Why You Don’t Want To Interview James Buckley

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1:22and a pair of low-rise jeans. Between the classic fit and the viral Curve Love fit that eliminates waist gap, there's literally a pair for everyone. It's truly denim made iconic. Shop Abercrombie denim and more in the app, online and in stores. Okay, here we go again. Here we go again. Should I do a quick rock busters? Let's head over to Jelly Armchair on Instagram. Guess the celebrity. Okay, here we go. And there's a picture of Bruce Lee. There's a, what would you, what do we call that? I call that sweet potato. Sweet potato. Yeah. With a sign saying root veg. An arrow pointing to a knee and a sun.

2:11Something knee-sun. Yeah, Lee. Lee. Lee. Lee. Yeah. Lee. Lee. Lee. Lee. Lee. Lee. Lee. Lee. Nissan. Nissan. Yeah, yeah. Jelly Entree. Go and check them out. Unbelievable. They're keeping Rockbusters alive. Unbelievable. Also, maybe find out if they've heard of Carl Bilkington and Rockbusters. I love that. It's very difficult to... Liam Nissan. Yeah, that's actually, that's a little bit more coherent. Was it Crow L Intent Shins? Crow L Intent Shins. Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. How are you, Joe? I'm all right. You all right? Yeah. I treated myself to a little hobnob just then. Yeah, it's good.

2:58Well, I've got a whole table. I've got greys. Yeah, what is that? This is... What's it made of? Peas, corn. Smoky barbecue flavour coated peas, crunchy corn chips and corn. And corn. I don't know what a corn chip and a corn is. So much corn. There's so much corn. The Americans really have rammed corn down the whole planet. 80 % of our food comes from just... How am I getting this right? Four... No, it doesn't matter if it's right or not, as long as it's a fact. Four staple food crops. Wheat. Rice. Corn. Maize. Well, maize is corn. Yeah. I can't remember the other one. Hops, for me. Hops.

3:54what is the other one this is a great start this is and i don't know whether it's 80 percent some some of our food yeah comes from some some sources um i'm sober i'm usually this is this is our second podcast record of the day you're normally sort of i'm usually a bit like by this point yeah um but i'm staying cold singing sort of patriotic songs yeah absolutely so going on about the england national team um but i'm staying cold sober i'm annoyed about it yeah i'm furious yeah i hate being sober and it's because you have to drive to manchester yeah live yeah i spoke about it last week on last week's episode um i'm i'm just annoyed i'm annoyed with myself but it was just i was supposed to do this last week actually this bbc breakfast thing but i was too ill and they've very kindly said oh well you can come back next week if you wants which is really nice that's good of them um they are in manchester bloody you know regional yeah regional diversity and actually following through on it yeah also do you want to remember that this is produced by a company that's based in manchester oh yeah well i was about to say i I was just about to say how much...

5:15That's what I'm saying. I, for one, welcome our new Manchester overlords. No, but I do love Manchester. Obviously, it's like my... Apart from the Beatles, my three favourite bands all come from Manchester. Stone Roses, Oasis. Smiths. Smiths. All from Manchester. All of them. And I love those guys. Me and Claire are heading to Manchester. We've got a tour. The Buckleys. Out with the Buckleys. So if you're from Manchester... And I'm bringing my guitar. I'm looking forward to the Manchester gig. I might do a little Stone Roses number. I haven't spoken to Claire about this. A little sing-along. I think I might.

5:55Yeah, I want to do a little sing-along. Which one? I don't want to say. I'll leave it for a surprise. But yeah, there are tickets available, and there's fucking loads of them, isn't there, Katie? Yeah. Yeah, there's loads. So, like, hurry up, because they won't last long. but yeah if you're from Manchester and you want to come see me and Claire apparently people don't so there's tickets I mean I was at an event at the London Palladium and it was full and that is a big building I went down a storm I was in it wasn't I you were in it yeah people loved it people absolutely loved it it was a good night so Manchester if you want to be better than London go and buy some tickets I'm looking forward to the Manchester gig I love Manchester anyway anyway Joe we do have to do a podcast we have to don't we another one of these what episode are we on 27 should we do it Joe and James Joe and James Joe and James fucked up again Joe and James Joe and James Joe and James Joe and James fucked up my energy's terrible Are you all right?

7:12No, it's okay. We're going to really dip. It's going to be two weeks in a row. A lot of people are going to switch off and I'm going to have to get so drunk on the next record. We need to come storming back. This is like two defeats in a row for a big team. I'm going to have to get – yeah, yeah. Big team. Declaring yourself as a big team. I think we're a big team. We're a big team, yeah. But we're a flaky big team. Yeah. You know, we're like – People are going to stop cutting their hair until we do five episodes, five good episodes in a row. we are like United we're like there's a lot of talent on the pitch but they're all running in different directions they're actually quite good recently or they did lose to someone oh well anyway welcome to Joe and James Facts Up oh god this will be well that was not fun even we've got some correspondence to get us through okay let's go to some correspondence welcome to Joe and James Facts Up each week we'll be bringing facts to one another that we deem interesting and our policy is the more interesting the more true it is we'll also dig into the weird things that you'd like us to get to the bottom of but you can't be bothered to do the research yourself in a segment that we're calling fact check oh you're right even though you're not having the beer it doesn't seem to have affected your sort of general biliousness no biliousness i'm right well bilious just sort of means like gassiness okay but bilious is a said gassy it's a word i often use to describe the the in-between Trina's cast.

8:39They say, describe me in one word. I'd say bilious. Brilliant. It's constantly burping and farting. Send us your facts. Our email is hello at joeandjamespod.com. Our WhatsApp number is 07822034330. And you can follow us on socials at joeandjamespod. And you can also watch full episodes of this on YouTube. Just search for joeandjamesfactsup. Now, let's get fact up.

9:09Oh. All right. You guys have been sending in some interesting stuff for us to discuss. Thank God. Yeah. Dildo tubes have come back. Good, good. This is something that's been a real theme throughout this series. This is from James this time. It's been Joe for a couple of weeks, isn't it? Yeah, I feel like this is sort of in-Joe. Me and Joe have had to send in our own facts to get checked because no one's sending them in. We should have changed the name, shouldn't we? We should have done. We'll just make every fact from Joe or James. We'll just do that. Yeah. Well, we had two weeks on the trot from Joe, didn't we?

9:47We did. I think Lily May was sort of selecting for Joes. Yeah. Which, you know, I mean, if that's just what we're getting from the Joes, imagine what else is out there. Well, let's hear what the Jameses have got to say for a change. Okay. James says, just a quick story regarding the suck tubes from an earlier episode. Yeah, I think this is part three we're on now, isn't it? It was a while ago, so don't quote me on this. Tesco Superstore used to use the tubes to put money from the tills to the cash office. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Supermarkets used to do that. Yeah. If your till got too full. Yeah. Because obviously then you run the risk of like stick them up.

10:26Yeah. Hand over your cash. Yeah. Bonnie and Clyde. Yeah. So if they got too full, they'd put them in the suck tubes. Up it goes. Up it goes right in the hole. Yeah. Up to the bank. Up to the bank. Up to the bank. The members of staff would put excess cash into a big dildo-looking capsule with a screw-on cap. They would then put the big capsule into the tube system, press a play button. I didn't know that. And the cash slash capsule, that's difficult to say. Cash capsule. Cash capsule. It's our warm-up. That could be our warm-up. Yeah. Red lorry, yellow lorry. Yeah. Papakatape buoy is a big volcano.

11:07Yeah. Do you ever used to do that? I used to do Johnny Had a Head Like a Ping-Pong Ball. What's that song? The one about the horses. It's quite famous. I'll just sing it shall I? Johnny Had a Head Like a Ping-Pong Ball Johnny Had a Head Like a Ping-Pong Ball Johnny Had a Head Like a Ping-Pong Ball Like a Ping-Pong Ball Ping-Pong Ping-Pong Ping-Pong Ping-Pong Ping-Pong Ping-Pong Ping-Pong Ping-Pong Ping-Pong Ping-Pong Ping-Pong Ping-Pong Ping-Pong Ping-Pong Yeah. There's one of the warmups. Yeah. Did you think that warming up ever made any difference? I mean, I used to... I remember doing a play once and the other actors being on stage.

11:45I was in a play. Yeah. And I did do the warm-up in the play, yeah. I did sort of, because I was really out of my depth doing plays. As I've already discussed, any live stuff, I'm not comfortable with it because I just don't know what's going to happen. Tickets still available for Manchester? Tickets still available for Manchester. I do, no, but I'll be having a few beers. Obviously, when I'm doing a play, you can't drink. It's frowned on. I'll tell you what, I mean, back in the day, I think it was fine. Yeah. You know. Yeah, they all used to get sloshed, didn't they? Yeah. Well, the Mad Men era.

12:22I mean, people in offices were drunk. Who's that? Oh, sorry, Mad Men. Mad Men. So if you went to the theatre, I mean, definitely. Yeah, I can't, like Richard Harris and people like that, they'd be, they were fucking. I can't remember whether I've told this story on this podcast or not but one of those might have been Peter O'Toole yeah he was the other one he he was in a pub in London's West End absolutely rat arsed and a chap comes over to him I think you've told me this story have I told you on it? maybe and they were like mate you're supposed to be on stage no no it wasn't that Peter O'Toole said there's a wonderful play on next door come and watch it with me and the guy goes to the theatre with him and it's already started and Peter O'Toole says oh the next bit that comes up is really marvellous and the guy says what happens in it and Peter O'Toole goes oh fuck and he runs off and then he appears on stage right brilliant so you know can't get away with that these days no anyway Anyway, the cash capsule is sucked away.

13:37However, one genius criminal found the tube system in the roof above the toilets. So he locked himself in the cubicle, climbed up into the roof space and cut out a section of the tubes, but left the flap so that the suction would still work. But as the capsule came by, he stopped the capsule, stole the money, climbed back down from the ceiling and left the toilet a little richer. I think he got caught eventually because he got too greedy. But I like to think he had his own personal cash machine. I believe it was known as the 2007 pneumatic tube heist. I think James is why. I don't know. I don't know.

14:18The details feel like cutting a space but leaving a flap. It feels like the guy actually did have. It's got to be airtight, hasn't it? But I don't know. It feels like it might be true because of that point of detail And the point of being in the toilet cubicle, that sort of, it sort of rings true somehow. And I like he left the toilet a little richer. It's nicely written. Yeah. It was a lovely, good penmanship. We always feel like, whenever I leave the toilet, I always feel like I leave a little richer. I'm a bit more comfortable. I'm a bit lighter. A bit lighter. Yeah, normally you leave lighter, but this guy was leaving heavier.

14:54Heavier, yeah. Yeah. But James does say, thanks for the podcast. It's brilliant. so I know for a fact that that was a whole wind-up. Yeah, you had me until that bit about the podcast. Exactly. No one would say that.

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17:46Joe and James, Facts Up! But it is time for my facts. And did you know today is World Health Day, Joe? I'm sure you did know because we both had to come in with facts for it. So today we're bringing you some of the healthiest facts going. So you'll be getting two of your five a day, courtesy of us. Nice. if you need five facts a day you're only three right now um let me show you what i've been looking up um because i'm interested in um health yeah i think we all are aren't we yeah we all are um and i think it sort of might derail your uh facts because we were just chatting a little bit um but i wanted to know what are those things that have been advertised to us as very healthy and you know you should do this you should do more of this apples well i'll get to that in a second joe but are actually bad for you oh i see you want to know what are the category of things yeah um so i've got a couple of things here but if you think and it's a bit of a sort of slap in the face really because there'll be people listening going oh man i've been doing that because i thought yeah you know it was a good thing to do i wasn't even really enjoying it so it might be some good news it might mean that you get to stop doing that thing that you don't really like yeah um first all uh first up is um fruit juice fruit juice sounds healthy comes from a fruit but it's uh it can behave more like like fizzy drink in the body a lot of sugar yeah very high in sugar um there's no fiber because it's just juice so your blood sugar spikes quickly and it's easy to drink several fruits worth of calories in seconds.

19:41Better options, eat the whole fruit, which includes fiber and slow sugar absorption. A glass of orange juice can contain four to six oranges worth of sugar. And when you think about it, you wouldn't probably sit down and consume six oranges. No, you'd have one. You'd have one, maybe two. Maybe another one. Maybe two. If you're feeling fruity. Oh, dear. Oh, no. No, that's okay. That's fine. It meets the required standard. Absolutely. Believe me. Flavoured yoghurt. Yoghurt itself can be healthy, but many supermarket versions are basically dessert in disguise. Some contain 20 to 30 grams of added sugar, artificial flavourings and syrups.

20:31and it's a small amount of protein compared to plain yogurt. What's plain yogurt then? That's like... How do they make yogurt? I assume it's from milk. It's a dairy product, isn't it? It's milk with a culture in it that turns it into yogurt. So it's a culture, cultural thing? It's a cultural thing, yeah. So it's milk that appropriates... it's milk where you know an artist in residence goes in and says let's all um collaborate right you know a big better option better option for you joe um plain greek yogurt with real fruit or honey that's fine granola okay granola has come up i thought that was like people were going it wasn't that long ago that people were going granola mad why it's deceptive joe it's often baked with sugar honey or syrup it's very high calorie density and it's easy to eat 600 plus calories without even noticing a small bowl can equal a chocolate bars worth of calories it's stuff that that i think has a kind of root that's healthy yeah but has then been somewhat adulterated i can see the thing yogurt itself is healthy i think granola itself if it's if it's a mixture of like oats and like dried fruit and nuts i think it's sugar the sugar yeah it's if you're buying something that has had a lot of sugar added to it and perhaps other things as well hasn't there been some recent stuff come out about sugar let me rephrase that actually i forgot what podcasts were on there's been some recent stuff that's come out lately yeah about sugar joe yeah i'm gonna tell you i'm gonna inform you yeah we're not we're not asking no we're not asking to be no but um cancer cells feed off sugar and and um if you get rid of sugar if you just eliminate sugar um then you then you can starve them you can starve cancer cells and they die um that might there might be something to that and i'm sure that diet has a big impact on things like cancer yeah um but yeah it is cancer is obviously just such a complex disease it seems as though there's it has to be attacked from every possible angle so yeah why not why not attack it with from the diet angle as well Smoothies, same again, too much sugar.

23:12Yeah. Unless you've prepared it yourself. Because smoothies can be really healthy, can't they? Because it is just a mashed up bit of the fruit that you were going to eat anyway. So it does have the fibre in it. It's not as bad as fruit juice. Yeah, if you have something like a... This really doesn't work unless I can't remember what it's called. No. Should I carry on? And then you find out. you're fine. I don't even, I can't be bothered to find out what it's called.

23:42But yeah, loads of, unless you can make smoothies. I can't get a fire mix out of my head, but it's not that. You can make smoothies yourself, which I think a lot of people do, do. But if you get the store bought ones, some smoothie chains serve drinks with more sugar than fizzy drinks. Oh, but also I think it's this thing where you feel that you've got permission to eat this thing, to devour this thing really quickly. Yeah. Because it's healthy. So you think, oh God, just, Get it into me. One that I think we're all starting to clock on is low-fat foods. Low-fat craze led to some very misleading products.

24:16When fat is removed, companies often add sugar, refined starch, artificial flavorings. Fat actually helps with satiation. Yeah. So feeling full. Satiety and hormone balance. What's a satiety? Satiety? It might be satiety. Satiety. Yes, fullness. Or the sense of feeling full. Fat actually helps with satiety and hormone balance. So removing it can make foods less satisfying and more processed. I think that the common thread here basically seems to be there are no cheat codes when it comes to food. You need to eat real food. That's it. Yeah. Good rule is look at sugar content processing. Yeah, well, this is a thing that I've, you know.

25:09Often the healthiest foods are the least marketed. Eggs, vegetables, whole fruit, fish, and nuts. Of course, because who's profiting from, you know, the fish aren't going to advertise it, are they? No. Unless you can trademark it, no one's going to. But we are overfishing, aren't we? I believe we are. Yeah. We're destroying. Do you hear my stomach? I did hear that, yeah. Is it just because we're talking about food? I think it is incredibly simple. She's talking about fish. All this talk of fish is making me hungry. Honestly, I was in my head literally thinking of some salmon sizzling in a pan.

25:49Sizzling in a pan. I'm punching Judy. See, and if I was drunk now, my brain wouldn't be wandering off into this nonsense. If you were drunk now, you'd be on delivery ordering up a delicious fried salmon. Do you remember when you had to wake me up during a... Yeah, I remember that. When we were doing a press interview. You were asleep. I just fell asleep. I put some sunglasses on and fell asleep because it's so boring. They were asking you questions and I was trying to cover for you. Yeah. I was trying to intercede before the question reached you, going, well, I think what James is saying is that he did enjoy...

26:23I think some of them are on YouTube because there's... You woke up and said you'd been having a dream about a rhinoceros. That's right, yeah. I was like, that was weird, Joe. I was dreaming about a rhino. Not information that I could use at the time. Nor could the interviewer. I think there's some, some of them are on YouTube. I don't know. I don't think the thing of me actually asleep is on YouTube. But in my defense, we'd gone to, I think it was when we were in Australia. Maybe that wasn't. It might have been. Well. They are really boring. If by Australia, you mean. Oh, okay. Well, no, I don't know.

26:59It was with the radio. I think it was with the radio. Oh, right. Okay. Then I don't have an excuse. Well, it might have been. I was about to come up with an excuse. But I remember feeling really sleepy. You might have been tired. I mean, that's. I remember feeling really sleepy when I went to Australia because I was jet lagged. The jet lag was huge. And I did put some sunglasses on. And they always used to do this thing where they'd set up four. They'd set up two stools and two chairs because there's four of us. So two of us would sit at the back and two of us would sit at the front. And a couple of times I sat at the front for those interviews.

27:27And then after a while, I learned very quickly just to always sit at the back. and then I could put some sunglasses on and just sit like this. Because you're sat there for hours and hours and hours, by the way, because you have people come in and they've got like a minute with you and they're like timed and stuff. And they go, right, what can we expect from this new Inbetweeners film? And you answer the same question over and over again. You answer the same question. And I did. I was just falling asleep. a bit like now but you know let's so we've had but that was just some good that was just some good advice from Buckley I mean my diet's terrible I eat all the worst stuff but that's it that's all we need to know about that oh I've come out of the thing but I think oh no you're not on I pressed backwards is it that one you're just on It doesn't matter.

28:30I've not. You're just on Fruit Ninja. I see you going. Fruit Ninja. That's when I'll know. That was a while ago. That was a while ago. Fruit Ninja. I thought that was a comparatively up-to-date reference. Angry Pigs as well. Angry Pigs? Is that what it was called? Angry Birds? Angry Birds. Angry Birds. Angry Birds. Angry Birds. No, they were fired at pigs, weren't they? Yeah. Because I remember Damon. You had to kill the pigs. Do you remember Damon got obsessed with it? Yeah, Damon got obsessed with it while working on the Inbetweeners film. Where you're like, aren't you supposed to be? Yeah, we were in Malia or wherever it was.

29:09Not Malia. Magaluf. We were in Magaluf. And we were making the film. And we were trying to make the film. And Damon was coming up to me going, here, look, watch this one. He was going, I'm going to get you little piggies. He was like saying that to me. I was like, mate, you're going to be in charge. You're going to be running this show. I don't remember that. He shouldn't have been allowed an iPad. No, absolutely shouldn't have. Joe, it is time for fact check. Great. This is the part of the show where we read a fact or question that you'd like us to get to the bottom of. And then we're going to have a good old think during the break and we'll come back and let you know how true it feels to us and to decide whether it passes our fact check.

29:52Do you want to read it? Well, I've been invited by the document that's up on there. Yeah, it does say you read it. Okay. Go on, you read it. I'm just going to put my sunglasses on. Right, yeah. Okay, you go and check in with Mrs. Rhino. Okay, so this week's fact check comes from JVB, who has emailed us. Dear Jo, James, and Queen Lily May. She's not here. She's not here this week. Not here this week, but, you know, another royal. We've got King Pete. Yeah, we have. Who does have, you do have a bit of a Henry VIII. That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said. Young Henry. Yeah, young Henry. Young handsome Henry.

30:40Only got one wife though. Yeah. Yeah. Not pussy-legged fat boy. Great, thank you. You're welcome.

30:51um so yeah the i suppose he's ginger he's ginger yeah ginger and he's got a beard so the queen isn't here but you but we consider that you you're receiving a letter on you know headed paper from clarence house yeah saying that the queen has read your letter and was very very moved to hear that you know whatever yeah right so here we go i should say queen lilly may is absolutely devastated she's not in the room for this letter. Oh, she'll be alright. Yeah, she'll bounce back. Okay. Here we go. You ready? Yes. Bit of a long one. Apologies, but I'd like your ruling as to whether it's a fact that I may or may not have inadvertently invented dogging.

31:32Right. Okay. Okay. Obviously, this is quite long. It was the late 1980s. I was 16 and had somehow managed to attract my first girlfriend. One extremely hot summer evening, we spent an hour or so snogging in a local park, and much to my delight, her hand had been in my jeans and actually making physical contact with my very much virginal willy. Well, that's it. That's it. Completed it, mate. No conclusions were brought about. That's as good as it gets. But her graceful touch did ensure my tumescence would be a 10 on the MOHS scale. For the foreseeable future. For the foreseeable future. What's that?

32:15Pete, what's the M.O.H.S. scale? I mean, it says it's the scale Mineral Resistance, so I don't think that's right. Okay. Well, maybe it's... Oh, as in, yeah, it's like diamond hard. Yeah, so it's hard as a diamond, basically. Good. Okay. For the foreseeable future. Curfew looming, I walked my sweet temptress home, then set off for my home on my 12-speed racing bike. The transport of choice for the discerning teen at the time. Who is this guy? I like it. I'm sure you and all your male listeners remember how uncomfortable it was trying to contain a raging hard-on of youthful vigour inside a pair of jeans.

32:54Well, that discomfort multiplies exponentially while trying to ride a bike at the same time. I can imagine. I got half a mile, but it felt like my cock was being bent 180 degrees in the wrong direction. I know what you mean, honestly. And about to snap off at the mons pubis. It's very, there's a surprising amount of sort of technical language. You need a fucking glossary or something. The pain had to be lessened. I was in a quiet residential back street, so I dismounted and scanned up and down the road for signs of life, of which thankfully there were none. Then things happened very quickly. I unbuttoned the Levi's.

33:33The young fella, at last free of constraint, sprang out and found itself engulfed in the soothing evening breeze. This sudden release from confinement, mixed with the soft caress of mother... Soft caress of mother nature. It's not actually a caress though, is it? Proved too much for my penile powder keg, and it instantly went off. Wow. Jesus Christ. Liberally splattering the rear passenger window of the parked car beside me. This, right. Jesus. This sounds like a fucking cult. sure yeah this is like the one about i i was i was merely trying to climb up to my bedroom window i fell down i slipped and fell i slipped and fell my my trousers and pants both fell down i fell onto the bottle of ketchup with horror i now saw that behind the window was the face of an incredulous bloke staring back at me through the gobbets of my of my white hot jizz nice it became instantly apparent that he he'd been enjoying a bit of backseat carnal congress with a lady friend what the fuck is the late age just everyone just fucking ejaculating all the time in what he thought was a secluded area where they'd be undisturbed instead he glanced up only to be saved by a couple of millimeters of glass from a substantial facial courtesy of a 16 year old boy i jumped back on my bike and began pedaling like my life depended on it oblivious to the fact my cock was still out and still standing to attention but all too aware of the muffled screams from the bloke's girlfriend ringing out behind me in conclusion i don't remember hearing about docking until the early 2000s and this all took place in the late 1980s so did i accidentally invent it maybe the bloke told some mates a few of whom thought being watched by strangers while making the beast with two backs, genuinely a Shakespearean reference, in a car sounded good.

35:31Or maybe the bloke and his lady friend found it very much floated their boat and actively pursued it thereafter. So I'd appreciate your decision as to whether it's a fact that I invented dogging or not. Cheers, JVB. Full name anonymised, obviously. Yeah, so, yeah. Right, let's have a little break and we'll get into this. Okay. Joe and James, Facts Up!

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38:41Okay, right. So I've just eaten. I've just eaten some corn. corn and corn chips corn and corn chips barbecue flavoured barbecue flavoured coated peas crunchy corn chips but if you don't like corn chips go on don't worry because there's also corn there's also corn in there okay right here we go we are trying to get to the bottom of JVB's story who claims to have accidentally invented dogging um so my first well is that i i don't i think dogging um like was i i think this kind of was the era of dogging yeah i think i don't think it was like this was the first i wouldn't be surprised if it was late 70s early 80s where dogging um started and the only reason i know that is because we did a tv show that was set in the early 80s and there was a dogging storyline yeah my characters like oh i've heard of this thing called dogging we should all get involved and it just ended up us being in a car in a forest with a load of men wanking over us i don't know was that this show or was that no um that was that was my other dream yeah um yeah i like the jvb has stayed anonymous um if that's your initials they seem quite specific.

40:14Middle initial as well. Yeah, middle initial, JVB, and also the way you talk and write. Yeah. You know, her hand had been in my jeans and actually making physical contact with my very much virginal willy. It's quite... All that sort of stuff. It's quite... Curfew looming. It's very descriptive. There's quite a big vocabulary. Yeah. I think you've narrowed yourself down, mate. I think there'll be people listening to this going, oh, that's Jason Victor. Or is it like... Broome. Or is it like Van Basten? Maybe. We're looking for a fellow from the Low Countries. Yeah, maybe. But, yeah, I think we're just going to go straight into this one, Joe, just because we do have some prior knowledge on dogging, because we were in a show that featured...

41:07the timeline the timeline I think doesn't work for this to have been the invention of dogging I think dogging was definitely something happening before the late 80s definitely early 80s and I'm not sure I'm not sure that the early 2000s were the birth of dogging I mean that was that was the era of the you know the Millennium Dome there wasn't an area in the Millennium Dome where they were like oh look this is in a few years' time, we'll all be, you know, we'll have smartphones, dogging. That's going to be... There was that body exposition. Oh, yeah, that, yeah. So everyone was entering that body, weren't they?

41:50That's sort of dogging. Yeah. Well, you know, I mean... Is that right? Am I misremembering that? There was a great big body that you could walk through or something. I did go to Millennium Dome. Yeah, I couldn't work out whether it was supposed to be... whether I'm supposed to be learning, whether I'm supposed to be having fun. I just remember I got it. It was the Blue Peter problem. It was like, is it, which one is it? What do you want from me, Blue Peter? What do you want? Is it supposed to be a laugh when I'm supposed to be learning? Blue Peter was too much learning for me. I was like, I've just fucking finished school.

42:19If you're trying to teach me, I'd rather know. I want to know. Yeah. I didn't mind news rounds, though. I quite like news rounds. It was good for kids. It was quite short, wasn't it? It was only about six minutes. Oh, there was one of the news round readers. I was just in love with her. I think her name was Lily, actually. I might be wrong. Okay. Those were the days. Got to drink more. Got to drink more. But yeah, no, dogging was definitely about... What you did there was you just wanked. You went down an alley and wanked over a couple and then ran away, then rode away on your bike with your cock still out.

43:06Oh, dear. Oblivious to the fact my cock was still out. Oh, is that still out? I was completely oblivious. Imagine turning up to the office and people are like, oh, what's going on there? You go, oh, God, is that out? I was completely oblivious to that. Thanks for letting me know. That would have been embarrassing. Oh, dear. I'm saying no, it's not fact up. Yeah, it's not the invention of dogging, is it? Have we got some, King Peter, have we got some actual information about dogging? Yeah, I have had to Google on my work laptop the history of dogging. Brilliant. So the term exploded into public awareness between 2003 and 2005.

43:53That's when dogging became mainstream is what it says here. But the term dogging is known to have existed from around the 1970s. So it came into public awareness in 2008? Well, that's when it went mainstream. I think it was very underground. It was very sort of, and so it fucking should be. But then dogging got that big deal with Tesco. Yeah, they did a big collab. Yeah, it won Britain's Got Talent, didn't it? And then dogging won Britain's Got Talent. No, it won the first pop idol. The first Pop Idol. Yeah, the one that everyone forgets about. Everyone forgets about everyone. They forget that, don't they?

44:29But actually, the very first Pop Idol was won by dogging. Oh, God. 2003, everyone was at it. Everyone was dogging. Oh, God, do you remember? And everyone was getting it for Christmas, weren't they? Yeah. Dogging. It was family fun. Yeah. Oh, God. So what? Oh, that takes me back. So there we go. There's some information about dogging for you. I can't. I must have. I can't. Oh, well, anyway. It was made illegal in 1986. so there was 16 years of legal dogging. Wow. It was made illegal in 1986. What's illegal about it though? It got its big breakthrough in 2003. What's illegal about it? It's probably like public indecentes.

45:07Public Order Act. Yeah, voyeurism and exhibitionism. Right. It's not really exhibitionism though, is it? I don't know, man. I think they're usually pretty, from what I know about dogging, Joe. But you have to work quite hard. They're pretty well organised. And also, I've driven through places and mates have been like, that's a well-known dogging site down there. You go, all right. So they know where it's about. So you sort of go, I won't go down. If I'm not into dogging, I'll avoid it. It seems very unlikely that you would accidentally see some dogging. Yeah. It's like, oh, God, I was just in the forest in the middle of the night for no reason.

45:47Yeah, exactly. And now I've seen these exhibitionists shoving it in my face. If it was two o 'clock in the afternoon, I think that would be out of order. Yeah, if you were doing it on the fourth plinth in Tafal Square. If it's post-watershed, if it's after nine o 'clock and you're in a forest car park or something, then what do you expect? Yeah, exactly. I wouldn't make it illegal. It makes people happy-dogging, doesn't it? What's wrong with that? If the people doing it like it and the people watching like it, I don't really... What the world needs now, Joe, is love. Sweet love. That's it. All you need is...

46:25Do you want to know where the capital of dogging in the UK is? Nottingham. Can I actually guess? Yeah, go on. I'm going to say Essex. I'm going to say Birmingham, Leicester, Nottingham. It's somewhere in the middle. What it says here, it's New Forest Car Park or Clapham Common. Wow. Clapham Common. So it is in the south. I got that right. Yeah. New Forest. Where's New Forest? Well, it's Henry VIII's former... That's why Pete knows about it. It's Henry VIII's former hunting forest. He got it so that he could go hunting. Go hunting, yeah. And Scotch Corner Services became a hot... Right. Scotch Corner.

47:07Where's that? That's up where the A1 meets another road. I have to go past that when I'm... A66. Yeah, that's right. and then you end up driving past the place with llamas. Huh. That is true. And there's a great big fucking, there's always a traffic jam there because people slow down to look at these llamas. And the doggers. And the dogging. Joe. Okay, so we've done that, haven't we? We've done that. Yeah. I'm scared to say. Have you got a fact for me, Joe? Yes. Please be good. right so my um oh yeah joe's fact's gonna be good he's brought his kindle i've actually bought kindle him because joe this is actually because joe is a 57 year old woman this is a really really old uh kindle i don't even know why i've said that it is quite although and it's actually it's just beginning to break it's got a little um wow so we are led to believe that like i'm liking this already we're led to believe that we can lose weight by exercising yes because we burn lots of calories when we exercise yeah people with very very active lifestyles burn if you burn more calories than you ingest, the inevitable conclusion is that you should be lighter.

48:37Yes. And the argument often seems to go, one of the reasons we have lots of people with health problems and maybe like having overweight, which I think is that you say you're suffering from overweight. I think that is literally... Suffering from weight. You know, you say having overweight. I can't wait. I've heard it used in a different way. Anyway, so people with more weight than they like, than they would want, and maybe it's affecting their health, we're often led to believe that it's because they have very sedentary lifestyles and it's not what's going into their body. The problem is the fact they're not burning it off.

49:19It's kind of not really true. It's not really true. And so this is the book. I'm getting heavier as I get older, but I wasn't an active young man. Well, partly that's, I think, the faster metabolism of you. That's it, yeah. But even so, people often say, well, it would be all right to eat lots of chocolate bars and drink lots of sugary drinks if you were a coal miner and you were burning 8 ,000 calories a day. Yeah, if people go to the Antarctic or something, then they take chocolate bars with them or something like that. But actually, the number of calories you burn per day isn't that different, irrespective of whether you're sitting in an office all day, you're a coal miner, or even if you have a kind of hunter-gatherer lifestyle.

50:06So this book is Ultra Process People by Chris Van Tullican. And there was this thing going around that coal miners burned 8 ,000 calories a day. But no one had ever really checked that. Somebody just sort of made that up. Yeah. kind of entered the kind of it'd become like common parlance so then i'm just quoting now it turned out that no one actually measured coal miners in those studies the data were all based on surveys and assumptions about time use when a team from the usa and turkey actually measured coal miners with heart rate monitors they found that the miners burned between 2100 and 2800 calories per day the same as the rest of us and the same goes for uh studies of some people called the Hadza a population of hunter-gatherers living in savannah woodland in northern Tanzania the results were so surprising the team recalculated them again and again convinced they had to be wrong because very much contrary to expectations the number of calories that Hadza adults burn was found to be very similar to that of American and European populations so So essentially, this is good news.

51:14The idea that you can eat a load of junk food, but it's all right because you can burn it off. Yeah. It's not really true. And it's basically a myth that's propagated by the fast food industries so that they can say it's all right. Our food isn't unhealthy if it's causing you to put on weight because of your sedentary lifestyle. And that's why there are so many sponsorship deals with football teams, et cetera. It just comes down to, but I think even. If you want to lose weight is diet. Yeah. You need to eat differently. Even personal trainers, people that work, people that aren't – because there are a lot of them.

51:48I think there is an appetite, for want of a better word. Not bad, actually. And I get them come up on my Instagram for personal trainers and people that are into fitness and stuff like that, actually dispelling myths and saying, listen, I know – Yeah, I get some of this. People will say to you, if you do this, you'll have abs and arms like Schwarzenegger or whatever. Yeah. And they'll go, it's just not true. A lot of stuff is genetics. You can do as much lifting and you will get stronger. You will get physically stronger or whatever. You can always, but you might not look like a bodybuilder or whatever.

52:27It just comes down to how you're made up. And then they also go, look, it's 90%, if that, maybe more. What you put in. what you're eating. Yeah. I wouldn't, I'd still say there's definitely There's a huge benefit to exercise. Absolutely, yeah. But the benefit is not that it will allow you to eat a load of shit and you can just burn it off. It's not that and it might not be, the benefits might not be aesthetic. But I do, I do genuinely think, I genuinely think that exercise is better for mental health more than sort of physical health. I agree with that. Unless you're like me where for a couple of years of my life I took it too seriously and it became yeah you got a bit it became I became obsessed with it you went a bit odd didn't you yeah you were running a bit I can't do stuff too much this is why I can't like I'm so lucky I've never got into drugs like yeah like because I am just like I do you take it to the max yeah I'm just like all or nothing if I'm going to do something I'll do it or I won't 99 % of times I do nothing but if there's that but you really do nothing if there's that thing yeah I'll really fucking do nothing yeah um day off yeah yeah just a bit yeah yeah but if i do sort of get into a um a routine a gym routine i'm like i go to the gym like i was going to the gym i had like a little uh a treadmill at home and stuff like i was just on at one point in my life every single day i was like spending like six hours on the treadmill but not sprinting or anything like that i just had it in my head oh I'm going to spend I've got the day off I'm going to spend these next six hours doing nothing I can do that while I'm on the treadmill and I will just walk for a minute and then jog for a minute and I would do that for about six hours while watching a film or watching three films sometimes I would do sometimes when I'm at home I think I'm going to do like six loads of laundry right fuck it I thought you were going to say sit-ups sit-ups I don't know why I thought that when I'm at home I'm going to do six sit-ups.

54:30I haven't done a sit-up for some time. No. Do you have a plank? I do a lot. No, boring. Really boring. It is a boring... I do a lot of sit-downs. I used to do five minutes. What? I could do a five-minute plank. Now? Not now. Right. I used to. When we did... Well, I say we. I was in it. You weren't in this one. The festival. Yes. I was in the shape of my life. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. For you. I was doing no carbs, everything. Because I was paranoid that I'd look old. Because I was going to be playing a studum. I was 30. Right. But it was stupid. Because I think students are probably not in particularly good shape.

55:08Because they spent three years sort of sitting around and drinking beer. Yeah. No, yeah. Stressing out and not sleeping. Yeah. Yeah. I could do a five-minute plank. That's really good. I was in good shape. I never bothered doing a plank. It seems boring. But that's good news, Joe. Like, it's sort of not good news. It's hopeful news. Yeah. In that don't, you know, because it is difficult getting down the gym. It's difficult finding that time to go for a jog. It's difficult to do that every day and to be strict on it. But the little things you can do, like eat a bit less and eat a bit better, that will do way more than going for a jog is what you're saying, basically.

55:47Absolutely. And it's not, you know, with your fact, I think we've covered quite a lot of territory here. Because, again, it's not about even eating less. It's just about eating actual food. like food that's actually food. The things that you mentioned, apples and eggs and all those things. Work smarter, not harder. Exactly. I love that saying. Yeah. I feel that's a get out of jail free card for me though. It covers a multitude of sins, doesn't it? I'm not saying nothing. I'm working smarter. Oh, hard work? No, no, no. Smart work. Smart work. Why? What's the smart work you're doing? Well, I'm putting this off till tomorrow.

56:21Yeah. So I don't have to do it now. Yeah. Brain smart. Yeah. Let's wrap this up. what have we learned today we've learned that sugar's bad for you thank god thank god we finally learned that um we've learned that um dogging started in the 70s and we've also learned that if you you shouldn't beat yourself up for not getting down the gym as much as maybe it's it's you know society says instagram tells you to um but just maybe just maybe eat a bit better and you'll be fine everything will work out we'll be back next week armed with more facts chats and dirty window splats. And don't forget that you can get in touch with us if you'd like us to fact check something that feels true to you or whatever nonsense you want to get to me and Joe.

57:05Our email is hello at joeandjamespod.com. Our WhatsApp is 07822034330. And you can follow us on social media at joeandjamespod. Don't worry. Next episode, I'll be back on the train. I'm going to be fucking hammered. I'm going to be so drunk for the next episode. We'll be back. We'll be back on form. if you've missed or I haven't said that information correctly all that stuff is in the podcast description there we go, Bosh, there's another episode, sorry about that bye guys, bye

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