Nish Kumar

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0:54Lennie Ware: Hello and welcome to Table Manners. I'm Jessie Ware and I'm here in my kitchen with my mother. Hi, Mom. Hi, darling. That's a different lip that you've got on. It's my hourglass red. Oh, I like it. Do you? How are you, mum? I'm okay, darling. I'm pretty tired. I bet you are. Because we have been going around the UK promoting my album. And selling thousands and thousands of copies. How many thousands of copies did you sell? We did over 18 ,000, which I'm really proud of. So thank you to everyone who bought it. Wow, is that the most you've ever sold in one week? yes it is wow darling it's an amazing achievement i'm very very proud um so i'm also a bit tired are you platinum yet no i think it takes a while to be okay but um i am a bit tired so i have to explain i was at a record store yesterday till about 10 o 'clock at night so i have called in help today and i please forgive me i did exec the um the choices yeah but my sweet rosie has helped me today because i'll never lie to your table manners i'll never lie but we've done um we she has a mob kitchen recipe from their cookbook comfort mob and it's a baked sea bass that's got You've got lemongrass in there.

2:17Lennie Ware: It's beautiful. You put crispy onions on the top, limes, ginger, and like a chilli sauce on the side. And then we're going to do it with coconut rice. And then a lovely Easter bell fridge, which I've done before, this kind of maple, lime, sesame seed salad. Fabulous. So it's all quite fresh because it's a gorgeous week. It's been really nice weather. And you've made pudding. Yeah, I remembered this week. Great. I've made a chocolate coconut cake. Oh, wow. That goes well with this. Yeah, I think so. I love coconut. I thought I had two big packs of desiccated coconut. I hadn't, so I had to buy more.

2:54But I bought shredded coconut, which I've toasted and put on the top of it. I hope it's nice. Whose recipe is it? It was a Sainsbury's recipe. And they said it's like eating a cake and a bounty bar all in one. I hope he likes bounty. Bounties are very divisive. I think if he comes from Kerala, Coconut will be something he likes. I think he's from Croydon. I know, but his parents are from Kerala.

3:18Lennie Ware: Right, we have Nish Kumar coming on, who is a kind of brilliant comedian, satirist. Political commentator. You know, you may know him from The Daily Mash or Pod Save the UK. I've been desperate to meet him. You've really wanted Nish for a long time. Wow, for ages, yeah. He also presented the news quiz a bit. He's on the news quiz, which I have great affection for. I feel like my brain cells are just not going to be able to keep up with you two today. I think he's going to be very stimulating, and he'll stimulate other bits of your brain that aren't to do with music. He's also got very beautiful eyes.

3:55Lennie Ware: He's got good hair. Gorgeous, gorgeous hazel eyes. And good hair. And he's coming on to talk about his new tour that's happening in September, Angry Humour from a Really Nice Guy. I wonder what he's angry about. I don't know. There's much. Well, there's a lot to be angry about. I feel like you two are just going to get into it. I hope so. Nish Kumar coming up on Table Manners.

4:25Lennie Ware: Nish, nice to meet you. Lovely to meet you. You've come from North London today? I have come from the offices of my PR today because I'm sort of on like a press blitz for the tour because I've been out of the country. I just, we put the tour on sale and I just thought I'm going to go to America. Why did you do that? I was doing gigs in America. Oh, so you were on tour in America. So I've been doing some gigs, yeah. How's it been going? The gigs are really fun. The gigs were really fun. It's a stand-up. Is this the tour that you're doing in the UK? So this is the show that I'm now going to go on tour with in the UK.

5:02Tell everyone what it's called. It's called Angry Humour from a Really Nice Guy. Why are you angry Nish? I've got, I mean well Lenny, I'm a nice lad but I'm very angry about things in the news. Yeah we all are. So my comedy comes generally, particularly for the last kind of 15 years has expressed a lot of that anger and I think it's quite funny that as a person I'm a sort of obsequious people pleaser. Like it really matters to me what people think about me but then for some reason I've done comedy about the most divisive subjects possible and so that's really partly what the show is about. How thick is your skin 15 years in?

5:42I genuinely thought you were going to say to me how thick is your dick? I thought you were going to say something else my god Jesus Christ I thought you were going to say how thick are you I didn't think you were going to say how thick is your dick that was the first draft of how deep is your love I was wondering, because anything could come out today. The Gibb brothers originally started with How Thick Is Your Dick and they moved on to How Thick Is Your Dick? That's what I thought you were going to say.

6:07Lennie Ware: I don't want to know how thick your dick is. Well, it would be interesting. Sideways. I'm checking the fish, sorry. This is how you're going to get the job hosting the next Graeme. You're going to be the next Graeme Norton by opening with How Thick Is Your Dick? Would you like to host the next film? Only if I could ask people how thick their dicks are Yeah, absolutely No, back to your skin How thick are your dips? How thick are your dicks? How wide are your flaps? That's how we'll start every interview Yeah, I think it's a good way to start No, but okay, back to your skin My mum's going to kill me when this comes out My mum's here and she's encouraging me So there we go You see how we were differently raised

6:56Lennie Ware: dear i can't i can't today i'm sorry this is we're so unprofessional all i've had to eat today is a biscuit i'm starving four coffees wow how do you take your coffee i had i had some strong flat whites from a cafe in town and they were very nice uh but i've had i've had quite a lot of coffee i'm feeling a bit giddy also the food smells really good which has also made me feel a beginning and I think you and I have started on an unprofessional note. Did you start off in Brixton this morning? Yeah I started in South London this morning. He's a neighbour darling. Yeah. Are you live in Brixton? Listen I'm South London through and through.

7:38Are you? I grew up in Croydon. I know. Like all the greats. Said with so much sympathy. Me, Stormzy Kate Moss Yeah Sue Perkins What's happened to the Witt Gift? This is a fantastic question This is a really, really sad moment No, you're deeply ensconced in the music business, Jessie Is that true? Did she really film that music video in the Witt Gift Centre? Yes So Taylor Swift used the abandoned Witt Gift Centre to film a music video It was my first shopping mall, really Where are you from? Well, I've lived in London for the last 50 years so I used to go to the Witt Gift there weren't shopping malls until things like the Witt Gift and it was on a small scale and you could park and go upstairs and it was great the Witt Gift Centre is basically where I used to go every weekend when I was a kid I think they've abandoned Croydon listen, I have not abandoned Croydon you've not I've moved out but you're right, it is very sad that the Witt Gift Centre is a kind of shell of itself a shell of itself I love the way it gives up to me.

8:45How wonderful it was. Yeah. Can I just ask you, because you did Pod Save the UK. Yeah. Have you met Jon Favreau? I have met Jon Favreau. You see, here's one of my ultimate heroes. I follow him on Instagram. I think he's technically my boss. Is he? Well, I guess so. I mean, Crooked Media, which is the company that he sort of co-founded, commissioned Pod Save the UK. but they don't seem to be able to work out if they're who my boss is because I was there last week because I was in America and you saw him last week I didn't see him I saw Tommy Vito who's one of the other co-founders and Tommy was on Pod Save the UK and we were recording it from the office in LA and at one point he said to me like the bosses are not going to be happy with this and I sort of said well hang on aren't you my boss and he said nobody can work out who my boss is so you don't know it's still unclear you're your own boss Nish well that does not bode well for anyone.

9:40Is Nish an abbreviation of a much longer name? No, Nish is an abbreviation of a slightly longer name. Nish is an abbreviation of Nishant. So my full name is N-I-S-H-A-N-T and it's a Sanskrit word that means daybreak. Like dawn. Wow, that's lovely. But the only reason it's abbreviated is because when I was growing up, everybody called me Nish apart from... Your mum and dad. Yeah, but they used to call me Nish. If I got called by my full name it's because I'm about to be told off by my grandma basically basically if I hear my full name weirdly the only people that call me by my full name are my mother and my grandmother when they're annoyed with me and Tim Key for some reason the comedian and actor Tim Key calls me Nishanth all the time I don't know I think he likes he likes it for some reason yeah he likes to give my full title but yeah I have always been referred to as Nish and apart from when my mum and grandma are in a bad mood with me.

10:39When you were writing your essays or your exam papers, did you put Nish or Nishant? Full name. Full name. Full name on the public exams. Have you only got one name? Yeah, only one name. Only one name. No middle name. No middle name. Just straight up. Straight up Nishant. Just on the rocks. Not on the rocks. Is that a Carolyn name? So your family are from Carolyn? Yes. My brother used to live there. Whereabouts? between Changanur and Trivandrum it was called Malakari he lived on an ashram for 27 years really? wow that's cool kind of cool kind of strange Jewish boy living on an ashram for 27 years with a guru I think there were a lot of people when did he go out?

11:28it was probably in the early 70s early 70s yeah He got enchanted by a guru who used to give talks in America. And he was living in America. And he just went there and lived there. My family's from Kerala. Which bit? Well, they're from Palgat and Kananur. So two different places my mum and dad are from. But the name is quite a North Indian name. Oh, yeah, it is. Yeah, Sanskrit. Kerala has the sort of dominant language in Kerala is Malayalam. and that language actually derives from Tamil. So India has two root languages, Sanskrit and Tamil. And so Sanskrit really has not much to do with Tamil. I think they just heard the name and liked it.

12:16My brother's name's Nathan. So my brother has a Jewish name. Oh, why? My dad just really liked a writer whose name was Nathan. Which writer? I think his name's... I think it's supposed to be pronounced Natan, but I think it's Natan Shiroff maybe. He was just a writer my dad really liked. And so my brother has this like, one of my friends once said to me, why do you have an Indian name and why does your brother have a normal name? Normal, obviously not ideal. Yeah, not ideal. But yeah, my dad just liked that name. So we've all got names that don't directly relate to. Yeah. And also my surname shouldn't be, Kumar is a very, very traditional North Indian name.

12:57Yes. Shouldn't be that at all. No. My dad just sort of free-wheeled it on an immigration form. Oh, shame. I think he's been in the country too long for there to be a problem. It's just mild name fraud. But you were born here. Yeah. But food is essentially... Was your grandmother... Did she come over when they moved? So my dad came here when he was 30, but my mum... They met here, so thank you. I'm just going to serve you.

13:23Lennie Ware: Is that OK? That's fantastic. Thank you. My mum and dad met here, even though they're both from Kerala. My mum moved here in 1973. She'd been in Kenya and my grandparents and my mum and aunt and uncle came here in the early 70s. And my granddad was an accountant who then left his job in the early 80s and opened Indian restaurants. So my family business is Indian restaurants. Oh my goodness. So who's the best cook in your family? The best cook in my family, sadly, this year passed away. So my grandmother died. Listen, she... How old was she? She was 93. Oh. It is very sad because she and I were very close, but she had an incredible life.

14:13What was her best dish? She used to make a mullabar fish curry, like a carer of fish curry that was absolutely bananas. But to be honest, she was so gifted that kind of anything she made... Was delicious. Was delicious. She used to make an omelette with cashew nuts and red onion. It was so delicious. And she just had a kind of... She was talented. Yeah, very natural aptitude for cooking and languages. She picked up languages really quickly. So what did she speak? She spoke... Thank you very much. She spoke... Malayalam was her... That was her first language. She also learnt to read and write Hindi in school and English.

14:51and then she learnt Tamil and then when she moved to Kenya she learnt Swahili and then she also learnt Gujarati because all the Indians in a lot of the Indians were not South Indian and she sort of her and my grandfather kind of just picked up Gujarati by being sort of immersed in it Can you speak any languages? I can speak English fine but I can also I can understand Malayalam because she refused even though she could she refused to speak to me in English when I was growing up okay to make sure that I had some understanding of it but like when I speak it it's very bad because it's my accent is very poor it's a Croydon it's a thank you it's a Croydon accent yeah I can understand it and but yeah she had a real aptitude for languages and her cooking was unreal and even Even when she was like much older and unwell, she would sort of make fish cutlets for me, like Indian fish cutlets.

15:54And she also used to fry sardines. So she'd get sardines and fry them in chilli powder and turmeric, like quite shallow oil. Just unbelievably delicious. So good. and yeah it just felt like anything she gave for any sort of because if you ask her recipes for anything if you ask her amounts of stuff she'd just say well you put enough in then everything was done by taste and instinct and she also I think had this kind of understanding of oh if you put it's too sweet so you need to bring something in that you need to put salt she had that understanding of the chemical balances that needed to happen and she could tell you why something didn't taste right or when you put too much or too little Are you a good cook?

16:43No. Oh. My brother is. My brother's a really good cook. Nathan's a good cook. Yeah, Nathan has some of that instinct, I think. Yeah. I'm a fantastic consumer of food. I absolutely...

16:56Lennie Ware: I'm sorry, this is quite bony. No, that's perfect. What are we eating? I'm eating baked sea bass with ginger, lime, crispy onions and chilli garlic. Oh, my God, that is delicious. Yeah, it's yummy. Oh, my God, that is really good. I didn't get a bony bit. This is much better than off-menu. Off-menu can suck it. This is way better. They didn't give me any food. Listen, we love the off-menu boys. We're yet to have both of them on, but we did have Ed, and we had a lovely time together. Anyway, so Ashing B told me, who I love, I saw her on Wednesday. Well, you kind of are like conjoined twins, aren't you?

17:41Lennie Ware: You love each other so much. You're with each other kind of every week, right? She said, my baby Nishi. Oh, my baby Nishi. That is what her and her... Jack? ..two-year-old daughter call me Nishi. And Jack, her partner Jack, all three of them call me Nishi. And that actually is my, like, family name, really. Like, my two-year-old nephew calls me Uncle Nishi. and Ash does call me that I went to see her tour show on Wednesday I'm so annoyed I missed it she's done so well, she's amazing it was such a great show, also her opening act was Amy Annette who is my common law wife and so we're very, Aisling and I are very enmeshed in each other's lives how did you two meet?

18:25we met doing stand up so we met at an open mic gig about I think probably in about 2010 and then Amy actually briefly worked for an agent, a comedy agent, before she did comedy and the comedy agent represented Aisling. So the three of us have known each other for, I mean, like, you know, well over a decade.

18:48Lennie Ware: Amy's your girlfriend? Yes. Right. So, the Canadian. Mum's Canadian, Dad's American. Got it. She sounds like Mary Poppins. Who's funnier, Amy or you? She's definitely funnier than me. Is she? She's definitely funnier. Do you make each other laugh all the time? Yeah. Okay. I think that's quite an important part of the functioning relationship, whether or not you're in comedy. Man, this is really good. Good. Delicious, really delicious. Man, off-menu can suck it. I'm loving it. Now, you know we do do the same question where it's the last supper, so we're just going to see how different it is from off-menu.

19:26Lennie Ware: No judgement if it hasn't changed. This is so good. Good. There's loads. So I missed all the stuff. It sounds like you ate well when you were younger. Yeah, we ate really well. I mean, my mum is a fantastic cook as well. And it shouldn't go unremarked upon that she is also a brilliant cook. It's just everyone in my family was so enthralled to my grandmother's cooking. What was her name? My grandmother, Padma Kuti. Padma Kuti. Everyone was so obsessed with her food. and um but yeah my mum is also a really brilliant cook what is your if it was birthdays or celebrations or feast days what would be your celebration meal we love to eat a big biryani it's like the indian rice dish yeah it sort of has variations across india and indian communities and actually indian and arab communities get very territorial about whose biryani is the best biryani and so they would definitely make like a big biryani.

20:32When I was a kid, my grandmother would marinate tandoori chicken and then we'd cook that on the barbecue and she'd make a kind of homemade tandoori chicken recipe, you know, that kind of really like vivid red and she would marinate that overnight and then stick it on the barbecue and so that was a big thing. We get a lot of kebabs and stuff. like there was a guy there was a pub in Leicester where my grandparents lived where the guy would be barbecuing kebabs in like a sort of brick shack out the back of the pub amazing that I assume was some sort of licensing dodge

21:11Lennie Ware: what was it like a chamois kebab or like a chic kebab chic kebab really great right so that was like how big but when I was a kid my treat food was Pizza Hut like Pizza Hut is the thing that I associate with being a kid Oh for birthdays If it's treat night If it's treat night The biggest treat you can have Is A stuffed crust Pizza Hut And also like The ice cream With all the toppings Ice cream factory Yeah Oh my god The ice cream factory God I signed myself up For type 2 diabetes I fear it's coming from me And I fear the Pizza Hut Ice cream factory Is at least partially responsible But I feel like Even like the salad bar It felt so exciting It was like the harvester Oh my god And Pizza Hut Had a salad bar because they have those little croutons and corn.

21:57Lennie Ware: And the corn. And I just remember it feeling so exciting. Oh, it was so good. And then whatever that dressing is, whatever that pink Willy Wonka nonsense was that we were pouring all over our salad that I'm pretty sure immediately killed any nutritional. Yeah, totally. So where were the spots that you were going in Croydon then? Well, we used to eat a pizza hut in Croydon all the time. We were Streatham High Road, so yeah. Oh, we're really from Croydon. We were like clapping south. So, yeah, we are close to each other. Can I tell you some of the greatest Indian food I've ever... Some of the greatest actually South Asian food I've ever had happened in Norbury.

22:35Oh, really? Yeah, there used to be a Pakistani sort of Pakistani Karai food place called Mirch Masala.

22:41Lennie Ware: Oh, yeah, I've been there. Yeah, it's still there. Is it not the same? It's not the same as it once was. I don't mean to disparage the good people of Mirch Masala, but when it first opened, the whole restaurant was probably about the size of this room that we're in now and the kitchen was open so you'd have to wear clothes that you knew you were going to wash the next day and it was insanely delicious like insanely delicious Have you not eaten at the one in Tooting? The Mish Masala there? No I don't think I've been there We used to eat at Norbury the Norbury Mish Masala all the time We loved it I love the Lahore Karahi Yeah the Lahore Karahi so good I like the one, is it called Dab's or in East London the Thai Abs the Lamb Chubs at Thai Abs are crazy really really amazing so what is making you angry this week very good mum I'll tell you what's making me angry this week I actually saw Peter Mandelson in the street I was on the phone Literally yesterday I was walking through Soho And I was on like a work call So I was doing a like briefing For a TV show I'm doing And I sort of turned a corner And I guess what they heard was just me going And the guy said Are you okay?

24:04And I said yeah sorry Just Peter Mandelson's just walked

24:12Lennie Ware: So you couldn't Would you have said something to him? Yeah he caused so much bloody trouble If you were on the call, would you have said something? Yeah, I have an unfortunate history of not being able to shut my mouth in instances like that. There's a story at the end of my last stand-up show, which is available online now on YouTube. It's called Nish Don't Kill My Vibe. And there is a story about that at the end of the show about me encountering Boris Johnson. I don't think I would say, I wouldn't say I met him. Where were you? Me and Josh Widdicom were making a TV show where we worked as local newspaper journalists and we were in Blackpool.

24:51And they said to us, oh, Boris Johnson's doing an event. Do you want to go? And I ended up chasing his car, screaming the C word. And they were filming it. And that footage exists. And I kind of tell the full story in the show. But did he hear you? Well, he didn't hear me that time, but there's later footage of him walking around where I'm screaming it and being removed by...

25:19Lennie Ware: And you weren't doing it for the telly? No, I've forgotten. Amy, my partner, when she watched it, the first thing she said was, you've forgotten that you're on TV. I was so angry because, you know, the stuff that guy did to the country was so, like, egregious and so awful. and it was right in the middle of all of the revelations coming out about the parties they had during covid and i think what frustrated me at the time was at one point they just they were sort of saying things like well no one followed the rules really and like i think that's a gross underestimation everybody followed the rules so many of us followed the rules to the letter and because we were trying to protect vulnerable people in our society and so the fact that he couldn't do that.

26:05I was so mad with him. And I'm, it's probably a good thing that I was on the phone when I saw Mandelson and that he kind of walked past me quite quickly. How did he look? I'll say this, he looked very relaxed. For a man who's like, he looked very relaxed but I guess if you maintain a friendship with a convicted paedophile after they're convicted of child sex offences, you've got a lot of brass net. You've got the brassiest neck in human history. And yeah, it was so, yes, I'm very angry about the handling of that news.

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28:00Lennie Ware: I'm going to let you finish your food but you're going to have to whilst you masticate you can Jessica that is an absolutely I know but you did use that word you went there but I knew as soon as you said that do you remember when they did that TV that advert that was all about mastication and what was it for it wasn't for Fanta It was for something Does anyone remember? And they used the word mastication But they knew what they were doing Of course they knew what they were doing Like you just did Well it made me remember it But I can't actually remember It was like for a crisp or something Does anyone remember?

28:35Lennie Ware: Anyway Think about your last supper And make it different from off menu Will you? It's easy for me Because I never actually did my normal menu on off menu Because I did a Christmas episode Oh thank God Thank you Ed Thank you James My last meal For a starter It would be so long As a meal Come on let's go I guess this is the only bit that would be overlapping loosely with off menu. But it would probably be... You're fine as well. We love our friends. Some kind of kebab combo. Okay. That's like, that's always quite a nice starter. Is that the starter? I love the starter with the lovely minty yoghurt.

29:09Yeah. Yeah. You get some of that in there. Yeah. You get just... A nice little chamois. Chamois kebabs. Yeah. Sheet kebabs. You get them all out. It's very delicious. Which meat would you have? Lamb? Lamb. Yeah. Yeah. Lamb kebabs.

29:21Lennie Ware: You don't eat beef, do you? I don't eat beef, correct. Are you Hindu? Yeah. Okay, that's why. That's why. Got it. Penny, drop. I did. Last year, I said to Amy, I'm going to start eating beef because I'm so sick of this Hindu nationalist movement. And as a protest, I'm going to eat beef. And Amy said, that's the most pointless thing I've ever heard in my entire life. You think that's going to really affect the Red Ramode? Like this guy who's like, dominated Indian politics for over a decade. Yeah, exactly. No one knows. A man from England has increased his risk of colon cancer. So that's really stuck it to Modi.

29:56Lennie Ware: So we're going lamb, chamois, sheep. Yeah, lamb, chamois, sheep. And then what are we doing? Drink of choice? A few different? A few different. I guess I'm never not in the mood, regardless of the weather, for a pint of Guinness. I'm never not in the mood for a pint of Guinness. You know there's a great Guinness up the road. What? At Skins. Yeah, babe. One of the best in London. Is it draft? Yeah. Okay. I've got to go there. Also, the Devonshire. I've had the Devonshire Guinness. It's fantastic. Was it fantastic? Or do you think it's just like everyone's saying, this is great? No, it was good.

30:31And the Toucan is the other one in Soho that everybody's obsessed with for Guinness. And it is good. Where do you stand on zero? Guinness zero is really good. I know it's really good. It's really good. You don't know. You don't get the kit. No, I did the other day. I went to my friend's party and I was, I was sort of like I'm quite hungover I don't think it's a good idea for me to continue drinking I spent the whole time on the Guinness Zero and you were fine great loved it loved it

30:55Lennie Ware: okay so we're having a little Guinness yeah a little Guinness and some kebabs okay and then Maine my instinct is like to really satisfy my childhood self the Malabar curry yeah the fish curry from your grandma maybe the fish curry from my grandma but the biryani from your mum but also there could be there could be biryani you can have both you can have both have both the biryani at Gymkhana is crazy. I've never been to Gymkhana Oh I've never been. Gymkhana, when we were kids Where is it Jess? It's in Mayfair Mayfair. When we were kids my dad used to go to like fancy Indian restaurants because the real Indian food we'd get at places like, you know places in Croydon or in Tooting or Wembley and they'd look like like canteens at a university you'd walk in and you'd think this place isn't up it's a health inspection and then the food would be unbelievable it's so delicious you'd roll your dice on a one out of five health rating but that was the only place to get authentic Indian food and if you went to a fancy Indian restaurant it would be really sanitised bland food and I think the thing that Jim Karner has done that is amazing is they've managed to make fancy Indian food taste good and actually they do a munk jack biryani which is I think deer meat munk jack so that's vegetarian no no it's deer Oh, dear.

32:13Oh, my God. Why are people eating poor little deers? I know. Mum, shut up.

32:18Lennie Ware: Just don't go to Jim Carver. I don't think you can. I think you have to shoot them, darling.

32:25You've got to shoot a mudjack.

32:28Lennie Ware: That's it. They're little baby mudjack. Oh, stop. Your favourite food is lamb. What are you talking about? They're not lambs, though. They're little bambis. What are lambs, Mum? Little sheep. I haven't eaten a lot of lamb recently. Oh, you're making a protest against the little lambs. Okay, anyway. So we've got the biryani. Yeah, but then I also would feel bad if my last meal wasn't a big pizza. Which pizza are you going for? Where do you stand on pineapple? I'm not angered by it. It's not my preferred, it's not my choice. I love a Hawaiian sometimes. I don't mind, I'm not angry about it. What are you going for and which place?

33:10I mean there's some really good South London pizza chains 400 Rabbits Mama Do these are really good

33:19Lennie Ware: no I see your Mama Do and your 400 Rabbits respect no both of them dinner for 100 you need to come and have a pizza with me up the hill where? dinner for 100 ok fine or they're on Evelina Road I'm just racking up the re-invite Jessie they're also serving a Hootenanny dinner for 100 really? really? ok now that's fine that's in Brixton I went to the you went to I went to the Effra Social Club for a quiz night on Monday Day. Who are you, Lenny? Lenny, you are so down with the kids. Wow. Please try the Dinner for 100. Okay, I definitely will. But then also, here's the other thing. Come on, now. What?

33:55What am I doing? I've got to have some tacos. If it's my last meal. Where are you getting your tacos from? I went on holiday to Mexico City. It's the best place. It's the best place. It's the best place. And we had a taco from a taco stand.

34:07Lennie Ware: Yeah. and it was a long anise. You rolled that dice as well? Yeah. Okay. Was it recommended? I was with my... You were there to gamble. Amy's brother. Okay, why? What does Amy's brother do? Okay, fine. And so he had been there. So he took us to this place and it's like a kind of Mexican chorizo, like it's a spicy sausage and they just cook it as whole sausages and then he just chopped up a bit of it on this kind of wooden cutting board and then he kind of, he basically turned it into mints. He diced it in front of us, put it in the taco, unreal hot sauce do you remember what it was called it's called longaniza I'm adding it to my Mexico City Google map I'll tell you where I'll find out the name of the exact stand we're now going to swap numbers this is really going well guys I go on to pinch another podcast but how hot can you go it's not a podcast what is it darling it's a YouTube series how hot can you go hot like really hot were you trained to go hot yeah I've eaten hot food a lot and I've also So I love like hot sauce.

35:09Like I really am a huge fan.

35:12Lennie Ware: Which hot sauce are you getting? You know, there's your sort of classics, the, you know, Tabasco, Encona, the West Indian pepper sauce. That is crazy. There's a company, there's a South London hot sauce company and they do, they're called Fire Fire. It's like Fire Fire sauce And it's really very good. So, okay, we've got like a really very, what are your toppings on your pizza? I get the, I had goat's cheese, caramelised red onion, and I added anchovies. Oh. Delicious. Oh, wow. That's a bit odd. Goat's cheese, caramelised red onion, anchovies. Fantastic. That sounds nice. See, I've never put that combination together.

35:56Really good. It was really good.

35:58Lennie Ware: What was that? Where was that? Mamadou? That was from Mamadou, yeah. Okay. pudding you into sweets yeah I mean I have talked about this at length not just on a live off menu but like a couple of different podcasts but actually some of them weren't even about food but there's a cafe in Manchester called Idle Hands and the pies they make are unreal sweet pies and they used to make a banana cream pie and I've talked about it so much and I've eaten it so much that when they changed the recipe they changed it to a slightly different recipe you knew you knew no they told me they warned me oh my god I got a message from Dave who runs it saying just so you know we've decided to change the recipe Lucy who makes the pies is an artist and she is and she was like she's deciding to change the recipe I said I would never interrupt the work of an artist she must change the recipe if that's what she desires but I have talked about that pie so much that when they retired the recipe they presented me with the artwork that a local artist had done for them to decorate the shop of the banana cream pie.

37:03So I now have that. I have that painting.

37:07Lennie Ware: But can you tell me whether the new recipe is as good? The new one is as good, yeah. Okay, fine. To be honest, you can't go wrong with any of their pies. They're all absolutely incredible. I mean, other desserts, obviously, all I ever want to eat is Ben and Jerry's fish food. If I was left to my own devices, that's all I would eat. I like Chunky Monkey. I love Chunky Monkey. I love Chunky Monkey. Yeah. You know, a lot of people don't like the banana ice cream. No, I love it. You know where you can get it? Where? Cinema. At the Ben & Jerry stands at the cinema, you can get Chunky Monkey. It used to be able to get Satisfy My Bowl, which is a bit like Chunky Monkey, but it had, I think like, I think it had walnuts in it.

37:49But Chunky Monkey, that's banana ice cream with the chocolate chip. So what, if you had your, we had Brandy Carlisle on here, and she said, I know I would have my own ice cream and it would be called Candy Bar Lyle. I mean, it's beautiful. That's beautiful. And they did it for her. Did they really? So tell us what you'd like. Nish. Nish food. Nish food. Yes. Well done, darling. But the problem with Nish food is I think it would... What would be in it, though? I mean, the problem is I'd probably be describing Chunky Monkey because I love banana ice cream. but I also really really like any kind of any ice cream that's either Snickers ice cream or imitation Snickers ice cream oh it's peanuts

38:37Lennie Ware: yeah the peanuts Ben and Jerry's peanut one was really good too yeah that's very good as well that's very good the Bull and Lust in Kentish Town used to have a Snickers ice cream and it was absolutely delicious but if I could design I think this is probably what I'm talking about is hazelnut but I would like niche food and it would have to be a cross promo with Kinder Bueno because I would ultimately Kinder Bueno is my favourite I want Kinder Bueno turned into an ice cream niche food that sounds amazing yeah it's kind of wafers and Nutella yeah it's wafers and Nutella it's wafers and Nutella have you got any ice cream yeah I do to go with the cake yeah I do but it's not like you know what I just finished what what okay so my favorite Hargendass's Pralines and Cream yeah very nice They did a limited edition pistachio and cream, and it was fucking great.

39:27Was it great? Yeah. When I was a kid, one of our other big treat foods was we'd go to Chinatown, have a massive Chinese meal, and then, oh man, the duck and pancakes. Oh, yeah. Get it in there with the chamois. Yeah, I think you've got to have that in the beginning. When I was in, I made a TV show with Joel Domit many years ago. His travelling one. Yeah, where he likes doing CrossFit, which is sort of prison workouts for people who don't belong to a socioeconomic racket that means they're ever going to go to jail. But it's like real world fitness. And so we went to places where people just do that because that's the way they live, like tribal people.

40:02Lennie Ware: Had you ever done it before? I didn't do anything. My job was, they realised Joel couldn't present the show and run an ultramarathon or lift up a tree trunk. So my job was basically to host the show and, you know, just chat to people. And so I had the best job in TV. And he got really fit. And he was running around doing all sorts of stuff and I'd be there sort of just chatting. So you were like the Phil Rosenthal of this. Basically, yeah. Yeah, essentially. And I would just walk around, meet people and then we just ate food from all over the place. And I mean, the thing that I think about all the time was I had the hotel we were staying at in China, I had tea braised pork belly.

40:38So it's like the pork belly is marinated with tea leaves and then the side dish was a fried aubergine with Szechuan peppers. and they're szechuan peppers that make your tongue slightly numb. Love that.

40:50Lennie Ware: Go to Giaconi for that because she does one. Ravinda does it. Okay. And they do the tingly. It's like you're like, am I going numb or am I having an anaphylactic shot or am I loving this? It's amazing. We love Ravinda. Okay, I'm in for that. It's tingly and delicious. What's this? It's a chocolate coconut cake. Great. I don't know whether it's great or not great. Fantastic. Because I've never made it before but it does have good ingredients. Jessie, don't overdo it. Give a small cube. Only... Well, maybe. You should bring it here, darling. I'm just going to bring it back. Because we're going to start with a small cube and then move on to a bigger cube.

41:31So I need a knife and we need spoons. Yes, got it. Thank you.

41:35Lennie Ware: Nish, tell me where you're going on your tour. In September it starts? We start in September, yeah. Where are you going in there? Are there any spots that you're going to eat in? we're starting Ireland actually this time so I'm doing Cork and Dublin and then I'll hop over to do Belfast and then we kind of go all over you can have more thank you very much and then we kind of go all over the UK and there's a lot of it's hard for me to eat like massive dinners when I'm on when I've got to do a stand-up show because nobody needs to hear me burping my way through masticating or burping you said it Lenny I can't give you this bad ice cream because I know you're a good ice cream person I'll have bad ice cream no but I do need you to try it and it's not because we're just sponsored by them but these are delicious just try one have you tried the bonbons?

42:24no

42:24Lennie Ware: the magnum bonbons babe they're so good what? I don't know you're getting a gold caramel billionaire try it they just like pop in your mouth oh my god that's like it's good isn't it? I can't have this in my house I can't have that immediately Immediately, as soon as I ate it, all I could think was, I cannot have this in my house. That cannot be in my house. Because they just go, boop, and they go, moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips. That cannot be in my house. And that's the best recommendation I could ever say. It's good, isn't it? For biting a dry skin, yeah. Jesse, you might need something to get this.

42:57Lennie Ware: I'm going to, okay, what? Because it's dry, is it dry? I can't give you the Swedish glassé, you're not dairy-free. Bit dry. It is, but there's masses of coconut in there that was sitting in coconut milk, and I don't think it tastes very coconutty. Mm, that's real good. Do you like it? Yeah, I love it. Yeah, that's really nice. Mm. There was 250 grams of desiccated coconut that I soaked in coconut milk. It's really good. It doesn't taste coconutty, does it? The chocolate is really delicious. So tell me where you're eating. So I'm very excited about the network of coffee shops that I frequent while I'm on tour Are you a coffee free?

43:46Yeah, and also they often come along with some sort of pastry-based treat So I love Full Court Press in Bristol, I think it's amazing Idle Hands, obviously, in Manchester is incredible I absolutely love Kofra in Norwich Kofra coffee, and I always buy beans from there I'm going to be in Edinburgh in August for the Fringe, and there's a place called Cult there. Cult Coffee is amazing. Also, there's a Thai place called Ting Thai in Edinburgh. Delicious. Absolutely delicious. They started as a kind of food van, I think, and then had a temporary shop, and now they've got, I think, two or three in Edinburgh now.

44:26Lennie Ware: Will you join Phil Wang for rating noodles? Phil Wang's noodle ratings are a really important part of how I find good noodles. Like, he... I'm a huge reader of the Slurpiece when he awards the various noodle places. And he is the person that went to Noodles and Dumplings in Edinburgh, which is so good. And that's why now we all go there and it's borderline impossible to get a table. Before we let you go, can you give us a nostalgic taste that can transport you back somewhere? Yeah, loads. I mean... You know what I had yesterday that I haven't had in ages? What? Someone should get me a chocolate digestive.

45:06Digestive. Wow. Have that chocolate digestive? They're freely available, you know, in the UK. You know what it is? In the same way that I can't allow those bonbons in my house. You can't buy them because you eat the whole pack. Yeah, that's it. It's gone. I just post the entire thing. Packaging it all. I'm obsessed with Borders chocolate ginger biscuits. Have you had them? Well, they're quite thin. They're very thin ginger biscuits with a bit of chocolate. And they're dark, dark chocolate with the ginger. Just, I have to. I'm popping lint balls. Lint balls. I'm just like... What, the Lindor? Yeah.

45:40I don't think you're really supposed to buy those for yourself. I think you're supposed to buy them as gifts. You're right. But I buy them and I'm just popping them. Of course you are. So this is helping your creativity, darling. Don't even think of it as something negative. There's too much negativity out there. That lint balls are to me what Herriman was to Keith Richards. It fuels our creativity.

46:04Lennie Ware: fueling creativity those limp balls back to the chocolate digestive where did it take you back to it it truly immediately took me back to primary school could you get them at primary school yeah i remember chocolate digestible would you have them after school yeah i'd have them after school was it a happy memory yeah it's a happy definitely a happy memory dark or milk chocolate uh milk chocolate dark chocolate i would like dark chocolate now but that's not a when when you're a child and somebody gives you dark chocolate like oh great what are we pooping in candy floss now why have you ruined the most delicious thing in the world like handing a child dark chocolate is it's so frustrating and then as you get older you actually I never thought I'd like dark but I do start your palate changes it's delicious but to a kid dark chocolate is the most great yeah why don't you just why don't you just punch me in the mouth yeah exactly it's but um Yeah, it really immediately transported me back.

47:01I think because I tried to restrict my biscuit intake. So now when I actually do have a biscuit, it reminds me of someone. I had a bourbon biscuit, like chocolate bourbon. Oh, yeah. I had one of those. And that is a real, that immediately. Bourbons, custard creams.

47:22Lennie Ware: And the strawberry wafer. And the strawberry wafer. And immediately it's the mid-90s. the charts are dominated by eternal and Britpop and Britney no she was later this is pre-Britney this is real like mid 90s in Croydon the Whitgiff Centre is thriving okay the golden age of Croydon the Tory government is mired in sleaze David Mellor's banging in a Chelsea top I remember that you're right John Major's banging Edwina Currie We didn't even know about that. I know. Didn't you know? No. Major and Currie? Yes. What? She wasn't very political. Major? No, but we didn't know this at the time. It came out a few years later that while John Major was Prime Minister, he was having an affair with Edwina Currie.

48:12About eggs. What? She was the person who said you shouldn't eat eggs. We don't know if the eggs were in any way part of their sexual interactions. And poor Norma was long-suffering.

48:26Lennie Ware: Nish, you've been amazing. Thank you so much for coming. Listen, I would do this podcast literally every week. Would you? Yeah. Are you kidding me? Maybe Nish fills in when Lenny goes on a fucking long holiday. I don't think I'd quite have... You wouldn't have the gall to ask people terrible questions. Oh, I think you would. Me calling you Jessica wouldn't quite have the same level of authority. Listen, listen. We can see how it goes. Thank you. Tell everyone when your tour starts. My tour starts in September Actually my tour starts With a work in progress run At the Edinburgh Fringe And then goes on From September To the end of December All of the information Is available At nishkamar.co.uk Isn't that a bit stressful Doing your work in progress At the Edinburgh Festival Well I That's BDE Right there Isn't it TDE Must be a bloody good tour It's TDE It's Big Dick Energy

49:24Lennie Ware: Very good.

49:40Lennie Ware: Nish Kumar, love him so much. I did have to stop myself looking into his eyes. Oh my God, his eyes. The most gorgeous eyes I've ever seen. I don't like to objectify anyone, but you've got great eyes, Nish. He is fab and funny and makes you feel like you're quite funny too. He's funny. He laughs at everything, darling. And he was very nice about the food. I thought the food was nice. I thought it was. I thought my cake was a bit dry, but I don't understand why. It was actually, it was almonds and coconut. It went down really well. The whole team have had it. Okay, and everyone liked it, I think.

50:18Lennie Ware: Yes. Yeah, yeah. Yes. Good. And it meant that I could get the squirty cream out, so I'm happy. Yeah, I love a squirty cream. Thank you to Nish for coming on. His new show, Angry Humour from a really nice guy, is touring all over the UK. Or you can catch him at Edinburgh Fringe if you're lucky. But otherwise, go and check him out. Or you'll find him in a coffee shop where he's touring. And in London, he's playing Two Big Empires. Yeah, he's amazing. Yeah, I love him. I would love to go. Me too. Thank you for listening. Thank you for watching. And we'll see you next week for more Table Minutes.

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