Ep 298: James Norton (in partnership with Dexcom)

0:00Hello, it's Ed here from the Off Menu podcast that you are listening to right now. You'll know that I'm doing a brand new stand-up comedy show on tour next year, Fresh Hell, and we are delighted to announce that we are doing two more shows at the London Palladium, Friday the 19th of March, Saturday the 20th of March. You've got to come to these shows. They're going to be great. They're on sale now. Edgamble.co.uk for ticket details.

0:36Welcome to the Off Menu Podcast, taking the tomato of conversation, adding the mozzarella of friendship, sprinkling over the basil of humour, and finishing off with the olive oil and balsamic, dare I say, of the internet. It's the Caprese podcast, James. He's crazy for Caprese. Yeah, baby. I don't know if you would put balsamic on it, really. that's probably a bit of a riff on a classic Caprese

1:01James Acaster: that's a gamble my name is James Acaster together we own a dream restaurant and every single week we're inviting a guest and asking their favourite ever start a main course dessert side dish and drink not in that order it's a bonus episode it's a bonus episode of Off Menu James Norton is our guest a unbelievable actor yes an absolute talent a chameleon Happy Valley stage production recently of A Little Life yes absolutely fantastic in everything that he's in this should go without saying with actors but let's face it it's not all actors I 100 % believe James Norton in every single role he disappears into the character it should go without saying it should go without saying for actors but let's face it there were some actors the guy who played Lars Pinfield that was my next example yes of actors who I believe 100 % James Acaster disappears do you have any idea how crazy it is for me to be sat here in this studio with Lars Pinfield yeah and John the Mouse at the same time yeah and John the Mouse and the guy from Josh And it should be said, this episode is in partnership with Dexcom.

1:59It is. A thing that is very close to both mine and James Norton's heart. And of course your heart, James, because it does a lot for my life.

2:06James Acaster: Don't wear it close to your heart. I don't wear it close to my heart. I wear it on the back of my arm. It is my constant glucose monitor. Yeah. It keeps me abreast of all the changes in my blood glucose level. We'll be chatting a little bit about that with James. It's going to be nice for me to have a fellow type one on the show to bond with. I'm really looking forward to hearing more about it. genuinely. But look, and I'm sure discussions of type 1 diabetes will litter the conversation because of course very closely aligned with food and the foods that we choose to eat and food has an effect on us.

2:37James Acaster: Absolutely. And you know, I reckon there'll be a lot of people listening to this going, oh I know what kind of stuff they'll be talking about. Well why don't you write it down now on a little bingo card and then as it goes on, see how ignorant you are. Wow, James has come flying out the gates. James Norton is an incredible actor and we're very lucky to have him on the podcast. However, if he picks the secret ingredient, an ingredient which we deem to be unacceptable, we will be forced to kick him out of the dream restaurant. Yes. And this week, the secret ingredient is Nature Valley Bars. Now, it's because it's got the word valley in it.

3:12James Acaster: We didn't really think about this one, I'll be honest. We're just excited to have James on. Yes, yes, yes, yes. But, you know, if he picks Nature Valley Bars, he's out. Well, let's just get on with it, shall we? This is the off-menu menu of James Norton.

3:31Welcome, James, to the Dream Restaurant. So excited to be here.

3:35James Acaster: Welcome, James Norton, to the Dream Restaurant. We've been expecting you for some time. Oh my God, it's the genie. Wow, on honour. Terrified. Terrified of the genie. Not terrified of the genie, per se. Terrified of... I've sort of been very excited about this and dreading it. Yeah. Why the dread? Because you mentioned the dread. when you came in earlier. I think nothing to do with you guys. Thank you. Absolute pleasure to see you both rather than meet you both as we've met before. No, the dread is, I think my personality type. I am such a perfectionist and it's particularly about food and particularly about restaurants.

4:10So for example, I'm the guy who walks into a restaurant and will probably move tables at least twice to make sure I've got the best table. And then if the other table, the best table is about to finish, then maybe we'll move after. You know what I mean? I'm that kind of... Wow, okay. I mean, that's extreme, but I'm bad. I'll probably change my order. I'll probably order and then panic and then go up to the guy and say, sorry, the waiter's home. So sorry, I need the other one actually. So when you give me one opportunity to come to my dream restaurant, I'm like terrified that I'm going to get it wrong as if this is my one opportunity to eat.

4:37And I've sort of, there's some disconnect in my brain that this is still a comedy podcast and that this is imaginary because I've been agonizing about this for weeks. That's what we want. We don't want anyone coming in here saying this is imaginary. Yeah. Dexcom? That's actually not Dexcom, but it's a diabetic-related alarm. Oh, nice. Yeah. For listeners, James is also type 1 diabetic, James N. Yes. This is not a revelation that James A.

5:01James Acaster: Castor is now type 1 diabetic. That would be a good revelation if we can do that in the future. So if a few alarms go off, don't worry about it. Yeah. Just either me or James has hit the deck. Yeah, that's it. I'm going to have to do the podcast. The other James is here. Yeah, exactly. So I love this. I love that you're a perfectionist about restaurants. Huge. I love that even ordering in the dream restaurant, you might want to come back and change your order. Yeah. What makes you want to change your order? I'm interested in this. Isn't it weird? Yeah. It's a perfectionism. It's like there is a version of this experience, which is better.

5:33And this is sort of a metaphor for my life generally. Like I'm, you know, this is immediately into the therapy session. But yeah, I think there is a version of the experience I'm about to have, which is the perfect version. and whilst I'm still in control of the experience and I can still sort of strive to that perfect version, I will do everything I can to get it. And so I'm in the restaurant, I'm thinking, actually, the gazpacho wasn't the right call. I am going off like crazy. Once I've ordered something, I'm thinking it's not the right call. There is a better starter out there for me and that will bring me more pleasure.

6:11I obsess about it and I then have to go and change it just in case. and invariably the first choice is always the better choice yeah do you not then worry that you've changed it and that the one that you left behind was always the perfect one along the way always but what I've probably done in the meantime is manipulated the person I'm eating dinner with to order the other one I wanted so that I at least have it to try yeah that's what it does I probably have manipulated everyone around the table to try it I get furious

6:36James Acaster: if someone orders the same thing as him there's one less thing that you can try because you know when the waiter's going around taking all the orders because I've got in my head what I want. And it's always the person who doesn't know what they want and they order it just on the fly that immediately picks the exact dishes that I want. And then I know that I want those, but I'll have to change it. Do you sit around a table of, say, four people and you order first and then everyone says, oh, I'm going to have that as well. And then everyone orders the same thing. And I'm filled with rage. I'm like, wait, no, that's selfish of you.

7:06Order something else, even though I order the best thing. Well, no, make your own mind, but make sure it's not the same as me so I can try your food. Yes, yeah, yeah. make up your own mind but yeah just not in my direction yeah deeply selfish in fact I'll make up your mind for you that's what I want

7:19James Acaster: so it's selfish of them saving a shoot because they want to eat it I know because then you can't try I am aware of how deluded and vicious this sounds but yeah this all speaks to a deep problem I have yeah around food also it is specific to food I think I love cooking I love entertaining people at my house or have that like host instinct. And if I've decided on a meal and say I haven't quite got the right ingredient, I will go mad. I will travel across London. If I'm making a tagine and there's an argan oil that specifies, it will make absolutely no difference to the dish. But I will be like, I need that.

8:01This is where the two of you are very different.

8:02James Acaster: Oh, really? When Ed is cooking or making something, say he's making, I don't know, ice cream that his friend's mum has sent him the ingredients for uh this is a specific example and and he's been told to get um condensed milk he will just shrug his shoulders and decide that evaporated milk is as good as and just use that and then complain when the ice cream will never it was rock hard it was such a shit recipe and bear in mind this was during covid i didn't particularly want to go to the shops so i did a big online order with all the ingredients that this mysterious mother um told me to get and it was you know I put in condensed milk to the website and it came up with evaporated milk.

8:44So I thought they must be the same. I wouldn't probably know the difference. Who are we to argue with Ocado?

8:49James Acaster: So, you know, up until that point, I thought they're the same man. I thought you were going to say, I've eaten Ed's house a lot and he's just, he riffs. It's more on instinct. Well, you love cooking. And that was the, up until this point, I was like, you're so similar. Well, actually, do you know what I do? I am a bit. So if I'm, if I'm being really pedantic about a recipe, which I don't often follow, because I have my, you know, my stuff I like and I know how to make and I do riff around a few themes. But if I'm like, you know, having a dinner party and I want to get it right, I get very... Again, it's just this, there is a version of this meal which is perfect.

9:23And also I hate, if I'm cooking a steak or roast and I've overcooked it by a fraction, I'll spend the whole meal going, it's dry, it's dry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I understand. You'll ruin the dinner party for everyone else by talking about how angry you are that something went slightly wrong. And everyone's going, it's really delicious. Don't worry about it. I'm going to go eat mine in the bedroom. That's me. Yeah, completely understand that. So you understand why me coming on this podcast is fraught? Yeah, yes. Yeah, yeah. Okay.

9:53James Acaster: Does that ever translate? Because I'd say that Ed and I, so Ed is like that, what you described. Yes. And I'd say I am like that, but only when it comes to being on stage and doing a show. Interesting. And the second that I have messed up and it's not going to be the perfect show, I'm like, what's the point? What's the point in this one being here? Do you get that on stage as well? Are you just on the Ed side of things and not the... I mean, James' side of things is confusing because you are called James, but like, you know. It's a really good question. I mean, I think my job, maybe I assume it's the same with comedy.

10:27James Acaster: Well, you've done a four-hour play. That's longer than either of us have ever been on stage. Yeah, that was the play thing. I think often in my... What I've learned, actually, I think, relatively recently in terms of what I do is that actually the mistakes are where it gets good. And the more loose I am and the more open I am to not being perfect against my character, actually that's where the kind of magic lies. So if any young actors, which is, I've got that point in my life, as I'm sure you guys have, is like, what do you have for the young people? I am the young people. But if I do get asked about advice for people, it's often like, embrace the imperfections because that's where the story is.

11:06That's where humanity is. So yeah, actually more and more I'm kind of like, if I fuck up, it's no bad thing. Within reason.

11:12James Acaster: Maybe it'll be like that for this menu. Let's see. Still a sparkling water, James. That's an easy one. Sparkling all the way. Yeah. Every time. Oh yeah. Yeah, one of those. I'm sorry. No, don't apologise for it. Although the sparkling water crew do get made to feel that they need to apologise. Why is that? Because we're worried we're too bougie. Yeah. I think there's an element of that. But I think you need to divide the sparkling water crew into different factions. because there's people who are like, I always have it when I go to a restaurant because that feels like I'm out, like it's a special thing.

11:41And there's some like deep members of the sparkling water crew who are drinking it at home. They're buying bottles of it to drink at home. They're drinking it instead of still water across their whole lives. What about those people who have the machines? The machine people. Yeah, I'm sorry. Are you a machine person? I am. But in my defense, I haven't had a cartridge replacement for a long time. So I am suffering with the basic un-fizzy tap. But no, I do have sparkling water in my fridge. yeah i don't know why it just it just makes me happy again it's the it's the perfection thing if i i'm having a drink of water and it could be slightly better because of the sparkle yeah i'm like oh this is just annoyingly not as good as it could so now there's no joy for you and still water at all i mean it keeps me alive i guess in that sort of basic way so that's joyful sparkling water if you only drank sparkling water that would also keep you alive right i've heard you guys have this debate before it hydrates you and you actually brilliantly i think it was one of the a recent one said there's been a study said that it does keep you alive as well yeah i think but it just feels weird to me it feels like i know still water isn't like the most joyous thing in the world when you're drinking it but i do get joy from it because i'm like yeah chugging it down being like look at me so grown up yeah yeah no i have no water i also um take pleasure in water i always found it funny when you're at school and there was someone like i don't like water i only drink coke i'm like really i only drink coke yeah you don't like water is that real yeah That's why you've got no teeth and you have Chinese leftovers in your lunchbox.

13:08James Acaster: I'm calling social services. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, my dad doesn't like water. Really? I feel like there's a punchline. No, that's it. He doesn't like water. He told me that he has to hold his nose when he drinks water. Really? Yeah. He hates it. He can't stand it. Things are disgusting. What does it do to his nose? He just can't... Oh, the smell. It's like he can't smell it, which I question that. If you could even... Yeah. Is he drinking out of the... What is he drinking? What kind of... Out of the toilet. He's lapping away at the bar. And I don't explain why. That's why he's doing it. If I ever catch him doing that, holding his nose, I'm like, Dad, I think I know why you don't like water.

13:43I've never liked water.

13:44James Acaster: And you have to drink it out of this big white thing. I have a question that's diabetes related, but I'm worried it might be ignorant. Go on, hit the taboo. We love it. What if one day you had to change your pump and also had to change your fizzy water cartridge at the same time and you got them mixed up? That's not ignorant, James. That's a very valid question. You get this question a lot though, right? I do get this question a lot, yeah. It's never happened to me, but obviously people think about it a lot. Well, I guess what would happen is my pump would then become my fizzy water dispenser and anyone who came around to my house would have insulin as water.

14:22Insulin-flavoured water. Well, it would just be pure insulin. so I'd probably murder all my dinner party friends and in terms of how the pump would then be intravenously pumping fizzy water into my but it's just the gas cartridge right yeah so it'd be you'd be dead we'd all be dead basically

14:43James Acaster: the inspector would have to try and piece that together yeah that's a good murder mystery isn't it oh it's an accident this guy was hammered when it was time to change both things got them mixed up and then his guests arrived and then everyone drank them. I think it'd be a quick murder mystery because you'd be like, right, they all drank this water. There's fucking insulin in it. It'd be very niche for all those people who didn't really know what insulin does because lots of people do. But it'd be more they'd have to then figure out how you had died because they'd be like, okay, they've all drank this but this guy, he's over here, doesn't seem to have drunk any of that but he's dead too.

15:16I think what would be probably the big giveaway is that whilst the pump may double up as the CO2 canister and people wouldn't know. I would have a huge metallic metallic kind of thing sticking out of my midriff which the inspector might notice. And also insulin stinks. Insulin stinks. Yes. Anyone who knows a diabetic smells of hospitals. Yeah. It's really interesting the reaction that gets, isn't it? Yeah. It really stinks. Does it? Yeah. It smells like hospitals.

15:44James Acaster: It smells like very chemical. Oh. I like that. But people do like it. Do you get that? I like that smell. When people complain about how hospitals smell I don't get it. I like it lots of people smell the insulin and go ooh that makes that makes me think of a hospital and then other people are like oh that makes me think of a hospital I guess it depends what your hospital experience was there's good and bad things happen in those it reminds me of my child's birth that's nice there you go reminds me of the time I died reminds me of my Brazilian butt lift pop-ups or bread pop-ups or bread James Norton pop-ups or bread easy bread bread bread bread so it's easy so far these are fine we're easing you in with the easy questions These are fine.

16:22Yeah, your bread. But I mean, I know, but specifically, I want like steaming hot sourdough with like a soft centre, very crusty. And can I have three different types of butter, please?

16:33James Acaster: Yes. Yeah. I'd like this sort of salted, traditional, nice and thick. Don't go, what is it? Churned or whatever. Whipped. Or whipped. No, no. You winced. You really winced. Why would you? Visibly winced. Why would you whip up something with such beauty? I love butter. I don't mind whipped butter, but I do think it's a way of restaurants getting less butter onto the plate. They're putting more air into it and they're like, look at this fancy whipped butter and you're like, yeah, but if you saw that in just a normal pat form, it would be tiny. But doesn't it just dilute something delicious? I mean, I do like the texture of it.

17:06I like it. You feel a bit worse. I feel better about slathering loads on when it's whipped. Yeah. I don't want my whipped, thanks. I'd like a little bit of salt on one. I want a truffle one, please. And then the third one, I think I'll just leave to the gene or some sort of, you know, the chef. Marmite one. Yeah, I'll take Marmite. Because that's a genuine,

17:21James Acaster: I've had Marmite butter before and it was delicious. I had lunch at the Ham Yard today and I think their bread has a very slight Marmite taste to it. It was absolutely delicious. Yeasty, very yeasty. Maybe that was it. I guess there is yeast in all bread, isn't there? This is true. Maybe they have the yeast. It tasted like that. Anyway, bread is big for me and as a diabetic, that's problematic because, I mean, it's just not great to eat a huge loaf but I often... It's admin, isn't it? bread is admin what delicious admin it's delicious admin it's always worth it but you have to do it but I'll be like right bread I've at least got a few hours of trying to make sure everything's fine after I have bread oh I see in terms of my admin yeah yeah yeah yeah it is a bit admin based or it leads to it but yeah I love bread I love bread I used to I was one of those people who went down the whole sourdough whole craze during lockdown so I love bread love crusty hot bread yeah and love butter and we'll always eat you know you know that thing where there's like four people around the table and there are four slices.

18:18I will eat mine very quickly and I'll wait for someone to only eat half of theirs and then I'll eat the rest. Yeah, and desperate for the waiter to come back and go, do you want some more bread? I would order more bread. Yeah. I do generally.

18:30James Acaster: For your dream meal, obviously, I'll often keep coming back with the bread. Can I recommend a place for bread if you're really into bread? You might have been, but there's a place called Omer, which is in Borough Market, which is like sort of broadly Mediterranean. There's a lot of sort of Turkish influences. There's Greek influences. there's a little bit of italian influences but some of the main courses at the beginning that that doesn't make sense but you know what i mean um the uh there's a dips section yeah there's like an amazing baba ganoush there's an amazing tarama there's a just all incredible dips but with a slight twist and there's like a scallop xo dip thing that was incredible but the breads that come with these things amazing like this bagel looking type bread but covered in garlic butter there's like garlic butter running through it there's like these amazing flat breads huge shout out to the bread at Omer do you have a specific place that you think that's my favourite bread I've heard Dean Street Townhouse bread mentioned on here a couple of times which is a very good bread again I think it's the heat, it's clearly just freshly cooked, it's crusty but it's not quite crusty enough for me I love food, I love eating lots of good food, I'm not great at remembering great restaurants like the starter in New York in 2005.

19:41It sort of blurs into one big gorge. That's fine. You don't need to remember the places. But in terms of, yeah, I mean, Hamlet had the Marmite bread. It's pretty good today. Had it lunch today.

19:54James Acaster: Well, let's get into your menu proper then. Can I have a loophole? Yes. Let's hear it first. So I love going to those restaurants where above the starters, there's the scallops and the like, you know, snacks. Oh yeah. Yeah. Am I allowed a scallop round without it being a starter? I think, sorry guys. I think the snacks portion of the menu is common enough now that that's an acceptable loophole. Would there be scallops on there? Sorry. Sorry. I'm completely, I'm not, I'm obviously nervous. I'm not saying scallops. Oysters. Oysters. Yeah. The oyster section where it sits with like smoked almonds and you know, that kind of olive section, the olives and it has extra bread sorry I love scallops I love oysters so a dozen oysters for the table 100 % we've let people do the oyster loophole before you've been in good company Joe Quinn comes to mind I did the oysters so you know although I think we may have made Joe Quinn have the oysters on the way to the meal we were like it has to be on your way whereas I don't really think we need to do reflecting on it now yeah we just wanted to troll that guy that was unnecessary cool you can just have it as part of it.

21:09James Acaster: It's in the snacks. Snack section. Yeah. I've seen that part of the menu before. I think that's completely allowed. What a relief. By the way, for the table is James A's catchphrase because we'll be sat somewhere we'll all be happy with what we're going to order and like we've already ordered too much food and James will pick like two more dishes that we've not got and go we should get these for the table. Yeah. It's great. It's a great idea. No one wants them. Just the table. It's always when I know I'm going to feel sick after this meal because we've ordered so much food and the waiter stood there being like, fucking hell, guys.

21:40We said eight dishes maximum and there's no room on this table and James is going, for the table.

21:44James Acaster: For the table, for calamari. I feel like we're speaking from appetites now. I have a huge appetite. I regularly get to the point at the end of the order and go, is that enough? Are we going overboard? Can you just advise us? And he or she will go, no, I think you're good. And then I'll agonise for a second and go, actually, we do want the order. I'll always order it. And occasionally, they'll say, I'd stop there you're enough and they'll argue or they'll push back on my extra order and then I will be vindicated every time I will always have eaten probably because I'm just trying to prove myself right but I am yeah I will always always add a couple for the table sometimes I'll ask the question how hungry are you yeah you say is that is that too much is that too much well how hungry are you and you're like I don't know if that's going to help you you don't know me that well well do you know what I say to that question ask me that question how hungry are you hello I'm Ed Gamble yeah and that works now yeah but that's why I do it when I'm out for a meal with you I go Ed wants to try everyone else's anyway if I say for the table he won't be able to resist it exactly he will have it it doesn't matter how hungry I am it's for the table the table's hungry the table is hungry how many oysters do you want for this a dozen you said a dozen I think it depends who's it depends who's here but it's for the table are they big oysters are they little are they creamy they're from an island off the west coast of Scotland called Colinsay.

23:06Wow. For someone who said he doesn't have specifics. I know, I know. It sounds boogie, doesn't it? Look at this. Well, it's because I've been on holiday there a few times. What's the name of the fisherman who caught him? I bet him. Yeah, there's an oyster man up there. Proper old Scottish guy, I think. You'd think so. They are, you'd hope so, yeah. They're famous for their oysters and I've eaten them on the beach, you know, cracking them. I think locations look sukey. And so sitting on the beach with friends on one new year, bucket of oysters. My friend who found out he had an allergy that night throwing up deep down the beach Wow.

23:35Awful. Yeah. That guy's never eaten an oyster since. But everyone else had an amazing night and the oysters were absolutely delicious. You're shucking them yourself? That night I was. I mean, in this restaurant, I'd appreciate it if you did it.

23:47James Acaster: A guy bringing them back into shore who haven't caught them going, they've got a bunch of gunk on them tonight. I don't know why your friend's there. Just puking up. Directly into the sea. I also keep saying you guys as if you're hosting me at this restaurant. Well, that's up to you, really. I mean, I guess there is a genie waiter and you know I'm technically the maitre d. Are you here as well? Yeah I'm here but I don't have to be. It's your dream so whoever you're eating with is up to you. We won't get offended. I was hoping maybe that you guys were eating with me and I would just manipulate your orders so that I got to eat.

24:18That's fine. That's also fine. I'll have your dream meal. You've got no one else that you'd prefer to join you at your dream meal? Who's easily manipulated?

24:24James Acaster: Out of all the people you know who is the most easily manipulated? I can't say that on the podcast because they'll know that I'm manipulated. Lancashire? in terms of people I've worked with you ever try and manipulate like that I imagine that's impossible she's not a manipulatable I imagine you can't affect her meal choice I think she manipulated me probably without me knowing it no she's not manipulatable you must have had plenty of meals with her not that many because we didn't actually do that many scenes together we would kind of come together occasionally in the series and have these very explosive scenes and then we were going to go away and talk about the scenes but we would never really I spent enough time to know that she's amazing and we had a really lovely time particularly in the first series actually we spent most of the time off camera just talking about house renovations because we're renovating a house at the time and she loves flipping houses so she gave me a lot of advice on what bathroom to buy and all that kind of stuff that's great after a really intense scene as well I know that's what people think people often ask me oh after those scenes how did you decompress and were you sort of in the corner shaking with trauma where I'm like, nope, I was choosing my title.

25:34James Acaster: One of the few characters who I've forgotten is like, you know, not real. We've not been watching it. Your character, I've been like, fucking get that cunt. Fucking get him. That's acting, baby. That's acting. I was like, absolute piece of shit. Yeah. Why is he allowed in this drama? Get him Sarah Lancashire. Are you still feeling it right now? Not right now. You're such a nice person. It's quite disarming. I can't believe it. How nice you are. What if this is the performance? I promise I'm not a psychopath but I do get offered roles where I'm like the seemingly nice guy with a heart of stone I do sometimes think what does that say about me when I walk in they go it's complete he's a disingenuous motherfucker you walk in and say hi guys nice to meet you you go you got the part exactly you fraud monster so the oysters have all been shared that's lovely is there another loophole before the starter no no no I'm good I'm good thank you I mean I wouldn't mind some smoked almonds but no let's let's stick with it well they're in the snack section we'll just bug them on oh thanks guys the snack section got these heads on yeah this is my problem as well because I can't not eat everything now I'm getting stuff and I'm kind of full yeah of course two baskets of bread all the oysters and all the almonds so this is where I'm getting nervous okay and horny as fuck after all those oysters yeah hey how about that how about if you had something like a monitor that would tell you how horny you were like so like on your phone on your phone and it would like come up and let you know Sexcom yeah it would let you know Sexcom you're at 15.5 oh I'm sorry be careful that's too good um yeah I mean I guess we kind of do have a similar yeah thing oh yeah yeah a little bit yes we've all got that have you not no I don't know what you're talking about that's nature's nature's sexcom no idea what you're talking about the sexcom I don't know what you guys are talking about so the The nerves kick in here because I've got lots of choice.

27:32And this is an interesting thing, actually, diabetic related, is I don't know about you, if you've heard this, but apparently the reason Italians are very healthy and they eat a lot of carbs and they manage to maintain good glucose levels is because they start their meal with the vegetable, with fiber. Interesting. And fiber, if you start a meal, and we've completely screwed up already because we've already had seven baskets of bread, so that's done. But if you start your meal every time with fiber, Your glucose level should stay more level and you can have more carbs for your second, whatever, you know, the second or first course.

28:04And then you have your potato and your fries for your third. If you start with fiber. And since hearing this, I've really tried to start my meals with vegetables in my starter. Have you noticed the difference? Well, I think I have, you know, I really do. But I know it's game changing. I'm going to try that. I read about it. There's some people who've started to talk about it more and more. and when they told me the link to the Italian diet it made complete sense that's why they're all so healthy they live this they lead this very long happy healthy life but this Mediterranean diet which is seemingly full of carbs yeah but I'm you're saying this as if that's a fact that that's how Italian people eat I get all of that from Olivia adverts is it true or you know the Mediterranean diet they love it yeah that was the blue the longevity like the blue zones maybe it's because they all live in the families and they don't yeah well I'm going to try that I'm going to have one stalk of broccoli tonight before I eat full fish and chips.

28:58Exactly. You have to, I mean, it's something fibrous, something fibrous to line your stomach. Anyway, and also I know what my main course is going to be. So originally I was going to go for like a lobster bisque or a chowder. I love like, because I love the bread and I love all my butter. There's nothing, but my second basket of bread, which I've eaten probably half of, I'll then start like loading it into a soup. Lobster bisque makes me feel sick.

29:20James Acaster: Does it? Why? because I had a wisdom tooth out this year and I was like, I said to my girlfriend, go into the shops, I said, just get me some soup. Go to the beast. And she went into M &S and she just went, I thought I'd get you this. And it was lobster beast. And I was like, I can't be bothered to heat up. And I just drank it cold. And I was like, why did I do that? Yeah, 100 % your fault. I was like, I feel sick now. I can't look at it. That's horrible. Yeah, I mean, that would do that to you, I guess. Yeah, I just thought, maybe that would be nice, just to have it cold, like a gazpacho, but it wasn't...

29:55James Acaster: With the lumps of cold lobster slipping down. Yeah, yeah. It's actually not that lumpy, but it was very, very fishy and lobster-y. And cold. Cold, yeah, yeah. So as soon as you said lobster beats, God's like... Do you still want that? The genie's the worst in a companion. Just all the lobster beats could be shitting all over it. Yeah, sorry, sorry. I... No, so then I thought, maybe not, because I knew that you being a diabetic, it would be interesting to talk about the vegetables thing. And since I've recently started trying to, but then I was like, this is a dream menu. Why the dream restaurant?

30:26Why am I trying to, you know, think about my glucose levels? So it was originally a lot of people who were chowder. I was recently down in Newquay and there was a chowder in a restaurant right on the coast whose name I've forgotten. So that's probably a scruple. But yeah, I love a soup. I think as a child, I used to eat a celery soup a lot and I would put loads of cheddar cheese in it and melt it and then bread and toast. And that was like, and I'd then drop the bread in and it would become this kind of kinja mess and bread in soup is just, but a good soup, like a lobster beast with big lumps of lobster.

30:58I've just said all that. I'm going to order the best asparagus, in-season asparagus in the world, cooked like steamed to perfection, with the best parmesan in the world, with olive oil and I've got a memory of a... Best olive oil in the world? Best olive oil in the world. Probably from this place I went to in Croatia called Istria, which has like four of the ten best olive oils in the world. Oh, wow. And if you're a foodie, it's amazing. It's a little peninsula on the east coast of Croatia, where it borders with Italy. And it's very small, but they have four of the ten best olive oils in the world.

31:32And they're also like the truffle capital of the world. So I love the truffle butter. That's going to come from there. That's coming from there. And on top of my asparagus and the best parmesan, there's just loads and loads of black truffle shavings. and I have a vague memory of a delicious sort of very sophisticated starter with asparagus and a tiny scotch egg because I feel asparagus and egg and whatever so I think that gives you that kind of slight meat sharpness when you say tiny scotch egg it's like a quail like a quail scotch yeah but not dry like you know wet runny in the middle indulgent I love the scotch egg yeah that could be on the snacks list actually yeah yeah this fucking ever growing snacks

32:16James Acaster: A tiny Scotch egg. A tiny Scotch egg. It's on the snack list for sure. A delicious Scotch egg with just the most beautiful asparagus with parmesan and maybe some pine nuts. I really like this hack that you've developed, which I don't think anyone's done before, where you don't know where it's from or really what it is, but you just say the best in the world. Yeah. Best parmesan in the world. Where from? Just the best in the world, please. Based on current available data, best one in the world. just looking at a witch I mean this in the nicest way possible James it's like having a five year old on the podcast best in the world I think I was googling on the way here like best balsamic vinegar best asparagus where is the best asparagus from I mean that is great because it is something that we haven't really talked about much on the podcast because it hasn't come up but people are saying like I don't just want it to be a specific one I've had I want it to be the best in the world well this is the perfection thing again this is like you know I've only got one go unless you have me back I've only got one go well you're going to come back and change your order in a couple of months James grabbed us outside we're about to go and record an episode with someone else they're waiting outside now in the hall yeah he's asked to move tables I love it we've been recording this for weeks keep changing it no I think yeah like it's probably my personality the perfection the perfection project whatever you want to call it and I mean there are like people talk about these kind of ranked things don't they so why not I've got a fucking genie here yeah yeah I've got a fucking genie like here so do you buy what other people say about it so if someone said this is the best restaurant in London would you go and be like yes it was and I'm glad I've been to the best restaurant in London and same with Parmesan if someone said this is the best Parmesan in the world you'd be like yes it is as you eat it well I probably would I would probably buy into it I mean I haven't eaten all the restaurants in London I have definitely not eaten all the Parmesan so I can't really kind of say whether or not it is or not but I do enjoy like a ceremony around food as well if someone I don't know much about wine but if someone says to me this is a really nice wine I'll like really enjoy it yeah take your time take my time and I like I like being with kind of the sort of what they call like the leaders of a certain discipline yeah the best in the world the best in the world the pioneers the best in the world the virtuosos of wherever they are yeah and so if someone tells me it's the best parmesan world I'll believe them and I'll enjoy it and it's, you know, I'm quite a genie.

34:44James Acaster: You've got a genie, I can make it all best asparagus, best parmesan, best olive oil, best truffle, best salt. I've sort of replaced you with God, haven't I? Omnipotent, omniscient genie. Yeah, I'm more of like, I don't know, what are the angels, the seraphim? Yeah, so I think in line with the vegetables starter and it's also linked to my main course because I was going to go bisque and then I was going to go fish but actually I'm sticking with my slightly, my Scotch egg and my asparagus. I think that's nice. I think you've got that fibre now. We can see if that works later in the meal. Yeah. You've got a Scotch egg next to it as well, so a bit more fun.

35:22But the reason I was saying I was dreading this is that I've been sitting on BISC for weeks. If you're my friend... Wash your butt. If you're my... People close to me will have... I've asked them, can I just go over my menu one more time? and Bisk has been on it for a long, long time and now here I am and I was on the way here and I was thinking, I've made a mistake. So I flipped it and I changed it to asparagus. So the asparagus is completely rogue. I love asparagus. Yeah, same. Probably top three veg for me, I'd say.

35:55James Acaster: That's fair. Absolutely love it. I think at the moment, tender stem brocks probably in there. Yes. Yeah. And I love aubergine but it doesn't even feel like I should count it in veg. No, it's more of like a main course, isn't it? It's a sponge for sauce. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's the other one? That's a good question. I like Rocket, but I'm not having it all the time because sometimes too peppery. Avo for me. Love an avo. Avo's good. It's a fruit. Artichokes. Sorry. Artichokes for me. Artichokes are currently number one. Oh, spinach. Spinach. Steamed. How are you serving it? However. I don't mind steamed.

36:32Probably sauteed is probably best if I can get it right and there's not too many liquid coming off it. Not creamed. Not too many liquid going off it. Yeah. You're not having that?

36:40James Acaster: Yeah, no, that's a sentence. Do you not cream your spinach? Not often. Not with a steak and some fries, creamed spinach? I wouldn't probably... I've never made that with myself. That's the thing about this guy. And we've all had this with him. We all assume he'd like creamed spinach. And I remember discovering for the first time that he doesn't particularly love it as much as I thought he would. And I couldn't compute that. Also, it doesn't add up to everything else about you and what you enjoy. Well, I need some... I need something to... If I'm having a particularly rich meal, which I really enjoy, I need some element that's sort of bitter, that it feels like it's cutting through the fat.

37:16So normal steamed spinach to me is perfect to go with like a big ribeye steak or something. Why do people call you Ed, Creamed Spinach Scamble? I don't know, man. Because I love spinach.

37:27James Acaster: We can't broadcast that story. If I see spinach I cream, it's difficult to get mixed up. Yeah. The horny alarm's going off in his pocket. Hawksmoor Hawksmoor cream spinach I was going to say you do love the cream spinach from Hawksmoor so that is the exception that proves the rule yeah thank you so the Jameses it's worth mentioning that this week's episode of Off Menu is sponsored by Dexcom who are all about helping you manage your type 1 and type 2 diabetes with real confidence which is great timing and a massive coincidence as it's diabetes awareness week just around the corner and a huge coincidence James A yeah that we have James Norton in as our guest this week.

38:08Yes. Massive coincidence. Who is a fellow type 1 diabetic. I am. James A, you're not a diabetic, I see.

38:13James Acaster: I'm not a diabetic, but I'm just happy to... I'm an ally. I'm happy to be part of the conversation here. You know. You're welcome. I support you guys. Well, any questions you've got as we discuss Dexcom a little bit more, you go for it, man, okay? Okay. No question too stupid. Thank you. We're friends. Well, I'm going to tell you, first of all, what Dexcom is, James. Because for you and a lot... Actually, that is my first question. And a lot of other people listening, it might not mean much, but for myself and for James N, and many other people out there living with type 1 or type 2 diabetes, it's a massive thing, isn't it?

38:45It's a game changer, yeah. It really is, yeah. Continuous glucose monitoring, which is what Dexcom do, certainly has changed the life of myself and James. So we wear a Dexcom CGM, and it's a small skin sensor that measures our glucose every few minutes via a tiny wire beneath the skin, sending readings to our phone through Bluetooth. A bit like Robocop. Absolutely incredible. Yeah, we are cyborgs. And we can see our glucose levels when they're heading down or heading up fast or whether we need to act on it, and being able to set alerts to let us know whether we're going low or high. For me, absolute game changer when it comes to managing my diabetes.

39:19Yeah, for those like James A who are intrigued but ignorant about diabetes, the challenge is to keep good control of your glucose levels. And CGM is a new technology which has made that so much easier. And as a result, we sleep better, we're less anxious, we can have a happier, more healthy life. So it's pretty big. It's absolutely massive. I mean, I remember when I was diagnosed, there certainly wasn't this technology as easily available as it is now. No, and now it's available on the NHS. You can buy it, but it is also available in the NHS for some diabetics, which is amazing. And more and more is being kind of rolled out and made accessible, which is great.

39:57What it's really helped me do is understand how different things affect my glucose levels. Yes. like exercise and like what I'm eating and you know to a certain extent it's made me go oh it's everything I ever suspected but I've just been ignoring for ages yeah turns out if I eat more nutritionally and more balanced and do loads of exercise then it's much much easier to manage

40:16James Acaster: my diabetes didn't you tell me once that you noticed that doing stand-up comedy caused a spike yes adrenaline adrenaline yeah massive I mean performing with type one is an absolute pain sometimes yeah like Dexcom has made it way easier because I can just check my levels and then go on stage do the show and that's fine but I know you recently did a massive run of a play that was incredibly taxing I did I did a four-hour play um and I didn't leave the stage once apart from for the interval and I had my Dexcom on the whole time underneath a bandage and yeah I had the little you can either the the readings can either be sent your phone or they can send to like a little sort of pager device which was very small and i kept my pocket and all the way through the play every so often i'd quickly have a look and then i would uh act accordingly i would eat some sugar or i would inject um and it kept my glucose levels so much better i had one or two minor hypos is that me is that yours going off i think it might be this is this is great when you're doing a four-hour play we're doing any play to know what your levels are doing that's the key for Dexcom.

41:21As a diabetic, awareness and knowledge about your glucose levels is power. And that's how you are less stressed and you can spend less time thinking about your diabetes and more time thinking about life. And that's what Dexcom gives you. It gives you power. It gives you freedom from diabetes, which is kind of key. Yeah. I mean, I found performing using Dexcom has meant that I don't have any issues on stage because I can see before I go on, I can literally have my phone side of stage yeah i can see if it's stable it's going up going down act accordingly and then go on and do the show without worrying about it at all yeah i mean there's so many brilliant features connected with the dexcom i mean the alerts even though i think the alert that i get of telling me i'm dropping low or going too high lives in my nightmares it's very very helpful yes it is helpful oh my gosh because before we had cgm and ed and i are old enough and have had diabetes long enough to know this the the only thing which would wake you up was a hypo if you were going low and that is horrible we wake up in a sweaty mess discombobulated disorientated scared um if you're with a partner it's quite scary for them because often you are you know hypos are serious things you kind of lose your mind a bit and now way before that happens all the dangerous signs uh kicking in we get a beep which wakes us up yeah and since then my glucose is just more controlled and so i i don't get as many alerts through the night and i sleep so much better and then your whole life is improved and that's why you cannot underestimate how much difference Dexcom gives you in your life, it's huge.

42:48Yeah, those beeps as well, have you ever been in public and heard someone else you don't know in public you find out they are using Dexcom as well because you hear the beep come from their phone Yeah, yeah, of course, well I have the added fact that my sister and my mum are all on Dexcom Of course! Can you imagine my kitchen table genuinely, when it goes off and we're like, who is it? Who is it? Grab the phones but yeah again it's just for all three of us once we've established who it is who's being beeped at um it's yeah it's just our whole family night whole family life we get more sleep we argue less i had to uh interview um someone recently a corporate a founder of a company who has also given a lot of money to diabetes research because his stepson is diabetic and we were on stage and i had my phone in my pocket and then the alert went off and i was like oh this is so embarrassing my alert's just gone off no it's his phone because he uses the sharing feature yes on the app so it means that parents of diabetics can also be hooked up to the sensor so they know if they need to act on something as well

43:48James Acaster: now and I'm aware Ed I'm probably tearing myself up here to be absolutely roasted are there any stigmas or misconceptions around diabetes that get on both of your nerves and look Ed I've apologised for everything I've ever said you've done all of them everything you've ever asked you can probably list them off to be honest yes um i think people thinking that you guys can't eat sugar or sweet things at all yes is the the number at number one if this was a family fortunes that would be the number one one that would come up do you know how many times i've said i'm on the off menu podcast and they go but can you even have dessert i'm gonna do that course i'm like yes i can thank you very much when it's really annoying for me is when i don't want to have dessert if i decide to not have dessert so then everyone goes you can't of course you can't have dessert it's like no i could if i wanted but sometimes i just it's too many calculations and i just want to eat a bit of cheese yeah and then people get annoyed with you if you order a cheese board you know well i mean yeah someone in particular yeah i think yeah i'm absolutely annoyed i didn't know it was a hate crime until now i got annoyed every single time i imagine that people not knowing that they're the two different types is annoying as well people uh I just kind of like lump everyone together and don't like appreciate that everyone's got their own journey, their own story.

45:03Yeah, there's a slight confusion, I think, between type 1 and type 2 and Ed and I are both type 1. Type 1 is autoimmune and we don't produce any insulin. Type 2 is a more sliding scale. Yeah, they might be producing insulin, but the insulin sensitivity is way down, so it might not be doing its job. Yes, exactly.

45:19James Acaster: Of course, people who have type 1 and type 2 can both benefit from Dexcom. Am I right, guys? Absolutely. Yeah. Dexcom's waterproof. Yes. Yeah, there you go. Oh yeah, that's another misconception. The misconception that if you have these discs, your life is in some way limited, things like swimming or running or exercise. People are like, how do you live with that thing? But it's weird. You put it on every 10 days and it stays on there and you don't really think about it at all. And does it really hurt having something underneath your skin? It doesn't hurt at all. No, not at all. I forget about it all the time.

45:48And it's rock solid as well. Mine doesn't move. Where are you rocking your sensor? I generally wear mine on my midriff on my stomach. What about you? Where do you wear yours? I'm back of arm. You're back of arm? Every single time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you know what? I found if I stick it like sort of just below the tricep, it really pops those bad boys out. That's true. It's true. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's really good, actually. So a big thanks to Dexcom for sponsoring this week's episode. But before we take a break, worth mentioning that Dexcom CGMs mean that you can see how your body responds to different food, exercise, and also medication at different times of the day and that you're able to spot patterns.

46:21Without CGM, this can be difficult to understand. But with Dexcom, you'll learn what's right for your body. adapting only what's necessary. If you or someone you know is living with type 1 or type 2 diabetes and you like the sound of Dexcom, we highly recommend you take a look online at dexcom.com. What a great website. Wow. And request a free Dexcom 1 Plus sample. Dexcom sensors are available on the NHS for some people living with diabetes and also are available to buy online. Always read the user manual for important product aspects and limitations. Talk to your doctor for diabetes management, terms and conditions and terms of use.

46:56Apply. and we'll be right back.

47:05James Acaster: So this dream main course that you've picked, so you teed yourself up with the asparagus. So this is where I flipped and flopped for a long time. I couldn't think, what are my dreams? And then I realized what I wanted, but then it was like that throws Bisk into complete chaos because it was fish. I want to fish. I knew I want to fish. and the reason I was like veering away from this is because this is what I would I cook for people a lot especially in the summer I love barbecuing I have a big grill I have a big gas grill I have a big wood grill as well next to it exactly the same person yeah you should come round to my house yes please I love I'm going to find out the same house walk in everything looks exactly the same Charlie says hi to you what?

47:51what was alarm going off? yeah I love grilling, grilling, grilling, grilling. And I, and I, and I love flame grill stuff particularly. And I love in the summer, um, grilling fish. So I'd love if you're okay with this to take me to a beach. Cause I would like to be sitting on a beach for main course. Yeah. And someone is grilling, uh, wood grill, wood flame fish. And it could, a halibut steak would be great. Some prawns, some big prawns, um, maybe some scallops. And it's like paper tablecloths, sun setting. and I'm just getting in there with my hands and I'm cracking the prawns and I'm, you know, that's my mate.

48:29Maybe with the salsa, maybe like a mango or something, some fruit-based salsa, lime and really well seasoned, but incredibly fresh.

48:36James Acaster: Yeah, I love this. Delicious. Yeah, really good. Yeah, that's fantastic. Can't argue with that. A halibut steak as well, I don't think we've had. Yeah. We've had that, have we? I'm so sorry. It's so ironic that we're doing a diabetic. Yeah, no, I need to sort that out. That's fine. It'll stop beeping in a second. Yeah, fish. do feel free to take a pause to give you time to put in the thing that keeps you alive it keeps you know a lot about diabetes yeah no it'll be fine it'll stop barbecued fish yes one of the best things in the world and when people come around to my house in the summer I've moved to house recently and one of the big things was building an outdoor kitchen so I've got like a sink wood barbecue gas barbecue it's pretty amazing you should come and see and then I will barbecue various bits of fish with some halloumi.

49:22I'll do a rice. This is what I would have for you at my house. I'd do a rice full of seeds. So lots of pumpkin and sunflower seeds. I think if I had to choose one ingredient I use the most in my life, it's sunflower and pumpkin seeds. Really? Yeah, everything. Every meal. Savory or sweet. Porridge, puddings, starter soups, salads, everything. I just eat. I love toasted seeds. You've got like a dispenser? I don't. I just do have, you know, in the spice drawer with your salt and pepper or your sort of essentials. In there, my pumpkin seeds and my sunflat seeds. So I have them in my rice with some like coriander and stuff.

49:54And then I'll have a mango salsa with like lime and avocado and tomatoes and a bit of chili. And that with grilled fish, but just good fish. Don't do too much to it. A bit of lemon, salt, pepper. I don't want to make this whole episode too diabetic, but how often are you eating porridge and how do you handle it? Oh, is that a thing? I don't do it. I don't do it anymore. I just can't do it. No. I start my breakfast, again, fiber. Yeah. I do vegetables and eggs. Yeah. I'm no carb in the morning because porridge it's mad it's mad and I think this is not just for us as well this is people I think there's a misconception about porridge being really healthy being the healthiest thing yeah yeah straight up almost like I can see on my Dexcom like glucose levels straight up no matter how much insulin I give for it yeah can never stop that spike and then almost an hour later straight down interesting straight down oblivion oblivion oh okay yeah I used to eat porridge when I was at drama school and I used to cycle like a crazy person from Green Lanes down to central London and I used to have porridge every morning.

50:54Me and my then partner really went to town on porridge. Pomegranate seeds, seeds, lots of seeds, all sorts of fruit. And again, I would shoot. But then on the cycle rides, yeah, similar thing, plummet. I think they're interesting because we talk a lot about GI index as diabetics. Well, we don't actually. We should. But we think about what is complex carbs and what isn't. And porridge is often sort of the ultimate complex carbohydrate where it is meant to be a very slow rise and then a slow decline, and therefore it's healthy. I agree with you. It is kind of nonsense.

51:31James Acaster: So what do you think of the three bears story? Realistically, is she eating porridge and then having a nap in that bed? Probably, because that's what happens when you have the crash. So that's okay, she's had the crash. That makes total sense to me. I think it's plausible. She might be type one, Goldie Lox. Well, whoever wrote it clearly knows about that. We can finally understand what that story's about. Is she asleep or is she just hypoing really badly? It doesn't explain why the bears live in a house. Does she get eaten by the bears? I think there's different endings. I think traditionally she just like legs it out the house because they scare her.

52:03James Acaster: But then there are other endings where they eat. I'm just thinking if her glucose levels are high. I often think I get eaten by mosquitoes more readily because my... Oh really? Because you're like a delicious sweet treat. Do you think so? Yeah, maybe. I very rarely get bitten by mosquitoes. well then let's disprove the rule maybe your glucose levels yeah maybe not on holiday though mate it's all over the place yeah it's true they should be feasting on me that's true insulin doesn't work as well in hot countries nightmare really ugh just coming back from Jamaica ugh nightmare I'm learning a lot yeah I'm going to clip up you saying coming back from Jamaica ugh nightmare please don't please don't with no context no please as I said it I thought I was worried about lobster beast being bougie look it's going well man everything's going well yeah good on you man all you had to do was kick out that little girl or whatever it was well that sounds delicious I think like freshly barbecued fish on the beach also knowing you best fish ever best beach ever best beach ever yeah have you got a best beach ever in mind well I was very very very fortunate to have gone to Jamaica recently.

53:15I was, you know, incredibly lucky. It was very rare. It was a dream. It was a real dream. It was a complete dream. Once in a lifetime. I've never been, probably never go back. And that was pretty good. So maybe Jamaica. Jamaica Beach. I'll take a beach in Jamaica. GoldenEye, run by Chris Blackwell, who I played in a movie about Bob Marley. Oh, yeah. He has an incredible hotel called GoldenEye, which is where Ian Fleming wrote all the Bond films and where masses of artists and musicians have been and still go, because he ran he founded Iron Records and a lot of people would play music and go and record out there including Bob Marley and Talking Hands all these great great artists anyway that is a paradise food is amazing and he is a great man and a wonderful host and see I'll take that I'll take a beach and golden eye but can I just finish very quickly sorry I just want to make sure my meals yeah no this is great sorry every time we go off on a jokey tangent yeah yeah but anyway seriously

54:11James Acaster: this isn't the best yet please I know I was suddenly really worried that we were going to jump to no no don't worry well actually you're about to ask me about my side dish aren't you no I was about to say that I'll never get tired of the joke Jamaica knows she went of her own accord yeah but you go and say what you're Jamaica knows she went of her own accord it's always funny it was one of those old old jokes that always makes me laugh I went to Jamaica with my wife really Jamaica knows she went of her own accord that is good clean fun Did you just say I went to Jamaica with my wife, Jamaica, no, she went of her own accord?

54:44Because you've got that joke very wrong. Isn't that right?

54:47James Acaster: Yeah. No, you can't say Jamaica twice in it. It's two different people. Someone else is answering. Someone else is answering it. I went to Jamaica with my wife. Jamaica? It's not. I went to the Caribbean. Really, Jamaica? I went to the Caribbean with my wife, Jamaica, no, she went of her own accord. Oh, yes, that's better. Because why would the person who's already said Jamaica misunderstand Jamaica? No, it wasn't. It was that they were checking. They're going, oh, really, Jamaica? Yeah, yeah, Jamaica. That's how that conversation would go. I went to Jamaica with my wife Jamaica yeah Jamaica the island in the Caribbean we had a lovely time why do you get so angry?

55:17ruin the joke we can all be perfectionists mate check your phone what's it saying? I was going to ask was the hotel called Golden Eye before or after before or after Ian Fleming wrote the books I think it was before really? he named Golden Eye he just named it after yeah and Chris's mum was the main influence behind Pussy Galore wow what I just don't know I was like that's impressive and then I was thinking I don't know if I'd be alright with that what are you doing about me yeah I wouldn't it's not great for the schoolyard

55:48James Acaster: is it got a character that's based on you yeah what's her name yeah um oh I don't want to spoil the surprise wait for the book to come out well no in the book she was called Fanny Everywhere actually to be fair a more convincing name yeah a more realistic name yeah I can't see That's the first time I heard that that was someone, a character's name. Are you fucking kidding me? I say it and I think, have I mixed up James Bond and Austin Powers? Yeah, yeah. That can't be what the character is called. I know. It was, though, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was. Yeah, yeah. I had one of the best meals I've ever had in Jamaica, Rio Grande.

56:27If you go Goldenite, honestly, it's the best place in the world. Food's amazing, et cetera. But there's a river you can go called the Rio Grande nearby, near Port Antonio. And halfway down, there's a lady called Belinda who has like a shack and she cooks the best jerk chicken rice, peas and you're on the side of a river and you've just rafted down with someone on like a huge bamboo thing and you're having the best life it's the best thing ever amazing food was yeah that sounds so good I was almost just going to regurgitate that meal but then I thought I've had it don't regurgitate that meal don't regurgitate that meal we avoid the word

57:02James Acaster: regurgitate yes on the podcast in general yeah we say we do a lot of disgusting things that's come up on this podcast lobster bisque yeah it's mainly my fault so are you okay for us to move on to the side dish now yes I am are you sure yes I am as long as my because my salsa is not part of the side dish is it because it has to have fruit no no that's part of that you've got mango mango salsa yeah great great you're alright thanks guys I thought that's all in the bag you know I'm not genuinely traumatised by this I mean I you guys have turned it into genuine you do keep you do keep going I'm having a lot of fun yeah we'll just get back to you You're going to go, you're very urgent that you've said, please don't move on.

57:38James Acaster: I'm not too. Please. No, I'm... It's fine. Do you know what? I'm relaxing into it. It's good for us. It's good for us to have a guest who cares about their menu. The steak's high. In all honesty. Yeah. It's when guests don't care about it that it's a bit harder. This is great. No, I care.

57:59James Acaster: Your dream side dish, James. Okay, so I'm a big salads man. Again, fibre, greens, but simple. green lettuce bit of avo maybe lots of seeds some pine nuts probably toasted all toasted and really well dressed and that will be alongside fries and with my fries I want ketchup and vinegar and I also sorry ketchup and mayonnaise a little bit probably won't use the mayonnaise we'll use all the ketchup mayonnaise has to be there just in case and the key thing for me in this whole meal is the vinegar on the fries because once you've got that like salsery fishy juice at the bottom and the fries are there and you've doused them in vinegar.

58:36Well, in general, all meals are improved by a little bit of vinegar. I think balsamic vinegar is probably my third most used ingredient. I'm not putting balsamic on my chips, malt vinegar. But that for me is, yeah. You need the vinegar. I need the vinegar on my chips. And I've realized, I was actually, I grew up in North Yorkshire. I was in the North recently. And I said to the table that, I'm so sorry, do you mind if I have some vinegar on my chips? And they're like, are you fucking kidding me? You're in the North. We all don't, that's absolutely fine. We love our vinegar. And I realized that in North Yorkshire I love vinegar on my chips but I went to the ham yard today I had some fries with my lunch said can I have some vinegar please I think the guy went out and bought some I think it was really?

59:15it took about 10 minutes he came out with absolutely fresh you know one of those kind of like lovely malt yeah so I guess vinegar on fries to me seems unusual

59:23James Acaster: I've been chip shop chips loads of vinegar loads of salt but like fries yeah which is weird because I love salt and vinegar on my chips but I think when you say fries you're probably being very, you're being rightfully pedantic about the very thin kind of American fry. Yeah. I think I'm thinking somewhere in between a sort of thin McDonald's fry and a chunky chip. What is that? A chip, maybe. Chip, I guess. Yeah, I guess a standard pub chip. Yeah. But I don't want it to be thick. But you don't want it to be too thin. Well, yeah. Yeah, yeah. And if I don't get it right, I'm going to combust and run into the sea with the genie.

1:00:01James Acaster: You would like the perfect chip, the best one in the world the most perfectly sized chip in the world for you lots of them with vinegar and salt and ketchup on the side and mayonnaise but you probably won't use the mayonnaise this is what I'm fascinated by in what situation would you have to bring out use the emergency mayonnaise this will not happen because this is the dream restaurant but if there was an issue with sauce and lubricants then the mayonnaise is there as a backup I think it's probably because generally what I do is when they say, do you want any condiments? I say, yes, please. Ketchup, mayonnaise and vinegar.

1:00:37And they go, oh, you like condiments. I say, yes, I do. I like all the condiments. And if it's me, I'll have mustard as well. So it's just I need to have all bases covered, which again is probably a metaphor for my life in some weird way. I love this. So it's more of a security condiment. The mayonnaise is there to make you feel comfortable. Yeah. And then probably at the end of the meal, I'll go, oh, I didn't touch poor mayonnaise. And I'll probably just do one fry just to make it feel. Because you feel sorry for the mayonnaise. Well, I just want it, you know, it's completely left out. I order the mayonnaise and if you use it, it looks a bit, you know, titled.

1:01:06I think this episode is the most we've ever had an insight into the way a guest thinks through their menu. Yeah. The perfection thing is huge, but just then, poor mayonnaise. Poor mayonnaise. Do you not talk to things?

1:01:22James Acaster: No, not to the condiments. You know, I might speak to a holiday home when I'm leaving it for the last time. I might turn around and be like, thank you. See you later. Yeah. Mayonnaise is, yeah, I just, I don't want it to be, I don't want to look too wasteful. And I'm also a real stickler for finishing my meal. So then there's a big, but I just want to, yeah, want the bases covered. How do you deal with that with barbecues? Because I will, even if I'm just barbecuing for me and my wife, Oh yeah. which I will do regularly, just like during COVID, I've said this before. Same. Five times a week, barbecuing.

1:01:54Same. Like constant. Every meal. Every meal.

1:01:56James Acaster: Yeah. Just looked at me like, Yeah. Yeah. Roll his eyes. And I always do too much. Oh, so, yeah. You and I have to cut from the same closet. I will be like, if it's an evening barbecue, at like 10 o 'clock, my wife will be like, I'm going to go and do something else now. Because I'll just be like, sat there in the dark, outside eating a steak. Just trying to finish the wine and eat all the meat. Did you have the problem over the lockdown, and just generally in life, where I always over-cater? I think I've said this to many friends. I think I have a previous life as like some prison chef, because I'm unable to cook for the quantity of people I'm having.

1:02:29I always over-cater. And then the next day when you're on a rolling barbie, which I was also in lockdown, because me and my then partner had the best lockdown because we didn't have kids. We had a garden. Our fishmonger was open. The butcher was open. We could get nice natural wine with it. And we would just listen to albums. But barbecuing, it was... Sorry, I should caveat this. I know that lockdown was horrendous for many. But I was lucky enough to have a pretty good time. and a lot of it was to do with food. My problem was that I would always cook too much and then the following day you've got like the leftovers of the previous day or you can cook a new barbecue.

1:03:05It's always a new barbecue. It's always a new barbecue. Yeah, yeah. And then you are getting wasteful. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Well, I'd probably still eat that other stuff.

1:03:12James Acaster: Wouldn't I chuck it all up? Put it in a salad. Yeah, it's true. Yeah. I was good at doing that. Using up leftovers. Yeah, it is resourceful. It'll be like, right. If anything, I think you're delighted. It's like, great. Now I've got another meal that I can suss out. Yeah. I also do, yeah. I'm good at, yeah, it's true actually. I like leftovers for the lunch or the little nibble, like midnight nibble. Ed, you've got to come around for a barbecue. I'm there. I'm coming around. Sometimes when I order takeaways, I'll order like an extra thing that I don't need. And it will usually be the green thing.

1:03:39James Acaster: Yeah. I won't eat it. And then over the days, I've stored those up from each takeaway and then make a mega salad. Do you? That's a mega salad. It's a great idea. Put them all in a thing. the idea I did it the other day with broccoli from sticks and sushi with the artichoke Caesar salad from Mildred's and there's one other I think it's some asparagus bam all together at once absolutely loved it that's really interesting to me I find it harder to keep leftovers on takeaways than I do leftovers of my own regularly if I'm in London for a week and I know that I'm going to be in a few nights which is annoying rare at the moment because I feel so busy but when that has happened I'll either make a massive soup at the beginning of the week or a massive salad and it will accompany all my meals for the rest of the week sometimes it'll be the whole meal salad three, four, five days you know if it looks fine great a leftover takeaway I find really I think it's because I didn't cook it I don't like it I have to eat the takeaway on the day I keep it and then I'll probably eat this tomorrow and then I'll always throw it away I like it the day after is good the other day I had loads of leftovers from a really nice Chinese meal actually and just had leftovers on toast the next day.

1:04:49Nice. Lovely. Anything on toast. Yeah. Lovely. Just respect him.

1:04:56James Acaster: I respect him so much, I'll look up to him. That was so touching. He just said some things, I'm like, what a great idea. Yeah. He's put it on toast. Yeah, let's rewind. That idea was putting something on toast. Leftovers on toast. James just melted. That's lovely. You can't see this. That's what I'm talking about. Tell you something else I had on toast the other day? Yeah. Watch out. peanut butter so far so standard and then Lauganma crispy chilli oil drizzled on the top it's just like having satay satay on toast essentially this guy James has passed that crispy chilli oil is the best thing in the world I've heard about it before Lauganma it's just a type of chilli oil but it's the sweet one no no no it's like in a big jar the oil's great but it's the crispy bits of chilli and shallot and garlic in there and I can eat that like yoghurt it's amazing again something we share I should have I should have kicking myself oh no oh no James has run out Tabasco chilli sauce every restaurant you've got any chilli you've got any hot so with the fish with the chips it's great you know I've racking up my condiments but chilli unless it was cooked really but spice I love love love spice yeah I feel like you're marinating some of that fish I think you are yeah yeah a bit of chilli if I have some Tabasco on the table but with that are you going to at the end if you haven't you know used any of it you go oh sorry Tabasco and then just glug it for the ball that's so true do you know I carry Tabasco everywhere I go do you I love it yeah because of work filming particularly food can be good in fact can be I'm sure you guys have experienced this on the road it's like hit and miss Tabasco will improve anything and so I poached eggs in the morning with my vegetables and my eggs Tabasco and then lunch yeah I love it I used to do that with Sriracha I had one of the key ring bottles of Sriracha you could get a bottle of Sriracha on a carabiner Sriracha on a carabiner and then hook it on your keys hook it on your belt and then I burnt myself out on Sriracha.

1:06:54James went to the carabiner Jamaica yes yes Jamaica

1:07:05yeah Sriracha I just burnt myself out on it though. But you now can't have any more Sriracha? Nah. I'm not a Sriracha guy anymore sriracha there's a word in there isn't there she won't have her own accord

1:07:21your dream drink James so bisque is this the place for the bisque oh the ultimate for the lobster bisque in the dream drink cold mug of M &S bisque please regurgitated no I think what I will I don't know much about wine but I love it so I'll have a I think I'm going to have a natural white but like with a little frisante you know the kind of with the fish this is why basically this is like my lockdown I had this a lot because I live lived in Peckham and there was lots of bougie it's awful isn't it but that kind of live in that echo chamber and there were natural wine shops Pecco chamber yeah very good this is what I'm talking about I don't know just on all cylinders

1:08:11James Acaster: one second he's throwing out a good idea for how to you know do your leftovers then he's got an amazing pun up his sleeve it's unreal are you the best what you guys can't see is that these two are holding hands right now yeah really cute i wish i wish i wish you would um yeah there's a wine it's called casa something it's got like a spiral on the front it's not that expensive i know the one you mean i can't remember the name of it i drank loads of it in lockdown as well everyone was drinking it it's along with the chin chin but it's a bit yeah yeah and the calcareous was the other one that everyone was is that right calcareous yeah one of those with it I think really cold crisp natural wine yeah it's a pet gnat isn't it yeah Bianco Frisanti Bianco Frisanti what's the name of the producer Casabelfi Casabelfi Bianco Frisanti yeah a lovely like pet gnat delicious crisp cuts through the oil of the fish yeah just yeah a bottle of that I think I did burn myself out on natural wine though I sound like a complete tosser here because of lockdown because we've got a really good shop nearest that does just natural wine and I was drinking a lot of it and what I found was you find a favourite with natural wine and you go and buy another bottle that's from like a different year or the next year and it's completely different because they don't have any way of maintaining the taste of the wine because it's so different every year.

1:09:29They're so at the mercy of the elements. Which is, I don't mind that because what I get really intimidated by with wine is not knowing anything. And therefore going into a natural wine shop, I'm just like, what do you reckon is good? This is my price point. Can you say, you know, how about me eating fish? I'm going to be on a beach with a genie. And then they give me whatever's good rather than what is what I know to be good. I think that sort of stuff, I think you can guarantee is going to be pretty much good across the board. But I was going into this natural wine shop and being like, what's the weirdest thing you've got?

1:10:00Oh, right. And it was stuff that just basically tasted like a farmyard floor. The funk. And loads of sediment at the bottom of it as well. If you pour more than two glasses, you've got to just keep an eye on what's happening with the bottle because you just end up with a mouthful of gravel. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I think we're on the same page. I'm sort of, yeah, recently trying to be a little bit more traditional. But, yeah, as I say, don't know much about wine. Really like it, especially the natural one with this particular meal. So do you want that or do you want the Casabelfi one? Yeah, why not?

1:10:25Yeah, great. Please. Casabelfi is fun to say. I mean, there's part of me, the idiot in me, going, well, that's not the best one in the world. Yeah, so I can tell. we've got to chat about some stuff James you can't just say best wine in the world and we go right yeah move on

1:10:41James Acaster: best pudding in the world thanks for coming on James we've never done that before bedtime James that's why you use Dexcom best in the world yes it is

1:10:57James Acaster: so we arrive at your dream dessert it's going to be the best in the world we know that it's going to be perfect this is like you're at the end of the meal now you've had this perfect meal yeah so the perfect way to round it off to end well I'm a diabetic so unfortunately I cannot have this yes finally someone admits it I know it yeah no I've I've looked at my Dexcom and I've realised that my glucose levels are level actually preferably they're going down a bit yeah that's the joy that's the joy yeah yeah yeah yeah it just times out perfect not only am I going to have dessert I need it yeah exactly I need it quick after about five minutes please oh my gosh this is funny I went to the GQ Man of the Year Awards congratulations did you win?

1:11:43I did not win I'm not a man of the year but I was there to support the men of the year and the women of the year Nicole Kidman was one of them I don't know I haven't quite got the sort of nuanced that title quite yet Nicole Kidman was honoured who else Cole Palmer Jude Law a few others anyway And I went into the meal. And the other thing about diabetics, diabetes, which you will know, and we're all encouraged to do, is administer our insulin via pump or injection, whichever way you choose, early, like 20 minutes before the meal is suggested. I've never done it. Never done it, always on the meal.

1:12:18Especially if you're out, because you don't know when it's going to come, right? So I've been trying to do this more and more. I've been really disciplining myself, because it does help your glucose levels. It means you don't spike so much. I don't understand how non-diabetics work. You can't anticipate the food, can you? But anyway, we were encouraged to do it early. I went into the GQ Manly Awards and I did my insulin thinking that we're about to have a starter. It's a fashion dinner. The starters like smoked trout with no carbohydrate and no bread. Oh no. I know, I was fuming at that point.

1:12:45And also a little bit concerned because then they started these speeches and then Jude did a speech and then Nicole did a speech and then the GQ editor did a speech. Cut to me. Your phone's going crazy. No, I'm worse. I'm like dripping with sweat. I'm on the high table sitting opposite Nicole Kidman. And I'm like, and there are cameras everywhere. And if I stand up, it's going to be, you know, it's really rude. Eventually I'm like, I'm going to pass out. So I have to go and, have to go and speak to someone. So I went to someone who's like running around, you know, one of the waiters and said, I'm diabetic.

1:13:12You need to help me. I need some orange juice really quickly, please. Because I didn't have any sugar with me for some stupid reason. They gave me some orange juice. I didn't realize that that then caused pandemonium to break loose. So then I went and sat back down. Well, because then they don't really know what that means. they just heard someone say I'm diabetic and I need I need sugar but also I think I was looking really ill at this point and also I put the insulin for the whole meal so I needed a lot of carbs so they were going to bring, so anyway then they bring me a chocolate bar from PrEP and then mid speeches they bring me a huge bowl of steaming potatoes someone backstage has cooked me a bowl of potatoes at which point everyone down the table is going why are you getting a chocolate bar and then a bowl of potatoes in the middle of the speech as well.

1:13:52I just look like a glutton, a potato loving fiend. A weird one, a really weird one as well. A really weird one. And of course, you can't interrupt the speech. Sorry, excuse me, I'm a diabetic. Explain. Tapping the side of the potato bowl. All you men of the year. So yeah, it's fraught, a little fraught when you're eating, actually, you can't time the meal exactly. So you didn't have any, you didn't have any dextrose or anything with you to... I did not. If I did, it wasn't going to be enough because I'd loaded up for the whole meal. Was that as well because you were, wearing a nice suit and you didn't want to ruin the line of your suit.

1:14:25You know it. Because it's so annoying. It's so annoying. Whenever, on the rare occasion that I have to wear something nice and fancy, which is very rare, I'm like, you look quite nice actually. And then I'll go, I'm diabetic, I've got to bring a sack full of stuff with me. It's true. Can't put it in my pocket because it looks weird and then you end up taking a little satchel with me. I know. I'd have a little man bag for a long time. Having said that, with Dexcom, that has been made a hell of a lot easier because I used to have to to carry around insane paraphernalia. We'd also have to carry around a pouch, which was the more traditional form of testing your glucose levels.

1:14:56And that is no longer the case because I have my phone with me anyway. So Dexcom has genuinely made me more chic. Yeah. There you go. You can't ask for more than that. And I wasn't.

1:15:09James Acaster: It's nice to see Ed get into bond with someone over these things. Yeah. I've never seen it before. I've never got to see it. It's nice. It's a new man. It's nice to see you both got these stories. Was he like, yeah, I've been there. That's my life too. When we first met, I don't think you were diagnosed yet, were you? No. Because that would have been 2005, I think. And weirdly, for somebody who hasn't got a great memory, I remember exactly where we met. He obviously had a big impression on me. Yeah. Oh, do you know what it was? Was it when you were working? No, it was in the MITRE. Oh, okay. In Cambridge.

1:15:37Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you were just on a show. And do you know the reason I remember is because someone told me that you were diabetic. And my sister had been diagnosed and we had a conversation about it. It was good. you got to see me at a time of life where I absolutely was not focusing on it at all I do remember when we met in the MITRE because it was the pre the smoking ban and Ed I remember the conversation we had about my sister's diabetes and I was thinking oh it's great diabetes can lead a completely normal life because he had a pint of beer

1:16:03James Acaster: and a fag and a second yeah oh those were the days entire birthday cake in the other hand you were living your best life yeah or not I feel lots better now I do feel a lot better. Sorry, sorry, sorry. So yeah, my glucose levels are just dipping nicely. Genuinely don't love overly sweet things, not because of the diabetes, but because I love more bitter things. I'm a chocolate fiend. I always have chocolate with me. It's usually 80%, sometimes 90%. I have a chocolate drawer in my house. I have a production company. Was that Lancashire's idea or your idea? That was actually not Lancashire's idea.

1:16:45you've got to get a chocolate drawer

1:16:48James Acaster: get yourself a chocolate drawer you set fire to yourself thanks Lancashire

1:16:55any final words? your bar of 80 % melting in your pocket I'm fine someone get the bar yeah I have a chocolate drawer and I have all different types of chocolate in there I have like the lighter dairy ones for the guests but for me it's like 80 % 85 % or 95 % or 90 % and I have 99 % there, I love it so my dessert will be like a sort of chocolate mousse but thick not too much air in it with 80 % minimum cocoa and a little bit of chilli a little chilli flavour maybe even like a like those sort of husks chocolate you know like a sort of kernel or husk whatever they're called like the cacao nibs yeah the cacao nibs gives a bit of texture a bit of crunch and then with it a sweeter like a vanilla gelato or ice cream and then again like a kind of coolie like a raspberry fruit sort of and a bit more bitter cuts through the sweetness.

1:17:46This is good. Bitterness, little bit of sweetness. Little bit of sweetness, yeah. I went through a real cacao nib phase. Did you? Yeah, big time. Bought a whole sack of them, basically. Did you? The actual nibs? Yeah, straight on yogurt with raspberries. Really good.

1:17:58James Acaster: Is it? That's interesting. You were eating them on your own as well. Oh, yeah. That sounds fantastic. Yeah, really dark and like big and, you know, like somewhere between a mousse and a, I don't know, you know what I mean. Yeah, almost like, it's almost not a mousse. It's almost like a kind of not ice cream, ice cream. It's almost like a cremeur. Cremeur. You guys, this is what you are good at is knowing the words. And can I have a coffee, please, with it? Yes. I'd love an Americano with some extra hot oil, please. Absolutely. No problem. That's my coffee order. I sometimes think, I'm the guy who has a coffee at the end of a meal and then I realise I'm a guy who has an espresso martini at the end of a meal.

1:18:34Are you? Well, I was going to say, am I allowed a grappa as well? Yeah. A little digestif. I keep asking, I'm allowed? And you're like, yeah. We're not actually hosting. It's lovely.

1:18:43James Acaster: we love hearing this kind of stuff to be honest and also I want something there's something specific about the dessert which is that if I'm ordering a coffee with the dessert I have to specify often in the restaurant so I'm going to specify for you guys please can they come at the same time or the coffee just fractionally after the dessert to wash it out but often you order the coffee and the dessert at the same time they bring the coffee it's either cold or you finished it and then the dessert comes and then it drives me insane especially with the chocolate dessert there's nothing I like more than eating some chocolatey dessert and then a sip of coffee that washes the inside of the mouth out and then you're making mouth mocha.

1:19:19They were meant to be together. Yeah. Like James and Ed, they were meant to be. They are meant to be. And then the grappa after. Yeah.

1:19:29James Acaster: I'm in a big affogato phase at the minute. Are you? If I see it on the menu, I'm like, well, that's my decision made. I don't have to decide on a dessert and a coffee. Yeah. I'll just have that. And then I'm delighted. Don't worry about the caffeine though. Here I am saying a coffee because I'm in the dream menu and I'm on the beach. I really got on top. I've had, you know, big into coffee recently. It's a recent thing for me. Definitely was noticing the effects it was having on my system as the day went on. I was like, I feel like I'm vibrating. I need to go on top of this. About a month and a half ago, I just completely cut it out.

1:20:02James Acaster: Wasn't doing it at all for a few weeks. Went to America for a bit. Started having one every third day, whatever. Got back from America. Had jet lag. I need to drink it all the time. And now I'm back just to, that's it. I'm not having two or three a day. Two or three a day. And I need to reign it in again. But it's not the time. For people listening, we're recording this in December. Absolutely the worst time to go, I am now going to get on top of anything. Drinking too much caffeine, drinking in general, desserts, all that stuff. This is not the time to get on top of it. No, it's the time to ramp it up.

1:20:34James Acaster: I read your menu back to you now, see how you feel about it. You like sparkling water, definitely. you want steaming hot sourdough with salted butter truffle butter and the genie's choice of butter i'm choosing that marmite better that i had one's delicious triple butter you would like a snacks hack that is 12 oysters from colin say colin say and you want some smoked almonds on the table as well you want the best steamed asparagus in the world with the best parmesan in the world best olive oil in the world best pine nuts in the world and a tiny scotch egg main course so weird such a weird addition a wood flame grilled halibut steak prawn scallops and fruity salsa and lime on the beach on the best beach in Jamaica that you've ever been to thank you side dish you would like a salad with lettuce avocado seeds your favourite pine nuts and you would like fries with ketchup mayo just in case vinegar and Tabasco your drink you would like a Casabelfi Bianco Frizzante your dessert you would like chocolate mousse well kind of a mousse maybe what would you say creme maybe at least 80 % cocoa with chilli cacao nibs vanilla gelato and raspberry coulis and you would like the coffee to come out at the same time and grappa as well fuck yeah I feel good about that yeah when you go into back into the office and you talk to the people you've been talking about this podcast too are you going to say I did it I nailed it I feel great I feel like I had my shot and you know I delivered well on the way home on the way home I guarantee you you're not going to feel like that no of course as soon as I step out of the restaurant I'm going to be calling both of you with frantic texts saying I can't have the that beast I should have got that beast with the word beast over and over again texted to us thanks for coming to the Dream Restaurant James it's been an absolute pleasure thank you for having me

1:22:33Well, there we are, James. A wonderful chat with James Norton.

1:22:36James Acaster: I love that menu. Yeah. And he should be proud of that menu and happy with it. I hope he's able to sleep tonight and isn't just thinking about what he should have had. It was as close to perfection as one can get. Yes. Because we should always remember perfection is impossible. Perfection is impossible. So do not beat yourself up. You're always striving for perfection. Don't beat yourself up, guys. Don't beat yourself up. Just do the best you can. Just do the best you can. You don't have to be perfect. No one's perfect. And it should also, So that's genuinely a tenet that I have to remind myself of with glucose levels in diabetes.

1:23:06Perfection is impossible. Something will always come along. You just got to roll with the punches. And of course, today's episode was in partnership with Dexcom. And if you or someone you know is living with type 1 or type 2 diabetes, and you like the sound of Dexcom, you can take a look online at Dexcom.com and request a free Dexcom 1 Plus sample. Dexcom sensors are available on the NHS for some people living with diabetes and also are available to buy online. Always read the user manual for important product aspects and limitations. Talk to your doctor for diabetes management. Terms and conditions and terms of use apply.

1:23:38And I always say that at the end of an episode.

1:23:41James Acaster: Yes, yes, it's a common catchphrase of the podcast as well. I get shouted at me in the street. It's not even my catchphrase. Terms and conditions and terms of use apply, they say. Yeah, that's it, that's it. Not me. Or bread. Also, what we've been told to say by the people at Dexcom is that James Norton did not choose a Nature Valley bar. Yes. So that means we are not going to kick him out of the restaurant. Yeah, correct. Look, James Norton has a wonderful body of work, which you must all go and watch immediately. Yes, even though we kind of semi-spoiled the end of Happy Valley for you. But just forget what we were riffing on.

1:24:12James Acaster: Just watch it with a fresh mind. Yes, absolutely. See you next time, guys. Bye-bye.