Lamb & Small: Sir Ian Botham, Ashes Glory & Elton John | Stick to Cricket EP 17

0:00Before we get started, I'd like to thank our partners Betfair. Hit subscribe so you don't miss an episode. Enjoy the show. Where's the start? Your ex-teammates, Phil. I know. Happy today, aren't you? I know, yeah. Couple of my old... Mr Lamb, sir. How are you? Don't change the fly. Don't change the fly. Where do you want me? Sammy, wherever you want. Why are you shropping you two? Don't change the fly. You're always an old man. Lammy, did you captain, Phil? Yeah, once. Yeah. Yeah. There you go, mate. Yeah, he did. Yeah. Brisbane. Brisbane. What year was that? We bowed them out. We did all right.

0:35We can get them on the run. We tell them flick one off his legs. These are these things real. Yeah, we were we was all these propaganda. We was doing well and then now remember Greg Matthews. Yeah, it was this 90 90 90 91 90. Yeah, 90 91. We was doing we was doing brilliant and then I couldn't believe it. I mean, one of my heroes, Alan, you know what I mean? Great player. Smashing the spinners around. Couldn't believe it. Greg Matthews bowls him an absolute rank long outside off-stump. Slaps it straight. The point now. What was all that about? He had a wig, didn't he? Didn't he bowl him? He did have the treatment, yeah.

1:19Yeah, he did. Did he not run? He used to have one. He got a hundred. This is mine. Was that the old time when he ran? He did? He ran down to the... He did? His mum was watching by the sight screen. That's right. It was my first test wicket. Greg Matthews. Yeah, long off. No, no, sure. Full toss outside off stump. It's it straight down Eddie Hemmings, his throat.

1:44Granddad Hemmings. You've got coffee or tea. Now do you want one? I'll have a tea. Well, good. What have you been up to this week, guys? Anything? Dave? I've been on my holidays. Sidmouth. Sidmouth? Sidmouth, eh? Hey, you are beautiful. Posh. Jurassic course. Lovely cricket ground at Sidmouth. Overlooking the sea. Did you get in the sea? Did you get in? No, I'm not a great swimmer, but there were people in the sea and we had a wild day, so they were sort of surfing. Except surfing.

2:18That's what Swanee had. Cookies too, isn't it? Yeah, they were surfing in the sea, in wetsuits and all that. Have some fish and chips? No. No? No, no, no. We went to a couple of pubs just in the villages. It was lovely. Took the dogs. Yeah. Nice, nice. What have you been doing, Phil? Español. He's been to Spain. Yeah, yeah, nipped over there. Got a bit poorly on the way home, though. I always seem to... You're looking for a sandbird. Where have you been? Well, yeah, we're Spain. Spain. Did you stay indoors? I can remember that. We were playing somewhere, I think it was Geraldton or something, and I was smiling a lot for some reason, I don't know, and he said, Tuffers, if you keep smiling so much, you're going to have sunburnt teeth.

3:08When he was captain at Northampton, arm umpiring, it's a game at Warwickshire, do you remember? And there were some lakes, they were called, I think they were called Black Lakes, weren't they? There was nothing in the game. It was hard to rain. Nothing, it had been a bit of rain and we were both into fly fishing and that. He comes in the room, he says, he'll call this off. He says, call it off earlier, we'll go fishing. So we've gone and looked at this picture. He goes, ah, no chance of playing it. It's off. There's a freaking sun come out, hasn't it? It was a magnificent afternoon. All the crowd in there, we fly fishing.

3:41They're looking for the empowerment captain. So it's a posh lake, there's a couple of lakes, and he's there, he go off straight up the tree and and he he said this is me tandem dog nobler that's who's a fly oh so he goes and gets a lot set of ladders and he puts the ladders up against the tree and trying to pull the thing down and you just allow you to take two fish if you're fishing you could take two he's caught four and shoved two down his wellington

4:14the brownies and the rainbows rainbows rainbows yeah yeah I'm going this way I'm going going on the wharf this are you still doing it yeah I'm going on the wharf I'm going for two days and sleep in the car didn't you used to always go on the trips with beefy up to Scotland you went on many didn't you they all fly the team times we be yeah well see what's he like with the old fly He's got all the gear, he's brilliant. Yeah, you've got, I wouldn't say the finesse. And then he's got this double hand, whoosh, and he's got the fucking thing out. And then he, so at 8 o 'clock in the morning, on a proper river up in Scotland, whichever it'll be, right, meet at the hut, go down at the hut.

4:55He said, right, fellas, he said, right, we've got to toast the river. What? So he gets this malt whiskey and puts like that much in. Come on, lads, hold on. What we doing is he won't catch unless you toss the river. And slug it back. Woof! Eight o 'clock in the morning. With an absolute flag. And he gets completely arsehole during the day. Takes his dog, that Pinot. Pinot. Pinot's still going. Pinot's still going. Beefy comes back in the hut. He's like that. And Pinot's lead on his head. Got this Jack Russell on his head. He's never made lunchtime, did he? No, no. He's not at lunchtime. Are you any good?

5:33Eh? Are you any good? I can get it out there. Yeah, you can't. He's all right. I've never done it. Oh, you've got to do it. No, it is. I think you took it. It's better. Yeah. I took Icky and Judge. Yeah. The Judge. The Judge is coming behind me. He's all... I saw Rod at... Yeah. And he's looked after Judge. Judge's got a new set of teeth. He looks like Klop now. LAUGHTER No, I saw him. I saw him. Who is Judge? He's Warren Smith. What a lesson. Is he with his brother? Is he with his brother? Now, Rod looked after him, Rod Bransgrove. I saw the judge just... I went to Oz for the Lions rugby, the first two Lions tests.

6:17So I actually flew into Perth to do some recce from the Ashes. And I actually spent a day with him. He met me, got the ferry over from the quay, he lives in South Perth, so you get the ferry over... Yeah, you got it, you got it. And you saw him and he's got this, he's got to go around with bikes. I said, brilliant. Love that. I love a bit of cycling around the river at Perth, you know, Swan River. Nice little, it's nice and flat, no hills there. So sure enough, he's got a bike. He says, I've got a mate with a shop at the road. I've got a bike sorted for you. So I said, yeah, that's the sounds of plan.

6:51So up we go to the parade, his mate with a shop. And I've got this bloody granny push bike. And he's got an electric bike. He's got the old electric bike. You just press a button, this thing pisses off in front of you. 45 kilometres we did cycling around. You have a basket on the front. I didn't have the Mother Hubbard's basket, but I might as well have. And how is he? He's very good, really good, really healthy and fit. Sadly, it was his birthday a week ago, ten days ago. He lost his dad. He lost his dad two days before his birth. He's been looking after his dad. Probably the best. Yeah, his dad was there.

7:29But yeah, but he's good. He's really solid. He's sorted out. He's the only one I banned from the nets. His dad used to come back out. He did. He did. He's dad. Yeah, he did. Yeah, I read his book. He has got a book, hasn't he? Has Judge got a book out? I remember playing against Judge when he was in the old ground at Southampton. Yeah. And every morning, you know, the car park, you'd park up on the right. Yeah. And then the nets were just as you walked through. Yeah. And he was always there with his dad on the ball machine. Yeah, yeah. I swear, he has written a book, hasn't he? Yeah, he did write a book.

8:01I swear I read that. Right, yeah. I remember when I was one of my first ever, like, when I first turned up at Essex and went into first team squad, but I was only like 14, you know, the pre-season game, and Robin Smith was playing. I was like, oh, my God. I'd stand that point at him on April 1st. I was like, you wouldn't go there, would you? Yeah. Strong, strong player. Welcome to Stick to Cricket, brought to you by Betfair, and today's show, we're here at Lord's, the home of cricket. You could argue, the greatest cricket ground in the world. Enjoy the show.

8:38We got sponsored by Merrill Wines and Hollinger Champagne. So we had more wines travelling around with us than bags. The headline was, Cart Bat, Cart Bowl, Cart Field. Ray Julian shouts across to me, he says, Mr Lloyd, have you seen who's coming in now? I said, AJ Lama, I do believe this. He said, I'll bet I get him before you. Beef got injured. Fly fishing, it has me. Flintoff, Ben Stokes, Ian Botham, you've got a rank of one to three. David Gower, he got given this big bottle of Dom Perignon and someone's given him this great big sword and you knock the top off it like that and he said, I now declare the afternoon well and truly open.

9:32This episode of Stick to Cricket is brought to you by Huel. Hey, Phil, we travel a lot. It's nice to have a bit of Huel, isn't it, that you can just pack in your suitcase or in your rucksack. Yeah, yeah. I mean, it's a lovely flask as well, isn't it? Look at that. It's an absolute beauty. Well, no, I mean, when I played, I found it always difficult to... You know, at lunchtime, you can't go and have lunch, did you? I didn't really manage to get anything down me, you know what I mean, when you're playing. So something like this would be cracking. Well, I'll tell you what, this... All the boost and all the vitamins, lovely.

10:01Well, what you can put in here is this Shule Black Edition, 40 grams of protein. It comes in 26 vitamins in this pack. Yeah, flavours. Comes in different flavours, like caramel, chocolate, vanilla. Pile it in here, add a bit of water, shakey-wakey. Have a try. Yeah. Have a try, this is the vanilla. Yeah. Healthy caramel, that sounds nice. Oh, that's nice, the vanilla, yeah. You've just got to make sure you shake it, Phil. Oh, that's all right. Not without the top on. No, that's right. Yeah, so this is it. 40 grams of protein. Yeah. 26 vitamins. Get all the good stuff in here. Yeah, a few different flavours.

10:34Perfect. Lovely. Get the good stuff down, yeah. Huel makes healthy eating simple. Try it today and get£10 off and use our exclusive code, stc at huel.com forward slash stc.

10:51stick to cricket is brought to you by betfair right lads should we start the show yeah come on right so this show that's part of it don't worry lammy um we're gonna call this show lammy and gladstone's advice on how to win down under oh 1986 1986 87 you were both a part of that historic yeah now You're gonna you're gonna be the two that give Ben and his team and Baz the Baz ballers all the advice Recollect what happened in your time and you're gonna give this modern England team the same advice of what works down And where do you want to start? Let's start with warm-up games. Yeah All them so how did you go in the warm-up games lost them all?

11:37Well, we didn't need warm-up games because we lost them all yeah, so I've saved you bears esteem don't have any warm-up games Well, they're not they're not The first Wank game we had was in Bundaberg. What is Bundaberg famous from? Rum. Rum. We arrived, the England team, after having ten days in Brisbane... Pardon? Ten days? Ten days. Without a game? No, we were practising hard with you lot. Well, this lot spent most of the time down in the surfer's paradise with Packer and playing in the casino with Packer, you lot. The senior players. Kerry Packer. Both of them, Lamb, Gower would be down the course.

12:19Packer would send the limousine off to take them off for the night. Well, us little juniors might find no way. So he eventually got to Bundaberg to play this game. Beefy goes up in a... We're lying by the pool. Beefy goes up in some big old bomber thing. We're by the pool, boom, boom, boom, boom. Hear this thing coming over. He's dive-bombed the bloody pool in this thing. Meanwhile, Gower, you know, who had his nose slightly put out of joint on that trip because he got gathered deposing him as captain during the summer. Oh, yes, yes. And feeling a bit left out, got absolutely wanked on Bundaberg rum.

12:57He's not a rum drinker, is he, Gower? He's a bit more refined. We went to the mayor's place to meet the mayor. And there was a cocktail party. And there was all the beers and four-wax, you know. And then Beefy said, ah, we'd better drink. everyone drinking Bundaberg. Jesus, the boys are knocking Bundaberg back. Eventually, everyone's fairly pissed now. And we've got this massive big coach and we get... Afterwards, we're just leaving to get in. Get on the coach and the mayor's there waving goodbye. They all say, and Gower, next minute, out the window. And he spewed up all outside the window. And he has the mayor looking.

13:38That was how it started. Right, so what we need is... and bass to go to the mayor's yeah drink a load of rum and then someone needs to chunder out of a bus that's number one what's number two tip um number two probably uh what about the warm-up games you did we played we played games three first class first class games we played against queensland at the gabba lose that which was the first which was where the first time was going to be but the pitch was flat as a no no no the food we did banda no we did banderberg Then we went down to Perth and we played against the Western Australia team, right?

14:18You remember? That's when Beefy forgot to take his bat out. And then we went up to Kalgoorlie. You remember to play there? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So those are the first three we lost quite easily. Tell us about Beefy. He walked out, what number, and he forgot his bat? He was batting six. Right, he forgot his bat. I think he was seven. But we went down because it was America's Cup. So we went and joined Harold Cudmore's team the night before. Well, while you were playing, it was a normal thing. You go out the night before while you're playing. It's just part of the thing. It wasn't a test match. No, it wasn't a test match.

14:54We were just warming up. And so there was Embry, Gower, myself and Beef. And Beefy had the sponsored limo. Wherever he went, the limo picked him up. So we all climbed in the limo. Went to Harold Cudmore's place down on the harbour. He had his own sort of pavilion type thing. And we went to Clubhouse and we went in there, started drinking away. And there was one guy who had broken his leg or something. Beefy got to chat with him and say, well, I'd like him that. Anyway, they started doing the old arm wrestling and that. And they're drinking away. They're getting absolutely flying. and then next minute, both of them fall off the chair, straight onto this glass coffee table.

15:40It smashes. We pick them back and put them back onto the chair and they carry on drinking. By this time, we think we've got to go. So anyway, we call for the limo. The limo pulls up and we pile beefy in the back. Embers, myself, go holding on tip. And now we think we can't bring him to the entrance of the hotel. So we take him round to the, you know, where they bring all the food. So anyway, we get in him the lift and he said, I've got to go and see Laurie, my back's urging. Laurie, probably. So we take him, we knock on the door. As the door opens, we just pushed him in, closed the door and went to bed.

16:21I think he must have had another bottle of scotch with Laurie. He probably, he may have slept in the room. But the following day, we go out and Gower gets her first ball. I get a first ball. Oh. And Beefy goes in at about eight, and he's halfway to the wicket. And I think Bob Willis said, I think it's a good idea. If someone takes that bat to Beefy, it doesn't help us. And he smashed the bat at 40 or 50. It didn't help us. He couldn't remember it, and we lost that game quite easily. What was the team? What was the squad? I can't remember. Gucci? Yeah. No, no, that's sorry. I'm sorry. No, that was Broad.

16:59Broad, Afi, Will Slack. Oh, Wilfie. Smart Larky? No, no, Larky. No, that was the next one. That was Gucci's one. Gatting. So Gatting at four. Embry. Gower. Edmunds. Edmunds? Who was six? Beef. Jack Russell. No, not... No, Jack Richards. Jack Richards. Bruce French. French, here we go. That was going back to obviously when the keeper battled in a scenario. Frenchy was a better keeper. Frenchy was one of the best, you know, golfmen. But Richard, Jack Richards Surrey, was the better batsman. He got 100 at Perth. Yeah, he got 100 at Perth. He was a better batsman. So he got the gig ahead of Bruce French.

17:42Who were the bowlers? Pekka. Graeme Dilley. Beefy. Glad. The Test match, young Daffy. Oh, yeah! Daffy the Freitas, he'd gone over as the young all-rounder. and he made the test squad and then Embry Edmonds, the spin twins. Gat, you captains, want a bit of control on the field. You know, a seamer is trying to give him runs away. So Gat went with the theory of being... I saw Gat here the other day. Yeah, yeah. He's turned into Henry VIII. He is. He just looks like Henry VIII. He's done his leg, remember? He actually won the games we played. We played Victoria again, a tour match, first class game.

18:37We started the game, second day. Our captain. The captain wasn't there. He was getting petrol the night before. So he didn't arrive. Well, on Broadway, someone had to drive back to the hotel. And, you know, we had cars. We drove around in our own cars and stuff. We couldn't find him. He wasn't in a hotel. And then he arrived late for the game. Bumble. He arrived late for the game. Anyway, he said, give me that ball. He runs on like... Can you remember? First ball, we can't get a wicket. He comes, he bowls a bounce, and the guy hooks him quarter. He says, I told you, I'll get him out. I'll get you.

19:19I got previous as Gatting. I went on one of these social trips. 86, 87, that one. I went on a social trip out to Dubai and shot a soldier on a Barbican, do you remember Barbican, non-alcoholic lager? No, I don't remember that one. He's captain on that trip. Same thing, he didn't show for the bus. Where is he? And they're going knocking on doors. And he's fast asleep and he's got his England blazer on. He had his full England blazer I fast asleep come on mate captain. Gabi graven you were with us When he had room service nothing came out Who was your coach? Mickey Stewart, we didn't have Mickey Stewart and Peter Lush So you had a physio To management radio Turkey that's there to call it.

20:11Oh Peter Lush. He was sort of dead all the admin He was tour manager and he would deal with the... We wouldn't have any... We would go off and do the gin and tonics at lunchtime. He'd give the tyres out. He'd give the tyres out to the opposition. That was a scorer who did all of the... Scoring. Jeffrey Sawler. Was he Jeffrey Sawler who was a scorer? He'd score for Essex. Clem. Clem Driver. Clem Driver. Clem Driver. Nice guy. And then we got a sponsorship through David Gower. So we got sponsored by Merrill Wine. Jeff Merrill and and and Bollinger champagne so we had more wines traveling around champagne with us than bags did a mayor I don't believe you can this can't be true what is all this you play this better You're riding all these down for us.

21:10You've got some advice for the tour this winter. We had... We also had Edmunds had... Edmunds had, he was sponsored by Johnny Walker whisky. So we had whisky. You had some cheap French liqueur that we used to give away to the hotel staff. We used to do our laundry and stuff. We used to have to pay for our own laundry. You know, back in that tour, our wives, girlfriends, couldn't join us for the first six weeks. So they weren't allowed? They're not allowed. No. And you had to pay for them to come over. So what they used to do is, you know, your kids used to come out for like Christmas or before Christmas, or if they did come over, they had to stay in like Sydney while you'd tour it around.

21:52And we had to pay for them. So what they used to do is they find out which of the wives are not coming and families. Then they used to go and room together so we wouldn't have to pay for an extra room for them. That was it. and then when you had them over with airfares, you ended up coming home with no money for them. There was no wage at all. So they took it out of your wage? Oh, yeah, it was all that. It was part of that. Yeah. It was all right. I can remember you talking about Jeff Merrill. I mean, the first one that I went on with the boys, I can remember, you know, as you said, the senior players.

22:24I mean, these were all my heroes, you know what I mean? And I can remember we all went down to Jeff Merrill's one day. I don't know whether we all got on helicopters or limos or something And we've all gone down to Jeff Merrell's, and I'm a young fella and everything and all the boys, and we've arrived and there was like this table, it must have been about 30 foot, you know what I mean, with lobsters and wine and tears of seafood and everything like that. And I'm just sitting there wide-eyed, you know what I mean, I've never seen anything like it, and all the boys having a laugh and a joke and everything.

22:58And then David Gower, sort of like, he got given this bottle, big bottle of Dom Perignon or something like that, and someone's given him this sabre, this great big sword like that. I'm going, what the hell's going on here? And he's got it, and he's subraged. Is it subraged, when you get the sword and you knock the top off it like that, and he said, I now declare the afternoon well and truly open. I don't remember anything else for about the next three days. So I've just listened to this tour, so far we've had three warm-up games. Lost every one. Lost every one. And it's all been about getting sponsors, Bollinger and stuff like that.

23:40Who told you what time you had to be at the ground? No, Nicky Shurt. Nicky Shurt. We say the bus will be leaving at X amount. If you didn't make it, you got a cab. Listen, I'm the young boy in the tour. I know I'm not going to play. But luckily, obviously, we had tour games, which I think, oh well, if I can do well in this game, I can, you know. And luckily I'd played, the previous year I'd played Shield cricket for South Australia in their comp, and best six months first-class cricket away from test cricket I'd played. So I'd played on all of the, you know, the MCG, SCG, Brisbane, and that's what got me in that squad.

24:21So the night before that testing, having had a month in Australia, just basically, yeah, basically just going around partying. The big man, Beefy, got up and says, right, guys, that's it, the party is over. And he said, the party is over. Tomorrow, the real cricket begins. And that was it. That was the end of the team talk. That was the end of the team talk. We went out, you know. They were like, what Gladys is totally right. We never had a team talk. I mean, what they do, the team talk would be, we'll sit there, nothing was said. Never spoke about a bowler. There was no video of any batter or bowler.

24:55Where are we going to bowl? and then Gower would try to get the best wine served at dinner and that's what we used to do. So there was nothing, not in any of my pre-talks or pre-dinners before a game we talked about the opposition. What about, so you've lost every tour match, you've obviously had a parter for a few weeks and you've had this, right, let's get the tour started, play some cricket. Martin Johnson in The Telegraph, the headline was... Oh, yeah. ..Cart back, cart bowl, cart field. Team of Carts. LAUGHTER Can't do anything but drink. Did you guys take any notice of that? No. Well, he was right.

25:41LAUGHTER I think we said he was correct, so we thought we'd better prove him wrong. And that's when the beefy said that thing. He said, right, come on, let's start now. We're going to beat the Australians. Forget about it. Let's just tomorrow. And then Brodie got 100. Beefy got 100. Gower got 90. I got 50. And that was... So you win the first test. Oh, yeah, easy. Brisbane. Was it Perth or Perth? No, Brisbane. We went back to Brisbane. Having flown all the way around Australia. We've been around Australia. Yeah. You know, just making sure that we tasted all the fine wines. I'll tell you something, though.

26:20I'll tell you something. It's funny that later when I was on the tour with the boys, I never saw these guys nervous. Never saw them nervous. I was sitting there and I was sort of a young kid and everything and I got my debut and everything. I was going, oh, this is nervous. But then I looked around, never saw Al sort of worried about going out to bats. You know what I mean? Now, you see these other kids. When I then sort of started playing later on in life, You know, there was a lot of nerves and a lot of angst about representing your country and about having to go out and win and everything. And I think that that sort of sums it up.

26:58You know, well, we'll do this. The game starts tomorrow. But hold on, Lib. Cat, do you remember 1990 when I was captain? Yes. We had a team meeting and I said, Cat, you're not playing? Yeah. But don't go out and get pissed because you could be called up. Not even a problem. Right. So, anyway, Cat, straight over. Straight to the casino. Peter Lash and Mickey Stewart coming for breakfast. In comes Cat. Eight o 'clock in the morning. I don't know whether I've told you. And Al always gave me a very good bit of advice. He said, if you're going to come in early in the morning and there's a game on, he said, always go round the back.

27:38You know, don't come through the front, you know. What are you doing? And I can remember there was this really sort of like... It was in the Adelaide Hotel. Adelaide, actually. Yeah. And it was a really polished floor. You know, and I had me sort of posh shoes on with no grip on them. Like that. And I've sort of... I've looked at the time and it's about quarter to seven, you know. I'm going, oh, crikey, the boys are going to be coming down and having breakfast. Like that. So I've run through the lobby, like that, and there's the lifts there. And I've tried to take the corner. I've tried to take the corner.

28:13I don't know how to tell you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I've slipped like that and I've ended up in, like, the rubber plants. I'm on the floor like that and then all of a sudden I've heard this ding and it's the lift coming down and I've gone oh fuck what's that and we'd been sponsored by Reebok. We all had Reebok trainers and as I'm sort of like pulling myself up the doors opened and there were just three brand new pairs of Reebok trainers like that. And I've gone, oh, shit. And I've looked up and it's Mickey Stewart, Graham Gooch and Peter Luck. And you're in the... I'm in the barn. And they're coming down to breakfast, going to get on the coach to go to the ground.

29:00And he said, oh, my God. And it was funny, actually, because Al tried to look after me like that. And I think it was something like, you know, has anyone seen Toughers? and I think Al said, oh, I think he's run to the ground.

29:16He's run to the ground. Stick to Cricket is brought to you by Betfair. You go 1-0 up. Beefy. Come on, give us an insight into Beefy on that trip. So he's giving you that team chat, like the cricket starts now. And he went out and got 100 against Merv Hughes. He snapped Murview's making his debut in Brisbane. And he was on the rail. Brilliant innings. But Beef, I mean, listen, the best English cricketer all around that I've seen play. Total self-belief. That was what he got from Beefy. I'm going to take the wickets. I'm going to score the runs. You just come with me. We'll do it. And he dragged you along.

30:02That was his strength for me, was the self-belief he had in the game. But as soon as the game was done, he was just... I mean, my job, my role on that trip was to make sure... We were a sponsor of Gatorade in 86, was the drink, was the sports drink sponsor. But it wasn't the fancy bottles you were having there. We got a big box of powder. Mixed the powder. Electrolytes. Electrolytes, the sort of powder. And then we all got given a green, a litre and a half bottle. So my job was to mark, I was marking those bottles up individually and I got a tap on the shoulder. Look there, beef. He says, right, youngster, first things first, none of that shit in my bottle, pointing at the box of Gatorade.

30:48And then in the car he says, see the fridge over there? And there was this line that the fridge was just full of 4X. He says, that's what I'm having in my bottle. What, on the pitch? Yeah. He just says, right, he just starts off, he says. He just says, right, first things first. just you know drinks first drinks break just put you know two or three cans of lager topping it with lemonade anyway so so you ran out you ran out with the the drinks after the first hour you had 10 gatorade mixes in one large lager shandy didn't you put tequila in it didn't you do tequila rocket fuel yeah i mean it was just so that's that that was it was it wasn't that That was a warm-up game.

31:33He didn't do that in the Test match. To be fair to the most.

31:40We're Australia doing a similar thing around that time. Was it just the norm? The Aussies, obviously, Borda had just taken over, Captain, there were one or two young people like Geoff Marsh and Boone... Fat Cat, Richie. Greg Richie, Steve Wall was a young all-rounder coming through. Dean Jones, another young player. So they weren't obviously the powerhouse team that they become. And they themselves were under pressure from their media and their fans. They were on it. The old boys, people like Lily and Marsh and Ian Chappell, were always saying, oh, Borders is too pally with the likes of Garrow and Lamb and both of them.

32:20They were on Borders' back all the time. He changed for 89 when he came over here. He did change. He didn't speak to them, did he? Exactly. Exactly. Because we went to Perth and Gucci said, I'm going to go see AB because he was playing for Essex at the time. And he refused to see him. He said he was too busy. Really? And that was it. Simpson had said to border, no socialising with the England team. It was a change. When you won, though, at the end of every game, end of every day, sorry? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I know, no. Every during the we used to the fielding so the batting side used to go into the building side of each day and have a skinful I mean after every day oh every day every day the team's I didn't do that you've got a red card and you would did it was the 86 did you have rest days in those no no no no 82 83 was was rest days and they were fantastic everyone did church I mean And the other thing that happened in 86 was Christmas Day.

33:28Christmas Day was a big day on. Fancy dress. Fancy dress. So what used to happen, when we played the Vic, we played Victoria the month beforehand. So you put your hand in a bag, you got to choose a letter. The alphabet, the letter from the alphabet. So you didn't have to go down to some fancy dress shop in Melbourne to choose your outfit for what you're going to wear on Christmas Day. So we did that a few weeks before. Then you went, did the tour, got back to Melbourne, and then you went that morning to the Boxing Hill, Christmas Eve morning or evening, to get your fancy dress outfit. Then on Christmas Day, that night at 86, 10 o 'clock, the press threw a champagne breakfast.

34:09The press boys started a champagne breakfast, where you went down and you had a couple of hours of that. Then no practice, they'd go to the MCG. We'd already done that a month ago. so they need to go back there. And then so afterwards, after that, you went back and got into costume, into your, and my letter was Zed. Zed. Zorro. I went to Zorro. Zorro. Full cape and mask and all that sort of stuff. That he saw the bloody hat. And anyone, like the girl, by this stage, the girlfriends and family can join. So they had to come also in outfits. So she was one of my, she was one of my, one of the girls, one of my Zora girls, so she was in the full flamingo, you know, the old flamingo dress, the full outfit and stuff.

34:55Bloody wonderful. Then we go for lunch, big lunch, obviously on it. We had to stay in costume until six o 'clock because we were going to appear on the Noel Edmonds show and he wanted us to be in costume. So we couldn't go back to your room, we just kept drinking through the afternoon on Christmas Day so we could be there for Noel Edmonds. What was that show called? No, I was... Oh, jeez. Not Crinkly Bottom. Was it? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, Housewives of the party. Lobby was on that, wasn't it? Was it Blobby? Mr Blobby? Was it? OK, yeah. He got you, wasn't he? Yeah, he got you'd me. Did he? He got you'd you?

35:33He got you. Mr Blobby, didn't you? Yeah. What did he do? With a queen. I thought it was the queen. I got done like a kipper. That must be on YouTube somewhere. Yeah, that's on YouTube. What about this telephone that you do Dickie Bird and one of you going out to bat and you give... No, that was not in the ashes. No, that was in England, wasn't it? Yeah, that was... Dickie Bird's umpire. Yeah. That's much. You walk out to bat and give your phone to Dickie Bird. Yeah. Sorry, I've brought my phone out. Can you hang on to it? How big was it? I know that was big. Big. Big Eric. Yeah, that's big Eric.

36:13But Beefy made me take that because he had that horse guy, the gorilla, running at 12 o 'clock, or half past 12, I think, running. So we said to the openers, don't get out, just take the shine off the ball. We were playing in a one-day game. That's how it used to be. If the openers batted and got 30 after 15 overs, we were doing well. And then Gower went in and we told him to stay a bit longer, you're not the crease, don't get out straight. First ball, nix it. So now I'm not going to see the, listen to the race. We've all put money on. Beef, he says, take his phone with you and I'll give you a call and give you the result.

36:54I said, no, no, Beef, I'm not taking that phone now. He says, you are taking it out. And he followed me all the way down at Old Trafford and I had this massive great phone in my pocket. One of the antennas. Like it's sticking out. And off I walked out there and I got to the middle and I thought, what am I going to do with this phone? Dickie, come down here. I said, I've got a message for him. As he leant forward, I took out the phone and I dropped it in his pocket. You know those unbuzz in those big pockets? You remember those? Dropped it in, he nearly went home. I said, just take a message. There's a call coming.

37:27He got into such a panic. He was jumping around, fidgeting. Anyway, I took guard and he was there. You could see he was shaking. Something was going to happen. And as Waka Yunus just got in behind him, and the phone went off. Beefy had put it on to loud ring. And Dicky got such a bad shot, nearly decapitated him. And I looked up there, and the phone was still ringing, and I looked up, and there they're on the balcony, you know, absolutely pissing. So after the game, Dicky gets called in, and we think that's us, we're gone. Beefy says, we better dupe Dicky here, because he's gonna tell what's happened.

38:09And anyway, we go downstairs. You remember he had that jag? You remember that old jag he had? He jacked the jag. Put the bricks on it. Put it on blocks and that. We wrote to little me, dear Dickie, love, have a safe trip. Love, beefy and lamby. And off we went. And so Dickie went into the media to find a wasp. And he said, you know, it was such a hot day. He said that he had loosened his tie. And he said the wasp had flown down it. And that's what made him jump like us. So he didn't even drop us. He was so good. He was furious with us. And I think the next game I played, there was a close call for a leg before, you know, decision.

38:52I said, oh, Dick, you never get here. That's out now, piss off. So we play, they've just stopped playing at St. Helens, Swansea. They've just stopped playing. So I'm umpiring with Ray Julian. Oh, Raymond. He's coming down the steps, there's 90 steps in at number four, no thanks, Ray Julian shouts across to me, he says, Mr Lloyd, have you seen who's coming in now? I said, AJ Lam, I do believe Mr Julian. He said, absolutely right. He said, I'll bet I get him before you.

39:32We're moving on and how's that? The big appeal, eh? That's out. What did I tell you? So now it's lunchtime. So we're in the umpire's room. Yeah. The fellow were called Eddie, the attendant were called Eddie. God, the keys. So the bell rings and we hear this door go... We're now locked in. He's locked us in. He's got the key off Eddie. He's locked us in the room. He's got the Daily Telegraph and lit it and shoved it under the door. We're putting this thing out like this, and they've gone out and played for ten minutes with no umpires. We kept sound, didn't we? I think it was a little smoke bomb I put in there.

40:16Because when they let him out, I said, let him out after ten minutes. Next minute these umpires came running out, there's just smoke out of them. And they carried on with the game, and they're in it. It's like Louis Morris and them guys. I forgot about it. and the... The road is on the road. It's not on the road. First class cricket. All players on the road. Do you remember? No, we were also... There was games getting close, there was eight-man records down there, it was getting sort of five o 'clock and I said, Remond, we don't want to be caught in the traffic, do we? He says, you're right. I said, we'll get that finger up.

40:55Well, that's how. She gave a quick three decisions and we were on the car, missed the traffic. I mean, you said umpire with Sam Cook. Yeah, yeah, left arm spin, he'd lost it. Yeah, absolutely, he said, 1-0, Sam. 1-1, Raymond. I umpired with him again, Ray Julian, at Trent Briggs, saw Hadley and Rice, and he's a senior, I'm a junior. He said, Mr Lloyd, which end would you like to stand at today? I said, well, you're the senior man. I said, you decide. He said, I'll just have a word with Mr Hadley. I'll just pop upstairs and see which end he's balling from. I can feel a five for coming on. That's the right to move.

41:40Out, out, storm dead. Marginal, probably missing.

41:49Stick to Cricket is brought to you by Betfair. after that 86 there was it was um well John was it John was you had all the stars visit the dress yeah well yes that's right we had oh we after that we we had that one day you remember we had that one day at Sydney yeah yeah it's me 80 86 87 we have the one day and what we thought the The one days were brilliant because we only started at 2.30 in the afternoon, so we could give it a full night. So what happened? We were staying at Bandai, those apartments at Bandai Junction. So my missus' friend was a caterer, so we said we were going to have a party.

42:37And Jeff Merrill supplied the wines and Bollinger supplied the champagne, right? and we got, there was Tony Gregg, Richie Benno, Marshy, Dennis Lilly, Tomo, George Michael, Elton John. Oh no, no, we had everyone, everyone. And unfortunately, I think the lady who did the canapes put some funny stuff in it because everyone was off their tree. And this was the night before and we were on it anyway. came in the polling day and We I had to get that 18 off the last over hadn't scored it hadn't scored a boundary right up to till the last over and Daffy was batting with me and I said to Daffy this and he was Sleasinger too I went to start I said this Sleasinger this is crap this bat you better give me that bat I'm sure your bats better than mine Anyway, I hadn't hit the boundary and all of a sudden we got the runs and we won.

43:39So you swapped bats? We swapped bats It made no difference. I got Daffy's back. So anyway, we got the runs. And afterwards, we got interviewed by Tony Gregg. And Tony Gregg and Richie Bennett said, thank you for the party last night. And he said, we really enjoyed it. And he said, you played really well. I said, well, if you drink great wine and you drink Bollinger champagne RD, that's what happens. And the next minute, Bollinger was sold out. You couldn't get Bollinger in Australia. So they were absolutely... They were buying it back off us. Because Gower had done a deal with them. Gower had done a deal with them.

44:21It was unbelievable. And then when Peter May said, I can't believe this, why is all this wine following us around? He was... Was he chairman? Yeah, chairman. EJ, Elton was in Australia that summer in 86. He was touring with the Melbourne Philharmonic Orchestra. So he would do shows all over. But because he'd met the England boys in 82, 83 in New Zealand, a tour often referred as the Sex, Drugs and Rock and Roll tour, for some reasons. Allegedly. And so he'd got the new likes of Boatham, Lamb, Gower, Foxy Fowl, and these sorts of guys. So he just gravitated towards the England team. He's not a cricket fan.

45:02No, he liked football. But he just knew these guys. So he would just do a concert in Brisbane. and then if we were in Sydney, he would just got the private playing down to Sydney and come and party. So we're all on, we're all boxing there, test match. Graham Dilley bowling a few balls to Elton on the outfield at the MCG. Pulls his hamstring. Gats come down to do the top. All into Elton.

45:29In test match. He's a good player. Gats, you know, the MCG, you're down in the basement. I'm down there doing the drinks again, as was my role, and Gat come down to get his jumper to do it. Stoney says, stop mixing the drinks, you're playing, because Dill has just pulled a fetlock, bowling to EJ. I say, oh, OK, no problem. No problem, so sure enough, wins the toss. I'm in, I'm playing my first Ashes Test match. and Beef injured the previous week, he got injured fly fishing in Tasmania. He pulls an intercostal, as you do. And he's only 60 % fit. I mean, he's nowhere fit, but we were 1-0 up in the series, two tests to play, you ain't going to stop Beef from playing that test.

46:27He says, hey, call the doctor and just take whatever you want in me. I've had everything going around. anyway, so just get it in me. He plays, I am playing, the ball's moving around a bit. The first ball was a big wide down like started, I got the radar on, got it going. Got a couple of wickets and Beef comes on and then he gets someone, he gets Marshy, he makes for a hook, top edge, Jack Richards running back, catches him between, sort of running down towards, then he gets someone out caught on the third man boundary.

47:03I don't think one bowl deist won decent time. So he gets his fight. He gets his fight. We go on to win. We won the match. Yeah, but you bowled. You got five. He won the game for us. He's got five. You know, court, six, ball. Big thing you should get with courts all over. Everywhere, yeah. But we won the match on the third afternoon. The third afternoon, we won the match. Door of the dressing room, the MC dressing room's burst open. In comes Elton, into the room with champagne. He said, well played boys, good stuff. Have a good hair. So we started, that was like four o 'clock in the afternoon, we started on it again.

47:45And then by nine o 'clock, we're now in Beefy Street at the hotel. And by this stage, we're flying in now. Tired. And all of us, the door of Beefy Street burst open. And in comes Elton, followed by a load of waiters bringing more champagne, oysters, lobsters, a full trabecula. Comes in, he says, where's the party? You gotta have a party. You can't be like this. Oh, come on, we've been drinking for five hours now. He says, come on. He sees Beefy. Beefy's got, he bought this CD player in Singapore on the way out to Australia. Carried it around him. And it was half the size of this table. Daffy, the young, you just have to carry this thing around with him.

48:24And he had about three or four CDs, because CDs at the time was about 40, 45 quid a pop. So he only had about three or four CDs. Elton says, where's the music? Where's the music? You got to have music for a party. He said, well, is that it? Is that it? Three CDs? Sends his driver off to his hotel. Half an hour later, the driver comes back with three suitcases full of CDs. And Elton John, for the next, until early hours of the morning, he became, he was our DJ. So he became EJ the DJ. Oh, brilliant. Yeah, that was it. By the time we got to it, we went and played the Perth Challenge, the one day thing, which we went.

49:05We won the test match, 2-0 up with Wanda play, got to Perth for... That was called the America's Cup. America's Cup trophy. We won that quite easily. We won that as well. And then we won the other one, the one day... We won the triangular thing. The only games we lost were the pre-warm-ups. There you go. That's how you win. If the England side aren't listening to this, it's been the greatest way of winning down under. So, basically, you lose the warm-up games, you get smashed by the media before the first test... You get sponsored by Bollinger. ..you need a wine sponsor, a champagne sponsor, a whisky sponsor.

49:45You drink every night and then you win. Exactly. That's all you need to do. That's a blooper. That's a blooper. LAUGHTER But on a serious note, do you think they should be having a few more warm-up games? Because going straight in? Perhaps one or two, perhaps. What did you do when you went? We had three, but I think... Just talking to them recently, a few of the England lads recently, they were saying that we went there the last two times and the opposition of Australia just threw out terrible teams. They said we played one game and only one of them had a first-class experience. They're basically playing club size.

50:24They played two club size. And then we let them play all the counties, yeah. They're saying they want to control their things. The warm-up games that I played, they were like proper shield. Those days ago. Gnarly games. We did it completely the opposite to what they like. We won every game before we played and got beat 4-1. Then, you know, there were 13 Australians on the field too in those days. Absolutely. Oh, Phil, you had that experience. Tony Craft. Oh, and Peter McConnell. Peter McConnell. And what about the other, the guy from Brisbane? What's his name? He gave Dyson. Kraft-Crafted? Not Krafted.

51:04Clemens. What was his name? Clemens. So Simon Dyson. Simon Dyson was run out by two yards by Bob Willis, you know, through the stumps down. and we went absolutely mad. We said, this is ridiculous. So in the following morning, the Sydney Herald, there was a picture and there was no... No batter. No batter. The stumps were down. So I went to the umpire and I said to him, have a look at this. He said, yes, but he had already passed by. He said it already. He cheats. Stick to Cricket is brought to you by Betfair. Guys, we've finished with some community questions. I know we've had a great laugh, but the first one is, how do you rate this current team's chances in Australia?

51:56I think I rate them quite highly because I think on the batting front, I think we've probably got a better batting line-up. They edge us on the bowling, but if we can keep all our bowlers fit, I know we lack a spinner. I think the spinner is going to be quite vital. But Brisbane, I don't think it'll go three days there because that pink ball is going to go all over the place. Or it'll rain. But I think England could win, say, 3-1. Love that. Gladys, love that. It's going to be a great series. I think all the tests will be results. I think the last few years of watching cricket from Australia, the pitches are a little bit more spicier than they have been from our time of playing down there.

52:40So the bowlers quite rightly are going to play a huge part. So Wooden Archer, Muss, Muss, you've got the pace head. I like the look, I think Josh Tam, I think he's an Australian wicket, so I think he will be a handful. Yeah. I think we saw, I think our ball in essence, spinners, you know, they're not going to finish the Test match in Australia. So just so on to, and obviously the captain, he's vital. His bowling style, if he's fitting well, you know, he'll move the ball around more than anyone else in that series. So I think we've got an edge, so 3-2. I'll be down there with my travel guys. And Lammy, you'll be there.

53:18Yeah, we'll be there. But I'm planning golf on days four and five of each test. Are you with Jeremy Smith? No? Yeah, Jeremy, yes. Black Opal. Yeah, Black Opal guys. I've just come back. I was just in Malahy just the weekend. Oh, lovely. Did you get in Gibneys? Gibneys. Gibneys, Gibneys. It's lovely to go. And Lammy, yours is your own, isn't it? Yeah. And Associates, yeah? Yeah. Yeah. So how many are you taking down? We're taking... The main one is we're just doing Christmas and New Year, so we've got about 24. And will you have the Bollinger and the Wines? Well, yeah, we'll be in a box. Not sitting out in the stands anymore.

53:57I'm too old for that. Right, the last one. To win, we've all played in England's side, and it's all been geared around all-rounders. You know, we've got Flintoff in my time, Ben Stokes, Ian Botham. Not easy, I know, but you've got a rank of one to three. Oh. Jesus. Rank what? Three all-rounders, Stokes, Flintoff. Well, I've said just recently, I think Stokes is now England's best all-rounder. If you have a look at his record, it's better than Beefy's. And he's won games like Beefy. Have you told Beefy this? Yeah. It's not his face. It was in the Times I saw him the other day. I said, you know, Beef, if you had stayed fitter, no-one would have ever caught you.

54:41What do you mean? No, but have a look at the records. There's nothing to lie about. I think Beefy was brilliant, but I think Stokes has gone ahead of him. So you're going Stokes, Beef and Fred. Oh, yeah, definitely. Gladys? Beefy for me. If Beefy had stayed fit, I mean, this guy scored 14 test match hundreds. They're batsmen who don't get that many. So all around me is a guy who can get in the team as a batsman or a baller. And out of those three, at their best, Beefy's the guy who can do that. Have you seen Stokes' record? Oh, yes. The only thing about Beefy's fiefers, how many fiefers has Beefy's got?

55:20Yeah, yeah, yeah. 18 or something. When he was in his pump. When Jimmy went past Beefy's wickets, you know, saw his big thing that he's gone past 3-4-3. 3-8, 3-8. Yeah, so it's all congratulations and all that in the commentary box BP says how many hundreds has he got

55:43Lads brilliant. Thank you. Brilliant. That has been an entertaining show fabulous. Thank you

55:55Coffee in who's round is it?

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