Regé-Jean Page

0:00James Acaster: This is James Acaster. I'm on tour with my show, James Acaster. We've added some extra London dates on the, I want to say, 1st and 2nd of August at the Royal Festival Hall. And also, the Blackpool dates, which are pretty soon actually. What? They're not sold out. Come, please buy tickets to the Blackpool one. And there's some offers as well that still aren't sold. Glasgow springs to mind. Newcastle springs to mind also. So come and see the show. I'm very proud of it. Ed's yawning. Tickets at jamesacaster.com.

0:48Welcome to the Off Menu podcast, taking the alphabetic spaghetti of conversation, pouring it into the pan of podcasting heating it up with the flame of friendship ladling that alphabetti spaghetti onto the plate and it spells one thing O-F-F-M-E-N-U the off-menu podcast

1:08James Acaster: that went from just being the shittest one you've done to the best one you've ever done thank you very much I knew what point I was hitting at the end that is it Gabble my name is James Acaster together we own a dream restaurant and every single week we invite in a guest and ask them their favourite ever start a main course dessert side dish and drink not in that order. And this week, our guest is... Regé-Jean Page! A wonderful actor, James. I first became aware of Regé-Jean Page in Bridgerton, of course, where a lot of the world became aware of him for the first time, I believe. Yeah, I remember seeing him in The Greyman.

1:38James Acaster: That was the first time I saw him. Yeah. Is that post-Bridgerton there? Yeah, but I haven't seen Bridgerton. Oh, yeah. It's crazy that I've not seen Bridgerton, and it's for no good reason. I've got no excuse. Yeah. And I should watch it. We've had a lot of Bridgerton people on this very pod. Yeah, I should save it up. Yeah. And watch all of it. But yeah, I've seen Reggae elsewhere. Yes. So very excited. And very excited to watch You, Me and Tuscany. Yes, Reggae's brand new film is starring alongside Halle Bailey. It's a great rom-com. Yes. Looking forward to seeing it very much. But even though we're looking forward to seeing You, Me and Tuscany, and Reggae Jean-Page is a fantastic character, we will have to kick him out if he says the secret ingredient, an ingredient which we deem to be unacceptable.

2:17James Acaster: And this week the secret ingredient is... Reggae, Reggae Sword. had to be we haven't had anyone on who's called Reggae before so of course we would choose Reggae Reggae Source I would be surprised if Reggae chooses this yeah you would feel like he maybe had that joke made about his name before so he probably wants to avoid it at all costs although it's a wonderful source wonderful song wonderful song loved Levi Roots' first appearance on Dragon's Den that's where I became first aware of him what about you? oh yeah I knew him earlier but I knew him from the Notting Hill Carnival yeah so don't worry I already know him yeah yeah you were in at the ground floor with Levi yeah yeah yeah but a classic moment of British television if you're listening overseas yes try and watch Levi Roots on Dragon's Den and you too will want to invest good so we've plugged Regé's new film we've plugged Levi Roots on Dragon's Den I'm going on tour next year tickets available now at gamble.co.uk UK and Ireland tour fresh hell it's April Fool's Day if you're listening when it goes out when this episode goes out it's April Fool's Day behave yourself you know this is the one day of the year I can't behave myself but it's not that day of the year now I can't behave huh?

3:35it's March for us yeah currently it's March but like

3:37James Acaster: this is going to go out on April 1st but that doesn't mean you can you know you know that us people who love April Fool's Day pranking we can't help ourselves when I know this is going out on April Fool's Day I've got the imp in me but that means I'll let you have the imp in you because we're recording for April 1st but when it is April 1st for you in real life, no pranks you don't make the rules man, you squares don't get to dictate how the imps okay the rules are you can't do an April Fool's in March so then no April Fool's but I'm happy to change the rules slightly but there's no April Fool's for you on April Fool's Day you seem to be under the impression that you make the rules I do make the rules I think I make the rules on this pod you're not an imp Benito back me up here Benito makes the rules so on April actual April Fool's Day James no April Fool's for James if he chooses to nominate this is this April Fool's Day because this is going on April Fool's Day James he doesn't care he says he doesn't care okay I mean we must have known that was going to be the response mad if he cared about anything yeah on the pod on the pod yeah he cares about some stuff he cares about syncing up the audio yeah toast he cares about his dog toast that's not on the pod that's not pod related roller coasters he cares about the roller coasters I guess I'm going to assume he cares about his marriage yeah probably paying the bills paying the bills he cares about I think he cares about it I think it's the kind of guy who thinks about that more than he cares about the rules of the pod yeah yeah yeah yeah this is the off menu menu of Reggae Jumpage

5:19Welcome Reggae to the Dream Restaurant! Hey! Thanks for having me! Welcome!

5:25James Acaster: I actually scared you there! It's not so much... A little overwhelmed. Sorry. It's not generally how restaurants... Welcome Reggae Thumb Page to the Dream Restaurant! But it's been to you for some time! Flashbacks! We've been blown up in a restaurant before. Yeah? Yeah, first film job I ever did. I had like five lines and then we got blown up in a restaurant in Bulgaria. Wow! Oh man, gutted! Yeah, so, you know, thanks for bringing that back up. Gutted! Appreciate it. What was the film? Well, literally gussed. Just bits everywhere. Carpaccio a la reggae. I thought that was the name of the film for a second.

5:57That is the first time I've referred to myself in the third person today. Really? Today. Today. Yeah, yeah. You've done it before. We tried to slip one in every day. Like, where's one?

6:05James Acaster: Just a third person reference. What was the film, though? It was called Survivor. It was Emilia Jovovich and Pierce Brosnan running about with guns, I think. Yeah. And you didn't survive Survivor. I did not survive. You were not the titular survivor. I was the example of how not to be the survivor. I was the stakes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? Sometimes you've got a dead girlfriend or something in the beginning, and I was just dead, kind of expendable. I was an expendable in survival. Were you sort of like a dead girlfriend flashback? Were you, you know, when it's always under the covers when they think about it?

6:36No, it was more like, you know, the rookie cop, the ingenue? Yeah. They're just like, ah, that kid's got moxie, he's got promise. Oh, he's dead.

6:42James Acaster: Yeah. It was that. It was that kind of situation. But did your death drive the main character? Yeah, it was a great motivation. That's good. That is good. Look at me. Look at his face. It says motivation. Yeah, yeah. Motivation and death. That's what's on my CV. Horse riding, sword fighting, motivation and death. Did you do the classic thing you hear from a lot of actors where you put things like horse riding and sword fighting on the CV before you can do them? Yes, absolutely. Yeah, and then you just learn if you have to do them. That's what acting is. You pretend to do things, including on your CV.

7:11I mean, that's how I sell it to myself. Yeah. No, I've done that more than a couple of times. I can horse ride now. but haven't for a little while, so who knows if I still can. Have done sword fighting, haven't for a little while, who knows if I can. Can be blown up. In restaurants, if necessary. Don't recommend it. Have you ever actually scared anyone with that? Been blown up?

7:35James Acaster: Normally I'll scare them with poppadoms or bread. I can scare them with that, but I'm trying to think if I've actually scared someone with that opening, maybe. Well, you're right, that's not the normal welcome to a restaurant. It's not a normal restaurant. if you walked in and the waiter screamed like an explosion sound effect at you, it wouldn't feel like a good welcome, would it? I mean, the visual was, I imagine, like party streamers and like confetti and like it felt celebratory. That's nice because it's James bursting out of a lamp because he's the genie. But we've never had, I like the idea of rubbing a lamp and streamers come out with the genie.

8:09He's a lovely, he's a Soho genie. Yeah, he's a Soho genie, exactly. Yeah, yeah. Genie with legs or genie kind of still kind of with the trail going into the tip of the leg?

8:18James Acaster: Well, I'm kind of your genie, so however you see me, really. I don't see the legs. No. Do you know what I mean? Like when genies just have like the traily bit. Yeah, yeah. I don't think I can imagine a genie with legs, to be honest. I think it would freak me out. I mean, the genie has legs, like Robin Williams is. Sometimes. Sometimes he has legs. Yeah, and sometimes he plays both sides. Yeah. He plays both genie sides. Yeah. I wouldn't like it. If I rubbed a lamp and a genie came out with legs, I'd say I don't want any wishes from you. I don't trust you. It's a bit genie discriminatory. Yeah.

8:46Well, in the genie world, there's still a lot of things to be sorted. Do you feel like he used up one of your wishes on his own legs?

8:52James Acaster: Yeah. Hang on, I didn't wish for those legs. So you'd have to wish for no legs? Yeah. And that's my second wish. It's a little bit upstairs-downstairs there. It's like, you, servant, you don't get to use your powers for legs. I demand that you are chained to the lamp. Look, it's difficult. I mean, the genie-lamp-rubber relationship is quite fraught. There's a lot of discussions to be had around that, I think. Lamp rubber Sounds like something I was about to say you yelled out from like the terraces of football lamp rubber Sounds like the genie should be in charge Yeah yeah yeah Don't know what a lamp rubber gets to call the shots That sounds like a right little What would you call the person?

9:25James Acaster: Well as the genie I'd call the master Oh yeah Of course Bit old fashioned Yeah I see I can't help it I'm a genie man Alright first wish Stop calling me master Okay First wish gone Second wish Come up with a better term for the master for me Okay Regé-jean What are you thinking? Yeah we can be on first name basis? That works. I just don't want you to... I'm going to call you Reggae Jean for the whole podcast. Excellent. Are you going to play the genie for the whole podcast? Yeah, I kind of tend to go in and out of it. In and out of the genie. So mainly. Yeah, like legs sometimes, no legs other times.

9:57Oh yeah, but still in the genie. Has anyone else called you a genie at this point? Or have I completely made this up?

10:02James Acaster: Oh no, other people call me genie in person, and I'm like, I want you to use your genie powers to do this for this meal. You know, like some people are like, use your genie powers so I'll never get full, use them so I can have gluten use them so that I'm in Barbados for this course excellent good genie sometimes like if an item on a menu has been discontinued and they want to have it again I can do that you discontinue items in this restaurant not in the world in the real world hang on you're a genie in the real world the rules of this are getting really weird I'm a genie in all worlds we're in our world but also the real world exists in which James is a genie in which James yes I guess he is a genie in the outside world as well he's a magical man he's very committed he's like he's very method James method genie he sleeps in a lamp he sleeps in a lamp yeah very very method have you been to Stone Cave in Clerkenwell no it's like a cafe that's decorated as a stone cave it's like a breakfast spot yeah and it feels like I'm imagining that in my head like you built a life-size lamp with just like rugs and bean bags it feels like where I'd find where I imagine people imagine comedians live is in a lamp somewhere just an odd environment in which your creative juices can breed magic it's difficult to imagine me less so I think but it's difficult to imagine James in a normal house isn't it I don't want to say that to his face isn't it all right look you know the vibe I don't generally imagine James in many places it's not right Reggae knows your vibe, it came in this morning and said that he's the only person he's ever bought comedy from.

11:44Bought my comedy. Yeah, I bought your comedy. I bought your comedy on Vimeo, which is a really weird... It was a weird move. It was, I mean, to be honest, weird moves is kind of... Sorry, I feel like I'm leaving you out. Please leave me out. Would you like to be a genie? I'm not a genie. No, I'm the human sommelier. You're the maitre d 'e. I'm the maitre d'. Referred to as human sommelier. Human maitre d'.

12:06James Acaster: You're very human on this, but you've been the human quality to the pod. I'm the human I was doing an interview this morning and someone described me and James as Tess and Claudia and I'm more Tess and James is more Claudia this is a fun game yeah because like just before we went on I called you an affogato lord knows why sorry and you were I'm the coffee and James is the ice cream which I think makes sense as well even though I'd love to be fun ice cream but also coffee gives people a boost doesn't it coffee brings it's more grown up with that yeah it is a little more grown up I think that's what it is yeah I'm grown up but also I'm the sort of go between sometimes between James and the guest but I don't have to do that today because you're already aware of James' vibe because you paid for his comedy whereas sometimes if we have an American guest on there's a lot of translation issues that I have to deal with shouting pop it up yeah yeah yeah yeah it goes bad sometimes yeah but uh you've yeah do you want to know this the money that you pay for my comedy most likely I spent that on an affigato there you go and that's how you got here yeah oh he pays me he purchased you in an Afogast sofa placed you between him and guests yeah yeah to stop either of us mourning each other's faces off yeah yeah but I tell you what Regéjean I'm going to spend my money on a ticket to go and see You Me and Tuscany excellent that's how James is saying it is that correct it's the first person to pronounce it that way and I like it You Me and Tuscany I like it a lot no no you've got to get the rhythm You Me and Tuscany and Tuscany yeah proper rhymes I saw a trailer for this in a moment I was in a cinema in New York watching another film.

13:39James Acaster: This is the trailer beforehand. Which film? I was watching Send Help. Oh, wow. We're coming in before Send Help? Yeah, you were. Yeah, very different vibes. I feel like we're a great chaser to that. Like, if you're feeling traumatised, you can come out and go, you know what, I want to go to Tuscany after that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think it was quite a nice little vibe switch before the film. But when you came on screen in the trailer, someone shouted, Damn! from the back of the cinema. A lady shouted it. A lady shouted it. Yeah, yeah. A lot more vocal in the cinema in America. It is. We had a screening on Monday here, and they were actually the most vocal crowd we've had so far.

14:15Really? Really proud of London. Our producer was like, man, I was expecting that stay London crowd. They're loud. We were repping London. I was really, really proud of them.

14:24James Acaster: That's good. They were loving you in the trailer. So imagine what it's going to be like when the full film is out. Were you loving me in the trailer? I was, of course I was. Did you turn around and shush the lady? I said, stop shouting, damn, that's Regé John. be respectful yeah show some goddamn respect yeah yeah of course I was loving the trailer I gave it a standing ovation oh thank you very much I don't do that for many trailers best tagline in a film best tagline we've ever had I'm going to read it so I'll get it right yep she came for the pasta and got lost in the sauce it's like it was made for a food podcast I know it's perfect she came for the pasta a lot of people are enjoying that tagline I bet I don't know who came up with it but they're clearly sitting at home very, very smug right now.

15:09They did their job. Yeah. Like, people talk about the trailer, they talk about Dam, and they talk about the pussons.

15:15James Acaster: It's got one of my favourite things in film, like, and I haven't seen this in a film for a while, and I always love this in rom-coms, where someone tells a line, tells a lie, and the lie just completely gets away from them. Yes. Like, to the nth degree. So, this person says that she's engaged to someone that she's not. and then the whole family embraces her into the family and then you come along and she's like, uh-oh, fancy this guy but I'm pretending to be engaged to someone else it's a lovely set up I don't think I've seen it, Joe White reminds me of and I love this film, While You Were Sleeping remember that?

15:53I don't remember that, you know I don't remember films

15:56James Acaster: While You Were Sleeping is so good and so I'm very excited about this while you were sleeping I watched it while you were sleeping and that's when I watch films, I wait till Ed's asleep That's not the Bobcat Goldthwait one about... No. No. I don't even know what he's talking about. The Bobcat Goldthwait one. I'm not even sure those are words. What's going on? Yeah, yeah. Bobcat Goldthwait is a wonderfully talented comedian and he's made some great films. I'm going to use the Bobcat Goldthwait. One of them is about, I think, someone who's performed a sex act on their dog. Have you seen that one?

16:24Let Sleeping Dogs Lie. That's what I'm thinking of. It doesn't sound like he did. It's a good film. There's also World's Best Dad, which is Robin Williams is in that one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's pretty dark. I'm not going to... I won't mention that other one, that's pretty dark compared to Let Sleeping Dogs Lie. A light era, Robin Williams' film. Yeah, yeah. I remember it. A light that gets out of hand. It's a great setup for a movie. Yeah, yeah. More than anything else, because rom-coms in particular are a great vehicle for escape. I think that's a lot of what we're doing here. It's this idea of like giving people the excuse to live a life outside of their own.

16:57Like it's a big what if, you know what I mean? Like you're stuck. The best rom-coms are usually someone stuck in a rut. like my favorite is it's sleepless in seattle where um unusually it's the man who's stuck in the rut and then his chaotic child brings him out of it and in this movie she's stuck in a rut she goes never mind i'm just gonna buy a ticket to tuscany and squat in someone's house we had like a synopsis someone had written a synopsis for the movie and they described her as a squatter and i was like it's not how i would have not the word i would have chosen to sell our rom-com like yeah she sleeps in some she breaks into his house because he like told her where it is and it's funny and romantic in the movie.

17:31Squatting, less so. That is the definition of squatting. It is the definition of squatting. It feels like a Google Translate of the synopsis. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? It's not what you want to be thinking about when you go into the film. It's not called like Squat for Love or something. Exactly. I feel like that was on the whiteboard and it got crossed out pretty quickly. Almost immediately. Someone started writing and went, don't even finish writing. Yeah.

17:54James Acaster: So you're excited for people to see this? Extremely excited for people to see it. Really, really excited. I've seen a few people see it now. It's the first time I'd seen the finished movie with an audience in London, which is a bit of a risk because everyone's scared of British audiences because we have a reputation for being emotionally restrained. Yes. But the joy of this screening was that I think because we are emotionally restrained, when people give us an excuse to express ourselves, we go nuts. That's good. Like we're just, we're always looking for an excuse to open the gates. Go, I have feelings!

18:23And then go back to zipping up the upper lip or whatever. So no, people had a really, really great time. I think low-key, I think that the world is a little bit depressed as pushing it, but it's a little rough out there in the world. And the idea of having places to go where it's like, well, I do believe in reflecting the world as it is, but I also believe in reflecting the world as it could be. And I think that realism can straddle both lines of that line. And I think this is the type of movie that does that. It's the idea of, I think I've been saying to a couple of people, like, it's not like The Princess Bride, like, Tuscany is real.

18:56you can leave the cinema and buy your ticket and actually go and it does look like that like we went out there we shot in Tuscany and you wake up every morning and it looks like it's not real there's a painting outside your window you run through the rolling golden fields I was down the road from where they shot them that opening shot of Gladiator where Russell Crowe runs his hand through I went to the field it looks like that it's amazing did you run your hand around? of course I did of course absolutely crazy you can't go past me like nah not gonna do that why would I? but the first time I went by because I was there for months before we shot because I had to kind of dig in because my character is Italian and British and I wanted to make sure that the Italian felt real and lived in and I do lots and lots of Italian speaking in the film which I don't remember any of by the way so I was there when the fields were still green and they looked like a Miyazaki painting it was amazing and so by the time it turned golden we'd come back because we shot in Rome in Cinecitta where they do the Fellini films like the historical studio came back the seasons have changed it's beautiful in both seasons sunsets are incredible the hills are incredible the heat is incredible the food is amazing by the way and so our job was just kind of to sit in that environment soak up as much as we could and then just put it on screen and bring it home so you can be like i want that yeah and then hopefully fill you with enough joie de vivre which is the wrong language for this promo tour that you desire to go out and actually do it because you can.

20:26And then that way you get from the world as it is to the world as it could be and everyone's happier. So basically I'm saving the world with a rom-com.

20:33James Acaster: You are. It's very important. With actors, you've learned Italian for this film and now I can't remember. It's mad. Do you think there's a certain type of person? Masochists. Well, I watched... Wanted to be able to do something like that, completely invest yourself in something to do the job and then as soon as you finish, somehow you manage to wipe your brain ready for the next thing you're doing. Yes. But I mean, the childish way that I summed that up when I wanted to become an actor was I wanted to be more like Boba Fett. And I will explain this. So I was making music when I was a teenager and I was flirting with the music industry and I decided that somehow acting looked like a more stable career path.

21:16because I reckon on the ladder of exploitation it goes like modelling, music, acting. I'm not quite sure where comedy falls. Below that, I think. I actually dread to think where we are. I don't think we're even in the same sphere, to be honest. Yeah, I think that's the joy of comedians. You're not in the same sphere. No, we're not in the same sphere at all. You bring wonderful things from outside the sphere. Yeah, looking through the window and taking the piss. Yeah, but you need that. You need to look through the window and take the piss. It's not far off the acting thing. But like, so the Boba Fett of it all is that I didn't like always being the same.

21:52You know how like Madonna like reinvents herself every 10 years or whatever. I didn't like having to reinvent the same thing. I wanted to be more like a session musician. I wanted to be a gun for hire. I always come in and like have a certain set of skills and do a job and immerse myself in the world and like be Italian for a while. And then leave the studio and then go live a completely different life. if I want to be an astronaut the next week or like president the week after that. Or, you know what I mean? Yeah.

22:18James Acaster: You'd be a good president. Yeah. Have you played a president yet? Ooh, I don't think. No, I don't think I have. I've played a couple of princes and things. Yeah. But no, not a president. Also possibly because we'd have a president here, so I'd have to convince the Americans to let me play president. They would love that. You'd better do it. They would love it. They would love you to play president. They like quite paternal figures for president. Like you've got to get to like Morgan Freeman age. You know what I mean? Sure. No, I think you could be a sort of hot shot young president. Yeah, I think so.

22:45Do the Hugh Grant, but for the Americans. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, yeah, I'll pitch that. You've got to do it to the Americans. Yeah, absolutely. It's like, you know what Hugh Grant did for the Prime Minister... Prime Ministership? Yes. Prime Ministership. I want to do that for the White House.

22:59James Acaster: It's the only bit of love actually that I think I like. Yeah. But also, this is how I pitch it, is how they get their revenge on the Brits, because he gives Billy Bob a dressing down at the end. That's it, that's the best bit. And it's like, this is how we get him back. It's like, hey, you know what the Brits need? A bit of humbling. Why don't you get a young hotshot president to dress down their prime minister for hitting on your staff that you were planning to take advantage of? Yeah. It's hitting on Martin McCutcheon. Yeah. Tiffany from EastEnders. Yeah, that's Tiffany from EastEnders. How dare you.

23:31James Acaster: We will start with still a sparkling water reggae. Do you have a preference? I do. Controversially, it's probably sparkling water. Now, why is this controversial? because I feel like people judge you for sparkling water they're like what's wrong with water why why are you putting um stingy fizzies in there stingy fizzies some people say bubbles but I enjoy that stingy fizzies is now in the lexicon a trainer of mine called it once he was like I don't get sparkling water I think everyone's lying no one enjoys it it's water that hurts yeah what a sensitive mouth that guy had um he was a sense he is a sense he wasn't wasn't was He's a sensei, he's still alive.

24:09He's a sensei, he's a lovely... You know, like, large, lovely men? Yes. Like, absolutely massive, terrifying to look at, and the softest, like, mounted dog you ever burst there. No. Well, he must do if it's Stingy Fizzies, that guy. No, leave him alone.

24:30James Acaster: Sensitive mouth. He doesn't have a sensitive mouth if he's Stingy Fizzies. Stingy Fizzies sounds like something like the character in Clockwork Orange would say. it's how they would talk about it's very clockwork it's how they would talk about fizzy water they go there's stingy fizzies there's stingy fizzies yeah and then they'd imagine you as a clockwork orange genie that's the vibe oh I don't want to do that you do have a slight clockwork orange vibe yeah it's not I can imagine you in the outfit right you see it right yeah I totally see it there's a rhythm to it like stingy fizzy sounds like something that would come up in the clockwork orange or possibly in a James Acaster show yeah which you'd pay for you'd pay for that there's a bit of crossover you'd pay for that I'll be in my head Yeah.

25:07James Acaster: I don't know if I want to be... I'm treading carefully here, because I don't want to be associated with those guys. No, linguistically, we're only talking linguistically. We're not saying you'd beat anyone to death with a massive knob. You know, linguistically, like Clockwork Orange, nearly said Chocolate Orange. I'm totally in the mood of food now. Linguistically a Chocolate Orange. That's a great tagline for a poster, I'm not gonna lie. Not as good as... She came for the pasta, she got lost in the sauce. Is food a part of the film? Massive part of the film. Yeah, so there's a lot of food scenes.

25:36So she's a chef in the film. Halle Bailey, the great Halle Bailey, by the way, does a wonderful job in this movie. Have you ever met Halle? No. She is one of the most infuriating nice human beings, nice human beings on the planet. You know when you see people and you keep waiting for the other shoe to drop and it turns out that the other shoe is made out of fairy dust and slowly floats to the ground. It's just, she's one of those people, she walks around and just sunshine comes out of her paws and people are happier that she's there. it's impossible not to be charmed by this woman she's a great protagonist in that sense where you root for her you want to live this fantastical escape through her and the vehicle for that is she plays a chef so she's a chef in New York who's not living up to her dreams and part of her journey to Italy other than bumping into me and falling in love which is, spoilers, but it does happen awful rom-com if that doesn't happen awful rom-com you're like, oh wow, meet you and then...

26:31Nothing? Oh, it's a com. It's just com. It's a sad com. It's not a sad com. It's a happy com. It's a happy com. Happy com. Hit every lens with a happy com. She came for the pasta. She did get the sauce. She got the sauce. And she learns to be a chef in Italy. She like realises her inner chef, and she learned... Real Halle Bailey, real life, learned from the Iron Chefs, which is a thing that I don't know what they are, but she does. It's a very big deal. Huge show, Iron Chef. There we go. So she trained with them, learned how to chop like a chef and look like she knows what she's doing as a chef.

27:05And she's very passionate about food in real life. So she's into her cooking and the characters really into cooking. And so you're meant to fall in love with a few things in this film, like the lead couple, like you live vicariously through them. And you're meant to fall in love with the landscape, Tuscany, otherwise known as Tuscany to everyone else. And you're meant to fall in love with the food and the food is incredible. And I think a couple of days into filming, we had like, you know, the props department were doing an all right job with the food. and there was typically as italian chefs are they tend to be very disapproving men they're lovely and and very generous and loving but they often do this through disapproval and so they were looking at the food going no no no no no and so like we're shooting at a real restaurant and the guy whose restaurant it is is watching and looking at the movie food and just slowly dying and then he offered to step in for a second he's like can i make you something and then i think that we just kind of roped him in for the whole film because his food was absolutely stunning.

28:02I love the disapproving Italian chefs. My favourite genre of video is people snapping pasta in front of their Italian partners. Breaking the spaghetti in half. You think that they're hamming it up. No, but they're genuinely like, they'll have the camera hidden in the kitchen and then they'll snap the spaghetti and they go mad.

28:23James Acaster: I've never heard him say this before. It's very nice to hear it, but it's not his favourite genre of video. Oh yeah. Top 5 Karen's. Top 5 Karen's is his favourite genre. What's Top 5 Karen's? Just like compilation videos of Karen freak outs. Right, I see. Which is related to pasta freak outs. Sure. It's not a million months. A lot of people freak out. These are Italian Karen's. I feel like the motivation's different. I understand the pasta one more than a lot of these Top 5 Karen's. You just snap the pasta in front of them. I don't get these videos. Well, you're not supposed to. That's like a crime in Italy to snap the dry pasta in half to fit it into the pan.

29:03Got you. And the outsider's perspective is like, oh, aren't the Italians sensitive and funny? Because what we're doing is breaking pasta and having a full-on emotional breakdown. But the equivalent is, I think if we were translating, it's the videos that the rest of the world enjoys of making tea badly in front of Brits. There you go, putting the milk in first. It's the equivalent. It's like, okay, so I'm just going to put this cup of hot water in the microwave with the tea bag in it, in a cup of milk, not water. And watching Brits cry over that would be the same video. But it's a lot more romantic when the Italians freak out about the pasta.

29:33It's more romantic when the Italians do most things. Yeah, the gestures and all of that. It's fun to watch. You put a tea in the microwave video. I don't want to see that. Some bloke just going, fuck, you know, you made that tea wrong. Pop-noms on bread! Pop-noms on bread, reggae champagne! Pop-noms on bread! I don't like this, Jeannie.

29:50James Acaster: I had to go big. You knew it was coming. We mentioned it earlier. We seeded it. Yeah. Puffins or bread? Bread, please. I would like bread. I think there's a lot of places we can go with bread. I think I'd be surprised by which type of bread turns up in a restaurant. Well, we could go to Italy for your dream bread, of course. Well, the other joy of Italy is that you never quite know what you're getting because every region does everything completely differently. And they are very passionate about it. And every other region does it terribly, which is the same as the UK, by the way. Like one of the things I explained to my American friends is that we have so many accents because you travel 20 miles and you have hundreds of years of history of everyone hating each other.

30:28So we speak differently and we want to know that you're not us and we know that we hate you because of how you pronounce that vowel. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like that in Italy, but with food. It's like you make that pasta that way. Oh, you are an absolute savage. We roll it like this. And so likewise, you get lots and lots of different breads. Never tasted bread like that in my life. It is fantastic everywhere. everywhere. My favourite hobby while I was in Tuskney was just getting in the car, driving, there were all these tiny little hamlets of like 800 year old buildings, like maybe there'd be two restaurants per hamlet if you were lucky, and maybe 30 buildings.

31:02And so you just kind of pick one at random and just eat whatever it is that Nona's cooking in the back. It's usually like someone's grandma or like a married couple just running this tiny restaurant and just discover what pasta is here or what the bread is here or what - everyone grows their own olives. It's like a nation of Jeremy Corbyn's except instead of courgettes, it's olives. Everyone's got their allotment, but it's a rolling Tuscan field. I don't know why Corbyn came to mind. No, that's what you're saying.

31:30James Acaster: Not saying how they voted in elections and Brexit. They refuse to say. Not quite Corbyn's. They refuse to tell people how they voted. But they enjoy their garden. That's what I'm saying. Which is not in the top five things I would even think of with Corbyn, to be honest. It was the first thing I thought. That's the man that makes jam. I did an episode of Mock the Week once, and that was the picture of the week, was Corbyn with a massive marrow, and we had to come up with See? That's probably why. Come up with little funny things about it. Yeah. I think of sitting on the floor of the train that time.

32:02Do you remember that? Yes. Slow-hanging fruit jokes about marrows. Yeah, we got him.

32:08James Acaster: We absolutely did him. You can probably still watch it on YouTube. We absolutely tore him on it. And then I think the next story was that Trump was running for president. We're like, ha, ha, ha, ha. Imagine that. Brexit's not going to happen. Yeah, yeah. The world is great. Ha, ha, ha, ha. He's got a marrow. And therefore we made a film about Tuscany. Yes. Because we wanted to think about sunshine and rolling gold. And Russell Crowe on a vengeance mission in the background. That'd be great if there was little scenes of Russell Crowe and he's still his character from Gladiator. Just knocking around.

32:42It would be delightfully absurdist. like there's a really gentle love story unfolding and then every now and then Russell Crowe pops in furious, soaked in blood you see bits of Gladiator happening in the background and you're like, when is this film set? the closest we get to Gladiator is we do a barrel rolling race have you seen the film? not yet, no I've seen the trailer

33:03James Acaster: I've seen the trailer get received better than I've ever seen any trailer get received in my life I have heard anecdotal reports of the trailer getting applauded it's a good time that was before Wicked though so that makes sense before horror films it's like which way are you going to go but no we did barrel rolling in this it's close to get to stunts it's like a very real tradition in one of these tiny little towns where they extremely competitively race barrels like massive wine barrels full of wine I think so they're incredibly you've got to actually be genuinely incredibly fit like folks trained for months to do this and I think I've seen some of the most gnarly stuntman injuries on this film than I have in, I was on The Grey Man.

33:47I've seen massive Russo action movies, Evans and Gosling taking chunks out of each other. And I saw the most blood and guts in the barrel rolling for Yumi and Tuscany. A lovely rom-com. A lovely rom-com. We don't have any of that on screen. We keep all the injuries off screen. Sure. But the training we did for the barrel rolling was no joke whatsoever. You're kind of racing uphill, pushing this thing downhill, trying to learn how to... Steering a barrel is not a straightforward thing. it's the type of thing I wouldn't even lie on my CV about lie about riding a horse lie about skiing lie about swinging a sword but barrel rolling no no no this is serious business it's also a mad thing to put on a CV before you've had to do it in a film yeah but is it a conversation starter like you slide the piece of paper across the table as I do with my CV I just slide it like an American psycho let's see his CV very nice

34:44James Acaster: I like you have a lot of film references at your fingertips ready to go at all times I don't want to be tested on this go on where are you going? I'm not going to test you I was going to say if there was any film in history that you could go back and star in and you could be the lead in it great question I don't normally ask this to actors but I can tell is it the kind of thing you might be thinking about anyway? or you know it's a fun you really went into American Psycho there yeah well I mean who doesn't want to yeah I think you would be good as that character yeah I actually I would like to they remade it they are remaking that didn't they say they were doing Lady American Psycho no I read a story that they were doing it with Margot Robbie doing Lady American Psycho when okay I get a lot of those Instagram accounts that are clearly just someone's made something up and then it becomes a news story I thought that was Glenna Austin was doing that was the last time I heard there was there was something like Austin Butler or Glenn Powell.

35:41But you want it to be a bit different, right? Yeah.

35:43James Acaster: Yeah, Glenn Powell's kind of just done it as well. Yeah. Yeah, he has just killed a bunch of people. Yeah, yeah. On screen. On screen. Breaking news. No, yeah, I think he enjoys that area. I'd love to, you know what, it's top of the dome. So let's say American Psycho, I'd love to do something like that. I love it. I enjoy that aspect of like, I want to be Boba Fett. Maybe it's that. Oh, yeah. I like that aspect of diving into particularly warped areas of the psyche, not for the sake of being edgy and dark, but because they're fun places to explore. I like one of the first things I start from with any character is what they love and what they're afraid of.

36:22And I feel like with characters like that, both of those answers get really deep and they're naughty. Like, what are you running away from and what are you running towards? Essentially is what that question is. And I think that doing that for, is it Bateman the character? Patrick Bateman? I always call Jason Bateman, Patrick Bateman, and it's not a good thing.

36:39James Acaster: Yeah. That whole thing gets confusing. It's very confusing. It's Christian Bale playing Patrick Bateman. Patrick, yes. But I always think Jason Bateman. And then a bunch of Wall Street traders just like idolize him for it. They're just like, yeah, man, that's exactly what we're like. You're the man. And he's like, guys. You've missed the point. That's not the takeaway. But no, I'd love to dive into that. Something as intense as that and kind of cautionary. Did you watch Nightcrawler? Yes. Like that's that kind of exploration of essentially the psychopathy or sociopathy you need to be successful in a cutthroat capitalist society.

37:20Fascinates me. I find that really interesting because you can put on screen. I find those characters really sympathetic because they're tragic. They're not heroic. They're tragic. They've fallen off somewhere. They've taken all the lessons that the world teaches you. you have to want it more than anyone else and then take it to the nth degree. Like where does that actually lead? And it leads to cutting up bodies in your living room listening to Phil Collins.

37:41James Acaster: Yeah. He didn't do it, man. Oh yeah, so you think in the film he didn't do it? He didn't do it. He didn't do it. Patrick Bayman. The American Psycho. You think he didn't kill anyone? He's imagining it. Because at the end of the film it's a bit open-ended, isn't it? Well, same with the book. In the book it's even more like you're pretty much sure he didn't do it. they had Willem Dafoe play it three different ways did you know that? I did know that every single scene every single scene he did they got him to play it like he knows that he did it play it like he has no clue and play it like he's like he's not sure and then they would use different takes throughout so that you didn't ever really know you got a really trusted director for that that throws my little actor brain into a spin for a minute because I'm like I've got this whole internal logic going you're like not interested in that get rid of it cut it up do something utterly nonsensical in your performance Which is great if you trust them to unnerve the audience.

38:32If you don't say, what did I think about this so differently for? Why? Wouldn't that be nice going to see the film, not knowing which one they've used? Kind of. Kind of. A nice surprise for you. I think the answer's no. Kind of. If you make me better, sure. If you make me worse than Furious. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. It's like people ask what the difference between stage and screen is a lot of the time. And I'm sure that you actually probably have opinions on that. But it's the biggest difference to me is like on screen, it feels a little bit more like being a sous chef. Like you chop the vegetables very nicely, then you hand them over to the chef in the editing room and they make whatever dish it is they're going to make out of those takes.

39:15And so there's a release of control. Like your job is to provide really high quality ingredients and then trust your director and editor to cut your performance willy-nilly, however they feel like. And then on stage, the difference is you spend months with your director rehearsing, which you don't necessarily do on screen and you kind of work out every detail and think everything through and talk through all the meanings. And then once you hear opening night, I'm driving. Yeah, you're head chef. You know what I mean? Yeah. And so I'm actually putting the dish together and you're in very real time adjusting to what the room is like that night, like what the audience is like, what you're getting back from them.

39:51And so it does change, but you're at the controls, you're flicking the switches, You're kind of going, okay, this will work here, this won't work there. And you make, you absolutely carry the through line from thought and motivation through to the conclusion and what that journey looks like each night, which is the polar opposite of screen where your hands are off the wheel. You know what I mean? Do you have a preference? No, my preference is to mix that up because I think one feeds the other. Yeah. If you get too into the driver's seat, you kind of forget how to let go. and if you get too used to letting go you don't know how to drive the thing the whole way through and I think you need both you need to be able to see the whole character arc on screen and likewise on stage you need to have those muscles of release to make sure that for instance everyone else on stage is doing the same thing and you need to take that info in you need to be able to kind of keep it limber so my answer to all things is always both always both kind of Monte Cristo that's what I'm doing the closest thing to to that kind of psychopathic space because he's an absolute maniac, the Count.

40:55By the way, have you read Count of Monte Cristo?

40:57James Acaster: No. I saw the Jim Caviezel one years ago when I was a kid. It's good, that one. Yeah, Caviezel, man. In terms of compressing that story, Caviezel, have you said that to his face? Caviezel. He wouldn't come on this. He might. He might. Say nicer things about him. He chews bread, that's for sure. Okay, we're judging bread. We're judging bread. Jesus loves bread. Monte Cristo sandwiches. Oh yeah, Monte Cristo. Oh no, Caviezel's called. Caviezel Caviezel straight on the bar immediately he's got a team he's got a team everywhere they've got eyes everywhere he's filming the Christ supremacy or whatever he is the count now and you're now on the list decades long revenge coming your way the count of Monte Cristo we never we never actually establish which bread you want in your dream meal a Monte Cristo you want a Monte Cristo sandwich that's an intense bread that's intense that's not a bread that's like a main It's the side, at least.

41:55It's not really just the bread. Nah, simple sourdough, nice butter, good olive oil. Fantastic.

42:02James Acaster: Let's get into your menu proper now, your dream starter. Menu proper, dream starter. It's probably kind of a Carpaccio type situation. Not a Carpaccio de reggae, of course. No, not a Carpaccio of myself. That's a little bit odd, that one. I can imagine, it's very Hannibal. where would I slice pieces off my arm? Well, that's a good question. So you have to. Where would you Carpaccio yourself? I've got an answer straight away if you want to think about it. Go on. It's the butt. You'd Carpaccio the butt. I think it's the easiest bit to slice up and you could back into the machine. But you've got...

42:40Do you often think about backing it up into... It's not the first time I've talked about where I'd slice Carpaccio off myself. Possibly on the therapist's kitchen. But it's the easiest. If you put the machine at the right height, you back it up into the machine. Which machine? You know the slicer, the thin slicer, that you see in like a deli slicer? Yeah. Fucking hell. Then you could just back it up into the machine, right? Otherwise it's tricky. Like, where else are you getting it from? Are you talking about the spinning? You know, there's junk in the trunk, you know? You don't have to deal with bones or anything.

43:15Sure. It is where people generally find that they have the expendable bits. It's like you take bits from your butt for grafts and things, or like to graft a six-pack, if you believe, conspiracy theories.

43:25James Acaster: But like, let's just keep doing film references. In Seven, where the guy is being told to like take a pound of flesh off of himself, and he goes for his love handles, because he thinks he's found like a similar kind of like loop, and he just bleeds out, and it's like, it's pretty messed up, man. Like you back up into that machine, I don't think it's going to go as well as you think it's going to go. I don't think it's going to go well. You look pretty pleased about it. Yeah, it's convenient. You know, you threw that out there and I think I answered it pretty well. You're pitching backing up into a meat slicer as convenient.

43:59That's the adjective you chose. I'm imagining as well. Where on my body is more convenient to get the carpaccio from? I was imagining just like a, you know, like a carrot peeler. Just like a bit of the forearm. Yeah, it'd be painful though, wouldn't it? And the other one was going to be...

44:15James Acaster: Walk in the park. You better be grabbing your junk in your hand, otherwise your balls are going to get in there. Where do you think my balls are? Between your legs. If you back up, your ball sack could get caught up in that machine. I think that is the sneakiest humblebrag of a man with big balls. Not me, this is Ed Gamble. How low do you think my balls are hanging? They're not swinging around back there. They're not in my ass. Come on, man. I've heard the rumours. Do you think I'm tucking 24-7? I've heard everyone talk. About my big balls. Pivoting, isn't it? Thank you. I looked up the difference between Carpaccio and Sashimi on the way here, just to make sure that I knew they were different things.

44:53And apparently it's this on season. Carpaccio is... Oh, it's got the whole kind of salt acid, fat heat thing. And Sashimi is unadorned. Yes. And only fish. Yes. It's a nice way to start a meal, the sort of raw, like fresh tasting. I'm big on fresh tastes. Yeah. I always want something a little bit acidic going on. I think maybe I just kind of want waking up most of the time.

45:15James Acaster: Yeah. But yeah. You're a busy guy. I think the schedule's busy. You want to have something that's going to give you that wake up, start the day. All day long, that's why I came here. That's why you came here. That's why I came here. But for the listener, it's six in the morning. It's six a.m. Me and James are in our pajamas. If you ever suspected, that's what explains a lot of this, is that it is early. I would never talk about backing up into a meat slicer post 12. We're not going to escape that cul-de-sac of the conversation, are we? Not a cul-de-sac if we can't escape it. Sorry guys, Benz has told me the episode isn't recording.

45:50LLOYD LLOYD April Fool's.

45:52James Acaster: This is going on April Fool's Day, I just got Regé-Jean with an April Fool's. I mean, is it bad that... I April Fool'd you. The emotion was relief. I told Benito I was going to get you with an April Fool. This goes out on April the 1st, this is an April Fool's. Yeah, excellent. You just got April Fool'd. I told you I'd do it Benito. That was a little bit Rio Ferdinand that. You got Merked. You got Merked. yeah you got yeah it was very Rio Ferdinand because like with Rio Ferdinand as well like no one cared when he did it yeah he would always come out and be like you got murdered and they would be like alright hello Rio I don't think Rio cared Rio seemed delighted I don't think Rio was invested in that show at all no about as much as I was just then yeah yeah well you said that's the quickest April Fool to revealing it was an April Fool's I've ever seen it was a pretty quick turnaround I'm not sure you committed to the bit no no no but as much as Rio did my third wish is commit to the bit yeah yeah yeah it should be are we having a beef carpaccio for the starter oh moving on from April 4th don't be bitter about it you didn't commit to the bit have another go it's alright I'm not going to get you later on that's a promise yeah yeah that's a promise you're going to get caught I'm usually a fish situation a fish situation the best carpaccio I ever had was I was at Pelo E.G.

47:05in Rome while shooting this film and I was a little bit overwhelmed and very hungry and the waiter you know one of these waiters who's been there forever like in the best possible way. It's like, okay, this is what you do. This is the entirety of your being. You are charming old Italian waiter. And he just kind of looked at me and went, I'm going to get you something nice. And I was like, great. And he brought out this incredible fish based car. I think it was like salmon. Was it salmon? It was some kind of fish. It was delicious. It was very finely seasoned, some olive oil, something a little bit tangy.

47:35I'm guessing maybe some lime over it. And it was life changing. And I'm seeing this Italian piazza with this delicate light food that's just been served to me by a waiter who's just like, this is what you want. And hilariously, it's such an institution, that restaurant. So I think like three Hollywood agents I knew from LA were at the other table and floated in, which was, I'm not sure that's a plus to the story. When you're trying to experience that escapism and be like, I'm finally, I can relax and enjoy this Carpaccio. It's a danger of travel though, isn't it? Yeah. Like I am experiencing this thing that no one else, oh, there you are.

48:07Yeah. And all you can hear is, Do the deal! That is exactly what Hollywood agents sound like in the year 2026. And I did a cigar for people who are just listening. Oh, you're gonna be alright, kid. Do the deal. Make the film!

48:24James Acaster: Make the film, do the deal. I've spent a lot of time in Hollywood, so... Yeah, they spoke to them all. Yeah, yeah. Your impression of a director is with a megaphone going, Do the acting! Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was wearing one of those big puffy hats, you know, and plus fours. Have you ever had a director with a God mic on set before? No. No, I've not. I think the few things that I've done they've just been going around just talking normal so Godmakes are very disconcerting like when you have the big big massive sets like one of the one of the earlier films I did was a film called Mortal Engines it was about cities on wheels eating other cities like great let's just enjoy that concept we should get one of those on off menu yeah we should get get one of the cities on off menu yeah see what it would choose what's your favourite Bristol to start at Bristol yeah just a small city to start yeah just a little Just Bristol to start with please.

49:11Yeah. Tokyo for me. Bristol, Bristol, Bristol, Bristol! Who directed that film? Christian Rivers. It was his first large film, because he was a pro today with Peter Jackson. Peter Jackson had the rights to the movie, and Christian had been storyboarding for him for like 15 years. I think he sent him fan art. Like it was early, I don't even think it was Lord of the Rings, I think it was like a film that he'd done before Lord of the Rings. and Peter brought him on from this fan art because Christian just written to him going I want to work with you and they worked together for years and years and years and I think Peter had just finished like the Hobbit trilogy and was basically like I've got these rights I am making a Beatles doc you do this film and so we're on this massive massive set green screens everywhere like massive there's got to be 200 people on set green screens everywhere huge built set it's my first shot of the day I'm being introduced in an extremely Legolas fashion like there's a huge crane It's doing like a panning shot up from the legs into the face as a fan blowing my dreadlocks in the wind.

50:12He's like, right, so this is your romantic introduction. She's gonna come off the airship and she's just gonna see you and see her life. And so like we do the first take and the camera pans up and my hair's blowing in the wind, fans. And I'm like, hmm. And then cut. And so he's maybe 50 meters away, maybe more. I'm up on a platform. 200 people just milling about doing their work. Bell goes brrrr, everyone's like hammering and stuff. He goes, right, could you do that again? But maybe do it sexier. All right, let's go. Bell goes. We go back. Silence. Camera pans up. Crane whooshes. I go up. Hair's blown in the wind.

50:48I'm kind of squinching the eye. Cut. Yeah, sexier than that. That's a difficult note, isn't it? Echoing off the walls. This is my first day on a blockbuster. We go through take three. We go through take four. We go through take five. work starts slowing down because everyone's hearing, could you just do that in this time, just look out through your eyes and smolder. Go. And so like you got to the point where it like take eight, the entire set has stopped. There's like monitors around the place and everyone's just kind of watching if this kid's going to get it. And get it being, can you smolder?

51:23Could you possibly do it a bit sexier than that? And that is the origin story of where I learned to do it sexier. It's a hard note that do it sexier and smolder. How do you smolder? Because you would have thought smolder is just a natural thing that people do without thinking about. I'm pretty sure it's a Christian thought. Yeah. It's a thing that I thought I was doing without thinking. Yeah. I clearly was not doing it without thinking. You smolder, man. You smolder when you came in. You're always smoldering. Well, I am now. I've come ready. That's because of the origin story. I never want the God Mike coming at me again.

51:58now you have to constantly smolder you never want to let it go I'm smoldering at all times just in case that's why I love Christian I love you Christian if you're watching this it's a wonderful origin story and we were all doing our best

52:11James Acaster: a lot of actors have those things where it's like they came up with something whether it's like a laugh or a certain look or whatever that they did on one film that actually you don't realise as somebody who watches films that they are doing that quite a lot because it becomes so natural and baked in. But they can all go like, I did this film, I had this scene, I had to learn how to do this. And actually, that wasn't something that I then just forgot and then went on to other films. That one transfers onto other stuff. You pick bits up and it is usually like a story of an older actor who's just like, what are you doing here?

52:45And you suddenly have to learn to step up. Useful trauma, if you will. Which is a phrase that you probably only come up with if you came up Catholic. But yeah, no, no, no. You do. You pick up little bits and you always watch senior actors on set. You'd always try to take the lesson from directors, even if they're not always quite as brutal as that. And so I like watching actors kind of snowball through their careers. You kind of see them pick up the toolbox sometimes. Like you see stuff that people keep from film to film. Then you see like, oh, that idiosyncrasy started to kind of blossom after that movie.

53:19It's a meta way of watching films. You don't want to see it the first time. You know what I mean? Because that just means that your habits are shining through a bit too much. You're starting to see the actor instead of the character. I love when I forget which actors I'm watching. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. Which is, it's not a particularly profound thing to say, but it is true.

53:38James Acaster: But it is, though. It is mad. I mean, I say it to actors who come on here and then they look at me like, yeah, that's called acting. Yeah. I'll be like, man, when I see you in a different film, just like a different person. Right? And they're like, yeah, yeah, man, that's what I'm going for. Yeah, but you know what? I think that they are absolutely full of crap at that point because what they're doing inside, well they're going yeah that's my job, inside they're going yeah! They've nailed it then. That's a perfect take. And they're sitting there kind of celebrating on the inside and just taking it out on James.

54:11Yeah exactly. I think it's wonderful that this little guy is amazed by it. It's like magic to this guy.

54:18James Acaster: It's like magic to this guy. It's like Ed's taken in by the top five caverns. Yeah. We've got to get some parents. Delightful little guys.

54:28James Acaster: Dickensian urchins I think Ben wants us to hurry up We've just been told by Benito So basically we're getting on with Reggae 2 well We've just been told by Benito We've got 20 minutes left And we've literally got four courses So we're going to do it Which is very realistic by the way We're in the restaurant The waiters come by like five or six times Oh sorry yeah no we're just going to look at the menu And we're just having a chat Because we're still chatting It's one of those restaurants where They said we need the table back by 9.30 That's what they've said So you've got to really rush this last bit And we haven't even got to the picky bits

55:02Dream main course? It's kind of I do pretentious main courses I've kind of got a toss up between just like a really good fish and chips hang on, this is Dream restaurant Dream, it's your dream So do I get to define the dream or is it your dream? It's your dream So this restaurant in my head it's got to be by a large body of water by the ocean or by a lake and had this really, really good fish and chips in New Zealand. And so it's just got to be like fresh fish that's caught like from, you know, 100 meters away, preferably in a non-polluted bay. You get the idea. It's a dream bay. Just like a good batter, chips made well, blanched.

55:41And you want to feel like some salt air. We're dining al fresco in this restaurant. You might have to keep the noise down after 11.

55:49James Acaster: Yeah, fair enough. It's just a good fish and chip. Actually, you know what? I had a toss-up and I've lost it. No, it's fish and chips. It's fish and chips. I talked myself into it. It's a really, really good fish and chips, a fresh lemon grown in the yard of your dream restaurant, your great lemon trees. We're squeezing that over the fish and the chips, because why not? We got like some fresh cracked salt on that. And you want to be able to almost smell the environment that the food has come from as you're eating it. You know, like you're smelling the lemon grove in the background a little bit.

56:18It kind of comes by in the breeze every now and then. That's nice. You know what I mean? Yeah. the potato feel are you smelling the potato feel you could get a little fresh grass scent on the air you know what I mean there's a little bit of the earth about you it's damp but not too damp so like you can feel you know that after rain smell yeah petrichor what that's what that smells called after like rain rain on concrete specifically is petrichor oh I don't want rain on concrete that's a nice smell though I want rain on the potato feel okay I don't know potato core potato

56:47James Acaster: potato core yeah not sure that's a thing sounds like a genre with music you like. I think I'm not going to fall for that April Fool. You're going to have to get up early in the morning for that. Well, it wasn't even an April Fool then. And whatever soil Petrichor is, we've got a bit of that on the breeze. We've got a bit of lemon on the breeze. We've got, to be honest, I'm here for the breeze almost more than the fish and chips. I'm not going to lie. It's rare we get the dream breeze included. Yeah, we haven't really had the dream breeze before. No, it's nice to have a dream breeze. They're also shell-shocked they're hiding in the restaurant from the streamer to the beginning.

57:18And has the fish come from the body of water that you're sat next to. Yeah, the fish was caught like no further away than like 500 metres from where you're sitting. You know what I mean? The lemons are like 50 metres that way. The potatoes possibly slightly further away because you need a field for that. Yeah, yeah. And that's all on the board. You don't want to breeze too much from the potato field because there is manure involved. Yeah, exactly. We're keeping the potatoes out. Why did you bring up the potato field? Well, you brought up the potato field. No, I didn't. I brought up the body of water and the lemons.

57:44Yeah, we recorded. And you decided to bring manure into this situation. Well, I brought the manure in. I will admit that. You did. April Fool. You did. That was the April Fool,

57:52James Acaster: was that you brought manure into it. Yeah. I don't want to be pranked by you. Greg, I was saying this dream main course, and your April Fool is that you said, and the potato fields, and there's manure in it. What about a side? Got you. You got murked. You got murked. He murked you. Sorry, Greg. I came on the podcast, and it was like, would you like some shit on the side, and what about backing up into a slicer? Yeah, both you. Yeah, sorry. You disgusting man. Reggae brought up the field, and where on your body would you get Carpaccio from? I did bring up where. Yeah. But then you brought up where.

58:26James Acaster: Yeah. You did it. You've let yourself down. Can you be pleasant with this horrible concept? And you went, no. You've really let yourself down this episode. Well, you got punked and you got merced. Listen, we got Reggae Sean on the podcast. Everyone's excited. Yeah, Dan. Everyone, Dan. Everyone that I've told. You've got to give it the camera. on the podcast so excited and I've let myself down and you've let yourself down there's been so many people listening to this podcast so many who are head over heels for this man who have never listened to the podcast before and you're bringing up shit and cutting meat off your butt do you there's not the there's not the listen people came for do we bleep this podcast or are we just kind of really assaulting everyone right there we'll be bleeping everything that he says for this episode everything he says is going to be bleeped which would actually be really fun six minutes according to Benito what we're criticising you for and you'll look like the victim of the podcast poor man 15 oh you're doing one five with your hand like that yeah that's not how things work that says six to me right if you want to spend another ten minutes debating this I will James is lashing out okay well me and he says I got burnt fair enough he burnt me it's because we haven't had our mains James is getting cranky he's hungry I genuinely am hungry and I'm thinking about this fish and chips and it's making me even more hungry because it sounds delicious great good favourite moment of fish and chips when you break the batter and a bit of steam comes out yes absolutely there Stay in that zone.

59:47Steam coming from the fish, not from the field. Like a big fart. Oh no!

59:52James Acaster: For fuck's sake. You need like a little bell like the radio shows this. Can't stop murking you. You can't break the batter in front of someone from New Zealand. They'll go crazy. There's videos of that online.

1:00:12James Acaster: Dream side dish.

1:00:17sorry batter batter side dish we're eating food okay so we're at the restaurant breeze is blowing breaking the fish eating the fish eating the chips on the side I think we're having we're having Brussels sprouts but okay but we're having Brussels sprouts made by careful because you don't make this no no I'm not I love Brussels sprouts we're having American Brussels sprouts yeah because I don't know how like we give the Americans a lot of stick for food the world does yeah and we get a lot of stick for food as well But Brussels sprouts is why we get stick for food. We boil them to death and then just plop them on a plate, sad and wet.

1:00:52And it's not a good situation. I remember my mind being blown when I ate sprouts in the States. They're like, do you want sprouts? I was like, absolutely not. They're like, why not? They're my favorite food. They are no one's favorite food. This conversation went on for years until I finally tried some. And there's, oh, I forget the name of the restaurant now. It's just opposite the Paramount lot in LA. LA, excellent city for food, by the way. there's a lot of issues with Los Angeles but the food scene, incredible it's Osteria something it's an Italian name but they do an incredible Brussels sprout side it's fried in something that must be like a big pan of butter it's indulgent and salty and they do it with a poached egg that's like barely poached it's almost like a simmered egg it's like if you can't do uncooked egg white if you're afraid of the flop, this isn't for you but it ties everything together really delicately and it is one of the most delicious things I've ever eaten in my life.

1:01:45James Acaster: I've never heard about a dish that has that. I hadn't heard of it either. I was there with a friend after... Oh, name drop. I'm not going to name drop the name. It was after we did the Vanity Fair cover shoot a couple of years ago. We went to this restaurant. That's why I know it was opposite the Paramount Locks. We were shooting on the Paramount Lock. We can try and guess the person. You actually almost certainly can. Were they on the cover as well? I mean I've said too much so on the cover the cover is what? what's the cover? Bridgerton? it was Hunks? hang on Asteria La and a B Boka Asteria La Boka gorgeous restaurant delicious great day and again a lot of the thing with me with food which ties back to the movie by the way is it's where you're eating it and who you're eating it with like the food is one thing and those sprouts are delicious but it's I only remember it because it's tied to a memory of like a really cool day with really cool people that you won't name.

1:02:41Just because I don't want to be that guy.

1:02:43James Acaster: Do you know what I mean? Come on, you can be that guy. Are they people that you're in a show with? Or are they people that you were just in a photo shoot with? I'm not paying 21 questions on the people. He loves guessing games. He loves guessing games. I love guessing games, though. That's why I'm teasing you. You're there with Paul Meskel. Yep, yep. Benito, look up the Vanity Fair cover shoot. He brought the little chain. Yeah. And his earring. Did you watch SNL on Saturday, the British one? Yes. I wasn't able to. Well done on your fantastic cameo. Enjoyed it very much. The Paul Meskell references in the Shakespeare sketch were incredible.

1:03:16Yeah, very, very funny. I would quote it, but I don't think I want to be clipped on that. Did you enjoy it? I did. It's time of my life. I love doing that kind of stuff. It was fun coming back and doing it here, because it's nice to kind of, I don't know if this is close to your heart or not, but seeing a proving ground for young British comedy talent because we don't do sketch shows that much anymore. I don't know how you feel about sketches. professional comedians love sketches it started out in sketch started out in sketch of course yeah it's like we've got this wonderful tradition for it and it's really nice kind of seeing what will happen when we bring an American format because I feel like we don't do improv as a form the way Americans do like we do we have a huge tradition of comedy sketch comedy like Footlights sorry I haven't a clue like we do very we do wordy game type of improv and they have this much more kind of physical very almost formalized form of improv like it has a a form and a structure and seeing what we do to kind of put a twist on that is going to be really interesting.

1:04:13Doing SNL in the States is one of the best things I've ever done ever. It's, I was in the middle of COVID. So like I was starved for human contact and suddenly I had a live audience in front of me. And you must both know that feeling when the devil gets you a little bit, when suddenly there's just a bunch of people like, I can play with this. And so suddenly getting to do a bit of live performance because i've been on screen for ages i hadn't done stage for years at that point and it reminded me of being in a band a little bit because that so the cast of snl are always knackered because that seven day turnaround is insane um and they were on like i don't know week six or eight of their series it was the height of covid everyone was just so tired i remember the last rehearsal before the live show lauren kind of sits everyone down and he kind of went look guys the kids are giving it everything and they were all like yeah all right i guess he is having fun and so they kind of they decided graciously to carry me through it but i remember between sketches because i'd grown up in bands um we did the dress rehearsal and we did a sketch and then we're kind of resetting the cameras and things um and i started riffing with the audience because i was like they're there and this is it was like an old instinct from like okay so moving the cameras is essentially my guitarist is tuning up and so I got a bit of audience bantam because that's how you keep people warm between the songs and I remember Kenan looked over to me and went okay almost like the memory of what it was like to really be enamored by the situation of like performance suddenly kind of rushed back like I was his Proustian Madeleine cake Madeleine cakes, that's food

1:05:46James Acaster: always comes back to food always comes back to food it's exciting because we're... I had to cut this out of the episode, but Ed and I are going to be hosting one of the SNLs in this country. Yes! April Fool. Fucking got him. I got him. I got Regé-Jean. You got murked. I got him. I got Regé-Jean. He absolutely bought it. I got him. I really thought that I wasn't going to... You got murked. I don't think Regé-Jean's come out the worst from that. I think it's a worst prank on you. Because you're not. Because we're not. Oh, yeah. You just said that. He was delighted for us. He was really happy for us.

1:06:21He was so happy for us, and we're not doing it! I was gonna come back to guest on your show, it was gonna be great!

1:06:29James Acaster: Yeah! It would've been good. Yeah, that would've been great. Well actually, yeah. And now, you've made yourself sad now. You've made yourself sad now. Yeah. Oh. Quite sad now. Not as good a career as I just pretended I had. April Fool, I'm not doing that well. April Fool, we haven't been asked to do shit!

1:06:50You will, you could. Maybe this is your Make-A-Wish video. They're just like, look how sad this Dickensian ocean is. But we know everyone involved in it. Does that make you sick of that? No, I'm happy for all those guys. Yeah, happy for you.

1:07:09Dream drink, drink. Dream drink, dream drink, dream drink. We're going to stay on the team of being fresh and being woken up. If I'm drinking alcohol, it's usually a caipirinha. with this meal, I think. Because I often, if I'm drinking alcohol, it would be like an old-fashioned or a caipirinha. And if we're on our seaside dream restaurant, then I think we want that lime, fresh, wakening. Also because in my head, we're kind of hitting sunset. And so, you know, you've got those like string lights. In our fresco situation, it's getting dark. There's probably a band warming up, like a salsa band or something.

1:07:44And so you're kind of getting yourself into, as we go towards the desserts, We're loosening the hips. Yeah. You know what I mean?

1:07:52James Acaster: He's loosening the hips backing into his meat slice. We'd done so well. Yeah, sorry. We'd gotten so far away. Sorry, Rego. Sorry, Rego. Did I bring out my head teacher voice on you? Yeah, yeah. We had done so well. We had made such progress. We really believed in you. I feel this is the president character coming out now. Yeah, but he's got to have a more inspirational cadence. Yeah. We had done so well. Well. We really believed in you. That's good. You have let down this country. Yeah. Your morals. This is... Your beliefs. Stop talking to the president. Sorry. I think that's... That was good, Obama.

1:08:32Who is Barack via Kermit?

1:08:34James Acaster: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Finally. The ultimate teacher. I believe like Kermit Barack would be a great Sesame Street character. Yeah. If we do host SNL, you've got to come on and do Kermit Barack. That's going to be the opening sketch. Paint you green, and then you're sitting on a lily pad, like you're being Obama. We're getting a little more shooting stars than SNL, do you know what I mean? It's our episode, man. It's our episode, when we host it. We're going to go, get Megayod, it's going to be Kermit Barack. Not even Kermit Obama. We can paint you green, put him on a lily pad, and just let him go. Little known fact, Kermit's last name is in fact O-Bama.

1:09:15James Acaster: Yeah, it is. A lot of people know that. That's true. You're going to April Fool's? I was thinking about it. Yeah. I was never going to believe all of it. Not even close. A lovely caipirinha. That's a fantastic drink. I've not heard of this drink before. Oh, it's just like, it's just literally lime and cachaça. Yeah. So it's like a rum type situation. Brazilian? Brazilian. Yeah, yeah. Brazilian, so cachaça, lime, sugar. That's it. The reason I know what it is, because the only drink I was good at making when I worked in a bar, because it's incredibly simple. It's the first one they taught us. You just kind of muddle lime and sugar and then pour stuff in and that's kind of your drink's great.

1:09:51James Acaster: Would you like this one to be made by you then? No, absolutely not. Are you insane? I'd like a good one, please. I haven't made one in years. Though, there we go. In this dream restaurant, maybe as like a long form starter, I want to kind of come in every weekend, get to know the staff, make it like a place that I feel really comfortable and like, you know what? Come behind the bar. Let's teach how to make some drinks and then I get really good at making the drinks. And actually, all of these dream courses have been made by me and the kitchen staff together. And we're having like a staff meal at the end of the day.

1:10:22We kicked everyone else out. You know what I mean? Except the band, they can stay. And that will make everything taste better because I've learned to make this drink. It's not real me. It's me and the dream restaurant. I'm so good at making cocktails. I've contributed to the batter for the fish. I helped pick the potatoes over the last few months. I've escaped the world. I've become a farmer at a restaurant that serves only us. That sounds like an album. A restaurant that serves only us. It sounds a little bit Keane, actually.

1:10:51James Acaster: Yeah, Keane would call it that. Somewhere only we know the restaurant. Yeah. I think you're the first guest we've had whose dream meal involves changing their entire life. Yeah. And having a new job.

1:11:08James Acaster: Two minutes. What's your dream dessert? Tiramisu Tiramisu Italian trifle Yeah Lovely stuff Italian trifle I wish we'd delve into that more Infinitely superior But we can't You've got to go So I'm going to read your menu to you now See how you feel about it That's the shortest we've ever spent on dessert But luckily it was Tiramisu So like We've spoken about Tiramisu Good thing we spent so long on Carpaccio Yeah And Ed's butt That wasn't my fault Sparkling water I was answering the question that was asked him Sourdough, nice butter, olive oil. Starter, fish carpaccio. Main course, fish and chips with fresh lemon and cracked salt.

1:11:45James Acaster: Side dish, American Brussels sprouts. Drink, can't pronounce this. Caipirinha. Dessert, tiramisu. That is a very nice menu. Sorry that we had to rush for it because we got so deep into the actor's studio. I'm sorry I did fish for starters and mains. I feel like that's a bit of a fun part. No, that's fantastic. I love it because you've had fresh fish to start. And we're by the seaside, really? Yeah, we're by the seaside. We're by a body of water. There we go. We've got one minute. We'll just say goodbye. We'll say goodbye. Guess we'll say goodbye. We'll see you at the SNL UK studio. Very nice to speak, sounds so sad about that.

1:12:13Yeah.

1:12:13James Acaster: I'll see you at the SNL studio, yeah. I wanna see your surreal SNL episode. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I really do. I will contribute some kind of character to that. We'll get you in immediately. Don't know if he'll be on a lily pad, I'm not commissing to the lily pad. He will be on a lily pad. You know what the character's gonna be. Maybe. I'm gonna call my American agent Sonia. Yeah, yeah. Do the film but he's not being a frog. He ain't doing carpet. come on Reggie Jean doesn't Kermit but no Reggie Jean Reggie thank you so much for coming to the Dream Restaurant thank you thank you for having me

1:12:53well there we are James a wonderful chat with Reggie Jean

1:12:56James Acaster: Paige we got so lost in conversation we forgot about the menu which as Reggie said though that is what it's like sometimes in the restaurant when you got the menu and they keep on coming around and going are you ready to order yet? Oh, sorry, we've just been chatting. And they come out again, you did it again. That's what it felt like. And it's nice to have an episode like that. I loved the guy. I loved Regé Jean. Enthusiastic, talented, got involved with the pod, great food choices. Lovely food choices. The setting was wonderful. Nailed it. I thought he nailed that. I think he absolutely nailed it.

1:13:28James Acaster: Not to mention he didn't say Regé Regé sauce. He got pranked a few times. He did get April Fooled. Yeah. I definitely really April Fooled him at the end yeah you really did to the point where I felt bad because that's the thing actually people don't talk about when you do April Fool someone good you're talking about the SNL April Fool yeah you got yourself there I got him as well he was so happy for us I felt bad he was like yes and I was like oh no that's a genuinely nice emotion and I'm about to crush it by going no we're not doing it and I know I got myself and you oh god but that's the thing is about April 4th and what they don't tell you about pranking I bet the jackass boys feel bad all the time I bet they don't no they probably don't we had Steve Owen do you think he felt bad?

1:14:13James Acaster: he didn't seem to feel bad no no he felt a lot of things yeah but he didn't feel bad yeah You Me and Tuscany is out on April 10th in cinemas it is go and see it I'm on tour Fresh Hell is the name of my show tickets on sale now edgamble.co.uk for tickets UK and Ireland tour come see me I'm also on tour to be fair and actually it was told to me recently that not all the dates have sold out so I should probably promote that yeah do you feel like this is a good way of promoting it the show is called James Acaster I'm on tour it's brilliant some of them have not sold out that's just not a good way to promote things I don't think no no just say tickets available tickets available James Acaster is the name of the show yeah it's brilliant some people have complained that it's just called James Acaster yeah Yeah, they've gone, why have you not come up with a name?

1:15:04Well, you know. There's a reason.

1:15:06James Acaster: There's a reason. Come see. Come see. This is obviously available on YouTube. Some of you will know that because you've been watching this on YouTube right now. If you are listening, it is available on the YouTube. So go and subscribe to us on YouTube as well, because Benito cries himself to sleep every night that we don't have enough subscribers. Is this bit on YouTube? Yeah. Even this bit when we're saying it's on YouTube. It's on YouTube. Yeah. It seems mad that we include this bit on YouTube. Don't argue with him. He's done a course. Oh, yeah. He has done a course recently. and how to put things on YouTube, I think.

1:15:34James Acaster: Yeah. Because this is the first one we've managed to upload because he's done the course. The rest of them have just been... I don't know. He just puts them on his own computer. They're on his desktop. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he watches them and thinks they're on the internet. He's accidentally put them on Pornhub. Oh, no. Well, before we finally find our audience, that's our true audience. We should put one on Pornhub. That'd be funny. Yeah, let's put one on Pornhub. Do you think on Pornhub, if you put things that aren't porn, they get banned for not being explicit enough? That'll be interesting.

1:16:03James Acaster: Let's, the listeners, you can vote on Twitter or Instagram or whatever. Just make sure you message Benito. And that's the vote, is it? The vote is, you message Benito and you ask for an episode of your choosing that we've definitely filmed, that we've already filmed, and Benito will put it on Pornhub. It probably can't be a big celeb because I'd imagine anyone with like a PR team might be a bit annoyed that we've put their episode on Pornhub. I guess. Did we film the huge Davis one? good question because he's big but there's a also he sounds like a porn star so I think that might slip through the net on Pornhub yeah so he put huge Davis off menu that sounds like porn that sounds sexy doesn't it and then he does describe a porn scene in it of the two of us making love in some fanfic can we put it on Pornhub Benito he's nodding why he's shaking his head like he's all sad about it that's what I meant but you should do it Benito that's funny why would you not do it I can't even think about why you wouldn't do it.

1:17:03I find it funny that someone might be, like, yanking one out and skipping through the videos, and they accidentally jizz when we're on. Like, oh, this sounds like exactly what I want to see.

1:17:14James Acaster: Huge Davis. And then they put it on, and it said, going, like, take in the pasta of conversation, and then they go, whoa! That's funny. That's funny. We'll do that. Yeah. Yeah, anyway, thanks for watching and listening. Thank you. Sorry we're okay We did it again