John Early

0:12Welcome to the Off Menu Podcast, taking the raw tuna of conversation, adding the citrus juice of friendship, little cubes of grapefruit, and some fruit of fruit, chatting about food. It's a ceviche, James. That's delicious. That sounded really nice. Yeah, I had a ceviche the other day. That's why I did it. Yeah, really delicious food. I love ceviche, man. Yeah, I want to eat that straight away. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, that's what I want. I want to make people listen to this and think I want to eat this podcast. Yeah. That's it, Gabble. My name is James Acastle. Together we own a dream restaurant.

0:51And every single week, we invite a guest, asking a favourite of a starter, main course dessert, side dish and drink. Not in that order. And this week, our guest is... John Alley! John Early a wonderful comedian and actor James so funny we're both big fans of John Early so we're going to have to really rein that in here I don't think we should rein it in fanboys no no well you never rein it in if you're a fanboy no I can't I can't it's nice to be able to just let loose because you're like a repository of information when it comes to things people have done and things that you remember that they've done and especially if you're a fanboy of them whereas I just know that I like someone but I've forgotten why is always how it works.

1:32Yeah, that is how I feel with our relationship. Yes. I feel you know you've liked but you've forgotten why. Yeah, yeah, yeah. John is in Search Party though, I remember that. Yes. And I like Search Party a lot. Which is fantastic. Yes. And John is in Eternity. Yes. It's a new film and Elizabeth Olsen's in it, Miles Teller's in it, Callum Turner's in it. I mean, it sounds great, James. A24. It's an A24 rom-com. A24 rom-com. Not too shabby. Not too shabby at all. Pretty exciting. It's set in an afterlife where souls have one week to decide where to spend eternity. Where would you spend? Oh, we know where you would.

2:05Hell. Hell. You love hell. Because the devil's got the best tunes. Devil's got the best tunes, baby. And the best food, I reckon. Yeah, yeah, probably. Devil's on horseback? Devil's on horseback. You like those? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're not getting them in heaven? No. It'd be spicy. Everything in hell would be spicy, right? Everything would be spicy. Very bland in heaven, I'd imagine. Well, there may be some sweets. Well, ambrosia. It'd be all ambrosia. Oh, send me to heaven, man. Yeah, yeah, you'd love that. I'm repenting right now. Yeah, yeah. Get me up there. We love John Early, but if John says the secret ingredient, which we have deemed to be unacceptable, we will have to kick John out of the restaurant.

2:41We don't want to do that. We don't want to do it. But we'll stick to the rules. And this week, the secret ingredient is oat milk. Oat milk. Apparently, John was in a short film called Oat Milk, which I have not seen. Yeah, we're not across the short film Oat Milk, but a quick Google revealed that John was in this short film called Oat Milk. Which was very helpful. Thank you for being in that, John. Thank you, John. Because you came up with a secret ingredient very quickly. And that means we can... I mean, I personally couldn't believe we hadn't added a secret ingredient before. But we like oat milk.

3:10We do like oat milk, but then we've had things that just like people in general don't like. Yeah. I guess we, you know, for whatever reason, I'll tell you who wouldn't like oat milk. Go on. Edwin Coffey. Edwin Coffey does not like... The fucking milks. All these fucking milks these days. He's back. you ever tried milking at all it would say oats got no tits yeah yeah that's what I was hoping for yeah yeah that's what I was hoping for oats got no tits oats got no tits flat chested fucking oat flat chested but the butt yeah he likes the oats butt yeah yeah that oat got that batonka thug love it Edwin Coffey's Edwin Coffey's got to have his own spin-off pod yeah that's what I'm gonna I don't start a petition for that.

3:57Yeah. I would listen every week. Yeah, it's called Flicking the Bean. Oh, brilliant. Absolutely brilliant with Edwin Coffey. If we did a Patreon, we would release one episode a month of Flicking the Bean with Edwin Coffey. Here's the thing that I don't think you realise. The Patreon would just like, whatever limit you put, so many people would want to see that Edwin Coffey episode. You have no idea. if you did it as a like people could pay and you would make an episode yeah like within five minutes no less than five minutes you would have met your goal and gone through the roof and have to do like so many episodes of the Owen Coffee episode can we see if you can buy sunglasses that are in the shape of coffee beans of course you can yeah you must be able to I loved when we did it live when you had the chain with a coffee cup on it as a big medallion you were wearing you have no idea how huge that podcast would be among our fans yeah yeah yeah among the fans of this podcast no guests because he's one of those American comics he's no guests on the pod I don't think because he's one of those American comics he doesn't need one he's like Bill Burr yeah yeah yeah he just sit around and just do his own anyway we should get into this isn't that sorry yeah John Early John Early's great yeah it's the last step of the series James and it's going to be on YouTube James it will be on YouTube listen, watch, do both that would be lovely yeah Benito's pet project is the YouTube channel so it's his YouTube channel.

5:24It's his YouTube channel. Yeah. It's the same YouTube account that he used to do all his unboxing videos on. Oh, I'd love to see a Benito unboxing video. When he was seven he started a YouTube video. With magic kits. Yeah. Unboxing magic kits. This is the Paul Daniels coin disappearing trick. I'm really looking forward to doing this. I'm the great Benito. Let's hope I can make a coin disappear. And I've worried to make quite a few coins disappear by buying it. and that'll be on the Patreon as well so go and check out it those unboxing videos when he was a little boy the great Unboxito yeah exactly this is the off menu menu of John Alley

6:11welcome to the dream restaurant John don't you have to clap in front of the camera welcome John Alley to the dream restaurant But he's been to you for some time. Ben just did his clap and... Behind the camera. I've asked this to Ben before. He needs to clap in front of the camera to sync the sound of the picture. But he insists he can just clap from behind the camera. I don't know whether... I think it's just a personal thing he likes to do. So he's like, we've started the podcast. And he always says, I'm just going to do my clap. And then he looks at the guest like they know that's his catchphrase, even though it obviously isn't on the podcast.

6:48so you know the guest wouldn't know but we know so to us we are like that's his catchphrase his podcast catchphrase that's his podcast catchphrase we've all got a podcast catchphrase yes what are yours mine is that pop-doms or bread I do and I do that'll be later on but that's a surprise John that's a surprise okay okay and welcome to the dream restaurant we've been expecting you for some time like I said a minute ago that's it really I'm more freewheeling I don't really have catchphrases that's cool You've got a whole from the beginning that you do in the intro. Oh, yeah, but that's not relevant for the guests.

7:21You record that later. We record that later, yeah. How long is the intro? About an hour. Oh, no. Usually. Yeah. We do about 90 minutes of ads. Okay, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you all need me to read any ads, let me know. Yeah, sure. That would be great, because we don't like that bit. Yeah, yeah. Even though that's the bit that actually we make money for, of course. We're sort of the Rogan of the UK, so we do a lot of ads for grills and erectile dysfunction medicine. Shooting deer. Shooting deer, yeah, yeah, yeah. Dead deer, we do ads for dead deer. And we do adverts for the Joe Rogan podcast.

7:53He doesn't ask us to do that. No, we do that for the love. We pay to do that. What we would like to advertise really more than anything though, is the film Eternity. You don't want to advertise that? That's not what I'm here for. Oh, okay, well... Would you like to advertise one of your other projects from the past? Yes. Yeah. Is there something, a genuine question, you wish people, like, more people knew about that you've done in the past that you would love them to discover? As well as the film Eternity, which we are going to talk about.

8:30I think, I mean, there's something so obvious that's not coming to mind. It would be some, well... We've really thrown you early doors. You really have. I mean, I think probably, I made this thing with Kate Burlant called 555 in like the 80s. Yeah, yeah. It was behind a paywall on Vimeo. It was the first time they were like, we're going to make original content. And it was last time. We tanked the operation. Nice. And so, yeah. So no one's seen it. Are you pretty proud of that though? You brought down a whole system. Yeah. The two of you were very funny on Very Important People. Oh, thank you.

9:14As the zombies. Yeah. That was good. If people haven't seen that, I'm not going to just describe it. They should just go and watch that as well. Yeah. Anything the two of you do together, let's just promote that. Thanks. Also, the film Other People. Let's promote that. I love that film. No way. Oh, my God. You still in touch with the little kid? No. That little kid was funny, man. He was good. He was good. I really felt in love with Jesse Plemons doing that movie. That was the first time I ever felt like the kind of transference in the psychoanalysis sense. Oh, yeah. We were like playing best friends.

9:52And then I was like, we left and I was like, he's my best friend. It took like a month to like shed that. Do you think he was feeling that as well? No. No. He was so sweet, but I don't think he was. I was like, he had done like 400 movies at that point. so he was used to whatever that is. Yeah. Yeah, do you find yourself watching him now and stuff and being like, why is that person his best friend? Yeah. Literally, yes. Yeah, I'm jealous. I could have kidnapped him a stone with him if he'd asked me. Is that when you cut your hair? You shaved your hair off because you were like, I want to be in begonia?

10:24Yeah, yeah, yeah. Too impressive. Jesse! From before. Eternity looks fantastic though. Thank you. We are going to make you talk about it. Yes. Okay. I love the premise of it. So, someone dies. Yes. I'm gay. What?! In the film? Yes. That's the premise? Yes. We've got the PR server. The first to be both in the... I'm gay in the film and in real life. That never happens. And that's never happened. That's never happened. I mean, in other people... Oh, yeah. Okay. But... It has happened. There are other people... I mean, Jessie Plemons and Zach Woods, to my knowledge, are not gay. Also played... Oh, no, you're right.

11:02And play a very... I'd say... Do you know what? I'm not gonna keep on talking about other people. one of the people talking about that film but a very convincing couple I really believe they're in love in that film yes I agree good actors yeah James is amazed by acting is something you need to know so he will say things like they're not a couple but I believe that they were a couple but it's nuts like it is crazy most films when I'm watching there's a couple in it yeah I don't believe they're really in love with each other I know those two in that film I was like they're in love with each other yeah fully they're going to be together forever Wait, can I say something about other people?

11:38Yeah. I had to say the title of the movie in the movie, which is the hardest thing you can do as an actor. Yeah. Because there's no way you're not aware. So I had to say, maybe now you are other people to other people. And it's like, you're saying it, and you're like, this is going in the trailer. Yeah. And it's absolutely impossible to not be like...

12:03It was so hard. There should be a rule where if the actor has to say the name of the movie in the movie, they get to look right down the camera and say... Yeah, that would have helped me. But I was just like trying to play it so cool. I was like... It was bad. It was bad. Imagine if that had just been the working title as well and they changed it. And then you were like, oh no, everyone's gonna wonder why I say that line weird. Yeah. What did John really freak out when he says the other people? I know. The first time I remember seeing that happen in a movie was the film Executive Decision. do you remember that no what is that is steven seagal oh wow yeah and uh they have to there's terrorists on a plane and they have to fly a a jet underneath the plane and make like a tunnel so they can get into the plane and that is the executive decision they have to make that's amazing we need to make an executive decision like that's the title of the film how did they make the tunnel was it i can't really remember but it how they pulled it off yeah yeah it went well the executive decision was the correct decision.

13:03Jurassic Park, I remember them saying it. Oh, yeah. Say the name of the film. Yeah. Where are we? Yeah, yeah, yeah. They say it a lot. Yeah. We still not talked about it. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Okay, Eternity. Elizabeth Olsen. Elizabeth Olsen. Goes to the afterlife. Goes to the afterlife, choosing between Callum Turner and Miles Teller. This is a life partner and someone that was her first love who... Died in the Korean War. Died in the Korean War. And that's not a spoiler. and I play a little angel with a clipboard I wasn't you know I wasn't called an angel no one was like you're playing an angel but technically it's the afterlife I'm up there yeah I'm an angel but yeah I have a little clipboard and I'm helping people go to their eternities I don't think I'm good at promoting this movie I'm pretty good I love this I love this movie high premise yeah you know like kind of has like a they don't make them like that anymore you know like this anymore kind of like a Peggy Sue got married defending your life kind of high concept rom-com if Ed and I and Benito turned up in heaven and you were the little angel with a clipboard where would you send us well that's the thing you have to choose I'm there to help you choose I'm sorry it's very similar to this podcast which gets us right to our next topic We'll put an ad in there.

14:31Yeah, yeah, yeah. We always start with still or sparkling water, John. Do you have a preference? Sparkling. Sparkling water. Yeah. Why? Yeah, your eyes really lit up there when you said sparkling. That's right.

14:47I think that actually it is a stupid choice because it would make me full. Do people always say that? No, not always, but people have said it. Okay, okay. So you can join an elite group. But it's so refreshing and exciting. I'm still, I'm, you know, 22. And I still get excited about sparkling water. I do think it's special. Like, it really is exciting. That's why it blows my mind when people have it at home all the time. I know. I'll go to a restaurant and be like, Oh, sparkling, please. It's a nice way to kick off the meal. But there's people getting up in the morning and drinking it. Well, that's crazy.

15:24And that's new. Don't you think? sparkling water is like it's been around forever but don't you think it's like do you have la croix here we don't but we're aware of it we're aware of it it's just a popular i'm gonna look right down the barrel for you when i for these moments when i'm addressing all right so it's a popular uh kind of cheap brand of sparkling water and we're back yeah and it's like flavored flavored right yeah yes but everyone drinks it all the time everyone drinks it and just suddenly it was I don't know, just everyone started having sparkling water in their homes. But how do they do it?

16:01How do they get the bubbles in there? Literally. What's your best guess? Yeah. I don't know. I can't even guess. They put a tube in the water. Is there someone on the other end of the tube? I guess. It's human. It's human bubbles. Yeah. Who would you want that to be? if it could be anyone in the world to blow the bubbles into your spunk than water for your dream mix. Who's still alive? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's nice. I guess you could have a choice, right? They could sell different brands for different people who've done the bubbles. Yeah. Yeah, that's beautiful. Yeah, like the cheaper ones could just be something like old guy and he's on the can.

16:46An old guy on the can. An old guy, he's on the can. On the can. They're on the can. Not the can, like the toilet. Do you guys see that? Yeah. That's what I thought you were saying. I thought an old man on the toilet. That's the really cheap version. If we weren't talking to an American guest, I would think... I meant on the can. Ed said on the can of the drink. But Cootie was said to Sean. We don't know. But I thought, oh, Ed is like adapting to your lingo. And he wants to put an old man on the toilet. Blowing bubbles into his drink. Well, maybe it's called, the water's called on the can. And on the can is a picture of an old man on the can.

17:18And he blows, he's blown the bubbles in. With his mouth. With his mouth, crucially. Not old man's butt. Whoa. Did you hear that? Yeah, was that you? Did you pick it up? I honestly thought that was a motorbike outside. Sometimes the mic picked up. I'm also like, this morning, I don't know if I've got, I've either got, this is, it's either trapped wind, or my appendix have burst. Because my stomach is fucked. I think you would be in extreme pain if your appendix has burst. I'm tough, though. I'm pretty tough. Yeah. You're a tough guy. I'm a pretty tough guy. Yeah. so we'll see by the end of the podcast which it is yes oh yeah we'll know yeah we'll know what a clip we're going to get out of that if it's crazy yeah could i and i could announce it yeah you tell me and then i'll tell you but that it does feel related to our yeah the bubbles the bubbles i'm still choosing it yeah bubbles i'm sorry yeah you're still choosing yeah yeah yeah yeah so you still despite the fact that it would make me fall do you want like a flavored a flavored sparkling water no no just just the plain just the plain and we've talked about it before but the flavor's never enough for me in those waters no it's always the memory of a fruit it's not and it always it like no matter how real it tastes fake yeah don't you think yeah because i'm like well where is it yeah like it's clear so i'm like that's fake any flavor i'm getting has to be artificial if i'm not seeing any evidence of it in the water like bits you want bits of the fruit.

18:48Yeah, a lot of pulp bits. Have you seen those cans of lemon seltzer you can get in Japan where you open the can up fully at the top, you peel the lid off and there is a whole slice of lemon in it? No, that's genius. That's pretty cool, right? That's so cool. Sometimes Ed makes stuff up to the guests and it's not... We're trying to stop him from doing it. I've not made that up. They're like lemon sours. They're like booze drinks. You open up the top and there's like an actual slice of lemon in there. It's booze. It's booze, baby. Are they preserving the lemon? Or is it a fresh slice? It's like a fresh slice of lemon.

19:22So I don't know how it's hanging out in there for so long. That's crazy. It's pretty cool. How's it even getting in there? Well, they put it in there, man. It's not growing. How do they get it in there? What do you mean? How big is the... Can? It's like the same size as the can. If you think about a can... A wedge of lemon is bigger than the hole in the top of a can. No, no, wait. This is... It's not a wedge. Yeah, it's not a wedge. It's a slice. It's a cross-section. Yeah. It's a slice And then the can Is not a hole There's not a hole in the can You literally take the hole You peel the whole lid off Like it's a can of tuna Then why don't they put a wedge in there?

19:55If it's a can of tuna I don't know man You've got to take this up As I regularly say to you You've got to take this up With the Japanese As always They're sick of hearing from me Every single week Yeah Pop-a-dums or bread Pop-a-dums or bread John Erley Pop-a-dums or bread And there's the catchphrase That's the Pop-a-dums or bread The Indian kind of cracker Yes Has this come up that one clearly but is it someone disagreed with you at one point in your early childhood okay okay this is a question that i thought was just normal when we started the podcast and then you know in comedy you kind of end up learning the hard way that you're weird you don't know going in you're just like oh this will be a pretty normal thing oh yeah no i think i'm like a totally mainstream like for the masses yeah comedian and then everyone describes me as weird yeah yeah can i say it's worse um the other way around when you start doing comedy and find out you're really normal that's really sorry man that's all right yeah you know that's why this works yeah he's not really normal as a person yeah yeah a lot of demons if anyone's listening james just physically tapped me on the head when he gestured to my demons do you have pure audio listeners we do i think a lot of pure audio yeah yeah we have done for a long time so this i mean really this is the new thing for us right right we hate it it's awful did you used to be less put together um yeah i'd say so yeah this is nuts what i'm wearing yeah james is wearing a jacket and this is batshit yeah i don't know why i've well i do know why i've done it i've been really getting into this jacket lately i love it but also in the morning i just you know this is chris is quite early this record oh and uh and and when i got up i was like oh i haven't even thought about what i'm gonna wear for the podcast so i grabbed this ironed it and then i ironed this because it was it was absolutely it was like ball yeah it was mad i had to iron it looked in the mirror god this isn't enough also it's freezing outside yeah i'm overthinking it all and i've got like you know, five minutes to get out the door.

22:06So I chucked this on and then I realised that if this top button's undone, it looks like absolute horse shit. So I had to quickly do that up and then I'm like, leaving the house going, who is this? I'm like, he's gonna, Ed's gonna comment on it. I know Ed's gonna comment on it. I did comment, what did I say? Neat boy? Yeah, very nice. I think he looks very nice. I agree. Very smart. Yeah. And he's dressed up for you. And also, I feel like you could host a major panel to launch a new product. Whoa. A good product But for people? Not like something that is contributing to all the bad stuff in the world.

22:36No, no, no. I feel like a can with a wedge of lemon in it. You could be like the guy. The wedge guy. Yeah. Forget the slice. Yeah. Wedge can. Oh, yeah. Sorry, James made an early joke about your name. That's okay. I couldn't help it. I know you've had it your whole life and we're really sorry. But I don't care. It's never really... It's more that people like this happening right now. They give me the opportunity to be annoyed. or they're like, I know, I'm sorry. And sometimes I'll take advantage of that and go, yeah. And they'll be like, have you gotten that on your whole life? I'm like, yeah.

23:11But I'm like, I don't care about what I'm saying right now. I don't think it really, it's never really bugged me. If anything, it's... We've had a lot of fun with it on the WhatsApp group for the podcast. Really? Really? Because this is a 9am record, of course. Yeah, it is early. So it's early for us. Yeah. So it's funny. Yeah. And on the other way here, you know, Ed was running late. so he said I'm gonna be John late that is funny man that's really good and we're like what if John's late then are we gonna have some fun with him about that that's big I was John on time that was funny it's all pretty funny stuff John when you think about it it's really funny but poppadoms are bread though wait are?

23:54poppadoms are bread oh that's the catchphrase I thought you were saying poppadoms are bread I was in a statement. Yes, exactly. That's not the word that our American guests usually have a problem with. Usually they're like, what did you say? What was that first word? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I've now discovered that even the word or in my accent doesn't translate. Excuse me. That was not related. I swear to God. That was related. No, no. There was some build up. Claudio Doherty, who I've already brought up, you privately, she taught me about poppadoms. Am I saying that right? Yeah. She got me pop-a-dums for my birthday.

24:34Actually, I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. She got me a package of pop-a-dums that you put in the microwave and they pop. So because she taught you about them, was she like, these are like£100 each and this is the gift for you? Oh, wait, are you saying they're so cheap? Oh my God, that's so funny. It's a bad gift. I think they were like, I don't think they were expensive, but I think they were like specialty or they were like you know authentic yeah isn't that a sweet gift that's very nice that is nice and they have the kind of it comes with like a childlike wonder of seeing them transform in the microwave yeah like it feels like a toy you would get yeah or like those little sponges that you put in the water and they expand yeah those are so cool would you eat one of those sponges?

25:23no although I've heard there is a you know pre-Ozampic there was there still is a pill that you can take that it's like a plant-based sponge that expands in your stomach you like it's like in a little capsule yeah me acting out eating it it was so weird that was good and you looked right in the eye so you ate the capsule it's like wow I thought there was a capsule there that was so weird so you take you pop you take the capsule and then it it's like a plant-based sponge expands in your stomach and then you're less hungry. Yeah, you would be. Yeah. And then what happens to the sponge? Well, it's plant-based and then eventually...

26:06Oh. It erodes. It breaks down. Yeah, you don't have to shit the whole sponge out. No, no. But what if it's plant-based and the plant is the plant from Little Shop of Horrors? Then you won't stop eating? No, well, that's the risk. Yeah. Let's go to shout Phoebe Seymour in your stomach. Yeah. You're constantly having to feed it people. Oh my God. Then you're gonna have the opposite problem. Yeah. people don't think of these do you want the um do you want the do you want the do you want the do you want the do you want the do you want the do you want the oh sorry sorry or bread yeah bread sorry sorry sorry I have to say like and I I think Claudia knows this that like I was so excited by the kind of microwave transformation that the novelty of that but I don't really respond to like that kind of crackery thing across cultures yeah yeah you don't like the crunch it doesn't really do much for me I like the multiple textures of bread where you're getting the crunch of the crust and then the soft interior no I can't tell my bed for that one straight down the bar what kind of bread would you like

27:18sourdough you looked so vulnerable I got scared I'm so scared. What did you think we were going to do if you said the wrong bread? I don't know. I've actually never... That's what's cool about this podcast. I've never thought about that. Yeah. Sourdough. Make people think about stuff they haven't thought about before. Is there a place that you've had the best sourdough or you buy sourdough from?

27:46Where do you live in the States? I'm realizing that every question is going to stop me in my tracks. I would say... because we've done a lot of episodes of this podcast, but I would say your responses are the most that I've felt, yeah, this made sense. Of course, like, why are we asking this shit? No, no, no. No, no, I don't think you're responding like, why are you asking me this? But like, it is when you look at us like that, I think, yeah, it's like, we're the weird ones here. No, no, you're not. When we said, what sort of bread do you want? And you've looked down and then looked up at us. and then is there anywhere good from sourdough and then you've looked down again and looked up at us so vulnerable and so scared it's like you've used it as an acting trick I think in future projects you can just imagine someone said what bread do you like and then look down and then just like yeah totally locked in in the moment there's really good sourdough you know honestly I would love homemade but not me but like someone insert a friend Claudia?

28:49She doesn't make bread no but there's there's really there's really good so okay there's there's little grocery stores in LA grocery stores in Los Angeles that have little like great little bread sourdough bread hey if Claudia opened a bakery she called Claudia O'Doherty oh that's good that's genius yes genius That's genius. Your dream starter, John. Okay. So there is a thing that I make that shocks everyone. I got it from a restaurant that does not make it anymore. It's a crostini. So you cut thin slices of an Italian country bread. And this actually contradicts exactly what I was saying. Then you dry it out so it is cracker-like.

29:40Yes. then you put like a slab a pad of cold butter on it like a rectangle of butter and then you put a man a manchovy manchovy you put an anchovy that's been marinated in calabrian chili a spicy anchovy yeah a spicy anchovy a manchovy a manchovy and then you put thinly sliced shallot y 'all don't call them shallots do you shallot oh oh oh So same word, but different pronunciation. And then parsley. I'm almost done. Parsley on top of that. Lemon juice on top of that. And then Parmesan on top of that. Now you're thinking like, okay, yeah. Simple Italian ingredients. The combination of all these things texturally and on a flavor level is shocking.

30:31And that's my time. It sounds delicious to go. Absolutely delicious. It's so good. And I was on board with the thick slab of butter. I was like, this is going in a direction I like. I nearly shouted, take me to church. It sounds amazing. People really, like when they see you assemble it, they're always like, okay, with the butter. Shut up. It just trusts me. It's like, it's so, it's so good. And it's really sweet laying the anchovy on its little butter bed. Yeah. Because it is one fish. Yes. You know, it's a filet. You really feel that. yeah it's crazy how different anchovies look when they're like in the tin to how they looked initially I don't know what they looked like initially well if you had like fresher anchovies where they're more like just like white fish oh right so I guess they look a bit more like just like small fish but when they're all like brown and lying there I know they've really changed they're quite I mean they're gross like they are it's taken me a while to get over the kind of like of anchovies But now I'm fully like, I'll be using them left and right.

31:39Anyway. You only need one per thing, right? Because they're punchy. Yeah. Yeah. But you've got to make sure it's a big one that can lay across the bed. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. And you're tucking in with a little parsley blanket. The first time I ever heard about anchovies was just on Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Oh, right. They were like, it's gross. They hated them. Yeah. And I was like, okay, so I guess they're disgusting then. Right. I'd never had one before. and it wasn't really something I came across for years yeah and then when I did have it I was like I don't know what the big fuss was about Michelangelo turning his nose up at this yeah this is quite nice and he was a party dude famously meant to be meant to be the party dude and he was like I don't like anchovies but he put weird stuff on it yeah it's so fussy for like a partier yeah I think it's he lives in his fucking sewer his best friend's a rat best friend's a rat really yeah well I didn't know I didn't watch that stuff I didn't watch that stuff.

32:37I'm sorry, y 'all. What did you watch when you were a little kid? Girl stuff. No, I watched a lot of... I mean, I was really left alone with the TV. And I watched a lot of I Love Lucy. A lot. Was she big here? I don't think so. Not that big here. Not as big here as... Have you never watched it? I don't think I've ever watched it. You guys. You guys. it's still the funniest shit on earth yeah it is so she is so funny i i follow it i follow everything lucille ball on on instagram i was like cackling to myself the other day still yeah well that's more i mean i don't think about teenage mutant ninja turtles that much so that's clearly she's got more longevity than clearly in donatello and the rest of the lads yeah wait but really quickly anchovies don't you think it's so crazy that they they were like processing each individual anchovy.

33:32I mean, I'm sure they're not like by hand. They probably have a way to do it all at once. Maybe an old man on the can is doing that. Well, they're taking the skeleton out, right? Oh, yeah. You occasionally feel like there's bones in there, right? But those ones in the jars that are so soft. Yeah. How the hell are they doing that, y 'all? With the soft bones? Yeah. But they must be taking the little spine out and stuff. That's crazy. That is so small. Yeah, yeah. Some of those fish can get expensive. They're like those tinned fish. I know. You can buy like really crazy expensive stuff. I know. That's really a sign that we're on the way out.

34:10Don't you think? Yeah. That tinned fish has become so expensive. Yeah, yeah. I mean, every day. How many times a day would you say you'd think to yourself, even over the smallest things, we're fucked? I mean, I think it's so kind of ambient. now. Do you remember when you first started? Like 2013, I remember being like... And I was like, well, this feeling will go away, and then it didn't, and now we're used to it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're used to it now. And now we watch films about dying and going in the afterlife to comfort ourselves. In theaters this Thanksgiving. Would y 'all even celebrate?

34:57It's too close to Christmas. What are you guys doing? No. Tell me about it. I have to go to Nashville, where I'm from. Twice. Like in a month's time. Which I love. I can't wait to see my family. But like, that's a lot. That's two big old trips. Yeah, that's crazy. And then 900 months between that, where I'm not going. That's crazy.

35:27Your dream main course, John. Oh, wait, wait, hold on. So, but do I get sides? You will do. You will do. Okay, okay, sorry. Oh, yeah, don't you worry. By the way, I have to say, I feel like I'm in such good hands. Yeah, you don't need to worry. You don't need to worry. That's crazy. That's a great starter. I'm excited to hear what the main course is. And I really actually want to applaud the simplicity of the premise. Yeah, thank you. And that you're not apologizing for the premise. Here's the one thing I hate about podcasts with premises. Should we apologize for the premise? No, no. Oh my god.

35:58I'm sorry. So passive aggressive. And yeah, I love that you're not apologizing. I love that you don't apologize. Because anyone else with any shame would. No, but I feel like people do have shame over their prem high. Yes. And they don't get to it and they go, well, we'll just talk about your life for, you know, like for like an hour and we can just get to the premise. I'm like, no, I don't want to talk about, you know, I want to have a game. we talk around the premise sure that's the beauty of it it's already coming up so naturally but the framework's always there yeah I think like you were saying with the we're fucked feeling for me now the shame is just ambient with the podcast like when I started I was like oh man we're fucking podcasters this is not this is not the plan I've always loved it good you should I love it I'm proud it's pathetic I wish I was in eternity interviewing people about better stuff that they're doing what we're doing is fucking shit on you wish you were in the premise of the movie or you wish you were in the movie I wish I was you I wish so hard oh my god thank you I'd forgotten about it until you you brought up the I'm sorry he's always said he wishes he was you yeah I bet I saw you once on the streets of New York.

37:23You walked past me. I didn't dare say hello. Is that true? Yeah. Why didn't you say hi? This was a year ago. Exactly a year ago, pretty much. Oh, my God. You walked past me with your friend. Honestly, that was... Really? You were on your phone laughing at something on your phone while your friend was talking, but you weren't listening to your friend. And I was like, that is John Early. No! But I wasn't showing my friend. No. It made me laugh. It was a glimpse. so obviously I didn't see any of it in context I imagine that probably the second before the second after I looked over you had showed your friend what gender was it a friend male careful by the way might not have been isn't it so devastating that the one time I was observed I was on my phone yeah but I was like that's what I want if I'm seeing John earlier walking around New York Now, how does this feel?

38:19Because I don't know how to interpret this. That he's decided, that's what I want from John Early. It's me on my phone. I want you to be on your phone ignoring his friend. On your phone ignoring your friend and loving being on your phone. No! Like, no kind of like... That's so sad. No, like, you know, everyone's scrolling like zombies, but you were like, this is the best thing ever. I love my phone. Yeah. And it doesn't matter what my friend is saying. I hate my phone. I hate my phone. Yeah, yeah. but it looked like it looked like he's so happy he's just leaning into I have to say that was a very happy time here at home November of last year in New York yeah I didn't have time to say hello you looked up and you were gone but I just yeah damn but I was like well one day I can bring that up on a podcast wow that's beautiful you have to say hi next time but now that this has happened no I have to yeah yeah yeah yeah get over here James I take my phone phone goes in the sewer Michelangelo catches it oh main course main course chicken chicken but a roast chicken just a perfect roast chicken the thing the version that I've made with Claudia for years is the Thomas Keller roast chicken which is the method is you just pat it hardcore dry with paper towels yeah rain salt and pepper down on it so you're like a salt pepper crust you're not putting oil on it oh wow okay because what happens is i don't know i don't understand the science but basically that you put that in the oven whatever high heat an hour and that creates a crazy crazy crispiness oh wow and so juicy inside.

40:09I hate that. It's just salt and pepper. I hated saying juicy. But it's true. It's true. But I just like, it felt gross. I want it as crispy as possible on the outside and juicy as possible on the inside. It's perfect. So it would be a roast, just a beautiful, simple roast chicken with some sauce. And this is actually what I was struggling with on the car on the way here. It was the sauces. And I was like, because the point of it is the simplicity of like a roast chicken. But I do think I would want like a classic aioli on the side to dip it in. And maybe like a chimichurri. You know. That sounds very good.

40:48I think, yeah. In fact, there's just salt and pepper as well. Oh, heaven. How do you feel when you're patting the chicken down? I hate that. Yeah, it's weird, isn't it? It sucks. Because I've done that. I've patting a chicken in my time. I used to work on the door of a nightclub. And a lot of chickens would turn up and try and get him down. Yeah, yeah. And they'd be suspicious because they'd be like, when we get patted down, we're going into the oven. Yeah, yeah. I'm like, no, I just need to check to see if you've got any coffee. It is hot in there though. Yeah, it is hot in there. You guys are going to get crispy.

41:19Juicy on the inside. Yeah, I'll do that with steak as well. Like you really have to pat it down to get it all off. But steak is fundamentally less gross than chicken. Really? Do you think? I mean, don't you... I mean, it's just like because of the fear. I don't know if you guys have this here. but like in America there's like real fear of salmonella so there's just like you're like immediately in the air when you're born into America is like you're just like you don't trust raw chicken there is a smell to raw chicken that's not pleasant and then like the paper towels are like kind of pink yeah I don't love that but you know It's not great.

42:04It's a small price to pay for gorgeous roast chicken. Yeah. All right, that's a break. I had a great roast chicken just this weekend at the Clarence in Stoke Newington. There he is. In where now? Stoke Newington? Stoke Newington in London. I went to a place called the Clarence. Hadn't been there before. Fancy? Just a pub, like a fancy pub, but not totally, not like crazy fancy. got there pretty late yeah about to stop doing food john light he did it this sucks

42:42and uh they were like oh we've got this roast chicken left so i wasn't gonna order the roast chicken oh yeah so i was like fine are they like famous for their roast chicken i don't know i don't i don't think so but like they should be yeah because i was like i'm really glad that that was the only thing that was like so i wouldn't have ordered it yeah and it was so good i couldn't stop eating it. And it was for two. Was there gravy? I was there with a friend. It was like these beans and mushrooms and a bit of truffle in like a sauce. And then the roast chicken was on top of that. So I was kind of getting the different pieces of roast chicken, cutting them up, then running it through that sauce.

43:18Oh my God. And eating it. It was very good. The hunger has hit. Yeah. Love the way James describes the most normal way to eat something. Running it through. and then I'm eating and getting a bit of the root not the whole thing just cutting a little bit off and then I'm putting it in the sauce I'm combining the two and that's how I'd recommend doing it some people won't know they won't I know they think they have to eat the sauce separately yeah or like I ate the whole chicken like in one go like a king like a king I didn't do that yeah so you just want people to know how I ate it properly it does sound delicious though doesn't it a wedge of lemon sorry yes I just remembered that's another thing it was a wedge of lemon with the chicken that you can squirt on it you squirt on it the words you're not putting it in the ass no I once did a roast chicken at home and put the lemon in the chicken's butt and my nephews were obsessed with it that's cute they couldn't believe it had happened yeah that's one of those things that I always was kind of like this is fake like when people put stuff in the butt of the chicken yeah of the chicken and like I'm always like I'm always like, really?

44:27That's infusing? Yeah, yeah. It's real. It's real. It's actually real. You want to put loads of garlic up there as well. Yeah. Or a half an onion. Done that before as well. Yeah. It all works. But yeah, or the lemon, get a whole lemon, pierce the lemon. You do that one and then just, and then put the whole, it's satisfying putting the whole lemon up there. Yeah. Yeah. I love how Ed just says things that we all do and like describes it in detail on the podcast. Well, no. I just, have you done the whole lemon with the spike the whole lemon put it up there have you done that one i've never done it there you go not very common i've never done it um do you want claudia there for this roast chicken because yeah she's really good at it it's it's not she's like very much woven into this meal yeah um we're not eating her i want to be clear crystal clear but no she is so good at making roast chicken she knows how to trust it you know tie it up is that what trust means I think so I think so yeah cutting to you we had a prime minister here called trust really not for very long she killed the queen and left but like it was a very small amount of time she basically she came in as prime minister fucked the economy the queen died and then she left wow yeah But she met the Queen when she became Prime Minister, and then literally days later, the Queen died.

45:52So everyone was like, Liz Truss has killed the Queen. It was not a successful PM ship, I would say. No, not great for Liz Truss. Where is she now? She sort of pops up now and again, doesn't she? She didn't know. Because she was doing something where I was like, I can't believe you've got the nerve to still show your face in public and speak like you know about stuff. She was really running her mouth off on something. and I was like but it wasn't it was pretty just the usual conservative bullshit but like I was like how are you still a thing it was amazing they basically completely destroyed the economy with this plan and then she went well I'm going to go on local radio and talk about it did like a sort of tour of local radio stations in one day and thinking it'll be easy soft sell and they all destroyed her oh no there's a compilation of her talking to local radio stations getting absolutely roasted like a chicken you should have her on the pod we try keep trying to get her on the pod she keeps saying no we'd love to get Truss on the pod Truss if you're listening answer your emails buddy so you're going with the Truss chicken rather than how do you feel about Spatchcock chicken well I love it and I'm going to leave it at that but what I like about Spatchcocking is that it's usually done for you you can ask a butcher can you do it?

47:13And there's something really nice. It's like remembering that you can ask a butcher to do the hard thing is like one of the great joys in life. And you feel like a Dickensian person going to a butcher. I know, I know. Would you mind spatch cooking it for me? But it has to be about me when you ask the butcher to do the hard thing. You can't be like, I need you to go and break up with my partner. Right, right, right. I don't know how to tell them and I'd like just to send a butcher to their house. And could you help me with the wordle? That sort of stuff. Exactly. you can ask a butcher to help you with a wordle that's cute I don't think they would complain actually you could say to the butcher yeah well come on I'm stuck here I've got one more guess yeah but they always guess beefy always guess beefy yeah is it beefy no I told you it's not beefy this doesn't even add up look at the words look at the letters I've got right so far how many of them fit into beefy it's not meaty either I know you're going to say meaty

48:11You get it, Waddle? No. Your dream size. Okay, okay. Sliced tomato. Okay. Really simple. I'm from the South. It's very, like, nostalgic for me. Yeah. It's like really, really nice, ripe tomato. Giant. Yes. Cut into thick slices. Salt, pepper, olive oil. Walk away. You're not eating it? no none of this it is so good like i love tomato yeah and like people who don't haven't had a good one because like the difference between a rubbish one an everyday rubbish one and a proper good one is it's crazy it's huge it's so good i know i don't think i had good tomatoes for like i don't until i was an adult me too really yeah i mean that's actually i guess that's not true i did in like you can in the south you know in the summer get really really good tomatoes but like yeah growing up it was like pink to the pink like tomatoes in my mind were like the pink tomatoes on like mcdonald's hamburgers you know just like really watery and yeah yeah like kind of dead yeah and just like they just taste like mealy or something but yeah a proper ass like heirloom tomato.

49:34Just salt and oil. Just salt. Pepper. Pepper. Oil. And wok. I mean, I'm sure you also probably should do some sort of acid. Your olive oil is that, isn't it? Am I wrong there? You shouldn't be hosting a food podcast, man. It's sweetie fat. Oil is fat. What are you talking about? Olive oil is acid. Sorry. Fucking crazy. stop the podcast I'll think about yeah it's that asamic vinegar is that yeah yeah but that's not olive oil yeah I got confused in my head with the two of them they're often together they're often period together yeah like me and Ed yeah oh the double act I guess you're the acid considering I just got burned can we go back to the chicken very quickly yes please which bit of the what's your first go to on the chicken what bit thigh yeah it's really sorry i just wanted to answer from the heart thigh thigh yeah good happy i'm happy with that one so thank you thank you are you white or dark meat i'm gonna actually flip it around on y 'all i'm i'm leg all the way so yeah i guess dark meat right so so thigh and drumstick but i actually have to say in terms of a roast chicken like like a whole chicken i'm more drumstick okay because there is something less appealing about a thigh when it's attached to the drumstick.

51:02Sure. But I love, like, when you get chicken parts in isolation from the butcher, I like a thigh. Yes. Yeah. You know. But do you know what I mean? It's kind of like when you've like ripped it off the carcass, you're like... See, I love that. You love that. Yeah. It's medieval. Yeah, yeah. I want that. And also, when it's a whole chicken, I make no distinction between the thigh and the drumstick, really. Leg. Leg. Just a whole leg. And everyone knows in my house or wherever I'm going, legs for me yeah that's sweet oh really everyone knows that yeah big time do you not know that I guess I would assume that I was eating it with Ed yeah I would assume he's going to go I have the leg and I have the onion out the arse yeah of course those are the two eat it like an apple yeah yeah I can suck it out don't even use my hand oh my god what bit of chicken are you I like the chicken breast but that's because is that for real yeah but that's because yeah I know it's boring it's because I don't like bones and I don't like eating stuff dealing with the bones I don't like it so I just yeah I understand I know it's the wrong answer but it's what I go for every time that's good we could have we could share a chicken that's true we could share a chicken yeah yeah how many what's the next no but I I do hope for you through some exposure therapy yeah I will eat the other good good okay but it's just not my go-to is like I see I see I just want the one with no fuss.

52:29Yeah, yeah. I wish it was... But it's not like you're not grossed out, are you? It'd be okay if you were. I'm not grossed out by it. I'm just like, this is a load of fuss. Yeah, yeah. I have to wash some part of myself after this. Yeah. I don't want to. Yeah, that's true. I wish they'd remove the skeleton like they do with the anchovies. I know, and it would be easier. It's so much easier. Just get a floppy chicken and put that in the oven. Chicken. Yeah, yeah. My niece is like, she's seven, but like for a few years now she has this like amazing like primal thing in her where she just like will eat a full like a turkey leg she will get the meat off of a turkey leg or a chicken leg you know the most she's just no one's taught her i guess yeah yeah and she gets more off the bone than like any of us do amazing she's just like and then it's like completely clean like a piranha Yeah, exactly.

53:26I was trying to remember what the animal was. That's great. I'd be so proud of my name. That is like, that's who you would like to adopt. Yeah. A child like that. Yeah. Or have a child. Huh? Or have one. Yeah, if I have a child, I'd like them to eat all the chicken. Yeah, but if you have a child, you don't know what the child's going to turn out like. But I think you would go to the adoption place and go. Here's my non-negotiables. I'm going to throw a chicken leg into this room of children and the first one to strip it to the bone is coming home with me I've never been to Nashville I'm going for the first time next year Are you doing a show?

54:04I am, yeah I'm very excited Where? Off the top of my head, I don't know I've left my phone in the other room Benito's Googling it though Back in the day, Benito used to get mistaken for you Well, that makes a lot of sense to me Yeah By the way, when you opened the door, I was like Brother

54:26Wait, at the Tennessee Performing Arts Center? T-Pack. That T-Pack is where you would go like on school field trips. Like, we're going to T-Pack! Yeah, and you would see like The Miracle Worker, the play about Helen Keller. Wow, so that's gonna be... You're gonna have a lot of school trips. Helen Keller's the person who did that chicken. Was blind. What? The chicken you said was Helen Keller, wasn't it? No, that was Thomas Keller.

54:55Thomas Keller yeah Ellen Keller didn't do the chicken run that would be so funny if I just started saying that if I really believed it yeah so I want to get school field trips come and see me yeah well is James K at TPAC it is it's sold out I didn't know it was sold out that's great news I'll post so it really sells out yeah yeah thank you John what if it's sold out with one school oh my fucking school these school kids come and see me well that's huge by the way congrats that's a gorgeous theatre thank you I'm excited about that I've been to Nashville too I've been already okay did you do a show no no no I was filming something it was many years ago what was it it was a pilot for a show called Almost Royal actually which you were talking about shutting down Vimeo's paywall we we started and ended the BBC America original comedy commission department it's good showing pretty good pretty good did it did it make it dare Two seasons of it.

55:52Two seasons and then... In Nashville? No, we did one. We just did the pilot in Nashville. That's so weird. Which was in the first season and then traveled around for the rest of it. Did you have hot chicken? We didn't actually have hot chicken. Damn. It is... I love it. Yeah. I mean, so does everyone. What's the famous place where it does all the different levels of spice? Probably Hattie B's or Prince's. Prince's is the one I have. Yeah, yeah. Nando's. Nando's. I had Nando's for the first time, actually, in Vancouver, where I was shooting eternity and I called Claudia and I was like I had the most amazing like wrote like piri piri chicken like with amazing sauces it was kind of like like a I was like it's like a chain and and I was like Nando she was like yeah I didn't realize it's like absolutely huge huge here yeah yeah everywhere yeah but not America no not in America and there was some in Australia where Claudia's from yeah but they're bad why just there's not we do it right here I don't know how we I don't know how we've nailed it because it's not it's not like English cuisine but we seem to have nailed Nando's and then we go to Australia and go oh great they've got Nando's here yeah and then we leave very upset oh no it's not the same shit it's our fault for not trying new things though we shouldn't go to Australia and go oh great the chain we like in England yeah no I'm just learning there's not any in America I don't think I'm gonna cancel this tour.

57:18Yeah. Oh no. You can go to Prince's Hot Chicken. It's not Nando's is it? Maybe I'll send my family to your show. But it's sold out. Yeah, but I'll... When is it? I'll have tickets for myself that I can give to people. What if your family come, but they don't show up on time, James? What are you... I'm gonna go... Imagine if they're like walking in. I said, they come in. Oh, everybody! Look who's here! The not so earlies! Dream drink. I'm not done with my sides. Apologies. I thought we'd walked away. No, we were. Oh, no. That's just from the tomato itself. But you're walking to another side. Yeah, exactly.

57:56Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're walking to duck fat potatoes. Oh, yeah. You know, the kind that you parboiled them and then you scuffed them up. Yeah. Yeah. And then you put duck fat in a sheet pan, get it so hot in the oven, put those potatoes on that pan. So they're like sizzling. And they just, it's crazy. The way duck fat is like kind of sweet. It's like caramel or something. It's so crazy. Anyway, that's on period. And you know what else I would put on the duck fat potatoes? Chicken salt. Yeah. I still don't really know what chicken salt is. I don't either. No. But it is special. Yeah. I think there's MSG in it.

58:40Gotta be. Yeah. Absolutely gotta be. They are very, very nice. I've only had it on fries. Yeah, it's so nice. And so yeah, tomatoes, potatoes. I would also do like maybe just a really simple arugula salad. Nice. Lemon, olive oil, salt, pepper. But like really big arugula is the best like from the farm. Not the tiny ones you get the grocery store. How big are the big ones from the farm? Because I think I've only seen the tiny ones. I feel like this when they're like, when it's really rough. Yeah. Wow. It's like the shape of arugula, but it's a little more like... It's more like free. It's less...

59:17Yeah. Yeah. That's a delicious side, especially with a roast chicken. That's so good. I know. I'm so excited. Who did the scuff first on the potatoes? Because now that's... It's genius. It's genius. No, I know. And it is something that has entered my mind because of weird food obsession. Like on Instagram. Yeah. That is trendy or something. The scuffing. The scuff. I mean, everyone does the scuff now. you gotta do the scuff to get the crisp I mean the first place I heard about the scuff we've talked about this before was Michael Caine really of course he did an interview in a newspaper where he said this is how I do my roast potatoes and he did the scuff and this was years ago wow it's Michael Caine's scuff that's crazy and I'm sure someone else did it first but he knew we gotta get Caine on this pod man and ask him about the scuff I know ask him what he heard about the scuff you know I bet he'd love that if you ever do a film with him you can bring up that the scuff I think y 'all are more likely to do a film with him than me.

1:00:17No way. Are you crazy? We're podcasters. But you're British. He's in loads of American films. That's true. He loves it. He doesn't do any English films anymore. I did an English film that day. And he only does films where he can hit the last shots of the day. We talked to Nick Frost about this, didn't we? My stomach, by this entire time, you don't have to do a global pass. No, we're going to turn it up. Good. it does make sense so the more we talk about the food it's like yeah yeah Michael Caine Nick Frost yeah sorry Michael Caine makes them order his shots in the day to be like far away and then getting closer and closer in so he can put his normal trousers on and then put his normal clothes on so yeah and then the last shot of the day is the close up so he's fully in his own clothes so he can just go home that's great I forgot about that that is so funny it's brilliant well you should do that John I know I know start doing it for just the power.

1:01:16What's your next film? It's called Here We Go. I'm kidding. Do I have one? No. When you did an H sound, I thought you were going to say you were in the Harry Potter series. I was going to be really going to laugh. No. It really makes me laugh that there are actors who know they're in it and they haven't been announced yet. It makes me laugh all the time. Just thinking about all the actors who have been cast in it already. They know they're definitely in it. It hasn't been announced. And they're just sitting around every day going, Oh, shit. Oh, my God. That's going to... Oh, my God. Okay, let's see how this one goes down.

1:01:58Because they're announcing this person today. Let's see if people embrace... Oh, I was worried about this. I was worried about this. I shouldn't have said this. I'm fucking Voldemort. I'm Voldemort. That's a huge part. A huge part. they're not letting anyone get away with this I just want to get away with it I hope when we announce my one and everyone knows that I'm in it I hope that everyone just responds like they did in the old days to Harry Potter and I'll just think it's exciting is that too much to ask? I thought it'd be exciting and then if I'm asked about it in the press why I did it I'll just go I didn't know there was I've never heard of any I'll say I didn't know there was any controversy or I'll say that we don't agree we don't agree but I can still work with her and then people go yeah Joe what fair enough has she been on the pod yeah sure yeah we don't agree with her but we'll happily give her this platform we've all got different opinions you know yeah yeah we'll pay her to come on the pod we know where that money's going um have you made a note to take that out don't take it out no no you better you better sometimes he makes little notes that's a clip that better be a clip that is a clip you can put that's a clip he's really he's longing for clickbait these days because he's He's trying to get his YouTube channel off the ground.

1:03:12His. It's ours, James. It's his. It's our podcast, man. I don't give a shit about this. Put his YouTube channel. It's his. It's his little project. His little project. It's his project, the YouTube thing. It's all of ours. It's mine, too, if you think about it. Congratulations, James. Thank you. Thank you. Welcome to the big time. Thank you, guys.

1:03:35Your dream drink. I definitely think I would want Coca-Cola. Yeah. Like an ice cold Coke. And I also think... And okay, this is actually something I struggled with on the way here. And y 'all can help me with this. Is like, I do want sparkling water. I do want Coke. But I also want champagne. Yes. And that's insane. To have that many sparkling drinks. That's so fizzy. It's crazy. You can be on the ceiling like Charlie Bucket. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Oh, and I played Charlie. Yeah. Yeah, in third grade I played Charlie. did you? yeah in my third grade play was it at TPAC? no it was at my school but there was like one girl from my school who actually played Helen Keller at TPAC that's why I said that and I was so jealous yeah you wanted to play Helen Keller?

1:04:30yeah I bet you'd have been good at it thank you and you get to do like crazy have you ever seen The Mirror Quarker? no I've seen clips of it famous like fight scenes with Annie Sullivan, the teacher who's trying to like tame her. Yeah. That's the play. That's not me. Yeah. But yeah, it's wild. There's like crazy fight choreography in it. Like physical fighting? Yeah. Oh, wow. I'm not saying. She really resisted for a while there. Yeah, but you're going to see the play to find out. Yeah, yeah. Check it out. When you play Charlie Bucket, that's exciting. That's the exciting part to play. Well, I have to say, no.

1:05:06Okay. because it's just like it was too like sincere or something it wasn't funny right you want to be Wonka really don't you you want to be Wonka I wanted to be Wonka I wanted to be anyone else honestly I wanted to be Violet Beauregard oh of course oh yeah or Veruca Salt yeah yeah yeah I wanted to I wanted to like have something to do I didn't want to be like da ba da ba da yeah and I was really kind of paralyzed I didn't know what to do who was playing Wonka my best friend at the time Jay still friends no that ended it yeah that's a shame yeah all the other kids are more fun to play yeah Augustus Gloop Mike TV yes Violet Beauregard Baruch Assault you can really get into those characters yeah this is an easy thing to say but if when we were at school when we were school age Gloop personally I would have been Gloop this guy's got Mike TV written all over him oh my god I'm not getting cast as anyone else were you bigger yeah yeah really and I would have really lent into Gloop Oh, I want to see pictures.

1:06:08Yeah. I can find some. Beautiful then, beautiful now. Yeah, beautiful baby boy. I bet. I bet y 'all were so sweet. But we didn't do that. We did a production of Oliver. And I played Charlotte, the Undertaker's daughter. Is that true? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I went to an all boys school and I was, you know, I was like, hey, I'll play that part. Guess. Now, Ben hates guessing games on this podcast. So you've got three guesses. who played the Artful Dodger in that same production. It's a famous person. It's a musician. You have three guesses. Okay, okay, okay. A musician who's British. Yeah. I literally can't think of anyone.

1:06:48A British musician. Well, and you know male. And you know male. You know male because he's all boys school. Will you give me a subtle hint? Just help me along a little bit. They're in Mumford and Son. That guy, Mumford. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, Mumford. Okay. Yeah, Mumford. That's crazy. Wow. Do you know him now? Yeah, I went to school with him. Yeah, I saw him the other day, actually, but we don't really see a lot of each other. No, we ran into each other at, you know, celebrity party. Picking pockets. They were picking pockets, as usual. Yeah. It is funny that people do that, like schools do that show, and then like you have the what's-her-face, you know, like as long as he needs me.

1:07:30Yeah, Nancy. and she's like abused right yeah and she's killed she's killed at the end oh my god Bill Sykes kills her at the end and then the police shoot Bill Sykes it's awful wow and also like it was a posh school right so it's like loads of kids dressed up as workhouse children singing food glorious food that's really funny and they really like none of us had an idea of what they were actually singing about yeah yeah of course very well very well fed boys yeah and now look at you and now look at me food podcast food podcast it all links back yeah And also the, we talked about this on the podcast before, so you can cut this, Ben, but I just want John to know, all of the adult roles were played by the teachers.

1:08:07That's so funny. And that's crazy. Give those to the kids. Yeah, the best roles. That's crazy. Like, I guess we'll do it. My maths teacher played Bill Sykes. That's insane. Mr. Hassan. I'd say keep it in, Ben, because it is funny every time. I agree, keep it in. Or else there's going to be this weird... Yeah. Yeah, exactly. You've got to keep it in. The headmaster was Fagin. That's insane. I don't think I did know that. I don't think that's come up before. The headmaster being Fagin. Nancy was played by the head dinner lady. Is that true? Yes, that's true. That's crazy. That one, I support that.

1:08:42Yeah, yeah. Can you imagine being one of the teachers and being in it? I'm just thinking about getting ready for the show. And knowing that it's for the kids. And you're not supposed to be excited. But actually secretly being so excited. to be on stage. This is my moment. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So embarrassing. Talking about it at home to your partner. It's whatever. Yeah. I'm trying to learn the line. There's one kid playing The Undertaker's Daughter. And he just doesn't... Every time I deliver my lines, he just freezes up. I smashed it, man. That was brilliant. I bet you were so good. Yeah, yeah.

1:09:16So I think you should have all three of those. Okay, thank you. It's kind of weird, but... I don't think it's weird. Okay. This is your dream. Thank you, thank you. Ice cold champagne. a particular champagne I don't really know anything about champagne but you know crisp dry ice cold and real pain for your cham friends but I don't know if champagne is sorry what did you say my favourite thing is when James does his little joke and no one picks up on it and you so quickly moved on a real pain for my champagne champagne for your real friends and real pain for your sham friends. Such a shit joke, man.

1:09:58It's not a joke. It's a saying. I think it started as a joke, though. That's really a saying. I think the saying is supposed to be like, ooh, a witchy thing to say. Well, it's a saying that I just know it as a saying that people say. They say, champagne for my real friends and real pain for my sham friends. I'm asking you if you would like real pain for your sham friends. Jay, if you're listening. Would you like real pain for your sham friends? So the choice is... you're choosing between giving your real friends you're falling asleep you're choosing between a reward a gift for your real friends or hurting people no you do both I'm saying are you going to give people like Claudia champagne because she's your real friend yeah people like Jay Willy Wonka real pain real pain because he's your sham friend just like yeah physical pain yeah it's real yeah it can be however you interpret it I guess physical pain or emotional pain?

1:10:56I'm giving champagne to my real friends. Yeah. Yeah. And real pain to your sham friends. No. I'm making a choice. I'm just giving champagne. You've offered a choice, James. I'm saying I'll do both. I'll give champagne to Ed, my real friend. Yeah, sweet. And real pain to Benito. Yeah. Like it gets put through an industrial fresher or something. No. What sort of glass do you want the champagne in? A real glass? Not a flute. Not a flute, no. I just don't... I'm not at a wedding. You know? That being said, I don't know the alternative. One of the more bowl-like ones? Yeah, maybe just like... Actually, yes.

1:11:42Just like a wine glass. I hate all the different glasses. Like, why can't we just have it all in a tumbler in just a normal glass? Like, that is... I love drinking out of a normal glass. Okay. I have to laugh because there's a huge reason actually you know for something like champagne you have to have the stem so that your hand isn't warming it up and I can't believe I have to tell you that you're the one with the food podcast he thinks olive oil is acid if you remember what if I'm drinking my tongue blue of olive oil well I can't warm that up also the shapes of wine glasses are important because some of them have like a wide base a wide base to aerate and you can get some movement in there but also then a sort of narrow top sometimes to funnel the sort of aroma and stuff upwards towards the nose and keep it within the glass as well no one's ever done that can you believe they can make this is similar to like anchovy stuff can you believe they can make glass so thin it's mad isn't it it's crazy we take all that shit granted when it is really thin though like super super thin yeah all night i'm resisting biting it yeah that's so funny all night i don't think about that of course like because because you think it's gonna taste like sugar a little bit it just it just seems so tempting not even the way it's gonna taste just like texturally it seems so close to breaking yeah yeah that i'm like i'm just like don't fucking buy it you must have worked with sugar glass before Yes, absolutely.

1:13:21That must be crazy cool. I genuinely think it's so cool. That must be a good day on set. It is. It is. In Search Party, did you have to smash some stuff up? Because that show went wild, right? That shit went wild. I had my hair fall out. I had a rash over my body. I shit in my pants. I got to do such fun stuff, but I don't think I ever did that.

1:13:50your dream dessert here we are okay the best one well i might need y 'all's help yeah because i feel like this is actually very british like like bread pudding oh yeah great right is that really british feels british yeah like because i i was it would almost be too on the nose to come in and say sticky joffy pudding but it's actually texturally not what i want I want bread pudding I want the little occasional moments of like crisp crispy top the little crust moment almost like caramelized sort of on the top as well yes because that's why I get confused because I want the caramelization but I don't necessarily but I don't necessarily want like butterscotch I mean I love butterscotch I guess I'm struggling it's like I want the flavors of sticky toffee pudding but I want the kind of all the chunks of the bread pudding yeah so maybe there's some sort of combination we could do because you get bread pudding in the states right but you would call it bread pudding here we would call it bread and butter pudding I think we do call it that we call it bread pudding as well it's two different things actually it depends where you go but I think bread and butter pudding is more common here what is bread and butter pudding?

1:15:05it's pretty much the same it's more like a custard sort of in it it feels more custardy yes might be some raisins in there i love that i love bread pudding with raisins in it yeah and then a an ice cream yeah well it depends it's your dream i don't think you there's a place near me to hear that what do you think of this as women we often don't you know um no i i would do ice cream really hot bread pudding obviously fresh out of the oven ice cream you're putting it on it's slightly melting. There's a place near me that does deep fried bread and butter pudding with cold custard. What do you think about that?

1:15:41Deep fried? Like as in like in a hot oil? They do, but it's not like crazy. Are they putting some sort of crust around it? Or batter? No. Okay, good. So it is like just a very crispy on the outside. I bet it's so good. It is so good. You look really horrified. You did look horrified. I know. You know why? It's because when people do like deep fried Oreos and there's like a batter around it and then they you're from the south I know I know I know you know when I went chicken fried steak I know I saw that on menus a lot it's so crazy and then I saw something called chicken fried chicken which didn't make sense to me at all they're being cute they're being cute okay yeah but they prepare the chicken like it's a steak and then fry it like it's chicken wait how did okay so they're like chicken fried steak is like steak It's steak that's like pounded out like schnitzel.

1:16:36Pounded out and then like battered and deep fried. But then I guess chicken fried chicken is like pounding out the chicken like you're preparing it like it's chicken fried steak, but then frying it like it's chicken. Isn't that just back around to being schnitzel again? I think it is. It feels like it. Yeah. But they call it chicken fried chicken. You had that in America. No, I just saw it on a menu. Oh, and you never forgot it. Never forgot it. Think about it every day. That's crazy. That's crazy. Red pudding But a bit Camomely Yeah With some ice cream But caramelly I guess I don't know enough It's like You're achieving A caramelly flavour But Not from pouring A caramel sauce on it I guess it's like A sugar top right Yeah That caramelises Naturally In the oven But you know This is your dream Maybe you put a tiny little jug Of butterscotch sauce On the side for you And then you can just Dip it Dip and add Yeah Yeah yeah And you want raisins in there Well, now I'm confused.

1:17:32I don't know, man. This is where we like to get guests to. A state of total confusion. Confusion. Just tired. You've really been through it. You never want to eat food again. You will hate all these foods now. No, that's not true. I could never. Do you think my meal is good? Well, let's see. I'm going to lead it back to you now. Stop! Stop it! You would like sparkling water. Let me see. No, that's magic. That's genie magic. You would like homemade sourdough. You would like your own homemade crostini with butter, anchovy, shallot, parsley, lemon juice, and parmesan. Main course, you want... This is a trick.

1:18:13The Thomas Keller roast chicken with aioli and chimichurri and a wedge of lemon. Side dish, a sliced tomato with salt, pepper, and olive oil. Duck fat potatoes with chicken salt. Is it really... A rudder salad baked from the barb. I don't have a trick.

1:18:34I thought it was paper it would be good if it was Benito is a magician he could have done that he knows how to do that trick that is so funny man that's the most that anyone's ever been like I have to see that I can't I can't not know how it happened no one's ever grabbed it no one's ever grabbed it no one's ever been like No, stop talking. I have to know how this is being done. Have you ever been to the Magic Castle? You get kicked out in seconds. I actually was like, you are such a good performer. Yeah. That you are remembering. Yes. And you're like really committing to like staring down with your eyes.

1:19:18I was really impressed. That would be good. Maybe I've got to do that. Y 'all really got me. This is crazy. Do people know it's an iPad? No, they don't know. Oh, I'm sorry. are you no but we oh no they can know that's fine but I thought you meant guests we love that you were so into it and so wowed by it a lot of guests just like it I just don't want to ruin it for your listeners oh yeah yeah your viewers really I've ruined it on other episodes before by going oh he's typed this in wrong he's still typing it now so like yeah it's fine also when we do the show live that's how we do it it's sent yeah and then James once logged into the wrong thing and ended up playing a Lewis Capaldi video so they know they know and you went ice cold Coca-Cola and did you get potatoes, tomatoes yeah yeah yeah you were losing your mind so you won't remember any of that a really dry champagne as well and for dessert, a sticky toffee butterscotch flavoured bread and butter pudding with cold ice cream with some raisins feel good?

1:20:23I still feel a little confused about my own dessert but that's my fault It is a great menu. And you know what it says to me? Quality and simplicity. I'm actually proud of the simplicity. Wait, you guys? Oh my god, I literally skipped the most important thing. I'm just going to say it really fast. This is crazy. The Martha Stewart mac and cheese. So I know you're thinking, bread, pudding, and mac and cheese. What? like this is so but the martha stewart mac and cheese is unbelievable add it to the ipad yeah yeah and then because and and so and whatever it there's fresh grated nutmeg in it you're using really quality cheeses for the bechamel yeah and on top you do these croutons whatever i made it i used japanese milk bread nice for the croutons and it was out of this world and that is like literally to me the most important part of the whole meal and i can't believe i left it out wow well no that's good because we're ending on it so this will be the memory that most people will have is the martha stewart mac and cheese yes and you can look up the recipe i really hope uh people watch this one if you're listening i hope you go go and watch it because a lot of good stuff down the camera doing a lot of good stuff down the camera yeah yeah thank you so much john thank you guys it was so fun

1:21:54well there we are James that was a lot of fun fantastic thank you so much John thank you John that was so much fun and I would say if you've listened to this go and watch it as well yeah watch it on YouTube this episode John is he's so funny like so many faces that were making me laugh yeah like I just would laugh so much at John's facial expressions yeah right down the camera as well real good stuff yeah really good and John didn't say oat milk so we can tell you that Eternity will be in cinemas from December the 5th. Yes, it will be. Probably would have told you that anyway, but like, meant we didn't have to kick John out of the dream mess drum.

1:22:31Yeah. Which was good. Yes. Although nearly kicked him out for grabbing my iPad. He grabbed the iPad at the end. I mean, hopefully, go and watch that as well. That was amazing. He was so frustrated that he didn't know how it was done. It was like, I really did feel like a magician. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was like, I'm blowing his mind. And because you got a smart jacket on today. That's probably why he thought it was magic. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'm dressed smarter than usual. Yeah. I was like, this must be a magician. This guy's a dapper trickster. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. A dapper trickster. Don't forget to check out the Patreon for Flicking the Bean with Edwin Coffee and the Great Unboxito.

1:23:04Yeah, get on that. You can watch both of those. And that was the last episode of the series, James. It was. So au revoir to series 14. Yes. But bienvenue to series, I guess, 15. Christmas specials first. which is coming up and there are two incredible Christmas specials with guests that it blows my mind yeah two great guests and two great guests you never hear about together yeah that's the only clue you're getting yeah you would never hear about these people together and they're not together because they're separate episodes but and they'll be best ofs as well James the only episodes you need to listen to every year that's for you when you're cleaning your house yes thank you very much for listening to this series we will see you at Christmas time bye bye goodbye

1:24:00Hello, I'm Amy Gledhill. And I'm Harriet Kemsley. You might remember us from when we were guests on Off Menu, where I tried to find where I got seaweed mash, and we had to call my mum. And I talked about how my mum was worried that I might drown in my own body. That's cool. And we've got some exciting news. We've sorted your Valentine's Day plans again as we're doing a special live recording of the podcast on Valentine's Day. A.K.A. Saturday the 14th of February. Yes, we've got a lovely venue. It's at the Underbelly Boulevard in Soho, London. We had so much fun at the last Valentine's Day show.

1:24:37Yes, and we both absolutely overshared. Will we do it again? You'll have to come along and find out. Okay, yes, yes, we will. so that's saturday 14th of february at underbelly boulevard and you can get tickets on the link in our bio and our instagram