John Mulaney

0:00James Acaster: This is James Acaster. I'm on tour with my show, James Acaster. We've added some extra London dates on the, I want to say, 1st and 2nd of August at the Royal Festival Hall. And also, the Blackpool dates, which are pretty soon actually. What? They're not sold out. Come, please buy tickets to the Blackpool one. And there's some offers as well that still aren't sold. Glasgow springs to mind. Newcastle springs to mind also. So come and see the show. I'm very proud of it. Ed's yawning. Tickets at jamesacaster.com.

0:48Welcome to the off-menu podcast, taking the white bread of conversation, layering in between the slices the ham of fun, the cheese of chat, grilling it in a pan of cheeky butter and then sprinkling with the icing sugar of friendship, James.

1:07James Acaster: That is it, Gamble. My name is James Acaster. Together we own a dream restaurant and every single week we invite a guest and ask their favourite starter, main course, dessert, side dish, drink. Not in that order. And this week, our guest is... John Mulaney! John Mulaney. I was doing a Monte Cristo sandwich there. Do you know of these sandwiches? I love a Monte... If a Monte Monte Cristo's on the menu. I have to order it. It's one of those things that that's the rule. Yeah. Always get a Monte Cristo when it's on there. Triple Decker Diner in Greenpoint. The best Monte Cristo I've ever had. And that is just basically icing sugar on like a fried bread sandwich essentially, isn't it?

1:40James Acaster: Yeah, it's like French toast. Yeah. With the Monte Cristo at Triple Decker Diner is loads of ham and turkey and just I think there's a third meat in there with this French toast. And when I had it, I was not having a good time that week. I went in. No one is eating one of those things if they're having a good time. oh well I'm having one whatever that's the rule sure you're having it when you're eating it but no one goes I'm going to have that because I'm in a good mental place I think I might do but yes I take your point yes but it was delicious it was so good and that is the best Monte Cristo I've had anywhere this is the first time we've had to do the intros on camera by the way if you're just listening we're doing this intro on camera for the YouTube don't like it I think we're fine now I think me doing that down the barrel felt uncomfortable I didn't know what camera to look down when I was doing my bit I think I got the food out of order I'd said it in a different order than I've ever said it in because I was so in my own head yeah you never know what camera to look down that's why Ghostbusters Frozen Empire that's it you're always looking at the wrong guy they're like Pinfield what are you doing I'm insisting on getting referred to by my character well because you're like Daniel Day-Lewis exactly yeah you're in character all the time don't you mean Daniel playing for you oh yeah yeah I've just seen that film have you yeah good coincidence great film real good film great film I honestly wish someone had told me because this film there will be blood by the way what a movie what a movie man it is good I watched it on the plane yeah yeah if we had him on the podcast plane it was my literally my plane view that is good that is good Ed couldn't it we can have him on the podcast have secret ingredient milkshake think you would like that Daniel Day-Lewis yeah he'd love it well I drink it up yeah I love that bit one of the best probably my favourite closing scene of any film a lot of my references are out of date now because I've only just started watching popular films sure you're only just getting into films so I'm coming off the plane going I drink it up yeah I'm a long straw everyone else is saying a few small beers yeah I'll drink your milkshake don't spoil anything sorry Ed that'll be in a few years time yeah two decades time you'll watch that yeah anyway John Mulaney's brilliant John Mulaney's fantastic I mean we're very excited to have him on the podcast we're huge fans of his work great comedian may I say I of course have benefited before we've talked about it on the podcast many times yeah John had to I can't wait had to pull out so I do want to hear I've never spoke to John Mulaney about Cinderella no and when I got to play John the Mouse named after him of course so I would like to see if John is aware yeah that I've replaced him at all like maybe he's angry about it.

4:25James Acaster: He might have accepted our invitation in order to settle a score with me. Yeah, like Stephen Graham. Like Stephen Graham did and we saw how that worked out for him. So we'll see what happens to John. Well, it'll work out well for him as well, I guess. Subjective. John is touring the UK and he's doing a show in Dublin as well. Mr. Whatever is the name of the show in April. April the 17th of the 27th UK tour. Go and have a look. I mean, it's brilliant. Be quick because it'll sell out very quickly, I think. Now, we love John Mulaney, but if John Mulaney says a secret ingredient which we deem to be unacceptable, we will be forced to kick him out of the dream restaurant.

5:01Yes, and the secret ingredient is... One black coffee.

5:06James Acaster: It's very funny, John Mulaney. I really love the John Mulaney routines about his dad. And there's a routine about when he was a kid and his dad is driving them down the highway in the car. He's seeing McDonald's. All the kids start chanting McDonald's. So his dad pulls into the McDonald's drive-thru and then orders one black coffee for himself and drives away. Yeah, it's on The Comeback Kid. Yes. A great special. A great special. So like, yeah, one black coffee. And if he does order that, then he's become his dad. Yeah, so that'll be a big moment for him. We're all doomed to. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

5:37So yeah. We're all doomed to become John Mulaney's dad. Yeah, we are. At some point, we'll all be Papa Mulaney. And if you're watching this on YouTube, that's tomorrow. Yeah, and if you're listening to this not on YouTube, this will be on YouTube tomorrow. Yes. unless you're listening to it not on the day it went out in which case it's on YouTube right now unless you're on YouTube doing stuff and listening to you listening to the YouTube and not watching it which a lot of people do yeah

6:02James Acaster: and in that case it's tomorrow now yeah it's already tomorrow don't just relax in fact you might want to know there's just an audio version of this and that might be better for you no do both Ed you're on tour oh yeah I'm on tour as well I'm doing my new show Fresh Hell all across the UK and some of Ireland starting at the end of January 2027. I think this is my favourite show title. Thank you. Of a gamble show. Thank you. Fresh Hell is a great show title. Thank you very much. And it's going to be a great show. This is the Off Menu Menu of John Mulaney.

6:44Welcome, John, to the dream restaurant. Thank you.

6:47James Acaster: Welcome John Mulaney to the Dream Restaurant, but we've been expecting you for some time. Thank you, sir. You're the first guest who's found Ben's clap that he does before a record, as funny as we find it. Yeah. Well, he's not doing it in front of the camera. Yes. Like some people do the fake clapboard, but he was just clapping behind at us. We've questioned this with Ben before, because I always thought the clap was to sync audio and visual, and he gets really annoyed when we mention it. At this point in the show, has there been a preamble before we got to this part? Yes, we will do an intro.

7:18That's great. That's really fun.

7:19James Acaster: Yeah, yeah. We'll beat you up big time. Yeah, there's context to what's happening. Oh, yeah. That's fantastic. And also, the listeners understand the context of the show in general. 100%. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hopefully. Some people will be their first time, to be fair. It's always going to be someone's first time. Well, you're going to bring in a lot of the Mulaney heads, of course. Sure, yeah. Do you have a name for your fans, actually? Mulaney acts? I just came up with that. Oh, yeah. It should work. They're good people. They're good people in extraordinary circumstances. they're just ordinary people thrust into this fandom that they really they didn't know they were signing up for it yeah and they can't help it either they can't help it yeah and uh they have notes what do you think your fans will think of myself and i bet they're already way into this yeah this is a very big podcast i know that yeah and i i think we have a lot of similar in a Venn diagram I think we grabbed some of the same people yeah I think so I'd love a slice of your crowd I'd love the Millenniax same it'd be great to have as many audience members as possible from all different walks of life paying a common price yeah you don't do structured audience prices?

8:34no it's one agreed upon price by you though A lot of haggling with the whole audience back and forth outside the venue. And we agree. A lot of them are saying free, though, aren't they? There's some of that 60s crap. Woodstock crap. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're all climbing over the fences. They're all climbing over the fences and tearing them down. But no, most people can agree, you know, on... Sometimes they will agree on regular pricing and then platinum pricing. Yeah. It's odd when they suggest that. What about platinum pricing? I go, that's kind of gross. I don't even like to think about that though.

9:09I know it happens. They go, we'd like it. VIP meet and greets. VIP meet and greets, all of that stuff. It's really nice to meet someone right after a show. They're in a really good space. Or immediately before. Some people do the meet and greet before. Very good time to meet people.

9:22James Acaster: Yeah. That's weird. We've had people win like raffles for like off menu stuff and then coming to the live show and then come to see us either before or after. And I mean, I don't know if we really give them what they want. No. I think, I bet they love it. I bet you do. Well, I mean, a lot of the time when they've come for like a charity raffle or something, they'll come and meet us on the stage before the show. And it's just before like our food's arrived. Oh, that's good. So we're a bit like, we're a bit antsy. Like you're in socks with a clothing steamer going and food's just arrived. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

9:56James Acaster: They're hungry. You got a UK tour coming up? I'm going to be doing some dates here in April. April 17th to the 27th? Yeah, yeah. But not just in London, all over. All over. Yeah. Is this the first time you've done all over the United Kingdom? Or have you done that before? No, I've done Manchester, a few other spots before. But it's the first time doing Glasgow. Nice. It'd be very fun. Glasgow's brilliant. Yeah, it is brilliant. You'll have a really nice time there. I should. What do you enjoy about being in the UK that's different to the US? Because I always look forward to it when I go to the US.

10:28James Acaster: I'm like, I'm gonna go Trader Joe's so fast. Why do you like Trader Joe's so fast? This is what Americans always do, because I love Trader Joe's. Really? Whenever I tell an American I love Trader Joe's, they're like, why? What are you talking about? Now, you know, Trader Joe's is owned by the same parent company as Aldi, which I believe is a German company. So do you have a Trader Joe cousin over here? We have Aldi. Aldi, but like, it's not, I guess now you've said that. It might be the same stuff. The layout is similar, but it's not the same stuff. It's not the same stuff. I know it's not called the same, but it might be the same product.

10:58No, if it was,

10:59James Acaster: if it was, I'd be in there all the time. Trust me, John. Trust me. Okay, okay. I'm saying not packaged as well and maybe truly, truly different product names, but I've heard it's the same stuff. I've never investigated it in my entire life. Aldi, as far as I'm aware, do not have roasted salted almonds covered in dark chocolate and turbinado sugar, which is the thing I go to straight away in Trader Joe's. In Trader Joe's. I straight away get a box of those for my rucksack. Have you ever had an Uber or taxi stop at Trader Joe's before getting to whatever hotel or apartment you're sitting in? Yes, I have.

11:34Yeah, 100%.

11:35James Acaster: Yeah, I'll say, you've got to go there via Trader Joe's. I can't wait a second longer. Right. I can't wait a second longer. I'm dying to be there. Yeah. I go in there and then you rush out because I feel bad for the taxi driver. I'm carrying all these different kinds of gummies and like chocolates and stuff. I'm so excited. What's your favorite Trader Joe's thing? I'll go for the Scandinavian swimmers, which are basically their version of the Swedish fish, but they taste better than Swedish fish do. They have a jarred something garlic crunch that I encourage anyone to stock up on. You can put it on anything.

12:05It's a real... Is it like a crispy onion garlic crunch? Oh, is it like the sort of, yeah, like crispy onion sort of... Yeah, but real oily. Yeah. And you could put it on anything and you'd be home free. And do they have an English... You know how they have different ethnicities at Trader Joe's? Do they have an English one?

12:21James Acaster: There's an English toffee that I see there. There's a box of English toffee. And do they try to brand it with like a... No, there's no like football hooligans on it. Football hooligans. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It just says English toffee. And you think, yeah, we'll see about that. Trader Jose's English toffee. Deal with it. Deal with it. We couldn't figure one out. First thing I do when I come to London, it's really, you know, people think New York is very diverse, but it's not. Yeah, it's people pretty priced out of it. London is a very diverse city. It's very nice to just walk around and be among diversity.

12:57James Acaster: You introduce yourself to everyone? I didn't know how to do that. The sentiment started out really nice, but then I didn't know how to end it. It's nice to just be among it. Yeah, yeah, sure. Walk around. And add my own self to it. Yeah. Certainly, yeah. Pop yourself in there. It's even more diverse now. John Mulaney's. A little bit, yeah. Or maybe less. Depending on how you see things, yeah. You were meant to come to London once and you didn't and I benefited from it. When was that? Well, we're going straight in. I'd never be able to talk to John about this. It's really nice to meet the both of you.

13:28James Acaster: Yeah, it was lovely to meet you. We've never met. Not even in like, Kill Kenny in 2009 or something. I saw you once in a corridor. In a corridor? In a corridor.

13:42What if we didn't even explain where? We both had an understanding. Yeah. You didn't see me. The corridor.

13:47James Acaster: You didn't see me. I was at right angles to you. You didn't see. I was in a waiting area and you went down the corridor. Sounds like a hospital. We were doing back to back episodes of James Corden's Late Late Show. Oh, so that time, yeah. This is like a while ago. And you'd just done the one before me. Yes. And I just had a glance over. Zoe Deschanel. I can't, yeah. I was on with like... I was only on once. I think Diane Keaton was on my one. Fantastic. Andy Garcia. Yeah, that's great. And me doing some stand-up. Do you still talk to Andy? Yeah. All the time. We know what these talk shows are like.

14:25you make friends for life right well on a on a group one like that so what james did was he made it a group yeah those do get pretty tight yeah sometimes when it's one guest after the other yeah there's not really a lasting friendship there's no what's happening ones are super tight

14:38James Acaster: yeah yeah we didn't invite like cordon or reggie watts onto the group because we know that they're they can't be on all the groups exactly i bet they get added sometimes like guys this is a job for us you know but yeah yeah we actually had a good time don't real life me yeah we can't be on but yeah yeah me me diane okay i was coming to london wait what did how did you say it so you were meant to come to this was in uh during covid we've talked about this on the podcast a lot by the way so this is a huge moment for our listeners that you're finding this is part a huge part of the off-menu law is sure i've benefited from you having to pull out of something so it was a film oh and i've replaced you two days before yeah and it's the role of a lifetime yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah and my character uh oh james cordon's in it again this is another anecdote james cordon's yeah me james cordon and ramesh ranganathan were the mice right and in the script i get there and there's a character of james and but that's james cordon the mouse yeah ramesh the mouse and i was john the mouse great yeah and in the credits i'm john the mouse even though I requested.

15:47James Acaster: Please, could we change that? Because I've not called John at any point during the film. They don't say my name's John. Now, they could have gotten out of it. Now, they had some wiggle room. They could have said, we wanted you to be James, but James is already James. Yeah. But I said, I was like, look, no one says... I don't think that even crossed their mind. No one says the names of the mice. They just went right to... John the Mouse. I said, if it's just in the credits and no one's actually saying our names, can you just call... I mean, I guess this is a hard sell, but I said, could you call my mouse...

16:11James Acaster: Mickey. Acastle. Yeah, why not? I said, we'll call Acasta. Right. And they were like... And credits, by the way, is just typing. Who cares? Yeah, exactly. They can change that. There's almost no one... Yeah, truly. Whereas like, I might as well be called John Mulaney the mouse. Right, yeah. It's like... Well, you're leaving out my favourite detail. What's that? The hair. Oh, yeah.

16:36I get there, and they go,

16:39James Acaster: we've got to get you into hair and makeup. All right, fine. and Ramesh and Corden were in and out of hair and makeup. I'm there for a long time, doing my hair for ages. I'm like, why are they doing my... Ramesh and James were just like, yeah, there you go, you're done. Why are we spending ages on my hair? And what are they doing to it? Making me look like your hair. They're darkening it? It's your hair. It was how your hair was at the time. Sure. So by the end, I'm looking at it and he's got a piece of paper and I look at it and it's just a photo of you.

17:12James Acaster: And just directions on how your hair's meant to look. Because I was such a last minute replacement. Nobody pivoted. Nobody pivoted even a little. No one fought to tell the hair guy. By the way, it's a different guy now. So was he quite stumped? Because he kept going like, look, I can't make mirrors. Yeah. This is what he looked like before. That's what... How was it brought to you though? Did you know that someone had dropped out a couple days before? No details, just like, John Mulaney can't make it now. I want you to know there was no details. No one was blabbing, John! Okay, yeah, yeah. He can't make it.

17:48James Acaster: He said he can't make it, it's Covid, he's coming from America. He did three fittings? Yeah. Yeah, he can't make it. And that was it. What a fitting, did you get the full fitting? Like groin inseam, all this stuff. No, he was wearing your groin. I'm literally like, you better have the same body type as John Mulaney, because otherwise... Are we the taller than I? There's nothing we can do about this. Yeah, we're kind of like... It doesn't feel like it would be like a crazy... It's a crazy stretch, yeah. Yeah, and it was just like the guy playing the prince. Do we have the same heel to groin, though?

18:18Because that was big with the mouse costume. We can find out now.

18:21James Acaster: We can try and sort it out. You know how you do it. You lay on the floor like brothers do. Like brothers do. Yeah. Oh, that's wild. So that was my first film role. Never been in a film before. Huge. That was going to be my first film role, too. Really? Live action film, yeah. Well, you've done much cooler ones since. I've only done one. Really? Yeah. Oh, I'm thinking... Oh, live action. I'm thinking of the Spider-Verse. Yeah, that was animated. Fantastic. That was animated the whole time. But they still did your heel to groin, right? Yeah, they did heel to groin, and then they do once around the skull under the armpit to waist, and they ask you to really stick it out.

19:01James Acaster: Yeah. Yeah. For Spider-Ham. For Spider-Ham, yeah. Yeah. Peter Parker. Did it fit the mouse costume? The footman costume? Yeah, you look great. It fit. To be fair, I was pretty happy with the hair. That was out at Pinewood Studios. The Pinewood Studios. I was looking forward to that. Oh yeah, there's a lot of stories. I was really excited, yeah. What the stories that made you excited about Pinewood. You strike me as the kind of... I've seen a few interviews with you, and you really like the history of places, especially showbiz, places like Showbiz Stories. Yeah. You know some stories that I don't think I would have heard, were it not for you talking about it on a podcast or in an interview.

19:39James Acaster: you've got a good nose for the kind of stuff. Yeah, like a little boy who lived with an old aunt and rode away to movie magazines. Yeah. Because sad little life. Yeah. I think you would like James Cameron telling them all to go fuck themselves at the end of whatever film he did there. You know, there was a film that he did there. I think the alien, maybe aliens. But at the end, he was like, I don't want to work with any of you ever again. That's really funny. That was the end. That was the end. When he's rapping out of your chat. His end speech. Hold on, quiet everyone. It was basically that. That's a production rap on Linda Hamilton.

20:09I don't want to ever see you again in my life. All the other actors who haven't rapped yet have been like, God, I... Yeah. Mine's Thursday, yeah. Pinewood, now I'm blanking, but was it some Alec Guinness stuff? Was it some David Lean stuff? I was very excited for whatever it was, yeah.

20:26James Acaster: Yeah, I mean, obviously all the Bonds that were filmed there as well. Oh, were they? Yeah, loads of Bonds. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Great British Bake Off. Pull over, I'm James Bond. You know? Or what is it? That's the guy. I think it's basically... Get out of the car, freak! Yeah. Right? Shall I read James Cameron's? I like that you're reading it. Here we go, please. Jim Cameron. This has been a long and difficult shoot, fraught by many problems, but the one thing that kept me going through it all was a certain knowledge that one day I would drive out the gate of Pinewood and never come back, and that you sorry bastards would all still be here.

20:58That's great. But he definitely would have had to have worked with some of them in the future at some point. Yeah. Maybe even like the next project. I, by the way, I did a segment on this Netflix show with stunt doubles specifically that had worked for James Cameron. And it is a pretty tight family. They've done most of the films. So it's kind of the same folks over and over again. Yeah, yeah. And he says that to them every time.

21:23James Acaster: Yeah. Drove out of Bindwoods. You saw him, bastards. That day he brought a car. They're like, why is his car pointed to the outside of the studio? What's he got going on? I was excited for that. Yeah, Pinewood. And that was going to be like right when... They wanted to film it right when COVID started, right? That was a script that should take place at the beginning of a pandemic. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. They wanted it to be like that. Yeah. They wanted a lot of people to be sick outside the movie, but the people working on it did not be sick. Yeah, yeah. Which was, yeah. The bubble. Did you learn the song through it?

21:58James Acaster: No. No. I think the official reason was I didn't have a passport. Right, okay. Right. Which is impo... You know, they're...

22:10They're impossible to get. If you don't get one early, you're never going to get one, right? There's no way to expedite it. Like, there's no such thing as an expedited passport. There's no official thing called an expedited passport. I've never heard that word before. Yeah. I go, look, this. It's just not going to happen. Well, it's in six weeks. Right. You can get one in two. I know, but it's too late. Look, you really don't want me to show up at Pinewood. I guarantee you in 2020, you did not want me showing up at Pinewood. Yeah.

22:38James Acaster: Get James Acaster. Yeah. Get James. Yeah, I did. I put in a ton of names. Yeah. I appreciate that. Yeah. Milton Jones, everyone. I said, get Milton. Well, obviously the last name. He'll open with Before I Go. And how do you know Milton Jones? You know, Melbourne, maybe. Yeah. I love Milton Jones. Oh, he's amazing. Yeah. When I started, I was a stand-up. That was my first year being a professional comedian was because Josie Long and then Milton Jones took me on tour with them. Josie Long, yeah. So like, yeah, Milton took me on. Literally, there was a, in the January, I was going to have to go back to my day job if Milton didn't take me on tour.

23:16James Acaster: That's fantastic. And he did take me on tour. And he'd do an hour. Because I only saw him do shorter sets throughout that festival. He'd do an hour and I'd do like 20 at the top. And like, and the, because he kept on, he was just starting to get on TV here. So the tour kept getting extended and it was just absolutely saved my life. That's fantastic. I would have had to go back and work at the school and I wasn't very good at that. It is amazing how much you own Milton and you still took away his part in Cinderella. Yeah, yeah. I know. Yeah. No, I think it was a costume thing. Oh, right. We are actually, a lot of people don't, yeah, we are different body types, Milton Jones.

23:46Yes. Yeah, yeah. So how was the experience?

23:49James Acaster: Oh, great for me. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, obviously everyone had to keep being reminded what my name was. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because everyone else's characters were just their name and people would look, point at me and go, we just need you to move can you move because people are like we can't remember this well see that's not even an issue with it being a different actor that's really just bad four months yeah I was last minute but like you know I loved it I loved doing it I loved it we got to do green screen I got to do a song yeah the song I remember reading that and not having to rehearse it Corden had to really carry the song yeah sure yeah yeah yeah me and Rom I'd imagine he was fine with that though yeah he was fine with that it was Rom says that when he went in to record his part the guy at the piano just had his head in his hands and was hammering the key and asking rom in a very annoyed tone can you hear that so it was pretty rough so everyone behind the camera was quite unreasonable yeah it was the opposite of a gym camera for the crew were just like you sorry bastards yeah yeah get out of here oh that's fantastic do you like being on set i don't do much acting at all so whenever i've done it yeah yeah yeah i don't get to do much but but i am so it's always a novelty yeah yeah i think as a stand-up you kind of feel like that right you feel like i shouldn't really i keep commenting on how it's early in the day but all the things that are different yeah yeah i go no i'm good i'm good it's you know it's 10 you know it's 10 a.m so many snacks yeah so many snacks yeah we're the only ones at the snack table all the actors we don't have any yeah we haven't we've never it's so clear we've never gotten into a rhythm on set because we're just constantly wandering around following different crew and eating snacks.

25:28Eating it like it's the last day of your life. Really thinking we should be standing there in case a setup suddenly changes and we're in it as opposed to waiting which they're begging us to do.

25:36James Acaster: Yeah. It's very obvious on camera we're the ones who just ate a bag of Skittles and everyone else is fine. We always start with still a sparkling mortar, John. Do you have a preference for your dream? Would have been sparkling for years but I'm still now. What happened? Yeah, what was the change? I started getting frustrated with how at a meal, I'm going to the restroom three times minimum. At a long meal, a sprawling meal, right? And some folks are just not getting up once. We would have these dinners at Saturday Night Live in two and a half hours. And just from the Pellegrino, I'd be like, I'm going to the bathroom.

26:16Nothing's been served yet. So there's a first bathroom just to kind of stretch your legs. Then I'd have to pee again halfway through. And then before we'd leave, if we were walking back to Rockefeller Center, I'd go, I have to pee again, like fully. Not a little. Like a full urine. Not like a sickness where, like, there's a muscle weakness or something. It's not like a drizzle. You're not drizzling. It wasn't that. It wasn't, oh, you know, there was some hesitation and lack of completion, which is fine also. This was just, like, full bloated belly of piss. Needed to get it out again. And folks in their 60s and 70s weren't getting up.

26:51But to me, that's... I'd be more worried about the people who are not urinating at all. It is really weird. Yeah. Two and a half hours of drinking water and wine.

27:01James Acaster: Yeah. There's a blockage. Also, if it's SNL, I'm guessing when you're saying 60s and 70s, we're talking about specifically Lorne Michaels, and I imagine he never urinates. That's it. I think it might be that. I think he did. If he had to learn it, he learned it, or he naturally had this gift of just like... It's quite a thing to be with your boss and get up three times. It'll be some old school entertainment thing where he's like, I never piss. You go under the table and that's it. And you call ahead and... I don't have time. It's like everyone knows how to do it. All the greats know how to...

27:34David Geffen, everyone knows how to not get up to pee. They all get up in the restaurant and it just pools underneath the table. And you call ahead and put a card down for it. And they cover it. But I started to think like, this Pellegrino stuff, this is just inflating me like a balloon, but not air. Yeah. But that's interesting. I've never heard anyone say that sparkling water makes them piss more. Yeah. No one's ever said that. Because you would have thought there's so many bubbles in there that there's actually less water. I think I have a bad body. Not sick. Not sick or, you know, anything major.

28:07But just kind of like doesn't, just like, oh, what's this? So, just really not equipped to handle anything. It panics. Like a bad maintenance crew. Yeah. What does? We should get this out. Like, no, it's okay. It's okay. It's going to stay in there. Like, no, the last time we got her out. Just like, yeah, just leave it in there.

28:25James Acaster: It can get bigger. Yeah. Yeah. And you're saying this in the bathroom as well, out loud. I say it out loud. Yeah. Because I don't want to get up, right? So I'm still at the gym. Yeah. You were at SNL. You overlapped with Will Forte? I did, yeah. Did he ever do the prank I've heard about that he does to people in the bathroom, where he just puts his hand in front of the stream of piss? No, but I've been near and around it. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. So I just wanted to verify that that's true. It's funny that it's a prank to other people. Yeah. He's covered in piss. Yeah, he's covered in piss. So someone's pissing and then he just puts his hand in front of them.

28:56Both hands in front and going, hey, hey, John Salomon, whoever it is, yeah. He has not prank on that person. It's more of a, yeah, it's just, it's like a, it's an action. Yeah.

29:08James Acaster: It's a good, so I've heard a few things about him. Yeah. Those kind of pranks. and they're all stuff that I think if I did them, I would not execute them very well at all. It would go badly. He seems to have this thing where he just fully commits to the point where it is so funny and I've never heard about him doing something like that. And then everyone goes, oh, well. That was weird. So I was in Colin Jost's office and we were working on a sketch for a long... We were taking way too long. And we were eating Teddy Grahams out of a box, slowly, individually i remember he was taking them out one at a time so i was self-conscious to dump so i kept also opening the box and taking one out we were taking a long time to write this piece and forte's waiting on jose to be done and so it's uh colin are you done yet i'm waiting on you like uh we just need a few more minutes and we're gonna a few more minutes and then it's lasting like two hours and he comes in he goes are you done yet he goes well i need a little more time and then we'll be done.

30:05And he goes, oh, a little more time. There's a baseball bat. And he picks it up and he goes, who makes this bat? Easton smashes it through the wall so loud. And it hit the, Eric Kenwood was in the next office and all the stuff flew off his shelf. And people came in and were like, what? Well, you know, people were really mad. It was very upsetting to people. So was that, would he consider that a prank then? So I don't know. So it's interesting we're getting into the word prank. It's the first time I've really thought about it. These acts of like destruction. That's not a prank. Like Will once threw someone's dinner out the window.

30:41Good prank. I guess that's a prank, but there's no tension and release to it. It was just one big thing. You think pranks should, after the prank is done, everything is the same as it was before the prank started? That's a good question. Does a prank involve planning and misdirect? Yes. Because there was no misdirect. Because just throwing someone's dinner out the window. Pretending to be upset at the name of the bat brand, I guess. Who makes this bad yeast? That's what made it bad. That's funny. That was a bit of a misdirect. Yeah, yeah.

31:09James Acaster: Pop-noms or bread? Pop-noms or bread, John Mulaney? Pop-noms or bread? What? I go pop-noms. Crisp, crack them up, little bits. You know, I told you the Teddy Graham story. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I... Yeah, you did. ...have so many butter issues, that bread would be... Talk through the butter issues. Is this your bad body again? No, this is just cold butter, overly salted butter. I have lots of cold butter mainly. And I just feel like I just keep getting rolls with cold butter in the United States. Not to put it on the States. They're going through enough, obviously. But even at a great restaurant, you go like, how can you fucking do this?

31:51This little coin of this cold coin on paper is really bad. We got a Butterbell at home, which I enjoy a great deal. A Butterbell is, I'll just describe it because I don't know why it's shaped this way, like a jar. And then you take it and upside down is this bell where you've stuffed butter, right? It sits out on the counter. It's not an image. You know, so you could do stick on dish with lid, right? Or you could do Butterbell. It's a new thing in our life anyway.

32:21James Acaster: Has it changed your life for the Butterbell? It really is a good thing in my life. By what percentage has it made your life better, the Butterbell? Okay, I'm going to give it because of the current raisin toast craze with my kids. I'd say this is 30 % life better. Wow. Yeah. Because there's no... Fast slices. And how many sort of slices of raisin toast are your kids getting through a day, would you say? Maymay can do two and a half. Nice. Yeah. So you need that production line of just... The production line's great. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, smearing cold butter on... And messing up the toast, scraping off the...

32:56It was really lousy. And my kids knew it was lousy. Yeah.

33:00James Acaster: Yeah. Is breakfast your forte? Forte? We're back to Will. Isn't that interesting? Is that your specialty as a dad? Are you the breakfast guy? No, I'd say breakfast is... We're sort of in between. Our kids really like, like, savory soy sauce and rice and cucumbers with salt breakfast is a we're not quite nailing it with them it's a lot of you know we like the idea of making pancakes and french toast for them and you know uh for the visual more yeah uh and you know there's music playing and i go this looks like a home you're a family and a family and a thing yeah and we're the family stone but they're much more like let's skip to lunch food let's have seaweed paper rice let's have diced peaches let's just have the stuff we like yeah yeah i'm trying to get them into the traditional breakfast and it's not quite the toast you might you're probably about to ask what about the toast that you're just talking about yes that's like an afternoon thing yeah okay and also may really likes to hold a whole thing and and rip bites off of it oh yeah yeah so when they're older i mean that's good so much look forward to a burger yeah uh i think a slice of pizza will be may's that's real thing that's the ultimate which is rounded triangle

34:23let's get into your dream menu proper your dream starter so i uh i was thinking a lot about it and it's french onion soup lovely and yet i'm mad at french onion soup every time you're mad at it Because it's wonderful French pizza, and then underneath, was there a flood? Like, one of the least fun things underneath the most fun top. Uh-huh. You've just made it so American somehow, you just want the pizza topping. Yeah, no, but not just the pizza. I want, and it's a brown bowl. It's a special bowl they don't put anything else in.

35:00James Acaster: Yeah. And it's colored, it's painted brown. It's like a glaze fired in a kiln thing. and there's the cheese on the rim. I don't need to tell you this. I assume other people have picked this. But scrape that, break through, cutting through pizza with a spoon. All of it's super fun. And then you go, like, as if you're renovating a beautiful house. Fucking water damage on you? What is this? Hot water? Yeah. Yeah. So the soup is what surprises you when you get French onions. Yeah. Yeah. So you're enjoying the French pizza. I'm not amazed by wet bread. That's almost like the insulation under the pizza.

35:34Yeah, yeah, yeah. But then at the bottom, I'm like, get this out of here. This is onion water. So you don't want the... Well, it's the onion soup, right? So you don't actually want the onion soup at all in the dream meal. Or do you just want the topping? It's got to... I mean, the topping is part of the soup. Sure, but you only like the topping. I don't want onion broth. That's fair. But that... I'd say that's mainly the soup. Well, that's a good question. Would French onion soup exist without the top? Do you think people would order onion broth? Yeah, it's onion soup. There is? Yeah, it's onion soup.

36:04That's what it is.

36:04James Acaster: I don't know what he's talking about. Is there onion soup without the cheesy top? With the bread? With the pizza? The French pizza? I reckon. I've never seen it. Surely there is. I've never seen it. But why would you have it by itself? Yeah. So I think of it as all one thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm the opposite of you. I forget about the top every time. Every time I order a French onion soup. You pop it off without looking. I'm like, oh yeah. Oh, shit. Oh, that's funny. They've done this. They've put this on and I can't get straight to the soup because I've got to deal with this first. Really? I always forget about the top.

36:35James Acaster: Yeah, yeah. Wow. I think because my mum did make French onion soup when we were kids, but it was just a soup. Yeah. No bread. No, so that's my memory of French onion soup. It was onion broth? Yeah, it was at home. We were eating that, and we loved it. A minute ago, you were challenging me and saying that you've never seen the soup without the tofu. Oh, I've never seen it. She'd ladle onion water, brown onion water. So you'd all be there? Yeah, but not like, you're making it sound like Charlie Bucket and stuff. It wasn't like Charlie Bucket. Well, I'm not picturing that. It wasn't like Charlie, I wasn't in bed with my grandparents.

37:05James Acaster: 1938, 39? Yeah, yeah. Whole family in a bed together. Yeah. I agree with you, the best bit is the cheese, but I think it goes with the... I think everyone would agree with that. Yeah. And I think people like the soup underneath it. I like the soup underneath it. My issue with it is, it's so hot all of the time. It's so hot also. I'm hungry. Soup is so hot. Soup is hot. But that soup, especially the hot brown water. It is, because I think there's like, in other stews, I feel like potato carrot absorb heat. yeah does it ever bite into a potato in a stew you're like this is criminally hot but the onion can't it's just you're just dealing with hot water yeah it's just boiling water and then I'm so hungry that I end up eating all the cheese off the top because the soup's not ready to be eaten because it's so hot so I eat them separately I'm always doing extra scrape around the bowl yeah yeah yeah for sure are you scraping the outside rim as well and eating that cheese yeah of course yeah bubbling over yeah to me that feels like illegal cheese that I shouldn't be having illegal why illegal because in my mind they might not have washed that bowl properly and some of that cheese might be left over from the last time they did it's really weird I have total trust in the sanitation of restaurants I've never been like you know people that have all the apocryphal like oh they rub their body parts on these things I've just I've never bought into that yeah you can't be fine terms like illegal around our American guests sorry they don't it doesn't mean the same thing over there okay it's a lot more flexible apologies John It's much more flexible.

38:31Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. We have a pretty strict... Yeah. As you know, we follow a pretty strict... Oh,

38:44James Acaster: your dream main course. Oh, you know what? I forgot. Let's go. Let's do it. Come on. No, but I was going to do it before the start. I thought it'd be fun because we'd never done it with a guest before. We could do it with John and get him to say grace before the meal because of when you're in the bear and when you say Grace and the Bear it's a very good moment oh yeah that's fun yeah and I thought oh great we've got a guest on who said Grace in a very iconic episode of television yeah we could get John to do that but now I've just remembered it as we got to the main course and that's annoyed me do you ever edit the podcast never I mean what I'd like to throw out is the chance to maybe do something and then put it in earlier Ben will never edit it to make us sound better so he would he will leave this in oh that's right you're quite serious you wouldn't yeah here's a question for you why couldn't you drop out of that two days before?

39:34James Acaster: that would have been nice that episode's crazy that was 2023 things were a lot you had a passport I had a passport I had over two years of passport yeah you could get up to Chicago oh man that episode's so funny man what an episode of TV we were all around that table on the stage in Chicago there were there were a few interiors at a house in the suburbs and then we were around that table on the stage for two days. It was great. Oliver Platt kept ordering milkshakes. Abby Elliott was pregnant, so she wanted one, but he kept drinking her milkshake by accident and he was nodding off from them and everyone was yelling at him.

40:16And then John Bernthal, Jamie Lee Curtis, Jeremy Ellen White, Sarah Paulson, these people know how to act. Yeah. And I mean, there were times when I thought, I think they think they're the characters. And they were really yelling. Yeah. And I felt unsafe. Yeah. It turns out James was a great replacement for you in Cinderella because you're like that around actors when you're watching them going, I can't believe it. It's like they're pretending to be this person, but really well. I can't believe it. Yeah. And like, I just... I can't believe it either.

40:44James Acaster: I know I'd never be able to properly become an actor because like, I just can't... I could convince myself I'm one person if I had a ton of time. But the idea of like getting a note from the... recalibrating on set first time you've ever done it yeah and being like i'm i'm this you know yeah i'm saying you're pretending to be this person slightly wrong can you change how you're pretending to be this yeah okay i'll do it a whole other way and it'll also seem like i think i'm yeah yeah why don't i change the type of person i am and i'll fully believe it also okay yeah that episode every time another person popped up i would just laugh out loud because it's so amazing it's so funny it's so funny he saw it before me uh and i was like i'm watching this susan the bear he went let me know when you get to um yeah let me even told me what the episode is there's an episode and when you get to it you'll know what it is they just tell me how much you're laughing all the way for when people keep popping up yeah because because it was second season right second season and then later olivia coleman and yeah that yeah people started to really appear in there it's because i think that first season did so well it was like the writers had got all of these voicemails from everyone's age and just gone absolutely great we're gonna make it work so that episode just made me yeah well the thing about that episode that's yeah i'm sure loads of people told you how good this episode is but one of the things is at the top of it when because there's like a bunch of i think you and a bunch of other people all suddenly walk across the camera yeah and you're like uh are they gonna do loads of cameos in this show now i don't know if this is gonna work yeah and then by the end of that episode like that's one of the best episodes of tv i've ever seen so the fact that it kind of there's that experience as a viewer where at the beginning you go oh i'm not sure about it and then and then it's great that you had that experience too because yeah it's nice to go okay one of these shows yeah and then they really did yeah they really did write the shit out of everybody in that yeah at one point i'll tell you about the acting thing you know where you really are in it there was one moment where i wasn't thinking about you know something else i was really in it and jamie lee curtis is yelling at sarah paulson and Sarah Paulson interjected something unscripted when she's fighting with Jon Bernthal.

42:55And Jamie Lee said something like, why don't you shut your mouth, you little bitch? And I went, hey, hey, hey.

43:01James Acaster: And she went, don't you, hey, hey, hey. And I'm like, okay, I'm so sorry. Okay, man. I walked in the kitchen once and she was yelling at Abby's character. She was yelling at Sugar and I just turned, I was so scared, I just turned right away. Luckily, that is your character in the episode. For sure. In the episode, so you're okay. The only people you don't respect are the facts, and that's it. You're laughing at them, which is also great. We could talk about that episode for ages. It's brilliant. It's good stuff. And food related. So, absolutely perfect. I've never been to one of those seven fishes dinners.

43:33Have you? No.

43:34James Acaster: Didn't even know about it until. Didn't even know about it either. But I'm not Italian at all. I don't know any of that crap. No, I mean, really. I've never been my whole life. And I've met him. Yeah. But I've never been a part of that. But that doesn't mean you are. Italian-American stuff, mafia stuff. I've always been like, truly no judgment. That's definitely not. Yeah, yeah. You like the food, though? Yeah, a lot. Yeah, yeah. Especially the fish. Talking about the main course. Yes. Chicken parmesan. Yes. Yeah. Can't shake a stick at it ever. Now, you're like, what's with you and hardened cheese?

44:08Right? For sure. I don't know if, and I thought about it. I go, would you order them one after the other? And I went, John, embrace the spirit of the paragraph you were sent. Yeah. that these are, you know, each item is the dream. Yeah. And I could also see having French onion soup and then chicken parm. Yeah, I love this. I mean, if there's something with melted cheese on it, I'm more than likely going to go for it. Because it also might have a scrape. Now, you're wondering, do you like the spaghetti on the side? A little. It's really not. I always think I'll need that too, right? Because it's going to be such a pure protein meal.

44:47Yeah. Chicken pizza. And then I get to it and I go, the crusted bready cheese on the chicken is enough starch. I'm good. And also, it's such a savory thing, chicken parm, that whatever marinara they have, and I'm talking at a quality, again, Italian-American place. And I've never been interested in that at all. That sauce is just not going to measure up to a chicken parm. So I'll order it, 100%. Not going to say no. but I rarely do I go I'm really gonna dig into this with the whole fork and the swirl the spaghetti I kind of I've just had I was just in New York and had chicken farm with the spaghetti yeah where'd you go do you remember Frank oh great it was fantastic fantastic they have another restaurant called Lil Frankie's that we've been to yeah yeah and we speak about the aubergine quite a lot I love the aubergine yeah try to recreate it many times what is aubergine they just

45:44James Acaster: eggplant I guess oh really oh yeah oh fantastic eggplant Yeah, but I just grilled the hell out of it and then just mix it all up in the middle. Obviously, they put salt and pepper and garlic and all sorts in it. And just like, for a dish that on paper just sounded quite boring. Yeah. It rocked my world. I really don't always, I don't mess with eggplant parmesan. And I really don't mess with chicken milanese. So I'm not, you know, yeah. It's interesting. I've wondered, you really love chicken parm so much and it has these, you know, cousins. You want to mess with them. So is it mainly the cheese that you're invested in in this course as well?

46:21Well, wouldn't eggplant parm have it as well? Yeah, it would. I just can't imagine getting through that cheese and seeing eggplant, not chicken. It's just expectations management.

46:30James Acaster: Yeah, I'd want to see chicken. Milanese is crazy. That's like a crazy... I think it's like just chicken soaked in white wine or something. Right, yeah. You don't want to be eaten. Come on. Do you know what I was given recently? So there's a comedian called Phil Dunning in the UK who is from Middlesbrough and a local delicacy in Middlesbrough. Now, what does that mean? It's in the North East. What connotations would it have? I don't know. What would the connotations be for Middlesbrough? It's in the North East. It's near Newcastle. Okay. What does that mean? I guess Phil Dunning really likes the...

47:01Give me the nuance.

47:02James Acaster: I think Phil Dunning really likes the working class element of Middlesbrough. Okay. He likes a dish, like the palm that they do there. Chicken palmo. Chicken palmo that has bechamel sauce in it. but so much bechamel sauce on top. It was insane. They had me eat it on a show that he was doing. And it was a tough, I mean, also obviously it was on TV. So it got cold by the time they got it to me. It's covered in bechamel sauce and then cheese on the top. And they serve it in, they'll do like late night places. So you go out drinking and then go to like, what would normally be like a kebab shop or a chip shop and serve your massive chicken parma in a pizza box.

47:41So it's like a huge bit of chicken bashed out, breaded, covered in bechamel sauce, cheese, pepperoni sometimes as well. That's that northeast stuff. Yeah. I don't think you're making it up to the northeast of England on your tour, but it's worth the stop on the way to Glasgow. I'm not sure. Where would one go if they were going there?

47:59James Acaster: You're not going close there, really. You're passing through it to Glasgow. So maybe on your way to Glasgow, you can stop off at Middlesbrough. And see Phil's chicken parmo. Yeah, yeah. Serve late night at a kebab place. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you have to ask for Phil's as well, no matter where you go. They'll know what you mean. Phil Dunning's here. The one he eats. Yeah. Phil Dunning. Dunning. Not Phil Dunning like Jeff Dunning. Thank you. Who you love. I could have... We could have glanced by... I did the thing of I didn't hear the name clearly. Yeah, yeah. But you wanted to get it right. I appreciate that, yeah.

48:31Jeff Dunning, when I started, it's one of those things where we had no idea what the real problems were in America. I remember 2005, people were just, Jake, you can't believe Jeff Dunham is doing, he's a racist puppet, you know. And I was like, yeah, this is one of the biggest crisis we're facing. It's a bit like Scientology. If you asked me in 2014, what's the biggest problem facing America? I would have been like, I think we're good, but we got this Scientology stuff. This Leah Remini stuff. Like if we could get rid of this, I think we'd be fine. We had no idea. But Jeff Dunham, I remember I was at Go Bananas in Cincinnati, I was featuring.

49:10Jeff Dunham is 2005, he's like the biggest comic at the moment. Just that we laugh though, because every time we hear the name of an American comedy club, it makes us laugh. Yeah, and that's like... Because Go Bananas... Go Bananas is pretty crazy, but it's not even anywhere near. Rooster Teeth Feathers, I think, is... Because nothing about Rooster Teeth Feathers is a comedy pun. And it's not even a pun, it's not a play on words. Is he like a mascot? Is there a mascot, the Rooster Teeth Feathers? He would be it. Yeah, yeah. Sounds like a good guy. It has a separate mascot. It's called Rooster Teeth.

49:42It's home of Rodney Rooster. Did the rooster, like, come out to greet people at the club or anything? Or is he just on the logo? It was a pretty good club in California that you could do on that sweep, you know?

49:55James Acaster: But we're at Go Bananas in Cincinnati. I'm at Go Bananas and on the wall... Monkey mascot? Is there a monkey mascot? No, almost nothing. A really solid club with, like, a great... I mean, Cincinnati had a really good homegrown comedy scene. really good comics and one you know a sign that says go bananas but not leaning into it just a nice low ceiling good acoustics club just happened to be called go bananas yeah and on the wall you know people would sign the wall and jeff dunham was so popular and someone wrote um i fucked the old man puppet while peanut watched yeah i just remember thinking that they didn't they didn't look up the name of the old man yeah they didn't look up his name peanut but they didn't look up the other one uh jeff dunham that came from phil dunnan yes who has a chicken parma the chicken parma you covered in chicken parma and chicken chicken parma is your main which is not even technically recommended you just said you had it i had it it wasn't very nice when i got given it i was given it cold though i'm sure it's nice when it's hot yeah where's yorkshire is that up there that red riding it's not far it's before that riding all the red riding those events yeah yeah remember those true yeah I'm familiar with Red Ryder with the TV series Red Ryder yeah yeah really lassy place from what I saw in the show sure it's a beautiful get over here you know really like guys everyone relax at once I think there would be a lot of people in the UK who have no idea what you're talking about even though it's an English TV show yeah it was a three part massively sad and disturbing horrible yeah I watched it in all one sitting yes I don't think you're doing any shows in Yorkshire either no you're not Is that because of Red Riding?

51:35Probably. If I got booked in Yorkshire, I'd go like, you know, they're very violent. And I'll probably be in some underground network passed around. But honestly, don't believe what you see in Red Riding. I've never been there, but like, I think Yorkshire's super bounced back from that time. Like doing really, really well since then.

52:00James Acaster: Your dream side dish. hen of the woods mushrooms doesn't go with chicken parm but that's not how i'm viewing this podcast you don't think it doesn't go with it doesn't not go with i don't actually i'm saying that because i'm trying to i'm trying to beat some audience member to the ick thing i don't care yeah don't you shouldn't care i eat whatever you don't at home go like this will bounce you some people will attack you online for this menu i bet that's gonna happen but that's really good because you have a very activated audience, like activated cells. A lot of it's me as well, though I'll go on and attack you as well.

52:36You have a variety of accounts? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's really, that's cool. I mean, that's one way to get, stoke it even. If you have a slow episode even, you're like, I'm going to drum up some stuff. But you can tell it's me because I always end every message with who's with me. You know, I love a decent roast chicken too. Yeah. So Hand of the Woods is probably coming from that. Yeah. Because often at your, often at your very good steak place, I'll also get the roasted chicken. Hen in the woods, I'm just always happy to see. It's a vegetable, no? No.

53:10James Acaster: A mushroom. Is a mushroom a vegetable? No. Yes. Yes? Fungus? Yeah, I think fungus is not vegetable, is it? Wow. We've got a food podcast, man. We should know this straight away. Yeah, we should be on this. It's a fungi. So that's not a vegetable. When was the first time you heard about hen in the woods mushrooms? Because I think they've only come into my life maybe in the last couple of years. Yeah, me for fun. That's fair. I feel like I became this sort of like, I'm going to have the roast chicken. 2011, 2012. I got sick of salmon. Everyone in the United States at that time, and this was Obama years, was eating salmon.

53:47And I thought this is fine. But I didn't like the ordering of fish, save that of Dover sole. I just, it's not fun. And people would also give the temperature of the salmon. I like it pink. It's like, it's all pink. it's very big you're gonna be don't worry and so it was a bit like I'm done with salmon wasn't anything I announced wasn't anything I like you know no publicist no agent just like me just like me in my own me on my own was started to be like roast chicken maybe mashed potatoes hen of the woods mushrooms

54:21James Acaster: yeah I think they are the best mushrooms yeah for sure yeah portobello's a different kind of mushroom it is yep but that's old I'd heard about that ages ago I think Yeah, for sure. Yeah. Portobello, Button, they're the classics. Yeah. Red with white dots. Yeah. Of course. A large red with large white dots. So big you could sit on it, maybe. A hundred percent. Yeah, yeah. And maybe it's candy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, like the Wonka thing. The Wonka thing, yeah. The Wonka thing. Wonka. One of those big... Augustus Gloop, is that good? Mm-hmm. Yeah, that's that. Caterpillar in Alice in Wonderland. He died, yeah.

54:55James Acaster: He died in that movie. All of the other kids don't die if you read the original Roald Dahl book, but they say at the end, Augustus Gloop did die. He did die. Yeah. In the Chocolate River. But Blueberry Girl and Miss Thing. Mike TV as well. Mike TV all fine. Mike TV the best. Yeah. Mike TV the best and always doesn't get remembered. Everyone remembers Augustus Gloop. No one really ever remembers Mike TV. That's a big moment, isn't it? I think because... Yeah, Gloop's the headliner. I'm aware of that. That's like the Final Destination. You're basically punishing gluttony with... I mean, gluttony and greed, sort of, with the first three.

55:33And then his is just he wants to be on TV and likes TV. It's not that bad of a problem.

55:39James Acaster: Wants to watch TV all the time. Nor are the other kids, sorry. I think he's hard on the other kids. Yeah, he's hard on all the kids. He's hard on all the kids. Was he a Yorkshire guy? Because he hated... He had hate in him, right? I think he was quite a bad guy, actually. I've got Stoker in my head, but was he for a while? Oh, the new book! What? Stop writing this stuff, man. He's too mean. He was quite bad. yeah he's a pretty bad dude actually and his thing with larger kids he really didn't like he really hated them was that a war thing I wonder because it was a large kid in the 40s you'd go you're not saving margarine for bombs or whatever was supposed to be that what was happening over here yeah yeah yeah that's what he's supposed to be doing yeah yeah yeah saving butter to make bombs that was just in general for ages though every like there's a whole run of Spielberg films where there's just an overweight kid in every film who just gets absolutely punked out.

56:30James Acaster: Because Spielberg's like... And he's normally a little wealthy too. There's this feeling of like, you're only big because you have too much. You could never be below the poverty line. And he's always dragging the gang down if he's in a gang, right? Because they're having to run around and stuff. And they're all like, keep up fat kid and stuff. Yeah, you've got Chunk and Goonies, obviously, which is Spielberg produced. and then we'll go through all the films and then we'll edit it in later. Yeah. I was a fat kid and I think I watched those films being like, at least he's got like friends. He's got people to hang out with, you know.

57:03I guess his group seemed to have friends back home. Yeah. You have to understand he's a German in England. Oh, Chunk had friends. Yeah. I watched a documentary

57:11James Acaster: about the Goonies recently on, just on YouTube. It's a YouTube one. But the guy, Chunk, now grown up, he works. He's an entertainment lawyer. Yeah, he's a lawyer. Quite successful. And he was saying like, pretty dark because like during the goonies they just wanted him to like maintain the weight and it's not that much weight when you look back at it he's just kind of a round-headed kid yeah so he turns up at his trailer one day oh no and there's just just donuts yes muffins it was muffins just filled it and these muffins that no kid like just so much like good stuff in these muffins and just trays of them and he's eating them and then but then later on was like discovered but no one else had those trays and muffins in their trailer.

57:53Well, I guess, you know, I don't want to advocate for what they did, but kids lean out so fast that I don't think it was like, I don't think this was like, we permanently want to keep you in an unhealthy state just to get the shot. But it's like 11, 12, you're just growing every day. And I can understand what they were doing. And also what I will say is it's the opposite of what you hear about the entertainment industry most of the time. That's fair. It's quite, you know, right? It's not making actresses eat cotton wool or whatever. You're giving your kids some muffins. It's fantastic.

58:25James Acaster: Chunk up, baby. He doesn't seem to like it these days. No. He's an adult and he's a lawyer. And he's like, that was weird when they gave me all their muffins. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That got him into law. Yeah, yeah. He goes, this has to be wrong. Yeah. He sued them. He sued the muffin company. Yeah. People v. Muffin. Yeah.

58:48James Acaster: We're going to move on to your dream drink now. As we leave the savory courses, I am sad that we haven't had a plain plate of noodles with a little bit of butter on it. I love that special. You do? Thank you. I've got the vinyl. You do? I've got the Sack Lunch Bunch vinyl. James, that means a lot. Very much, that's my favorite thing I've ever done. I love it. And people really loved it, but it is not the most widely seen thing I've ever done. I'm very, very happy you like it. It's my favorite thing you've done, actually. I love it and I'm a fan anyway. but like, Grandma's Got a Boyfriend. Grandma's Got a Boyfriend.

59:23James Acaster: Sing it all the time. And her boyfriend's name is Paul. What a song! Yeah. Based on my nana and her boyfriend, David. Yes, I didn't know how much... Because I knew that you had to take to social media to clear some things up afterwards. But I didn't know how much of it was real. Yeah, that was 2020. You had to talk about the story with the brooch. And stuff like that, but like... So I didn't know how much was genuinely... There's been a lot of... um yeah no uh what happened was david david took my nana to a formal of some kind and she wore the dress she'd worn the last time she went out with my grandfather who had passed away and they lit into her i mean they went after her my aunts were not happy and one time david you know and they would clown on david a little david had not served in world war ii but i'm sure he had a good reason david was a really nice guy david had written the first sat test which is a big thing in america um so that was interesting and um david loved crosswords and he he'd have a martini and he'd call my nana at night and he my aunt picked up one time and he didn't realize it was her and he went Bonsoir, ma chéri.

1:00:40And they went, oh my god, it's David! They're all screaming, laughing at him. Poor David, man. Yeah, I really was like, guys, David's a good guy. He's not the reason Grampy isn't here. Like, let's relax.

1:00:52James Acaster: That's why the song is funny. It's how much the kid likes Paul. He's a decent guy. Despite the fact that his aunt and his mum hates Paul. They really don't like him. And just the fact that he's so fond of him. David did once intervene. We were on a trip. No, I was not on this trip. they were in Ireland and there was just a regular ass fight between daughters and mother and David was like now ladies ladies I was like oh my god yeah that's a big move yeah yeah really bad move yeah really bad move I mean another shout out for Nish here but a line from the song that we will text each other sometimes is Paul this is not your fight yeah really makes me laugh these women would love a reason to destroy you yeah yeah yeah it's a it's a great verse yeah it's it really is a verse where every line is funny so that was we weren't i was really happy i've just i've never had a thing that i in the pitching and in and even in you know america sawyer and i were really on the same page but it was kind of hard to describe it in total um and yet we just we just knew what it was and when it came out it was exactly what we wanted yeah that kid is a great singer uh jacob who did playing jake ryan who did uh paul he's a great singer and that had a kind of midnight train to georgia feel which was fun yeah plain plate of noodles yes um was very carol king chicken soup with rice that song so we're really excited about that one plain plate of noodles i think a lot of kids had that my little sister claire was very plain pasta at every restaurant my mom would order for her and explain it and be like just noodles you know so and my dad used to have these ridiculous steaks of like are you going to order he'd often go are you going to order that when you're invited to buckingham palace the ultimate test yeah also i don't think you you would order if you were in buckingham palace and from what i've seen i don't think it's a sit-down dinner it looks like you all line up in one room it's pretty quick but even if they were having having pasta if someone had you over for dinner, would you be like, would you order something when you arrived?

1:03:02Oh, that's funny. They just bring you stuff. I think it was getting to that stage where we'd be at like a wedding and my mom would be like, she can't have this, can she have noodles? What's going to happen when the Buckingham invitation comes? And when I would cut my spaghetti, he would say that. What are you going to do? Yeah, what are you going to do on a date or at your wedding or at Buckingham Palace? He was always adding wedding. At your wedding, you're going to look like a fool if you don't learn how to eat better. because you know a groom so you met eating in general rather than there's going to be spaghetti at all these places yeah not like hey I could show you how to eat your spaghetti it was like in the next 20 years an invitation is going to come that you can't pass up

1:03:41James Acaster: your dad is such a great character when he crops up in your stand up what's his opinion on how he's portrayed I think he really likes it I found most everyone's happy to be mentioned the only times I've had any static are when people who are not mentioned uh-huh yeah i he likes it a lot i think it's added to this vibe he was very happy to put out of like cold and unapproachable he liked that at work a lot he had no family photos in his office at his law firm uh he had one photo of a federal judge named ed weinfeld that he had clerked for who was like a look man looked like a bird he had bald head with a big bow tie and that was the only photo he had and i asked him i go why don't you have any pictures of us he goes i don't i don't want anyone who walks in there to know anything about me wow wow and the seats in his office were too narrow so that people wouldn't stay for long i love that yeah yeah yeah it's what we're trying to do with the studio actually yeah yeah um so your dream drink john pretty arbitrary i'll go cherry coke lovely yeah lovely yeah um so so carbonated right yeah so obviously at that point in the meal i'm okay with it you're gonna be up and down to the toilet quite a lot yeah yeah do Do you drink wine with dinner?

1:04:58Sometimes. If I'm out, I'm not drinking wine at home. It's funny, when I drank, I never did. So when I see people doing it, I'm like, I wonder, does that taste good? Going back and forth like that? Yeah. Okay. That's why it's so... But is it, when food makes your mouth dry, is it like refreshing wine? Depends. If you're having like a cold white wine, it might be refreshing if it's a hot day. Right, but a hot red on a hot day... A hot red in a hot day does not work, I'd say. It always looked to me like, is that helping the fundamental reason you have a drink is to help with how dry food can be?

1:05:34I wouldn't say food necessarily makes my mouth dry when I'm eating it. Then you're not doing it right. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. Because my saliva's in there and stuff as well. So I'm not like, fuck, I need a drink. I've made my mouth dry with all this food. What do I not? So help me with what I'm saying then. I don't mean dry, but... You just mean like... What is the condition that food leaves our mouths in where we need to drink something.

1:05:55James Acaster: Yeah. It's wiped out. It just feels like... You need to refresh it with something. You need to refresh it. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I think wine does do that. And also you compare wine to food and it can become a whole new sensation. Yeah, because they'll have a whole list, right? And they'll talk a lot about it. Yeah. And they have people that serve wine. Yeah. Exclusively. Yeah, the wine guys. Yeah, wine guys. Yeah. And they'll tell you all about it. Cherry Coke is just... In fact, I'm going to have one as soon as I can. I haven't had one in a while. A lot of fun. We've got some Cherry Pepsi Max in the fridge.

1:06:25James Acaster: Oh, yeah, I'll have that. Is that good enough? Yeah, 100%. Yeah, 100%. Cherry Pepsi is really fun. I don't drink a regular Pepsi, but Cherry Pepsi is really fun. Cherry Pepsi Max is up there for my favorite drinks, I think. What's the max? Is that more caffeine or something? Less, I think. Less? No sugar. I think it's basically... Oh, it's like a Coke Zero. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. But I don't know why it's called Pepsi. They had no Coke Zero on the flight today, and it was a real thing. Yeah. Yeah, they were like Diet Coke. It was just everybody was ordering Coke Zero. They didn't have any. And so it was a lot of, we have diet, we have regular.

1:06:57Oh, no Coke's here. It was like the same conversation happening. As if no one could overhear what had just happened at the drink cart.

1:07:03James Acaster: What did you watch on the flight? Nothing. 50-minute flight from Dublin. Oh, of course. It's from Dublin. I thought it was from America. What did you watch on the flight from America to Dublin? I watched a documentary about the Move group in Philadelphia. they were they were kind of a back to nature and also semi-revolutionary not not quite Black Panthers but they were you know an African-American group in Philadelphia in the 70s that the police just destroyed there's an HBO documentary about some of them who are still in prison 40 years later I watched some of that and then fell asleep yeah fair enough yeah and then woke up with just about the nicest Coke Zero you've ever had when I was in Philadelphia I really wanted to go around and see the there's lots of famous graffiti there because there's a whole thing in the past of like like yeah like graffiti and got like kind of uh was illegal and then like all these people got punished for graffiti and then now those same people are basically the people designing the murals and stuff around philadelphia right and i wanted to go out and see these like historical bits of graffiti but um i forgot and then i was really gutted on them playing home because like i understand that one of them it probably still isn't there but they're graffiti the side of an elephant at the zoo oh that's wild yeah and he stood still the whole time yeah they managed to tag it just tag this elephant wow did you ever graffiti no way not in any serious way yeah i did a couple i tagged up a couple garages yeah yeah that's pretty a couple that's good that's pretty big what was a marker no not with a spray can what was your time i've never known how to operate i'll tell you a second i've never known how to operate a spray can no like i've never done it where it's it just gets all over my hand.

1:08:44Oh, yeah. I just really spray and make letters. That's an art. You're pointing it the wrong way. So the hole needs to be facing towards the wall. It does? Yeah, yeah. Now shake, and then get a little... Oh, you're right. With a marker I wrote, we are the fuckers on it.

1:09:03James Acaster: We are the fuckers. We are the fuckers. Yeah, kind of like, and we've been here and we might come back. And this is pre-Meet the Fuckers? Can't be. we are the fuckers was before meet the fuckers yeah we had the word before meet the fuck we are the fuckers yeah yeah kind of like we fuck we're you know we're 12 we fuck we've been here and we might come back yeah you didn't even know we were here yeah i found some liquid chalk pens once on the street and i was like i'm gonna do some graffiti but i didn't want to do it on any public property so i went and did it to my own bedroom and wrote slipknot lyrics on my chest of drawers oh cool and then wrote uh anton sanz or lave on the inside of my wardrobe who was uh the satanist the head of the satanist church yeah yeah you know what's funny about anton lave is there was a manson girl who rolled with him for a little bit yeah and she was so intense he went you get like it was during some orgy and sam he went you gotta get out yeah this is we're not actually doing this come on yeah and he kicked her out being too intense yeah he was the same the whole time that guy bald and loved the devil like it wasn't like yeah i have a new wave it's just always the same like welcome to just all the same yeah same every day every day got up yeah i'll wear dark clothes again and do that yeah devil yeah goths are consistent is what you find about them yeah i just i wondered was he like year four you're like are you bored of this because it feels like it was just like to escalate nasty behavior yeah and now you're just in it and like you know, having people send self-addressed stamped envelopes and stuff.

1:10:38James Acaster: Your dream dessert. You were into him, huh? Yeah, fair enough. I was like a metal head and like loved all of those bands and stuff, and then read up on Satanism and stuff. I was never into it in a sort of real way. He more liked the music and wanted the bands to think he was cool. Yeah. It's scary, Satan. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I remember that, you know, that time, yeah, see like at a head shop that sold bongs, it'd be like pentagrams. you go, no, I'm not even, I don't even know if I believe, but no, I'm not gonna mess with that. I still, I've got a little devil on my, on my chain today. Let me see.

1:11:10Oh yeah, there he is. He's got a little tri-devil. There he is. You're right. I love that guy. Well, that's the devil. Yeah. And Satan feels like a different kettle of fish. Yeah. That's serious. But I think they're the two sides of the same coin. 100%, but devil feels like, you know, like. Yeah, yeah. Whereas Satan is like, you know, I'm the father of all lies. Yeah. Things like that. Devil's like, you know. Yeah, he's like prodding people in the butt. Yeah, steal that. He's the guy on the shoulder, the devil, right? Yeah, Satan's not on the shoulder.

1:11:42James Acaster: Jesus. Yeah, Satan's on the back. He's a big goaded beast. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You think dessert? Speaking of missing, what was the movie? Cinderella. Yeah. While in rehab, a bag of Sour Patch Kids and a cigarette outside. in the cold Pennsylvania snow. See, now I'm going to come across as an absolute super fan. But again, this is a line that Nish particularly likes while he is eating sour patch kids and repeating gossip. That, I really appreciate. That's from an SNL monologue. I've never heard anyone mention that story. I like it. Thank you very much. If you don't know Nish Kumar, that is one of his favorite SNL monologues.

1:12:26James Acaster: Oh, fantastic. He talks about it a lot. And he references that line specifically. Yeah. I was really happy with that mom. Because it's about bringing your kids to work, is it? No, it was Make A Wish. We had been... Yeah. And this young woman, Elizabeth, wanted to meet me as her wish, which I was already thought was like... I was like, oh man, she doesn't have to make a wish, you know? You can make a plan to meet me. Like, you can just ask to meet me. It doesn't have to be a wish. And then she said, I want to see how you spend a day. And I said, I wouldn't wish that on a healthy adult. I want to have her just watch me eating Sour Patch Kids and repeating gossip.

1:12:59James Acaster: repeating gossip is lovely just so good really fun, yeah so for your dessert, are you repeating gossip? are you having Sour Patch Kids and a cigarette? Sour Patch Kids and a cigarette, yeah just a very nice candy memory yeah if I were to give another answer banana cream pie at this restaurant Joe Allen and I like sticky toffee pudding a lot what's the cigarette? it would have been a camel light or camel blue, I guess or maybe a parliament, whatever we had. And there's different types of Sour Patch Kids, right? This was a regular bag. Definitely not the watermelon kind. I don't like the watermelon kind.

1:13:39I'm really surprised they make it. It's really like, nah, I can't believe this is enough people's jam. Yeah, enough people must love it. They still make it. I guess. I mean, look, they obviously know what they're doing. This is a big company.

1:13:52James Acaster: I had a, so the last bag of Sour Patch Kids I had was last month. I had a very, very bad hangover in San Francisco. and I just, my body just wanted some Sour Patch Kids for some reason. I only ever had Sour Patch Kids in the UK before. So I got them from the hotel lobby. There was some Sour Patch Kids. Open it up. They're so much smaller here, the kids. Yeah, and in fact, we sell, oh wait, in the UK. Sorry, in America, they're smaller. You're diddy little kids. I know. You open it up, they're so tiny. We even sell a thing called a Big Kid, which is its own wrapper, like a prophylactic inside is a little, is a larger Sour Patch Kid.

1:14:29But I totally agree. R.I.P. Spielberg would hate that guy, the big kid.

1:14:32James Acaster: R.I.P. For sure. Roald Dahl would hate him, chase him out of his little hut. R.I.P. Sam Neill, give him a lecture and drag a razor across his neck. R.I.P. You've got to be like the little kids. R.I.P. How tight did Roald Dahl keep it that he could criticize other people's weight? R.I.P. Yeah, I mean, I've seen pictures of him. R.I.P. He wasn't ripped. R.I.P. Wasn't ripped, yeah. R.I.P. No, he's pretty... R.I.P. Could he have dropped seven pounds though? R.I.P. I mean, I bet he could have. Yeah. Sour Patch Kids, yeah, they're getting smaller. We also have Tate's Cookies. And that was a wonderful, large, salty, crispy cookie, you know, sold in stores, but you'd get it at like a Dean and DeLuca.

1:15:11Now they're everywhere. They're getting tinier, less crispy. It's a real shame. I think they got a co-packer and that's what businesses have to do to survive, but it certainly isn't great for those that knew how big the cookies once were.

1:15:23James Acaster: look when you're hung over and you don't expect the sour patch kids to be that small it is were you doing a show in san francisco i was the night before yeah this was just this was a travel day so it's even worse yeah yeah yeah and uh the whole day i'm just in the lobby i was gonna go out and do a bunch of stuff in san francisco and now i can't sit in the lobby fucking move it's valentine's day i was sitting in the lobby and they were having a valentine's day mixer and i was sitting there eating sour patch kids and hung over and everyone else is in their 50s and they're and And they've got like love heart cardigans on and they're sitting around and like, like mingling.

1:15:54James Acaster: You're at the club quarters? Where are you staying? I can't remember what the hotel was called now. I mean, it was near the Masonic. Oh, you're near the Masonic. So I was near there. And at one point, like a man and a woman just sat next to me basically on a first date. And they, for some reason, whoever's running the Valentine's mix has given everyone the biggest sandwiches I've ever seen. And so dry, like there's no mayo or anything in them. Like a ciabatta bread? It's just the driest bread, crustiest, driest bread. It's so wider than anyone's mouth, taller than anyone's mouth. Yeah. And full of just like dry cheese.

1:16:28James Acaster: And both these people are trying to be on a date together while eating these free sandwiches that they've been given that are awful. And obviously I just hear everything they're talking about. They might as well be sitting on top of me. And first of all, it's just trying to break the ice with, these sandwiches are so big. Yeah. And then they're so dry. and the guy said like to her we're in it together and then she did a really big laugh way more than it deserved because it's like a date thing i'm not glad she gave him the laugh and then eventually like they've run out of things to say and she just went i'm scared of ai oh yeah yeah yeah then i was in the middle of that yeah that was out of nowhere i'm scared of ai and that wasn't like teed up or anything it's good to be open on the first day he wasn't scared of ai what did he think he said i think it's basically going to be fine i don't think you need to worry about this sort of stuff there's no point worrying you can't control it you're like too oh that too much for a first date it's the end there's no relationship forming no relationship i thought it was going to be we'll find responsible ways to harness it we just need to get ahead of it he was just telling don't be worried don't be worried because we can't control you're stupid for worrying about it you can't control anything there's no point worrying about stuff you can't control you oh this is bad yeah you're not meeting up again no not at all and i'm there with my tiny sour patch did they acknowledge you at all talk to you no point yeah at no point i think they could tell i was i was having a rough time maybe she said i'm scared of that guy oh you can't do anything about it

1:17:49James Acaster: sounded like a yeah i'm gonna read your menu back to you now see how you feel about it okay you would like still water you would like poppadoms you want a french onion soup as your starter you like chicken parm as your main side dish hen of the woods mushrooms drink a cherry coke and dessert a bag of sour patch kids and a cigarette that's right how do you feel about that john you know looking back I went with Hen in the Woods and that's what it is yeah it sticks out as maybe there could be work on that you know on that part of the menu but we open in two days and that's going to be what we go with yeah yeah that's going to be good it's going to be good thank you so much for coming on the podcast it's really fun thank you John thanks very much for having me thank you John Mulaney thank you

1:18:35James Acaster: well there we are Jimmy a lovely menu lovely menu I think we got to talk about all of my favourite John Mulaney things yes I always remember just we've not been recording for a while I always remember that someone's going to come in you're going to pitch all your memories everything you know about their work everything you enjoy about their work I've seen all of it I ain't remembering stuff yeah and I'm just going to tell them what I remember I've got no follow up got no questions about it or I was very lucky that John used those as springboards for anecdotes. Yeah, and also he was delighted that there were very specific things that you liked and he liked those things as well.

1:19:13Occasionally you'd look at me for reassurance and I'd go... I'd just sort of nod at him. That's nice. Good to have a nod. Good to have someone nodding at you. Look, he's great.

1:19:21James Acaster: He doesn't need my reassurance. No, I mean, this is obviously on YouTube so people can watch and see if John Mulaney needs your reassurance. I don't think he does. He's an assured guy. Also, a lot of your compliments were via Nish, I would say. oh there wasn't there was a lot of like i like that but then a few of them you went nish likes this yeah well a it's true yeah nish loves them is that more comfortable for you than giving a direct compliment would you say no i think that like i joe what if i was on a podcast if i went on an american podcast and when the american comedians was saying like i love your stuff and there's another american comedian and he loves this bit you did it would make me feel even better.

1:20:04James Acaster: Yeah, yeah, yeah. But if you go on an American podcast, there's no way they're saying they like your stuff. No, none of them know what I've done at all. But, you know, so I guess I'm just like living. I'm going, I'm going to give John Mullaney the experience I wish I had. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, telling him, look, it's not just me who likes your stuff. This other comedian likes it. He quotes it all the time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Must feel pretty good to be John Mullaney right now going home from this. Oh, I bet. Especially because he didn't say one black coffee. Yeah, he stayed in the restaurant for the whole meal.

1:20:32yeah it didn't say one black coffee which is a dangerous one because it could it could have come at the end of the meal could have

1:20:37James Acaster: you said by the way to round off the meal one black coffee please get out get out get out alright I was going anyway yeah and we would have said we're not going to promote your tour Mr. Whatever which is happening from April 17th to the 27th around the UK and in Dublin but as it is we can promote that now and I would have been like I'm going to promote my tour instead John Mulaney yeah fresh hell brand new stand up comedy show by Ed Gamble 2027 end of January 2027 through to god knows what probably 2030 or something sounds pretty happy about it I'll be happy about it for the first year yeah so see him in the first year and then if you like seeing a comedian you know regretting being on stage which can be fun then see him after the first year yeah although normally then I'm fresh again because it'll be like international shows so it'll be exciting yeah and if you like that sort of stuff you like seeing a comedian regretting their decisions see me anytime in my show cycle where I'm like oh from show one to show 300 yeah on stage going why don't I do this again I mean I love it yeah in theory I do think you should just write the shows and then never perform them I should find someone else to do them that's a good idea should get someone else that could be you know after this show yeah moving forward I just find someone who will franchise it who will yeah I'm going to franchise it like Tape Face exactly like Tape Face maybe I'll get Tape Face to do it because he's not doing his own shows anymore because he's franchised it yeah so I'm going to get Tape Face to perform my shows.

1:22:01Yeah.

1:22:01James Acaster: Take the tape off. Take the tape off. See how some words suit him. Yeah. Thank you for listening slash watching. We'll be back next week with another great episode of our very funny podcast. See you later. See you later.