Ep 29: The Launch Box with Dior Bediako - answering all your questions!

0:16We loved your launch box. You were the first ever launch box. I was. And we loved it so much. And I just think it kind of has really spiralled the conversation into what a life coach is. And obviously we broke that down before. But also I think people really understanding the need to have one. But obviously it's not something that everybody can access. So I thought it would be such a good idea to do a Q &A where we have listeners questions and you kind of really dig into those. I'm excited. give a good bit of feedback um but we loved it we love you so much so are you ready i am let's go this is going to be like a real rocket round marathon marathon of christians absolutely that um the first one i think is a is a really good place to start is i'm about to start my own business how do i know which area to focus on first so because when i'm coaching someone i can dig in and really figure out okay what is the business where you're trying to take it all of those things we don't have this information here so I will still give information that is somewhat generic but actually so specific because I think everybody needs to do this okay so what it is is you need to first figure out what is the business I'm building as in what is the goal what is a specific goal that I'm trying to achieve with this business right once you have that reverse engineer the process and do the research to figure out how you get to that specific goal because there could be a million things you want to do with the business have one just one main thing which makes people sick because they're like i want to do this and this i'm like no just spirals doesn't it and that one thing i call it a future self goal that one thing is the thing that makes everything else either irrelevant or more possible it's in the book the one thing can't remember who wrote it but it's basically about really zeroing on one intention so i'd say figure out what is the one goal you want for your business and then reverse engineer that process create a pathway to from where you are to that goal be clear on that you do not need to know every single step because as you take steps i believe clarity comes from action so the more you do the more you'll figure out how to do more but just have a clear kind of view imagination is really important in business so is information marry the two together see where you need to go be clear on what the steps are and then take the first part of that actually order the steps so then you have all these different steps put it in one clear line and say okay i'm gonna go from here to here on this route right then take the first step it's almost like the first step is working backwards from the last step almost like the end yeah so you have the end in mind start everything with the end in mind right so have the end in mind be clear on okay the possible path that can get me there be committed to that path and then be clear again on the first step of that path yeah and where a lot of people go wrong is they try to do the first five steps at once all together with no team yeah nobody knows you yeah and you're you've completely overwhelmed yourself Before you've even begun.

3:29And I think that is, that is, you're right. The overwhelm is, I think, the, is the main route that puts everybody on pause. And you think, I'll do that in a minute, because it's quite overwhelming. I'll think about that next month. Yeah. Oh, next year, I'm going to start that where you could start now. If you had more clarity. And even on the topic of overwhelm, we spoke about in the last conversation, every emotion comes from your thought, not the circumstance. Yes. Every emotion. So if you feel overwhelmed, it's not because the situation is overwhelming. It's because of what your brain is telling you about the situation.

4:01So then you have to stop and think, OK, I'm overwhelmed. Why? Not the situation. It's what I'm thinking. And what I'm thinking is there's so much to do. Yes. OK. Well, change that thought. Make it a thought that doesn't create overwhelm for you. right so the thought can be this is such an exciting journey so that's just to eradicate overwhelm eradicate every emotion can there's no prescribed emotion we spoke about this last time for any situation so you can completely have an amazing business journey with no overwhelm based on your thinking but back to the question take that first step literally and then break down that first step even further so we just keep breaking things down yeah we're just breaking down breaking down breaking down so you go big and wide what is the big goal create the pathway get clear on that pathway marry information and imagination so you know how to do it but you can also see yourself doing it then take the first step of that thing and then just do that and if you want to take it even further break it down even further put it in like a quarterly plan so say for the next three months I'm only doing this one thing and that one thing can be like creating the social media getting clear on the customer and um doing product market fit let's say for example and you just go all in on that first step and you're like three months which means consistent posting which means maybe some um customer interviews which means testing out some things on social media it can mean um putting the product in different environments and see how people interact with it and just stick to that for the for the time that you've said yes and just Keep going with it.

5:33And then the next step, you know what the next step is. And then slowly introduce that. Do not overwhelm yourself. It's like forward planning, isn't it? Really forward planning and sticking to that. And of course, that course of action will always change. It will change. But giving yourself that starting, you know, and we're off. Clarity. It's like the mental clarity. And then what happens is you leave room for serendipity, for the things that you can't even plan for. And also the bad things. And I think it does quite quickly become clear as you're doing that. And as that plan is evolving, it does become clear what you need to focus on more.

6:10You know, it that will it kind of rolls out. What is essential will reveal itself, isn't it? OK, next question is, this is a good one. Do you have an advice on how to make an idea happen when you're scared to start? It goes back to those steps, but being scared to start. I find that quite, because I know that that's a really common thing, but actually you don't want to be scared when you're about to start something you love. That's not an emotion that you want to feel. I actually think, okay, this is how I'll describe it. There's no emotion that's a bad emotion. Right. even though we call some we don't as humans we don't like to be scared right so if there's something that you're like I'm desperate to do this but we do when I was like learning coaching when I was training and I learned with the life coach school Brooke Castillo she's incredible she said people choose to be scared all the time as in you will go and sit in the cinema and watch a horror movie that is a choice I am not that girl yeah neither am I check me out of that like you're so right because I will talk to my husband he'll be like we have to watch this tonight yeah everyone's talking about it it's amazing Rochelle it's so good we have to watch it I'm like, define good.

7:22I'm going to bed anxious. I now can't sleep because I think there's a boogeyman under my bed. Like, why are we doing this? So that's not for you. But if you did choose to watch it, it just means that you're choosing fear intentionally. So I would say fear is not inherently a bad thing because if it's measured and controlled where you're watching a movie and you know it's not real, it's okay. Whatever happens after happens after, right? When you can't sleep. But actually when you're watching it, you're like, I'm scared because I'm watching a movie with actors it took it's like being rational about exactly so I would say to this person first of all your question feels like you're kind of indulging in this fear so it's not it's a question but it's not really a question how do I start when I'm scared to start well do you want to start because it's like you're just basking in the fear so that's one thing if I was coaching them I would say just listen to yourself properly it's almost like you're enjoying the fear a bit too much yeah and making it more important in this situation but there is a healthy amount of fear which is fine i think we all should have an element of fear in everything we do and why i say that i'd liken it to taste not taste sorry pepper so when something's spicy when we're eating it it's not actually the taste pepper experiencing pepper in your food and i'm going somewhere with this experience i mean i don't know what it is it's it's it's pain pepper is pain so when someone's like oh i can't take spice it depends on your ability to experience that pain pepper is not actually a taste it's not really flavor it's your tolerance to that pain so like flavors are like sweet spicy so pepper isn't on that list it is a tolerance to pain and we choose i really like spicy foods that means that my tolerance but yes our tolerance for pain i know i've got a high pain threshold exactly yeah so that and pain to somebody else is horrible it's an awful thing but you're like oh i can take pain yeah and that's what i would say to fear so think about it like pepper where it's like okay well your the amount of fear you're experiencing is too much for your tolerance which means it's causing you to freeze it's like if you're eating a spicy food yeah and it's too spicy it means that you can't tolerate that amount of pepper so you need to you can still eat spicy things but reduce the pepper so i would say to them you can still start the business once you reduce the fear it's okay to have some fear still there it's that classic line of feel the fear and do it anyway exactly and don't try and eradicate fear completely back to the food analogy it's like salt's bad for you salt's bad for you but in a healthy moderation it's okay yeah you can have salt in your food so it's like fear is okay you can have fear in your life in your on your business journey but the amount you have is not good for you because it's causing you to pause right so it's saying okay how do i then so Her question should be, how do I reduce my fear so that I have a healthy amount of fear that still causes me to, allows me to take action?

10:13And don't expect that those moments aren't going to be there because running a business, starting a business, scaling a business, thriving in that business, there's always going to be stuff that you're fearful of. Always, exactly. So just reduce the amount you're experiencing. And then back to what we said before, every emotion comes from your thought. And then do you think the more that you, like you say, reduce that, do you think then you build that tolerance? Because I really believe that. You do emotional, you build capacity to experience emotions. So like emotional resilience, basically, which means intentionally putting yourself in situations where you feel that emotion and allowing yourself to experience it so that you grow capacity to just sit with it.

10:52It's like you saying Marvin likes scary movies. It's because once upon a time he watched it and he thought, it's not actually that scary. So he's created capacity to watch it. Yeah. Whereas another person's like, I can't, I would advise that person, watch it sit with it tell yourself some truths about what's happening and create the capacity to experience more of it so with with this lady don't tell that to marvin please he's gonna have you in the cinema there's a scary movie in the cinema right now that everyone's going to watch so let me not say too much because he might force you but i'd say to this lady whoever this is like it's all character building to your sense build that build yeah build the emotional capacity but to this wonderful lady who wants to launch for now reduce the fear you're feeling so that you can take action and do that by practically talking to yourself about what it is you fear actually write down what it is you're scared of and prove to yourself why that's not true there will still be some fear that persists but bring it down so you can take action and then once you take action put yourself in fear inducing situations to increase capacity for more fear and you always surprise yourself yeah you put yourself out there and actually I would guarantee like 98 percent of the time you'll be like I'm pleased I did that because it a wasn't as bad as I was building it up to be or you know yeah it's important test yourself okay next one if you're feeling completely lost in life where do you start that's a big question it's not that big because whenever I work with people who say things like that they are like they are expanding a small problem it's I don't ever think people are completely lost in life you know how big that is it means you just can't do anything yeah which is not it's never true it's never ever true no one is completely lost in their entire life so I would say pinpoint the area maybe you feel lost in a few areas which one is most pressing or which one do you feel is more manageable to work on first okay right so again lost would you say lost is a feeling would you say lost is a feeling i feel lost yeah yeah i think it is a feeling yeah it's somewhat because again it's to it's not i'm gonna feel like i'm being like you yeah i can hear it no but it isn't it's not neutral is it you could feel lost but that would for me that's found yeah because it depends where you're where you think it should be oh my gosh i've nailed it guys go rachel i've nailed it so you've taken me 5 000 years yeah but i would say they're not completely lost be careful of like i love words i love language i'm very particular my friends hate me for this but saying i'm completely lost is just exaggerated language yeah and be careful of saying things like that because you drag every area of your life yeah it's quite a flower for yourself to to talk about you know yourself like that exactly that's not going to fill you up no no so pinpoint the area where you feel lost and then take steps towards a small step towards just stepping out of that like dark wood or whatever you would call it just take one small step at a time also remind yourself of the areas where you don't feel lost and where actually you can take immediate action to prove to yourself that i'm doing all right yeah exactly that and like feeling a little bit more assured i think one small step and you kind of it's that's almost like self-rewarding isn't it when you complete something that was feeling quite heavy then that gives you more motivation for the next and then so on and so on build that momentum um let's talk about career changes now uh this question is uh i'm a senior manager at law firm but i want to change career at 40 what would your advice be we've had a couple of these actually the second question around career is very similar that again advice for a career change at the age 38 so similar sort of ages yeah um which is interesting actually that that would feel like a big time to change would you class 40 as middle age now?

14:59I mean I hate that term anyway I think it is but it's quite a to some they would find that scary like I should have it figured out by 40 I should have it figured out by 38 which I couldn't disagree with more I'm like pivot always the pivot I love I live for that but it's quite that can weigh quite heavy especially if you've been in a really predicted route your whole life like a predicted journey yeah so like a lawyer for example that's likely something that you've known you wanted to do that you've started you were young but you've kind of exactly and every decision you've made and I would say to that person congratulations you have done exactly what I teach which is you created a vision for your future self and you have taken the steps to become that person you saw a clear image of lawyer you went to school for it when it got hard you stayed consistent you passed the bar you went and got the job you did all the things right fantastic amazing now create a new vision for a future self five ten years in the future and just do what you know to do you're amazing like you've done yeah the hard work already you've proven that you have grit you've proven you have imagination determination all of the things now use that for the next chapter of your life don't look at it as oh my god i'm lost look at it as i'm going to use or the experience I have to now create the next version of me.

16:22Yes. And nobody wants to be the same version of themselves forever. It's actually really important that we keep reinventing ourselves. And I think that's, I think those kind of years are quite crucial for that. Like that, that is a kind of a bit of a sort of a, a mark in the sand where you're like, actually, which is probably where this idea has come from. I don't want to do this forever. I don't want to be here forever, but actually maybe I should, because I've worked so hard and I've grown at this law firm. And, you know, the next step is only beyond this. But actually this isn't what I want.

16:56You know, I think it's quite a, it's a brave thing to admit. It's so brave. It is so, so, so. And it's, how I see it is a former version of you decided for a future version of you and got you here. Yes. Now you're the former version of your future self. Yes. Let's go again. Yeah. just do it again literally you've done it you've proved that you can do it decide again like let's go i think it's so exciting what happens though is you don't benefit from what i would say a younger person has which is that like ignorance is bliss you have no idea of the journey you don't know what's ahead of you don't know how hard it's going to be find that youthful energy again yeah there's women who i look up to who like joe elvin for example she was the editor of glamour love joe oh i love joe so much editor of glamour for like 20 plus years i remember being young really young and getting glamour and seeing her name and then meeting her in my 20s and being like she's amazing that's my beyonce and i remember what a big deal it was because we would you know we'd known joe for a long time at that point and when she left glamour that was like no one could believe it exactly why is she leaving grammar why you know she's she i believe she went to you magazine from glamour and then i think it was like a big charity as well but she just and i remember speaking to her and she was just so she's like let's see let's see like let's see what the future holds and i that stuck with me because it was like when people say let's see i think they're saying oh you'll see what i see in myself right do you know what i'm saying it's like let's see i'm bringing you in on my vision yeah i see already i think all of us see for ourselves all of us so many people say i don't know i don't know where i want to go i don't know what you do just be honest you see but you want other people to buy into it and then that's when you feel like it's qualified now it makes sense yeah but i would say if you see guarding sorry to cut you but i do think you i hear that a lot too like i don't really know and i don't where i want to be let's see what happens there's two ways of like that framing itself i think some people sort of deliver that in a guarded way because if it doesn't happen like it's like managing expectations for everyone else and themselves like if it doesn't happen i haven't over committed and i haven't said this is what i'm going to be doing next so nobody is expecting x and then if it does happen poof we've got them surprise them yeah do you know what i mean i think there's that little bit of like and again we spoke about that before that kind of like embarrassment to fail loudly yeah i love the bravery of like i always say my goals online publicly if i do not achieve my goals rochelle i dare anyone to be like ha ha do you're shame you didn't get it in what world does that actually happen i would just okay what are you doing tell me about the big brave things you're doing because as a result of pursuing things even if you miss the mark you get more of yourself something else falls on your lap and even like something else is great but i think in life we just want to meet more of ourself yeah and even in i think in failure more than success we meet more of ourself because you admit things to yourself you see yourself in a new light you you're honest about that i really wanted that and it didn't go i just think you meet just another version of yourself that you wouldn't have had you not gone for it had it not failed had it not succeeded all these things so yeah i dare someone to go up to another person and say ha ha it didn't work it didn't work out for you it actually did yeah it actually did yeah and the way that it was supposed to yeah um let's talk about self work because we've got quite a few questions here um the first one is how do you find your purpose big question huge that's why i posed big big question you ready for a big answer i know i've written about this actually my newsletter so i'll use myself as an example right i pieced together all the random things i liked and called it a career period like that that is it when i was working in fashion going into the office every week i was still this person but just in a different capacity okay and i was learning how to develop one side of it and then when i started pepper your talk when it was like more of a fashion career support system i developed another side of myself and every time i do something different i just develop a different side of do and i'm getting closer and closer there's no finished version by the way as well there's so many features you can keep creating once i hit my future self i'm on to the next That's why someone's a 40 year old lawyer trying to be something else.

21:34Right. Because you hit a future self and you want another one. Yeah. So I think finding your purpose is about doing what comes so truly, naturally, beautifully to you and just doing it in the way you know how at that time. Right. And then if another layer is revealed and you feel the call to pursue it, do it. That's it. Like I look at people like Oprah and she had a TV, she was on the radio. Yeah. TV show, magazine, production company. It's like different flavors of the same thing. Yeah. And it's just layering, layering, layering different ways to express who you know yourself to be. That is it.

22:11Tell me if I'm right when your career, do you feel like actually it's always just been about Rochelle, but I've just expressed a different side of me and I'm just doing all the things I love. And I think this is why I always talk about that pivot element because I think people really like to give you a lane. And there's a lane and that's where you're supposed to be. So I was in a girl group. So my lane at that point would probably be doing music, pop music, and maybe having a solo album. But that's not what I wanted. I wanted to go into TV. And at the time it was a little bit like, well, why would you want to?

22:47Because that's what I want to do. and then I, you know, and so on and so forth and everything that's evolved. But I think as people, I don't just like clothes. Yeah. I also like skincare and I also like going to the gym and I also love my family and I also enjoy hanging out with my friends and I love my job and whatever, you know, the list could go on and on and on because as people we're multifaceted and we're allowed to like more than one thing and that's sort of the way that I've built my career you know being authentically me and in that same way that i'm passionate about baby skincare i also love podcasts which is why we're doing this i also am very passionate about women which actually i've managed to make that align exactly i love networking and everything in between so i think there's ways of kind of you don't have to streamline yourself i really don't believe that expression will build and grow yeah and it will all be you and the purpose is just like the one thing that ties it all together so like for me i love giving people access to information that's just i just love it if i read a book i want to tell you about it if i listen to a podcast i want to tell you but that doesn't mean that you do that in one avenue no so you don't say i've now launched peppy or talk and that's the only place i'm going to do that you do live appearances exactly speak you come on podcast you because there's so many different ways that you can and think the purpose is you it's like how you support the world how are you of service how do you give that's the purpose and it's so simple and then the expression i think most people they're not trying to figure out their purpose because they know what the thing they love is and yeah they're trying to figure out what is the expression the ultimate expression of this that's what i hear when people say what is my purpose and i'm like the expression listen just pick one thing for now the thing that you feel called to do for now it will build and it will grow just zone in on like what is so authentically you that's your purpose it's so simple don't complicate it yeah don't overthink all right next one yeah i love this prompts to ask yourself on a day that you are doubting yourself i i always default actually to my goal okay which sounds like it's not a prompt right but for me it's reminding myself of the mission why am i doing this because my goal my future self goal is very specific and it's been vetted to ensure that not only does it build the business it builds me right so when I feel down or doubtful I remind myself of the specific goal that I'm going for and I remind myself that if I stop or if I allow negative emotions to consume me I don't get to not just have the business I don't get to be that woman and she's way more important to me than money the business I love my community but ultimately I have to think about me first um and i really really want to meet that woman in totality i'm elements of her now and every day as i take steps towards building the business i become more and more of her but i want to see that full picture come true so doubt doesn't support me in doing that so i remind myself do you if you stop if you allow these negative thoughts to consume you you don't get to have that goal you don't get to be that woman yeah and you can take a step back breathe remind yourself of who you are and then keep going yeah it's just not it's not letting that it's always like if you was to break it down it's like not letting this doubt and this funk you're in for a half an hour an hour that day beat the future self because that's that doubt then defining me when i've already defined me in my future yeah so this small feeling and i'm gonna make it small because doubt can feel big but make it small and just don't make it bigger than where you're going yeah oh that's powerful that is very powerful um oh I like this how do you balance living in the now but also taking steps for your future self I love that question why I love it is because people think the now is different to the future and what I mean by that is there is no now anything we're doing now is either more of the past or more of the future right so by saying I'm living in the now by default if you have a future self and you're living to meet your future self is living in the future you're actually being that future self today right so you wait and i'll break it down so you wake up and you think what would my past self do maybe snooze my alarm and go back to bed what my future self do should just get up straight away mel robbins 5 4 3 2 1 get in the shower that's what my future self would do and that's how you live in the now by constantly thinking about the future you're building and how you use today to build that so people think there's a difference between now and the future there is time is the difference right but actually when you get to the future that will be the now so there isn't really a difference do you get what i mean yes yes yes i do so you either choose more of the past or the future simple as that yeah so it's yeah if you're like well this yeah a time i'm i'm following yeah i'm following good it took me a minute to break it down but i know exactly what you mean because you're because it's like when people use that term well this is just me well no that's been you but the person you want to get to be does things a little differently unless you just want to unless you just do it now and then you're in the now yeah but also in the future because that's the person you designed yeah and it's in dr benjamin hardy's book he says it's better to fail at the lowest level of your future self than to succeed at the highest level of your present self which means if you have a future self and you want more of the future perpetuating this continuing to do this doesn't give you that so it's better to be the worst version of the future knowing that i'm going to get better at this than the best version and feeling like you've graduated and being your present self yes there's no there's no work to be done yeah there's no there's nowhere to go from here this is it which is actually not true because That's not what you want more of.

28:49Yes. So be the lowest version of your future self. Love that. There are so many good questions. I know. I'm loving this, by the way. I'm going to elaborate on that one a little bit. Because obviously our future self can mean so many different things in terms of personal and business. how do you think is the best way to balance personal and business goals because sometimes they can conflict or it feels like they're a little bit conflicting like for for example my personal goals would probably be this might sound silly but like get better at my children's homework because i actually it's not it's not by default my strong suit it's my husband's strong suit so I would always be like like when he's away and I have to oversee homework I'm like namaste like I find it like a real thing um and I think I've sort of academically I'm not which is hilarious because my eldest is nearly 12 but academically you know I'm not there where like in a way to be able to tutor her through that and problem solve when I was at school I learned stuff just to pass the test I didn't retain anything and I feel like chat gbt is my best friend on the sly whilst going one second darling let me just run to help your brother whilst searching it and then coming back with how to teach and so my one of my personal goals that's on the list to be better at that however that can then conflict my business goals which mean working harder or doing putting more time there like you know I think sometimes it can be conflicting because what you want to focus on more in the personal can then be overshadowed by business and vice versa so how what is the best way do you believe to balance the two can they both exist at once they can good analogy by the way from your real life so thanks for sharing that um i would really question do you really want to be better at the homework really like when you think about all the things that you want to teach your amazing daughters and what is important in life i mean what you want them to get from you yeah well probably not because it's not when you put it like that it's not my strong suit but i think it's the thing that i don't deliver for them and my want and goal is to be able to deliver in all aspects for my kids like my personal goal but I really fumble the bag when it comes to that but yeah I suppose if you're put yeah if you put it in layman's terms do I want to be great at that because no Marvin is actually better so they probably should learn from the best rather than someone that's really trying to be the best for them you know and if I was there all the time yeah and you never had to do it you probably wouldn't because there's so many other the things that you do remarkably for them and actually that's just not something you need but if it is something you want you're like no dear it's really a desire yeah it's part of my future i think it's more of a desire of i want to always be able to provide for them in the best way and that is something that i don't give in abundance and i'm like oh blake and valley's homework that's great and i'm really like i think i'm unreal i think i'm a genius um alaya not so much but i also think that maybe I just give her a nice meal when she's finished maybe that's what I deliver maybe it is just knowing yeah what like I'm not going to become a mathematician overnight it's not going to help so I'm probably not the best placed person to be able to teach her like I acknowledge that but at the same time I wish I was so that's the thing I wish I was but like do I deeply desire to be no probably not exactly yeah so then we have to then prioritize who what your real goals are like as a mom and as a businesswoman and say oh that's a secondary one and actually i'm stressing myself and just doing too much and trying to be all things when i don't need to be yeah when i can just let that thing go it's not up there yeah it's something that i yeah and it's probably not a great thing to actually be teaching as a pet when you break it down and i'm only thinking about this in real time as you're saying this to be teaching as a parent because i'm almost saying like you've got to be everything you've got to be everything where that actually isn't mommy's strong suit and listen she bloody knows i'm not being funny if she asks one of us for homework she's not she's not going mommy what do you think about but she knows what she can come to you for correct yeah yeah so that's what literally love that example that is how you balance it you have to get so honest with yourself so i do this task with people it's like intentional goal setting for like the new year and stuff like that write down all your goals and then write down why next to each one that simple three-letter word reveals so much in coaching we're actually taught like don't say why too much because it makes people very defensive and then they start defending things that they don't even really care about but they feel like they need to just ask them why yeah it becomes an armor yeah because they're like well actually actually but anyway write down your goals write down why when you look at your why a lot of the time you're going to see that that answer does not it doesn't hold it's not real you don't really want that thing it's either influenced by other people expectations it's something you thought about once or a few times and now it's been in your brain enough to feel like it's true but it's not so once you write that down then pick which ones are the strongest have the strongest whys and actually is that the picture you want of your life and typically it is and the ones that have the weak whys and all the whys that are linked to expectations and other people just literally chuck them out never look at them again and you see that the life that you you build from the strong whys is the real life you want and everything else is a nice to have secondary if I have time to get to that I'll do it but just don't concern yourself with it so I would say how you balance business and personal is get very clear on what do i really want it's almost like a part like you say that list and then that secondary list yeah because you can't do everything at once absolutely not and sometimes you just are not going to get to things in your lifetime yeah and just being so okay with that i say to a lot of like young entrepreneurs new give yourself permission to not do everything which is so hard because you want to be excellent and you want to be the best um you don't have a team you don't have people helping you you don't have all the time in the world probably working full-time whilst building the business on the side but you're like but this person has an instagram has a this has this a photo shoot at this okay but you don't have the resources the time the energy the team and nothing does happen overnight even if you see someone and think they're doing something small and this is their kind of like lift off that hasn't happened overnight that didn't happen after the first step like it's what do they say that something like I can't remember somebody famous said it one time and they basically said people call them an overnight success it's like you've I've become on your I've come on your radar overnight but this has taken me 10 years 10 15 years to be an overnight success there's actually like a proper theory I think it's in the outliers where every like composer or this like they did research on them and they were actually writing music doing all the things for specifically 10 years yeah before they were discovered like it's actually a thing yeah life will somewhat hide you but we're going off like we're going off but it's important to know that it is important because everybody sees that kind of outside noise and other people and i think we do live in a world where social media and everything else that comes with it is comparative but actually 10 years to be an overnight success yeah and when you really have a clear vision of your future self your business goals and your life goals align yeah because i say to people do not dare pursue a business that is going to make you come become a person that you don't want to be some people like i want a business where i'm going to raise venture capital and i want to exit and i'm like and then would you want to happen in your personal life i want this and this and this doesn't really go that's not gonna yeah it doesn't really go you can try and pursue it but the likelihood is you're going to reach the top and say I don't really want to be here that other part that personal part isn't happy you know it kind of something does have to give when it's not realistically exactly so it's like actually we do it in the membership like we confirm the goal against your future self so you design your future self first then you set your business goal and then we go back and check that by pursuing that business goal it makes you this woman and if it doesn't don't do it like don't chase that goal because it's going to give you success in in the goal element but not in the personal life element yes yeah and what do you value of exactly that's what it comes down to isn't it um oh this is a good one i've like ordered them into like starting out career changes self-work other she's under other um each job i've had i've fallen into how do I pinpoint the career that's actually for me life is so wonderful in that it will organize you it will help it would like shuffle you into a category it will shuffle you into a lane and I think this person is thinking that because they weren't intentional and deliberate that they haven't found their thing yet right I don't believe that to be true I think so many opportunities have opened up to me accidentally because I was just I either said I wanted something or I kind of started trying something and then I realized that oh actually this is how you do this instead and actually I want to pursue this instead so what I would say to them is it sounds like you're not giving life you're not realizing that maybe life has you exactly where you're supposed to be and just because it wasn't methodical and intentional and deliberate it doesn't mean you haven't found your thing yeah and what is it what's the common thread actually i just want to shout out my friend velma because i think her career is a lot like this she was really intentional about wanting to be in music and now she's in hospitality and every job she's gone to has been through a contact or someone seeing something in her i wouldn't ever expect her to say oh i've just fallen into this it's so true yeah no yeah yeah people have seen skill a skill set in you a gift in you you've nurtured this thing within you as well where you're a natural people's person you're genuinely kind and understanding and caring and those soft skills have supported you but you have the hard skills too you've transferred skills to go from one industry to the next a door has opened for you and then you've grown into that position yeah so i think some it's the battle of two halves where you have the lawyer who wants to go and do something completely different who's had a really step-by-step path and it's like i want something else right yeah and then you've got somebody else who's like doors have just opened accidentally and it's like no now i really want to know and i wonder how much and i'd be obviously when don't have them at the other end of the phone but i'd be really interested to know how much of that is somebody else's opinion of well it always works out for you everything seems to fall in your lap like that might be somebody else's idea of how your career has looked and actually maybe they're on a kind of personal mission to say actually no I'm gonna set out to do this and this is now what I'm doing where like you say that doors don't open by an accident and there's a quality in you that everybody sees which is why exactly you know things are falling yeah how what if you're exactly where you're supposed to be yeah everything has happened exactly as it was supposed to happen and this is just your path there you go um this is an interesting one how to deal with criticism at work especially when you don't feel like it's valid oh i had this actually in the membership we discussed this right um it really goes back to mind over matter okay if you don't think it's valid you don't have to take it on board you don't have to do anything from that space which sounds like absurd because it's like okay well someone's telling me i'm not good at this surely i should try and be better at it you don't have to you can choose how you take in that information so you're saying it's not valid clearly it doesn't land for you choose a thought that keeps you blissfully moving forward without that person's opinion affecting you that's it so if somebody says actually you're not really good at um running meetings and you don't think it's valid you truly have like critically looked at all the angles of this and said i think it's not true then find that thought that's going to keep you at peace and confident in yourself and keep moving forward and that thought could literally be that's not true yeah it could be as simple as that right you don't have to take it on but if you feel like you want to take it on and you want to kind of be a well-rounded person who can potentially look at things from somebody else's point of view then think about okay what are the practical next steps of getting better at this thing right what actually is that um so if again back to the meeting and you're not good at holding meetings okay let's break down all the elements of a meeting what is it is it how i come into a meeting actually maybe i could be a bit warmer let me try and see you could literally it's called deliberate practice right like breaking down every element of a process and zeroing on each piece and seeing how you can kind of perfect each piece so that the whole thing becomes like really strong but you break it all down or you can just say it's not true yeah exactly yeah you can you can reframe it which other way you want like are you open to learning about yourself or are you very self-assured that actually i know that isn't true and we have to coexist in the same place.

43:15So I'm going to hold that thought and move on. And from the sounds of that question, it sounds like the person... Doesn't believe that. Yeah, but it's like kind of taking offence a little bit. You don't have to. It feels like that. Yeah, move on from it. Yes, there you go. And lastly, lots of people are inspired by you. Are they? Yeah, listen, we all are, girl. We all are. um so i want to be a life coach i'm getting practice how do i step up and earn full time so with coaching there's two parts to it there's a practical coaching skill so you can go and do a course coaching is unregulated anyone can actually be a coach um but you can go and do a course i did too because i really was like i want to be the best so i'm going to learn from the best and i'm got to keep learning and then there's the marketing and that's the side a lot of people overlook they don't realize that essentially you are a bit you are the business yeah and now you have to put yourself out there um in a way where the ideal client that you want to work with whether your niche or whether your general coach comes to you or recognizes you and sees that you can help them go from a to b that you can create the transformation they want in their life a lot of people are really good at the coaching really bad at the marketing really bad at the marketing yeah because it's not what they set out to do they set out to coach not set out to be on social media yeah yeah yeah and be on podcasts for example a lot of people don't want to do all that extra stuff they think it's vanity and it's just like that's did that come natural to you or is that something you had to push yourself no that's what i did first yeah like i created my first event for my friends spent like I think like 700 pounds for no reason.

45:03Got a videographer, hired a space, just because I just felt like I had something to say. And because you understood that actually people need to talk about something to... This was pre-coaching. To appear on their radar. Yeah, this was 2014. I just wanted to, I just knew I had things to say. I didn't ever think I was going to be a life coach at that point. I didn't know what was going to happen. I was still working full-time at Burberry. Like it was, I just felt like I just have more in me I just want to build a community around like talking about things. So that stuff came first. And then, which is why I love the purpose question.

45:37Because I always knew I wanted like community information, supporting people, layering information, allowing people to like start at one point knowing nothing and then getting them to a point where they're like, oh my God, everything you teach, I get it. It's so clear to me. I don't want to be like this guru oracle God. I want to have a conversation with someone and we're just vibing because I've taught you everything I know. and I'm not like trying to get you're not getting information yeah and I've always loved that and I've always been like that um so that stuff comes naturally to me so I don't have the problem of like I don't want to market myself it's almost like okay I want to do everything what should I want to do YouTube I want to do all these things what what do I have time for and that comes down to everything like you can you know in terms of like products like you can have the and I've created the best product in the world but if nobody knows it exists it's not going to sell it's not exactly and you've not got a customer and the the the point of business is to make profit it's for it's a for-profit activity so when you're a coach and coaching is a very profitable business because you have little overheads you do not have to have an office yeah you do not have to you're not selling products so there's no inventory it is a that like it's a direct value exchange right and you price your value at whatever you feel like your value is so if i'm saying i'm 700 pounds an hour that's up to you to say because that's what you feel like the value exchange is right it's extremely profitable and the right customer will get it if there's you know however that looks but without marketing it's not gonna happen so i would say simplify it pick one marketing channel instagram tiktok linkedin youtube whatever feels like the most authentic experience of what it would be like to work with you yeah pick that one channel and go all in just go all in and when i say go all in i'm not saying three videos a day i'm just saying pick a cadence that you can be consistent with pick a style that you're like excited to deliver on but also a bit scared to do so you can grow into that skill set as well um and then keep testing not changing things every day because then you don't know what's working but set a time frame to test something measure the results see if it's working or not maybe add or take away but marketing is the it's a really key part and there's like easy ways to do it where you can borrow audiences where someone's built a community and you can say look just tell your community about me and I will give you 10 % of everyone who comes through right that's then you don't even have to get on all the social media and do exactly so there's different ways to do it but without marketing you know nobody's gonna know you don't have a business you have an amazing skill that you just keep reaching people and the whole point is that you know being a life coach you want to reach people you want to help people exactly people have to know yeah well as always my girl I've loved this so much thank you so much I love it so I'm like this can't ever not be a part of this show now this is like honestly I love it so much and as I said before the reason for bringing this back in this way is that I know that a lot of people don't have access to a life coach are just learning what it means to have a life coach lots of my friends are like girl I didn't know there was such thing as a life coach like what is this how do we get involved so I think to do this and to give everybody access brilliant so thank you thank you we love you let's democratize all the things that people can't readily access yes this is just one way so yeah thank you so much thank you

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