What Is Wrong With Snakes?

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1:15Furniture, bedding, storage, decor, study essentials, all at prices you'll love. With fast shipping before move-in day. Get everything you need for back-to-school season. Shop Wayfair.com today. Wayfair, every style, every home. If you dropped me off anywhere on the planet and I've got my phone, I think I'd be able to make my way back. Yeah, I mean, to me, the phone is slightly...

1:46It's screwed up the idea of, like, remoteness for me. like i i think because you can go anywhere and you just know where you are and you know did i tell you when i was running the london marathon on my own and you ran out of signal i ran out of signal and i ran out of battery and signal yeah but one of the reasons i ran out of battery is that as i was running along the map i was looking at the different restaurants that i was passing being like oh that looks quite good i mean we'll go there like i was using loads of battery yeah like reading reviews like looking at pictures of the dishes you're an idiot and I got down to five percent battery and you were doing it for charity and stuff weren't you and I finished that's why that's why I finished because I and your times and things like that were really important and the direction that you went in it ran out so quickly I turned I what did I do I turned everything off including my music and my map so I would just had a brick phone yeah the app running no music no map and I was running on big roads so that I wouldn't get lost.

2:56I basically got on a road called the A3. I just thought I'd stay on there. Yeah. I'll run. Just follow signs to. I was essentially on like motorways. Yeah. At one point I was like, this is ridiculous. I'm going to buy a charger. So I went into a shop. I was trying to like. Keep running. bought a charger and then I thought I can't use the charger like I can't I'd have to kind of I'd have to go and sit down somewhere and then I thought well I can't really well you needed a battery I didn't yeah I know I bought a plug so now so now so now I'm just now I was just running with a carrier bag and I couldn't go into a coffee shop because I thought it's one thing kind of going into a shop and sort of...

3:44Because I've been there before. Airports are good for it. I mean, airports have got loads of plugs anyway. Yeah. Well, you've got to be careful with those plugs. Apparently, they'll hack your phone or something like that. Well, the airport will. Or somebody will. No, some people have set up a plug in an airport. But usually you can get those little external battery things, can't you? Yeah, portable charger. Yeah, and they're ready to go straight away. You can just sort of... Should have got that. Should have got that. So I arrived home. I just felt like I'd been on a really shit shopping trip.

4:15Like I'd basically run to a mobile phone shop, bought a plug, sort of waddled back. I was just kind of walking. By the end, I was just walking and weeping because my phone wouldn't get signal. And I was like, I know I've done the distance, but you're not fucking logging it. So I've just got to carry on, like wandering around near where I live. It was just like... Just a little few steps of prep would have sorted that out. I think they should have done the prep. Who's they? Well, I don't want to blame Paula Radcliffe, but I do think it was her voice on the app, so I've always kind of vaguely blamed her.

4:50Let me tell you something. I've been after Radcliffe for years. I've always wanted to get some dirt on her. Yeah, yeah. And if you want to blame her, I'm absolutely fine with that. Yeah, well, you know, she dropped the ball on this app, is all I'm saying. Not all she drops when she's... Well, yeah, I mean, you've got some dirt on her. I mean, that's the one thing you have got. Just another little side note. If you were thinking, God, Joe was taking a long time there to get his point across. And I don't know. Do we edit this? Do we edit Joe's sort of pauses out? I might edit it. But, you know. Because I'm still getting flack.

5:25I'm still getting in the comments. I'm still, can you? It'd be great if Joe could finish a story. I agree. I agree. It would be great. But for today, I'm going to let you talk. Thank you. We're going to see you asked for it. All right. I have to, this is what it's like having a conversation with this guy. I have to sit there. We go, like if we go, I'm not the one saying that you should, I want you to cut it. Yeah. You're always saying that. I'm going to have to get in the comments, aren't I? Do I have to comment on my own podcast? I think you might have to say, no, no, you're wrong. Let him. You're always telling me.

5:58That's what I need to do. Buckley, if I go on for a bit, you know, I know in a meeting or something like that. And I'm always, I've got better as well. I used to be. Oh God, yeah oh my god yeah i've i i um i remember a lunch i went to once where it was me and my agent and johnny sweet at that point we shared an agent we were we had the same agent we were double out and the i told a story that was so long that i just had to what's going on it it's all right it's it's um it's in the past it was before we got together it's before we got together it's You know, I just, I sometimes just search him on Facebook and stuff.

6:41But like, it's... Was he bigger than me? It doesn't matter. It's not about that.

6:50But I remember telling a story that lasted so long that my agent just had to kind of get up and excuse herself. She was like, I've just got to go. I've got another meeting. Yeah. And I was talking about the office. It was supposed to be about like work. I just did a big thing about the office, like why I thought it was great. And she just had to leave, obviously, the story. And I didn't stop. I was like, yeah, you go. Let's do it the other day. Anyway, so... I had to do it the other day. Me and Joe had a Zoom call. Yeah. It was a pre-meeting meeting. We were having a meeting the next day, and they were like, oh, we should probably just have a chat before we go to this meeting.

7:21They're like, cool. And I did say right at the beginning, I've got to go in an hour. Then it started getting, like, we're 45 minutes in, and I was just like, just trying to jump in at some point. I was like, sorry, it's Joe. Sorry, mate. I've got 15 minutes and I've got, then I've got to go. Then it got to like three minutes to where I had to be on this other call. And I was like, I've got to go guys. I've just got to go. I've got to go. And we didn't really, we didn't talk about everything that we were supposed to talk about. I am. Yeah, I do. I do remember that. I'm sorry about that. And I do.

7:56I think I also started a new story when you were kind of in the process of leaving. It was not, it wasn't. Well, that was it. Because I was also like, oh, no, we've moved on to another thing. Joe's moved on to another thing now, so I've got to say I've got to go. It was bad. It was bad etiquette for me. I shouldn't have started something else. At the time, it felt like it was really important, but I can't remember what it is now. Listen, if I didn't have to go, I would have sat there all day over you, mate. Oh, well, thank you. No, you worry about that. Thank you. That's very nice of you. There were not many who would.

8:32What's going on, mate? I don't know. I'll let you squeak those out. level what's that oh yeah it had a story about something but you said it was a forgetting oh yeah that's ironic isn't it oh yeah can I see this I had a story that I was forgetting something I can't remember it now oh the chocolate hobnob my god what a biscuit what a biscuit biscuit and that top tier biscuit it is it's right up there I agree robust biscuit

9:08sorry no it's okay we're just yeah we're just yeah just take a moment for joe to finish his biscuit i haven't eaten yeah don't eat too quick i haven't eaten today and i'll tell you what where this studio is just outside the studio there's this street yeah full of um food trucks and oh god my god it smells absolutely incredible i know i know you can't move for like little restaurants, food from all over the world. Every time I come here, I'm like, I should really try some of this food. It looks absolutely amazing. I've had people come up to me going, Jay, can I get you a burrito or something? On the house?

9:55Yeah. I can't. I left my phone at home. I'm running late. Do you ever find that? You should go to him. Have you got a fact? Do you know? That's what you, that'd be. Do you know, you know, like, I think you're the same as me. You definitely are. So you're, you're worse than me, but that, um, like I can't not chat to someone. Yeah. If they see me on the street and they want to just tell me how great they thought the in-betweeners was. I'm like that. Like, even if I'm like, I've turned up to be, I've turned up to auditions, like important things in my life, like late. Um, one time I remembered, I turned up really late for an audition.

10:35Not really late. I was about 10, 15 minutes late because I wasn't running late. I was getting there just on time, which for me is running late. I like to be 10 minutes before I'm supposed to. That's a good habit to have. But I was chatting to this kid. Must have been about 19, 18, 19. And he started telling me how he was going to film school. So I was like, oh, that's brilliant. And I was just chatting to him. like trying to encourage him i just felt i'd i had this responsibility even though i suppose i don't and maybe i'm building myself up in my own head to be more important than what i actually am but i was like oh this young guy has seen me off the television and be like oh god you know and he was like saying things like oh the in-between is like really sort of influenced me and so i didn't want to go mate can you fuck off i'm running late in a moment like so i was like just trying to be encouraging and i'm i'm sure that it made a big difference to him i think i go the other way or not the other way i go the same way but i go too far like i've been in conversations with people who have come over and they go mate i know like genuine like um they and i also it gets into a bit of a um it gets into a bit of a sort of vortex because i think they think that because i've in a way he got the status in that situation because i'm the one who's like well known yeah they're like well i can't interrupt him because he's like he's just an important person but as you know like if you don't interrupt me i'll just go you will i will go forever yeah so we do get into a you're like we get a cell bunny yeah so we get into a we get into a bit of a problem in these conversations where it's not clear who's going to end it yeah because i i keep being reminded of other things and then before long.

12:30What was the story where you forgot something? I forgot. Okay, so you said you forgot your phone. I once, the best thing I've ever left, just left an entire laptop just in the public toilet in, what was it? One of the big, probably Euston or, yeah, I think Euston. Just left it. There's a bit where you wash your hands. I used to just carry my laptop around with me. I've got very bad laptop etiquette. There was one I didn't even have a bag for once. I just used to get wet, it'd go in the rain. I had... And this... So, you know, you wash your hands. There's people here, people here. And then there's a thing in between you, like this.

13:07Just put it up there. Walk out. I think, right? I got it back, but... I also left my phone once in a cab in New York with Ian Morris, who, to be fair, and he's got his problems, Morris, right? but he'll be the first to tell you but right he's a generous man oh he's very generous like he does like like I've known him since I was a teenager he's one of those gentlemen he'll always take you out for dinner he'll always like get your drinks and stuff like that he's never been like a stingy guy oh my goodness no he's yeah he commented me we were in New York this is when we were doing that disastrous PR thing in America trying to sort of get the in between us out in America, which was just like Spinal Tap, by the way.

13:56It was like Spinal Tap. It was like we'd go, we'd have a screening arranged in a cinema and they'd be like, the cinema's burned down. What? Yep, that happened once. It's burned down. We started off in... Do we have anything else arranged in that city? We started off in California. We did a screening in a cinema in California and it was mostly homeless people just so they could come inside for a little while, get some air conditioning. And they were walking out. Yeah, and they were. They were, I can't take this. They did sort of drift off after a while. Get me back on the street. Then we split up in two and sort of went around two different ways to the East Coast because me and you were together and we were in Minneapolis.

14:39It was... We were in Minneapolis. It was really funny. We had a newspaper interview set up at a cafe. We turned up at this cafe. It was all boarded up. We were like, this hasn't, not only is this not open, this hasn't been open for a long time. I know. And then the person. It was called the Hard Times Cafe. Was it? Because Bob Dylan was, it was a time in Minneapolis or something. Is that right? And it was a student interview. Yeah, it was for a student newspaper. And this guy was such a flake. So he said that he didn't exist anymore. We had a publicist with us who was an American. He didn't know who we were either.

15:21But they were saying things like, in interviews, they were saying things like, oh, they were throwing shade. And we were like, I know what that is now, retrospectively. Yeah, we wouldn't. And we were like, what? What's that mean? What do you mean? We were like, there was such a sort of miscommunication every step on this PR trail. The publicist that was with us called the guy that we were supposed to be sitting down in the cafe having an interview with. and um i don't know why he put it on speakerphone because it didn't help me at all whatsoever and he was like oh hi um we're at that cafe it looks like it's closed like but like closed for business closed for good yeah and the bloke just went on the other end of the phone all i heard was oh what that was today i was like we've literally come all the way to minneapolis to talk to you, mate.

16:19Oh, God. Then I ended up in New York, and me and Ian, New York Riot was actually the place where people got the Inbetweeners. Yeah. Like, it was actually, we did a screening there. It was absolutely packed, and everyone was really excited that the Inbetweeners was coming to America. So I'd say what you like about New York, but they're all right with me. It's Americans who are interested in English culture. but it is anglophiles i suppose is what you're after but people like europe and like britain and morris made a comment about me tipping the taxi drivers because we kept getting taxis everywhere and um he was like god you're you know you're pretty sweet on the tips there i was like you gotta look after people gotta look after people i remember saying that to him i don't like i don't know what point i was trying to make i was just like gotta look after people mate he was like yeah yeah no no i get it and um and then i was like oh i've left my phone in that taxi ian called the taxi and i was like there's no way you cannot leave a phone in new york in manhattan in a taxi and expect to ever see that again he called my phone the taxi driver picked it up and he was like listen i'm uh busy doing fares and stuff at the moment i'm um i'm sort of uptown or whatever but I'll be probably down to you guys in a couple of hours I'll give you a call I'll meet you at this corner a couple of hours time I met the taxi driver I got my phone back and I went to him that's why you tip yeah that's why you do it I have a story about phones and taxis which is that Hannah left her phone in a taxi once and we had a conversation with another taxi driver who's in London and the second taxi driver said you'll never get that back he would have thrown it in the river Right.

18:13Because it's too much of a pain trying to get phones back to people. Yeah. Well, that's what this guy was like. It's basically like, I can't run a lost property office. Yeah. So it's not, if I throw it in the river, I suppose what they're thinking is, it sort of protects you in a way, like no one's going to steal your information. Right. But at the same time, I just haven't got time to, I don't know if that's true. I'd be interested to know if that's true. Do taxi drivers throw phones in the river? because they just haven't got time to kind of deal with the number of lost phones. I genuinely think that that's an honourable thing to do.

18:49It's better than just nicking your phone. It's better than nicking it and it's better than leaving it somewhere random. Destroy it. Just chuck it in the river. Yeah. As you're driving on the embankment or something, just flinging out the window. There we go. And that was some stories about lost stuff. It's great. Joe and James. Joe and James. Joe and James. Joe and James. It's fucked up again. Joe and James, Joe and James, Joe and James, Joe and James, facts up. Let's do a podcast. Welcome to Joe and James facts up. Each week we'll be bringing facts to one another that we deem interesting and our policy is the more interesting, the more true it is.

19:32We'll also dig into the weird things that you'd like to think are true, but don't want to research in a segment that we're calling fact check. so if you do want to send us your facts our email is hello at joe and james pod.com we've also got a cheeky little whatsapp number uh the number is 07822034330 and you can follow us on our socials at joe and james pod and if you want to watch our episodes in full just go on youtube and search for joe and james facts up now let's get fact up

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22:19So, James, it's St. Patrick's Day today. So we're paying homage to the patron saint of Ireland. St. Patrick. St. Patrick. Yeah. I've got... You've got a fact? I've just given up. Mine isn't even a fact anymore. It's just like, it's definitely not true. No, I should probably just say that I do that really annoying thing that I assume Irish people find so fucking irritating. Right? So like, I am... Well, you become Irish on St. Patrick's Day. Well, no, but I am Irish. I was born in England, right? I mean, I am English. Yeah. But I'm named after my granddad, Granddad Paddy. You're just getting that in for the incoming government.

22:59My full name is James Patrick Buckley. He's a very Irish. James Patrick Buckley, very Irish name. Lots of family in West Cork. I love, if I meet someone from Ireland, I love telling them about my family from West Cork. West Cork's a cool bit as well. That's like, that's a good. You know, my dad grew up there and I do, I do do that thing of, even though I know nothing about sort of what it's like to be Irish at all whatsoever. I do love trying to convince people I am Irish. But I just think it's because, you know, me and you, we're from Essex. And I love Essex. I genuinely love it. It's root one, isn't it?

23:38It's incredibly underrated. It's beautiful. People from Essex are lovely. But it's not got that sort of romance. It's not sexy. It's not that. And it's not that like, and they say that his descendants did come from Essex. you're like it just hasn't got even though it has got a lot of history well it does yeah of course it does but we don't seem to somehow in Essex we're not very good at Colchester I think it's the first Roman capital Roman capital yeah if Colchester's got Roman walls yeah huge huge big motherfuckers you can just throw up on them and piss on them as you come out yeah no they are they've just got like Ikea adverts on them yeah so I don't know I think Essex maybe it just wears its history lightly.

24:23Do you know what I mean? I do. Maybe we're just like, you know, sure we got it. We don't just go on about it. I've done it before. I remember Chris Moyles. He's a really great bloke. He's a nice chap, Chris Moyles. I don't have a bad word said against him. Yeah. And he does a big birthday bash. And I went to one a couple of years ago. And, oh, my God, there were some stars there. There was Baby Spice. and Beppe from EastEnders. And he had all these stars, but he's also got his Irish lot. He's got loads of cousins and aunts and uncles and stuff. And I just hung out with him. I wasn't sidling up to Judge Rinder or anything like that.

25:08No. I was hooked on his, and they were such a laugh. Because me and Claire were both supposed to go, and she was ill that day. So I went, well, I'm fucking going. man. I'm off love. See you later. Got really, really drunk with all, with all these. And I was just talking about like, I'm Irish. It sounds really funny. I want to, and I just, even though like I was drunk the next morning I woke up and I was like, Oh my God, I must've been unbearable. Like if you're drunk and you think I'm being a bit pretentious now, you cannot even imagine how pretentious you're really being. I'm sort of talking about myself now, but like if I've, I've been in conversations where I'm like being drunk, And I'm like, this feels a bit much even through this state.

25:54But I think, you know, it is St Paddy's Day. We are, I think it is fair to say there's something cool about the Irish. The Irish are cool. Yeah. They are cool. And everyone basically wants to be Ireland. Well, as I say, as someone comes from Essex, which I love, but I do think that we are we're probably not as cool as and also again I think it as I love Essex it's a fairly low bar there's not many people who are like Essex is really cool I want to get my I'm eligible, I could get an Irish passport and I really want to get that just so that I can say I've got an Irish passport I think I feel like it would make me seem more interesting I don't know know how I'd drop it into conversations but mark my words I'd find a way well it'd be helpful I mean you know there was um there's some sort of trading organization that we um for some reason um that you could actually be a I swear to you I'd love to I wish they could I don't care about that yeah no I know it's weird no it's just I know I want to be able to go sorry I'm late to the podcast guys I left my Irish passport at home yeah yeah let's go back I can get it.

27:12Yeah. But no, I think you're right. I mean, again, I think Ireland's cool. I don't know whether Ireland wants my vindication or actually says no thanks. Don't need it, mate. Nonetheless, I think Ireland's cool. Yeah. Don't need it. Yeah, I think that's probably true. Don't need it. Ireland's also the birthplace of my favourite guitarist, probably the greatest guitarist that's ever lived, Rory Gallagher. And Cork. He's from Cork as well. Which I'm sort of trying to sort of get some secondhand coolness from. Now, I don't know who that is. I'm sure that's terrible. Is he in a band? He's dead now, bless him.

27:52But he was... So he's a guitarist from a band that I've never heard of? He was in a band in the 60s called Taste who were... I haven't heard of them either. Is that terrible? Maybe. They were making 70s music in the 60s. This guy was so influential. And also, he never played the game. he got when before Ronnie Wood got into the Rolling Stones they were sort of courting him and he was very much like you've got you've already got a front man I'm not going to play second fiddle to Mick Jagger I'm my own guy honestly look into Rory Gallagher also listen to his music it's fucking amazing another Gallagher just goes what was it with Gallagher's and Ireland oh it's Ireland alright yeah okay so are those are they Irish extractors Those boys, the brothers you're talking about, their parents are both Irish.

28:45They're Irish immigrants. Okay. Liverpool? I know Manchester. Liverpool, Manchester are. Liverpool, Manchester. Loads of Irish going on there. Oh, have I said about the Manchester Shipping Canal? Go on. The Manchester Shipping Canal is there because Liverpool was this massive port and Manchester was just getting none of the action because you couldn't get to Manchester in a massive boat. So they were like, well, what if we had a canal between Liverpool and Manchester? Well, you can't. But a big boat can't go on a canal. And they went, what about a shipping canal? So it's a huge... So it's a bit like the Panama Canal or the Suez Canal.

29:25And that basically then brought... It gave Manchester a cut of Liverpool's trade. And that's the... Is that your fact? No, it's just a bonus fact. I've just got so, I know so much. Just. I just don't know about the shipping canal. You've just burst it. I've got a Patrick fact that's not true. But anyway, so that, so what's he called? Rory Gallagher. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, yeah. Really great. Like, just the greatest guitarist. There's a, there's a story. I'm not sure how true it is, actually. I think it just goes, it's gone into rock lore. There's sort of different names that come up. but there is a story apparently and I love this story and I really hope that it's true that someone once asked journalists once asked Jimi Hendrix what it was like to be the greatest guitarist in the world and he said I don't know ask Rory Gallagher that's nice but I've also heard that story that he said that about someone else as well but I hope Rory Gallagher is amazing anyway Joe do you want to give me your sexy little fact there my fact is as I've said it's not a fact but I thought it was an interesting tale so it's about St Patrick's staff he had a staff was it one of those ones with the wooden club at the end of it oh you mean for like beating snakes I suppose yeah well the story is he banished snakes from Ireland yeah that's not true there were never any there were never any snakes yeah after the Ice Age Ireland was already an island it was already a snake free zone yeah and it's one of the few places on the planet to not have any snakes at all whatsoever i always used to like that when i was a little boy because i'm quite frightened of snakes and always thought ireland would be a nice place to go therefore well i also knew britain didn't have any poisonous snakes although maybe an attica killer dog so that was what i grew up with i don't i don't enjoy snakes i do think i think they're weird they're they are just weird like that length with no legs what are you doing just yeah zero legs what are you doing is fucking weird why do you need to be that long they don't do anything with it they're like you can see it's a hassle to them they're like fuck me like they're constantly able to wind it round they're never stretched out fully never they never stretch out fully some of them are massive as well they're too big they're weird they kill you in a weird way they're poisonous they suffocate you to death everything they do is weird I know they're not wet that's the best I can say for them is they're not wet they're dry they are weird but they're at that size where they get away with it and that is the crab that's Carl Pilkington on the crab anyway St.

32:22Patrick had this staff and the story is he was going to go to Rome and on the way to Rome he stopped at an island in the Mediterranean Sea and on this island there was a young couple and the young couple had children and grandchildren but the children and grandchildren and they're a young couple yeah the children and grandchildren were decrepit and old the grandchildren were old the children were old the couple were not old is this your dream? is this a dream? and they were holding an optimist is this another dream? and he said what's going on here? and they said he did yeah I bet he did he went in and what's that all about then mate?

33:19he probably said like what's the crack or something? sure absolutely and they said that they'd been born or they'd got together at the time of Jesus. And Jesus had blessed them. So that's why they were now 500, 600 years old and hadn't aged at all. And they had a staff. Yeah. And it was Jesus' staff. And St. Patrick got given the staff. And the staff, the story about the staff is that it was made of ash and when he was in england trying to convert people to christianity he planted it in the ground and he went down to this town to try and convert the inhabitants christianity and he was there for so long trying to convert them yeah that his staff grew into a tree and that's now that town is now called aspatria in cumbria which means saint patrick's Ash there we go so that's all that I mean as I say I don't think any of that's true but I thought it was a nice story about this this young couple you know and weird as well a bit of weirdness yeah there's all kinds of shit quite sort of M.

34:43Night M. Night Shyamalan it is yeah it's quite bad isn't it yeah I've got a bone to pick with that geezer to be honest with you I think he had a couple of good films and then he's and then ever since did he do you did Sixth Sense yeah which is amazing I feel like I'm just repeating myself now but have I told you my story about when I was at school and I did a presentation at the Film Society and it was about films with surprise endings and I'd got all these films I knew had surprise endings so the first stage was that I went through a load of films that have got amazing endings just fast forwarded through the film and was like okay so that's what that is somehow I don't know how I got them all I must have got them on tape or something got them all together so first of all I ruined all the films on myself and then in the presentation it was the most hated presentation that was ever done at the film society because I was just going through these films and people were going no no and they were they were walking out they were running out of the room they were shouting at me yeah and as I was doing it I was like yeah this is a terrible idea yeah this is a fucking terrible idea yeah Um, so that's why I've never seen the sixth sense, but I know what the ending is.

35:57There's a film. There's, there's more, one of his more recent films. Cause like when we find out there's an M night, what's his name? Shyamalan. I, I, I don't, I think it's M night Shyamalan. Shyamalan. When, um, when he does bring a film out, me and Claire are like, Oh, that's exciting. We'll watch that. We get suckered in every time we go. Yeah, we'll watch that. The last film I watched of his was a film called Old. I think it was called Old. It looked good. Yeah. Yeah, we watched a preview of it. We're like, right, fucking hell. And it is like, and if you just watch the preview, it's a bunch of people that go to a beach and for some reason they can't get off this beach and they are ageing rapidly.

36:43Like within hours, they're just getting really old. Just like British tourists. And you go, yeah, and you go, fucking hell, that's interesting. I wonder what the M. Night twist is there. I wonder what's going on. No twist. Right. Okay. You just don't know what's happened in the end. No twist. No, it's not explained. It's not explained at all. It's not explained at all. And I don't mind spoiling that for people because I'm doing the service. Because I actually bought that film. I think I spent like£18.99 of it. I bought it on the day of release. Yeah, you should know why that's happening, I think.

37:20I'd want to know. Yeah, you go, what the fuck's going on here? In this world or the next? Exactly. I would have been like St. Patrick on that island. I'm going, what's all this about then? Yeah. And if it was like, oh, Jesus did this or something like that, I would have gone, right, cool, brilliant. But you don't get anything. And was it a beach? Anything about it being a beach? And they can't leave the beach. They cannot get off this beach. They can't get off of it. Is that explained? Not really. Not really. It is annoying. I do think if you're one of the, I think you're kind of, I think you're duty bound.

37:55Something that doesn't wash with me is this like, oh, it's more interesting if we don't explain it. That to me is never, no, no, I'll tell you what's more interesting is if you do explain it. Yeah. That is more. Yeah, the explanation is the interesting bit. Yeah, that is the interesting bit. I mean, it really. Stuff that's going on is weird, sure. Yeah. The interesting bit is why that stuff's going on. What exactly? You need an explanation. It's not... There was no explanation. And if I did miss the explanation, then I'm sure people would stick that in the comments for me. But I can't... It was a few years ago that I watched that film and I remember being furious.

38:30Maybe I'm trying to tell you the explanation, but you keep talking over me. Sorry, Joe. Sorry, Joe. Should we talk about this week's fact check? Yeah, okay. We should probably move on, shouldn't we? It is time for facts check. this is the part of the podcast where we read a fact or a question that you'd like us to get to the bottom of and then we're going to have a good little think during the break there and we'll come back and let you know how true it feels to us to decide whether it passes our fact check and then we've got Queen Lily May as well she's back, probably should have said that at the beginning who will be, again we don't want to M.

39:09Night you leave you on a sort of well was it, wasn't it we'll actually get, we'll decide what me and Joe think. You decide. Then we'll find out the truth. Oh, I'll read this because I feel like it'll get confusing. I was about to go, Joe, do you want to read that next bit? Oh, I say no because you'll see why in a minute. So this week's fact check comes from Joe. What? How can this be? Because I'm Joe and... To clear things up, Joe has sent us a voice note. Oh, well, I don't remember sending a voice note, so it must be a different joke. Must be a different joke. Hey, guys, how's it going? So, not to exacerbate racist Irish stereotypes or anything, but...

39:53No, do. Go for it. St. Patrick's Day is coming up, and I wanted to fact-check something about alcohol. Specifically, the idea that different alcoholic drinks have different effects on people's behaviour. I've heard from so many people that gin makes them depressed. Weepy. or that whiskey makes them aggressive or wine is a happy drunk so on and so forth I think it's a lot of ballics personally made up by people who can't handle their drink but nothing is fact or fiction until I hear you confirm it so hopefully you can help me out with that one cheers good luck well cheers indeed thank you very much for that joke listen we're going to have a little ad break and then we'll be back with our thoughts.

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43:00All right, welcome back to Joe and James Fact Up. And we were just fact checking on the behalf of Joe, who wanted to know, do different alcoholic beverages make you feel different emotions? And I'm going to have to say, Joe, first of all, not you, Joe, the other Joe. Yeah, I mean. This is going to be a problem, isn't it? But I liked his attitude. I liked his attitude. I absolutely loved his attitude. He scuttled his own fact. He was saying it. He was like, I don't think it's bollocks. No, but it's, again, we're open to that. I've heard this. I don't believe it. You guys decide. And I like being the decider.

43:39And I will say, it feels fact to me. I've heard all those things. Gin makes you weepy. Whiskey can get you a bit angry. I've had friends who are like, I can't have Stella. Right. As opposed to other beers. Right. this would be really good can we try and get Estella I think there's facts in it but I do see where I'll call him Irish Joe I do see where Irish Joe's coming from because also it's like don't mix your drinks don't mix your drinks do not mix your drinks and I do subscribe to that like I do just mainly stick to beer now I don't really do shorts or cocktails I do just try and stick to beer because I feel like not that it changes my personality or that I get angry or anything like that I do think hangovers last longer if I've had like some beers some cocktails a little bit of champagne but I also think if you're having the worst hangovers I've ever had have been when I've had very sugary cocktails that's really bad as well I've just I've decided no more champagne for me I've just decided it one I don't really like it anyway it's only like I me and Claire never get champagne in but we we will I think we've got like an emergency bottle if we've got some grown-ups coming around it's like I think champagne's a little overrated as well I don't like it I genuinely it makes me feel sick it gives me heartburn I don't yeah it gives me acid I just don't I just love beer I just really love beer.

45:25I also like the fact that beer is, you can get like the best beer in the world for not that much money. Yeah. For not much more. It's the people's drink. It's the people's drink. Whereas you can't, you're never going to taste the finest wine in the world unless you're a very wealthy person. I remember one year, me and Claire went to a posh little restaurant and it was our anniversary. So, you know, I was thinking. Yeah. Might. push the beds together tonight you know um so i was shoving off a little bit and i was like never had never had it before in my life i was like i was like would you like some champagne she's like yeah i'd have some champagne i was like bottle of cristal for me and my wife please like never had it before at all whatsoever the only thing i know about cristal is that american rappers drink it it's really expensive isn't it well expensive yeah i was trying to I was trying to fucking get my leg over, wasn't I?

46:21So I ordered this bottle of chrystal. I think it cost about 350 quid. Yeah. And then as we were drinking this bottle, they went, how long are you guys going to be? Because we need this table in about 20 minutes. Fucking hell. And I was furious. I mean. I was so angry. Yeah. I was like, I've just dropped like 350. Who else is buying Cristal tonight, by the way? Yeah. Fucking, you know, you should be so lucky. Yeah. So I made Claire take the ball home with her. It's good. It's a real... Claire's mum was at home, actually, because she was looking after the kids while we went out. This is when the kids were young.

47:09Me and Claire, this is one of the four dates that me and Claire have been on since we've had kids. so it was a special occasion and she had a bit, Claire's mum had a bit and she was like, that's really nice that's really good, I was like, yeah he's good isn't it I didn't say this to her but it didn't have the effect that I wanted

47:33I was just like, that's 350 quid I'm never going to get back It's good, you've travelled a long way in that story sort of classiness wise yeah i've traversed the spectrum yeah it's good um but that is cheeky asking you know i think we've still got the bottle i think the bottle is uh displayed we've got like a sort of drinks trolley in our um it's like a sort of 1920s prohibition it's really cool like claire does all the decor in our house it is really nice we've got this sort of prohibition drinks trolley in our living room. Disguise the song. I think it's at the bottom. Like just still like Cristal just to let you know, just to if someone comes around.

48:19Is there a little bit left? No. My mum had that. She polished it off. Oh, that's cheeky asking for the table back. And I thought I'm not having it off with you. Well, no. No. Well, I'm sorry. That sounds like it went badly. But I do think there is fact in it. Like I do, not personality wise. I don't think I'm a really angry person or a fighty person anyway. I can get a bit weepy when I'm drunk. But I do get bad hangovers depending on what I've drunk. I think you're right about mixing things. Well, the only thing about beer is that... But it's alcohol, isn't it? The body doesn't know the difference between beer.

49:07The body doesn't know the difference. The body just knows the chemical alcohol, doesn't it? The body doesn't know the difference. I think there are also... I really don't understand the point of shots, for example. They seem to me... They're grim. Absolutely grim. What enjoyment do you get out of that? Who enjoys a shot? I don't understand a shot at all. I have been in so many occasions... I've never liked a shot. ...where one of my mates have turned up with a tray of shots. They're like, come on, we're all getting on the shots. And I've gone, no. I've just gone, no, I'm not doing it. Don't want to do it.

49:38The nice thing... I am drunk already. Yeah. I'm enjoying my beer. I'm having a good time. I don't want to now not remember how I got home or anything. It's missing out the only pleasurable bit of the experience. The nice bit is from going from being sober to being drunk fairly slowly. That's what's nice. Yeah, you ease into it. it's like saying oh instead of going on this rollercoaster I could just take you right to the end if you want so it's like you've never gone on it but you just feel sick why would I want that? That's mental I don't understand I think also times where I've had terrible hangovers it's because I just don't count shots as drinks that's the thing as well because you've already got a drink I've only had five pints and there were things in between them but yeah I don't understand them at all I mean, I understand the kind of the beer in a shot.

50:33If you just want to really quickly take the edge off, like if you, it makes more sense for your first drink to be a shot. Actually, if you just want to quickly get to the point where you're like, I just want to be drunk. So I'll have the shot first to just get me there and then I can linger over the beer. I understand the beer in a shot thing. That does make sense. I remember as a teenager. Not kind of throughout the night. I don't know if people, if you never hear this anymore. Because I think the whole world caught on that it was a bad idea. When I was sort of like 19, 18, 19, I really got into vodka Red Bull.

51:06Yeah, that's a mental drink. Yeah, absolutely insane. Totally mental. And it was one, I was working on a TV show and I was away in a hotel room and it was a wrap party. It was right at the end. So I was like, oh, I'm going to go fucking mental here. And I was like doing double vodka Red Bulls all night long. It's the Red Bull that fucks you. All night long. And then I got back to my hotel room and I was like, brilliant. I'll just sleep this off now and I don't have to get up in the morning and then I'll just travel home. Stayed up all night long and felt my hangover creeping into my body. Yeah.

51:38And I was just going, why am I not falling asleep? Yeah. Why can't I fall asleep here? That's horrible. Then I realised, oh, yes, it's the Red Bull. It's all the caffeine plus the vodka. And I just, I can't remember the last time anyone said the words Vodka Red Bull. I don't know if it's because I'm not a kid anymore or I can remember the feeling now you're substantially younger do you ever have vodka red ball? I have never been into those but at uni everyone would drink vodka red ball I did have a phase where if I was not able to pre-drink with everyone I would have we'd have like an absinthe kind of like not proper absinthe because it wasn't like however high percent but we'd have an absinthe bomb and that was with Red Bull so I would drink that to catch up.

52:28There was one time I used to do, I used to drink vodka lemonade before a night out so that was already drunk so I didn't have to spend too much money on a night out and I had a pint glass and my ritual was while I was getting ready to go out was I'd do half a pint of vodka and half a pint of lemonade and I'd get that down me and then that would get me to the, I'd already be drunk so then I'd buy like two drinks or something like that for the rest of the night anyway so do they make you feel different emotions I do I think that there is something in I think I think red wine can make you a bit sort of bit loquacious bit pretentious I think it may I think maybe it's partly the it makes you start to slightly role play the sort of person who you think would drink this so if you If you're drinking wine, you're maybe more likely to get into a kind of heated political discussion.

53:26Maybe if you're drinking beer, you're more likely to talk about football or something. I don't know. I have heard the gin thing. I have heard people who say gin makes them depressed. Well, let me tell you something. I can't remember what emperor it was, a Roman emperor. But obviously, in certain parts of the empire, grapes would grow really well. Italy, south of France and whatnot. but the sort of barbarians your northern sort of I'm going to say it Germanic There it is and Britain they didn't make wine but they would drink beer or what was beer at that time and there was a Roman emperor that made a remark saying that beer makes these guys really tough and wild and that wine is possibly making, because they would make it out of grain and the stuff that they would either feed the animals or if you were being punished as a Roman soldier, you would eat this, what's that?

54:37What's that like, turn it, some sort of? No, no, no. What do they make beer out of? Like wheat. Or wheat. No, there wasn't hops at this point. Hops, barley. Barley. It was barley. if you were being punished if you did something wrong in the army, in the Roman army your punishment was that you would eat barley so it was seen as sort of like an animal sort of it was classed as foreign and that was a really sort of slanderous thing to call someone in the Roman Empire but I can't remember what it was I think it might have been Nero but he said there's something in this beer because these guys are really fucking wild and tough and I feel like wine is actually making the empire quite effeminate.

55:27Well Nero would have wanted coffee wouldn't he? That would have been it. But I think yeah so in a way I suppose that's kind of maybe what I am driving at is that wine was seen as a luxury so if you start to believe that you are somebody who is entitled to luxury maybe you do start getting a bit soft and you think oh all this fighting is a bit beneath me there's something in it but i don't think it's the alcohol no i think it's the other ingredients i think it's other ingredients i think there's a little bit of sort of psychosomatic stuff and i think there's also just how fast you're getting drunk like if you're drinking like obviously if you're not used to spirits and you're drinking spirits that's going to make you more drunk but it's not a different type of alcohol it's just that you're having the equivalent of a lot more Yeah, it's just a more concentrated dose.

56:17But I just have to say anecdotally, some people have said to me that gin makes them feel depressed, like more than vodka. And gin is just vodka flavoured with, is it juniper, I think? So gin and vodka are the same thing, basically. Is that right? Yeah, gin is basically a flavoured vodka. And I have heard people say it makes them depressed. So I don't know. Is that why Bond asks for a vodka martine? I don't because I think a martini is actually made with gin well as another thing that Ian Morris is very a stickler for right you shouldn't ever have to ask for a gin martini yeah it's just a martini yeah that's something that he's trying to it's very important to him but I'm going to I'm going to go with he's trying to raise a lot of money actually for it he's got he's um just to try I'm going to go with fact I don't think it's so fact it hurts but there is anecdotally historically there is yeah Just through society's own research that we've done, especially in Europe as a whole continent of big drinkers.

57:23We are a big sort of, it's a big experiment, isn't it? Yeah, I am going to go fact. Queen Lillie Mae, do you have any actual information for us? I've done a bit of digging. The one thing I will say is, so there is some research done in this, but it's self-reported research. so it means anyone who participated in it were reporting their own feelings so i think what you're talking about with the psychosomatic thing i think that could come into play with this research however um the research did show that people felt differently with different wines and beers and um they also said drinking 40 of people said that drinking spirits made them feel more sexy and this was a study of uh three uh 30 000 people by the way uh red wine made people feel more lethargic than white wine.

58:10Drinking spirits for me has made other people seem more sexy. I like that it's some 40 % as well, because that's actually the alcohol percentage of spirits. Yeah, pretty much. And then you can see why that would... Over half said drinking spirits gave them energy and confidence. Energy? And around a third said they felt aggressive when drinking spirits. Drinking spirits were more likely than others to be associated with stronger feelings like aggression, illness, restlessness, and tearfulness. Less likely? more likely more likely okay yeah um and then having a little look around basically it seems like the type of alcohol might not necessarily have the impact but it's the strength of the alcohol plus um the research states that the environments that you're drinking the alcohol will also have an impact so if you're drinking red wine and you're at home and you're trying to relax for the evening that is sort of an aid and you're already kind of getting into the mindset so you're already thinking about what you want to do if you're drinking the spirit you're more likely to be going on a night out you might be drinking more and you also might be trying to get yourself in a potty spirit so it's more like to enhance what you're looking for um and it was also shown that spirits tended to have a stronger impact because it was a stronger alcoholic content than okay so context is important i don't think we can read much into that because of the self reporting thing and also because everyone they're asking was drunk yeah everyone was so pissed

59:36was all the research just like there were loads of mistakes in the words exactly it was all sent to the wrong person it was just interspersed with calls to their ex and yeah vomit on it exactly can't read that bit piss well what do we yeah so facts yeah I think we can say facts the research says fact it's just yeah Well, thank you for that, Irish Joe. Thank you, Joe. Hopefully, I don't think that that's changed your opinion. And I hope it hasn't. Because you said, and I quote, I think it's a load of old bollocks. Which is what I liked about you. So I hope that we haven't changed who you are. No, don't change.

1:00:21Never change. Never go back. Do me a favour. Don't stop smiling. I do that. I say that constantly. I've got a fact for you. have we got time for my fact I think we can squeeze one in because I'll be really really quick what Irish fact have you got up your sleeve for us today James here we go the longest running pub license in the world the license to sell alcohol good much better than mine Sean's Bar claims to their license claims to date back to 900 AD brilliant so over a thousand years there love that another quick couple for you no that's good we need them because mine was fucking shit just because this is fun Ireland once had I did look this up and I was getting bits of different well I wasn't getting bits of different information one piece of information said it was a penguin but all the others say it was a dolphin so I'm just going to say dolphin but Ireland once had a dolphin as a mayor in the town of Dingle in the town of Dingle it was a dolphin named Fungi or fungi.

1:01:31It showed up daily in the harbour, became a national celebrity, boosted tourism, and was awarded to honorary titles from 1983 to 2020. I love that. Goats used to have a rank in the army. They'd actually be like an honorary... Dogs do, and horses do. Yeah, an honorary sergeant or something. Apparently, there's this... I'm sure this will come up at some point when this becomes one of our themes, but there was a sort of animal equivalent to the Victoria Cross that certain animals during the Great War and the Second World War and stuff would get bestowed upon. And I hope that these animals also got a sugar cube or something that they actually want.

1:02:13I don't know if an animal really wants a ribbon. Sure. Well, I think some of them was also posthumous. Yeah. I also went down a little rabbit hole and started asking Google, so So without generalising, what do you think of when you think of the Irish? Guinness, I suppose. Sure. So I put, and listen, they're proud of it. It's a nice drink. It's no one to be ashamed of. But I started asking the question, do the Irish drink as much as we think? Oh, okay. Yeah, okay. And the reality is the island does have high alcohol consumption. compared to the world average. Not the highest in Europe, I'd imagine.

1:03:03But not uniquely extreme anymore, it's said. I have a feeling that Ireland has changed quite a lot. I think they seem to have gone through some quite rapid changes in some cultural areas, gay marriage, abortion, things like that. And I wouldn't be surprised if maybe the stereotype to do with alcohol is perhaps not true. Ireland does rank high in Europe. as true as it was. But it's not number one. I think I might know what number one is. Can I guess? Have you got it? I don't. I should have got that. I think it's Belarus. I think it's Belarus. I've got here countries like Chechia. Yeah. Is that how I pronounce that?

1:03:43Yep. Is it? Yeah. Chechia. Chechia. Or Czechia. Is it Czechia? I think that's right. Yeah. Czechia. But countries like Czechia, Germany, Germany, and parts of Eastern Europe often drink more per capita than... islands in the top 10 top 10 top 10 I can run you down the top 10 if you want yes please United Kingdom just falls out we're 11 come on guys I'd give that a shout out drink up this is research from 2022 is it bad that I'm disappointed I'm a bit disappointed because isn't that well because we're sort of isn't that a form of our sort of soft power yeah that's a part of our culture isn't it we're an island nation of drinkers yeah we need to crack on we're sort of you could stick us on a boat and we'll be absolutely fine you know we're naval We're naval Irish drinkers.

1:04:30Absolutely. Irish? We're naval British drinkers. Irish? Trying to sneak that one in. Yeah, what does the captain do before he turns in for the night? Just checks the level in the whiskey bottle. Is that right? Well, I don't know. Someone said that. Okay. So at 10 is Slovenia. Right. At 9 is Ireland. In at number 9. At 8 is Hungary. At number 7 is France. Okay. At number 6 is Lithuania. five Estonia four Czechia three Austria two Spain and one Latvia Germany's not in that list where's Belarus gone? are they not bothering anymore? Germany is they're the guys that got us all into hops no Germany was on there wasn't it?

1:05:18Germany wasn't on there wasn't it? that's nuts no they literally have those they have those great big jugs of beer I wouldn't be surprised also So if there's a kind of maybe a bit of a religious, like, so for example, in Norway, Norway has quite a lot of alcohol consumption. Right. But also has quite a lot of like Christianity. Yeah. And one of our friends told us once that they'd been to a Norwegian wedding and it was so religious that not only was there no alcohol at a wedding. Yeah. There was no, like, music, because that was also, like, Sid before. Right. And also no... Sex. There wasn't an orgy.

1:06:07Like, there should always be an orgy. Yeah, absolutely. 4pm orgy. Yeah. It's just after the speeches. No, it's after the... It's during the father of the bride. Right. It's during his speech. Right, yeah. But, yeah, so I think sometimes there's a bit of an interaction between places that are kind of a little bit bipolar. Like there's a huge kind of, even maybe someone like Scotland. I imagine there's a kind of Protestant type thing going on. Maybe Protestant, but well, I was brought up Catholic and like wine's big in the Bible. Yeah. Like that's the best propaganda that alcohol has ever had. It wasn't changing wine into water, was it?

1:06:48No, yeah. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Please get rid of all this wine. We hate this. I'm sick of this water. Yeah. Wait a second. Yeah. Like, alcohol gets a really big sort of, it gets bigged up in the Bible. And rightly so. And as you know, we've discussed, you know, it has its own gods. It has, you know, not in Christianity, but. No, no. It's had, oh, there was a, if I had the name, I'd seem really clever. In Sumatra, there was a. Sumatra's a good name. There was a, is that the right, have I said that right? I don't know. It just depends on. Sumerian. It was like ancient. Oh, was there Sumatra? I think is in where it doesn't really where it does matter but Samaria yeah is that what I'm thinking of it might be really ancient really ancient like 5000 BC there's a goddess the goddess of beer and there's a prayer that you say to this goddess and it's basically the ingredients of how you make beer yeah don't want to forget I suppose yeah it's like I was like and I was brought up Catholic and we used to have our priests come round for dinner and stuff like that every now and again and obviously there's lots of stuff that you're not allowed to do that is sin but alcohol seems to be a bit of advice that you're allowed to get involved with and he used to get fucking he'd come round and watch the Champions League or something during the 90s or the European Cup or whatever it was called at the time and he would get hammered he would get absolutely but everyone was like yeah bloke can't get his leg over so he can you know give him a beer at least Yeah, and also Catholicism never really got, never really bothered with that kind of Puritanism that came along with, so you're not going to get the kind of...

1:08:30It was a bit more fun. Yeah, you know, Protestantism can get a little bit killjoy, a little bit sort of, a little bit Oliver Cromwell, like you can't do this, you can't do that. You can't dance at your own wedding. You're not behaving yourself. Yeah, whereas the Catholics seem to be a little bit more like... Let's add a bit of colour to this. Let's have some stained glass windows put in. Yeah, what's the harm in that? Anyway, they were my little facts about Ireland. I really like them. I don't know about you, Joe, but I'm all fact out. I'm all fact out. What have we learned today? Lily Mae, can you sum us up what we've learned today?

1:09:00What an absolute cop-out. I can't be bothered. I could have a go. Oh, go on, Joe, you have a go. We've learned that St Patrick had a staff. It came from Jesus. He'd also made a couple live presumably forever. He planted it in the ground. It turned into a town in Cumbria. we learnt that depending on what you drink it does affect your emotions it does affect your emotions we're saying and we also affect that Ireland doesn't drink as much as you think but does drink a bit we hope that you've learned something or had a nice time we'll be back next week armed with more facts chats and beer mats and don't forget that you can get in touch with us if you'd like us to fact check something that feels true for you or whatever nonsense you want to get to us.

1:09:47Our email is hello at joeandjamespod.com. Our WhatsApp is 07822 034 330. And you can also follow us on social media at joeandjamespod and head to the podcast description if you've already forgotten those details. Bye, guys. We'll see you next week. Thanks for listening.

1:10:07Joe and James, F***ed Up!

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