Squirting, Threesomes & the Sex Skills No One Teaches You

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1:08Emily Morse: To me, he did you a favor because you're like, oh, well, then you're clearly, yeah, you're right. You're not going to be the guy. Like, you don't want to quit her. No, no, absolutely not. Like, it's too important to me. I was just curious, like, you know, I guess in previous relationships, too, like, guys usually want to go for the toys quickly because they do make me cum faster. but like I want the person that I'm with to be able to make me you know have an orgasm themselves and like not always have to use toys. Hey everyone welcome to Sex with Emily I'm Dr. Emily Morris and my mission is to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate the conversation around sex.

1:41Emily Morse: Whether you're looking to improve your relationships, have better communication, explore your desires, or simply have your best sex ever, you are in the right place. Before we jump in make sure you're following me everywhere it's at sexwithemily on Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, Facebook for even more sex and relationship advice and more resources go to sexwithemily.com sign up for my free weekly newsletter I hear I give a really good newsletter shop my curated sexual wellness products and picks at shopsexwithemily.com and explore hundreds of articles download free guides and everything you need to have the best sex ever and one more thing I'm taking sex with Emily on the road my new live show the best sex ever tour is coming to cities across the country It's basically live coaching meets comedy meets audience Q &A.

2:30Emily Morse: And we are getting into it. There has been magic happening in these rooms. You just have to come experiencing it. There's real conversations about sex and dating and relationships. And we become very close by the end of the night. Visit sexwithemily.com slash events for dates and tickets. And thanks for listening or watching and for being here. And thanks for prioritizing your pleasure. We all want to grow and become better versions of ourselves, right? But nowhere is that more true than our sex lives. Well, that's the mission of today's call-in show. I answer your questions all about picking up new sex skills.

3:06Emily Morse: From a fun-loving couple who wants to incorporate others into their play, but they just can't find the right people. To a 20-something who wants to learn how to squirt all on her own. Well, these brave callers questions offer something for everyone to learn from.

3:24Emily Morse: we have Ava, 27 in Boston. How can I help you? What's going on? So basically to like sum it up. So I've had, let's say, 10 partners in my life. Only two have made me finish, which I feel like is a pretty low statistic. Although I know it's easier said than done and everyone's different. But the main thing that I don't like is, So I've been in relationships all my life. And now it's like the first time I've been really single. And I hate the fact that if I want to squirt, it's up to a man. I have to find a man. I have to have him know what to do. I have to rely that he knows what he's doing. And it's just like, for so many reasons, I don't want that.

4:10I wish I could take that power and be able to do it myself. And also when people ask, they're like, oh, how do I do it? I'm like, I wish I knew. So, you know, the two people who have helped, who have done it, I don't know what they did, you know? So I just don't like that dynamic.

4:27Emily Morse: Got it. You don't want to be reliant on, okay, well, thank you so much for sharing that. Well, first I want to say this, is that it's actually pretty common to have been with two partners, three partners, several partners where they're not giving you an orgasm. Because you're responsible for your orgasm, right? We got to figure out what we like. So you can figure out, well, what feels good to me? and then have to like take the time and explain to these guys like what you actually like and what feels good. Because I am only telling you because I was the same boat as you. I used to be like, that one didn't make me orgasm.

5:01Emily Morse: He sucked. He didn't make me orgasm. And then it wasn't until I was like in my thirties and I was like, oh, I don't even know how to do it myself. I used to believe that like men were shipped off to some secret school where they learned everything about like my body and they knew like, he's like, he knows what to do. but they don't know. So you got to teach them. But as far as squirting goes, so what I'm hearing is you're asking me like, how, how do I squirt? What do I do? It happened in the past. Well, do you remember what happened in the past? Yeah. So what I, as much as I know, I, I know again, everyone's different, but for me personally, it's like the exact G spot.

5:38So up and curved. I know that the tricks and everything I have yet to be able to do it. I've used toys and they don't help. Like I also, from what I recall, I don't like the feeling of vibrations, which I know I'm in the minority of that. Maybe I just haven't had a good one or I haven't had a good experience. But from I've tried a few times there years ago, but like I just remember not liking that feeling. And it's also like the clit. I feel like a lot of people, that's where it's at. For me, I'm like, yeah, for a little bit, but it's mainly just penetration and penetration only and specifically fingering.

6:15And what's interesting, I know my body so well that if I like squirt from fingering, I will be able to squirt again from penetration, but it needs to happen from a finger. And it will happen like many times after that first time, but that's how.

6:31Emily Morse: So what you're saying is vibrations don't feel as great. And this is also common too, that for some vulva owners, vibrations, like they're almost too sensitive. It's too much. but what you're saying is that most of your pleasure and your orgasm, you're coming from penetration from either a finger or a penis inside of you. And you actually have an orgasm and sometimes you've squirted with that orgasm. Okay, cool. Well, that's the thing. So that's the other thing that I didn't know. I didn't know if like squirting and orgasming were like hand in hand or they square and circle. They're hand in hand.

7:03Emily Morse: You can orgasm and not squirt. you can squirt and not orgasm. But there are cases where you orgasm and squirt at the same time, which is just wonderful. But they all, yeah, they're not mutually exclusive. Yeah. So that's why it's even more confusing because I definitely know I've squirted, but I honestly don't know I've ever had an orgasm then. Oh, this time. Okay. I don't think so, but I know I've squirted. So I feel like I've gotten at least close, or maybe it's been some overlap where there's been a case I orgasmed and squirted, maybe, but I don't know. Okay. Okay. This is good. Okay. So you would probably know if you orgasmed, but you're saying you tried a vibrator and it was too sensitive?

7:44It was just like, it just wasn't doing it for me. Then again, I just maybe wasn't doing the right one or the right way. This was many years ago, so I don't really remember.

7:54Emily Morse: Okay. Well, let's just forget the vibrator for a second. Have you ever masturbated? Have you tried on your own with your fingers and some lubricant and just like sat down and you're like, I'm settling in. I'm going to try to do this. Yeah. And I'm definitely still like in the very early beginning stage of it, just because since I've been in a relationship in my life, I don't know how to do it very much. I have zero experience with it. So I'm still figuring it out. I have a toy that doesn't vibrate and that helps, but it's still like I can't get that, you know, exact spot that I know will help me.

8:28Emily Morse: The come-hither motion, the come-hither motion. It sounds like you have a dildo because dildos don't vibrate. So how you do it is with the finger is it's about two and a half inches inside. And it is, or an inch and a half too, depending, we're all different. It is stimulating the G-spot with a come-hither motion, right? With either one or two fingers, like towards the belly button. And what really helps first is to be really aroused and to have a clitoral orgasm first, which where I would recommend is basic masturbation practice where you are setting aside time to just sort of breathe like a little mindful masturbation practice where you're just kind of breathing and you take time like you turn off your phone and you just sort of focus on the sensations on your body that you feel just with your hands and making sure that you're using lube and you want to start like outside of you don't go right for your clitoris but externally like the labia, labia majora, the vulva, the external part, your inner thighs.

9:24Emily Morse: And you start to like use a light touch with your fingers. Oh, maybe this is a good time for a rubble puppet. So there's your clitoris, right? Your clitoral hood. So when you get aroused, this goes back. But I'm talking like this kind of sensation where just like using fingers and you're teasing yourself like outer labia inside and you're touching like really light. Like it might even be over the fabric of your underwear. And you always want to use lube, just saying. I love Playground Lube. They're a company that I'm just obsessed with, but water-based lube and just start to use your fingers. And then just to see, like, get curious.

9:55Emily Morse: What am I feeling right now? Does that feel good? Does that feel bad? And then you want to start to like escalate the touching and you'll start to, you can even help to tense and relax your pelvic floor. So you do like a Kegel or a few of those because that's stimulating it and you just kind of breathe and start to see if you can get sensations. And because how you're going to find the G-spot in Squirt is when you're already aroused. So it helps to already have a clitoral orgasm before you go inside and try to have another orgasm or squirt. So that's why I'm saying like, let's just start you teasing on the outside, play with the clitoris.

10:29Emily Morse: If you want to try another toy, maybe you could get like a vibrating toy that just is like, you know, most of them these days have a bunch of settings that like, maybe it's like a really lower setting toy that you need to use. I love Jeju products. Like one of my favorites was the Jeju Mimi that I was like my first toy ever. And it fits in the palm of your hand. And for me, that was one that I like really learned my body on. And then I would like tease yourself with that. Then once you have that orgasm or bit your arouse, then you can go inside with a finger or a toy. I could give you some recommendations for some dildos that might hit your G-spot butter.

11:01Yeah. That was the other thing I was wondering if I didn't know if there was like specific shaped toys or like generalized toys that I should like aim towards for this specific purpose to squirt.

11:11Emily Morse: Yes. So there are G-spot toys. I would recommend the Hera, H-E-R-A. It's by Jezu. It's like the rabbit stimulation. So you have the internal and the external stimulation. And it's like made of like body safe materials. They have like deep rumbly sensations. I totally recommend that one. And being patient because it takes some time to figure out your own body. But then once you get inside, either with fingers or a toy, you just continue to, when you're aroused, apply pressure to the G-spot, like straightforward pressure. And then that's where the release happens and where many vulva owners squirt.

11:48Yeah. It's crazy because like the time that I've squirted a lot, it's violent. Like the amount of like how fast and how hard you have to go. I swear people are like scared to go that hard because it looks and feels like I'm being hurt. Like I don't like how like aggressive it is.

12:05Emily Morse: It doesn't have to be that aggressive. So I understand why, because they're hitting the spot and it's going really fast. And I totally understand what you're saying. but that's just because the experience you've had with a partner. But the great news is with one of these toys, you won't have to go that hard. It'll be much more like gradual. And here's another tip. Like, I don't know if this will work for you. Cause again, everyone has to remember this, that literally every single Volvo owner is different. And so like, I know they've worked for many people, not just me. So I feel good about my recommendations.

12:35Emily Morse: So magic wands been around forever. They have this mini vibrator. It's called the magic wand mini with the magic wand is a very powerful vibrator. And now they've made it mini size, but either model that you get the bigger one or the smaller one, there's a lot of women who have reported squirting. It's an external toy, but when you place it over your pubic mound externally, there's indirect stimulation to your G-spot. And a lot of women are squirting because of that toy as well, because the vibrations are so incredible, intense, and deep that it can stimulate you and hit your G-spot and you can squirt that way.

13:12Emily Morse: Very common. And then you got to call me back in a month and let me know about all your squirting and orgasms. Yeah, I hope there's plenty to report. But be patient with it. Just keep communicating. Awesome. I really appreciate it. Thank you so much. Of course. Bye, Eva. Have a great night. I always recommend, remember that you are responsible for your own orgasm. You do your own work on that. And yeah, remember toys, fingers, hands, penis, however you get there is all good. Just keep trying, keep getting to know your own body because you're going to become the expert of your own orgasm and your own body.

13:43Emily Morse: We have Alex and Autumn and they're calling from Florida, a couple. I love when couples call together. Tell me what's going on. We are looking to open, I guess, our sex lives up with maybe partner play, three sums. And more sums. And more sums. Yeah. but the other I guess aspect that we also want and we're struggling with is we also want like friends if that makes sense we want more of a friendship first then have fun in the bedroom yeah we were on SDC we had some luck there but then it kind of got rocky we started a group chat we thought things were going well and great and then we set up a date to go have drinks and then it kind of went downhill going into that week they were kind of pushy and i'll let yeah explain very very pushy there was like a clear question of boundaries and what boundaries were to be set and observed and those boundaries were constantly being pushed by the female half of the couple i've already suffered from anxiety and it had just become so much more at that point where i said i'm just not comfortable going and spending time with these people like i don't even We want to continue conversing with them.

14:53So I talked about it to my husband when we got home and he said, oh, I'm so glad you feel that way. Cause I feel the same way too. Let's just kind of call it quits. We did that. We had another couple actually just ghost us. We were in a group chat with them and they just kind of dipped. It was kind of like a pick collector. And I was like, okay, like really put like a bad taste in our mouth and we're trying to figure out how to navigate. Like, I guess that dynamic of what we were trying to look for, what we're looking for and looking to see if you can guide us in that aspect.

15:24Emily Morse: Okay. Yeah, absolutely. Well, first I want to say, I think it's awesome that you both are being really closely communicating about it. Because usually if you got a weird vibe about someone and you got one, like it's good to say it. And mostly, and that goes for life too. Like our intuition is very strong and a lot of times we override it. So if someone's giving you drama and you're looking for a play friend, like we don't need that in the bedroom at all. So maybe you could paint a picture for me again. Like what's the vibe? Like you also have times where you just hang out, but there's no sex. Right.

15:52Yeah. Like a friends with benefits type situation. We're not going into it where it's just, we're looking for like a one night stand or just some random fun. We'd rather have a friendship first for the foundation and then to build from there. Yeah.

16:06Emily Morse: With a couple, right. Not just with a single woman. Okay. Preferably a couple, but I'm just curious, do you have any close friends that you guys go out to dinners and hang out with already? that's the other part of our relationship is we work crazy schedules. We don't really have that. And capability of going to dinner on, and I guess I don't, we don't really feel comfortable doing that with work partners. If that makes sense. Yeah. You know, a good reputation with friends from work. Yeah. You don't want to bring this into another boundary. You don't want to cross. Yeah. Yeah. That makes sense.

16:41Emily Morse: We're not there yet in this world that we can all talk about it at work. Okay. So what I'm hearing is that you're looking for the friends with benefits, but in your real life, you don't really even have time right now for friends, which I get it. We've all been, I've been there at times where I'm like, what happened to my friends? All I do is work. So the dynamic, this dream scenario of like a friend that you can hang out with, you might not really even have time to, cause that takes, you know, you make good friends usually as you spend time together, right? Repeatedly, consistently, whether it's like you talk to them once a week or you see them once a month.

17:08Emily Morse: And so that would have to be like a carve out time that you guys make time for. You're like committing, like we want this person to be in our life. Like what does that look like for you? Is it once a month? Is it, you know, once a week? I mean, I know it's going to depend on the person, but it's really thinking about that, and then making space for it, like everything in life where we put our attention on. It's really what we're going to manifest, what's going to happen. It's so fun to do that. I know like manifesting or just knowing, but missing that word. So like, you're like, what do you mean I'm mad if I'm going to dream about the couple and they're going to drop down the chimney.

17:39Emily Morse: But just getting clearer, they might. Well, the clearer you get and like, this is what you want. This is what the person's vibe. Like, this is what they look like or what we do with them. Like, there's another app I worked with a few years ago called Hashtag Open. They were a sponsor and I really liked the people who started it. They had really great intentions around it. So I think it's just like a numbers game. Like everyone who's like, I'm on the app, so I can't find anyone who's cool to even date. you guys have had a few bad experiences but you're going to learn from all of them and just saying like where else can we expand this network i think some couples also use bumble and tinder but that's mostly i think for a third i'm not sure people do couples but maybe they do i actually don't like have a specific rec for that but what i can say is like what's the friends part you're going to do with this friend like are you going to go to movies are you going to play tennis yeah i think it's all aspects of that like we live fairly close to the theme park because we're in orlando so we could always do like theme park dates we could do like movies we could go shopping grab coffee grab ice cream there's like a there's a lot to do it's just okay the other aspect is because we live so close we get a lot of transit on the app yeah so like we'll match but then they're like oh we're only here until you know x amount date and it's like well you know it's not really something that we're looking to do so that's the other struggle that we're having as well okay well what do you guys think maybe be some good goals for your relationships to like start things outside like on the weekends what do you guys do when you're not working do you guys like huh we spend time with family yeah um spend a lot of time with family um yeah takes up a lot of our time so i we we live well i live for my family i live about an hour away and they're always like well why don't you come over for dinner and usually on the weekend i'm off and she's at work so that's the other time that's the other struggle is trying to get on the same schedule.

19:28Yeah. Listen, I think another reason you had mentioned why we were interested in exploring with a couple is because if I'm always not available, there's something to do something for someone for him to spend time with as well. So that's another aspect of why we would be more interested in building a friendship first and then progressing from there is because we have people that we can spend time with when we can't outside of our norm. Yeah.

19:53Emily Morse: Got it. I mean, I think meetups are the best place to go for some of these things. And just like thinking about like, how would you make friends if you were going to make friends? Because that's where like, you know, they always say like, we also meet some of the best partners for us when we're out doing things that we already like doing. There is also like what other might be a great thing, like find a play party or like a swinger party near you, because you don't necessarily have to swing. You can go to these parties or play parties, as they call them now. You don't necessarily have to take your clothes off or have sex with anybody, but you might have fun kind of exploring and you might meet a cool couple that's in your area because these parties are more exclusive and i don't know who it is in your city but usually you can find it through the apps or um just yeah yeah cool google play parties in your town like okay we just found this my producer just found poly dating florida orlando polyamory yeah i've heard that orlando polyamory right so if they have groups or lunches or whatever like go to one of those events and meet those people and see if you like anyone.

20:52Emily Morse: And that's a great non-threatening place to do it. Like you're not walking in there and everyone's naked. They just want to meet other cool people too. That's the other part too. We've been asked to go to an adult club or a lifestyle club, I think is what they call it. Lifestyle club. Yep. Yeah. That's been kind of intimidating, at least for me. And I don't know, maybe you, we haven't really gone down that path, but intimidating for us because we don't want to get that bad experience that we first had, where they were pushy and wanting us to go into a room. And yeah, it's kind of like intimidating, I guess would be the best way.

21:22I'm saying no. Yeah.

21:24Emily Morse: Yeah. Well, there you go. Okay. So I feel like, I feel like you should try it again because it just, I've been to some fun lifestyle parties. I've been to some that I'm like, no, there's no one in here. I also, in those I've not with couples and early on in my career is like research. And then I've gone with partners times. We just want to check it out because it's kind of hot. So there's really no pressure. I think in a lot of these places and you just kind of like have boundaries, It's like, we're not interested. And then you'll start to get your confidence because you realize like, oh, there's no pressure for us to perform.

21:53Emily Morse: And I found in most of these places that you go in and people are also pretty like there's strict rules and people usually do follow boundaries, but that's just where I've been in California. So I'm not sure how it is there, but I would just kind of like how, you know, the people you want to hang out, you'll, you'll get a good vibe from them. Cool. All right. Definitely check it out. Yeah. Okay, good. You got this, but don't, you know, I understand why you're discouraged, but just, you know, keep trying if it's what you want, you'll find those people. why not explore? Monogamy is great for majority of couples, but for some, it's just not.

22:23Emily Morse: And we don't see great examples in our culture about how you can have a different kind of relationship. It can be really discouraging. So it feels good to me that we are just hearing now from couples who are much more open to seeing what else is out there. Don't hang up. I'll be right back with more hotline calls after a quick break. But real quick, I want to tell you about one of my longtime time partners, Promescent. Promescent makes the one and only delay spray that I recommend. Truly, it's the best out there and I recommend it to any penis owner looking to delay their orgasms because it helps penis owners last up to 64 % longer in bed.

23:01Emily Morse: It's really long lasting, it doesn't transfer to your partner, you just rub it on at the beginning of sex, wait a little bit and boom. It's perfect for anyone who struggles with premature ejaculation or they just want to practice edging or having longer sessions. They also have this incredible warming arousal gel for vulva owners, which I love. You just rub it on your vulva. You also wait a few minutes and you start to feel this really cool, tingly sensation. And it just helps you get ready, aroused, turned on, in the mood. I put it on before partnered sex, solo sex, or even during the day. It's awesome.

23:36Emily Morse: If you want more pleasure for both you and your partners, go to promescent.com slash emily to save 15 % off your order. That's P-R-O-M-E-S-C-E-N-T dot com slash Emily. Or just click the link in the show notes and get 15 % off. All right, everyone, we'll be right back.

24:04Emily Morse: We have Kelly, 27 in New York. Thank you so much for calling in. Thanks so much for having me on. I feel a little starstruck. me and all my friends listen to me for years oh I'm so glad to hear that it's so nice to meet you I'm glad the show's been helpful tell me everything so I'm not seeing this guy anymore but I'm still just so curious because I feel like it's happened to me like before in the past too so I was dating this guy for a few weeks um and sex wasn't good and all but like I wasn't having an orgasm yet so I took your advice on like tone turf timing and like I brought it up when we were like having some wine and dinner on the couch, like very calmly and was just like, you know, like I gave all the compliments.

24:44I was like, I really like you. Like you turned me on, like everything you've been doing so far feels so good, but like I haven't come yet. So like, I really want to do that. And like gave some like tips on like what I think that I need. Like I need more foreplay. Like I need you to play with my clip more. And his response, like his tone wasn't like angry or anything. Like it was still a calm conversation, but he was so adamantly saying that he would never be able to make me come. And I was like, I don't understand why you feel that way. Like we're still getting to know each other. Like I know we can get there.

25:18And he was just so adamantly saying that he could not.

25:21Emily Morse: What do you mean? He was like, back up. He was like, you're telling him, you're like, this is what I need. He's like, I'll never make you come like that. Like I'll never be that guy or like, I'll never be able to do that for you. Like you're always going to need toys or something else. Like, it's just not going to be me. I know that I won't be able to make you. It sounds to me like he's had a previous experience where he wasn't able to, you know, make someone come or his partner wasn't giving him great instructions or he felt inferior in some way. It probably was not about you. I just side note, I want everyone to know this, that when you're dating someone and these things happen, or maybe they ghost or they decide not to see you anymore.

25:59Emily Morse: It's typically not because of something you said. It's typically because of their past history. But anyway, yeah, like, I don't know that to me, he did you a favor because you're like, Oh, well, then you're clearly Yeah, you're right. You're not going to be the guy. Like, you don't want to quit her. No, no, absolutely not. Like, it's too important. Me. I was just curious, like, you know, I guess in previous relationships to like guys usually want to go for the toys quickly, because they they do make me come faster. But like, I want the person that I'm with to be able to make me, you know, have an orgasm themselves and like not always have to use toys.

26:31I'm not really sure like what I can be doing differently to just be more direct about what I'm looking for. Cause I feel like I already kind of am.

26:38Emily Morse: That's a great question. Well, first you have to be with somebody who's open to feedback and who's open to talking about sex. It sounds like you checked that out a few weeks with this guy and he wasn't your guy, but I think that going forward, it's like, I mean, it's really, it's practice, but just first finding out early on, like, is this someone who's going to be comfortable, like talking about sex? Are they into your pleasure? And then when you're talking to them, you're like, you know, people always blame me. I can listen to Sex with Emily. And I've decided that like in my next relationship, I want prioritizing sex to be really important.

27:10Emily Morse: I want to make you come in a way that you've never imagined. What do you say? I want to be like your best lover. And you're like, yeah, and I want that too. And so, yeah, would you be open to that? Are you cool with that? Like, let's talk about things that make us feel good. You could say, so I really want to figure out how to orgasm with a partner. Would you be down with like exploring with me? And I can show you some things I like. What's your fantasy? What turns you on? And so it just can be more like, I guess it's just more casual. It's a give and take. And that's the vibe though. It's like, hey, like, would you want this?

27:41Emily Morse: I would want that. I mean, sometimes perhaps when you give specific feedback about sex, people do go into their like fight or flight mode. I think oftentimes because people think like, I'm a bad lover. You're going to reject me. It's really hard for people to take feedback sexually. So I think the more chill and neutral you can make the conversations and then kind of get into the specifics is always better. Maybe this happened with this guy, but I think showing him what you like and saying, like, would you be open if I moved your hand and showed you what I'm into? Yeah, it's always a little awkward when you're like just beginning to date somebody to have these conversations because like you're not really sure.

28:16So getting to know each other in so many different ways. But I was just so taken aback that this guy was so adamant and I was like, this cannot happen again.

28:23Emily Morse: Yeah, that is so strange to me that he was so adamant. All I can think of was a past experience or he just, I don't know what, like it triggered him in some way. But, and I know it, like this is the other thing, but I like want this so badly for your generation. Like I just, I know that it's awkward and weird. And I know that nobody's talking about it the second date. No one wants to be that girl or that guy. Cause it's like, oh, we can't, but like, why not? Like, why not find out? Like, do you have a growth mindset around sex? Like, what do you mean by that? Listen to sex with Emily. Like, do you want to talk about it?

28:54Emily Morse: Like, do you think sex is important? And I think by your age, like you're right, 27, like you're dating people maybe who've had one relationship. And I just hope that they know enough right now in 2023 that like talking about sex is how you're going to continue to have great sex and understand each other. Partners on a mind reader, everyone's different. You're not going to orgasm the same way as their last partner. Their penis doesn't want the same thing as your last partner. Like, I just want this to be like a, let's not make it so awkward so we can find out we're compatible. So we don't spend the next year together.

29:23Emily Morse: And then we talk about it. Then I know it was a waste of time. So I don't know the happy medium, but you seem super cool. And I feel like, I feel like Kelly, you could probably be the one who, who does this and just start and be like, I know. And you can even admit it. I don't know if people assume like she's really into sex. It's like, no, I'm into like quality sex. I'm into efficiency. So that's the energy around it. But But I think the sooner you do it, the quicker you're going to find out if someone's a good match. Yeah, definitely thought that that conversation happened earlier on in the relationship.

29:57Yeah.

29:58Emily Morse: You know, it hurts at the time, but then you're like, oh, good. Favor. Down to the next. Like you did. I'm out. So how are you finding people now in New York? How's it going? I haven't gone on another date since. Just like taking some time off for personal, you know, life just always gets in the way. But baby bounce is really just like where it's at. But I mean, just got to keep going out, trying to meet people in real life. It's cool. But like, I don't mind the dating apps. Okay, good. They're fun. They work right. They work. That's what I always tell people. I'm like, you got to just keep trying them.

30:26And one more thing I want to say though, Kelly, going back to this is that, so another great

30:31Emily Morse: thing in this time that you're just dating is to spend more time on your own, figuring out like, how do I orgasm without a toy? Or how do I think like next time you're masturbating, how would I explain this to a partner? So it's just a lot easier to like, think like, pretend there's someone here with me. What am I doing and how would I explain it? So when the next lover comes your way, you'll kind of be practiced more and you'll be like, let me show you this cool thing I learned. Like, it's really fun. Like for me, like I'll show partners I'm with, like, look at this thing. I'll show you like how my clitoris swells or my vulva does this when I touch it here, like look at arousal, like get them into it.

31:05Emily Morse: Right. Yeah. I feel like mutual masturbation is probably like a really good idea with a partner. So show them exactly what you're looking for. Exactly. Huge fans. Do that early on. Then they'll learn, right? You don't have to use the words. They'll see what you do. You're watching what he does. And then it's all information. Great. This is so helpful. Well, I'm so glad. Yeah. Keep me posted. So glad that you listen. Say hi to your friends. Thanks so much. Okay. Have a great day. Thanks. Bye. Hi, Kelly. All right. I love when people show you who they are early on in a relationship. So you don't have to spend too much time with them.

31:43Emily Morse: So first of all, it can sting and you're thinking, why doesn't this person want to be with me? Or why wouldn't they want to try for my orgasm? It hurts for like a little bit, but then you have to look at the big picture and go, okay, onto the next. And so what can we learn about this case communicating about sex? And I think the more we actually think about what we want, how we're going to explain it. Everyone right now, like think about it. If you are, it doesn't matter if you're in a relationship or you're looking for a partner, how can you have a healthy conversation about your sex life today?

32:18Emily Morse: Or, you know, if you're in a relationship, like what are you not saying right now? What are you hoping your partner is just going to figure out? Cause that doesn't happen. And then if you're dating someone new, like, what are you waiting for? Like, I think if you're naked with someone, you've already been naked, which is really frigging intimate, it's probably time to start talking about what you like doing when you're naked, right? You don't like sit in a restaurant and not talk about the food, right? You don't like, you're like, oh, how was that? Would we want to get Italian again? Would we want to get dessert or dessert doesn't really sit well with us sometime?

32:46Emily Morse: Like, just like you talk about everything, but sex, we're just like, let's wait until there's a problem or let's wait till like I'm miserable or resentful. No, like do it now. Great time to do it is when you've already been intimate with someone. Or if you're brave, do it before. Find out if they are someone that you is actually interested in being sexually healthy. And being sexually healthy is all about communicating about sex and your desires.

33:16Emily Morse: So let me tell you about Magic Wand. It is the original wand style massager and Time Magazine named it one of the most influential gadgets of this century. Okay. If you don't know about the magic wand, you got to check it out. There are a few products. There's the original. That's the one you might've heard of when it plugs into the wall, but then they made the rechargeable, which is cordless. And I believe it just is powerful. It has the silicone head, multifunction, variable speeds. They also have the magic wand plus, which has the plugin power. but let me tell you about the magic wand mini.

33:51Emily Morse: I'm obsessed with the mini because the mini has all the power of the other magic wands but it's minier. It's great for couples play no matter what your body part and it is a massager so you can be giving your partner a massage and use it all over their body and it also feels great on all those fun nerve endings. Check out the magic wand. Go to sexfamily.com slash magic wand. I have an article about all the ways to use the magic wand which you're going to love to get you inspired.

34:21Emily Morse: That's it for today's episode. See you on Tuesday. Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Be sure to like, subscribe, and give us a review wherever you listen to the podcast and share this with a friend or partner. You can find me on YouTube, Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter at Sex with Emily. Oh, I've been told I give really good email. So sign up at sexwithemily.com. And while you're there, check out my free guides and articles for more ways to prioritize your pleasure. If you'd like to ask me about your sex life, dating, or relationships, call my hotline, 559-TALK-SEX. That's 559-825-5739.

34:58Emily Morse: Or go to sexwithemily.com slash askemily. Was it good for you? Email me, feedback at sexwithemily.com.

35:18Thank you.

35:47in every heartbeat with Apple Watch Series 12. The features described are for wellness purposes only and not for medical use. iPhone 11 or later required. Based on Apple-conducted study of heart rate accuracy, August 2026. Visit apple.com slash apple watch series 12. Mr. Monopoly here. Miss me? Monopoly is back at McDonald's with millions of prizes. A 2027 cheap charity. A Carnival Cruise vacation. Gift cards from DoorDash and Best Buy. He'll then play in the McDonald's app. Get your bag!