Sanjeev Bhaskar

0:01During Lowe's Pro Savings Days, save more on the products you count on to get the job done right. Get a free two-pack of DeWalt 20 Volt Max XR 8 Amp Hour batteries when you buy a select DeWalt 20 Volt Max power tool. Plus, save up to 35 % on select major appliances. The right products, the right deals, ready when you need them. Our best lineup is here at Lowe's. Valid through 925, while supplies last. Selection varies by location. This ad is sponsored by ZocDoc. Hi, it's Danny Pellegrino from Everything Iconic. Have you been putting off that annual doctor's appointment because you don't want to make the call?

0:39Or maybe you've been meaning to find a new dentist, but you have no idea where to start. I find that's especially true when you move. It's hard to find your people. I've been there, which is why I use ZocDoc. Now, as a busy podcaster parent and someone who's always juggling a million things, I love anything that makes life easier. and ZocDoc lets you search and compare local in-network doctors with over 250 ,000 providers across more than 200 specialties. You can read reviews from real patients, find a provider who feels like the right fit, see actual appointment openings, and book instantly. I recently had a last-minute health issue pop up and needed to see someone fast.

1:14Instead of calling around or sitting on hold, I found a doctor on ZocDoc and booked an appointment in just a few minutes. It made the whole process so much less stressful. Ready to be seen? Download the ZocDoc app today. That's ZocDoc, Z-O-C-D-O-C, and book that appointment on your to-do list. Here's a tip for you. There's a podcast out there with fans waiting to be your next customer. They tune in every week, they trust the host, and that host wants to talk about brands like yours in their own words to their audience. The problem is you just haven't been introduced yet. We're Acast, where that introduction happens.

1:53As the world's largest podcast marketplace, we let you browse shows, see who's listening, and book host-read sponsorships or run your own ads all from one platform. Transparent pricing, real-time data, complete control. Start advertising on podcasts by visiting acast.com slash advertise.

2:28Welcome to the Off Menu Podcast, taking the lettuce leaves of conversation, adding the croutons of friendship, the Caesar dressing of humour, and, if you so fancy, the chicken of chat. that is Ed Gamble my name is James Acaster together we own a dream restaurant in every single week Parmesan we invite a guest and ask them their favourite ever start a main course dessert, side dish and drink not in that order and this week our guest is Sanjeev Bhaskar National Trez Trez is that National Trez National Trez of course Sanjeev Bhaskar what a legend very excited to have Sanjeev in we've had Mira Sile on the podcast so this is like the second Goodness Gracious Me and Kumar's alum.

3:18Yes. That we've had on. Both big shows for us growing up. Huge shows for us growing up. I think our generation of comedians like Goodness Gracious Me and the Kumars is like just on the Mount Rushmore. Totally. And Sanjeev, of course, is now an amazing actor in many other things. He's been in films. He's done loads of TV. He was on Taskmaster, of course. Of course. and he's going to be in The Split Up, which is out later this month on BBC One and iPlayer, of course. Created by Abby Morgan, Ritu Aya's in it. Also friends of the podcast, Lenny Henry, Mwan Rizwan, Sindhu V. Yes. So there's a lot of great cast members in it.

4:01Sanjeev is the lead as well, so we'll be asking him more about that. The Split Up is a spin-off in the same universe as The Split with Nicola Walker and Stephen Mangan. But not in the same universe as Split. the film where James McAvoy has multiple personalities and kidnaps those girls. But that is in the same universe as Unbreakable and Glass. And Glass, of course. And Old. That's not been confirmed, but it probably is in the same universe as Old. Where they all go old on the beach. They turn really old on the beach really quick. Really too quickly. It's not just like people on the beach for five years and they're five years older.

4:43No, it's a beach that makes you old really quick. And it turns out it was big pharma. As in pharmaceuticals? Yes, not the Jolly Green Giant, who could also be seen as a big pharma. Yes. The Jolly Green Giant is the biggest pharma of them all. Here's the thing, though. We love Sanjeev, but if he says a secret ingredient, which we deem to be unacceptable, we will have to kick him out of the dream restaurant. I don't want to do that today. I don't want to do that. No. And that is why the secret ingredient is... Banana split. The split up. It's called The Split Ups. We chose a banana split. It's not about banana splits, though.

5:15We love banana splits. It's about, like, the high-profile divorce circuit in Manchester. And also, like... It's not about banana splits. This isn't, like... Sometimes the secret ingredient is just, like, linked to something about the guest. In this case, the show that Sanjeev's about to appear on. But, like, we love banana splits, obviously. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're delicious. They're one of the best foods. I couldn't tell you the last time I had one, though. No, I can tell you the first time I had one. Yeah. because it was incredible. I spoke about it on the podcast before. I genuinely think it was the length of my arm, the banana split.

5:50And so much ice cream. I was so proud that I finished it. Absolutely delicious. I wish I could have those again at a meal with my cousins. I remember my cousins being there. You'd have to really go some distance, find a banana split the length of your arm now. It's a long arm. It's a long arm, but I would love a banana split as long as that. Would you want it to be one banana though? No, I'd want it to be a bunch of different bananas and then loads of really big scoops of ice cream. Each one a different flavour. Go heavy on the cream but really good cream. Like, you know, just like really squirty cream but high quality.

6:29High quality squirt. And then loads of sauce like a hot fudge in there and I want chopped nuts on the top. I want some sprinkles just you know M &M's maybe crush crush up some M &M's peanut M &M's peanut regular and peanut butter M &M's put them in a blender and put those over the banana split so if Sanjeev says that he's out yeah I'm on tour next year Ed Gamble Fresh Hell oh great I mean not much going on over here this is the off menu menu of Sanjeev Bhaskar

7:13That was a good clap. Thank you. I was really proud of that clap. It was. It was clean. Sometimes you get that double thing sometimes. Yeah, no, it felt like I had that little pocket of air, I think. That's the key to a good clap. Is this going to be the first episode where we start with the clap? Maybe. We keep the clap in? Yeah, because normally I'll do like, Welcome Sanjeev to the Dream Restaurant. Yeah. Welcome Sanjeev Bhaskar to the Dream Restaurant. I've been expecting you for some time. that's normally how we start yeah but we're starting with a clap this time yeah I mean you can them both obviously but yeah there's options there's options there yeah yeah the listeners won't know that normally it starts with a clap that Ben asks one of us to do a clap so he syncs up all the cameras because now he's a YouTuber yeah we're not yeah we're not yeah he puts us on YouTube oh he puts you on YouTube yeah he's a YouTuber yeah how do you feel about it are you a YouTube watcher Sanjeev yeah I dip into YouTube yeah what's your algorithm what sort of things get thrown up for you quite a lot?

8:08Old adverts. Yeah. From the 70s and 80s. Yeah. The usual kind of cat and other animal mishaps come up quite a bit. It's weirder on my Instagram, actually, because that algorithm works really quickly. So at the moment, for some reason, I'm getting a lot of girl fights. I think I watched one, and so it's giving me loads of kind of girl fights from around the world. from around the world. It's weirdly kind of intriguing because you're going to go do kind of, you know, girls in Asia fight differently to girls in America. Are there different styles? Yeah. It must be weird when you're watching your old adverts on YouTube and it's getting interrupted by current adverts as well.

8:51Yeah, it is. Well, also the old adverts, they tend to be the good old ones. Yeah. Everyone puts up, you know, some insurance advert, kind of like 1978. But, you know, whether it's kind of car adverts particularly, they were just made in a different way then. Yeah. Who were the two, the dad and the daughter? What were they called? Nicole and Papa. Oh, Nicole and Papa. Papa and Nicole. Yeah. That was a huge thing. Yeah. A whole running story. Thierry Henry, wasn't it? Thierry Henry, yeah. Henry got involved. The Papa. Yeah. He was Papa, I think. Well, he was in those adverts, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

9:24Was it Renault Clio? Yeah. I think it was Renault Clio. Good recall, yeah. So were they a couple, or was it a dad and a daughter? well Papa kind of infers a particular relationship I mean there are others where that may not be the case but that's a bit more kind of twisted I think it was dad and daughter because this was a long time ago now there's like other insinuations right but now it was back in the good old days when Papa only meant father and they would just say each other's names is what I remember they would just say Nicole Papa yeah that's right Yeah, yeah. Nobody said Renault Clio at any point at all.

10:03No. Because as we're recording this, yesterday was the eclipse, the big eclipse. Yeah. I looked at it. So obviously... I looked dead at it. You're straight at it. Straight at it? I looked out my window. I thought it frazzed my eyes. I looked dead at it. I mean, that does explain quite a bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It saves me asking half a dozen questions. I went to bed with one ear ringing. Did you? I think it's because I looked at the eclipse. But there was a meteor shower as well. I didn't see that. Was there? Yeah, I think from 1am till 4 or something. Well, he's not seeing that. He's frazed his eyes.

10:34I frazed my eyes. My ear was ringing. You were seeing them at 8 o 'clock? Yeah, yeah. But because of the whole eclipse business, the advert that was going around in my head all day yesterday was Full Moon, Half Moon, Total Eclipse, the Jaffa Cake advert. Oh, yes. Yeah. Very good. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I remember that. And I just kept saying it over and over again to the extent my wife was like, you've just got to shut up now. Oh, you said it out loud? Oh, all the time, yeah. I just out loud full moon, half moon, total eclipse. We didn't have any Jaffa cakes in but I got a baby bell out of the fridge so I did it.

11:06I performed the advert. For people who don't remember the advert, it was a school teacher with a Jaffa cake teaching her kids about the moon and she would go full moon and then she would bite out of it half moon and then she would eat it and say total eclipse. Total eclipse. That's how science used to be taught in schools. It was always kind of with a demonstration of some kind. Usually with food. and then your papa would pick you up at the end of the day. That's right. So yeah, so that's the advert. That's one of my faves, I think, that was going over in my head yesterday. That's how we get on the food, see?

11:39Very nicely done. We always get on the food. Do you like Jaffa Cakes? What a segue. I do like Jaffa Cakes, yeah. I have recently had Jaffa Cake Gin. So if you like Jaffa Cakes and you like gin, I mean, it's the perfect product for you. Was this purchased from somewhere or was it like a homemade thing? No, purchased. You can actually go out and buy it. Yeah. And was it a collab? So was it actual proper official Jaffa Cakes getting involved with a gin company? Or were they just able to just be like... No, that's a good question. I mean, there wasn't any of the Jaffa Cake logo on it. But the word Jaffa Cake was...

12:14I don't know if that's been... You know... What do you call it? Copyrighted. Copyrighted, yeah. Got it if it's not. Yeah. They spent all their time proving they were a cake. But they actually forgot to copyright the name. Yeah. Oh no, we got so in the weeds about what we were. Now we're going to just use our name. We're idiots. Our priorities are all over the shop. They're making gin now without our say-so. So when the teacher bites through the Jaffa Cake, what she's doing is she's splitting the Jaffa Cake, of course. So we should talk about the split. I'm not going to say that's very good. That's the most convoluted.

12:52You do way worse ones than that. I do absolute, mine are smooth. people always compliment me on them yeah I always compliment them so would you like to attempt a segue from Jaffa Cake into the split up of course when the teacher bites into the Jaffa Cake it splits the Jaffa Cake let's talk about the split up great segue man fantastic pretty good if only someone else had thought of that yeah well not everyone can best in the game yeah the split up Yeah, it's a kind of, well, there was a series called The Split. Thank you. Which was about matriarchal family of divorce lawyers. Yeah. And this is in the same universe.

13:35It's The Split Up, and it's a patriarchal family of lawyers. Great. And I'm the patriarch in it. How do you feel now that you're a patriarch in something? Because you've played, well, for me, growing up, Kumar's was a big deal, very important. Oh, cheers. But you had a patriarchal figure in that. Yeah, that's right. And now it's you. Yeah. Now you are that guy. Now I'm depressed. Joining those two dots together. Different sorts of patriarchal figures, I'd imagine. Yes. How often in the split up are you just asking people for directions or asking them how they got there? That guy was funny. Yeah.

14:16That guy. Every week I'd look forward to him telling a story that was pointless and then looking at them really pleased. It was one of the funniest things I'd ever seen in my life. Can I tell you where that originated? Yeah, please. It was that my dad had a friend who, when he came round, his name was Suntalk, he would always be telling a story which would suddenly turn left in the middle of it. And me and my sister would be going, what? And the two that I remember were, he said, and he always started it in a very jovial kind of like tone And he'd go, that reminds me of a hilarious story from my village in India when I was growing up.

14:54There was a man in the village who had a very large head. He always used to wear a tiny hat. The hat was just balancing on his head, you know, the whole time like that. Cancer got him in three months. The other one I remember was, he said, that reminds me of a hilarious fellow who was in my village in India. and he had one arm much longer than the other one. You know, from one side it was very long, the other side not so much. And he was killed the instant the train hit him. And so it was that thing of kind of going, I don't know what to say now. And so I remember with the dad in the commands, that's what we kind of saddled him with.

15:37And it was just... I still, every time I watch football, think of here come the boots, here come the boots. Yeah, that's right. As well, one of his story ended. because he had some football boots and every time he got the ball people would shout here come the boots here come the boots and that was it and then he just looked at them looked at the guest really pleased that might have been Gary Lineker that said that to you I don't know what to say but that was all that's what we wanted always and now that's you in the split up yeah that's exactly the same character if only yeah yeah no the patriarch I play is kind of like you know takes himself quite seriously yeah so he's going to you know his kids are all lawyers as well they're all involved in the firm so uh it's that weird thing where do you treat them as employees or do you treat them as kids yeah kids so that's part of the setup the cast is amazing for it yeah there's so many like sindhu's in it mawan lenny henry that's right yeah yeah that they're only the people who've been on this podcast i was gonna say all three of them have been on yes yeah yeah yeah and ritu's in it as well who i love um worked with her like 10 years ago and I only just saw her again recently and she's doing great things.

16:44She was in Barbie and stuff like that. What did you work with her on? I did a, I wrote a pilot for a sitcom and Ritty was a, one of the parts in it and she also like was involved in the office run for as well, doing that. She was like right from the beginning and she's brilliant and I'd seen her at a night in London where her and this other guy whose name I forget were doing like a double act, like sketch, thing was quite a dark comedy and she was so funny and really wanted her in that sitcom it was great now seeing her popping up and everything and she very I hope this isn't talking out of turn but she showed me on a phone video of her when she was 9 or 10 years old with I think her cousins maybe doing sketches from Goodness Gracious Me and calling themselves the Goodness Gracious Me kids that's so amazing that we get to work together years later I mean, what's it like having created something like that that still has, you can just see the legacy of it still?

17:46Not a lot of people can say that. There's a lot of people who've had sketch shows, sitcoms, whatever, and can't literally look around at the comedy landscape and see their influence. Do you ever take a moment to soak that in? I mean, it's weird because, as you know, when you're making something, you don't know where it's going to go. You don't know how it's going to be received. and so you pour everything into making of it you know have as much fun as you can and then whatever happens happens so the fact that 27 odd years later that people still remember the sketches or you know is kind of remarkable and also that you know people very generously like Ramesh and Nish and people like that will kind of like reference it um because they've all got stellar careers and they're doing what they do and so I'm sure they would have made it anyway but it is humbling to be part of that journey because yeah you're right I mean in terms of especially in comedy which is so disposable as well to have people still remember something you did fondly rather than oh yeah that was shit is yeah it's really nice are you much of a foodie Sanji?

18:53total foodie yeah yeah love food you love tuna melts we know that oh we agreed we weren't going to bring that up no you said you wanted to bring it up oh no you just went out for a tuna melt Oh, God, you had to bring up the tune. He had one. Painful memory. Yeah, no, only because I arrived really early. And I didn't know what to do. And so I thought, yeah, tune them out. Tune them out time. I think whenever you're early for something. Yeah. Tune them out. Really? Yeah. That's a good rule. Yeah, yeah. That's a good rule for life. Have you seen Heated Rivalry? No, I haven't. He's Heated Rivalry.

19:25He's Heated Rivalry. Oh, that's a culinary show. No, no, no. It's a hockey. Hockey? Yeah, it's hockey. It's a Canadian... Ice hockey. Ice hockey. Okay. And two of the players are secretly in love with each other, and it follows their romance. Right. I've not seen it, but it seems like mainly just fucking to me. There's a lot of fucking in it. But that's the thing, is that, you know, to begin with, their relationship seems purely physical. Right. And one of them is very much trying to make out, like, that's all it is to him. Okay. But then there's a moment where he makes the other guy a tuna melt.

20:03I was wondering when we... And you can tell... Some sort of link. You can tell that he's actually been paying attention to what this guy eats and that he mainly just will order fish and doesn't like certain types of food. So he's made in that and it's a little sign that actually he cares and pays more attention to it. That sounds quite sweet. Maybe I've misrepresented it there. And then they fuck. No, well, I'm grateful that I don't now have to watch it. Yeah. That's not the main thing. It's not the finale. It's not the finale. It's the one of them makes the other tuna melt. Well, you made it sound like a main thing.

20:32you built up to a tuna mill and then shagging I recently did a live script read through of an episode of Heated Rivalry because two comedians Catherine Bohart and Olga Koch run a podcast about Heated Rivalry called Tonsil Hockey and they did live read throughs with comedians and I'd never seen Heated Rivalry and I played one of the main characters and there's some stuff in there that genuinely made me blush really made me blush those guys are going for it yeah yeah they do go for it this was episode 2 we were reading through blimey it's not a will they won't they it's they have and they're going to do it again when will they when will they again yeah yeah yeah how long until the next one and what are they going to eat before yeah yeah I actually think I've misrepresented I think the tuna melt is afterwards oh flippin' heck they have sex and then they then he makes them a tuna melt yeah wow I mean that sounds kind of you know great for the person who's receiving the tuna melt So great for the person who's giving, yeah.

21:32Who's receiving the tuna melt. If you like. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, like post-coital, like someone making you a tuna melt, what an amazing feeling. Yeah, but for the person who's going to get up and go, right, have we got any tuna? Oh, yeah, yeah. Do I add onions? Yeah, yeah. I don't know. And you can't ask them loads of questions about the tuna melt because then that takes the whole romance out of it, doesn't it? A hundred percent. It's got to be there you go. I've noticed. You allergic to cumin? Yeah. Oh. That's a wild thing to put in a tuna melt, but I think it would work. Yeah. Yeah, that's my favourite.

22:07This is the expert. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. He loves tuna melts. I love cumin. Yeah. Yeah? Yeah, I'll add cumin to most things. Oh, maybe we're going to see it pop up in your dream, man. It might well do. Still a sparkling mortar. Sparkling, I think, because as a kid, I mean, sparkling was just, it was unheard of in the sort of like working class sort of upbringing I had, you know? And so it felt like it was kind of a treat and it was special. Fizzy drinks were, you know, so it was, we had mostly at home, we had cordials. So we had ribena and sort of, you know, orange squash and stuff like that.

22:43Lots of various Robinson's sort of barley water. Were you into the barley water? Barley water we didn't have as well. That didn't get used up quite as quickly as. Did it not? No, not as much as the. Barley water was banging, man. That's crazy. I mean, it was good. I liked it. But the orange squash or a fruit squash. The summer fruits one. Summer fruits, yeah. It's kind of very, very vague. What's happened to squash? I mean, I'm only speaking about my life. Yeah. But I think I probably used to drink eight pints of squash a day when I was a kid. Wow. I would neck that stuff. Wow. Now. Sorry, in pint glasses?

23:16Yeah, I would have a pint glass. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Make it strong as well. Neck it, or just glugging it. I still do buy squashes. you buy the squashes yeah I do there's a really nice mint and lime one that I think Robinsons do is it on the Robinsons train well I mean you know they nailed it didn't they yeah they did did they also do jam is that the same kind of Robinsons jam no surely not who's the marmalade crew this is insane Robertsons Robertsons are they still associated with tennis oh that's a good question because they were it was always at Wimbledon wasn't it it was always at Wimbledon yeah that was they had that they're only Rolex at Wimbledon now I think is it now they've moved on so they've moved on to Rolex away from Robinson I mean that seems less practical yeah yeah yeah games isn't it that's going to weigh your wrist down do you want to watch that's good I'll see what the time is I'll see what the time is massive old Rolex I'll do with this while playing tennis no thank you I'm going to quench your face yeah you want to glug a squash but yeah I used to drink so much of it so maybe yeah so the the mint and lime one that sounds good with sparkling water.

24:26Would you like that as your dream? Yeah. Yeah. Great, that's good. Would you like the, I mean, the split up is obviously about a family. Yeah. Would you like the Robinsons family to join you? Yeah, yeah. How many of them are there? Quite a few of them. Would you? 400 of them. Oh, here's a question. They're not the same as the family Robinson, are they? Oh, I hope not. Yeah. I think they live next to the family Robertson. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. The jam people. Well, it was the Swiss family Robinson. The Swiss family Robinson. And I guess the Scottish family Robertson. Yeah. Guess it. would you play the patriarch of the Robinsons family in a TV show if they made a new series and it's all about the Robinsons squash family it's like succession but with squash that's very good yeah and it's like who's going to take over and you're the you're the patriarch yeah so I'd be like Logan Roy yeah the Logan Roy of the yeah fuck off yeah we got this new flavour summer fruits fuck off pretty good stick to that it's pretty good stick to the barley water yeah I don't know why I went pirate anyway but this is your character you can take it in whatever direction if you want him to be a pirate he could be a pirate yeah that's more interesting yeah that would be the origin story yeah it was a life of piracy and then he suddenly sees the light yeah and he goes cordial arr arr cordial and so yeah and then they go legit from there yeah I think that would work I think the pimer all the money.

25:54There's not many jumps there from being a pirate to really getting into cordial. Yeah. It's surrounded by water. Maybe, maybe. Probably sick to the back teeth of it. So plain. Maybe on a, like, on a journey across the sea you've got a barrel of oranges and you just leave it out in the sun by accident and it creates cordial. Yeah. You would have a lot of citrus on board for scurvy. It could be that they only had, you know, they had a full crew but they only had four oranges. Yeah. And they went, how do we spread this around? You go, add water. Yeah. And then they go, everyone's going, no, this is all right.

26:24It's okay. It's a hint of orange, really. It's not particularly orangey, but... Guys, I think we should take this out of the edit. Do you know what? Yeah, we should hold on to this. Yeah. The lime as well is for scurvy. For scurvy, yeah. See? If you just add a bit of mint to that, you've got your... Yeah. This is going to be a good show. Yeah. Have we just hit a cul-de-sac? No reverse acting? There are no cul-de-sacs on this podcast. Excellent. Okay, good. Never has been. Not on our watch yet. No, not on our watch. Manicus Benito edits it. Yeah. Pop-lops or bread? Pop-lops or bread, Sajid Baskar?

26:58Pop-lops or bread? Well, because the split up is a kind of an Asian family, I'm going to go pop-a-dums with this. But otherwise, if it wasn't that, then it would probably be rosemary salt for Katia. Many people on your show have kind of mentioned before, so maybe we can share it with kind of olive oil and balsamic. do some rosemary salt poppadoms if you want I think that'd be a bit weird don't know why come on it'd be a bit weird it'd be a bit weird I think it will because all the kind of condiment stuff that you got that come with the poppadoms kind of do the job yeah rosemary's never one of them no that's a shame they do the condiments do the job and they do whatever job you want and you can create new jobs with them there's so much fun sometimes I'm lost I just get lost in the poppadoms bit yeah and then everything else do you combine well yeah I'm combining I'm basically DJing my own poppadoms.

27:54The mix is perfect. Are you going to maybe play with the idea of rosemary? I don't think so. I think I like whatever the poppadoms actually are supposed to come with. I think they've perfected it. I think it's the squash people. They've nailed it. Okay, so do both of you have the poppadoms? Yeah, for both of you. Or generally, or for your dream meal. No, for you. I mean, you two personally. In the past, we've chosen bread when we've done our menus, but you know the whole you've chosen poppadoms as well on the first stream many years yeah I mean my favourite poppadom I had them recently I was at the Edinburgh Festival and there's a place called Namaste Kathmandu go there and get a curry their poppadoms are the best ones they're folded up I've said it on the podcast so they put a picture of me in the window holding a little pot of lime pickle cheers cheers saying home of James Acaster's favourite folded poppadoms because they fold them up like that they're so good and my picture's on the wall as well you know what's happened to their sales since then I think pretty good because like, you know, there's a little like wall of fame now and there wasn't before I shouted it out and now they got me.

28:58Nish is on the wall. Amy Poehler is on the wall. Wow. I mean, Nish might be up there because they think they're related to him. Yeah. It may not be because he's ever... I didn't want to say. It's all right. That's why I'm here. But it's like, yeah, a little wall of fame. I'm pretty happy about that. They brought over the Pappadams as soon as we sat down because they knew that's what I was going to order. That's nice. Delicious. The plain ones or the spicy ones? These ones are plain. Right. I like spicy ones as well. Do you have a preference? I like to mix the two. Do you have somewhere where you've had the best poppadoms?

29:29Where they're like, those are your favourite ones you've ever had and that'd be your dream. No, there isn't, actually. I mean, it might be in India somewhere, which I know is pretty vague as an answer. It's quite a big country. Quite big, yeah. But no, nothing specific comes to mind with poppadoms. We'll still record it as poppadums from India. Yes, exactly. They're from India. A mixture of the spicy ones and the plain ones, and you want all the dips. Yeah. Your dream starter. Okay, there's some really specific things here. Yeah. So there are prawn scotch eggs. Oh, yes. Here we go. That Giacconi, the restaurant in London, does, which are incredible.

30:12Yeah. Absolutely amazing. Oh, my God. Have you had them? No. I love, it's one of the things, we talked on the podcast a lot about these kind of things. If it's on the menu, you've got to order it. If there's Scotch eggs on the menu, I've got to have the Scotch egg. I love a hot Scotch egg. A prawn one, that's sending me into the stratosphere. I've not even tasted it yet. It's incredible. Incredible. So that, and then, so there's a dish called papri chaat, which is kind of like a street dish. And it's made with sort of dried crispy semolina, for instance. the babri are like crackers and chickpeas and small cubes of potato and then yogurt tamarind sauce and and various spices on it so it's street food in india but mira makes one which is amazing so that as well yeah i think those two actually mira makes it yeah yeah she's been on the podcast this prawn scotch egg yes is it like is it the prawn sort of minced into yeah into where a sausage would be a traditional scotch egg so it's kind of but it's you know again crumb crispy crumb fry runny in the middle it's not runny these ones but soft boiled yeah but not runny that's what you want yeah it's amazing really worth trying is there a dip that goes with it yeah there is a kind of sauce that goes with it and I can't remember exactly what that is but that's amazing as well it's slightly tangy oh man Ben's got his hand up I think he's seen what the dip is banana ketchup Are you kidding me?

31:43You nearly forgot that? I nearly forgot that. I've got to try this. Yeah. Yeah. This is a prawn scotch egg with banana ketchup. Are you joking? I actually, we went last year. Fucking give me a tuna mountain, fuck me. We came back. This sounds delicious. Puck me. Puck me, I think is the. Oh, yeah. Puck me good. Yeah. They should have called the show that. Puck me. Puck me good. Puck me. Pucking each other. Yeah. These lads are pucking each other. Yeah. good pucking a good hard pucking follows why I melt yeah and puck me off will you write it yeah we kind of like so the banana ketchup is I believe it's a delicacy really from the Caribbean so we went last year on holiday to the Caribbean and came back with four bottles of it yes please it is amazing oh this sounds I didn't even know banana ketchup existed I didn't know prawn scotch eggs existed before I spoke to you welcome to the new world this is so good there's a place called teal in Hackney and they've got a scotch egg that is like I guess, I mean this is going to sound gross but it's delicious and it's made with the pig's head the meat from the pig's head I immediately pictured an entire pig's head for a second it's a pig's head and in the mouth is an egg that they've peeled and they call it a scotch egg you wanted the scotch egg right?

33:05a loaf of bread on it's head like a hat and there you go deep fry the whole thing I thought this was meant to be a snack before the main meal yeah yeah yeah so sorry you were saying they use the pig's head it's delicious it's not much there is it you've got to not waste it well I don't know there's enough for a scotch egg that's for sure absolutely it's so good and that thing you're saying about the yolk like not runny but soft I think about it all the time it's so good and now I want this I want the banana of ketchup. I mean, the entire menu is amazing, but that's incredible. I mean, I would push you towards that over mirrors thing now because like, over the chart, because like, I want it more than anything.

33:50Sanjeev did the thing I respect when guests do, just said he's having two things. And kind of just left it there. Yeah, didn't say we've got to pick one. You're just having... Sorry, you did say dream restaurant. Yeah. Yeah, sorry. You've got two stars. Suddenly, the dream restaurant goes, no, you can't have two. You've got a dream restaurant anymore. Yeah. Whereas your really overly officious restaurant. We're just, yeah, we're actually the worst restaurant on the planet. Yeah, it's like saying it's all you can eat and then just being like, sit down, greedy. Yeah. You've already been over there.

34:17Yeah. What about opening an all-I-can-eat restaurant? Where as the proprietor, you're going... You eat there every day. I don't eat there, but I watch them and I go, that would be all I would have. Yeah. So you've got to stop. This is all I can eat. Yeah. I mean, I'd be happy if you were running it. Yeah. Because I think you can put it away. Yeah. I can put it away pretty well. And also you eating there as well. So I have to match him. Yeah. Every customer that comes in, I've got to eat along with them. And then when I tap out. That's why you've got to get the first booking of the day. If you're going, you've got to be there first time.

34:53Because I'm alive from there going, I couldn't eat another bite. The first guy went hog wild. Yeah. I've got a 9pm table at all I can eat. James Acaster's restaurant. He's already puking up. He had a whole pig's head for breakfast. With an egg in his mouth. With an egg in his mouth. and a life of hovis. Benito, I need the toilet. So for the listener, James has just been to the toilet and it turns out Ben had warned you that sometimes James goes to the toilet halfway through. Yeah. How often are you saying that to guests who come on the podcast? Well, it's a good thing to warn them about. That's embarrassing.

35:26And then Benito said to Sanjeev, do you want to go to the bathroom just in case you need to go halfway through? And what did you say, Sanjeev? I was interested to know how long I could last out. I thought it'd be interesting if I suddenly desperately needed to go. It might be mid question or mid answer. And just without explanation, just take off. Yeah. That's, you know, if I'm on a night out, the more drunk I get, the less, you know, as soon as I need a wee, it doesn't matter if they're halfway through talking, just walk away. I have to say that with, with booze, I have a similar kind of thing where it's like my head has given me a 30 second warning of you got to go yeah lie down now yeah and i have on a couple of occasions just got up when mid someone else has been talking to me yeah yeah and just gone that's really interesting thanks very much good night and then just left yeah they're thinking i'm coming back in a minute because it's some sort of joke and then i just don't yeah and you've done that to me yeah i wish i didn't have to have some booze in me to do that i wish that was how i conducted myself all the time i would love it we were out once and i went to the toilet and i came out the toilet and he was getting in a cab.

36:39Where are you going? I don't know. I just realised I didn't want to be there anymore. I was hammered. But also, that kind of implies that you were quick. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You could have been in there in an hour trying to push one out. And the other person goes, I don't know how long he's going to be in there. Flipping eight. Yeah, no, no. That was it. As soon as he went in the toilet, I was like, right, I'm out the door. Now it sounds like you were just waiting for the opportunity. I was. Oh, okay. that's absolutely what he was doing your dream main course dream main course okay so I love those starters always good when you get a dish that's made by another guest as well you haven't had that too often so in my main courses again this is from yeah you've got to look at this because I've got some sides as well.

37:36But butter chicken masala from Jim Karner. Oh, yeah. A restaurant in London. Great. Fantastic. It's got just the right amount of heat on it. Yeah. That's fantastic. Along with, because some rice, obviously, so it's all mixed vegetable, pilau or biryani type, that kind of thing. Yeah. And as a bread thing as part of that. So you know what aloo paratas are? Nice. So paratas are kind of like stuffed flatbreads and aloo is potato. So these stuffed flatbreads with potato, but specifically my mum's, because that's, for me, comfort food from childhood, but also something I just still love. So those would be my mains.

38:20So the paratas with the butter chicken from Gymkhana. That's great. I was in America recently. I've done a gig. and speaking to some industry types. And I don't do too well in that situation. No way. And there was a real, like, big, like... I'll go to the toilet. Big, like... James, we'd love to... We want you to be in our new movie. The character... Sorry, I'll go to the toilet. Bye. Bye. You know, I'm loving talking to you. I'm just going to go to the bathroom for a second. He's getting into a cab! Yes, he comes out. What the hell? Yeah, see you later. I'll be in the film. I'm on a plane back to London.

39:00Yeah, this guy, proper like, you know, hotshot Hollywood agent type. And he was going like, you've got to give me some recommendations. I'm going to London and I want a good Indian restaurant. And I was like, oh, Jim Karner's amazing. And he went, don't give me that tourist crap. Don't give me that tourist crap. I want the real deal. And I was like, Jim Karner's really good, mate. And he was like, no, you're trying to fuck me off with tourist crap. I was like, I swear to God I'm not. He's like, we're going to get a Jim Karner in Vegas soon. That's true. So he said, that's Taurus shit. And I was like, it's not.

39:38It's just successful. I promise you, Jim Karner's really good Indian food. But he'll do what every American does and just go to Dishoom. Yeah, well, I was like, I know what's going to happen. You're going to go to Dishoom and you're going to say it's the best Indian food you've ever had in Jim Karner's Taurus crap. Do you think it's the name? Because they go, Dishoom, wow, that sounds exotic. I think it's the presentation I don't want to work out you think they would they love working out in Hollywood yeah that would be the perfect LA Indian restaurant Jim Garner yeah I don't know why I guess it's the presentation of Dishoom as well and the you know the way the restaurant's done up inside and the decor maybe yeah but yeah I don't know the Americans have just they love Dishoom look Dishoom's nice it is and that black doll it's great oh yeah as a side black doll Jim Kahn is like the pinnacle of like...

40:29Yeah, I think it's got a Michelin star, I think. Two. It's got two now. It's got two Michelin stars. And all the other restaurants they have as well. Yeah, Trishna and... Trishna and Ambassador's Clubhouse. Yeah, that's right. Is Brigadier's one of those as well? I think it is, yeah. And Brigadier's do the butter chicken wings, which are pretty much, I think, about every day. Wow, I haven't had those. I'm going to go and get them. So isn't it nice that you get to combine two things that you're... I take it you've never had these two together before. No, I haven't. So like, this is proper dream.

41:02This is my kind of dream stuff. Exactly. It's like you get your mother's cooking with your favourite restaurant, butter chicken, together. Yeah. And feel like a proper little prince. Prince, did you say? Yeah, I'd feel like a little prince if I get to do that. Well, I think in your dream restaurant, you should feel like that, shouldn't you? You should feel like a little prince. Go in there and feel like a twat. The opposite of prince. Because they made you. Yeah, that's the opposite. what's the most you've ever felt like a prince in a restaurant where you're going i'm getting i'm getting proper treated like a prince here i mean at both of those aforementioned restaurants jacconi and uh jim karner and that i think in any restaurant actually it's about the service then yeah you know how great do they make you feel but also that they mean it yeah um because there are restaurants in america where they do the hey how you doing yeah you're great and then they look at the tip and they go, really?

41:53Don't come back. So, yeah, I think both of those places, actually, the service, I think is fantastic and that's what makes you feel like a prince, I think. Do you ever, you know, give you a crown or something? Yeah. I'd like that though. Yeah, yeah. I'd like, I'd like a restaurant where you're a prince when you walk in and they give you a crown. Yeah. This is the prince for the day. Yeah. It's only one prince. Oh, hang on, there's only one prince? Every time. Right. Only one person. Is this in All I Can Eat as well? Yeah, Yeah, it's an all I can eat. Yeah, yeah. And I'm never the prince. Whoever I'm matching is the prince for the little bit.

42:26Yeah, yeah. So we give you all the stuff. Yeah. You've got to wear all that. Me and my friends, when we were like 11, came up with an idea for a restaurant called Steak Face. Okay. Where you get the only thing on the menu is steak, but the steak you get is the size of your face. Great. Do you like that? Yeah, yeah. I mean, that sort of works, doesn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because kids would get... Smaller steaks. We had kid portions. Yeah. what would determine how it's cooked? Maybe it's your age, and then you add it up and it's the seconds that it's in the pan for on each side, maybe. So if you're a kid, you get a tiny steak that's almost raw.

43:04Go back to the maths a bit. Add up the seconds. Yeah. So go on, do that for someone who's 50 years old. Well, no, not the seconds you've been alive. So you do it in a different increment. So it's like 50 seconds. it's like a second a year maybe on each side yeah yeah so then that would get 100 seconds in the pan so nobody apart from someone who's kind of just received a telegram from the king yeah yeah gets anything that's remotely cooked yeah but like really old people they want their meat well done right so that makes sense yeah but it's only going to be you know 80 seconds either side yeah yeah yeah but this is good this is why you need to talk about ideas this is true yeah I've always Steakface could have been a real flop do you have it sometimes um like different treatment in restaurants when you show up because you've got um they're going for an english sketch that must get brought up to you all the time in restaurants when you go like people must reference that and talk about it is that still the case they kind of the two things that get referenced actually it's on online more than in person um but either people will say you know after any achievement uh you know uh so i suppose you went out and celebrated with an English afterwards, so that comes up quite a bit.

44:19And also, I think on certain airlines who divide their menu into spicy and bland, so I will get sent that occasionally. Yeah, yeah. The bland choice! But those two things get referenced. It tends to be online. It's people in restaurants. There haven't been any waiters who've come over and asked if you want the blandest thing on the menu. Not so far. they're missing a trick because they would get probably a better tip yeah I think you would get the check please as well because like yeah like they don't always like say it but when they ask us if we want still a sparkling water you can sometimes see a little twinkle in their eye yeah which is crazy because that's such a normal question for them to ask yeah but they have to ask so it's like it's like they have to ask us that question but they also are like oh and you ask us on your podcast whereas with you they've got to be like would you like the check and they must be a little bit in their eye like oh uh no although i get conscious of kind of asking for it yeah yeah yeah excuse me could i have the check please it's kind of like because i'm going to that do they know the reference yeah so yeah i'm probably more self-conscious than they are think of a toilet as just an everyday object your entire perspective shifts the moment you experience a kohler smart toilet design changes everything transforming a basic routine into something extraordinary.

45:45With standout aesthetics and intuitive controls, these are functional works of art. Stunning design that never sacrifices performance. Enjoy customizable features for elevated comfort and convenience. It's more than a fixture. It's a cleaner routine and a more refined space. Experience the difference of Kohler smart toilets. Find more at Kohler.com. This ad is sponsored by ZocDoc. Hi, it's Danny Pellegrino from Everything Iconic. Have you been putting off that annual doctor's appointment because you don't want to make the call? Or maybe you've been meaning to find a new dentist, but you have no idea where to start.

46:21I find that's especially true when you move. It's hard to find your people. I've been there, which is why I use ZocDoc. Now, as a busy podcaster, parent, and someone who's always juggling a million things, I love anything that makes life easier. And ZocDoc lets you search and compare local in-network doctors with over 250 ,000 providers across more than 200 specialties. You can read reviews from real patients, find a provider who feels like the right fit, see actual appointment openings, and book instantly. I recently had a last-minute health issue pop up and needed to see someone fast. Instead of calling around or sitting on hold, I found a doctor on ZocDoc and booked an appointment in just a few minutes.

46:58It made the whole process so much less stressful. Ready to be seen? Download the ZocDoc app today. That's ZocDoc, Z-O-C-D-O-C, and book that appointment on your to-do list. While every other channel is fighting for your customer's attention, podcasts are where they've already given it. No one accidentally listens to a podcast for 45 minutes. They choose to be here. They trust the voice in their ears. And when that voice talks about your brand, it doesn't sound like advertising. It sounds like a recommendation from a friend. Acast gives you that trust at scale. Digital precision, post-read authenticity, and performance data that proves it worked.

47:36Don't fight for attention. Buy it with Acast. Learn more by visiting acast.com slash advertise.

47:53Dream side dish thing. You alluded to maybe there's some black dal here. There is. The black dal, dal muckany from Dishoom, which is one of their classics. And he's brilliant. It's amazing. It's also because it feels quite substantial as a dal, because dals can be quite watery. But that's great. Another mirror dish, which is pow bhaji, which is another street food. So basically the pow is like a bun, like a kind of soft bun that's toasted. And the bhaji bit is basically like a vegetable sort of mash, which has got potatoes and peas and all that kind of stuff. Carrots, I think, in it, possibly.

48:37Tomatoes. And so in Mumbai, particularly, that's where you get that street food thing. So Miras is amazing. So that, the Dal mentioned, there's a hispy cabbage made by Hopper's Sri Lankan restaurant, which is also incredible. It's roasted. I'd never thought cabbage would be interesting, but it's a roasted cabbage in a sauce. That's incredible. And the one thing that's not South Asian is the Kostas salad from Kostas Taverna in Corfu. And that is sort of lettuce and cherry tomatoes, but also fruit that's put in, some kind of orange or apple or something like that, with a honey dressing. Oh, wow.

49:24And that's incredible. So whenever we go there, whenever I go there, I'll order that with anything else I might be having. do you regularly go to Corfu been to the same place three times yeah and it's that thing of you know some holidays you want to go and you want to explore right and those aren't necessarily relaxing but they're kind of rewarding this is just about super relaxation yeah we know where we're going we know where we're going to eat you know we know where everything is and so you do just switch off and so yeah been there three times I love all these sites it sounds so good I'm annoyed now because I went to Hopper's a couple of weeks ago.

50:02Right. We ordered the hispy cabbage and then it was that situation of it just didn't come. But that happens to me quite often where I'll order so much and they'll forget something. Right. But I'm at the point where I'm so full that I'm like, I'm not going to chase anyone on this. Yeah. Yeah. But now I'm gutted because I want the hispy cabbage and I love cabbage as well. Cabbage is having a moment apparently. I read it on the BBC News website this morning. Well, it's official news. Yeah. It's the vegetable of the year. What? Cabbage. Yeah. Congratulations. not great for me I've got history with cabbage but like yeah congratulations not the Hispie though no no love the Hispie that never did anything wrong to me yeah what's your ah kid a little kid sent me cabbages for ages oh and you didn't see if you'd been Asian you would have just set up a market stall and sold them yeah well I wish I'd done that that's what you said huh yeah I did say I'm not even Asian stop sending these to me the Hispie cabbage I started doing those on the barbecue as well they're great they're so good they're so robust because cabbage as a kid was really boring it was just kind of chopped and boiled really but yeah the roasted stuff on the barbecue it's great I think that's what Charlie Bucket used to eat was little cabbage was cabbage soup Charlie Bucket and his family they're making cabbage soup they're hating it nowadays vegetable of the year it's come a long way the last thing I'd want to eat is cabbage soup if I'm sleeping in a bed with my entire family yeah I mean Christ alive just in the same room as four old people in the same bed I mean oh there's grandad eating his cabbage soup Grandpa Joe if you show some fucking respect but like facing each other I'm not showing any respect to a man eating cabbage soup and then sleeping in the same bed as his grandchild no no no I don't think Charlie was in that bed I think it was just the grandparent yeah it was the four grandparent there was the two sets of grandparents two sets of grandparents facing each other in the bed facing each other yeah Yeah, they'd be like, Grandpa Joe and his missus.

52:00I've misremembered it. Shout out Grandpa Joe. I apologise. Grandpa Joe and his missus, who I think was maybe even called Grandma Josephine. And then, of course, then was the other set of grandparents. And then they're eating cabbage soup. And then Charlie gets the golden... I don't know why Charlie's sleeping in a fucking dog bed or some shit. He had a grim life. Maybe underneath. He had a grim life. Until he got the golden ticket. I don't know if you remember that. Now, I remember this bit. Yeah. And then he chooses Grandpa Joe, which is like... So Grandpa Cho left the bed. Left the bed. He could suddenly walk, because that's another thing as well.

52:33He's worried that he'd been in the bed so long he'd be all withered away. But then he's so happy that he's got a golden ticket that he can walk now and dance around. And then go to the chocolate factory with him. And the other three, I'd be double gutted. Was he claiming benefits? I bet the government would kick off. I think he was... He's fucking dancing around. You're lucky. I think it was pre-benefits. But also, it's not... Now it doesn't feel biologically and scientifically logical. No. He'd be in the bed for kind of 12 years or whatever it was. I'd say a lot. And get out and dance. I'd say a lot of that story is not scientifically possible.

53:07What? Name one bit. The burping potion. No, that sounds real. That's real, I suppose. I get the blue girl. That makes sense. Oompa Loompas. That makes sense. Violet Beauregard. That's right. Violet Beauregard. Yeah. Yeah. We talk about, end up talking about this quite a lot on this podcast, don't we? Charlie and Chocolate Factory. Yeah. It's a big, you know. Yeah, it's a big thing. It's a big thing, yeah. It's a big deal in food. I think Charlie the Chocolate Factory. Yeah. I'd have been a great guest if I'd got a golden ticket. Do you think? Yeah, yeah. Well, because you're a bit Mike TV, aren't you?

53:42What? You're a bit like Mike TV. In what way? You're just vibe, you're vibe. Yeah. But you're also quite, you're a bit of a bucket as well, I'd say. I'm a bit of a bucket. A goody two-shoes like Charlie Bucket. Yeah. Love chocolate like Augusta's group. Yeah. got the attitude of Mike TV I don't think I'm like Violet Beauregard or Veruca Salt Veruca Salt's spoiled and Violet Beauregard's entire personality she likes chewing gum yeah that's right that was I think Moe Dar was like scraping the bell why have I said five gotta come up with another one she likes bubble gum I don't like that yeah maybe bubble gum was quite a new thing on the scene when he was writing it yeah and I remember parents really hated bubble gum when was bumblegum invented 1928 the bubblegum the way my parents responded to it you'd think it had just been invented well also that kind of makes sense because if you kind of look at you know World War 2 there's lots of people chewing gum when you get to Vietnam everyone's chewing gum first world war no one's chewing gum hadn't been invented you just measure this by the wars well it's an interesting way of looking at war isn't it because if you look at They Shall Never Grow Old Peter Jackson amazing Peter Jackson documentary where they cleaned up the image and had in voices and everything yeah there's no one chewing no one's chewing yeah but by the time you get to certainly by the time you get to Vietnam yeah they're all chewing everyone's chewing are they chewing gum or are they chewing baccy I think they're chewing gum yeah because baccy is the spitting thing isn't that yeah so that that's that would have been your civil war American civil war yeah wouldn't it that would be that war yeah yeah I don't think in the Boer War I don't think I don't know what they're chewing there yeah yeah oh there you go interesting what I'm looking at do you remember you used to get bubble gum in like like a foot long strip oh yeah yeah yeah crazy I chewed a whole one of those ones I don't know why I should be surprised by that yeah it was bubble gum I put the whole thing in like that and then trying to get a huge bubble but all it did was trap loads of air in me and I did a fart for 40 seconds.

55:53Wow. Like Revelli. It was mad, I remember. People woke up and saluted. I was with my friend and I went and stood by the door because I was like, I need to go to the toilet. And I started farting and we were looking in each other's eyes for about 40 seconds as it kept going. We couldn't believe it. Gobslacked. You've just reminded me, this is kind of like regular because talking about how much of your mouth it took up. Yeah. I remember years ago going on a trip a uni trip to York and I was with a group of people and I I was desperate for a donut and I passed this bakery and I saw the donuts the jam donuts and and I thought you know I haven't got enough money to share it with anyone and it would feel a bit shit me just going in and coming out with a donut so I kind of engineered an excuse for them to go in one direction I go yeah I'll catch you up catch you up and I ducked in and I bought the donut don't say nice man too early yeah yeah yeah i didn't know you were sneaky i think those are the words of the buddha and uh and i as i came out the shop i'd seen this group of you know four people had turned around and were heading back in my direction so i stuffed the whole thing into my mouth desperately trying to chew it and so it it ended up as a kind of ball of dough in the middle of my mouth and every time i tried to bite it to get some purchase on it it would roll around right because i couldn't but you know every time you bite it just spun and so it was so you're messing around like like a tennis ball yeah right in your mouth right and you look if it was a tennis ball and you tried to bite it it would just turn in your mouth it wouldn't you wouldn't be able to bite it right okay so by that time they'd caught up with me right but if i kept my mouth closed it looked normal yeah you know because the ball was just sitting there but I couldn't say anything and so every time they kind of they said oh I thought I thought you were you're heading up we're going to head this way and I'd be going hmm hmm and every time they looked away I was trying to bite the end of it it was just spinning around it was just spinning around honestly it was agony like a computer mouse like a computer mouse yeah the ball in the bottom of a computer mouse yeah just roll it around you can't get rid of it honestly it was about It was about 15 minutes before, you know, it eroded enough through natural means that I could...

58:17Honestly, my jaw was aching and it was... Yeah. Do you know what as well? I bet they would have been absolutely fine. Yeah, they would have been fine if you'd had a donut. If they walked up to you and you were eating a donut, they would have been like, you all right? Oh, that's nice. Yeah, I just bought a donut. You got yourself a donut. I fancied a donut, so I just bought a donut. I know. Good on you. We're going to go and see the minster. Do you want to come? Yeah.

58:38Bring your donut. I didn't get you guys one. You don't have to, Sajid. It's fine. I know. I know. I know. That's good stuff, though. Yeah. I love it. Who says Halloween only lasts one day? With Wayfair, one night of Halloween becomes a whole season at home. From larger-than-life yard decor and moody lighting to festive accents for every room in the house, Wayfair has what you need to make Halloween feel like magic all in one place. Because the best Halloween memories aren't made in just one night. They're made all season long. Shop Halloween decor now at Wayfair.com. That's W-A-Y-F-A-I-R.com. Wayfair, every style, every home.

59:21This ad is sponsored by ZocDoc. Hi, it's Danny Pellegrino from Everything Iconic. Have you been putting off that annual doctor's appointment because you don't want to make the call? Or maybe you've been meaning to find a new dentist, but you have no idea where to start. I find that's especially true when you move. It's hard to find your people. I've been there, which is why I use ZocDoc. Now, as a busy podcaster, parent, and someone who's always juggling a million things, I love anything that makes life easier. And ZocDoc lets you search and compare local in-network doctors with over 250 ,000 providers across more than 200 specialties.

59:54You can read reviews from real patients, find a provider who feels like the right fit, see actual appointment openings, and book instantly. I recently had a last-minute health this, you pop up and you need to see someone fast. And instead of calling around or sitting on hold, I found a doctor on ZocDoc and booked an appointment in just a few minutes. It made the whole process so much less stressful. Ready to be seen? Download the ZocDoc app today. That's ZocDoc, Z-O-C-D-O-C, and book that appointment on your to-do list.

1:00:30your dream drink so there's there's going to be a few right because they were oh no way yeah interestingly um so i think pre-food oh great here we go uh pisco sour yeah yeah lovely beautiful stunning never heard anyone like emphasize the piss before but yeah you really went for it that drink choice really got better as it got through I think pre-meal piss for a second because you hit that piss so hard I thought he's just having a piss well as Ed knows I've got a history with piss taskmaster so piss goes sour as your pre-drink so good and then you know with the meal you know it's an Indian meal so mango lassie yeah so but a nice cold one yeah brilliant and a little bit on the thick side as opposed to a thin watery one yeah so that would be and then with the food also because you'll finish that fairly quickly is a glass or a bottle of Nuit Saint George red wine okay so many years ago Nitin Sawney who's a composer and musician and amazing and we've known each other since uni and we went to New York for the first time it's the first time I'd been to New York and you got a new donut pardon well you went to New York you got a new donut because you had a York you had a donut it's pretty good stuff yeah very good sorry I didn't interrupt the anecdote it would probably be the worst joke I've ever made if you want to just carry on with the anecdote no I don't that would probably be better I don't think I can top that.

1:02:19So let's just move on. No, so we kind of, so there was a freebie giveaway by British Airways. It was St. George's Day. Yeah. And a lottery system. And ours came up. So it was a free flight. Oh, wow. Neither of us had any money. So we kind of kept on a friend's floor in Manhattan. And it was a week. And when we were coming back, we got to JFK. And we said, look, here are our tickets. to return they said okay if you go to the left we tell everyone's going to the right they said no your flight's on the left and unbeknownst to us we came back on concord right wow incredible i mean it was two hours and 50 minutes when you say unbeknownst to you do you mean you arrived way earlier than you thought as in you got back to london you're like okay at what point did you realize you're on concord i think is that well it was we were directed to the concord lounge and I was thinking so maybe it is a little clue but I kind of thought oh maybe you know the other lounge is a shot or something I don't know and then it would be taken to a standard 747 or whatever and then we were ushered onto the plane and we thought oh shit we're actually on Concorde two hours 50 minutes yeah wow New York to London but on that they served the Nui San George and I remember thinking this is the best red one I've ever had the other thing they used to do at that time which obviously doesn't happen anymore is that they would invite you up to the cockpit.

1:03:49And I had bought a really cheap camcorder in New York. And I said to them, and they said, would you like to come and speak to the captain in the cockpit? And I said, can I film it? And they said, well, no, not really. And I said, okay. So I switched it on anyway. Wow. And slung it on my shoulder. Michael Moore here. Yeah, totally. And I thought, I'll get what I get. And so when I got back and I played it back, what I got was, I mean, visuals, the visuals were just the back of the navigator's head. But there was the audio there. And I remember thinking, I'm going to try and stay in the cockpit for as long as I can.

1:04:27Right? There's a whole queue of people. I'm determined to stay here for as long as I can. And so initially I said to him, he said, welcome to the cockpit, Concord. And I said, thank you very much. I said, is it true that from the maximum altitude you can see the curvature of the Earth? He said, yes, you can. And I said, oh, wow, that's amazing. In your head, you're thinking, I got that on audio. Yeah, yeah, I'm going, got to get what's next. Another question. So then I kind of said, what is the specific training that you need to have as a Concorde pilot to answer that? The point at which he threw me out, which I had on tape, was I said, right, what is the tensile stress on the fuselage at takeoff?

1:05:08He said, there are a lot of other people waiting. I think I went yeah alright yeah you watched all that back you feel really pleased with yourself when you listen back you got all those questions you were in there for ages yeah tensile stress on the fuselage I thought was are they bringing Concorde back no I think somebody's developing another something else supersonic plane that's what we need right now this day and age yeah let's get let's get another one of those up and running I was gutted when they got rid of Concorde yeah I really would have loved to have gone on one but you know i suppose they they kept going on fire didn't they that was the main problem no only once yeah but that's enough did you ask the pilot that how many times have they gone on fire just once now get out of my cockpit specifically gone gone on fire yeah yeah though all those drinks sound great mango lassi big favorite on the pod are you a fan of because you said uh because it's an indian restaurant are you a fan of thumbs up cola but only i am Yeah, because there was a period of time when I went to India where Thumbs Up Cola and there's a drink called Limca, which was lemon and lime fizzy drink, were the two that were my absolute favourites.

1:06:17So, yeah, I do have a soft spot there. I don't know Thumbs Up Cola. It's very good. The people, Turtle Canyon, a production company who I make all my comedy shows with, they film all my comedy shows. They also film a lot of shows in India. and so their offices now in Pinewood are just, the fridge is just full of thumbs up cola. Wow. Because they got really into it. Yeah. And I'm about to like start editing this new show and I know what I've got coming. A load of thumbs up. I mean, I've been necking so much thumbs up this month while editing this show. I'm looking forward to it. Your dream dessert.

1:06:57Dream dessert, okay. now how many Ed little guess how many do you think three you think three I think four three's right yeah Ed Gamble never trying out guess Ed Gamble I will always be able to guess how many desserts people want he did it yeah okay so one the one non specifically Asian dessert which I guess is my favourite dessert is banoffee pie cannot resist banoffee pie whenever I see it love it yeah I think I'm the same like scotch egg, banoffee pie, although, we've said on the pod before, if there's a Baked Alaska on, I've got to have that. I don't know what I would do if there was a dessert menu with Baked Alaska and banoffee pie on it.

1:07:38I've regularly been with you where you've ordered the entire dessert menu, so of course you know what you'd do. Well, I don't know. It would be touch and go, Ed. Not touch and go, you just order all of it. in that situation. It's the all you can eat restaurant. Hard to know. I heard rumours they'd changed the caterers that they use for Taskmaster. Oh yeah. Back when we did it. Oh yeah. But the best day on Taskmaster in our day was the Banoffee Pie Day. Right. Where the caterers made amazing Banoffee Pie. Did that happen on your series? It was really hyped up for the whole thing. They were like, it's Banoffee Pie Day tomorrow.

1:08:09I'd be hyped for that, yeah. There was a film I did called Absolutely Anything with Simon Pegg, and it was directed by Terry Jones. And I said to the caterers on that, I said, look, are you going to make Banoffee Pie? And they said, yeah, we will at some point. I said, when you do, could you let me know? And I said, could you just hold back a portion for me as well that I can take home afterwards? And they went, yeah, yeah, we'll do that. I said, God, you're amazing. That's fantastic. And on the day I was filming, on Banoffee Pie Day, on that production, I was only in the first scene of the day.

1:08:40So I was wrapped by 11 or something. And I said, you know, I don't want to miss out on the lunch thing. Could you, I mean, could you make it earlier? And they said, yeah, yeah, we'll kind of, yeah, sure. We can help you. I said, oh, that's amazing. And I had a weekend off. so they kind of put this kind of you know one of those polystyrene kind of boxes right wrapped with cellophane and they said left it in my trailer and i went oh this is fantastic this is great i got back and mira was heading away uh that weekend i was going to be on my own and my plan was uh there was a lunchtime kickoff of a football match so i'm a liverpool fan so liverpool were playing and i thought do you know what i'm going to do i'm going to wave mira off that's great and then I'm going to open a couple of bottles of beer and eat banoffee pie when I'm watching this thing.

1:09:27So Mira goes off. I go, yeah, bye-bye. I'm bending down to get one of the bottles of beer and my back goes. So I'm on the floor in agony going, oh my God, this is just all, I can't move, can't move. It took me 15 minutes to get into the car to drive to a pharmacy to go, look, I've got my back in. Second she's out the door, your whole life falls apart. Within seconds. and you're really planning a nice day as well another goodie couple of beers bloody hell I got to the pharmacy it takes me 10 minutes to get out of the car I struggle across I say to the pharmacist look I've got back thing he said these heat pads I said yeah I'll take those painkillers yeah I'll take those struggled back got back put the still open the bottles of beer put them on the top hobbled to the bloody fridge got the cellophane thing out got a fork, sat down in agony, undid the cellophane, undid the box.

1:10:23It was an apple sponge. I've honestly never been so disappointed in my life. And then, you know, the next working day when I got back there, I didn't know what to say to them because it was kind of, I just wanted to say, you fucking ruined my weekend. and instead I kind of went the apple sponge was a bit of a surprise and they said yeah we're really sorry about that we kind of like we didn't get some of the ingredients so we did it the day after when you weren't in it was kind of like it's great that's fucking done me yeah that is just awful just the worst possible day so excited start the day so excited but nothing by day apple sponge it's like when you kind of A few stories about you that have just like gradually built up this picture and this character that I didn't really have in my head at the start.

1:11:21And I think the donut making a perfect ball that every time you try and bite it, it just rotates in your mouth. And that you got because you thought you'd eaten quick because you didn't want to hurt everyone else's feelings. Been in the cockpit and secretly recording it on your camcorder so that you can get as many questions from the pilot as possible. And then it would all come into a head when you're so excited about your birthday back. And then you pull your back and then it's an apple sponge. It's a thing where, you know, it's really done me. You know that when you've had a really awful day and there'd be one tiny silver lining which you'll kind of just, you go, okay, it was that, it was nothing.

1:12:04And I think it's so funny as well because apple sponge sounds nice. That's fine, but it's just not, No, but it was also without custard or anything. It was nothing. When you want, you know, banoffee pie, anything else is not going to be... I'd have burst into tears. I mean, that's one of my three. Okay, so the second one is... That's the most I've laughed on this podcast since Joe Thomas buried that lamb. Honestly. This is not normal, Sanjeev. It's really got me. I just think because at the beginning of the story I knew it wasn't going to be banoffee pie like there's no way that story could end with you having what you wanted I mean I was hoping I didn't know what it was going to be so whatever it was was really going to make me laugh an apple sponge is perfect it's just how I think what's funny what's got me is that you're clearly someone like me who really takes a lot of pleasure out of the little things in life so that even when you are on Concord with the best wine you've ever tasted what you want to do is get plain facts from the pilot and see how long you can stay in the cockpit for and that's the real thing, it's like how long can I stay here for before it kicks me out, and you're in York and you just want this donut but you fuck it up for yourself so unnecessarily and then like with this, you seem to have done everything right and you've got the whole afternoon lined up and it's like here we go, finally it's going to go my way, and then you pull it back and then it's an absolute budget and the fact that it's wrapped in all the cellophane so you've got to like unwrap it just open it and then oh it's not that, you've got to do all that while you've pulled your back I mean every kind of you know turn and twist of the cellophane was an act of pain every kind of unwrapping was kind of hard every time and what was keeping me going was going to be you know opening the lost ark of the covenant and it was kind of and yeah when you told Mira yeah she's even remotely surprised by any of this no how long was she how long was she out for she's like literally out for half an hour gets back in your on your back with half a neat and apple sponge two untouched bottles of beer and you're crying she was away for a couple of days but can I tell you something else about the apple sponge which was kind of like really annoying so with an apple sponge you either get kind of the apple sort of baked into the sponge or you basically have a sponge with apple on top in some kind of glazed way.

1:14:36And I'd got the end piece as well, where you get the kind of thin edge of the apple on top of it. So you don't even get a whole slice of apple. A bit dried out as well. And the sides are really hard. So the only edible bit is about three spoonfuls in the middle. That's why they did the cellophane. Because they're like, he can't open that before he leaves. Because then he's going to bring it up. We've got to do that, and we know that's not getting open until he's at his house. And then it would be, he knows it would be out of order to actually complain about it when he gets back. Right banoffee pie.

1:15:07So we fucked him over but like whatever. Yeah. You're right. It was much more personal than I realised. What else is on this dessert menu? Eat mess. Nice. But with fresh mango. Oh yeah. Instead of strawberry. What kind of mango is essential here? Because like there are many people have chosen mangoes on this podcast having strong opinions on what the best mangoes are. Cindy V who was in your show sent me a box of mangoes recently and I really apologise to Cindy that I now can't remember what type of mangoes they were but they were very nice. I'm guessing they were Alfonso. No, because I would have remembered those ones because I've not had an Alfonso mango before I don't think and I want to.

1:15:48So if Cindy had sent me those I would have been like hot diggity dark I got some Alfonso mangoes. Would you remember the name if you heard it? I don't think so. I mean Cindy will be very disappointed in me here because she texted me saying right I've come back from India I've got these mangoes do you want some and I think my initial question was how many are you going to send me and she was like Jesus Christ everyone else would just be excited that I'm sending the mangoes why are you like I'm not going to be able to get through them you're talking about when you can eat mango yeah yeah no there's three or four which are really great so Alfonso is known as the king of the mangoes yeah in India certainly that's my phone call don't sit down to pick it up let Ed get it for you because I don't want I don't want to repeat of all this yeah yeah

1:16:38Alfonso Quesa is another mango variety which is pretty good there is a Badami mango Badami is almond I think so but I think that's the shape of the stone in it that's really nice and honey mangoes they're all amazing honey mangoes was what I bought recently I went and bought a box of honey mangoes absolutely amazing yeah yeah but you are committing to eating mango every night yes i'd say why well because it's just a lot of bank it's just a lot of mango to have in the house ah so what i've done yeah is kind of i sort of because mango season's quite limited um unless you can get them from other places but like the mango then you get in supermarkets is from somewhere else it's not the kind of very juicy soft ones that you get in this kind of period is that i bought loads and then have frozen loads so i've got about three sort of bags full of of mangoes you're chopping them up and then freezing them yeah because like once i've got through the box that sindhu sent me yeah i went to glasgow to do some gigs met up with josie long for lunch and she was like this is for dessert we've got to go to this place nearby they've got these honey mangoes i was like great we went uh it's a market stall she bought a box and just gave me the box I was like well now I've got another box of 12 mangoes that I've got to get through it's boiling hot in Glasgow I'm on tour as well so I'm not at home so I had to go on the road I mean they were delicious but me and my tour manager getting through a box of honey mangoes after I've just finished polished off a whole box that Sindhu gave me again like the cabbages I think had you been Asian you'd just gone around the corner opened a stall and sold them so are you having the Alfonso mango on this yes which is a beautiful, delicious.

1:18:25In the eaten mess. That's great. Have you actually had that before then? Have you had like an eaten mess with some mangoes? I haven't. So this is... I've imagined it, but now because I've got the frozen mangoes at home, I'm going to defrost some and then I'm going to make or get someone to make an eaten mess. I think keep one bag of frozen mangoes back just in case your back goes again. Yeah, that's a good idea. Because that could go straight on the back, couldn't it? That's wise. Although then, you know, the struggle to get to the freezer to open it would be... Yeah. Nightmare. I can imagine that you're going to do the whole eaten mess and make it, yeah, sit down.

1:19:00What I can do is make the... Chair goes straight through the floor. Well, this thing, I can make the eaten mess, put it in a polysyrene box, and then cover it in cellophane. Yeah. Exactly the same experience. Yeah, yeah, yeah, but it ends well. Knowing there's a happy ending. Was there another dessert? Was there one more? Yeah, the third one is halwa, which is kind of, it's a dessert. So you take something like a semolina and you slow cook that uh with uh ghee so clarified butter and sugar and um milk and so it kind of dries up so it's kind of like a soft sponge not quite lemon jelly but you know something that you can scoop through like that it'll hold but it's soft um and then you put pistachio and almonds on it and stuff like that and so again you get it in street food and places in in india but my mum's is again something that's a throwback to like the aloo parattas that is comfort food from uh being a kid how often would you make that when you were a kid it's usually at celebratory times actually so it would be kind of like you know birthdays and if they were religious days and stuff like that should make it then best birthday best birthday you've ever had good question that is good question i think uh 40th and 50th actually which were both organized as surprises by mirror and that was incredible so the last one was about 10 12 of my friends that had no idea that we were meeting them and she hired a screening room and watched two films now I'm guessing okay you watched are you gonna guess two films out of all the films ever yeah yeah okay Baby's Day Out okay and I guess The Parent Trap yeah wow wow I'm shocked that you were that close.

1:20:53It was North by Northwest, which I'd never seen on a big cinema screen. And I think what's rapidly becoming one of my favourite comedies ever, Galaxy Quest. Oh, yeah. Wow, nice. And that's over the years now, I think more and more, because at the time, it wasn't that much of a hit, but now people are loving that. Every time, and I've watched it so many times, but each time I'll notice something new. but also Alan Rickman in it as the kind of Spock type character is just fantastic it's one of the best comic performances you know like with Richard E. Grant on with Nail it's one of those kind of you absolutely nailed that character have you seen it?

1:21:36I must have seen it but not for a long time it's up your street yeah yeah also I'm imagining if you're in North by Northwest and you're like running along and there's a plane coming behind you you're shouting questions to the pilot I'd be trying to get in the cockpit yeah yeah try to climb in there yeah how many kinds of crops can you oh right really oh fantastic and the CC engine biplane excellent yeah do you know what let's just leave this guy alone yeah let's fly away I'm going to read you your menu back now see how you feel about it okay you would like Robinson's mint and lime with sparkling water yep start poppadoms from India mix of spicy and plain with all the dips starter you want a prawn scotch egg from jacconi yeah and mirrors puppy chat yeah main course butter chicken masala from jim khaner with rice and the aloo paratha made by your mum side dish black dal from dashum par parji made by mirror hispy cabbage from hoppers and the costas salad from costas taverna in corfu drink pisco sour to start an ice cold mango lassi with the meal and the new east son george red wine that you had on concord uh dessert you would like banoffee pie do you want the banoffee pie from that shoot so that you actually have it fuck them yeah fuck it's a fresh alfonso mango and is it how's it pronounced halva halva made by your mum yeah amazing and you want this alone in the booth you don't want anyone sharing this with you.

1:23:08Mira's not invited? No, I kind of like, no, I'd like a succession of people to come in and share bits of it. Oh, that's nice. And I extend that invitation to two of you. Thank you very much. Oh, thank you. But is it like, is it like shift? So we're allowed to come in for a bit and then we have to leave again? Yeah. Yeah. Otherwise it'll just fill up. I mean, I'm like a booth. Do you think it is? Yeah, that's true. And he'll need the toilet at some point. You know that means he's left. I can't believe guests get told that ahead of time. Bet you need one now. No, actually, I'm all right. I went for one.

1:23:38during the record after the starter Sanjeev thank you so much for coming to the Dream Restaurant thank you very much thanks for creating it absolute pleasure and I look forward to both of you popping into it when you have a moment yes we will for a very short one yes

1:23:57wow wee what an episode wow wee what an episode loved that James brilliant menu I want to eat a lot of that stuff didn't choose banana split got close got close with banoffee pie but I'm glad we got close with banoffee pie because it's the most I've seen James laugh in about five years my god that was one of my favourite stories we've ever had on a podcast it really it just it hit me right there yeah it was just really relate to you know lining up a little very simple thing yeah yeah it's going to bring you so much joy it's a really tiny thing but it's going to bring you so much joy and you'd think nothing can go wrong and then he pulls his back and it's apple sponge.

1:24:38Absolutely brilliant. Don't forget to watch the split up BBC One and BBC iPlayer coming later this month. It's going to be great. Going to be great. Ed Gamble's about to go on tour with his show Fresh Hell. You should all get tickets for that. Yes. UK and Ireland tour starting in January 2027. Very exciting. And look, you know, this is the day when we got to speak to Sanjeev Bhaskar. I know you've already done it on the Taskmaster podcast, but for me I can tick that off yeah great got half of goodness gracious me now so you've got to get the other two I think we can do it thank you thank you

1:25:26We'll be right back.

1:25:4735 % on select major appliances. The right products, the right deals. Ready when you need them. Our best lineup is here at Lowe's. Valid through 925, while supplies last. Selection varies by location. Quick question. When was the last time a display ad changed your mind? Now think about the last time a friend told you about something they loved. Different feeling, right? That's how podcast advertising works. A host who's built real trust with their audience talks about your brand in their own words, in their own voice. It doesn't interrupt the experience. It's part of it. With Acast, you can access the world's largest podcast marketplace.

1:26:25Choose the right shows, the right audiences, the right format. Then watch the data tell you it worked. You're not buying impressions. You're buying influence. Learn more by visiting acast.com slash advertise.