Sean McLoughlin

0:13Welcome to the Off Menu Podcast, taking the Bovril of conversation, putting it in the mug of humour and adding the hot water of friendship. Nice cup of Bovril, James. Beefy! Beefy boy! That is Ed Gamble. My name is James Acastle Skiver. We own a drink restaurant every single week. We invite a guest and ask them their favourite ever. Start a main course dessert. Side dish and drink. Not in that order. And this week, our guest is Sean McLaughlin. Sean McLaughlin, one of the finest comedians in this here land. So funny. such a funny guy I've known Sean for years and years and years he's always been brilliant and is on tour now doing his show White Elephant going all over the place Sean tours Europe he tours the States he tours the UK you've got to go and see Sean if you don't know Sean's work I'd say go and watch some now and then buy yourself a ticket because he is genuinely brilliant I'd say every comic that you like likes Sean McLaughlin yes absolutely he's a comics comic isn't he he absolutely is But increasingly is becoming the Publix comic.

1:18As well he should be. Absolutely. And here's the thing, Ed. We will chuck Sean out if he says the secret ingredient. I'd like to chuck Sean out. Yeah, it'd be so much fun. Yeah. Because Sean, you know, can be a bit of a curmudgeon on stage. He's so exasperated. It'd be so great to get him angry and kick him out. Yeah. And this week the secret ingredient is... Elephant. It's Elephant because he's doing a show called White Elephant. So I don't think we're going to be able to kick him out. because that's what I don't think anyone's ever picked Elephant as a meal no but you know he might see the opportunity to plug his show choose Elephant just to plug it and then be immediately punished for thinking with his career rather than his stomach also talking about his career go on he's got a web series coming out yeah he's not told us what it's called yet we know he's got a web series but we don't know the title yet because at the time of recording the web series has not started not started but hopefully by the time this comes out the web series will be available to watch on YouTube be on YouTube it'll be Sean I believe interviewing people but like that's all we know yeah so he said that he wants to tell us on the podcast yes seanmclaughlincomedy.com for tickets to Sean's tour yep let's get into it this is the off menu menu of Sean McLaughlin

2:42Welcome Sean to the Dream Restaurant Hello everyone Welcome Sean McLaughlin to the Dream Restaurant We've spent you for some time My word, thank you, thank you both of you Good to see you Sean How are you? Pretty good You two haven't seen each other for years We were trying to figure out when we last saw each other I think there was a chance we saw each other at what had then been our agent's Christmas party and you walked in as I was leaving. Yeah, that's... And I was about to say that and you went, Sean, and I said, I've got to go, man. Yeah, that sums up our relationship. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Me and Sean.

3:15Ships in the night. But still, we'll still like honk the horn. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I'll always honk that horn. On the way past. What a couple of lovely ships, may I say. Thank you. Thank you. Beautiful schooners. Yeah, beautiful schooners, me and Sean. And we saw each other in Manchester. We saw each other in Manchester. Yes, I just filmed my special and you were doing a gig as well and we were staying in the same hotel as it turned out. Yeah. That's the best. Do you know who else was staying in the hotel that night? Who? The new manager of Manchester United. Oh yeah, you did tell me that and I didn't care.

3:46Alex Ferguson. Exactamundo. Yeah. Let's hope the class of 92 work out. Fergie? Yeah. Do you support Manchester United? No, I don't. Who do you like? I support Queen's Park Rangers. Who do you like? is that not how people ask I support QPR and I don't think I like them you know what but they are my team because obviously I don't follow football I didn't think they were a team anymore I've not heard about QPR for years Les Ferdinand yeah Les that's all I know when is is this podcast being released in the past because every reference is pretty old eventually it will okay as soon as it comes out it'll be in the past I mean You're twisting my melon here.

4:29Okay. Yeah, I guess it will be. As soon as it's released, it's in the past. Immediately out of date. That's sad about podcasts. It is one of the great tragedies of podcasts that they do go out of date. Fuck, what are we doing here, boys? Immediately a thing of the past. I can see you're about to go full Sean McLaughlin. Yeah. Don't overthink everything you've said and start panicking that it's not going well. I can see it on your face. You're about to declare this is a waste of time. Never. Never, never. Really happy to be here, delighted. And it's good to see you again, James. Good to see you again, Ed.

5:01Yeah. It's lovely to see you. Before we started recording, Benito told you to save it for the pod because you asked us what is the... What was the phrasing of the question? The lamest thing you do. What is the lamest job you would do? Yeah, we were talking about TV shows that you had either been offered or maybe were going to go see or whatever. Like sort of celebrity Saturday night type entertainment shows. and I'm curious because you two are definitely in the world where you would be offered those sort of shows now and again and I'm curious what is the worst one of those that you would say yes to well it depends what you mean by worst because I'd only do things that I would enjoy doing and watching anyway well yes there's the threshold of like yeah knowing okay technically that's you know not a good TV show but I like it yeah so I'll say yes to it like if they did like celebrities run a leisure centre would you do that probably not I'd wait for it to bake in for a series, I think.

5:56Okay. Is that the British Empire? Yeah. I have no idea. Celebrity British Empire is a great idea. Now you're talking. Yeah, something like that. Yeah. I mean, we went on the run, we did Hunted, which is, you know, you genuinely are on the run. You're not having a lovely life for a week. Yeah. We did have a lovely life, though. We went to so many nice restaurants. Yeah, we went to Mission Star restaurants. We ended every day with a pint. Is that going to destroy the reputation of the show, you saying that? I don't think so. You know, we kind of openly did it on camera, and they had every chance they didn't do it so I think anyone who is going to go on the run just know that you can still live a life of luxury when you say on the run you mean on just this show you don't mean in general if you go on the run if the police are after you you can live the life of luxury I think that is a good bit of advice for anyone who's genuinely on the run from the coppers hiding in plain sight also I don't know if you know this but prisons are basically luxury now anyway yeah these days yeah I don't know if you've heard yeah I have heard actually very luxury yeah yeah you kept talking about that before the recording yeah I actually thought you needed to tone down the rhetoric yeah so tell you what Sean you must stop staying in those hotels with the Man United guys and get in a a prison yeah that's what I should have done that's what I thought ours was missing yeah I don't know what I mean what shows what shows are they give me some examples I don't watch television okay Dancing on Ice Dancing on Ice would you do Dancing on Ice no no would you do have turned that down to be honest you have if they're listening in your face would you do Dancing on Land aka Strictly interesting they should change it to Dancing on Land.

7:25Yeah, rebrand it. Call it Dancing on Land. Dancing on Land, yeah. I like watching it. Wouldn't want to do it. Although one of the best evenings of my life was going to see Josh Whittacombe do the Christmas one. Oh, yeah? Absolutely brilliant. Why was that good? It's funny watching Josh do stuff like that. Josh won't mind me saying this. I think that when he does a big showbiz smile, it's really funny. And he had to do that quite a lot when he was dancing. Do a big showbiz smile. And he was dressed as a penguin, right? And he was dressed as a penguin. talk about burying the beach should have mentioned that dressed as a penguin the opening of the show is him dressed as a penguin peeking out from behind a giant candy cane and doing his showbiz smile and that was like worth leaving the house for that's great I really loved that and I really enjoyed booing Craig Revel Horwood I was like whoa going really really hard yeah everyone else around me was looking at me going like you need to tone it down it's not like it's a family show yeah it's like it's a panto boo it's not like you want him to go to prison yeah but that would be nice these days yeah yeah oh you're doing him a favour yeah yeah I'm doing this for him you don't understand yeah but that was fun I think I've done all the ones that I would like to do yeah yeah yeah yeah I wouldn't do I'm a celeb I wouldn't do anything like that no no no no no I was thinking just this morning was like I wonder how many celebrities who I'm a fan of and I love have been offered I'm a celeb and turned it down and if I could make my dream I'm a celeb line up out of the people who've turned it down and how much I would love watching it Well, this feels like a splinter podcast about...

8:54I mean, that is the format of this, right? You make a dream menu. You're doing a dream lineup for I'm a Celebrity. Yeah. That is... Because I've only ever watched one series of that show because my friend Joel Domit was on it. And I loved watching Joel, but I never want to watch it again. But if they had like a really cool lineup of people that I'm a fan of... Give us some... I think we need names of who you are. Paddy Considine. Wowee. Get him in the jungle. Yeah, get him in there. loves to see Paddy Considine with Eric Cantona and I reckon Cantona would do it you know you think Cantona would actually I don't think he would say no so I think that's a bad example Paddy Considine yeah Roy Keane yeah definitely has been offered it and turned it down of course I think there's no way they haven't offered it to Roy Keane and there's no way he would ever say yes to it so far I would say this is the angriest series of I'm a Celebrity you'd like really angry white men yeah yeah yeah Kim Jong-un yeah yeah yeah Yeah.

9:49These are the posters on my wall, guys. I love all these people. That's why we've got Sean on the podcast. Yeah, cheers. I've requested it. Thank you. I saw him throw a gig in an audience's face once. It was beautiful. Did you? No. That's not like me. I've not seen you do that. Oh, thank you. Not for a while. Used to do a bit of that. But that's your energy anyway, right? Even when you do well. I think Sean's trying to throw it in their face. I think I must have hearing loss because I always think I'm doing badly at gigs. but I don't think I am. I think actually I'm quite good. I don't know what you're talking about.

10:23Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've never experienced that. Yeah, I mean, I'm a passionate guy. I used to find it a struggle. I used to find it a struggle on stage when I was like, oh, I don't think they're laughing enough. But actually I'm a bit reformed now. Because I realise now when I'm in an audience, I always think, well, I'm enjoying this but I'm not showing it that much. And I think that's, when you're on the other side of it, I don't want to get called a twat by someone I've gone to see. Yeah. you know I go see Travis or whatever and they're like why are you booing get them in the jungle yeah Travis are you watching Travis these days no not these days but um I thought you were going to see Travis would you go get would you put Travis in the jungle Fran Healy yeah oh no the full band the full band full band yeah I would say I'd only put the full band in and not one of them on their own which is let's face it it's going to be Fran Healy but like I would go for the whole band it'd be a nightmare every time it rains everyone would be looking at them everyone would be looking at them Sure one, do it.

11:18Roy Keane giving them daggers. Roy Keane would fucking tear them to ribbons night one. He really would. Yeah, forget it. But that would be great to put a full band in the jungle together. I mean, you could see them implode. That would be good. They'd either implode or they would form a really tight unit against all the others and it would become a problem. James, I'm in. Do you need an investment? Yeah, sure. Let's do it. I think they should let me book I'm a celebrity and the rule is people aren't allowed to say no. so Paddy Clinton being straight in yeah so if I contact you and invite you you have to say yes it's the law so the government are involved in this we make it like jury duty like Hunger Games it's like Hunger Games it's like Hunger Games yeah yeah that's how you'll pitch it yeah yeah just FYI it's like Hunger Games but you can't volunteer as tribute so if Travis don't want to do it Keane could step up yeah I mean there's only three members of Keane now Keane would be climbing over each other to try and get in the jungle these days there's four members of Travis there's three members of Keane so someone would have like Katie Melia would have to like go in as well or something like that.

12:17Yeah, that's good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Get Melior in. Yeah, actually I'd like to see Melior have a chat with. Well, she's the only woman so far in the line-up. Yeah, it's not diverse. Yeah. I never said it would be. I suppose if the country's got to the point where James Acaster could just decide who has to go into the jungle, diversity's probably no longer the top priority. Yeah, yeah. Something's gone very wrong. We're in a dictatorship here. The main issue. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The country has gone to shit. Do you like food? interesting question yeah I do like food I enjoy a lot of food I would say that my food tastes are like perfectly in line with the British and their change of culinary taste over the last like 20 years I think I'm a really good bellwether I'm a sheep sure if that helps does that help Ed?

13:09so you think you're a bellwether you think you're ahead of the curve or do you think you go with the curve? I think I am the curve. You are the curve. I think whatever the mean is, I'm the mean. So is everyone looking to you for the trends? No, no, no, no. I suppose I'm a sheep. Does that help you? I'm a sheep. Yeah, no, it's good to get these things ironed out, isn't it? Does that help you, Ed? Yeah, that helps me. I don't find you so fucking charming, Ed. You do. I do, actually. You do have quite the smile. Yeah. What I mean is, I was thinking about this on the way here. When I was a kid, I would say my childhood was very like normal British childhood fare, like the food.

13:44Talk us through it. Well, just like, you know, fish and chips, a lot of oven chips, a lot of like, you know, Sunday roast, you know, good food, but the standard stuff. So if someone went on, you know, family fortunes and had to name British foods, probably the border just looked like your childhood. Yeah, I mean, that's the easiest way of putting it. Yeah.

14:06Turkey dinosaurs? No, not turkey dinosaurs. Chicken Kievs. Kiev's. Yeah. So maybe that was, maybe that was unusual. No, no, it definitely wasn't. A lot of chicken nuggets. My mum would sometimes make like a curry from, with powder. I guess that's a bit advanced. Yeah. Um, but it was mainly like standard British stuff and great stuff. You know, nice. Your mum's American. My mum is American. Yeah. So was she not bringing any of that into the household? No, not really. She, she, yeah, she assimilated pretty quickly. but actually as time has gone on I mean I'm sure you'd agree with this Britain has become way more open in terms of cuisine yes and I think I've just gone with the average yeah and now I eat a huge range of cuisines but only like lower to mid level I'd never eat like high end stuff but I you know I eat a lot of different types of food and I enjoy it what about Sean when you're on tour oh okay is that good it's a good segue yeah if that's what you're asking let's talk about your tour yeah I'm on tour I asked when this episode was going out the producer didn't know yes but all we know is it's the new year so most of the tour is done however it isn't all done and I'm doing I'm doing like my first tour in like three or four years and I'm going across the country I'm going across Europe and I think you should come and see me what's the show I think you two would like it yeah I would like it definitely yeah I'd like it and so you can come and see me in London.

15:36I'm doing the Leicester Square Theatre a couple of times. Or you can come and see me in Prague. Is that what you'd be interested in doing? Come to see me in Prague? Yeah, sure. I've not been to Prague for ages. Have you not? No. Be nice jolly for the podcast? That would be lovely, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, right. Put it on the company card. Let's all go to Prague. Benito, put it on the company card. Put it on the company card. We're going to Prague to see Sean. It's only two euros a pint. Milan. Yeah. Copenhagen. Stockholm. You know the deal. Yeah. And the show is called White Elephant. and I'm really enjoying it.

16:06I'm really enjoying stand-up and I'm enjoying touring and I'm playing at Bigger Houses than I've played to ever and that's a nice feeling, right? That's a nice feeling. That's the direction you want it to go in. It's taken a long time to get on the right track, James, but I've made it. My earliest memory of Sean is when we first met. Do you remember where we first met? We met at a gig in Manchester. Yes. And it opened the legendary Comedy Balloon. The Comedy Balloon. Oh, the Comedy Balloon. Do you remember the comedy balloon? I do remember the comedy balloon. Hell hath no fury. Like the comedy balloon.

16:39Yeah. My memory of it is that it was like an upstairs room where most of it was, it was like the audience had to sit in single file. It was so thin, that room. Because they were just sitting at these tables, but that was it. That was all it was. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like a row of audience members in like a conga line. And realizing that half of those audience members were actually other comedians who were all waiting to go on. The Ape and Apple? Maybe we were at the Ape and Apple. I mean, that was like a legendary open... It was always sold as a legendary open mic night. Yeah, yeah. And I remember it's like all those open mic nights that are legendary.

17:09You go there, and the only reason they're legendary a lot of the time is because basically the people who run it haven't given it up yet. Yeah, yeah. It's been going for like forever. And to be fair to them, it's an invaluable service to open mic comedians. We need those gigs. I mean, yeah. But my God, it doesn't make it any easier when you're sitting there going, Jesus, it's me next. On the chopping block. Yeah. Meeting this young lad who was living in Newcastle at the time. Yeah. Good memory. And you were like, I've come here from Newcastle. And I was like, I've come here from Ketwin. You went, where's that?

17:42It's in Northamptonshire. Everyone else here lives in Manchester, I think. Yeah, yeah. Just me and you. We had to travel there. Yeah, yeah. Did you know it was this venue when you said yes? No, I didn't. I'm staying on the promoter's sofa. Okay, well, I'm going back to Newcastle. I'm going to go up now okay I'm probably going to quit next week yeah me too yeah yeah yeah see you in 17 years on a podcast yeah yeah but we made it yeah we made it and we met in Newcastle at the Heat of the Chortle Student Comedian of the Year competition another great event yeah in the history of British comedy yes back when you were not Ed Gamble you had a character romantic novelist Selzden Krupp I loved Selzden Krupp I was always a fan of Selzden yes yeah it's good stuff I that night I met you I met Nish Kumar I met Tom Neenan yes every act was from every act who was good was from Durham and came on the same train as you I seem to remember it was a good night all round mmm Chris Martin Chris Martin was on yeah not from Coldplay no not from Coldplay for the comedian because I know we were talking about Keane and stuff before it's not not from that yeah Travis yeah yeah I suppose the antenna are up for the sort of indie fans people are like fucking hell what a gig from Coldplay was it the Chortle student of the year yeah he used to do stand up all of his stand up then just got changed into song ideas yeah yeah he had a really surreal bit about how everything was yellow very Noel Fielding very Noel Fielding yeah he'd been watching The Simpsons yeah he loved The Simpsons didn't he that boy he loved it and we're all the key thing is we're all doing as well as each other I won the heat did you yeah I retract that last statement now you have refused to tell us the name of your web series until we are recording the podcast.

19:29So now you get to reveal the name of the web series to us. It's not that I'm a shout-out. I think it's a great title, but everyone I've said it to has said that's the worst title for anything they've ever heard. Fantastic. Let's hear it. But basically, if you're listening to this by now, my web series slash podcast is already out. I always wanted to host like an American style kind of late night chat show. You know, with like a backdrop and a site, you know, like a Conan or a Letterman type thing. and no one's no one's giving me one of those and no one's making them even anymore so I've made one in my living room great and I've got like a backdrop that I ordered from Poland of a city and I've got a sidekick and I wear a suit and I have guests yeah and it's every week and it's called the Sean McTalk show yeah I know I love it obviously it'll be more up head street yeah it is bad obviously well I don't think it is that obvious is it you know it's bad the Sean McTalk show yeah it's funny because it's bad yeah yeah I guess so yeah I mean I guess that's kind of a review it's brilliant I love it thank you yeah it feels intentionally bad it doesn't feel like that's an accident and you don't understand your own sense of humour hmm okay Sean McTalk show is like make me laugh a second time I mean I like it I like it but during yesterday's recording I hadn't told the guest what the name of the show was and I said here on the Sean McTalk show about 10 minutes into the interview and the guest said this is the shittest thing I've ever heard in my life who was the guest it was Johnny Pellett admittedly yeah but you don't tend to hear that on like actual like I don't think people would ever do that on like Graham Norton go what's your name what yeah sure but I mean that is his name your name isn't Sean McTalk Show well not yet but if it goes well enough you know but I'm working I remember I'm working very hard on it so Conan O 'Talk Show do you remember that yeah I remember Conan O 'Talk Show yeah David McLetterman that doesn't quite work well Johnny Pellett has been on this podcast and everyone loves this episode.

21:25He's the worst guest I've had on the Sean McTalk Show. Can I say that? Most disrespectful man I've ever met in my life. Who else are you having on the Sean McTalk Show? Is it just your grubby little mates? It's crazy that you've got people on who you just talk to anyway. Okay. Well, why don't we dial this tone back, gents? Because, you know, people probably used to say that about this podcast, didn't they? No. Okay. I really hope that would work. We hit the ground running. We hit the ground running. We had the Grace Dent episode too, mate. I've got Rhys James. You heard of Rhys James? yeah you heard of Fern Brady yeah all your mates yeah of course we've heard of him do you reckon she'll do it no do you reckon she'll do mine no she's doing it Jamali's doing it Harriet's done it Sunil Patel's done it you shouldn't be on first name terms with all of them you shouldn't be veiling it off just on a first name basis going Jamali well I sent a message to a novelist and he hasn't even he's left me on read so I don't know what to do about that and it's a bit like I sent a message to Peter Schmeichel once and he left me on read Schmeichel Yeah, Schmeich's left behind.

22:23Another Manchester United Ferguson referee. Yeah, I might put him in the jungle. It's because his goalie gloves don't have like touchscreen capabilities. Yeah, he can't. All he can do is goalkeepers is a nightmare. This is. They're just leaving everyone on bed. You may not know much about football, Ed, but surely you understand that the gloves are removable. No, not Schmeich's. No, maybe not Schmeich's. He's always training. Look, if you want to hear me talk to my grubby little friends in my living room, the Sean McTalk show, and they're laughing now, but you know by the time this has gone out, I have wiped them off the face of the earth.

22:52The biggest show in Britain. Yeah. Patreon? Do you have a Patreon? Sure. Why not? I mean, it's not launched yet, so I don't know if it's popular enough. But I'm filming it all myself. I'm editing it myself. It's ruining my life. It'd be great if you watched it or listened to it. In your living room? It's all in my living room, yeah. What does your wife think of all this? She came home one day and I'm keeping all the stuff in the cupboard where the boiler is. Yeah. And she opened the cupboard because she had to get to the boiler. She couldn't get to it because there was a backdrop of a city from Poland and she said, is this going to be our life now?

23:26And I said, probably. I may have made a massive error doing this show. Now I'm saying it out loud. The Sean McTalk Show. Yeah, the Sean McTalk Show may be another folly. If your wife can't get to the boiler, that's an issue. I don't think there's like many talk show hosts where saying yes to the talk show meant their wife couldn't get to the boiler anymore.

23:50you've really yeah you give me a lot to think about there James this episode is going exactly how I thought it would yeah yeah great to be here you'll do the show right you two I'll come and do the Sean McTalk show you do it together if you want no no no separate okay good because I actually only got one extra mic yeah yeah

24:12still a sparkling water Sean still please James You looked surprised by that question. Well, I was having a nice chat. I forgot we even had the format. Yeah, we've got to do the format. Of course you do. Do you have a format to the Sean McTorne show? Oh, let's not go there, Ed. I do have a format. Great. Yeah. What's the format? I just ask some questions. It's a talk show, isn't it? Is that a format? Well, it's not a format, is it? Do you have any format points? Are there things that you do like... Sometimes my family send in questions. Oh, that's good. Yeah, it's good. Yeah, yeah. Is it mainly from your wife saying, move the fucking stuff out the way of the boiler?

24:44It's not... It's one of those shows... Look, the key thing is still water, please. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is it obvious which questions your mum has sent in? Let's start with stuff like, howdy. Howdy, y 'all. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Howdy, y 'all. Yeah, my mum's like a Kelly Clarkson. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's got a talk show. Yeah, she does, actually. Is that what it's called? The Kelly Clarkson? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, the Kelly Clarkson show. No, she doesn't. What would she put a muck in? That's your name. genuinely don't know what you're talking about why still water I'm I'm not I like a sparkling water or like a soda water but I can't drink it anymore because my wife's got one of those machines that makes the water fizzy yes and she now only drinks that she can't she does not drink still water ever and it's it's become such a difficult thing for me in my life because I think it just makes everything complicated and so I get a bit of a like a negative reaction whenever I hear this sort of bubbles go up.

25:45Yeah. Because your wife's addicted to sparkling water essentially. I mean, I don't know if she's addicted but like, it's just awkward. Like if we're watching something, watching a film, watching TV and she goes, I'll just get a glass of water. That should be 10 seconds. So quick. She doesn't even need to say it really. It should be. She should be like, don't pause it. Yeah. Is that why she was trying to get to the boiler? To try and make it sparkly? Yeah, yeah. She wants the bath water sparkling. Yeah. I want, I want, how can I get, how can I make boiler water sparkling if you put a flag in the way.

26:14Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know, and we might have talked about this before, whether I'd like to bathe in sparkling water or not. You wouldn't? Wouldn't I? Why would you? Because of all the bubbles around my intimate areas. Okay. Could feel nice. Bath bomb? Bath bomb would do it. But then you'd, because really you're supposed to throw the bath bomb in and let it dissolve and then you get in, right? So you'd have to get in, get the bath bomb and immediately hold it to all of your erogenous zones. Here's what you need, Ed. In my opinion, this is what you need. Yeah. And look, all I am is the humble proprietor of a humble talk show.

26:46Yeah. Okay? And a humble comedian putting on a humble tour. Yeah. Yeah. In Prague. Well, here's what I'd say to test the water, literally. Get in the bath, drop in a barocca. Yeah. Around your intimate area. Yeah. It will be a bit orangey. Yeah. Yeah. But then at least you can get a sense of, do I like where this is going? Yeah. And if you do like where that's going, then you follow it all the way to its logical conclusion. Pop the barocca up the arse. Yeah. putting a fuck ton of barocca in there and having a healthy old bath would you do that before you got would you load your anus up with like baroccas before I didn't say anus I want to make that clear but would you do that before you get in the bath load yourself up with baroccas up the butt clench your cheeks get in the bath don't unclench until you're ready and then let the water in I mean would the water go up here or would the baroccas fall out and then the fizzing starts.

27:42When does the fizzing start there? I think the fizzing starts immediately. Immediately. I don't think they're falling out really. I just don't know if when I go in the bath the water goes up my butt. I don't think it does. No, that's true. You'd have to spread and swish, I guess. Yeah. Spread and swish. Yeah, spread and release them like fishes with their eggs. Yeah. You would be like a fish with their eggs, Ed, if you did this. You should always keep that in mind. But then I guess you're still getting the bubbles around them. I suppose the problem with this is it's not an issue per se but I go into a bath mainly to relax I think it's a relaxing thing I don't know how relaxed I'd be if I had to clench my butt cheeks to the extent that Barocca couldn't leave them that would be like in terms of my relaxation that would make the bath a sort of lateral move because when I have a Barocca I feel so energized right I love a Barocca it makes me feel amazing good but imagine how energized you'd feel if one was up your butt because that's what people do with drugs isn't it sometimes yeah it is that's to smuggle them isn't it or do they put them up there and enjoy them?

28:40It's a quicker, I think it gets into your system quicker. I don't know if the same would be, if it would be with a Barocca. Surely. Surely it would. That's the way to your system. I'm willing to commit to this as a theory. Stevie Nicks had someone blow cocaine up her butt because I think she maybe had like a deviated septum or something or like a problem with the... Oh, is that right? Yeah. So she couldn't get it in through the nose so she had an assistant to blow it up her butthole. I'd never heard that. With a golden straw, is what I heard. I think that makes it easier for the person who's got to blow it.

29:16Just feels fancy. Through the straw, I think I would rather if, that was me having to do that, even if it is Stevie Nicks, a big celebrity, I would still rather the straw was golden and make me feel like what I'm doing is less sad than if it's just a stripy straw from McDonald's or something. And Sue Perkins once had a shame and blow raspberry vodka up a bum. That's true. They're all valid points. We broke that news story on this podcast. It became national news. Wow. So something you say could become national news on this pod. Remember that. Benito has now asked us to say that the Stevie Nicks thing is rumoured to be alleged.

29:50Oh, it's an urban myth. It's an urban myth. It's an urban myth. Is what he would like us to say. He also earlier on wanted me to say that the band Keen would be clambering over each other to get in the jungle because they're quite keen. He mimed it at me. He mouthed it at me to try and get me to say it and I ignored him. but now that we're giving him this platform to say about the allegedly stuff I should probably say he also wanted to make a king pun earlier okay well now he's saying that he didn't want me to say it he just wanted to make the joke to me which I don't know why he would inflict that on me this is exactly what the Sean Mock talk show feels like me talking to Benito yeah yeah yeah so you've ripped us off yeah big time let's circle back here yes to the sparkling water bath yes please That must be an option in some hotel.

30:36There must be a universe where this isn't crazy. In Dubai or something. Yeah, it'd be in a really fancy hotel and something like a six-star hotel you can get a sparkling water bath. I'm sure actually in most hotels you could probably request it. If you pay for it, they'd probably do it. Most hotels? Most hotels. I think over a certain price threshold. I don't think a travel lodge are doing that. I think they will if you say, can you buy however many litres of sparkling water and fill up my bath for me? they don't even give you wifi you have to barter with them yeah but I'm sure there's a yeah a price that they would go okay we'll do that that's an episode of The Apprentice I would love to see yeah yeah which one of you can get the most out of a travel lodge yeah like receptionist bath wise there's probably some listeners thinking like aren't you just describing a jacuzzi but we're not we're not it's different because it's small bubbles the bubbles aren't propelled by jets they're propelled by science pop it up to a bed pop it up to a bed Sean McLaughlin pop-a-dubs or bread?

31:34We'll have I'll have some bread please Yeah No disrespect to the pop-a-dub No But I love a nice bread I actually try and stay clear of bread a lot It's one of those things I try not to have that much of Why? It just clogs me up a bit and also it's one of those I'll just keep eating it Yeah So I'd rather be a bit I'd rather keep my distance It's a shame about bread really isn't it because bread bread was all the rage when we were younger Oh yeah All the rage No one was worried about bread and then at some point bread got cancelled I used to eat like hot dog buns just as a snack yeah was that did anyone else eat those no I mean when it had a hot dog in it sure no no I used to get like what they call like the finger rolls is that what they're called yeah yeah yeah I just had four of them after school I just had four of them I just had to knock them back yeah yeah yeah just straight down if I have kids they'll never do that no it's sad yeah make that a rule in the house no hot dog buns not a hard and fast rule but like I'd have to I'd keep an eye on it you know James would you not maybe one day when they're old enough say here's what your dad used to do and get all the hot dog buns out well I'd like to think that if I said to my kids here's what your dad used to do it would be something a bit more substantial than just eating four hot dog buns you hope so maybe I'd show them like footage of me before being the Sean McTalk show are you yeah here's what your dad used to do and that's why you're talking to me through plexiglass

32:58I do like bread though I do like a bread Do you want the four hot dog buns for your dream menu? No. Do you know what I'm really enjoying? I would like a sort of Middle Eastern flatbread. Nice. Like Lebanese or like the Turkish ones. They have like little bubbles on them, right? Little bubbles. I'm just to let you know. Would you take a bath in bubbly Turkish bread? There you go. You set yourself up for that. You can't be angry at everything. I'm not angry. I'm angry at myself. I'm angry at myself for giving you the open goal. Yeah. No, I probably wouldn't have a bath of bread. I wouldn't have a bath of bread fair enough I'll let you know if I say anything that I will have a bath of but now I want to ask every time your podcast your rules thank you but I'm not going to I don't know a lot of the technical phrases of bread do you know what I mean like because the lemony like some of the flatbreads like the Middle Eastern flatbreads are very flat but some of them are a little bit thicker and they have like little bubbles on them kind of like how you know pizza in a pizza oven has those big, airy pockets.

34:04I'll have a little bit of that. You don't mean like a pitta? No, not like a pitta. Like a fresh britta. Well, maybe it's a type of pitta. I don't know. I think it's called a bear. It starts with a B, the one I'm thinking of. Look it up, Benito. But would I be able to have some hummus as well? Yeah, of course. Is that allowed? Yeah, I think so. Have some hummus, dip it in. I think that's... We're off to the races with this meal. Whatever this bread is, and hummus. Just hummus, or do you want an arrange of mezzet? The thing is, I always think I want a range of meze, but I'm always like, you know, call me traditional, call me normal, but I just think hummus is the best one.

34:40Have you seen the film Weapons? No. Is this the new one? Yes. I was going to go. There's a scene in it that you would love, because there's an aerial shot of, this isn't a spoiler for the film, there's an aerial shot of a meal that two of the characters are having together, and it's some carrot batons, a massive thing of what looks like hummus, and then four hot dogs in hot dog buns. What? And that's what they're eating while watching TV together. And it is just exactly what you've been describing. Oh my gosh. Apart from there's no flatbread there. And they're so excited to have those hot dogs.

35:12They're really excited to have them. This sounds really exciting. So it's like... What are they watching on TV? Absolutely. This is why this guy's a pro-professional food podcaster. Because no one else noticed that in the film. It's a mad meal. Mad shit happens in that film. It's crazy and it's scary. that's fusion cooking and you're coming out of it going carrot batons hummus and four hot dogs I thought I just thought it was wild when you see the overhead shot of that meal you're like no one eats that that's not a meal for anyone where you have that many hot dogs there's two people and they've got four hot dogs between them but they've also put on some carrot batons and some hummus I think it's two hot dogs minimum if you're having hot dog night yeah but I would say great but don't like add in the dips but then that's it's what Benedict Wong goes for immediately is the dip he dips the baton in the hummus he has a lovely bite of it they were watching a nature documentary at the time about parasites well this sounds like a great night well it's not it doesn't end good that night no no it's not a great night okay it's almost immediately a terrible night yeah it's really bad it happens in the day actually it's in the afternoon how far into the film is this scene probably about halfway through really I would suggest watching it from the beginning of the film yeah but I would say what happens to them I mean it's the worst thing that happens to someone in their living room since your talk show

36:36yeah that's exactly what I'm talking about Baz Llama Baz Llama ah yeah directed The Great Gatsby

36:50that's perfect if you had kids that would be the joke they'd be like oh shut the fuck up yeah shut up dad if I had kids that's all I'd ever hear. Yeah. Shut up. Shut up, Dad. Disrespectfully. Yeah. Like, yeah, it would be awful. It's what your dad used to do. Yeah. Exactly the same thing. That's love. None of us care. None of us care, Dad. Shut up. Could we please talk about the consistency of various hummuses? What can we say? We can. So obviously, the first time I had hummus was probably supermarket hummus, which is thicker and maybe slightly chalkier than when you go and have hummus in like a Mediterranean restaurant where it's smooth.

37:29There's a lot more oil in it, which is an exciting proposition. But sometimes I prefer a supermarket just because it reminds me of when I was young. Speak on that, Sean. Well, first of all, can I say I've genuinely touched that you'd open your heart up like that to me? Happy to. And I'm happy to open my heart up once again on the Sean Buck Talk Show. This is perfect. Yeah. I agree with you. I think supermarket hummus is like mainstream mass-produced hummus. There's a tang to it that I've never got that in like a restaurant hummus. And I don't know whether the tang, I mean, probably someone who knows more about it would say that tang is a sign that it's bad.

38:10But I quite like, am I explaining this correctly? Yes, I know exactly what you're talking about. There's something there. and there's a couple of Mediterranean like food places near me as in like supermarkets like big international food centers and stuff and they'll sell like gallons of this hummus for nothing and me and my wife on a Sunday sometimes we'll go there we'll pick up some of this bread whose name I've forgotten and that's our day and what a beautiful marriage we have this is what I promised her on our wedding day and I've delivered a bucket of hummus a bucket of hummus and some bread your house just absolutely full of shit yeah just like a backdrop of the city you bought from Poland loads of equipment to film the Sean McTalk show and buckets of hummus everywhere yeah if MI5 have raided our house they'd be like what is this yeah some sort of what is going on horrible illegal like porn video hummus like fetish thing I mean it does look like a I mean yeah it does look shady I suppose there's lots of just food looking around, loads of hummus, like cityscapes.

39:18They go, what are they planning here? Cityscapes? Well, yeah, the backdrop. Yeah, yeah, sorry. So do you want supermarket hummus, do you want the hummus from the supermarket that you and your wife go to on a Sunday? Yeah, or any of the mainstream supermarket hummuses will do me. I mean, they're all pretty good. I tell you, when I'm feeling really, really hummused up, I'll get the hummus with the hot lamb on the top where you get the bits, you get bits of lamb on top of the hummus. Lamb? Yeah, baby. well I won't get that no but I'm very happy that you're getting that thank you this will be a vegetarian meal yes lovely so yeah so the lamb I'll skip but you eat the lamb and I'll have the rest and no taramicellata for you either because that's not vegetarian yeah so you can't have that yeah before you ask okay I had so much taramicellata I've just been to Mykonos the Greek island taramicellata every day feta every day and let me tell you every time I get taram salata in Greece I'm weirded out because it ain't pink it's white they put the pink in oh really yeah that is weird yeah that's a clip anytime you think something's a clip yeah tell us it's a clip thanks yeah because we we are quite new to the whole YouTube thing yeah and saying they put the pink in that's the clip just that that's the clip that's great yeah and that can be like the title of the videos they put the pink in yeah yeah it would have to be

40:47your dream starter my dream starter is a lovely humble omelette okay we've talked about omelettes in the past have you? yeah I forgot I forgot that Sean is a omelette head I didn't want I didn't want to mention it because I knew we'd had this chat and I was worried because I know you have like a secret ingredient and I was like could it be omelette but I was like that's not an ingredient Also, we would not pick something that we know someone likes and they might put on the menu, because that would be pretty cruel. It doesn't seem very sportsmanly of us. Yeah. No, I agree. Even though of all the people, to deliberately pick something that they are going to choose to kick them out, it's you.

41:27I'd flip this table instantly if you picked omelette. Yeah. What's that an ingredient for? Double omelette. Yeah, I eat omelettes. I like omelettes. And I've got a funny relationship with omelettes. Because my wife is vegan, so there's no eggs in my house. Well, you have a vegan household. I'm a vegetarian, so I do eat eggs and cheese, but only out of the house. So my treat to myself a lot of the time in my life is omelets. And I go and I travel a lot, and I'll eat an omelet. And I'll always pick an omelet. If it's on a menu, I'll pick an omelet. But here's the interesting thing I have about omelets.

42:05Most omelets aren't nice. I think omelets are tough to get right when you've had good omelets. yeah and you've had good omelettes I've had a couple of good omelettes yeah I've had a lot of stinkers yeah yeah and there's no rhyme or reason as to where they come from it's nothing to do with price it's nothing to do with location but there's a place near me that I go out for omelettes maybe a couple times a month it's a cafe it's a Moroccan cafe I mean look I'm sure it's come up on this podcast before the Moroccans know their way around an egg yeah that exact phrase hasn't come up has it not? no no take it from me it's an amazing cafe it's near where I live I go there maybe once or twice a month their omelette they've got a thing called an avocado omelette it's heaven on earth okay talk us through the avocado omelette if indeed there are more details yeah it does sound like I'll tell you the most interesting thing about the avocado omelette yeah avocado belly features okay so that is interesting yeah well what do you look for in a good omelette first of all because some people might be listening to this I've got thoughts as well and they've all got different images in their head every single one of our listeners is going oh yeah I know what he means by a good omelette but do they know well I don't know what they think I mean it's obviously open interpretation well I'm asking you what you think yeah what do you think in terms of like how it's prepared or what it looks like or what it tastes like I flipped over like I flipped it like you do it come on well I've told you I'm not good at describing food well bad luck okay I guess it's like roll I guess it's like they've done it flat and then they've rolled they've rolled it as they fried it with the ingredients built into it.

43:42Yes. What should it look like to you? Because for me, for years, I thought omelettes should basically, like a good, or just any omelette I'd ever had, was like quite dappled, like white and brown. Yeah, with some colour on the outside. And now it's just like, it should just look smooth. Wow. And yellow. And yellow. And it's like, whoa, hold on a second. This is what an omelette's supposed to look like for ages. I know I'm the same you know home omelettes they've got colour on the outside of them right I agree with you I know exactly where you're coming from posh omelettes no colour whatsoever a lot of butter but I prefer a home omelette I don't want the smooth the smooth omelette to me I know it's fancier but I don't want it I know where you're coming from the one I like is smoother but the quality of it in terms of how it looks I don't know any other way of saying it other than kind of like a sleeping bag that's rolled up but made of egg Sean this is beautiful and if that doesn't make you sick I don't know what will a great way of describing food and who's in the sleeping bag yeah they have like a fried up mushrooms yeah I think with a bit of garlic maybe on there lovely spinach yeah feta crumbled in now that is I've never had that anywhere else yeah feta in an omelette it transforms the experience yeah rolled up nice they put bits of avocado on the top nice okay they serve it with a little tiny salad I think they drizzle it with like a bit of balsamic and then you have two slices of brown toast and you have a Moroccan coffee and you feel like you can take on the world and then ten minutes later you have diarrhoea and that is what I do twice a week, sorry twice a month but yeah I really love it and I love going there I love the energy of the place, a lot of bus drivers in there yeah and I I was trying to think of what else to have but really that's you love it you've talked to me about omelettes before didn't we I thought we had quite a bracing conversation about how many eggs should be in an omelette mmm and I'm none the wiser Ed no because I also think they sometimes I think they pump the numbers on these eggs on the menus yeah I think they're juicing that yeah they're saying it's a three egg or a four egg and sometimes it's way less sometimes it's clearly more yeah do you know what I'm saying because I think they probably I've never been told how many eggs are in the omelette before this is a new thing to me only if it's on certain menus they'll say it's a three egg omelette I think three is the received wisdom a three egg omelette is like a normal sized omelette but that's not enough for me but sometimes four feels like too much so I think we're going to need to find a smaller egg I think you need three and a half eggs you need three and a half eggs three and a half does such an egg exist?

46:27three chicken, two quail may I? couple of quails in there don't know if I've ever had a quail's egg so that would be a real treat do they fry up the same way? yeah they're just small eggs yeah they're just small eggs I lost my favourite omelette it's gone off the menu where's that? Ozone place called Ozone that's what I'd always get I'd get the omelette with trout in it really good so delicious not even on there anymore is that a breakfast brunch thing or is that a dinner thing? they always have it there all day yeah yeah yeah but like yeah I'd get it for like brunch or something yeah even lunch I'd say it was my go to I'd tried other things on the menu but I'd always circle back to that omelette my favourite thing on there last time I went there not even not even in print that's really that's genuinely heartbreaking yeah I feel like the omelette needs the omelette needs it needs a renaissance yeah I think we're falling out of love with it you were going to suggest the omelette needs some sort of protection on menus like sort of National Trust English Heritage type thing I mean I'm not opposed yeah I would say there are probably other things in the country to sort out first sure but we can't do things like that no we can't no I mean the thing is it's the free market if people don't want omelettes anymore they don't want them but when they're gone we'll miss them shout out spider crab omelette at Mountain again obviously shall I name the place I go to is it going to be inundated with people yes it's called the La La Cafe fantastic and it's from and the lovely incredible people from Morocco run it and those omelettes my my my now that you've named it do you want to retract the comment about diarrhea yeah yeah but you're not saying that's the omelette doing that that's your intestines oh yeah it's your well I mean they haven't given me diarrhea I've chosen I've had it yeah it's not you know cause and effect hasn't been you know your body you know what's going to happen I go in there every time anything enters this mouth it has to be an option well maybe they'll be so happy that you've given them custom and shouted them out on the podcast that they'll change the name of the omelette to what Sean Mcdiarrhea omelette Sean Mcomelette imagine if all the little fans started going in there and going, can I have the Sean McOmblet, please?

48:37They wouldn't know what the hell was going on. No, they wouldn't. No, but they'd be like, hey, there's bums on seats, people are coming in. There's a lot of people coming in anyway. There's a bus depot across the road. There's bums on seats, but they'd be off those seats pretty quickly. All those bus drivers would get pretty angry once, you know, it gets filled with off menu fans. They're angry anyway. Yeah. Yeah. They're always putting on bets and they never win. Someone's been listening while he's been wholping down an omelette, an avocado omelette. wolfing wolfing it down does your wife know you're going for those omelettes my wife this is a really interesting question Ed yeah my wife hates that I go for omelettes and I actually do have to hide it from her because she's always like how much did that cost always and now I don't tell her I'm going so how much it costs so she's worried you're spending too much money on omelettes my wife seems to have this idea in her head that an omelette costs like 500 quid yeah because she's worried about like the financial ruin of our future yeah because she's like oh you're going out for breakfast I'm spending nine quid on an omelette maybe once a month.

49:37Once a fortnight. Once a fortnight. We've got you banked a right. You said it earlier. Twice a month. Okay, well you've got me banked a right. It's fair enough. That's how you want to talk. Yeah. But that's what? 18 quid a month? Yeah. Yeah, it's fine. That's fine. Yeah. How much are you spending on cityscapes? She must have asked you that. It was more than 18 quid. Yeah. It was a one-off cost. It was a one-off cost. However, since going twice a month, I will admit, James, toilet paper costs through the roof in my house absolutely the fuck roll costs through the roof so it evens out but yeah my wife doesn't know I go but actually we did have to have quite a serious conference probably the most serious chat we've had as a couple when I was like you do have to just let me eat omelets from now on like I can't babe I can't be keeping these sort of secrets from you it's like you're a sex addict and you've had to go I need to go and sleep with other women the honey I eat and the weird thing is most omelets I don't like so it's a weird thing to think about.

50:35Yeah. I think this is a great start to the avocado omelette. I like it. Would you like a little Moroccan coffee with it as well? I mean, I'd love a coffee. Yeah. I'd love a little coffee. I think you should have the full setup that you would usually have at Lala. I don't think I'll have a double... I won't have the toast, if that's okay, because I've already got bread. Yes, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

50:58Your dream main course. Let's see if we can keep the hits coming. Thank you. I'm going to choose it's a cuisine a whole cuisine well it's not a whole cuisine I'll explain why but it's basically there's a type of food that has gone up and up and up in my rankings so this is part of the curve this is the curve up from this is the biggest example of the curve of the nation coming through me yeah this is the biggest example of the curve of the nation coming through you yeah yeah that's what we're saying that's the phrase that's the clip can't believe I'm saying that again today

51:38I will order now as like a takeaway or if I get a chance to eat this type of food Ethiopian food nice yeah yes delicious for veggies and vegans you've got to say it numbers amongst the best cuisine well I think it's now for me and my wife certainly at the moment it's definitely number one like if I'm getting a takeaway I go Ethiopian yeah and it's interesting because I didn't even heard of this food until about five years ago but what I really love about it is every Ethiopian restaurant I've been to in the world and I've been to Ethiopian restaurants in two countries so have I which countries?

52:14Holland wow and the United Kingdom United Kingdom and Canada so there we go there we go just the United Kingdom they always have a thing on it called a veggie plate or a veggie platter every single one I've been to has always had that and no matter where you are you order it and it's always the exact same and that's what I would like as my main my main talk us through the platter this is the interesting thing about it I don't know what any of the meals are I don't know what any of the foods are actually called on it yes that's why it's interesting do you know what the is it on the injera bread it's on injera bread yeah yeah or injera bread's on the side potentially you want it all on top you've got to have it on top you do have it on top and some rolls on the side of it yeah really good restaurants they come over and go do you want some extra bread and they bring it up all rolled up well that's what I like get to tear into that.

53:03Or I can use some of my Turkish bread from earlier. That might be nice as well. Crossing the cuisines. Well, yes. Basically, it's a bunch of like vegetarian curry type things. I guess that's what they are. They're kind of curries. Do you know if they are curries? Or stews. Or stews, yeah. And I mean, look, as I've said, I don't know what any of them are called, but there's like a yellow one. It's got like, I guess it's split pea or something. Yeah, yeah. There's a couple of lentil ones. There's like a red one and a brown lentil one. There's a couple of green ones. There's loads of these. And they're just...

53:38Are they all... I mean, some of them, because some of them are like, you know, have the consistency of like a dal maybe. Yeah. But then others are like, you know, shredded up like, I guess, cabbage or... Cabbages, maybe. I think kale or is it a... There's like a carrot... Yeah, yeah. Like a sliced carrot one as well. That's very nice. There's loads of stuff in there. Yeah. And I think when they're like more carrots, when they're like thicker carrots and potato stuff, a lot of the time they feel pickled, which is a really nice taste. You don't get that very often with cuisine that spicy. But I love this food.

54:09I love this food. And do you know what I like most about it? Curry's probably my number two. Yeah. Probably, it was close. But here's why I like this more than curry. Yeah. It's, I think, a lot healthier. And it still scratches that itch of like the aromas and the spice, that warm hit in your mouth. Yeah. I feel alive. I love that feeling. Mm-hmm. but I like eating with the injera. The bread is so good. It is good. Are we happy calling it bread? I mean, that's my only complaint. Well, that's what I mean. What would you suggest? Well, I don't know if it's bread, is it? It's nice. I mean, it must be.

54:45It's a sour, spongy flatbread. I mean, if that's a bread, then my t-shirt is bread. That's all I'm saying. Interesting. That's all I'm saying. You got a sour, spongy t-shirt? I certainly do. Yeah. And it goes well with chickpeas. They're called watts. Well, there we go. Which doesn't help you because you don't know what they are. so this is like who's on first it is like who's on first it is like an even more infuriating real life version of who's on first what's all this yeah what's all this no I mean what's all this what for the listener that's a like an old timey American accent you're not doing an Ethiopian accent oh no no that's an old timey American accent just for the listener if I wanted to do an Ethiopian accent I'd fucking nail it Ed's very good at accents how thick are your listeners well that they could possibly think that was an Ethiopian accent.

55:32You're about to meet a lot of them in your local cafe. You tell us. Do you have a restaurant in London that you go to? You've been to multiple times? Yeah, we've been to a few, but there's one in Brixton Hill called Adams that I would say is as good as anywhere. And if you live in South London, Adams in Brixton Hill, biggest, most firm shout out of my life. Order the veggie plate, veggie whatever it's called. Vegan, brilliant comes with loads of injera it's like 15 quid and it's like three days worth of food they're so generous with the portions and there's another one in Stockwell I think it's called Herer that's Eritrean but I believe Eritrean and Ethiopian is kind of the same I don't understand the full geopolitics there's one in Brixton Village isn't there there's an Ethiopian in Brixton Village East of Eden yeah that's really good shut down I think I might have shut down yeah yeah because there was one in Brixton Village that I was like I think we lived around I was down there.

56:28Yeah, I would just like go there loads. That was a great place. And they didn't survive the pandemic. Yeah. The one in Stockwell, I went there, my wife, for a nice lunch. Yeah. And they were so nice and they each gave us a glass of barley wine at the end. Lovely. And if you go there, enjoy the food, they'll offer you barley wine, say no.

56:53Because they don't tell you, oh, just FYI, you're not going to be able to function for the rest of the day if you have even one sip of this. You're hammered. I was just, honestly, we were falling over the place. But it's, I mean, that's my, I think that's the food I go for at the moment and I'd love that to be my main course, please. I think that's a fantastic choice. Thank you. I've never had an Ethiopian meal and not left completely full to the rafters. I feel so full up in a very good way. Yeah, it's not like a heavy, cloggy, like I do compare it to a curry, I guess, which maybe is not the direct comparison.

57:25but it doesn't have that same guilt afterwards I can still do stuff the bread I just can't stop eating as well I think it's the sour flavour that makes it totally addictive, like it makes your mouth water yeah it's really good and you eat with your hands I always think I don't want to eat can I be bothered with the angera and the minute it's there I think it's perfect you're basically eating the plate yeah, you're eating the plate and I think more cuisine should introduce this edible plates edible plates yeah it would save them washing up every time yeah the Greeks would struggle culture wise yes well the whole thing is they throw their plates on the ground so that's the whole thing yeah waste of the meal throw a whole chicken down there well they can still do that but I'll lay on the floor and I can throw it into my mouth yeah would you go to Greek restaurants more or less if they demanded that you lay on the floor and they threw the food into your mouth James I know you go for it once I go for it once and see how I feel about it put the pig in yeah yeah yeah Have you ever been I've never been to a Greek restaurant where they smash plates I've been to a Greek restaurant where I smash plates No I don't think I have Have you been to many barley wines again?

58:35Oh god It's knocking me out No I don't think I have Is that a real thing? I think it is but I don't know I don't think it's it's not very widespread anymore It's a strange stereotype to be untrue that the Greek smash plates I guess they're all weird in their own way. I don't think it's untrue but I think maybe the UK perception because they used to do it a lot in the 80s and 90s here is that that happens at every Greek restaurant. What were they doing? How plentiful were these plates? I think it probably happened once and someone some Tory wrote an article about it. It's probably on Only Fools and Horses or something and people thought oh that's what they all do.

59:10Probably was actually. There's a lot of that kind of stuff smuggled into Only Fools. Yeah.

59:44so for something that's big though like really well done in a bag I guess that's a side Do you want the bag to be made of injera bread? I can't think of anything worse than that You don't want to eat the bag I don't want to eat the bag No I don't want to eat the bag I just want a paper bag like a standard paper bag and they pile them in there and I walk around with it So maybe it's not like a side You want to walk around with it You don't want to sit down for this This is a big thing for me I love eating fish and chip shop chips. I love chippy chips. I eat them a lot, particularly in the winter months, but I always eat them when I'm on the move.

1:00:23I'm buying them in a shop and I'm walking somewhere. I'm going to the football. I'm going to the pub. I can just imagine that, you know. You don't have to imagine. If someone said a comedian's walking around with a bag of chippy chips and it's cold outside and he's going to the football, I'd be like, that's Sean McLaughlin. Okay. I don't know why. I do think that's a compliment, And also you're wearing fingerless gloves in my mind when you're doing it you've got a Withnail character to you do I? yeah can't you imagine maybe it's just because you're both called Sean but imagine Sean Walsh doing it as well yeah yeah we both support the same football team maybe we're going to the same both used to live in Brighton yeah yeah maybe it's a Brighton thing yeah there we go yeah maybe it is a Brighton thing eating chips I've never thought about it it's big in the Brighton culture fish and chips do you know weirdly I don't associate it with the beach that's the thing with fish and chips I associate it with like urban areas and walking around.

1:01:17Yeah. There's something in the winter. Do you do this? There must be a semi-common thing that people do. They buy a bag of chips and walk around. I don't eat and walk. You don't eat and walk ever? No, it's a waste. Of what? Both things. Okay, good answer. I can't enjoy either of them. Do you do this, James? I've definitely eaten and walked but I would rather sit down. If I got some fish and chips from the chip shop I think and we're out for the day. I'm looking for somewhere we can sit and have them. Well, if you're getting fish, if you're having cod. Yeah. You're not walking around. That's a tough walk.

1:01:53That's tricky, isn't it? Yeah. But I'm talking just a bag of chips. Sausage isn't a tough walk. Yeah, but I don't... I'm just thinking of things that you can walk with from the fish and chip shop. There's a lot of things that aren't a tough walk. Go on. Is this a walking podcast or is it a food podcast? Oh, it's both now. You're the one who's ordering... You've caught over a peel. yeah you do yeah I guess I mean I would never have a sausage because I don't eat sausages but I'm more than welcome if you want to have a nice walk with me and you have a little sausage and chips where's the walk happening where are we walking I will walk from my place to a pub say let's say it's early December it's Christmas go to the pub yeah this is it's usually it's I'm on my way to having some drinks I really want to line my stomach yeah in a cheap easy way fish and chip shop get the bag even a small chips they load them in and there's something in the winter when I'm holding that bag it's like a furnace if it's cold it's like a little furnace don't you think and I'm throwing like hot coals down my and it hurts and there's like the steam from your breath and the steam from the chips it is tough walk and it's burning your fingers it's a tough walk it's a tough walk yeah because I've picked up the chip fork I've never used one in my life I've never not picked one up you don't know how to I don't know how to use one of those I love using the chip fork do you?

1:03:09yeah the wooden one yeah yeah they're too small though right yeah yeah too small but I still like using them but then often you know if you get really good chips that you've drenched them in vinegar and stuff you're probably not picking up much it's going right through them but I really find that a very evocative thing I find it's very that's a nice treat that I give myself every you send me regularly once or twice a month just once or twice a month as your wife had to sit you down and ask about how much you spend it on chips each month? I mean, I'm sure she will after listening to this. Yeah, yeah.

1:03:42I'm sure that, I mean, it's in the horizon. Yeah. But it's a nice thing. I think the fish and chip shop, the traditional chippy, my childhood, that was the first thing I was allowed to do on my own was go and buy fish and chips for the family on Friday. That was the first thing you're allowed to do on your own? On my own. It's in terms of leaving the house and doing something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I just love it. Was that a big day? And they said, Sean... It was a terrifying day. Yeah, yeah. They just gave me money when you're getting fish and chips. Yeah. What? I'm 17. 17. Have you seen... No, I was a kid.

1:04:14I was like a little boy. I've almost certainly brought this up on the pod before, but have you seen the Japanese TV show Old Enough? I think it's called Old Enough, something like that. No, I've not seen it. It's on Netflix. It's only short episodes and they basically send a tiny kid out to do the shopping or to do an errand and they film them secretly along the way to see what they did. Well, no, it's like a game show, really. Okay. But the kid knows they're being filmed, but doesn't know where any of the cameras are. Yeah. Wow. Like Truman. There's like, yeah. There's like, yeah, like consensual Truman Show.

1:04:43Yeah. Like gardeners with like cameras in their lawnmowers and stuff. There's basically a little kid being like with a list of things to do. And they're like, they're like four. Yeah. And we have to see if this kid can like, how they can manage it. Or how much they fuck up is the best bit. Yeah. There's a devastating episode where a kid gets, his mum lives right at the top of the hill. And he manages to get these apples. And he gets halfway up the hill and they all fall out the bag and roll all the way down the hill. It's the most tragic thing I've ever seen. It's gripping. Yeah. That sounds great.

1:05:14I really want to watch this. Yeah, you should. There were no mishaps like that when I went to go fish and chips. Yeah. I remember once I went in there and the two pound coin had just been launched.

1:05:26And the woman gave the guy change and two pound coin and the guy was like, I'm not accepting that. And it was Friday night. it was packed out this queue was packed and the guy went I'm not taking that two quid it's not real money and she said it is real money and he went I'm not taking it and everyone was it was chow across the whole line two pound coin so that's that's the closest there was an incident when I was getting fish and chips but I knew that I knew the couple did he end up taking the two pound coin I don't believe he did no she had a few ones knocking around so it was a popular it was a popular night you know I loved it when the two pound coin came in hell of a coin hell of a coin hell of a coin hell of a coin I think they should have made that coin the one can you imagine the confusion in the fish bar that night can you imagine this is now one pound what I think they should have made the middle one spin yeah on the two pound coin love where your head's at like a time turner I agree with that like John Cena's title like John Cena's title yeah like John Cena's title that's what I thought they were missing yeah that would have been cool yeah middle one spun a bit you could play with it then that man probably would have said yeah I'll take that I think the one pound coin should have just been a Game Boy yeah that would have been fun as well wouldn't it yeah if we're talking about it that's what I thought yeah I think it should have been a Game Boy yeah why not

1:06:53your dream drink I tell you what I really like to drink and it's probably a sign of how I've been living my life the last few years the tiny bottles of red wine they give you on flights oh boy this is the bleakest answer we've ever had to this is it? yeah we've done hundreds of episodes of this podcast is that bleak? I don't think we've had a bleaker answer to dream drink than the tiny little wines you get on planes I love how I feel if I'm on a long late night flight maybe I'm flying back across the seas and they bring around the trolley and I go I'll have red wine sometimes they just give you two straight out the gate I ask for two you ask for two well there you go and you can't just ask for two of course you can yeah I'm not going to shame you on the spot in front of everyone shame doesn't enter my mind at this point yeah but it's good to know the option is there to ask ask and you shall receive right that's what they always say yeah yeah that's the British Airways motto yeah yeah they came up with that yeah and I sit there and I guess it's the altitude I don't know what it is and I love drinking wine yeah but for some reason when I'm on a plane and I'm in that reduced space and it's a bit claustrophobic and the air's a bit different and I'm watching like Rush Hour 3 or whatever get a bit of that wine it just feels different I don't know why I agree with you I like this I'm probably a bit tired you know it's a late flight I don't think it's bleak it's quite a nice little moment of like luxury in a pretty horrible sterile environment see I like long flights because you're like enclosed you just get in your own little world really and you get little drinks and there's films and there's nothing there's nothing you can do but just sit there yeah I mean I'm now well past the point of enjoying them because I've been traveling so much but that is like a real treat for me I mean I guess the drink is red wine but specifically can it make me feel the way I feel when it's like 11pm and I'm in the air so we've actually for this dream meal you're on the move a lot yeah I'm an active guy the first couple of courses well I mean do you want to go to the La La Cafe for the omelette?

1:09:01Sure. Do you want the bus drivers there? I like the ambience. Yeah yeah. And then you're going to Adam is it Adams? For the Ethiopian platter and then you walk in with the chips. This is really nice. You're walking to the airport. Do you want the bus drivers to give you a lift to the main course? To Gatwick. Just from the the starter to the main course of the bus driver one of the bus drivers to take you by bus. It's not that far. Yeah but then I'm just saying it adds a little thing doesn't it? I guess it would. you'd be on the bus and then you're walking with your chips and then you're getting in on a plane ideally it would be one of the ones that hasn't just lost like 50 quid on the horses or something because I don't trust them yeah we'll promise you a bus driver whose life hasn't just been devastated by his gambling addiction if you can promise that then I'd be happy to take you up on that offer because I enjoy public transport as well so that would be really nice for me you'd like that yeah so you're hopping on a plane for this is there any particular red wine you'd like or is it whatever they've got on the plane red wine I guess it Codgerone is that good?

1:09:59Yeah I mean it's all dependent Dependent on what? Who's made it where it's made the vintage I'll have a good one House Red British Airways House Red Codgerone is made in Codgerone so it doesn't depend on I thought that sorry I thought you were a big wine guy aren't you? Not a big wine guy I like it you're a whiny yeah how likely are you to get a good one on a plane that's a genuine question I've never had wine on a plane I usually go for a cocktail do you I go for ginger ale and whiskey so that's not really a cocktail I'll make it it's just a well that was the original meaning of cocktail was just booze and sugar so yeah wow I didn't know that so I just do that on a plane have a ginger ale and a whiskey please I like a red wine because it also helps you sleep if it's an oven.

1:10:55It will help me maybe snooze a bit. I mean, in theory, it's never worked. But that's partly because I'm too tall for planes. Yes. But is it good wine? Because I mean, they've never handed me a lovely, lovely whiskey. It's just, you know, whatever they've got knocking around. I mean, I think it's probably... I reckon the base standard of wine is higher than the base standard of whiskey across the board anyway. Is that fair to say? I think that might be fair to say. A cheaper bottle of wine is always going to be a higher quality than a cheaper whiskey. Do you want us to upgrade you on the flight?

1:11:26I've been upgraded a few times recently. Is it better wine? I wouldn't know. Yeah. I mean, I don't... When I get... If I'm in an economy premium and they go, would you like some wine? I go, for comparison, can I have some of the shit wine from the back as well? Yeah. I've actually never said that. You should do that. Yeah. Well, now I know I can ask. I want two bottles, but I want one of them from economy. And if they said... One from business. And don't tell me which is which and I have to work it out. And I'll put on the sleep mask when you pour them. Put on the King of Queens for me, please.

1:12:01Put on the King of Queens any episode. Thank you. In business class, that is actually about Kings and Queens. Yeah, yeah. It's very different. It's the crown. Do you mean the crown, sir? You must mean the crown. He got upgraded today. He doesn't know what it's called. Oh, dear. Yeah. I don't know. It's probably not great wine. There's something about that moment. It's the atmosphere and the environment. Because I don't enjoy traveling. Yeah. And all I do is travel. And I don't enjoy it anymore. The planes, the airports. That I find is like a real nice little island. Mentally, I have my little wine.

1:12:42This is for work. You're traveling a lot. Yeah, and for play. Oh. Is that a... I mainly travel for work, but also my wife's from overseas I travel to see her family a lot and yeah is that play? like it's not work you can see your in-laws and go it's not work who's up for a play? yeah you think yeah I'm here for play I'm here to play I mean if those are the terms work and play I mean if I'd have said for visit would you have taken that as an answer? no because that's not grammatically correct is it? you can't go it's for visit so I say it's for play pleasure? business or pleasure business or pleasure I guess is that when you think about it I mean that's the phrase they would ask you but that sounds weird My in-laws would ask me that.

1:13:22Well, sometimes at the airport they ask you that. Business or pleasure. But that's as weird as work or play. If they said to me work or play, I'd think that was weird. But actually, business or pleasure sounds really dirty. Sounds more perverted. Pleasure then. Yeah, I go for pleasure. But I enjoy my work, so it's all a pleasure. Well, I've never answered that question with one or the other. If someone says business or pleasure, I'll always wink and say a bit of both. Do you? No. I'm really glad you said that you don't say that I might say a bit of both but I wouldn't couple it up with a wink you've got to read the room yeah if you've got a fun person at customs yeah you think it will fly and not hinder your trip yeah and delay you yeah then throw in a wink yeah a bit of both throw in a wink I'm winking in my passport photo as well so it's actually quite helpful yeah he's got a little ting on his teeth yeah yeah it breaches all international law your passport photo do you ever get asked what your job is at customs and have to say I'm a comedian and then brace yourself for any follow up questions yeah sometimes yeah has anyone ever asked you to tell a joke or anything yeah and I just delivered my full hour and a half long set to rapturous applause yeah yeah yeah yeah it goes really well it goes really well it's a great show I'm a good writer I work really hard on my jokes I don't think they ask you that much though I don't get that question that often where do you get that?

1:14:50America US, well first time I went there the guy was like, what are you here for, what's your job comedian, and he literally went tell me a joke and I was like I don't really do jokes on my set and my mind's gone blank, I can't think of them right now he's like, why's your mind gone blank I'm a bit nervous, he's like, why are you nervous and I was like, I cannot believe how badly this is going I just had to say I literally had to say to him I went to be honest mate I'm just quite an anxious person and this is like pretty full on and he went oh okay he realised he'd gone too far he went okay I probably didn't need to do this to this guy and he went okay well you know what happened I've surely told you about what happened to me when I went to the States for work when I was making a TV show and at customs they said why are you here and I said I'm shooting a pilot oh my god I've not heard that before That is clean.

1:15:50We arrive at your dream dessert. We've been all over. You've been on planes, buses, which was not forced on you at all. You've walked around. Thank you. Eating your chips. Where are we now? Are we off the plane now? We're off the plane. Yeah. Where have we landed? Where have we landed? Probably my living room again. Oh, directly in your living room. Well, I guess we doesn't have to be. Yeah. we'll figure this out as I say it how about that because I've liked you've helped me lead you've helped lead me on this nice little journey yeah sugar is my vice if I have a vice in this life it's probably sugar

1:16:30yeah and you must you connect with that though I do but I don't think I'd phrase it like a Matt Berry character but yeah sugar is my vice if I have a vice in this life if it would be sugar. I'm just, I'm trying to attract a more sort of upscale audience. Yes. I think it's nice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would say, yeah, absolutely. Sugar is my vice. So you're trying to attract... And shoplifting. Yeah. Yeah. You're trying to attract a more upscale audience and this is what you're doing with the Sean McTalk show, is it? Yeah, it is. And to be honest, my upscale audience attempts are going to be undermined by my choice of dessert.

1:17:08Yeah. Because... And guests. And guests. Pelham ain't going to help you out, mate. We wouldn't upscale the audience get Pelham on. What was that you were saying about him being a popular guest on this show? Yeah, yeah. We're not upscale. Yeah. Fair enough. We're scum. We are. This is a very common podcast. Respect. Thank you. It's good that you know yourselves. Yeah. Anyway, sugar. I like sugar. Yes. It's the point I'm trying to make. And I actually have to stop. I have to not have it around ever. Yeah. Because I will just keep going in there. Yeah. And it will send me crazy. I really struggle to like resist.

1:17:44The minute I have one bit of chocolate, it's like, it's over. Yeah. So when you say it sends you crazy, does it send you crazy because you can't stop eating it or does it send you crazy? Like, you know, is it stressing you out? All of it. Right. Like any description of it sends him crazy is what's happening. Like I start talking different. I swear my eyes are darting even more than normal. Yeah. You're chocolate crazy football mad. Chocolate crazy football mad. What a great way of putting it, Ed. Yeah, yeah. I can tell YouTube have been doing this a while because you always choose the shortest path to anywhere.

1:18:15Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so I was thinking, what do I want? What do I want? What do I need here? If I really wanted to like indulge myself, what do I deny myself the most? And I sort of thought about big fancy dessert. The honest truth is I just want a full packet of McVitie's Dark Chocolate Digestives. What the hell? That's what I want. I thought we were heading somewhere really special I'm a sugar addict and I love it so much he means he's an addict he just wants as many of something as possible but I also think a dark chocolate digestive from McVitie's is as good as any fancy dessert okay that's weird no it's not weird you're weird okay look mate you shouldn't have given me that digestive before I don't think it's weird I think it's nice yeah I went to a nice French restaurant last week French restaurant is that what I said that's French for French restaurant I went to a French restaurant last week and there was creme brulee ordered I didn't order any because I tried to stay clear of sugar but obviously people couldn't finish their creme brulee and I was like I'll have a couple bites this is a nice that's a fancy dessert yeah lovely and if you like sugar yeah hello but it's not I was like this isn't as good as a dark chocolate digestive and did you tell the way to that yeah I did I didn't know what I was talking about

1:19:34that's what he said that's what he said digestif digestif yeah it's good was that Ethiopian yeah for the listeners that wasn't Ethiopian just for the listeners none of this has been none of the voices you've heard have been Ethiopian do you not I mean I guess that is a weird choice but it's like I have to be honest with myself I once a year I'll allow myself to have a packet a packet of dark chocolate digestives in my life once a year because like for me I don't have anything I like a dark chocolate digestive I'll eat it but I would say for a sugar head it's not even the best McVitie's digestive I'd say you've got to get the caramel the one with the layer of the caramel I knew I figured you were going there but I suppose what the dark chocolate digestive has it does have nostalgic value for me because my grandma always used to eat them the dark chocolate one the dark chocolate digestive the dark chocolate is not a choice because of your wife's vegan is them.

1:20:36No. You would buy those as a matter of course anyway over the milk. I don't think they're vegan. I have a feeling digestives aren't vegan. How? Butter? Probably butter. Okay. That's what I think. A buttery biscuit. Well it's not the most buttery biscuit but it hey We're not allowed to say buttery biscuit anymore. Why not? Oh yeah. Why aren't you allowed to say buttery biscuit? You're not allowed to. You can probably say buttery biscuit but don't add any other words to it. You can't say buttery biscuit? You can say buttery biscuit but don't add another word to it. Wait a minute, why? What's happened here?

1:21:08Am I about to get kicked out? I know what you mean about the caramel ones. I think a dark childhood digestive, I guess there is a childhood warmth there. My grandma had them. We'd go around her house. I'd be given a Mars bar. The adults would be sitting there eating dark chocolate digestives. I'd have been like, that's what the grown-ups do. Oh, wow. They really tricked you with that. Yeah, they really did. Because you've got a Mars bar, that's pretty lush. Yeah, it's lush. Yeah. And they've got dark chocolate digesters. And you're thinking, oh, I wish I had those. They didn't trick me. My own insecurities were obvious from a very young age.

1:21:47Yeah. Very young age. They could have tricked you more. You could have looked over and they're dipping like carrots in their tea and stuff. Yeah. Carrots in the hummus. That's where that comes from. I mean, I came from a very tricky family. It's like a jackass. My God. Punching each other in the face. Yeah. Yeah. Throwing custard down their pants. Kicking each other in the nuts and stuff. Yeah, it was horrible. yeah hence the barocco up the butt yeah hence that which was a story told from your childhood earlier one of my favourite childhood anecdotes yeah are you dipping it in these biscuits in anything or are you just power how quickly could you power through a whole packet of dark chocolate digestives do you think how many are in a packet wouldn't know guess but googling it 20 oh that feels high it does feel high but I'd say 15 to 20 I'd say between 15 and 20 I reckon genuinely if more than half the packet is still there by the time I've walked through my front door I've done really well yeah so you're in this on the move as well I'm on the move yeah again yeah I'm on the run you talk about being on the run I'm on the run are you taking bites or are you just posting in a whole biscuit like a seed dog posting yeah no I'm I'll take a bite I'll dip it in some tea I'll have a cup of tea yeah I'll have some milk in the tea lovely dip them in love that feeling living room yeah warmth cozy winter again I really associate a lot of this stuff with like the cold I guess cold dark childhood like British winter months I love it and I do I do think for a mass produced product it's pretty artisanal I think if the chocolate digestive did not exist did not exist and some someone invented it like a fancy name a good chef you know good chefs right Harry Ramston is he a good chef yeah the best if Harry Rapson invented it it's the best chef in the world we'd be going crazy yeah they'd be like how do we make the public how do we make this more accessible to the public yeah I don't think we know what we've got with these things yeah I prefer a hobnob yes interview's over yeah yeah is it really yeah a chocolate hobnob or a regular hobnob chocolate hobnob yeah I'm over them yeah I'm steering clear of hobnobbs why I don't like the texture it's all like I feel like someone's like taken all the sweepings from like a hamster hutch or something and made it into a biscuit I think you've been pranked I probably have by the jackass crew yeah the McLaughlin family McLaughlin family jackass people they made you eat hamster cage yeah how many biscuits we talking this is a 260 gram packet by the way that's always how I judge the packets by the way 16 biscuits you were right between 15 and 20 between 15 and 20 got it there got it there so you ate on the way home and then ate when you get back in surely I'd only ate on the way home but do I how far away is the shop five minutes to co-op yeah five minutes you're eating maybe less surely it's two maximum on the way home isn't it you're not getting you're not getting anywhere near eight I've waited twelve months for this do you know what I'm saying yeah I've waited twelve months I love that you do all of the every course is you know how many times you'll have it throughout the year yeah because I have to be once or twice a month is a treat we've never had a guest on who knows exactly how many times they have each course yeah is that true yeah yeah no one's ever said you're welcome unless they pick Christmas dinner I have this twice a month and I have this once a year I probably do have it once a year I'll allow myself to do it maybe 1st of December and you'll have the whole pack what if what if you get home you've had eight on the way home you step in your door and your wife goes I'll carve one of them so now you're not going to have the whole pack if you give that one away I think it's more it's more having the pack in my hands is the feeling I'm a generous guy I'm happy to share the morale I'm not I'm not Scrooge McBiscuit what if you walk in and there's eight people you're Sean McTalk Show I'm Sean McTalk Show I'm not Scrooge McBiscuit yeah that'd be a stupid name Scrooge McBiscuit yeah that'd be really stupid what if you change your talk show name to Scrooge McBiscuit just do it sales up it's not gone it's not gone on the internet yet you can still change it to Scrooge McBiscuit if you want increase in viewers decrease in morale that's what I would say but But you know what Scrooge McDuck did?

1:25:59What? He swam around in a bath of money. Yep. Would you have a bath of biscuits? Yeah. Are you sponsored by like a bath company? Yeah. Get on that, Benito. Get on that. I would have a bath of biscuits, but only because of the biscuits. And I think actually my naked body being in contact with the biscuits would probably jeopardize them. It depends if you get in the empty bath first and they poured the biscuits in or whether they poured a layer of biscuits in. I mean, the idea of being naked in a bath and then going, right, you can pour the biscuits on me now, feels like, and not even for charity.

1:26:36Like, what a sad day. Yeah. What a sad life. I wouldn't want it to be digestive, so I think I'd take custard creams over that, because they're smaller. So I think they'd cover you with a bit more, like, they wouldn't just sit on top of you as much. There's more dignity to a bath of custard creams than a bath of chocolate digestives. I think people can see through the digestives a bit more because of how they're falling on you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And there's holes in them. There's holes in them as well. Well, they ain't little holes. Are they? Holes in a chocolate digestive? Only little holes. I mean, the worst would be party rings.

1:27:05What if one just slotted over your boy perfectly? Rename them glory holes. Doesn't bear thinking about. I'm going to read your menu back to you now and see how you feel about it. Benito didn't like that joke. No? I'm not up his street, humour-wise. Yeah, well, we never have been. And the poor guy absolutely devastated that this took off. Now we've got him in golden handcuffs. He can't leave. He can't leave. You're in golden handcuffs, mate. There's a space going at the Sean McTalk show. I'll tell you that. There's more than one space. Yeah. You're leaving. More than one space. You've left. There's host.

1:27:42You need a host. Yeah. Need a sidekick. Need a host. Need a guest. What a surprise for your wife when she opens the boiling cupboard and Benito's in there. Boiling cupboard. Boiling cupboard. He's not a plumber, to be fair to you. Airing cupboard? It's just a cupboard. Boiler cupboard? The boiler cupboard. We have a boiling cupboard. We always keep one cupboard boiling in our house. That's why I've got Benito. We don't have a sorter. We just have loads of electric radiators just going in there. I'd love it if you went to a spa and they went, would you like to step into the boiling cupboard? Well, it is a boiling cupboard.

1:28:14Sorry, it's my first day. I don't know the names. Yeah. No one's explained any of these things to me. Still water. Yeah. You would like Baz Lama with supermarket hummus. Starter, avocado omelette and Moroccan coffee from La La Cafe. Main course, Ethiopian veggie platter from Adam's. Side bag of Chippy Shop chips. Eat it on the go. Drink a tiny bottle of red wine on a flight. Or two. Or two, if they will allow you. Reserve a full pack of dark chocolate with Vitties Digestives. you know it may not be the most expansive or cultured list but I'm very happy with that and I think that would be a nice I think most people would enjoy that I think I think you should be proud of that menu I think there's some delicious things on there and it told us a lot every course told us a little bit about your life yeah thank you Ed and that's what this podcast is all about I think anyone you know who's new to the world of Sean McLaughlin knows exactly who you are now yes yeah yeah I think it's very clear that's really good to know man if you want to find out more you should go and see Sean do White Elephant yeah or watch the Sean McTalk show I mean when you say do White Elephant that's the name of the show that's not like it's not what I it's not we're not doing heroin I'm doing a show the show's is that a heroin thing no I don't know but do White Elephant feels weird do his show White Elephant my show is called White Elephant I was trying to plug it man I appreciate it it's quite aggressive he's trying to help you yeah and I'd say watch the Sean McTalk show but there's absolutely no way it's ever making it online not making it online and let's face it If it does, we're not going to point you in that direction.

1:29:49When does the recording start? Thanks for coming in, Sean. Thanks, guys.

1:30:00Loved that, James. What a chat with Sean. Everything I hoped it would be, quite frankly. Although I would have also liked him to pick Elephant so we could kick him out of the dream mess, John. But that didn't happen. But other than that, everything I hoped it could... I mean, my favourite bit... I'm probably going to get the word in wrong. But was like, if that makes you feel good. I said that to you. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, if that. You like anyone being short or annoyed with me? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. As in being short with me in conversation, as in you don't love anyone being short and people who are annoyed with me.

1:30:34No. No. But I like the kind of like, somehow you're the one who's got under their skin. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You love that. Really makes me laugh. Because it shouldn't happen because you're the annoying one. I'm actively trying to. Yeah, yeah. so the fact that you've kind of like walked into it somehow is really fun and it normally happens with other comics because then you are actively trying to as well sure if I know them I can't wait yeah yeah can't wait to annoy them go and see Sean on tour doing a show White Elephant SeanMcLaughlinComedy.com for tickets and of course sorry Ed was just saying hello to Benito because Benito was swatted a fly around his head and looked like he was waving and obviously watch Sean McTalk Show on YouTube.

1:31:19Yeah, Sean McTalk Show. That's what it's called. That's what it's called. We learned the name. It was worth the reveal on air. Yeah, I can see why he didn't want to tell us over text. Yeah. We're assuming Sean McTalk Show is now on YouTube. If it's not, it's gone very wrong. Yeah, yeah. But you should demand it. Sean's worst kicked him out. But you should, don't like demand it from Sean. Demand it from YouTube. Yes. That where's Sean McTalk Show? We thought this was coming out. That's all you need to say. Yeah. And hello, Sean, if you're listening as well. Yeah, hello, Sean. Hey, mate. You didn't say elephant.

1:31:47Thanks, Sean. Yeah, thanks, Sean. That's that then. I guess, well, Guy Benito's got to open the door, get a fly out the room. Yeah. Take care of yourselves. Bye. Bye.

1:32:08Hello, I'm Amy Gledhill. And I'm Harriet Kemsley. You might remember us from when we were guests on Off Menu, where I tried to find where I got seaweed mash and we had to call my mum. And I talked about how my mum was worried that I might drown in my own body. That's cool. And we've got some exciting news. We've sorted your Valentine's Day plans again as we're doing a special live recording of the podcast on Valentine's Day. A.k.a. Saturday the 14th of February. Yes, we've got a lovely venue. It's at the Underbelly Boulevard in Soho, London. we had so much fun at the last valentine's day show yes and we both absolutely overshared will we do it again you'll have to come along and find out okay yes yes we will so that's saturday 14th of february at underbelly boulevard and you can get tickets on the link in our bio and our instagram