Danny Dyer

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1:28It's my son's birthday today. Yeah. So I thought I'd not only cook a pancake because it's also Shrove Tuesday. Yeah, are we having pancakes later? Have you done the batter? No, because I've been cooking bloody focaccia now. Okay, darling. Now listen, the guest that we've got on today could swear more than me. I think it's going to be a close call today. he's well-eyed when Elizabeth Day had him on her podcast she had to do a warning at the beginning so I mean listen darling we've got explicit on our warning already because of you so it's fine I guess if you're offended don't listen has Alice got your bleep on her?

2:09I don't think there's he was at the Brits at the weekend I didn't hear what he said watching a silent movie when Danny Dyer was on because they had to kind of silence it all. Very interested to see what he said, actually. I'm really excited about having Danny Dyer on. He's a national treasure. He's been working in the business for 30 years. Harold Pinter's Muse, mum. I know. He's worked with all the greats. Helen Mirren, Mark Rylance, David Tennant in Rivals. And I feel like he is having a fabulous time at the moment. And, oh, he's also royal, as everyone knows, if you haven't watched the who do you think you are um it was darling was he royal or aristocratic because thomas cromwell was a king but thomas cromwell was a rebel he's related to thomas no he's related to the king as well you sure yes okay he's related to both of them okay he talked about how he really rated thomas cromwell because he made sure that his son was married off to um jane seymour's sister so henry couldn't do anything about killing him so basically he's here because Thomas Cromwell was quite crafty as we all know but yeah it was probably one of the best who do you think you are because because I think he discovered so much about himself he didn't know yeah he's a boy from East London working house canning town yeah uh working class hero wanted to be an actor first in his family was brought up by his mum um I think his his mum and dad split up when he was quite young.

3:43And also his daughter, Danny Dyer, won, I think it was 2019 or 2018. Love Island. Also married to Jared Bowen. Yeah, which he's thrilled about because he's a Hammers fan. Big, big. What do they call the Hammers? The Hammers. No, there was a word he used, come on, something or other. Well, you can talk to Danny about football. He's coming on because his new film with Nick Love, who he made Football Factory with, The Business. He's made loads of films with him. He's done Marching Powder with him and it's a reunion of sorts because they haven't worked together for a while. And that was kind of how, I guess, we all discovered him through these films, these quite seminal films.

4:22Oh, I thought it was EastEnders. But that was much later. So, yeah, we're going to be talking about everything. He also talks about liking a prawn cocktail on the red carpet on the Brits. Oh. So just to kind of add it in. We've actually got a starter today. I know, just for Danny Dye. And a main and a pud. I've been on starter in main, so we've got a prawn cocktail with pre-made Marie Rose sauce because... Jessie, it's so easy. I don't care, Mum. I was looking at focaccia. A splotch of ketchup in mayonnaise. So sue me, Lenny. Okay, darling. I've done homemade focaccia. I know you're showing off.

4:57I think that's the fourth time I've said it. Because you're showing off. Did you make that focaccia? I actually did, yeah. Really? I actually have a starter in my fridge. Oh, that focaccia looks homemade. Yeah, it is. I just made it. Actually, I've been slaving away at it for two days. I've kind of made the whole meal around the focaccia. We never do pasta, so I've decided to change that. Don't overcook it. That's all I can say. Don't get involved. Al dente, darling. I won't get involved. I've done Henry Freestone, who is a local chef who used to work at Peck and Sellers, now has his own restaurant called Wilson's in Ladywell.

5:32and I've been playing around with the mob app and just trying new recipes and he has a sausage and fennel seed pappardelli pasta recipe on there which just, it tastes really good. Have you had it before? No, but I've just tasted the sausage. You can't go wrong with the sausage, can you, darling? No. No. So, but it did make, that could be Danny, but it did make me laugh when I said that I was going to do a sausage and tomato pappardelli. What did you say? I said he'll think that's a bit woke no she went darling he's really anti-woke and I don't and I said I don't think a pappardelle sausage pasta is woke you might have preferred mashed potato but let's see so today we have two um incredibly generous wonderful people who bid to sit in on the podcast it was at a Marie Curie lunch where we didn't think anybody would probably bid um so generously to come and listen and sit in on a podcast um but it was all to raise money for Marie Curie and we're thrilled to have you here today and Carod and Kasia who are sitting here and will be trying some of my homemade focaccia um are you going to serve the focaccia with the prawn cocktail well I don't do they have prawn cocktail in Italy I don't know but I don't have other bread to serve with it.

6:54Okay, just give them a bit. Should I do that? And then we can have more with the... And then I've just done that green salad that I'm just going to put lemon and olive oil. And then what have you done for Pud? I've made a homemade Bakewell tart and I made the jam myself with cherries and some raspberries. And I've got some custard which we can heat up or cream. Great. Danny Dyer coming up on table now.

7:27I'm worried about who's going to outswear. Jesse uses profanity all the time. Well, I've been doing live radio a lot, so I'm sort of very controlled. Are you being good? Oh, good. I've got an end of it to retz about me, so I don't know what this vibe is. Well, you weren't on live TV. Yeah. I mean, it was like watching a silent movie, Danny Dyer at the Brits. Oh, yeah, well, yeah. Were you a bit drunk? Was everyone a bit drunk? I did a few, but not really. No, they muted me early because they gave me an award to present to someone that wasn't there. So I said, and so-and-so can't be fucked to be here tonight.

7:59Okay. And here's a video. And they started to mute me then. I didn't know this. Okay, okay. Well, it wasn't being disrespectful. I was just going, well, she can't be fucked to be here. So no one really says that, though. It's just a bit rude. It's meant to be the Brits. It's meant to be a little bit edgy. I know. It's all a bit safe. It's so sad. And you came with a lady. But I didn't know I was being muted early. So then I thought, I don't know why they came to the table. What did they expect? But then you had a lady sitting next to you with a horse. Horse girl, the DJ. Oh, is that her? German DJ, yeah.

8:22Yes, quite a big deal. Did you know her? No, no. I mean, it's weird a bit. She's been a few times. Could she talk? Yeah, she can talk, but she couldn't eat. So she just had a straw that went through her mouth, which I found quite odd. Is that how she looks all the time? When she's performing? I don't know if she goes to bed like that, or maybe she does. Do you think she had a protein shake or something? Everyone was really freaked out about this horse, weren't they? I thought it was really odd. Because it was next to me, maybe. it was an odd maybe I thought you were going to ride her well no I'm not the night as young the night as young I was very young yeah yeah yeah no she was fascinating I was like okay well horse there you know did she chat a bit not much can you speak German no who me I can barely speak English I'm German should we talk about the fact that well you talked about prawn cocktail at the yeah so I've decided to add a prawn cocktail into our wonderful is that okay because I know that you do.

9:16Absolutely. Listen, I'm a guest in your gaff. So whatever you put in front of me, I'll be respectful. You're not a fussy eater, are you? No, no, no. I do eat a lot of shit. That's the truth. So what did you have for dinner last night? But I do like nice food as well. What did you have for dinner last night? I had two hot dogs that I made. Big sausage. Mind you, the buns I bought were too small for the sausage. But that's better. I think that is. So yeah, I had a lot of sausage hanging out of the bun. That's precious. And while I was doing my sausages, I'd done some onions with it. Oh, onions. Laced it with like English mustard of sauce and I just gauzed on two hot dogs and that was it.

9:48Where had you been? Why were you eating? I've been doing press promotion all day running around. I just wanted a couple of hot dogs. I know that one. What kind of sausage? It was a big sausage. It was a big lamb. And I don't like the other ones, the sort of the German ones. Not for me. I want a proper big semi-Cumberland. But obviously you couldn't get a Cumberland sausage in a bun. So they were big, straight and lovely sausages and they went down so well. I don't know if this is good or bad but I've made sausage pasta but you had sausages last night is that okay? you've got posh sausage I just got them from the local butcher you take it all out of the thing yes that's what I'm saying I'm sure it's going to be beautiful okay fine but it's a lot of sausage and I'm very grateful for sausage I don't think you can ever eat too much sausage and that's the truth so let's start at the beginning We're all the same.

10:45When was the last time you ate a sausage, Mum? Oh. Actually, I... Quite recent then, by the same. Yesterday, I've got these... This is not pork... Yesterday you ate a sausage. This is not pork sausage. You know, they're fantastic. A non-kosher... A kosher sausage. This is not... No, you know the one that says this is not baking? This, yeah. It's called this, and this is not pork sausage. And it tastes exactly like you think a pork sausage would taste. What is it? It's... Satan. vegetarian or something. Vegetarian. Yeah. I'm going to just get on with the prawn cocktail whilst mum asks. Will you just put that tart in the oven if it's off?

11:24Yeah, but it's quite hot in there. Is it still hot? Okay. I made a bake. Jessie made this. I love that you noticed. Of course I did. It's incredible. I made home make for ketchup. Of course you have. Of course I have. Yes. I'm really appreciating it. She's really showing off today, Danny. Yeah, she should be. That's a beautiful place of work. So you're here to talk about your film Yes Which I watched Did you watch it? Did you get a link? I got a link Did you watch it on your blower? No, I watched it on my iPad Which was a bit better than my phone But I wanted, if I was clever I'd be able to mirror it onto my telly But I didn't know how to do that I just got to search for it I know what you do But I couldn't do it I watched it on my iPad Be straight with me.

12:09I know this is a silly question for me to ask. Well, I was slightly shocked. Go on. I'm not a fan of the C word, Danny. Oh, okay. Well, then it certainly is not good for you. And I think that Jesse loves all of that. But the opening sequence slightly shocked me when the little babies in the... Well, we're straight in. You were straight in. It's important to set the tone. Yeah, set the tone. Well, when that happened, I thought, crikey O 'Reilly. This is your worst nightmare then, this film, isn't it? No, it wasn't my worst nightmare. It was your worst nightmare. It was shocking. But I've never seen the, is it the Football Factory?

12:46Don't watch the Football Factory, please. Okay, all right. Do you think I shouldn't? You'll be traumatised for the rest of your life. I think she'd like the business, though. Well, the business is slightly... She like the film Goodfellas? Yeah. It's like the Cockney Goodfellas. Oh, okay. It's a bit sexy, but I think there is the C word in it. I think for me, it's about intent. Do you use the C word all the time anyway? I was brought up by very strong women that used the C word. Oh, really? Very strong matriarchs. Not in an aggressive way. It's just coming from a very East London working class, council estate background.

13:20That word is used quite a lot. Yeah. And especially by women. Not all women. I'm not labelling all women that say it. It was only later on in life when I started to mix in certain circles that I realised, oh, we don't say that word. Okay. But, you know, so I was used to that word, you know, from a young age yeah as a term of endearment by the way does your little boy say it your son no he doesn't if he said it at home in front of you but he's in the film I know in the film he does but if he said F word and the C word oh no he'd get him upside the head would he yeah I mean he's 11 so which is a bit hypocritical really because you know I do swear a lot and so does my missus but no I don't want him yet swearing I do hear him sometimes when he's on his playstations F 'ing and blinding and that does wind me up slightly but then I go I can't really can't really get on my eye No, you can't really.

14:06But no, I don't think it's right in kids. I think that's what I love. Oh, wow. It's just so simple, but it's a beautiful bit of work. Do we need extra forks, darling? Yes. Spoons, yeah. Oh, you can't use that fork? You can. You can do whatever you like. You've got a special fork for your prawn cocktail? No, it's just that we'll need another one when she does the pasta. Okay. Well, please save me on the washing. Oh, can I crack on with this fork? Yeah, do it. And I love it. Do you know what? I do this sometimes. I learn this. A bit of paprika, is it on the top? Yeah, well, that's why I did it. This is what I'm saying.

14:36Sorry, can we just have a moment to try the focaccia before we talk about, you know, just let me know. Oh, my goodness. And I'll look at it, it's so like... Do you smell your food a lot, Danny? I do not just sniff food, yeah. I feel that... Actually, look at that, it's so unmade, and I'll look at it, look. Delicious, darling. That's really good, I have to say. It's perfect. It's my first loaf. Do you make that a lot? No, I learnt last week. No way. Yeah, so that's why I had to try it out again, otherwise I'll forget. I know that you should have really just, like, brown bread with that and butter but if you can make it why would you not do it my brother makes bread you'd never think me and my brother come out of the same womb right what does he do he's an accountant he's very logical and he makes cheese and walnut bread and I go yum what a lovely combination yeah good that innit so he always brings me a little gift when he comes around a bread or something just because he knows I can't do it as well so that's a little kick up the bollocks for me you know what I mean sorry about my language but that's fine you don't need to but I do swear Where, Danny?

15:33Yeah, Mum, where did I learn? You never learnt that C word from me, darling. Ever. I wanted to know, I know your son's in the film and he was allowed to, it was kind of because he was the only kid that was going to be allowed to swear so much. But I mean, it was kind of comfortable. It's a tricky one because he was going to have to cut the character because what we're trying to do with this film is it's quite light-hearted, but we're trying to think about, your actions as a parent really does rub off on your children. the fact that my character Jack Jones is he's all over the place really he doesn't know where he sits in society but he's certainly not been a good father and so his son is starting to pick up his traits so we needed a child to swear and say stuff that you know obviously a lot of parents have got kids that are actors and chaperones they just weren't having it and also it's really hard when you're working with because I've done this a lot over the year in my career you've got to pretend to be other kids like they're fathers on EastEnders I swear to you they give you like a newborn child someone I remember I was walking through L Street and there was a queue of pregnant women auditioning I was like what are you auditioning for oh no I'm auditioning the baby oh my god it isn't born yet and they're like no no no because on EastEnders obviously they have a lot of babies born and they literally go for newborns oh really so you there's this delicate little child they just come up to you go here and you're like whoa here we go so you've got to say your lines with somebody else's newborn child it's all quite daunting and a bit weird.

16:59So with this film, it's really hard to create chemistry with a child that you don't know. Okay, yeah. And so me and my boy are very close and we just played on set. He's a gorgeous boy. He's a lovely kid and he's got an incredible brain. He's into engineering and I swear to you now, if a plane went over now, he would tell you what engine it's got. Wow. He's obsessed with that sort of stuff. So he doesn't want to be an actor. He's got no interest in it. Are you thrilled that he doesn't want to be an actor? I think so. Yeah. I quite like the fact that he just came into it and just didn't really take it that seriously and just played.

17:33Had people with it, yeah. You know, did ask how much money he was getting. And he did get paid for it. Not a lot. But, you know, he got some time off school. And he really enjoyed it with me, but hasn't really asked since about it. He's not allowed to come to the Premier because, obviously, it's an 18. And the cine world would unfortunately lose their licence, I was told. So, even though he's in it. It's funny, isn't it? because your son is showing that he's not that interested in doing it. Your daughter was beloved by the nation when she won Love Island. And you have talked about how you struggled with...

18:08Well, no, you didn't struggle, but you were worried about her. You said you can be on top and then everyone can hate your guts. And it was really hard for her. Yeah, it was. And you as a family. Well, I didn't want her to go on Love Island. I had my preconceptions about... Well, I'd never really seen it, I suppose. and I'd heard, I think back in the day it was worse. You know, they encourage them to go into a room and have a rollabout and stuff. And as a father... Oh, my God. I've never not seen that, darling. I wanted to have rollabouts and enjoy herself. She's entitled to have sex and have amazing times.

18:36You don't see it. I don't watch it on the television. Do you know what I mean? So I had a bit of that going on. And then she didn't tell me. I was the last one to be told. And then she got in a car and just left. And then you just become a viewer. You don't get no contact from no producers or anything like that. So you just sit there like that when it starts and go, how's it going to be? Oh, God. And I've got to say, she was incredible in it. You must have been so proud. She cried every single night because I was watching her. I couldn't have wrote a better script for her. She was so just herself and normal and sort of, you know, quite vulnerable.

19:02And because she came in as my daughter, I realised that that might have been one of the reasons why they put her in there. So I was slightly guilty about, oh, what if people hate me? They're going to hate her. But she just played it out perfectly. And it was just a wonderful thing to watch, actually. And it did change her life. She was working in a pub before that. And she came out, won it. but I realised that she was more famous than me. That's a big trip. No, listen, I knew I'd fear around when it turns because it inevitably turns. Everyone was celebrating her so much and Margot Robbie and Eddie Redmayne were doing interviews and talking about it because it really hit something that year.

19:36Yeah, it was a great summer. It was a great year. It really caught something. And so she had a really great run. She moved out immediately. Got a penthouse in Canadian Walk. Was she with the boyfriend? Did she move in with him? It didn't work out. Did you like him? No, I didn't really meet him, to be honest with you. It turned out he wasn't what he was on the telly, which is, of course, it's not real, is it? If you think about it, you're in a villa. It's a structured show. There's no phones. There's no distractions. How real can you be? It's only when you get out. And so, look, they made a go of it.

20:06It didn't work out. Was there anybody else that you saw of the boys that you thought he'd have been a better bat? No, I thought it was perfect. Okay, you thought he thought it was all right. There's a really mean thing on it as well, where they sort of made it look like he was cheating on her. I was fuming. I was like, I want a number. What was it, Casa Amor? I want fucking numbers. I've got to ring this producer. Yeah, when they pretended. And he was sleeping outside on a bed. And she was crying her eyes out. And I knew this was going to happen to me. This always happens to me. I was like, how's it happened to you?

20:34What the fuck are you doing to this poor child? So yeah, it was really hard to watch. But she came out. She really just went with it. She got like a clothing range. She's such a beautiful kid. I'm so proud. I'm proud of all my kids. And she's got babies. She's got three children under four. I know. And she's just had the twins, the terribles, as we call them. Oi, oi, oi. Twins. They're a gift. And she's made a good choice with the old... Well, this is the thing. Mum wants to talk about this. West Ham. Yes. Did you know him before? Because you're a big supporter. Well, I was aware of him when we bought him.

21:05I didn't know who he was when we bought him. We bought him for£17 million. Where did you buy him from? We bought him from Hull. Oh, really? So he was an unknown to us, and he came along, and then he started to play for us, and he was amazing. Danny then moved next door to him when she was with her ex and I was very excited about this obviously she was with someone else at the time who she had a child with and it was weird because some packages went to his house and he dropped the packages off and said Danny I've got some packages of yours and she did say to me on the phone Daddy's eyes I said they are very beautiful those eyes is he a Londoner?

21:43no he's from Lempster Where's that? So it's from the Midlands, which is near Hereford. Oh, right. So he's got a mad little twang to his accent. But does he play on the wing? He does play on the wing, yeah. Or he can play up front as well. He can play up front. Versatile, we love that. He has versatility. Yeah. Does he play up front at the moment for West Ham? When we haven't got a striker, he does. Yeah. But he's somebody that fell in love with my dad. And then she split up with the person she was with. And he took her and her 18-month-old son on. I think that says a lot about a human being. because that's a hard age, by the way, just sort of toddler.

22:17Yeah. And that just proved to me how much he was willing to take her on and love her and cherish her and her son. Weirdly, her son is a ringer for him. They've got the same haircut. Oh, how funny. But, you know, it's a really beautiful little story. Are they married? They're getting married in about two and a half months, yeah. Oh, fantastic. I'm giving her away. Oh, my God. I'm at that realm. I'm the grandfather realm and I'm now giving away your kids. Oh, how gorgeous. It's a weird time, that, giving your kid away. Oh, it's ridiculous, yeah. Did you have Danny when you were 18? Crikey. Wow. Yeah, me and my wife, we've been together since we were 13.

22:5213? We went to school together, yeah. I went to school with my husband. It's mad at that, isn't it? Rare. Yeah. Jesse was at primary school. We weren't going out of primary school, though. No, we went to primary school together. Did you acknowledge each other in primary school? No, we're in the school. Our wedding invite was us in the school swimming team. And I'm standing next to him. and I'd worn heels that day so I looked like a bloody Amazonian next to him and he's like supporting a palace and he now sports spurs and that was our invite that was our invite but yeah it's a shame but yeah okay wow so it's hard isn't it over the years because we change as human beings don't we yeah and I'm interested because you've been in the public eye since your what 20s yes probably I think Human Traffic was the film that sort of made me semi-famous and so 21 yeah when I started to experience what fame is yeah and I intoxicating isn't it and it's odd and I want to there's two questions I want to ask you were talking about when you're on the hype and then you get hated did you feel like you ever had that moment where you people turned on you because I think that we all think of you as a national treasure but you have had a very long career and it has been full of kind of you know so only when social media gets involved because you think back in the day we didn't like someone slag them off in your living room there was no way now people have access to us don't they so they can say the most nasty if they want to say it they write it I was famous pre and after so it was only that I sort of became aware of oh people actually quite hate me and think I'm a joke especially with a Twitter thing in the early days where I would bite a lot really because I thought okay what gives you the right to want to talk to me like that because you've never met me so I always get claimed to be a fake hard man I can't have a fight I've never claimed to be a hard man this is what the press do Okay, I've made some films where there's a bit of aggression in it.

24:41I talk in a very working class accent and I might have a bit of a swagger. I walk a bit like a duck. But in general, I've never gone, I'm a hard man, let's have a fight. Are you hard? What now? No, were you? I mean, when you were younger, would you take people on? I come from a very rough area. So, you know, you've got to learn to hold your hands up a bit. Otherwise, people will walk over you. But I had the ability to make people laugh, which was a good way of calming things down. And also, you just become mates with the naughty ones, the naughty little fuckers. and no one so I've never claimed it but there's a whole thing of people geezers that want to tweet me or Instagram me couldn't have a fight look at me he's a fake art man of course I'm an actor so therefore I am a fake art man so I've never quite understood what they mean by it but yeah that's when I realised that actually I do divide people and I think if you're opinionated like me I'm not opinionated I've just got a view on stuff people don't like it so I understand and also as I've got older I've realised it's none of my business what people think of me How can I expect that everyone loved me?

25:39Jesse says don't read the comments. How can I tell you? Yeah, but Jesse says don't read the comments. It's the death scroll. So you were born at, is it Custom House? Custom House, yes. At Custom House. It's such a grand name, Custom House. It sounds like it is, but it's a fucking shit hole, to be honest. Well, I know it a little bit. So I was born in Custom House, which is an area on the docks. Yeah. Now, it's near a place called Canning Town. Yeah. Now, Custom House and Canning Town were sort of rivals in a way, in a sense of if you're from Custom House, you're a mauser. if you're from Canyon Town you're a towner anyway when I was young doing interviews every time I said Custom House they didn't know where it was and they'd go what house so I'd start to say I was from Canyon Town which was a huge mistake why did you do that because I was sick of explaining what Custom House was so now they think people think you're a towner well there's a whole Facebook page that was going on going Canyon Town not Custom House or Custom House not Canyon Town so you know I upset a few people I learnt early you know what I mean I was just you know this whole media thing it's I'm very proud of where I'm from and my roots I am You know, all this Cockney thing.

26:35You are. I'm not because I didn't hear the Bow Bells. Okay. So I would say I'm an East Londoner. Yeah. Because people go, he's not a Cockney, he didn't hear the Bow Bells. But the Bow Bells is up near Liverpool Street. There's a whole area of East Londoners that would not be deemed as Cockneys because they didn't hear the Bow Bells. That's right. So there weren't many Cockneys out there, really, because the Bow Bells aren't even that loud, apparently. I don't even know if they still bell. So who was there in your family? There's your mum. My mum. There was your dad. The old man, yeah. And you've got a brother.

27:04Yeah, my brother Tony, yes. Brother Tony who bakes bread. Yeah, and my sister Kayleigh. And what does Kayleigh do? Kayleigh is somebody who's a housewife mother. She learned how to do nails and stuff. Oh, wow. So she's into that beautician side of things. So she hasn't really progressed with it for some reason. She still has young children. You know, I love them so much. My siblings are everything to me, really. Is she older or younger? She's younger. Okay. I'm the eldest. oh you're the eldest of everyone and so your parents split up when you're quite young when I was young about nine oh Shane it's tough life isn't it though they should never got married it's weird you know what I mean they had nothing in common surprised they lasted as long as they did it's weird because they're best mates now they could never do that when they were married they really got on really well I remember once years later I caught them tonguing in the kitchen I thought oh hold on they're going to make the garbage so I think they're very still they was always very attracted to each other but just they had fuck all in common okay my old man used to by the sun, me mum would buy the mirror.

28:02Back then, the mirror was known as a sort of loony lefty. He always used to call her a loony lefty. I didn't understand what it meant. Now I sort of do. Yeah. What was a memorable dish from your childhood? It was very basic, really. Shepard's pie being one of them. Do you like Shepard's pie? My mum used to do like soup. I do like Shepard's pie. I don't know anyone other than vegetarians, obviously. I mean, Shepard's pie is so comforting. I'm not a fan of it. I love it. Oh, I love it. I just don't get it. Do you put extra bits in? because I put baked beans in mine. No, she never would put beans in it.

28:31No, you'd have a little bit of carrot in it. A carrot, onion. Maybe a bit of onion. She'd put the difference between, was it a cottage pie? It shows you put cheese on it. Yeah. So what's that make it? It's not a shepherd's pie. I don't know. A cottage pie? Isn't a cottage pie with beef? One is beef and one is lamb. Cottage is beef or lamb? Oh, I think it was the beef. So you were having cottage pie, right? I was having cottage pie. She lied to me. No, but I think that's more common. Yeah, shepherd's is beef. Is cottage pie less tomato? Nice, with peas, gravy. It's just something quite comfy. Like my nan, who was the real matriarch of our family, old Polly, everyone would go to her house on a Saturday on a cancer estate in Stratford, and she would serve up for 40 roasts.

29:09And everyone would sit around, you know, have a little plate like that. She would do it every week. And then my grandad died and it just stopped because the men couldn't deal with coming round. And, you know, you know, the men done the classic thing was when my grandad got ill, he got prostate, he died within six months, but he got really ill. But they wouldn't go and see him. no I don't want to go and see him like I want to remember him like the old days I want to remember big old Jack and you go no no you can't deal with it you don't want to go and say goodbye to him or hold his hand so so so the men sort of sort of detracted from the whole thing and then it stopped going everyone stopped going I mean it was really quite sad because you know it was like it was great to be hanging out with all your cousins and you know your aunts and your uncles there's something about that you know that I feel is missing now I think it's quite rare to have all your family around, you know?

29:53So did your nan move in with your mum? She did for a bit when she got ill, but I moved in with my nan when my grandad got ill, and I sort of nursed him and stuff. I became really close to him. I love that top, by the way. You look gorgeous. Do you know what? I'm going to be straight. Are you hot? I have a very gay stylist, and he's a brilliant man. He's doing well. Best stylist. It's a good combination. Oh, you're hot, because you can take it off if you want. No, I'm all right, but... I don't want to get me bangers out. So, shepherd's pie, And you were saying about a soup. You said your mum made soup.

30:25Did you just say that? Did she? I never heard that. Mum interrupted when you said shepherd's pie. You went and she makes really good shepherd's pie. No, no, no. It wasn't going to be soup. No, sorry. It would be quite basic. So I was going to say she would do super noodles with hot dogs. Oh, super noodles. Yeah, nothing quite as classy as soup. You know, quite basic dinners, really. And, you know, the 80s was the day when you go to dinner slam down in front of you and you ate it. You know, like nowadays, bringing up children, they've got choices. Do you give your son a choice? Well, he's quite bland with food.

30:51he doesn't really want to try stuff does that annoy you? it does annoy me but I've just got to feed them that's my job I've got to but did he have a hot dog last night? no he didn't have a hot dog he just had plain pasta and then a great cheese and he puts the cheese on the top of it for some reason I mean it's delicious but he won't eat my spaghetti bolognese which really winds me up it's a good one won't have the sauce off it I'm like well why not so he would rather eat plain pasta on it's jack which I find so what's your special thing about your spag bol? well I put a bit of sherry in it. Sherry?

31:25Just a little drop. Do you know what I mean? Obviously Marmite, which is the classic one, isn't it? Everyone put a bit of Marmite in it. Oh, do you put Marmite in it? I like a bit of Marmite in it. I put a little bit of American mustard, just a little tiny little spoon in it. Wow, this is really going off pace. This is revelation. I'm interested. Just little things that you add and I like a little bit of chilli flake in it as well. Danny, I just need to know whether the pinky out is because you're a royal. The pinky. Is that a royal way to drink a wine? Weird all that, isn't it, that stuff? I don't know, I didn't know I was doing it.

31:56Because you're royal, it's the blood. Royal blood, maybe. Have you done it? No, I'm not interesting enough, I don't think. No, they come to you, and then they disappear. Yeah, but they were, I loved when you talked about it, and you were like, literally, they were like, yep, we're ready to start filming, because they knew. There was an energy, because the thing about this job is they don't tell you anything, so. Who do you think you are we're talking about? And Danny Dyer finding out that he's related to them. He's going to be peasants. and then you go okay my last scene's in Westminster Abbey how mad is that King Edward III you just don't know until these people go away and they do this homework on you and then it comes back who the fuck would have thought I would have been to Henry II and Thomas Cromwell that's the one I love I'm very proud of you because he was a peasant and he did well and he rose through the ranks that is clever I'll tell you what watching Wolf Hall after that was very emotional for me I bet I got a right hunt with Henry the Eighth I tell you how dare he chopped my fucking 15 times grandfather's head off.

32:51Speaking of some of the greats that you've worked with, Mark Rylance played Thomas Cromwell. Yeah. You've worked with Mark Rylance, Helen Mirren, you've worked, I mean, you're the muse of Harold Pinter. Yeah, he was a great man, he was. Daniel Craig, I worked with Cillian Murphy. I worked with Cillian Murphy in a film called The Trench by William Boyd and he was like an extra. And I was looking at him going, fucking hell, he's good looking, this gazer. And Ben Whishaw was in it as well. Oh, we love it. I had a couple of lines in this thing called The Trench. I was like, God I've never seen it Did you see if they like you know Killian and Ben obviously phenomenal actors and they had their little bit part could you just spot that they were stars Yeah Yeah Look there's something about there's just something about the cut of their jib The cut of their jib It's not the way their faces look as well because they're both very beautiful human beings but just there's so many ways to deliver a line Yeah That's the beauty of acting you can never complete it or learn it enough you know we've all got our instincts and we say a line differently but there's just some people that are way just musically the way they say a word and it's like wow so you never thought they'd rise to I mean this was 2000 maybe so it's 25 years ago you know and it's like I mean they're rise and they're brilliant people by the way and I'm quite sure and quite people that stay out of the public which I really respect something I probably should have done myself really you declare too much about who you are as a human being I think it comes back to haunt you slightly as an actor because your toolbox is you so if you're clever and don't give away nothing and don't do too many interviews then you're like Marlon Brando if like me I give away a lot then they go oh he only plays himself which again I've got no issue with because no one can play me better than me that's clever do you do theatre now?

34:28you just my last play was 2019 and just before Covid with Martin Freeman we did the Dumbwaiter we closed the Pinter season and I was actually in Walford at the time in Albert Square doing the soap wow that must have been quite a lot doing both it was the start of me thinking I need to leave the soap really because I came out and I always like to feel close to Harold because he was he's on my phone he's my screensaver is he still your screensaver oh he's my high power there's no two ways about it you know this man was very special to me and he took me under his wing and I think he really wanted me to be a theatre animal you know what I mean he felt like he discovered me I've been acting for 10 years and he used to tell people that I've discovered this young actor you know what I mean I've been around for a while how did he discover you well I was auditioning for a play called Celebration and my agent was really excited and going oh my god you know Harold Pinter's directing again for the first time in sort of 50 I said I thought who's Harold Pinter I didn't know who he was I didn't study was this the one that you did with Keith Allen that's what I did with Keith Allen Lindsay Duncan and Leo Williams really I remember reading it I've never fucking read nothing like this this is like so conversational that was the thing about his dialogue it was so I've never conversation what is it it's not a battle between two people but it's a game of tennis isn't it and there's an art to it and depending on what the conversation's about it is like bang bang bang and so he I always found it fascinating that he wrote he wrote what a lot and in a script you just don't see it because you don't have to but you know sometimes when you go what and he had a lot of what's he hated the pause thing by the way he's known for pausing and you know it was meant to write beat a beat so then people pause and go oh the Pinter pause he hated that he thought that was a load of bollocks I watched Tom Hiddleston in Betrayal and he did a two and a half minute pause and Pinter would have been turning in his fucking grave would he?

36:12well yeah Just couldn't cope. No one pauses for two and a half minutes. He got asked a question on the stage and do you know what his reply was, weirdly? It was, what? I think it's when she declares she's having an affair. Okay. And then he waits for two... And I thought he's going to fucking speak in a minute, surely. And then I thought, oh, maybe he's forgot his lines. Maybe he's dried. And then he just went, what, after two and a half minutes? See, Jesse's not good with pauses. You couldn't do it, can I? I love that you're... Neither are you. What? A bit better than you. Have you done Shakespeare ever?

36:42No, I don't fancy it. I don't fancy it I've met actors that said I'd be great in Shakespeare but I think I'd love to see you in Shakespeare people do say that to me I just love your interpretation of it are you not in the maybe as I'm getting older do you want to test yourself absolutely so I'm in the realms now of my age where I do want to test myself and do different stuff it's getting the opportunities to do it so that's definitely you get your most creative the further you go into the water and you know for most of my career I've probably gone up to about here now and again you chuck your nut under and see what happens and that would be me chucking my nut under without a snorkel and it terrifies you of course it does but then that's when you get most creative so maybe come on RSC I think you've got to do it it's about someone giving me the opportunity no one's asked me no one's asked you no one's ever asked me well I think they're mad well we'll see listen like I said I'm sort of nearly 48 let's see maybe this is my Shakespeare era when I push a bullseye which is 50 I'm now going to put on the pasta because whack the pasta on now will you start asking please the last supper okay so do you like you like a roast love a roast me too which is your roast of choice well the classic is obviously beef isn't it yeah I love beef so I'm now quite good at cooking beef do you know what I mean you've got to let that thing rest yeah and wrap it up in a bit of foil just let it sit there do you know what I mean so beef would be my favourite but I like I love see I'm the only one that eats lamb in my house I love lamb some people got issues around lamb why Why?

38:10I don't know why. Because it smells lamby. So I can get a leg of lamb and then I know I'm eating it to myself and then I'll just buy a chicken for the others and I can smash a whole leg of lamb to myself. Does your boy eat chicken? He eats chicken but he only likes the drumsticks. Which is a result for me again because I get all the best parts of the chicken. Yeah, you like that. Yeah, so he likes chicken. Doesn't like lamb. Doesn't really eat beef. When you go to McDonald's which is probably swearing in here. No, it isn't. Good, good. Well, he has to have a plain burger. is one of them that won't have no sauce on it, no pickles on it.

38:41I go, what is the point of that? Or take the lettuce out. Oh, there's nothing. So it's just two baps with a bit of patty in it. What's the matter with you? What do you have at McDonald's when you go? Well, I like to have a large Big Mac meal with a burger starter. A burger starter? Yeah, it's disgusting. But I feel like I need a starter when I think a burger on its jack is just something about it. So you start with one little... Very simple burger, that. How do I get away with it? I think the burgers you can buy now. I know. There's nothing about it, but it still smells like the 80s. And that's why I like it.

39:12Wimpies we were talking about the other night. They were great. The smell in there was fat. You've got knife and fork in a wimpy. Yeah. And a plate. Yeah. Wimpies are hanging on for dear life now, aren't they? Why the fuck is that? Is there a wimpy down where you live? There's one near me, but it's fucked. It's battered. When was the last time you went? I get the delivery of from it. Oh, wow. Right. Yeah, I've not gone in there. I should go in there, really. Just try and support. So tell me your last supper. You can have a starter, main course and a pud. And a drink. And a drink of choice. Do you like spirits?

39:42Yeah, I do like spirits. Vodka? Don't mind a bit of vodka. I do like whiskey. You like whiskey? What sort? I like a Maker's Mark, which is sort of the cheapest type of whiskey. I don't even know that. Do you know it? It's more like a bourbon. I like it because they wax the lid on. I'm a very simple man. Things like that excite me. That's exciting. It's the royal in me. Yeah. It's like a royal. Instead of an autograph, I should stamp a bit of wax on things. It's a real seal, isn't it? Yeah. So I like a bit of that. What would I have as a starter? Probably a scallop or something. I like a scallop.

40:14Oh, me too. With a bit of black pudding on it and all, you know what I mean? It makes me feel posh for some reason. Ooh, scallop and black pudding. Delicious, yeah. I do feel posh when I'm eating that sort of stuff. I do like seafood. Brought up on sort of eels and stuff and whelks and, you know, all this stuff that looks disgusting. Jelly deals, yeah. Yeah, me old man on a Sunday when he was about, he used to bring home seafood and that. and we'd sit there and it'd be a right treat to have some cockles. Cockles, yeah. Cockles. And pick them up, yeah. Do you go to Pie and Mash? Is there still a Pie and Mash?

40:41So that would be me start. What would I have for me in Maine? So you've got, I'd stay on the fish vibe and probably for me, Maine have a fish and chips. Proper fish and chips? Love it. Where's your best fish and chip shop? A place called Wilson's around the corner from me. Which is, as always, you have to get delivery because the queue that comes out of this gaff is unbelievable. Oh really? It's in Chilford, yeah. It's a gaff. if you'll know Wilson's. It's just, and the fish is unreal. So I love it. And now I've got older, a bit of tartare sauce. I'd never had tartare sauce back in the day. Bet you wouldn't.

41:14Now I like to dip me old fish into a bit of tartare. And do you have vinegar on your... Vinegar, gotcha. Onion vinegar preferably. Onion vinegar. I've never heard of that. What? No. Jessie, do you know onion vinegar? Onion vinegar? What? No. In a fish and chip shop? You would get the... What, like pickled onion? No. No. Well, no, you'd get a choice of normal vinegar or onion. What? Maybe they're using the vinegar from the pickled onion. Maybe. It's white. Oh, no. I've never had that. Onion vinegar. I like white pepper. White pepper. I do. Yeah, me too a bit. All that sort of cracking that over your fish and chips is no value for me.

41:49No, no, no, no. Are the chips good there? Yeah, they're so lovely. Something about that chip, isn't it? That chip shop chip, just the crunch of it. Yeah. Some of them are longer than others. And does it come in paper or little? Can do, yeah. It comes in paper within a polystyrene thing. not polystyrene but not polystyrene the other thing the one that's safe for the planet nothing's safe for the planet now is it no nothing really so that would be how many times a week do you have that not as much as I'd like okay you have to watch so on a Friday we have a Chinese because my daughter loves a Chinese and she always has the same thing which is egg fried rice she has chips curry sauce she has prawn crackers on the top of it and she gets them little pancakes that you wrap the duck in but doesn't put duck in it oh okay so she puts like her special fried rice She loves her Chinese, my little sonny.

42:35So I think Friday should be a fish and chips night. Fish and chips, yeah. Sometimes I can manipulate her so that I do get what I want. Which fish? Cod, place, haddock? I go cod. Cod, me too. Yeah, go classic. Yeah. Large as well. Always got to be large for me. That big? Yeah, big lump. Big old lump. You look at it and go, am I going to get through it? But I always do. But good batter? Good batter, quite thin. Yeah. You know when you can sort of snap it and it comes off lovely? Oh, yeah. You just put your bit of tartare, put some peas on it, and then munch it down lovely. Gorgeous. The thing is, sometimes I might add a savaloy.

43:09Which sort of undermines the goodness of the fish. I mean, what is a savaloy? It's probably things that you can't even think about going into it. Exactly, a bit of donkey in there, a bit of kestrel. And it's quite pink. What's the casing on it? I don't know. I don't even want to know, I don't think. It's like a dog's winkle. Yeah, it is like a dog's winkle. I'm sorry if I've brought the tone down. No, you haven't brought the tone down, darling. It's almost like wrapped in some sort of balloon material. It's really odd. But again, it reminds me of being a kid and stuff. So, yeah, a bit of Savaloi, fish and chips.

43:40Now, dessert. Yeah. Not really dessert, man. Thank you so much. I do love a profiterol, though. Oh, profiterol. Oh, I could have made that. You see, you should have said. Yeah, I went to... You know when you go to a really posh cafe? Yeah. They're sort of making them in front of you and stuff. I love it, yeah. And it's like, how many are you meant to eat? How many profiterol? You know when you buy the posh ones at Marx's or there's other supermarkets? You usually have three. I have about three. Oh, no, I can't go with three, don't I? How many? Well, I'd like to smash through the whole thing if possible.

44:07So you'd have the whole kind of 12. Some of them, when they're packaged like a pyramid, aren't they? They're packaged like that. So you start with one on the top. Yeah. And you go, well, there's a couple more. And you like the chocolate sauce, not the caramel or coffee. Well, sometimes you get the sort of millionaire one, which has got all sorts going on in it. There's a millionaire. Oh, I didn't even know that. Oh, there's grated chocolate, yeah. and you just lay there banging trouble yeah and I can just feel my breasts but you're very slim I can't believe that you eat that a lot you're very very kind well you saw in the film I'll get me top off quite a bit yeah I know I don't think you can call me slight you're not slight it's about embracing the dad the granddad bod that I've got but I think you're a fine man thank you very much you're very kind but you're young you're 48 you're semi young

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46:10So it's sausage and fennel seed, pappadelli. Pappadelli, the posh one. If you want some parmesan. what's that little tattoo there oh these are tattoos of my kids names so I went to Thailand yeah that was only when I had Danny that says Danny yeah and I did that I did that in bamboo okay don't do it oh my god because it's them just jabbing you 100 mile an hour so anyway so this is when I went I did a documentary after the tsunami and it was about it was for MTV and it was about trying to get people back to Thailand yeah because it was horrendous what happened so I thought I'd get a bit deep out there and also we run out of things to film so I said oh no I'll get a tattoo anyway.

46:51Not thinking I'll have any more kids. So I had that one. And I had two more children, so if I ever go back to Thailand, I must get their names. And I did go back to Thailand. I did do the bamboo. So that's Danny. That's Sonny. And that's Artie. That's Little Man. That one hurt the most. Is he Arthur? No, just Artie. A-R-T-Y. Is his middle name Harold? No. He ain't got a middle name actually, Artie. We didn't go for a middle name with him. I know that you spoke about it a little bit with our lovely charity donate I don't know what to call you you're not competition winners like it's like in a way they no no I don't know generous people mad spenders you don't look like competition winners big spenders you're saying about you in a period but but you were talking about rivals which I really loved Freddie I've never wanted somebody to commit adultery as much as Freddie I know it's like it's really clever you really managed to I know but it's really clever I mean, I wish I could claim it all.

47:48You know, they gave me a wonderful part. And it was quite an easy part in the sense of I wasn't in it that much. But when I was in it, I had really lovely serings. I had no big monologues. The tough bit was learning Japanese. That was difficult. But you know what? I think that you put so many vulgar people in it. And there was a lot of vulgar people in it. A bit like Succession. You can't even watch them. That when you put people in it that are really quite kind and gentle and lovely and have good morals, you're really rooting for them. And then if you put them in awful marriages, because they're both in awful marriages and they're trying to do the right thing.

48:20You know, but they're so drawn to each other. It was really clever strand of storytelling. And in the books, they're hardly in it, Freddie and Lizzie. Oh, really? Did you read the books? No, they're really not. They're hardly in it. And especially after what we've done, you just sort of look away. You never really hear about them again, really. So... But there's going to be a season two. Yeah, we'll start shooting this. It was a cliffhanger, wasn't it? It really was. but I haven't read anything yet David Tennant obviously wanted to get out no well I don't want to give it away no don't tell me that he fucking survives that again I just can't declare stuff like that but can you kill David Tennant no if they did they'd bring him back to life he's an amazing human being by the way I bet he was so good on the BAFTAs he's very funny he's one of those people that have got really high profile and just brilliant everything he does is brilliant and really kind and giving.

49:17So talented. And just on it as well. He was like a Rolls-Royce discuser. Just didn't drop a line ever. He was so prepped. And that character he plays is awful. Tony Baddingham. Yeah. You hate him. I don't think anyone's ever hated David Tennant. Even when he played the serial killer, I think it was Des, was it? You know, it wasn't as bad as Lord Baddingham. I have to say, I hope there's a bit more sex in the next season. Jessica. Really? Yeah, I didn't think there was enough. It was a bit Adam and Eve, your bit. Well, we only had... We got away with it, me and Kofrin, actually. Are you kind of like...

49:47Because everyone else is at it. And then our one builds up to the end. And then our one was quite intimate. Well, mind you, I do go down on our own. I'll pour champagne on our beer. Yes, you did. Yeah, you did. Which was... But it was quite romantic. I thought it was. And it was almost like you almost... You really want these two to just get animalistic. Yes. And they tried in their little timid, sort of shy ways. You know what I mean? So it was all quite child-like in the sense of they didn't quite know how to do it. They'd never had an affair before. Yeah. And that's what was cute and lovely about it.

50:14So, again, I've not read them. I'm assuming there's going to be more. But I was happy. We used every intimacy coordinator in the country for that job. It was really... No, look, I just want a bit more sex, to be honest. I love that. I mean, Bridgerton was like hardcore compared to that. Which is surprising because it's Jilly Cooper. I know. Yeah, it's Disney, isn't it? It's the other thing. Oh, but how weird to then take a Jilly Cooper thing. But it's hard to... But you can get dark. Disney can be quite dark if they want. I suppose we did it in a way where it wasn't uncomfortable. So all of the sex that's in it, it's quite...

50:50So there's music going on. Because when it's too much, it can be a bit like... No. The end of the first episode, we were all shooting our bolt. Pardon my... You know, that whole sort of orgasm, sort of climaxing, sort of... You know, that's the only bit I do in the first bit, which was great. I still got paid for having a pedal, as we like to call it. so what's this why is the summer so busy apart from the wedding that's one day as you say what are you filming you're filming rivals and I've just invested in a caravan site I want to talk about this so nostalgia is important for me yeah now I was every holiday I used to go to Canby Island where's Canby Island it's in Canby Island it's a place it's like a new island off the edge is it like Osea Island it's in Essex oh it's an Essex I mean I say it's an island but it's a ditch that you sort of step over and then you're on it right but we used to go to a place called Fawny Bay Beach Camp and it was like all mum, nan, cousins, everybody was there all the family again, talking about family being together no phones, laptops since the 80s and we all used to hook up for a week, walk along the seawall do a bit of crabbing, go to the arcades have candy floss, have a toffee apple play arcades and it was just about watching my mum and nan and her sisters just laughing and my mum and nan used to laugh until they used to piss themselves I know this might be a weird thing so they would just all squat together and Pete's laughing with usually a big super king hanging out of their mouth right so this for me was a holiday for me until I got older I realised how tight they were because actually it was half hour down the road and actually but I used to think it was like Disney World anyway so I want to bring the caravan holiday back now I've invested money in it where is it?

52:25in a caravan site? it's in Laysdown where's that? Laysdown is where Kent well that's very good for me Danny if you need me to go and try it they're all static ones they're all it's got some charm about it but it does need a little liquor paint are they chalets or caravans they do chalets on there as well so there are chalets and there are static caravans but everything's so expensive so you know caravan knowledge is meant to be cheaper but then people it's cheaper to go abroad now and go to fucking Magaluf and also youngsters of a certain age they don't think it's cool I'm going to try and make it cool again but we need a summer for it to work what have you got have you got a swimming pool there there's a swimming pool there there's a lovely clubhouse there we've got an arcade it's the clubhouse mate I'm coming book me in listen if you want to come down second week yeah I'm coming I'm coming and I'll get you a lovely little plot there right now because of Clarkson's Farm which has done very well for Amazon I'm obviously making a television show about it yeah the sky have flown into me good I feel like they might want it to be a fucking disaster no no no I've got a good telly I understand oh I see it's my real money and so I don't really know how to run a business I've never done it me and my Danny she's getting involved as well because I need her brains with two Danny Dyers trying to make her way in the world and she's, you know, she's sort of maybe a smart, better at running a business.

53:41She wants a big soft play area. She wants to... Thank you, Danny. So, you know, we're trying to bring it back and I want to roll in. I've got some nephews who's out of work. He can come and do some handyman work. I've got a niece who is a qualified nanny, can't get no work, so she can run a kids club. Yes. I want to bring family in and go, this is a family affair. Yeah. What about evening entertainment? What are you going to do? Well, you know, I'm going to make some calls to some people. some of the rivals right down there do you know why not you know karaoke well a bit of karaoke I love that what I will say is that the older generation the blue rinse lot yeah they love their bingo can't fuck with a bingo oh you're kidding you don't fuck with a bingo because they will iron me out do they have bingo there already yeah no bingo's a massive night for them oh my god I feel we need to change the prizes what are the prizes you know like there was a gala bingo years ago you could win a quarter of a mil oh really you could win life changing money for it so I'm thinking I want to not necessarily old girls do you want money maybe money I need to rack my brains about what would be a good price for them I want there to be something at stake a sex scene with Rupert a sex scene with Rupert wow no all Freddie sorry Danny sorry no no Freddie he loves Lizzie Jesse he doesn't have roll of bats with anybody but he's Lizzie Jesse you have that do you want that bit that's huge for me thank you I'll have it give that to me hold on what about this crusty bit because it doesn't look very...

55:04I don't think Danny likes that it's fallen off. All right, Danny. Beggars and all that. Thank you so much. Danny, before you tuck into your Bakewell, can I ask you what is a very nostalgic taste that can transport you back somewhere? Happy or sad? Oh, wow. I think a crab stick reminds me of my youth for some reason and I used to dip it into Mary Rose sauce. And I still do that now. Although it's not crab, is it? No. The fuck is it? No one knows. We don't know. No one dares to do a little, you know, investigate what the fuck is in that pink and white thing. Do you still eat them? I do, yeah, I love them.

55:42Now, what is something that we would find in your fridge if we were opening it up that's always there? Always have eggs. And obviously butter, very important. The posh one, Lurpak. Love Lurpak. It's so expensive. It is expensive, yeah. Seven quid. What, for the big, the tub? The spreadable. Yeah, you're going to go, you've got to get, you know, it runs out quick in my go. Butter and anything naughty. Got to have milk in the fridge. I do like me wafer thin ham. Honey roasted or you just don't? No, I like to roll them up into sort of, like from the 80s, I would roll them up and I would dip them in salad cream.

56:17Yeah. Oh, yum. Apologies. This is delicious, Mum. Yeah, it's nice, isn't it? This is when I would want to watch Columbo. A whole series, back to back, all day, munching on this. dropping in and out of kip roaring away to myself waking myself up by snoring do you get to do that with an 11 year old and the Terribles I've got quite a big ass so they just get off no no when the Terribles are around you're on red alert will there be a sequel to Marching Powder if it earns a few quid let's be honest lovely wife she's wonderful gorgeous she's definitely Leonidas what an actress she's so beautiful it's a very alpha film do you need an alpha film now and also women shouldn't be victims I mean women strong human beings that hold their own in the world so we wanted a woman that's not like oh we want a woman it's like you know what fuck this you know there's a reason why I'm attracted to you which is your bollicky behavior but I also hate you for it and I do think that's what love is you know the thing the things that we fall in love with also the things we fucking hate about it's such a mine filled love and You know, especially us, we've been together.

57:30Not me and you have been together, obviously. But we've been with our partners for a very long time. So, you know, I would say that my Joe knows me better than anybody else on this planet. And frightens me as well. Keeps me very grounded. Good. You know, not really interested in any of my work. Didn't really like rivals. Which is, as soon as I walk in my house, my feet are firmly on the fucking ground again. Danny Dyer, thank you so much for coming here. Honestly, it's an honour being here. You've got a wonderful relationship. You're so sweet. You're two very, very beautiful, clever women. In that Bakewell tart, fuck me.

58:02It's gorgeous. It is gorgeous. It's very good. I feel like I'm having sex at this point. Do you? I'm waiting for the orgasm there. A bit intimately. Okay, thank God. There's no rush. No rush. You take your time. Take your fucking time. You take your fucking time. You take your fucking time in my Bakewell, darling. Cherish it. Relish it.

58:34He drunk no water. He drunk three wines and none of his posh fizzy water. He's well hard, that's what I've done. I love Danny Dyer. I thought I wasn't. I thought I was going to be a bit frightened that he was going to be tricky. No, you were not sure that you were going to get on with the Dyer. But I thought he was lovely. Mum, you were making innuendos about Bakewell tarts with him by the end. And sausages. Yeah, no, that was the first entry point, Mum. Do you mind? Danny Dyer, what, see, National Treasure, you understand now. Pop a chant. Lovely. Gave everyone a kiss in the room. Yeah. Respectfully.

59:09Yeah, it was worth the bidding then, if you got your kiss. I think this was a good one. Yeah. But it was really, I loved him. I could have, I could have him for part two, I swear to God. Yeah, me too. I'm saying it now, he's coming back on for something else. Well, I think we'll go down to that caravan site. I said I'll do a covers night for him. Oh, did you? I said, if you need me to do a covers night, I'll do it. And get the shot. He said, I'll get you a nice plot. Danny Dyer on Table Manners there and Marching Powder is out now. Yeah. Brace yourselves. I just told them the opening line and she said, now I understand why we're picked.

59:48He's just brilliant and I want to see him on the stage. Interestingly, you swore less today than I've ever heard you swear. I think probably it was because there was somebody else wearing more. Yeah, that's probably right. Thank you so much for listening. And we'll see you next week. Okay. And also, Mum, your Bakewell tart was stunning. And your pasta was stunning. Thanks, Mum. We made a good tune, weren't we? Yeah, very good tune. I'm telling you, why have we not done pasta ever on the podcast? It was all delicious. Good. So, right, we'll see you next week.

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