The Funniest Moments of Season 2 on Stick to Football!

0:00Hi Pod fans, Max here. Barry's here too. Hello. And now the Premier League is back, Barry, meaning we'll be providing incredibly astute analysis three times a week wherever you get your podcasts. Barry, with the remaining 10 seconds of this advert, can you provide some astute analysis? I think Arsenal are going to win the Premier League. And there you are. For more hot takes like that, watch or listen to Football Weekly wherever you get your podcasts. A rug shouldn't just fit your room. It should make your home feel finished. Ernesta creates designer-quality rugs, custom-fit to the exact size of your space, so every room feels beautifully pulled together.

0:31Explore Ernesta's range of options, all ready to be custom-cut, finished, and delivered to your door in as little as two weeks. Start with five samples for just$10 and get$50 toward your rug when you order. Visit Ernesta.com today. That's E-R-N-E-S-T-A dot com. In a world where AI is changing every role in every industry, knowing who actually has deep expertise matters more than ever. Upwork connects you with the highly skilled freelance professionals with proven track records so you can hire with confidence. Upwork gives your business fast access to highly skilled specialists with deep expertise so you can fill critical skill gaps, launch projects faster, and scale support up or down without committing to full-time headcount.

1:16With Business Plus, you can access the top 1 % of talent on Upwork. AI-powered shortlisting delivers a curated shortlist of top freelancers matched to your goals in under six hours. No endless searching required. Thousands of growing businesses already trust Upwork to hire highly skilled freelance professionals for everything from one-off projects to ongoing support. It's free to sign up, and posting a job is easy. Visit Upwork.com right now and post your job for free. That is Upwork.com to connect with top talent ready to help your business grow. That's U-P-W-O-R-K dot com. Upwork dot com. So everyone asked.

1:54Roy's requested pink wafers. We're back in 1984. And what they call bourbon. Custard cream. Jam. Jammy Dodger. Ginger nut. Sorry, jammy Dodger there. Sorry, that way. And a ginger nut biscuit. How do you rank them? One to five. Do you know something? I mean, I love my nans. but that just reminds me so much of my nan. If you like a cup of tea, there's nothing wrong with that, though. I could do a full pack of custard creams dunked in tea. Have you ever dunked a custard cream in an English breakfast tea with milk in? Has anyone ever done that? Yeah. Unbelievable. Literally, just below your finger, get it below your finger and then go straight all in.

2:35Right, but I've moulded these now. Yeah, see, you'll be requesting them now. So you're living down there now, then, are you just renting a place? Yeah, just renting an apartment there, yeah. It's nice, isn't it? Give it back, Jill. Jill, don't do that. Just lay it to me, Jill. One touch. Have it. Cheers. You don't act like I care about the cameras and that. I don't care. The defender does that. Watch out, Roy. Roy, watch out. Jill. Can I have that ball? Can I have that ball, please? I need it for something in a bit. Bring all the sweets and treats out now. What big is this car? Huge. Is this my little...

3:18It's 1984. We said, Jammie Dodgers, Pink Wafers, Custard Creams, Bourbon and Gingerbread Man. I wasn't even born there. No, Gary Balder. Do you want a picture with your biscuits? Were you not born in 1984? No. Cheeky b****. Is this Torred Gray? You weren't born in 1984? When we were... Oh, my God. You didn't see 1984. What, neither of you? No. I'm going to be... Oh, no, you're not born. It's five. Yeah, I'm sorry, I was just... Hit them, win. What happened in 84? No, no, no, I'm not going to. What did we miss in 84? I know, what did we miss? My debut, Alice. I think Everton were all right in 84, weren't they?

3:5585, yeah. 84, 85. How old were you in 84? I was nine. Were you? Yeah. You look good for your age, to be honest. Thanks, Jill. I've seen you in your suit on the American TV. Thank you. You look so small. Jeez, Jill, you're right.

4:13I want to ban leaf blowers. Why have they got leaf blowers? That is him. What are they doing? Trouble. Seller! Shit.

4:27I want you to name your greatest ever Dutch 11. Was it a punch? No, it was a headbutt. Oh. It was a headbutt. Oh, was it? I like those tough, aggressive players. and they'd be in my side all day long. Came like this, you know, hey John, brilliant. And then from the other side of the pitch, hey O 'Neill. Every moment the kids came in, I said, ask them to run. And my mum went, okay. You didn't give her, you know what, you said, you're going to respect my club. It's such a powerful image.

5:05There was a bit like you said yesterday in the show that reminded us of you actually, seeing you getting older and everything just does your head in. Like what you're saying about the woman on the plane with the bangles. And I was like, everything. I can't, honestly. I'm like neurotic now. Like anything, noise. I'm at the window like that. I can hear anything. Like, what's that? Jane goes, I can't hear anything. I want to ban leaf blowers. Why have they got leaf blowers? That is him. What are they doing? They're blowing leaves into the street. where they're going to blow back.

5:41The last episode, he spoke about leaf blowers for about half an hour. Honestly, I want to go to the council. Can we ban leaf blowers? It's bad for the environment. It's noisy. It's pointless. Do you know what I think? I think that gardener is doing it. He can hear them. He's working. Because they're not doing anything. They're doing it when there's one leaf. Not a bit that annoys me. one does it and he blows the leaves down there and then the other guy, he's a gardener, blows them fucking back to where they were. They just keep doing it every day. What's up with the rake? Or if they're going to get a vacuum.

6:18Vacuum it up. But I mean, leaf blowers, noise, lateness, I can't stand lateness. Are you two brothers? It's rude, isn't it? Yeah, absolutely. If I'm there, if I'm made to meet someone, And also, when I arrange to meet someone at 10 o 'clock, I'm there at 20 to 10. Yeah. You're here today.

6:44I was meant to start at 10.30. Yes. Yeah. So there are times more important than yours. That's the way I look at it. When people are late constantly. Yeah. There are times more important than yours, and that's not good. I also think, how could you be late to meet me? LAUGHTER

7:06Who's the best player that you played with? I would put down to two, Mr Keane or Mr Robson. Very similar. I like those tough, aggressive players. They've been on my side all day long. And don't get me wrong, I've got a fair choice. Mike was a great goalkeeper. Scholes, he was an unbelievable footballer. Giggs, the longevity of what he achieved and all that. but Ryan Robbo was brilliant for four years I know I caught the end of his career but you could see why he was Mr Manchester United in the 80s you know what I mean I used to watch him box to box play he was a typical box to box player back in the day a bit like you Roy box to box ended up being a holding midfield player exactly leader captain encouraging people people clip around the air good stuff sorry Gary I wasn't expecting him to be in the top ten, Dennis, to be honest.

8:02That was brilliant. We had a great time. Terry, tell me a story about, you've told me before, about Xavi. That's a great story. That's why I asked you. I'm used to it. So we, at the time, I'm upset. I'm a bit upset because when you're the new one on the blog, people laughing and go at you more than the guy that won before which I understand but then what he does he does find you up so I always remember I'm with Samuel Eto 'o we're going up the stairs in the Camp Nou and I'm looking at you know the mesquite on club you know when you go like I'm talking to Samuel Eto 'o and I'm like mesquite on club come on man almost that more than a club yeah more than a club and I'm like come on man and Xavi was behind me I didn't see the words behind me he goes, oi, what did you say?

8:58So I looked. I said, what? Don't need to be so. He said, what did you say? Don't talk about my club like this. You never want anything here. You shut up, work. When you win something one day, you can talk about it, okay? I looked at him and at that moment, he was well-rapping his right for me to understand what he was because I actually didn't know what he was. Now I know what it is because obviously when I lost there, I won there. So I understood what that club meant and what it means. But this is why also the club is what the club is because Xavi passed it on to me at that moment. Although I won stuff, he didn't give a you-know-what.

9:39He said, you're going to respect my club regardless of who you are, winning or if not, shut up. I was like, whoa. I didn't say anything back and it's not very much like me to not have the last word. but I looked at him and I went I literally turned and I went sorry Was he the leader in that dressing room? I mean there were probably many but who But this is what I said with Barcelona they will all armour you with what the club is Who is that? Anyone that went to La Masia anyone that won For P.K. Anyone they will talk to you about it they will they will they will they will just that's how they think that's how they are they will pass it on because they believe in it, because they have a duty, they have a way of playing.

10:25You like it or you don't, that's how it is. They're proud of what they do, they're proud of the club. But it's nice to have people like that. I could have turned and go, who are you talking to? No, he's right. What would you have been if you hadn't been a cricketer? Dead. Hello and welcome to the Overlap Stick to Cricket brought to you by Betfair. I'll be joined by Alistair Cook, Sir Alistair Cook, David Lloyd and Phil Tufnell. The bloke's got at me. Hey, mate, has anyone ever told you you look like an old Phil Tufnell? We'll bring you analysis, reaction and interviews in what's going to be a huge year for cricket.

11:07Do you see Oli Pope strolling out at number three? Tuffers is more likely to get through his first 20 ball. I think that's a stack. No, that is a stack. That is a stack. Two players. Joe Roots, Virat Kohli. If he were playing outside our house, I'd shut the curtains. This kid has got something. Absolutely the greatest bowl of all time. Would you agree with that? No. No? No. There'll be stories from our playing days, we'll be answering all your questions, and we'll be having lots of fun along the way. Strawberries have been... Where's my coffee gone? No disrespect to Bashir. Like, Warner's one of the best ever.

11:41Bashir's not. You dropped Joe Rue. I did drop Joe Rue. Who did you put in instead of him, then? Gary Ballard. I'm going to say there are a few holes in this Indian batting line-up. There are a few holes in the bowling line-up. What's the score going to be? Do you get recognised down the abattoir? Do you know what, right? Do you know what? Do the sheep know who you are? Stick to cricket brought to you by Betfair. That was just a warm-up. That's not been recorded. I hope they have. See, you can have a croissant now. Are you hungry because your wife's been away? You've lost weight. I've lost weight.

12:18You have? You haven't, yeah. Have you been eating? What have you been cooking? I made something yesterday. Do you know, I haven't had for years. I had beans on toast yesterday. Beautiful. Oh, I love beans on toast. Oh, beautiful. I love beans on toast. I love it. Burnt toast. Did you just make... Yeah, it was a little bit. By accident. That was by accident. Yeah, but... Lovely. I like dark toast. Yeah, I like dark toast. The juice in the toast. Yeah. Did you jazz it up or did you put any kind of anything in it? Cheese. Cheese, yes. You got that? I tell you, if I make... Keep it simple. Beans on toast.

12:49That was lovely. Go on. If I made your beans on toast. What did you add to it? Oh, remember, you're a sheesh. If I... Father Ramsay here. Don't ever... I put a little bit of butter in the beans. I fry some onions. Put them in the beans. That's what they're in the beans. No, no, no. Put some butter in the beans. Let that melt in. Yeah, I've seen that. Sounds nice. Why would you put it on your toast? Huh? Onions. If you put onions... Beans. No, no, no. Fry the onions till they're just like... No. For the flight, honestly. I'm not joking. On beans on toast? No. I'd have cheese, but you put the cheese on, then the beans so that it melts.

13:21I'm talking to myself here, man. Do you put the cheese on top of the beans? Yeah, so it all melts, yeah. That's the Anfield flag. No, if you put it on and then it melts. Onions? Have you had anything like that? No, I've never had onions. Proper muzzy. Proper muzzy. Where's Kez at? Kez? Yeah? Come and read this for us, please. Did Phil write that? Say this in a local accent, can you? To Gary. Go on, say it in an aggressive local accent. Go on. Gary Neville, grow a proper muzzy or shave it off your scruff.

13:51Kieran, you've got something for us, I believe. What, so? We've had a fan write-in after last week, and they've got a surprise for you, Gary, so I'm just going to get it. Right. In the back. Wow. Don't mold your eyes. Why do you have a nice little bit? You know what it is? Oh. Oh. Is that the actual one? Yeah, is that the actual one? It's Kieran's one. Gary Neville, grow a proper muzzy. Oh, yes, girl. Is this a lot of it? Is this a lot of it? Is this a lot of it? I'm called Farley, man. Hey, give him a high five. Can I have to finish my house? You've got to have that for your house, gal. Gary Neville, grow a proper muzzy.

14:32That is brilliant. Where have you gone that from? Basically, someone wrote... Farley, who's a Liverpool fan, wrote in after he watched the show. It's in my garage, do you want... Girl, that is brilliant. I love it. I love that. Oh, I do like it. You should see what it says on the back. You can't turn that round. Nice one. That's brilliant. That is so good. Right. Scruff. So is that like 35 years old? I love the way that your scruff's the biggest writing, Bob, Gary. That's 25 years old, Matt. Have they gone like that, James? Yes. I'm not sure old. I put it up in my house, honestly. Your wife is not letting that in the house.

15:07She was. That's like... Don't worry. He's got a few homes. You know what that is? I thought you were going to say if you want. I've... Jill, you know what? That's art now. Yeah, exactly. Put that with your guitar and Noel Gallagher's guitar. Yeah. Has that gone up in value, Jill? I hope so. I think so. I seen that you got back and you were like, on the school run, I was thinking, God, a friend could have done you a favour. Straight on the school run, but was it important for you just to get back to... Yeah, I think the kids, it was a long time, and it's the longest time I've ever been away from them, but the morning I flew out, I went on the school run but everyone started arriving in Australia so people had seen it in the papers and stuff.

15:48So on that morning I went and I could see all the parents looking as if saying, isn't she meant to be going to that jungle? I literally dropped them, went straight to the airport and then went. But no, when I came back, it was so like teachers coming up that have never even looked at me before. Like, go on, how much weight have you lost? Go on, how is it? But no, it was good. And the kids, obviously the two younger ones were over there so they went back into school and they were like superstars all the kids were because families do watch it it's like there's no other things where what you're doing no one bats an eyelid but it was like they all were excited you absolutely smashed it you did man it's not easy but people don't realise he's still gone he's still too old no no no it's not easy honestly especially with your kids and you haven't been away from them it's a magnificent effort did you see because obviously Wayne's managing so did you see him as soon as you got back or was he away?

16:43No, he was off, it was Wednesday so he was off so he was there but when my mum and the kids came in I said, how's Plymouth doing? And my mum went, no, Kev And then my kids went, no, they're not You've got me for the... And shut up And my mum's going, shut up, shut up I was like, oh, I'll go through Yeah, they didn't show that on TV They didn't show that She was sad, when I come out She's like, that was the one thing. I was thinking, don't ask me. And it was the first thing you asked as well. Some of my earliest experiences of Brian Clough was that he had very little time for insulting referees or having a court referee.

17:22It's true. And does that come from sort of, obviously you played under him. Why did he get through to you, but didn't get through to Roy? Yeah, that was the one thing. Considering, you know, that he did preach that. He said that the referees were right regardless of what happened, you know? And I think he was done out of a decision or two in the semi-final of the European Cup when he was manager of Derby against Juventus. I think it was a bit of... Scaldoggery went on there. I think he's mentioned it since, but at the time I had to accept it. And that was part of him, believe it or not. He just said that the referees are right.

18:02He didn't want people arguing with referees and linesmen. And that continued throughout my time. I don't know whether it changed. Yeah, but listen, that was one of the nicer things about him. It wasn't all nice about him. Was he nice to you, Martin? Was he hell. Give me a rough time. Right from the start? Yeah, I got a pretty rough time, to tell you the truth. Actually, I've seen some of the videos back. I don't think I deserved it. so yeah I think it was you know the things that you when you step into management and you can learn something I never really headed the ball to you know and I realised as a manager the first thing I thought if the lads are it wasn't that I wasn't I wasn't a coward I can't say that I was maybe I certainly wasn't the bravest person has ever played the game, you know.

19:04You know, if there had been up over the parapet, I might have been about third last, you know. So, but overall, he wanted people, you know, to go and head the ball in the penalty box. And I used to think, well, that's what Larry Lloyd and Kenny Burns does. They can't bring it down. Like, I could do it. But I think those things affected him in his early stage and he couldn't get it out of his head. But in fairness to me, I'm saying this, I felt as if that I always had to prove him wrong rather than right. We had a great, great player called John Robertson, little John Winger, brilliant player, John.

19:44And John became, he didn't start off being like this here because Cloughy wasn't sure about him to begin with, but he became his favourite player. And John used to get the seal of approval, which we were all looking for. And the seal of approval came like this, you know. hey John brilliant like that there's just a little thing like this here fantastic and then from the other side of the page hey O 'Neill you know slight problem with that you know slight problem but when he did praise you and I and I know I can't say every single day was a poor day but it wasn't it was it was like like honestly you've just felt ten foot tall no question about it he got up too quick drop it too deep Yeah.

20:28Get out. That looked like a pin. Oh, Diaz is on the ball now. Why does he go back there? No. No, not there. Over. Over. Trouble. Trouble. Trouble. Trouble. Salah. Cheers.

20:50Give him what he wants. Give him what he wants. Give him what he wants. Give him what he wants.

21:01Give him what he wants. Offside. Offside. Offside. Oh, no, me stickers come out. Oh, God, that's... What a finish. That is a good finish. It's a good finish. Oh, my God. This is fresh touch, right? He looks f***ed. Touch, bang, swivel. To the legs. You know something? That's what you need. You see? Look, to the legs. This is what you need when you are... When you're going to try and win the league. Come on! Somebody just comes to life like that. Yes!

21:33Hi, Pod fans. Max Rushton here from the chart-topping Guardian Football Weekly Podcast. Very much to crow. If you enjoyed the World Cup with us, you'll be glad to know we're back for the new Premier League season. Expect three episodes a week, questionable predictions, and the biggest stories in soccer from the Premier League to the Champions League and beyond. Watch now on YouTube or listen wherever you get your podcasts. Finding the right size rug can be hard. Enter Ernesta. Designer-quality, custom-sized rugs cut to the exact size of your room and delivered in as little as two weeks. Not sure of the size or the material?

22:04Start with five samples for just$10 today to see them in your own light and match to your decor. Plus, get$50 toward any rug of your choice. Visit Ernesta.com today. That's E-R-N-E-S-T-A dot com. In a world where AI is changing every role in every industry, knowing who actually has deep expertise matters more than ever. Upwork connects you with the highly skilled freelance professionals with proven track records, so you can hire with confidence. Upwork gives your business fast access to highly skilled specialists with deep expertise, so you can fill critical skill gaps, launch projects faster, and scale support up or down without committing to full-time headcount.

22:44With Business Plus, you can access the top 1 % of talent on Upwork. AI-powered shortlisting delivers a curated shortlist of top freelancers matched to your goals in under six hours. No endless searching required. Thousands of growing businesses already trust Upwork to hire highly skilled freelance professionals for everything from one-off projects to ongoing support. It's free to sign up and posting a job is easy. Visit Upwork.com right now and post your job for free. That is Upwork.com to connect with top talent ready to help your business grow. That's U-P-W-O-R-K dot com. Upwork dot com. What would you have been if you hadn't have been a cricketer?

23:25Dead. Hello and welcome to the Overlap Stick to Cricket brought to you by Betfair. I'll be joined by Alistair Cook, Sir Alistair Cook, David Lloyd and Phil Tuthnell. Do you see Olly Pope strolling out at number three? Tuthers is more likely to get through his first 20 balls. I think that's a stack. No, that is a step. That is a step. We'll bring you analysis, reaction and interviews in what's going to be a huge year for cricket. Two players, Joe Root, Virat Kohli. If you were playing outside our house, I'd shut the curtains. There'll be stories from our playing days, we'll be answering all your questions and we'll be having lots of fun along the way.

24:04Do you get recognised down the abattoir? Do you know what, right? The boomer's going to be crucial. Absolutely the greatest bowl of all time. Would you agree with that? No. No? No. Stick to cricket brought to you by Betfair.

24:23There are ten cities to have played in the Premier League. Ten cities. How many do you think you can name in 60 seconds? Us. How much do you want to bid? It's fucking easy. Ten? No, we're talking about clubs with city in their name. Oh, with city in a name. Oh, city in a name. I thought you meant like Okay, we'll go six Six With their city Seven Seven Oh, yes Oh, nice Now I'm feeling this game Go eight Eight Have we got eight? We've got a minute We'll go eight They've gone eight They've played in the Premier League Yes Sorry, too

25:05I don't get it I don't even know if we have got a shut up Gary 60 seconds get ready to give the 6 seconds go Bradford City Man City Leicester City Norwich City Norwich City no Norwich yes are you on 3 the clock the clock is ticking 9 points for us 26 we could still talk Birmingham City. Birmingham is correct. Four. Oh, my God. Five more. Celtic. You've got three more. Cardiff City. No. Yes. You've already said Cardiff City. No, we haven't. Celtic. No, you haven't. That's six. Swansea City. Swansea City, yes. You've only got one more. Seven. Seven. No, it's seven. You need eight. Yeah, they've got to get the other one now, so they've got to name the one that's missing.

26:04Oh, no. No, it's seven. You said you've got to get to eight. Coventry City Coventry City Coventry City is the right answer Get in there Is that all eight? Yes You did it We definitely said eight Read them out The ones we said You named Birmingham, Bradford, Cardiff Coventry, Norwich, Leicester Swansea Leicester, Manchester Norwich and Swansea The only one you forgot, two you forgot, were Hull City and Stoke City. You got that at 59 seconds. Brilliant. Oh, wow. It was a last second winner. Yeah, but you took ages to start a thing. Better late than never. You're good at keeping calm, though, aren't you?

26:51Wow. You were so calm. While everything's going manic around. It was amazing. There's something going wrong. I don't know what it is. Scalzi. Everybody was just... We're willing. Next question. There's something wrong with the energy. My energy's not right. You're right. There's something wrong with the energy. Gary's really annoying me. But I think there's a lot to learn from Scolese. Because everybody was panicking. And he was just... I heard him. He was just sitting there going... Nobbit. Nobbit. Nobbit. Nobbit. Nobbit. Coventry City! Duncan, one of the best sections we ever did on this programme was Roy denying that he got 13 red cards.

27:28He said, I never got something off that time. So we had to basically list every single one of his 13 red cards. The funniest one was when he said, yeah, it was in Y. So he had seven Premier League red cards. Seven. How many Premier League red cards did you have? Eight. You're top, aren't you? Eight. Congratulations. Congratulations. You need to be top of the red cards. Eight I got here. I've only played about 30 games, I think. I was injured all the time, wasn't I? So, Duncan, you need to take us through. Do you remember every single one of your red cards? So your first one was where?

28:07And who again? Struggling. Can you remember? I'm trying to remember. You grabbed some, do you? I can't remember. I can remember, obviously, the red card sequence. I'm not sure. What was the first one? The first one was in 1995. Obviously, you may... Why are we starting on such a negative note? Because he mentioned about red cards. I thought, well, let's start there. Or discipline. Mentioned discipline, didn't he? He mentioned discipline. We're older now. wiser so we can reflect Ian. Yeah. I can't remember the first one, Gary. So it was 1995. Did you get some Queen Scotland as well? Yeah. I've got a couple up there.

28:43I actually got a 12-game ban up there for something. What was that for? That was the thing in Ibox, wasn't it? Was it a headbutt? No. It wasn't a headbutt, no. Oh, OK. I was just guessing. You were like that. I only grazed him warm. In my defence, I only grazed the guy. That's what I said to Nicole. I only grazed him. Was it a punch? No, it was a headbutt. It was a headbutt. Oh, was it? LAUGHTER It was a headbutt. Was it a proper headbutt? No. It was a little... It was a graze. A graze. Fortunately, I got a 12-game band and three months in prison at the same time. Three months in prison? Yeah.

29:21Wow. Oh, wow. Jesus, don't. Just go back to the red cards, please. OK. That's maybe why we missed out Scotland. No, so first red card was Arsenal. Against Everton, 13th January 1995. Apparently, you lost your temper with...

29:42Minfield player. John Jensen. Yes. Johnny Jensen. Yes, I pushed him and he screamed to the ground. I remember I pushed him and he fell over. And the referee had his back turned and he turned and gave me a red card. He was running up going, red, red, red. No, I wasn't doing that. It's red, it's red. I wouldn't do that. The word here, it doesn't say push to the ground, it says floored. would it a push or a floored it's a push it shouldn't have been red cabbie no way honestly it's very similar to how Roy's went actually like a similar start we have the same legal team I was victimised the second one was a couple of months later in fact six weeks later if I come back for the ban it was against Leicester City do you remember it at Leicester yeah that would have been Philbert Street then as well wouldn't it yeah I do it was an elbow and a centre-back and again it was accidental We're not judging Do you think the reputation of that because like you said like you said with John Jensen you said with John Jensen that he heard the scream and he just turned around and gave it to you Do you think that the referees without even looking they've just spanned straight in Absolutely On this one you've jumped up and you've given it to who?

30:57Which centre-half? It doesn't say I think it was a scoosh card I can't remember It doesn't say who it was actually on this one. So should that have been a red? No, I didn't actually do that. You just went up leading. It wasn't swinging out. It wasn't swinging out. You just went leading. Like normally. That's that. OK, the third one. Third one at the start of the next season. That's what you're running in there. The third one was the start of next season against Blackburn Rovers the 21st of December. Yeah. It was... What day, Gary? It was the 21st of September. September, sorry. Yeah, it was...

31:30you want Christmas off normally we're in the bit entry we're sent off in the bit entry you know what I mean what was this one for Duncan that was for nothing violent at all that was I was singing I was singing yeah it must have been a bad song I was singing on the pitch to the referee who was receding at the time and I was singing like you know it was David Ellery I was singing who's a who's a baldy bastard who's a baldy bastard na na na na I can't even believe I said that I can't even believe I said na na na na It was obviously easy to do

32:12That's what I was singing but I was singing it all over the pitch and there was quite a few people who had me here were all looking and going you singing at me and Tim Sherwood come running up Tim Sherwood come up he looked like Tarzan at the time he's talking to me ref you know he's talking to me Tim had hair away down to his shoulders you know the referee gave me a red card for singing who's a bald guy obviously you weren't happy with his decisions or the way he was refereeing the game at the time no I don't know I can't remember yeah probably I can't really remember obviously he's done so many but it was his fault and he was bald yes it's not like you're tilling life I don't think the second thing was right you know what I mean but he was bold Roy what about the Madison celebration where he good on him yeah absolutely no problem I still go to what I said I don't think he does enough of that but when he scores I was at home with my cup of tea and I went good on you no problem if people have a go you answer them you should get a bond I was hoping he was going to do the same the other day but he was sub against Zip Switch I knew it's you James is now monitoring your every move just go

33:29Just do your stuff, James, because you can't really. But you've got an assist against Sipswich to be first. Exactly. He'll do something like that. You know what's going on in this game? Bruno's going to score the winner? Yeah. He's going to get a hat-trick. When Bruno sees this one, you're going to... I like Bruno. Of course you like Bruno. We all like Bruno. He's a talented player, but talent's not enough. Rude, I've just thought of another thing. I want you to name your greatest ever Dutch XI. I want you to do that now for me, because I'm just thinking, All the players, Van Nistelrooy, Van Persie, Clive.

33:57Right now. Virgil. Which goalkeeper would you have? So, go on, who's the goalkeeper? Van der Sar. Van der Sar in goal. Van der Sar in goal. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Van der Sar. Because he was good with his feet. Also, left, right. Yes. No, but he annoys me. Okay, then... Right back. Everyone annoys you. Not everyone, did you? Right back. Can I start first in the middle? Yes. Okay, Koeman and... Rudy Crow? I do Frank Reichardt. because... Yap Stam, Virgil van Dijk. Yes, but I need to do this. You ask me. It's his team. It's his team. I'm giving you the options. Yap Stam, Virgil van Dijk. He's on Koeman and Rijkaard at the back.

34:36Koeman won Champions League. Sorry. Yeah. Rijkaard won two. Sorry. Good night. Is there something else to add? Is there something else to add? Left back. Wait a minute for that. OK. Because I'm not so involved in the left and right backs. Midfield. I will go, I think, Davids. Oh, Davids. I need it. Sadov? I love David Davids. Sadov. Come on. Not being recognised as one of the greatest players in Holland. Can you imagine? But he needs to be in there. Or a minute or else. Playing midfield, oh, it's so difficult. I like Koukou. I like Koukou as well. When you move Frank Reichardt forward to midfield.

35:19Yes, he could be. Put yourself in there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You want Van Dijk in there or whatever. No, no. No, no, no. Because they played in the national team. Okay. Then up front, of course, from Basner. I think the other one, no, as a striker. Best striker we have. But it's also for Nisroi. It was one of the best also. Yes, yes. I used to like Johnny Rep when I was younger. Look, then you have, it's very difficult. You have on the right wing, you have... Robin? I think Robin, yes. He has to be in there. Over Mars. I won't put myself in there. You're in. You're in. Cruyff's got to be left. Cruyff?

36:00Where's Cruyff? You forgot Cruyff. For Cruyff... You already are. Cruyff loves to play from the left side. Okay, Cruyff on the left. On the left. Robin on the right. Yes. Van Nistelrooy and Van Basten up front. No, no, no. Then you have to play 4-4-2. You can't play 4-4-3. What about Dennis? No Dennis Burkett. That's his whole gripe. No, no, Dennis Bergkamp, no. Oh. I've got to go. Obviously, I've got to go. No, no, no. Because he had a seven. And then he got that up front. No, come on. If you have Van Basten up front. No, Overmars, absolutely not even. Overmars, also good. Could be on the bench.

36:37For sure. For sure, yeah. Come on. You have to. But it's a difficult choice. I think for me, for instance, We won in 88, we won it. But I think the team that played in France was the best national team we had. We had, the width of the team were all great players. All of them were great. And they lost on penalties or something like that. To Virgil. Semi-final or something, yeah. And I think that that was the best team we had. And yeah, we had some good players. I, yeah, I think that then that was the opportunity. Because also from Persie, you have also the Himmer. Also. Difficult. Such good players.

37:19Yeah, Cliver. Cliver as well. Come on, it's difficult. Just play with no fullbacks. Just whack them all up. It's a difficult choice to make, I think. But Frank from Boston and I and Cruyff has to be in. Especially Johan. He's captain. David was such a good player. But look, the thing is that some players you need, they are the ones who make the midfield going like him. If you ask me about a team, I would pick him also because I need a player like that. I can't do without it. It's something that is important for the balance of your team. I think that Galacticos has proved that you can't play with all good players.

38:12you can't players don't make a great team do they no you have to have players who make the balance of your team and sometimes there's somebody there in midfield like I said when Frank Reichert came in midfield that was the key factor to be as strong as we were that is the thing it's not from Boston or I or Maldini no that is the jigsaw in the middle when you try to find somebody who can keep the ball can direct also other players be a leader as well so therefore that is always what I look at. If I build a team normally I build a team you ask me right back now I build always from the back always the spine the whole spine that's first.

38:52But you have got to have a full back in your team Rudy. Yes I know I know but they are the runners they are the runners he makes them run go up and forth back and forth What's Van Basten doing now? Van Basten is doing yeah with me also we have a program in Holland Oh do you? Yeah it's called Rondo we do that on Monday and we talk about football. I manage against him. When he pre-season against Dierks, cool guy in here, nice guy. He's a good guy. I love him to bits. I've been all my life with him. So we still do a program together. He doesn't want to be coach also. Frank Raggett also, no coach anymore.

39:29They are fed up with it. Marco knew it all himself. He quitted himself. He said, look, this is not for me. Because Marco, if you are here and you have to coach players who are here, it's difficult. They get nervous of you and he gets nervous of them because he... They can't do it. No, they can't do it. I've been with one player that I think that that's my biggest failure. And he played also in England. Hossam Ghali. Played for Spurs also. Was an Egyptian player. He played for me with Fionnard. And he had everything. He was strong, good jump, good technique, passing, everything. But always wanted to do a trick between his legs somewhere.

40:17He hits, that's it. Losing the ball in the middle of the pitch. This can't happen. I said, you can't do it. You have to play a little more, you know, easier. You need to save sometimes. Oh, no, save is for other players. I said, no, you can't. I said, how can I change this guy? So I let him follow a camera for all the game. Follow him. Next day, I called him and his manager in my office. I said, look, we're going to watch you. After 10 minutes, he said, yeah, yeah, yeah, I can't see it anymore. I said, you 10 minutes? I have to see 19 minutes of you. I said, and you don't do it all bad. No, you do a lot of good things as well.

40:59But you can't do these things. I said, please, can you do it for me? Can you? His manager, you see, he wants you. Can you do it? Come on. Didn't do it. Then I saw him 10 years later. I saw him in a hotel in London, kicked out of every team. And I said, oh, so, and? Ah, yeah, sorry. My character. So can you imagine that you have everything, but you don't have the mentality? I was playing the charity game at the weekend, and Marlon Harewood absolutely smashed us. He's a big guy. Yeah, he was a big old thing on Marlon. I said, no, you have to. And what was the game like? Right,

41:43you can't say that. No, no, what was the game like? No, it's true, it's true. What was the game like? Nice, nice, nice. What happened? Please keep running. That's a step too far, isn't it? What was the score on the game? Do you know that? It's such a powerful image.

42:09He's a big guy. Gary, you're... I can't... I can't see it. I can't see it. I think this is our last short one. Thanks for tuning in. This is so much killing me. Oh, my God. What was the score I mean in the game? Er, six, seven. You should try to bring it round. Roy's trying to save it. Six, nine. Six, nine. Six, seven. Six, nine.

42:47I can't unsee it. I can't unsee it and it's me. Well, I couldn't see it till he said unsee it. Now I can see it. Now I can see it. Oh, God. That's a lovely conclusion. Hi, I'm Max Rushton, the host of The Guardian Football Weekly, alongside me, Barry Glendening, my co-host. Hey, Barry. Hello. Now, although every American found us during the World Cup, for the two that didn't, what can they expect? Found us and fell in love with us, Max. They can expect three episodes each week of occasionally insightful analysis covering the Premier League, Champions League and beyond. Football Weekly is back.

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