How to Ask Your Body What It Actually Needs

0:00Emily Morse: I am so excited to finally share this with you. I am going on tour. It is the best sex ever tour. And I hope you'll join me. And the show is all about you, the audience. Every night, I'm going to be answering your questions, win prizes, and leave with secrets to have the best sex ever. Every night is different because the show is all about you. So here's the dates. Then heading to Philadelphia on August 5th, Nashville on September 29th, and Austin on October 7th. More cities to come. Come with your partner, your friends. Fly solo. You'll leave with practical tools, plenty of laughs, maybe some surprises.

0:40Emily Morse: Well, definitely some surprises. Visit sexwithemily.com slash events for tickets and tour information. I will see you there. Can't wait to meet you. We think we want sex, but we just want talk. We want that, those feel-good hormones that tell us that that's pleasurable and we want more. Why would my body be responding to somebody else if I haven't even connected to my body today, if I haven't even connected? So many times, partners are touching our genitals with a goal in mind. They're touching our genitals to please us. They're touching our genitals because they want something from us. I can't fake it anymore.

1:15Emily Morse: I can't be performing because it's like a total override of what is now in my system. Because it is about that. Making your body feel safe.

1:28Emily Morse: Hey everyone, welcome to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily and my mission is to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate conversation around sex. This show is all about you. It's about you having better sex, expressing your desires, and knowing exactly what you want. Also be sure to follow me on all social media. It's Sex with Emily everywhere. Subscribe to my YouTube channel for full episodes and my newsletter. You're going to love my newsletter. I've been told I give a really good newsletter, if you know what I mean. It's sexwithemily.com slash newsletter. Finally, I am going on tour, and I hope you join me.

2:04Emily Morse: I'll be going all over the United States, and my first stop is in Chicago on July 7th, and the show is all about you. I'll be answering your questions live. We'll be playing games. There's giveaways. It's going to be such a good time. You can find that at sexwithemily.com slash events. All right, everyone, enjoy this episode. One question I'm asked all the time is, Emily, what products do you actually recommend? And that's exactly why we created Shop Sex with Emily. Every product in the shop is something my team and I have personally researched and tested or recommended because we genuinely believe it can help you have better sex, stronger intimacy, and just more confidence in the bedroom.

2:46Emily Morse: Whether you're shopping for yourself, your partner, or both of you, we've made it easy to find products that actually work. Head to shopsexwithemily.com and discover your next favorite bedroom essential. Your heart can tell you a lot about your health. Apple Watch Series 12 measures your heart rate every five seconds with the most accurate heart rate sensing in a wearable. So your vitals app, now with heart rate variability, can tell you when something is off. And your readiness score can let you know when to rest and when to push. Hear the story in every heartbeat with Apple Watch Series 12. The features described are for wellness purposes only and not for medical use.

3:22Emily Morse: iPhone 11 or later required. Based on Apple-conducted study of heart rate accuracy, August 2026. Visit apple.com slash apple watch series 12. Hi, everybody. Dolly Josette, aka The Pleasure Muse. You can check out on all social media and her website is thepleasuremuse.com and social media is The Pleasure Muse. Dolly discussed the importance of what somatic work, about somatic work, what it actually is and what embodiment means, which is such an important pillar of our sexual health and wellness. And the first pillar of sexual intelligence, as I write about in my book, Smart Sex. She's going to show you today like all the layers of what this learning will bring.

4:00Emily Morse: We're going to show all the layers. Today's practice is going to help you connect to some of your deepest yearnings you have around sex. And what I've seen in the world and from over 20 years of doing this, and Dolly's been in this work for a decade, is that a lot of you, you want to know how to connect more to yourself. You want to know how to feel more. You want to know what feels good to you so you can really enjoy sex more, so you have more pleasure, so you understand what is going to turn you on, what's going to stoke your desire, what's going to help you feel more present. And then once we learn these practices, these simple practices, not simple, like seemingly simple, but actually the most foundational work of embodiment that we can do anywhere.

4:49Emily Morse: And so you can just start to attune to your needs and learn the skills so you could immediately drop into your body and be present for sex. So today we're going to learn more of that so you can connect more to yourself, feel more. Now, as I mentioned, Dali's been a sexological body worker and a somatic practitioner for almost 10 years. And if you don't know what that is, Dali, can you tell us a little bit about the important work that you're doing that has changed my life and touched my life and so many other people? I will. I will. Before, I want to piggyback on what Emily was saying about the value of embodiment, because I don't know if I really got into this aspect and then what we're doing today.

5:34the whole theme is is sexual connection but it's this idea of connecting to yourself first and you know we say like oh we hear the cliches like being your best lover like insert eye roll but as much as we can kind of joke about this this idea about being your best lover really feel into how much we rely on other people to, to like, let us know like, oh, he wasn't a great lover. Oh, she didn't know how to do this. Or, um, if you're not feeling great in a partnership, how much you're relying on an external force to actually have you feel good. The, the big mystery is you don't need to rely on an outside force.

6:21You actually need to bridge the disconnection with yourself so that you can, in fact, have connection and feel and, and exude like all of this yumminess and, and deepen what you're feeling. That's the whole point. So today we're going to bridge it. So the work of sexological body work, when I'm working with practitioner with, as a practitioner, working with people's bodies, a sexological body worker, we actually can work on the pelvic floors, working with vulva mapping, penis mapping, anal mapping, prostate massage, full body embodiment, sensuality, really mapping the entire body, looking at consent, looking at boundaries.

7:12I even work with childhood regressions, attachment styles, all these different layers of how are we showing up in relationship. but sexological body work is how are you showing up in relationship to your body? What are you noticing? It's actually bringing the embodiment element so that if I'm bringing touch into somebody, like, are you noticing potential for pleasure? Are you noticing numbness? Oh, what's showing up for you? Oh, is that a memory? Oh, you don't feel anything. So then we can start to unwind what your body is holding. So, so does that help explain it? It does. And I

7:50Emily Morse: want to say more about this is that when she says mapping, and I just want to say they could work with you privately on zoom or on person and we can, that's through the pleasuremuse.com if you want to go through there, but what she's done, what she does with people, when she says she works with pelvic floor, she actually does hands on work, non-sexual touch. So non-erotic touch. It's not erotic in the sense of, well, it can be. Well, I'm not bringing my erotic in. She's trying to help you in this practice, but we're going to help you do that here. And if people are interested down the road in a group vulva mapping or penis mapping that you could all do at home in a privacy of home, we could do that as well.

8:29Emily Morse: But she could also work with you. But side note, what she does is when she says mapping, it means like if she's mapping you, she touches your genitals. Yeah. She could touch your arm, but she could also, she uses a glove and she could, you would be laying on a table if you were in person. Massage table. Massage table. And she would help you understand because there's so many nerve endings on our bodies. Like, where's my vulva puppet? Here's one here. For example, if she was working with you and what we could do down the road is she would be touching you and saying, what do you feel here? What do you notice?

9:04Emily Morse: Do you feel anything? And you'd see that we, and this goes for penis as well, that these are so specific. If we talk about the 12 ,000 nerve endings we have externally, internally, and the penis has, the uncircumcised penis has 4 ,000 and maybe 8 ,000 if it's, oh, sorry, uncircumcised is 8 ,000, 10 ,000, penis 4 ,000. But these are really specific so she could touch you. And when you're lying there, all you have to do is receive and really think, wow, I I have some more sensation on my left labor. My left part of my clitoris and not the right. And she can help people like there. Maybe there's some trauma attached to it.

9:40Emily Morse: Maybe there's some feelings attached to it. And so it's just, it's really fascinating work. That's just a deep way. And the reason why we do this, and then we'll get into like today's practices. It's not mapping, but this is a nice introduction to psychological body work, which is important because part of the education that Emily wants to bring to y 'all is the fact that there is so much to learn. And maybe you never even knew that somebody like me existed to understand and to get hands on. Or when I work with couples, I teach partners how to map each other. I teach sensual massage, but they're bringing their intimate connection to each other.

10:19And I'm there like as maestro supervising, do that, you know, and it's amazing. But the mapping, we're looking at erogenous zones. We're looking at what's numb, what needs to be healed, and to see what's already online and where can you actually elevate sensation in your body. Because people come to me often that they're like, I'm not having orgasms or I'm not feeling this. And we can increase your actual pleasure and your sensations and put things back online.

10:48Emily Morse: But yeah, online meaning like it might already be online, it might already be a really hot spot. And so if you already find a spot in your body, Dolly realized that this part of her arm was the most sensitive, felt the best. So that I was giving her, I was doing it to her and we were like, oh, we were narrowing in on this part. So if we're doing it on our genitals or any part of our body, then we have more information to know, oh, that's where I like touch. The same thing is on our bodies. We've just been having sex the same way. Maybe it's been penetrative or even oral sex. if we learn, oh, this underside of my penis or shaft or this left part of my labia feels great.

11:27Emily Morse: Eureka, we know. And then we can say, you know what? This part of my body felt great. Let me show you what actually feels good. And that's the missing piece for so many of us. We just don't know what feels good. And then we, we like just go numb or we're like, nothing feels good because we're not as specific and able to pinpoint pleasure. But it all starts with this very foundational practices. And we're going to run through a few more of them today. I'm so excited. So hopefully, everybody will learn how to attune to their own needs and their own bodies. So my Holy Trinity is body, mind and soul.

12:04I was raised Catholic. Those of you who have religious backgrounds, you know what the religious Holy Trinity is. But my Holy Trinity is body, mind, and soul. And we actually, and I actually interact with them when I teach, what I'm going to teach you today is how to listen to your body. So it's as if your body or your vulva or your cock, cause we're going to get into a couple of different demonstrations. It's as if it has its own zip code. It has its own like mind and it can actually talk back to you. And we don't know that we can talk to our bodies. I mean, cause that's kind of out there, right?

12:39But it's what I call somatic dialoguing. So you're dialoguing and you're like spending time with your body to actually see what it needs. Because what I find is that people actually, when they do this work, they realize I've never checked if my body wanted to do something and their body tells them like, Hey, you've been ignoring me. I have, I want to, I want to use my voice. So the body, that's when it can start numbing out. So why don't we get into practice?

13:09Emily Morse: Yes. But what I want to say is real quick that we're going to get into this practice. We're going to do two practices today. One is for vulvas and one is for the whole body, the whole body, vulvas and cocks that we're going to combine that. Oh, good. And the whole body. So vulvas and penises, she likes to say cock. I like to say penis, but that's, she's tomato, tomato. We know what we're talking about. And, and then one for the whole body. So what we're going to do is each one, we're going to do something, we're going to do, we're going to do it with you. I'm going to do it. And then we're going to stop.

13:39Emily Morse: And if you guys have any comments, you want to chat, please send in your notes and then we'll cover it. Then we'll go into the second exercise. And after the second exercise, if anyone would love this, we'd love to bring you up on camera and talk about your experience. Yeah. Because it's really valuable to get feedback in real time. And this work that I'm going to do with you, This is what I begin with, with all of my private clients. I really am pulling out details from them so that we're really like seeing what's going on with them, but you're going to get a taste of it and, um, and get a sense of what is showing up for you.

14:11So we're going to begin our first somatic practice with the, um, body anchor, um, meditation that is to really land in your body, connect with your nervous system and, and, and, actually how to release oxytocin so that you can fill up your cup so that you even have more to like show up. You don't feel as depleted.

14:37Emily Morse: Okay. So oxytocin is that feel good hormone that we get from touch, which is what we all sometimes so desperately crave. We think we want sex, but we just want touch. We want that. Those feel good hormones that tell us that that's pleasurable and we want more. As you are, I want a pillow behind you. I think I left it right on the other side. Do you see that? We can put the vulva. So I don't know if she gets comfortable. Yeah. Yeah. Get comfortable. So just get comfortable. And I'm going to actually lead you through five body positions so that we can see which, um, body position feels the best.

15:09It's like, you know, Goldilocks and the three bears. She tries out the baby bears, Papa bears, mama bears to see like what feels just right. We want to feel, see what feels just right. This is a place that feels the most grounded and the most nourishing. So Emily, first start off with your hands on the top of your thighs. Breathe in and then just push into the top of the thighs like you're anchoring in. And everyone viewing, watching, please join along. Beautiful. And then the next breath, put your hands on your belly and just kind of hold your belly. This chair is a little narrow, so it might be harder to do that.

15:45Now one hand lower belly, one hand higher, kind of by the ribcages where that little V is of the grid cages. And sometimes it makes a difference if you swap your hands. So higher and lower, you can kind of get a sense of like, oh yeah, that adjustment really made a difference. And in the last position, I want you to whichever hand felt better on top, move that hand. I'm going to switch mine and go up into your heart. So now that lower hand is kind of center belly, not lower, not higher center, and then just take a breath in. So I'm kind of watching Emily through the camera. You're doing great, girl.

16:23Doing great. And I'm hearing your audible exhalations. It's beautiful. So my pillars of embodiment, because I know Emily has hers from her book, but mine are focus of attention, breath, touch, sound. Sound is included if you can hear the audible exhalations. So now as you're breathing in, start to have your exhalations a little bit longer. Good. And now out. Beautiful. Breathing in and out. That's accessing your parasympathetic nervous system. And I want you to take the focus, Emily, of your hands as the givers. They are giving to you. Just see if you can flip into taking their perspective, feeling the ridges of the clothes, feeling the, the role of, of, of skin or belly.

17:17I can feel that more in mind, feeling the warmth or if you're feeling skin to skin, just noticing your giving hands. Now take the perspective of the receiving body. Your body is the receiver. This is where we start to separate like that Holy Trinity giving and you're receiving. So your body's like a different entity. Can your body feel the temperature? Does your body feel, is it able to sip in, sip in a little bit of that energy, that warmth, sipping it in deeper into your heart, into your spine, as if you're sipping in the sun. We talked about that a little bit yesterday, just able to receive.

18:04And Emily, keeping your eyes closed, just kind of say out loud, what are you noticing?

18:11Emily Morse: Well, I'm noticing it took me a few minutes to settle. Like I had a moment like, which hand feels better? And I got like tripped up. And then I remembered that like, it doesn't matter. It's not perfect. Just land on one position. But now I'm noticing. So my mind took a beat. And then once I would go back to my breath, I noticed that I was actually able to really feel more. And then when you said, I thought it was interesting when you said to be the giver and the receiver in my own body. So I was like, so if I'm giving like this hand here, these hands are like, like fingering out what they're touching.

18:41But then as the receiver, I was like, okay, yeah, I feel that my body's getting warmer,

18:46Emily Morse: like in my chest right here where my hand is. And then I realized that my, my, I wasn't breathing again. So whenever I go back to the breath, I'm like, and then when I do the deep breath, I can feel my stomach. I'm trying to do like the right kind of inhale, exhale. I feel my stomach move. So that's what I'm noticing. I'm noticing it took me a beat to settle. But when I go back to my breath, I'm able to really settle in. So good. Such good noticing. Y 'all, there's no right or wrong. If the deeper, longer breath starts taking you out of it and you're like doing breath, the most important thing right here is just being with your body.

19:20Right now, it's like you're comforting yourself. Just like you're giving yourself like this little hug. Yeah. And as you absorb this warmth, absorb this presence, your body's actually going to start to release a little bit of oxytocin and it's going to feel as if you are being hugged now the next thing with this whole somatic dialoguing that i mentioned i want to see if you have any messages for your body emily do you want to play along with newton what message do you have for your body for me to my body um i want it to my body that i wanted

20:00Emily Morse: I want it to remember this feeling of relaxation and to be able to get into it more frequently because it feels so good to be still and to be settled and to be connected to my breath. I want my body to remember that this is what it needs to feel grounded and nurtured. Beautiful. Messages do you have for your body viewers? Just kind of feeling into that. This is something that I'm hoping you'll do each day. the messages might change really good so emily wants her body to remember what this feels like and that's so accessible i have to really do much but breathe and still myself turn off my phone now let's see let's flip it does your body have a message for you and don't answer it right away okay because the message that your body has can show up it could shift this the temperature it could be an emotion.

20:58You could feel like an energy or a tingling or a tightening memory. So asking your body, like in your mind, body, do you have a message for me? And she might be quiet. She might not be so sure that she can speak. Has she ever been asked this? So if you're not getting the anything that's it's fine it's getting an overall sensation asking my body well first it's funny because I remember my legs were crossed and my body was like I want your feet to be on the ground

21:32Emily Morse: so you can be more centered like you could be more like not off balance yeah because feet on the ground is so anchoring and so I just made sure that both feet were planted and is there something Emily's body that you need from Emily. So now I'm going to just directly work as a practitioner. Emily's body, I'm speaking to you. There's nothing you have to do, but just in any message that you want to give to Emily, what's coming up in your mind and your sensation. My body's saying thank you. Like, thank you for taking time to really connect with me. Yeah. It's been a while. I've been at the last few days been so exciting, but lots of movement, lots of running around.

22:18Emily Morse: So it's like, oh good. We're doing that thing where we're just grounding. The body's like, this is good. Thank you. Yeah. Beautiful. Well, thank her. And let's start to move a little bit out of this. You can stay in this position, but wiggle your toes and let your bodies know. Let your body know I'm late. I'm going to come back and check in with you. My intention is to do this just even for four breaths a day, just to be with you, not to ask you to do anything, just to let you know I am here and that your voice matters. Look at that beautiful breath at us. So now if you have any comments and you just start to come out of this exercise slowly, you can keep your hands there letting your eyes come into this space just take it in well I have a quick comment that this reminded me of is that it reminded me of of like when I don't do this and I don't breathe or get grounded or meditate or do all the things I do to help me meditate to help me feel more connected that why why it can be so frustrating sometimes when I'm like wanting to be even sexual.

23:31I was thinking that a lot of, you know, I was relating to a lot of our community

23:35Emily Morse: here that there's so many times that we're like, how would I'm not, why aren't I in the mood? Why, why don't I know what I want? How do I, how do I get turned on? My partner wants me to get turned on. And it just reminded me of that. Like, why would, why would my body be responding to somebody else if I haven't even connected to my body today, if I haven't even connected? What, and it kind of how we started. Why, why, why would my think that my body should just be in response, be in service to others if I'm not establishing that relationship first? It was just such a beautiful reminder of like, this is the work because then I deeply know what I need.

24:17Emily Morse: Like we're in this together and I can open it up for others once I'm clean with my energy and connection. I'm like really, I'm like really moved by what you're saying. Because this is exactly it. Like big light bulb moment. Yeah. Big. Because it is about that making your body feel safe. Yeah. Saying, hey, we are in this together. What do you want, body? What do you need? Because your body will tell you. Your body might tell you, I need rest. Your body might tell you, I need some sunshine. Your body might tell you, I need you to pay attention to me. when I worked with private clients some some really notable things that came up is like where have you been the body has told the client where have you been or it's about time I've been waiting for you so log in we want to hear your comments anyone has anything you want to see what did you notice like feel into if there's anything that you want to say did you want to say anything to your body yeah um sometimes some people have some clients have told me that they want to apologize eyes to their body.

25:23They're like, I just, I want to tell my body, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry for ignoring you. I'm so sorry for whatever, fill in the blanks. So this is something that can be done. You can do a body anchor in four breaths. You can find, you know, your body anchor position. You can find your breath. Just be there. Hey, body, I love you. You're going to have a great day. And then you're off to the masses.

25:48Emily Morse: It's really such a beautiful reset to get into that practice of knowing what you need to calm yourself. Yeah. Because what we do when we don't do that, and a lot of us don't do that, and often I don't do it, but we do other things. We respond to what's happening. We go numb or we're just reacting to our environment rather than taking those 40 breaths where you really can come from a place of grounded, of being more grounded. So then the decisions you make going forward are much more connected to what you want to be on. Yeah. And then this, when you start to do this, when we talk about building somatic awareness and attunement, you start tuning in.

26:23So you know when we talk about like, oh, I didn't follow my gut. Your gut is your body's reaction. It's the wisdom. And what do we do? We stuff it down. We ignore our body's reaction. Or we think we have to give an excuse. We're like these bobbleheads walking around and our heads are like, oh, I'm going to think about it. No, y 'all. I want you to feel into it. Do you want to do something? You don't have to say, let me think about it. Let me feel into it.

26:49Emily Morse: Yeah, and Dali does that all the time. We've been friends for a long time, and she felt, and she feels more crowded. That's amazing. But I think we should move on to the next exercise. Yeah.

27:04Emily Morse: Hey, it's Kelly Rowland. You may not know this, but I have eczema. So I get how it can steal your time. But why let eczema take over when you can talk to your doctor about EBCLIS. EBCLIS Lubrikizumab LBKZ, a 250 milligram per two milliliter injection, is a prescription medicine used to treat adults and children 12 years of age and older who weigh at least 88 pounds or 40 kilograms with moderate to severe eczema, also called atopic dermatitis that is not well controlled with prescription therapies used on the skin or topicals or who cannot use topical therapies. EBCLIS can be used with or without topical corticosteroids.

27:38Emily Morse: Don't use if you are allergic to EBCLIS. Allergic reactions can occur that can be severe, eye problems can occur. Tell your doctor if you have new or worsening eye problems. You should not receive a live vaccine when treated with EpGliss. Before starting EpGliss, tell your doctor if you have a parasitic infection. Paid partnership with Lilly. Respect your time. Ask your doctor about EpGliss and visit epgliss.com or call 1-800-L Lilly-RX or 1-800-545-5979. Your heart can tell you a lot about your health. Apple Watch Series 12 measures your heart rate every five seconds with the most accurate heart rate sensing in a wearable.

28:12Emily Morse: So your vitals app, now with heart rate variability, can tell you when something is off. And your readiness score can let you know when to rest and when to push. Hear the story in every heartbeat with Apple Watch Series 12. The features described are for wellness purposes only and not for medical use. iPhone 11 or later required. Based on Apple-conducted study of heart rate accuracy, August 2026. Visit apple.com slash apple watch series 12.

28:36Emily Morse: But that is so true, guys. we know when they say, trust your gut, what's your intuition say? And I, I for so long have struggled with that. It's like, I don't know. I don't know. But the second I ground or I breathe, I have much more information that I trust to make decisions going forward, whether it's the bedroom or the boardroom. Yeah. Beautiful. So what's this one? So next is vulva hug or cop cuddles. I'm going to get in like open up my legs. Now, if you are feeling like this is not for you, you can just come back into your body anchor position. And even why don't you go ahead and start with your body anchor position, Emily, just there, and then find your breath.

29:15And then whether you have a cock or whether you have a vulva, I want you just to do a little squeeze. Like if you're holding back P and release, just to like say, hello, inviting that part of our body to the conversation. And then just check in. Is it okay in your mind or out loud if you have privacy? Hey, vulva. Hey, penis. Hey, cog. Whatever term you use. Would it be okay for some touch? Not going to stimulate you. Just want to spend some time with you. So if you get a yes, your body's kind of like open, like, ooh, yes, hello. But if you get a no, it's like a contraction or pullback, then I want you to stay in your body anchor position.

29:59so emily are you a yes i'm yes my father was like yes the vulva's external um um anatomy so i'm gonna guide um guys am i cupping i'm gonna guys i'm gonna guide guys to do cock after i do okay girls so guys hang on to your balls do or not yet dominant hand four fingers down and then you might want to angle your body back so that you're kind of placing it down your thumb just on the top it's easier to get your hand in there and then your second hand over and then you don't need to press in the second hand just creates a little bit more like oh it's like a thicker like a weighted blanket without having to press in so I just want you to kind of relax and be there now guys the best thing for you to do is to kind of get underneath your testicles and it depends on what kind of pants you're wearing but kind of just get underneath the testicles and then shifting your shaft towards your belly button.

30:57So your cock cradle is more like this, where your hand is lower below the other hand, where the vulva hug is one hand over. Emily, kind of get a sense of that. Now I'm going to show you something else. Swap your hands quickly. I want you to feel the energetic difference of the other hand being there. Guys, you don't necessarily need to do this because whatever is most comfortable for you, it's fine. But the girls, the gals, the vulva owners, do you feel a difference energetically? And go to what feels better for you. Okay. So what hand is touching you? The left hand. And that felt better? Okay.

31:37So the left side of our body is our feminine side. So it could be a softer, more surrender. It's just your body. Again, if people also, the left side is also more feminine. For men and women, it's just typically the right side of the body is the yang is the masculine side. I'm right-handed. And if I put my right hand, I actually feel a level of like intensity, like kind of action. But if I put my left hand, it just feels a little softer. It was so subtle. Super subtle. So go to whichever hand feels better. And breathe. Find your breath. Beautiful. Again, longer exhalation. and start to see if your vulva or your cock can get a sense of inviting in some of the warmth some of the presence of your hands our goal here is just to say hey just to bring some attention and love just to thank our bodies for all they're doing our vulvas our cocks this life force.

32:40Yeah.

32:41Emily Morse: Yeah. So just bringing present and Emily, any messages that you have for your bulb. Thank her for, acknowledge her for. And if you want to just keep it in your mind and you don't want to share it out loud, Emily, that's okay. Thank you. I'm just, I just, it's so nice to connect. I mean, it's so, I put my educator head on too. I'm like, this is why like, so just never do this. We never connect. And I think, gosh, I haven't even really just sat and connected in a So I'm just like, oh, good. Here we are. We're back together. That's the message. That's what you want to say. It's so nice to connect.

33:16It's so nice to hear.

33:17Emily Morse: Like, I remember the first time I did it, though, years ago, I was like, you're going to make that gynecologist appointment because I'd been putting it off for like a year and a half just once a year. And it was like, where is my appointment? Because it was like talking to me about like, take care of me. Your Volvo told you. My Volvo was like, why aren't you making that appointment if you care about me? Like, whatever it was, it's like literally like I hadn't done this. But since I've done this work, my wife is like, oh, welcome back. Oh, welcome back. Breathe. Close your eyes. Good. So all the different phases, all the different things that our vulvas can say.

33:50Now tune into what she might want to say to you. I know Emily's pronouns are she and her. So if you have different pronouns, apply that to yourself. What is he? What is they? What does she want to say? So tuning into your cocks, tuning into your vulvas. do they have a message for you anything that they need or they like more of or less of and if there's no messages they might just be a little shy right and that's okay yeah the message

34:22Emily Morse: is still like just this is really i'm so glad to be here welcome back let's let's connect more yeah and um this is important because lately just to be honest with everybody no i haven't been um as feeling as connected. I haven't, I've been in my busy mind and haven't felt as connected and as desiring of intimacy. And I know that this is the practice that allows me to actually see sex as a, as a intimacy, as like a feeling of connection and not just like an app that I to check out the list and this makes it a lot more accessible to be like oh yeah we are all one we are connected and like it starts with me yeah and you can see processing like everything she's speaking to so her body's a little separate than her mind but then it then she's also one in the same so the holy trinity it's all different but yet it's the same and so what i want to say emily is are there any feelings about that you haven't been it's so nice to connect you haven't been killing any intimacy any emotion sharn sometimes they do yeah it makes me um it does make me feel a little like well a few things telling everybody that like oh you're this is what you do for a living you should always be ready to go it's like i am just like i know what to do about it i know how to connect but sometimes i just don't feel it so that part of it felt vulnerable but then from a personal level It just felt like it's giving me my power back to realize it's not just going to magically hit me over the head right now.

36:02Emily Morse: There's some more work I need to do and I need to look at the stress in my life or the busyness of my life. And I know when I just slow down and breathe and connect, it opens up the possibility of connection and intimacy that it's it makes sense for how I've been busy and in my head a lot lately so it just is sort of like oh yeah a reminder gratitude for you and for this practice that I can turn to anytime yeah beautiful well said well said so now checking in with any messages that your body has for you if there are and you want to journal about it afterwards like there might be a lot of down ones that you're getting.

36:47Um, for you, you, if you quickly come off, it can be like, Whoa, suddenly you can also do one hand there and one hand on the belly, but I want you to feel what feels good to you. I'm only coming out of that. Okay. And then just like coming back in this space, you're going to start to move out of the exercise. Um, this, this can also, I want to kind of find out what people noticed. Did you have any sense of any blood flow or anything like that?

37:16Emily Morse: I felt some more warm. I felt more like connection. Like I was like, oh yeah, it's like warm. And I felt a little bit of blood flow. Sure. I felt blood flow. I felt warm, but I felt connection. Yeah. It was really, I feel so, I don't know her voice too, your voice. I feel so much calmer. Can we talk about this practice though, about, I don't know, I'd love to know if anyone else felt anything you can tell us, but also Dolly, how do we connect the dots on this? How do we like, where would we do this? How often? And then could we do this with a partner? Is this the kind of practice that you're suggesting we do?

37:52Emily Morse: How frequently? How often? And what's the benefits? I do this every day, my body anchor. And every other day, if not like three or four times, maybe not that much. But I try and like, I make like, okay, I'm going to do my bowl of a hug. so so i'll do my body anchor first and then i move into vulva hug so for me like it replaces my meditation experience because i'm like i will get fidgety i developed the vulva hug because i was fidgety and one day i was just i just kind of put my hand there to comfort i was like oh wait what's happening there's like all of this stuff happening and it started to send this blood flow and this energy that actually after my very first vulva hug, I was like, Jason, honey.

38:40Emily Morse: I remember you called me. I think it was during the pandemic or shortly after. You're like, the vulva hug. It's amazing. I'm doing every, you were so into it. And then on my website, I have this thing called the vulva hug 2.0, where you're activating yourself to like really get sexual energy. So doing it for yourself before self-pleasuring, after self-pleasuring so that you're activating that you're bringing in all this embodiment and then you're here it brings a reverence it brings respect it's like thank you it kind of brings a little bit of that goddessy energy you know what i mean but all but it's like just reverence more than like goddessy energy she's like really thankfulness and gratitude and guys if you can learn to bova hug your part your your partner, women, men, partners, whatever the combinations, cuddling or vulva hugging your partner.

39:40It's, it just, it grounds the body. It does. It makes you feel like so seen and so revered and so respected. Yeah.

39:48Emily Morse: It's so, this, this, this work here is, is truly transformational Dolly. I mean, it really is. You guys, this information is just, this is, this is the sauce. Like this is the secret. This is what we all crave. And I know that you've shown me that in the past, how to do that with a partner. And I just can't take your partners. It's so grounding and you feel so connected because so many times partners are touching our genitals with a goal in mind. They're touching our genitals to please us. They're touching our genitals because they want something from us. They're touching our genitals because they want to get us aroused.

40:21Emily Morse: It's like a, it's goal oriented. but when you are grounding your partner and you're doesn't do perfectly even just putting your hand over it and not moving your hand is such a it's it is it was like a um it's such a it reminds me of like a weighted blank it's such a calming for you feel so calm and held that it's like really really beautiful and it feels so supportive yeah and it feels like it's a different kind of connection that I had never experienced before. And I remember when I got this from you, this practice, and then I had a partner do this. It was just, it just changes the whole, I can relax into my body.

41:03It gives me permission to feel safe and to know that this isn't,

41:07Emily Morse: I don't have to do anything else, but feel connected to my body at that moment. And then like a lot of emotion can come up, like just like deep gratitude or sadness for feeling that I haven't been as connected. And then I feel that my, it allows me to feel more like my partner really wanted, I feel so seen by my partner and just like, it's such a loving act to just, because if you think about our generals, it's so charged. It's always so, like I said, about service or about doing or going, are you wet enough? Are you hard enough? Are you acting? Or do you look okay? And just to be like, you're okay.

41:40Emily Morse: It's almost like someone's giving you a hug or hold you, you know, like you're okay. I'm okay. It's just, I mean, that is such a great practice and it is reverence. Yeah. Reverence is like reverence and grounding word because of this idea that you're not being done to or like who's tired of being done to. Yeah. Like exactly what you say. I'm of service or I have to do this or I have to be a certain way or it has to be stimulated. But even my male client, like doing the cock cradle, it seems like, oh, I can get the bulb a hug with the cock cradle. Even settling into that and being like with like the power, this life force, the gratitude, thanking our bodies for all they're capable of feeling.

42:27Bridging like trust because your body, for it to orgasm, for your body to heal, if it It doesn't trust that you are looking out for it, for him, for her. Like, like your body wants to know, like, yeah, we're a team. She's not ignoring my needs. And oftentimes, how often are we going out? Like in my early days, like just going to my fun for the night or one night stands. And it's like, I didn't check on my body. And I'm like, man, I regret that.

42:56Emily Morse: That didn't feel good. Right. I wasn't present. I was of service again. And like, I love that. And he said, yes, no one wants random grabs. No one wants her to grab her by the pussy or grab her by the box. That's where the grab and the take, it just, it feels sometimes so, but we've never been given permission to think otherwise. I know from my experience as a sexual being before I started in this work was that I didn't have permission to say no. And I had to pretend to like whatever was happening to me. I had to respond in the way. And if I really, because I really truly wasn't having pleasure, I would tap into what am I?

43:35Emily Morse: Oh, I should moan now. I should move like I like it now. And so I wasn't ever authentically present during sex and responding in a way that was genuine. That was like, could truly give my partner information to know what I liked. And so what I love is that this work is such a jumping off point. And again, I'll say it's so foundational and nobody like this is like a, I feel like Deli is like a secret wizard that I'm bringing in. Like I've been sharing and taught my dolly for many years. She's been on the podcast several times. We're dear friends, but it's like, it's so hard to explain it until you experience it.

44:12Emily Morse: Why this is so important to think, wow, this part of my body, I've never actually built a relationship with. It's always been this. Sometimes it's something we're shameful about. It's not enough. It's not what we want. It's not acting how we want it to. And we're so mean to it. And we're so shamed by it. And we're so embarrassed by it. but think of that crazy disconnect that we feel it's that we're shameful we're embarrassed it's not doing what and then we should be but i'm open for business i should be ready for sex when the messaging has been i don't know you i don't love you i don't revere you there's nobody nothing in our culture when it comes to sexuality and connection and intimacy nothing in our culture is ever like do this work yeah ask your vulva ask your cock what i want what does your body doesn't actually want.

44:59Emily Morse: And this is the knowing, like we all sort of know we all, and we all can do this no matter who we are, no matter what our parts, no matter what our history. And I'm wondering if for some people, um, maybe some shame came up. Like this isn't okay. We talked about the pleasure of thieves, stress, trauma, and shame. Did some anxiety come up? Did some shame come up for you? Like, I shouldn't be doing this. Or did you start having negative self-talk? You know, I'd love to know that. And we can, you know, this is just the beginning with Sally, even though she's going to have to leave us to go back to Nashville.

45:29Emily Morse: She can always be present in this community with us on Zoom. But Dolly, I, yeah. So just like, think about that. If shame came up and it didn't feel comfortable for you to touch down there, then that's when you want to go back to the body anchor. That's when you want to prioritize that to the body's like, oh, you don't have ulterior motives. Oh, you really do just want to show up. And shame, especially shame lives in the shadows and it wants to hide. And so bringing in touch, um, like it's like, it's like Brene Brown. Um, you know, Brene Brown is, she said, she says it really fast. Like when shame shows up or you're going through and you're really embarrassed, just being present to it, like a good friend.

46:15So I'm a good friend. You're going through something. She's going to sit next to you. You don't have to tell me anything. I'm just here for you. So it's like I'm doing that to my body. But here I am. My friend's going through something. I am just here for you, sister. And there's nothing you have to say. I'm just here for you. So in whatever time you want, you can express yourself.

46:39Emily Morse: And that's what we need so much from our partners, our friends. But what we're saying is we need to give this to ourselves. It's so beautiful. I noticed some emotion showing up for you. It's just so beautiful. I just love, yeah, because that really is. And you have, this is what a good friendship is. And we have always been there. And so transferring that, like I'm here for you, that's what we're doing for our own bodies. So that then you're feeling your own cup up. You really are filling up with oxytocin. And then you develop that attunement. Your body will start speaking to you more. Your body will start, you'll start listening to your body like, oh no, she wants this.

47:18she doesn't want that. And then you get clarity, you start to gain confidence. Um, and, and more, more than anything, you are nourishing and loving your body. It's like, you know, when, um, when babies get swaddled and they're just being held, it's like, you're holding your own body. You're like swaddling and you're just protecting. And again, building that bridge so that your body can trust. That's so beautiful.

47:43Emily Morse: I was going to say, like, I, I've noticed, I'd love to hear your experience that for me over the years, over these many years, and when I first started learning embodiment, we met 10 years ago, I realized that there's, once you can get into this practice, and I'd love you to share a bit about your practice and routine and what you noticed, but what I noticed is that I no longer was able to accept touch that wasn't what I wanted or pleasurable. I, I, after doing this and I've not, I do it every day and I'm not perfect at it, right? But I know now when something doesn't feel good, my entire body is like, that is a hell no, that's not okay.

48:23Emily Morse: So it was like the permissioning actually became more embodied. And so it is against my entire being to have sexual experiences that are not pleasurable. For me and my partner, like I can't fake it anymore. I can't be performing because it's like a total override of what is now in my system. Like I can't do the performance sex or the whatever. So the sex that isn't consensual, because really we're teaching consent. This is like bodily consent. We are like first and foremost, we are the first line of defense is our body. Like we are the body of consent. So Dali, I'd love to know like when, how long it takes till this became routine for you, but also what did you start to notice about your sex life and your relationship to your body and to your, to your part, to your husband?

49:14Emily Morse: What was Dali before and after? First routine and then Dali before and after would be amazing. Dali before somatic work and then after. Well, I have a funny story. When I did my sexological body work training, it was in the UK. And for whatever reason, like I just, I couldn't get my husband, like we could text, like I couldn't get a zoom. My reception was really bad where we were out in the country. And, and as I started really learning about like feeling into my body, he asked me something on text if he could go do something that would normally be a no. Like I was like that. I read it was like, why is he even asking this?

49:50I was like, well, let me feel into it. So I'm like, listen, I'm feeling this. And I'm like, and none of my body was like, it was just so neutral. And I was like, I felt into it and I'm totally okay with that. And he wrote me back. He's like, are you doing the class on me? Oh, cause you, he's like, is this the class? Like, cause you were spotted back. I was like, I felt into it and I'm a yes, you could do that. And he's like, wait, is this the class that you're doing? I don't know. Yeah. And I'm like, yeah. He's like, oh, I like it. So it's this idea that you do start to get a sense of like your body, like, Ooh, yes.

50:27Or Ooh, no. And so you do start to know your authentic yeses and nos. And so it's what you said, but, but it, but it deepened intimacy. It deepened connection. So if you are craving connection, you might be married to somebody for many years, or you might be looking just to move into a new relationship, into a deeper, more authentic, this kind of practice will deepen your intimacy. It doesn't mean that you need to say goodbye to casual sex, but then you may have a choice. Is casual sex something for you? Like I'm not ashamed about it. Like if you want casual sex, be embodied and like go for it and feel everything you can in that moment.

51:08And do you want to bridge into the intimacy? Then maybe you're inviting your partner to like do the reverent, you know, vulva hub or cock cradle just so that they can drop into their body. Also with a cock cradle, it's important to like love the cock and all its stages. We don't need and having like soft cock and just holding it and being with it. But it's like, well, I did do this to my husband. And initially he's like, oh, I don't know. I was like, I don't know how to do it in all stages. He's like, oh, and he's like soft. And he's like, I cannot believe how comforting this feels. I cannot believe like all my thing.

51:46Oh, it's not the way I want. It just went away, Dolly. And so again, it's that just loving your body in all of its stages. and this has gotten me through hellish times with perimenopause, moving across country. Like when I was like going through stress about that, like just here I am body, we're going to get through this together. But deepening the intimacy, it's the biggest takeaway so that, so that your relationships can really feel good.

52:16Emily Morse: Yeah. Well, what I love what you said is it almost sounds like you, this is, this is such a lesson this is something that I always work on is the power of the pause. Sometimes we want to just immediately respond to something. Like you said, he sent you a text. Your first thing was in rage. No, how dare he? But it's that pause. That's where the magic, that's where we change in the pause between reaction. Yeah. And that is the practice. And so if you find people say, go for a walk if you're feeling something. Like, think about it. This is another thing you could do. I want to respond. I know I shouldn't.

52:49Emily Morse: And like, I'm feeling even if anytime you're feeling enraged or anger or like this strong reaction on either side, check in first and see like, is this just coming from a thought or a previous conditioning that when your husband asked in the past, it was a no. But I love that granular, like that wasn't a time that you have to respond. We always have time to pause. And so much of that just comes up. That comes up for me a lot. I don't know if that comes up for you, but I've found there's a lot of ways I react. Even today, I had a reaction with my assistant, Ben, who I adore. And Dolly was there and I responded a way that he didn't.

53:27Emily Morse: He's been, he's a fucking champ. He's doing things so much. And we were having so much chaos going on that I responded to it. And I just immediately felt like, why did I do that? He's a fucking woman. He's a rock star. And so I, but I was thinking I could have, I could have, I was triggered by something that had nothing to do with him. And I thought, again, you guys, this is not, I'm not perfect practice, but how do you frigging stop before you react? And I, this is a refresher. I feel like this is going to need to just stay with me. Well, and you said like, you've been out of practice of doing that.

53:58So waking up before you go into meeting, when you're finishing up all your stuff, just being there and grounding, it actually, it has you show up more capable to take on other people's steps. Because you are filling up your own cup. We all do. Thanks for spending time with me all.

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