigger problems I don't Obviously So it's like it's win-win Because it's like Well either I wake up anyway I've said it to you a couple of times And if I'm like tired child's still alive when's she going down when you put into bed um it varies yeah but sort of roughly and i'm not okay but on a good day i'm about to come at you from a different position which i think you'll think i'm coming at yes please where i just where you think i was so keen where you think i'm gonna go make sure your baby goes down to bed at this time no i i know Look, let me say to you, I'm a complete flake, so it does vary.

2:53But if I was, you know, explaining to the social worker, what I would say is at six, she will be in the process of eating dinner. By 6.30, she's finished and she's then in the bath where she has fruit. And not a small quantity of fruit either, a gigantic quantity of fruit. Right. It looks like a fucking harvest festival in the bath there. Honestly, it's unbelievable. It's like grapes, blueberries. She has four fruits. Right. Four fruits. Raspberries. Does it go in the water? She calls them riberies. Does it go in the water and stuff? It does go in the water. She fishes it back out. Yeah. Kids are great, aren't they?

3:30It's often then given to me to eat. That's normally the... You've got to have a bit. You have a bit, yeah. Which one can I have? Can I have one of the clean ones in the bowl? No, you can have the one that's been in the bath in my pooey ass. Does she have a bit and then go, go on, you've got to have a bit. Thanks for that soggy bit of... Yeah. As long as it's not bread. I don't mind if it's... I will eat most of... her like I shared a hot dog with my friend's toddler the other day it's alright I just thought it'd be funny yeah she had like a half chewed up hot dog and I'm really squeamish about this sort of thing but I just thought it was like yeah go on I'll have a bit and I just I just took it out of her hands and just she was giving it to me it was a gift I think that shows good gumption from you and the one thing I couldn't do is speaking of dogs I couldn't share food.

4:22Was dogs brought up? You said hot dog. So, in a way, I suppose. So, yes, this is all on you. Because you looked a bit confused when he said speaking. When he said speaking of dogs, I looked at you straight away. Yeah. And you were like. This is what happens when you use figurative language. Sure. It's a metaphor, isn't it, hot dog? It's a metaphor. No way. And so I couldn't, some people like, they'll like give their dog a lick of the ice cream and then they'll lick it. I can't do that. No, I can't. Have you seen, there are actually a few things. I can't. There are a few things at which the mind boggles more than with the more of a dog.

5:04Because there is so much, the big, what's that big black thing that goes all around, like, do you know what I mean? Their lips. It's more than that. I've got a dog. It's bent over. It's not a lip. It's like, it's more than a lip. I've got a dog and I'm... I love dogs as well. Claire... Love them. Claire takes the piss out of me for being too close to our dog because I have conversations with him. Yeah. I just keep talking to him like he's my mate or something, which I admit is nuts. But I won't... There's been times where I've gone up to my dog and I've put his face near mine. I've gone, hello, mate.

5:39How are you doing? And the tongue sort of does something like that. and I'm freaked the fuck out. Yeah. And I love my dog. Completely. Like so much. Even I'm like, that's too much, mate. It doesn't. We've got to stop this right now. Yeah. Because this is going to go. If you can handle it, then I'll go there. Yeah. But if you're not up for it, mate, don't tease me. Exactly. That's what I basically say to you. Yeah. Don't you. No, I don't. Don't you get in over your head. I can't have. I've got friends that they like kiss their dogs. No, I can't. No, no. You can see the dog's tongue like waffling around.

6:15No, in the end, it's not for me. It's meant to be really clean though, the old dog's mouth. They lick their own barn holes. My dog sucks himself off. He sits there on the couch. His fucking thing comes out. He sits there licking it. Yeah. Yeah. So that's where I'm a bit like, right, we can't. You don't want to kiss him. Yeah, I don't want to go anywhere near you, mate. I think that's probably fair. I think that's fair. But anyway, so essentially, threw it in the bath. That then finishes. Sorry, we were talking about a nice story about your daughter. No, it's right. And then it went into my dog sucking himself off.

6:57Yeah, but of course you were talking about dogs, which is how we got onto it. Exactly. I mentioned hot dog, so it's your fault. That's the thing. It was, you know, what? Where do you want me to go with this? I mean, if you mention hot dog, I'm going to think about my hot dog. Hot dog. Exactly. Sucking himself off on the couch. That's what I thought you meant. And so, you know, I'm not to blame. So then after that, she comes out of the bath. I don't know why that's funny. I was thinking of your toddler just sort of getting herself out of the bath. Well, no, she does whatever the fuck she wants.

7:35Hannah is often like, she prefers you as the parent. Yeah. it's just not true at all. It's the fact that I have got absolutely no standing with her whatsoever. Like I tell her to do something. She's like, fuck that. I'm not doing that. Yeah. She prefers you. She gets more stuff. You're the soft touch. Exactly. It's like, would you like to live in a country where the police force is like hard and enforces the law? Do you want to live in a country where the police force is useless and frightened of you? This is if you're a criminal. Yeah. You go, well, I'll go to the one where they're rubbish and they can't bring themselves to enforce the law.

8:14I was a prefect at school. I was so shit. I was so shit. I just couldn't do anything. I couldn't be a teacher. I couldn't do any of that. This is why I'm glad I've had boys. Because you think you can - I think if I had a girl, I would bring up a monster. Because I would not. There'd be nothing good enough for her. Yeah. Like, she would get everything she ever wanted and I would do everything that she ever told me to do. I think it's like with lads, with boys, like it's easy to go, fucking knock that on the head. The only thing I managed to tell her to not do... Rang yourself in a bit, mate. I managed to tell her...

8:56I wouldn't be able to do that to a little girl. I just wouldn't... No, they're a nightmare, yeah. As you shouldn't. No, you shouldn't. I know, you shouldn't. But I did yesterday say, no you cannot have your child's you know they have like a baby seat or a child seat yeah on on top of the regular seat and now one swivels so you can get them out and she wanted it to swivel so she was facing the back of the car so she was just facing like the cushion of the car where would where's her legs going in that situation good point i didn't even think of that yeah but i literally i literally found myself resorting to the thing that i sort of swore to myself i'd never do of going oh the policeman will pull daddy over and then daddy will get in trouble absolutely fine that's pathetic isn't it because it makes me seem weak then because what i should be going is if he put i fucking have him because it makes me seem like i'm scared of the police which i'm not by the way i'm not scared of the police like blue light i don't give a shit fuck the police fuck the police no it's one of the police they'd be nice but i'm just saying i'm not scared of them.

10:03I do what I want. Like I obey the law because I happen to want to do that. Sure. Do you know what I mean? It's like - It coincides with my - It coincides. Like that's exactly the speed I want to drive at. Good. I want to drive at that speed. I did - How did we get here? I did. So I was talking about when my daughter - It's because I mentioned my - It's because I asked Joe, what time do your daughter go to bed? Anyway, so then she's out of the bath. Often it's a case of daddy bath, mummy bed. So I get her changed we clean her teeth she will scream at me for some reason because I bought her the wrong pair of pants or something or like she's she's got socks that are like they're not jama socks you brush your teeth what did I say clean your teeth I say clean your no this will blow your mind Hannah Toynton I will say Hannah Toynton actually she says wash your teeth no someone else said wash your teeth what someone else said wash your teeth or in a chatbot or something.

10:59What the fuck are you talking about? Right, back me up here. Yeah. Someone on the set of The Inbetweeners said, wash your teeth. And we all went, wash your teeth. It's madness. You're honestly like, you're, something's off about you. I think a sort of soap and a sponge or something. That's like in The Great Escape where it's like, good luck. Oh, thanks, old chap. Got you. Yeah. Gotcha. Wash your teeth. I don't know what it's proof. It's proof of something, though. It's proof of something. And I think it's that there's something not right about her. How many of our listeners do you think have watched The Great Escape?

11:36It's a long film. I haven't watched it for years. I haven't even seen all of it, I don't think. It's a good film, but it's a commitment. I used to watch it before I met Claire and before I had kids and stuff. It used to be like a Christmas film. Is it a Christmas film? I feel like it's classed as a Christmas film. It used to be something I used to watch over Christmas. I think at Christmas it's just like you've got time to watch it. Do you know what I mean? I think that's it, yeah. It's a long film.

12:06So there's a really good bit of Eddie Izzard stand-up about The Great Escape where he's saying that they're all there and they're kind of like putting on their disguises. They're putting on like Nazi uniforms and Steve McQueen's there just there in jeans and a T-shirt. Blue T-shirt. Yeah, and he goes, disguised as an American man. it's really good again I don't think like I say how many people listening to this have watched The Great Escape let us know in the comments we just kept talking about it I might be wrong you flagged it up and then I just kept people know about The Great Escape don't they it's like the bible or something yeah you weren't there when it was written but you've heard about it what was the other one it wasn't The Great Escape The Great Escape wasn't Colditz was it there was another film about Colditz wasn't there The Great Escape was not Colditz The Great Escape is I don't even know whether it's a named camp.

12:58I think it's... There is a Coldits film, though. I watched it when I was younger, when I used to watch film, and I was like, I'm going to be an actor. Oh. I'm going to watch film, and I'm going to put... I'm going to watch Panic in Needle Park. Oh, you're talking about watching, like, one thing I've never done is I've never watched worthy films. I've never sat down and thought, I must watch, like, the canon. I used to watch worthy films and be like, and convince myself that I enjoyed watching that film. I used to be like well you want to be an actor so if you didn't enjoy watching this film then you're never going to be an actor so I'd go well no I did this is a conversation I have in my own brain no but I've done that definitely and this was the days where you had to fucking go and buy the DVD of it yeah yeah no that's no but it is I think I was a bit like that when I first went on social media where there was a voice in my head saying you said you wanted to work in the mass media this is what the mass media is now you can't be a hypocrite and in a weird way it's even more important now than what it was when we were coming oh totally of course I remember for a long time I was the only one on Twitter out of us boys yeah and Simon Bird I think we were live on radio or like Radio 1 or something like that and Simon Bird decided to do a bit where he'd did like five highlights of my best tweets or something like that and one of the tweets was oh I still can't shake off this tickly cough

14:33and it was I knew he was taking the piss out of me but it was difficult to be angry with him because I was like oh no the thing is though is that actually that was a tweet that I put out to the public oh dear but the thing is though I think at that stage I would have been frightened to even do that. It seemed like such a vast commitment to say something. Back in the early days of social media, when I got 50 ,000 Twitter followers, that was like a real sweet spot because it was a very short window as well. Social media then became this weird monster that it is now. But this was really, I've always been into sort of the internet and stuff that's going on the internet and YouTube and things like that.

15:32So when I got 50 ,000 Twitter followers, it was like I'd have to travel into London for a meeting at 11 o 'clock and then I'd have a meeting at four o 'clock in the afternoon. And I'd be able to put out a tweet going, I'm in London right now. I've got five hours to kill, six hours to kill. or what, you know, any ideas what I should be doing right now? And it would just genuinely be really helpful and thoughtful. And people go, oh, have you been to this? Oh, there's an exhibit going on here. And, oh, if you jump on the tube and you go to here, you'll be able to go. That was genuinely magical. Yeah.

16:11No, I think that probably was a sweet spot. I mean, I was, you know, I was impressed that you were able to, to do it i mean i i to me it just seemed like this thing that everybody just took on as there was just the lightest thing in the world like yeah sure just just say something micro blogging it's just micro blogging it's just micro blogging and i was like oh yeah that's cool what are we talking about and people can get involved and it's like the gervais thing isn't it it's like um you know the the whole thing that he did about the you know old piano lessons or guitar lessons and whatever it was.

16:49And it was like, I didn't want to learn the guitar. I wanted to learn piano. It was like, well, don't worry about it. Like, move on. But for some reason, social media was like, people just going, oh, this, what? Just move on. Just keep going. Don't worry about it. Because I'm just really old. The only analogy I could come up with was like publishing, that it was like suddenly being under pressure to publish something every day. Sure, it's not very much but you're still being told this will represent you this should embody who you are and people will judge you as such it seemed like a gigantic ask that just suddenly say everyone uh by the way everyone now needs to publish every day right as you yeah it just seemed like well what that's madness i and it was just and it was all treated as though it was this kind of light little thing uh and and also that it should just sort of flow naturally from well You're probably almost doing this already.

17:51I do think there's some responsibility that needs to be taken by people that put stuff out, especially with... Well, that was why I didn't do it. And I dread saying it. I dread saying these two letters because this can send you off, especially in the world of AI. Now, I do get served stuff up on Instagram, and there's footage and there's something. And then the caption, the story that goes with it is like, this person was unfairly sentenced to death because – but later they were found innocent. And then I go into the comments like, by the way, you've taken footage from a different court case. Right, yeah.

18:36So it's all bullshit, right? Yeah, yeah. And I just think, right, that, you know, we've grown up doing television. You know, we were kids when we first started doing television. And we do, I don't know, well, I do know about you. I'll speak on your behalf, Joe, if you don't mind me saying it for a second. But we do feel a responsibility of standards of sort of like, oh, if you're broadcasting something, there needs to be a certain, there needs to be some sort of care gone into it and thought and stuff like that. That was the assumption I sort of grew up with. I do think that now that when you tweet, when you Instagram, when you TikTok, you are broadcasting.

19:17Yeah. And I do think there needs to be some sort of like, well, you can't just fucking say anything, by the way. Yeah. You can't just dress things up as your opinion. Yeah. You need to have some sort of, you know, you need to have some sort of fact to back it. But we don't have that, do we? TikTok. TikTok's a thing. I skirted around TikTok for a week and it seemed like a really unhappy, intense, violent place. Instagram is quite nice for me. It's very, to be fair, so we like about AI, Joe. But it's done quite a good job of the algorithm of serving up stuff that I go, okay. To be fair, if you went on my Instagram right now, it's mostly middle-aged men playing guitar, doing covers of Pink Floyd songs.

20:14And I go, that's really good. You've done a really good job there and I like that. Whereas TikTok is like politics and it's like, oh, it's really angry and really like, oh, this doesn't relax me at all whatsoever. I go on Instagram for like, I don't know, 20 minutes and I come off it and I can feel my heart going. I can literally, my body's like, it's gone into like. Spend a bit more time and like stuff. My body's panicking. It's literally panicking. You can. Instagram's genuinely like, and I do love social media. I don't, I don't get on with it at all as well. I do hate it. And it sent me on a handful of occasions.

20:55It sent me to the old psychiatrist to try and sort of fucking. but it's fine because the tech companies they they pay for that don't they like because they they cause all that but then when people go mental from it they they pay for the treatment don't they don't just fob that off they do just fob it off on the nhs so that's not their problem i will say this oh so they don't take all the profits oh they do take all the profits okay so they take the money but i will say this i can only speak my own experience with instagram is that what the stuff that you engage in and the stuff that you like and stuff is it does start to go oh that's the kind of thing that you're into yeah it's not that bad i mean and it will just sort of serve stuff up and do you know what it does kill you know 45 minutes on the train and stuff like that strap yourselves in guys this is going to be a weird one welcome to joe and james fact up each week we'll be bringing facts to one another that we deem interesting and our policy is the more interesting the more true it is we'll also dig into the weird things that you'd like to think are true but don't want to research yourself in a segment that we're calling fact check so we do need you to say we do need you to send in our facts really desperately our email is hello at joe and james pod.com our whatsapp is 07822034330 and you can follow us on socials at joe and james pod and also you can watch these episodes if you're listening to it and you think i wonder what they look like while i'm listening to this you can go to youtube and search joe and james facts up Now, let's get fucked up.

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23:27That's U-P-W-O-R-K dot com. Upwork.com. This week on Help, I sexted my boss. Some lad on one of those line bikes had gone into the back of my car. I chased him halfway down the street in just my shorts. Why have you not told your bank you have moved house? Who does that? I'm speechless. You have not done that. He disappeared for a moment, then returned with a suction cup to f***, firmly attached it to a book and climbed on top and rode it like he was trying to qualify for the Olympics. Listen and watch wherever you get your podcasts.

24:04Here we go. Hey, listen, Joe. Yeah. Just as we were doing the little cold open there and the intro, we had a quick break because I needed to go to the toilet. Yeah. Managed to get myself into a situation. What happened? Was there no toilet seat again? No, I walked in, I was like, why did you not lock the door? Lock the door, mate. Lock the fucking door. He was a courier, so I don't think he's part of the building or anything. I think he was just delivering something and then thought, oh, I better pop to the toilet. There was one cubicle. I saw the little red dot. I saw that there. I went, I'm not even going to try that.

24:37I know exactly where we're at with that. And there was another one where there wasn't. It was a white dot. And I was like, okay, I can go in there. And I opened it a little bit and I was like, I feel like I can hear someone in there. I think there might be someone in there. Yeah. So then I kept opening. Because I was just like, well, if someone was in there, they'd lock the door, surely. Yeah. Yeah, he was sat on the toilet. Sat on the toilet? I went, sorry, mate. Sorry about that. He went, no, don't worry. Okay, now. I went, well, I'm glad. I was like, you're clearly comfortable with the situation.

25:10I'm not. I'm sorry to put it this way, but was he doing a poo? He was doing it. Yeah, he was locked the fucking... Well, no, because I sit on the toilet as well. And I just had a wee. Because I was going to defend him. Because what I was going to say is there's sometimes a thing where you think, this isn't really my building. So I'm just going to... In his defence, there was no smell when I did go in. He might have just been doing what I like to do, which is a little sit-down wee. To be honest, I have to say... But he could have locked the door and helped everyone out. Honestly, if you're going to have a sit-down wee, your whole...

25:40What that says to me, if you're having a sit-down wee, is... I'm about comfort. I want this to be a proper experience. I don't have a problem with that. Yeah, yeah. But what I'm saying is he's giving out very mixed signals. In one way around, he's saying like, oh, look, this is like I'm having a little - I think he was a bit too comfortable. I think he was so comfortable. I think he was one step away from just sitting with the door open, as far as I'm concerned. Bloody hell. Which would have made things easier. That's the thing. Because I could have walked into the loo and gone, oh, sorry. That's the thing.

26:11Well, yeah. It's a fucking minefield. It is a minefield. I was primed to defend him. The other thing is that when you've got a gent's toilet and you've got urinals. Urinals. Urinals. Urinals. Uranus. And you've got urinals. There's no urinals in this one, though. No, there aren't. Because this building's quite posh. But there is an ambiguity where you have urinals and then the sit-down toilets as well. and you think, well, gee, if I was at the urinal, I wouldn't have a door to close anyway. So maybe if I'm going to wee standing up in the cubicle, I'll leave the door open. And that's what I assumed this was.

26:52Then you told me the man was sitting down and that's when I thought, this man is a nutcase. And also, let me chuck this into the mix as well because they're sort of like posh public toilets in this building where in the cubicle you also have your own, what do they call it? Sink. Sink, yeah. what's that word there Joe I think they're calling it a sink so it is it does become your own little private toilet for a little while it does you rent that toilet for a bit yeah could have just could have just done that with the old lock and we would have been cool it's thrown me a little bit I'll be honest you've had two in a row now because I know that I know that I think it was last week you went to sit down and this is more more on you but the seat wasn't there and so you I suppose fell through in a way I wasn't I was absent I absentmindedly sort of plunked my bum down on the cold porcelain it's a funny sensation wet balls anyway I accidentally went to the toilet in the men's a couple weeks ago here because the order of the toilets on our floor are it's different to the ovens disabled men's women's do you know what on the bottom floor it's disabled women's men's and I didn't know until I walked out and there was a man walking in and he stood back, looked at the sign, looked at me and then I walked out and saw that it was the men's and the only thing I noticed that was different I didn't realise I didn't have urinals is that it smelled more of piss but I thought that's because it was a hot day Right Okay, it's kicking off a bit more People are a bit more dehydrated Yeah, I just thought maybe because it's hot But there's no urinals in the men's yeah there is that's why i didn't know that's why that's that's exactly the same but more pissy so it's true so the men the men are smellier oh yeah when i was at university um i had a room in a shared house and it was kind of like a three-story house and it was like room room room and um the girl who lived on the floor above me i was hardly ever there in that particular year because I was always at my girlfriend's accommodation.

29:05Of course you were, mate. Because you're a ledge. Yeah. So my room was basically pretty empty. Yes. All the time. And so the girl who lived above me was just drunk one night and basically just wholesale mistook my room for her room. She was like, well, this is my room. So she just spent the night. I mean, I wasn't there, but she spent a full night in the room just in my bed then in the morning was like what the fuck am I I was just like do you not get locks on your doors and stuff well that's what you got in university I don't think I did I can't remember you're the guy that I've just walked in on basically it's what's happened there it's your fault Joe I must have just left the door open or something I must have it was a funny little room it had a bed and then it had a kind of annex which was a carpeted annex containing just a sink.

30:03Why do halls do that? Loads of halls just have a sink in there. The whore's bath. The whore's bath. Is that what it's called? Yeah. And you just wash your bits. Wash your bits, yeah. Wash your pits and bits. And let's be honest. Then you crack on with the day. You can have a wee in it. It's all going to the same place, isn't it? I think so. I'm not 100 % sure. Also, urine is sterile, so it doesn't matter. Right. Well, now we've got a fact about piss. No, we don't. We have. Well, we might do. We've got some correspondence first, though, because you guys have – I was correspondence. Even though we are well into the world up 2026, we do have your correspondence.

30:45You've still been sending us some fact up stuff. Here's one from Dave via the fact up WhatsApp. It says, how to deal with Joe's foxes, because you were talking about the – Yeah, two foxes. If Joe wants to get rid of the foxes in his garden, which I don't think you do, really. I don't know whether I do. I mean, I'm not using the garden. Yeah. But anyway. You only paid for it. Yeah. I look at that garden and I honestly think... As a bonus. I think, whose garden is that? If Joe wants to get rid of the foxes in his garden, he can piss around the outside of the garden. Foxes don't like male urine. They stay away.

31:27I provide this service for a friend when I visit her place from Dave I took a weird turn there at the end of it I used to buy lion shit yes because I there was a cat that kept fucking laying a turd in my front garden that was right in the middle of where if I leave the house I need to walk through that it became a real pain in the arse I bought some lion's shit off the internet. Surely that's... You're going to walk into that more often. No, well, I scattered it around... Like, we've got sort of... There's some flower bits in our garden. I don't know. Claire takes care of that sort of stuff. Yes.

32:13So I scattered it in that. And it did sort of do the trick. I also bought... Does it stink? No, it didn't. It didn't smell that much, to be honest with you. This was a while ago. I might have to revisit. I don't remember there being a smell. But I bought some lion's shit. Maybe you should have put some of that in your dorm room. Yes. Just scattered some lion's shit around. Yes. No, I am. Because if there's one thing I know about women, and I don't know much about women, Joe, they are terrified of male piss and shit. Yeah. It does keep them away. Yeah. yeah um um so yeah so with this are you gonna piss around your garden i mean i don't i don't have enough of a problem with the foxes yeah is the truth i don't mind foxes i like i like a fox um it's just those stories where you hear they attack a baby in a cot or something like that.

33:22And you go, oh God, that's a bit much. I mean, well, look, Dave, if I do, if I, you know, you, he can come and do it. Like if I need it, he's obviously, he says he's doing it for someone else. Yeah, but he's doing it for his friend, who I assume, anyway, it doesn't matter. Anyway, we've got a world up fact topper from Aaron. And this is a voice note that Aaron has left via the, Via the old WhatsApp. Right, are you ready for Aaron? Yeah, let's go. Go on, what's Aaron got to say? Hey guys, love the pod. My name's Aaron, and I've got an interesting fact for you to follow on from your Ewan McGregor conversation I've just listened to, obviously about his younger brother being Obi-Wan.

34:13But there's another Star Wars character who is related to Ewan McGregor, the one who plays Wedge Antilles which is like one of the leading fighters in A New Hope and he's in the other few episodes as well that is Ewan McGregor's real life uncle, his name is Dennis Lawson and he was in like BBC shows, he was a famous actor for the BBC and he played Wedge Antilles and yeah, like I say he's Ewan McGregor's real life uncle, so I thought you might like that, interesting, love the pod keep on going with it because it really drives up my Tuesdays. Oh, that's nice. I like the thing, keep going. It's like what you said to a slow runner.

34:55Yeah. Come on, just finish. Keep going. I'll carry you over the finish line. Dennis Lawson. Isn't he the footballer? Dennis Law. Oh, right. This is Dennis Law's son. Right. And Yuma Gaga's uncle. Well, that's interesting. So, so he's, in a way, is it a case? So Ewan McGregor, from what I'm hearing, is a little nepo baby. He's a nepo baby, yeah. He already had an uncle. He already had a hunkle. Hunkle. Tell us how you really feel about that, Slauson. Is that like a yummy mummy? Oh, a hunkle. He had a hunkle. I call him a hunkle. Already in Star Wars. Yeah. He probably put a word in for him. Yeah, yeah.

35:41Next thing you know, bish, bosh, bosh, he's Obi-Wan. Probably before he even had a licence for the jet, his uncle was letting him park it and stuff. Yeah. He grew up on Star Wars. Yeah. So I'm now voiding his entire acting career. Absolutely, yeah. That's bollocks. All respect that I had for Ewan McGregor as an actor. He's probably not even Scottish. He probably grew up in Windsor Castle. He's probably from Edinburgh. And that's not Scottish, is it? No. That's like one of those, that's like the English people. Yeah. I'm a Scot myself. Yeah. there's a bit in a documentary called Kenneth Clark's Civilisation which I do really like to be fair but there's a bit where he visits he's literally an old aristocrat he's up in Scotland in all his tweed and he's like I love Scotland and I'm a Scot myself and you're like no that doesn't count people are asking on set Joe whether you're carrying the door or if the door is carrying you oh that was unbelievable yeah no let's not go into that no let's not go into that because I'd honestly come out of that really badly.

36:44Sort of sounds a little bit like Ringo Starr. Oh, yeah. No, Ringo Starr. Don't send any more posts. Please don't send me fan mail. Stop sending me fan mail. Peace and love. Peace and love. I'm warning you. He says, literally, I'm warning you with peace and love. Lovely way. That's good, isn't it? Lovely way to talk. I'm warning you. I think when Lennon came up with all that peace and love stuff, I'm not sure he meant it to sort of pad out Ringo Starr's Don't send me fan mail messages. What was it you say, John? Oh, yeah, peace and love. Yeah, so can I skip the queue? Peace and love. Hey, listen, Joe.

37:19Yeah. I don't know if you've realised, but there's a big tournament going on at the moment. It's the World Up 2026. Yeah. I had to look over at their poster to remind me what it was called. What's nice about our tournament is that it actually takes place during normal hours. Yeah. Where's the other one? I don't know what's going on there, but it's all in the middle of the night. Well, listen, try being the only English person. Greenwich Mean Time, please, for everything. Try being the only English person in your house right now. Oh, yeah. Because Scotland are very rightly excited about being involved in the World Cup.

37:52They beat Haiti. Yeah, and that was a late night, believe me. Anyway. Was that 2 o 'clock in the morning or something? 1 o 'clock, 2 o 'clock, something like that. The really hardcore ones, the ones that were on like 4.38. Anyway. Who's watching them? Fuck that. Fuck that. Yeah, no, it's fucking shit. Fuck that right up the arse. I have everyone in it, dance. Because now it's time to kick off the most exciting tournament happening this summer. It's the World Up 2026. Have we got the jingle? Yeah, the jingle's live and well. Can we hear it? If you want to. I've not heard it. You've not heard it yet?

38:28No. Okay, well, you ready? Let me find it. What's that noise, Katie? Katie's heard it. That's why. I've heard it as well. and it When did you hear it? No, I haven't heard it No, I heard Was it not? No, I've heard the jingle for It's on Snapchat Right Are you ready? Go on Yeah

38:53There are so many fans But which one is the best?

39:06Only the world of Has the power to decide

39:16If the world of We're gonna find out The greatest It's just by James and Jules and Jules I could at no point Can I work out where like The first beat of the bar was

39:34Oh, God. What's depressing about that is that, you know, that little thing that you recorded me saying at the end? Yeah. I was about to say that in real life as well. Like, just... I was once in a play and... Can I just tell you that's been in all the episodes from now? Well, is it? We're in the last group stage. I only listen to the pre... I do listen to it. Don't think I don't listen to it. I listen to it before we put it all together. We're in the last group stage and that's the first time I've heard our World Up theme song. It's just the way we record. We're so in advance. Yeah. Yeah. But what do you think?

40:12I thought it was really good. I really like it. I like the bit about, has the power to decide. Yeah. It reminds me a bit of the... I like when it goes really up, when the beat hits. It's all up. Yeah, it's good. That's really good. It reminds me of Cher. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Do you believe? Do you believe? Yeah. Yeah. We'll shout out Bertie who made that, who's in the team. Thanks, Bertie. You've rescued something out of that, which was a... The recording session was a disaster. I'm just going to say that was something that Bertie made. Here we go. Right. If I play that in my garden, will it keep the foxes away?

40:54We've got two weeks. That's my question. I think it might be. I think it might. Yeah. I think they'll wish they were deaf instead of blind. Yeah. They'll start clawing each other's ears. Anyway, for the next two weeks, we've still got two weeks left of this, we'll be pitting your facts against one another to crown the ultimate Fact Up fact. Today is our final knockout stage. It's match five. It's the sharp end of the competition. With the winner earning a slot into the Fact Up final. And it's not just anyone who gets into the final. It's five out of ten, so it is almost everyone. Yeah, you've got a 50 % chance.

41:30You've got a 50 % chance, and there's five. It's 50-50. But when we get to the final, we will put the facts under even more scrutiny than before. What? Yep. Today is our final knockout stage where the winner will earn a slot in the Fact Up final. Where will we? Where will? Yeah, it is. Right, hang on. Will is short for we will, right? Yeah. Okay. Yeah, so at the moment it says where we will. You've got to treat me like Ron Burgundy. The problem is I'm also thick, so. Well, no. If you're the thick one, what the fuck are we going to do? Don't say that, little mate, because we need to believe. This is the result of that.

42:13We're fucked, aren't we? We have to believe in you because we have no faith in ourselves. So you don't ever mix that up. Right. Listen, we're doing a little funny thing. We're doing it with facts, all right? And it coincides with the World Cup. So that's what we're doing. Yeah. We've got one more knockout stage. That person will get through to the final. where it will be put, their facts will be put under even more scrutiny because we'll pin them all, pit them, pit them. We'll pin them down and really roger them. They'll be pinned down. That's the most I've ever spat in my life. That was so viscous.

42:54My goodness. That's the most I've ever spat. Oh dear. I covered that. Why did I have so much Salivary in my mouth At that point I've got it on my thumb Right No What are we doing Jesus The world's up Round five Katie you're going to have to come in here At some point You're going to have to go I've got to protect my client And We need to stop this recording What's that thing that Britney Spears had Where Someone else was put in charge She shaved a cock into her head Is that right Yeah 40 quid though So Yeah Right No So you send us a fact. We put it up against another fact. We decide which one's better or not.

43:35It gets into the final. At the end, next week. Is it next week? Next week. Next week, we will have five facts that we will discuss further and decide what's the winner of the World Up 2026. It's gone so fast. And we've decided we're going to do a silver and bronze as well. And I'll try and come up with some prize ideas. I think we should, yeah. also I think we should come up with some prize ideas we can get some fucking in between us stuff I was thinking about getting some certificates yeah we can see if we've got some stuff I have to say I may have said this before I've got a disappointingly small amount of merch I've given all my shit away I used to have like box sets of the DVDs and stuff just to sort of look at them and go do you remember when I did that I've given away to local pubs that need to sort of auction off some stuff.

44:32It's time for our first fact to be presented. It comes from Dean on email. Dean says, here's my fact for the world up. Ah, yes. I know this one. This is a good one. We don't actually get wet. And this is the reason. Technically speaking, humans do not have wet sensors in their skin. The sensation of wetness is actually an illusion created by your brain based on changes in temperature and texture. No, I've really liked that. No. I thought Dean was going to go somewhere else with this. I think it goes to sort of... I'm going to say some words now, Joe. No, go on. I love words. That I am only 1 % sure of what they mean.

45:26That's fine. I'll make up my own meaning. Quantum physics? Fuck it. I don't know what that means. No one does. I don't think that's the point, actually. I think physicists will say they don't know what it is. So, nothing ever really touches anything. Okay. You can feel the pressure on stuff, but nothing... Yeah. Most of the universe is empty space, right? Well, I suppose if you were to actually feel something, if you were actually like your, I'm really in deep water here, Joe. Don't worry. I need you as an educated man to sort of maybe throw one of those little sticks out and go, come on, grab that.

46:09But, you know, keep going and I'll see if I've got a stick. For anything to ever really be physically involved with something, you'd have to take that on. there'll always be a barrier there'll always be a incredible microscopic thing between you and the other thing well even even sort of at the atomic level if something touches yeah i say touches yeah something comes into contact with something yeah unless it fuses I suppose it's not actually there's something stopping it from creating full actual genuine contact well that makes some sense the thing I've heard is that most if you look at an atom most of it is empty space so if you're saying two atoms are in contact with each other perhaps they're not really if they fuse presumably the different things inside the atom simply rearrange themselves into a different configuration and it's still mostly empty space um and i so yeah i i think i've the other i don't know about this thing about the brain creating illusion well what i would say is that when i don't know if that's a but i don't know if it's like eyesight i remember when i was in primary school one of my primary school teachers told me that everything is actually upside down and your brain your brain's decoding it yeah yeah But I don't know what that means.

47:44Everything's relative, right? So what is upside down and what is not? Even when I was like nine years old, I was like... Were they Australian? No. No, they weren't from the... Yeah, it flips the image or something, right? But if it didn't flip the image, then you would just accept whatever you looked at anyway. Yeah, you might. Yeah. Everything is upside down, apparently. With this one, I'm thinking about when you're in the womb, you're wet in theory, aren't you? But you don't really think of yourself as wet because it's all you know. Didn't do a lot of my thinking in the womb, I'll be honest with you.

48:30No, you're not thinking. I wasn't in the womb and I was like, you know what? I'm going to be in a sitcom when I'm older. No, no, no, no, that's true Do you like this fact? How do you feel about it? Now, listen, there's something in this fact but I've heard, like I say, I've heard something different Yeah, you do not get wet but I don't know what the definition of being wet is Of course I don't Claire will tell you that

49:08oh she's going what is it and you're like just define it for me if you only define it then we can see what we can do yeah you're not defining it properly um fucking hell um i do i do like this fact actually um but i'm sort of struggling to because something's it's clearly different you're like oh i mean i heard a fact that humans didn't used to think that the sea was blue and then we couldn't see it as blue and then like there's a line in um a poem an ancient greek poem that's like the wine dark sea across the wine dark sea so like they didn't used to think it was blue they just thought it was dark so like you actually see it we we were we had to be told it was blue and then we go no oh yeah it's blue yeah no i don't believe that this seems like a similar thing though it's like a reflection of the sky right that's why we think the sea's blue unless the sky was red maybe the sky was red too i don't think it was unless he was talking about the sunset or or a different time of day could have been but the the sea is blue the sea is see-through but it reflects the sky and that's why we say the sea is blue yeah i'm not i have to say i'm not i haven't particularly firmed up on that one.

50:31Yeah, I'm not firm on anything that's going on right now. Do you want to be?

50:40This gin and de bonnets is something crazy. Oh, the gin and de bonnet. My God, it's got us all fruity. Did you finish yours? Yeah. Good. Good for you. I wish I had some now. I'll tell you what, they were right. It does. It's got a kick to it. It's got a kick, but it's also got a pep. So it's both. It's kind of like, it's not, I can see why it's The Queen Mother liked it. Yeah. Yeah. So... I like this fact. The only thing I don't like is the brain creating an illusion. That's where I'm a bit... Well, here's my question. So what happens is that if you took a baby that has not yet had an experience of being in water, and you put them into water.

51:30And let's also say that this baby is unsighted, right? So the baby is like, oh, something's different about my skin. I suppose as an adult, you could say, and the word we're going to have for that from now on is wet. So that is what he seems to be saying. But what I was going to say is, are there animals that really do have wet sensors? If that experience is just, that's just what we mean by wet, See, I don't think there are. Because if you were a fish, you'd be going mental all the time. You're going, God, I'm so fucking wet all the fucking time. I wish I could just dry off a little bit. Oh, God.

52:11More. Yeah. Towling. Actually, if you were fishing, you were just towling off. What a waste of time. Towking. Constantly towking. But listen, right, we do have another fact that this is going to go up against. I like it. It's not a bad fact. It's not a bad fact. I have to say it's quite cerebral. Is that a good thing or a bad thing? Depends on whether you know what the word cerebral means. Well, it means it's a little bit philosophical. Okay. So we're going to have a little ad break now, and then we're going to come back and find out what wet goes up against.

52:55What wet goes up against.

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54:52Well, I listen to the Holiday Expert Show every week. Oh my gosh, yeah, you're always trying Chelsea's tips. They've saved me a fortune. Wherever summer takes you, hit follow on your favourite podcasts and search Audio Always on any podcast app to discover your next favourite listen.

55:12Anyway, Joe, we are back. Hello. We just learned that you don't feel wet because your brain creates an illusion. I'm not sure about that one. So you've got the next fact, Joe, for us. Yeah, so the next fact comes from Zach on Instagram. Yeah. He says, I have a fact for the world up. Almost all mammals have seven neck bones, which is the leading theory behind us evolving from the same common ancestor. So as an example, whales, giraffes, mice, and humans. sorry so I'm going to because I haven't given this enough evidence which is the leading theory behind us evolving from the same common ancestor that's the is that widely known?

55:57I don't know no so as an example Wales giraffes it doesn't matter on this podcast no okay no but I couldn't work out whether this is this is like a kind of out there theory or whether this is a thing well sure no you just need to take Zach at his word okay fine that's how we no no no I mean I'm I couldn't work out whether I'd kind of zhuzh that enough. So as an example, whales, giraffes, mice and humans, despite being wildly different sizes, still maintain the same number of neck bones. There's a few exceptions in sloths and manatees, but they are considered evolutionary defects as opposed to a separate lineage.

56:37Love the pod. Just thought this might be of interest. Well, lovely. And I mean, not just of interest. I mean, he's sashayed his way into the world up. Listen, Zach, there's a load of words there that I didn't 100 % understand, but they sounded fascinating to me. And that is what makes a good fact. Absolutely. Manatee. What on earth? What the fuck? So, I mean, that isn't so... The sea cow. Is that what they call them? Dugong? Dugong? The dugong is another one. And there's also something called a narwhal, which has a tusk. It's a tooth. I don't know. Is it? Again, I might. No, I think. I'm going to say that that's fact, but it's an actual tooth that grows through their head in a weird way.

57:25And scientists are still not 100 % sure what the point of it is, but they've decided that it's to carve out some breathing holes in sea ice. Well, it's as good a reason as any. That's it. That's all I need. Yeah. so yes I just need to hear what some what some bloke told me yeah that's true move on yeah no we're not gonna go back and study it more no why would we leave it just leave it unless you're gonna pay me I'll do it but fucking I'll just I'll just take your word for it yeah but just that's what it's for but I'll be honest Joe I love everything about this fact I've just spat on my t-shirt a bit well it's not as much as what I spat earlier I came out of the bathroom and I like sprayed a bit we've just done you know an etiquette based podcast I had the water like sprayed up my t-shirt is that from a from a matter also the other thing was when he came in I was drying my armpit under the when he came in yeah did you lock the door no because by that point no I'd unlocked the door but then I'd gone back to try and because I had all water down me right and I always feel that when I'm drying my armpit under the hand dryer you can't leave the house When someone comes in, I always act so guilty.

58:44I'm like, oh, God. You know, it's like I've been wanking or something. Do you know what? But it's fine. You're out of it. That's all right. The same fucking thing happened to me once, right? I was in a theatre. I was doing a play. I was doing a play about spooky shit. It was about ghosts and whatnot. Yeah. And the bloke that wrote this play also has a really good podcast, Uncanny. It's been recommended to me. And to get into the sort of, you know, the spirit of the show and the spooky shit that's going on and stuff, my sort of pre-show ritual became listening to his podcast on the way in. And it talks about all kinds of fucking nonsense, about ghosts turning up and all this sort of stuff.

59:25And it was genuinely quite freaky. And it did put me in a sort of – I was heightened, right? And it's one of those buildings where all the floors look exactly the same. So I was in a dressing room on one floor and one of the other actors was the floor below me in the exact same layout, exact same dress. And he'd gone up one flight of stairs and he walked into the room and I went, ah, like that. Like I literally like shit myself. Yeah, yeah. And he was like, what are you doing? Having a wank or something? I was like, no, I was like, no, I'm just quite sort of like. I'm on edge. I was literally like when the door started opening and he opened it a bit slowly and I sort of went, ah, like that.

1:00:08And in my head, I was like, this is it. I'm about to meet a fucking ghost. And it was the Gilgud. It was the Gilgud Theatre. It's like an ancient. Don't meet heroes. It's an ancient building. It's a spooky building anyway. Yeah, they are. And I spent weeks just going, I'm going to fucking bump into a ghost at some point. I was like, I was ready to bump into a ghost. And that was my immediate reaction. By the way, if I'd ever seen a ghost, it's the scream. But yeah, I know exactly where you're coming from, man. You know what I mean? It's because, like, anyway, I should have just locked it. But I thought, well, this is kind of...

1:00:46Whatever. Well, the cock wasn't out. Oh, God, no. That's what I mean. No, exactly. But even that, it's just... Why are we so embarrassed about sweating? I sweat, you know. There's not a problem with sweating. I just don't know. I can't stop it. I hope you don't mind. You can't have an operation. I hope you don't mind me talking about this. But I remember years ago when you were talking to me and you were like, I think I'm going to get Botox in my armpits. Yeah, you can get it. And I was like, no, no, no. And I went to you, no, don't do that. You can't do that. And you went, well, because I feel like I sweat excessively.

1:01:18And I was like, that's just your body. That's just what your body's supposed to do. If you fuck up, your body's trying to cool down. If you start messing around with that shit, you're going to get into trouble. Well, my chemistry teacher at school was talking about the merits and demerits of completely covering your body in paint for a Halloween costume. And she was saying, I would worry about pores. You wouldn't be able to sweat. Isn't there like some sort of internet myth story? That somebody died from it. Somebody sort of like internally combusted or something. Her take, Dr. Nyshe Byfield, she said, I remember this.

1:02:00Shout out. Yeah. She said, you'll probably be all right as long as your kidneys are working at full whack. In other words, you can excrete all the stuff you need to get out through your urine. As long as your kidneys are going, you should be okay. How confident are you in... I have... Got good kidneys? Yeah. yes I back my kidneys and I back I continue to back that I've stored that away as a little thing that I remember so I think my kidneys are alright yeah I haven't done any boxing or anything is it boxer's kidneys end up that it's all scars issue there's just no I wouldn't surprise me yeah there's literally kidney shots then the kidney repairs itself but the big problem you have when the body repair if you can get wounded the body will repair it but it won't replace like for like it'll just use a bog standard type of scar tissue so if half your kidney gets really fucked up your body the body will fix the half but it won't really be kidney anymore it'll just be a scar right so that's why uh i'm not kidney confident i think i am i've never had cause for kidney and liver i think i've got some there's some uh there's some problems there they're going to rear their head at some point how long do you need to go for i'm always thinking like well you know if they conk out over after like 100 years i'll probably you know i'd be lucky mate anyway zach you're so we haven't spent enough time talking about this um i think because i had to bring up my toilet trauma i've also well why not you got it i mean like every time when you go to the toilet we always come back doing like something went wrong it wasn't what i was like a child fucking going on the toilet i did go but there was a man in there and i didn't get to finish I don't like public toilets at all.

1:03:47I did a thing. I fucking needed a shit in an airport recently. And I went twice and I still couldn't do it. Because I was abroad and I couldn't get any 5G or whatever. I couldn't read the news while I was on the toilet. And all I could hear was people talking and coming in and out. That was before we had 5G. Everyone was like, hurry up with 5G because I really need a shit. I could get a sink in here, like in dorm rooms if you want. Yeah, you could carpet a small room, pop a sink in there. But listen, Zach, I'm loving everything about your fact, mate. Yeah. Just personal preference here. Don't know if it's true.

1:04:27Seven neck bones. I love the specifics of it. Seven neck bones, which also mice and giraffes and whales have. I'm all for it. Yeah. and I think I probably have said this on here before but I like this idea of like common ancestry I think it's a pleasant idea I think there was some scientists believe that at one point the number of humans had dwindled so much this is like ages ago that there was basically like just like one group in I think what is now Botswana like one group if that group gets hit by an asteroid that's it, humans are done they're out they can't all travel on the same plane together no, they mustn't they mustn't but yes it appeals to me this idea of like and the sloths and the manatees do not have the seven neck bones they're considered evolutionary defects yeah um a bit harsh perhaps on I would also say the sloth is the only animal I've ever heard Attenborough just be a bit rude about like he's he's like their muscles are puny and can do very little and you're like oh what you can't wait to see a fucking slug fuck another slug but a sloth which isn't you know what's the what's the lifespan of the sloth uh fucking hell I'm broken this is Christ when the iPad fell out

1:06:13it's me like half remembering something I saw on television 25 years ago and you're burping and it's like it's like an old people's home do you know what it is what do you think it's like it's basically a gentleman's club it's a gentleman's club we should be oh no like it's just Do you know what I mean? We should be in wing-back leather chairs Yeah With Just checking out the footsie Oh that young lady Does she work here anymore? She left She left We used to do that a lot It was a double shame Yeah we did It was a damn shame Damn shame That was one of our comedy characters That we had on the Saturday in between us Yeah 20 years 20 years Yeah, that's all right.

1:07:0720 years ago, that's all right. I think he bought it in Burma, actually.

1:07:15It was a wonderful time growing up in Rhodesia.

1:07:24Anyway, Joe, where are we going to go with these? I'm leaning towards Zach, and I don't think I've made any... I don't think I've hid that. Um... I don't think that Dean's... Let's have a look at both. I don't think Dean's fact is true. No, I like Dean's fact. I've heard something similar, Dean, but not the brain creating an illusion thing. It's wet versus bone. Wet versus bone. Wet versus bone. It always is.

1:08:02I don't even know what that means. sort of like men are from Mars women are from Venus I suppose it is a BS it's yes yes in a way yeah if you don't think about it too much I know I get it I like Zach what are you saying Joe what's your gut saying there what's your kidneys saying er a second

1:08:30don't rush me good podcasting damn good port the thing is I know why you're doing this character you're not thinking about what a fact you want to win I know I know sorry I'm just trying to hang on a second hold on

1:08:54you're torn Joe yeah I like I really like the Dean one but I think that I'm having trouble kind of grasping what the opposite would be. What is a wet sensor? To me, it's a little bit like saying you're not really hot. It's just that your nerves are telling your brain that you're hot. That's what hot is. The brain creating an illusion. Yeah. We're getting a little bit into that Matrix stuff where people go, nothing's really happening. It's just a load of things telling you that. Everyone ceases to exist when you leave the room. Yeah. And I suppose I'm like, well, we've covered this. We don't care.

1:09:48We like it. Yeah. Just more. It's fine. More of it. Yeah. and also even if that is true that's you know it may be a mess but it's my mess do you know what I mean when it comes to reality I think we I think we are putting Zach through toughest one toughest toughest heat it's a difficult one look I like I feel like Dean is playing very sort of cultured football yeah but maybe in the end Zach's just brought in his big man and he's brought on Andy Carroll Zach's just root-woned it but he's root-woned it and you know in the end it is that's what can happen Zach's parked parked the bus tournament football he's nicked a goal he's parked the bus tournament football yeah so maybe over the course of a league I think Dean might win but it's not a league it's that's a shame that Dean's not going to make it but this is the way cup tournaments work isn't it can we do it can we say Zach's gone through?

1:10:53Yeah. Neck bones has gone through. Zach, you're through. Well done, Zach. You may not win the final. Well, it's a good fact. Hang on. Well, no, you might win. That's my way of saying Yeah. Do you know what I mean? That's how it works, isn't it? Listen, should we wrap this up? Probably. For the love of God, probably. Listen, I'm all fact out. What have we learned today? We've learned there's seven neck bones in the neck

1:11:23best place for them that's where I keep mine but listen you do you we've learned there's seven neck bones in the neck we've learned that Joe needs to piss around his garden to stop the blind fox from turning up yeah and we also have learned that didn't we have a voice note at some point something else about piss yes what was that what was the voice note yes the voice note was an add-on from OB2 oh that's right Dennis Lawson we've also learnt that Ewan McGregor isn't as talented and as great as actor as we all thought he was he's actually just snuck in through the back door because his uncle because his hunky uncle Dennis Law because his hunkle got him in got him involved in the Star Wars franchise guys thank you so much for listening we'll be back next week armed with more facts, chats and final World Up and the final.

1:12:22We need to big that up a bit more. I was too casual about that, wasn't I? We'll be back next week with the final World Up match. And don't forget that you can get in touch with us if you'd like us to compete in the World Up. What? Oh, it's fine. Actually, no one else can compete in there. No, absolutely not. Keep your facts coming in. No, you can't. No, it's too late. It's too late. Keep your facts coming in. you can get in touch with us our email is hello at joeandjamespod.com our whatsapp is 07822 034 330 you can follow us on socials our handle thing is at joeandjamespod and head to the podcast description if you've already forgotten those details that's it that's the end of the podcast we're done that's the end of the episode Joe we made it goodbye we've done it goodbye

1:13:15joe and james fucked up That's the most drunk I've been during a podcast.

1:13:47a top-rated pro that knows everything about interior paint. Easily compare prices and read reviews. Thumbtack knows homes. Download the app today. Holidays are meant to be fun, so why does booking one suddenly feel like a full-time job? Prices going up, rules changing, too many options. Bring back groceries, I say. Or you could listen to The Holiday Expert Show. The podcast helping you travel best, spend less, and know what on earth is going on. I'm Chelsea Dickinson, The Holiday expert and I'm James Robinson the holiday slacker every Wednesday and Friday will help you make sense of travel save money and answer your holiday dilemmas listen wherever you get your podcasts