Mark Gatiss

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0:45Welcome to the Off-Menu Podcast, taking a fistful of the free peanuts at five guys, cracking those little bastards open and gobbling on the podcast insides. There's four guys on this podcast though. Yeah.

0:58James Acaster: If you have a guest. yeah we have a guest and Benito's here too that is Ed Gamble my name is James Acaster together we own a dream restaurant every single week we invite a guest ask them their favourite ever start a main course dessert side dish and drink not in that order and this week our guest is Mark Gatiss the fourth guy National Trej fourth guy in this podcast fourth guy in this podcast he has been part of a group of four guys of course James Ed Benito Mark Mark Gatiss National Trej a part of four guys League of Gentlemen yeah co-wrote and created Sherlock. Absolute classic. I mean, the man has achieved so much, James.

1:35A huge part of our comedy upbringing, you've got to say. Massive part. With the league.

1:40James Acaster: I mean, League of Gentlemen, me and my friends basically learnt their live at Drury Lane DVD off by heart. We're quoting it all the time. Pretty much just spoke exclusively in quotes from that show. Yeah. Went to see them on their next tour as well. Really formative experience. We watched the film at the Ketrin Odeon, which has now been bulldozed. It's, we were huge League of Gentlemen fans and this is the second League of Gentlemen alum yes we've had on we've got to get we've got to get Pembers on as well we've got to complete that what's Dyson Chopped Liver? no the performing trio I'm saying yeah yeah yeah we're never getting Dyson on Dyson we love you but he's not going to want to come on this Dyson didn't even play himself in the film yeah yeah so there's no way we're going to get Dyson no you know my reverse psychology if he's listening yeah and of course Mark is still knocking it out in the park with Bookish yes his second series is out on the 26th of August on You and Alibi a fantastic show we're going to talk to Mark more about that yes rave reviews Mark wrote and stars in it we're going to hear more about that from Mark and maybe that'll be all we hear from Mark because if Mark picks the secret ingredient we will have to kick Mark out and this week doesn't feel like he's going to pick this one it could if he does though it's the first thing he's going to say and he'll be out.

2:57James Acaster: So it might be that we have time to talk about bookish and that's it. This week the secret ingredient is fluoride in water. As mentioned by Brian Cox, brackets actor, he made some claims about, this is our retraction of claims made on that episode about fluoride in water causing medical problems. We didn't know about the research. You've got to nod along with Brian Cox. We weren't cosigning it. No, we weren't co-signing it, but we just sort of... We weren't co-signing anything that man said in that episode. Fuck off. Fuck off. I co-signed that. Yeah. So it's on there, but that's not true. But if Mark picks fluoride in water, boy, oh boy, there will be a medical reaction to it then.

3:43Yeah, yeah. A medical reaction will be, you're at the dream restaurant and you die. Oh, hold on a second. That's what happens when we kick people out. I didn't know they died. Jade Adams dead. Well, it's because the dream restaurant hovers in space. Oh, my God. So we actually, when we kick people out, they're dead. This is so much of a bigger deal than I didn't know they'd die. Yeah, they die.

4:01James Acaster: So if you get kicked out, you die. Yeah, yeah, Jade is dead. Wow. Jade is dead. Jade's dead. Yeah. I guess we never really reflected on that when it happened. But rest in peace to Jade Adams. Yeah. Didn't know that we killed her when we chucked her out at the dream restaurant. She picked hundreds of thousands and now she's in hundreds of thousands of pieces. Oh my God. Yeah. Jade. Yeah. Well. She blew up in space. The people's princess. We lost her too soon. let's hope that doesn't happen to Mark Gators with Mark Gators as well I guess I don't even want to start this episode now in case we end up killing a national treasure look if you pick Floridian Wall Street it's his own fault okay agreed I'm on tour Ed's on tour Fresh Hell January 2027 brilliant thank you can't wait to see it edgamble.co.uk for tickets it's a laugh riot I guess you know I'm finished my tour's finished I imagine if you're listening to this This is the off-menu menu of Mark Gatiss.

5:05Welcome, Mark, to the Dream Restaurant. Hey, thanks.

5:09James Acaster: Welcome, Mark Gatiss, to the Dream Restaurant. We've been expecting you for some time. That's more like it. I know you've asked before, I've never been free. First things first, I don't eat food. I've got a condition. all I can have is a sort of brown paste well we can talk about your dream brown paste there's loads of different types yeah different shades and stuff all the different you know level of paste I think you know we can do it is there a flavour to the brown paste? no no no it's horrible flavourless bland to me I think zero flavour is almost worse than bad flavour do you know what I mean?

5:47if there was something that tasted of nothing I can give you an example because it happens almost all the time. One of the worst meals in the world is bad fish and chips. You should never have fish and chips when you're not near the sea. That's true, except in London occasionally. But there is an amount of times you go, I wish I had known this. You think it's a good idea. And then the fish and the chips taste the same, i.e. of the wrapping. Or just the oil. It's just nothing.

6:17James Acaster: It's a terrible meal. It's heartbreaking. Because having the idea to have fish and chips feels absolutely brilliant. You're bopping down to the fish and chip shop. Can't wait to have your fish. Ben's pulled a face. I said, bopping down to the fish and chip shop. He's like, well, would you bop down? Yeah, I'd bop down. Spring him up. Of course you would for fish and chips. Looking forward to it. Last time I went and got fish and chips, I was queuing up. It was a very hot day. It was very popular, the fish and chip shop that day. Loads of people going. And I was queuing up. and then a guy showed up out of nowhere who had not been queuing up and just stood alongside me.

6:54James Acaster: And there was the queue behind me and people in front of me and I was there going, I cannot believe this. And then he kind of just walked straight to the counter. America. Yeah. Oh, but before he'd even done that, actually, he stood alongside me and I looked because I don't like letting this kind of stuff go anymore. So I did look at him and went, you all right? Yeah, good. And he went, and he was tougher than me. Oh, God. And he went, believe it or not and he went I can't imagine someone being tougher he was tough yeah he was and I went you alright and he went yeah you alright and I was like yeah caved go ahead please sir go ahead and then they called out his name and then he went to the counter and then I realised he'd already ordered something he was there so then he sits he sits down he doesn't sit down he goes away with his food I get mine I sit down he comes and sits next to me on the table me and him in the corner little tiny table did you give him another you alright I didn't even look at him I couldn't I was so scared and he was on his phone and he kept on laughing at stuff and then he started saying to me like look at that show me stuff on his phone it's like a horror story yeah but it was kind of fine it was like he started warming he started being quite nice to me yeah and we just started like looking at funny videos on his phone well he knew that he'd won that's why he knew he'd got me you were his little bitch then yeah that's the first thing I thought Chip girl's his little bitch.

8:18You're a chip bitch. Yeah. It's a common thing. Yeah. It's a common thing. You're his chip bitch. I didn't know I was a chip bitch. Yeah, you're a chip bitch. Everyone's done it somewhere. Which is actually one rung lower than fish bitch.

8:32James Acaster: Well, hey, if you're listening, what does that make him, to me? Chip daddy. Yeah, chip daddy. My chip daddy's listening. Big daddy sauce. See you again. I've got a story about fish and chips. Yes, please. It's just made me think. I moved to London from the northeast in the late 30s and I used to live opposite Arsenal Stadium, the real one, Gillespie Road. And my friends and I, we got this really amazing flat considering the rent. It was brilliant. And the first night, we're all from the north and we decided to have fish and chips. We had no furniture or anything but we had fish and chips and there was a fish shop at the end of Gillespie Road.

9:15And when we got there, they did scraps. Oh, yeah. And it turned out that the owner was from the northeast. Perfect. And it was like heaven sent. Yeah. Because, you know, scraps. That is fish and chips. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can't get them anywhere else, really, apart from you. You're not getting that in London, are you? No, but we did. It must have been so nice. It was like a sort of miracle.

9:34James Acaster: Yeah. So no one's a chip bitch in that situation. You're all chip daddies. Yeah, yeah. That's great. Something's developing here. I don't know what it is, but I like it. new savers of book issues out got to be excited about that yes very wrote it in it directed no no enough it's enough isn't it but it's one of the brilliant things honestly is that it was recommissioned before the first series went out perfect so we've made the second series in short order which is really good so there's not a massive gap between so yeah I'm delighted and it's gone down so well but the reach has been amazing and a childhood ambition achieved I was on the cover of the Radio and TV Times in the same week.

10:15Amazing. Got them on the wall. That's brilliant. Yeah. Because you must have done them on separate weeks before, right? Being on the cover. Never the TV Times. Really? Never. Radio Times, we've got a couple, and for Sherlock and things. But no, it was a really, it was like, wow, it's happened. I can't believe it.

10:33James Acaster: Do you love it in Pemberton and Shearsmith's faces? Do you ever do that with each other? Yeah, at the Radio Times. We're at this game. Dyson. Chip, bitch. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, who's the chip daddy now. It's chip paper bitch. Yeah. We use the radio types. I don't know why. Yeah. Is there a little bit of competition between the four of you ever? No. You're supportive? We're very supportive. We are. I don't know. Reese seems like he'd be competitive. He's an angry man. He's angry. He always is. I was very chuffed with him on Taskmaster because he kept it in really well. Did he? Well, that's what he kept saying.

11:04But he kept saying that as well. That's him keeping it in. But I loved his frustration. And also the kind of, when he goes like, this place is stupid. He really meant that. But yes. But he kept saying that he wasn't being angry as well. Yeah. Which I think that. I think Greg found that difficult to believe. That's definitely true. Yeah. He's like the Hulk. You want to see him when he's angry. And he does go green.

11:29James Acaster: Yeah. Great that you're acting in this as well. We share the same agent, I believe. she said that after seeing your performance in is it The Father? Yeah. You were so convincing in it as a man who bullied another man who has dementia that she told you off. She said she told you off because she was so angry with you after seeing it. She said the way that you treated Anthony Hopkins Wow. She was so convinced that you were a bad person. What is he, chip bitch? We all remember that scene in The Father. Yeah, yeah. The chip shop. Well, you call Anthony Hopkins a chip, bitch. Amazingly, and I rarely do this, drop names, but we've become friends, me and Anthony Hopkins.

12:16That's cool, isn't it? It's beyond anything. It's unbelievable. We've kept in touch ever since that film. And it's just the most incredible thing to me. I still can't quite believe it. Is he a texter? Are you texting Hopkins? He texts me, emails me. and then he's been back to London a couple of times from LA and I've gone to see him went to his birthday party it's just it's extraordinary it is extraordinary do you get over that are you relaxed enough within the friendship to not constantly be thinking that's Anthony Hopkins he's my friend never but actually when we were doing the film I've always thought this you know there's a famous story about Michael Palin Michael Palin's hero is Peter Sellers and when he finally met him which is on the set of a bizarre 60s film called The Magic Christian with Ringo Starr.

13:05He was just standing, Michael Payne was standing in the studio and Peter Sellers just walking across and he got closer and closer. As he walked past, he just went, Hello, Peter! That was his only contribution. And I've always thought if you're lucky enough to work with your heroes, working with them is the crucial thing. Yes. Because then you're just doing stuff. Yeah. And then slowly you can sort of dribble in the fact. And Tony Hopkins said to me, Jesus Christ, you've seen everything I've done. And I sort of have. But I think it would have frightened him if I'd opened with that. But oh, it's amazing.

13:41He got me. He did. Reese is obsessed with the film Magic, where Anthony Hopkins plays the ventriloquist. And I just say, you wouldn't do a message for it. He did the whole thing, the whole routine, as Corky, the ventriloquist dummy. It's a weird mystery of life. At last I found all. It's just the whole shtick. It was absolutely amazing.

14:05James Acaster: Well, you must have been in the good books with Shitsmith after getting that video for you. I'd like to think so. What did he do for you in return? Did he get a nice video? What would be your dream video from an actor? Dream video. Yeah, from an actor doing something. Sent you what his power last one. They're all dead. So that. Oh, yeah. Imagine that. A video from beyond the grave. That would be good, wouldn't it? Cheers, if you get that. That is a podcast. Yeah. Let's start your dream meal. We'll start with still sparkling water. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sparkling. Yeah. Is that poncy? No. It's a bit like pop, isn't it?

14:42I think somehow or other, the plainness of a glass of water. Like everybody, I don't drink enough water. Yeah. I drink a lot of tea, which counts, doesn't it? I think it counts. People say coffee doesn't count, but it must. It must. It's wet.

14:56James Acaster: Is Mycroft always drinking tea? Yeah. Yeah. He loved it, right? Buck drinks a lot of tea. It's a big thing. I say, without tea, I am merely unreconstituted dust. That's true. Love that. But Mort, I should... I often find, if you're in a hotel room, as sometimes we are, I'll drink all the water in the hotel room, and I think I should probably drink this much every day, wouldn't I? Why don't I do that? When they leave bottles in the room, I'm straight in before I put my bag down. neck it out the bottle straight out the big bottle so fizzy weirdly still feels a bit exotic and they like pop so I always favour it I don't know if is it good for you?

15:33there's a lot of people who are like it's not good it doesn't hydrate you it's bad for your teeth it's bad for because of the bubbles yeah they're not sugar bubbles no they're not sugar bubbles they're not as far as I know they're not sugar bubbles

15:44James Acaster: no sugar bubbles is a man who hangs out with the chip daddy James has changed which is the way I think about sparkling water in hotels because of this podcast. He said very early on in this podcast that he likes to drink sparkling water in hotel rooms first thing in the morning, and it feels like it's cleaning his mouth out. You know, you wake up in a hotel and the air con's been on blast all night, and you're all like... You could clean your teeth. Well, no, before you clean your teeth, try this, Mark. Just have a big swig of the sparkling water in the hotel room, and it feels like a Calgon tablet.

16:15Or like Andrews. I used to drink Andrews as a kid for fun. What's Andrew's? Andrew's liver salt. It's like the liver salt. And it's just obviously getting older. It doesn't have the same impact. But when I was a kid, it was like LSD. It was insane. It was like, wow, blew your head off. I still like it occasionally.

16:38James Acaster: The glasses for the water in hotel rooms, I'm finding. I'm on tour at the minute. And it's always too small. I want a glass of water from the tap. I've drunk all the bottles. I go and get a tap when it's too small. Use a cup. I use a cup. Well, here's a great hack. Order a whiskey from the bar, and then you get a big glass in your room once you finish the whiskey. Keep it. Yeah, keep it. Just make sure they don't ever come in and clean your room. Interesting. A friend of mine, Elliot Levy, in fact, who plays Inspector Bliss in Bookish, he did an episode of Silent Witness once, and they filmed in an actual travel lodge or something.

17:14And because it was Silent Witness, they had a black light. They went around the room, and he said the headboard of the bed was like a plasterer's wireless. But he said the worst thing of all was the phone. Oh, my God. Just remember that in your hotel. Never touch the phone. People jacking it directly onto the phone. I don't know what it means. Obviously, like, this stuff on their hands and then they're going straight for the phone. They're going to order a glass of whiskey in order to have some sparkling water. Yeah, exactly. They're ordering a post-coital Caesar salad or something. Or a chipmich.

17:48Yeah. can you get them sent to your room knock at the door

17:52James Acaster: and I'm there someone ordered a chip bitch in Vegas you can get yeah yeah but you've got to specify what type of chip bitch in Vegas poplums or bread poplums or bread my gays us poplums or bread bread I love poplums yeah I mean I really love them because I do that thing like filling up on bread when they bring poplums never enough yeah and all that onion stuff and mango chutney, in the end, I would just eat that. Yeah. And I'm like that with bread. If I'm not careful, I will just eat so much bread and have no appetite whatsoever for anything else. You know, man could not live by bread alone. I could.

18:36Yeah, that's always been a weird phrase to me. It's good bread. That's why you can't be religious. It wouldn't be a good quality of life, though. No. But you could live on bread alone. but I'd say after maybe six months you'd be like, I feel awful. Yeah, I feel a bit bloated. But it'd still be exciting when you wake up in the morning and you like time for bread. But I love poppadoms. I do love them. Big crisps. But they are, and that unexpected flavour combination of raw onion, something you wouldn't eat in real life. I tell you who did though, Fred West. It's true.

19:09James Acaster: Now we know who we're talking to. It's true. He used to eat onions as if they were apples. Raw onions. Yeah. Maybe Margulies does that. What? Margulies eats onions like they're apples. I think we should investigate Miriam's past. Yes, I do. I've been saying that for a while. My favourite clip ever, I don't know how much Fred West stuff Benito's going to put in the edit. One of my favourite clips ever is the police interview with Fred West where he's admitted to maybe three. I know exactly what you're going to say. He goes, I thought, oh no, that's four now. Three. Yep. It's all there, isn't it?

19:44I've got that documentary

19:45James Acaster: when we had Rhys on the podcast he said that when you guys all met each other what was really great was that you all had the same frames of reference for things you'd watched and like things that if he said it to anyone else he wouldn't know what he was on about but you'd all seen the same stuff knew the same which I got a sense of that with you and Ed then amazingly we amazingly we all we have a shared memory of Bonfire Night I think 1976 we have checked now Bonfire Night 1976 Carry On Screaming was on BBC One and all of us this was a biopic split screen all of us declined to go to the bonfire in order to watch Carry On Screaming the same night that's lovely and that's gone here's the thing Bonfire Night is gone it has been totally absorbed by Halloween hasn't it?

20:40you've never seen Penny for the Guy and there are bonfires but it's not a November the 5th. It's not bonfire night anymore, is it? It's the general Halloween-ness. It's the hangover from Halloween.

20:51James Acaster: Yeah. Americans have got us. Yeah. And I love Halloween, obviously. Yeah. I like the fact that there used to be two, though. Yeah. Two different, separate things. Yeah, we got to double dip and now they've ruined it for us. Yeah. Like a lot of things. Like a lot of things. Do you want a specific, Brad, before we move on? Well, I'm a pro. What? I'm a proletarian. Yeah, proletarian. So I genuinely, I love a white, a crusty bloomer. Yeah. And I really love terrible processed white bread. For toast. Yeah, you can't, I mean, you can't beat it sometimes. Yeah. But there's a lot of good ones. I did, I mean, years ago, I was in Vancouver, 30 years ago, and I discovered balsamic vinegar.

21:34I remember that one. That was you, you discovered it. What an exclusive. It was like an oil well. It was a balsamic vinegar. but I remember going for lunch and there was this pile of lovely bread and then this mysterious substance and that was a big day for me because I genuinely just I soaked up so much of it yeah to this day I get cross when they pour in loads of oil and you actually can't get at the balsamic vinegar because it hovers in a globule yeah and you can't break it's like it's in amber yeah and there's a Jurassic Park something I'd like to see yeah your dream starter okay so two things i'm a pro i am i'm constantly drawn and there it's always these days back on the menu to a prawn cocktail i love prawn cocktail i love the crisps officially the sluttiest of crisps but i love i love prawn cocktail and sometimes you know when they make like a big iceberg lettuce thing yeah there needs to be loads of mario rose sauce yeah i'm very fond of that slightly posher i'm very fond of uh pear walnut and gorgonzola nice with an endive yeah that's a lot i love that combination it's unexpected and it tastes really nice love the sneaking in blue cheese early to a meal to me seems like a hack you know it's brilliant yeah And with the pear and the walnut, absolutely delicious.

23:05I do want to briefly go back to the prawn cocktail crisps. Okay, sure. Do you find the flavour bears any relevance to the prawn cocktail itself? Not at all. No. And that's the magic. Yeah. It's like, and I don't think anyone's ever done enough research on this. Why is Nescafe allowed to be called coffee? No, why is instant coffee? Yeah. It's not coffee. Yeah. Nor does it smell or taste like coffee. It's another drink. Yes. Which in certain circumstances is quite nice, but it's not coffee. so why are prawn cocktail crisps allowed to be called that? It feels like there should be some Tray's descriptions thing where they're like we can no longer call these prawn cocktail crisps because they've got absolutely

23:42James Acaster: For a short amount of time Walkers did like a limited run when I was in primary school of tomato ketchup flavoured crisps it was very exciting and they tasted exactly the same as prawn cocktail crisps in my memory I was like I think that's all you did I think they were old prawn cocktails packaged because I don't think I'd actually like prawn cocktail crisps that tasted like prawn cocktail I don't think they'd be very nice so their own thing the crisps crisps are a big thing I love crisps yeah I mean I'm a huge crisps guy as well I can't really have them in the house because I'm going through the big bags yeah but the crisp bitch I'm a crisp bitch yeah I'm my own crisp bitch yeah do you know the posh Torres crisps do you know those ones they do black truffle ones which are really good but they also do a fried egg flavour which tastes and smells far too much like fried egg to be nice.

24:33Oh. You open the bag and it's like, fucking hell, that's fried egg. Like a hyper. Yeah, yeah. Slabs have done that. It's like space food. Yeah, exactly. It's just dehydrated fried egg in a bag. But it's exactly like a fried egg. Wow. I don't want it. I don't know, man.

24:48James Acaster: Like, slabs, slabs are my favourite crisps. They're really, really thick and really big. They're called slabs. Don't know. Big manly crisp, yeah. Yeah. Big manly crisp make up for what happened to being a chip shop. And they do an egg one. And you open it and it just smells like guffs. But I love it. I'm putting them away. I really love eating all the farts. I don't know them. Yeah, yeah. It's delicious. Every flavour of slabs I'm a big fan of, actually. During lockdown, we got an email from Sainsbury's telling us that we were the top consumer of cream cheese and chive Pringles in the whole of our burrow.

25:24What? We did? We did? We bought so many. got us through lockdown but incredibly that's a big name product that's huge

25:32James Acaster: that's not like slabs that's not like being told you've eaten the most amount of slabs or probably not a lot of people know about it everyone knows that flavour of primbles it's a big one and they're delicious you must have been housing them you know they're not they're not allowed to be called crisp because they're not crisp they're like smash they're like rehydrated potato yeah and there's no there's so little potato content they're practically toys yeah so how how many tubes were you eating during lockdown I don't know we lost track of a lot of things during lockdown I was a bit surprised but you know we clearly got through a lot you had to do something nothing to do did they send you any free ones because of that or was it just letting you know so it's purely academic the email we're just like letting you know it was like a congratulations but that's crazy to me because I think most people get that email but they're nothing to do I think if I got that email I'd be like I'm going to have to cut back on the amount I'm eating of these.

26:27So if anything, it's reducing their sales moving forward. Oh, that's true. Yeah. Yeah, they should send you free. They should send you free ones. Yeah. The other one I absolutely, and I think really there must be something bad in it. I mean, I know there is. It's Chili Heat Wave Doritos. Yeah, yeah. They are utterly addictive. I love them. I'm a cool original guy when it comes to Doritos. Yeah. Really like all the original.

26:50James Acaster: Can I shock you? I've never been into Doritos. Wow. I've never I never really see the fuss yeah Pringles absolutely get it Doritos have you tried Chili Heat Wave yeah I've tried Cool Original Chili Heat Wave any limited stuff that they bring out it's never I mean all I think of is just how dry and dusty Doritos are and I know I know you can dip them in stuff but I'd rather have all the Chris's dimensions so far over Doritos like and I know that's probably the hottest take I've done on this podcast it's big yeah yeah big stuff that might come back and haunt me James does hot takes on podcasts I'm a rad brick I do do hot takes on podcasts do you want to hear a hot take on podcasts it made me angry he texted me we got really angry about it I went on Brett Goldstein's podcast and had to talk about television shows and Brett said name a TV show that doesn't hold up Sopranos that hold up that's crazy It doesn't hold up.

27:52James Acaster: It's rubbish now. Wow. How? When you watch it. I've never seen it. It's so boring, man. It's boring. Every episode just resets. It didn't carry on to the next one. All about his family. I don't care about his family. It's called The Sopranos. You can't watch it and go, I don't care about this family. It's called The Fucking Sopranos. It's not that long ago for a kind of big rewatch. I stumbled across something the other day, and I thought, this has not aged well. And it was the six million dollar man before your time. Yeah. And now it was such a big deal when I was a kid. We all had a Steve Austin toy and that sort of stuff.

28:30And the trouble with American TV, even to this day, a lot of it, like CSI, is it's so formulaic. It's almost insane. Yeah. The same. But I hadn't realized until I accidentally looked at Steve Austin how piss poor it was. and we you know every week my sister would cry because we wouldn't let her watch Top of the Pops which of course is what we should have been watching and for this utter bilge it's rubbish and I thought it's so generic and so ordinary and poor I thought wow all that fuss we used to make about it but it's so even the title doesn't hold up because six million dollars nothing that's not going to build you a bloke I should get a chip bitch for that maybe yeah yeah

29:16James Acaster: so push you on a decision now with the prawn cocktail or the salad oh well and is it like an old school prawn cocktail because obviously you said it's not fancy so because obviously they do fancy ones now with like huge prawns oh yeah that's true I'm a bit scared of those I don't think you should be able to see its face and sometimes you can yeah they leave the face on sometimes and the little black eggs upset me yeah and they should be taking those out really this is a good restaurant you're eating it's good okay we're taking out the poop shoot I would probably go for the prom cocktail over the pair and endive

29:57James Acaster: your dream main course sorry you want to make those noises this is apparently called mlepping dogs do it it's got an official name it means they're very content that's nice no that's mlep Ben's got a dog called Toast Ben does toast mlep sometimes Not happy. Not happy. It's a very unhappy house. Yeah, yeah. Main course. Well, I'm really into shakshuka. And I'm not going to make any bones about this because I'm not a foodie. I love food, but I'm a bit like with food. I'm a bit like wine in that you go, God, that's a good one. Wow. I must remember that. Never remember it. Just straight out the other side.

30:40Never remember it. And so I go to a restaurant. So I've taken to restaurants and go, this is a taste sensation. Never go again. So I generally, I sort of start sort of defaulting to stuff I've always liked. And shakshuka is so lovely. I'm very fond of Turkish food, Lebanese food, anything in that area. Fatouche, I absolutely love. Pomegranate seeds. But the amazing thing about shakshuka is what it tastes like. is when you used to have bacon and egg with tinned tomato on the side. It's true. And when the tomato juice and the egg yolk merged, it tastes like shakshuka. So for all this poncing about, in the end, it tastes like something I had when I was eight.

31:28And that's why I like it. So I often have it at a restaurant around the corner for lunch from us, and it was like toasted sourdough, but dipping it in absolutely gorgeous the key with the shakshuka I feel when do you break the yolk are you immediately doing it or are you eating some tomato first are you eating a bit of the white first are you eating a round are you delaying that gratification I try to delay it's a lot like a Fiorentina pizza I quite like the weird novelty of the egg and being able to cut into the white and of course you can still play a little game with it of sort of squaring it off until you've got almost a square yolk.

32:13Yeah. I do. So I would do that, yeah. And then the other one I'm really fond of is chicken milanese and that flat chicken with rosemary potatoes and a green salad. And I've just finished the RSC in Stratford and I would eat that every matinee day. it's still it's very difficult to know how to eat when you're doing a play if you have too much you get it sits in you if you have too little you get light headed but on a matinee day with two shows that is the perfect meal for me and I went the same place every twice a week until they knew what I wanted it works for me because it was enough protein I would have a nap afterwards at the end of the show so is this is this in between is this in between the shows yeah yeah so you're straight off stage straight to this place yeah For the Milanese.

33:06And then a nap. And then on a gift. I've always liked that. And I love Italian food too. And there's also a thing that some places do, which is so old-fashioned. It's just that with a great big lump of spaghetti on it. Is Milanese the breaded one? Yeah. But they do it breaded and then just great big lump of spaghetti. And it's, I've forgotten actually what to order, but they do it. And a lot of old-fashioned Italians do. Yeah, it's quite American Italian as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like the red sauce places. Yes, yeah, yeah. It's a sort of hybrid, isn't it? Yeah. They just, I remember going to Naples years ago, which is where pizza was invented, only to discover that they've got like 100 different types of margarita.

33:56And you kind of want to say, but can I have Hawaiian? but they're all like really subtle variations if they take it very seriously yeah it's quite an ordinary pizza yeah I don't think I've ever ordered a margarita oh I love margarita I wouldn't go near it no

34:11James Acaster: I wouldn't go near it think of all the possibilities you're missing out on that no I do I mean I go I don't order margaritas I don't order the vanilla ice cream no do you have things against Margaret's yeah if she's listening she knows why when Sherlock jumped off the building oh okay James went quiet for a bit and I thought he's brewing a question something I bet it was an egg crisp yeah well I had a go at Martin Freeman about it and I don't think that's fair because he didn't he didn't write it what happened? did he really jump off and all the people went under him with a crash mat? well that's for you to oh don't say that Mark there's no definitive answer obviously Mark's been asked this question so many times before he's not going to suddenly say what it is I'm going to break it on this podcast I'm going to do it and then it'll be an exclusive Don't you want...

34:59In the end, the mystery remains not the question. Oh, you. It's not Jonathan Creek, man.

35:03James Acaster: They're not going to tell you how it's done. You're a piece of work, Gators. Do you want to just make a quick decision between those two mains, the shakshuku or the flat chicken? I'll go for the chicken. Lovely. Flat chicken. That means you're doing a matinee. Flat chicken. That means you're doing a matinee. In my head, I'm doing a matinee. Yeah, matinee chicken. What's the play? The Resistible Rise of Arturo Uy by Bertolt Brecht. And you're playing? Arturo Uy. Of course. It's a satire on the rise of Hitler. As if he were a Chicago gangster in the 30s. And we're hopefully transferring. Nice. Yeah.

35:36Somebody said to me, we're trying to work out a way of finding a slot to do it. I said, well, it's not going to go away. He said, what, you being busy? I said, no fascism. But also, finding a place for its transfer to, you're going to have to check out the local restaurant scene to make sure you get the Milanese for the matinee days. Yeah. I'll tell you a story. It is a nice restaurant story. four years ago I was doing Mission Impossible and we had

36:02James Acaster: that scene is fucking bananas by the way but carry on we what a bananas scene we had the builders in so we were out of the house and like most like half like five months we were sort of house sitting and moving around Hastings and Gloucestershire and all kinds of things but when I was doing the film they put us up in a hotel for a month which is ideal with a dog but it was that weird thing which I've always wanted to do it was like being on holiday in your own city and it was what I call the butt plug hotel which is the tree house one next to the top of Regent Street by Broadcasting House yes yeah yeah yeah the tree house one yeah I know the butt plug one it looks like a butt plug and they'll thank me for that but you know it's the weirdest thing to be on Oxford Street at midnight and it was really interesting to see it from a totally different perspective and one thing i did do one one afternoon finished filming or something and i came back i was a bit loose end also hadn't eaten and i just walked down region street and i found this incredibly old-fashioned italian one of those ones my favorite ones vanishingly rare with photos of actors on the wall yeah i love that and it was like i would never have gone there if i hadn't been staying in this hotel and it was really great, proper old-fashioned thing and I love that.

37:26I love that when you make those discoveries. Did they take a photo of you to put on the wall? No, I hate that. When we were doing Sherlock in Cardiff, basically in over 10 years, and there was an Italian there and it had every one of Tom Jones's regenerations because he'd been there so many times over the years. There was like a wall of Toms from 1963 to the present day.

37:54James Acaster: your dream side dish Mark well this is tricky isn't it because you've already got the potatoes haven't you yeah I'm already full of I would like a fatouche I would love that I think there's something about that I think all Lebanese cuisine is kind of perfect for me I just I love the freshness of it when you have those little bits of toasted pitta with lemon juice and pomegranate. Again, it's like, who thought this was a good one? And it's like flat leaf parsley in there as well, right? It's really, I mean, I could eat tons of that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'd probably be filling up on that as well.

38:34But that's a good one, isn't it? Well, you found another way to get bread in. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well done, you're doing pretty well with that. We're starting off with bread, obviously. Bread and chicken. Yeah, bread and chicken and we've got bread in the side dish. I mean, you need to dip bread into your Murray Rose sauce. Yeah, of course. Yeah, we'll give you a bit of bread with the prong cocktail as well.

38:50James Acaster: Yeah, for sure. Fatoosh, one of the onomatopoeic foods. Yeah. Fatoosh. It sounds like, you know, it sounds like an explosion in a comic. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That is, and I think it's what everyone should shout when they eat Fatoosh. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's impossible not to want to say Fatoosh when you're getting the Fatoosh. I'll have the Fatoosh. The Fatoosh. Yeah. Could you shout chip bitch? Chip bitch. Chip bitch. Who's in that scene? You. This was always going to happen, Mark, by the way. Rob Delaney's knocking around there. Yeah. Obviously, Cruise shows up. Yeah. He has to. He has to.

39:28James Acaster: That's part of it, isn't it? What's it? Robin Hood Men in Tights is in it. Kerry Owens, yeah. Yeah. Saw. Indra of Armour. Saw. Yeah, of course. Yeah, yeah. Saw. Princess Bride. Yeah. Legend. Yeah. He's in there. Who else is in that scene? I'm trying to wrap my head around it because it's hilarious. every time the camera changes shot because you're not I didn't get it at all on the establishing shot that you were all there because I think you've all got your back to the camera and many what do you think we were? you got your back to the camera I didn't know it was you guys I was like oh you know it ends in green gas like that man he's talking to all you lot so then it just goes bam every time it like goes to one of you I'm like I can't believe have you seen I'm in the next one more you haven't seen that I haven't seen that one it's more table work has even more of us run a table wow Who else is in that scene?

40:16Henry Sieny. Legend. Charles Parnell, American actors. And Tom in disguise, he pulls his mask off.

40:23James Acaster: Yeah, yeah. Yes, of course. You've got to be happy that you're in a mask pulling off scene in Mission Impossible. And Green Gas. I mean, these are the things, aren't they? It's an amazing experience. And then I was on that for about a week and the second one for about a month. So it was incredible. You can't underestimate it. we were shitting ourselves I mean I saw I didn't know Indra was in it and we saw each other across the room and she went and we sort of held on to each other and then there were all these like Henry and Charles these sort of blue steel Americans and then within a minute you would think oh my god they're shitting everyone's what's going on and then because it's just so it's so huge and literally the first thing after an introduction was Tom Cruise he said show Mark the the Fjord video.

41:14And this image comes up on a TV screen of him doing the stunt seven times, for which he trained for a year. And the script was very dense, techno babble stuff, which we'd like got the night before, and it was really hard to learn. But you think, maybe I could learn. But they were so delightful and welcoming and funny. I remember he totally got us. For some reason we ended up talking about workplace bullying or something And he said, I tell you who's the worst for that Ron Howard You know, Happy Days, Howdy Doody And I'm going, yeah I mean, I did a movie with the hookers, the coke He went on for about five minutes and he just went Totally real Just taking the piss That's so fun He got you with Ron Howard He got us I love that he's showing people the videos of the stunts because of course why would you not that's actually like of course I would yeah have a look at this what I did

42:16James Acaster: I would be very tempted if I was in your position to be to go on to the set and go I'm going to inhale the gas for real I'm going to do it proper I'm going to do my own stunt and we can release the video of it to promote the film and tell them when Mark Gatiss actually inhaled the gas it wasn't even there it's all done in post isn't that I'd imagine the gas I'd be like I'm doing it like Tom I'm doing it like Tom I'm going to do all of this for real and you can't stop me

42:46James Acaster: you have a dream drink? well I like wine but I'm not a connoisseur as to say but you can't remember can you remember can you remember an occasion when you had like a dream wine I can tell you I can tell you this because it's so evocatively fabulous yeah it's a wine that a grape that grows on the slopes of Vesuvius It is served in Pompeii, the modern town, and it is called Ilacrimo di Christi, The Tears of Christ. That was a good one. Yeah. And it was a beautiful day. And by amazing coincidence, my friend was making a documentary about Pompeii, and we met up with him, had lunch, had The Tears of Christ.

43:27And then we were given a private tour of things that are not normally open to the public. Wow. So it was just, it was one of those days. It was beautiful sunshine, very crisp white wine, Christ. Yeah, Christ's tears.

43:43James Acaster: Christ's tears are white wine? Yeah. What the hell? Why would you expect it to be red wine? Well, because in the paintings, he's bleeding from the side. Yeah. That guy loves to bleed. Yeah, but if it was Christ's blood, you're obviously expecting red wine, because that's what... You made a big deal about that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They reckon that anyway, right? Where do you stand on Jesus? have you found Jesus I've not found Jesus I've had a look he's over there I've had a little look so that means he's got the market cornered with wine now if it's like the reds is blood and now the whites is tears yes what's rosé it's well when they when they stab when they stab a Barry Rose sauce yeah didn't they stab him in the side to check if it ran with the spear of destiny if it was blood and then it ran clear they knew he was dead right that's right so maybe that the bit in between is the rosé yeah for hip blood yeah There's going to be complaints.

44:36No. No way. No way. No, we're pro. Also, we're talking about it in the sense that it was real and it happened. Yes, yes. So Catholics actually love that. That's why they love The Exorcist, right? That's true. They're making a Passion of Christ too, aren't they? Yeah, it's underway. And I, actually, a guy who's in bookish was about to leave to play, I think, Bartholomew or something. and I said so is it like is it the three days after and he went no well it is but it's a two-parter it starts in the Garden of Eden Mel's insane it starts it's the whole works I mean not the whole Bible but it starts in the Garden of Eden and goes right through to the resurrection it's thrilling so it's a prequel it's a prequel and a sequel right it's like Star Wars

45:22James Acaster: yeah they're doing an opening crawl yeah about Jesus there's a lot of just the Bible I am your father, sure. In the beginning, what's the word? Fucking hell. Yeah. It'll be a long opening sequence. That's bonkers. I've not seen Passion of the Christ. I didn't know where. Where did it go up to? Where did it leave us? I only see it once, but I think it ends, you know, the usual place. The Crucifixion, but also the bit of the aftermath, bit of the storm. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think it ends with like the stone being rolled back from the tomb and then just ends. Also, there's a perfect sequel. Yeah, yeah.

46:00It's like Empire Strikes Back. Yeah, yeah. See, whatever you think of him, Mel Gibson is a very brilliant filmmaker. He's a brilliant filmmaker. Have you seen Apocalypto? No, I've actually not. That's an amazing film. It's a great film, believe it or not. Weirdly, this is very off topic, except for the bread being the flesh of Christ. Of course. You're having a lot of Jesus in this movie. I love Jesus films. I'm an atheist but I love Jesus films I love them to distraction I watch lots every Easter I love them it's an amazing story you've got top three Jesus films?

46:37James Acaster: yes yes obviously King of Kings great story ever told and Pasolini's Passion that's an extraordinary film extraordinary beautiful there you are have you ever written Jesus into it? no honestly I would love to do The Story of Christ because I think it's an incredible story. I'm going to see Jesus Christ Superstar next week. Sam Ryder's in it. Sam Ryder. He's the Christ. Yes. And Rhys is doing Herod. Is he? Yeah, doing one of the Herods. Time cast. But The Passion of the Christ is a really good film. Yeah. It's brutal in a way they often aren't. Yeah. But also the devil in it is absolutely amazing.

47:20The devil takes different forms. There's an incredible sequence where I think Judas looks round after he's betrayed Christ and there's this woman suckling a baby and then the baby turns around and it's got the face of an old man it's absolutely horrible I'd like that then yeah

47:37James Acaster: you'd like those bits you might like the whole film yeah it's a very long ass whooping essentially yeah it's just that's how Jesus felt about it it doesn't let up your dream dessert this is easy easy peasy now when I was a kid we never We very rarely had pudding, as we used to call it. We used to have, like, tinned rice, tapioca, semolina. Yeah. I'll come back to those. But my mum didn't make many puddings, and I sort of didn't grow up with it as a thing. And, of course, we never ate out, never. It just didn't happen, except fish and chips. So I didn't grow up with it. But I've got more use to them over the years.

48:23My partner is big on puddings. usually just have a pudding. But my absolute favourite is Pavlova. Nice. And I love meringue. I always love meringues. We used to have a man who came round in a baker's van and I used to get a meringue as a treat when I was little. Meringue man. Meringue man. It's like a chip, bitch. Meringue attack. The meringue attack, they used to call him. But I love that. I love the hard crispiness in the cream, maybe with something fruity in the middle, but often not. Yeah. And I used to, when I first became a grown-up next week, I used to buy the shells because you could. Yeah, do what you like.

49:04I mean, Christ, yeah, make myself sick. But a really good pavlova, and therefore, by extension, an Eaton Mess. Yeah. A smashed up one full of cream and raspberries, particularly raspberries. That's, I love it. I think I prefer it in the Eaton Mess format, so the Pavlova format, because you're just doing it anyway. Oh, yeah. Sure. Yeah. That's it. The Eaton Boys got a shout out to the Eaton Boys. Yeah, yeah. That's it. And the other one, which is, I don't even know they do it. It's a brand, can I say this? You can. If they don't do it, it's a scandal. But Wagamama used to do a ginger and white chocolate cheesecake with chili on it.

49:51And it was genuinely, irresistibly beautiful. And again, it all goes back to childhood. It tasted exactly like when my mom used to make cakes. She used to make cakes, not puddings. In one of those big sort of fawn-colored porcelain bowls. and she used to let us scrape up the last bit. It tasted exactly like that. And therefore I loved it. I love that so many of your dishes are like, it sounds like very sort of, you know, highfalutin, but it's all just, it tastes exactly like something from the past. It is. And it's also, it's sort of Proustian. Yeah. They trigger so many things. I remember having that in Wagamama going, I know this taste.

50:35James Acaster: Yeah. And then again, in a grown up way, it's like, I used to think when I'm grown up, I will have a bowl of cake mixture. Yeah. I don't have to scrape it off the spoon. Yeah. What about the whole lot? Yeah. It's what my girlfriend does on her birthday. Just literally makes a cake in the bowl and then just eats that. Oh, my God. Just eats the cake mix. That is perfect. Always makes herself feel sick. Yeah, of course. You must feel sick. Shut up, baby. I love you. But, like, always makes herself feel sick. Yeah, of course. But always does it. I think I did it for her in lockdown when it was her birthday.

51:05James Acaster: Made her the cake mix. There you go. Do you have a little bit of it? Oh, of course I have a little bit of it. But that's enough, isn't it? Chef's treat. It's like a moral lesson, isn't it? Be careful what you wish. Yeah, exactly. Freedom isn't everything. Freedom should not be used in that way. She does that. Every Christmas, she gets a jar of mince pie filling and some raw rolled out pastry and just gets the raw pastry and just picks up the mince pie filling with it and eats that. Wow. This woman doesn't cook anything. It's all raw, just going in. It's kind of scary. Yeah, she's got cookie dough in the fridge as we speak.

51:45James Acaster: It's more acceptable. Are you sure she's not turning into like a cannibal? Are you sure she's not, this is not like the film Raw? I said girlfriend, I meant oven. My oven. Just a big opener. I've got an oven that I kiss. I don't know what his birthday is. Happy birthday, baby. That's a thing. isn't it? People in love with ovens or inanimate objects. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We've, we've still got a documentary somewhere. Yeah. Yeah, I used to tape these things, but there was a brilliant one about a woman who was married to the Eiffel Tower. Yeah. Oh, yeah. She left it for the Berlin War. But the best one was this, this girl who had an obsession with, with a Monopoly boy and she called it Monop.

52:28It was his pet name, Monop. Surely Polly. Surely, it's right. No, no, no. it's a poly atmosphere oh brilliant amazing thing isn't it there's no it's queer my wife went to art school with someone who was married to a seesaw yes with a married to a seesaw in what sense officially bit of an up and down relationship hey hey yeah just maybe not married but you know they were they were seeing each other yeah yeah

52:56James Acaster: saw many people wow where did they meet

53:02she had to go to the seesaw quite a lot Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a bit one-sided.

53:09James Acaster: If you could, obviously you're very in love with your partner, but if you could... Marry a seesaw. Marry an animal object. Well, let's say you have to. Wow. Let's say it's the new law and you have to. What would you pick? A Dalek. But it moves, doesn't it? Moves and talks. Unless you just get one of the ones, that one that's in the foyer, the BBC, just shag that. Shag it. you just don't they shout these things no I think they do I'm afraid the monopoly board was a bit worn yeah cheap ass go a few times hey didn't collect

53:48we've gone off is that your first thought with the Dalek is the one in the BBC for you because mine is the museum of the moving image Dalek that you could get inside that's what I think of the Dalek I'm thinking I was in the BFF the other day and I was I found myself in the corner where the giant robot used to be and with the TV screen showing all the regenerations. I thought, gosh, it's like a relic in itself. Yeah, yeah. I love the Superman thing in Museum of the Moving Image where you could lie, you used to lie on a thing and then it would show you like flying through the sky. It was amazing, man.

54:25It's all gone. You flew through the sky? I did it all the time. You could roll onto your back so you could see yourself flying backwards through the sky. Where do you stand on the new Superman? I've not seen much of the new Superman at all. Superman? The Superman and now Supergirl, as of the recent release.

54:41James Acaster: I saw the Superman film and it wasn't for me, didn't enjoy it, but there weren't many people in the cinema. There was like a family in, and then me and my girlfriend, that might have been it. Film finished. We'd kind of been looking at each other all the way through going, oh God, this is a bad film. Finished. The family applauded. Wow. we're looking at them like they'd lost their minds. And they were looking around at us smiling and applauded. They were like, are you crazy? They were applauding her, stuffing her face full of cookie dough. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She was right with her, yeah. She was eating more cans of popcorn.

55:16Breaking her teeth.

55:19James Acaster: I'm going to read your menu back to you now, see how you feel about it. Did you do the crossword, by the way? Yesterday? Yeah. No, I didn't do it in the end. Very excited for Ed. we do the New York Times puzzles and cryptic no I've started doing minute cryptic though minute cryptic.com they have a new cryptic thing every day and they give you clues I need the clues so often I'm just getting into cryptic Ed does the wordle every day I was very excited I texted him very excited about the puzzles today let me know when you've done them because it's very something very exciting in there for you and he I think he gave up on it I don't know what you're talking about didn't do it but it's really exciting Ed Ed's start in word in Wordle every day is pious.

56:00James Acaster: He always starts with pious. Get this, Mark. It was one of the answers in the crossword clue. Oh, Jesus Christ. His start, wrong puzzle. Right word, wrong puzzle, Ed. Wow. Wordle yesterday was puppy. I didn't get it. Yeah, really hard. Because I got P, U, blank, blank, Y, and then, you know, I'm putty, I'm puffy. I'm going through every single possible iteration apart from puppy. Incredible. Sorry, James, carry on. I got a few on that. Do you do pangram? Strands, that one. I don't know, I don't know. Do strands? You can get panogram on strands, get panogram on the spelling bee, of course. We're geniuses.

56:35Our WhatsApp group is nothing about the podcast. We just send each other our results on the times puzzles. I deny geniuses on the spelling bee.

56:42James Acaster: Benito is not. You would like sparkling water. You would like crusty white bloomer with balsamic vinegar. You would like a prawn cocktail. Main course, chicken milanese with brackets matinee chicken as well.

57:00James Acaster: it's been a long meal

57:05James Acaster: drink oh I can't really Lacrima Christi white wine the tears of Christ and dessert pavlova and because you were so good at choosing between things all the way through we're also going to let you have the Wagamama ginger and white chocolate cheesecake we're going to give you both because you were such a good boy that's lovely You'd like that, wouldn't you? I'd like that. I'm pleased because I was worried because I'm not a foodie, as I say. I remember doing Saturday Kitchen first time years ago and I genuinely thought I'm slightly embarrassed to say what I eat because it is just so working class.

57:42But the one I've left out, which is crucial and I should have, which is my last meal, is beans on toast. Really? Absolutely without a shadow of a doubt. See, I hate beans. What? That could have gone really badly, that chat. Yeah. I'll just drop that in but I'll tell you something I accidentally last year bought a tin of sugar free beans and discovered you know what they taste like beans not not lovely sugar yeah and it was such a shock yeah you know like white beans they actually taste like beans and you go oh my god this is the wrong meal

58:16James Acaster: that's absolutely my final meal beans on toast beans on toast do you put cheese and beans on toast very occasionally but I sort of regret it It's a bit like the fish and chips thing. Yeah. It's fine, but it's a Sunday tea thing. Classic white bread, toasted. Butter? Yeah. I feel like Martin Freeman chose beans on toast. No, he always copies me. He didn't talk about beans on toast. He might have talked about beans on toast. I swear to God. It was about five years ago. I swear to God, Freeman brought up beans on toast as well, or at least brought them up at the end and said about them, because he said about food waste.

58:50James Acaster: I think you and Freeman, you know, peas in a pod, man. Vattico. Beans in a tin. Beans in a tin. Yeah. Well, sugared. Listen, thank you so much for coming on. Pleasure. Thank you so much. Pleasure. Fantastic. A bit annoyed that you don't tell me about the Sherlock thing. He jumps into a giant vat of beans. It was Red Nose Day. You heard it here first. He used the distraction. It's good, isn't it? Have you found it? Yeah, you both talked about beans on toast. There you go. Yeah. So this is a thing for Sherlock people now. Yeah. Whenever we get Sherlock people on, we'll see if they talk about beans on toast how many other Sherlock people Cumberbatch haven't had him on yet Russell Tovey not on yet we need to get him on because he was on my episode of Bake Off when you did Taskmaster you wouldn't say hello to Alex refused was that a thing?

59:39it was it was very funny

59:41James Acaster: it accidentally became a thing yes yes like first first task just he said hello didn't on the spot didn't do it so then just carried on doing it and then a lot of people while watching the show were like, I bet that's a secret task that James has been given. It's going to be a reveal at the end. And then when it wasn't, a lot of people have come up to me and gone, I think that was really rude of you that you didn't say hello to Alex. There's some people who take Taskmaster very seriously and don't find it to be a funny show. It's a very serious show. And then they get very annoyed that I didn't say hello to Alex.

1:00:13James Acaster: But there was one time when I do say hello, he catches me off guard and it did make the edit. So, you know, I'm not all bad. Not all bad. Mark, thank you so much for coming to the Dream Restaurant. Ta! Thank you, man.

1:00:29There we are, James. Wonderful. Wonderful to meet Mark, to chat to Mark. What a guy.

1:00:33James Acaster: Such an honour, such a privilege. He didn't say fluoride in water, which means we didn't kill him, apparently. Yeah. Something new I've learned about our own podcast. Yeah. We talked more about Jesus than I thought we would. Yeah. Jesus got a lot of air time. I don't know how it's going to shake out in the edit. Yeah. But just know, if you're listening, we talked about Jesus for a long time. It was all nice stuff. I don't think anyone said anything bad about Jesus no never disparaging about Jesus yeah look I grew up a little Christian boy I don't believe it now but I still think Jesus what a lovely man famously a good bloke yeah lovely man yeah you're on tour with Fresh Hell oh yeah sorry Jesus everyone should watch yeah sorry Jesus everyone should watch Bookish it's out on the 26th of August so make sure you watch series 2 of Bookish and watch series 1 if you haven't catch up on it on you and Alibi series 1 is available to stream on Sky Virgin Media and now.

1:01:24Now.

1:01:25James Acaster: Yes, lovely stuff. Look, what more is there to say? Mark has gone. He's still alive. He's still alive. The dream restaurant landed back safely on Earth for the end. This episode is dedicated to the memory of Jade Adam. Yeah. And, uh... She's merely dust in the atmosphere now. Yeah. Brian Cox was wrong. Yeah. Oh, that's the actor Brian Cox. I know we said dust in the atmosphere, so it makes it sound like we're talking about the other Brian Cox but the other Brian Cox was wrong as well because he said he said that Dark Matter wasn't evil yeah he was wrong when he came on the podcast we should have done an official like retraction about that yeah because he said a lot of wrong headed stuff yeah and he embarrassed himself yeah that's a shame and if you're watching on YouTube hit that subscribe button it's glowing it's right down there it's doing a little lighting thing where it lights up probably if Ben can work out how to do that we know that 90 % of you watch aren't subscribed what's going on there hit that button and sign up to our Patreon we don't have one I do congratulations Ed Gamble Ed Gamble's off menu it's called hold on you're making a little bit of extra cheese on the side just for yourself yeah it's just for cheese though this makes me even angrier you know that that's the law of this podcast subscribe bitches what no need to call them bitches why they are all bitches that's what we call our listeners chip bitch chip bitch that was good enjoyed all the chip bitch stuff yeah looking forward to being called that yeah by people I don't even know in every fish and chip restaurant you're going to the rest of your life yeah usually that's how long it lasts yeah and if it comes up on this podcast the rest of my life so yeah thank you for watching slash listening goodbye goodbye