Melvin Odoom

0:00Hi guys, it's Ed Gamble here from the Off Menu Podcast, the podcast you're listening to right now. And I am going on tour next year with my brand new stand-up show, Fresh Hell. And I'm delighted to announce that we are adding two more shows at the incredible London Palladium. They are on Friday, the 19th of March, and Saturday, the 20th of March. These are prime Palladium spots, Friday and a Saturday. You've got to get in there. Pre-sale for these shows is on Thursday, the 1st of October. General sale Friday, the 2nd of October. Go to my website, edgamble.co.uk for ticket details.

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2:45Welcome to the Off Menu podcast, taking the peaches of conversation, grilling them on the coals of humour drizzling them in the honey of friendship and a little dollop of the creme fraiche of the internet what's that dish called? I don't know grilled peaches with honey I want it yeah you could put basil on it as well that would be quite nice

3:06James Acaster: James Acaster together we own a dream restaurant every single week we're inviting a guest and we ask them the favourite ever start a main course dessert, side dish and drink not in that order and this week our guest is Melvin O'Doom we love melvin melvin is superstar dj we have been on panel shows with melvin when we started out yeah um started doing tv shows he was so nice and welcoming so funny and so good to hang out with on those shows so he's got a very special place in our heart i'm so glad we finally got melvin on the podcast one thing i probably won't say to melvin because i don't want to bring up this gig but i once did a corporate gig yeah um and it you had to go on and do 20 minutes but it was just people walking around like it was a party.

3:50So no one listened. It was all really awful people. Melvin was on DJing later. And him and Ricky, who he DJs with, I went on and they literally stood right at the front and watched the whole thing and laughed really loudly while everyone else was talking. And I was just like, these two guys are total legends.

4:08James Acaster: They're really supportive of everyone around. And if you're working with Ricky and Melvin, they've got your back. Yes. So we're very happy to have Melvin on. he's so funny he's such a sweet man check him out on Celebrity MasterChef as well yeah but listen Melvin we love you but if you say the secret ingredient we are going to kick you out of the dream restaurant and this week the secret ingredient is Doomba Doomba Odoom Odoom the beer Doomba the beer Doomba yeah Odoom's such a cool name man it's a real shame he's not like entrenched in the heavy metal community because Odoom would be perfect it'd be really cool yeah like yeah I mean you can maybe introduce him to the the heavy metal community.

4:48James Acaster: I think Melvin is such a, like, he does support everyone. Yeah. If you did take him to a metal event, I think he'd really jump in. I'd take him to a Doom gig, a Doom metal gig. Doom metal, yeah, yeah. Doom metal. O Doom metal. Take him to see Yob. But yeah, if he picks that, he's out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. See you later, Melvin. Sorry, and thanks for the support. This is the Off Menu Menu. Melvin O Doom. Doom.

5:18Welcome, Melvin, to the Dream Restaurant! Easy. Welcome, Melvin O'Doom, to the Dream Restaurant!

5:24James Acaster: I've been expecting you for some time. You know what? It's mad because I was thinking about this on the way here, that I kind of have watched you guys blow up into these big superstars. Do you remember that show that we did years ago called Sweat and Small Stuff? Yes, absolutely. I was like a team captain and you both came on as guests. And I just both thought, I thought both of you were so hilarious. and to now watch you go into these massive superstars is such a big deal. I'm just almost, I don't know if proud is the right word. You can say proud if you want, Melvin. Yeah, I am proud of you.

5:56James Acaster: You were very, very supportive. Yes. I didn't do anything. I remember doing Sweat the Small stuff. We hadn't done much TV. That was my first panel show ever. Really? My first panel show ever. And you were very, yeah, you could have just been like, okay, I have a couple of whippersnappers coming on this. I'm annoyed at these like super green comics week after week some people would have that jaded attitude Melvin but you was really laughing you'd say afterwards oh man you're so funny you were both genuinely funny and when I think back to that show there were so many comedians on there who are doing great things now like Romesh did it as well Rob Beckett did it Tom Allen there's so many names that came through and that would have been the first time I saw them on TV as well so you're part of that fraternity I feel it was a good proving ground it was a good sort of first TV thing for a lot of comics without wanting to sound like an old man comic there's not that really for young comedians anymore on TV well now it has started with the SNL UK yeah but you're right prior to that there hasn't been anything for young comedians they have the same cast every week this was like yeah yeah yeah every comic go on this learn how to do a panel show you know I mean now sadly Grimmie who hosted that show is our enemy yes why is Grimmie he's a rival food podcast because we're on the food podcast.

7:15We can't trust him. We can't be complimenting Grimmie on this. You never mention him generally. We try not. For the first time he's ever been mentioned. Yeah. Would you have him on the podcast? No. No. Never. Who started first? We did. Okay.

7:28James Acaster: Yeah, absolutely. All right, cool. We've had Angela on. We've had Angela on. Angela's fine. Yeah. No, we regret that now. We regret that. It was before they had their podcast. We didn't know we had a spy. Yeah. Right. And if you're spying on us right now, and you're going to start some food related stuff definitely not so help me even though you encouraged us when we were new comedians before we were mega superstars we won't be happy with you Melvin if you're spying on us if this is a spy mission if you're going to call Grimmy as soon as this finishes I do love Grimmy he does his show next door to us actually does he now?

7:59yeah because he's 6 Music and Radio 1 so he's like about two studios away still see him a lot do you talk about the small stuff with Grimmy? he doesn't really talk about that just because he's got this superstar lifestyle where he knows all the big celebrities but yeah yeah he knows some big celebs and I mean you guys know some names yeah we have some good celebs as well yeah have you done Dish I haven't done Dish but you're on this one so I won't do it now yeah yeah it's actually in your contract really you can't you're not allowed to do Dish is that for real forever yeah yeah yeah

8:27James Acaster: you can't do it okay fair that's why Dish has never had huge Davis on yeah we had him and he can't do Dish now I wonder if you guys fight for guests yeah I mean sometimes we'll get an availability check for a guest and then not hear anything back and then they pop up on dish and I've got to say it puts me in a bad mood for the rest of the day. Okay, good to know. Pretty annoying. Okay, so note to self, don't do dish. Don't do it. And note to everyone, not just to self. Don't do dish. Can I mention to Grimby that I've done this? Yeah, yeah, definitely. Make sure he knows. Rub it in his face. Okay, good.

8:59Say it was great. Let's take some pictures and I'll show them off. Yeah. I'll do it tomorrow. Get him. Do you like cooking? I think I'm an okay cook. I'm doing a cooking show at the moment I'm doing Celebrity MasterChef that's a big show man I can't give anything away that's I mean to be cooking on a national stage like that is quite intimidating yeah I wasn't nervous until you said that but yes you're right haven't you filmed it already? you have yeah but when it goes out they're going to watch you everyone's going to see it Melvin everyone's going to see your cooking okay and it's everyone in the nation okay yeah everyone in the nation that doesn't help again no and I can't say anything without giving it away yeah you don't want to give anything away but you look pretty confident sat here I'll be honest I can see it in your eyes well I love food which is why I'm here so I've kind of learnt enough to get away with cooking for myself and making sure things taste delicious but the best cook in the world for me is my mum I think no one can beat my mum is your mum being on dish?

10:01she's never been on dish so you'd like her as well maybe we'll get your mum on here yeah after you should get rid of me right now

10:07James Acaster: and have her on the podcast. Happily, we can do that if you want Benito. Can we do that? Get rid of Melbourne. Yeah. She lives in like North London, so it'll take about an hour and a half for us to get there. And she'll need to get ready to have it. So she's cooking Ghanaian food. Yeah. Like in Ghana, do you have many Ghanaian friends? We've had a couple of Ghanaian heritage guests on. We have, yes. I mean, a nice pivot there from whether we've got Ghanaian friends. We've met some Ghanaian. everyone who's been on the show is our friend okay good well in that case you would know that in Ghanaian culture like food is like a big big deal it's how we make everyone feel welcome I feel like Ghanaians are like the most welcoming people if it was to go to my dad's house right now he would like start making you a sandwich and sit you down in front of the table and just get you to feel comfortable and we do that with food and I'd say like there's a different food for each mood and for each feeling so if I'm sick my mum would make you her hot pepper soup or something like that.

11:08Or there's a thing called bunku, which is quite a starchy, it looks like a bowl. And you kind of like pound it together and you have it with like hot pepper stew or fish or meat and stuff like that. So yeah, my mum's food is like my number one thing.

11:21James Acaster: Wow. So will it feature on the menu or do you not want to do any spoilers? It's going to feature later on, yeah. Good. I love different food for every mood. Yeah. Yeah, because I don't you think... Also, the first mood you mentioned was sick. yeah because I didn't want to because I didn't want to ruin my my happy mood yeah okay yeah yeah yeah what's your mood today? sick I'm in a sick mood yeah sick's not really a mood is it? you're right okay fair play it could be it could be I'm in a sick mood it depends because there's sick as in a that's a sick outfit I'm wearing yeah you said you've been hanging out with Craig David recently if you told Craig David you're in a sick mood he'd be pretty happy he'd love that yeah and he's a lovely man have you ever been for an ice cream with Craig David and if you have would you say what's your flavour you knew this was coming didn't you because I thought he was going to do something to do with like the days what day yeah well we could do that now both those things what day was it on and what's your flavour it was Sunday I'm trying to do Sunday ice cream sundae oh yeah but sunday he's having sex sunday yeah is he having sex on sunday yeah yeah no he chills on sunday he chills on sunday which is perfect yeah see I'm really bad with like jokey puns yeah can I try now yeah yeah yeah I've got one but I need to fill you in okay okay oh that was it that's good yeah did you miss it yeah no I really liked it for a while I had to like quickly in my head google Craig David yeah like stuff and I was like oh yeah first ever tune from him yeah yeah I think we've done the main three.

13:02Yeah, those are the top ones. We haven't really done the one that he did. Well, I don't know which. Sometimes you get mixed up with Craig David. I'm like, what was him and what was Bo Selector? Yeah. Never say that to him.

13:14James Acaster: No, never bring up Bo Selector. But obviously the first song I heard him do was the one that he says. Fill me in. Now, I can't actually remember the lyrics to it because people used to sing it to a kid in my class at school and change the lyrics to make fun of the fact he had BO. So in my head. Oh, reewind. Reewind. Oh. Because they both select. And the crowd say BO selector. Yeah, that was, yeah. And they didn't say selector, they said sweater, because this kid sweated a lot. So I was the BO kid. Not because I smell, but because I was small. Yeah. I would always get, people would make fun of me.

13:49Oh, I'm sorry, Melvin. Yeah, it's all right.

13:53James Acaster: Still a sparkling water, Melvin. Initially, I wanted to go still, but this is my dream menu, right? so I'm going to go for sparkling because I feel like it's more of a treat and it reminds me of like my family home my mum would have a little bottle of Perrier water by the side with a twist of lime, you don't see that anymore and we weren't allowed to have it so anytime she left the room I would sneak in and have a few sips of it because that was her water it was almost like an elixir it was like a special divine type of water and so yeah mum's Perrier water with a twist of lime would be my go to did it almost taste better because it was it was stolen I have a not stolen well she told you to not have it and it was her water and she went out the room and you had a sip of it he's such a square I like to use the word borrow you were gobbling it back into the bottle well not we've got the same saliva same DNA so it doesn't really count that works it's like if your brother or your siblings to use your toothbrush that'd be fine no?

14:59James Acaster: No not fine it happened to me once Really? Yeah yeah yeah it was bad me and my brother discovered that we had no one they'd been using each other's toothbrush the same toothbrush for months So you didn't even notice though because it's the same mouth Same mouth Same DNA Yeah sure same mouth same DNA but it was bad when I was like I was brushing my teeth with the door open and I turned around and my brother stops in the corridor looks at me and I was that's my toothbrush and I looked at him and this is my toothbrush and both of us at the same time went oh no I will challenge Melvin's idea that you have the same mouth yeah we don't have the same mouth same DNA same saliva I don't think exactly the same because if I got if I did a crime yeah right wouldn't it work and the cops got my DNA they wouldn't go oh it's a member of the Acastor family but we don't know which one because they've all got exactly the same DNA so does that only work for urine if you're trying to give like a sample like let's say if they do like drug tests at your workplace yeah for example for example I'm not saying I'd do that they're not they're not testing like I think they're just testing like what's in what is in the urine they're not going like yeah that is yours is this your urine or not so you can use any urine is what you're saying yeah clean urine if someone's used clean urine so how many people in the films always use like someone that's related to them I think because it's someone who would do it for them who would go yeah okay I'll do that to help you okay but they don't go like for when the cops test it to see if it's they're just testing for drugs they're not testing for whose urine it is.

16:23That's good to know. We've learned a lot. Yeah. All of us. Yeah. We already know this. But that's why they always make them go in the toilet. I feel like we've collectively learned that. Yeah. Yeah. Because they always go in there and do the sample. Right. And then the person will have like a bottle strapped to their leg or something. Yes. Because they have to do it the way they're trying to make sure it's theirs is by them doing it sort of in front of them. Okay. Right. Okay. All right. That makes sense. But also I just don't, yeah, brothers don't have the same mouths. But the same DNA. I think you can differentiate different DNA well have you tested it you're saying this but have you lined up like let's say like do you have a brother yeah but he's half brother so there's it doesn't count I need a full brother and then would you you get your partner and then you blindfold them and then you'd both kiss the partner and see if they could tell the difference these are tests

17:09James Acaster: why is that the first test you come up with scientific it's not a scientist it is if it was my science that is science yeah it's biology I get my brother to kiss my girlfriend. And then see if they can tell the difference. Because it's the same mouth. Same mouth. We haven't tested it, so we don't know the results yet. That's all I'm saying. And that's a good idea for a TV show. Exactly. Have you got a brother? I have a half-brother called Isaac in America. Well, maybe you could half-kiss your wife.

17:39We could test that out, yeah. This is a great TV show, guys. Yeah. Yeah? Yeah. I feel like we need to... It's called That's My Brother. That's my brother.

17:47James Acaster: I think we need to contact the people who made Naked Attraction. They'd make it. They'd make this. How did they have so many seasons of that show? Because it's people naked getting revealed slowly. Because all genitals look different. No, that's not the thing that I'm confused about. I've got a friend who was a researcher on that show. She was like, it's the hardest show to book because people pull out all the time. Not in that way. But because of the embarrassment of doing the show. So I was like, how have you got so many people? and you know they don't get paid for it. I didn't know that. They get expenses.

18:19Yeah. I should be giving away all these secrets. But apparently, this is what I heard about the show, is that sometimes people would just not show up who were supposed to be on it. So they'd have to just go out onto the street and be like, can you come and do it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you know another little secret? Please. The studio stinks. Serious, serious. That's what I've heard.

18:37James Acaster: You've picked the right people to share that secret with. That's funny. Yeah. And apparently freezing cold as well. Oh, really? Yeah. it was just like when a lot of people would try and get themselves beforehand yeah I would would try and get themselves you know a bit but they weren't allowed on camera if they were fully hard yeah so they would have to try and like get themselves to that sweet spot yeah and sometimes they would go over the sweet spot yeah and they would get told they can't go on and they'd be really angry and gutted but while fully erect yeah wow I mean that's an art form in itself to get to the the sweet spot the sweet spot is you're either you know one or the other yeah yeah just to try and get it in that window made a point yeah and you have to get it in that window and yeah you have to be in that space of time yeah so impressive so I think for but for that's my brother it's not the same set is it because if anything you need everything covered apart from the lips yes yeah so maybe like two things that come out yeah well we can still use part of the set so you know where it goes yeah so maybe we do it an upside down version yeah so it's just the face yeah and then the body but you can't see the face because then you'll know if it's your brother or not oh yeah your partner's blindfolded for the whole thing I was thinking about blindfolding them and then you can just use it well then we don't need the screen we don't even need that you've saved money already yeah poplobs or bread poplobs or bread melvidow doom poplobs or bread bread sourdough have you been to honey and smoke yet no no I mean I need to go everyone tells me to go to all the streets All of their places, the Honey & Co places.

20:17I've got to go to Honey & Smoke. Yeah, it's easy. It's like, because you guys are always in Central anyway. It's easy to go to. It's very, very, it's very chill. Because I've been listening to you guys, and a lot of the time you have tried a lot of the restaurants. And so with my menu, I've tried to select places I don't think you've gone to yet. Okay. This is good. So I want to try and educate at the same time. Thank you.

20:40James Acaster: You've taught us so much already. thank you you're welcome so when I when I did the show with James when we did would I lie to you I spoke about my friend Ediz he did and he's Turkish Cypriot and so obviously you know they're big on kebabs and stuff like that and so like their menu's quite Mediterranean but they do the best sourdough bread there it's like this massive ball comes with like the most amazing butter they bake it there sometimes like oh just that would be like my go to starter and I won't have anything else there it's just so delicious. So yeah, sourdough bread. Can we talk about your friend again?

21:15James Acaster: Was it Edda's? Edda's Kayim. So, from what I remember, when we did Would I Lie to You together, he used to sell people rubbers at school? Yeah. Well, not sell the rubbers, he would clean the rubbers. He would clean the rubbers. It was his service. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, so, he would come to, the thing is, the way you said it, you were cracking me up when we talked sports about it. So I explained that, he would basically come to school and he had this service for like 50 to 30 pence. He'd come and clean your rubber. He would add this amazing scent and no one knew how he did it. But he used to just get like the spray, the car spray, like the air freshener and use that to freshen up the rubber.

21:54And then you put it like in your pencil case and organize it for you. He was just very, he was a businessman before his age. Entrepreneur is the word I was looking for. And so like he did that and now he like does property and stuff like that. Of course he does. He's had that mind from years ago. but he's still my best one of my best friends now why do you need why do you need a rubber clean it was just a nice service because imagine you so sincere the way Melvin looks at me is the sincerest that anyone's ever looked at me

22:23James Acaster: Melvin's eyes is completely lit up just a nice service kind of communicate that to Ed how nice it would be well just imagine you're in class yeah and the person next to you the student next to you opens up their pencil case and they've got a clean rubber yeah and then you open up yours yours is dirty dirty rubber Ed is comes in and goes I'll clean that for you what are you going to do yeah well I understand what he did 30 pence 30 pence but why do you need to have a clean rubber it was just it's almost like saying to you Ed why do you need a clean car you don't actually need a clean car but it's nice to have it well James is going to drop me in here yeah his car's disgusting it's mouldy inside he left it he left it for so long alright why do you need a clean pair of trainers you don't need they don't need to be clean it's just nicer to have clean trainers yeah it's got you there but then sometimes the fashion is to not have clean trainers isn't it sometimes yeah but for me I like to have clean trainers yeah yeah in fact I've got these ones I love those yeah these aren't very clean they're a bit battered now on purpose though well no I mean I just like to wear my trainers the travises are okay to be yeah yeah okay good this could be a different language now I have no idea what is being said what people are talking about with the trainers the clean rubbers made more sense with all this I guess if you're using a dirty rubber you'll get like pencil like marks on it anyway you'll get smudges as well if it's a dirty rubber so it actually didn't make sense do you want to run Ed through the way that he would clean the rubbers because that so he'd take it he'd take it home over the weekend he'd take him over the weekend well everyone so he he couldn't do it on the site well no because he takes multiple rubbers so he'd take like maybe mine and then maybe like my other friend Josiah's yeah then he'll go home with let's say seven or eight rubbers goes to his little workshop shed give him a little clean now he didn't really he didn't reveal the way he cleaned them I just knew about the he told me later on in life you told us that he cleaned them by rubbing them on paper I did do that was another method yeah you're right which we didn't know no it was all a secret yeah if you just rub them on clean paper then the whole point of rubbers is they do go down and you will have a clean I don't think we realised that as children we were young we make mistakes do you remember the rubbers that were like were they pink on one end and blue on the other end yeah yeah I do remember and the blue one was supposed to be for ink yeah but all it did was just like eradicate it never worked it never worked it absolutely ripped your page to shit and wasn't there like a do you remember TipX yes that was rubbish wasn't it TipX mouse did you have a TipX mouse no oh yeah I do like that I have a TipX mouse I do like that and there were straighter lines yeah yeah really satisfying that was a good one but then writing over all bumpy oh yeah I mean all I did was use it to write my name on stuff and like use the Tippex to like do a pentagram on my ring binders that's cool that's really cool yeah yeah sick your dream starter Melvin my dream starter is I'm quite simple with my starters to be honest with you I'm a chicken shop and olives guy or halloumi chicken shop and olives yeah so I mean I didn't want to say the name of chicken shop in case I wasn't allowed to you can say all the names I can say all the names people love it when I do they Nando's like Nando's olives I think are the best olives they are to be honest I don't think I ate olives until Nando's yeah I don't know were you the same I had had olives before but I think it's a lot of people's introduction to olives and sometimes it's the only olives people want they are very good and it's not just olives they put garlic in there mushrooms yeah there's a pepper maybe yeah I just think it is the pinnacle of olives I think people look down on it because it's a chicken shop but actually they're better than most places I agree I love those olives so much I look forward to the olives oh good I'm not alone on this oh it's delicious and they've really nailed their ratios now over the years they've changed like there's the purple olives and the green olives they've realised that most people like the greens so they've like let the greens be like most of it is green olives and those other things that we mentioned there's like bits of those in there but they're not going nuts on the mushrooms and the peppers and the garlic I'm glad you noticed that James because I don't think people did really recognise the ratio that's actually a great word the ratio of the peppers because you're right the black ones were disgusting yeah I wasn't into the you eat them because if you paid for it but they were I think now and again I mean but the greens need to be the stars yeah right and then the really salty hit of the black purple olives are like that's a nice little yeah contrast the big fat green guys that's where it's at and for me the garlic the garlic's great oh yeah I love the garlic do you actually eat the garlic yeah do you yeah do you that's how you tell the difference between Ed and his brother because they're pickled so there's all of the like garlicky horrible garlicky thing is sort of taken out of them so they're just sort of like a crunchy little slight garlicky hint I think I'd always be worried because of like when I looked at this like the kind of like the menu I thought about a lot of date scenarios because a lot of the time when I'm out well back in the day before I was when I was single I would if I was going to dinner it would be because I'm on a date of some kind and I would never eat a clove of garlic on a date just in case, you know, it goes very well.

27:39You've got to be careful about that sort of thing.

27:40James Acaster: Well, I've got to say, Melvin, you're already introducing us to some places we've never heard of before on the podcast. So the mission accomplished already with the starter. I want to pick places you've definitely not been. Yeah, places that have never been mentioned on the pod. Just some really niche. People who know, know. But, you know, not everyone knows. about this super... We've never been there. Exclusive spot. Nando's. No, no, no. Actually, actually, talking of... Apologies on the Nando's because obviously you've been there before. But I wanted to mention another restaurant that you may not have heard.

28:17Dan's Le Noir. Have heard of it. Not been.

28:20James Acaster: I've not heard of it. I don't know if it's still running. But for years, it used to be my go-to. Do you know what it's about? Go on. It's where you dine in the dark. I have heard of this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And all the waiters are blind. Yeah. And so it basically kind of heightens your senses because you can't see anything and then your taste and your smell is intensified. Now, I hate to not move on from it, but perfect location to play. That's my brother. Oh, yeah. So you could do that and then have something to eat after. Difficult to put that on telly, though. Yes. Infrared? It's completely in the dark.

28:53Yeah, because there used to be a show where it was infrared. What was that? I think it was called Dating in the Dark. Okay. Yeah, I vaguely remember Dating in the Dark. I do remember that,

29:01James Acaster: I remember seeing the trailer for it. Yeah, definitely Channel 4. And there was like the late night Big Brother footage as well if you tuned in on E4. So we could do it. You could watch it all. Watch them in infrared. I've spent a bit more money on cameras though now. Yeah. Well, we're going to really splash out for it. It's my brother, I think. Yeah. You go all in, but you've got a good idea. Yeah. Top show. It depends what channel takes it though. Well, it's going to be Channel 4. Okay, yeah. Channel 5 at a push. Yeah. But like, it'll be Channel 4. Okay, good. That'll bite our hands off. Yeah.

29:31For something like that.

29:33James Acaster: Brother Santa. Yeah. Yeah. You've got to guess. Yeah. So your dream starter is, and I want to say I'm saying this right, olives from Nando's? Olives from Nando's. Yeah. And then a halloumi. Yeah. From a place called Skewed. Okay. Okay. I've not heard of this. Not heard of Skewed. I thought you would have heard of Skewed. We haven't. Oh, Skewed is a little place in around Cockfosters area. Like Mediterranean Cuisine. But I just think they do like the best halloumi. Talk us through the halloumi. Why is the halloumi so good for you? For me, I like, when you talked about ratio, I don't like halloumi that looks too pale.

30:11I want it to be nicely tanned. Like a mixed race with dark skin. Brother. So I think that's the way my halloumi should look. Sure. That's not what That's My Brother's about, by the way. No, no.

30:22James Acaster: No. Can't make that clear enough to any Channel 4 commissioners who are listening. That's not what That's My Brother is about. It could be, though. It could be. Yeah. But you're hosting this. Okay, cool. But yeah, a nice browned halloumi. Almost crispy, I would say. Not too moist. And I don't like a squishy halloumi. You don't like a squeaky? No, don't do that. I'm with you. And quite thin, because some people have it quite chunky. I don't like it too chunky. Have you been to Bubala? No, what's that? Just about to shout that out. Yeah, Bubala has really good halloumi. They do this like chamomile and honey halloumi.

30:59James Acaster: Chamomile and honey. squeak exactly how you describe color really yeah just sit there with a whole block isn't it the whole block you just got it right where's this place there's a few yeah uh there's one in soho it's one in uh spitalfields yeah okay all right i'll check it out it's uh well worth it it's a yeah it's all veggie okay and they do like a it's like a tasting menu but you can order things individually as well but the the tasting menu is the thing to go for and they do like they just keep bringing stuff it's all so good and how do you pronounce it Bubba Bubula Bubula Bubula B-U-B-A-L-A Bubula that's how you say sorry I was thinking of something else no go on do the hands go on say it Bubula it's like how you say baby in a certain language we all thought you were going to say boobs no you were doing this gesture with your hands we're like you're like that's how you say no never mind don't like certain characters in films go like Bubula Bubula Bubula Bubula Bubbler Bubbler Yeah Bubbushka Bubbushka Yeah It's a nice word to say isn't it It's lovely Rolls off the tongue Yeah well you should try that halloumi I think you'd like I'll check it out No I'll add it to my list But you want the skewed halloumi for this Skewed halloumi for this Does it come with like a sauce or anything Or is it just the grilled The grilled or fried halloumi It doesn't need the sauce Yeah yeah It really doesn't It's so delicious So tasty They do like a They do an amazing kind of like a chilli sauce there Which you can have with it but if I'm making halloumi at home then I usually have it with like hot honey nice which I've only been introduced to in the last few years it's a very it's a very now thing I think who invented that like the hot honey they've not got credit for it someone decides to put chilli and honey and they've come up with it and they're not getting any credit that's true the first time I heard about hot honey was like a New York pizza place do a pizza I can't even remember the name of the place but I know it just became a thing at this maybe Brooklyn pizza place where it would be they'd put hot honey on the pizza and now you see it loads I think that's honey is a game changer for me yeah I put in everything just honey in general honey I put honey in absolutely everything if I make a protein shake there's honey in it like cereals honey in it tea mint tea I love mint tea how much honey are you getting through um keep this pause three bottles a month what no yeah that's so much honey how big are these bottles yeah proper proper sized bottles squeezy honey I do squeezy and I do jars if I'm doing manuka manuka for teas okay yeah manuka honey that's expensive as well I've done alright spending a lot of money on the honey would you call would you like are you like Winnie the Pooh would you say I don't mind that as a name walk around the house sometimes in just a t-shirt yeah well I don't I don't feel comfortable being naked from the bottom down in the house because there was a a time when I was staying with a partner in a hotel and she was sharing the room with her friend and the boyfriend.

34:00And the boyfriend came into the room and he was quite upset that we were in his partner's room and my partner's room. So he threw an ice bucket over my head. What? And I felt like I wanted to be angry, but I felt vulnerable because I was so naked. Hang on, so you were... So hold on, I'm not following this story. We're going to have to dig into this. What did I miss out? What wasn't clear? The whole story.

34:23James Acaster: Here's what I think you just said. Go on. is that you and your partner were sharing a hotel room with her friend. No, no. So, okay, I missed out a bit. So I was at a club and the girl that I was dating was like, I'm going to come to the same club and I'm going to get a hotel down the road. And she was like, but I'm going to share the hotel with my mate. But don't worry, she's going to stay with her boyfriend somewhere else. And so we all got to the club and we went back to the hotel. And then when we were asleep in bed, her friend who was sharing the room with her came back to collect some things.

35:01But she also came back with the dude that she was dating. And he didn't like the fact that I was in this room because he was like, what are you doing in here in my girl's shared bedroom? So he was just fuming with me for no reason. He didn't know the situation. He didn't know the situation. So he was just angry. And I was trying to be friendly. You just got a t-shirt on. And you had no trousers or pants on. I had nothing on. Oh, you were naked. I was just explaining I don't like being vulnerable in places. I just feel like if you're naked, you're not safe because of that experience now. So there was an ice bucket next to us because we may have had some champagne that day.

35:37Like I said, I'm doing all right. So we had some champagne. So there's this little bucket of just ice and he pulled it over me. And I felt like I couldn't do anything because I didn't have any clothes on. I didn't want to jump out of bed and start arguing with the guy because I wasn't protected. You want to stay covered up. so generally now I'm always covered

35:53James Acaster: was it when did this happen was it pre or post ice bucket challenge oh it was pre ice bucket so you couldn't even raise money yeah and also the ice bucket challenge is seen as a positive now yeah but back then it was back then it was an attack yeah and also the last thing you want if you're naked is for someone to dump ice on you you don't want it because shrinkage shrinkage which you know no one wants yeah especially if you're about to go naked attraction which you were yeah which is another bit of the story you missed out yeah yeah

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39:25your dream main course melvin mum's jollof rice with chicken spicy chicken here we go rack up another guinean rice jollof how many jollofs have you had on this we've had a fair few jollofs but obviously do you know the Jollof thing do you know the Jollof story in the Jollof story we hear a lot depending on who we've got is Nigerian versus Ghana yeah yeah yeah I just think it's important for you to know yeah it's an important thing for you to know and for you to know that the Ghanaian Jollof is the better Jollof yes yeah so what Nigerian did you have on there

39:57James Acaster: quite a few people I mean basically it's a friendly rivalry by the way it's been a while since anyone's actually pushed a particular type of because like we've had a few guests on in the early days everyone would come on and they'd say like Ghanaian's the best or Nigerian's the best but then we had we had a period of time now where people have come on and gone no you know what I don't get involved in all that oh really or people have gone like actually shout out these other Ghanaian because actually we're both just like copying this other job of the OG I think the I can't remember the original maybe Sierra Leone I was about to say Sierra Leone I doubted myself but like I can't remember but we're both of us aren't the originals so it's so funny that we've kind of taken control of this argument when we're both not the OGs.

40:39James Acaster: So it's good to have someone, you know, bring it up again and make nice of the fight. It's an important topic that people don't talk about enough. There was a period when I wanted to have what's called a jollof off where we get a variety of Nigerian celebrities and Ghanaian celebrities and we get their parents to make a jollof rice and then we blindfold someone because you know I love a blindfold. These are all your ideas. always every single idea has to have a blindfold yeah well you feel less vulnerable that way if they're blindfolded 100 % and then you'll taste for the better jollof yeah because again it's a thing that no one's that could cause real problems like a civil war yeah it's come up a lot on this podcast so I'm sure if you speak to Ben afterwards he could make that show with you the jollof off as like a special like just online only but straight to YouTube like off menu spin off you as the host yeah although you can't really be the host because I think the host has to be yeah I have to be because you're completely not yeah I would always be gone yeah you need a host who's not going to pick a side yeah somewhat like a Jamaican would be fine okay great yeah any particular Ricky yeah Ricky I mean he's your mate so someone a Jamaican I don't like no Shabarangs yeah Shabarangs always well obviously if we can get Shabarangs we get him yeah I'd watch that alone just for Shabba Ranks.

42:06Yeah, yeah. So it would be good to get Shabba Ranks. Saying Shabba a lot.

42:08James Acaster: Saying Shabba, hopefully. Yeah. Hopefully. Yeah. You can't make him do it. It's also in his contract to say Shabba. Yeah. Then great. Well, he has to say Shabba. Yeah. Yeah. It's like Sean Paul. You're not going to get Sean Paul without him saying Sean Paul. Jason Derulo stopped saying his name. Has he? He doesn't do it anymore. He has stopped. That's disappointing. There are people who stop saying it. I remember when, is his name Richard Wilson? Stop saying I don't believe it. what he just doesn't say I don't believe it anymore yeah there was a point where he made it very clear that he wasn't going to say it anymore it's nice to know how James' brain works that he went from shabba ranks to Richard Wilson so quickly you know people who are like associated with a with a certain catchphrase yeah a really cool catchphrase so like yeah he was like I'm not going to say it I remember it was a proper thing I'm not saying it anymore I would have gone DJ Khaled yeah like and another one because he doesn't particularly say that much now.

43:02James Acaster: Pretty similar. Yeah. DJ Khaled and Richard Wilson. Yeah. I've got one foot in the grave, am I right?

43:12Yeah. Yeah. I can't say that because I have to play all of their music. I have to be polite to all musicians.

43:18James Acaster: I think that's polite to DJ Khaled. Yeah. Oh, okay. What about to... Richard Wilson? Yeah. Well, that was his sitcom. Oh, okay. But I might have to interview him one day. You think one day you'll have to interview Richard Wilson from One Foot in the Grove? With me, you never know. I'll take most work available to me. I'd love to see that. I'd love to see you interview Richard Wilson. If it happens, you'll be the first person I call. I'll tell you what. I think it's unlikely. In fact, if it did happen, do you know what I'd say? What? I don't believe it. No, that's good. I enjoy that kind of humour.

43:51So with this, I want... I enjoy that kind of humour. spicy chicken with a jar off has to be spicy how spicy are we talking? you have to feel it afterwards when you use the loo like for me I told you I did MasterChef and that was the mistake I made because my mum said to me Mel, like obviously people don't have hot pepper stew like you do at home so when you do this like make it a bit tame and that's where I lost points I made it too tame I made it too tame So that's, for me, always stick to your guns and, you know, always be yourself. So the master safe judges were going, the next day they'd come to you and they'd go, I used the loo and it was fine.

44:36So you're out. Yeah, haven't passed.

44:38James Acaster: Yeah. Yeah. Like, well, I know we sent you through, but since then I've been to the toilet and I had no issues whatsoever. So you're going home. Yeah. That is a good barometer of the peppiness. Yeah. Yeah. And you want your mum to make this? yeah mum because there's two facets of that A you've got delicious food and B you get to see your lovely mum yeah that's nice my mum actually refused to teach me that recipe because she was like then you won't come and visit me anymore and she only taught it to me because of MasterChef that's the only reason and have you seen your mum since? no she's been busy she's way too busy it's a shame yeah but we you know we message each other yeah it's the same thing she's alright got loads of cousins and stuff to speak to it's really good that's my cousin yeah that's a spiller

45:32your dream side dish my dream side dish is mac and cheese now when I say mac and cheese what do you think of I think is this a trick question no it's not I think of mac and cheese from where I guess I mean I'm thinking like from like American restaurants wrong well that is what I think of Melvin wrong because I know what you're going to say but I am I'm allowed to think of whatever I want to think of what am I going to say Barbados oh well done

46:03I'm right aren't I yeah yeah and you tried to trick me by calling it mac and cheese it's macaroni pie yeah yeah okay so yeah well done so yeah there's a little place called Palm Bay Little West Indian in Essex yeah and they do the best mac and cheese. Get Ed to judge the joll of them. So I'm really impressed because I think a lot of people get mac and cheese and mac pie mixed up. And it is a very, very different dish, but I think the best side dish is very much a treat. So where's your go-to then for mac pie? I don't really have a go-to, but my mother-in-law grew up in Barbados. Oh, beautiful.

46:42And hence my wife is obsessed with macaroni pie and you know flying fish and all of that sort of stuff wonderful and I've had macaroni pie a few times and absolutely delicious are you you both fans of West Indian food yeah okay yeah

46:56James Acaster: I haven't had enough of it if I'm honest oh I love it I should have more I love it that mac pie and the dumplings and they do another thing called festivals which is almost like a rolled up donut but it's you know a bit more savoury but with kind of a sweet kick to it but those are like my go to West Indian side dishes I think are the best plantain festivals dumplings mac pie anything like that West Indian side dishes are the best for me yeah macaroni pie is so good so much cheese in it and it stands up like you cut slices off it it's delicious and I went to a restaurant once and I thought it was a mac pie and they tricked me they mentioned the American one that they brought the American one and I felt so cheated yeah I agree so why do you want this one from so this one's from a place called palm bay in loughton which is um so i love this one so much i've got a little hack for deliveroo so if they don't deliver to your house what i do is drive halfway to meet the driver does no does everyone do this no no no everyone doesn't do it's not a hack it's more effort for you it's not a hack it's not a hack going and if they won't deliver there I go to the restaurant and pick it up and if they won't pack it up for me here's my hack I'll go to the restaurant, I'll sit down at a table and I'll eat it and I'll pay it at the end if they don't deliver to you go to somewhere where they will deliver to and wait there instead no you've missed the point and that's a melding hack that's a hack guys you can take that home with you no, what I'm saying is I'll go as far as they deliver.

48:42Yeah, I know. We know what you're saying.

48:44James Acaster: We're telling you that's not a hack because that's you playing by their rules. But at least I don't have to drive all the way from North London to Loughton. Yeah. Sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So what I do is I drive to somewhere like Chinkford. Yeah. That's us. That's like halfway through. Yeah, I love the idea of you sat in your car in Chinkford like I've done it again. fooled him again filling up your car at a petrol station they're like Melvin's parked in Chingford again just take it over to him sometimes it can get stressful yeah when they don't know what car you're in yeah so you then have to chase the guy because I usually go to car parks it's my secret oh that's part of that you're getting macaroni pie delivered to a car park yeah Melvin's secret while you sit there Melvin's secret is he parks in a car park I feel like the guy comes and he does that thing where he parks the opposite way you're facing.

49:42James Acaster: So it's like two people having a secret meeting in a car. Well, sometimes... Do you flash your lights like a dogger? I do that and horn. Horn and lights is the trick. But sometimes the map on Deliveroo isn't as accurate as Waze. So sometimes they say it's right by me, but it's not. It could be on the other side of the street. Some of these guys... The hat's backfiring by the sound of things. Sometimes. Sometimes. Because, you know, I've got to let people know what works and doesn't work in case they go out and do it and there's problems. Sure. So how long's the drive from yours to Chingford? 20 minutes?

50:1620 minutes. Yeah, not far.

50:19James Acaster: I'm actually quite glad that we filmed these now because Melvin is like absolutely cracking under the pressure of our questioning here. I feel like I'm in a police station. Looking at Ed with like this fear in his eyes. Oh my God, I've got to answer this next question. My hack. I'm so proud of my hack. that I do I drive to wherever they need me to but I just don't want to go all the way yeah yeah I understand that you don't want to go all the way there for your macaroni pie so you go to a car park halfway in Chingford sometimes I don't come to this right car park you have to go and find them but so I hear what you're saying you're saying once you're in your car you might as well go all the way there yeah yeah and I think just the way you presented it like a hat what would you have described it as just go pick up you're just going to go pick up food I think it's still like a compromise a compromise alright it's still further than most people would want to go when I go on the Dish podcast I would say it's a compromise I would say a hack I would only call it a hack if you get to stay at your home and they will still deliver it to you and you found a way of making that happen if you have to drive to Chingford and sit in a car park well I did think of that but it's more costly because what they do is they'll deliver it to Chingford then I send an Uber to Chingford to pick it up from there to my house.

51:38Again, it doesn't feel like a hack.

51:39James Acaster: Yeah, as you say, it'll cost you more. What if you use someone else's Uber account? I suppose that's a hack. Your mates or your housemates, they've gone to the loo quickly, you pick up their phone, get an Uber, get the pickup and then... That's stressful. So the hack is order Ubers on other people's phones. Done. That's the hack. That's the hack. Anytime you want an Uber really. It doesn't have to be for when you want a macaroni pie. But I think it's better when it's for the pie. Yeah. I think a hack just suggests you've fooled them in some way. I haven't fooled them. No, you've beat the system.

52:14They've hacked me then, if that's the case. How's this for a hack, right?

52:17James Acaster: Go on. M &S do these little egg pots now that are mixed with smoky beans. It's a smoky bean egg pot. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. The shakshuka. Smoky bean. But for my taste, they're not eggy enough. Right. So I'll also get the individual egg pot, which has the spinach in it, which is actually quite a deep pot as well. and I just like slam the smoky beans and eggs in there and then smash it all up and then I make and then it's like a much more egg version so I've got my my egg ratio there and I've got some greens in there that's a great hack I would actually call that a remix not a hack that's for me more of a remix an eggy remix yeah James is a food DJ yeah that's what some people say on the streets oh glad I'm getting talked about on the streets yeah

53:03James Acaster: your dream drink dream drink I've actually bought it for you guys as a gift now I did I did see you had the bag then the carry bag was black yes so you can't see through it yeah it's like you bought it from a porno store but I didn't I can assure you of that but I think I know when it it looked to me like a quite distinctive bottle I thought you maybe bought some supermolts oh you've had it No, you've had it already. So far, Melvin, your plan of things that we've not had has not gone well. We've got you every time. Who brought the... Was it Nigeria? No, I think I've actually just... You've just had it at home.

53:41James Acaster: I've tried one before, but like, hey, get him out. I've tasted it on a TV show before. No, I don't want to do it anymore. If you've both had it... It's been a long time. Well, I actually can't remember what it's like. It's been so long. I do want to drink it now. It's a pity sip. But I'd like to drink it now. It's a pity sip. It's not a pity sip. I do want to drink it. Right. Pretend to be excited. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'm excited. I want to drink it. I was annoyed that you decided to go back on it. Thank you. Melvin, last time, so I was recently, well, not recently, but within the last year, I was walking down the street and someone was walking up to me, a man who I think had been And maybe he was inebriated on something.

54:27James Acaster: And he had a bottle of super malt. No. And as he was walking past me, he tried to shove it in my hands. And he went, just take it. Thanks for all the laughs. Just take it. Thanks for all the laughs. What? He can't be tipsy because... He wasn't drinking this. Oh, right. He's a man that I regularly bump into. And mainly he's doing poppers. Okay. But every time I've seen him, he's been doing poppers. He offers me poppers. but he offered me a super malt once and said please thank you for all the laughs was that your first super malt from him no I didn't drink it because I didn't accept it from him because I don't trust this man I'll say hi to him when I see him but what's really funny is Ben just left the room to go and get a bottle opener and he's going to come back in and realise that they're twist off sorry Ben but still my hands are so weak that I can never do a twist off I've had to literally you've done it man I've had to use my jacket that's a nice jacket to put it over cheers everyone cheers cheers eyes it has to be with the eyes It's bad luck.

55:22Eyes in the Super Bowl.

55:27Drink that in. It's so good. It's actually sweeter than I remember. It is. That is delicious though.

55:33James Acaster: With B vitamins. But it has to be. Taste the B vitamins. So it's healthy for you. I believe. Yeah. A lot of sugar as well. No artificial sweeteners or flavours, they say. Yeah. I believe that there's no... I mean, it is like... It's really good. There's a breadiness to it. Such a distinct taste, isn't it? the super malt that would be the malt that's the malt it has to be drunk cold yeah yeah absolutely that's delicious weirdly can't stop sipping on a hot day I should have accepted it from that guy yeah hot day spicy food that's the good thing perfect yeah well I feel like I've let you guys down you're not at all that's delicious and I don't how many super malts have we had in the past Ben once one super malt no Baba did it knew it was one of the Nigerians He didn't bring it in.

56:22Okay. But he selected that. You win automatically. Okay. All right. Fair play. Yeah. Yeah. I should have just done it before him. Because I'm going to look like a copycat now. No, I don't think you look like a copycat at all. I think anyone can tell that that was genuine. You are quite angry. Genuinely. It's still, you know, we've done so many episodes. To bring in a drink that has only been picked once is nigh on impossible now. Okay. The amount of times we've had, you know, so many other things. Yeah. everyone's picking you know Coke Zero and stuff yeah what a boring drink so you know and we love it every time someone brings Jollof as well yeah okay we love talking about the Jollof yeah do people bring food for you no not really occasionally they might bring it every night and again but we try and discourage it yeah okay but I mean like when they say it as part of their dream menu okay I love chatting about Jollof and I still don't I need to eat more Jollof

57:12James Acaster: I ordered way too much on delivery once in the lockdowns we'd done one of these over Zoom so then I was like I really want whatever the person who chose found someone on delivery that did it did not look into the portion sizes humongous absolutely humongous that lasted me a week was it tasty though yeah it's good yeah good stuff I was like how what's old in a family size that's an auntie that's made it for you yeah yeah she's made it thinking you're gonna keep it for a week because that's what my mum would do you'd go over to the house and she'd be like before you leave she'd have like a little care package for you.

57:51Good to go. Do you know what I mean? I used to go to, there's a street food place called Jollof Mama and the boxes are absolutely gigantic. Huge, yeah. But I'm eating the whole thing. Well, that's part of the culture. If you go to a party, you bring your own Tupperware. Yeah. So you go home with extras. My mum, she's such a, she likes to store food so much. I got her a new fridge and she refused to get rid of the old one. So if you go to my mum's house, she just has a fridge freezer in the living room. I can't get rid of it if anyone wants a fridge freezer let me know

58:23James Acaster: what's in the living room want anything it's still food like she saves up for like my sister my niece my nephews anyone that wants to come over it's like the storage fridge and then the one in the kitchen is the fridge fridge I love that did you grow up drinking supermalt that is like any family parties that's how you test a good party if they got supermalt you turn up any supermalt yeah any supermalt no rubbish party so I only ever went to rubbish parties actually we have had a guest on before who says that Sakisa said white parties are the worst they're not they're not I like them you sure? yeah yeah my next one ever used to play Agadou never heard it anywhere else that was a really good white party and we don't hear that enough now you know bring it back do you I mean you're a DJ yeah do you ever drop Agadou?

59:14I don't but if there was a nice remix yeah I'd definitely drop it now yeah I feel like if someone did like a nice house version of it yeah like Calvin Harris

59:23James Acaster: of the events that you go to can you think of any event where you get away with that playing Agadou what playing Agadou if there was a Calvin Harris I do Butlins yeah oh they'd love it at Butlins Butlins Weekender yeah what's your favourite song to DJ what's the one currently to actually currently that you're the one that you look forward to dropping the most that you're like oh I'm about to play this song it's gonna go off I love this track okay So I love funky house music and there's an artist called Egypt. It's been out for years, but Stormzy has recently done a new tune with Odell and sampled that track, that original track.

1:00:02So I love playing that now because I feel like you get the old crowd who remember the original tune in the morning and then you get the new crowd who know the Stormzy one. So I like that. Nice. What's the song called? So the Egypt was called in the morning, in the morning, in the morning. Yeah. Funky house. classic I love popping on Radio 1 sometimes it's like it's a different world for me who do you listen to at the moment well I listen to a lot of metal oh is that your go to yeah that's my go to and I very rarely listen to the radio so it's just all these names of like artists and stuff I'm like this this could be made up well you well you you'd love Alex Holcomb yeah yeah Alex is great yeah yeah yeah Jack Saunders dips into a bit of metal as well Dan Picard of course yeah Dan's a G like he's probably your go-to.

1:00:48Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's a nice man. Yeah, he's a lovely man, isn't he? Are you both into metal?

1:00:52James Acaster: I like metal, but I like loads of different music. Different stuff. And like, I'll send Ed every now and again I'll hear a metal album I like. I'll send it to Ed to see what he makes of it. Okay. Often it's horrible. Yeah, James likes really weird stuff. Like what? Gutter Snipe. What is that? One of my favourite albums of the year is the Gutter Snipe album Extinction Burst. It sounds horrible. It's really gross. But what genre is it? Is it even a... Like noise metal just like it's just like two people in what sounds like a cellar in Leeds just like playing music that is meant to sound like the end of the world right and you'd listen to that I love it I love that album it's one of my favourite albums would you guys listen to that in the car like for me I listen to it walking around on a nice countryside walk maybe at bath time I'd listen to it while I was cooking heavy metal while you cook yeah yeah wow I find very very aggressive loud music incredibly soothing wow I can't like it's weird I'm the opposite I'll go to the gym and listen to a slow jam yeah I'll listen to like Usher while I'm pushing weights and people laugh at me but I'm like your PT says do slow reps right what's better than slow music yeah yeah well I'll do that as well I often find myself at the gym not doing the weights if I'm honest I'll be on like the bike or something it's fine whatever works I'll be listening to some yeah like slowed there's the Kelsey Lou album this year great really slow R &B kind of like atmospheric stuff I'm cycling it's like sexy it makes you feel sexy on the bus I just feel sexy he likes to feel sexy on the bike that's good well it's nice I feel sexy everywhere bikes and cars except in hotel rooms where you've got an ice bucket dumped in your room

1:02:40yeah apart from that scenario it's the only time you've not felt sexy I don't feel sexy then when you're wearing an ice bucket like a hat I was just scared yeah yeah yeah he was so so violent yeah who does that he could have just left the room and said Melvin get out

1:02:54James Acaster: he could have and if he's listening you've made two new enemies today yeah Ed Gamble and James Aikens I hope he's not listening no he won't be listening imagine if he is if he's a fan of the podcast that'd be great yeah probably ashamed of himself now he should be but so diverse for your listenership like you've got you know mean bullies listening as well hey if there are any mean bullies listening do let us know online and stop it yeah stop it but we would like to know if we do have any mean bullies listening so and be honest with yourselves if you're if you're a mean bully do message the podcast on any social media platform uh let benito know that you're a mean bully yeah and make sure you say your full name say i am my name is and your full name and i'm a mean bully do you think people know that they're bullies because I realised later on down the line I was I used to give one of my cousins a hard time I called him triangle head what triangle head yeah because he had really pointy chin so so I'd like to admit I was a bully yeah for a small period of time yeah to one specific guy to one cousin yeah how's he doing now he's very well yeah very well he's the mascot for Derry Lee

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1:06:02James Acaster: your dream dessert Melvin ah now this is something that I don't think has been covered on the podcast okay but don't you don't set yourself up for this Melvin because a few times along the way here you've been really upset because there was the whole mac and cheese thing correct and I got you on that yes there was a super malt right and you weren't happy with that let's not forget the time you shouted out Nando's and you shouted out Nando's olives immediately after saying I'm going to pick places you've never been. Yeah. So, and you've offered up hacks that aren't hacks. So let's, let's just, just steady yourself here before you say whatever it is.

1:06:36Yeah. And don't think you need to give us things that we've not had before. Yes. You don't need to do that. I know it would be nice

1:06:43James Acaster: if we did at least get one. Yeah. After having made the mission statement at the beginning. Well, hang on, skewed, we didn't know skewed. We didn't know skewed. Remember that. Palm Bay. Palm Bay, we didn't know. Okay. But that was sort of... So, I'm going to slightly change this now. What? You're getting too in your head about it. You're second guessing yourself. It might be that the first one we haven't heard of. No, you've heard of it. But it's got to be... You've heard of it, but it's the method that no one's focused on. The hot and cold combination. Okay. Has anyone discussed that yet? What?

1:07:15James Acaster: Mixing hot and cold stuff together? Yeah, that's come up before. Oh. As a dessert? Well, having something hot with something cold? Yeah, no one's discussed that, have they? What are you talking about? like ice cream and a hot apple pie yeah yes it's one of the most common things what are you talking about was that it yeah that was it yeah like an apple tart and for me I love a hot and cold combination so apple crumble then with ice cream

1:07:47but no one's focused they may have said oh I want apple pie and ice cream but they've not referenced the temperature they have

1:07:54James Acaster: they have they said temperature Yeah, people talk about, you know, especially with apple pie. I'd say that's the most common one, is they say, like, whether they want hot custard with it or cold ice cream, and they say, and a lot of the time they'll say stuff like, like, oh, no, I don't like, you know, hot stuff with something else that's hot, or I don't like cold stuff with something that's hot. So people have their preferences, especially with apple pie. It's really hard to be original on this. But you don't need to be, Mel, because we can talk about it, and we'll get loads out of the conversation, but it's so funny how much you've set yourself up for needing to be original and then you said things that so many people have talked about before so like hot apple pie with cold ice cream yeah yeah that's your dessert that's it

1:08:40so okay alright or I can I can figure no no you don't need to change it was that your original one that was the original the original one was hot apple pie with cold ice cream yeah that's nice that's lovely it's delicious yeah that's it so I would just say that is there anywhere specifically you get it from or does someone cook it for you I do like an ivy tart yeah apple tart and then they flambe it with some kind of alcohol nice I think it might be a brandy or something lovely and then you have to ask for it on the side because it doesn't come together and you have it on the side and you eat that so yeah the ivy that's lovely which is very nice Laura Whitmore can get you three tables she gets a hook up she just posts about it that's good I didn't know that does that go for anyone watching?

1:09:32yeah if anyone's watching just message Laura Whitmore and say can we go to the Ivy because she took me and Ricky once I didn't pay a penny she just posts it online I don't have Laura's number but I'll message Ian Ian doesn't have the same thing but I'll say can I have Laura's number please gotta go Laura can Laura take me to the IV because I've done Ian before yeah he just talks about gaming and stuff yeah and Pokemon cards exactly yeah but Laura is straight to the heart I'd say yeah much easier yeah much easier alright I'll see if I can get Laura's number off Ian yeah so I shouldn't have set it up I should have just said oh apple pie and ice cream yeah and do you remember when I warned you multiple times to not set it up you did yeah you did I don't know for my mistakes and you were like

1:10:17James Acaster: no no no no you don't no one would have bought this up before the hot and cold combination sometimes I feel like you've got to back yourself yeah I came prepared yeah to talk about temperatures yeah and I was thinking I hope they haven't mentioned it well this is I agree with you on the temperatures I want a hot dessert cold cold side I think it's a great thing because some people want hot and hot nah what's the point yeah hot apple crumble hot custard do you know what's worse go on room temperature I don't want anything room temperature as a dessert but hate it. Apart from baklava, delicious.

1:10:58Apple crumble and ice cream is what reminds me of being at home the most. Actually, probably rhubarb crumble, maybe. Really? And ice cream. Like after a roast dinner? Yeah. I actually don't mind a rhubarb. Do you know what people don't have enough of, and this is what I should have said? An apple strudel.

1:11:13James Acaster: Oh, yeah. Yeah? Strudel's good. Yeah, well, I always think of apple strudel as in Glorious Bastards, where they eat the apple strudel. The way they film the whole thing, we're putting the cream on it and the crunch, the sound of it in that scene as well. It is, even though it is a genuine Nazi intimidating a young Jewish person who's trying to hide from him, the strudel looks absolutely amazing. That's how you know it's a good dish. And it's horrible what it all represents in that scene as well. I'll re-watch that because you know another hack of mine? Right. Steady on here. take a slow run up to this I know you don't like my use of the word hack I've got a bad memory so I can always re-watch something I've already seen and it's brand new again it's not a hack the hack is the hack is to not remember stuff very well I'm similar I wouldn't call it a hack what would you call it?

1:12:08I'd say it's making the best of a bad situation okay then let's do that James is cursed with a very good memory especially when it comes to films. So that's it. You can't re-watch anything.

1:12:20James Acaster: Yeah, I can't really re-watch anything. And when a guest comes on who's been in films, it's awful because I can't stop myself from just telling them... About the film. Yeah, I don't actually ask them questions. I just go, hey, you filmed this and this happened. Do you do that then? Yeah, I have to stop him. That's why I sit in the middle seat. I feel bad for you now. Yeah, it doesn't go well. I can't wait to see the sip sentence again. that's wicked yeah what a great movie it's good yeah it's going to blow your mind all over again I can't wait I'll tell you the twist now because you'll forget it anyway go on it's his brother no way yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah they kiss him same man they kiss him and they realise it's his brother I'm going to read your menu back to you now yeah see how you feel about it Melvin and to remind you yeah yeah you won't know you want your mum's Perrier water with a twist of lime you would like sourdough from Honey and Smoke you would like olives from Nando's and a halloumi from Skewed you want your mum's jollof rice with spicy chicken you would like macaroni pie from Palm Bay you want some super malt and you would like a hot apple pie and cold ice cream how did you put that in there so quick?

1:13:33James Acaster: I read it I read it out from here I always use memory again it's not my memory it's just on there it's written down it's incredible incredible because I didn't even send an email or anything with that list it's our hack can you see anything in this room that could have possibly written it down in there Ben yeah yeah oh him his laptop oh Ben oh Ben's transferred it is it like an iPad in there yeah smashed it yeah do you know what that is what's that a hack that's a hack that's a hack first thing I'm going to do tonight we hacked it go and google the word hack the meaning yeah because I feel like I've not used it correctly today definitely not yeah not once I cannot know what definitely not but like you know we've still learnt loads this episode yeah we've still learnt stuff from you as well yeah I don't want you thinking you haven't taught us anything today no and that's the main thing yeah we've all collectively learnt something yeah you've surprised us a lot thank you yeah loads of surprises twists and turns good thank you so much Melvin thanks for having me thank you Melvin

1:14:41thank you so much to Melvin for coming on That was as fun as I thought it was going to be.

1:14:46James Acaster: Absolutely fantastic. We had him second-guessing himself straight out the gate. So many things that he was certain we never would have heard of before. We'd heard of it all. It couldn't happen to a nicer guy. And look, if you just listen to the audio of this, if you are able to watch the YouTube version of it, the look on his face every single time he realises that we've already heard of the thing or we've already tasted it or whatever is really funny. I mean, he didn't start tricky. Because he's Nando's. Nando's. But when you called Supermol, he was so angry. He wasn't angry, actually. He was like, he just jumped up in his chair.

1:15:24James Acaster: Yeah. And I knew it from before we even started recording that it was Supermol because I'd seen it in the back. Yeah. Not even, just a slightly, the outline, just in the black bag. And I was like, that's Supermol. That's Supermol. Check Melvin out on Celebrity MasterChef. Listen to him on Radio 1. Just go to Butlin's to see him DJ. go to Pollins and see him teaching just do it anything you can with Melvin he's a lovely bloke try and be friends with him yeah and thank you Melvins for not saying Doomba of course thank you so much to Melvin for coming on the pod we will see you another time soon come see me on tour at gamble.co.uk bye

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1:17:23Hi, I'm Nick Eshukla. I'm an author and screenwriter and host of The Good Immigrant Podcast. Back in 2016 I edited a collection of essays called You guessed it, The Good Immigrant It brought together stories of what it meant to be an immigrant at that time It was a reflection of life as a person of colour in the UK To celebrate 10 years since its publication I'm speaking to some of the contributors about everything that has happened since then People like Nish Kumar, Selena Godden, Himesh Patel, Coco Khan, Inua Elams and many many more The Good Immigrant Podcast is out every Tuesday, wherever you get your podcasts.