Will Sharpe

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1:25Welcome to the Off Menu Podcast. Taking a can of passion fruit and raspberry kefir water, opening it up and drinking it,

1:35James Acaster: and you're James Acaster, and that's what he's got a can of. I'm literally sitting here drinking it now. Yeah. This is the point we've come to. That is Ed Gamble. My name is James Acaster. Together we own a dream restaurant. Every single week we invite a guest and ask him in favour of whatever. Start our main course, dessert, side dish and drink. Not in that order. And this week, our guest is Will Sharp. Will Sharp, a wonderful actor, writer, director. He's done so many things. Amazing, man. I love him in White Lotus. I absolutely loved him in A Real Pain. Yes. And you have a history with Will Sharp.

2:08Known him for many, many years. Don't know him as Will Sharp. I know him as Tom Sharp. Wow. You know, pretty crazy name change for that guy. But yes, excited to see him. Not seen him in a while. It'd be so nice to hang out and catch up. Will I be a third wheel? No, not at all.

2:22James Acaster: During the catch-up? No, no, no. He might hate me. You never know. He could hate you. Yeah, he could hate me. Wouldn't be the first guest. Yeah. But listen, even though you and Will are very good friends, if Will does say the secret ingredient, we will kick him out, Ed, and I hope he'll be okay with that. Yes. I think he'd accept it. Well, let's see. This week, huh? Yes. The secret ingredient is... Lotus biscuits! I've already said white lotus, so people can put that together. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We could have just said white chocolate. That would have been funny just to go with the word white instead of lotus.

2:53James Acaster: Yeah. Like a really tenuous one. But yes, lotus biscuits. I mean, if anything, I think people do think that they've had enough of Biscoff. Certainly Biscoff, but no one really talks about the biscuits. No, the OGs. The biscuits are pretty rubbish. Huh? The biscuits are pretty rubbish. It's the sort of thing you'd see in like a conference room of a hotel. Yeah, yeah. In a little seafood packet. if you mash them all up into baby food people absolutely love it yeah let's do it with more biscuits yeah there's a lot of biscuits that I love but actually maybe if they were a spread I'd love them even more which biscuits are we thinking I think any biscuits I reckon I would love it if they suddenly bought chocolate chip cookies out as a spread yeah so would I I would spread that on stuff chip off huh you could call it chip off do you have to end it with off oh I love it yeah chip off the old block yeah oh man bourbon biscuits bourbon biscuits I would love that I'd love custard cream spread oh my god I'd love custard off custard off better than cream off is a name it's better than cream off man I'd love all of these yeah like that's it yeah I wouldn't want digestives as a spread I don't know man it might work really and chocolate digestives would work we shouldn't put this out oh yeah we shouldn't don't release this we should pattern this we've got to pattern this we've got to make it a thing that we do this we put this out because otherwise people are going to do biscuit spreads.

4:17Yeah.

4:18James Acaster: And then we won't get any of that sweet dough for it. Sweet dough. That's what we're calling it. That's what the company's called. Yeah. We should get on with the episode. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. This is the off-menu menu of Will Sharp.

4:38Welcome to the dream restaurant, Will. Hi.

4:41James Acaster: Welcome, Will Sharp, to the dream restaurant, but it's been to you for some time. Hello. That felt weird calling you Will. Why? Why? Because I know him by all different names. Oh, yeah, all different names. Yeah. So you two have a history. Yes. Yeah. You went to university together, is that right? No way, I couldn't get in there. I couldn't get in there. You went to two different universities, and Ed knew you because you were rivals. We were, yeah, we were, well, I guess comedy rivals, but sometimes we'd do stuff together almost. Friends. What unis were we talking here? Durham from my man? Docksbridge.

5:09We both went to Docksbridge. Docksbridge. Yeah. That's disgusting. Yeah. Will went to Cambridge and I went to Durham. But some people at Durham referred to Durham, Cambridge and Oxford as Doxbridge, which was pathetic. Who did that? Some real losers. I think mainly Ed. Oh, yeah, me. I mean, me, yeah.

5:29James Acaster: Also, Durham not getting many letters in there. No. That's true. It's proportional. It's proportional. Yeah. Oh, you went to Oxford? Yeah. That's cool. Yeah, we'd meet each other at Cambridge. and then after uni we did like bits together didn't we? Yes. Comedy bits. We had a hit sketch group. We had a hit sketch group. Let's talk about this hit sketch group. Oh man. What was it called? Them Four Horsemen. Them Four Horsemen it was called. I think we maybe did four shows. Four shows and we kept trying to, we kept planning to do one on Christmas Eve. Yeah. Christmas Day actually. If you're still on Facebook, look, you can probably find the invite to the event somewhere on Christmas Day.

6:13James Acaster: So you're going to do a Christmas Day gig. Who is the four of you? I'm guessing Nish is involved in this somehow. No, no, no. No? There was another thing with Nish, which is sort of like, I was thinking about this because then he was coming in. It was called something like the club for men who are not usual. And it was one of those like sitcom ideas that immediately, immediately doesn't work. and we had like I think like an old camcorder and filming stuff around this flat and all I remember is there was some shoes in the fridge and Nish called his suit his 9-5 shield and immediately we were like the point of these people is they do things that are not usual but where does it end unsustainable I remember that where there was a shot like one shot where one of us made a cup of tea from the beginning like talking for ages about not being usual and then like walked to the toilet pointed down the toilet and flushed oh yeah that's funny that's a funny bit but that's sort of it was really funny for us yeah we had a laugh didn't we it's a load of funny nonsensical things but after a while I imagine for a viewer it was maddening well there weren't any viewers apart from us it didn't matter I don't know if we even cut it together to be fair that's a shame well I do have some old Them Four Horsemen sketches on a hard drive somewhere Oh my god It's exciting So who are the other two horsemen?

7:35Tom Williams Who's no longer in comedy No I do English teacher English teacher And Al Roberts Al Roberts Staff Let's Flats Staff Let's Flats

7:43James Acaster: Yeah I don't know who that is Yeah You know Al It's funny After the Williams guy To make out I don't know who Al Roberts was Have you done some other stuff since? With Al? Without me I've done some stuff Yeah you've been up to some stuff Do you feel guilty When you do stuff without Ed? I feel guilty when I listened to this podcast I felt because so many times I've been like oh I should message just to say I'm really enjoying it and I haven't really I didn't really do that well I've not messaged you saying I'm enjoying all your stuff yeah I suppose maybe that's how it works what happened with the four horse people that means that you don't text each other anymore I guess like we just sort of got got busy in other ways yeah sidetracked you know you get sidetracked and then the sidetrack becomes your main track yeah yeah i relate yeah there are other things like swimming around my head but i'm like we don't need to get back maybe come back to them later yeah yeah do you ever find yourself on set filming something and thinking back to the days of uh palling around with this young whippersnapper do you know what there i do feel like there is a thing where no matter what the scale is of a project this is a bit of an earnest answer but like I feel like it does sort of feel like just hanging in a good in a good way at its best you're just kind of figuring stuff out with your mates and trying to make it funny or make it work or whatever so I do sometimes think of that and like Tom Kings is another person I've worked with a lot in the past so I do think of those days sometimes yeah would you ever put like pitch an idea on set like if you were on an exciting project but you know maybe the right joke here is flushing a cup of tea down the toilet maybe I'll try and work that in it's a good joke I'll try and work it in yeah would you have to check with these guys the other unusual men I think you'd be alright with it it would be like a little wink you know in the ether and see if see if you know see if they just well look I officially give you permission to use anything from the club for men who are not usual not usual if it's them for what's my stuff you're going to have to you're going to have to call me because at some point I do want to do the song of the cowboys teaching kids how to count.

9:57Oh, yeah. Yeah. This sounds good. Yeah, I can't remember. I've got a video of it somewhere, and I refuse to watch it because I look haunted. You look haunted. In what way? Well, it was back in my bigger days, and I'd say I look like I'm wearing a fat suit in a 90s film, and I'm very tired. I hope we're all pretty tired. Yeah. There was one sketch that we filmed, which the only we were just all eating Muller rice do you remember that? I don't remember Muller rice we just got bought like 20 Muller rice and there was the main theme of this sketch show seemed to be that there wasn't really a joke in any of the sketch and so it was just we were just eating Muller rice that's good I mean it's alright what we'd do is we'd have a show and we'd go to your flat during the day we'd just mess around for ages and one of us would go ask a sketch that would do me with a fake beard on and then a tight over my head.

10:49Oh, old man. Old man. Old man, the rocker. Yeah. Old man, the rocker. Old man, rocking in a rock and roll band. Yeah, I'm an old man. I was just clearly, yeah, smashing away on a guitar. I was clearly, I think I'd had too much coffee and I was just like, just running around with a guitar and they were all like, that's great. That's great. Yeah. I think that does sound great though. I've got a bus pass, but I'd take it to Wembley. You've got a pair of tights on your head.

11:15James Acaster: Yeah. That's it. Yeah, yeah. Why would the title say you look bold? So you're a bold old man? Yeah, kind of. It just looked so weird. It just made him look mental. Just squished your face up. And then you put a beard on top. It looks horrible. Very funny for us. Very funny for us. I like old man in a rock and roll band. This is good. Maybe at the end of this, we'll see if we can find a pair of titles. Yeah, yeah. I could do it for the photo. We've got to do a photo afterwards. Aside from Muller, I see much of a foodie, Will. Do you like? Nice. I do like food. I think I'm sort of off that level where I appreciate it when it's good, but if it gets a bit too uptight and fussy, then it starts to sort of get on my nerves a little bit.

11:56And having young children, they like less time to go out, but when we do manage to go out, I do enjoy it and I do eat quite a lot. What's the ceiling for uptight and fussy? Do you have a meal that you've had where you're like, there we go, that's too uptight? I think a quite good barometer is if they refill your water for you. I quite like to be in charge of that. because also you might be in conversation and you're just sort of getting into a flow and then suddenly it's like oh sorry I'm just going to stop for a second and then you sort of have to start again so maybe that is a good barometer for it I don't mind if it's a small amount of food on a big plate sometimes don't mind that yeah that's fine that's okay as long as you're getting another plate with a small amount

12:39James Acaster: of food on it but the water because I always feel I want to say thank you every time exactly you can't just be like ignore that You have to engage. Because when people do ignore them, I just think, oh, I can't see this person again. And sometimes you're catching up. It's like quite personal things you're talking about. So you have to just sort of pause for a second. Do you know what I mean? Anyway. Thank you for my water. Oh, thank you very much. They have to say thank you for my water. Thank you for my water. Is that your rule? Yeah. Just in case they think you're thanking them for something else.

13:11James Acaster: I meant for the water, by the way. I have to make it worse for them so they stop doing it so it's awkward for them that I keep saying thank you for my water you know you can't just ask I've said this on the podcast before like my dad at meals has been like you can leave that there oh that's good I'll do that myself assertive I'm sure they'll be happy with that as well yeah that's true yeah they won't care as long as you're polite to them just say oh don't worry you can just leave that there and I'll sort it out they'll be like oh great but I in my head think they're going to go away and think that was my whole evening what do I do now?

13:44James Acaster: What do I do now? Yeah they're going to give you a small amount of spit on a big plate Yeah there you go Call it a foam Call it a foam Foam's a good barometer as well right? It's quite yeah if there's like an ingredient that's like or you didn't notice it was it had been it's been turned into something too unusual Yeah and you're like oh I was really looking forward to that and now it's sort of a gas like that I mean sometimes it works but occasionally you're like I wish it was just what it is Do you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. I wish it was an egg and not. Yeah, but I'm not a complete, like, complete ignoramus.

14:17No? Well, I don't think so. It's good to say at the top of the pot.

14:24Speaking of water, we'll start off with still sparks and water. I'm normally just tap. Okay. And I quite like, for example, in Japan, where pretty much always there's a default, is there's just tap water. Because it's just like less admin. Yeah. So that's my default. it's just tap water tap on the table tap on the table

14:43James Acaster: and are you having that cold are you having that just like as is yeah cold and do you want water from Japan tap water from Japan no I quite like it when you guys imagine like that there's some like perfect spring like it'd be great if it was like this is just water but by the way it's like it's quite special that'd be good yeah do you need it to be special unusual water do you need someone to tell you it's special I want to know that it's like like you know come from a mountain or like this might help if you're maybe the mountain is like one wall of the restaurant and you're sat next to it so you've got you've got it coming in and then and here's a question yeah when you fill it up from the mountain yeah are you thanking the mountain every time yeah um good question maybe that's part of the like spiritual i don't know religious maws of the play i love though how you were like this might help as if it's a really small thing.

15:38What if the wall of the restaurant is a mountain? This might help. This might help. This helps people sometimes. I don't mind it. Mountains are really big though. Yeah, that's true. I feel like the scale of it, I don't even know if it'll feel like a wall. It'll just be like, let's go with it.

15:52James Acaster: What's the biggest mountain you've been up? Good question. I don't know. Is it actually? Oh, that's a bad answer. I'm sorry, I don't know. Good question, bad answer. I don't know. I've never said that to a guest before. I have been skiing in my life before. It's probably up one of those, but I don't know. You are not prepared to say what the biggest mountain is. I genuinely don't know. I'm terrible at geography. All shit you don't know. It's probably somewhere in the Rockies, probably. The Rockies? Yeah. You've been up a mountain in Japan? I actually have never been up Mount Fuji. I've looked at it, but I've not been up it.

16:21We're not counting that. We can't have what's the biggest mountain you've ever looked at. No, it's not what was asked. But I don't have a factual response to that. Sorry. Nor a risk.

16:35James Acaster: it's rare that a guest will say I don't have a riff for that I don't have a factual response or a riff so you're going to have to move on we're moving on do you want the mountain wall or are you struggling to imagine it? let's go for it for now and then see something might come of it you know let's see poplums or bread poplums or bread oh yes poplums or bread oh yes yeah bread probably bread I suspect yeah yeah yeah take us through it what's the bread so there was a bread in atlanta uh went on like a west coast road trip with soph quite a while ago who the hell is that so smart of the half yeah uh and not atlanta portland other side started started um started off up there coming through portland and quite early on in the trip how we like to sort of arrive in a city is basically just a walk around and but you can't really do that in america didn't realize that I was quite sort of let's say overexcited so we walked a long way on this day found this place called I think it was called Olympic Provisions in Portland somewhere yeah and that's such a hipster restaurant it's quite a hipster restaurant Olympic Provisions and they had like a focaccia and because we were so exhausted and so hungry it was just the most delicious bread I've ever eaten and I became like sort of like Will Ferrell in Elf or something where I was just kind of, I got up.

18:02And also, but maybe because I was in America, I was like, I should behave like an American. I got up out of my seat, went over to like the counter where everyone was like cooking. I was like, what's going on with this bread? This is the best bread. And they were like, it's just forcacha. I was like, but you've done something to it. And they were like, is it the salt? And I was like, no, there's more. Anyway, we were remembering this place a few months ago. And I think it's just like a chain. It's like I'd gone into Pizza Express. and ordered some garlic bread and be like, what is going on with this garlic bread?

18:32How are you guys doing this? You guys are magicians. So that's the best bread experience I've had. And do you think, looking back on it, do you think the walk really was part of it? A lot of these are like, seem to be dependent on basically like the context of eating it is part of the experience or something. And so it was definitely, that was just like so hungry and tired. And I think when you feel like that, sometimes bread is just like the perfect food. So for your dream meal, do you want to go for a really big walk beforehand? Maybe down the mountain? Maybe. Maybe go around the mountain once it comes.

19:08Hold on. I thought the wall was the mountain.

19:11James Acaster: You're walking up it as well? You're going out. Maybe going out. You could start on the mountain, top of the mountain, walk all the way down into the restaurant. Oh, I was imagining the mountain was flush to the... So it's just like a mountain wall. But you're saying you could walk up out of it still, out of the restaurant, up the mountain. You could put a hatch in the top of the restaurant. Yeah, there's a hatch, like in Lost. Yeah. Matt, do you remember that? Do you remember when they found the hatch in Lost? Didn't see it. Didn't watch it. I remember when they found the first hatch, and then the whole season they found probably a hatch an episode, didn't they?

19:37Yeah, a lot of hatches. They just kept finding hatches. Yeah, because they didn't know where the story was going, so they kept adding hatches. So in the writers' room, they're just like, should we just chuck in another hatch? Yeah, yeah. I'd imagine they had a little bell as well every time they added a hatch. A hatch bell. Yeah. Yeah. I guess if there's some kind of hunger involved, that definitely would make the bread more delicious, do you think?

19:56James Acaster: yeah you're going to be really hungry i can as the genie make you very hungry before every course of this amazing so that everything tastes that amazing yeah but like a safe level of hunger yeah i won't kill you thank you um also i think there is something to like chains abroad when you like go in a chain that you've not been in yeah you really do appreciate it way more than the people who live there and are like this is incredible i think so yeah um Because you haven't had that particular thing before. Yeah, it's new to you, so you're less like numb to it. And also, I guess you are sort of like genuinely sampling the culture of the area in a way.

20:34Yeah. So it's legit. I agree. But have you ever had that embarrassing thing of then speaking to someone who's from that place and going, I went to this great place, say Olympic Provision. I would have done that about this place. Yeah, and they'd be like, oh, right.

20:47James Acaster: Yeah. I see. Because you work with a lot of American actors now. and you can really like go up to someone like Will Ferrell and go I was like you an elf when I went to this amazing place called Olympic Provisions have you heard of it that is a shitty chain that's a shitty chain you'll find from the film there's this amazing place called Taco Bell I don't know if you've heard of it but that is exciting going to a place like Taco Bell that we only hear about in films yeah I don't mind that that is exciting I remember the first time I went to Taco Bell was in San Francisco I was very excited about it I was walking to the Golden Gate Bridge did you enjoy it?

21:20James Acaster: the Taco Bell the golden great bridge the food no it was bad but that's kind of good because it lives up to its yeah and i was with some america on my way walking there i'd made some friends okay who also walk into the golden gate bridge but they were americans okay and and uh at one point they were like we should get some food i was like i want to go i want to experience a taco bell and they laughed at me for a very long time yeah and then went in with me to get taco bell and then you know and they were like disappointed i was like no i'm not i'm not happy yeah but what i do remember and I still think about this a lot what are the guys we went on Golden Gate Bridge and at one point we looked down and there was a very small little kind of like hut I guess right on the on the stone by the water where clearly some like guy who works on the Golden Gate Bridge goes yeah and um one of the guys I was pointing at it went that's my house and I really laughed for ages that it was his house and I still think about it now I think that's really funny you said that was his house.

22:16James Acaster: Like, I genuinely think it's funny. And it wasn't? No, it was just a little... That's where the humour comes from, I guess. It was like a little shed at the bottom of the Golden Gate Bridge by the water. I was like, that's really funny. He said it was his house. He probably thought you'd fall for it because you're the sort of guy who wants to go to Taco Bell, right? Yeah, so you probably thought this English guy... Dumb tourist. ...is going to be like, oh, cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So can we come round? Yeah, I'll come over later tonight. Yeah, yeah. So close to the Taco Bell? Yeah. Great, I can't wait.

22:45James Acaster: your dream starter Will right maybe I think it's called is it called Gavros or like basically sort of deep fried fishes deep fried fishes yeah Ed has yours been like this that that let me have a look at that or like a sort of Frito Misto oh yeah just like deep fried fishes but these look like specifically like one fish right? Maybe. They look like sort of sardines. Just for the listener, Will has passed Google Images to Ed. Yeah. It's Google Imaged Gavros, I guess. Do you want to have a look at it? Yeah. So there's loads of little pictures of deep fried, what look like pilchards or sardines. I think there's more, are they anchovies?

23:29Oh, well maybe it's not that then.

23:30James Acaster: It's not that. Because Frito Mist, I'd think more like a sort of tempura style batter. Yeah, well I guess like Like some kind of deep fried small fish. I don't think it's anchovies. But I remember one time, again, it's like it was on holiday with some friends. And it was in Greece. And it's like you've been in the sea that day and it's really hot. And again, you're probably quite hungry. And then I just remember that being like just a really satisfying, you know, just from calf kind of thing. But it's like just a greasy bag of little fishes. And they're very crispy. and then like it's not too bonesy the bones are in it right and the heads are still on and the heads are still on I love that you just crunch it off just crunch it away like crisp so it's like I guess it's yeah it is fish but it's not like overwhelming that was what I went with that pretty salty I'd say yeah pretty salty you're squeezing lemon on the top yeah yeah yeah was it hard on the holiday to like enjoy all the little fish with the nagging doubt that your wife had slept with your friend what because you were just suspicious and you were certain that your wife had slept with your friend in the hotel so you couldn't really enjoy the fish yeah I was eating them in a really contemplative angry way it's just like what was the fish's rule?

24:50I don't know betrayal I think you should have warned all your friends you were going to tug yourself off in that show I was so excited for you that you were in it and then I'd pop it on enjoying myself and then I'm like I did not need to see that no apologies for the group email but just as a heads up I'm going to tuck myself off in this show I'm really going to go to town on myself the weirdest I know I haven't spoken to many of you for some years but just as a heads up I'm going to tuck myself off in this show just in case

25:19James Acaster: you're going to watch it because you're proud of me lying on your side I think you're lying on your side oh yeah lying on your side tucking yourself off but yeah you could have put that in the men who aren't usual yeah you could put that in who lies on their side doing it like a painting yeah like a painter luckily it was the first time Will and I met so when I saw that I was just like this is brilliant yeah yeah you loved it I didn't know you I didn't know you so I was like I was like go for it go on lad go on lad go on lad yeah that's what I said when I was watching that scene you've never said that have you out loud when I was watching that scene go on lad I keep getting served a video on YouTube shorts of um it's like a ring camera doorbell thing oh yeah of an old Jehovah's Witness ringing the doorbell and from like Yorkshire he's like oh it's Jehovah's Witness and the guy on the other end of the doorbell goes just having a wank at the moment mate and the guy pauses and then goes alright good lad at least

26:21so many times I've watched that amazing yeah you're from Yorkshire? no I'm not no I'm not

26:27James Acaster: yeah you are I saw a film you from Yorkshire oh yeah from Yorkshire in real pain. Oh yeah. Sheffield. You can't deny it. See this is the sort of interview style that we need to talk about. What? Where you... He was talking to me about this before you got here. Where we have actors on and then you go you're in that and they go yeah and then you don't follow it up with anything. Why should I have to? It's good segues though. He's spotting... He knows more about... He knows more about it than I do. The links are perfect but there's never a question. I've teed him up. Teed him up. Okay here's the thing about that film.

26:59James Acaster: I think the funniest line in that film genuinely is when you say, thank you, David. Oh, thank you. I feel so funny. Thank you. I went to a screening of that film where Jesse Eisenberg did a Q &A afterwards and talked about you at length and how much he likes you. Oh. And then he said that that line was improvised and it blew my mind. Was it improvised? It was kind of improvised. It was like, basically the joke was built into the scene that I give Kieran Culkin's character a much more heartfelt goodbye. And it wasn't scripted that I said anything to Jesse, which I thought was a bit weird. So I just thought, but I should probably do not very much so that the joke still carries.

27:39So like the joke was in the scene and it was also, I think it was the last, we're really running out of time. And so it was like, we only have time to do one take of this. So it was like, well, shoot your shot, I guess. And I think afterwards, he was like, that was so funny. I don't think it will make it in the film because it's too silly. Oh really? But he sort of came around. I've not seen it yet, but I've just checked now because I can check with you now. Do you tug yourself off for me? I don't know. Great. I'll watch it tonight. Because it's sort of about like a Holocaust tour. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

28:06James Acaster: He's there. He's the tour guide. He's in a professional capacity. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's absolutely no way. Yeah. No time. No time to tug yourself off. No. No. No. Even if you improvised it. Yeah. I suppose I have to say that's probably not going to make it in. Yeah. I don't think that. Yeah. That will make it in. Well, thank you. I've just got to shoot my shot. Yeah. Seen that film three times. What? Have you? Yeah. Yeah. I really like it. Something for the rest of us, buddy. Laughed out loud at that line all three times. Actually, the third time, I got home literally the other day and my partner was watching it.

28:38James Acaster: And she's from up north, so the first thing she said, is he from Yorkshire? I was like, yep. And then I was upstairs and I heard that that scene was coming up. So I literally stopped on the landing to listen to it from the landing to see if she'd laugh at, thank you, David. And she did, and I was like, and I'll shout it down, good line, innit? So that's good, he improvised that. Jesse Eisenberg said it at the Q &A. I'll ask him tomorrow to double check. James and his partner live completely separate lives when they're at home. Just shouting at each other across the back. That's the way I like it.

29:10James Acaster: Good night, love you. Good night, love you. Don't cheat on me with my friends on holiday. It was a weird thing where, so it was obviously shot in Poland, and the amazing Polish crew, but the sound guy was from Sheffield and had just moved to Poland. and so like the day before I'd been chatting with Jesse about maybe I could do it in this kind of voice to sort of soften him up a bit and make him a bit more like Brian Coxie and he was like oh yeah that's great let's do that and then on the next day on the first day on set was this guy from Sheffield I was like it's perfect you can just keep an eye on it like a weird coincidence

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30:54Dream main course. Right. This is where it gets a bit silly. Okay. We like silly here, right? We're silly guys. I was trying to think of like, I've got some ones like kind of that I've discounted because they felt a bit boring or something. Yeah. And then I was like, is this allowed? So what I'm trying to think is, you know, like Japanese kaiseki meals. I don't know that. It's like a kind of multi-course meal where basically, I don't know what the actual structure is, but there's often one that is specific to the season and then one that's grilled and one that's, I don't know, like pickles or something.

31:40And I was trying, is that allowed? Because it's like many different courses in a way. Yeah, because it comes on one tray basically though, doesn't it? Sometimes, yeah. So I was trying to think maybe something like that. I was trying to think of something. I've got also just what I would choose if I had to pick one Japanese main course as well. But I was thinking maybe this way. And I was also thinking, is there a way to hack it where some of it could be like less sort of, you know, beautiful Japanese cuisine and just kind of like nostalgic things that I remember? Like sort of more basic. Yeah, because I think if you go for a Kaiseki sort of style thing, then you've got the, you know, multiple little dishes.

32:20Little dishes, yeah. then what goes in those dishes is up to you. Yeah. So you can have the... Normally they choose, but on this occasion I can sort of choose, right? Absolutely. It's world's choice. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. So that's my pitch for how to approach this. Yeah. Pitch accepted. Thank you, guys. Yeah. Thank you. I think you can have one of those trays. Okay, one of those trays. And I do like... And often I don't actually know what I'm eating. Yeah. And sometimes it's kind of like some kind of tofu-based situation with some like seasonal vegetables that have been pickled. Like I do like those little tiny dishes.

32:54And you're like, I don't know what this is, but it sort of wakes you up and it feels really refreshing. So some of those things, you know, like nice bits. I have no idea what any of this is.

33:08But I also, I was thinking like there was, there's a couple of cereals that you can only get in Japan. Like there's one called Genmai Flakes, which is almost a bit like Special K but it's a bit different and you can only say any time we go back to Tokyo it'll be like go get a box of get my flakes and there was also a Kellogg's one which I'm pretty sure has been discontinued which was called Combos and it was like Frosties but on it was tiny little speckles of chocolate tiny little like poppy seed size and the mascot for it was like a light blue gorilla and combos delicious but you can't get it anymore so maybe like do you think Tony the tiger was pissed off when that happened you're like it's basically well I still think that's great well Tony Tiger looks more like a tiger yeah Tony Tiger's won he's stood to test the times yeah he has won so maybe like also could be like some little bowls of things like that so a couple of little bowls of the cereal the Genmai Flakes and the combos some you know more serious like pickled daikon and other bits and bobs and there's normally like a, I don't know, just like a grilled fish or something like that or like just tiny bit of meat.

34:27Do you know what I mean? Do you have specifics of the sort of fish that you'd like to see on here? No.

34:35James Acaster: Because for the listener, you have got notes on your phone so you have prepared for this but it's still the vaguest menu. Well,

34:46I'm interested to see what you've actually written down because a lot of it is things I'm not going to do how many times have you written the word sort of there's question marks which I guess is like so you're not sure oh cold soba soba noodles yeah that was that was going to be if I had to just pick one if this was disqualified I was trying to have too many things I was just going to have again carrying on in the it's hot weather cold soba noodles yeah with like some nori, some tempura, that kind of thing. But that could be a part of this. You could put that on the tray. You'd have a little bowl of that.

35:20It's sort of like, yeah, sort of like layman's. And that is great because it gives us something specific to go on this tray. What kind of fish would be good? I guess a white fish. A white fish, yeah. Or an eel. It's probably, yeah, unagi, maybe. That's my favourite. I don't want to influence you, but unagi's my favourite. Do you know what it is? I think it's because this, like, normally with this kind, you don't have to choose. That's part of it, is that it just comes. You like not having to choose. Yeah. I do like that, yeah. But just to let you know, if you hand over the power to us, God knows what's going to be on that tray.

35:51For example... De Niro, I found that out.

35:53James Acaster: Yeah. Well, Ed will be getting the revenge for not being warned about the tugging off. Yeah. He'll be like, I'm not going to warn you about this tugging off then. Also, do you remember when we were driving back to London from Bristol and in a slightly on my casse way, I was like, oh, do you want to make a playlist for the drive back? Oh, no. Yeah. What was Ed's playlist? Oh, it'll be horrible metal. It was a track from the Count from Sesame Street had an album of counting songs. 15 tracks from that album, but all of them the same track. Yeah. I don't remember that, but God, I'm a laugh. God, I really, I'm so happy I've maintained that level of humour.

36:32That's exactly what I do now. I mean, it was funny, to be fair. Yeah, yeah, sure. Now on tour. I don't want the culinary equivalent of that coming my way. Is it just the counting for the whole song as well? Yeah, all of them. He's counting in different ways and different genres. But it's just one track. It's one song 15 times. Well, maybe there was one actual music track that you put on to misdirect. Yeah, that's funny. And then after that, it was 15. 15 count from Sesame Street. Great.

37:01James Acaster: That's good stuff. I still do that sort of thing on tour now. Yeah, yeah. he's found himself a tour manager who absolutely loves being treated like that yeah wait till he goes to the starbucks drive-thru and then put on crazy frog at full volume yes love that of course um the tequila song of course the and also the yeah ed's tour manager seems to forget the crazy frog prank because i've been in the car because he did the off menu tour as well and i knew that this had happened to him repeatedly yeah i'd heard about that and every time we stopped at a drive through ed would do it but it would genuinely take paul by surprise yeah who couldn't believe it happened yeah as if it was the first time yeah every time was like oh no i'm trying to order my coffee and crazy frogs play and crazy frogs great that's how you keep doing it yeah i do think i'm going to try and do a sort of write a long read for the guardian about reappraising the crazy frog okay i think everyone hated it at the time right but listening back to it now it's really funny It's aged well.

37:59James Acaster: Yeah. I think all the snobs like us, let's face it. Yeah, back in the day. Hated it. Yeah. And now we're reappraising it. But all the people who liked it originally, which was a lot of people, they're over it now. Yeah. It's like the other day I did that with Gangnam Style. Yeah. You were into it. I was like, this is good. Yeah. This is a good song. That's great, yeah. But at the time I was like, shut up, you guys are a bunch of idiots. The world is stupid. Yeah. We're going to hell. And now I'm like, that's a good track. You need a bit of distance. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. It's a good track. Yeah. So we're not letting Ed choose what's in this tray.

38:29James Acaster: Well, you can. I mean, it'd be interesting to see. No, I mean... Natto is good. What's that? You know, like the little... So it's like tiny little soybeans. My kids call them spider's webs because they get streaked. Do you know the one I mean? Gooey. It was actually on... I think it was on Celebrity... Get Me Out of Here. Yeah. As when people started complaining about, can you stop eating living things? they put that on as like the most disgusting thing you could imagine and everyone was eating it like oh my god I'm gonna die but it's I like it I think just texturally it's there's nothing in western cuisine that is equivalent to natto because it's like slimy and gooey and you put it's just stretches forever yeah it's really long strings of I don't even know what that is there's always something gooey on Akai because I've had other things that are like green sort of yeah like you just you're like I don't know what this is some green I don't know what this is put that in there write that down bonito yeah and yeah there's often like yeah it's just some kind of little piece of beef really delicious beef okonomiyaki that's good maybe have okonomiyaki probably wouldn't normally be in a cup but I just like it yeah it's like maybe I I've never known how to say it it's like a down market I feel like I say it different every time how do you say it now even though I've just heard you say it yeah and I know this is wrong yeah I would then say okonomiyaki and I know that is not right.

39:53James Acaster: That's really good. That's not right. That's basically right. Yeah, I think there's a whole other syllable in there when you said it. No, you said every syllable. Okonomiyaki. I don't think you did O very well. I don't think I did. You didn't nail the O. No. I think you did it really well. Do you want a bit of a big okonomiyaki or do you want a tiny little one? I think small. Yeah. Because that's part of the fun is like you get lots of little things to try. I think there's one more thing. Oh, so this is like... Can we speak about okonomiyaki for a bit? Sorry, yeah. That's the point in the podcast.

40:20Yeah. No, no, no. The point is that we let the guests lead. I love it. I think it's great. Sometimes they cook it in front of you, don't they? Yes, on a little hot plate in front of you at the table. How do we describe it? It's like somewhere between a pancake and an omelette. Yeah. Often there's noodles inside, spring onions. Do you like it with all the noodles inside and stuff? I don't mind that. Yeah. I'm not a fan of... So that's more like Osaka style, I think, with loads of stuff. Yeah. And I don't mind the noodles, but I quite like it when there's like cheese and pork on it and stuff

40:52James Acaster: yeah you can have that at the same time on a massive dirty one in Kyoto yeah I would just make it as dirty as you possibly can did you enjoy it? just a bit just a bit absolutely good those dry fish all of these things sound disgusting when you say them in English but like dry fish flakes bonito flakes oh my god great bonito flakes your flakes yeah they're in there another discontinued cereal He was on the box. He was on the box. Blue, blue Benita. It was just shaving. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's why it failed. That guy's dry skin. Didn't look very appetising. And yeah, normally it comes with some kind of like Worcestershire sauce, bulldog sauce, tonkatsu sauce.

41:38James Acaster: And kipi mayo. Kipi mayo. So I'd had it in England before, and let's make it in front of you, but when I had it in Kyoto they squirted that bottle from really far away yeah he held the bottle so far away and I was I was sitting behind this thing yeah I was like are you kidding me brother you're gonna get it all over me and then what does the rest of my day look like yeah but he just just completely on the pancake did he have the multiple nozzles I don't know I mean I think my adrenaline was so high I love the double nozzle I've never seen that you've never seen the double nozzle I think even when you buy Kupi Mario they sell you they sell it to you with a spare nozzle oh okay you can get a double nozzle because you know when they like proper go for it on the okonomiyaki oh okay like double lines it's like loads of yeah double lines interesting yeah that's like with teppanyaki the tricksy yeah like some of the chefs who do that it's like a circus yeah flipping eggs everywhere yeah just watching them chucking eggs just lands perfectly on the pan onion volcano I did one of those in a little secret little room in a hotel massive onion volcano I know I'm in a secret little tapenaki room and it's just me and my partner and then these two businessmen and felt a bit pervy right they did or you did you guys you felt a bit I felt I felt like I'd gone into a little perv den because like the businessman is this in Japan yeah yeah but men in suits in like one o 'clock in the afternoon drinking beers yeah in a little dark room feels a bit seedy and we were all just watching this chef doing all the food and I was like is this am I a pervert felt pervy watching the cooking yeah yeah yeah because it felt the businessman threw me off okay the businessman looked like those guys would normally be in a strip club that's like a sort of Darren Brown experiment where it's like I'm going to make James Acaster find cooking pervy pervy by like putting the environment James grew up religious so basically anything he does he feels guilty and pervy yes I have to avert my eyes for most things okay fair enough very close Kewpie Mayo I love it I'm so glad you can get it here now.

43:43I love the little baby on the Kupi Mayo. One of my favourite mascots. Not for James though. Not for James. I wouldn't be looking at that. But what I feel sad about is when you take it out of the plaque because it comes in a plastic bag you take the Mayo out it's completely blank bottle the baby doesn't get a look in. Fair enough. Why is the baby not on the bottle? That's a shame. I thought they were on the bottle. No I think they're just blank bottles. Okay. Well look it up. Maybe you're getting like bootleg Kupi Mayo. I might be getting bootleg Kupi. But it's good it's like a bit more like salad cream isn't it?

44:11it's on the way it's richer it's not all the way to salad cream but it's not quite as clean as your Hellman's or whatever your mayonnaise of choices I think this is a very good hack it's a cult mayo I like this hack is it allowed the main course yeah okay thank you

44:26James Acaster: you would have it as one course I love the cereal on there as well pardon me I love the cereal on there as well yeah yeah it's nice yeah and snacks probably a few just like snacks Japanese snacks just check them on there which Japanese snacks you know every time you suggest something we are going to we are going to ask you for specifics I just keep saying of whatever what about koala koala no machi do you remember well you weren't you didn't remember koala biscuits tiny koala biscuits like a biscuit on the outside a little bit of chocolate on the inside okay so or acorns there's also acorn equivalents that kind of thing because isn't there like a frog version as well of those maybe I don't remember that.

45:11What are the ones called that we get here quite a lot? Are they koala ones? Look it up. That's Benito that Ed is talking to. Yeah. Quite a lot. Or convenience store stuff. Yeah. Like an American dog from a convenience store. I was just... Lived in the 7-Elevens. You do know what I mean. Yeah. He knows what I mean. Just like a really basic corn dog from... They sell them at the Pleasant Shop in Edinburgh. What? Frog? Japanese frog chocolates? Maybe they are just the koala ones. Maybe he saw it as a frog, but they're koalas. They're not koalas. They're not koalas. Oh, no, I've lost my mind. But you want some of those?

45:44Yeah, I mean, this tray is getting pretty big. But, yeah, a mixture of quite downmarket, basic, nostalgic little pots. 7-Eleven stuff. 7-Eleven-y, supermarket-y things. And then also some of the more, like, a lot of care and attention. And, you know, they've literally just picked this root vegetable off the mountain that is the wall of the restaurant and prepared it perfectly. mixture of that that's nice high and low Kaiseki trade please

46:20James Acaster: are your dream sides in there or is your dream side something different oh no dream sides she's panicked oh god I didn't I'll tell you what oh there's too many speaking of sides we know what this guy likes to do in his side remember when you tucked yourself off Aubrey Plaza caught you yeah I do remember she caught you man she caught you that must have been embarrassing did they tell you that was going to happen yeah it was in a script what I remember about that was going into it I remember thinking this is going to be so funny it's such a funny scene I mean I guess for you guys it was funny as we were sort of rehearsing it was like just play it completely straight yeah And so then suddenly you feel really vulnerable.

47:11Yeah, yeah, of course. But I think it did make it better. It basically made it like the tensor. But going in, I was like, oh, it's going to be so fun. And then it was like, oh, this is really like tense and uncomfortable. It must have been horrible to film it. Yeah.

47:23James Acaster: I mean, it's really funny because you played it straight. Yeah. Because then it's more believable. It was really funny. Yeah. But like, yeah, I would have been, I imagine in the moment, it would have been way easier for you just to, you know. There are some takes. play it silly. Yeah, in the rushes where when she catches me, I'm doing full, like Mr. Bean tumbles off the bed and like, and then sort of like standing up on the side, like kind of trying to recover from it and sort of, you know, stuttering about porn and he was like, I don't, I don't need that. I think I could just kind of be caught.

47:56We've got that now. I could just be caught doing it and just kind of... Was that as embarrassing

48:04James Acaster: receiving a note like that when you've gone that big as getting caught wanking? No, it was all right. It was part of the process, isn't it? But no, it was like fair play. Yeah, that is better.

48:18Right, side dish. What am I thinking? I've got like options here. I was thinking of maybe just going for a club sandwich. I love this. This huge tray and then a tiny little plate and then just a full-size club sandwich. Just because they're good, aren't they? They are good. like if you can't if you're like I don't know what often if that's there that's quite a good choice isn't it as a default that is a choice of someone who ends up in hotels quite a lot yeah late night hotel late night hotel got to get up early the next morning don't want to go out yeah club sandwich

48:53James Acaster: yeah if you're lucky and you got in late and they're only doing sandwiches they've got one yeah because on most of it's only sandwiches it's just the cold sandwiches and they're not great but sometimes Or it's like a ham and cheese panini that was hot 20 minutes ago. Yeah. But by the time it gets here. Yeah. You don't want to hear that. Club sandwich is a classic, isn't it? Club sandwich is just like, you feel so happy when you order it. But then when you finished eating it and it's midnight, you are like, what the fuck am I doing? I don't think I'm going to eat it at midnight. No. The context I had for it was more like, I was actually thinking of, again, like I was still in Japan.

49:32there was a place called the Tokyo American Club where you could like go bowling and stuff they had like a system where you could flip through these rolodexes and then and then get a VHS to rent you know be like oh land before time please can we rent that one please things like that what a film such a good film isn't it it's brutal the triceratops

49:53James Acaster: yeah I mean am I right yeah it's pretty brutal that film I remember seeing I think it was one of the first films I saw in the cinema yeah And whatever kid I was with cried so much they had to be taken out. Oh, my God. Yeah. Yeah. It is heavy going when you're a kid. You get really attached to all those characters. Yeah. And I still think, because after that film, I drew a lot of cartoons as a kid. I liked drawing cartoons. No way. I'd always draw little gangs like that. Little gangs? Based on that. Because you were lonely? A different animal. Yeah. A different animal each time. But like a cat gang.

50:27James Acaster: All different cats. Okay. And now I've done that in my life. I've got four cats that are all different breeds and I think it's because of land before time can we see some of these pictures that I drew yeah I don't know if my parents have got them I'd have to check in on them doubt it probably thrown them away I'd be interested they probably got thrown away on the day I remember Sarah the Trice she's the one who's really grumpy and sort of like is exiled from the group because she's being too grumpy and then there's like a bit in it where she basically saves all her mates and that's like for me I feel like that's the archetype of the sort of redemption arc of like the thing that will automatically get me is if somebody has kind of somehow exiled themselves by being grumpy or like making mistakes or whatever and then they show their true colours and so I always think of Sarah the Triceratops when I'm writing weirdly.

51:19Although sometimes I'm going to Sarah Triceratops. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then classic Sarah the Triceratops.

51:24James Acaster: I agree with you for the most part. Yeah, apart from. And then sometimes they do that kind of stuff where the writer is clearly excusing whatever bad traits they have in themselves. But don't worry about those. Because later on, they save everyone's life. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. So, yeah, I'll just keep, because I'm just going to keep doing this in my life and then eventually I'll, it'll be fine. Yeah, there's that. So it's like a cover. The Redemptive Act is a cover for stuff. It's like, just because you know those things are bad, doesn't excuse them. and just because you did something good it doesn't excuse the bad things yeah yeah i understand what you mean that gran torino film i haven't seen it no he's like horrible racist old man all the way through but at the end he saves the people that he's been racist to and oh that's different and he dies in a jesus pose that's different and you're like that's not sarah the triceratops no they needed to sarah the triceratops yeah yeah that's what they needed yeah i've not seen Lambert full-time for a while is Sarah the Triceratops horribly racist as well.

52:26Yeah, be honest. And then she saves the people she's been racist to. Yeah, yeah. Fucking Velociraptors. Kind of all that stuff. About the old Velocies. Anyway, it could be from there. Sandwich could be from there or I put like a hot dog down as an alternative and then in brackets with question mark did you ever go to that place called Singburi? No. Yes. It's in Leighton Stone where I lived for a long time. Yes. And it sort of became way too popular because time out. And now I think and they were always closing down, but they never did. And now they've moved. They've moved to Shoreditch. Shoreditch.

52:57I don't think they're open yet, but it's a phenomenal restaurant. They are incredible, but it was basically the chef and his mum in the kitchen. Yeah. Tiny little, like, his mum? Yeah, Thai cafe, essentially. And then it was like, I think it was like the infatuations, like number one restaurant in London. Yeah. People went mental for it. It was impossible to get in. Yeah. Unless you knew someone. And it was like, it is such good food, huge menu. So they're basically working these shifts of just bashing these dishes out and they're shattered at the end of the night. So I'm glad that they've now got a bigger space.

53:28Hopefully they can hire more people. They've gone mainstream. Anyway, I guess I just wanted to shout them out. But also don't go there. Leave them to it. Did you have a dish that you wanted to... They were famous for their razor clams, but they also had something called moo-crob, which was almost like, not pork scratchings exactly, but that kind of like really crunchy porky I loved it things which was good yeah those were the things I picked out but I'd say just go club sandwich yeah club sandwich from the Tokyo American Club yeah in the 90s and we're talking classic club sandwich right chicken and bacon and decent wakameo yeah I don't I don't really like cheese or I don't really eat that much cheese so I go non-cheese normally yeah I wouldn't put cheese in a club cheese in a club anyway really yeah yeah lettuce tomato chicken bacon and mayonnaise cutting the triangles with the chips in the middle yeah and a little like toothpicky flag you like the toothpicky flag why not yeah the toothpicks which you don't see very often now the little sort of tassel at the top you know

54:34James Acaster: little ridged toothpicks yeah no no no no with the little fun sort of crepe paper tassel the way he said that I just suddenly felt like I was sat on a bench sort of yeah there's two when we're old men that's what's going to happen it's not often we get a guest laugh at either one of us, especially you when you're not trying to make them laugh sure I think I fall into it a lot by mistake I realise what I've said is weirder than I thought it was but you were just being very earnest about toothpicks I was just remembering something it was very gentle it was probably like this is the funniest thing this fucking guy talking to me about toothpicks this is why the sketch group couldn't carry on because everything I said I thought was funny nothing from this guy and then I'm like right see you later he's like

55:28hey I've got the campaign brief ready built from last quarter's data and the competitive landscape approved oh agents where would we be without you somewhere with a lot more tabs open create your first Monday agent in minutes at monday.com here's a tip for you There's a podcast out there with fans waiting to be your next customer. They tune in every week. They trust the host. And that host wants to talk about brands like yours in their own words to their audience. The problem is you just haven't been introduced yet. We're Acast, where that introduction happens. As the world's largest podcast marketplace, we let you browse shows, see who's listening, and book host-read sponsorships or run your own ads all from one platform.

56:13Transparent pricing, real-time data, complete control. Start advertising on podcasts by visiting acast.com slash advertise.

56:29Your dream drink, Will? Maybe CC Lemon, which is a Japanese lemonade in a can. And I have a very specific memory of getting that from a vending machine after playing. like the summers are really humid playing football in like a park with my brother and then just being like drenched in sweat and they have really loud cicadas in the summer so that noise is going on and just having like you're exhausted and you're so thirsty and it doesn't quench your thirst in any way I've tried it as an adult it's so sugary but I just remember that hit being kind of amazing or I guess the grown up equivalent would be like a glass of beer in the summer Is CC Lemon one of the drinks in Japan that has vitamins, where it's got vitamins in it?

57:16Just Googling it. Often getting added to emails. CC. That's good. Good luck finding a BCC Lemon. I don't think so. There probably, I mean, these days there probably is. Oh, no, it's called CC Lemon because of vitamin C. There you go, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Because I got sort of, last time I was in Japan, sort of obsessed with the vitamin shots and these little vitamin jelly drinks. Okay, yeah. Just because you feel like you're doing something good for yourself. Even though in the bag from the 7-Eleven every night was like just piles of squid and cheese. Right, squid cheese and gels. Wow. The adverts for those vitamin drinks are often quite funny.

57:54Just like guys really shouting to show how much energy they have. They drink it and then they're just like going mental. They're like climbing a cliff or something. They're like, now I'm ready. What do you go? I want to be like that guy. Yeah. or they've got a baseball bat and they hit the can really far. Well, maybe we could make a shandy out of those two things, like a Japanese beer on a hot day and a bit of CC lemon. That's really nice. What's the beer? What beer do you want? I don't like any Japanese, like Kirin. Apparently it is different in Japan compared to what is imported over here. Right.

58:31But I remember having a, when Tom Kingsley and I made a short film in Japan and like shot in my actual grandma's house my actual grandma was in it and dressed up as a cockroach for us I remember like you know hiking with like it's just him and me basically with all the gear and stuff and finding this like little bar and having like a really cold beer and a hot day that kind of lager a lot of this meal you want to be tired for tired and hungry but I think that's because like it improves it right yeah yeah I want to know more

59:06James Acaster: about this film this short film cockroach film. I mean, it's on YouTube somewhere. It's like, it was, it was, we just, yeah, we went to Japan. It was when I was in Casualty and Tom worked for a company called Blink and he borrowed like a prosumer camera from, from the company, went to my grandma's house in Japan to try to make a short film basically. And it was often I'd be like holding my own reflector out of shot. It was just very, very low fight and lots of driving around and getting trains and stuff. I haven't watched it for a while. Hopefully it holds up. Don't know. What's the plot? The plot was, what was it?

59:44It's that my late grandfather has left me a suit. I'm like a pest control guy.

59:51James Acaster: Yes. And I'm working on a particular house that has a cockroach problem. But the owners of the house are never there. And I start receiving these weird notes. And I think my granddad, meanwhile, has left me a suit. and inside the suit pocket is like a note that says something like by the way you're the messiah and it drives him crazy because he's trying to figure is it for me? What does it mean? And all the while he's trying to rid this house of its infestation of pests. I can't really remember how it finishes. I love it. But essentially he's just sort of spins him out spins him out and it's in Japan.

1:00:29I love it. That sounds bonkers. It was quite bonkers. I'd watch that. Sure. But be my guest.

1:00:37James Acaster: so that is on YouTube man I don't watch it on YouTube it'd be good to change the algorithm a little bit actually yeah what's the only algorithm the other day I went on this fucking wormhole of watching this guy atheist guy who's debating Christians and I've really enjoyed the first one and seeing him just handle the Christians their ass yeah and then the more that it went on the more videos I was watching the more I was like actually this guy's quite unlikable is that Christopher Hitchens? no not Hitchens he talks to Hitchens at one point and another one is this younger guy and I thought in the first video I was like it's good because he's not taking pleasure in defeating them he's just trying to have a respectful discussion but he is defeating them and this is nice this seems like a respectful discussion but he's a bit more cares about people but then the more videos I watch the more I was like this guy's high on his own supply he absolutely loves himself he may as well be the one on his side tugging himself off Is that like late 90s brand of atheism where the whole thing was someone going, well, how can that be?

1:01:38God doesn't even exist. And then they dropped the microphone. And it was like, yeah. Show me the proof. I had an imaginary friend once. Whoa, that's blown my mind.

1:01:46James Acaster: Yeah, it was like that. Yeah. But so that's what my algorithm is now. All that and actually the bit of my algorithm that I like is just loads of skateboarders. I'm just watching loads of skateboarders. No, but I love skateboarders. Yeah. I love like watching Andy Anderson and Ben Caddow. Do you think you ever would? No way. When I was five, I got put on a skateboard and pushed us with stinging hills. Oh, don't want that again. Absolutely no way I'm doing that again. So with your like religious, did you have like a specific kind of turning point where you realized how you feel about all that stuff?

1:02:22James Acaster: No, it was just gradual. Just gradual as I was growing up, especially like being to stand up and whatever. Right, yeah. where it's very uncool to be religious. It's an angle. Pathetic. It's an angle. But yeah, I kind of just like steadily moved away from it. Okay. And had a gig the other day where like a whole group of Christians came to see me, a whole church group. And I ended up talking to them for most of the show because one of them was secretly recording the show and I caught them. Just in case. Yeah, it was a Christian recording me. I was like, that's not very Christian. Being all sneaky.

1:02:53James Acaster: Did you call them Christians? I don't think it's the most anti-Christian thing I could think of. Huh? I wouldn't go, that's not very Christian, recording a show secretly. It's one of the Ten Commandments, you should know it. Don't record comedy shows. Yeah, yeah. We must respect them. A very big conversation with them. One of them kept telling me that Jesus loves me during the show. Well, that's quite a hard, heckle to handle. Yeah. I was just like, well, with all due respect, I'm not sure. Yeah. I'm not sure that's true. And then someone at the back started shouting out that they love Satan. Oh, yeah.

1:03:25James Acaster: Yeah. Obviously, that kicked off his head, yeah. yeah I go to every one of his shows yeah I love fighting he's sending someone to every venue yeah I'm dressed as a count from Sensitive Street in the back

1:03:43your dream dessert Will again I could probably choose one but I've got like three trio trio trio maybe do you remember that chocolate bar I know trio trio yeah don't remember it I want a trio and I want one now. Don't remember it. It was good. Very thick chocolate.

1:04:03James Acaster: Yeah, thick old choccy. But you know, it was up against a lot of competition. There was clubs and all sorts of that. Clubs I remember. Clubs like post football or a penguin. Do you want to sing the song? No. Okay, sing it. We've just done trio. I think someone else needs to take up the mantle for the club. Yeah, the other one who sings the songs. If you like a lot of chocolate on your biscuit, join a club. Yeah? he's got a new jingle pick up a penguin yeah yeah we had a really fun joke over text remember that really funny joke over text that I did about penguin no when Nish was coming back from Australia yeah and he texted us saying he'd watched the full series of the penguin yeah and I said in Australia it's called the Tim Tam Nish yeah that's a good joke that's a good joke safe space yeah yeah I think I even said I think I even said it's a great joke and it's clean.

1:04:57Yeah. Very tidy. Anyone can enjoy that if they have a knowledge of Australian and English biscuits. I feel like even if you don't know, you still would get it. That's how good a joke is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You'd be like, well, that must be an Australian version of the penguin. Sounds like a brand.

1:05:12James Acaster: What's your trio? Oh, sorry. Yeah. So one of them tried to invent something, but it's sort of, I'm sure it exists. Yeah. It's like some kind of chocolate. I don't think it's a cake. I think it's like a tort. so I don't I don't really like the spongy guys find that a bit boring I like it to be really dense so I think it's flowerless Will's reading this out verbatim by the way this is all written down that's got to be sad for you if something's flowerless

1:05:43it's like a word search basically

1:05:47James Acaster: how am I going to for the rejection there no I liked it no but I mean it must be very you must feel rejected when someone says they want something flawless no I prefer it I prefer it because it's I like it to be dense so that like so dense I basically like to feel like I'm being punched in the face by the chocolate like you can slam the top on the table and it would keep its shape Jesus Christ so that kind of thing sorry well I just knocked over my empty cup of coffee but I forgot it was empty so I thought I'd just you were panicking and then you realised it was okay I said Jesus Christ over the top of you talking but that wasn't because of you it's amazing how quickly they go back to religion isn't it first time they knock over a coffee cup suddenly Jesus is back in his life please forgive me I know what you mean about flowerless chocolate you just want that intense chocolate that's what I prefer some people don't like that and they find it a bit like it's too much hard work but that's what I prefer I hate a gato where you see like a gato and it looks beautiful and then they put the knife into it and almost goes that's what I'm not into if it's too fluffy I don't know it's like a bit fillery I just want to get straight to the point of the chocolate cake.

1:06:55So one of those with maybe some matcha ice cream and some berries or something like that. Something like that?

1:07:01James Acaster: Yeah, that sounds great. Which is fine. That could be it on its own. That's lovely. But then I had two sort of nostalgia ones, which you can discount, or they can be like we talked about it, but they're not real. So one of them is my late British grandma. One of my earliest memories is when we lived in Japan, had come into England and learning how to make a lemon tart with her. And so that lemon tart with just like shop-bought vanilla ice cream and that squeezy chocolate sauce that went hard. Yeah. Did you ever have that? Oh, yeah. What's it called? I mean, I don't know if it's literally just called...

1:07:38It's a sort of magic name. It had some kind of magic. Magic sauce or something. But you pour it on and then the cold makes it go hard. Great. That's exciting. That's absolutely brilliant. That's a goodie. and then the third one is so it's kind of like Ice Magic Ice Magic

1:07:53James Acaster: is that what it's called? Because Ben doesn't want to be heard on the podcast sometimes he has to whisper stuff so he just looked at Ed and went Ice Magic It was absolutely great Andy used to be a magician so that might have been something he did back in the day Ice Magic He'd be at a party and someone would be drinking their drinking their glasses drink at a party and then they'd look down and the ice had gone and he'd go Ice Magic he's holding the ice he's crunching it in his mouth ice magic they can see his gob on the side of the glass but that was very helpful thank you so it was called ice magic well I didn't say ice magic I said I think it had magic in it oh yeah so carrying on from that kaiseki tray often like and also at my grandma's house like the pudding would just be basically like a really good piece of fruit like melon or like a strawberry that's like really big yeah something like that like Japanese fruit where it's like you go into a food hall and it's like 800 quid for a well I don't know well okay why not if you're paying 800 quid sure for a straw it's on me yeah 800 quid genie's paying then go for it you got it I don't think I've ever done that in Japan and gone and bought like the really expensive fruit in like one of the malls or whatever but I've been to look at them but even if it's not that even if it's not the kind of stunt fruit it's still you can get like a kind of reasonably priced but like really good tasty kind of oh i've suddenly realized that all the other versions of melon that i had it was just sort of like a almost like a memory of eating a melon this is a melon you know this is an empirical melon yeah so that something like that that would be if i'm carrying on the theme of having too many things that would be the three things yes yeah but i could just choose the chocolate because we can do what i actually want to eat there's plenty of dessert hacks you can do.

1:09:41James Acaster: Oh, yeah. You need pre-dessert, trolley, dessert, petty four. That food sounds like a petty four. A stack. What are they called? Stack. I've got a stack. A little stack. What is it? You know what I mean. A little tower. Like a thingy. Tea tray. No, not tea tray. That you'd get at high tea. Like a car park. Yeah. Car park of food. Car park of food. Yeah. Yeah. It's a car park of food. That's what they say when you go for afternoon tea at the Ritz. Put in a car park, please. Yeah, yeah. Here's your car park. and I had a shout out to once we tried to make a banana miso it made me really ill you can guess what that is it's a tiramisu with banana in it made us really sick I thought you were mispronouncing miso no, banana miso was that something you'd read about was there a recipe or did you invent the banana miso no, so my my rep as somebody who prepares food is that I'll be doing really well really bad at following recipes I'll be doing really well just kind of busking my way through it I'm quite good at making something out of nothing.

1:10:37So if it's like, we've got nothing in the house, actually, I can find a meal out of whatever's there. We tried to make a chicken stock once. Did we? Yeah. Didn't go well. We'll put a pin in that. We'll come back to that. But one for a bit. We tried to make a chicken stock for a sketch. This is the sketch. Making chicken stock. No other jokes. But I'm quite, like, my rep is I'll fuck it up at the last minute. So it'll be going really well, and it's, like, looking good, and then I'll just sort of be like, maybe I'll do this. and then it would sort of be like, well, you've ruined it now. That was the banana mistake.

1:11:07That was the banana. I was like, I'm going to try and make it. I'm going to put bananas in it. Why not? It's like, why did you do that? But the reason why I made us ill was not that it was something else involved. Maybe the eggs, I don't know. Yeah. Or the cream, the cheese. And it tasted bad or good? It tasted all right, I would say. You put eggs in it. It's all banoffee. I can't remember. I can't remember. Well, it is banoffee, but on this occasion, it's banana and coffee, right? Yeah. It's a new banoffee. what made us ill was I put poison in it he's almost right at the end he puts poison every time and there was a there was one Christmas where I tried to make improvised pudding that went really wrong where I thought of you because you're famous for your sweet tooth yes and it was basically like as you're kind of heading out of the Christmas season you sometimes have like boxes of biscuits and chocolates and just leftover stuff that you're like what am I going to do this so I was like I'll just make like a fridge cake out of all of these things.

1:12:05Brilliant. And had no system or any sort of scientific knowledge about how to do it. So essentially, it was just melting down snacks and then put it in the freezer. And it was really bad. Yeah. Oh, yeah. It looked terrible. And it was, it was so sweet that it felt like you, you would faint from eating it. And for some reason in my mind, I must've been listening to podcasts around. I was like, maybe James Acaster would manage this.

1:12:30James Acaster: Yeah. I think my dad definitely would yeah yeah yeah I mean even if I couldn't I think the big guy he'd be able to would have a swing at it the big dog could do it the big dog would nudge it his way and even if he didn't like it he would eat all of it while saying with his mouth full this is very too sweet Will right he's not very good but while shoving it in even for me even for me this is too sweet but while just still putting it back and not even having to not even having to chew it just like yeah straight down yeah he would have helped you out can I have a digestif with it yeah you know like one of those bitter Amaro-y Fernet Branca Fernet Branca yeah that kind of thing I don't mind that kind of like slightly petrally afterthought yeah it is genuinely good for digestion as well I find yeah if you're really full and you have like a Fernet Branca which I would be probably oh absolutely yeah you're going to be full mate you've had a club sandwich on top of everything else next amount yeah I think when your side dish is a club sandwich you know that you're going to be full yeah I'll read your menu back to you now, see how you feel about it.

1:13:31James Acaster: You want tap water from the mountain. Yeah. The wall of the restaurant. For catcher from Olympia Provisions, Portland. Is that what you Googled? It's Olympia Provisions. Sorry, thanks. Who knows how they... That's a mountain. ...made that bread. Is it? Olympia. Oh, yeah. You love mountains. Obsessed. Obsessed. The deep fried small fish with lemon. Small fish. You never got to the bottom of what fish it was. main course you got a tofu situation gamay flakes is it? gamay gamay flakes kellel's combos pickled daikon whitefish cold soba which I didn't know it was pronounced like that until you said it I've been saying sober it's like saying pari you wouldn't say pari I might start saying pari I say pari I always say it do you?

1:14:19yeah I go gay pari like that it's funny nori tempura natto

1:14:23James Acaster: natto yeah green I don't know what it is yeah that's what it says here beef small economy hacky and koala biscuits yeah side dish club sandwich yeah drink CC Lemon Shandy they're pandas oh yeah hello panda hello panda hello panda yeah you'd recognise them the pink I don't like the pink ones I like the normal ones okay thanks drink CC Lemon Shandy with Japanese lager dessert flowerless chocolate torte with matcha ice cream and berries and grandma's lemon tart and a big fruit. Big fruit. And a big fruit. Yeah. And you would also like a digestif at the end. Yeah. Needs an edit, doesn't it? It's a bit...

1:15:06But you've just got to get it on the page, right? Yeah, it's like... It's like... Yeah, if we'd walk through it and sort of pick some things out. Yeah. That would make sense, but... I'd love that meal, though. I think it would be nice. And the main meal is kind of like, also, you can decide afterwards what it involves.

1:15:25James Acaster: I haven't asked Will about eating on camera. I like, I like, I like asking actors about eating on camera. You wait on camera. Yeah. In, I think you eat on camera on White Lotus and in Real Pain. What was the best food? The food in Real Pain was quite good. In White Lotus, I remember there was like a breakfast scene where they were like, what's your breakfast? And I was like, I don't know, like eggs on toast or something. And everyone else had fruit. And I was like, well, if we're supposed to have fruit, then I'll have fruit. It suddenly felt weird. But in the Lena Dunham show that's coming up, I remember making a choice because of that thing where once you tune into watching actors eat, you sort of can be quite distracted.

1:16:06I was like, I'm just going to eat as much as I can in every scene. And also because he's quite socially uncomfortable. So I felt like, I eat a bit like that anyway in my life because it's just a way of having something to do. so in that show I made that choice to eat as much as I can see if you notice

1:16:24James Acaster: I'll notice I'm always watching how much they're eating in those kind of scenes and I don't like it when they just push it around the plate this is Lena Dunham's show yeah quick heads up yeah how are you doing any tugging in it am I tugging off I don't think so but there's I don't think so I do not remember how much on camera tugging you're doing I don't think so but there's there's like some yeah there's some like intimacy scenes in inverted commas but I don't I almost don't I don't mind that as much as the tugging yeah I'm not lying on my side tugging off you promise? promise yeah yeah I think we had a show and we roasted a chicken and then just put all the bones in the pot and we I think all I remember is really laughing that we had a show that night we didn't know what we were going to do and we were making a chicken stock okay my favourite memory of what we did in that sketch group was we once split an hour with a different group and one of the guys had gone viral for a sketch that they'd done online and it was really blown up and we split this hour with them and we were like hey maybe just to mix it up like maybe we could like you could do one sketch in our half hour we'll do one sketch in your half hour it might be funny even so they did the viral sketch in the middle of our half hour.

1:17:48Absolutely killed. Everybody just loved it. Yeah. The sketch we chose to do in the middle of their set was called Bow. What it involved was we would come on and bow as if it was the end of the show, even though it wasn't. And then we'd go off again. Nobody knew what was going on. No laughter. I think some people thought it was the end of the show. No material involved. We should do bow. Guys, we should do bow. That's probably my favourite thing that happens in that group. Fucking hell, that's funny.

1:18:29James Acaster: Did you do bow in your own show? Yeah, yeah. So there would be a sketch where you'd just come out and bow. But we also had the order of sketches hung up so the audience could see them, right? Yeah, so they'd see that there was a sketch coming up called bow. and they'd be like, I wonder what that's going to be. It's just a bow. That was a joke. And there was another one called Pizza Express, where we would just act as if we were in Pizza Express, and we just order a meal. There was no jokes. And Al Roberts would always, he would always put in a gag. And we're like, that's not the rule. You've got to order strictly from the menu that they'd actually have.

1:19:06Guys, I don't know. And then he would panic, and he would throw in like a funny made-up pizza. or something and then me and Ed and Tom would be kind of like can't do that mate bothered him afterwards yeah because it would always get a massive laugh as well yeah because it would be like finally some comedy

1:19:21James Acaster: but it's a more confusing sketch so they come away going what was that sketch because it was just all normal there was one funny line but the whole thing was just like there were people so it must have failed whereas if the whole thing is just normal that must be the joke we did one where we all did stand up at the same time as well fucking the worst sketch we've ever heard

1:19:45funny for us yeah thanks so much for coming to the Dream Restaurant Will thank you Will thanks for having me

1:19:56well there we are James a lovely chat a lovely catch up quite a lot of nostalgia for me I liked seeing you

1:20:01James Acaster: take a trip down memory lane with Will and we've been messaging each other since we finished recording reminding each other of more than Four Horsemen sketches oh yeah yeah oh how nice Tom Williams with a stylophone yeah just making faces and then playing the note and at one point he did that I think it was called MC's stylophone yeah sort of like had a rapper outfit on with the stylophone sat at the back of the stage doing a collab with Old Man I love Old Man yeah I actually really like Old Man I think Old Man's really funny especially he loves rock and roll Old Man Rocker yeah yeah that's funny I think that would stand the test of time That would still be funny if you brought it back.

1:20:43James Acaster: I thank you, Will, for not saying lotus biscuits, even if we didn't have to kick you out. He was worried we'd pick sushi as a secret ingredient for a laugh. For a laugh? Yeah, because we thought he might pick sushi. Why would we think that? Well, because he likes Japanese food. Oh, he had a lot of stuff in Japan. Yeah, imagine if we'd done that. He's half Japanese, for God's sake. I don't think it would have reflected well on us if we'd done that to trap him. No. But maybe just bear that in mind for another guest. yeah trap them anyone that we know likes Japanese food we'll get them with that and we'll say that's the Will Sharp special yeah he told us to get you look out for Will in Too Much the new Lena Dunham series which is available on Netflix now and a lot of off-menu friends in there in that cast yes Richard E.

1:21:29Grant of course Richard hey buddy how you doing Leo Reich who we've not had on the podcast before but he's fantastic how have we not had

1:21:37James Acaster: Leo Reich on the podcast what's our problem The guy's too busy. He's in Lena Dunham's new series. He's had an Adrian special. Yeah, I think we have tried, to be fair. Yeah. Well, Leo, if you're listening, please pick up the phone. Oh, please. That's desperate. Oh, sorry. I am touring Europe in November. Ooh. And I'm touring America in 2026, February 2026. So get on to edgamble.co.uk for tickets. If you are someone who lives near some of the places that I'm going that will be available to see on my website, or if you want to travel there or if you want to travel there I wouldn't travel there that's a lot of pressure on me maybe they just like the travel they like the trip here's the deal you can travel if it's over land if you're crossing a sea I'd rather you didn't because that's quite a lot of pressure well you'd be surprised some people will cross sea for it and they'll be the rudest audience members you have on the tour thanks James as ever you're invigorating my love for stand up anytime Ed thank you James Thank you, Will.

1:22:39Bye-bye. Thank you, Will. Bye.

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