Will Arnett

0:00Hello, Ed Gamble here from the Off Menu podcast that you're listening to right now. I bring great news. My brand new stand-up tour Fresh Hell is on sale at the end of this month. Sign up to my mailing list for early access at edgamble.co.uk. It's gonna be great. Hey, it's Howie Mandel, and I am inviting you to witness history as me and my Howie Do It gaming team take on Gilly DeKing and Wallow 267's Million Dollars Gaming in an epic Global Gaming League video game showdown. Four rounds, multiple games, one winner, plus a halftime performance by multi-platinum artist Travi McCoy. Watch all the action and see who wins and advances to the championship match against NEO right now at GlobalGamingLeague.com.

0:45That's globalgamingleague.com. Everybody games.

1:04Welcome to the Off Menu Podcast, taking the crepes of conversation, adding the sugar of friendship and squeezing over the lemon juice of humour, James. a traditional yeah trad trad crepe or pancake we should say pancake

1:21James Acaster: that is Ed Gamble my name is James Acastle together we own a dream restaurant and every single week we invite a guest and ask them their favourite ever start a main course dessert side dish and drink not in that order and this week our guest is Will Arnett Will Arnett international trej James absolute comedy royalty in my opinion very excited and mine yes yes I never want to speak on your behalf no but I think we're on the podcast together, we have a shared opinion. Everything we say is our opinion. Okay, that's interesting. That's an interesting new spin on it. As we move forward with the same opinions.

1:54James Acaster: Yes. Okay. Not Benito's though. No, we don't share Benito's. Oh, dear God. The spiciest of opinions that guy. I imagine if we shared Benito's opinions that would be bad. I mean Arrested Development, Bojack Horseman, Blades of Glory, the list goes on. He's done so many amazing things and most recently, 30 Rock, of course Ed Special is subject on Mastermind nothing gets past this guy because we have the same opinion we have the same knowledge as well does that mean I did better on Mastermind now? you did pretty well anyway didn't you? I was second from bottom well I was joint second so was I technically we're the same we're the same brothers Is This Thing On is Will's new film?

2:32James Acaster: yes which is causing quite a stir here in the UK because the inspiration for it is the life of Archimedean John Bishop Archimedean he's ours yeah I thought you were going into sort of Liverpoolian slang there oh our comedian our kid yeah yeah I should have I should have done that actually apologies to Liverpool that I didn't see that trick although isn't it more Manchester Midlands now that's where I'm from Benito Benito your opinions are not our opinions so whatever you say is wrong maybe I'm wrong well I apologise to the people of Liverpool but I will not apologise for saying that is this thing on is loosely based on John Bishop's story.

3:13James Acaster: Yes, which is very exciting. It's a man who, his marriage is in trouble. Yeah. And he starts doing stand-up comedy. And you see how that affects his relationship with, not just his wife, but everyone in his life, and with himself. Opposite of my life. You just did comedy and then got married. Yeah, I did comedy, got married, and now my comedy's in trouble. Yeah, well, that's, that's, that's, that's really, I mean, the listeners didn't know that. But yeah, hot news. Hot news. Ed's comedy's in trouble my comedy's in trouble and when Will's in I'll be asking if he wants to make another film based on a happy stand-up comedian who then goes into a happy marriage and his comedy's in trouble yeah what would you call it?

3:53is this thing on?

3:55James Acaster: you can go and see that Friday the 30th of January it starts in cinemas across the UK if you're listening in the UK Bradley Cooper's directed it James Will Arnett's in it it's based on the life of John Bish Laura Dern's in it I hope John Bishop gets invited to the Oscars because Keira Pines isn't it Bradley Cooper's got a good track Chloe Radcliffe's in it our friend Chloe Radcliffe our friend shout out to Radcliffe but will Bish go to the Oscars oh yeah that's what the whole country's thinking our comedian John Bishop will he end up on the red carpet carpet at the Oscars well that's a shame isn't it because there's the red carpet for the stars and then there's a bit there's just a red car it's red carpet he has to eat spaghetti and bread and all sorts they make you eat loads of carbs I thought it was a bit where there's just a car he's in the car park the red car bit yeah he's in the car park John Bishop Johnny Bish we've not had Bish on we've got to get Bish on now that we've had Will on I can't believe we've not had Bish on our comedian yeah but we've had Will Arnett on who's playing a John Bish style character he's someone else's comedian Will Arnett an actor look we should people will be excited about this episode and we're banging on yeah sorry guys we're getting in the way secret ingredient secret ingredient is club sauce because of the inner rest of development he is reading the menu to his mother Lucille and everything is with Club Sauce and he really delivers it in such a hilarious way it's a great great moment in a classic comedy show so Club Sauce is the secret ingredient we hope he doesn't say it we really hope he doesn't say it Lego Batman oh fuck we gotta we gotta talk about Lego Batman it's the first episode of series 15 James holy smokes and not for nothing it's our first episode in a new studio even if some episodes have already gone out with us being in the studio this is our first one yeah so big start to series 15 and this studio of course looks the way it does because it's going to be on YouTube these full episodes are going to be on YouTube Ben wants it to look as nice as possible naturally I mean I hate it yeah James hates it I mean I don't like having to film them yeah I feel all watched up and yeah awful constantly worried there's a camera on me yeah it's not like we have makeup or anything so I'll probably look washed out we're going to look like absolute shit and like also I'm not well today and I'm tired and sleep well so I look like a fucking Easter Island head so enjoy that he looks beautiful I know that won't surprise anyone but uh I feel awful he feels awful so like if you want to see us both feeling awful and like just like absolutely hating the fact that Ben's made us film the episodes now go on YouTube and you can see just how much which we're, I guess, hopefully not hating our lives.

6:40James Acaster: I think we'll be quite excited to speak to Will. Oh, so excited. But yeah, we won't be happy that it's being filmed. Yes, but watch it on YouTube tomorrow. Yeah, watch it on YouTube tomorrow. You've got to make sure you do that. Or just put it on and just walk out of the room. Yeah, either way. Yeah, yeah. Works for us. This is the Off Menu Menu of Will On It.

7:05welcome will to the dream restaurant can i just say you may can i could just comment on ben for

7:11James Acaster: a second we should yeah welcome will on there to the dream restaurant we've spent you for some time please comment on ben well he's just he operates with uh excellence yes and professionalism he was like you guys want to dick around i need to take care of the clap yeah and i'm happy to entertain all your BS, but I'm going to do what I need to do to be professional. And I feel like I stepped in his way. And I apologize. He's like that socially as well, Will. Like when we have some time off, maybe we'll go for a meal. The professionalism never stops. What I'm saying is he's not a good hang. Yeah, okay, wow.

7:45Poor man. Very serious. By the way, by the look on his face, news to him?

7:49James Acaster: Not news to him. We've received this over and over again from us. It was, for the listener, Will said, are we recording? And Ben's response was, we can be. With a hint of sass to it. There was a hint of sass. There was a little bit. And it's funny. I don't think I've ever had that response. And I found it to be refreshing. And simultaneously quite insolent. Yes. He's an insolent little lad. So anyway, the point is I'm beginning this whole experience quite confused about how I feel. Well, all of our North American guests are normally quite confused by the whole podcast. Yeah, to be honest. But the concept of a podcast or just this one?

8:24Not the concept of the podcast, but yeah, certainly, I mean, James is sometimes quite a confusing guy. I have to translate for quite a lot of... Is that right?

8:32James Acaster: Usually, but I love that Ben's the one this time. It's really, for me, it's refreshing. This isn't just refreshing for you, Will. I'm not really confused, and please don't let me together with all the North American guests you've had on. No, no, no. Most of them are dullards. I will say, not true. But also, yeah, and thank you for winking. crazy that you winked and agreed with me yeah i know what an what an affront to all your former north american kids but uh i will say so i you know i what i thought was when they told me that i was going to do this i thought erroneously that we were going to enjoy the meal yes and i'm not the first obviously who thought that yeah a few people have thought that so i skipped uh oh no i skipped a meal so i'm famished yeah and it's the worst way to do this podcast is hungry because we're going to be talking about the food and there's going to be some stomach gurgles on on mike yeah but i am going to eat afterwards yeah no you should i'm gonna have i'm gonna have and i'm gonna get as close as i can to this while that we're going to talk about my oh that's good yeah that is good i don't think anyone's done that yeah is that true people obviously do go and like have eat after the podcast but no one goes i'm going to try and replicate it as close as possible.

9:45James Acaster: This is great. Well, the question is, these are people who clearly don't know how to manifest. You have to put out into the world what you want, and then it will come into your experience. And that is my belief, billion dollars. And for me, it's just about really keeping that idea alive, billion dollars. You know what I mean? I do. I guess I've always just billion dollars believed that. But you're going to start with the mail afterwards, and then we'll see what happens. I think that I raceboat. I don't even know what that means. You sound like a 12-year-old boy. And a raceboat and a new jumper.

10:25I see a raceboat. I'm imagining one of the really slim raceboats. With the three guys. Yeah, and it's bouncing. Three guys operate a boat. I mean, I guess one's navigating? One's having a really good time. One's just there for enjoyment. or maybe DJing you can go on a race boat on the Thames and when you go right past where the MI5 building used to be they play the James Bond theme tune is that true? can you take a race boat on the Thames? well someone else has to drive it as a passenger thing it's a pretty fast boat

11:01James Acaster: and they go quite slow for a bit and then they go it's not until we can get to this point that I can really crank it up and then they get to that point James Bond theme really loud and then they go crazy and they go crazy and the boats are slapping the water and going for it I couldn't stop laughing it's pretty funny one of my one of the hardest laughs I had that I've ever had and I've had a few in my life we all have yes was I was walking in Notting Hill on a Sunday like on the Portobello Road years ago and there was tons of people out it was like a it was like a Saturday or Sunday it was just tons of people walking and some of those streets as you're going down you know down into really the heart of Portobello Road the cross streets the streets are quite it's not that long between lights and there's a guy in like an orange Lambo like an orange sherbet Lambo and he's at the light tons of people waiting and the light turns green for him and he cranks he's got the top down and he's got the shades and he goes about 20 yards before he hits a relay and stops and everybody all the crowd just collectively burst out laughing at this guy and it must have been so humiliating I mean he must have his self esteem was low enough that he bought a Lamborghini and then he got humiliated and the top's down so he could hear it I mean there was no way around it it was profoundly funny to me and he manifested that orange Lamborghini he did he did he must have speaking of things that make us laugh your new film is this thing starting Is this thing on?

12:40James Acaster: Is great. Not still on. Is this thing still on? We've thought about it. That's why John Bishop sent me a venus. Is this thing still on? We have. We joked that that would be the story you said that. Yeah, is this thing on? We're very excited about it in this country. I mean, we would be anyway, because Bradley Cooper's directing it. You're in it. It's Recipes for Success. But also, John Bishop. Yeah, John Bishop. The great John Bishop. It should be pointed out. it's like inspired by his life not about his life but like it's you know it's crazy for us that there's a Bish movie I know we love Bish yeah we love the Bish yeah love the Bish and crazily enough I met him over a meal just to tie it back and thank you Ben absolutely and just nothing and and I met him over a meal I was on a I was on a barge in Amsterdam true story having lunch on a barge or one of those canal boats on a barge, I guess.

13:40It'd be funny, an open barge just with a table. And John Bishop's there. And it's me and John Bishop. Just the two of us. And the candle keeps going out because of the wind. Yeah, and it's raining. It starts raining. We should have brought one of those glass things to put over it. But we both forgot. Anyway, sorry, that's a different... So that's in this thing. Is this still on? Is that? Is John Bishop's there? so we're on a barge and he told me the story we met through a mutual friend and he told me the story of how he became a stand-up which i found really inspiring and um that's how it happened and so his story of that was kind of the kicking off point of inspiring us uh to to write this film uh i immediately called my writing partner mark chappell um who we're talking about before the show he's a great guy hilarious writer and we worked together many times before i said we got to do this movie about John Bishop.

14:31Do you know his story? He said, I've been thinking about that. I know that story and I've wanted to do something. So that's how we started. And we brought Bradley, we were talking about with Bradley, sort of send him this stuff that we've been working on. And he said, great, can I come in? And, um, what you guys have written is shit. Um, do you mind if I write a good script? Yeah. Um, not how that went down, but, uh, and, uh, Marco was jokes. He's like, if Bradley hadn't come on, we would have made a fairly decent romantic comedy, but it is true. Bradley came on and we made this movie. So yeah, but it's Bish at the heart of it.

15:03So, you know, I've been here in London. We've had the premiere at the London Film Festival. We've done some press and it's been great hanging out with Bish. And after all these years, that was seven years ago. Yeah. And now here we are. I can't believe that it actually happened. Was there any talk of you going full Bish and doing the Scouse accent? There was never talk of, put it this way. I don't think I have the guts to go full Bish.

15:30not many people have the guts to go full bish even bish sometimes is like i'd like to see it i'd love to see it uh no yeah he uh no there wasn't we we toyed with early on like oh do we because he's from liverpool scouser obviously and then he was living outside of manchester and do we do that and we just didn't want it to feel you know full monty yeah you know what i mean oh due respect to Full Monty great movie we didn't want it that wasn't the story we were telling

16:02James Acaster: people who write the Full Monty are from that background so if you're writing it you want to write what you know and not just go let's imagine what that's exactly what I meant we want to do it justice in that way and then if I'm doing it I'm trying to do an accent to try to go full bish it's a dangerous accent to try and do it It's very hard. It's really hard. It's even hard for people from Liverpool to do. Yeah, they look in pain a lot of the time. Yeah, they do. I would like, I mean, to not do it as a sequel, but for you guys to make just the John Bishop story and you do go full bish and do it in Liverpool.

16:42James Acaster: And in a kind of wet, hot American summer style, which I'm probably thinking of because of all the people. Bradley was in that, wasn't he? Yeah, Bradley was, yeah. So like, but like, I would like to see like that kind of, you do a film like that about Bishop's life where you just do play John Bishop, do the voice. And kind of arch, a little bit arch, you mean. Yeah, a little bit of like a spoof film. It's like really, you're allowed to just be as silly as possible. Do you take requests for films ever? We just opened a request line. Yeah. We have a hotline, fully manned, 24 hours a day. We have a whole team of people.

17:18And then we also have a website. and then we also do I also do in-home requests so if people reach out and you sign up and then I come to your home and you pitch me at your house because I don't want to put you out

17:37James Acaster: we always start with still a sparkling water Will Arnett, do you have a preference? yeah

17:46don't even joke because this has happened to us before Really? Yeah, where a guest just goes, yeah. Is it true? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like a one-word answer.

17:53James Acaster: Yeah, I mean, you've got your own podcast. You know how this world works. But sometimes guests have no idea. Well, to answer your question, sparkling. Lovely. What did you think? Did you, if you had had to guess? I think sparkling. I think I would have gone with sparkling. Yeah. And tell me why. Just based as a thin slice, just a first impression why you would think I'd go sparkling. I'll be honest, Will. Yeah. This is my answer, because we've only just met. But I demand rigorous honesty. I've got a pre-existing parasocial relationship with your work, so I would say that I would think Job, Bojack, a lot of your characters would have sparkling.

18:34James Acaster: I can't imagine those characters choosing still water. And your character in Blades of Glory is definitely having sparkling water. So I've got to assume you get cast in those roles for a reason. and you're a sparkling water guy. That's what I would assume. Can I just say something? And I mean this. I appreciate the candor. Personally, I think you're a very well put together man. You're stylish. Thank you. And I can't imagine you having still water. I imagine you sitting on a piazza in Rome, maybe sipping a sparkling. Thank you. Yeah. By the way, not styled clothing from anywhere. This is all mine.

19:13A lot of you guys come in styled by their stylist. and now they're legitimately this is me yeah Ben's been styled by a stylist today has he yeah um okay and still has eyesight like still in full do you get change in the dark no okay Ben Ben looks very good I must say Ben looks good he always looks good always looks good he's got a good is that a corduroy it is if you want it to be yeah we can be yeah it can be

19:41James Acaster: if you want it to be well by the way um Now, when you decided to... The studio is quite nice. I feel honored to be in the new space, the renovated space. Yes, you're the first guest. I'll be honest. This is the first time I've seen it today. Because normally, we used to have a big table in here and we'd all sit around a table. It was a bit more of a circular discussion. But I thought this wall was going to go, is what I thought. So it's quite tight in here, isn't it? You guys are quite sorry. I just got this from the bookshelf. I hope you guys are... I just... You're right. Stacey Dooley's book Dear Minnie Yes You're reading that now Have you guys Had a chance?

20:19James Acaster: No but we have We have interviewed her about it But we've not had a chance Give yourself a favour I actually don't know What it's about So I do Oh Sarah Pasco I know Sarah Pasco There you go Are you going to do A Sarah Pasco movie? That would be good Based on Sarah's life By the way Legend Yes Total legend Has he been on the He's been on the pod I just saw him last night He was at the screening last night Richard E. Grant Richard E. Grant well maybe do you guys air any of the video they might be able to see that oh yeah just for the audio presentationally I don't normally just hold it up for people like this have you seen that's how you met him last night you were just holding it up I was holding his book outside of his house with a marker with a sharpie and he he came to the screening last night I had the chance to meet him years ago and Richard E.

21:09Grant is my favourite Richard E. Grant Whitel and I is my favourite film of all time anyway he surprised me and he came to the screening last night and it was an unbelievable thrill. I came down and he was there in the green room and he was very complimentary about the film and he gave me a big hug and to think that what 17-year-old me would have thought when I saw that film when it came out that he came to a screening of our film blew me away. It was a real life moment. I'm still riding the high right now and also the drugs. But I'm riding two highs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's good.

21:42James Acaster: double high it's incredible yeah what's been the biggest one of those moments you've had in your career that's a big that that's a really big one for me um i've had a few you know i really get so struck by by uh you know sporting figures like athletes and people who in that so there's a guy there's a canadian hockey player called wendell clark who's been my idol forever and i i finally and i spent a lot of time around the toronto maple leafs are my team so he was the captain and he was just a great, incredible all-around player, fighter, tough, goal scorer, just a salt-of-the-earth dude. And I met him last year about a year and a half ago, and it was one of those things that was incredible.

22:22And I'd been around the team a lot and all that, but we kept missing each other for years. I was in an elevator, and he got in. I saw him come in, and he stood in front of me like this, and then turned around. He was facing out because we were in the elevator. I was behind him. I was with my dad. and then his wife looked over and saw me and then she nudged him and he turned around and we embraced and got off the elevator. It was a mind blow. And then now Jurgen Klopp from Liverpool, who was the manager of Liverpool. Yes. Yeah, and then he and I, yeah. Was Bish there? Bish was not. Well, actually, he told me last night, Bish was there, but he was in the stands and I didn't know he was there.

22:57And I was down, I happened to be on the pitch. It was Jurgen's last game. He just happened to be on the pitch. Yeah, I mean, I didn't think I was going to start at all. There was no... I mean, you know, you never think you're going to start. You have a good week in training. Take your boots with you, right? Just in case. Take your boots and you've had a good week and you've trained hard with the lads and you never know because you never know what the skips going to... What the gaffer wants to do. You know what I mean? Yeah.

23:23James Acaster: Anyway, so that was another thrill. You're going to clap. Papadoms or bread? Papadoms or bread, Will Arnett? Papadoms or bread? What did he say? He said, Papadoms or bread. This is the course at the beginning. You're either being brought poppadoms or bread. Poppadoms or bread. Yes. Bread. Thank you. And don't worry, everyone always needs a translation from what James has said there. Well, also, I mean, it's the sheer volume and not just the volume in terms of sound. That sound came at me in volume. Yes. You know? I'll be honest. To the power of three. First time we've done it in this space. Did you find it loud?

23:58I did. You know, I found it really loud. I hated it the most I've ever hated it. And also, I was taking a sip of water, so I nearly, spat on you. Would have been great to have a spit take. Yeah, it would have been good. That's the clip sorted. I was, it is. Yeah. I think at the end we should all try spit takes. Yeah, I think so. Can we do that at the end in case we, because we don't want to spit on the mics and stuff, but I did it, I tried to do one yesterday and I knew something was coming up and so the guy said something and then I, and then I afterwards filled my mouth with sparkling water and then did a spit take.

24:28A sparkling spit take is, it's rare. I mean, it's the Cadillac as spit takes. because it comes out and it's got something to it. Yeah. Which is, again, not to go back to sparkling water because we've moved on and we're in bread, but really sparkling water, I mean, it just dances in your mouth. Yeah. Spit takes only really work with all liquid, I find, though. Yeah. You can't do a food spit take particularly, I don't think. No, no, it's not good. I mean, it wouldn't be great with any, really any kind of food would be pretty gross, you know. Scrambled egg. Chiramisu spit take. revolting.

25:06James Acaster: What's the grossest thing you've had to do with food on Canva? And is it the mustard parmesan thing from the rest of the development? That was pretty rough. That was pretty rough. Here's a question about that. Yeah. Thank you for teeing yourself up. He will. He will do that. I like it. I like it a lot. By the way, I have a podcast and we I often say... Is that why we're putting the ad in for your podcast? You're not going to go oh smart let's get it now on SiriusXM wherever you get podcasts and switch over to smart list mobile I don't know what kind of service you guys have on your phone anyway because if I did something that would be gross yes but I also do I go I've started doing this thing I noticed on the podcast it drives me crazy I go let me ask you a question and I'm like why don't I just ask the question what am I doing we're very bad for stuff like this quite often one of us will ask a question and the other one will say to them good question man yeah that's good I like that so we'll We'll gas each other up for our questions.

26:02Have you ever read comments and stuff about the podcast, like on Instagram and stuff? Sometimes you'll read stuff, and I agree with them. People go, I fucking hate Will when he does that. I go, I hate Will when he does that too. I hate me too, man. We're in agreement here. We're in agreement. He looks like shit. I agree. I thought I looked like shit too. Anyway, question about Arrested Development and the mustard and parmesan.

26:23James Acaster: In the Ninja Turtles film that you were in. Thank you so much. At one point, your character also eats mustard and parmesan, and there is Careless Whisper by George Michael playing in the background. Obviously, that is a reference to when it happens in invested development. Whose idea was that? Obviously mine. Nobody else did one. Sometimes you just look for things to kind of entertain yourself. And so that was like a little Easter egg just for me. And I said, hey, I think I'm going to do the mustard. And they were like, yeah, go for it. anyway alright move that light like nobody gave a shit it's a very loose improv feel on the Ninja Turtles man it's incredible and you got them thanks for getting the vibe it was those films did well yeah they did well for their audience they did very well I'm a dedicated Ninja Turtle guy is that true?

27:14Hero Turtles they were called here did you know that? were they? Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles no is that true? that's true it was why they didn't want to offend the Ninjas I think they were this country is crawling with Ninjas I think they were worried that we didn't know what ninjas were. Is that true? They didn't want us to learn about ninjas. And I guess the first time you learn about ninjas, ideally they shouldn't be turtles. Because that's going to color your whole opinion of ninjas moving forward, right? Well, yeah. I mean, yeah, you don't want to sully, you know, just the legend of ninjas or just the idea of ninjas.

27:49You want that to remain as pure as possible. Absolutely, yeah. And I get that. So bread, you're having bread. So I'm having bread. Do you have a type of bread that is your dream bread? No, I, you know, I, so I was thinking about this. I had a really nice bread last night that I did not, I didn't partake in because it was late and I knew I was having a big meal. So I, but I do often, I have a, generally my rule is I'll only have bread at a meal if it's warm. Nice. If it just comes out and it's bread, if you haven't bothered to warm it up, then I'm not going to bother eating it. Yeah. And do you say that to them?

28:27Obviously, I go into the kitchen. Yeah. But I don't have to say it to them because I have pre-made cards that say that. Yeah, that's nice. Yeah. And it's just a nice, and you just do one of those kind of like really, and just put it like that. Yeah. Push it forward on the desk, on the counter. I've never done that. I'd love to do that. I know, push something forward. Just push something forward. Like a American Psycho. Yeah. Yeah, or that's the, like a bank robber style where you put the number, the amount, you know, the note, put the money in the bag. Yeah. $25. Yeah,$25. No, and so I have, I'd like it to be warm.

28:57A couple of things. Also, when you open the restaurant before customers get there, take the butter out of the fridge. Yeah. Yeah. What are we doing? Yeah, yeah. Stop. It's not going to go bad from the time everybody gets there and starts prepping and I sit down for my meal. I don't need it. I don't need it to spread across my, ruin the texture of my bread and spread across in little chunks and ball up. Yeah. And now I've got to take the ones that are individually wrapped and warm it with my hands. And that goes for toast, too. Guess what? Butter it before you bring it to the table for me, please.

29:32Oh, you like it pre-buttered? Absolutely. I want it to come buttered. Otherwise, what are we doing? Are we civilized or not? How do you know that the restaurant know how much butter you like on your toast? Guess. They should guess. Mm-hmm. just in the way that you guess I like sparkling, take a look at me. Size you up. Size me up. Yeah, I go, this guy likes to go deep with butter. Yeah, yeah. He's a sophisticated guy. I like a nice crispy toast, but then have just a thin layer over all of it. I think everybody would pretty much be fine with that. Yeah, yeah, sure. And you do, obviously there are psychos out there that like dry toast.

30:10Well, who are those? I mean, who are those people? And we want to, guess what? We want to try to filter those people out anyway. We want to find, we want to know who you are. Straight to prison. Straight to prison. no trial for more dry bread the thing is they'd love it wouldn't they they're dying to go to prison well that sounds lovely Will okay oh sorry the last thing with the bread I like it when it comes out with those little round like a little round loaf that they quarter so you cut off a big chunk and then steamy comes out and then you put a nice soft butter on it and here's the ultimate the Everest of warm bread before a meal a really well-made pretzel roll.

30:53Pretzel bread. Have you ever had pretzel bread before? Yeah, yeah. It is less of a thing. In America, maybe it's more American, but there's a restaurant in New York that does a pretzel bread that'll blow your... Put it this way. You're going to want to button up your socks because it might blow them off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Want to shout out the restaurant? The Strip House on 12th Street in New York between University and Fifth Ave. for me pound for pound best steak in America. Wow. Yeah. And people have all these other big fancy names. This is, they, consistency is key with the restaurant. We all know that.

31:27We're all in the restaurant business.

31:32And it is just consistently fantastic the way they, the way they go. Just amazing. I don't trust a lot of restaurants to, to, to order medium rare anymore. Okay. Because they can't get it right. Yeah. But strip house, I go medium rare because they do it right. And the pretzel roll blows you. pretzel roll this is i mean to quote many great people forget about it finally but yeah you got you got a minute ben laughed gotta laugh

32:00James Acaster: we start your menu proper now will your dream starter anything specific is it from a specific place like the bread one this one is not from a specific place it's just it needs to be uh well It needs to just be well done. I don't mean cooked well done. I mean, it needs to be well made. And that is, and I'm going to go, a lot of my stuff I'm going to do are going to be fairly classic. Classic never goes out of style. True. It's a good quote, that. I guess. Thank you. Framed. I sent it to you guys framed. Meanwhile, doing that. Another laugh out of Ben. Yeah. just for the record chalk it up FTR absolutely foie gras oh wowie yeah foie gras little toast points my friend Joe on the way here he says sourdough I said great question sure what was the answer are we going with sourdough could be yeah doesn't necessarily need to be can be just brown toast if you want but well done little points you know triangles crunchy crunchy and then nice good consistency you know that's that's not like ice cold and chill no no no no not like like a cold pate like a beautiful for like a real foie gras with like a fig jam oh nice yeah yeah this is super classic very rich yeah yeah and the food as well yeah yeah oh and the food is too yeah you're right how often you're having foie gras is this like a special occasion thing or because we don't know we don't know the lifestyle you're leading with, you know?

33:42Yeah, well. These days, not as much as I'd like to. There was a time there I feel like I used to have it more. I don't come across it as much. Yeah. It's not on as many menus as it used to be. I think that people got, you know. There's some ethical questions around foie gras, I guess. Which I understand. Yeah. But I don't think a lot of those people are watching this program or listening to this podcast. Oh, tons of them will be. Is that true? Yeah. No, no, no. They don't. No, they don't. No, because they have issues with tons of metric tons of them yeah watching james has no idea who our audience are he's not on social media he doesn't know the reaction to anything so tons of them boy this is the statement he is standing by yeah yeah so yeah they don't have as much but but when you find a real when you find a good restaurant uh that makes a fantastic foie gras man stick with it yeah so i that's for me that's it that's the the bee's knees do you is that i know you say just as long as it's prepared well is there a restaurant that you know that you found that does that does a good version sorry what what did you say it was foie gras yeah you see you gave it a compliment a minute the bees it's the bees knees bees yeah well done yeah rest is developed yeah yeah my

34:56James Acaster: girlfriend made me promise that if there was an opportunity to do that i would do that and boy did I serve it up so what am I getting sent to prison now the problem is sent to prison to eat dry toast is that what's happening now the problem is you served up the opportunity then we moved on and then James made you go back so you can do it again timing is amazing I'm not happy with how it turned out I'm not sitting here delighted about it she didn't listen to this episode she would have heard you say bee's knees and then it moved on how has he missed the opportunity End of the relationship. So even my relationship's over or I did that.

35:33Can you imagine if she listened to it and you came home and she's just sitting like in the front room or I don't know what your situation, but whatever that is, you come in and she's sitting with her head in her hands in the dark. Yeah. And she says, can we talk? And you think, this is it.

35:50James Acaster: I'll already know what it's about. But you'll know. Yeah. I'll know what this is about. I'll be like, Benito's fucking fucked me and kept it in the edit. Heavy. I'd have known it was his fault that would be heavy but thanks for letting me do it and responding nicely to it of course yeah yeah yeah you know there's a lot on your shoulders there yeah great brilliant there we go absolutely brilliant that was for her absolutely that was to bail you out tell you what I want you to be happy successfully yeah okay thank you hey it's Howie Mandel and I am inviting you to witness history as me and my Howie Do It gaming team take on Gilly De King and Wallow 267's million dollars gaming in an epic Global Gaming League video game showdown.

36:34Four rounds, multiple games, one winner, plus a halftime performance by multi-platinum artist Travi McCoy. Watch all the action and see who wins and advances to the championship match against Nioh. Right now at GlobalGamingLeague.com. That's GlobalGamingLeague.com. Everybody games.

37:00Your dream main course. Staying in the classic theme. Please. Because the classics are classics for a reason. Frame it. Frame it. I mean, is there a framing store near here? We can sell something out. I don't know if you guys have enough wall space for the shit I'm dropping. I'm going a nice, big, thick cut, bone-in, dry-aged ribeye. Oh, yes. Medium rare. The king of the steaks. The king of the steaks. Marbleized. Yeah. Flavor. A little charred, as they call it, Pittsburgh. That's what they call it. A little bit charred on the outside. Medium rare on the inside. But not raw. Just the center, the pinkest part, obviously.

37:47And almost a little bit red at the very same, almost. And that, man, that's some good eating. Yeah. I'm in complete agreement with you that's the dream so that's the dream entree that's the main for those of you just listening Will is miming how big this steak is this is the plate but by the way sure if you want to bring me a dry aged bone in ribeye that's this big Flintstone size I'm going to eat it would you say yabba dabba doo when you saw it? I wouldn't say yabba-dabba-don't. Let me put it that way. Middle of the plate, big, juicy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now you're going to say, you're going to say, well, how are you going to eat that?

38:39How are you going to, what is it, is it coming just in its own juices? It's in its own juices. Yeah, yeah. But it's not just in its own juices. Because what you're going to have on this side, never over top, Never pour it on it in the kitchen, but on the side, so you can do it according to... You're going to make your own assessment when you see the cut of meat when it comes out. This Pittsburgh chard, beautiful bone-in, medium rare ribeye. You're going to have a little pot of au poivre.

39:11James Acaster: Oui, oui. I've not even heard this word. What? Never heard this word before. It's au poivre. Do you think I see French? Don't tell him what it is. We're going to try and make him guess. Oh, God. O O Poivre Poivre Poivre James You definitely studied French because we all had to study French Yeah How's it spelled? P O I V R E Poivre Ah How do you say It is not salt but Butter that's a big clue that was a huge clue from you Will pepper pepper sauce of course you could have worked it out from what goes with steak and then you should have worked it out by it's not salt it's pepper well that was the big clue that was the biggest of the clues because pepper is the opposite of salt au poivre you might refer to it as peppercorn peppercorn sauce is that what you would call it peppercorn sauce yeah and that's cute it's delightful but it's really au poivre what's exciting about you doing this voice is it's reminding me that you are our first guest on the podcast who was in a film, the film that gets referenced the most on this podcast.

40:27James Acaster: Is that right? Ratatouille gets referenced more on this podcast than any other film. That makes sense. And you are our very first guest who was in Ratatouille. You play a French character in that. German. German, your character. Horse. Horst. Horst, who is like an ex-convict and no one knows what he did. With this summer killed a man. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Very exciting to have a Ratatouille. I remember all my dialogue, shall we? Yeah, please go for it. But this is huge for the pod. It's a huge moment. I'm really honored to be here as a representative of Ratatouille. I mean, I assume you were just, you were in a booth doing multiple lines all day on your own.

41:07No, I was actually on a stage, on a mixing stage, sort of recording stage, with uh brad bird the director oh yeah uh in there with me oh which was exciting and and i've told he knows this but i've because i've said before i got there i don't know what happened i didn't realize that mike he was like you know and i were going through and he had all the materials there and he took me through all the boards and i was in there he goes and obviously you know horse is german and i went obviously christ and i broke into a sweat yeah and like really quickly i was like and i you know i don't i'm not like known for my accents and uh or am i and i um and i so i was like oh shit like i do like a german like a just like a bar tricky like to your friends so anyway so i just did it on the spot and like all right he's like you ready to go i'm like yeah totally and then kind of got through it how did that information not get through to you is that did you not read the email the worst representatives one of them's here today he's the worst of the bunch.

42:13He's just, he's on the thinnest of ice. He's out there right now. He's probably listening. It drives me. Knowing him is not listening to this. Exactly. Yeah, yeah. He's on his phone scrolling X. X, by the way. What? Come on. X? Shut up. Named by a four-year-old. What are you doing? We're going to go on X. Okay. Fucking ding dong. Anyway. It's about time someone took that guy down. I mean, he's taking himself down. Fuck is he unfunny. But he's smart, but fuck is he unfunny. Okay, so here's the other thing. Au poivre. Right? That's in the middle of the plate. And you're probably thinking like, you're having that on its own, or are you going to have some sides with that?

43:00It's not living alone on the plate. It's got a side, but that side needs to be right next to it. You want to husband it with that. Touching, they're touching. They got to be touching a certain part, and you're going to understand why. Because it is a nice medium cut, dark golden brown French fry. A pile of them on the side. For a second, I thought it was one. Not a single one. No, no. I'm not insane anymore. A pile of fries. Yeah. Beautiful, perfect French fries. you know and you're going to find a good fry like you're going to find a good fry like this like a sort of a steak free type fry you're going to find it in in in france like in paris yeah in belgium you'll find a delicious fry you'll because you know with a moule frites if you want you could go that's not what we're having tonight no but i'm saying it's that it's that caliber fry on the plate and the reason being as you start enjoying this delicious steak the juices start to run and then under that under that pile of golden goodness it starts to pool a little bit with this the steak juice and the au poivre the peper con if you will and it creates this this soggy base of fry that you're then able to put your fork in and now you're applying some soggy and if you want and I might want to do this in this meal I might excuse me and call back and I might get like a thing and I can taste it now I might ask for like just a little side of like a creamy horseradish sauce every other not every bite every other bite might have a little creamy and now and now everything's working and it's all soluble I love that you're not initially asking for the horseradish no I wait you wait you hold off and then you think I'm going to have that because you go pure first yeah yeah and then you start to and then you start to add to it you know you're not going to build you're not going to build the house you're not going to build the roof first on a house no we've built the foundations of the fries but the foundations are flooding slightly aren't they yeah there's a damp basement in there yeah and on the side and for the fries what you might have so for the ones underneath you got the sauce for the ones on top you have a little thing of mayonnaise yeah dip the fries in the mayonnaise lovely at this point you're virtually untouchable okay you're bulletproof now yeah you're in the middle and you're thinking like we're done well we're not we're not done no because we got some on this other but we have a nice little plate of beautifully buttered kind of almost glistening green beans nice so there's there's a vegetable involved here of Of course.

45:53Well, there are two, because there's going to be a late edition that's going to come over the top. I thought we were done here, Will. No. This is going to drive you mad. Okay. This is going to be... Hit me. People are going to be ripping their headphones off this podcast and going out for this meal. Yeah. You've got the green bean. And then they put down... And this is something, if I see on the menu, I never turn it down. Okay. A beautiful bowl of cream corn. Oh, yeah. Ooh. Yeah, yeah. Old school. Nice. Yeah. Classic cream corn. And that's obviously also introducing another slight liquid element to the plate.

46:31If you're putting that on the plate, you've got the au poivre, you've got the juices, and now you've got the cream corn. Now you've got the cream corn. That's turning into a lovely little melange, isn't it? Oh, it's a delightful... Yeah. It's a delightful... It's the eaten mess at that point of entrees. It's a savory eaten mess. Yeah, it's a savory eaten mess.

46:52James Acaster: and this cream corn like how how creamy are we talking about what's your perfect type of cream not too creamy not runny for me but also uh not too you know not too runny and creamy but also it does need to have cream sometimes they try to get sometimes they try to skimp on the cream and you're like well now you're just serving me niblets of corn it's the first word in the dish yeah you've got to lead with you've got to lead with cream right yeah it almost looks like a fondue yeah it's not it's not it's green corn you want to be able to spoon it on but you don't want to have to ladle it on exactly right there you go you're fully on board yeah frame that frame that I'd love to frame it can I ask a question about the bone about the bone in the steak because it's a bone in the steak in the bone thank god and then I have follow up questions I was like these guys I've never had sex before what he was going to ask you is that true yeah it's normally at this point I ask the guest Ask them what sex is like.

47:50James Acaster: Okay. Ask them what it's like and if you should do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, because the steak sounds nice. Keep holding it off. Okay, I'll hold off. I want it to be special. Yeah. Got a promise ring. Wow. Yeah. Like, promise to do it. It's a promise ring to myself. Oh, okay, I see, I see. One day I will do it. Okay. I promise. Good for you. The bone in the steak. Yeah. How big is this bone? What are we talking? I mean, it can be six, seven, eight inches. It might be pretty substantial. Look, I'm not opposed to somebody that you're eating with saying, hey, do you mind if I bring it back for my dog?

48:24You know, that whole bit. People do that whole thing. So you're not picking up the bone and gnawing it, are you? It depends. It depends on how much is left on there. Because if there's some decent meat and or delicious fat stuck to that bone, I'm going to go at it. Yeah. And I respect you for that. I'm the guy who's chewing the bone, I think. You are. And I'm going to say to whomever I'm eating with, look, I'm going to pick this thing up. I might hit this for a minute. Is there any situation where you wouldn't do that, where you're worried about sort of politeness? The king. Yeah. King Charles.

49:01King Charles, yeah, if I'm eating with King Charles. Yeah, yeah. Like in some sort of like efficient. Now, look, if we're up at, you know, wherever it is, wherever they're, you know, Balmoral or something, and it's summertime and we're just kind of chilling out, he's not going to mind, I don't think. I'm imagining him in a Hawaiian shirt and shorts at that point sure although it's drafty yeah I will say even in the summer it's quite drafty yeah I imagine it's where most drafts originate

49:28James Acaster: yeah yeah from Scotland where they're all born yeah of course so if you sorry go ahead dinner with a friend and they're gonna say can I take the bone back for my dog yeah if you're thinking now of all your friends different dogs for the dream meal who is the dog you'd most like the bone to go to great question a friend's dog great question do I have am I thinking of a specific dog I do I am thinking of a specific dog and his name is Emerson mm-hmm a little bit older which actually coincidentally is my middle name oh yeah and uh and he's got this big sort of like we still know what it is like this big kind of thing on his paw right now how old is Emerson I think he's 11 mm-hmm it looks like a tennis ball under his thing but he's okay he's and uh he's a he's a good boy he's he's kind of like a beautiful gray lab beautiful and he would go crazy for it and he's and i will say because you hear this thought but he is actually a particularly good boy yeah yeah because they get told that all the time yeah you're a good boy i hear people actually hear this today before i came in here i crossed this woman as well and and i could tell that this woman and because she had she was telling her dog that he was a good boy but as I don't know.

50:40Yeah. But Emerson is legitimately a good boy. Yeah. That's good. He's a good, good boy. They can't all be good boys.

50:47James Acaster: Yeah. Would you want the bone to go to Mr. Peanut Butter or not? Oh, from BoJack. BoJack Horseman. Yeah. And he's been on this podcast, Mr. Peanut Butter. Yes. Paul Tompkins has. Yeah, yeah. Has he really? He has. I love Paul Tompkins. He's amazing. He is hilarious. Yeah. He and I used to sit together at the BoJack Horseman recordings. like the table reads rather. And Amy Sedaris was never there. She was always in New York and she would call in on speakerphone for table reads. And then sometimes she would read other characters just so they'd ask her to because they would, you know, have all these things and they didn't have it cast yet or whatever.

51:24And Amy would be like, sure, I'll do it because she's the coolest and she'll do anything. And she would take these huge swings with these characters and just go crazy voice. And Paul Tompkins and I would fucking die. I have so many memories of that. Yeah.

51:38James Acaster: She's one of the funniest people ever. He is. Well, he is, but Amy Sedaris. Oh, Amy Sedaris. She's in Is This Thing On? In the film. Yes. Yeah. Very exciting. Yeah. And I've known her for ages. I adore her. I adore her. She's so funny. My wife is so obsessed with Amy Sedaris, but mainly... You haven't had sex with your wife? I'm holding off. You told me to hold off. Sorry, your wife is obsessed with Amy Sedaris. Mainly from the videos of her showing you around where she lives and all of the plastic food collection she's got and stuff. Dude, she's the best. Yeah. So you're not sending Mr. Peanutbutter the bone.

52:17James Acaster: Emerson's getting it. Yeah, no, no, no. I mean, he's an animated. That would be foolish. Yeah. Like, I'm going to send it to Raphael Bob Waksberg's house, you know, who created the show. Yeah. And say, hey, can you send this to the animators? Yeah, and see if they can feed. Right? People would be worried about you at that point, I think. I just don't even I'm just trying to sort of just trying to walk through that like right now like what that looks like that's they would have to draw the bone I guess they would have to copy the bone yeah yeah Bojack that was a lifetime ago yeah people make remarks all the time all the time that people go like that's the horse from Horsin' Around I'm like I know man

53:03I mean I love it I love it it's really funny writing about Raphael did you mean to make a horse sound then after you I mean that's legit but he never even did that no it's just like one of those things you're like what do you mean you're just exhausted talking about BoJack yeah too much it's a lot of BoJack talk I shouldn't say too much I mean I do obviously love it and again he's brilliant and what he wrote was brilliant but I get it

53:31James Acaster: isn't there anything I always like it when people get asked this especially actors is there a project you've done how do you like that as a ramp up to a question I liked it a lot I like it when other people ask this question so I'm going to have a go at asking have a go man is there something you've done that you don't get asked about enough that you just wish would come up because you're so proud of it it was something that you think is a hidden gem that people don't talk about enough no hidden gems no hidden gems all the gems are on display no gems yeah that's the problem I need to get some gems first and then I'll have then I'll have hidden gems you're all gems man that's why it's like the crown jewels you can't see your own gems if you're in the gem box that's true yeah frame it frame it frame it yep

54:19your dream drink speaking of bojack well it's a tough one like your dream drink for me it's non-alcoholic so what am i going to say the american champagne sorry diet coke I actually had a waiter at a French restaurant say to me once, taking a drink or something, just a Diet Coke from me goes, American champagne. In like the shittiest voice, I swear to God. And I was like, thank you for judging me. So yeah, I'd probably stay with the sparkling. If pressed, I'll have myself a DC, but I don't mind a really good non-alcoholic beer. I had a really good one in Switzerland because I do like that taste.

55:02It's good. so I'll have one of those every once in a while. I forget what the brand was. I tried to find it. It was really good.

55:09James Acaster: That's the thing with non-alcoholic beers, isn't it? When you do find a good one. Yeah, you're like, all right. You have to write it down straight away because otherwise you're not going to remember it. Later on, you'll be like, oh my God. Yeah. I finally found a good one. And now I've got the same thing. I have one in a bar and every time people bring up non-alcoholic beers and finding good ones, all I can say to them is go to Cafe Otto in Hackney and hopefully they've got the same one on still because I can't remember what it's called. Nice. Which is very... And I think that was Swiss as well.

55:34James Acaster: I might call them. Yeah, call Cafe Otto. Cafe Otto in Hackney. And say, what's the beard that James had? What beard did you have the night where there was a guy performing on the horsehair harp? Yeah. And then they'll know. Horsehair harp. Yeah. Got it. You had a good night of that? Great night. Good night. Great night. Banging night. Just horsehair harp. Front to back. Start to finish. There's a guy with a really bad cough who had to leave and I watched him go up to security and show on an iPad a thing that said, because my cough is so bad, please can I have a refund? Written on the iPad. Written on the iPad?

56:12James Acaster: Yeah. Got a massive iPad in it written on it. He stood in front of security. He wrote it out first while still standing in front of them and then showed them the iPad that said, because my cough is so bad, please can I have a refund? And why didn't he just say it to them? Because his cough was so bad? I have no idea. It was like, it was like within the first five minutes of the show, I suspected... Maybe he's trying to be respectful to the harvest. Was it part of the show? No. I was at the back. I saw him trying to get out. Maybe it was part of the show just for me, and I'd feel lucky if that's the case.

56:42James Acaster: How peculiar. But it felt like he just didn't like the horsehair harp. Yeah. Because I hadn't heard him coughing. And then all of a sudden the cough came on. Suddenly, as soon as the music started. Classic. This over-the-top cough, straight to security, asking for a refund. I think anyone who carries an iPad around is a danger. anybody who carries one around is you sure certainly we should be suspect of yes but anybody and i mean this you guys have spent a little bit of time with me now yeah if you take a fucking picture with an ipad straight to jail preach you're you're in prison with a dry bread you are you're you've got a future dry toast my friend yeah yeah and you're taking big i want that to become like a saying that people now instead of going to prison like uh you're gonna be eating a lot of dry toast in your future.

57:31You know what I mean?

57:33James Acaster: Aren't we saying that if they eat the dry toast they get sent to prison? Yeah. Because if so, if that's what they're getting fed in prison they've landed on their feet. Well the irony is that when they get there it's only dry toast. So we're going to have to put them in a prison that only serves very wet toast, right? His Majesty's prison system isn't bringing a lot of butter. They're not worried about making sure that the prisoners get butter on their toast. We've got a lot of other things that we're worrying about. We're trying to balance a budget over here. The Chancellor's under fire. NHS is, all of it, underfunded.

58:10They're closing down 24-hour police stations like crazy through London. There's an epidemic of phone theft. And it's all because of middle market, second-hand store, and they're sending these European phones into China.

58:22James Acaster: You know so much about... Just wake up. Wake up. I say that. Sorry, no, I watched that on Wake Up London. Yeah. No, no. And a lot of that is down to butter in prisons as well. It's all about butter in prison. The problem is if you give them too much butter in prison, they can squeeze themselves through the bars. I'll do it. As soon as he started saying it and smiling to himself, I was like, he's going to say they can squeeze through the bars. You must say things to yourself sometimes that make you smile. Of course. Yeah, I'm imagining the image. It's a funny image to me. It's a really funny image.

58:54James Acaster: I can't imagine you smiling at your own stuff. You've been very, just like a slice of toast, very dry. Have I? Yeah. I'll have a smile. I'm smiling on the inside. Yeah. I get accused of laughing at my own jokes with my friends from time to time. Bateman, this guy, he's an actor. He's been in like, where would you know him from? He's pretty middle of the road, but what made me think of him was the mayonnaise. Just because he's so white. he'll often say to me Jason will often say oh you couldn't get through your own oh it's so funny you couldn't get through your own bit yeah it's good to be called out on it now it is it's fun has there been a particular take or something on a film or TV show where you couldn't get over it with laughing ruin a lot of takes when we used to do Arrested Velma back in the day Tony Hale would make me laugh he played Buster he made us all laugh so much when he would get into character when he'd kind of ramp up to Buster.

59:53Like, you'd be talking to somebody, go, okay, guys, here we go. And we'd be like, ready? And he'd go like... And I'd fucking keel over. So, yeah, some of the big laughs.

1:00:04James Acaster: With him, it's the nearly touching his face, then not touching his face. All of that. He's about to, and then it's too much. Tony Hale is brilliant. Brilliant guy. And a lovely guy. Every character in that show was like wild and had something particularly funny about them. So that must have been a nightmare to try and get through stuff. Yeah, a lot of it was quite insane. Yeah. A lot of it was quite insane. Crazy times, man. We always have a secret ingredient on the show that if the guest chooses it as part of their meal, they get kicked out of the restaurant. And sometimes we make it relevant to the guest and their past work.

1:00:38James Acaster: And with you, we were sport for choice because of the amount of food references there is in a lot of stuff you've done, but especially the rest of development. Yeah. And your character in particular. do you want to because we're at the dessert now do you want to before we go into dessert have a little guess at what we might have chose for you that is relevant to your character and sorry this particular item is a thing that would get me kicked out if it was on your menu we'd kick you out of the podcast okay I'm asking you it now because it's too late for it to be on the menu well it can't be the mustard and parmesan because that would be you brought it up so that would be very harsh that would be that would be a low that would be pretty low so that'd be low so So, it might be something with club sauce.

1:01:20It's club sauce. Was it? Yeah.

1:01:22James Acaster: Straight away. Straight away. How does that feel to get it straight away? Pretty good, right? You felt pretty good. I did feel decent about it. I mean, you know, I'm paying attention. I could see you. I've got an excellent memory. Yeah. Yeah. For stuff that revolves around me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. For all of your own work. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And stuff that people have said. Yeah. And I love to hold a grudge. Yeah. What's your biggest grudge? My biggest grudge? I feel like we're about to hear the term Jason Bateman again. Yeah. I mean, I really, I've been trying to undermine him. The fact that he's had so much success, despite all the work I've put into to bat shit talk him.

1:02:01Yeah. That for me, that's rough. Yeah. That's a tough pill to swallow.

1:02:07James Acaster: Yeah. He's working with Jude Law now. That's got to be annoying for you. Oh, he and Jude Law are best friends. Oh, no. And they got this show that everybody loves because it's really good. Yeah. And he's really good at it, and he directed it really well. And everybody loves it, and he always does great stuff. This will make you feel good, though. I watched it, and I loved it. That does make me feel good. That's really good. I think you're misunderstanding. I almost barfed up my dream meal. Hey, it's Howie Mandel, and I am inviting you to witness history as me and my Howie Do It gaming team take on Gilly the King and Wallow 267's million dollars gaming in an epic Global Gaming League video game showdown.

1:02:50Four rounds, multiple games, one winner, plus a halftime performance by multi-platinum artist Travi McCoy. Watch all the action and see who wins and advances to the championship match against Nioh. Right now at GlobalGamingLeague.com. That's GlobalGamingLeague.com. Everybody games.

1:03:13we're in the dessert yeah now this is a fun new thing we're doing on the podcast ben and i are doing yeah that we came up with um telepathically yeah uh god we made a connection is where you gotta guess and i'm gonna be honest with you and those guys are in the other room my whole team who came with me, all 12 of them know what my dream dessert is. Okay. Okay? And so I want you to just try to, and for realsies too. Let's go for realsies. So we're doing a guessing game. So here's the thing. Each of you guess what you think my, I know we might not have time for this, but what you think my dream dessert is.

1:03:56James Acaster: Yeah. So going by, so already we've got the foie gras, the massive, perfectly cooked steak, sparkling water. So I think we're looking in pretty rich, fancy, no-messing-around territory. Classics are classic for a reason. Classics are classics for a reason. Classics are classics for a reason. Let's remember that. Classic never goes out of style. I would almost go for the perfect chocolate lava cake or something you might choose. I think that's a great shout. That's a very... I will not send one back. If you brought it to the table at this meal, I'd say fair enough yeah and I'd eat it and I'd be delighted with every morsel every bite okay it's not that it's not it it's not first choice but it's in there it's up there okay you've not mentioned this dessert already I have not mentioned this dessert I would never I would never do that no either you would not do that yeah and can I give you can I give you a hint is that okay you can but it's you know as long as if I guess it right there's not any protest from James saying but he got a hint and I didn't I like protest Yeah, we're not keeping score.

1:05:03The stakes are fairly low. I keep score. Well, the stakes are fairly bigger than one you play. Well, they're fairly medium rare. Yeah. And it is fairly big. But it's also low from where you get it from the cow. Are you giving me a hint? Classic, probably classic American, classic North American. Classic North American. Just to keep you over there. Because I don't want you to be like, oh, creme brulee. I'm not doing that. No, we're not souffle. We're not creme brulee. We're not. No, no, no, no. Okay. and I don't think I think you would have reacted to chocolate in a different way if it was chocolatey it can't be and there is a chocolate element to it for sure ah okay there is but it's not the because I was thinking cobbler but love again I have such a sweet tooth yeah in that area in that general area I'm going with like a like a cobbler fine yeah I don't mind a cobbler you can't tell by my shoes but I also love If you're listening to this, you've got to watch it.

1:06:00Yeah. A lot of this is visual. You're missing out on a lot. Just the winks alone. Yeah, the winks, seeing the shoes, the shoes that were the joke. Yeah. I love making a visual joke on a podcast. Yeah. It's the best. I love a cobbler. I love a pie. But I love like an apple brown Betty, they call it. Like it's sort of like almost like a mini, like a cobbler. That's got sort of like a brown sugar sort of crust with a sort of a pie-y cobbler. with like a thick cream or a vanilla ice cream. Yes, that's not it. It is much more classically chocolatey dessert and classic, been classic for a minute. Brownie?

1:06:40A brownie situation? Not again.

1:06:42James Acaster: That's my guess. Okay, brownie. Yeah, well, I'll guess like a huge ice cream sundae. Yes, yes is the subsection. Yes, I'm going to say I'll allow it in a way. that is normally that's there on the mountain but at the very peak of it yeah banana split do you guys if you throw fruit into this fucking dessert I'm flipping I'm flipping the table yeah yeah you guys do drum rolls Ben do a drum roll okay James is a drummer you should do it really it's funny if I get Ben to do it yeah that's true quite good actually baked Alaska oh we sure got baked alaska that is so in keeping with the whole menu yeah i feel an idiot for not getting yeah no don't don't don't blame yourself i am blaming myself baked alaska and there's a chocolate element to it yeah to the baked alaska yeah the ice cream is the ice cream yeah yeah this is stunning comes out flaming yeah right they do the whole thing like you with a cream corn if it's on the menu i've got to order it that's true same with me yeah so i'll tell you if i so uh Well, you'll decide if it's funny.

1:07:57Years ago at a restaurant in California with my mom and dad up in sort of Montecito north of Los Angeles, a place called the San Isidro Ranch, beautiful place. Really top, top, top. Incredible restaurant there. Absolutely delicious meal every single time I've been there. Just the three of us, my mom and dad and me. And we're having dinner and somehow the conversation, we're talking about dessert and my dad says oh i love a baked alaska he says you know this restaurant around the corner from where we grew up in toronto where uh he said this restaurant that he used to go go to all the time called brown's uh on mcpherson shout out if it's still there it might still be open classic my dad said one time he was at brown's years ago and he was talking about baked alaska at which point he sees the waiter it wasn't on the menu he sees the waiter come through with the baked alaska and put in front of the guy sitting at the next table.

1:08:53And he said to the waiter, you have a baked Alaska? He goes, we do tonight. And he goes, I'll get one. He tells me this story. I go, oh, that's crazy. At which point, out the window, because we're sitting just inside, we see a guy serve the guy outside the window a baked Alaska. Wow. Yes, please. We said, you know. That's the universe talking. The universe is saying, motherfucker, you're going to have a baked Alaska. Yeah. You've got to order it at that point. You have to. Although one time I ate at that very same restaurant with Don Johnson of, you know, Don Johnson fame. Yeah. And the waiter came up and he said, he said, dessert.

1:09:28And Don said, no, that's character actor food. Brilliant. Brilliant. Character actor. He was right. He looks at me. So I'm like, if Don Johnson's not eating dessert, I'm not. Yeah. So I had them, obviously I secretly went back and got in a bag and ate it in my car. Okay. tears streaming into my baked alaska baked alaska is not car food man it's not great car it does not travel well we talked about we talked about showing up with the meal today yeah i said what if we just show up so here's the deal i thought for a minute that we were going to eat this meal today right i said that yes i thought man that would be so great and the thing i was looking forward to the most was the baked alaska yeah and that's how we got to well we could have brought it but it's a very ambitious thing to think a podcast is going to cook for you I think the baked Alaska and the perfect steak

1:10:18James Acaster: yeah it is a lot yeah we would have loved to have done it for you but you know we don't know the first thing about how to make it do either of you cook I cook when I can you do which is not very often but I like to cook I enjoy it I've never done a baked Alaska though I don't know how it works the ice cream's cold and then the thing's hot it takes a couple days because you've got to layer it yeah that's what I know I know my grandmother used to make a really great ice cream dessert that took a few days that had like the base of it was a sort of this very particular kind of specific rather Canadian chocolate bar.

1:10:52And then you do one layer of ice cream and then that needs to set for like a day and then you do another layer. It had a bunch of different... It was incredible. Yeah, that's good.

1:11:00James Acaster: There's a restaurant in Leeds called Ox Club which we've shouted out a few times on the podcast and their dessert is pretty much always a different type of baked Alaska. Really? I'm doing a... I'm going to Leeds soon and they wanted to do a collab for 10 years at this restaurant being over however long it's definitely not 10 years but like and we've got a menu that's just like my little special menu and it's the Baked Alaska that I had the first time I went in there really? yeah I'm excited about this what's it called again? Ox Club Ox Club in Leeds I don't know how often you get up to Leeds Leeds in general is brilliant for food now is it?

1:11:37James Acaster: you're sport for choice there really? Really? No, never been to Leeds. It's a great city. It's not all about London now in the UK. You know, there's some incredible restaurants all around the UK. Yeah, I buy that. So this is a chocolate baked Alaska specifically, chocolate ice cream. I'm going to read your menu back to you now and see how you feel about it. Ben tells us this is the first time that it's going to be on this iPad here. Oh, I see. Yeah. I was wondering, I was like, is this like Darren Brown part of this? and you guys had already written down my answers. It would have been lovely to do that and confuse you and confound you, but James told you exactly what we're doing.

1:12:16James Acaster: I'm just concerned with my own existence. I'd be so... And by the way, Ben takes photos on that iPad. And actually all it says on here is, I have a cough, can I have a refund? So I don't know. Really nice. Both of them really nice. You would like sparkling water. You would like a little round, warm loaf of pretzel bread with butter. From? From, Benito's not written on. The strip house. Strip house, good memory. Starter, foie gras with toast and fig jam. Yeah. Main course, thick cut, bone in, dry aged rib eye steak, Pittsburgh style with au poivre. Well done. Scythe, medium cut, golden. Not well done, take that back.

1:13:02James Acaster: No, sorry, medium rare. side dish medium cut golden brown french fries with creamy horseradish when you ask for it buttered green beans and creamed corn coming over the top drink now you did say diet coke or non-alcoholic beer from Switzerland I think we'll let you have both of those thank you man and dessert baked Alaska with chocolate ice cream yep how do you feel hearing that back I feel really good look there are a couple things that I do want to say yes one thing that I didn't mention there's an honourable mention that you could throw in there if you want to cleanse the palate between the foie gras and the steak, is that I wouldn't be opposed to a butter lettuce salad, you know, with just like a light dressing, like a light sort of Italian dressing.

1:13:44That'd be nice. You know, I love a butter lettuce, quite refreshing. And I want to make a thing, and I don't want to get into any trouble here, but when it comes to the fries, I want to be clear. if you serve me what they call shoestring fries i was going to ask earlier we have a fucking problem yeah we have a fuck those aren't fries a-hole okay what you're serving me is a bunch of bs so if you run a place and you serve shoestring fries nobody near you and around you has the guts to tell you that it's shit. Yeah. People are lying to you. Just know. And I'm saying this as a favor to people who have establishments that serve shoestring fries.

1:14:32What I'm telling you is everybody around you is lying to you for some reason. You're either their employer or they feel insecure in their friendship with you. And so they're not telling you the truth, which is that everybody hates shoestring fries. And you're gonna go after listening to this podcast, That guy, Will Arnett, I've never heard of him before. He seems like a real a-hole. And so I'm going to go and ask those people in my life and say, is it true that you all hate True Street Fighter? They're going to go, no. No, they're great. They do hate them. And they're not telling you the truth because either you're a dick or they think that you can't handle the truth because you're a dummy.

1:15:15That's the truth. So you're getting the straight dope from me. and you can either continue on living this fantasy or you can get real and 86 it from the menu and really just get with the program. Get some real fucking fries on that menu. You like them, don't you? This fucking podcast.

1:15:41I agree. They all stick together. You lift one up, the whole thing comes up like a big nest. You're never satisfied. you can't have a satisfying bite yeah I don't like it really well this menu might be one of the most sort of classically masculine feeling menus we've had in a long time it feels like you've ridden in on a horse oh is it? yeah

1:16:03you've really swung it around I can imagine that you get some people who come in especially I'm thinking about people I know who've been on this who come in and try to like leave their mark right? So hoping that you're going to go, wow. Yeah. We never would have thought of that. Yeah. How incredible. Oh, you must be so different. Right? Trying to impress you with their... Well, who are you thinking of? Because people that you know have been on this. Is there anyone particularly in mode? I'm not going to name people. I think you should name people. I can't name names. No. We live in dangerous times.

1:16:39David Cross? He's been on this podcast? Definitely. Not that he remembers it. David Cross. But yeah. I imagine David went out there and had some stuff, really tried to take a swing, make his mark. Yeah, he did make his mark.

1:16:53James Acaster: He was trolling me deliberately on the podcast episode. On this one. Yeah, he knows I like desserts. Yeah. And he chose poutine as his starter. And then he chose poutine as his dessert to upset me. Wow. And it worked. He upset me a lot. That is upsetting. Yeah. I do love poutine. And then he got me later with that. I don't even remember. You're having a dessert and you're having poutine. I'm having a dessert. Everything's geared towards my dessert. Poutine is your national dish. Yeah, it is. What would you do if someone tried to serve you shoestring poutine? Oh my God, Ed. We were nearly home free and now this guy is about to flip his lid.

1:17:31You just described to me a particular kind of hell that I don't wish on anybody. And I've seen some shit. I've seen some dark shit over and just in the stuff that I've done that I can't even talk about. Yeah. You tell us after, yeah? You tell us after about the dark shit. I don't even know if I can. I'm under military NDAs. Yeah. Well, it's sad to leave it on a dark note. And that's my fault. And that is my fault. It's your fault, Ed. You did that. Yeah. We could have left it on a happy note. But thank you so much for coming to the Dream Restaurant, Will. You've been a fantastic guest. Oh, I'm...

1:18:08My imagination is stuffed. So now where are you going to go for this meal? There are a couple of places that I have in mind. Yeah. Yeah. Can I name them? Yeah, name them. Yeah. I have one close to it, but I might go back. The Dover in Mayfair. Have you ever been there? No. It's open late. Yeah. It's open late. They're really nice people over there. It's a great new restaurant. And I've gone there a couple of times because I've gone because it's good and it's open late. Yes. Which is nice. And rare for the UK. And rare for the UK. To be open late. Yeah. It's a cool little spot. So maybe I'll go there.

1:18:40I mean, to be fair, I'm here for one more night, so I also might go and have a curry tonight. Yeah. Lovely. Yeah. I heard a really interesting story of why, how Indian food became so popular in the UK, which had to do with, there was a dearth of restaurants that served kind of everybody, like restaurants that were available for everybody. And there had something to do with like available, there weren't a lot of, you think of a classic English middle class or working class restaurant, there wasn't one.

1:19:09James Acaster: Mm-hmm. when you think about it. And so these guys went around and figured out that this was something that was needed. And they started putting up these Indian restaurants. And, you know, he told me the story, and I'm fucking up, is Johnny Vaughn. Do you remember Johnny Vaughn? Yeah, Johnny Vaughn. I said you remember because I saw him last night. Ed works in the same building as Johnny Vaughn. Yeah, I do a radio show on Radio X as well. Yeah. So Ed's very familiar with Johnny Vaughn. Yeah. Johnny Vaughn's got stories. He's got stories for days, that guy. He's got stories for days. And I mean days.

1:19:44Yeah, he hijacked our Q &A last night. Johnny and I are friends and he hijacked and from the stage I had to tell him to zip it. Which is hard to do. He still didn't do it. And by the way, he didn't even have a microphone. It was insane. God, I love him though. Thank you so much, Will. Guys, what a pleasure. Thank you, Will. I thought I would hate this. Did you? you didn't come in with that energy I thought he's up for this well thank you Will

1:20:14James Acaster: that's the most amount of times Ed's ever said thank you to a guest we go on a new tangent each time I love it

1:20:25well there we are James that was an absolute treat I thought we forgot Lego Batman we didn't say anything about Lego Batman

1:20:30James Acaster: I'm really gutted as soon as he left realised we forgot Lego Batman and Ben's saying he's forgot something oh apparently Sam Campbell Benito is telling us that Sam Campbell had a question for Will Arnett and Ben neglected to pass it on to even us what was the question? ok it was a shit question I'm glad that we didn't ask it Sam wanted us to ask Will Arnett when he's doing a voice for an animated film does he like to look at the picture a picture of the character I imagine yes either way because like I think anyone when they do an animated film they get shown that anyway whether they want to do it or not.

1:21:07I'm all up for Sam asking sort of weird questions in his way. But I refuse to be the vessel for those questions and have to look the best.

1:21:13James Acaster: It's such a boring question. It's not even weird. It's just boring. It would be weird if he said it. Yeah, yeah. Because it's normal. Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. When Sam Campbell says something that's like boring and normal, then it's weird now. Yeah. And I guess, you know, I'm no stranger to that. Well, he didn't say club source, thank God, because I was enjoying talking to him. that was good yeah I liked that he guessed it first time yeah as well that was quite exciting for me we have a lot of guessing games on this podcast well he set up the guessing game with the dessert as well that was great James was in heaven I was like Benito can't tell us off for this one because it's Will Arnett's idea yeah a fantastic episode I love his descriptions of food I think a lot of people are going to be re-listening yeah to him describing some of those dishes what a way to kick off series 15 Jimmy series 15 a lovely start to it people can watch it on YouTube of course honestly James James, I loved that episode.

1:22:04And what a glorious man.

1:22:06James Acaster: It was brilliant. I loved him referencing Benito. I loved him talking about going full bish. It was brilliant. Don't forget that the film Is This Thing On? is out on the 30th of January. That features Will Arnett. Going half bish. Half bish, not full bish. But if we get a petition going. Yeah. A petition going. No. We'll leave it in though. A bish petish. a bish patish forget a bish patish going for Will to go full bish in a sequel or a spin off yeah I think maybe Will would do it yes if you're listening from America which you might be because you know we had a very famous Canadian guest on who is obviously very famous in America maybe you've tuned in for the first time I'm doing my stand up tour in the US potentially Canada I don't know at this point so you have to edit around that but go on to edgamble.co.uk for tickets I'm there in February I'll be there in February just before Ed we worked out with Ships in the Night Ships in the Night but end of January to beginning of February but then I don't know that's now isn't it that's when this is going out now yeah so if you're listening to this I'm in America yeah if you listen to it when it goes out but for now we'll see you next week for episode 2 of series 15 of Off Menu what a series goodbye goodbye

1:24:01We'll see you next time. Watch all the action and see who wins and advances to the championship match against Nioh right now at GlobalGamingLeague.com. That's GlobalGamingLeague.com. Everybody games.

1:24:32James Acaster: as a bread. And I said that I'd take it in the hand and the mouth like communion. Did you? I did. That kind of brings us onto the topic of our new podcast, Ignore That Feeling, a show by two ex-Catholic girls who have never learned to acknowledge a single emotion ever. And the podcast is out every Tuesday, starting Tuesday, the 10th of February. So please listen and subscribe.