Amy Matthews

0:00James Acaster: It's James Acaster. I have an announcement to make. Cinema Goers Welcome is out on March 6th in cinemas nationwide. It's my Heckler's Welcome show, but filmed in three different locations, Truro, Dublin and Northampton. And it's all stuff that wasn't part of the actual Heckler's Welcome special. Some of it's the same material, but in a different location, going differently, being heckled differently and under different circumstances. So there's the special that is on HBO and Sky, and there is this CinemaGoers Welcome companion piece. Anyway, March 6th, CinemaGoers Welcome in cinemas. Enjoy the podcast off menu.

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3:23Amy Matthews: Welcome to the Off Menu Podcast, taking the cream of conversation, adding the smashed up meringue of humour, the raspberries of friendship, mixing them all up in the big bowl of the internet, and you've got yourselves an Eden Mess Podcast.

3:36James Acaster: That is Ed Gamble. My name is James Acastle. Together we own a dream restaurant every single week. We invite in a guest. Can we invite a guest? We invite in a guest every week. And we ask them a favour ever. Start a main course dessert, side dish and drink. Not in that order. and this week our guest is Amy Matthews Amy Matthews

3:53Amy Matthews: by the way I've definitely done Eat a Mess before as an intro

3:55James Acaster: I don't want to pick you up on it man because like do you know what they'll be on you enough across all social platforms I don't want to add to your worries

4:02Amy Matthews: what's your problem Benito

4:05James Acaster: for the listener Ed was fiddling with his mic stand to the point where Benito gave him evils to get him to stop and while he was giving Benito sass for it he leant back on his chair and his chair tried to do a bucking bronco on him and sent him into the ceiling. And startled him. It gave him quite a fright. Yeah, yeah, I'm sleepy today, man.

4:25Amy Matthews: But I feel wired, you know, when you're sleepy and wired.

4:27James Acaster: Yeah, well, and rightly so, Ed. Because we've got a cork of an episode coming up, so you should feel wired.

4:33Amy Matthews: Yes, Amy Matthews is a brilliant comedian, very much looking forward to speaking to her about her dream. So funny.

4:39James Acaster: Such an honour to have Amy on the pod.

4:41Amy Matthews: Mm-hm.

4:42James Acaster: But listen, Amy, if you choose the secret ingredient which we have deemed to be unacceptable, you will be kicked out of the dream restaurant

4:49Amy Matthews: and this week the secret ingredient is Bernard Matthews Turkey Dinosaurs Matthews

4:55James Acaster: Amy's surname is Matthews Bernard Matthews' surname is Matthews Turkey Dinosaurs is their signature dish his signature dish the original Bernard Matthews

5:04Amy Matthews: his signature dish

5:06James Acaster: it's what he used to make when people came to visit him Bernard Matthews he would get a turkey, carve it up completely carve them into dinosaur shapes cover them in breadcrumbs put them in the oven and they said Bernard you've got to sell these

5:18Amy Matthews: I think how he actually did it was he got like a dinosaur cookie cutter yeah and just rammed it straight into a live turkey

5:28James Acaster: oh just got it out that way yeah and then the turkey's just running around with like a triceratops hole in its side yeah wow Bernard Matthews

5:37Amy Matthews: it's too much man

5:38James Acaster: but that's the thing I mean you know you don't build an empire like that without being a visionary yeah so congratulations to him

5:45Amy Matthews: they should make a succession style show for HBO about Bernard Matthews who wants to inherit

5:51James Acaster: the Bernard Matthews empire yeah yeah yeah that would be good actually would be good yeah and I mean people would get quite you know there'd be a lot of symbolism there with the dinosaurs yeah the turkeys as well yeah yeah both those things can have double meanings yeah talking about the industry that's good maybe Amy Matthews could be in it

6:08Amy Matthews: yes Amy Matthews could be in it

6:10James Acaster: get Jesse Armstrong to write it obviously

6:12Amy Matthews: yeah yeah

6:14James Acaster: I'll just give it to Sam Bain

6:15Amy Matthews: oh yeah the other one

6:17James Acaster: yeah because that'd be fun go like look we're putting you head to head now yeah you gotta go it's still gotta be like Succession but it's the Bird of Matthew's Empire and you gotta write it I don't think Bain's agreeing to that man no well he knows that we've hobbled him from the start

6:31Amy Matthews: yeah very successful man Sam Bain he's not gonna deliberately write another version of Succession about the Bird of Matthew's Turkey Dinosaur Empire go head to head with his friend and writing colleague. Sam, if you're listening, man,

6:44James Acaster: the challenge has been extended. And the challenge is extended to Amy Matthews this week to tell us her dream meal. This is the off-menu menu

6:53Amy Matthews: of Amy Matthews.

7:02Amy Matthews: Welcome, Amy, to the dream restaurant.

7:04James Acaster: Hello. Welcome, Amy Matthews, to the dream restaurant. We've been expecting you for some time.

7:10Ed Gamble: Wowee. It's so nice to be here.

7:12Amy Matthews: Wowee.

7:12James Acaster: Wowee sounded a bit sarcastic.

7:15Ed Gamble: No, I have a really naturally sarcastic tone of voice and it's got me into trouble. Yeah. Yeah, I don't like it. But here we are.

7:21Amy Matthews: When was the last time it got you into trouble?

7:24Ed Gamble: Six seconds ago. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

7:26Amy Matthews: And we called you out for saying wowee. Yeah.

7:28Ed Gamble: What's wrong with wowee?

7:29Amy Matthews: No, I think it was the tone. I think it was the tone rather than the words. Because you saw a genie and you went wowee.

7:36Ed Gamble: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

7:38Amy Matthews: I think if you actually found a magic lamp and rubbed it and a genie came out and you said wowee the genie would go back into the lamp do you think? yeah and go fuck this yeah they go what the

7:47James Acaster: what was the point of that?

7:48Ed Gamble: yeah well how did that make you feel a genie?

7:51James Acaster: I mean I'm quite used to it from guests I mean actually it's nicer to get wowee even if it's sarcastic because most guests

7:58Ed Gamble: yeah just apathy you know

7:58James Acaster: ignore it we get a lot of people who aren't comedians who don't know me who I do that I just look at him going can you ask me a question please if we move on from whatever that guy just did. So it's quite nice to get well.

8:10Amy Matthews: Because sometimes you'll spit as well when he does it. You'll spit.

8:15James Acaster: And then they're just like, that guy's gross. Gross guy. Have you ever met a celeb and felt like they think you're gross?

8:23Ed Gamble: Honestly thought, you're going to say, have you ever met a genie? Have I ever met...

8:26James Acaster: We have asked people that before, to be honest.

8:28Ed Gamble: Have I ever met a celeb and thought they were gross?

8:31James Acaster: And they thought you were gross.

8:32Ed Gamble: And they thought I was gross.

8:34James Acaster: I've had a lot on here.

8:35Ed Gamble: have you I'm sorry mate

8:38Amy Matthews: I don't think they think you're gross I think I'm gross I think you're weird like a little alien man oh yeah sorry that's great

8:43Ed Gamble: that's what you want yeah yeah yeah for sure have I has anyone ever thought I was gross

8:49Amy Matthews: are you now going back through every interaction you've ever had with a famous person I really am

8:53Ed Gamble: and there's some weird and wonderful ones that have come to mind my favourite celebrity interaction actually was I was about 14 I was in London and I said apropos of nothing oh I really like what's the guy's name who was the guy's name. Is this part?

9:07James Acaster: Is this the full play?

9:09Ed Gamble: Was the guy's name who plays the dad in my family?

9:12James Acaster: Robert Lindsay.

9:13Ed Gamble: Robert Lindsay. I went, I just really like Robert Lindsay. And I turned around and he walked across the road.

9:19James Acaster: Wow.

9:19Ed Gamble: Like, he's a genie. Yeah.

9:22James Acaster: Robert Lindsay's a genie. Honestly. Was he walking across the road towards you?

9:25Ed Gamble: Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was extraordinary.

9:28James Acaster: He's like Candyman.

9:29Ed Gamble: Absolutely. Yeah. It's just, it was nuts. So, I don't know if he thought I was gross, but he might have thought I was magic.

9:36James Acaster: My friend sent me a photo of Robert Lindsay last week holding a big feather. He was talking to him. Right. Yeah, we're doing like his book launch or something, and Robert Lindsay was, you know, waiting for the punters to arrive. We were just sitting talking, and a big like prop quill that was humongous. We were just talking to my friend, and perhaps he sent it to me. This is funny.

9:58Ed Gamble: Do we know why he was using the quill?

10:00James Acaster: I don't know. I think it was some like... Was it a book signing or something? A prop for... Yeah, but not a book signing in the past.

10:07Amy Matthews: It's a bit of fun.

10:07James Acaster: Those things get boring. Why not bring a big quill? I've got a quill. I think I was just talking on stage about writing his book and wanting it to be like this. It'd be funny if I've got a big old feather.

10:17Ed Gamble: Oh, that's nice. That's lovely. More Robert Lindsay chat in this podcast than I thought it was going to be.

10:21James Acaster: We normally do a bit at the top.

10:22Amy Matthews: It might be cut out because it's sort of like our warm-up. He always cuts it out.

10:25James Acaster: Yeah. He always cuts out the Robert Lindsay stuff. It's very disappointing. Chris Marshall from my family. Yeah. I remember just thinking he was the funniest person. He was great in that show.

10:37Ed Gamble: I used to love my family when I was a kid and I used to write episodes of my family in a little notebook and crayon.

10:46Amy Matthews: That's incredible. Spec scripts for my family. Do you remember any of them? Remember what the storylines were?

10:52Ed Gamble: There was one where, God, this is a deep dive. There was one where Ben and Susan were in bed reading as they do. You don't have to remind me which ones

11:05James Acaster: Ben and Susan are. They're the mum and dad. And Robert Lindsay and they were

11:11Ed Gamble: in bed and they were Robert Lindsay, Ben, was trying to, was going to try it on with his wife. How old were you like this in crayon? Do you use the phrase try it on?

11:24Amy Matthews: Yes. When they're married in bed and reading?

11:28Ed Gamble: Have you seen 2000 sitcoms?

11:30Amy Matthews: he's trying it on with me

11:31Ed Gamble: that's like the whole the husband wants a bit yeah and she just wants to read

11:35Amy Matthews: I think it's the phrase trying it on to me suggests it's going to be the first time

11:40Ed Gamble: yeah okay fair enough

11:41Amy Matthews: rather than yeah

11:42Ed Gamble: and she just wanted to read and then when she finally goes oh go on then Nick the who do you what's it Chris Marshall yeah Chris Marshall comes out from under the bed and he's like hi mum and dad and it scuppered it scuppered the moment and that was your spec script that was my spec script It's good stuff.

12:00Amy Matthews: It's strong. That would absolutely play perfectly in an episode of My Family. I'd watch a lot of My Family.

12:05Ed Gamble: Why is he under the bed? Why is he under the bed? It's funny. That's why it's funny. Why would he be under the bed? He's a weird character. I think he was knitting as well, actually. Yeah.

12:11James Acaster: Yeah.

12:12Amy Matthews: Hi, Mum and Dad. I'm knitting.

12:14James Acaster: Hi, Mum and Dad. Are you much of a foodie, Amy? You bought a lovely cookie, what was it, a cookie dough croissant with you?

12:19Ed Gamble: It was a crookie, apparently. A crookie. It's called a crookie. It was a muffin-shaped thing made of croissant filled with chocolate cookie dough.

12:29Amy Matthews: Yeah.

12:29Ed Gamble: How was it?

12:30Amy Matthews: Really good. Great. Was it? We had a little slice each. A little pie. Delicious.

12:34Ed Gamble: That's so nice. I love food. I love food so much. Like so much.

12:41James Acaster: Good. Have you always felt this way?

12:43Ed Gamble: Yes. Yeah, I have. I really, really love food. I think food's really important. I think it's a language as well. You know? It's a language. I genuinely really love food. I was, it's so, I realised the other day as well, because I was helping someone with a eulogy. Bear with.

13:02Amy Matthews: Writing it in crayon in your book?

13:03Ed Gamble: Write it in crayon. Yeah, yeah, yeah. People talk about food in eulogies so often.

13:11James Acaster: Oh.

13:12Ed Gamble: You know, like, oh, she used to make this thing for me. Or like, you know, it's like a huge thing. And yeah, I just absolutely love, I love food so much. And I think you can be remembered for your food.

13:23Amy Matthews: I'm just going to, this is quite a dark question. But when you die.

13:27Ed Gamble: Yeah.

13:28Amy Matthews: What food do you think someone will write about in your eulogy?

13:32Ed Gamble: Oh, okay. I made a really, really criminal sandwich.

13:37Amy Matthews: A criminal sandwich?

13:39Ed Gamble: On Boxing Day, I made a white bread sandwich that had cranberry sauce and mashed potato in it.

13:47James Acaster: Wow. And it's criminal good?

13:49Ed Gamble: You tell me.

13:51James Acaster: Well... It's breaking rules. It's breaking so many rules. But is that all it had in it?

13:56Ed Gamble: And a crisp.

13:59Amy Matthews: that's even more criminal that's triple carbs yeah

14:02Ed Gamble: because it needed a bit of texture you can't be having sauce, mash and like that's a wet sandwich white bread you could damn a river with you know the really yeah

14:11James Acaster: I'd worry that crisp wouldn't really add that much crunch because it's just I mean it's like yeah like one crisp

14:16Ed Gamble: I think a big one yeah

14:18James Acaster: one big crisp

14:18Ed Gamble: you know the one big crisp in a packet

14:20James Acaster: yeah

14:20Amy Matthews: where if you're a kid I mean I would I hope everyone else would when you're a kid you find that or you find a big chip and you go it's the biggest crisp in the world. That's what we used to say.

14:31Ed Gamble: Did you?

14:31Amy Matthews: Yeah, if I found a big crisp I would say to my friend I found the biggest crisp in the world. Good. Is that not what you guys did? Yeah, probably. Maybe.

14:39James Acaster: Well, I'd definitely show it to my mates. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, that was like you're just eating it silently and not sharing it with people. Yeah. You do have to say look at this, how big this crisp is. I don't think I'd always say it's the biggest crisp in the world.

14:53Ed Gamble: No, that's, yeah. It's a big statement out of the gates but I, yeah, maybe they'd mention that. That was quite bad.

14:58Amy Matthews: Yeah, I think they would mention it. Other people saw you eating this. They saw you preparing it. Yeah, it's awesome.

15:04Ed Gamble: Yeah, I don't think that's prime.

15:06Amy Matthews: Would you feel good about that, knowing that in your eulogy is someone talking about your mashed potato sandwich with a big crisp in it?

15:12Ed Gamble: Yeah, I think so. I think that'd be fine. That would be alright, wouldn't it? It could be worse. Yeah, it could be worse. What would be in your eulogy? Food-wise? Yeah.

15:22James Acaster: So much. I think it would all be fine. It would all be fine. Because we do this. If anything, I'd just rather they miss that. Miss that out. I don't want to be reduced to this. Actually, that's depressed me. Yeah. That's depressed me. Thinking that when I die, if someone does a eulogy, and look, I've had a great time on this podcast, and God knows financially I've benefited, but... Are you stepping down, James? If someone gets up and says, the thought right now of someone get up and going, and of course, he co-hosted the Off Menu podcast when I'm fucking dead. Makes me absolutely... What is going to happen, mate?

16:04James Acaster: It's so depressing. I don't think anyone's going to say that.

16:06Amy Matthews: I think what Amy's asking is what foods will be mentioned, like personal foods, like...

16:12James Acaster: I lean into it.

16:13Amy Matthews: I love it.

16:14James Acaster: Because we do this, they're going to say loads of stuff about, oh, they get talked about this food on the Off Menu podcast. Oh, fucking hell. I'm going to request it.

16:22Amy Matthews: What a pathetic one. What would you rather be remembered for, I want to be cramated for someone to leave a leg of lamb on top of the coffin as it goes into the...

16:27Ed Gamble: What would you rather be remembered for? Sweet Home Kettering. Sweet Home Kettering.

16:32James Acaster: Sweet Home Kettering. Number one. Sweet Home Kettering.

16:39James Acaster: Still a sparkling water, Amy.

16:40Ed Gamble: Oh, sparkling. Definitely. But a fine mousse.

16:44Amy Matthews: Oh, lovely. Very rare that people bring the mousse. A fine mousse. Yeah.

16:49Ed Gamble: Very important. I hate it when the bubbles feel like marbles. I want it to feel like fuzzy felt.

16:54Amy Matthews: This is good. fuzzy felt in the mouth. James? Hold on a second. What? Are you worried?

16:58Ed Gamble: A fine moose? Yeah.

17:00Amy Matthews: Yeah.

17:02James Acaster: What are we talking about?

17:05Ed Gamble: A fine moose. In anything sparkling, if the bubbles are very small but plentiful, it's a fine moose. A moose. If you've got big bubbles and fewer of them, that's like a coarse moose. What the? How has this never come up before?

17:20James Acaster: I don't know. I've never said this on the podcast before. It's a pretty fancy thing to say. Is it? Yeah. When you said a fine mousse, I thought, are we skipping straight to dessert?

17:29Ed Gamble: Like, what the fuck is going on? No, no, no, no. Like, yeah, a fine mousse of sparkle.

17:35Amy Matthews: People say that about champagne a lot. That's like a champagne tasting note. It's mousse.

17:40Ed Gamble: How's it spelt? Like mousse. Because it's from the same, well, it's the same phenomenon.

17:47Amy Matthews: It's the bubbleness. Because mousse, like chocolate mousse is bubbles, isn't it?

17:51James Acaster: You're blowing my mind here.

17:52Ed Gamble: Yeah.

17:52James Acaster: It is like bubbles. Yeah. So a chocolate mousse is a thick mousse Yes

17:57Ed Gamble: Well it can be What do you mean?

18:01Amy Matthews: It depends on the chocolate mousse doesn't it? But I think no matter how No there's chocolate mousses with bigger bubbles Yeah Because some chocolate mousses are barely moussey Because the bubbles are so small right?

18:12Ed Gamble: Some mousse have a finer mousse than others

18:13Amy Matthews: But the mousse you get from like a supermarket That's a chunky mousse

18:19Ed Gamble: Mousse now has stopped feeling like a word hasn't it? But yeah that's you can the bubble would you prefer we say bubble-ness?

18:27Amy Matthews: No don't change it for me I'm trying to learn Yeah you are you are you're learning

18:30Ed Gamble: Yeah Beautiful

18:32Amy Matthews: Fine mousse

18:33Ed Gamble: So yeah fine mousse

18:34Amy Matthews: Do you have a specific sparkling water in mind when you discuss the fine mousse?

18:38Ed Gamble: Ooh I had one in a hotel yesterday it was pretty sweet Yeah? Yeah I'm in a lot of hotels

18:45James Acaster: I'm in a lot of hotels on tour

18:47Ed Gamble: Yeah So yeah no my life hasn't fallen apart but yeah some kind of fine mousse sparkling water non-specific

18:57Amy Matthews: non-specific yeah okay we can find you the finest mousse available yeah even though I don't understand what it is but like yeah

19:03Ed Gamble: yeah okay what could help

19:05Amy Matthews: water I mean you understand what it is now right it's been explained tiny bubbles

19:09Ed Gamble: tiny bubbles

19:10Amy Matthews: lots of them

19:11Ed Gamble: and lots of them

19:12Amy Matthews: yeah

19:13Ed Gamble: yeah so that would have like a yeah slightly more a smoother texture than

19:20Amy Matthews: a more pleasant mouth feel

19:21Ed Gamble: a more pleasant mouth feel exactly right

19:24James Acaster: you know before we started the podcast I talked about I'm worried I'm going to burp it just keeps yeah so like I want to shout pop lums or bread at you because I need to do that but I'm worried

19:35Ed Gamble: go on knock yourself out I won't tell anyone I don't want to burp

19:37James Acaster: you know go on so I was just trying to think of like ask something else about the water to keep us here to keep us going

19:44Amy Matthews: yeah ice and ice and lemon in the sparkling water

19:48James Acaster: pop lums or bread

19:49Ed Gamble: Amy Matthews wowie that was a more convincing wowie did you burp?

19:59James Acaster: no do you wanna? no okay

20:05Ed Gamble: I'm going bread I'm going bread but a very specific bread if I may

20:10Amy Matthews: love it of course you may fine miss

20:12Ed Gamble: I would like there's a restaurant in Edinburgh called Noto it's owned by very talented chef Stuart Ralston does that name ring any bells Ed?

20:22Amy Matthews: yes he did Great British Menu yeah yes oh good test threw that at him well done I've heard it's a fantastic restaurant it is a fantastic restaurant well done Ed

20:31Ed Gamble: yeah I think you voted him out in the semis but do you vote people out? it's not voting

20:37Amy Matthews: it's judging the dishes I'm but one of the judges

20:40Ed Gamble: yeah so Stuart Ralston has a well he's got four restaurants in Edinburgh but one is Noto and they do a sourdough bread that comes with a melted crab butter and you dip the bread in the butter and it's still got little bits of shredded crab in it, it's got parsley in it and it comes in a crab shell and you just dip your lovely bread in a little carcass and it's heaven, absolute heaven

21:13Amy Matthews: I was with you until you used the word carcass I'm sorry Nah, I'm still with you so I would like that bread specific

21:19Ed Gamble: is that okay to have it as even though it's not counting as a dish

21:23Amy Matthews: of course that's your bread course in our episode 100 I picked the bread from Kudu in Peckham which has a similar vibe where you get the bread it's like more of a brioche bread but then you get two pans of melted butter one's got bacon in it and then one's got shrimp in it and it's just so good it's a proper that feels more luxurious than spreading butter on is dipping into melted butter

21:45Ed Gamble: Yeah, particularly when it comes in a carcass. Yeah, when it's in a carcass. Like a medieval king.

21:50James Acaster: Yeah. It's great. With the carcass there, would you do a eulogy for the crab?

21:54Ed Gamble: Would I do a eulogy for the crab?

21:55James Acaster: Talk about the food the crab would eat?

21:58Ed Gamble: Yeah, maybe. Or make for people? Maybe. It comes on a little mountain of sea salt as well. So if you want, you can sort of...

22:07Amy Matthews: Put a bit of salt in the carcass. Yeah.

22:10Ed Gamble: It's really extraordinary.

22:11Amy Matthews: Do you think it would put people off eating meat and fish if before they ate the meat, the waiter had to give a eulogy to the animal?

22:20Ed Gamble: I don't know. I mean, there's lots of things where you have a sort of sense of ceremony before serving something. What's the, I mean, I'm going to really lose my Scotland credentials here as someone who's been a resident for seven years. But is it addressing the haggis that you do on Burns Night?

22:38Amy Matthews: Oh, yeah. Do you toast the haggis? You toast it and you read some rabbi burns.

22:43Ed Gamble: You challenge it. You read some rabbi burns and then you don't set it on fire, do you? That's Christmas pudding.

22:48Amy Matthews: No, you can set it on fire, I think. I think so.

22:50Ed Gamble: Okay.

22:51Amy Matthews: Yeah.

22:51Ed Gamble: A dress to a haggis. There we go. A dress to a haggis. I think that's not a eulogy, but it's as close as it comes. You're sort of giving it a little poem before it's gobbled up.

22:59Amy Matthews: But you're speaking to the haggis there rather than the sheep.

23:03Ed Gamble: Rather than the life it had.

23:04Amy Matthews: Yeah, the life it had. Yeah. Okay, that's fair enough. nearly said cow but it's sheep isn't it

23:09Ed Gamble: it is yeah

23:10Amy Matthews: cow's stomach would be fucking massive

23:13Ed Gamble: they've got they've got two haven't they have they yeah oh yeah

23:16James Acaster: cows have got multiple yeah so

23:17Ed Gamble: they've got stomachs

23:18James Acaster: you're asking for trouble

23:19Ed Gamble: for days

23:20James Acaster: two for one yeah

23:22Ed Gamble: they've got their little cud stomach

23:23James Acaster: yeah two for one stomach two for one

23:27Ed Gamble: you get a cud stomach and a and a food and a what's the other one is it just two lots of stomachs

23:33James Acaster: is it we all got something for the stomach yeah yeah Yeah, I'm pretty sure there's two.

23:40Ed Gamble: I think so.

23:41Amy Matthews: Well, I think that bread sounds delicious. It's real good. I've not been to Naito. I'd absolutely love to go. I've heard it's incredible. It is incredible. Well, you wouldn't be welcome there, man. That's true. What are his other places?

23:51Ed Gamble: Or what they might do is send you out just before you get your dessert. Yeah, yeah. When the end's in reaching.

23:56Amy Matthews: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

24:00Ed Gamble: What was the question, sorry?

24:01Amy Matthews: What are his other places? His other places.

24:02Ed Gamble: He's got Lila, which is a really, really beautiful fine dining restaurant near Carlton Hill. Azel, which is the original. And that is also a tasting menu restaurant. Absolutely superb. And Tipo, which is the most recent, no, the second most recent one, which is all pasta and Italian infused.

24:26Amy Matthews: Nice.

24:26Ed Gamble: Yeah. Really, really good.

24:28Amy Matthews: You've got to go for one of them at least.

24:29Ed Gamble: Really, really good. there's a whole bream in Teepo that I have eaten alone

24:33Amy Matthews: yes how big is a bream though?

24:37Ed Gamble: too big for a person I mean yeah

24:41James Acaster: for the listener that's quite big

24:44Ed Gamble: as a genie's lamp's worth?

24:46James Acaster: yeah as big as a genie's lamp yeah you're a dream starter your menu proper now

24:53Ed Gamble: I'm going to upset people oh great

24:55James Acaster: this is what we like

24:56Amy Matthews: cause some controversy

24:57James Acaster: get ready listeners

24:59Ed Gamble: Can I also say how nervous I am to say the forbidden ingredient? I'm really of the straw law school.

25:07Amy Matthews: We like our guests to be on edge. Yeah, you should be on edge.

25:10Ed Gamble: Particularly, I've just got some mental ingredients.

25:14Amy Matthews: Great.

25:16Ed Gamble: So, starter. A traditional Scandinavian pickled herring platter.

25:21Amy Matthews: What the?

25:22Ed Gamble: Yeah, I know. Hang on.

25:24James Acaster: This sounds great to me. I don't know why you're worried about upsetting people. I'm not saying what the luck, it's gross. I just did not see that coming. So you can get quite often a trilogy of pickled herring.

25:38Ed Gamble: There's usually some kind of clove vinaigrette herring, a mustard and something, and then like a cream and cucumber or horseradish and cucumber. So those three that comes with half a boiled egg, some dill, a little bit of rye cracker. yeah a trilogy triumvirate of herring

25:59Amy Matthews: I think stick with trilogy trilogy

26:01Ed Gamble: a herring trilogy yeah

26:02Amy Matthews: yeah what if it's a trilogy what's the first the first one what do you always go with the first one do they tell a story as they go through

26:10Ed Gamble: do they though um clove first clove first yeah

26:14Amy Matthews: for the sort of astringent vinaigretti I like my food to hurt

26:19Ed Gamble: I do I really like I really like what

26:23James Acaster: attack of the cloves

26:24Ed Gamble: attack of the cloves trilogy that's nice let's see if we can keep going

26:27James Acaster: how about

26:30Ed Gamble: what have you got on whole grain mustard

26:32James Acaster: phantom mustard

26:35Ed Gamble: okay

26:39Ed Gamble: and yeah so I think that is the order I'd do it in actually I'd go clove mustard and then the sort of cream slash horseradish sometimes it's got apple in as well so you're sort of

26:50Amy Matthews: building to the richer one yeah yeah yeah

26:53Ed Gamble: I think you want to go out

26:54Amy Matthews: when you say you like your food to hurt?

26:56Ed Gamble: Yes.

26:57Amy Matthews: Speak more. Okay.

26:59Ed Gamble: I like really, really strong flavours. So, something really astringent and acidic, or something really spicy, or something gruff.

27:11Amy Matthews: Do you know what I mean? I sort of do, but I want you to explain it. Yes. I want, I want it to,

27:17Ed Gamble: I want, sometimes I want when I'm eating something for it to feel like I'm a wood chipper.

27:23Amy Matthews: Mm-hmm. You're the wood chipper. Yeah, do you know what I mean? Yeah.

27:29Ed Gamble: Yeah, I want to have to put a shift in.

27:31Amy Matthews: Yeah, okay. To get through it.

27:33Ed Gamble: So I either want it to be texturally something to say.

27:36Amy Matthews: Like a raw carrot?

27:37Ed Gamble: Love a raw carrot. Somebody asked me what my comfort food was the other day, and I said raw carrot.

27:42James Acaster: Who asked you that? The eulogy person.

27:44Ed Gamble: No. So, yeah, I either like it to have real heft when I'm eating it, textually or the flavor to be um to be really saying something yeah so like you're there you're

27:59James Acaster: in the room with the food yeah yeah yeah yeah when did you get into herring platters i would say

28:05Ed Gamble: um i tell you what i can i know exactly what that is um i have polish family and they eat a lot of pickled herring in poland so when i was a kid i used to really love it over there and you could never get it in the uk and then little started stocking it of course and i got very into it and And then in the last seven, eight years, I've spent a little bit of time in either Denmark or... Where else have I been where they've done loads of herring? Just herring countries. Yeah, yeah. The herring countries. The main herring. Scandinavia. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Scandinavia. And I just absolutely love it. Yeah.

28:41Ed Gamble: I really, really love it. It's also crucial to me... Can I stipulate the environment as well that I'm eating? Yeah, yeah. my adult life is increasingly becoming a sort of quest for the right amount of twinkle. Do you know? In a food and drink environment.

28:58Amy Matthews: This is interesting because a lot of the things you're saying I immediately understand what you mean and James is utterly baffled, which is that you're having the experience that everyone else has with you, James. Yeah.

29:07Ed Gamble: Am I out-weirded, James?

29:09Amy Matthews: No, because it's not weird what you're saying. That's what it feels like. James is not keyed into it. A lot of people, an apology. you want gruff food in a twinkly environment

29:17Ed Gamble: yes so do you know what I'm constantly trying to find a bar pub or restaurant that has the exact amount of twinkle as the Pirates of the Caribbean ride ok

29:30James Acaster: now I'm coming round a bit more

29:33Ed Gamble: so you know

29:34James Acaster: Benito's on board as well

29:35Ed Gamble: you know the Pirates of the Caribbean ride and it's so dark and then it's got that lovely orangey twinkle it's got the right amount of twinkle that's what I want

29:44James Acaster: you want that

29:45Ed Gamble: that's what I want

29:45James Acaster: so you want it to feel like night time yes in a in a town that is being taken over by pirates

29:54Ed Gamble: in Tortuga in Tortuga and they're

29:58James Acaster: running around like looking for treasure and fighting each other and stuff

30:02Ed Gamble: well there's actually there's a bit in that ride isn't there where it it merges with a cafe yeah there is a you can do that

30:09Amy Matthews: yeah it goes through a cafe yeah

30:12Ed Gamble: Yeah, but it always looks better from the boat than when you're in the cafe.

30:18Amy Matthews: Well, I went to... Is it a themed cafe or is it just like a leisure centre cafe?

30:22Ed Gamble: No, it's just Disney. You must have seen it.

30:25James Acaster: Well, they're eating... So it depends which one you... I've only been on parts of the Caribbean in Florida and recently Tokyo.

30:33Ed Gamble: You've only been in those.

30:34James Acaster: Yeah. Only been in those ones, okay? Only those two. I'm a novice. How many others are there? there's one in Paris Benito says five immediately didn't need to google it he knows it as five pirates in the Caribbean but in the Florida one that the cafe you're talking about is like up in the distance so you kind of like you see him up on a hill or something and you're like oh there's a and you realise oh they're not animatronics that's real people up there and that's not part of the thing in the Tokyo one straight away they're on the fucking bank and you're like whoa

31:06Ed Gamble: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

31:07James Acaster: What, they don't think the cafe would be so close here.

31:09Ed Gamble: That's the same as the Paris one. So you go through it in your little pirate boat, and you can see...

31:15James Acaster: I've never been through it. You've never been through it? So it must be Paris is when you go through it, because, like, Tokyo, they're on that, you're right, or whatever. I think the Paris one is actually like a peninsula. Right, so it goes through the middle of the cafe.

31:26Ed Gamble: Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you sort of go round the cafe.

31:29Amy Matthews: Wow.

31:29Ed Gamble: It's never as good when you're in the cafe as when you're on the boat. Yeah. It doesn't look as, yeah.

31:35Amy Matthews: Well, yeah, I mean, you're on a boat for a start. That's exciting.

31:38Ed Gamble: Can I be in the boat?

31:40Amy Matthews: Yeah, you can be eating on the Pirates of the Caribbean boat. Yeah, that could be your whole meal.

31:44Ed Gamble: And then it's the perfect twinkle.

31:46Amy Matthews: Yeah, perfect smell of twinkle. That's so nice. I love the smell of theme park water. Me too. So I'd absolutely love to have a meal.

31:53Ed Gamble: I agree with that. Oh, yeah, you can choose this. Do I want it to smell like theme park water? It is good.

31:59Amy Matthews: I came up with an idea to try and release a theme park water smell. smell like a candle but i think it does exist already no it doesn't i've got really excited just whispered to himself because me and my wife got really excited about it we were like we should do try and do a theme park with a candle and then we looked it up and it's always the same with those things you come up with an idea you google it's already happened where have you ordered it no no no because i think that that is crazy that you haven't ordered it i think it'd be candles sometimes and then I smell them and they don't live up to what they're supposed to live up to.

32:36Ed Gamble: You hear about them sometimes.

32:37Amy Matthews: I hear about them sometimes.

32:37James Acaster: But then surely

32:38Amy Matthews: that should be your business. We've got one called Big Sur After Rain and it's supposed to smell like petrichor and it just doesn't capture it. Although shout out to DS and Durga you make some wonderful fragrances. But can't you and your wife's candle company

32:50Ed Gamble: be the good one?

32:51Amy Matthews: Get it right. Yeah that's true.

32:53Ed Gamble: Yeah.

32:54Amy Matthews: But how would you feel about like perfume that smelled like theme park water? If you were sat with someone and they smelled like theme park water. See this dweeb nodding his head in my peripheral.

33:03Ed Gamble: Is that, go on. I would probably enjoy it. But I don't think I'm in a well-populated group.

33:15Ed Gamble: I just, yeah, I think the theme park would be nice. I don't know if I'd want that around my food, though. I'd maybe go for, can I have it smell like Rory soup? There's a, Rory soup.

33:26Amy Matthews: Rory soup? Rory soup. Who's that? Who is that?

33:31Ed Gamble: So at Haven Holiday Camp, they have a mascot called Rory. He's a tiger. Rory the tiger. And for kids, they have Rory soup. It's vegetable soup. It's really specific. Smell. And when you went into the dining room, the whole place smelled like Rory soup. And sometimes I'll just be walking down the road. I'll be in, I don't know, Plymouth, and it will just Rory soup.

33:52Amy Matthews: Smell it.

33:53Ed Gamble: So there we go. I'd like to be in a boat. I'll see you have a beer ride. On the Parcs of the Caribbean ride in Paris with very twinkly lights.

34:00Amy Matthews: Yeah.

34:00Ed Gamble: And it smells like Rory soup.

34:01Amy Matthews: And it smells like Rory soup. So the boat's on a river of Rory soup, essentially. No. Oh, come on.

34:06Ed Gamble: No, don't be silly. How does it smell like it?

34:09James Acaster: We pump in the smell and we pump in it. Yeah, no, I'd like it to be smelled.

34:11Ed Gamble: No, it needs to be theme park water. Yeah. Water. Yeah. And it just smells. You know, like how Subway pump out the smell of the thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or like lush, do they say?

34:20Amy Matthews: Or in the Jorvik Viking experience, they pump the smells in. Of shit. Did they? Of like Viking times, yeah. Really? There you go.

34:28Ed Gamble: I saw an art installation once. I think it was Heather Phillipson did a, she recreated like far, like a dystopian farm in the Newcastle Baltic gallery. And she pumped in the smell of manure.

34:43James Acaster: Wow.

34:44Ed Gamble: Yeah.

34:45James Acaster: Well, I think that's something I'd forgotten. All these smells are triggering a lot in me. Cause I haven't thought about it before. Theme Park water is a very specific smell. I liked, I liked that. And then you mentioned Jorvik Viking center. I don't know how much I hate how much the Jorvik Vitae stinks.

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37:39James Acaster: Dream main course, Amy.

37:41Ed Gamble: Dream main course.

37:42James Acaster: So we know where you are now. You're on parts of the Caribbean in Paris.

37:45Amy Matthews: You could change the location per course if you wanted, because you are on a boat, remember? That's true. So the boat could go somewhere else?

37:52Ed Gamble: Yeah, it could, couldn't it? Okay. I think, so I'm going to go for a sag paneer.

37:58Amy Matthews: Nice.

37:58Ed Gamble: Maybe specifically the one from Mother India.

38:01Amy Matthews: Yes. Shout out to Mother India.

38:03Ed Gamble: In Edinburgh slash Glasgow. I think they're just in Edinburgh, Glasgow. Is that right? I think so, yeah. Yeah. A sag paneer. I just absolutely love a sag paneer. So I'd have a sag paneer with, I think, a roti. And I'm still on the boat. I think we just stick to the boat. I'm really enjoying being on the boat.

38:21Amy Matthews: And stay in the Pirates of the Caribbean ride. Because of the twinkle, I guess.

38:24Ed Gamble: The twinkle's right. You're not going to get that twinkle.

38:26Amy Matthews: I've tried.

38:28Ed Gamble: And yeah, so I'd maybe have that. I've just thought as well, do you ever have a sort of memory and you're not sure if it's like a phantom memory or actually because it's so odd? Yeah, yeah. I think I've seen, and I will need to check, I think I have watched Ivo, Graham, eat a sag paneer.

38:47James Acaster: Well, I'll stop you out. this happened

38:54Ed Gamble: and he I can't even say so I'm pretty sure he seasoned it by opening a bag of skips and tipping it out

39:02Amy Matthews: wow onto the curry wow I mean that's that's huge that is huge and I've thought about it

39:08Ed Gamble: quite a lot since

39:09Amy Matthews: yeah it's I'll tell you what would be really weird is if he absolutely didn't do it and it was just like

39:15Ed Gamble: one of those dreams that feels really real but it's insane do you want me to ring him? yeah ask him now

39:19James Acaster: I think I'm going to ask him. I'll pass him over to you.

39:21Ed Gamble: Okay.

39:23James Acaster: If he answers.

39:27James Acaster: That's to Lava.

39:29Ed Gamble: Hi, Ivo. It's Amy Matthews. How are you? Quick cue. I just wondered if it's a phantom memory of this is something you actually did. When we went for a curry in 2022 at the Fringe, you pulled a bag of skips out of your lap and tipped it onto a curry. And I'm wondering, because I think I know I've seen it, but to say it feels insane. I don't know if it's just one of those dreams that happen that just feel real when you're in them. You know, if you're sitting in your A-levels in a rainforest cafe or something and it's just normal. So I just wondered if that is something you've done or if I have dreamt that and if you're all right.

40:12Ed Gamble: Cool. Bye.

40:14Amy Matthews: Yeah, that's good. Really funny that he's got a missed call from James and that's the message. Yeah.

40:19James Acaster: He's going to wonder what's happened there. Didn't give him the context that we're on the podcast.

40:23Ed Gamble: Yeah, that's true. I think he'll work it out.

40:26Amy Matthews: He's an educated lad. You mentioned the Rainforest Cafe. That's something else that smells of theme park water.

40:30Ed Gamble: It does. Yeah. It does. You love it. It does. You love it. You love it. So, yeah, I think I said, and yeah, I'm intrigued. I don't know if I'd want it in my dream menu, but I'm intrigued to try it. Crisp on a curry.

40:44Amy Matthews: Yeah.

40:45Ed Gamble: Yeah. I think, I mean, I guess like a lot of people

40:47Amy Matthews: break their poppadom up over their curry to add texture, which I understand. I don't do it personally.

40:53Ed Gamble: Well, it's not got enough structural integrity to hold the crunch, though, has it? Because the second you whisper a bit of liquid at poppadom, it's going soggy.

41:02Amy Matthews: Like, ready-salted crisps, I could maybe understand. Skips, a prawn cocktail. That's quite exciting. Maybe in a prawn curry.

41:11Ed Gamble: And I guess as well, they've got that sort of lenticular shape. They'll hold

41:17Amy Matthews: but hang on if we're talking about poppadoms not standing up to moisture skips dissolve famously they're not holding anything they're just dissolving straight away

41:25Ed Gamble: no that's true actually you know so many words

41:27James Acaster: I don't know lenticular

41:30Ed Gamble: like a like a convex like a like a lens yeah lens yeah yeah amazing

41:38James Acaster: lenticular mousse mousse

41:41Ed Gamble: it's a spectrum

41:42Amy Matthews: I'm learning them all let's talk more about sagponier

41:46Ed Gamble: sagponier I like do you know what actually in a sub paneer I like a light spice I don't like it to be overpowering but I like there to be so much salt in it that I'm I shrivel

41:56Amy Matthews: yeah yeah I like I really

41:57Ed Gamble: really really I don't sorry James I don't have a hugely sweet tooth but I crave salt all the time I just absolutely love salt so I want it to be really salty and I want to feel it for days

42:12Amy Matthews: also the paneer you need to season the hell out of that thing right

42:14Ed Gamble: absolutely because it's a

42:15Amy Matthews: It's a great textural cheese. Yeah, it is. It's not bringing the flavour or salt. The thinking mantalumi.

42:21Ed Gamble: It's just, it's not, it's, it's, I like that it's not, it's not got the squeaker palumi. Yeah. It's got the, the pillowy boing. Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah, sag paneer, little roti. Maybe specifically actually the roti from Ting Thai Caravan. Oh, great. Oh, yeah. I know we're going sort of international there.

42:42Amy Matthews: But we're going, it's all in Edinburgh.

42:43Ed Gamble: It's all in Edinburgh, for sure. But yeah, so I'd probably go, yeah, the roti from there. Because it's like, the roti from there tastes like buttered toast.

42:51Amy Matthews: Nice.

42:52Ed Gamble: Specifically, you know the first slice of buttered toast you eat after you've been sick?

42:58Amy Matthews: Big shout out to Ting Tai Caravan. Congratulations. Good luck keeping the queues down.

43:05Ed Gamble: No, but that's a huge compliment.

43:06Amy Matthews: You know, sometimes restaurants hear themselves mentioned on the podcast and they change the description on the menu of what the thing is. so they're going to have to change it to roti. Toast vom. Yeah, post-vomit first slice of toast with butter, the off-menu podcast.

43:20Ed Gamble: That's the greatest compliment of which I'm capable.

43:23Amy Matthews: Yeah, well, in that case, congratulations to them. It is euphoric after you've got everything out and then you eat something.

43:30Ed Gamble: You suddenly have appetite again and nothing tastes like that first.

43:35Amy Matthews: Buttered slice of toast.

43:37Ed Gamble: So that's what I want, that roti.

43:39Amy Matthews: Yeah.

43:40Ed Gamble: And then maybe we'll try it with skips, but not for the dream menu.

43:43Amy Matthews: We'll give you a little extra bowl of saug paneer and some skips. A little chaser. You can have a little taste of it.

43:50Ed Gamble: That's nice. A little experiment bowl. That's lovely. No worries. That's really nice.

43:53James Acaster: Can people get your herring platter in Edinburgh? Because so far, a lot of us in Edinburgh, people could, you know, the average comedy fan, if they go to the Fringe next year, they could do the Matthews tour. They could do the Amy Matthews. Ting-tai caravan's an absolute bun fight during the Fringe, though, for sure.

44:10Amy Matthews: It's fucking crazy in there. Yeah. So popular. It is. Not anymore after the whole... Yeah. You've walked straight in now. Yeah. The whole puke roti.

44:18Ed Gamble: I am. Post-puke roti. Post-puke roti. Yeah. So could you go there? I don't actually know. There used to be a Scandinavian place. Hema. I don't know if it's still there.

44:31Amy Matthews: I remember that place.

44:32Ed Gamble: But yeah, I'm not sure. Yeah. People in the UK are just not ready for pickled herring.

44:37Amy Matthews: Do you think?

44:38Ed Gamble: They're just not.

44:39Amy Matthews: Well, that's odd because like traditionally, like a lot of UK food is there's a lot of there's a lot of pickled stuff yeah and people like used to eat eel and things like that

44:48Ed Gamble: yeah

44:48Amy Matthews: jelly deal you would have thought people were ready for pickled herring

44:52Ed Gamble: yeah I think I don't know if there's something off-putting about it being pickled and fish

44:57Amy Matthews: yeah maybe

44:58Ed Gamble: that's too quite you know

45:00Amy Matthews: I love it I love any like pickled fish any smoked fish

45:04James Acaster: stuff like that it's great yeah would you allow it if people wanted to do the Amy Matthews menu during Edinburgh

45:09Amy Matthews: absolutely

45:10James Acaster: if they can't find your starter that they go and see Richard Herring

45:18Ed Gamble: but he has to be drunk he has to be in the pickle well yeah he has to maybe he has to put three different outfits on yeah

45:27James Acaster: leading up to the richest yeah yeah yeah

45:30Ed Gamble: that would be nice

45:31James Acaster: he's in the pickle the richest Herring the richest Herring oh

45:35Ed Gamble: lovely stuff yeah maybe the pickle Yeah, maybe go and see Herring. Thrice. Three times. He's probably doing three shows. Yeah, he will. To be fair, we've done a podcast.

45:56James Acaster: Your dream side dish, is that in Edinburgh?

45:58Ed Gamble: It's commutable. You can commute to your side dish. Sylvan in Glasgow does a, they're like a small plates place I mean aren't they all but it's a small plates place and they do a smoked tomato on a cream cheese yogurt with like a paprika chilli oil drizzle and there's no way I could describe it that could do it justice I'll do my best but it's really smoky and it just it tastes like what you'd want like a cartoon tomato to taste like.

46:40Amy Matthews: Do you know? It's like the tomato-iest tomato, right?

46:46Ed Gamble: 100%. It's like... I'm trying to translate for you again.

46:52James Acaster: I know what a cartoon tomato is but I'm just thinking like... I do mean cartoon tomato. I reach into the cartoon. Well, usually in cartoons, tomatoes are being thrown at people and splatting everywhere. They're being eaten. So I was like, I don't really know what I'd want to... I assume cartoon tomatoes are like rotten fruit that are getting thrown around.

47:11Ed Gamble: Would you?

47:13Amy Matthews: I think what Amy meant was just like the platonic ideal of a tomato, right? Like the dream tomato.

47:20Ed Gamble: Yeah, I suppose. I just, I can't, I don't know how else to describe it except tasting like...

47:25Amy Matthews: Cartoon tomato. Yeah. What do you mean?

47:29James Acaster: But... But also, I guess I'd imagine it without, like, any hard bits in it, you know?

47:37Ed Gamble: Oh, okay.

47:39James Acaster: A cartoon tomato, I'd imagine it without. You know the bits in the tomato that are, like... Seeds? No, no, the structural bits.

47:46Ed Gamble: Isn't it all structural bits?

47:48James Acaster: No, the bits is not. You know, there's, like... The chambers. You know, there's the seeds in all the goop.

47:52Ed Gamble: The little ventricles. Yeah.

47:54James Acaster: There's the seeds in the goop, and then there's the little segmented bits, like the skeleton, that are there for structure.

47:59Ed Gamble: I do.

48:00James Acaster: I guess I would imagine

48:01Amy Matthews: the skeleton of the tomato

48:02James Acaster: the skeleton of the tomato I would imagine can you demo my tomato yeah

48:06Ed Gamble: I'd imagine the cartoon tomato to be the skin

48:09Amy Matthews: and the gloop I know what you mean

48:12Ed Gamble: okay yeah okay that's fair enough

48:14Amy Matthews: so hang on it's smoked but then how how cooked is it texturally like

48:18Ed Gamble: it's she's pretty loose

48:20Amy Matthews: yeah yeah she's yeah

48:25Ed Gamble: she's baggy yeah

48:27Amy Matthews: is she charred on the outside

48:28Ed Gamble: She's very slightly, very, very slightly. And then, yeah, it's just like really, really deep smoky flavours with an intense tomato-iness. And then the chilli oil is on top with the yoghurt underneath. The yoghurt underneath, yeah. So you can sort of dip in as much of the yoghurt as you like. It's honestly, I think about it all the time.

48:51Amy Matthews: Are you saving a bit of bread maybe from the bread course?

48:53Ed Gamble: Well, I think it actually comes with a little flatbread, like a bouncy flatbread. but I don't want to I don't want to sneak in extra bread

49:02Amy Matthews: You can if it's part of the dish You've already done that with your main With my rosie

49:08Ed Gamble: It's got me on a technicality there

49:10Amy Matthews: I think you've got rye bread with the starter as well

49:14Ed Gamble: Okay yeah I've snuck in extra bread

49:17James Acaster: You tricked me I fell for it Even when you said I don't want to sneak in extra bread I was like I'm a respectable woman and then Ed just catalogue to all the bread you've been eating yeah fair enough but you're allowed all that bread thank you you can have

49:38Amy Matthews: flat bread or you can just use some of the bread from one of the other three times you've had bread

49:43Ed Gamble: can I have a little rest in between each course maybe a little go on the ride

49:49Amy Matthews: can I check are you going round and round the Pirates of the Caribbean ride on this

49:53Ed Gamble: for this meal

49:54Amy Matthews: because those rides, those sorts of rides. Pirates of the Caribbean is a little bit better. But anything where you're like on a boat going through and there's a song playing. You don't really munch it. It's a big guantanamo, isn't it?

50:05James Acaster: It's a small world or whatever.

50:07Ed Gamble: Yeah, that's absolute horror film stuff. No, I think I don't want to be... Because also in every single one there's that little surprise drop at the end. You can't be

50:18Amy Matthews: eating. You can't be munching and dropping. Especially not with a loose tomato on your plate.

50:24Ed Gamble: A baggy tomato. so yeah no I don't think I am I think I'm floating okay

50:29James Acaster: yeah

50:30Ed Gamble: that's quite a tragic image actually you're just bobbing

50:32James Acaster: in one place

50:33Ed Gamble: yeah can I have a guest yeah

50:36Amy Matthews: yeah yeah of course

50:37James Acaster: who do you want apart from the animatronic pirates

50:40Ed Gamble: apart from the animatronic pirates

50:41James Acaster: and ignore the fact that Ben is trying to telepathically get you to invite him even in a dream he wants to go to Pirates of the Caribbean and visit Disney

50:51Ed Gamble: Chris Packham wow Chris Packham

50:54James Acaster: yeah Yeah, why Packham?

50:56Ed Gamble: I love, I could just listen to him talk all day. I love it when someone has an intense interest in something, knows loads about it, and just wants to soliloquy at you.

51:05James Acaster: Just info done. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

51:06Ed Gamble: I would like, yes.

51:07James Acaster: He's got a rep for being, and he has owned up to this himself. He's a bit of a curmudgeon, a bit of a cantankerous. Might not want to speak to you. Might be like, why have you put me on this stupid ride?

51:17Ed Gamble: I think if I asked him about badgers, and then just said, off you go, he'd be fine.

51:20James Acaster: I think that's probably the key, is just to stay in Packham's lane. No small talk.

51:25Ed Gamble: Just as and when he thinks about something he might want to chat about.

51:28James Acaster: Yeah. I saw him at a butterfly museum once when I was a kid.

51:31Ed Gamble: Did you?

51:32James Acaster: Yeah, yeah. It was a butterfly... Butterfly farm. No, a butterfly park was being opened. Do you know what? My memory of this is a bit fuzzy. Was it in LX? He was there to open a butterfly thing at something else.

51:45Amy Matthews: I don't think it would have been a butterfly museum.

51:48James Acaster: A butterfly park or like greenhouse. Butterfly farm. Butterfly farm. Butterfly farm.

51:53Ed Gamble: Yeah.

51:53James Acaster: Butterfly house. a bigger thing yeah and he was he was stood I think watching some other man like some goats or something oh yeah and me and my dad went up to him and my dad tried to talk to him about he knew that Chris Packham supported Southampton so I was like well you're doing pretty bad in the league this year Chris and it's the first time in my life I can ever remember seeing a celebrity not want to talk to someone

52:17Ed Gamble: oh dear I was like

52:18James Acaster: oh okay these people are different

52:20Ed Gamble: and now here we are

52:22James Acaster: they don't like this

52:26Ed Gamble: I actually there was a butterfly farm in Wat Tyler Country Park in Essex that I had to go to as a child because I was really scared of butterflies as a kid like the movement of butterflies and in a sort of lovely bit of 90s parenting exposure therapy, my parents were like we'll go to the butterfly farm and you'll be fine, we'll show there's nothing and I refused to go unless I could wear a balaclava.

52:57Ed Gamble: So I'm just a little kid cutting about in a butterfly farm and a balaclava.

53:01James Acaster: Looking like you were mopping the joint. Yeah.

53:05Ed Gamble: Yeah, petrified. May I add? Put the butterflies in the bag.

53:08Amy Matthews: It's not really going to work out.

53:12Ed Gamble: Yeah, I was absolutely petrified of them.

53:14Amy Matthews: Did it work though, the exposure therapy? Because you're not petrified of them now, right?

53:18Ed Gamble: No, I'm not petrified of them now. That's true, actually. So it must have worked.

53:20James Acaster: Did it take you back without the balaclava?

53:22Ed Gamble: I don't remember. I don't remember at all.

53:25James Acaster: Just wearing a little hat maybe?

53:27Ed Gamble: Yeah, I had to take off it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. With a little face mask.

53:30Amy Matthews: Have you been to a butterfly house since that?

53:33Ed Gamble: Have I? I don't think I have.

53:35Amy Matthews: No.

53:35Ed Gamble: Maybe I should.

53:37Amy Matthews: Just check in. You might still be scared. Yeah, yeah, I might actually.

53:40Ed Gamble: Yeah, gosh. Why are we talking about butterflies? Pack them. Pack them.

53:44James Acaster: You want pack them on the ride?

53:45Ed Gamble: I want pack them on the ride. Yeah, yeah, yeah. See, I think that would be nice. that would be less tragic I think being on a boat eating with Chris Packham

53:53Amy Matthews: imagine if he just looked at you you asked him a question he just looked at you and he just slowly just got into the water and swam away yeah

54:00Ed Gamble: he'd smell great

54:01Amy Matthews: oh god come back Chris

54:03James Acaster: give me a whiff join the pirates he just

54:05Ed Gamble: yeah

54:05James Acaster: he just turned into he just dressed as a pirate and just

54:08Ed Gamble: that would be so stay

54:11James Acaster: completely still maybe she won't see me like when people like when in Scooby Doo when they run away from a villain yeah

54:18Amy Matthews: Oh dear.

54:20Ed Gamble: Yeah, so I'd have Chris on there with my, where are we? Side dish.

54:25Amy Matthews: Is Chris Packham veggie, vegan? I'd imagine he's vegan, let's be honest. Otherwise, it's fucking rich.

54:35James Acaster: It's got to be. Packham's got to be. Pull that up, Benito. Pull that up, Benito, but we don't even need to because Packham definitely will be a vegan. so he's probably not eating

54:46Amy Matthews: the dairy products in your

54:49Ed Gamble: oh yeah

54:50Amy Matthews: you can have the tomato off the top

54:53Ed Gamble: yeah that's the point

54:54James Acaster: there's a lot of stuff he's not in the way he's going to be upset about it that smoked herring platter you've got

54:58Ed Gamble: no he's not is he no he is

55:00James Acaster: it won't load it won't load okay

55:02Ed Gamble: I think we can quite confidently say at least veggie

55:06Amy Matthews: yeah he's got to be veggie min

55:09Ed Gamble: veggie min but yeah I love that don't you you know when someone just really knows something depends what the thing is okay

55:15James Acaster: does depend what the thing is and also more broadly um no

55:25James Acaster: no never I just want them to shut up yeah okay I mean yeah

55:30Ed Gamble: what's happened there is you've just thought of an incident yeah no actually

55:34James Acaster: I think I would like to hear imagine James saying

55:37Amy Matthews: that Chris Packham's famously a curmudgeon whilst he's sitting there with his own personality I'm alright and then yeah my dad spoke to Chris Backer and Chris Backer was just really annoyed that someone just come up and speak to him yeah James in the background taking notes inspiration

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57:11Ed Gamble: your dream drink amy oh okay um it's a twist on a paloma from there's a bar and restaurant in truro so that's a heck of a commute love truro i'm going there soon right go to buster for jones buster for jones buster for jones i like the name it's good it's good stuff and um they did a paloma that was mezcal instead of tequila.

57:35Amy Matthews: Nice.

57:35Ed Gamble: With pink grapefruit juice, I believe violet bitters, and a Himalayan salt rim. And it was, honestly, it tastes like, you know the smell of ashtrays? I mean, once again,

57:53James Acaster: it's all going well until you described it. They should put that in a candle. The smell of ashtrays.

57:59Ed Gamble: I've got a tobacco candle, you know. Have you? Yeah, it's nice. yeah it tastes like the smell of ashtrays um

58:06James Acaster: so just because I mean some listeners might be thinking ashtrays smell disgusting yeah what would you say to those people

58:16Ed Gamble: when I ordered it the person behind the bar actually came to the

58:20Amy Matthews: table yeah and said stop smoking and just said by the way like

58:24Ed Gamble: are you sure there's something on their menu yeah yeah they were like we just need to give you a heads up because a lot of people order this not really knowing what they're letting themselves in for. Do you think you'll be all right with this? And I was like, I don't know. And it was great. It was absolutely extraordinary. Great. So yeah, it tastes like, do you know, there's like a bitter ashiness in the bottom of an ashtray.

58:47James Acaster: I've never licked one. See, yeah. If you were saying it's got that smoky burnt flavour of like, maybe like if you, like a campfire or a fire, I'd be like, oh yeah, yeah, yeah. the ashtray I think it's the ashtray I imagine I'm sat in a pub garden

59:03Amy Matthews: and then it started to rain and the ashtray's wet and it stinks and it's Britain and I hate it

59:08Ed Gamble: now I imagine there's Himalayan salt

59:09Amy Matthews: at the rim so yeah

59:12Ed Gamble: so it's an ashtray

59:13Amy Matthews: with a salt rim yeah

59:14Ed Gamble: because I think it's important to the reason it's an ashtray not a bonfire is because there's a real acidity and like or like bitterness actually from the from the pink grapefruit that I don't want to get missed

59:28Amy Matthews: yes I think it's just the ashtray thing that's still a problem yeah it's a stumble okay well then

59:33Ed Gamble: if I were to say to you sake tastes like the smell of hot cars Edwin's like it's going to be sick

59:43James Acaster: well you can say it the inside of a hot car

59:46Ed Gamble: does that make sense to you no

59:48James Acaster: not really the inside of a hot car

59:50Ed Gamble: the outside inside

59:52Amy Matthews: you know how I was completely going along with everything you were saying before and I was having to tell James about it

59:57James Acaster: now you've lost me okay One of my favourite things in life is Ed talking to me like he isn't about to fall in the same hole as me. Many, many times. James, this is what it feels like to be talking to you. He's in the pit for me. I'm in the pit for me. Not knowing what the fuck is going on.

1:00:16Amy Matthews: I'm so sorry, James. I've broken my leg.

1:00:19Ed Gamble: But I just, yeah, I think, I can't think of a comparative taste that describes something as well as the smell of ashtrays.

1:00:28Amy Matthews: There's no way Packham's staying on this boat.

1:00:32Ed Gamble: He doesn't have to talk to me about the food. He can talk to me about pH of rivers.

1:00:36Amy Matthews: He's going to be talking about badgers and stuff. And then you're going to have a sip of that.

1:00:40Ed Gamble: And you're going to think it tastes like ashtrays.

1:00:44Amy Matthews: Sploosh. Do you know one thing that is quite nice?

1:00:47Ed Gamble: I often order the food or drink that everyone else finds repulsive. So I don't often have to share anything.

1:00:55Amy Matthews: I'm kind of similar. I will go for something that I think maybe looks a bit disgusting to everyone else shout out to Mountain my favourite dish on the menu the tripe talk to me

1:01:04Ed Gamble: the tripe

1:01:04Amy Matthews: but it's just called tripe gives no clues as to what they do with it but they add so many like layers of flavour to it there's like some pork cooked in there some tomatoes it's slow stewed it's absolutely amazing

1:01:16James Acaster: there's somewhere in Truro where I got a drink that was so good I don't think I'm staying in Truro I'm going to have to stay in Truro you've got to stay in Truro man it's the best place in the world

1:01:26Ed Gamble: okay

1:01:27James Acaster: James loves Truro

1:01:28Ed Gamble: do you really love it that much? yeah he loves it have you seen the wonky cathedral?

1:01:32James Acaster: no I didn't see that

1:01:37Ed Gamble: genuinely they started building it and then they got two thirds of the way down and thought oh bugger we're going to hit a tree and it's always something like that and instead of cutting it down or moving that out of the way they just moved the cathedral that's so Truro

1:01:52James Acaster: what I will ask for that story is you said they got two thirds of the way down. Did they start building the cathedral from the top?

1:02:02Ed Gamble: No, no, no. From the front.

1:02:04Amy Matthews: From the front. I don't think that's how buildings work, is it? You don't start at the front and then, I think you have to do the whole bottom first, don't you? You have to do the foundations.

1:02:13Ed Gamble: Oh, yeah. So they must have got two thirds of the way across.

1:02:17James Acaster: And then gone, whoop.

1:02:19Ed Gamble: Yeah, and shimmied round.

1:02:21James Acaster: For some reason, my phone's not searching anything. but in Truro sometimes and Ed might find this as well because of doing this podcast people know you're from the pod but they don't let you know and then there's a telltale sign at some point where they so they just treat like a normal customer and then right at the end in this place in Truro they were like I said can we have the check please and I went oh yeah you not have a drink or anything at the end I was like I don't think so and she went hmm and she pointed at this one of the men and she went that tastes like boozy ice cream I went yeah I'll have that and I think she was like I really wanted him to order that so no one would like it it's this drink and it was just like boozy ice cream

1:03:01Ed Gamble: and what was in it do you remember

1:03:02James Acaster: nope but it smelled delicious okay yeah it did not smell like an ashtray or anything it smelled like a tub of ice cream that had a load of booze poured into it and it tasted exactly like that

1:03:14Ed Gamble: that's delish

1:03:15James Acaster: it was very good I think it might have been vodka was the spirit that was in it but it was it was great

1:03:20Ed Gamble: there was a speakeasy bar in my home time when I was growing up called the Black Cat, now defunct. And they used to have, I tell you what, that was the perfect level of twinkle.

1:03:31Amy Matthews: That was basically pitch black

1:03:33Ed Gamble: except for tiny little lights and the lights were the menus. So they just stapled the menus around the lights. So you'd have to go up to a light to look at the menu. And they used to have a cocktail called the Grasshopper and it honestly tasted like liquefied Vionetta.

1:03:54James Acaster: your dream dessert now now so now we're getting to this and you've already said you don't really have a sweet tooth yeah but you did turn up here today with a croissant cookie dough pie yeah so i mean i'm crossing my fingers you said you like the grasshopper cocktail so yeah okay so my dessert

1:04:11Ed Gamble: is a lavender and tonka bean creme brulee okay is it from anywhere or is it just something you've

1:04:17Amy Matthews: made up in your head.

1:04:18Ed Gamble: I've had a tonka bean creme brulee.

1:04:19Amy Matthews: Yes.

1:04:20Ed Gamble: I've had a lavender creme brulee. I would like a lavender and tonka

1:04:23James Acaster: bean creme brulee. Nice. Now, do you want it that the whole thing, like the flavours are just mixed together or do you want it like it's half and half?

1:04:31Ed Gamble: Ooh. Now you're asking.

1:04:34James Acaster: Yeah. That's my job.

1:04:37Ed Gamble: No, I'm going combo. I think.

1:04:40James Acaster: It's all mixed together. That's a big swing because you don't know what that tastes like. I know, but I think

1:04:45Ed Gamble: it would be.

1:04:46Amy Matthews: But tonka beans is It's basically vanilla flavours, right? So it's like fairly non-obtrusive as a flavour.

1:04:53Ed Gamble: Yeah, it would just give a sort of mellow sweetness underneath, I think.

1:04:57Amy Matthews: Whereas lavender is coming out swinging lavender. Yeah, big lavender. It doesn't give a fuck. It doesn't give a fuck.

1:05:02Ed Gamble: Have you ever put lavender in your hot chocolate?

1:05:04Amy Matthews: No, I'm not a lavender guy. I really don't like lavender. I'm not a lavender guy either.

1:05:08Ed Gamble: You're a hot chocolate guy.

1:05:09Amy Matthews: I'm a hot chocolate guy.

1:05:11James Acaster: He's a hot chocolate guy. Pleased to meet you.

1:05:13Amy Matthews: I prefer smoky flavours, so I'd rather just tap a fag into my hot chocolate.

1:05:17Ed Gamble: A wooden wheel. Honestly, you know you get like those little tea strainers. If you get dried lavender, bung that in your hot chocolate.

1:05:27James Acaster: Wow.

1:05:28Ed Gamble: Three minutes.

1:05:29James Acaster: Yeah.

1:05:30Ed Gamble: Back out, smashing.

1:05:31James Acaster: I don't hate that idea, actually. That does sound quite, now that you've described it, that's a nice description.

1:05:36Ed Gamble: Thank you.

1:05:38James Acaster: So you can do it. You can do it.

1:05:42Ed Gamble: That's not a description. That was instructions.

1:05:46Amy Matthews: That's what James prefers, that. Yes, I think so.

1:05:49James Acaster: They put a nicer image in my head anyway.

1:05:51Ed Gamble: Yeah, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fair enough.

1:05:53James Acaster: I think Packham's going to like this dessert.

1:05:55Ed Gamble: Do you?

1:05:56James Acaster: Tonka bean and lavender creme brulee. I think this is more like Packham Street. Nature, a lot of nature in there. It might not be vegan actually.

1:06:02Ed Gamble: It's a little meadow, isn't it? Yeah. When a creme brulee is on a menu, I can't not order it.

1:06:09James Acaster: Yeah.

1:06:11Ed Gamble: Irrespective of what else is on it, I have to get a creme brulee.

1:06:15James Acaster: That's a thing as well. a lot of people have this where yeah and specifically with creme brulee's where they if they can't not order if it's on there i don't know what it is about a creme brulee specifically maybe because the first time you have it yeah it is so it's such a game changer that you're so attached to that memory that you want to go back and have it again but and again i suppose

1:06:38Ed Gamble: your, it's edible ash isn't it?

1:06:42James Acaster: Okay.

1:06:43Ed Gamble: The burn you know the burny It's not ash though. No but it it is you know.

1:06:51James Acaster: Caramel sort of. Yeah the crack, it's the hard surface it's all what's brulee let's face it. Duh.

1:06:59Ed Gamble: Yeah I think there's something really novel about eating something that feels like you shouldn't be eating it.

1:07:04James Acaster: Do you feel like you shouldn't be eating a creme brulee?

1:07:06Amy Matthews: Well I guess if it's burny on top of it. Oh, they fucked it up on the top. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

1:07:09Ed Gamble: It's like licking the bottom of a toaster, isn't it?

1:07:11Amy Matthews: Oh, licking the bottom of something again. It's the ashtray, it's the toaster. Licking the bottom of a toaster.

1:07:18James Acaster: Picture you just going around your balaclava on, just licking the bottom of an ashtray, bottom of a toaster.

1:07:24Amy Matthews: There was a creme brulee on the menu of where we were last night.

1:07:27Ed Gamble: Where were you last night?

1:07:28Amy Matthews: Jay Sheeky. Jay Sheeky in town. It's really like central town. It's like a very old seafood restaurant. It was nice. there was a salted caramel creme brulee on there and i was like my initial thought was oh my god that sounds great and then my next thought was that's going to be too sweet

1:07:45James Acaster: well did anyone have it i i uh karen had it was sitting next to me he offered me a little bite yeah um it was good it was nice it was very nice and i don't think it was too sweet of it and you would have loved the top actually the top was very had a burnt caramel flavor to it yeah um I get disappointed with creme brulee if the top is just a bit too nothing-y because they don't want to go too big on the burnt flavour on the top if they think it will put people off. But I want it to be that you get a proper crack when you hit it with a spoon and that you get that burnt flavour to it.

1:08:22Ed Gamble: Absolutely. Do you know what? This is not going to go down well. So the noise that you want on a creme brulee.

1:08:29James Acaster: What's this going to be compared to? have you ever seen everyone pause the podcast as you're listening try and guess what Amy is going to compare this to yeah so a little clue it will sound nothing like what it what hit in the top of a creme brulee that sounds like

1:08:46Ed Gamble: so my sister was a big fan of the animated Barbie movies okay there is a really specific sound that the Barbie's heels make on cobbles

1:09:03Ed Gamble: if you're bouncing the spoon on a creme brulee it needs to sound like animated

1:09:08Amy Matthews: before you crack it

1:09:09Ed Gamble: yeah before you crack it it's not a pop actually so the sound of animated Barbie's heels

1:09:16Amy Matthews: on a cobble

1:09:18Ed Gamble: that's the sound you want on top of a creme brulee

1:09:20James Acaster: well we can't verify that if you guessed that you get a signed chopping board tweet in the podcast say I guessed the Barbie animated Barbie's feet on the cobbles.

1:09:32Ed Gamble: It's a really specific sound.

1:09:33Amy Matthews: Does it remind you of the animated Barbie movies every time you have a Creme Brulee?

1:09:36Ed Gamble: It will now.

1:09:37James Acaster: Yeah, yeah.

1:09:38Ed Gamble: Yeah, yeah, yeah. When you saw the live-action Barbie movie

1:09:41James Acaster: that came out last year, were you disappointed by the sounds of the...

1:09:45Ed Gamble: Yeah, there wasn't enough Creme Brulee tapping action.

1:09:49James Acaster: Yeah.

1:09:50Ed Gamble: Yeah, but it's a really specific sound. Have you got it?

1:09:55James Acaster: Has Ben got the animated Barbie movie cued up?

1:09:57Ed Gamble: I'm going to...

1:09:59Amy Matthews: Did you just think Benito might have Somehow in the last And we've not edited any of that So within the last seven seconds Do you think Benito's found an animated Barbie Walking down the street Gobbles He's found it

1:10:14Ed Gamble: See he's already come up, Barbie's heel's on ground

1:10:16James Acaster: Barbie's heel's on ground That's what you searched No Just dropped down in your recent searches

1:10:25Ed Gamble: Oh here we go

1:10:26James Acaster: I know Graham not getting back to us of course

1:10:32Ed Gamble: wait Barbie

1:10:33James Acaster: expect we'll never hear from him for the lack of that just assume me and Amy are hanging out talking about him dumping a packet of skips

1:10:40Ed Gamble: I will find it and I will send it to you but it's yeah it's a really specific noise

1:10:46James Acaster: but that's what you want the creme brulee

1:10:47Ed Gamble: that's what the creme brulee

1:10:48Amy Matthews: when we hit it lavender and tonka bean creme brulee

1:10:53Ed Gamble: we're obviously we're wanting like a very smooth texture as well but I don't like it when they're wobbly. You know, when they're slightly pannicottory.

1:11:00James Acaster: Yeah.

1:11:01Ed Gamble: None of that.

1:11:02James Acaster: The one last night was a bit pannicottory, actually. I don't know if you would have approved.

1:11:05Amy Matthews: Probably because they just pulled it straight out of the fridge and done the thing.

1:11:09James Acaster: They just bruleed it. Yeah, bruleed it straight away. Yeah, I mean, you can't always have both. You can't, actually. What's more important to you, the top or the bottom? What bread do you want with that?

1:11:21Ed Gamble: There was honestly a bit of me that was like, do I want a little lavender shortbread with it?

1:11:26Amy Matthews: I would, normally, creme brulee ends up coming with like a shortbread or some sort of biscuit.

1:11:29Ed Gamble: In which case, can I have a lavender and earl grey shortbread? Yeah. Great.

1:11:32Amy Matthews: Wow.

1:11:33Ed Gamble: Thank you. That is. There we go. I've just, all of my food involves some kind of dipping.

1:11:39Amy Matthews: Dipping or mopping.

1:11:40Ed Gamble: Dipping or mopping.

1:11:41Amy Matthews: Yeah, well, it's a fun thing to do.

1:11:42Ed Gamble: It is a fun thing to do. Yeah, I like a bit of activity. Dip and mop. As they say.

1:11:49James Acaster: Going to read your menu back to you now, see how you feel about it. You want sparkling water, fine mousse. Pop it onto bread. sourdough with melted crab butter from Noto. Noto, yeah, in Edinburgh. The way it was written here, I was like, it can't be called Nato.

1:12:08James Acaster: Starter, you want a traditional Scandi pickled herring trilogy. Main course, sag paneer from Mother India with roti from Ting Thai Caravan. That tastes like a slice of jojo after you see. Side dish, smoked tomato with cream cheese, yoghurt and chilli oil from sylvan in glasgow drink mezcal paloma from bustopher jones in truro shout out truro dessert lavender and tonka bean creme brulee of your own invention with a lavender and

1:12:38Ed Gamble: earl grey shortbread how's that feel that feels so good that does sound really good i'm really excited about it we'd have to have some proper breaks in between each course i think yeah well

1:12:49Amy Matthews: the boat. Yeah, but there's no, like, it's not you know,

1:12:55Ed Gamble: it's not an orchestra, is it?

1:12:57Amy Matthews: We've had less cohesive menus.

1:12:59James Acaster: Oh, have you? Easily. Yeah, yeah, I'd eat that over a lot of the fucking slop we have on it.

1:13:05Ed Gamble: It is the curveball, yeah. For sure. No, I'm actually, I'm chuffed with that. That's smashing. No, it sounds delicious. Yeah.

1:13:12James Acaster: Congratulations, Amy.

1:13:12Ed Gamble: Thank you so much.

1:13:13James Acaster: Amy, thank you for coming to the Dream Restaurant.

1:13:15Ed Gamble: My pleasure. Thank you for having me.

1:13:17James Acaster: Thank you, Amy.

1:13:23Amy Matthews: Thank you so much to Amy for coming on the podcast. Well, James, you were baffled for a lot of that. It was beautiful. Sensory overload.

1:13:30James Acaster: Yes. How things sound, how things smell, how things taste. But like all described in ways I'd never heard before, some words I'd never heard before, some visuals that in my head didn't marry up with what Amy was talking about, the dishes. It was crazy. I mean, I can't be the only one who felt upside down during that episode.

1:13:51Amy Matthews: Hey, look, it was a great episode. I loved Amy's descriptions. Yes. I don't think, you know, I think you can't have a go at someone for the way they describe the taste of something because taste is all so subjective. It's all internal experience. Oh, Ed, that's fair. How do we know we're tasting the same thing as everyone else? How do we know we're tasting the same thing as everyone else? You might see him black and white. I don't. Yeah, but how do I know that? I see in full colour but how do I know that? I've never lied to you yeah but you might not be lying to me but you might be saying you see in full colour but how do I know what full colour means to you?

1:14:26James Acaster: black and white's two colours I can count at least six looking around right now

1:14:31Amy Matthews: yeah but how do I know that you know what two colours is?

1:14:34James Acaster: I know I don't know what two colours is we never know this is classic

1:14:37Amy Matthews: we never know if James Acaster could see in black and white classic Durham boy thinking I don't know what two colours is yeah

1:14:45James Acaster: I know what two colours is yeah yeah

1:14:47Amy Matthews: but how do we know we're talking about the same thing when we talk about two colours

1:14:51James Acaster: are you kidding me we've had loads of conversations about colours

1:14:53Amy Matthews: I got a 2-1 in philosophy mate back off

1:14:56James Acaster: how do I know that you know what a 2-1 is that's a good point sound like my dad biggest compliment Ed could pay someone thank you Amy so much for not saying the secret ingredients the Bernard Matthews turkey dinosaurs yes

1:15:11Amy Matthews: although now I do want a turkey dinosaur

1:15:14James Acaster: wouldn't mind one do you want some ketchup with it yeah yeah yeah got to got to dip it any particular dinosaur

1:15:21Amy Matthews: uh ooh brontosaurus I think

1:15:24James Acaster: I think they should start doing the one uh where the things fan out from its neck and it spits poison yeah but a Matthew should do that yeah

1:15:32Amy Matthews: the brontosaurus I think is the best for dipping yeah yeah because you get the head then some of the neck and then a bit more neck and then you got the basically got a nugget left oh yeah

1:15:42James Acaster: you get in with a nugget yeah yeah that's more familiar yeah but you just say you do you don't use the head and neck as a handle to dip the nugget in

1:15:51Amy Matthews: also good idea I'd go no I'd go head gone neck gone body gone yeah yeah and then you're only with the big nugget bite at the end

1:16:01James Acaster: Amy F Matthews across all social media platforms is where you can find Amy and keep up to date on her gigs that she's doing any more podcast appearances TV appearances you can be Amy F Matthews Stan

1:16:14Amy Matthews: yes you can and why don't follow Off Menu on social media oh Off Menu Official

1:16:20James Acaster: that's where you can tweet Benito directly for all your all the chopping board competitions that we launch on here that's most of that is on social media and you just message Benito directly he has been sneaky lately and he's added a little thing I didn't know that there was like text that comes with the podcast that you can read show notes the show notes and he's added in that a disclaimer no one will get a chopping board it's not going to happen it's a joke those two have made up but you've got to remember Benito doesn't know what he's doing when he's writing those show notes he's drinking hooch and moonshine and he doesn't know he doesn't mean any of that so if he doesn't send you a signed chopping board you really should keep persisting and asking for one until he does it because he loves

1:17:07Amy Matthews: he loves ripping you off yes Because Benito, all day, he just sits high on moonshine in his outside bath.

1:17:16James Acaster: Yeah.

1:17:17Amy Matthews: Chuckling away. Scrubbing his back with a brush, old wiry brush. Laughing so much with his one tooth glinting in the sun.

1:17:24James Acaster: And with the moon, in the light of the moon. Yeah. With his banjo resting on the side of his wooden, rickety old porch. And he loves ripping you off. He loves ripping you off.

1:17:34Amy Matthews: And he gets out of his bath and the light of the moon glints off his pale buttocks. Yeah. And he chuckles into the night sky, imagining all of you not getting your sign chopping boards.

1:17:43James Acaster: Yes. So you have to persist. Yeah. And you go, remember, you owe me a sign chopping board. Yeah. And decide which competition it was for, because that is the only bit that I'll grant him is confusing for him, is there's a number of competitions where the sign chopping board is the prize. So you really should remind him which one it was, which one of the many.

1:18:04Amy Matthews: Hashtag the monkeys are in charge of the bus.

1:18:07James Acaster: Hashtag the monkeys are in charge of the bus. And any other hashtags we told you to attach in the past. Thank you very much for listening.

1:18:15Amy Matthews: We'll see you next week. Goodbye. Bye.

1:18:28James Acaster: Hello there, Amy, Ed, James, Benito, and everyone else at Off Menu PLC. Sorry to miss your call. I was at Pilates. But I'm delighted to say that Amy's memory is not a false one. In fact, my skip-sprinkled sag paneer was the crowning glory on what I would truly count as one of the lower-end top 50 greatest days of my life. It was the Edinburgh Fringe 2022 and the sun was shining and Covid was over, sort of, and I was feeling a foolish optimism about my prospects. That day, I had gone with my friends Liam and Hannah to the Summer Hall to watch a lunchtime show of Hayley McGee's Age is Feeling, a theatre piece so moving I've spent most of the last three years ripping it off, before the three of us day-tripped to Portobello to swim in the sea and contaminate a Turkish bath.

1:19:15James Acaster: With our hearts full and our pores cleansed, we returned to the Pleasance, where I performed my well-written, if abysmally titled stand-up show, My Future, My Clutter, which had a banana and a yoghurt on the poster specifically to appeal to fans of this podcast, and which I'm contractually obliged to say is still available to view on YouTube. I could have gone straight home happy after such a day, but what a thrill instead to receive a late call-up to Kismot Curry House to meet Amy Matthews and her delicately sozzled entourage. Kismot is the home of the iconic Iron Brunner, but I was not yet in my orange phase and had other fusions on my mind.

1:19:53James Acaster: Some of the finest pub podcasters and award sharers in the game watched with a mix of delight and impatience as I produced a bag of skips left over from my portobello picnic and crushed them over my paneer, shouting, Shall I be mother? which broadly confused people because the Tim Key episode hadn't come out yet. It was a taste sensation for the ages and stands as a reminder to always take the path less travelled where possible. Poppadoms or bread? Why not prawn instead?

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1:21:26Amy Matthews: Pro athletes don't spend their time meal prepping. They eat smart, train hard, and recover fast. Factor makes it easy with dietician-designed, chef-prepared meals built to fuel your performance. Choose from high-protein, calorie-smart, GLP-1 support, and vegetarian options designed by nutrition experts to support strength and recovery. Train like a pro, eat like a pro. Right now, go to Factormeals.com slash Healthy50Off and use code Healthy50Off for 50 % off and free breakfast for a year. That's Factormeals.com slash Healthy50Off, code Healthy50Off.

1:22:08James Acaster: Hey, I'm Alison Spittle. And I'm Fern Brady. And you might remember us both from our episodes of Off Menu. I think in my episode, I got very angry when I ordered toast in a restaurant and was presented with hot bread and then told that that was the nature of sourdough, that it simply doesn't toast as a bread. And I said that I take it in the hand and the mouth like communion. Did you? I did. That kind of brings us on to the topic of our new podcast, Ignore That Feeling, a show by two ex-Catholic girls who have never learned to acknowledge a single emotion ever. And the podcast is out every Tuesday, starting Tuesday the 10th of February.

1:22:45James Acaster: So please listen and subscribe.