Ayoade Bamgboye

0:00Hello, it's Ed Gamble here from the podcast that you're currently listening to. Huge news, guys. My brand new stand-up tour Fresh Hell is on sale now. Tickets are available at edgamble.co.uk. Look at the full dates. I'm going all over the UK and a bit of Ireland. Come and see me in my brand new show Fresh Hell at edgamble.co.uk. You don't need a passport to taste the world's most luxurious beef. Just head to Benihana. Introducing the Wagyu of the World menu. From the rich flavor of American masami ribeye, to the bold Australian New York strip, to the legendary melt-in-your-mouth A5 Japanese Wagyu, this is the finest beef on the planet, expertly grilled right at your table.

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1:40Welcome to the Off Menu Podcast, toasting the pitterbreads of conversation, taking the knife of humour, punching a little hole of chat into the pita bread and releasing the steam of bad vibes. That's it, Gamble. My name is James Acaster. Together, we own a dream restaurant. Every single week, we invite a guest, asking their favourite ever start, a main course dessert, side dish and drink. Not in that order. And this week, our guest is... Ayawade Bamboye! Ayawade is a wonderful comedian, James. Won the Best Newcomer Award at the most recent Edinburgh Festival. that's a big deal man everyone was talking I wasn't at the Edinburgh Fringe this year no no no but I heard so much about Iwana yes yes better vibe yes okay but I heard a lot about Iwana's show from everyone we felt free and light we were all saying some people were saying they felt free and light yeah we were dragged down by the anchor that was James Acaster everyone was calling you the anchor yeah that's a good thing anchor keep everyone not if you want to swim but everyone was saying that Iwana's show was absolutely brilliant.

2:44So, like, I'm very excited. Yes. I've only, we've only met once. I've only met Owen once and it's one of the funniest conversations I've ever had so I'm looking forward to this episode. Yeah, what happened? Yeah, um, I think I got on her nerves quite quickly so I think it's going to be a really nice, nice to and fro. Great, that's good. That's good to know. I think I got on her nerves as well. Yeah. Yeah, so this will be fun. This is going to be fun. Double trouble. Benito, have you met her before? Yes. Did you get on her nerves? Yeah. Oh, thank God you're here then. I find that hard to believe I want to go on tour with her show Swings and Roundabouts that is the award winning show so absolutely right now pause the podcast and get tickets for it because it's going to settle out by the end of the sentence you've got to go you've got to go these are hot cakes these are hot cakes James is not pointing at his own butt when he says that he's talking about the tickets just to be clear if the listener could always assume I'm not pointing at my own butt that would be great although even the stop clock points at his own butt twice a day yeah one of those Mickey Mouse clocks yeah yeah can't help it poor Mickey's got no choice of the matter sometimes if Ayawade says a secret ingredient that we have pre-decided upon she will be removed from the restaurant we don't want to do that but she might be grateful for it if we start to get on our nerves again.

4:08That's true. Yes. And this week, the secret ingredient is Biscoff. Biscoff. Now, this is going to be a very controversial one. It was suggested to us by a member of the audience at one of our live Palladium shows. Yeah. And I don't think it went down very well on the night either. People love Biscoff, but what we do all agree on is it's insidious. It's everywhere. Absolutely everywhere. The market is oversaturated with Biscoff. Yes. Biscoff in everything. Yeah, Biscoff in absolutely absolutely everything. Biscoff ice cream, Biscoff spread, brownies, Biscoff brownies, Biscoff sun cream. I wasn't even aware it was a biscuit for ages.

4:46Yeah. Lotus biscuits. The Lotus biscuits. People love them. But you know, also a lot of people have had enough of them and don't want Biscoff being in absolutely everything. It's the salted caramel problem. It's the truffle problem. It's the pulled pork problem. Yeah. So I think it's fair enough secret ingredient. Yeah. But because it's in everything, it's a bit of a risky one. Yeah. it is it could you know could backfire could happen could happen in the starter yes who knows what you never know man it's in everything these days don't forget this is out on YouTube tomorrow if you're listening to this on the day it comes out it will be available to watch in full on the YouTube tomorrow and you can see all the times that James is definitely going to point at his own butt yeah so pretty constant yeah oh boy that's Mickey Mouse oh boy this is the off menu menu of I love the name

5:44Welcome Iwane to the dream restaurant. Welcome Iwane Bamboye to the dream restaurant. We've been expecting you for some time. This is beautiful. Do that again. Welcome Iwane Bamboye to the dream restaurant. We've been expecting you for some time. Oh, that's lovely. First time it's been requested a second time? Yeah, first time ever. Someone's wanted to do it again. I really spat that second time. Yeah, because I wasn't expecting the volume. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because it was sort of that, there was a spectrum of volumes there that shocked me and excited me. I went in quite normal and then James really beefed it, didn't he?

6:21Yeah, also normal, I guess. Yeah, also normal for him, I suppose. That was sort of passive aggressive in a way that I enjoyed as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I do passive aggression quite well, I think. Yeah. I prefer aggression. Yeah. That says a lot. let's actually just fight how you found Ed like before the podcast how did you find him like when you were chatting to him was it nice I found him warm oh that's nice yes you smile with your eyes oh good normally with Caucasian men you know it's a mixed bag yeah you get people who you know you speak to them and it's like I can't wait to never speak to you again yeah but not with you oh that's nice that's lucky because we've got to speak now for quite a long time I'd say I can't wait yeah imagine if you'd arrived and you'd gone they're not smiling with their eyes yes and now I've got to speak to them on camera I would have had to abscond immediately I've come in and then I would have rushed out yes you'd be the first guest who's absconded yes no one's ever absconded we haven't had any absconders so far no that's a fantastic track record we've had no shows but we've not had absconders No shows, as in you were waiting for them and they didn't.

7:36Yes. But they didn't tell you that they weren't coming. No. That's not possible. No, they told us they weren't coming, but like very late, we've been here waiting and then they don't show up, which feels like a no show to me. Would you call that a no show? That's a no show. That is, I think that's an affront. Yes. We've had a few affronters, but never an absconder. I would never, ever do that to somebody. Thank you. Unless I hated them. Yeah. Do you want to shout out a few people you hate before we start the podcast? Some of them obviously will be a posthumous thing, but Henry Kissinger, I'm glad that you're dead.

8:08Is this this camera or which one? This one. Yeah, that's the Kissinger cam. Yeah. Rory Stewart, I hate everything that you stand for, as well as that freakishly tall man you sit beside. Who else do I have in my thoughts? Joe Budden, I hate you. Budden, not Biden. Budden, not Biden. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Biden, I mean, you can't hit somebody whose brain cells are... I mean, his brain is smooth. Sure. So there's nothing you can do about that. I'm censoring now. You're censoring now? Yeah, yeah. The media training's kicked in now, has it? Yes. Let's talk about food. Are you a foodie? So I'm not a foodie.

8:56I can't pretend to know the ins and outs. I don't get bogged down in the minutia. but I love to eat. I think that makes you a foodie. I think so. Well, I did Google, when I found out that I was coming here, I Googled the definition of foodie. And I think there's some kind of like gastronomical knowledge that, you know, you go into the history, you go into like recipes down to the sort of metric, like forensic knowledge. I don't have that. I mean, I love a sausage, bean and cheese melts. Greg's inject that directly into my veins. I love, you know, those noodles, the carbonara ones, the Korean carbonara noodles.

9:41Oh, yeah, which is pink. Oh, no, I don't know. Oh, bulldack noodles. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The one with the spicy ones have got the chicken on the front. It's like breathing fire. Exactly. But I love the pink one, which is like a spicy carbonara. Yeah. So there was a period that I ate that every day for about two months. How was that gastrically for you? I've not recovered. if you're looking at me right now my stomach is growling in a bad way but i that's the kind of thing i eat yeah so i'm i'm i'm flexible yeah but i think that those are things that a foodie would maybe bristle at but you say you would consider yourself an eater rather than a foodie this is you get joy from food but you don't yeah the problem now is that eater has some connotations Really?

10:28Yeah. And Ita is somebody who eats the pussy as well. I don't know. I'm not up to date with all the terms. Yeah. Often on this podcast, this happens when Ed and I, who are, he's 39. Thank you. I'm 41. At time of recording. Yes. You guys look really great. Thank you so much. Thank you. But we are old men who don't know what people are talking about anymore. Right. So we get told by our younger, more in-touch, in-tune guests that what we've just said is we like to eat pussy. Yes. Yes. So if he's an eater, you want an eater is basically what you want. Yes, back in our day, we'd just say legend.

11:14Why would you say that? We'd say legend. Yeah, we said that about everything. It's not even specific. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But we knew, we knew back in the day. everyone's a legend that guy's a legend you'll be like that guy is pussy he eats he eats a pussy oh wow this is going to be so much fun yeah I think so I think so he eats yes I'm an eater I guess yes okay congratulations yes thank you swings and roundabouts swings and roundabouts your new tour it's very exciting it's kind of crazy I went to Edinburgh with this show and I just thought to myself look you put your best foot forward um and i started writing it because i thought maybe i want to really give comedy like i want to try and so i quit my job i was working at advertising as a strategist and i said i'm going to give it a year and the year has actually gone considerably well you've got it you've got to say it's gone well yeah it's gone considerably well and a lot of like swings and roundabouts inspired by my pain and I find it very difficult to exist.

12:22But it would not be prudent to exit permanently. So I write to keep myself here. And Swings and Rides of Us is basically like all of those things in one place. And people have been so gracious and kind. How long has it been now since you quit your job? A year and a half. Wow. Yeah. So you're going back to work soon? I was applying for a job. Yeah. I was applying for you. Because there's something, you know, with comedy, it's like you can't write, I don't know if you guys have this, but like, nothing comes from nothing. Like, I feel like, even with Swings and Roundabouts, a lot of it came from just like being in the office.

13:03Yeah. And listening to those, like, you know, this like English idioms and turns of phrase that just like sort of move the day along. and it really it was so so useful for me to soak that up in in situ and i think doing comedy like full time i'm like what am i looking at sure yeah it's like where where does this where is it going to come from yeah like i need a lady called helen emailing me talking about it's just we were circling back like what are you talking about lady but it just it gives you that like the stim Yeah, I know what you mean. You need to be in contact with the world outside of comedy to get that inspiration.

13:45Yes, exactly. I applied to a job at Waterstones. I was, unfortunately, I didn't get to interview stage. Really? And I told them that I won the prize at Edinburgh. But I don't think it cut through. I don't think that's necessarily what they're looking for at Waterstones. But somebody, you know, somebody who is affable, somebody who is, you know, tried and tested on stage. Yeah. I think it would be useful for sales but it didn't but they're not with books I don't think they're looking for like it's not like they don't need when I go into Waterstones no one's coming up to me and going so what sort of thing are you looking for?

14:21you look like there's no banter in Waterstones I would love it I would bring but I'd bring that yeah but I don't think they want that clearly I was telling them you want it but they said no we yeah if James walked into Waterstones and you'd got the job how are you selling a book to James? are you going straight up to him That's tough because I would have to, I think I would say, you know what, I know you're James Acaster. Oh, right. Okay. Great. So I would take him to the catering section. I'll say, James, I know your background. Yeah. One of my best friends, Katie Mulligan, she's from catering.

14:56That's exciting. Yeah. Katie and Amanda, they're from catering. Yeah. So I will take you to catering section and I'll show you A to Z. All the catering books. Of course. Yeah. That's great. I'd love to buy a book about Karen. Yeah. Is there a catering section in a... Yeah. I would like one. You make... Yeah, 100%. As soon as he arrives, you make... Just in case... It would be made already. Just in case... In the... Yeah. In case of in case it is. Yeah. Yeah. And you'd be surprised because you're like, I didn't know there was a catering section here. That's a good impression of me. I just tried it off the side.

15:31It's good. It's good. I enjoyed that. Yeah. Well, I'd really appreciate that if I went into one. so I think they should have given you that's Waterstones Lost they didn't give you that job I think so too oh it is absolutely although I don't have any Kettering facts I should ask Katie about that yeah what's a very very random thing about Kettering that people should know Edmund Hillary's boots that you wore a Peverist first man a Peverist were made in Kettering that's pretty good I thought you were going to say they're still in Kettering or they're in a museum or something but did he survive the yeah first person a Peverist yeah but first person down as well yeah so he didn't get stuck up there I wonder why they were made there there used to be a lot of shoe manufacturers around Kinky Boots obviously was set in Northampton that's very good do you like shoes?

16:25not as much as I should given your background I should love them more more into the history of where you're from by the time I was born you know, Thatcher had absolutely gutted all of Northampton and all the industry kind of gone so like that started imagine what shoes would have come out of Kettering if things didn't pan out the way they did they would have made Louboutins up there yeah absolutely Nike could have started in Kettering exactly exactly we'll start with still a sparkling water do you have a preference? I have to be still because of my stomach issues. Is this post-Baldac? Post-Baldac, yeah.

17:11Post-Baldac has to be still. Just less, because I think the bubbles fill me up a little bit more. So I just want to keep enough space. Yeah. So still water is okay, but from the bottle. Okay. It has to be. Tap water is, it's not, it's not appropriate. Why? Why is it not appropriate? So I, I watched a parliamentary debate about the waterways, the British waterways and what they're dumping in there. I don't know any filter that could get this stuff out of my water. What sort of stuff are they putting in there? Sewage. Yeah. Poo poo. Poo poo poo. We can't risk it boys. No. We can't. I do. I do risk it.

17:55All the time. You can't? But I don't know whether that's just, I'm thinking, God, you deserve to drink shit. we need to unpack that no but like everyone else if other people are drinking it who am I who am I to say yes oh I'm Ed Gamble I don't drink shit come on but you guys are you guys are more you guys are every I love this you're approachable yes you have this sort of you could be anybody off the streets yes thank you meant as a compliment we blend in yeah and you're so you're you there's a warmth to you I mean to you but you have yours is more I wouldn't say prickly but I would say it's this what's that?

18:43for the listeners this means because they can't see oh I forgot some people can see with the cameras they actually can't see that's true James is more take all the time you need yes I believe in a pregnant pose James is more dry yes yes he's dry sardonic sardonic that is the word but I see why you're British Treasures both of you that's the first time we've been called British Treasures before a lot of people would disagree obviously no one listens to this podcast they'd all say we're definitely treasures they listen deliberately yeah but when we went on i love what everyone's got going on saturday kitchen everyone hated us yeah that happened just before christmas what was the what was the sort of way of mainly ed's behavior it wasn't honest you'll be amazed to hear it wasn't my behavior at all i'm so sure this shit drinker they do a vote thing where the audience vote for which dish they want cooked and we both brought in dishes that we wanted to be cooked for us.

19:55And James lost the vote and he reacted by smashing up the set. There was a model of a polar bear and he punched it in the face and he shook the Christmas tree around and he flipped the wreath off the table and screamed at the top of his voice on live television. Right. And we thought it was really funny. And then I opened my Instagram and found out it wasn't funny at all. There were 232 complaints made to the BBC. Saying I should never be allowed on BBC anymore. I think BBC, please forgive him. BBC, forgive James. I think the BBC loved it, actually. I hope so. I hope they're in my corner, the B.

20:33Perhaps you haven't heard from them off the back of it. You haven't heard from them? No. Oh, mate. I think this could set people off again because I think the general, the understanding that the public had was that if that many complaints get made, the BBC have to do a formal investigation. That is what was going around in some newspapers. Online newspapers. so now there has to be a formal investigation there's been as many complaints and obviously there wasn't one because the BBC aren't wasting their time and resources formally investigating what was clearly in the room a joke and everyone was just having a laugh well there's nothing to investigate, it's all there isn't it a polar bear was not a real polar bear it doesn't matter that I punched it in the face you would not punch a real polar bear in the face would never do it and I think that's enough, you heard it here first you would not hurt a polar bear never, ever Very simple.

21:24But Ed had wound people up as well because he criticised Matt Tebbett and said that he hosted the show like a prison warden. Yes. I did say that Matt Tebbett, the host, hosted the show like a prison warden. Because you've been media trained recently. The listeners don't know this, but you've had media training. Yes. So what would you say about a comment like that being made on live TV? A comment like that is, it's too aggressive. Yes. Right? And likening somebody's behaviour to a prison warden is to say that they're sort of, kind of fascist. murderous people. Yeah, yeah. And you can't do that.

21:57No. But I did it. And you know what? It made Matt Tebert laugh. He loved it. How was the laugh? Was it a shoulder one? Or was it outward? It went on for a while, didn't it? He doesn't do his shoulders. He laughs like this. He goes... And he can cut his arm. No, but what's wrong with him? Is he okay? Not really. He's on live telly. He's dealing with a lot of stuff. And, you know, normally the guests are quite polite to him. I think they go, oh, that's a delicious pie or whatever. Yes. So I'm firing, you know, you're a prison warden at him going, we're sort of going, you're rubbish at this show.

22:31We're throwing a lot of accusations his way. You can't do this stuff, guys. So he's stressed anyway. He's trying to cook while all this is going on. And then James smashes up the set at the end. Did you get a bill? No, actually. Well, not that I know of. I think Benito was billed. Benito, I feel so sorry for you. Benito was there. he was just off camera and that all happened and then we finished and walked up to Benito and he was like good show guys he was absolutely expecting something like that to happen oh fantastic there was no shock from Benito has Benito ever been on off menu no he refuses no he refuses to even when he says something out loud that works for the episode he'll cut it out because he doesn't he doesn't want his voice to be on never wants to be on it no we'll talk about that afterwards poplums or bread poplums or bread poplums or bread poplums or bread bread bread it has to be bread it has to be bread it's got to be bread I mean I love a flat bread hot fresh out of the oven yeah but I also love a focaccia that is quite delicately done so the rosemary sprigs aren't you know too sharp you know sometimes it's like I'm trying to kill kill us or something yeah rosemary sprigs man yeah they can be spiky yeah if you bite straight into them sometimes I don't like that And it's just like sets your teeth on edge.

23:52But I love it. Bread. I mean, bread is just one of my great loves. It's the ultimate sign of, it's like somebody giving you bread is somebody giving you love. That's true, actually. And warmth. And it's like a welcome as well, isn't it? If you go to a restaurant and they bring you warm bread, you're like, I feel at home now. Hello. Yeah. Let's do this. Would you like to be in a relationship with a baker? 150 ,000%. But I think with bakers, maybe the archetype would be quite type A. Baking is scientific. You can't sort of... Very true. I'm just going to throw some flour in here and whatever. Those people are disciplined.

24:36They are possibly using class A drugs. Yes. Bakers? Or bakers? Maybe so, yes. Because they've got scales? Yes. so I'm connecting the dots anyway when I I'm quite a spiritual person and I get visions basically so your visions tell you that the bakers are doing drugs yes how useful are your visions normally because very useful do you think deciding that bakers do drugs is a useful vision to have moving forward I was watching this show Jonathan Creek why are you laughing because no one said Jonathan Creek out loud for about 15 years and no one's watching it I just wasn't expecting I just wasn't I was expecting it to be connected to baking I thought you were going to say Bake Off or something and then I just wasn't expecting Jonathan Creek that's part of so part of the media training I'm trying to because I get a lot of non sequiturs but I'm trying to have more no no no but Jonathan Creek yeah I love Jonathan Creek fantastic yeah you know that sort of what's the word you have a sense about things and you can you can connect the dots and I'm kind of like him but just not a magician I'd love to see a reboot of Jonathan Creek with you in the lead who would you want like your assistant your sidekick that's a really really good question I think I'd want somebody like I'd want like a Stephen Merchant nice Right.

26:18Freakishly tall. You're a merchant, yeah. Freakishly tall with sort of this total shell glasses. And then there'll be a dog somewhere. So Stephen Merchant and the dog, they have a real rapport, but it's my dog. Yeah. That's nice. Yes. So you jealous of the rapport that the dog has with Stephen Merchant? Yeah, yeah. So it starts to affect our working relationship. Yeah, yeah. But my premonitions, they come, they're just inopportune moments. and I could sense what's going on with the crimes and I get pulled in. So MI6, MI5, basically GCHQ are calling me every day. And me and Stephen are having some issues because of the dog.

26:59But he's able to help me filter all of these visions through. Because like, for example, the bacon, the scales might not be that useful. But Stephen is the one who helps me like pass through all of these images. yes because he has a photographic memory wow wow so everyone's got sort of powers on the show everyone has powers on the show yeah what the dog's powers the dog can actually speak yeah so the dog because the dog can speak huge but the dog only speaks at home because he doesn't he doesn't want to to to reveal himself as the only dog who can speak in history who can speak yeah yeah because then like scientists would get involved the military would get involved Of course, it's too much.

27:42But the dog actually, like in the dog's lineage, it's like a crow. I don't know if you know that crows can't speak. Sorry? Crows? Yeah. Crows can basically, yeah. In what way? What do you mean? So somewhere along the line, the dog's great, great, great, great, great, maybe had a twist with the crow. Somehow, I don't know. This is in the show? Yeah. Maybe in second season. Yeah. Okay, yeah, yeah. We discover that the dog, the talking dog, one of their ancestors had sex with a crow. Yes. And so that's how, so it's not as if it's magical. Yeah. So you're saying crows can speak. Is that in the show or is that in real life?

28:21Crows can actually speak in real life. Yes. Benito, please check that. Didn't even look at him. As in they can speak to humans? I think so, yes. You think so? I saw a TikTok, but it may have been AI. Look, but I think crows can actually speak. I think I've heard that. It may have been AI. Crows can't speak. That's the thing with me. I have some, I have a lot of factoids. Some of them are, I can't, I don't know if there's just me, it's just me seeing it to the future. Yeah. And it's not happened yet. Or it's something I've seen on TikTok. So it could be a vision. Yes. It could be AI TikTok. It could be a fact.

29:02Yes. Yeah. It'd be fun during this chat to try and filter out what's what. I know. It's absolutely nuts. It's like, I scare myself sometimes. Yeah. your dream starter oof scotch egg I love that oh scotch the curl of the lip as you said scotch egg scotch egg I mean this country is many things right do you want to like just list off a few this country is many things I nurse a colonial wound yeah a child of empire begrudgingly the UK okay, I have a complicated relationship with this state. But the fact that the Scotch egg comes out of this place, it gives me hope for a better tomorrow. How far does the Scotch egg go to redressing the balance with all of the other stuff, though?

30:01I think it goes quite far. I mean, I'm still here. Yeah, that's true. The Scotch egg's keeping you here. Yeah, I didn't move. I could have returned to my homeland. I could have returned to an angel ages ago. It's codge egg. You go to a nice little gastropub. Yeah. And no frills. I don't want, I don't need a chorizo. I don't need any, any nonsense on there. Classic runny egg in the middle. Yeah. Some currants call action. Yeah. Oh yeah. Crispy on the outside, golden. I mean, this is a, this is a modern feat of engineering. How do they keep the egg runny and cook the meat? And I could actually check that and think that's maybe where I'm not a foodie.

30:44Because I love the mystery. I'm just going to keep it as a mystery. How do these people cook the meat and have the eggs still runny? Maybe they freeze the egg first. So the egg is cooked and then frozen solid. And then they wrap it in the meat. And then they fry it. And then by the time the meat's cooked, the egg has become... Defrosted. defrosted and the yolk is runny but how would you freeze you're not going to freeze the egg in the shell no this could be episode one of the new Jonathan Creek yeah yes how do they make scotch eggs how do they make scotch eggs but we don't google it crucially we cannot google you can't google it no not on Jonathan Creek imagine if you just googled stuff yeah crucially we must get to the bottom of it in the most long winded way possible yeah yeah Stephen Merchant's helping you out obviously of course because he's going around kitchens that make scotch eggs and he's taking photos with his mind yes when he takes photos with his mind does he like do a thing with his face so you know he's taking the photo that's quite nice a very long blink makes a noise yeah yes that's good he does have quite long eyelids he does so that's useful well he's got long everything right because he's a tall guy it'd be weird if he had short eyelids that didn't cover his eyes yes I do want it on record that I love Stephen Merchant more than anything really he's never been on this podcast so he's one of the things from the UK that you like Scotch Hedges and Merchant Stephen Merchant I love him what do you what do you love about him I love his his eyes are so they're almost like sunken you know he looks pensive but also quite blasé yes how do you get that balance to look like a days ago but also he looks ancient like an ancient oracle yes not as in he looks old not as in he looks old he just looks like he has he knows things yes yeah oh and he's so funny yeah he is a funny guy very funny very talented man yeah I just yeah he's got to be he's got to be my my helper in the Jonathan Creek reboot yeah Who do you want to do the voice of the dog?

33:05Can I be silly? Yeah. Chris Morris. That'd be good. He'd never do it. He'd absolutely never do it. I don't know. Sometimes he pops up and stuff and you... He'd absolutely never do it. I mean, he is a genius. His voice would suit a dog. Yeah. Like a clever dog that's going on solving crimes. yeah it's a very very very clever dog didn't you make a short film where someone's dog was speaking to them I don't know it's something he could do yeah that's a genius yeah so you want a scotch egg I want a scotch egg I did a gig golden I did a gig last night in Chelsea in a pub in Chelsea Joel Domit was on and Joel's always hungry he's like I need some food I need some food and they went check that yeah but he just works he works out loads he's got that sort of like energy as well where he's constantly wriggling around so he's always hungry or he's got worms and the man working at the pub went I'll just get you a scotch egg and he said do you want a scotch egg to me I was like I just had dinner so I was like I don't want a scotch egg they brought down this incredible looking scotch egg proper runny in the middle you refused a scotch egg yeah but I'd eat I'd just eat him who do you think you are I know but then obviously I wanted a scotch egg he's drinking shit water like and turning down scotch eggs who the hell do you think you are this is a problem but the audience hadn't been let in yet and they were let in they didn't even know Joel was on and he was like a last minute addition like a surprise yeah and then the audience started walking in and there's no dressing room he was just sat like at the door eating a full scotch egg with yolk running down his chin like what a treat we're in for tonight oh that's an image yeah but it looked like a good scotch egg like posh gastropub scotch egg yeah is that always B always B comedy yeah the new one in Chelsea that's a very good that's a very good pub yes I mean it looks like a restaurant it's not a pub I said on stage this is not a pub it looks like a restaurant but I think they might have to change the seating up a little bit to give more pub yes but I know the scotch egg there will be will be phenomenal yeah it'll look like a good scotch egg and next time I do that gig oh I'm getting a scotch egg I'm not having dinner I'm having scotch egg I'm literally James Tim I will be having a scotch egg that's the people who run always be just for the listener who don't know who James and Tim are our two favourite men in comedy they might always be comedy together sometimes when you get a scotch egg they'll give you like a chutney or like a dip or a little sauce with it do you want anything like that on your dream menu?

35:40I do like a I do like a little dip I like a mayonnaise that is is homemade so like a and it has a little bit of tanginess to it that kind of offsets the the kind of salt yeah in the a little bit of mustard in there maybe a tiny bit of mustard in there Sriracha mayo I like a sriracha mayo I love a sriracha mayo that's very very good a sriracha mayo and then there's like a I've been been getting truffle mayos oh yeah yeah that's quite nice truffle you know it's it's overused in many ways but in a mayo just a dollop it's okay wasabi mayo before we move on ah wasabi mayo is not allowed no no it's not allowed my chest yes it's going to be too it's too hot okay yeah I'm not very good with I'm the one Nigerian well Yoruba girl so where my I'm half Yoruba half Edoma that's like the there's lots of different ethnic groups in Nigeria but Yorubas are famously good with with like spice levels like we can eat hot food I'm the only one who simply cannot the only the only one and if any Yoruba people comment on this thing and claim that they are they are amongst those who can't have spice delete the comments I don't know if we can do that.

37:01Yeah. Okay. I think that will have to, you might have to, we'll have to give you the login and you can do it. We can't get Benito to do that. I can do that manually. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't think Benito can go through filtering the comments like that. Okay. Yeah. I make unfounded claims that I think I need to, I need to actually just maintain. Yeah. You don't need a passport to taste the world's most luxurious beef. Just head to Benihana. introducing the Wagyu of the World menu. From the rich flavor of American masami ribeye to the bold Australian New York strip to the legendary melt-in-your-mouth A5 Japanese Wagyu, this is the finest beef on the planet, expertly grilled right at your table.

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38:38Your dream main course. So this is where, you know, I was telling you guys before that I was very nervous. because coming on this institution and I don't want to let my family down and let basically the world down. And the main has been a real source of anguish for me because I was born in London, but I grew up in Lagos and I've been back and forth. And I don't want to disgrace my ancestors with this choice. You're putting a lot of weight on this choice here. Yeah. I don't think you can disgrace your ancestors with it. Maybe. You could do. But do bear in mind you could do. So my dream main is going to have to be smoky jollof rice with ayamashi.

39:33It's like a green stew. And plantain with coleslaw. if it's possible this restaurant can give me anything add moi moi so moi moi is like a bean cake that's also got a bit of egg in it so double egg double egg double egg time and it will all come together so it doesn't include my side yes it's all in one format it's all in one format it's all in one format but there's a lot of conflict about jollof rice yes we've had various sort of opinions on jollof rice and it's the most boring conflict and I'm going to put it to bed once I speak on this many people have come on the podcast and said this that they're going to try and put it to bed they've been like I'm going to end it now I'm not saying you can't do it it's not that I'm going to try after this we're not talking about it anymore I'm enforcing it what do we have when we have other guests on and they want to talk about it do we say to them you can't I already spoken about it okay and we've ended it and we've ended it you've got to pick something different this is it the jollof rice is it Ghanaian jollof is it Nigerian jollof whatever it's not even either of those things right jollof rice from Senegal yeah chebudin that's the original jollof rice we're not arguing about Nigerians and Ghanians anymore both of our jollof rices are second to the one they are doing in senegal that is the end of it okay so this particular jollof that you guys are going to give me is going to be directly inspired by jeb so it's going to have that smokiness it's going to have that it's almost like a it's like it feels like there's there's paprika just lovely popping out yeah are you to say hello you know what I mean yeah simmer to perfection yeah the rice is fluffy it's almost like it's like in a 3D printer or something it's like it's just it's been to perfection but it's just some auntie in the back putting her back into it yeah that sounds sexual but I guess in some ways it is yeah sure I mean it sounds phenomenal yeah oh it's too good I love the the smokiness that's what that's what brings me in yeah yeah because i guess because there's jollof you can just have that it's not smoky but i love when it's like it's like this is like party jollof where you would get it like at a wedding or you're going to someone's 50th or something and they burn the bottle like when the rice is simmering they leave it at the end to burn and they put like foil on the cover so it is they're cooking it up yeah and by the time they uncover that thing this smell yeah there's nothing like it yeah I mean you can do when I make it it's not I can't get it smoky because of the way I don't have like an open flame on my stove right okay you need the open flame to get that taste yeah that's what does it that's what does it so what in the jollof obviously you've got all those spices and stuff is there like is there meat in the jollof what particular meat you would have so my meat would be in my ayamashi so the meat will always be on the side.

43:01But you would have simmered it in like a beef stock or like a chicken stock. So that will come through. But then some people have like, I love a smoked turkey, like a turkey wing. And it's a bit soft. So you're fighting with the meat, you know. But you know that you're doing, it's a labour of love to consume this meal. Yeah. So the meat's mainly coming in the green stew. Yeah, my green stew, yeah. But some people don't like, So I love to have ayamashi with my jollof rice rather than the stew with a white rice. Because some people do that. But I like to have a clash of seasonings. Right. So people don't like it because it's too much.

43:41It's too much. I think it is too much. But I err on the side of too much. Yeah. So you're making this at home? Well, so I've actually discovered it's almost like a ready meal. And it's called Tasties. they sell it in some of the big Sainsbury's in the country and it is jollof rice and chicken and then they have ayamashi and they have, this is the best thing in the world, gizdu. So it's gizzard and dodo together. Dodo is plantain. Yes, not the extinct bird. Not the extinct bird. Rest in peace. R.I.P. it would be really hilarious if the bird was extinct because we were eating it. Yeah. But the gizdu is like, it then adds like a sweetness because that's sort of red peppers, green peppers, sweetness of the plantain and that you can also have that as a side.

44:30So there's lots of different types of meats. And then, oh, Shaki. Do you guys know tripe? Yes. Sure. Little pieces of tripe. Dotted about in the stew. I love all that. It's emotional. Shout out to tripe. Shout out to tripe. He loves tripe. I love tripe. It's so good. It's so good. And people get so weird about stuff like that. Yeah, because it's not good to eat an animal's stomach because it's full of waste. Oh, yeah. You're obsessed with not eating waste, aren't you? I am. Yeah. Yeah, I actually had for about maybe three or four months, I was obsessed with faecal clouds. Do you mean farts or?

45:14No, as in when you go into public toilets. Yeah. basically if you're in a bar or like in a pub don't take your drink into the toilet because they're fecal clouds yeah because like if people have done done shits in there and stuff that can evaporate into the air the whole shit evaporates into the air some of it some of it and leaves like fecal matter yeah as a mist yeah which can settle into your drink but that if you're going into the toilet, aren't you breathing that in anyway? This is the thing. This is the problem. So damned if I do, damned if I don't. They say tough times never last. Only tough people do.

46:02I've never heard that phrase. Yeah, I like that phrase. Because life is tough. So what do you do now? You don't take your drink into the toilet. I don't take my drink into the toilet, but I have to breathe. Yeah. I've got to breathe. Yeah. so I'm in there like this

46:20oh god I can't there's just so much about life that is it is so difficult yeah yeah the weight of existence I mean and if you worry about the weight of existence and then you find out about fecal clout like what are you supposed to do oh over the edge I call smartens yeah yeah over the edge because also think about who's doing a shit in a pub it's the worst people it's not the people who care care about their health or anything. I have to be honest, the way my bar movements are set up. I have to put my hand up. The way my bar movements are set up. You shit in a pub as well. Right, well, I've just slagged you both off.

46:53I'm sorry. Benito, you shitting in a pub? Right, what is wrong with you? Do your shits at home. Sorry, shit break. I'm shit break. He's shit break. I'm shit break from American Pie. Yeah. Do you have a shit break from American Pie? No. He needs to go home to shit. He can only use his own toilet at home. Yeah. So you call him shit break. But you shit here. If I needed a shit, I would go for a shit in the pub. But I tend to be like, wake up in the morning, start making the coffee, the smell of the coffee, off to the toilet, bish, bash, bosh, that's me for the day. That's good. Yeah, it's pretty good, right?

47:26That's right. That's quite regular. One big evacuation. It's pretty much the same time every day. I think it's one of the most liberating things about starting stand-up is that I started shitting in pups.

47:38Do you remember your first stand-up shit in a pub? I remember some early ones let's clarify what you mean by that yeah yeah yeah I wasn't standing up while shitting but yeah I didn't do a stand up shit I've done a squat shit yeah yeah I do I have to do a squat shit something's got a hover yeah yeah yeah and it is it is precarious yeah for sure yeah this this could end very badly it's going to end so badly yeah yeah I remember those early days of thinking like I'm actually doing this I never would have done this I'd always been like absolutely no way I'm going for shit in a public toilet. Yeah.

48:12No way I'm doing that. Early on, I was like, I'm going to have to. I'm nervous before these gigs. Yeah. And I was like, do you know what? I don't even care anymore. This is great. It's fantastic. Sitting here. Reckless abandon. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. Reckless abandon all the way, all the way out. I think that's really, I think that says a lot about you. And I think it's, it's opened up a whole new frontier of your emotional state. Yes. You should start doing it. I don't think I should start doing it. It means I have to hold my morning one in. why would you hold your morning one in sir well because I don't need one when I'm in the pub do I so if you want me to start shitting in a pub I'm going to have to hold my morning one in this needs one that's true is the morning one a really big long one Will Smith does this what what does he do I heard on the radio and Will Smith said when he's having a shit in the morning he wants to get it done yeah he doesn't want to be going back and eating another shit later on in the day so he'll just sit on the toilet and he'll be there he's got like almost like a mini office there so that he's having a shit he said it in an interview this was a long time ago I heard him say this an office he's got his thing he's got his phone he's got some books he's just there with a bunch of whatever he needs for the day that's there while he's having a shit so that if anything happens he's across it he's across it Yeah.

49:37And he's there for a long time. I wonder how long is long? Yeah. He just said, he was on the radio, I remember I was in Italy. Yeah. He was on the radio. Yeah, I was in the car. Why were you listening to Will Smith on the radio when you were in Italy? Just on the radio. We just put on the radio and he was being interviewed and he said, I'd like to get it done. Yeah. He said, I'd like to get it done. I don't want to be going back later on. I'd like to get it done. Later on in the day and having like part two, part three. Yeah, but you're not supposed to be on there for that. No. You're not supposed to be on there for that long.

50:07No, you get piles if you do that. Yeah, you're not supposed to do that. Yeah, yeah. I mean, that explains so much about him. Yeah.

50:19Dream side dish then. You said that your side is not included. This is where it gets tricky because I do have, I feel like I need to also be a little bit grown up. So I will do a side of tender stem broccoli. Nice. A little bit of broccolini. Just some rock salt, some olive oil, maybe a bit of garlic. And I need it crunchy because I want to feel like I've also had my five a day. Yes. You're still getting the nutrients out of it. I'm still getting the nutrients out of it. It's not been overcooked. And I'll just work at that intermittently. So is that just to make you feel like a grown-up and like you're being healthy?

50:59Just to make me – and also, typically, I would be like at dinner with my sister or like my friends and we love broccolini the girls love a broccolini yeah tender stem slender it's and it's a little bit you know yeah it's a little bit cheeky always always a tender step so you having it to feel grown up or are you having it because you love it and the girls love broccolini many things can be true at once yeah yeah and i think there's a duality there yeah you know multiplicity if you must because it's the girls the girls love a broccolini i want to feel grown up yeah and it actually tastes quite nice it does i mean no i think i started eating broccoli to be grown up and be like you gotta get you gotta get your vitamins in yeah but over time i love it it's just good and even at home it's so easy for like when if i'm doing like a like a salmon and potatoes i'll just toss some broccolini yeah on the side like i'll I'll steam it a little bit and then put it in a frying pan.

52:01Little sesame oil with some salt, onion powder, garlic powder. Toss, toss, toss. Little butter. We are good to go. Yeah. You got a steamer? No, I just steam it manually. I'll just put it. You know how you do. It's like almost. Do they call it banh-marie? Oh, yeah. The one that you just put. The little bath. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just do it like that. That's how I do it as well. Yeah. I put it in just like a sieve. I put it in like the strainer for broccoli and then put it above the water and then cover it with a yeah yeah and it steams it by itself yeah we got my mum got a steamer when we were kids and it was a big deal it's a real big deal that steamer yeah it is a big I mean she as in a purpose built steamer yeah it was like a really big day we got this steamer this is how we're going to do our vegetables now different shelves you put them on different shelves different shelves I don't I still don't understand the shelving system but I guess you could do more than one at once I guess that was it I guess the closer to the steam.

52:55Yeah, because the further away from the steam, you would have it like a bit al dente. Yeah. So you'd put the ones that don't need to sell those. They must do. They're pretty bulky though, I think. I hate washing it up. Oh no, it makes more sense. We can just do it the way we've been doing it. Yeah, I think so. Because then we just get multi-use out of our pans, you know. Yeah, exactly. I think with it, like, I don't have enough room in my kitchen for all this stuff. I want all of these gadgets, but I'd be really annoyed with it eventually. Because you have to put it, I think, I don't think it's good to see the gadgets so you have like a minimalist kitchen set up you want to put the gadgets away I don't have a big enough kitchen so it has to look yeah but my dream I can't you're going to have to cut no I'm not saying it I can't say it that was good because you were going to say something then you said you're going to have to cut this out and then you went no I can cut this out by not saying it yes yeah that's media training yeah there you go it's working yeah what was it though what were you saying I would like to have two kitchens yes the cooking kitchen and the stage kitchen yes I am trying to my new thing now is I want to be more like like everyday girl like like girl next door broccolini girl yeah broccolini girl like she cycles you know splits the bill with her boyfriend like that kind of thing like really like normal girl yeah but actually I want two kitchens yeah but that's why the second kitchen's hidden right because then you don't need to the second kitchen is like and a lot some people in like really rich people in Nigeria have this would have the kitchen because our food is very very fragrant so it's like it's really hard to make sure the smells don't like go into your whole house yeah so if you're of means you would cook behind like in the kitchen behind the house yes so it's like it might even be just a thing of like practicality.

54:50Yeah. In the show kitchen, would there be any practicality to it? Could you do anything in the show kitchen or would it all be like fake food and stuff? You can do things in the show kitchen. So all the things you do in the show kitchen are like, you can steam the veg, like you can do like last minute touch-ups, like you can make tea and coffee. Yeah. Like, but it's not going to be, I'm not going to be frying palm oil. Yes. In the show kitchen. The hardcore stuff happens in the back kitchen. It's got to happen in the back. I like it as an idea. Yeah, but I don't want to give down to him. I'm not trying to be aristocratic.

55:26What about this? Three kitchens. So that's interesting. And it's almost like, you're getting closer and closer to the belly of the beast. It's like going down into a mine. I like that. So what happens in your mind in the three kitchens? How are they split up then, jobs-wise? yeah yeah first one so like tea and coffee yes second one getting a bit so you'd have like you'd fry garlic in there yeah or make a sandwich in the second one you can make a sandwich in the first really? yeah because sandwich is cold right? yeah but if you're making a toasty gotta be down gotta be in the second second kitchen second kitchen's for toasties yes third kitchen third kitchen I think that's like your spit roasts like yeah if you're like spit roasting stuff.

56:17Yes. A whole pig. Yeah, there should be like a pit in there, like those fire pits. Open fire, definitely open fire in there. Got that in there. A furnace. Yeah. Yeah. And like hot chocolate. Hot chocolate second kitchen. You know what? It depends on the kind of hot chocolate you're making. Yeah. I saw one in, I can't remember who's come up with this chilli hot, like hot chocolate with a chilli in it. get that shit in the third kitchen. Yeah, that's in the third kitchen. Because it's like you're in a lab. Yeah. It's great. I love it. Putting stuff. Just throwing stuff together. In your mind, are you the one cooking in all the kitchens?

56:56Unfortunately. Or are there people cooking for you in the kitchens? Unfortunately, there are people who are very well compensated. Yeah. And who love their jobs. Of course. But do they get uglier as they go down through the kitchen? Mine is like the tethered in us. Yeah. I think they're going to be the same beauty levels. Because, I mean, I think beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Sure. So anybody who comes into the house is automatically beautiful. Right. Because their spirit must be pure. Ed thinks people are ugly. Yeah. Especially in the third kitchen. In the third kitchen, I'm imagining it's really dark in there.

57:38It's almost candlelight. It's like a medieval kitchen. And everyone's like, they're doing the spirit I'll never speak roast we've got to another pig how many spirit they're really they're really like I didn't I didn't like that at all no but then you don't need to speak to them right because they have to pass a message up to the second kitchen and then they pass it okay so the third kitchen people the sort of gremlins they will not be allowed out no you never see them okay just live in the kitchen I guess right

58:14your dream drink

58:19margarita it can be alcoholic right yeah yeah so margarita no no this is a two-year film dry january we're recording this no I don't even do dry january anymore I don't even pretend no I don't think it makes sense to do that to stop drinking in the hardest month of the year yeah I went to a restaurant yesterday and on the menu it said it's dry martini January. You loved that, didn't you? That's it. They're doing dry martinis all month. What's the restaurant called? I'll go there today. It's called Suna, spelled S-U-N-E. S-U-N-E, Suna. Yeah. Shout out to them. Yeah. Dry martini January. Yeah, I did that.

59:00It's too hard right now to be giving up drinking. Yeah. Also, it is a bit silly that you go from like the month where you drink the most in December. and then go to nothing. You need a soft landing, I think. Yeah, it shocks your system. I think dry January should actually just be like beers and wine. So maybe no spirits. If you want to be like sort of strict about it. I went to a pub the other day as well. This is sounding like I'm going absolutely hog wild. But like went to a pub at the bar. There was a little gong about that big, a little mini gong on the bar. and it was there for people to hit it when they had quit, when they couldn't do dry January anymore.

59:42Of course. So it was just, if someone is like, fuck it, I can't just go over and hit the gong. And that would happen literally in, like you would lose your resolve. Yeah. At that pub. Yeah. Oh, I love that. I'd hit that New Year's Eve. Yeah. Oh, for sure. Happy New Year, dong. Yeah. I once didn't drink for a year. Yeah. And to be honest, it did change my life. Yeah. Oh. It was a completely... For the better. Yes, transformative experience. And I have never had that much clarity and peace. But then I went to a wedding and I got absolutely sloshed. And it just broke the sobriety. Yeah. So goodbye to clarity and peace.

1:00:29And since that day, I've not known it, it is rest. But you're like a margarita. of course two two margaritas I love a Tommy's so sometimes I alternate so I do like a salt rim just like shaken right not the one that they put ice in it oh so you don't want the there's like loads you don't want loads of ice in the cup yeah I just want it just give me the mug yeah yeah salt rim and then I'll alternate with the Tommy's Tommy's a little bit sweeter what's the Tommy's so Tommy's margarita just like a I think it's less Cointreau or might be no Cointreau at all and it just it's not as tangy so it doesn't really hit the back of your throat the same way and i'll just alternate like that nice until i start slurring my words yes spicy margaritas where do you stand on that i can't do it i think the spicy margarita is actually it's one of the reasons why the uk social contract is is failing i think people need we need to start having a dialogue about the spicy margarita what is that why is this spicy why am I drinking pepper who came up with it I don't know actually but I like a spicy mug Ed where did it come from my love of spicy mug or the drink I don't know I just like a bit of spice it puts a zing in my ding-a-ling I love it don't you ever say that again a zing in my ding-a-ling I'm horrified it's the first time that he's actually Look, I felt that it was going to be the only time I could say that.

1:02:04He's completely... I apologise. It just means... Why do I apologise so much? There was a tea ad vote with Stephen Fry. They said that phrase. I liked it. It just means, like, you know, a bit of pep in your step. Your dingerleggers, your penis. Yeah, I know, but I don't mean it gives me a... In my dingerleggers. I don't mean it gives me a boner. I just mean it peps me up. That's what it means. No, it doesn't. It's taken on a new meaning. It's different now. It's different now. It does mean that. It doesn't mean that now. Every time somebody orders a spicy margarita in my presence, I'm going to think about a zing in your ding-a-ling.

1:02:36Yes. You and your little pathetic ding-a-ling getting a zing. What's wrong? What's wrong with me getting a zing in my ding-a-ling from a spicy margarita? Absolutely disgraceful. We've got a guest here. Disgraceful. I know you too well. I would object if you were saying that in the intros and outros. It's just me and Benito. Yeah. I don't want it right there yes and you're saying I'm getting zinging you're diggling I just mean I like it I just mean I like it and it gives me a pep in my step 999 police yeah we're calling the police right I can't I think and I don't know if Soho House that terrible establishment is the reason for the spicy margarita being unleashed onto all of us yes and I have a feeling it's them I can't remember what they call it though.

1:03:26They call it something different. Picante. Picante. That's it. Yeah. I think I, and I, they have something to do with it. It's a conspiracy. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I'm happy to blame them. Yeah. Oh yeah. I think it's, yeah, I can't have it spicy for some reason. I'm happy to blame them. Yeah. Heartburn. Sorry, sorry guys. Don't cancel my membership. You're a member. Yeah. Of course he is. Do I go? Absolutely not. Oh wow. Oh, you're a member. James, are you a member? No. I got it free for a while because I did gigs for them. Right. I had it free for about four years. Okay. I spent so much time now.

1:04:10Interesting. Right. It turns out you're the loser, James. Yes, I'm the little dwee. Yeah. He's not a member of Soho House. Sorry. Think you know where to go for happy hour? Think again. Benny Hanna's 369 Happy Hour offers$6 pan-fried gyoza dumplings,$9 specialty sushi rolls, and signature cocktails like the Benny Hanna Punch, mojitos, and more. It's unexpected, it's delicious, and it's perfect for meeting up with friends. Happy Hour done differently. Visit BennyHanna.com. That's BennyHanna.com.

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1:05:25Hey. We arrive at your dream dessert. That will be a sticky toffee pudding. Lovely. I'm more of a custard girl than an ice cream. Now, with a sticky toffee pudding, what I'm finding is that certain establishments seem to be skimping on the dates. Okay. And to get the perfect sort of ratio, sort of moistness to kind of firmness, let's bring back the dates. And the sauce on top, that like treacle sauce, I want it like a drip, like mainline, inject it directly into my eyeballs. Yeah. If possible. We can do that at the dream restaurant if you want. Yes. sometimes I go to a place and I'm like oh I ordered the sticky toffee I'm excited it comes the treacle sauce it's like I am in jail like can you give me some more I feel like Oliver Twist like I'm beg like yeah I need the treacle sauce I need as much of it as possible and it's the perfect way to calm my nerves.

1:06:36My belly is full and I just add a little bit on top and a sticky toffee with so much trickle sauce that a Victorian child will be dead by the end of the day. Because it had so much trickle sauce. Because it had so much. Yeah. With some custard. The custard is swirling into the sauce. Yeah. and it's making this sort of marbled effect on the plate typically there's candlelight to then compliment i mean this is this is what it means to be alive yeah what else is there yeah do you want any like fecal clouds anywhere near that i will fucking flip this mic i was in i was in a state of bliss you know i was like yeah i was right there yeah he knew that and that's why he brought up the fecal cloud oh that is cruel yeah that's cool that's a cruel thing to do yeah sorry a fecal cloud would end that it's just ended it yeah 100 % what an awful way to end the dream menu a fecal cloud a fecal cloud yeah a fecal cloud right at the end a little petty four yeah yeah petty four yeah I feel like stomping you out yeah guests often feel like that yeah I don't feel I don't feel proud of it yeah you've sort of defiled yourself yeah yeah Yeah.

1:07:58So I love the treatable sauce. Yeah, it sounds amazing. The custard swirled in with it. Sometimes you find... When I delve into a sticky toffee pudding, I want it to be like moist with that sauce throughout the whole thing. Yes, yeah. And sometimes you get in and it's dry. It's dry in the middle. So that for me is where... And I don't know if that's a mistake or if it's on purpose, but it must be throughout, not on top. but I think that's also what you're talking about with the dates, the lack of dates if there's dates throughout it, that stays moist because I'm seeing it where it's more of like this weird cake and I'm just like I'm always looking forward to sticky toffee but there seems to be like a, and I think maybe if there's an ombudsman or some kind of like quality control that's, you know like you can't call something champagne if it's not from the region of champagne yes oh yeah some kind of standard for the sticky toffee that we know that if we've ordered this thing yeah that it's going to be that yes so and maybe somebody's looking into it i don't know gordon help us out yeah gordon ramsay yeah gordon ramsay is one of my unfortunately one of my idols really that's a surprise you you love love and you love life and you're very spiritual Gordon Ramsay doesn't embody those things when I think about him.

1:09:24Yeah, but I guess I contain multitudes. Yes, absolutely. What do you love about Gordon Ramsay? I love that he is able to immediately detect when something has been microwaved.

1:09:37And he will just say, is this been microwaved? And if you dare lie. Yeah, he knows. He knows what you're doing. Yeah, he's not really asking, is he? he's not asking it's a test and it's a very Nigerian thing to do so there's something about him that's so Nigerian yeah because he's asking you because he knows that if you lie yeah oh god dude and there's and why are you serving him frozen food yeah why are you serving these people on Kitchen Nightmares what are they playing at oh it's like come on yeah he'll know he'll know he'll know this is being filmed it's just we know we already know the audience why lie when it's already been filmed have you seen him touch a plate when because he's and he's he moves it around like this yeah and what he's doing is he's inspecting the dish but he's also checking the temperature of the plate because that's one of the ways he knows that he's been microwave yeah so you think you're going to deceive Gordon Ramsey why are you trying to deceive Gordon Ramsey I would I personally would never tried to deceive Gordon Ramsay.

1:10:49And when he declares, sometimes you've microwaved it, that's too bad. If you haven't microwaved it, but there's something about it that is not quite right, he'll say, it's dry. It's just, it's so dry. The way he pronounces restaurant, he says, restaurant. Oh, Gordon! I love Gordon Ramsay. Oh! First of all, I'm going to read your menu back to you and you'll see how you feel about it, okay? so you would like still water bottled very important this bottled yes problems with bread you want flatbread or focaccia with rosemary starter scotch egg with homemade mayonnaise main course smoky jollof rice with ayamase ayamase she ayamase ayamase plantain coleslaw and moi moi yes side dish tender stand broccoli with rock salt olive oil and garlic drink alternate between margarita and a tommy's margarita dessert sticky toffee pudding with so much treatle sauce and custard how do you feel about that that's a beautiful menu for the bread can I add one thing yes yeah it could also be pandasal a pandasal bread is I think it's Filipino there's this restaurant Ramo in Soho it's like Filipino ramen I've been there it's great I really like that place oh the pandasal it's a fluffy bread that is just like I don't think I had the bread I should have had the bread you should have had the bread yeah get the bread next time it is fantastic it soaks up all any sauce that you can get your hands and they put garlic and butter on it oh yeah it's high and it's soft pandesal yeah added that's added to the menu you've got it pretty good menu it's pretty delicious do you think yeah really good that main made me really hungry yeah yeah I really like the scotch egg into the jollof into sticky toffee pudding it's sort of like a British Nigerian fusion but it just sounds really warming and filling yeah I love a warm and filling meal and just like you're just you're chatting and like laughing and you just feel like you might actually be alright you were worried you'd let people down today do you feel like you have I hope I haven't I don't think you have I think we've let ourselves down yeah I think you know maybe there's going to be a lot more complaints to the BBC after this.

1:13:17Probably. Whereas I think you were worried about letting down your ancestors. Yes. I think you've absolutely made them proud. Yes. And also... Thank you so much. And think how proud you've made Gordon Ramsay as well. Thank you, Gordon. One day we shall discuss.

1:13:34Oh, that's the end of the sentence? Yes. One day we shall discuss. Thank you for coming to the Dream Restaurant, OYD. Thank you so much. thank you this has been joyful yes I've loved every second

1:13:53I loved that episode James absolutely fantastic I think we really got to know how I wanted that like absolutely every single aspect of her being yes came through in that podcast yes very spiritual at times yes obviously hilarious yes sometimes very serious yes very stern and scotch egg I love scotch eggs absolutely love scotch eggs and did not say biscoff at any point so we didn't have to kick her out at the dream restaurant imagine a biscoff scotch egg wouldn't not like that speak for yourself if the egg was if the egg was like you know a cabri's cream egg and it was like covered in like a like a marshmallow and then there was a biscoff layer around the marshmallow and then it's covered in like digestive biscuit crumbs and then they deep fry that I'll try that they deep fry it yeah I gotta deep fry it you are mad what you would try that I'd try that that'd blow your head off what are you talking about that's too sweet for you even no way Cadbury's cream egg covered in biscoff sort of sausage meat style and then with marshmallows no no marshmallows I said I said marshmallows no but I'm saying this is what I want this is I'm reducing the sugar biscoff around the outside yeah and then rolled in toasted coconut up for the breadcrumb style thing.

1:15:14Fucking hell. Why don't you just go to a health spa, mate?

1:15:19Crikey. Don't forget to go and see Iowa Day on Tour. The show is called Swings and Roundabouts. Award winning. Award winning show. Every best newcomer. I mean, you could hit it out when she is on this episode. Yeah, yeah. That's just a taste of what she has to offer. Yeah, yeah. She'll get you. She'll get you. Don't forget to watch this on YouTube as well. Subscribe to the YouTube. Yeah, I'd say in that episode there was a lot of like you know acting out a lot of facial expressions that you really got across how much I widely loves all those the curl of the lip at the scotch egg it's worth it for that it's worth it just for the curl of the lip but thanks for listening to this obviously even if you like I've heard it what I need to watch it just go and put it on in the background or something so we get another view because Benito said if the YouTube doesn't take off soon he's going to take all his clothes off and run into the sea yeah and sell his house like Reginald he said he's got to sell his house he said he's going to sell his house he's got to sell his house then where's Toast can I live imagine poor Toast walking around London with a bindle oh a little Toast with a bindle just go around London I would not like that just because the YouTube wasn't watched enough yeah even though he was really naughty yesterday yeah he was naughty yesterday wouldn't leave me alone wouldn't leave Ed alone tripled on the side tripled on him thanks for listening bye bye

1:17:10We'll be right back. at Writers Theatre, April 9th through June 14th. Quick question. When was the last time a display ad changed your mind? Now think about the last time a friend told you about something they loved. Different feeling, right? That's how podcast advertising works. A host who's built real trust with their audience talks about your brand in their own words, in their own voice. It doesn't interrupt the experience. It's part of it. With Acast, you can access the world's largest podcast marketplace, Choose the right shows, the right audiences, the right format. Then watch the data tell you it worked.

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