Kunal Nayyar

0:12Welcome to the Off Menu Podcast, taking the porridge of conversation, adding the jam of humour, and drizzling over a little cold milk of friendship, James. People put cold milk on porridge, right? That is it, Gamble. My name is James Acaster. You never want to chat about those. You always just want to get into the episode, don't you? Together we own a dream restaurant and every single week we invite a guest and we ask for their favourite ever. Start a main course, dessert, side dish and drink. Not in that order. And this week our guest is... Canal Neyer. Canal, of course, is a fantastic actor, James.

0:48known for his role in the huge Big Bang Theory but also now known for his role in Christmas Karma which is out now a new Christmas movie James we love a Christmas movie here on the Off Menu Podcast it's a twist it's a twist on Christmas Carol it's a twist-mas oh my god people got to start saying that yeah twist-mas twist-mas when people do a twist on a Christmas classic it's a twist-mas that is good man sounds a bit how like if someone was doing an impression of you they might say Christmas absolutely my name's Joe Daycast I like Twispers yeah yeah I love I love Twispers man yeah yeah yeah it's exactly what they would do yeah yeah you little punks who are listening yeah Craig but we're going to talk about Christmas karma yeah and learn more about that Danny Dyer's in that as a cabbie is he friend of the pod oh amazing yeah any other friends of the pod in there yeah well one friend of the pod whose episode never went out because we weren't able to put it out.

1:48Oh, yeah. And so people can guess that. People can listen to... Yeah, yeah, yeah. People can go and watch Christmas Karma and guess whose episode it wasn't. By the way, the reason we didn't go out was not because of anything dodgy. It's because what it was promoting wasn't then happening. Yes. Yes. So they will come back on. They will come back on. We would love to have them back on because it was a great episode that we could have put out because we talked so much about something that didn't happen in the end. Yeah. And hopefully, that doesn't happen with this one. Otherwise, you won't be hearing it.

2:15Oh, man. Imagine if it's like... This is going to happen. If there's a ripple effect. Yeah, but come on. What are they going to do? Cancel Twismas? Yeah, you can't cancel Twismas. And not in that way. Huh? I'd imagine they're trying to cancel Twismas now, aren't they? Oh, yeah, of course. Yeah, yeah. You can't even call it Twismas anymore. Every year. Every goddamn year. Can't say Merry Christmas anymore. Yeah, me and James are Twismas adventurers now. Yeah, we're Twismas adventurers. Hail Saint Nick. Very excited to have Canal on the podcast. But if he says the secret ingredient, an ingredient we deem to be unacceptable, we will have to kick him out, even though it's Christmas.

2:51Yes, it's Twismas. And the secret ingredient this week is Bang Bang Cauliflower. Benito's suggestion because of the word bang. Big Bang Theory. The word bang. Bang Bang Cauliflower. You can also get Bang Bang Cucumber. I guess we keep that in the back pocket for if we get another Big Bang Theory. You can get Bang Bang Chicken. Bang Bang Chicken, of course. A few things Bang Bang. do you want to know my big bang bang theory yes it's my favourite side dish sorry my big bang bang theory best thing at Wagabummers that's your theory is that it's your favourite thing yeah no no that it's the best is my theory your theory is that it's the best yeah yeah yeah wow that's my big bang bang theory has any scientists ever gone into a lab and go I've got a theory that something's the best yeah yeah yeah okay no examples no no no there's so many examples and there's no point giving one.

3:42That scientists have said, I have a theory that this is the best. Yeah, yeah. We'll have to get Brian Cox back on the podcast and ask him this. He's not coming back on, man. Professor Brian Cox will come back on. We learnt a lot and he learnt a lot from us as well. We got on his nerves. He'll admit it was a two-way street. We got on his nerves so much and that's what happens when we both act like that. Which is why often I need to be a go-between. But when we both go in double-footed, we get on the guest's nerves. If Kunal, I need you in my corner for the whole thing. Well, let's see what you do first.

4:09Just promise. Yeah, okay. and don't forget this is on YouTube tomorrow if you want to see everyone's faces yeah yeah if you want to see all of our faces and our bodies me and James love that it's a video now we never complain about how we look no we never complain about how we look we weren't texting this morning saying that we look like a body dragged out of a lake and a scarecrow made by a child yes and you can work out who's who yeah you can work out who's who this is the Off Menu Menu of Canal Nair

4:43Welcome, Kunal, to the dream restaurant. Welcome, Kunal-nia, to the dream restaurant. We've been expecting you for some time. Thank you so much. Thank you so much for honoring my reservation. That's good. Have you ever been to a restaurant and they've not honored your reservation? No, because usually my assistant calls. Yeah, yeah, we love it. That's terrible. I'm joking. No, we love the Hollywood honesty. I'm actually genuinely joking. That was a joke, I swear to God. Best time we've had on the podcast so far. I'm in many episodes in now. Only hat? No, we've had some hats, but they've all been pretty embarrassing.

5:15Really? Compared to yours, yeah. Okay, good. Well, I'm honoured again. It's a lot of honouring going on. Yeah, this is fantastic. Rarely has someone been so honoured to be in the dream restaurant. That's true, actually. Normally annoyed, jet-lagged, forced. Yeah, forced. Yeah, yeah. I've been to a sixth day of the press tour. Where everyone loves to see us on a press tour. We're like the cool guys. Oh, yeah, that's why I'm here. You've probably heard that. That's why I'm here, really. I cancelled everything. I even cancelled Graham Norton just to be here. Graham Norton's, you know, dead in the dirt.

5:46No one wants to be on that show anymore. It's all about off-menu. Where you get to be the only guest, you know. You don't have to sit on the sofa with some ragtag motley crew. Yeah, exactly. Where you have to learn who loads of British people are to sit on the sofa. And you have to always do accents. Yeah, exactly. They love that, don't they? They do accent super cuts online. It's all the people who did accents on the show. Something like that. Yeah, I think that they like Americans doing British accents. They love that, yeah. We should do that, Benito. We should do a supercut of people doing accents on the podcast.

6:16But it's only you who does them. Huh? Oh, so this is a self-promoting activity of you being good at accents. Yeah, I'm very good at accents. And the supercut would be all my accents, I guess. It would be pretty good. This is one big casting tape for James, basically. Thank you for joining us. Thank you so much. I'm here to promote James's accent. I'm doing a podcasting, man. Canale I wanted you to come on this so you can just tell me how to get out of podcasting and get into Hollywood please man while we're talking about actually let's get into your new film Christmas Karma yes very excited about it love a Christmas film I mean you must as well have said yes to this yes do you have favourites in the past is love actually a Christmas film it is a Christmas film I think so I mean definitely there's a lot of sort of chat around what's a Christmas film and what's not I think anything that people regularly watch around Christmas every year I think has to be considered a Christmas film?

7:07Die Hard? Yeah, I think so. I even get the debate around that. It's clearly a Christmas film. I think so too. I think so too. I mean, to be honest, Love Actually probably is always... Oh, that's super Christmassy. Yeah, exactly. My Generation's Christmas movie. Yeah, I did a panel show with the... Sorry if you're listening because I can't remember the actor's name but the kid, the little kid in Love Actually is now... I can't believe this happened. An adult. Yes, exactly. and is like... It's awful when that happens. Evolution. Weird. And he's been in a ton of stuff. To be fair, he still looks really young, that guy.

7:44Yeah, yeah. Yeah, he does look pretty young still. Even when he's got facial hair in some of his roles, you're like, well, the kid from Love Actually was wearing a fake beard. Tell us a bit about Christmas Karma, though, because it's not Love Actually. No, no, it's based on Dickens' classic Christmas Carol, but you have a South Asian Scrooge. Although his name is not Scrooge, his name is Soothe, and, you know, he's a businessman and he's miserable, And it's the classic, literally the classic story. But you have Eva Longoria, Billy Porter and Boy George as the ghost of Christmas present. Wow. Past and future.

8:14And then you have, it's a musical written by Gary Barlow and Nitin Sahani and Shazne Lewis. And it's got Bhangra. It's got hip hop. It's got Gary Barlow ballads. It's got dancing and singing and also a lot of pain. and you realize why Scrooge is Scrooge, where his pain comes from. So there's also stories about immigration and losing family. And so it's really everything. And it's Gurinder Chadha, who did Bend It Like Beckham. She's an incredible director. And I hope everyone goes and watches it because there's nothing like it ever made, in my opinion. Yeah, just you reeling off those names. I never thought I'd hear those names.

8:54No, no, no. And Pixie Lott is in it. And she sings beautifully. And Leo Suter sings beautifully. So there's some great, great actors. And the music is phenomenal. It's like, it's a great film. I know I'm plugging it, but I'm not, I would go and watch this film. And it is rare that we have people on who genuinely seem like they enjoy what they're doing. No, come on, don't lie. Ourselves included. Really? Did you have to sing in this film? No, I didn't have to. Was there a discussion about that? Not really, not really. It's just that Scrooge is, you know, everything's happening around him and so he doesn't really do much singing.

9:31Also, it's Scrooge, right? The vibe is he's not, I wouldn't expect to see Scrooge. Yeah, I mean, all the summer I was doing this, you know, I was just talking like this. It's great being grumpy though. I'll tell you, because being a grump on set, everyone just leaves you alone. And you don't have to apologize. My biggest nightmare is being rude to someone and being unaware of it, you know? So I'm constantly apologizing. But the greatest thing is for one entire summer, I could be on set and be a grump and come home and be a grump and no one said anything about it. You weren't method for Scrooge.

10:03It's liberating. It's so liberating. I could be an ass to everyone and it just didn't matter. Sorry, I'm still in character. I'm still in character. Bring me my sushi now. You must have hated the days where you were filming where he's had his revelation. I know, he's super happy. But you know, it's interesting about the film and we talked about this with Gurinder when we were actually trying to mold the characters that even what I never understood about Scrooge or understood about the Christmas Carol was that he's like this and then he's like ah he's like this and i don't think that that's the truth the way we really played this is there's still this like visceral anger and his joy like it's like a primal yell you know it's like this like he can't he doesn't know how to really channel that joy it still comes out as like just passionate screaming which i think is more true to someone who's had a revelation as opposed to someone who hasn't yeah it's not going to be a sudden flip into oh yeah you don't go from this to like hey man how's your day going good point actually i think sometimes like christmas stories they're really heartwarming but can give us unrealistic like expectations for our lives yes everything's perfect and happy yeah that's nice to like yeah like give a more a more realistic version of that yeah but it was fun it was really and we started doing spring which is still cold for you know us people uh but we had to pretend like it was christmas which was interesting you know which always happens um we have to do that sometimes with panel shows, we end up filming them early in the year, the Christmas special.

11:31And it's like March, and they're doing that. And the big one was when, I think it was 8 out of 10 cats did their Christmas special for 2020, but they did it in February before everything kicked off. And they didn't think that there was going to be a global pandemic. You don't think there's going to be a pandemic, really? No, I guess they didn't think that. But it's very early to do that. Now we do. Yeah, now I'm constantly worried. Now everything I do, including this, So we should probably say there might be a pandemic on right now. Oh God, that's terrible. So how are you dealing with a pandemic?

12:02Just to cover us off, we'll take it out in the edit if there's not a pandemic. Are you enjoying lockdown? It can be a grump in lockdown. Yeah, so I sit on my patio all day and think about my good fortune. Scrooge famously thought that one of the ghosts could be a bit of undigested beef or something. Is that going to be on your menu today? No, it's not. I grew up in India, so we didn't actually eat beef growing up. I'll be at last as soon as I said it. Now I love steak, so it doesn't matter. But I still can't. I mean, I'm the annoying customer at a restaurant that always orders beef well done. Wow.

12:37Yeah, I know. I thought I liked you. I know, I'm sorry. It's just, we didn't grow up eating it. And then it's just, I don't know. I don't get that. You know, for me, it's like everything we grew up eating in New Delhi had to be like cooked because we didn't have great sort of infrastructure for cold storage. And we just didn't know, especially with vegetables and everything in terms of water and bacteria. So everything was cooked, right? So it's just bear with me. I have to have it well done. We'll bear with you. Absolutely. That's what you want. And you've given a fantastic reason that we absolutely can't take the piss out of.

13:10No, you can't actually make fun of it. That was so coherently logical. Yeah. And if you do anything, it'll be construed as racism. Yeah. 100%. Oh, this is great. Do that for everything. All of your choices now. Build a fortress of racism around it. Yeah, so in New Delhi, we used to do this. And then we'll just have to go, yep. Good on you. That sounds delicious. Were you born in Hammersmith? Am I right? I was, yeah, I was born. Yeah, I moved to Delhi when I was three years old. But I lived in Hounslow when I was three, which of course makes sense. Were you born in Hammersmith? Yes. And then...

13:45Really? Same hospital? Probably. I think I've checked my parents Which hospital I was born in I'm just going to say it's the same one Yeah okay That's cool That's our claim to fame Yeah yeah That's my claim to fame Hospital buddies Yeah Yeah Well we always start with still a sparkling water Oh This is going to annoy you But it's a mixture of both 50-50 I love it I love it Do you? Because I learned it from a friend And I made a lot of fun of him And then I started doing it as a joke But then it stuck Yeah So now I'm just like You need to make fun of him Oh, God, can you imagine me at a restaurant?

14:17Can I please have half and half? And then I'll take my steak. Well done. Thank you. And leave me alone. This guy's so weird. Yeah, he's so strange. You're going to be all screwed. What's his half and half? And is half and half something that you would do in New Delhi? No. Half and half. There's no sparkling water in New Delhi. Right. Because why would you put bubbles into water? It makes no sense. What's wrong with you? I thought we had a reason to say that, Ed. That's really racist. And now... finally I was looking for my in and now what about you do you order sparkling water yeah now more and more in a restaurant I think it's a flex to just say a bottle of each that is a huge flex that's cool and then are you mixing it yourself yes then I'll mix it myself or if they do it then I'll ask them to mix it but I think a bottle of each sounds great it's an extra four quid but it sounds cool if you're trying to impress someone you know when you're mixing it which do you pour in first or you pour in both sparkling or with sparkling yeah gotta be you don't top it off with sparkling otherwise it's too bubbly forward yeah that'd be crazy to put the still in first then sparkly it so when you're ordering this do they know what you're going to do or are you ordering no and when you actually do it it's confusing if their English isn't great yeah and then you're mixing it together yeah and I'm just mixing it together this guy's a mad scientist yeah exactly yeah I do like this answer because the amount of times we've asked still or sparkling water there's only two answers really yes and now you have that we have to muster enthusiasm for either of those things.

15:45But this answer is giving you some life. This is something new. This is great. I mean, you have no idea how happy we are here. Yeah, exactly. I can tell from you. We've been annoyed for years that we've even included this question. It's a great question. We're asking people to reinvent it for us every time. But you've actually done that. It's not something that you... I think it's a British thing, like a European thing, sparkling water and still water. In America, it's not so... Not to piss off the entire country, but I don't think that it's... I mean, I've lived there 20 years now. I don't think sparkling water is as big as it is in Europe.

16:17That's interesting. Yeah, I'm trying to think of... Maybe not. No. I mean, ice water is like the thing, right? They'll bring over the ice water. Well, the craziest thing I remember about when I moved to the States in 99, when I was 18 for college, the amount of water... The students would be carrying these jugs of water everywhere. And I was like, what is this? Like, why are people drinking so much water? Because growing up, when you were thirsty, you drink water. Yeah. I mean that's how you you know but then if you say that in America the answer you get all the time that makes me want to pull my eyes out is well if you're thirsty it means you're already dehydrated and if you want if you if you want to hear a story about this if it makes the podcast or not but I'll tell you a true story so I get this like some special this lady comes and she's like this like she's draining some lymphatic whatever and she tells me look you're severely dehydrated and you need to drink two liters of water a day man you know keep hearing this in America I'm just gonna do it so I started drinking like two liters of water a day and I'm in I'm peeing a lot you know every hour whatever whatever secondly I begin to feel a bit uncomfortable I'm feeling a bit depleted and I'm feeling like oh my god I have to pee but I can't pee anymore and I'm feeling uncomfortable I call my doctor and I don't know what's going on he said what's changed in your life I said I've been drinking two liters of water a day for the last 48 hours he says where are you I said I'm home he's like okay can you can you drive I'm like yeah I'm just a bit tired he's like you're coming to the hospital right now.

17:39What? Takes me to the hospital, puts me in. Apparently, I drunk so much water that I had gotten rid of every nutrient in my body. Not only that, I also had like a 0.00001 like brain swelling. What? Because I had so much fluid in my system that my brain had to swell. So they had to keep me in the hospital for eight hours and give me like six IVs. Whoa. That's what I'm saying. And all because I was tired of hearing for 15 years that if you're thirsty, you're already dehydrated. And then that was the final straw, this masseuse. So that's a very long story to tell you. Just be normal, man. When you're thirsty, drink water.

18:23Just be normal. That's wild. Isn't that crazy? And that's a true story. No, I'm not saying don't drink water if you need it. I mean, because I'm not a doctor, but just... I just didn't understand. Just don't chug water all day suddenly after not... you know only drinking water when you're thirsty isn't that crazy but I love that you led up to the story with I don't know if this will make the podcast or not your brain swelled up that's making the pod we haven't had anyone with a brain film that's a clip I've never seen you sit awake in this podcast it's like mind blowing I'm going back I'm going back to hibernation after that but that was great and that makes so much sense because you know there's people who walk around with the big massive jugs of water yes yes yes whenever I speak to those people it does seem like their brain's swollen a bit yes exactly oh yeah yeah they got swollen brain I gotta hijate.

19:08Yeah, I gotta hijate. I don't know how to hijate. You gotta hijate. Oh, brain swelling. Put that in the accent clip. Can that go in the accent? I don't think that should make the podcast. That could hurt someone's feelings. Oh, well, no. These people don't have feelings. And they don't listen. Exactly. Pop out a bread! Pop out a bread, can I know you? Pop out a bread! Obviously, pop out a bread. I mean, that's not a question that would work. We got Cindy V coming in this afternoon. And? And she told me off last time. because she said, you say, pop it on, pop it on, pop it on bread to people. And you said, say, pop out of bread to people.

19:42And then I said to her, I'm going to do that next time. And that was over a year ago. And then I've never done it. And cause she's in next, I'm like, I'm going to do it in this one. And it just so happens that you grew up in new Delhi. Yeah. So I look like I'm being ultra cool. No, a second. Pop it. You got it. Yeah. And you said, that's not even a, that's not even a choice really. Not for me. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, if a restaurant is offering parboard I'm going to eat parboard and what kind do you want because there's a lot of different kinds right that's such a good question that's a really good question have you ever had the the white airy ones with all the bubbles the really big or you probably had yeah yeah I think they were one of the ones that Jamie Oliver bought in a big thing but like yeah the ones that are quite thick and airy they're just bubbles yes exactly yeah that's the one I love yeah that's great yeah really good you don't get them in many places here no you don't which is a shame because that is really that really tastes good the one the one bread that you don't get much of in restaurants outside of India is rumali roti okay and I'm telling you this because next time if you're an Indian restaurant you should just go to one if they have rumali roti rumal means handkerchief and rumali roti is a bread like an Indian bread like naan cooked in the thalur but it's it's like a handkerchief thin wow And they fold it up.

21:06And it's the greatest bread, Indian bread, you'll ever have in your life. So if there is a restaurant, I'm trying to think who does it in London, but I'll send you guys an email and you should go. Rumali. Rumali roti. Roti means bread. Yeah. Rumali. So if we go to an Indian restaurant, ask for rumali roti, don't accidentally just ask for rumali because they'll just bring us a handkerchief. Yes. Well, if you, rumali, yeah. If you go to a Rumali, they'll be like... Here's a, why do all... So when you go to a restaurant in London, a lot of people are wearing navy blue pants and navy blue jacket, right?

21:38That's standard. That's not an observation. That's not funny. That's just normal. That's funny to us. Yeah, it's funny to us that that's something you've noticed. Yeah, when people notice stuff about the UK who don't live here, it's funny because we don't notice that. Yeah, no, I'm saying everyone, like, if you're in the city and you go to London. But they give you white napkins. And white napkins give white linen on blue suits. so I never understood why more restaurants don't have black napkins have you ever thought about it? I've never thought about it but I'm 100 % on board with it immediately do you know what I mean?

22:12yeah yeah I would much rather that now the white napkins give you white linen on blue pants yeah but then if you get something on your napkin people can see how messy you are or mucky pup you are that's true so what's the word you said? mucky pup a mucky pup a mucky pup mucky pup yeah oh like your your mucky like your A little doggy. A little baby dog. A little baby. That's been rolling around in the mud. A little messy baby dog. Oh, a pup that is rolling around in muck. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A mucky pup. Is that like a real... Yeah, that's a phrase. That's a real phrase. Okay, that's not just something you made up for the podcast.

22:48No, no, no. That is a phrase, mucky pup. Mucky pup. In what context can I use it so that I'm not in trouble? If you spill something on yourself, go, oh, I'm such a mucky pup. See, it sounds nice in your accent. If I say, oh, I'm such a mucky pup, it sounds a bit weird. I think that sounds nice. I'm a mucky pup. I like it. Sounds kind of sexual. I'm a mucky pup. Well, that is also, like, be careful in the context you use it. If you're heading down to, like, a pride parade, that's also, like, a subsection. Is it? The pups. I don't know this. Yeah, the guys who dress in the dog masks. What? Oh, good on them.

23:21Yeah. It's like a set. I think there's a whole separate parade in London Pride. Is there? The pups parade? Yeah, yeah. And they can get mucky, I suppose. Who can't? Yeah. this is definitely off topic it's off topic for sure but yeah the white napkin people can see quite how messy you are what a mucky pop you are and a black napkin they can't see they can't see no one can see anything okay well that's just I just had to get it off my chest I agree with you that it should maybe each restaurant should just have a range of napkins and they can bring them out and match them to your your trousers yeah so whatever what you're wearing whatever suit you're wearing or dress or whatever they can like put the napkin on until they get one that matches and then go there you go.

24:01I would be on board for that. That's nice. That would be really nice. There would be like a napkin sommelier. Yeah. It feels, that's just around the corner, surely. That's definitely going to happen. That's right up there with Mucky Pop. Next garage band. Mucky Pop could be the name of the napkin restaurant where you get the napkin sommelier. Mucky Pop. You know who I would love to be a napkin sommelier? Billy Porter. Billy Porter. By the way, also in Christmas Karma and a great actor. Yes. Fantastic actor. I've shared a screen with Billy Porter of course well you haven't really yeah I acted to a tennis ball and then Billy Porter acted to a different tennis ball and then they put it together that's great I'm gonna go home and watch that scene yeah Cinderella you should I mean once you watch that scene you'll wanna watch the whole film okay that's great yeah yeah it'd be impossible not to watch the whole film just send me the timestamp where it is yeah yeah absolutely you got it it's a great scene your dream starter should I make my menu entirely Indian I mean, is that okay?

24:59I feel it to you. If that's your dream. If that's your dream menu, if that's what... It's going to have to be grills. Like it's going to have to be tandoori chicken, chicken tikka, kakori kebab, which is a kebab that melts in your mouth. Oh, yeah. And so it's got to be all protein grills. I'm going to say kakori kebab, chicken tikka, tandoori chicken, malai tikka, all of the tikka's right there. The kakori kebab, did you say? Kakori kebab. What means that? That's made out of lamb usually. and it's like it's it's I don't know it's like a si kebab but it like melts in your mouth it just melts it's very and it's time consuming to make and the people who make it well it's just delicious is it because of the fat content that it just melts in your mouth no I just think the way they tenderize the meat yeah that sounds incredible I want everything to melt in my mouth do you?

25:46yeah everything name something well I'm sure there's foods that you don't want to melt in your mouth what about like a salad you wouldn't want a salad to melt in your mouth yes please I'm not chewing salad really? just let it melt in my mouth do you like salads? no why? when you go to a restaurant do you order a salad? depends what's in the salad but yeah like what? I love a Caesar salad I'd say that it's up there in my see I've already turned you into a salad no I like a Caesar salad or like a good chop yeah yeah chopped salad all of that stuff I like salads with like a bit of you know a bit of hefe to them maybe with just you know some sweet potato in there some grains it's tasty but also you're like I'm doing some great stuff for my body here yes I do agree but don't eat it every day because it'll make your brain swell yes oh my god what Jesus what a story huh anything healthy makes your brain swell I didn't know that I thought it was just the water before the podcast we were talking about the taste profile of beetroot and how to me it tastes like nothing but then people backstage were saying it tastes like the earth yeah and then someone said very astutely that if you put vinegar on it it takes on the flavour of vinegar because it's quite soluble so i i have nothing else to say about that that's like an actor yeah exactly it's very soluble you try and make yourself just like as partly just like the earth as possible yes like water and then if people but then you add stuff and then you take on the flavor of that yeah you should be an acting teacher you add the grump and then you go now i'm taking on the flavor of the grump and now i'm going to be screwed can you imagine if james was an acting teacher you turn up on day one and he's like you're a beetroot yeah yeah forget everything you know about being a human you're a beetroot that'll be great that that's good acting i'm sure there are acting teachers take on the flavor of a mouse mad things aren't they i'm sure i mean i've had my share of them uh but that's the first time i've ever heard food in a context of acting training well if you ever if you come across it now in the future you got to call the people out that they're ripping me off.

27:49That's true. I will. I'll say, oh, okay. I've heard that before, but not from you. Yeah, but not from you. From someone who played John the Mouse in Cinderella. Yes, across Billy Porter. Yeah, yeah. Who was the tennis ball? Who was the tennis ball? Yeah. That's a good actor. Has anyone ever played a tennis ball in a film? Imagine playing a CGI tennis ball. Because then the tennis ball they would have for the actors to act would actually be quite helpful. It's actually more realistic. Yeah, they're like, this is great. Against the actor. Which is perfect. I'm just looking directly in the camera, thinking, is this really happening?

28:23Welcome to our world.

28:32Your dream main course. Ooh, staying on the same cultural trope that I'm on, I would say butter chicken, dal makhani, which is black dal, and buttered naan. I love this. I'm in heaven here. Is there somewhere where you've had the best versions of these? Is it a restaurant? Someone you know who cooks at home? Yes. In New Delhi, there is a restaurant growing up called Moti Mahal. And they are under actually litigation right now. All the brothers are fighting about who actually invented butter chicken. Oh, that makes it more exciting, doesn't it? So I'd say that. And I'll say like, you know, you can't go wrong here with the Gymkhana, with Couture.

29:17There's so many good Indian restaurants. In my opinion, outside of New Delhi, London has the best Indian restaurants in the world. Yes. Wow. 100%. Not even a question. Thank you. Not even a question. You're welcome. We work really hard on those restaurants. Yes, exactly. Thank you for saying that. No, I mean, the thing I don't understand is when people say, well, you know, the food in England is not. The restaurants in London are phenomenal. Phenomenal. I think what people get mixed up quite often, or they talk at cross purposes where they're like, British food is awful. And then you want to go, yeah, but the restaurants in London are amazing, but very rarely are they restaurants that do British food.

29:51They're just good examples of other nations' foods. What's a British dish that you find not awful? I mean, there's a lot. Yeah, very good examples of British dishes. But that works for anything, right? So an amazing Sunday roast, an amazing shepherd's pie. What makes a Sunday roast phenomenal? I'm curious, actually. Is it the quality of the meat? Yeah, the meat's definitely got to be not too dry. Loads of flavor to it. I mean, the potatoes are crispy on the outside and fluffy on the inside. The gravy. The gravy's got to be super high quality and not sludgy. If all of the individual components are very well cooked and very high quality, it's a fantastic meal.

30:35So you're saying a posh Sunday roast is the best Sunday roast? Not even posh, just high quality. It doesn't need to be posh. It can all be like just a bit like hearty and ready to go. But it's just, it's so easy to get wrong because there's so many components, I think. Like, yeah. And like, you know, the seasoning of everything when you're roasting it. So the quality of a Sunday roast. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Actually pay attention to it. Is there one that is like the quality Sunday roast in London? The thing is, everyone would just say, everyone would say you've got to go you've got to go home to your mum go to Ed's house yeah Ed's my mum in this case go to Ed's house for the Sunday roast you're saying my mum's roast?

31:11no your roast my roast Ed makes it you make it I've made a roast before I don't know if it's quality I can't top quality yeah you can't yeah it's top quality yeah the potatoes I can't do them as well as my mum does the potatoes yeah yeah yeah but everyone's mum does the best roast potatoes not my mum that's terrible she listens to every episode of this yeah just up your game what's wrong with your mum's potatoes what's right with them she's just yeah just put the effort in yeah she knows she's listening to this she knows you know you know what you did there's a there's a pub an Indian pub called the Tamil Prince that's all the rage right now and they do an Indian Sunday roast I've still not been I haven't been I just see it on Instagram all the time and I haven't been yet yeah and I would absolutely love that because the Sunday roast is like not my it's like Christmas time it feels like i wouldn't have it every week it's very it's very heavy meal but i think that the indian sunday rice at the tamil prince would be like yum i would love yum you know what i would watch is the film of all the brothers fighting over who invented butter chicken yeah i mean i think there's a couple of scripts floating around that has to be yeah it's still in litigation this it's going to the supreme court yeah that's when you know you've got it must be hard if you're like going to court against people you got a whole trial going on or whatever it is and then you hear while you're going through this process that some people are buying the film rights to this you must get in your head about it when you're going into court like this this is going to be in a film one day yeah well i mean it's like the like the house of guinness right yeah yeah this could be the house of butter chicken yeah house of butter chicken man i i would watch that yeah Would you be in that?

32:51Yeah, of course. Yeah. I would be the butter chicken. No, I would not be the butter chicken. I would be the head of the butter chicken household. Yeah, yeah. You can't play the butter chicken. You can't play the butter chicken and people acting against the tennis ball. Yeah. Maybe. Could you imagine? You could. That would be a good... I... No, I don't want to speak too soon, but that was pretty great. That was pretty good. That was pretty great, doing a little butter chicken piece. Multi-fascinated actor. Yeah. Oh, God. my team's watching this and saying God what are you doing they're watching this and they are getting right on the phone do you want us to send you that video and then you can you can send that use that for my next casting game for the next Pixar butter chicken animated movie because we can add Ben we can add like a dish of butter chicken around Canals head can't we for when he pops up and then we send it to a casting director nice one you know that they're not talking to anyone right there's no one sitting there yeah there's just no one what a twist that would be that he's never been here we could be in it yeah we could be in it yeah sure like what role would we play though the rice yeah yeah white boys play the rice that's what I was thinking absolutely we would play the rice yeah I would love it if there was a twist and Benito's never been on the pod he's never existed it would be funny if like he's never actually been here and like we've made such a big deal over him that's hilarious been on the pod for ages that would be hilarious we've said about how he doesn't speak yeah and then it turns out he was never here that's amazing and that's a movie and that's a movie

34:24Dream side dish Now this is a Well not controversial But going away from the Indian It's got to be french fries Love it It's got to be french fries It's got to be But I like I don't like them I like the long Thin soggy ones Yeah You know when you order McDonald's And you get them And I'm always looking for the long Thin soggy one Why do you like that one? Because a lot of people I don't know That is controversial. Yeah, I know. I like it like that. I'm not a big crisp. They have to be thin. I'm not a chunky chips guy. They've got to be super thin and super long and not overtly crispy for me. Wow.

34:59So what do you not like about the crispy ones? Is the flavor different for you? That's a really good question. I haven't really thought about it. Because I do like crisps. I like crunchy things. Yeah. But I don't know why. I just like the long, They're just crying too hard. soggy, what do you call them? French fries. Yeah. That's good. if you're sharing a bunch of french fries with people they're gonna let you have that one not a lot of people like the long soggy one yes that's true that's my favourite side dish that would be my favourite side dish I like this as well because you're are you then dipping the fries in the butt that's what I was gonna ask oh that's good I didn't think about that not really no no like I don't like ketchup one thing about me is I don't like ketchup yeah there's something about ketchup that just gives me the ick I use it gives me the ick I told my niece I was going to use it because she said that once and I was like what does that mean and she said it makes you not feel like nice about something and I used it and it seemed like it was coming out of my mouth like naturally right that seemed completely natural that didn't seem like you were putting it in there until straight afterwards when you went I know I know I know but then you cut that part out yeah is this what you like when you're doing like shooting a scene you do it and you go that came out of my mouth like it was natural you all heard that right yes yes yes after every take I'm like a bean treat guys I did it that sounded just like scrooge yeah exactly you all heard it it's natural have you ever had a moment like that when you've like been filming something or just doing any sort of acting where like in the moment or afterwards you were you literally think oh my god that was that was good stuff i really like outdid myself there yeah it's rare yeah but they have of course you know because as you know we like to torture ourselves so much about the work that we do but for me I've had a few moments and then I'm watching the TV show or the movie and I'm like they didn't use that take oh my god you know what I mean the interesting thing is you know about acting is because we're seeing everything just through our own entire sort of identity perception is that we think that when we watch the movie the camera is not going to cut to someone else while we're talking we think the camera is always going to be us while we're talking and then of course you have to cut away for reaction you have to cut away to piece away the story, but you're like, oh my God, I remember seeing that line and just my eyes and feeling everything and then they cut away to the other person.

37:16So I'm seeing the lines off camera so you can get their reaction. What about me? I know. I know. It's really, it's really, so yes, I've had those moments, but not all of them have ever, when I'm watching them, felt like the way it felt when I was doing it. Has there ever been a film that anyone knows of where it is all just filming one actor? Yeah. And everything else is off. Son of Saul. Oh, really? yes about a man in the concentration camps and the whole film is just I think a one-er on his face wow and it's very intense film yeah and yeah that's the only one I know of it's one take as well as far as it's my memory of it what if you need to burp during that yeah yeah and it's just trained on your face the whole time just your client yeah but then start again oh there's so many tricks just stitched together what if you're burping an hour and 20 minutes into that.

38:10What if you get hiccups? What if you get the hiccups, man? I hate getting the hiccups. If I get the hiccups, they last forever. Yeah? No, seriously, I get chronic hiccups. I don't get them much, but if I get them, they last forever. That's a nightmare. Yeah. And they hurt as well after a while, I bet. No. No? Hard man. Sorry, mind over. He's a hard man. He's a hard man? Yeah. No, I'm not a hard man. I'm saying that my hiccups don't hurt. All right, mate. Do your hiccups hurt? Yeah, if they're like big hiccups, they kill no no enough no where do they hurt they kill chest it kills throat they kill me man it kills doesn't it yeah yeah what do you have to say to people sorry I've got laid down this kills yeah yeah it's absolutely killing do you have comments on the podcast someone should comment about this does anyone else hurt I know there's never hurt everyone else all the comments will be like I agree with Ed they really kill really I have to believe him I'm not on social media so Ed just tells me the comments.

39:08So Ed's like, yeah, everyone agreed with me again. I'm going to go off if there's a drop and I'm going to go, yeah, yeah. All the comments will be saying, Ed's right, these two are a couple of hard men. Really? Yeah, yeah. What's a hard man? Like a tough guy. Tough guy. tough guy. That's a good deal by my fuchsia sweater.

39:28Your dream drink. Ooh, Vespa Martini. Woo, lovely, classy. Talk us through the Vespa Martini. Three parts of gin, one part vodka lily or cookie whichever you prefer shaken freezing cold lemon twist beautiful freezing cold is important cold is like yeah I don't I don't like a room temp martini or anything you really also at the Dover in London which is now a really nice martini bar halfway through your drink they give you a new ice cold glass and pour it back in and it's delicious now the thing the problem with the Vestman martini is that one is great two is like and three is finished. Yeah. So you have to have like one and a half to feel great.

40:12Yeah. Two, you're not feeling great. I mean, you're feeling great, but the next day you're not feeling great. Yeah, yeah, yeah. These are very, very strong. So please drink them responsibly. Yeah, they all sidecar sometimes with... Well, here in London, the martinis are half the size. In the US, the martinis are in that like fishbowl kind of thing and a sidecar. And here they come in the very beautiful, small, elegant glasses. But I never understood like how British people British people can drink so much beer like pints like I have friends who can drink five six seven pints and feel great if I had two beers I'd be hiccuping yeah yeah yeah sure I think it's because you guys just grew up drinking it it doesn't make you feel I can't do it anymore they all feel awful but we're just used to always feeling awful so it's like they just don't so you notice like yo I feel awful all of a sudden because you're not in a constant state of like just hating yourself the weather's bad whereas here everyone is just we're all used to the base level is we feel bad yeah and when we feel normal we're like god I'm so happy today yeah and then you suddenly feel guilty for it yeah then you start questioning it I better have nine pints yeah I better have nine pints and get back to feeling yeah yeah it's awful again that kills me it's hilarious well I used to drink a lot of pints but now I don't I just get full straight away yeah yeah I just feel so full.

41:33But are you with me on the Vespa Martini? It's a great drink. Oh, yeah. It's fantastic. I mean, Martini's in general is one of my favorite drinks. What is... Do people drink your gin more? Or vodka? I go for the vodka ones more, but Vespa would be my preference as well. With a twist or dirty? Well, Vespa you can't do. Vespa you have to do with a twist. Either with a twist or I like filthy Martini. It's like absolutely got my nuts. Yeah? Yeah, yeah. I don't like savory in my drink. Like a Bloody Mary to me is just gazpacho with vodka. you want to hear a good gazpacho story it's not a great story you drank too late brain turned into a tomato I started doing this as a joke and no one in my family thinks it's funny but I do love gazpacho I really love gazpacho when the sun's out I order gazpacho and I always do this trick where the gazpacho comes and I take a sip and I spit it out and I say this is cold send it back and the waiter's like what and I'm like gotcha usually they think it's kind of funny yeah that's a good reason but sometimes you're an actor you've got to be careful with that with your powers there yeah because they could burst into tears because you've acted it so well yeah usually I wouldn't I wouldn't do it at a place that I didn't know the server or something I wouldn't like you know hurt someone's feelings who felt sensitive that day yeah and what if they rush back to the kitchen yeah no I have to you have to time it out perfectly before they knew it was a joke yeah and the next thing you know that's your rep that's your rep I know oh my god yeah I would never happen I don't think I could be rude to someone like that but that would be terrible who did that happen didn't yeah that happens to people no I I don't want to get I would never I would never be mean to a second I think it's good to have like jokes that you do in every restaurant yeah you think yeah do you have one a little routine well I mean the classic is when like a big massive plate of stuff arrives that's clearly for sharing what's everyone else having yeah funny that's a good one that's good yeah yeah yeah yeah um and they maybe when they pour water or whatever for you and like you pretend it's vodka.

43:32That's funny. What's that one? What do you mean? Just a glass of vodka. That's a... You have a water. I don't know this one. And not while they're pouring it, but like, you know, people say, well, you're not drinking, and they're like, oh, yeah, yeah, this is vodka. And then you put the water and go, this is a glass of vodka. That's like something a six-year-old would do. Oh, sorry. I'm sorry for your mature joke that you're going to eat the whole plate of food. You're looking for more in the joke than actually exists, I think. So they're pouring water and you're saying this is vodka. Yeah, yeah.

44:03That's it. That's a funny joke. When everyone else is drinking alcohol and they go, oh, you're not drinking. And then you go, yeah, yeah, this is vodka. This is a glass of vodka. Yeah. That's a joke. People do that. People do that joke. Yeah. Can I haven't made it up? No, no, I believe you. I'm still just trying to understand it. I've never seen someone do that joke. But imagine if you had, like imagine a glass of water like this I've got here. Yeah. If that was all vodka, that'd be mad. yeah of course that's funny yeah so yeah if you're if you're suggesting to someone if they're like oh you're not drinking and then you're like yeah i am this is this is a glass of vodka right here then they're like whoa you went from not drinking to drinking a whole glass of vodka and having a problem with alcohol that's funny how would that go down if you were at dinner do you think first of all i it would take 30 minutes to explain yeah i'm not trying to be rude i'm saying that That's not the best joke I've heard.

44:59I'm sorry. Not the best restaurant joke I've heard. That's a good restaurant joke. Next time you're in a restaurant, you try it. Okay. Maybe it's because it's outside of the usual setting that it's not landing. Yeah. But like in the... Yes, if everyone's ordering a drink and I already have a glass of water and then someone says, you're not drinking and you say, oh, well, this is vodka. Come on. Okay. That's good. That's good stuff. The way that you did it just then. I think it's good stuff. Huh? No, I'll try it. This is vodka right here. I'll send you guys some comments on the... This is vodka I'm drinking.

45:28Imagine if you drank that much vodka and one go you poured that, you'd have a problem. I just like to, when I clean my plate, when the waiter comes back over, I say, oh, I didn't like that. Yeah, that's classical. And I'd say, I'd drink all my vodka. If I had an empty glass, I'd go, that was vodka, but I just drank that to the waiter. And they'd go, no, it's not. It's water. I've been topping it up the whole time. I'd be like, yes. And I'd say, yeah. Yeah, that's good. Yeah. I'm sorry I brought up the gazpacho joke. I thought there was way out of that. But going back to my original thing, I mean, Bloody Mary is just gazpacho with vodka.

46:00Yes. But that does sound nice to me. But you don't like the savoury. I don't like savoury. I saw this apple the other day and you will not like this if you don't like dirty martini. Anchovy vermouth to put in martini. I would like it. Yeah. Or like a Gibson with a pickled onion. Not my thing. I love it. Blue cheese stuffed olives. No way, dude. Yes. Oh my God. Oyster. I've had an oyster martini before with a whole oyster in it. Yuck! I hated it. It doesn't look any of these things. You're not going to land on one that's nice. You saw what you went at the end of the martini, did you just have the oyster as well?

46:33Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the shells in it as well. It's got a shell and a whole oyster in it. Yeah. Oh my God. What if you drank that and then said that was water? What? Like you do the flip around. James, please. So what if you just had a like a seafood cocktail like that, you say that was water I just drank? Yeah. Thanks. A lovely glass of water. What reaction do you expect from anyone for that lovely glass of water? What do you want them to say to that? Well, they'd say that was alcohol. Yeah, and then what? That's that. Done. Yeah, well, a few people would get a kick out of it. Here's another restaurant joke.

47:07Are you any allergies? Only allergic to a good time. Oh, that's nice. Only allergic to a pint of vodka. Yeah. That's what I would say. Right. Or if you're in a seafood restaurant and they say any allergies, you go yeah seafood oh that's good yeah yeah or a sushi restaurant do you have any allergies yes anything raw yeah that's good yeah water's raw no shut up shut up the moment has passed

47:34your dream dessert oh vanilla ice cream with hot chocolate sauce all over it love it more hot chocolate sauce than ice cream the hot chocolate sauce is a lovely touch I love it and also it has to be almost soup like I like it super melty I like it super melty like when I eat ice cream I take it out of the fridge and leave it for like 30 minutes and then I eat it almost soup like consistency yeah I I remember once having a house share with someone who did not like to eat ice cream like that and I couldn't get my head around it they were like I like it as solid as possible I don't understand to like pop a scraper off the top and I was like really I don't understand that It's got to be super melty.

48:17Like obviously not soup-like, but just melty enough, right? Yeah. I like it somewhere in between. I don't want, you know, too melty, but I can't be doing with rock hard chipping away at it. No. I can see there's ice cream there, but I can only have tiny little shards of it. That's awful. But I don't want nuts, almonds, nothing on it. Just literally vanilla ice cream and like hot chocolate sauce. Yeah. Chocolate fudge sauce or just hot chocolate sauce? Just hot chocolate sauce. Hot chocolate sauce. Because if it's already melty, if you've already left it out of the freezer for a little bit, you're putting the hot sauce on top.

48:46It is basically completely melted, isn't it? Yeah, you're getting a little bit of the soft consistency, but it's pretty much soup-like. Also, I love Nutella. Oh, yeah. Nutella on white toast. Ooh, we could put a little bit of that on the side for you for dessert. Yeah, maybe. Yeah. You want a little triangle of toast with the Nutella on it? How thick are you spreading the Nutella? Oh, like, very, very, very. Give me a minute. Like, more Nutella than bread. Yeah. Oh, yeah. And it's got to be thin white bread. Yeah, yeah. Thin white bread, huge scraping of Nutella just sort of gumming up your mouth a bit sometimes I'll throw you in the bread and just eat it with a spoon I think that's the way to do Nutella to be honest I've probably shouted the guy out before but I watched a video on YouTube once a guy just speedy in a whole jar of Nutella and he was really amped up by the end he did the whole thing?

49:36the whole jar, they speed up the footage but he just does it all I don't know if his name is Eric the Electric but at the end of it he says to the camera I ate a whole jar of Nutella today what have you done? And how did that make you feel? Well I said well I've watched a video of a guy eating a jar of Nutella that's what I've done. Which is as much of an achievement I think. Yeah I got to the end of that video and I didn't expect the sass at the end but it was nice to watch him do it and I felt pretty good about myself afterwards because I was like well I didn't do that today so I feel like I've had a healthier day than that guy even though he's probably he looked like he was in good shape so I imagine the rest of his life is balancing out yeah of course so that he can take the hit on that it's like Nathan the hot dog guy yeah yeah he's ripped who's that he's like the he's the hot dog eating king yeah there's there's Matt Stoney maybe his name is not Nathan no I think Nathan's is the name of the competition right yeah there's the there's the famous guy there's a Japanese guy I think and an American guy yeah yeah how do you know these guys well there's Matt Stoney who does very well at that sort of stuff competitive eating Randy Santel of course I watch a lot of this sorry I did not know this was your Eric the Electric it's worth checking out how do you know these people there's Beard Meets Food who's the you know yes yes yeah familiar with Beard Eats Food yeah Beard Meets Food what?

50:56huh? Beard Meets Food yeah yeah well he doesn't meet it he eats it yeah but the name of the channel on YouTube is Beard Meets Food doesn't make any sense someone should tell him that and it's M-E-A-T-S as well yeah which is clever what are you talking about that's not clever they're always eating meat obviously they make stuff that isn't even meat before. So you can't say something's not clever when you've just done a 15 minute joke about vodka being water. Good joke. And I made it last 15 minutes. And it's not over if I have a feeling. That's the concern. You're completely correct. The classics never are.

51:25You've got the measure of him. The classics never are over. If you were eating a whole jar of Nutella, what do you think would kick in first? Genuine sickness or shame? Sickness, yeah. Sickness before the gym. Shame you'd have to just, you know, bury down. You'd have to be like, I'm just going for it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Imagine if you had to phone the same doctor who would treat you with the water going, hey, I'm feeling... What's changed in the last 48 hours? I've eaten a whole jar of Nutella space. Where are you right now? Can you drive? I don't know. Okay, come to the hospital. That's funny.

52:00That's funny. I would phone that doctor and I'd say, I've drunk so much water that I'm ill. And then I'd go, guess what? It was vodka. That's the way to come full circle. Yeah. Yeah. and then he'd say can you drive yeah yeah he goes hold on a second seriously if you drank two litres of vodka I'll go yes right that's right this is no laughing matter I'm going to have to come and get you right yeah exactly that's actually you shouldn't have done that for a joke wild I'm going to read your menu back to you now see how you feel about it okay you would like 50-50 for the still sparkly water which is maybe even a first pop on a bread you said you would like the white bubbly pop on yeah starter all of the teakers yes main course butter chicken black dahl buttered naan from ooh multi-mill side dish french fries especially the long thin soggy ones drink a Vespa martini dessert vanilla ice cream with hot chocolate sauce and on the side we're going to give you Nutella on white toast yes feel good about that is that one of the best ones you've ever had I would go crazy on that menu I would love to eat that yeah right it'd be a good menu Yeah, really good.

53:11Because they could have said, I don't know, steak tartare and caviar and roast chicken. These are all options open to you, but I think you've picked the best. This just felt like the right moment. I would be dipping the fries in the butter chicken. I would be doing that. And maybe even in the dal, just to see, but definitely in the butter chicken. That dal. I can't wait to have dal again. Yeah. That's how I feel right now. Yeah, exactly. We can't wait to go and have dal. It's good stuff. It does make you want to go and have Indian food right now, doesn't it? Yeah. I had Indian food last night, and we haven't got a kitchen at the minute.

53:41So we ordered in and I ordered some perafa. I was very excited about it and then it arrived and it was the only thing on the takeaway that was like, oh, you've got to cook this. Oh God, that's hilariously confusing. I ate it raw. Yuck. I just did it. Calling your doctor. Calling my doctor. I just ate it raw. What's changed in the last one you know, James? I've eaten raw brada. I've lost my kitchen and I've eaten raw dough. You ate it raw. I had a mouthful of it just to test if we could. And could you? Oh, I finished it. No one else had any. Has anyone had a menu and you're like... Yeah, yeah, yeah.

54:19Oh, we've had some dog shit ones. No, like, give me an example. Not an example of the person, but what does a bad menu look like? One guy, for his dream drink, ordered a protein shake. No. Yeah. As a joke? No. It's not a joke. That had to be a joke. No. No, it wasn't a drink. Were they like ripped buff? Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, he is. But like... He loves strawberry protein shakes. It's his favourite drink. His favourite drink in the world. Oh, interesting. So there have been plenty of people who have ordered awful stuff that we've had to... One guy ordered sloppy stuffing. We had to sit here and talk to him about that.

54:56That wasn't nice. That was Nick Muhammad I'll shout him out. Yeah, yeah. Hello, Nick. Yeah, lovely guy. Terrible tasting food. Yeah. That's terrible. Terrible faithful. But yeah, so that... It's not always where we get a nice menu. so we're very we're very happy yeah very grateful that you've chosen a delicious menu thank you so much for coming to the dream restaurant thanks for your time thank you really fun really fun thank you so much I've learned a lot about your culture do the vodka joke let me know how it goes

55:31well there we are James lovely to meet canal I love that menu I think that's a delicious menu really good I would like to eat it. I did have Indian food the other night, but now, you know, it's rare I go all in on Indian food. Yeah. Maybe once every three months, I'm like, here we go. I'm pretty regular. Because I always overdo it. That's the problem. Yeah. I don't know when to stop ordering. Yeah. But I do want all the tickers. Yeah. I want, I'm desperate to get some dal, some dal makmi. Oh, I want to dip some french fries in some curry now. Yeah. That's what I want. Some soggy ones? They would be by the time I'm finished with them.

56:04Oh, that sounds dirty. I meant dipping them in the curry, you know. we always say this now after episodes, but we should have gone harder on him about those French fries, but... Yeah, well, I guess so. But like, you know, the guy had been very open about like his medical history and stuff like that. And I appreciate that vulnerability. Yeah. So I don't want to go hard on someone. I love that he was like, you might want to cut this out of the podcast. Yeah, no way. What are you talking about? We're leading with that. The brain swelling. That's the clip. That's the clip. That's the clip. We know a clip when we see one these days.

56:31And you can watch them on YouTube because Benito loves it so much. The tabloids, they're going to be all over that. The tabs are going to be all over that. The global tabs. Yeah. They're going to love that. The global tabs are going to be all over that. It's going to be absolutely everywhere. And then the podcast is going to get massive, finally. Canel did not say Bang Bang Cauliflower. Yes, did not say it. Thank you, Canel, for not saying that. My big bang bang theory is that he wasn't going to say that. Oh, was that your big bang bang theory? Was that he wasn't going to say the secret ingredient?

56:58Yeah. That's more of a big bang bang theory. That, I think, is fine. To predict. That's a prediction. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My big bang bang theory. Not just that something's the best. Yeah. but also that is my other big back. You didn't back me up on that episode. We were going to go in as a United Front. It's so hard to back you up sometimes, James. You did not back up to the vodka joke. But I didn't understand it. You say you never heard someone do that joke before. Yes. This is vodka. Maybe like little kids being like, I'm having a vodka. But adults do it. Oh, you're not drinking tonight. Yeah, I am.

57:26This is vodka. No, I've never heard that and you know I've never heard that. That's like a standard joke. You made it up on the spot because you spent the whole episode testing to see if Kalan could put up with your bullshit. And then when you worked out he could, you went in. And then I had to be there in the middle, like some putz, like just trying to make sure he was all right. You were throwing out phrases like mucky pup. You had come out of this smelling of roses. Mucky pup's a real phrase. Yeah, he came out of this smelling of roses, brother. He was interested to learn about mucky pups. Did learn about it, I guess, but like still, you came across as an eccentric weirdo, and I was trying to hold you up throughout that episode.

58:00Right. Well, let's not argue. It's like sitting there to Willy Wonka. it's the complete opposite you are Willy Wonka pure imagination I'm a body that's been dragged out of a lake I'm a scarecrow my birthday don't forget to go and see Christmas Karma yeah don't forget to go and see it it's in cinemas now of course it is in cinemas now also I am on tour in the new year round America fucking hell yeah I'll go to America in January and February jamesacaster.com for tickets I'm very excited about it Hey, and if you live in America and you're like, wouldn't it be great to see the off-menu boys? Yeah.

58:39Sort of quite, probably quite close together within a month. Yeah. I'm there in February. Literally, I believe the day I fly home, Ed flies to America the next day. Yes. So, with ships in the night, planes in the sky. Edgamball.co.uk for tickets for my show. I'm going to lots of different places in America. I'm doing loads in New York. I'm very excited that people in New York want to come and see me, so I can just go to loads of restaurants the whole time. Yeah. and you can do your New York count you can do Edwin coffee the whole time you're there of course I can yes he's back give me a fucking coffee yes Edwin coffee's here you know the Starbucks lady yeah I fucked that lady oh do you not remember that that's part of his back story he fucked the Starbucks oh he fucked the Starbucks lady on the yes yeah yeah on the logo not a lady who works in Starbucks yeah yeah I thought that was bad but actually yes he fucked the lady on the Starbucks logo who I think is a mermaid actually yeah yeah something like that it's nothing to do with the sea.

59:33Put it in a blowhole. No. You guys don't get me. Is that it? Are we finished the episode? Thanks very much for listening. We will see you again next week. Thank you to Canal for coming on. Bye. Bye. Bye.

59:58Hello, I'm Amy Gledhill. And I'm Harriet Kemsley. You might remember us from when we were guests on Off Menu, where I tried to find where I got seaweed mash and we had to call my mum. And I talked about how my mum was worried that I might drown in my own body. That's cool. And we've got some exciting news. We've sorted your Valentine's Day plans again, as we're doing a special live recording of the podcast on Valentine's Day. A.K.A. Saturday the 14th of February. Yes, we've got a lovely venue. it's at the underbelly boulevard in soho london we had so much fun at the last valentine's day show yes and we both absolutely overshared will we do it again you'll have to come along and find out okay yes yes we will so that's saturday 14th of february at underbelly boulevard and you can get tickets on the link in our bio and our instagram