Ashes XI Debate, Yellow Cards in Cricket? & Your Questions Answered | Stick to Cricket EP 11

0:00Michael Vaughan: Before we get started, I'd like to thank our partners, Betfair. Hit subscribe so you don't miss an episode. Enjoy the show.

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2:13Michael Vaughan: I was saying to the guys about your golf swings, a very old style. Natural. No, naturally.

2:18Sir Alastair Cook: Go on, talk us through it. Well, no, it's all feel, Mike. It's all feel. It's just one of those. And then brush it away.

2:24Michael Vaughan: Well, that can't be the power. Give us a proper power shot. How do you get power out? What do you say, brush it away? How do you get your power? Hips. In your hips, yeah?

2:32Sir Alastair Cook: Yeah, switch on the glutes. Switch on the glutes. Tummy tucked. Switch on the muscles. Switch on the abs.

2:38Phil Tufnell: That's all from line dancing, isn't it? Yeah. That's where you've got your power from. Line dancing.

2:41Michael Vaughan: How big's your backswing? It can't be that.

2:47Sir Alastair Cook: And then off you go.

2:49Michael Vaughan: 220, 240?

2:50Sir Alastair Cook: Yeah, on a good day. Down the air off. 260, fly it, and then track man. Track man. Good track man. Yeah, no, don't mind me golf. I need some new clubs. I need some new clubs. I need some new clubs.

3:08Phil Tufnell: What would be your clubs of choice?

3:11Michael Vaughan: What have you got now? You must have a set now.

3:13Sir Alastair Cook: I've got an old pair of ping zings, and they're old. Oh, yeah. And also, I've got some links... I got given some links. Aftershave. No! But they're... But they were meant to have hot... They're called boom-booms. They're boom-booms and they're meant to be hot. You're meant to have hot, hot head covers. What, for your clubs? Yeah, because it then sort of, like, agitates the gas inside them. But I lost... So when you hit it, it sort of goes boom! You know what I mean? What are you on about? You heat your clubs. Yeah, you heat your heads your clubs up and then there's something inside the club which makes it explode

3:52Sir Alastair Cook: Lost it I've lost the cut. I've lost the covers Google the cold they're cold. They still go all right What are they called links boom booms? Yeah, they became illegal. I think do you have to inject them with gas? Well, not only I don't the gases in them Boom boom. Yeah. Yeah. Go on. When was the last time you played? Oh stiff link boom Boom. It didn't even come up, Phil. No, I think they were illegal. They made them illegal because it had like rockets in them. It had like a rocket in it. Yeah, they've come up. Yeah, there you go. You've got to have hot head covers, though.

4:28Michael Vaughan: Lynx online shop.

4:29Sir Alastair Cook: I wouldn't mind a nice set of Calloways.

4:31Michael Vaughan: Oh, they're good clubs. Are they? Very good clubs. Are you with Calloway, Mark? I use Calloways, yeah. Oh, there you go. I've got Calloway. The elite. The elite driver. There you go. Boom, boom. Males.

4:40Phil Tufnell: Is that the new one? Mike, you could do with one of them. What's your swing like these days? No, I'm good, but I don't play. I'm too busy. I wish I could play more, but I'm fishing. I can't go fishing. I can't play golf. What were you busy doing? All sorts of this and that.

4:59Michael Vaughan: There's no sign of a heated head cover, Phil.

5:02Sir Alastair Cook: Some bloke might have been lying to me. I don't think I've ever heard of a heated head cover. Yeah. They didn't like them because they said it was sort of like too much of a sort of... Where did you get them from? Southend Prom? No. No, boom, but Lynx give them to me. I was an ambassador.

5:22Phil Tufnell: That were another of beefers. He was an ambassador for Nike. Yeah. And they were doing a prototype driver. And so they gave just the two to try out. One to a bloke called Tiger Woods and one to Beef. LAUGHTER I've heard that. Of course they did, yeah.

5:42Sir Alastair Cook: Oh, yeah. Yeah, just do it. Yeah? Yeah, just do it. Beef, crikey.

5:48Michael Vaughan: He would have just done it. I've played a lot of golf with the beef, as you have, Bum. Yeah. I tell you what, he's a good putter. Yeah, he is. If he gets on the green, he can get it in the hole.

5:57Sir Alastair Cook: Your partner let you down the other day, Mike.

5:59Michael Vaughan: Yeah, it's been disappointing, yeah. My driving's good, the elite's fine. Schaeffler, Schaeffler. I've got a bit of a Schaeffler foot. Have you? Yeah, a little bit of a slip. You can get cream for that.

6:07Sir Alastair Cook: Yeah?

6:13Phil Tufnell: Suffering from Sheffley Ford. He's some player, though. I'd say, he comes with some clobber, doesn't he? Absolute badger. Absolute badger. Absolute badger. Cricket supplies. There you go. Absolute badger.

6:28Michael Vaughan: What does it say? Saturday and Sunday club from fine leg to fine leg.

6:32Sir Alastair Cook: Yeah, I've had to do that a few times, fine leg to fine leg. Yeah, you have.

6:36Phil Tufnell: Yeah, put him out of the way. Get him out of the way somewhere. Hide him, hide him.

6:40Sir Alastair Cook: Even though the old top edges come down, yeah. Oh, they're the hardest catches. They're the hardest catches.

6:46Phil Tufnell: That coat that you're on the run with your left, trying to kick it one way. Air Tufnel. Air Tufnel. There they go. Go on, give us it. Air Tufnel. Come in from the exit stage right and it's, yeah. No, it was one of them. I went...

7:03Phil Tufnell: But in the air. Who is that again? In the air. Australia do it quick yeah quick your fastest

7:12Michael Vaughan: Lara catch in Barbados a tough no what was that one in Barbados that's tricky catch yeah over mid wicket when you how did it go he's played that pool shot top edge shit oh no oh oh yes there's

7:28Sir Alastair Cook: a video there's a video on YouTube for the great great tough no catches it is I've just seen it Yeah, it's good. Is it just four of the...

7:36Michael Vaughan: Or just his four catches? I think it's just his four. Got Slater again.

7:39Sir Alastair Cook: Slater again. Where at? Adelaide. Another top edge hook. Big Dev? Yeah. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Here we go. Caught it.

7:55Michael Vaughan: Oh, dear. They're hard down there. There's a lot of space. I think they're the hardest catches down there. A lot of space. Who is a better catcher?

8:02Sir Alastair Cook: You or give over don't know no no I'll say between these two I reckon tough has had more any coverage Oh come on

8:08Michael Vaughan: Come on he would he will less than 55 exactly wait not towards the back end early early doors I was a bit if probably not even fit

8:18Sir Alastair Cook: Oh well about that one in the ashes where Jailo was it ponting you were a 45 and you went like and had to catch no that was at mid on that was in the

8:26Michael Vaughan: The last test that's off ready thank you It was a bit dramatic hit my shoulder.

8:30Sir Alastair Cook: It was as if someone had just thrown it under onto you. A bit of pressure on them. Still cool, though. A bit of pressure.

8:34Phil Tufnell: Mickey Stewart, when Mickey Stewart was England coach, he's lobbing them up, like he wouldn't believe, to Devon. To Devon Malvern. Dev, bless him. He's throwing them down for fun, Devon. Mickey shouts from where he is. He said, Devon, you've got to get the other side of the sun. That's it. He said, what's he on about? Mickey, it's millions of miles away. I was there when he said that. You've got to get the other side.

9:00Sir Alastair Cook: I must admit, we all did look at each other and go, what's that, mate?

9:05Michael Vaughan: When I was captain, I used to basically put myself in the position where I thought the ball wouldn't go. You're going to mid on. Exactly. I didn't think the ball would go there.

9:14Sir Alastair Cook: You caught Cullen and off me at...

9:17Michael Vaughan: Yeah, at Cape Town on the boundary. He was straight in the bucket, yeah, in front of the Barmy army. He was on about 280 at the time. He was. There you go.

9:27Sir Alastair Cook: Cup of tea, Phil.

9:28Michael Vaughan: Yeah, lovely.

9:29Sir Alastair Cook: Yeah, a cup of tea. There actually would be stats, though, wouldn't it, who dropped more out of the team? Hey, listen, listen. Look it up. I did all right.

9:36Michael Vaughan: Peter Moores came, right? I did all right.

9:39Sir Alastair Cook: No, no, I'm backing you here, Tunders.

9:40Michael Vaughan: Yeah, I reckon you're right. Peter Moores was the first coach I've ever had. And people say, well, you shouldn't need to be taught how to catch, right? He was my first coach that taught me properly a technique to catch. I agree. He's brilliant. Up until that moment, I'd never, ever had a coach go, You know, to take the ball, you've got to get your... You know, in this position. Never had that, ever. Until Peter Moore. From when you were a boy? Never. You must have. No. No chance. In Yorkshire, he'd pad you with his little back. Go and catch that young 'un. You know, you dropped it, you prick. That was kind of...

10:12Michael Vaughan: Oh, and another one. Go and catch another. Catch ten. If you don't catch ten, you ain't going home.

10:17Phil Tufnell: Prior to that. Prior to that. When you were at school and the club... Well, they give you a bit of a clue, but I mean, they didn't... No. Well, you need your hands for a start.

10:26Sir Alastair Cook: Well, we didn't have a fielding coach when you were coached.

10:30Michael Vaughan: Did you get to the elbow to elbow? No. Get close in? No, I didn't get to thought of that. Who was our fielding coach when you were coached?

10:37Phil Tufnell: We got, I mean, they absolutely fried us because we had a batting coach, Gucci. Yes. We had a wicketkeeper, Alan Knott. Yes. And a bowling coach, Bob Cotton. Yeah. And we got absolutely fried. Too many people. Yeah. Bob Cotton, he produced his own bowling boots, didn't he? Yeah.

10:56Michael Vaughan: Pace and bounce. Pace and bounce, P &B. Yeah. He did. He did. Brought him to Pakistan.

11:02Sir Alastair Cook: Did you hear that, though? Did you hear that? No spinning, coach. No. No. Everyone else was getting coached. I was just sat in the corner like that on my own. What's the key to spinning? Eh?

11:12Michael Vaughan: What's the key to spinning? Key to spin bowling. Oi! Oh! Go on. Go on. Go on. On key to spin.

11:19Sir Alastair Cook: At the top, top level. Oh, yeah. I'll tell you, the key to spin bowling is understanding the batter.

11:27Michael Vaughan: Right.

11:28Sir Alastair Cook: Yeah. Yeah, so sometimes when you don't understand him, that's when you're in trouble. So you have to get to know him or understand what his movements are. No, yeah, you get to feel his rhythm. The best players of spin I found, and I might say this to Ben. Ben Stokes. Yeah. Now, if I dare... Go on. If I dare. Go on, get your bat. Get your bat. The best players of spin...

11:51Michael Vaughan: He knows what he's talking about.

11:54Sir Alastair Cook: The best players of spin I ever faced got into my rhythm. They got into my rhythm. Because, you know, I was a hip-de-hook-de-hook-de-hook-de-hook-de-boom. Like that. A what? A hook-de-hook-de-hook-de-hook-de-hook-de-hook-de-boom. Like that. And the best players, Karl Looper, Brian Lara, the little genius we had on here the other day, and he was talking about they sort of... They... They... They bobbed me. Do you know what I mean? I didn't mind a batsman who just stood there like that. You know what I mean? Cos he'd just go... ..err... ..err... Like that. The best players were sort of... Did they get the chin?

12:35Sir Alastair Cook: Yeah, they would... You know what I mean? They sort of... They nodded me. Not like that, they weren't like a nodding dog, you know what I mean? But they sort of... ..moved at me. You think Ben can do more of that? Well, I think Ben sometimes just gets a little bit, you know, fucking waxing, you know what I mean? You know, well, Ben sometimes, I think, you know, he's sort of like, goes back a lot, doesn't he, as well? Brian said his first movement, the spin, was always forward. Absolutely. Yeah, I'd say Ben sometimes' first movement is always right back, which, you know, individuals and what have you.

13:09But he's a bit sort of like, you know what I mean?

13:13Sir Alastair Cook: instead of sort of... You know what I mean? Do you not think that what the batter does is totally irrelevant to you? You're saying understanding the batsman. Actually, if the batters just stand still, then it doesn't change how you bowl. No, if the batsman just stands still, it gives me... I can either aim for his pads or I can dictate what I do to him. I'm not saying about standing still, you're talking about the stance. So when you're running up and doing your hot, hot, skip and jump. It's totally irrelevant what the batsmen do. It's not. Because he gets into, he gets into, you know, he gets into my rhythm of the ball.

13:52Sir Alastair Cook: You like, you always say Brett Lee, fastest in the world, but you sort of saw him better. Do you know what I mean? You got into his rhythm.

14:02Phil Tufnell: Didn't you? You know. I'm with you because that sort of movement and fluency is telling you that he's, I'm looking to eat it. Yeah. I'm looking to play it, I'm looking to hit it. Whereas a bloke that stood still, you're quite relaxed about that. I can dictate what I want. Yeah, I can go, ooh, ooh, ooh, and he can go, ooh, ooh, ooh.

14:21Sir Alastair Cook: I'm not saying stood still, because a bloke who stood still when you're running into bulk can still use his feet quickly. What you're saying is... Yeah, I'm saying that that gives me more to think about. I've just noticed that the players, you know, the car looper, you know what I mean? Gat, he was always, you know what I mean? They were always just bobbing you a little bit, that's all. Just bobbing, yeah. They got into my rhythm.

14:43Phil Tufnell: Put your back down and just give us again. You're hopping a boom, boom. I can't even remember. What about his wheels? What about those wheels he's wearing?

14:54Michael Vaughan: Yeah, like Oasis. Right, end of your run-up.

14:58Sir Alastair Cook: Did you see me on top of the Pops? Have you got me on top of the Pops introducing Oasis? Yeah, forget that run-up.

15:04Phil Tufnell: This is fine. We'll get to the run-up. I couldn't believe that. And Tuffers introduced Oasis, who were just on tour here. You've got to push something again and get it.

15:20Sir Alastair Cook: LAUGHTER Top of the pop! Get back to your run-up. Top of the pops! Did they not call you to announce their big tour? No, I could have done... Come on, are you going to do your...? The only trouble with that, though... The only trouble with that, though, is that you've got to do it from autocue. And I'm a little bit dyslexic. Right. Yeah. And so Fern had to do most of it. Because I couldn't. I was sort of going, and coming on next is, oh, is it? Oh, oh, is it? Oh, is it? What year was that?

15:52Michael Vaughan: 2006, I think. So after you've won the jungle. Yeah.

15:55Phil Tufnell: That's the dyslexic atheist. There is no dog.

16:05Sir Alastair Cook: I know. I went to a toga party. dressed as a goat.

16:13Phil Tufnell: Right, come on, Phil. Talk us through it. The fluency of the runner. I can't remember it. I can't remember it.

16:20Sir Alastair Cook: How many steps was it? 11, I think. Go on, Phil. Can I tell you something? I could never remember where the led off with my left or my right.

16:27Michael Vaughan: This is called the yips. Yeah, it is.

16:34Michael Vaughan: Setting your feels, that's good. Make sure your angles are right. Here he comes. Where's the umpire there? Oh. LAUGHTER Oh, my God, I can't stop and go in! That was it, that was it.

16:47Sir Alastair Cook: You've got to get it right. Just give us one.

16:49Michael Vaughan: Just go for it. Memory, come on. Natural. That's it. LAUGHTER

16:58Michael Vaughan: Before we get started, I'd like to thank our partners, Betfair. So just hit subscribe so you don't miss an episode. Enjoy the show.

17:10Michael Vaughan: This England bowling attack isn't good enough to win an away Ashes test. Discuss. Give him a yellow card, give him a red card.

17:18Phil Tufnell: Love that.

17:19Michael Vaughan: I like that.

17:19Sir Alastair Cook: Oh, I love that. Could you give him a straight red, Bam? Yes.

17:23Phil Tufnell: Oh, straight red. Bring some rose petals and spread them.

17:27Sir Alastair Cook: Play some soothing music. Yeah, I'll tell you something, let's bring on the new ball. You know what I mean?

17:35Michael Vaughan: Question here from Mick in Wilmslow. That's you.

17:39Sir Alastair Cook: It is me. Remember that ball that Sal, he said? Yeah, it was like... It was lit, you could squeeze it. Yeah, you could. He said, look at the balls, this is why we're changing them.

17:46Michael Vaughan: You've got to rank the following five sports. Tennis, golf, snooker, F1, rugby league.

17:54Phil Tufnell: He was a fantastic cricketer of that era. Brave as a lion. Is pool a better sport than snooker? Pool? Pool better than snooker. No, no, he's like... The 100.

18:09Michael Vaughan: Lads, the show this week, it's just community questions. We've had a lot of response from the shows. OK. A lot of people are liking it. We've decided to just go with a few questions.

18:20Phil Tufnell: Is there any that think it's shit?

18:22Michael Vaughan: There's one question here, yeah, that says... Fuck off. Are you three thinking about doing something else cos I'd like you to? Yeah, that was from James. So we can start... I want to have a night out with James. Yeah, James. I bet he's a bundle of people. It's from York. He's from York.

18:39Phil Tufnell: I live in York. Yeah, from York.

18:41Michael Vaughan: I bet he doesn't like farmers.

18:43Phil Tufnell: He won't go in the acorn. Don't like farmers.

18:45Michael Vaughan: Don't like farmers, don't like him then. Don't like people who are knighted. Gentleman farmer. Yeah.

18:51Sir Alastair Cook: How are the sheep?

18:52Michael Vaughan: Good.

18:53Sir Alastair Cook: OK. Must have been hot this week. Been warm. There are two weeks to go until they get sold. So, a bit busy. Price,$120?

19:00Michael Vaughan: $120 a sheep?

19:01Sir Alastair Cook: A bit more. They've gone up, have they? They were$120 the other week. You were talking about a lamb, weren't you? All right. They asked me for a lamb. Hopefully they'll get more than that. 140? Well, it depends how good they are.

19:12Phil Tufnell: We're, like, around 186.

19:13Sir Alastair Cook: How many are you selling? Don't know yet.

19:15Phil Tufnell: Any cows? A few. Oh, good luck.

19:18Sir Alastair Cook: What's the cow cost? Depends how big it is, depends how good it is. Good one. How do you know how good it is if you haven't eaten it yet? Well, you look at it and think...

19:26Phil Tufnell: Have you got a bull? No. If we're rearing cars... Just like, come on, mate, my day.

19:33Sir Alastair Cook: What they call a fetler?

19:34Phil Tufnell: No, a tickler. Ooh. Teaser. Let him in. Teaser. On this gate, they're all in there. Fucking hell, look what's turned up in you. Jesus.

19:47Michael Vaughan: Shall we start with these community questions? Yeah, go on. Right, the first one, here we go. Do you agree with Joe Root that there should be a limit on how many times a team can request a ball change? I think you know a lot about this, Dave.

20:01Phil Tufnell: Yeah, I do. Yeah.

20:09Phil Tufnell: I'd like the umpires to be a lot firmer and, no, we're not changing it. But if it doesn't go through that ring, they have to change it. Regulations of the game. If it doesn't go through that ring... Why don't they just check it every over?

20:23Sir Alastair Cook: Every over's a lot. One every ten overs. No, but as in the umpires, they've got it. It still takes 15 minutes for them to change every over. Plenty of time just to... Oh, Stokes, you're throwing the ball, walk through it. Oh, it goes through. It's still fine. Could do.

20:37Phil Tufnell: Right. Can I give you another? What used to happen? Don't take the ring out. Leave that in the changing room. Well, then you're going to have to... Well, how are they going to judge it? You're just not going to change it. And you look at it at the intervals, at lunch and tea. The ball's out of shape, we change it. Don't take the ring out. And that's subjective, though. We never used to take it. That's the issue, no?

20:57Michael Vaughan: Yeah, that's subjective, though. You might get a little bit of... The umpire... ...scolduggery going on there.

21:02Phil Tufnell: I umpire. We never used to change the ball. except if the stitching had come out. If the stitching's out, you'd change the ball. It's something to do with the leather these days, isn't it? I don't know. I don't think it's true. We would never change it. It's out of shape. Well, keep going, he'll knock it back into shape.

21:17Michael Vaughan: Yeah, yeah.

21:17Sir Alastair Cook: Although they did... Tim Southey chucked me a bull the other day. He said, look, these are the bulls. He blamed the cows, didn't he?

21:24Michael Vaughan: No, that was...

21:25Sir Alastair Cook: You know how rumours start? And then the bloke from Duke said, it's nothing to do with the cows at all. But he showed me the ball, didn't he? They're blaming the cows. That's why they're blaming the cows. They're blaming the cows. Well, I think... You know how the media starts a story and one person says it? What, the cows are too soft? Well, apparently the leather wasn't the same quality, but apparently from Tukes, head guy said no. That's a problem. But remember that ball that Sal D. said? Yeah, it was like... It was lit. You could squeeze it. Yeah, you could. It said, look at the balls. This is why we're changing them.

21:51Sir Alastair Cook: Yeah. And you could squeeze the ball. They would... I don't like slagging off products because, you know, they are... Manufacturers, yeah, they're manufacturing. Yeah, manufacturers. They are trying... I assume they're trying their best, but it was a dreadful, wasn't it? It was very... You can see why they're changing. So this is why we keep moaning. You could actually squeeze a cricket ball. I think about this, not necessarily about the balls, but it's all sort of wrapped up in it. I think that the umpires have slightly lost control of the game.

22:19Phil Tufnell: Yeah, and again, that is because of the governing body telling them to softly, softly, get on the same wavelength, don't upset the players, rather than you are the authority of the game. No, we're not changing it. get on with it no we're not changing it so that's the ICC

22:37Michael Vaughan: is it

22:37Phil Tufnell: definite don't upset the players definite I used to be on that committee I used to be on the elite umpire's selection committee and I said I always were on about yellow cards red cards give them a yellow card give them a red card get them off the field

22:52Sir Alastair Cook: I like that

22:52Phil Tufnell: oh I love that yes and they said no you've got to try and get on the same wavelength over five days or a four day game whatever it is and try to work with the players try to work with them they don't take a blind bit of notice

23:06Michael Vaughan: now the players so let's go back to lords right so you know yellow card red card so muhammad siraj gets a 15 fine doesn't he for his little barge you did he barge ducky little ducky little ducky barged on him didn't he so he gets free

23:21Phil Tufnell: so in your yeah that'd be yellow just a yellow card and sort of everybody on the ground and watching on tv and radio knows exactly what's happened he's on notice if he steps out of line again he's off the field for how long so what for the game for the

23:35Michael Vaughan: game yeah red card you're off yeah other sports have that yeah absolutely so what about what about the shudming gill zach crawley incident on was it third evening yeah but a bit of argy bars and a

23:46Phil Tufnell: bit of finger points so would you strip yellow yellow card yeah let's have both yeah and the thing is they wouldn't do it then yeah no but how good was that last bit oh it's brilliant I'd do that for him. I'd go for a yellow. We all watch football and there's umpteen yellow cards. It doesn't alter the game. If he's out of order, I'll give him a yellow card. That's it. I think you could give him a warning. I'd even go at cricket, three. Yeah. Get a warning, then a yellow. You can go on the traffic light system. Green, amber, red. Give him three goals. It's not a problem. It is great. I love it.

24:24Phil Tufnell: But it's not a problem. I've just got a yellow card. It's not a problem. Carry on. Could you give him a straight red, Bam? Yes.

24:31Michael Vaughan: Oh, yeah. Straight red. Straight red is body contact. Or kicking the stumps out. Who was it who kicked the stumps out? Brody. Michael Holden, wasn't it, back in the... Brody's dad? Yeah, Brody's dad.

24:41Phil Tufnell: Yeah. Straight red. Yeah. Straight red. But body contact is a straight red. Yeah, straight red. Hear the 15-minute pass. Foul and abusive language. Audible. Yeah. Straight red. It's dead simple. It doesn't stop the game. It doesn't stop the... I mean, it would stop the game.

24:58Michael Vaughan: It would stop the game. But what about that third night, if it went like the ice hockey route? You know, just for that five minutes, you're all in. Yeah. All in, yeah.

25:05Sir Alastair Cook: It's a long run from the...

25:07Michael Vaughan: All the lads off the balcony. Five minutes.

25:09Phil Tufnell: Five minutes timer. Off you go, lads. We've all seen that at football, where there's a melee and a skirmish and that. If we sort it all out, yellow for you. Yellow for you. You won't move on. I like it.

25:21Michael Vaughan: Question here from Mick in Wilmslow. That's you. It is me. It is me. Is it time we had substitutes in Test cricket? In the first innings of the game, like for like, so Rishabh Pant's the perfect example at Lords. Rishabh Pant takes a knock to his left hand. He can bat, but he can't keep. Drew Durrell comes on and keeps for him. If the game had a situation where you had to substitute something, you can't spend the whole game off the field not fielding and then bat. You have a substitute. Nathan Lyon at Lord's in the last dash. He's popped his calf early. Is the game worse off for losing a player early in a game?

25:59Michael Vaughan: We have concussion subs. If someone gets it on the Swede, you can replace that person. So why don't we have a substitute? All other sports have it. Why are we allowing the game to be reduced in quality if someone gets it? The key to it will be an independent doctor on site and the independency will be very difficult to manage, I get. I think Test cricket now should have subs.

26:19Sir Alastair Cook: But if you're going down that route, you don't need the doctor. He's a tactical from the coach. You can just substitute people out.

26:25Michael Vaughan: No, he's got to be a serious injury.

26:27Sir Alastair Cook: Well, then we're getting into...

26:28Michael Vaughan: And it might be that you have to have a bone break or you have to have a scan to prove that Nathan Lyon clearly had popped his calf badly and he's not going to play any part in the game. Should Australia have had a substitute that day? I believe so. It was Matt Parkinson who played for England. He was a concussion... For Leachie. For Leachie. So that happened because Leitchie got a blow on the... He fielded, didn't he? He banged his head on the ground.

26:51Sir Alastair Cook: He died on the ground. I don't think there should be concussion subs.

26:55Michael Vaughan: I might say, if we're having concussion subs, why don't we just have subs?

26:59Sir Alastair Cook: I don't think there should be subs. I just think it's... I might just play 11. Like, Matt Parkinson has played... Has he got a test cap? Has he played for England? Yeah. So he has. He's got a wicket. Yeah, so he's in. So I'm like... He didn't get selected to play start with. No offence to him.

27:16Michael Vaughan: It's the same in football and rugby, you have substitutes.

27:18Sir Alastair Cook: Yeah, but that's a tactical substitute, isn't it?

27:20Michael Vaughan: You know, you're taking... Well, if someone's injured on a football pitch, you can replace him with someone. Why not in cricket? Because, obviously, the tactics. You could... The tactics of it... But you have to be like for like, so you have to have a batter replacing a batter. You can't certainly have an all-rounder replacing a batter.

27:33Sir Alastair Cook: Well, then we're all going to... Who was that guy, the Indian... Who was in the One Day Series?

27:38Michael Vaughan: In the One Day Series, he got replaced, and then someone who's bowled... Oh, Shiprana replaced Shivandubi. Yeah, totally different. He bowled 90 miles an hour Rockies. so you're opening yourself up for that but that's clearly but it needs to be like for like I just think you either go whole hog

27:55Sir Alastair Cook: so you can have substitutes whenever you want you're allowed three subs and that's fine as in you're playing substitutes so you're playing 14 if you're talking about entertainment so you've got the cover of the injuries or you don't go at all the like for like there's too much conjecture a little bit like American football you know what I mean you'd have your first innings team and your second innings team. If we're going to go down that route... You'll get five spinners if you think it's going to rag second dig. They're all sitting in the huts waiting to come out. But then it just takes out the hamstring strain, always got hamstring strain.

28:27Sir Alastair Cook: I don't like that because the whole... No, that wouldn't have... It has to be a serious injury. But we're getting down to what is then a serious injury. So it's only going to throw up more confusion if you do your way. But if you said, right, there's three subs, use them when you want... Maybe it's in the first innings only. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter, for me, I'm just like, if you're going to do one, do all of it. That's my view. Yeah, I think one of the beauties of the game is the balance.

28:53Michael Vaughan: Yeah. But do you like it that someone can be very unfortunate on the first day of a Test match? Well, they can't go, they ain't got runners now, have they? They're not allowed runners anymore, are they?

29:02Phil Tufnell: That thing, it's a debate and I'd be interested in what spectators think. You know, we're sort of in the game. The teams would obviously want a replacement for somebody who's injured a key player. Well, they're all key players, but I'd like to debate it more to come up with a solution.

29:24Michael Vaughan: I just don't like unfairness. Someone breaks their hand in Perth, someone gets a flyer in the first over, and you're down to 10 on that.

29:31Sir Alastair Cook: Well, you're talking about red and yellow cards. In rugby, one of the boys gets sent off early doors. was kind of game over, isn't it? You know, 14 versus 15. They've tried to change, haven't they? Yeah. They've got the 20-minute one now.

29:43Phil Tufnell: Yeah, so behave. Behave yourself. Yeah, but sometimes... Play tough, but behave yourself. The other one is, I mean, you have a back massage for 10 minutes. It is. I mean, just go the whole hog, bring some rose petals and stuff. Play some soothing music. Yeah, whale. Get the Irish guards. That ten minutes he's having, come on, get the Irish Guides who were there at the Lord, get them round and do a circuit of Susan marching. Mick could be there, Mick Jagger, he'd be there. He could give a rendition of Start Me Up and Round Sugar, just like Cliff Richard did at the doodah. At the tennis. That thing.

30:26Phil Tufnell: Tennis. That thing.

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32:37Michael Vaughan: Stick to Cricket is brought to you by Betfair. You've got to rank the following five sports from one to five. One being the best. One's been the best, it always has been. Five sports, tennis, golf, snooker. F1, rugby league. Ooh. Go again. Tennis, golf, snooker, F1, rugby league. It actually says football, but I know football will probably come out on top so I've changed it to rugby league. Golf, golf, number one for me. Oh, yeah, great sport. Not number one for me. No?

33:17Phil Tufnell: No.

33:18Sir Alastair Cook: Oh, he'll go with the bloody driving, won't he? I quite like my driving. Quite like snooker. If Ronnie O'Sullivan's playing, like... He's good, isn't he, Ron? But again, it depends who you're watching, isn't it? Rugby league...

33:29Michael Vaughan: Is snooker the easiest of all the sports? No! It doesn't change, does it? The conditions, you don't suddenly get a windy day. No. Well, you don't...

33:37Phil Tufnell: Your bears, if it's not quick, if it's a slow bear, and your cushions are... Different sized pockets.

33:44Sir Alastair Cook: There you are. No way. They're the same, aren't they? You can have tight pockets and slightly bigger pockets. Where?

33:50Michael Vaughan: I know a few people... Not in your house. Talking about tournament play, they don't have...

33:56Sir Alastair Cook: No, I don't think there's a difference.

33:58Michael Vaughan: You know what I mean? It's like golf, you get wind, you could get the wrong side of the draw. I don't say... In snooker, the table stays the same, doesn't it? Yeah, it does. I like snooker. I like snooker. I think... Is pool a better sport than snooker?

34:13Phil Tufnell: Pool? Pool better than snooker. No, no. Pool's like... It's like... The 100, isn't it? You have a pool and then the snooker. It's a good pull, isn't it? But T20s.

34:27Michael Vaughan: Rank of 20 pounds.

34:28Phil Tufnell: On the side, get ready to play. Yeah. But snooker, we've got a... Have you got a snooker table? No. Have you got one? No. But the village all has. £25 a year. Brilliant.

34:40Michael Vaughan: What, you play all year, do you? That's how long it takes, does it? You're there for a year. Your membership's£25.

34:47Phil Tufnell: £25 a year. What's that get you? Village up. You get access, you get a key, go in, put your money in. Yeah, you have to put the money in the lights, yeah? Yeah. 20p's in a pound. Right, it's good.

34:59Sir Alastair Cook: What are we going? Tennis, where's tennis set? Five. No, rugby league's got to be below tennis. Oh, rugby league's a good sport. It's a good sport, we didn't say it's a bad sport, you're just trying to rank the league's five, aren't you? What a sport. League. It's quite similar, though, rugby league. I'm going league three or two. Wait, what?

35:17Michael Vaughan: Golf number one for me.

35:18Sir Alastair Cook: Yeah.

35:18Michael Vaughan: I'm going golf number one.

35:19Sir Alastair Cook: Yeah. I'm going Formula One number one.

35:23Michael Vaughan: Formula One, OK.

35:23Sir Alastair Cook: For me to enjoy.

35:25Michael Vaughan: Yep.

35:26Sir Alastair Cook: Well, I've been to a Formula One. I'd love to have a go in a Formula One car. I have contemplated. Who's driven a Formula One car? No, I've sat in the back. I think there's only one. It's a two-seated... What's that like? It's quite quick. Can you see where you're going? Not really. In a Formula One car? Yeah. There's a two-seater. Yeah, there's a two-seater. All right, OK. I'm trying to plug. I would like to go on one of those. Actually, I'd like to sit at the front seat.

35:47Phil Tufnell: I've sat in... Is he called Lewis Hamilton? I've sat in that car. it were at Sky in studios. I'm sat in that. In private, did you? No, in the reception.

35:59Sir Alastair Cook: But it is all about the car, innit? Well, what about Verstappen and his teammates? Yeah, tap it. You can say who's got the best car wins.

36:05Michael Vaughan: Big end.

36:06Sir Alastair Cook: Helps. Big end.

36:08Michael Vaughan: Would Formula 1 be better, and I know it's all about the manufacturer, but if every now and again they all used exactly the same car,

36:15Phil Tufnell: they tried that and then everyone said... It's got to pass its MOT, hasn't it? No-one can overtake, then, can they? Big end.

36:21Sir Alastair Cook: Well, why? Because the cars are so similar. Skillful, though. You've got to nip them out of the way. Was it Formula... A1 or something. They tried that and that didn't work. What's your one? Golf. I went to Formula One. I went to Formula One. I saw the start. First two laps. Went in hospitality. Got lashed. Came back for the last two laps. I just watched it on the telly. That's like the race. Isn't that the same as most sports you go to? Most racing. Most sports. Well, no. But there wasn't much point to see...

36:49Michael Vaughan: I don't think it's a great expectation. Snooker. So wait, we're agreeing. So we've got your golf, I'm golf, you're golf, number one. Yeah. So golf gets number one slot. Sorry, Alistair. Sorry. Two, where are we going to?

37:02Phil Tufnell: Snooker. Snooker for me. Rugby league for me. Rugby league's three, they're very close, snooker and rugby league. Tennis, I love watching tennis. Tennis, yeah. I love watching tennis.

37:16Sir Alastair Cook: Paddle tennis is better. Been to the roll box. Have you? Yeah, I've been in a role, Bob. They let you in? Yeah. At Wimbledon? What day? Oh, you'd have gone with Sue Barker. Yeah, I went with Sue Barker. Lovely. Sat next to Jack Nicklaus and Bobby Charlton. Ooh. So Bobby Charlton. Yeah, Bob. Bobby Charlton gave Dorney his steak, because hers was too rare. Did he, Bob? Yeah, Bob. He went, would you like mine? Did he? Yeah, lovely. I used to play golf with Bob. Yeah, I thought we were going to say Jack Nicklaus.

37:44Phil Tufnell: I used to play golf with Bob. Yeah, lovely. Mottramall. Yeah, lovely. The Fergie used to be practising on his own. I'll see you with all your mates.

37:55Sir Alastair Cook: Yeah. Right, so I got their autographs on a napkin. I've never really asked for an autograph when I was a kid. No. But you're not missing out. If you're sat on the same table as Sir Bob and Jack Nicklaus, you're not missing out. What have you done with it?

38:07Phil Tufnell: I took Bob, me and Bob went to the Birkdale Open when Mark Amira won it. Mark Amira? Mark Amira. Markham Mary, yeah.

38:17Sir Alastair Cook: 91, is that the other one?

38:18Michael Vaughan: Birkdale next year. Yeah, it is. 26. So, right, we're going golf, F1, rugby league. F1? Well, we...

38:27Sir Alastair Cook: You've got to look after me a little bit. Oh, I've got F1.

38:30Phil Tufnell: Go on. F1, it is... I don't like your face. If I go out, it's like... LAUGHTER

38:37Michael Vaughan: Rugby league three. Yes. Snooker's down. Snooker's four or five. Tennis or snooker, four or five? Tennis five. I'm tennis five. Paddle tennis is a better sport. I've never played it. It's a better sport. Too much of that going on, isn't it?

38:53Sir Alastair Cook: Not with tennis. Don't say that. I mean, Sue Barker's... Well, that's lovely. Absolutely. French Open win in 1976.

39:00Michael Vaughan: Is that right? Yeah. Stick to Cricket is brought to you by Betfair. Here we go. This is a good one for you. We've got a couple there for you, Bumble, here. Oh, no. From Captain Jet Morgan. Captain Jet Morgan. Yeah, ask Bumble what Geoffrey Boycott was like as a player. How could such a dour player become such an entertaining commentator? So he's asking me the question but answering it.

39:30Phil Tufnell: Captain Jet Morgan. Yeah. I wonder if it's Owen that. Well, Jet, he was a fantastic cricketer of that era. Brave as a lion. Absolutely fantastic. A bit my mate. You either loved him or hated him. I was a massive fan and I've had that many rows with him, which probably you have as well. But in that era, when England was over my dead body, he ain't going to get me out, he was as good as it ever got.

40:01Sir Alastair Cook: What, well, globally, all around the world?

40:04Phil Tufnell: Yeah, at that time, he ain't going to get me out and test matches and a lot of draws. Would you say when Boix was at his punt, he would have been in the rankings as numero uno? Yeah, he would. In that era, he was right up there with the very best.

40:22Sir Alastair Cook: Do you think if he had played a few more shots, he'd have been better? Do you think he had that in... Because I've never watched him back. Someone said he actually had the shots and he could play them, he just chose not to.

40:33Phil Tufnell: It was a different era that you played that way as a very careful opening batter. He got 146 in a Gillette Cup final. He won the game. Was that 80 overs? 80 overs, no. 80 overs. It was 60 when it was. It would have been 60.

40:50Sir Alastair Cook: 120. It wasn't time, was it? 120 was the day.

40:54Phil Tufnell: It might have been 60, but he won the game. He could play shots, but he had an immaculate defence. And he practised like you wouldn't believe. He practised for hours on end, days.

41:06Michael Vaughan: There used to be loads of people you would arrive to watch him practice.

41:10Phil Tufnell: But he would just ring up at people who come and ball at him all day. George Batty, who's Gareth's dad. Ralph Middlebrook, who's James' dad. Ball at him all day. And he would bat. And I've been at sort of, well, not charity news, when people are having a benefit. He's had a benefit. He batted, he got out and then gone at night and gone and played somewhere else and had a bat. Didn't do any fielding, I'd back me back up and gone back there. I was batted. So he's one of the greatest commentators I've ever heard, Geoffrey.

41:47Michael Vaughan: Do you know, he played at Abedale Park in the 80s. I was a kid. So Yorkshire would play at my club every year. I'd miss school and we'd nip through the hedges to watch Yorkshire.

41:57Sir Alastair Cook: That was tough, mate.

41:58Michael Vaughan: Yeah? He hates to bunk off, yeah. He used to get the early bus, get out there, get down to the ground. At the end of a day's play, I wanted books, his autograph. And they go up these stairs up onto the balcony where the dress room was. Don't, don't. At the end of the game, I'm going to get his autograph. Anyway, he comes down the steps. I said, Mr Boycott, can I have your autograph, please? Got my book out. He went, oh, you can if you carry my bags to the car.

42:21Phil Tufnell: Had to carry his bags. He did that regularly. He did it regularly. You carry me bags and I'll sign you there. Yeah, he did. He rang a couple of days ago, so we were going to Scarborough when Yorkshire play a 50-over match, so we're going to go to Scarborough. And in about 30 seconds, he'd turned it round, this invite to come to Scarborough, to when he played against Malcolm Marshall. Oh,

42:46Michael Vaughan: he's brilliant. He judges people. I mean, you'd have been in the commentary boxes with him.

42:51Phil Tufnell: Yeah.

42:52Michael Vaughan: And he'd walk past the next player, and he'd be with me, say, Ricky Ponton. So Ricky Ponton had come down the corridor, and he'd look at me and go, he could battle. and then someone I'm not going to name names would walk by and he'd go he come fucking back judges people on whether they come back or not here's another one but we'll clear this out for you what made Fred Truman the greatest fast bowler that's from George

43:19Phil Tufnell: well number one they were like lightning they were normally fucking quicker than me they talked about Darren Gough being a quick bowler. I can bowl quicker in a Mac and a pair of fucking Wellingtons than him. And so I had exceptional pace. I were 100 mile an hour plus. I was the first to 300 test match wickets and nobody ever got fucking near that until Dennis Lilly. And I reminded him that I were the best in the world. And it's as simple as that. There's been some great bowlers running from the Kirkstall lane end and that Neil Malinder wasn't fucking one of them.

43:59Sir Alastair Cook: He said that on TMS. He said that on TMS. I know that story.

44:03Phil Tufnell: He arrived late for TMS. I were in the box. Yeah, he arrived late, did he? Did he come in with a sinkhole? Pipe, pipe, pipe. Everywhere. Like Ferry Bridge Power Station, it were, when it got going. And he's come in late and Brian Johnson, he said, oh, Fred's arrived. He said, wonderful to see you, Fred. It's slightly late, but don't worry about that. And I see you've got your pipe with you. But of course you don't inhale. To which Frindle at the end said, yes, but the rest of us does. Like a fog. That's right, and Mallinder was making his debut. Neil Mallinder, horses for courses. Down the hill, when there was a hill.

44:38Michael Vaughan: He got five foot, didn't he, Mel? He did, he got five foot. I think Fred, when he made that comment, hadn't Mallinder got two wickets already? Yeah. He didn't know. He'd missed it. What was the story about when he was on commentary, I think with Aggers, and then they were showing a replay of Fred Bowling, and it was in black and white. Yeah, well, you always look slower in black and white.

45:01Phil Tufnell: Oh,

45:04Michael Vaughan: I love it. Right, this is from Adam. Loving the podcast, gents. If you could add or remove a cricketing rule law, what would it be and why? I'm going to go for tea should be longer. Right, you want longer than 20 minutes.

45:21Sir Alastair Cook: You can only get one tab in a team, right? It should be at least happy. It's what it takes to have a tab. Depends who's bowling. What about, you've got 160 overs, you can take the second new ball whenever you want. Oh. As a fielding side, so you've got two new balls for 160 overs, you can just take the second one whenever you want.

45:44Michael Vaughan: So you can take one after 30 overs? If you wanted to. Yeah.

45:46Sir Alastair Cook: You just ask for a new rule.

45:48Michael Vaughan: Right.

45:48Sir Alastair Cook: I think that, I love that. Why? I'm not batting anymore. Why? Because, you know, you might get them six down or something He doesn't go, I'll tell you something, let's bring on the new ball. You know what I mean? It'll be some quick games. No, well, there you go. That's what I mean. He got them six down and then, right, let's finish these boys off. Get it moving. I want substitutes.

46:11Phil Tufnell: That's my change. First inning subs. Laws of the game. I would just add a little bit to it. And he would really quicken the game up. So the law is that the batsman has to be ready when the baller is at the end of his normal run. Yes, love that. If he isn't, just bowl. Yeah. Just bowl. If he isn't stood there, just bowl. Hit the stumps he's out. Yeah, I don't mind that. That'll quicken it up. I've got to tell you about, again, the bowl saga at Lord's. And my lad was fourth umpire. He was. Oh, I forgot to mention this. How slow he walked. Yeah. So I rung him up. He said, I got pelted. He said, because I'm walking slow.

46:49Phil Tufnell: He said, I've got a briefcase with 12 in. I've got two boxes with 12 in. He said, I thought, Christ, don't drop these. If you drop these, they'll be able to play. Don't drop them. The only thing I was thinking, don't drop these. If they start rolling, they'll kick off again. He said, so I had to go so slow to give them. He said, we had 24 balls out there. 24.

47:10Sir Alastair Cook: He said to us in the morning, he said, fucking hell, lads. He's got all these boys, you know what I mean, slow play. All of a sudden, it's all my fault. He said, it's all my fault. He said, all I've done is walk out. He did walk slowly, didn't he?

47:21Phil Tufnell: He said, I couldn't drop them. And of course, you know, I can't get out there. I'm not allowed out there. But he's got to guide the pitch. He said, and they were all good as gold. Test match special. He said they were great. Until Nasser turned in. He just lifted it up and walked. He said, what are you doing? He said, I didn't have a row with him because I don't like having a row. He said, but he shouldn't have been there. He knows he shouldn't have been. I said, that's Nasser. It is, isn't it? That's it. That was definitely going to do that.

47:53Michael Vaughan: Stick to Cricket is brought to you by Betfair. Ethan asks, was cricket always your true sporting love or was there other sports that caught your eyes first? Very good footballer, aren't you? I was football.

48:09Sir Alastair Cook: Left half, I was. Football. I was left half. Left half. Kevin Beattie was my...

48:13Phil Tufnell: Oh, Kevin Beattie for Ipswich Town. Were you academy standard, were you?

48:17Sir Alastair Cook: Yeah, yeah. Who for? Ipswich Town. Where? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Academies and played at Enfield County. You used to drive all that, get a train on. Yeah, but I had sort of like bits and pieces. My father said to me, he said, Son, I don't know what happened to you. He said, when you're about 14, he said you had the speed of a gazelle and the constitution of a cart horse. You know what I mean? He said, then when you got to 16, it went the other way round. Did you have a good left peg, did you? Oh, both footed. Both? Both? Yeah, no, very good. Yeah, loved to tackle. assassin midfield assassin did you ever play football in the warm ups then like in oh yeah but I used to I lost my pace I lost my pace

48:58Michael Vaughan: South Africa we were 99 Chris Adams he was brutal absolutely oh Ramps Ramps was a bit Ramps Ramps

49:06Sir Alastair Cook: no Ramps used to get you see the boys now all having a nice little game of football they play pig don't they where they flick each other on the forehead is that called pig yeah it's called pig wouldn't have played pig in some of the teams I played in you'd get absolutely smashed to pieces

49:23Michael Vaughan: You were footballer as well, were you, though? Well, George Best. Yeah, that's a good best. Well, Roy Keane, you know, that engine. Yeah. Diesel. What were you? You were brilliant at chess, weren't you? No, you were! No! You were! I thought you were a genius. You used to play with Freddie.

49:40Phil Tufnell: Andrew Flintoff's chess.

49:41Sir Alastair Cook: You played with Freddie on tour. I played darts, a lot of darts. Darts, chess. I played all... Everyone, when you were younger, played all the sports, didn't you? But you played chess, didn't you? No, I was a little bit of a game. I can play a game of chess, but I never played it. I bet you played rugby, didn't you? I did play rugby, but I wasn't very good. What position? Played scrum half or fly half. I mean, it's not really fair. I started growing at 16, so when you're playing against people with full beards at 16, you're like, it's a bit unfair. I played all sports, but when you're slightly better at one sport, you always keep going back to it, don't you?

50:10Sir Alastair Cook: Yeah. Art, I was very good at. Art. Is that a sport?

50:15Michael Vaughan: Speed art. Right, I've no idea what's in here, but it's heated exchange, gents. Oh, we've got a lot of pressure. No idea what's in here. Here we go. This England bowling attack isn't good enough to win an away Ashes test. Discuss. Who said that? It's just heated exchange. Brought to you by Betfair. I think it is if Joffre's fit, Mark Wood's fit, Atkinson's fit, Brydon Castle, I think is what a fantastic find he's been. I do want my spinner to bat. Yeah, you've got to bat. I do want my spinner. I want Australia to look at that batting line-up. Archer's coming in 11. Yeah, but that's what I want to see.

50:54Michael Vaughan: Wood or Archer at 11. I'm looking from an opposing player. Does Chris Walks make the trip? He makes the trip, but I don't think he plays in Perth. He definitely makes the trip for me because the wickets in Aussie now are completely different. They do nip, don't they? They do nip. If you go to the day-nighter in Brisbane, you probably might want a woke-style cricket. And it shows up your batting a bit. and in Sydney, I mean last year in Sydney, it had that much grass on it. If it's like that, you want a Chris Wokes cricketer. Probably the first in Perth. Adelaide, day game, not so sure there. Melbourne, probably not there.

51:26Michael Vaughan: Ports? Ports, what's happened to Ports?

51:29Phil Tufnell: They shoehorned them into white ball cricket, haven't they, really? So going back to 2005, you had a fabulous four-pronged attack with Ashley Giles as the backup, which is probably what Dawson will do, isn't it? He's no-nonsense cricketer, he bats a bit, he feels OK, and he'll ball and have control. So that's the same role as Ashley Giles in 2005.

51:53Michael Vaughan: Yeah, I mean, if you look at, you know, Harmison could hold a bat, but wasn't going to get you too many. Simon Jones was never going to get you too many. He got a few at Hedgbaston, actually. Hoggy, so those three, really... He were a blocker, Hoggy. Yeah, I think Bryden Karsk, Xatkinson play, and they just played a battle. They just pack the batting. Dorset, eight. Yeah, I mean, it could be Dorset, eight, could be even further down. You just don't know the way they'll line up. You're not going to...

52:19Sir Alastair Cook: Well, obviously, any team can get blown away. But, you know, that is a lot of depth to blow away. You look at that batting line, I want to think, on a flat one, you win the toss and have a bat with that. It's going to be quite a long day. Dorset's got 17 first-class... Yeah, but the bowling side looks at that and goes, four or five down, we've still got a quite long way to go.

52:39Michael Vaughan: Give me the question again. The question is, this England bowling sack isn't good enough to win an away Ashes test.

52:46Phil Tufnell: Who are they bowling against?

52:48Michael Vaughan: Exactly.

52:48Phil Tufnell: Who are they bowling against?

52:50Michael Vaughan: Not a stroke, not a stroke. Windy's rolled up. I mean, crikey, that's it. You go back to when Ravi was on the show. He said 275.

52:57Phil Tufnell: Yeah.

52:58Michael Vaughan: When you won over there in 10-11, you were thinking 500. Had to get 500. You had to get 500. That's the difference. Whereas now, I think there's two things. The Aussie batting's not as good as it's been. and I do think the pictures are different. That Kookaburra ball does more than it used to do back in the day. So 300, 325, if you get that on a rate... So if you get 600 runs in a Test match in Australia now against this Australian team, I think you've got a chance. But against Cummings, Hazelwood, Stark, Boland, whose record is absolutely staggering, you could get blown away for a 175 if you bat badly.

53:31Michael Vaughan: And you bat with too much risk, you could easily get blown away. So go the other way.

53:35Phil Tufnell: who's got the right now who's got the better batting line up England I'd say we have

53:40Sir Alastair Cook: yeah

53:41Phil Tufnell: better bowling line up Australia yeah can you just

53:44Sir Alastair Cook: go on that very total change of subject West Indies Australia Test matches why did West Indies play on worst pictures I've seen

53:51Michael Vaughan: I watched all three why did

53:54Sir Alastair Cook: they play

53:54Michael Vaughan: on that we debated or said on the show that we worry about the West Indies in terms of the finances they haven't got any cash to prepare these pitches they have no ground staff None at all. Well, they have some, but nothing like what we have. You go to Lourdes, you go to Old Traff, there's thousands there. There's 20. Loads of money gets put into the squares on a yearly basis. They've got scissors. Barbados, Jamaica, where's the other Grenada? They don't have the cash to really provide a proper square. Is it that hard in that part of the world? I don't know, but all I look at is their infrastructure doesn't get the cash that other countries get, and that probably is the end result.

54:33Michael Vaughan: you get shit wicked. Well, I just thought you'd be able to just roll it and it will be eventually... That pink ball, I mean, Mitchell Stark, he bowled him out for 27. Yeah. It was... Bowled him out for what? Bowled him out for 27. Did he? Did you not see that? I didn't see that one, no.

54:51Sir Alastair Cook: I've been away, haven't I?

54:53Phil Tufnell: I've been on holiday.

54:54Sir Alastair Cook: 27?

54:55Phil Tufnell: No incident. You've got three in the first over. You've got to have finance. They have to have finance.

55:02Sir Alastair Cook: 27. 57? We got bowled out for 46. Yeah, so... 51, I've done 51. Was that... So you were coach? No. Oh. That was Jamaica, wasn't it, 51? 51, is that Jamaica? Yeah, I can't...

55:13Phil Tufnell: I was that one where we only lasted 60 balls at Jamaica. Yeah, that was it. Gransman had done it all. That's right. Stewie got off there quick, didn't he? Yeah.

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57:31Michael Vaughan: Stick to Cricket is brought to you by Betfair We're going to pick our first 11 for the Ashes Perth test match We know what Perth's like It's a bit hard, it's a bit bouncy It's a day game We've got to pick our England team We might need one This is the meeting This is the selection meeting You're chairman. I'm chairman. You get a glass of red, you get a glass of white, you have your dizzy blonde. You've cast in vote. I've got the cast in vote. So we'll start at the top. Ben Duckett. We need a pen. I need a pen.

58:01Phil Tufnell: We need, actually, we need another person. Right.

58:05Michael Vaughan: Can we have one more person who can be... Somebody come and stand with you. Just stand there. Kieran. Kieran, you go and stand there, you get the cast in vote. So you just stand there. Give me the pen, Kieran. Are we playing a spinner in person? Well, we've decided that, aren't we? We're discussing, the meeting's just started. Right, number one, we'll start with Ben Duckett, yeah? He's a shoo-in. Absolute shoo-in. Ben Duckett, right, he's in. His partner is? Crawley. Crawley? Amid. Amid? Is he on the tour? He's on, is he?

58:38Phil Tufnell: He's on the tour, you're asking my team. Crawley.

58:41Michael Vaughan: Crawley.

58:42Phil Tufnell: Crawley.

58:44Sir Alastair Cook: This is what he's been... This is what he's been... Well, you said it. You said it weeks ago. This is why he's been here.

58:50Michael Vaughan: You said it weeks ago on this show that it doesn't matter what we say, he will be in. Right. I said he's like a grade two listed building. You just can't do anything with him. You're allowed to change him. Internally, so externally, grade two listed buildings, you can't externally do anything with them. So that's Zach, right? He's playing. We know he's in. Internally, I think he needs a renovation. Yeah. You know, with his mindset. Clearly, he makes the same mistake every week. If you made the same mistake every week, guess what you'd do? Something about it.

59:17Phil Tufnell: You'd get a new bathroom.

59:17Michael Vaughan: Yeah, so I think he needs renovating inside. OK, decorators. New kitchen. Get the decorators there. Yeah, put his in.

59:25Sir Alastair Cook: I've got a nice black toilet in my downstairs. We just had it done up. Black. Black. Black toilet. What? Does that not see the stain? Black. Ugh, nasty. Nasty.

59:36Michael Vaughan: Right, so Crawley, we're going Duckett and Crawley. Crawley's record against Australia is good. So he's in. Number three. Battle. Oh. Pope. Bethel. Bethel. Well done, Kieran.

59:50Sir Alastair Cook: Oh, Kieran's in, Kieran's in. Kieran's straight in. Tough as the matter, what you're saying. It doesn't matter, yeah, I voted. Go on then, Bethel. I'm going Bethel. Oh, well, do you need a spinner?

59:59Michael Vaughan: Remember, we're in Perth. Fast and bouncy. Remember, we're in Perth. Number four, Root. Yeah, given. Five, Brook. Stokes. Smith. Smith. Stokes. Stokes. Atkinson. Wait a minute, wait a minute. Smith. Number eight.

1:00:16Phil Tufnell: Atkinson.

1:00:16Michael Vaughan: The runners and riders for number eight are Atkinson, you could say Dawson. Wokes. Well, do you want to play the spinner or not? Because you've got Bethel and Root there now. This is what we've got to discuss. Well, I'm thinking four.

1:00:26Phil Tufnell: Chairman, I'm asking you about this venue at Perth. What do you see in this pitch? Do we need a spinner other than Bethel and Root?

1:00:35Michael Vaughan: I'm quite happy with Root and Bethel in Perth. Right, OK.

1:00:40Sir Alastair Cook: Kieran, what do you think? if we had a top class spinner I'd have them in but

1:00:45Michael Vaughan: I don't think we do at the minute to be honest with you so I yeah

1:00:52Phil Tufnell: have you got a Michael

1:00:55Michael Vaughan: oh well good lad so we've got so we can go Atkinson at 8 Wokes I don't think Wokes will be the type of bowl I want rapid Archer and Wood Archer and Wood are coming in at 10 and 11 for me I'm hitting them with absolute guns. Yeah. Wood. Atkinson. Atkinson, if he's fit at eight. You can go Atkinson-Cars. Atkinson-Cars, nine. And then you go five quicks, and then that means... James, James. Are we done? They're going to get 60 overs.

1:01:25Phil Tufnell: Are we all right, don't? I've got a business.

1:01:28Michael Vaughan: Wait a minute. Atkinson-Cars. That's our 11th to start him. We've got some pace there. Very quickly. I've got a sick easy now. I'll give him that. Is it back-to-back games?

1:01:39Sir Alastair Cook: Is there back-to-back games? No, there's a break.

1:01:43Michael Vaughan: Break's fine. Then we go Brisbane for the day-nighter. So there's a break. Which could be the same again. Are we happy with that? No, we might have Wokes in for the day-nighter. Yeah, well, we could go Wokes for Atkinson or Castle. We'll have Wokes for Wood.

1:01:56Phil Tufnell: Wokes for Wood.

1:01:57Michael Vaughan: Gee, look at that batting line up there. Yeah. A lot of runs there in the film.

1:02:01Sir Alastair Cook: There's a lot of fast bowling there.

1:02:03Michael Vaughan: We like that. We like that. Last year, when India beat them, I think Washington Sunday bowled a handful of them.

1:02:08Sir Alastair Cook: I think that we can. The only thing about Perth, obviously, I haven't seen the new... Thanks for that. Thanks for your room. Happy to help you. Bethel, you got Bethel. Poor Popey, you got him out straight away. I think... Here, hold on. How about this? How about this? I think Australia isn't quite the fortress. Things have changed. Things have changed. You said it yourself, pitches have changed.

1:02:29Phil Tufnell: Bob Dylan, that, wasn't it? Things have changed. How does that go? I can't remember.

1:02:34Sir Alastair Cook: Things have just changed.

1:02:35Michael Vaughan: I've been there. So India could have won the last test in Sydney last year. Bumrah got injured. Could have won that game. Year before, Pakistan. If they'd have caught, they'd have put them under huge pressure. Dropped loads of chances. The West Indies beat them in Brisbane in a day-nighter. They've been beaten by India a couple of times. The first time many, eight or nine years ago, Smith and Warner were on the naughty step, but they lost. And they lost the series after that, that chase in Brisbane. So Brisbane, which was once the fortress. The Gabbertois. They've lost a couple of games.

1:03:06Phil Tufnell: The garbage war.

1:03:07Michael Vaughan: They've lost a couple. Yeah.

1:03:09Sir Alastair Cook: And now, so in answer to your Betfair heated exchange question, Mike.

1:03:13Michael Vaughan: Yeah. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. It came from, yeah, yes. Well done. Heated exchange, the answer is yes, they can. That's a strong team, by the way. It is. Isn't it? Lads, we're done. Have a good day. Take some sweets. Lovely to see you all. I'm going to have a sweet. I'm going to have a sweet. Yeah. Well done.

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1:05:28Michael Vaughan: thanks for listening and thanks to our partners betfair you can subscribe wherever you get your podcasts and you won't miss an episode and if you want to support the show please leave us a five-star review and help others find it too see you next time