Ep 9: The Launch Box with Dior Bediako: How do you unlock success with purpose and mindset?

0:12So today's episode is a little bit different. I want to introduce you to something that we are calling The Launchbox. Now in these episodes we'll be sitting down with experts across many industries to unpack the strategies, insights and game-changing ideas that power the world of business. From the bold risks to breakthrough moments we're diving deep into what it really takes to build, scale and sustain success. Now whether you're an entrepreneur, business leader or just someone with big ambitions, Launchbox is the place to learn and I'm excited because to kick it off today we are joined by the incredible Dior.

0:50Now Dior is the founder of Pepe Your Talk and is actually my life coach. She knows firsthand what it takes to build a brand with purpose and is here today to share her insights on having the right mindset. So please welcome to the podcast Dior Bediarco. Just a quick one before we start if you like listening to this episode which I know you're gonna please like it and subscribe to our channel and don't forget to share it to your group chat let's go I think this is a really funny place to start because we work together you are my life coach I am but I've never really broken down with you what a life coach actually is yeah I'm laughing because I don't actually like defining it.

1:40It's difficult to define and it's so easy to do. But I will explain it. So a life coach essentially is like a supportive partner in your life, not in a romantic sense, of course, but a supportive partner who helps you navigate what season you're in. So you can say, come to a coach and say, I want to achieve X goal. And then the coach is going to help you strategically plan, help you with your mindset, overcome obstacles, and then keep you accountable on the journey. And it's very different to therapy, which is how a lot of people like to compare it. Yes. It's not the same. Therapy helps you go back and clean things up.

2:15Whereas coaching is all about accelerating towards a desired future. So that is a clear difference. So is there a world that you think, because I, when I first, well, we met because we were at a talk together and I was like, everything she says is like she's breaking down everything that I'm saying, but in a really articulate way making me understand what I'm actually talking about it was so weird um in the best way but I've never been and I'm all for therapy I'm all for self-work but I've never been that person that wants to do the delving into the past because I'm quite rational enough to know that I probably feel like x or I'm probably quite guarded with this because my dad probably where he wasn't there and he was telling me he would show up and so I kind of know why I act in certain ways and like going into that has never really appealed to me like I'm okay with it I'm at peace with it and I'm not like angry I'm just forward and because I'm a forward thinker I think that's why this suits me so much but is there a world where like therapy and having a life coach could coexist absolutely and I love that you have touched on this because I am exactly the same.

3:26Very rational, very black and white. It doesn't take me long to come to a solution in certain situations because I'm able to face the facts and deal with it based on that. I've been to therapy and the therapist is like, you are very self-aware, which made me feel like I didn't need therapy, which is not true. What you need is a different type of therapy, which is somatic therapy. And it helps you actually tap into the emotions that typically when you are very practical, you suppress and you don't really like to feel. So you rush out of the emotion and try to be happy all the time or try to problem solve exactly but you're not sitting yeah me too me too that's what we got better so i would say for a person like that you need more somatic therapy um but there is a world in which therapy and coaching go together and most of my clients if not all have a therapist and work with me yeah that's interesting yeah i I thought that we, when we were taping the series, and the initial plan was that we would tape eight episodes, have a little break, and then do a roundup in some sort of way.

4:33So look back at the guests, what they've said, things that have sort of stood out. But we love it, so we decided we're always on. And when I first said to you, would you come on? I was like, okay, we're going to break this down, and we're going to have a break, and then we're going to come with your episode and then we'll go back into the next, like launch the next series. However, I feel like the conversation, I want the conversation to keep going, but I do still want to break down moments. There have been so many poignant parts of different guests and what they've said. Yeah. I quite like to pick little bits apart.

5:06And I think the beauty of the series is that we've delved into what it takes to launch. So that's kind of like from a budgeting background or from a staffing point of view and raising money to creativity to what makes good product. But actually, to get something off the ground, the first thing that most of our guests have said is the mindset and the resilience and the passion and what that takes from you mentally. So let's talk about getting something off the ground, but from a place of mindset. it's a place you're always going to go back to it there's no such thing as I figured this out I'm never going to deal with that emotion again or I've overcome this limited belief I'm never going to have another one again mindset is like what would I call it a playground it is a space where you always always always are going to delve into um and which is why I say like I'm a coach who works with entrepreneurs but I don't really care about your business and when I say that people with love yeah yeah yeah respectfully respectfully I don't care about your business because I care about you as the founder and I know that the business only thrives in the way you want it to because it can be thriving but not how you want it to when you are in your best energy when you are in your best mindset or when you're not in your best energy and mindset but you understand that this will pass and that you're navigating it well and you're not doing like destructive things to overcome the situation or acting irrationally.

6:41You're actually saying, okay, I feel really scared, but that's okay. And I'm still going to keep going with fear coming alongside me or overwhelm or anxiety. Like it's okay, it can come with me on the journey. So that mindset piece is so key. And I think a lot of people don't realize that everything they're experiencing, everything is only a problem with their mind. There's no such thing as real problems in the world. And a lot of people will push back on that and be like, but what about this? But what about that? I will always challenge it and say, two people are going to feel differently about a specific situation.

7:13There's no one situation where every single person in the world feels the same about, which means that it's our mind that's creating the reality of the situation, not the situation itself. We have done a lot of work on this. We have. I'm nodding because I'm like, I know. Do you all teach me how to separate facts from feeling? Which, I mean, we'll get into, but that is, that's been something that I've worked on a lot, right? But I do feel like I'm in a much better place when it comes to that, really deciding, well, I think this is going to happen. No, again, that's a feeling. That might not. What are the facts?

7:44And that's not even a feeling. That's a thought. The thought is like the biggest piece of it all. The biggest piece. And then under your thoughts are your feelings. So the only way we come to feel something is based on what our brain has told us about the situation. So we're filming here today. And you might be really hot. I might be really cold. And my brain is saying, oh, my God, it's so cold. and your brain is saying, oh my God, it's really hot and you feel cozy and that emotion is coming from, it's really warm. And then I can feel, let's say nervous because it's coming from the thought about the cold.

8:13And it's only, we're in the room together. We're feeling different things based on what we're thinking about the situation. Which is why mindset is so important. Like we could talk about this all day. Let's touch on a specific guest that really has, I think Shiza was really insightful. I mean she's just an incredible human but I think what was really interesting about her was navigating the no's she touched on how many people said no we're talking like a hundred plus people said no when she was trying to raise money she was trying to raise that capital to launch the business she got so many no's but it just takes one yes and I asked I remember asking her it that's great now and everything seems great doesn't it through the lens of success and now our place is like the first DTC business to reach nine figures in 17 months.

9:03And when you're saying something through the lens of success, it's easier to be like, and then it was all great. But at the time, how do you navigate that? So if anybody is navigating a situation presently where they feel like they're experiencing more no's than yeses, in fact, there's no yeses, and where their feet presently are in life right now is not an enjoyable place, zoom out and go to the future. And how you go to that future is by asking the four killer questions. So what will happen if I achieve this goal? What won't happen if I achieve this goal? What will happen if I don't achieve this goal?

9:34And what will happen if I don't achieve? And it sounds like I'm saying the same thing over and over again. Essentially what it is, it's identifying why you want the goal. So what will happen if I achieve it? Yes. Go back or forward, in fact, into the future of why this thing is important, why it matters. And that takes you out of the present moment and keeps you in the place where that is where you're and it keeps you in the place it keeps you on track to navigating towards your big goal versus feeling stuck in what's happening right now in relation to that goal yeah and I think the positive in that is when you're in the trenches and it feels terrible this everything and you say this to me a lot that everything's actually temporary everything's temporary the good and the bad and the good news is the bad is temporary too right So it's knowing that, okay, why do I, and keeping so far ahead that you get out of where you are quicker.

10:29And maybe in real time it isn't, but it feels that way because you're not concentrating on the here and now. Absolutely. Because again, it's the mind. So it's not about not being here because you have to be here. There's no way to live today without being in today. But you need your mind to be focused on something bigger and better that helps you understand why this is happening. and it helps you actually navigate this a bit more gracefully because it's like this isn't going to happen forever and actually what will happen if I achieve my goal and I think that what won't happen if I achieve my goal is also key as well because it's like okay I won't be scared anymore I would have navigated the toughest time of my life have overcome that had my goal and I won't be this person today because I'll be a bigger version of me what won't happen is I won't be stuck in my same story and it will be like oh actually this situation is key because it's teaching me that I will break free from this and the situation is here to serve me yeah yeah yeah it's almost like what happens if I don't achieve it well I also won't live in regret because I know that yeah it's so interesting I think a lot of times we always we're in it or there's something that we want but we don't actually take that time to consider the pros and the cons of everything right and I think sometimes you realize that you there might be a few doubts but the pros would always out why they're not moving and then you've got to choose so be aware of the pros and cons the four killer questions and then say which reality do I really want to focus on do I want to keep focusing on the big future or do I want to focus on everything that can go wrong it's 100 % a choice all the time I always say to my clients your brain they're like I don't know how to imagine my future I don't know how to imagine a positive future I'm like tell me the worst case scenario This, this, you're well practiced in it.

12:15Because the worst case scenario is also an imagination. Like that's also something you've just created in your brain. So you actually have practice in it, but just use it for your good towards your goals. Yes. So I would say this part of the conversation we're having right now is really geared towards people who are yet to launch or in the process of launching, where it's really challenging and they're questioning, like, is this worth it? Why am I doing this? This is so hard. Do I take the risk? Exactly. And the person I want to reference here is Emma. I loved the conversation you had with Emma.

12:44And she said something like, on paper, you wouldn't believe in me. But if you just meet me in the room, then you will. You're in. Yeah, that's what she said. She said, if you meet me, you're in. And that specifically spoke to me in this like launch phase, like getting off the ground phase. Because at that point, you have no evidence. You don't have a CV full of I've done this and I've done that, especially if you're just launching the business. There's no sales to reference. There's no customer to reference. Zero data. Yeah. No success to reference. And that is where bulletproof self-belief comes into it.

13:16And you really have to say, it's not about a result. I am the result. I've done things in my life, even if it's unrelated to business, that make me the type of person who can go on to create this success. And when I say bulletproof, I mean it. Things are only bulletproof if there is a threat against it. Right. We're not going to bulletproof our houses because we don't think anyone's going to shoot our houses, but we bulletproof things that you feel like there's a threat against it. And when you're going into business and you feel like, oh my gosh, I haven't done anything. I haven't done much. You have to build bulletproof belief because your brain is telling you that everything's an attack.

13:50That person saying no to you is an attack. This thing happening is an attack, right? Yes. So it has to be bulletproof in the sense that you're aware that my brain is going to tell me that everything that happens is an attack. It's like a confirmation bias. Everything's against me. I don't have success. I'm a nobody. I'm this, I'm that. But I have the bulletproof belief to defend myself against that. So the attacks are not real, by the way. Right? They're perceived attacks because that's how our brain wants to kind of program us to feel like that's what's happening. And also, I think it's so hard to not take things personal.

14:21Very hard. When you're the founder, it's your baby, it's your business. It's so hard not to feel that. Is that someone talking about your child or like the child that you haven't yet had? Like it feels that deep rooted. Absolutely. I hear people tell others that you shouldn't even call your business your baby because it makes it too personal. It almost makes it too, like it's too heart wrench, gut wrenching when it doesn't go right. Because it's like, oh, my baby. You should create some separation, actually. Yeah. And just be like, oh, the entity, the thing. Oh, I wish. I wish. It's easier said than done.

14:56It genuinely is like my baby. And I think, and you know this. Yeah. like um how because i you know we say this self-belief what if self-belief is something that doesn't come natural to you and that's one thing that i we did touch on with emma because she has it in abundance she knew she was made for something she always had the feeling that like she even says like she was practicing being a baller before she was a baller like you know like that is something that she holds so closely because she's always felt like that and I love it she's like I've never had imposter syndrome it's not an there's not an arrogance around it it's just fact she's never has had that she's always had that belief which I mean is that why she's such a success because she's always believed in herself I think it's it plays a huge part like backing yourself plays a huge part and there'll be someone listening who says but I don't have that What does that mean for me?

15:54And I will say, do not panic and do not worry. Start with what you have. So what are you telling yourself about yourself? And then let's restructure that sentence to make it the most positive, yummy, delicious thing you could possibly say about yourself. And we're not going to force it. So what I do with that is I say this sentence where it's say it again, but say it nicely. Say it again, but say until you reach the sentence, that's the one that is like, I believe in that. So if it's like, oh, I'm not somebody who can make a million pounds, for example, it's like, okay, but say that again, but say it nicely.

16:23And how do you say it nicely? I believe I can, so I'll try. But I would say it's possible. It's possible that one day I might have a million pounds. And then it's like, okay, say it again, but say it nicely. A million pounds could be sat in my bank account one day. Okay, say it again, but say it nicely. One day I will look at my bank account and I will see. And then you keep going until you hit the sentence that like strikes you. And you're like, that's my sentence. That is my new belief building sentence. And I'm going to say all this affirmations basically. Yes. And I'm going to speak that to myself.

17:01Exactly. That's what thoughts are. Affirmations are just thoughts that you intentionally say to yourself. And that sometimes contradicts the reality. But you're choosing to believe because you want that to be your reality. Yes. So you're almost manipulating. But then I feel like that faking it till you make it. And I know that makes it sound, that's almost got a negative connotation to it. But actually there's truth in that, isn't it? It's like, if I tell myself this, okay, on paper, it's not my situation right now. But if I keep practicing this and I keep almost fooling myself, it will pay off.

17:33I don't even see it as fooling yourself because I see as there's a world in which you have it. You just haven't reached it yet. Right. So we have one life and there's a time in my life where I will have this thing. So that means that it's there already. It's in my lifetime. It's not there. Exactly. So now I need to walk on the journey to just get there. So it's not faking it. It's all real. We can all have that because there are so many people that are like, that is amazing. And we all know, we've all got groups of friends. We all know people that are like, just like naturally confident. They can naturally walk into a room and feel comfortable.

18:07They can naturally walk in a room and take charge of the room. but then we've all got friends in that group that are like oh no you're ahead of me or that don't have that naturally so you're saying that we can absolutely obtain it if we tune into that 100 i would say start today in fact on the journey to launching this many many many things you need to do when you're building a business the to-do list never ends but the one thing that must always be on your to-do list every single day is checking in with yourself and your beliefs like what do I believe about myself because whether you like it or not that belief is going to create a result in your life everything we have is a result of what our brain has told us we can have and there's days when you're like oh I feel crap and this and that it ends up being a bad day because that's what you've told yourself you are right so true I knew I was going to have a bad day yeah exactly this went wrong and it just starts with one thought and then you start looking for more confirmation of it more confirmation of it and then you create more and more negative results in your life so it's like building belief should be on your agenda out on your to-do list every single day or at least checking what do I believe about myself what do I believe about my business what do I believe about my impact what I believe about my ability to innovate whatever it is check score impact is it a 10 today and you're going to see that that day's different if it's a two then it's like figuring out what you need to do to still have a good day at a two so is it more gratitude practices is it calling a friend who you know like gases you are is it listening to your podcast is it doing something that kind of gets you a bit higher because operating on a low level of belief just makes the journey that much more challenging yeah you've always got to fill your own glass up haven't you always always always at all points at all stages before getting off the ground and then when it's time to launch yeah even more so that reminds me instantly what's come in my head with that is Sabrina's episode because Sabrina spoke about when she did launch and everybody was saying oh it's a celebrity brand it's a celebrity brand which to somebody else sounds positive but the experience of that could be quite negative because people doubt that you've actually truly understood your product truly understood your consumer and that there's a real need for it versus just wanting to have a new brand right somebody's name exactly yeah exactly and what what struck me there was you should never try and disprove that this is just a celebrity brand you should never yeah don't try and go after the people who don't believe because you're focusing on the wrong category so don't do anything to help people understand you better if anything keep connecting the people who do understand and that will gather the people on the periphery who were like okay i think this thing is working let me come in and have a look right yeah so when you've launched people are going to have all kinds of opinions on you whether it's a celebrity brand or not there's going to be so many opinions how does that person know about business what do they know about this product why are they getting all this traction why is I don't feel it's anything special exactly that that category is saturated whatever it may be so many opinions and you just have to let people be wrong about you and be so okay with it do not enter into a second of trying to prove yourself ever it's I'm I couldn't agree with you more by the way it's so hard though particularly when if we're thinking like we'll talk mainstream and of course but that that's not the way it looks for everybody but there might be a family member that doesn't believe in you or your friends think oh she's doing this thing and it gets poo-pooed or it's very hard because sometimes the people that you want to be on board actually aren't the people that are the people that you expect that would be that they would be in your corner sometimes aren't interested there's this like meme that I see every now and again that it's like support your friend's business like you like support Beyonce's like It's like somebody that you actually don't know.

21:59And I think weirdly as people, we are programmed to worry what other people think. How, like, how do we, there's always going to be a little focus. It's probably going to be a bit of a push and pull and a fight that you have to have. But how do you start, how do we start caring less? Literally always goes back to the goal. Always goes back to the vision. Always goes back to the future self. how does focusing on that person that opinion that thing help you move forward if anything it keeps you stuck yes so right so it's like by choosing to say I am going to make sure that everybody who said I couldn't do this comes back and apologizes to me you're just kind of stuck in a circle in a spiral because guess what more people are going to say you couldn't do it right so you're now going to be on a train of just finding all the people and um disproving them or are you going to focus on, do you know what?

22:55I'm just going to win so hard, so big, so strong, so loudly that if it reaches them and they're able to see I've done well, good. If it doesn't, good. People are talking about us all the time, 24-7. Like all the time. People will say my worst fear is like my family member not supporting me or someone gossiping about me and I'm like, well, your worst fear is happening right now. You just can't hear it. Yeah, it's happening right now. You can't hear it. That's why it's not affecting you. So you have to get really good at blocking out what is noise, label it as noise and just file it away somewhere.

23:29And what is for me the sad reality is when you go after and you focus on the people who don't support you and people who you want to disprove something to, you take attention away from the people who really want to like sit around you, support you, help you because you don't have enough time to do both. Yes. So if you take the time away from this one and give it to the negative one, well, you've robbed somebody who actually really wanted to be there for you. and yourself because of your your feeding bad energy I think Emma Greed touched on something that I think was interesting because I think it happens in two ways you're even really worried about what people think or you're very self-assured which I think is is one way or another right but actually I think what's interesting is she said not everyone's thinking about you oh my god they're not there's an actual experiment where they got somebody to wear a crazy t-shirt and walking to a room and then they asked everybody afterwards did you notice the person the crazy t-shirt and everybody was like no I didn't see it and it was like the wacky as an actual experiment so they picked the wackiest t-shirt the wackiest outfit and most people were like no I don't remember you know why because everybody's thinking about themselves everyone's too busy doing their own thing and also it kind of it makes you a little bit like sort of self-entitled like they're going to be watching me they're going to be worried about what I'm doing and actually guess what they're worried about them absolutely they're busy don't worry about thinking even when they talk about you even when they talk about you even when they throw away it's not even that it's throw away it's from the lens of themselves whenever somebody sits opposite me i have to be so conscious of not doing this with a client a client will say something immediately as human beings our nature is to personalize things so if you say do you know i'm really worried about x i'm thinking oh am i worried about that has that happened to me that's just human nature so when you think someone's gossiping about you or saying negative things about you it's not even about you it's actually about them the reason why they're talking about it is because in some way it relates to them so it's your name they're saying but they're really just thinking about themselves and playing it out in their own head in a way where it's just focus on them you don't even know so you get so upset what's up about these people nothing to do with you it's so true it's so true yes you have to remove that layer of worry and know that I think if you actually saw it as a trade-off and you actually saw it as an exchange of okay if I spent this time worrying or being concerned or paying attention or energy to worrying what people thought about me yeah that if there was an actual way of like there being a marker on it to say okay this is like a worry bank and this is a I'm scared of judging me back versus how much that would drain the bank of your actual business like if you could actually quantify it like that I feel like you could stop yourself every second every time you feel it every time you think it you can I do that sometimes when I'm working and I feel myself procrastinating I just put like a little tally on my notepad and at the end of the day I check how many times I got distracted so you can actually physically do it with like something tangible worried yeah yeah I worried about somebody I had a thought about somebody speaking about me or I worried about something that's not my concern just write it down at the end of the day be like is this is this how i want my life to look yeah yeah this is not this wasn't how supposed to say we're supposed to run exactly that and that there took time off the real thing exactly i think that's what's to remember and everybody wants more time we have all the time we need just using it worried about the wrong things yes and also using it to have fun i think that we lose we lose the ability in the stress and the kind of day-to-day or the fear and everything else to remember to have fun.

27:11And I think sometimes when the idea is born and you think, okay, this is what I'm going to do. This is what I want to run with. It's so exciting. It's so fun. It's so appealing. But sometimes over time, we can suck the fun out of things because it becomes day-to-day admin logistics. We're putting out fires. Natasha spoke about that in her episode. She, that stopped me in my tracks actually, because she said the swimwear industry is just so much fun. And I thought, I wonder how many people can say that about their industry. Because swimwear, for me, I'm not in it. I don't know how fun it is or not, but I believe her.

27:48And I believe her because that's what she's telling me. And she believes it because that's what she's told herself about the industry. So I feel like a lot of people get so bogged down in the drama of business and this is happening and that's happening. And it's so scary and I'm anxious and I'm overwhelmed. Choose what emotion you want to feel and run with it. Like Natasha, just say, statistics is fun. Numbers are fun. Literally, like there's no prescribed emotion for any situation in life. We spoke about this one time. And I was like, even death does not have a prescribed emotion. Death can have two separate impacts on people.

28:23Somebody, I'm sorry to say it, can be really happy that someone's passed away. And somebody can be really sad that someone's, and it's the same person. which means there's no prescribed emotion for it so there's no prescribed emotion for anything in life and especially your business so if you feel like oh my god this business is overwhelming and you're feeling so many negative emotions pick a positive emotion you want to feel pick a thought that generates that and run with it yeah and I'm gonna find the fun in this and it's almost like owning that yeah I think even finding the fun again it makes it like the job of the industry to create fun versus I am going to create the, I'm just going to see this as fun.

29:01I'm just going to see this as fun. It's like, if I need to do all my spreadsheets, right? I'm just going to see this as fun. It's not like, okay, I'm going to, I just hope that as I'm doing this, there's going to be a fun moment. No. Right. Okay. It's like, as I'm doing it, I'm just proud of myself. I'm vibing. I put on my music. I get it. Find your own way to make it fun. Literally. Just tell yourself ahead of time this is going to be fun and then make it fun yeah you're so right because you actually forget that you can there's a lot you can't control of course there are going to be things that happen but you can always control how you think about it see I'm learning you are I'm learning it's true because and you say this to me a lot of course you know I've spoke to you openly about situations that have happened and a bit stressful and I'm like oh my gosh is this going to happen are we going to survive this it's going to be a huge thing but all of that stuff you can't actually control but you can control your outlook and your mindset and how you think about it which then I believe yeah has a lot to do with the end result regardless because you've put it in the universe and what you said about like are we going to survive this how is this going to work that's all your imagination like none of that has happened yeah so are we is a question and it's questioning a possibility and actually you can just create a new possibility we are going to survive this and it's going to be the best thing that ever happened to us and it instantly changes the situation and it and like you say it's kind of if people are listening they're like that's easy to say but what if you're in a make or break situation for the business which we launched three weeks before the pandemic and I was like wow there were furlough conversations happening and we weren't like six weeks into the brand launching we were on a shop floor and the shop closed and we were like oh my gosh we this is years of labor of putting this into our baby and now we don't really know the future however I think that your mindset can change things and for us it ended up being a real positive that actually we we weren't initially gonna we were gonna go straight to DTC and we wasn't gonna partner for retailers straight away we couldn't find the right one we had a meeting with boots they understood it they got the whole thing and then I count my lucky stars every day that we partner with boots because remember when everything was shut over covid and over lockdown nothing was open but guess what were open supermarkets and pharmacies so then we ended up having to do this reorder because we we developed this cult customer that we didn't have anything else to do other than like browse So the shopper that maybe was in there buying for their kids and they were grabbing were actually really looking at it and really invested.

31:42And then there became this kind of organic growth. But I actually weirdly think for us, if COVID and lockdown hadn't have happened, I wonder, would it have had the same impact and would it have landed as much at that time? Exactly. So everything is happening for you. Yeah. We've circled back so many times back to mindset and really want to labour on this point. I mean, it's what we're doing the whole episode, but your mindset is everything. If you had chosen to say, do you know what? I launched at the wrong time. This is a mess. Going to shut it down. I'll relaunch it when the world is back. Cool.

32:17You could have done that, but you didn't. And you weathered the storm and actually you found out that this pandemic, as awful as it was, is the best thing to have happened to my business right now. Because it's created an opportunity that I couldn't have even planned for. It's created a platform that I couldn't have even dreamt of. And it's made the growth, the acceleration, maybe so much faster than it would have if I had stuck to my original plan. So mindset. There'll always be those moments that you just have to let your mindset challenge the reality. Yeah. The reality is what your mind tells you.

32:49There actually isn't like one reality. We're all experiencing different realities all the time. So something being a bad situation is, again, there's no such thing as good or bad moments. There's only good or bad thoughts. That's it. That's it. I'm telling you, it's constant self-aware. I just think I've got it. And then she's like, no, everyone's reality is. And it's so true. It's so true. But you just have to keep reminding yourself and keep topping up on that. Yes, you're right. We're all having a different experience in this room right now. Literally. Get in there, girl. I'm getting there.

33:26I want to talk about failing. because I don't like to look at it as failing you know this I like to look at it as lessons yeah and you know we're at moments that we realize that we won't do that because this is for us not that yeah and we wouldn't have known it if we hadn't have tried and that's always my outlook failing out loud has become I think such a big thing and I don't know if social media has kind of really propelled that but I think now when we launch something whatever that might be that might be a relationship that might be like going public relationship it might be a business whatever that is if said thing doesn't work out the embarrassment kicks in and I think all the fear of embarrassment so we're we're scared to put that on a big stage in case it doesn't work out rather than if it doesn't work out it doesn't work out but we but I think now there are so many more layers to people knowing and like a noise around it that everybody's worried to do that loudly.

34:32Failing is the other side of success. And I know that's said so much. And I think it's said so much to the point where it goes over people's heads. So how I like to explain that is like, it's a relationship. And if you want to open up yourself to love, you have to open up yourself to heartbreak. It's the same thing as success and failure. If you're saying, I want to go into this relationship and just be completely open and experience the best love story of my life it means that you've now created space for the option of it being the biggest heartbreak of your life too that is success and failure so failing isn't this thing that happens in isolation on its own and it's because you did something wrong just wake up and fail exactly it actually means you took a chance to really do something right in your life and the fact that it's felt does not even mean anything has gone wrong.

35:23It just means that this is what, it was an option. And this is the option that presented itself. That is it. That is it. I always say to my clients, like, yes, no, and maybe are all answers. So if you're putting yourself out there and you're getting no's, it means you're in the game. If you're in the game and you feel like you're failing, again, as well, actually, let's touch on this. Is failure a feeling or is it a thing? Do you feel like a failure or did something actually fail? And you have to separate that and say, did it really all go wrong typically no never something went wrong a piece of it so did it fell no this launch or this small piece of this big pie just didn't go right um and if you're feeling it didn't go the way they were expecting yeah exactly yeah exactly the way you plan yeah um and if it's a feeling of failure then it's like okay well we know that every feeling comes from a thought so what thought am i thinking that's creating failure for me and do i just want to sit with it for a while and just let failure be in the room and I have it or do I want to change it because actually it's not helping me move forward right but back to the initial point to fail means you have tried it means you've put yourself in the game it means you have taken the opportunity to increase your life to expand your possibilities to actually taste and touch more there is no such thing as failing in that world in the world where you say I am me as I am right now and I want to develop that and I want to grow that I want to become bigger and then it doesn't go right you're still bigger and I call it GVA a lot of people call it strategic byproducts I call it GVA which is the goal value add right so by way of achieving this goal even if you don't hit the goal what did you get along the journey what are the value adds along the journey and like I'll give you an example for me for a month I said I'm just going to post on TikTok just going to post on TikTok that's scary for a lot of people a lot of people like scary for me 30 days on TikTok every single day with the opinions the comments the this the that the worst of all for me was my own opinion of myself hearing my voice looking at my face and there was no magic thing that happened after actually I went viral but so that was the magic thing like over a million views that's my Yeah, right.

37:37But the magic, the true magic, right, if that viral moment hadn't happened, because it's just a moment. What I learned was to fully embrace my face. I did not know that that is what would happen on the journey. I had no idea. But by getting in front of that camera every day, I was like, yeah, you've got flaws. You've got this. You've got that. It's fine. I don't really care. Right. So that's the value add that you get along the way. So yes, maybe my goal was I want to hit 10K followers or something. And I didn't hit that. Would I say I failed? no because now I have fully accepted something that comes with me everywhere I go those are the value ads that you need to think about and the viral video and the viral video it's so interesting because there's always there are always lessons and I really really believe that and like you say sometimes it is just opening yourself up to going okay well now I know that I've tried this and I've I've put myself, I've entered the chat.

38:29I'm in. I've put myself in that room, which is half the battle. Also, while we're touching on like failure and doing that loudly, a big part of that that I think is attached to it is the emotion. And I want to touch on this because Connor said something that was interesting. And she's like a sunshine, isn't she? She just beams like, I can't imagine her being emotional. She's just like. It's so good she's in LA because that is the energy. It is. She just radiates that easy, boozy life. But she really, she tries, she said, I try not to get emotional. I don't become emotional. I see anything that happened, anything that went wrong.

39:11And if you're listening, I'm doing quotation marks. As data. Yes. And seeing it as data, which is really interesting. I could have clapped my hands at that point. I'm telling you, I could have just stood up and said, um because that's all it is she sized it up she summarized it she perfected it that is all it is anything that happens in life is just data especially if you're goal-driven especially if like let's say you put out a collection it doesn't sell as many units instead of saying my launch failed it flopped nobody bought from me or whatever you want to say you can say distill it down to the facts we do this a lot what are the facts and this a lot of people struggle with figuring out the facts in a situation okay i'm your girl rochelle struggles no not just you to the point where i think i've got it don't you okay do i've got it the fact is when someone said something no that's not a fact again you go again that's not a fact yeah that's the feeling that's the way you took it what is the fact the fact is i'm currently in england exactly that's a fact and and you're not unique in that like you are not the only person who does that even me sometimes when i'm trying to coach my own self and i'm trying to get the facts of the situation the data as connor said it is so hard because i am emotionally charged yes and it is difficult to take the emotion out but what you can do is just get out a piece of paper and say what actually happened here?

40:42What actually happened? Someone described it to me like this once upon a time. They said, if a guy promises to call you at like 8pm and he doesn't call, what's happened? And in your head, you're going to be like, he's so rude, doesn't consider me, probably talking to another. All of these things, right? And the person that was like speaking back to me said, no, all that happened is the phone didn't ring. That's the fact. That is the fact. That is the fact that I experienced. Everything else that you dress on top of everything. It's a thought. It's a choice. It is literally a choice because I have no idea what has happened on the other end of that.

41:15And all these assumptions create these thoughts that, well, the assumptions are the thoughts, and they create negative emotions that then create negative results in my life. We don't want to do that. And it's the easiest way to stay, and I hate, like, the term stay unbothered, but sometimes we just want to be unbothered. We want to be at peace and we don't want to be, like, these thoughts kind of, like, taking over our day. And if you literally think of it as the phone didn't ring. that's it you've moved on to the next thing how are you angry at the fact that the phone didn't ring yeah exactly that's done your favor you were busy exactly it's so so interesting and like you say we always try and work back don't we and i've improved but there's still those moments where i'm like oh hang on no that will always be the moment that isn't actually the fact and we always try and put it back yeah my team even do it now i love that so what happened in the office and they're like michelle let me just remind you that's the feeling it's not fact i've been very open about like my coaching sessions.

42:11What keeps us human is the fact that we will always go back and think emotionally, be emotionally charged. That's what a human being actually is, right? We are emotional people. We have hearts. Emotions are beautiful. They signal us to so many things happening in life. Sometimes you're like, why do I feel sad? And then it reminds you, oh, wait, it's because of... So emotions are really important. And I don't want anybody to feel like they need to start suppressing their emotions. In business, it can hold you back. It can. 100 % yeah I'm not gonna lie but there is still room for the emotion if you just like we always say just let it come in the room sit it next to you on the chair and just say I just need you to be quiet as if you brought one of your children to work right because emotions are like are like children they're quite unruly they just want to they're like intrusive they just want to jump up at certain points and you can just all up in your business that's right and you can just say look look I get I get why you're here just sit on this chair next to me I'm in control you can be here if you need me if you need my attention just let me know gently and I'll give you all the attention you need because I don't want people to kind of unnecessarily rust through emotions without really processing it and understanding that the emotion isn't harmful and do you know what you've taught me so much because I am that person as we know your laugh that I have to like my husband also just got a little bit left like I really have to it everything has to pass through me and not in a rage I'm not the person I'm quite like rational with it but I want to talk it out I'll be on the phone to the team my phone you know whatever this is in life and I I'll have like a week and that was all I'm that is like topical to me and then once I've got it I'm quite like like kick it off and then I'm then I'm done then it won't come back again but there'll be a good week of where I'm like this is all that I'm going to feel but I remember I'll never forget you saying to me it's like you need to treat this like acknowledge it so if you're like oh I've got a bit of a knot in my tummy about this know that it's there and acknowledge it rather than if that feeling I never forget you said to me if that feeling was a person and they run in your house and they went in every room and they were like screaming in one room screaming in the you wouldn't go and try and reason with it in every room so sometimes doing the over talking and over processing till you're done when I think that's I have always perceived that as quite a good quality because I'm letting out I'm not being angry I'm being considered but actually that can be just as toxic absolutely what that does is it creates suffering on top of the feeling so you compound the feeling so it's like if the feeling is fear by you reacting so much to it you maybe create more fear so you're scared of feeling more scared or you're scared it's just like it's unnecessary or you just start suffering the feeling is there and then you're talking about it to everyone and your feet and then all of a sudden I've dreamt up a hypothetical situation that's not even happened in the future and I'm annoyed our body is ours like we control this body that we're in and our emotions are in our body so that's like the analogy that we spoke about about a feeling coming into your body is like a stranger coming into your house and running around and going into every room and actually I'm in control of my body so I'm not going to follow you to every room I'm not going to let you lead me I'm going to sit in the front room and when you're ready come and meet me there yeah I'm so I'm going to go and try and reason with you no no I'm in control you can be in my house right now because I let you in right because feelings only come into our body through our thoughts yes so I let you in I have to take responsibility for that but I'm also not going to let you now control my whole day yes so if you want to be in the bedroom and go to the kitchen and go to do that no just let it be there yeah just let it be there but don't let it control you yes it's in your body it came to be there through you you had an option to and a lot of people don't realize this and they want to fight back and be like do you know i just feel sad and i'm like no no one just feels anything there is a thought behind that and you can stick with it i'm not trying to i'm not as a coach my job is not to tell anybody what to do because that takes the power away from the client and the whole point of coaching is for you to be able to really access your power to make decisions to tap into your desires to create your dream life on your own I'm not doing that for you I'm not with you I'm with you one hour a week so the best hour of my week though I'm gonna be honest I enjoy it too I know cosy hours I've got my literally right just so you can set the same I've got my dressing gown on I'm cozy it used to we started off so formal didn't I be like dressed for a meeting hi dear now I'm in my pajamas I've got my matcha like oh I'm sorry I'm like don't be sorry yeah I think I've stopped doing that now yeah now I'm just like cad and it is so it genuinely is and even the team are like they know they're gonna get a good me that day because we've like gone through everything I've set my goal for the next week I think it's so so important to constantly goal set too and we should touch on that because at the start I think you when you're trying to get something off the ground you set goals based on I don't know this is how many followers I want or this is how many it's a little bit transactional it's very practical but actually you don't often set goals on how you're going to feel yeah so okay when you get those 5 ,000 followers yeah what are you going to do how are you going to feel how is that going to sit and what does that then mean yeah and that is the easiest thing it's so much easier said than done because we're always on to the next thing and it's something again that we work on that actually to sort of every milestone is important however small and how are you gonna we launched in the UAE and the first thing you said to me is how are you gonna celebrate how are you gonna celebrate it's a really good question I've not thought about it but so much work to do but I made sure that I went for dinner and actually that night we didn't go for dinner but my husband and I had a takeaway because we were retired but you were aware we Acknowledged it and we spoke about how the trip was going to be.

47:55And, you know, we kind of, I was on 75 hard, so I didn't have a drink. I was on the challenge. Fine. But my husband did and he posted for me. And it was just acknowledging that and talking through it and going, this is amazing. And this is, you know, it's the goal setting thing. I think we'd see it as, well, it's more of a kind of, you do a brand strategy, don't you? And you do a kind of a future plan and a brand plan and a business plan. but actually like how you want to feel in those moments should i tell you the trick the real trick yes many people don't know this you don't get the feeling at the end correct you have to generate the feeling on the journey so if a lot of people say i just want to be happy i just want to get to yeah just when i get here i'm gonna feel happy no you won't you're gonna feel happy a little bit every day and that's what's going to make the end result feel like an unbelievable amount of happiness because you've built it up over time so anytime you want something how you get it is by generating on the journey so it's great to be goal oriented and then also process oriented too i think that is the game changer have your goals goals for me are just a time in the future where i have what i want that's just what i say a goal is right that kind of distills it down and makes it really easy because people get in their head about goals like I don't know which goal to pick like what do you want yeah that's all it is that's all it is yeah it's just a big tick in your future where you have that thing you want but then you have to fall in love with the process and in order to do that whatever you think you get when you have the goal is the life you have to live every day towards that goal I love that yeah your future self isn't built at the end it's built every day towards your future you become a bit less of who you are today a bit more of who you want to be in the future and that's how you become and I love that because I am such a process girl like I'm in it of course like there are things that we'd want to achieve but and you stumble and you learn them along the way too because you can have goals but they will then breed new goals and the journey and the process will then breed new opportunity and I didn't know when I started the business at one point I would have a podcast just talking to other women in business because that was never with a goal but then you you stumble across new ones yeah exactly yeah and I think what I would say about you Rochelle is that you genuinely are process oriented like through the good the bad like we said there's no real good there's no real bad but what you would categorize as really good for you but you just take it in your stride you keep going you keep moving and it's not like oh but I really wanted this and that's not happening it's like actually every day is special to you every day there's like a new slice of happiness there's a new positive thing for you to extract that is so key so so so so I just want to celebrate you for this moment and say like I enjoy working with you specifically because your mind is able to just be in it yeah day to day I love it and I think that is you find something you love you never have to work a day right oh it's work it's work no but it's but but it will always be work but it comes back to the love and I think that's what I think has been a consistent theme through every founder or every woman that we spoke to is actually you have to have that almost like Natasha said this that like obsession with what you do and that love and that passion and that excitement actually every one of our guests has said the same thing because on the days that you're like woof this is a ride that I didn't see coming or we've been met with this problem and actually this is a day where if we were getting we'd say okay we've had enough now but that fire will never go out because it's always there and if you don't have that you've not really got anything yeah so that's always the best place to work from even when it's like a little flicker yeah it's there it's there exactly that even when you're like okay everyone's really tried to put this out today i've had the hose i've had the jet wash but i'm still here i'm still here um let's touch on relaunch and relaunching because I think a lot of our guests have had that actually Connor Walker had that a lot you know from going from celebrity boutique to house of CB and that being a a big part every I've had that a lot pivoting from careers all together the relaunch and it can look so many different ways I think Megan's outlook was really really interesting because she took a lot of personal time off from the good quote from her business because she was grieving yeah and you know she had a lot of loss and she was kind of as she said herself self-medicating and turning into other ways but she then when it was time to come back she had like three years right a bit of escapism which as she said she was in a position that she could do so but feeling three years behind when you want to come back and you want to be the new you again that's quite a hard thing and I'm even talking to my niece at the minute who isn't sure she's going to have a gap year or she's not sure how to do it but they're not wanting to take that gap year because she'll be a year behind her friends when she takes the year that feeling of not showing it not being sure if you're going to be left behind or if you feel not where you should be that's that's quite a hard kind of place to be in isn't it it's a hard place to be in because we make it hard so I remember in that episode actually Megan said I feel well I am three years behind she's something along those lines and her episode was beautiful she's amazing beautiful I loved it I loved hearing her I would have never known her story actually if it wasn't for you bringing her on the podcast I really enjoyed listening to it and that struck me when And she said, like, I'm three years behind.

53:39And she didn't really mean it in a negative way. She's excited to move forward. But a lot of people would say that in a negative way. And they would use it to kind of bring themselves down. And this thought of I am behind is a way of comparing yourself to a version of yourself that you believe should have existed. Which means you're not accepting of everything that currently is. And a lot of what we've spoken about today is like, life is a gift. What's happening is happening for you, not against you. There's no such thing as a bad situation, just bad thoughts. So if you practice everything we've spoken about, you're going to realize that where I am today is exactly where I'm supposed to be.

54:19And there's no such thing as a different life, three years forward or backwards. I just have today. Yeah. I just have today. So if I do feel like I'm behind or I'm this or I'm that, it's because I'm comparing myself in a way that's not actually helpful. who has ever said I feel behind and it's motivated them they think it's motivating them though yeah I'm so behind and this is this is the fuel I'm going to use to keep me no negative creates negative so if you tell yourself something negative about yourself I am behind it means you're going to you're going to produce results right but from a very negative space and you won't realize it but your body will and there'll be this kind of internal struggle you'll never feel satisfied with where you are you can hit your biggest goal and still say but it should have happened three years ago this is yeah this is great but it would have been great better if I'd done this a while ago or if it do you get what I'm saying so it's like you should just just try your best to examine your thoughts and it slips out of our mouths all the time like oh I'm behind behind what or who exactly yeah and who set that expectation you so can you change that expectation yes because you are in control and you want to change it to something that actually makes you feel really good about where you are because to be where you are means you've overcome things you've survived you've gotten up despite the times where you just didn't want to you didn't want to go to work you didn't want to run the business you didn't want to talk to a single team member but you did so it's kind of discrediting all the work you've done to get you here yeah and actually there is I speak a lot about the future self but there is no future we make it up your future is just a place in time that you hope things will be not even but I don't say better but it's a place in the future where you've achieved everything you want to achieve and your past is just memories we're not the past can't come back again yeah it's just a time in your brain a way you re-experience your life in your brain that's all your that's all the past is so your future is your imagination and your past is like your memory so that means that all you actually have is the present the future hasn't happened yet and the past is gone it's just in your brain so if you are here right now and you tell yourself that here where i am right now is not where I'm supposed to be that actually isn't even true because there's no other time than right now yes right so it's like embrace this in its totality the good and the bad embrace all of it bring it all in close and say do you know what I'm happy with all of this which is hard it's very challenging to say I'm happy with a minus x bank balance I'm happy with to be grieving I'm happy Yeah, those real life moments.

56:57Because this is my life. Yeah. I'm happy with it. I'm accepting of it because this is my life. Not because you want more of it, but because this is what it is. And actually, I believe it's here to serve me in some way. And the more I embrace it, instead of pushing it away, I'm going to learn about it. And I would get that lesson and my life would just become more beautiful as a result of it. So don't use your goals against you. Like, oh, I want to have this and I should have had it. Yes. It's not good. Or it'll be okay when I have it in the future. there's a new thing in the future you're going to be worrying about you won't even realize what you want it's so true it's so interesting it's so good to hear you break all of these points down because and actually sort of put that into tools that we can use well I use because we chat every week um because actually everybody everybody has the power to take control and when you listen to a podcast or you listen or you read a book or there's something that inspires you you don't have to just listen to it and then move on with the rest of your day no take it forward please pause i love in the now yeah and you you're you always say in your episodes like um i hope you're listening to this on your lunch break yes i hope so too i hope people are really taking that hour out of their day for themselves to give themselves something yeah and then to also think about okay I've broken up my day the morning lunch break now the afternoon and evening how am I going to take something I've learned from Michelle's podcast and implement it I love to say like I don't want people to just be inspired I want them to be inspired into action yeah so it's like the second half of your day after you've listened to ladies who launch how are you going to implement what Emma Greed said what Amy said right immediately just start putting it in place so if Emma says I'm a girl's girl and I really love to support people immediately just go chat to someone in the office and say how are you doing like just really be down for them or if somebody says um trying to think of another episode joe malone saying oh god she said something so beautiful she said like i want to do this again rachel she and it it got me because the way she like called you out on it she like brought you in on it right i love her so much she said like rachel i really want to see myself when i can't remember the exact words she was talking about the fact that she sees herself going into skincare at some point again and she was like i want to push myself to like play this game again.

59:19And if you listen to that episode, you may not be going into skincare. You're not Jo Malone, but you can say, I want to play this game. And you go back into the office doing your nine to five, maybe, which is not maybe the job you want to do. You really want to work on your business full time, but you're like, well, this is the game I'm playing right now. And I'm going to play it to my, I'm going to be the MVP in this office. And I'm going to do it and I'm going to do it well. And then the time I have outside of work, I'm going to do that and do that well. That's just how you can immediately implement what you're hearing in the episodes so it's not about like oh but i don't have a big business like them you have a big brain like them yeah so take the tools of what they're saying and just start immediately make a slugging it yeah um i i mean this is why we talk so much i feel inspired i'm ready to do something i don't know what it is but i'm going to start something new today after this um I always like to leave a tangible tip as you know at the end of each episode and with you I'd be so interested for you to give somebody an action to take today what's one if if you're listening to this in your lunch hour you're watching in your lunch hour or you're on your commute or you're winding down for the evening what's one positive action that our ladies who launch can take from today let's circle back to the beginning where i spoke about i work with entrepreneurs don't really care about your business i care about you because i feel like i founded a business and found myself through that and it was a yeah a parallel journey of building a business and building myself at the same time so if there's one action i think every lady who wants to launch should do she should design her future self literally take a piece of paper there's no right or wrong way to do this take a piece of paper and just write down everything your future self is everything that that dream woman is make her real paint the picture add the details in because when you build your business it's not about having all the money the customers the success it's actually about who you become on the journey and that journey is going to help you build that woman so if you're not aware of who she is you might be building the wrong future for yourself so from today know who she is and build with her in mind and make sure you're having the fun the create the creative time the positive all the things that she wants to feel start doing it now and make her come to life as you launch so today you've got to know who she is yeah design her design your future self i love that thank you so much thank you this has been so good i've absolutely loved it we've hung out i've got a free session.

1:01:58Anytime, anytime.

1:02:07Don't forget to follow us on Apple and Spotify or wherever you get your podcast to make sure you don't miss out because next week we're going to be talking to another incredible lady who launched. If like me, you're a watcher, please follow us on YouTube and don't forget to like and subscribe.

1:02:26Thank you.