Laura Whitmore and Iain Stirling

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1:05Hello and welcome to Table Manners. I'm Jessie Ware and I'm here in Clapham with Lenny. Ah, Len. We want to wish you a happy new year. We're back for 2024. Who can we give you this year? Fabulous Christmas. Last year we gave you Cher. We gave you Pink last year. Basically, some killer women. We've spoiled them. We've spoiled you, yeah. And this year we decided to start with a fabulous couple. A funny duo, potentially funnier than us, mum. Definitely funnier than us. We have the wonderful Laura Whitmore and her husband, the funny guy, Ian Sterling. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do an accent.

1:45Ian Sterling. And I'm on food duty. I want to do a light lunch. I think people have eaten so much over the festive season. Yes. Well, so it's Melissa Clarke on New York Times. You love her. Yep. Let's see. exciting it is Thai green curry salmon with coconut rice and it's got loads of spring onions in it it's got spinach in it it's got coriander and you kind of do it all in one pot um and it's been cooking for a long time so I'm a bit confused and then what you do you you place the salmon fillets on top and then it kind of like steams it through yeah so that's what we're having and then to kind of have a bit of acidity and like freshness because it's quite a comforting bowl of like rice and salmon i've done cucumber and avocado salad which is with rice wine vinegar it's got soy in there it's got sesame seeds toasted sesame oil and it's just going to be kind of nice and fresh i did open up my toasted sesame um has that gone out that's gone where did it go it had maggots in it that is not what we're serving laura and ian had maggots actual maggots i opened it up i was Why is there fluff on my toasted black sesames?

3:04It's really disgusting. And now I'm quite stressed that my whole of my larder has got moths in it. Pantry moths. Has anyone had it? Email us at tableman.com. Was that sealed properly? Well, obviously not, Mother. That's your problem. Okay. So, yeah, we're having that. I'm doing dessert. Oh, yeah, sorry, you're doing dessert and thank you for that. Yeah. We're doing frozen berries with hot white chocolate sauce. did you bring the cream? don't tell me I'm going to kill you I think I did no you didn't you're looking like you didn't but I took it out for free well where is it? maybe I've no Jessie go and check I what there was one thing you had to bring Zora and Ian coming up I've just been to Marks and Spencer you fool Jessica

3:59Cheers, folks. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Lovely to see you. Thank you. Lovely to see you. Thanks for having us. Thank you for having us. This is nice. It's funny being on this, isn't it? It's like when you go to New York and you see New York in the film. Oh, shut up. It's like being on a film set. I'm having dinner with those people that I listen to having dinner. Stop it. I love that. This is like walking from New York and I go, Spider-Man was there. Spider-Man? And then when you were shouting off mic, beautifully, I was like, oh I remember that oh yeah babe listen it's all gonna go like we do cook I love that Laura walks in she's like oh you actually do the cooking I thought there'd be someone in the background you know like when you go in those cooking shows and there's always someone else cooking it and then bringing it in Jessie that's an idea what like the food the food what are they called home ec or whatever yeah right what do you call the food stylist you know when they have a food stylist there's no food stylist here it's gonna look like shit but it'll hopefully taste okay so you've schlepped all the way from North London yeah How long did it take?

4:59We took about an hour and a half. You had a lot of time to talk to each other. We needed to catch up, so it was quite nice. Prep your last supper, I hope. Did you talk about anything? We had a little think. We were listening to... We listened to your latest episode. We listened to one of your... Kadif, our dear friend. We love Kadif. Everybody that meets Kadif needs to also have him as their dear friend because I feel like he's my dear friend now. and we're only one year into our relationship. I was quite jealous as well because I met him through Aisling and I remember thinking, I want him as my friend.

5:34I'm like, why are you friends? I've been friends with him longer than... Well, who? You didn't introduce me to him. That's a good point, actually. How do you know Kadif? Kadif mocks me for this every single time. Kadif has been in one pilot that hasn't been commissioned in his entire incredibly successful career. And you wrote it. I was in it with him. So you're the problem. It was called... You had a weird fringe in it. Didn't you have a weird fringe? My character was called Spunk. Oh, God. I know. What was his character called? I can't remember. He was playing... It was based in Scotland, and he was playing the quite exotic English boyfriend.

6:13So the Scottish girl had left the local town to go down to London to, I'm guessing, do something like acting, or one of those things that Scottish people go, what are you reading? Or whatever it is they were doing. and then she came back up with this incredibly handsome, handsome, literate, beautiful man played by a kiddie. And it's still to this day the only pilot he's ever been in that wasn't commissioned for a full series. What part were you playing? Spunk. Spunk had a bowl cut, which I embraced and had, and kept for a few months after. Were you a couple at this point? Oh, God, no. Oh, right.

6:47No, no, no, no. No, no, no. No. No. And my mother was sort of the loose lady of the town and there'd been an alien landing and she'd slept with the aliens. I think maybe this is why it didn't get commissioned. I'm finding it hard to follow. And then I was basically half human, half alien. So I was a bit socially awkward, but I could lift up a car when no one was looking. And you were spunky. Full of spunk. So we are going to talk about food after that. I don't think I'd have commissioned it. It was bloody brilliant. Was it? Khadif was probably the worst thing in it, actually. What Khadif? Is it exhausting going out with a comedian, Laura?

7:31It's like full on. No, it's lovely. Do you know what the hardest part was? What? Because you're going on tour next year and you do a lot of little work in progress gigs constantly. So he's constantly, he'll pop out for 20 minutes at night time or he'll pop out for, well, that's what he says. But he'll pop out to go to the local pub where there's like a little stand-up thing in the corner and test out new material. God, you're so brave. So he's constantly doing that. You're talented too, but you're brave. So he doesn't test it out on you. Yeah, so he has that. But during lockdown, that stopped.

7:57So that's when I could see that there was a little bit, you went a little bit mad for a while. Yeah, I need it. I feel like people always say, like, when you do comedy, I don't know if it's the same with music, but it was like, oh, were you the funniest person at school? And I was like, not really. I really liked it. Do you know what I mean? It wasn't like, oh, I am so funny, it would be a crime. But were you the clown that made everyone laugh? No, I was sort of quite quiet, socially awkward kid, really. That's not how you come across. Yeah, I think I'm all right now. Let's talk about food for a second.

8:29Yes, please. So, I would like a childhood memory from both of you. He grew up in Scotland, right? Oh, yes. Can you imagine if he did and then you just had that voice? There's a clue there. Yeah. But which bit? Because it's a rather Edinburgh. Edinburgh, yeah. Yeah, you can tell the difference. Yes. it's not a lot of East Coasters kicking about. No, but it's very, it's musical. Lilting, yeah. Loud is the word. My voice does have that thing where it's... It's great. You can hear it. When I lose him in the supermarket, I can just hear his voice over everyone else's. And mine's quite loud as well.

9:04Has your daughter adopted more of a Scottish accent or an Irish accent, or is she just London through and through? It's like a mixture, isn't it? A mixture. Ng words are very Scottish. Going, coming. Oh, I like that, yeah. it's a mixture it's kind of all over the place I quite like it now but we are going to probably raise a really like posh English you're right Bradford yeah I'd love that oh what my so I would like a childhood memory who was round the dinner table Ian you go first family but we had sort of very stereotypical Scottish like very small family due to like a number of reasons heart condition is the main one so like mum, dad Dad, sister me.

9:46So very family wanted to, but very intimate. Not as much of an extended family. So we would be there. And it would be a lot of my mum's cooking. Was she a good cook? Yeah, she was great. She's the sort of, I think it's a Scottish thing. Maybe not an Irish sort of thing. A very Scottish mum thing of like, oh no, it's nothing. But then my memory of dinner is like my mum was never sat. She was always buzzing around. I know how she feels. Always buzzing around. Busy. So that was my sort of, yeah. Me, my dad and my sister are in this sort of like omnipresent being, which is my mother that's like putting things in front of people and making sure they're all right.

10:24So what was a really memorable dish that you loved of hers? She would do a lot of pasta stuff. She would make like mac and cheese and like spaghetti bonnets, really hearty stuff like that. Shepherd's pie, that sort of thing. Where do you stand on haggis? Love it. Me too. Do you actually love it? Yeah. Because people get put off by the... I had a British boyfriend once. Congratulations. It's like meaty muesli, I thought. It's so nice. Do you think that's right? It's delicious. Have you tried the vegan one, though? The vegan one's quite gross. Oh, bloody hell, she's on the vegan again. I'm on the vegan haggis.

10:55The vegan haggis. It's really great, the vegan haggis. Oh, because you can't eat it now because you're vegetarian. Well, because I know what it is. As soon as I found out what it was, it just... I know. I agree with you. Once you know what it is, you don't want to... Now, Laura, who was around your dinner table and what were you eating? Well, one hand, it was quite small, and that was just me and my mum that grew up together. So I just kind of grew up in this single-parent household. She just had a big birthday as well, didn't she? She had a big birthday. That looked like quite a do. Well, I don't know how she feels about it.

11:22It's a big birthday, but she doesn't really like to mention what big birthday it is. I'm there. If she can't celebrate her 50th, then when can she? But the thing is, you need to tell her. You get really anxious about the big one. and then afterwards you think actually I'm bloody glad it's not the alternative I'm still here I'm still here I'm still here and actually I always say but isn't it better that people say you don't look that age do you know rather than go God you look she looks fabulous so it's just me and her but actually kind of the opposite to you there's loads of us so I think you always get overwhelmed this was the first year first Christmas that we actually stayed in London because we always go back to Ireland I always go back to Ireland I always go back to Ireland you go because there's no choice which bit of Ireland So I'm from just outside Dublin, Bray County, Wicklow.

12:10And my mum's family are in Wexford. So she's the youngest of 13. 13? Yeah. Yes. Bloody hell. So there is Christmas dinner has always been a lot of people. And I think I may have about 80 cousins. I think. How was that for the wedding invite then? Didn't you elope? Is that why you eloped? We eloped, baby. Your mum's got a lot in common with Dolly Parton. Because she's one of, is she 16, 13 years? She said that her mum always had one in her and one on her. One in her and one on her. And that the table sounded enormous every time they sat down. It's massive. And also, I kind of wonder how they did it back then, because it was a two-bed house.

12:48Do you know what I mean? Wow, frankly. You're like, how did you? Actually, I never asked you that. How did they do that? But then her oldest sister was 19 at the time, so some of them had left, you know. And then she said the older siblings kind of looked after the younger ones, and they lived on a farm. A baby farm. A baby farm, pretty much. so it was yeah so I'm just used to like a lot of family or bumping into someone who's probably related to me I do a sort of pub quiz before I enter any Laura's family homes at Christmas time yeah because like names who's in that room Ian you find it hard to remember my father's name like it's not he makes it so hard for me to remember all the cousins there's loads but there is loads yeah but we don't see them all and they've also got Irish names which are all insane Christmas presents they are insane but Christmas presents What do you do?

13:33Secret Santa? Yeah, and I also feel, I feel Christmas was about kids. So I feel like the kids get the presents and everybody's Secret Santa. So what was your mum cooking for you? I always remember when I grew up with just my mum, we lived where she still lives now, in this little estate near the sea for London Bray, which is a lovely place, a lovely part of the world. And our next door neighbour had an apple tree, our next door neighbour Maureen, which is still alive. And her apples used to fall into our garden. Mom used to pick them and peel them and make apple pie or apple crumble, anything they could stick apples into, or apple stew.

14:07And we have an apple tree in our garden now. Remember when she came over? Yeah. There's still stewed apple in our freezer. Remember she started, she goes, in case you, there's so much stewed apple just frozen in the freezer. It's, yeah. But I was just eating it with custard. I just love it. It feels, it's real comfort food. I agree with you. So would you say that's your nostalgic taste as well? Yeah. And even now with my little one, like just to, And actually, it's hard to get an apple pie wrong. It's, well. What pastry do you use? What pastry do you use? Do you do the pastry underneath? We do the pastry underneath.

14:37Yeah. Why would you do it with no pastry underneath? Well, you could just do it on top. Just do it crushed on top. But then how would you lift up the slice? That's a really good point. You wouldn't. But then it would just be a crumble with a bit of pastry. No, we do it so it's all kind of. And then mum sometimes would get a little bit of the pastry and make it into, if it's Christmas holly, do you know the three little things? Or do it in a shape of something. and that's someone's initials is she a good pastry maker mum is a good is a brilliant cook and a brilliant baker oh amazing yeah but she makes everything she used to do this thing that my granny used to do it's so bad for you but I remember when we were younger there'd be no goodies in the house you know you're like I love a biscuit or I love something well you did bring quality treats a tin of my leftovers from Christmas goodies goodies are plenty but you know when you run out of it my mum used to make this homemade fudge which I now realise is pretty much a bag of sugar and cocoa and a bit of butter just in the pan and then it would go rock hard on the plate and you need a knife to break it off.

15:31Did you mind it like that? I loved it. It was a goodie. Oh my God, it was lovely. When there's nothing else in the house, you'd always have sugar and cocoa and butter. So you'd make, I've tried to make it myself. It's not the same, but it's chewy. That's a really Irish and Scottish thing where it's like distrustful of like the Cadbury's and the sweet industry because it's bad for you. So they just boil up a bag of sugar. But because you've made it yourself, it's somehow... When did you come to England then? I moved over here about almost 15 years ago. I entered a competition to be the face of MTV.

16:05And you bloody won. Yeah, I basically, I was studying journalism. I was working in a newsroom that was pretty hard. News is like not very nice. And I entered a competition just to kind of get a little bit of a contact to do a bit of work experience somewhere, not thinking I'd win this competition. And then I won a year's contract about 15 years ago and moved here for a year. and then you kind of get stuck here. You get sucked in. And where did you first live in London? Camden. Did you like it? Loved it. Oh, the buzz. And I was 23. Who cooks between you two? You're a really good cook. Yeah, I like cooking.

16:38I tell him what we're having and I buy the ingredients. Yeah. Oh, so he's like... Project manager and I'm like the skivvy. I'm the project manager. So you're like the HelloFresh person for him. I'm the HelloFresh person, yeah. So you buy all the ingredients. The Gusto, whoever it is. Yeah, Gusto. Guys. Oh my god, it looks insane. It's okay. It looks mad. And also, this is like a food stylist has been in here. It's Thai curry, coconut rice with salmon. And then some pickled thingies on top. Do you know what's lovely as well for this time of year too? It's just like warming. Yes, it is warming. And then mum is doing pudding.

17:17And look, I've got salt and pepper. It's stupid good. Is it? Oh my god, it's stupid good. Well, babe, you're very sweet, and I will not be offended if you want salt and pepper. But yes, it's easy kind of comfort food. So hold on, what is the sauce? It's just Thai green curry with coconut milk and spinach and spring onions, and you do it with sushi rice. It does have a kick, though. I love it. Well, OK, is it too hot? No, no, I love it. Do you know when you take a bite, and then you stop for a minute, and you're like, ooh. It's like a cuddle. But then you steam the salmon on top, so you lay the salmon on top.

17:50And this is a salad. Oh, this is beautiful. It's like a sesame salad that's supposed to go... It's got avocado as well, isn't it? It's got a little bit of avocado. Oh, my God. And just have some taste. Last supper, guys. You know the drill. We ask everybody for a starter, a main, a pud, and a drink of choice. Now, are you going to combine? Do you have similar taste buds? Like, how does this work? Well, I think starter, we probably will agree on... We 100 % are going to share a starter. We are going to switch. It's the best starter you can start any meal ever. It's classy, it's cherub, it's nature's tapas.

18:26A dozen oysters. Dot oysters. Carlingford, please. We love, and a bit of, and then you can do that thing where you just absolutely, like, riddle it full of Tabasco. It's swimming and they come back to life. So you have a Tabasco. I like the vinaigrette. I like the vinaigrette. I think that's all you need. Maybe, like, a drop or two of Tabasco, but you don't want to ruin it. I don't like oysters. Why not? But why not? Celene, I need no. What about a prawn cocktail? Classy lady, you were about to say. Whenever I hear you on the podcast, you're always so informed with food and so cultured with it.

19:01And I always associate oysters with such a... With cultured people. Yeah. It's like salty snot. It's like spunk, isn't it?

19:13It won't be the thing I'd choose at all. I think I've eaten one once. You don't like them that much. We've all tried at once. I like them for about three or four, and I feel fabulous. You don't want to have two yet, no. But I love that you're sharing that together. Main course, are we separating at this point? We'll do what we always do. We always pick two and share. Literally all, why would you, that seems to me. Are you a good sharer? Yeah, I think we're pretty good. Yeah. So what would be the two dishes for the main? Can you guess what the other person's going to do? Oh, this is like Mr and Mrs.

19:50What's her dish? Well, it's two, because we'd be quite similar. We would probably both pick the same one. But we're not going to waste us both getting the same dish. I know what you're going to pick. Do you actually? Go on. Of course. What do you eat for like breakfast, dinner, lunch? Well, I'll have a pasta dish. Yeah, pasta. He just like lives off pasta. I love pasta very much. So which pasta is it going to be? If we're sharing. Okay, Laura. Oh, if we're sharing. Let's hear from you. Yeah, Laura. you're being very sneaky you're basically you're being a politician because you're going what would you do we're sharing pastas good okay so what would he choose as his pasta what do I do I write it down somewhere we wouldn't both get pasta because that's a waste of two dishes one would be pasta and one would be something else okay so we'd be a seafood linguine me too I love it seafood let's get everything in there I like that let's get everything let's get the muscles the clams now can I ask something very controversial okay go on do you put parmesan on your seafood linguine?

20:47Me too. You're not supposed to. What? You're not meant to? No. And the Italians come like this and they go. Who says that? And they walk past you and say, What do they know about pasta? Excuse me, I want pomesan. They say, no, no, no, no. Pasta goes on everything. Do you know what this should be? I know. Pomesan goes on everything. I mean, pasta goes on pasta too. I absolutely have to have it. Because people don't like cheese with fish. But if you've been brought up on cod and cheese sauce. Ian has something to say about this. I can see. Well, it's funny. It's a weird memory that my mum, Like I said, we'd make a spag ball and a macaroni and cheese.

21:17When I went to Norway to study at university, I never cooked in my life. You went to Norway? For a year to study. Why did you choose? To Norwegian. Why did you choose? Oh, you were doing Norwegian? No, I'd done law, but I'd just done a year in Norway. We basically, I didn't apply. I applied too late. And because Norway's so expensive, it was the only place that no one had picked. But basically, because beer's so expensive, no shouldn't wanted to go there. So me and my friend Robbie just got it as our last. obviously I didn't do the form writing and had to like last minute do it did you enjoy it loved it but the first few months I was quite homesick and my mum gave me a recipe for macaroni and cheese and like even cheese there was like eight nine pounds for like a bar did you have that fudgy cheese it was just yeah that sort of brand sweet one what do you have with your mac and cheese what did you do so I made this mac and cheese from scratch I'd never cooked anything I'd done the milk and the flour at the start and I was like blowing my I made a really basic cheese sauce but I couldn't believe I had done it.

22:15And I put this macaroni and cheese on my plate and I had an Italian sort of roommate and I got it my tomato ketchup that I always put on my macaroni and cheese. Yeah, obviously. And she just walked past and she went, ugh. And I obviously had like three months of like homesickness and I was like, how dare you? You had to fight over macaroni and cheese and tomato ketchup. Because I was just like, leave me alone to have this taste of home for once in my life. so I can just see that look from the Italians when you put your cheese on your seafood when you're putting your tomato ketchup on your they don't often eat macaroni cheese it's not a thing really is it it's American really I'm with you with the tomato ketchup with the macarons I love it my mum used to put whole tomatoes in do you remember they were very nice too so you bake it with the whole tomato so we're doing a seafood pasta now what's the other dish Well, normally we'd be in Italian.

23:12So what would we pick? But then we're quite controversial with this. If it is what I think, what we were talking about earlier on. When you said, obviously pasta, I was thinking I was going to get the seafood linguine. But then we had, I'm like, why would we both get seafood linguine? Because we've got to go out and eat. No, but that's fine. But we can't do pizza because the topping situation is insane. It depends on where you go. Why, what's your topping situation? Ask her what her free toppings are she has on the pizza. Go on. Dream pizza. We did this on our podcast recently and I'm literally the opposite to Ian because I used to work in a pizzeria.

23:40Which one? It was called Pizza and Cream in Bray. It's not there anymore. They got to shout out Pizza and Cream. It's not there anymore. It was great. Pizza and Cream. Sorry, RIP Pizza and Cream. We used to make you listen to 112 as well. We used to make our own homemade ice cream. But then you used to always be able to, if you kind of messed up an order, you got to bring home the pizza. So we always did the wrong order because then you get to bring it home. But my top three ingredients for a pizza, pineapple, mushrooms, and sweet corn together and then they used to do this special dip sauce do Italians even talk to you two no I think we're banned from Rome we're banned from Italy they are and it reminds me growing up because pizza and cream was like the biggest restaurant in my hometown when I was younger I worked there when I was 16 it was my first waitressing job if you were lucky you'd work there like Mystic Pizza it was like you were basically Julia Roberts I was basically Julia Roberts and all the hot guys worked there and they had pineapple on their pizza I was the odd one out.

24:38I was the junior. In Ireland. In Ireland. I know. A pineapple out of a tin, then. Do you know what I mean? It's not an actual pineapple. I love a Hawaiian. I mean, you're not having the ham. You do. I freaking love a Hawaiian. Are you anti-pineapple pizza? Yeah, great. It's disgusting. It's cold. It's disgusting. My anchovies and mushroom and... And it weeps. It weeps. So it's a pizza. I mean, they did fig at your local place once. Fig. Fig on... Oh, I love fig. Yeah, that's fine. Not on a pizza. It's like a gorgonzola. Oh, beautiful. Talking my language. Okay, so you're having half that. Christmas is yours.

25:10And then what's your topic? All the meats. Everything I don't eat. I'd probably have like... And the cheese you like. Yeah. You like hot. Hot meaty. So do you like arabatiata? Yeah. Yes. I would have... That would be my... A meat feast hot. A meat feast shot. We're going to... When we put this episode out, we're going to have people writing to us about your choices, I think. It's going to be like the Complaints Commission. Yeah, complaints about farmers and pineapple. It's weird that... Sorry, I'm just cleaning your hand for you. Thank you so much. But people get really angry about pizza toppings because we talked about it before.

25:45I think... I see the pineapple. People get angry about the pineapple. I think if someone got an order for a half sweet corn pineapple and mushroom, half all the meat spicy pizza, they would contact the police at some sort of... It's our dream dinner. We can do what we want. It's a mental person. People are like, Cheese and pineapple, do you remember? Yeah, all the parties on the stick. With the hedgehog and the tinfoil. Yeah, but that dates back to the 70s. That was sort of a status symbol, wasn't it, from the 70s when people would be like, I've been to a cunt, I've discovered these fruits that don't really exist yet.

26:20That brings us on nicely to the new podcast. Oh, yes. Let's talk about it. Yeah. How did you come up with the idea? Literally, it's what we used to sit and watch. So it's a true crime podcast, and we used to sit and watch sort of true crime stuff and blether about it like this and then someone came to us and said do you want to do it? I think I love podcasts and I know you came on my podcast about podcasts talking about podcasts you live breathe it but I just find it a very safe homely space and also with TV TV's very big there's a lot of people involved and I think with podcasts and you'll know this like you have a lot of control over it it's your baby and you're also very protective over especially when you do it with a family member and we were always like I don't know if we do something together is it going to put a strain on our relationship?

27:02Yeah, that's, I agree entirely. And the day that that happens... You're fine, Mum, I made you. I mean, you made me and then I made you. Darling, darling. Mutually beneficial, so it's great. I carry Jess. Yeah. You literally carry her, so, you know. Yeah, metaphorically. There's a lot of making happening. So, we didn't want... And I think couples podcasts were very popular, so a lot of places were trying to, like, do something. Did that put you off? Were you like, yeah. I did. And people would be like, oh, you're a couple. Yeah, do something. We've got an idea for this podcast. Do you want to do like, who takes out the bins?

27:39Yeah. So we just didn't want to do that because. I said yes to them all. Laura vetoed the whole thing. I was like, show me the money. How have you found doing it? I really enjoyed it because we had that. And I don't know if you did this with your mom, but we had this conversation where I was like, the day that this puts a strain on our relationship is the day we stop. the day that we have a fight that's not just, it goes outside the podcast. And I think it was trying to find that authentic place that also felt just unique in a way. Well, I think also you love true crime. That's the thing. I like eating.

28:13Yeah. And it's real. And I like being with my mum a lot. And I like all of that. So it's like really, it is authentic. It's authentic, yeah. And it feels so separate to what you do on the radio or on stand-up or telly. Like it feels, and so you're still interested in it, right? And I think we have those, like your background's law, my background's journalism. And people probably don't realise that because I do a lot of entertainment that like, oh, you studied journalism and you do stand-up. You're like, oh, you studied law. And like, actually, these were our backgrounds. We have a degree in this.

28:41And it's, we can, every now and then you come out with like an amazing fact about the legal system. And I'm like, what? And then you're like, I know why I married this guy. But you asked me earlier on why I liked it. The first time, I remember, like the first time I met Ian at those BAFTAs. And I had the security tag still on my suit. You had this massive security tag from Topshop still on his suit. They forgot they hadn't taken off. Gordon Ramsay refused to be pictured with you. I'd gone into the Tesco Express with my mum to pick, my mum will hate me for Zeniths, but to get us fags. It's back when me and my mum both still smoked.

29:09We don't, neither of us smoke now. That's for Alison Sterling, that's not for me. And they pulled me aside because I set off the alarm. And then they found the tag on the back of my jacket. Oh, I love you. But I was like getting in a car to go. So what can I do? Now tell me why Gordon Ramsay didn't want to have a photo. he's actually lovely we've seen him loads of times since he loves me because he said yes Ian when I won but then obviously I went up and I was pretty drunk and then and he was there with his family and he was there with his family and they went oh let's all go backstage now to get a photo and he sort of looked at me and I think I'll just sit with my family but that's the first conversation I remember having with Ian except for that TV show that we did years ago that we forgot about we did a true reaction true reaction fake reaction yeah there's actually this footage of us on the same show that I kind of forgot happened but we're not happy about it No, it's fine.

29:57I loved it. We're on a panel show. You know when you're on a panel show? I was on one panel. Hold on. Opposite teens. This was before you got together. I was still doing kids TV. I couldn't believe my luck. Did you see what he looked like? He looks like a different person. Not that he looked bad. He just looks like I didn't know that was him. Okay, fine. And you were like, oh my God, it's Laura Whitmore. So I went up to you. Well, if I'm being completely honest, I'm like, oh my God, it's Harry from McFly. And then after that, I was like, oh my God, it's Laura Whitmore. Because I was doing kids TV, so this was ITV2.

30:26so I was like I'm with the grown ups now Joe Swash is here finally I've matured that's what in my head I was thinking I was like fuck you dick and Dom I'm going to hang out with Matt Edmondson from Radio 1 oh my god I love this so that's where my headspace was whereas you were probably thinking another ITV thing I'd come back from I used to host the backstage show In the Jungle and I was we were still on Australian time you know you travel like a lot and I remember coming back going I could be anywhere right now I don't know what time it is I had thought about could have been on that show and I wouldn't remember.

30:57Yeah, I had been thinking about nothing else for about two weeks. I was like, oh my God, Ellie Taylor's a team captain? But then, so years later at the BAFTAs, I see him and I'm like, oh, congratulations on your award. And I think your response was, oh, and I went, oh. My mum had been asked to leave. So drunk. But let's not get into that. I laughed your mum already. So I just remember thinking, She hadn't. She hadn't. I just remember thinking, you seem lovely, but you, God, he's got a tag on him. A shopping tag, not like a prisoner tag. He's stolen the suit to be here. He was a hot mess. Yeah, I was like, what is he saying?

31:41He's trying to say words to me? Anyway, so we just kind of left it. And you did DM me a little bit, but I was just like. It's like a rom-com. It's like the start of a rom-com. But then I met him sober. And then I realised. Where was that? You were hosting a show. and I remember thinking you were really smart so much taller than I realised on telly I was like oh he's really tall really smart sober you've got this degree in law you know loads of things you're really smart and I'm like actually I didn't see this before it took me six years and the rest is history and then you were like what type of dog do you have?

32:12Yeah what type of dog do you have? That was his DM he's listening to my DMs what type of dog do you have? Sexy talk Jess And now I'm the one who walks that dog You do Thank you Listen I'm looking after a child and juggling a career. It's tough. You walk the dog. I walk a dog.

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33:40We're up to mains. We've done the pizza and the pasta. An atrocity of a pizza. It just kind of represents both of you very brilliantly and I like it. now pudding you sweet much no I'm not a sweet tooth person I've got a bit of sweet tooth in the last couple of months haven't I yeah our wedding cake wasn't sweet no what was it cheese actually do you know what I'd have that as ours wheels of cheese so many wheels of cheese love that I just love cheese so what was on your Christmas cheese board this year I like a soft cheese so do you know what I mean what are we talking goat's cheese oh like a bit blend of brie ooh like roast like camembert baked oozing oh yeah do you know what I love I love a Wensleydale do you know with a little bit of cranberry in it or I do too especially at crimbos or what's the um spicy one manchego manchego manchego's not spicy what's this sort of cheddar orangey cheddar it's probably it's probably greater cheese and you've put bloody tabasco on and like you do with everything spicy red leicester oh i know that one it's got the things in the veins i love that you know that it's got it in the veins yeah i don't know what is it it's not a real thing it's got a little bit of a kick to it it's got um it's like a red cheddar with them let's have a google i also like a stinky cheese me too right it's Berries with white chocolate sauce.

34:49Beautiful. Oh, my God. Beautiful. I won't overface you. No, I love it. So, pudding-wise, would you have a cheese board? Red devil. Right. Red devil. It's called the red devil. It's called the red devil. Because I have the stuff in the bag. Let me see. It's red lesser with chilli fruit. And then they wax it off. Oh, yeah. Okay. Was that on the cheese board? There was so many wheels. Red devil was on our cheese board. You name a cheese, it was on the cheese board. And did you have, do you like a chutney with it, or do you just eat a purist? Oh, great. I'll just take a grape by itself. I like a bit of apple.

35:20I'm just pure carb. Stewed apple, we've got so much stewed apple in the freezer. I'm pure carb. Pure carb. Okay, so which cracker do you like? I don't know about what, I don't even know what crackers are there? Controversial. Circle ones? I like a biscuit. Like a digestive biscuit. No, I don't like the thick oaty ones. Oh, I like them. Or the oaty ones. I'm like, come on, we're going to do it. Maybe that's my sweet with my savoury. I like sweet and savoury. That's my thing. Yeah, I can see with the pineapple and the sweet corn on the pizza. I can see this. It's not right. So what's your drink of choice?

35:51All of them. Fine. Are you going to go with an aperitif and then a change at the main? I'll have Guinness, definitely. Okay. With the oysters. Yeah, but from Ireland. Yeah. I find, I don't know how much time you spend with Irish people, but they sort of have this thing about their chocolate's better. It's the same. Their tea's better. Our chocolate is better. It's the same. They think Cadbury's is better in Ireland. Have you heard this? Have you had a Golden Crisp or Caramello? You know it's better. It isn't. It's the same. You know it's better. It is the same. Because you're a drunk, Laura. Good luck selling tickets in Ireland, Ian, after that statement.

36:25But Guinness is much better in Ireland. Okay, do you not have one of the taps at home? We do. And does it hit the spot? Well, you have to, this is the thing, when we got the tap, we're like, this is great, but you know when you get a barrel, you have to use all 51 pints within three days. No, I didn't know that. Yeah, so you kind of only get it for special occasions. Otherwise, I mean, he likes Guinness for 51 pints in three days. That's a small cake. A normal cake is about 64. Oh, my God. Do you know what? This is like one of those M &S ads. Oh, my God. Well, we think mum should be the voice of M &S.

36:56You should be the voice of M &S. Oh, yeah, it is. It's already frozen. Yeah. And then it melts into a clever woman. That's easy. No, it's brilliant and not too easy. It's fabulous, mum, and I think that I will do it. Also, do you know custard is my favourite food? It's white chocolate. But it's like custard. It is like custard. But it looks like custard. I just like hot, melt, I love hot and cold. I love hot and cold together. Mum, I'm kind of into this. Oh, and then the frozen berries go sort of regular, but it makes the chocolate sort of... We should do this, this is a great one. It's good, because you can just have it in the freezer and then you just bung up.

37:33Mum, this is great. Did you make that, how did you make that chocolate? Did you melt white chocolate or is it withy cream? In a bain-marie, Mum. No, just straight in. So how do you stop it from going hard straight away because of the cream? Yeah, I don't know. Just magical powers. This is really good, Mum. Do you like it? Yeah, it kind of hits the spot. And those cranberries or red currants never, ever work in any other scenario, apart from when you've got white chocolate. I think the chocolate could have been a bit hotter. No, it's perfect. I'm enjoying it. It's really nice. Nice one, God, I love.

38:04So Guinness is going to be there. Laura, what about you, babes? Well, we became a little bit addicted during lockdown. of a particular wine. Yeah. Which one? Because they sold it in a corner shop for like seven quid. It was a rosé. It's the working man's whispering angel. Yeah. What's it called? Kylie. Kylie. Oh, we know about Kylie. Kylie's sparkling rosé. And a screw top. So easy. And it's a screw top. It was seven quid on offer. It was such good value. She's so good at making wine, man. She's so good at making wine. So are you good cooks? Do you like cooking? Ian is really good. But if you don't, like the problem was, I remember lockdown made us cook.

38:41Because up to then we didn't really cook. We always ate out or you'd eat catering. Catering's always better than home, usually. Well, what we used to cook. I think I'll go back to now, I feel like lockdown had all the time. And then do you know there's been that rush post-lockdown with like the backlog of like things to film and do and children arriving and all that. And I feel that's all leveled out. She has a great meal. We cook well for her and then we forget to eat. This year is the year of the chef for me, I think. Really? I'm going to get it back on. I used to love it. I love making it. Do you like barbecuing?

39:14Funny you say that. I once, and this is the most lockdown. Lockdown was obviously so difficult in so many ways. So much time, so awful. Once I made a two-patty burger for myself and I fired up an entire coal barbecue. It took me... Two patties. For two patties. It took me two hours, the whole thing. Yeah, but it's... We had time to kill. Yeah. Yeah. So, are you doing any more acting soon, babes? A series that's coming out later this year, actually, called Queenie on Channel 4. Oh my God, you're a Queenie! I'm in two episodes of Ask. Amazing! Which character are you? You know the book? Yes. You know the opening scene?

39:47Yes. When her... She plays Queenie's vagina. Oh my God, congratulations! For me, I love that book, so... I'm a gynecologist. I'm a gynecologist. Any questions? Ask me. So yeah, and then I filmed two films last year that will be out later this year as well. I hope you're prolific. So it was... Yeah, it was fun. It was nice. It's definitely a challenge and it's different because it's slower than live television. And I do like live. That's why I love podcasting and I love that. But then live is so quick. You do it and it's done. It's gone. But what I love about you, Laura, and it reminds me of how we both do lots of different things.

40:20And you can. And we can. And of course you do too, Ian. But I'm a block, so I'm a load. You said it, baby. but no I think it's so wonderful to see you doing so many different things like from but also if you get those opportunities you go with it and they're not that far you know they're not it's all storytelling in a way you know it's not like I'm actually a real gynecologist and I've just you know go on to show us what you got but it's um it all kind of fits in and there are things I wanted to do years ago I wanted to get into acting and I ended up going in the journalism route then I became the face of MTV it's all and it just kind of you take the opportunity and you run with this theatre or film so I did a run a year ago 222 and that was like 8 shows a week and it was like full on West End yeah baby that was amazing and it was lovely it was a lovely thing to be part of I really liked the play I liked the character I loved the cast and it was the first time I had routine in my life I felt like I had a normal job and also you just know what you're doing so I was able to probably like organise meeting friends for lunch during the day or having a little one at home it worked out well actually because I spend all day at home bar matinees days and I was like, actually, it's the first time, because sometimes with telly world, it's quite last minute.

41:32Things change. You don't get a call sheet sometimes until the night before for things and you're trying to work out childcare. So it was the first time I had consistency. Especially if there's like sides involved or whatever and then you've got to like learn them depending on what's happening and stuff like that as well. I did say that there's been a few auditions I've done recently, even the one for Queenie. I am. Like who has to read with me? Incredible at reading. Oh, you're amazing. But you get really into the character too. Well, I've now learned that if you're reading someone's lines, don't stand near the camera.

42:00Because even when I'm trying to be quiet, it'll be like, what do you mean? And it sounds like I'm screaming over her. And every casting director is like, is that the voice of Love Island? Yeah, that's the problem. That is the problem. It's very hard to hide the voice. Have you met lots of people from Love Island? Yeah, well, I used to go out there. You don't do it out there anymore now? Not for the last few years. And I'd always meet the finalists. That's a shame. Because it's somewhere warm. Well it is but like It's a free holiday But then the hours are mad Like people forget how Your hours are crazy When you're in the voiceover I think it would be nice Obviously it would be nice To go out for like a week But I used to go out for eight weeks And there was two a year So that's 16 weeks And you were out there Yeah but then we used to be You flew in and out And you just had your baby Yeah but I did it before I had her So I remember we did the winter one But that was South Africa So I used to fly back and forth Jesus Because it was That's what the job was But then my hours Were different to your hours you're in production and i so when people say oh you work together i'm like i never saw him that was the least we saw of each other when you i know that was 100 the least we saw of each other that was when i had to ring up my when i had my child i'd ring up my mother and go what are you doing for three months because i need help yeah well we've all we've all been there one a free holiday in spain before we let you go anywhere in london that you absolutely love a local that you love to go to are you a big pub person i love pubs so much yeah like so do you But like a dirty pub.

43:27Do whatever you want. Drink at home. Really? Yeah. We also have a pub at home, so you know. I can see a pub in a lovely Irish village being fabulous, and you meet all the people you know. Yeah. But London pubs just don't do it for me. It depends on where. Because you're a Jewish princess mum, that's why. It depends on what one. I just like going in somewhere, particularly when you go to London. I remember when I first moved to London, and getting off a bus and saying, thank you, driver, because that's what you say. and he looked at me like I was going to shoot him. But you always say, thank you, driver.

43:57So I like going in somewhere where the person, it's like, cheers. So the person behind the bar knows your name. Do you know? Yeah, I get that. But not London pubs. But that's why you have to find your little one. There's a few little ones. So you've got a nice book. Yeah, it's got loads. He's got loads. I've got loads where they know my name and some of them I'm allowed in. But we've got that little one. There's one in North Finchley called Toolins. Toolins. Do you love it? I play poker there every Monday night with the boys and girls they're all like you're the youngest by a lot I'm the youngest there by a good few years but that doesn't matter does it no and I love it you've got a lot more experience on you and they like the football it's quite busy for the football but for like the guy and stuff they do the Gaelic football as well they do the hurling they do all the Irish sports mad busy rammed hot spot my dad loves it this is great my dad loves it I love you two because you make the most out of everything I love it you like rammed the world and life and career by the balls and you go, let's go.

44:52It's amazing. One life. It's wonderful to see you both. And I love that we've got two Lins a show out. Yeah, you've got to do that. Two Lins. Yeah, but you haven't asked about karaoke. Okay, let's do it. Would you do a duet? Oh, we went away to the Maldives. Islands in the stream. Oh my God. We went to the Maldives last summer, which was lovely. But when we got there, it was very quiet. It was very couple-y. It was all people on the honeymoon. On the honeymoon. Did you have your little person with you? No, we didn't. Because we never had a honeymoon so it was kind of like a late honeymoon that mother stepped up again and I was like, thank you.

45:24And there was no really entertainment because it was very romantic, eat, go to bed. Like that's the kind of vibe it was. And they'd sit you like on tables really far apart because you're meant to be like in the romance and stuff. And it's like really intense and quite quiet. I think the Maldives is a bit like that anyway. Right. And we're used to making friends when we go on holidays so they had a karaoke night and when we got there there was six people and there was literally one person sitting on a seat singing. There was no crack. There was no vibe until we came. Whitmore started to come in.

45:52So there was a lovely Japanese couple and they sat adornly at each other. You don't sit when you sing karaoke. But they haven't been practising. They had practised. And then when we sat down, they'd done the English one that they clearly learn all the English to. But they were sitting in a corner. I was like, stand up and get into the stage. Stand up. Sing out, Louise. Did you not send me up first? No, you went up first. I did Teenage Dirtbag, which is my karaoke song. But you were really good singing, though. That's good. and then Ian did his karaoke song no that's not my karaoke song I learnt halfway through alright which one is it The Streets Fit But You Know It I'm not trying to pull you even in front of these other two couples who don't speak English and I don't really know it that well you don't know that song I think you are a fairly fit you're fit but my gosh don't you know it oh my gosh I think you're about eight or nine maybe even nine and a half in four beers time that blue top's up top on you've got his nice and this is on your honeymoon love this Ian and Laura yes such a pleasure to have you over thank you for having us you are the best dinner party guests I'm sure you're invited to dinner parties all the time because you're good crack until we start singing I'm sorry about the very large berries it's okay they're too I mean they should be smaller it's okay it's good because it means that now we can go we'll get the food stylist to cut them up next time thank you so much thank you good luck with the podcast thank you maybe you'll get me into true crime because I'm I'm not into it so maybe you can it's a light hearted romp for a true crime well no hold on because it is we have to be careful but because it's true crime there are real people's lives and we're very serious about it but I just find you can watch any drama on telly anything that you make up nothing is as mad as real life and the stories that we do we're like how did that happen how did they get away with it or how were they that stupid and that's what fascinates me because people are fascinating have you done one already we've done a few yeah okay we always try and solve them Like we always have one where there's some sort of like you need to get that thing at the end where like that person gets caught.

47:48We didn't solve them. Well, I like to think I helped.

47:54Detective Lauren. But you know, sometimes you look, you're reading back old stories. You're like, how did the police, especially serial killers, how did they get away with it for so long? Okay, I'm driving home now and I'm just like, fine, we're over. Thank you so much. And hopefully see you again this year. Yes, definitely. All right, let's have a new year, everyone. Happy New Year.

48:27We're just tucking into the quality streets that they brought. Thank you so much to Laura and Ian for coming round and being such a hoot. What a team. They were so sweet. Such a lovely couple. Yeah, they were so sweet. So lovely. Really gorgeous. I want to be at the pub with them Well you will, good crack as well Murder They Wrote is out now, it's on BBC Sounds and you can catch Ian on tour this year you'll be able to see Laura flexing her skills as a gynecologist and I'm sure they'll be doing plenty more thank you so much to Ian and Laura for coming over and being such fun and so wonderful and warm and fabulous and long may their podcast continue we'll see you next week

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