Paddy McGuinness

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2:06Hello and welcome to Table Manners. I'm Jessie and I'm here with Mum and you're in a kind of what would you call that green? Moustachio. Oh yeah. No it's not really. You love a bit of green don't you? Yeah I just thought oh it's sunny today. Yeah you look like a little easter egg. Oh gosh. We have Paddy McGinnis coming on who I love and think is very funny. I've loved him since Phoenix Nights. Peter Kay's Phoenix Nights. His was just fabulous. I sometimes when I'm feeling fed up I look at little clips on YouTube of Phoenix Nights. Really? Or Peter Kay, yeah. Why didn't we go and see Peter Kay when he was on?

2:46Couldn't get tickets. Couldn't get tickets. Should we try and get Paddy to get his tickets, get us in? That would be a good move. I think he's very good friends with him. They went to school together, Mum. Bolton. Well, Paddy McGuinness has this new show out. I think it's his second season. It's called Tempting Fortune. It's incredibly entertaining. Factual entertainment I'd say it was, maybe. A group of people, strangers, have to trek in a jungle and along the way, they have a big prize pot at the beginning and along the way they are met with temptation. It's whether they will succumb to it. And each time they succumb to it, a little bit more comes off the prize fund so it's like what are you going to be left with at the end who has has drained the bank um and so it's really good i've watched three episodes i'm fully in they're in malaysia it's really hardcore this trekking and it's just they've got some excellent characters so does he track with them paddy doesn't know paddy's like oh they're gonna be with leeches and paddy is not wading through the leeches i don't think paddy has it's the cushiest job i think ever i want to ask him about that so it's like a combination of bear grills i'm a celebrity survivor survivor temptation island but without like any romance okay it's really good i loved it it's also just taken over inside the factory which takes things food production from beginning to end so we might get to know how a crumpet's made jesse or the milk roll or the milk roll um or a quaver I um have been cooking you've done pudding thank you very much I have done I hear he likes a roast and actually this was serendipitous but I am doing a roast chicken it's a mob app recipe and I am doing a roast chicken with a charred spring onion mayo which is delicious so you char the spring onions you let them cool you finely chop them you do chives you um do mayonnaise I actually took like 50 grams of the mayonnaise out and put Greek yogurt in with it too and parmesan salt and pepper and you just mix it up and it's so tasty yeah yeah it's delish doing it with a roast chicken that you put after 30 minutes you put some white wine in and so you don't make a gravy but you kind of with the white wine and the chicken juices you let it rest and then you add some parsley i also had some tarragon which goes really well with chicken and so i've put that in as well and then you've also done uh i've done garlic cloves in tinfoil so they're really delicious and soft so you mix that in and then i'm just doing it with new potatoes and a green salad right so i've made a lemon yogurt cheesecake i followed the instructions whose recipe it's new york times right and i followed the instructions absolutely even letting the the cheesecake cool inside the oven till i took it outside and i've got an almighty crack down the middle does anyone know why i've got a crack in my cheesecake please email us at hello at table manners a huge crack i mean a crater it will be fine because i'll put the cream on the top which you're supposed to but it's just i don't understand you're not happy with your presentation no it will be fine once i've put the cream on because and then and then the lemon zest on top but i just wondered why it had cracked like that i mean really right down the middle a big crack email us at hello at table manners podcast.com we haven't actually checked it for a well I don't think um but let us know and also if you have any sure fire recipes oh I'd love some that are crowd pleasers showstoppers yeah that aren't gonna be too horrendously finickety please do email them because your time don't email yeah your time you just stay out of this yeah um Patti McGuinness on table manners

7:04So Paddy has just sat down. We've had a cup of tea. I had to, like, I only, for a moment, he nearly left because I'd run out of English breakfast, but thank God for a hamper that was given to me at Christmas by my label or something. We found an English breakfast, and you have just sat down, and you've swapped your cutlery over. Yeah. In anticipation. Are you hungry, Paddy? Oh, I'm hungry. Are you? I'm hungry, yeah. I thought we were going to have a bevy. Listen, I'll have a drink with you, Mrs Wood. There's no problem whatsoever. I will have alcohol at any given time of the day. No, darling. Absolutely, yeah.

7:43Yeah. It's what drives me. I feel completely the same. I'm on the same page as you, darling. Yeah, but it's been one of them days today. Weirdly, it's a beautiful day. It's absolutely good. It's lovely around here, by the way. Yeah. Oh, it's so nice, so nice. And it just puts you in a better frame of mind when the sun's out, doesn't it? And I come in and you said, do you want a drink? I thought, do you know what? I just fancy a cup of tea. Well, have the tea first and then we'll get on to something. What's your typical choice? I'd probably have a glass of wine. Oh. What about you? Again, it doesn't matter.

8:19You don't discriminate. Yeah. I don't really want to be getting the Jager bombs in. No, don't worry. Jesse likes a tequila. Do you like tequila? Oh, no, that's me Achilles' heel. Oh. Yeah, because... Why, what happens? Well, it gets a little bit sort of... It gets a bit hazy. Well, what would be your tipple? If I'm out and about in a nice... Yeah. I love a lager. Just a nice cold lager. Oh, you like a nice lager, yeah. And if I'm out and about and having something to eat in the evening, I quite like a vodka, lime and lemonade. Oh, wow. I do like that, yeah. I'll tell you what I had when I first started coming to London, because it was a culture shock to me living in Bolton and then sort of coming to London.

9:01And the biggest culture shock for me was, were you born down here, Jess? Yeah. Right, okay. So for me, I had this agent called Phil McIntyre and they were based in Soho. And I'd come down and he'd be like, Tuesday about five o 'clock and we'd finish a meeting and they'd go, right, let's go out and get a drink. And I'd be like, on a Tuesday? bloody Tuesday where I live it was Friday Saturday night that was it and I'm like yeah I went what five o 'clock but I soon got into that culture and they took me to Groucho oh yeah and oh god I've had many a night but and they got me a drink called a French 75 oh champagne there's a little glassier cherry in the bottom oh I was very like what what it was like having a night out at Downton Abbey and and I really like I just I don't know I just for me it was special like I used to read in magazines about places like the Ivy and I'm like oh what are these places like and when you eventually you know get to go to like places you've read about I know it's sort of it's a bit like you get used to stuff don't you working in the industry we work in but for me, I used to pinch myself everywhere I went, and I'd be like, look at me.

10:27I remember when I went to the Ivy, I nicked the tablecloth, because I thought I'd probably never come back here. The tablecloth or the napkin? The napkin, sorry. I was going to say, that would have been quite nice. No, you wouldn't imagine doing it like that. Done it. Walking out with massive under my coat. But it was just, I don't know, I feel, I've never lived in London, because I like, People used to think, oh, I bet you hate London. I love London. I love it. I love it. But you don't live here. I don't live here because... So your base is Bolton? No, I'm in Cheshire now. Oh, fancy place. Oh, yeah.

11:03Oh, God. Made a few quid now. Which bit of Cheshire are you in? I'm in Pressbury, which is a lovely little village. It's so, so nice. Is it New Worms, though? Yeah. Just beyond Wilson. Yeah, yeah. Everyone wants their dogs there or Alderley Edge. It's gorgeous. I've got like a Macclesfield train station and Wilmslaw train station, 10 minutes from my house. Airport's 20 minutes away. Oh, fab. But you feel as though you're just in a little, it's just a lovely little place. What was that famous pub? Was it the White Horse at Presbury? What's the pub there? No, there's one called the Lee Arms. There's a few little ones around there.

11:40The White Horse doesn't ring any bells, but they changed the names pubs. Is there a place still near there called Culture Thor? There is, yeah. Yeah. There is, yeah. I used to go to dances there. Oh, did you? Yeah, now and again. What kind of dances? It was like they put dances on. Tea dances. No, like in the evening so you could meet people. In the old days, Jessie, there used to be dances on a Saturday night. So instead of just clubs, it's CIS at the co-op. Right, okay. You know, in Manchester. But where did you go clubbing? I love that my mum, like every northerner, she asked where they used to raise.

12:14I want to know if they ever raised. Like Lenny was in Bez in Hashienda. Manchester no but I used to go clubbing every all the time because I loved dancing yeah but it wasn't the same then but I'm getting a real insight into your mind here because did you go to Manchester well or did you go to Blackpool that's brilliant about it I sat down the first thing you said to me is what do you like drinking yeah and then where did you go clubbing where did you go clubbing no Bolton was like Manchester was classed as like a really big night big night out yeah like you had to get like an organised it used to be a buzzer that used to take you there and all that.

12:48So Bolton, it was a place called The Ritz and there was another place called Pink Panthers which is a classic 80s club name and that was it and you went out but weirdly, it sounds really old fashioned this and I was talking to a friend about this the other day. The culture of getting dressed up to go on and out seems to have gone because when I used to go out in Bolton, you're dressed down now. Yeah, you weren't allowed in anywhere unless you had shoes on and a shirt and all this sort of thing. And weirdly, now it's gone the other way. It's kind of like, say, dressing down. Everyone's sort of like...

13:22Even in the North? They still make an effort. Jesse, they wear T-shirts in mid-winter when it's minus 10. They have great immune systems, Northerners. They must. They're all like Wim Hof. Everyone's walking around the streets with T-shirts on. It's a... My agent, who's from Bolton, but he's lived in London for about 30 years, he met me this morning. He had a woolly hat on and I went, you've definitely changed. I went, it's absolutely barmy. It's tropical, this. It is, almost. But, yeah, I kind of, I miss those days of like, it felt like a night out felt really special. you got dressed up. You get dressed up and you meet your friends and no mobile phones.

14:04So like, God knows how we met. You know, you just seem to just figure it out. You'd all meet at a certain pub or something. And then away, and away you went. Were any of the bouncers at the Pink Panther were they ever inspiring your role in Phoenix yeah well when we did Phoenix Knights everywhere we went every sort of that kind of club after a doorman ago that were me wasn't it you know what I mean and we sort of took elements of different doorman we'd seen over the years and mixed them into Max and Paddy and a lot of the stuff with Phoenix Knights happened in working men's clubs that we'd experienced in our life growing up.

14:50And sometimes that's the funniest stuff that's based in reality, isn't it? And stuff we've all been a part of an experience. So that's how it came about. But Phoenix Knights, no, because it's like over 20-odd years ago we made it. I forget we even did it. Is it 20 years ago? Yeah, yeah. I was talking about it the other night on stage, and it's amazing how much love for that show and Max and Paddy rode to nowhere, you know, people still quote stuff back to me from that. I think, bloody hell, I forgot about that myself. You know what I mean? But it's still like, people just love it. And you went to school with Peter Kay?

15:26Yeah, yeah, we were in the same school. Which school? Mount St. Joseph's in Bolton. And we started... Religious school. It was a Catholic school. And then we started... So we had nuns doing our lessons. and my sort of growing up like my primary school St Peter's and Paul's Catholic Mount St Joseph Catholic and for me weirdly growing up when it comes to like religion this is not getting heavy it's just I used to always be a little bit scared of it because if I went to church the priest was always like really solemn and you'd be sat there and oh god this cold place and don't say anything don't do anything and all those experiences and then the nuns used to like kick our arses up and down the bloody schoolyard so it was always a bit negative and then I remember Peter's first son Charlie were getting christened and he was christened at a place called St Ethelbert's in Bolton and I hadn't been to a church for a long time if I went for confession now I'd probably, I'd be in for two years how many prayers but this priest came out and he went, listen everyone if you've got your kids with you and what have you let them run round, if they want to grab stuff, leave them to it this is all, and I just went, it was like a moment, I went bloody hell, this is this is how it should be and weirdly, it kind of changed my view on that and churches and everything else, I kind of just thought if you can be inclusive and make people feel like everyone's welcome in and you can have a laugh for me it would just it just like lifted a lot off my shoulders when it came to that kind of thing but you must be of Irish heritage like Peter because you're on McGuinness yeah yeah yeah my family on my dad's side is from a place called Ballina which is the west coast of Ireland no no I've not got that have you oh living the dream yeah living the dream Do what you want.

17:36Go where you want to go. I'll look into that. Where's your favourite holiday destination? Where do you like going? Oh, we go to Greece all the time. I went to Greece for the first time ever. Last year, I was filming a show there with a mate of mine. I went to a place called Ikaria, Little Island. That's lovely. It's in the blue zone. Oh, and it's a mate. What's the blue zone? Oh, when they get long. Okay, yeah. So I went there to kind of figure out, right, what are they doing at this place? Now, it's in the blue zone. average life expectancy is like late 90s, literally all of them smoking like chimneys and drinking all day.

18:11Coffee. And I'm like, what's going on with this place? They're all on their fags and they're all knocking wine back. But basically, time doesn't govern the life. So the philosophy on that island is they get up when the sun comes out, they grow their own food, and there's pretty much hardly any supermarkets or anything. There's no pollution. No, and they go to bed whenever they're tired. Yeah. And they just have almost like a stress-free life. Yeah, that's true. And so there's something to be said about that. So, you know, go and get yourself 40 fags and a bottle of red wine and you'll smash it out of the park.

18:49When you were growing up, how many people were in your family? It was just me. My mum brought me up. I was a single-parent household. Really? So it was just me and my mum. And I used to see my dad every other weekend. And it's weird, again, when you look back at life, like I couldn't wait till my dad came to the house because my dad would take me out on a Saturday afternoon and he'd get me a toy or whatever. It was just always fun. But because my mum was the person who was actually doing the graft and instilling the rules and getting my school uniform and putting my teas on the table. But at the time when you're a kid, I go, oh, my mum's bloody miserable and I can't wait to see my dad.

19:30and it's only when I got older in life and sadly it was too late, my mum passed away where I really wanted to spoil her because I realised that was the person who'd give up a life for me. You know what I mean? I still love my dad but my dad, no wonder he were in a good mood. He only had me once every two weeks so it was like happy and out and about. Yeah, it was from dad, wasn't it? Yeah, yeah, exactly. So I loved them both equally but I wish, when I started doing alright for myself, I wish I could have like, spoiled my mum rotten really, you know. But, you know, it is what it is. That's life.

20:05Can we talk about your mum a bit and what was a memorable dish your mum used to cook? My mum was old school, so it was very traditional food and I loved my mum's cooking. Like, loved it. So did you have the same thing every day of the week? No, it'd be things like... Every week, it would be on a Monday, we'd have this and on a Tuesday that. Well, what my mum would do is like, so she'd like bake a lot so there's a lot of pies and things like that and then I remember this Bolton Market she brought home this is going back like late 70s early 80s it was mini pizzas mini margarita pizzas right cheese and tomato ones now this was a big deal this was like new age in Bolton was this like when Asda came about I don't even think Asda it was just she brought them home and this is typical my mum and I had some I went those are brilliant big mistake the fridge that roll we had for about a month cheese and tomato pieces now I can't look at one you know when you have that bad experience with alcohol you go I can't I'm like I'm like mum they're alright but they're not that good but yeah so she'd be like pies big Sunday dinners which is your best roast I love lamb me too I love lamb and it's got to have...

21:28I'm a triple carbs man, so I like mash roasties. Yeah. And is it a croquet? A croquet on the side? A croquet potato? Yeah, one of them on the side. Croquet. Is it croquette or croquet? Croquet is a game, isn't it? No, you can... I was going to say, it's something you knit. It's knitting. Oh, yeah, croquet. It's croquette because it's two T's and a knee. Yeah. Get them croquettes on the go. Yeah. Love them. Do you still like a croquet? Oh, I love it. Pretty much anything that involves a potato, I'll eat. Well, on that note, I'm just going to sort out our lunch. We're having roast chicken with new potatoes.

22:00Oh my God. I love this. With a charred spring onion mayonnaise. Right. And then I've made some homemade bread. So you've got a double carb on there. Homemade bread. It's a new thing. And it could taste like shit. It could taste like shit, Paddy. If I meet your partner, I'm going to shake them by the hand and say... You look a bit like him, actually. I'm just looking at you. You've looked out. you've looked out because like my mum my mum I'm a real mummy's boy and she absolutely spoiled me rotten she'd do all my dinners when I go to work and all my washing and everything and I used to tip my wage up to her every week and that's how we worked so every partner I've had from right way back when weirdly I don't know what it is like no one ever uh we never did any cooking or anything like that so i'm anyone who makes me something now i'm instantly putty in their hands because i'm like this is this is amazing this is the best this is the best is the carb thing a new thing from when you were doing children in need and you did that so yeah how many miles was that yeah i did uh 300 miles on a a child's bike um a child's bike yeah on a rally chopper oh my god at the end my backside looked like a sheet of bubble wrap.

23:18It wasn't in a good place. What did you put on it when you were cycling? Well, I didn't know anything about cycling. So a bloke who lives around the corner from me is randomly Sir Chris Hoy, right? So there's nothing he doesn't know about bike rides. So I rang him up and I said, I'm doing this ride, what do I do? So he said, you've got to get this cream. It's like an anti-chafing cream. but the worst thing about it is you'd have to put it on every morning and like in the cold you don't want to be stood greasing up your nether regions before you get on a bike you've got to do it because it does stop the chafing and that's what helps were you wearing lycra?

24:00yeah so I wasn't wearing lycra I didn't want to do this is why I did it on a rally chopper I didn't want to do I didn't want to be in full lycras on a fancy 24 speed bike so i decided on the rally chopper because it's such an iconic bike and i thought there's a generation of kids who've never seen one and it just looks funny and what was amazing wherever i went around doing the the challenge every bit of road there was always people out when we get to the schools the kids are coming and they'd all be drawing pictures of the chopper and and holding them up and i thought oh it's lovely that because again they're seeing this bike and they go what because it essentially when you were all yellow and it had all the dots and puds his face obviously it looked like a bloody clown's bike and i'm coming down the road and so the kids just loved it you know and it was great and they all came out and that 300 mile weirdly felt like it felt like nothing though because there were the people there were that much goodwill honestly and i went through a load of little towns throughout the uk were it were like the entire community came out and it felt like you were a part of something.

25:09I did sponsor you and I did cry when you arrived. Oh, thank you very much. You were upset and I was upset. I could cry now when I think about it. Honestly, it was amazing. It was very emotional. And it really just captured people's imaginations. It was fabulous. It was a really, really, for me, it was a really lovely moment in time that I was a part of and I'll take with me to my dying day, really. Have you got a bike? No, no, no. So you didn't even cycle? No, I've not done anything like that. I've been on bikes before. And how's your bits now? They're all right, thank you. No scarring. No scarring.

25:46Everything's as it should be. Thank God for that. So we ask everyone who comes, what would be your last supper? Start a main course and dessert, and what would you drink with it? Right. You're going on a desert island for about six months. Okay. Now, I'm one of these people, weirdly, certain foods are like the cheaper versions. Okay. So I think, as a starter, I'd have a really cheap prawn cocktail. Do you know you're the second person? Orange sauce, tiny little prawns, and a load of brown bread with butter on. Oh, lovely. We had Diany Dyer. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's his favourite. Yeah, that for me, because if you go to a posh restaurant and they've got the langoustines on the, and all the eyes looking at you.

26:32No, you don't. Get on, and you're messing about with shells. Shells, no. I love a real, iceberg lettuce, a really basic, cheap prawn cocktail. Where do you have the best one? Well, pretty much anywhere you go. Anywhere, yeah. Where I were brought up, it's all that up. It's coming back a bit, isn't it? Did it go out? I think it did. I think it went out of fashion. It's a bit like Arctic Roll, isn't it? I used to have Arctic Roll as a kid. Viennetta. Oh, loved a Viennetta. Yeah. My favourite when I were a kid, dessert was, because I were on school dinners, we used to get your free dinners with your little ticket.

27:08And our school used to do chocolate sponge and chocolate custard. Oh, God. Double chocolate. Fabulous. Heaven. And it was thick, wasn't it? Heaven. Probably didn't taste very much like chocolate. It looked like it, but it didn't taste like it. Yeah, I'd have a cheap prawn cocktail, and then as my main, I'd have what we said before, I'd have the lamb roast dinner. Lamb roast dinner. Yeah, with my mum's Yorkshire puddings. Mashed potatoes, roast potatoes, croquettes. Yeah. Absolutely swimming in gravy. I'd have, because it's the last supper. Mint sauce. I'd have a few pigs in blankets on there, because it's the last supper.

27:42Oh, my God. I'd go mad. And I'd have, this is a bit of an, look at that. It's great, Jess. My God, that is, that is. Gorgeous. That's impressive. And I'd have, they used to do, my mum used to do a thing called carrots and turnips, which are like mashed up together. So carrots and turnips or carrots and swede? Carrots and turnips. Oh, wow, I've never done that. So I'd have that on the side. That would be my main. And then dessert, I'd have apple crumble and custard. But keep the apple. I'd go double crumble. Double crumble. I love it when it's like, I'm just, a bit of apple sauce will do me. Okay, but you like the crumble texture.

28:24I just like everything about the crumble. Yeah, I think it is great. Oh, I love it. And just covered in thick custard. And that would do me. Fab. Yeah, and drink. Drink. I'd probably have a brew with it. A brew? Yeah. God almighty, I'll have a brew. You look at me with disgust there. No, I'm not. A brew? I've forgotten that we call it a brew up normally. Yeah, I'd have a brew, definitely. Here we go. Look at this. Have you put it in, Johnny? Are you ready for your dessert of white wine now? Do you want white or red or... Or not. Do you know what? I'll have a little wine for you. I can see if I've got a lager in the fridge.

29:02Well, if you have got a lager, I'll have a lager. I'm worried it's non-alcoholic. No, he doesn't want that. Don't. It's like decaf coffee. Decaf tea bags, non-alcoholic. I was so looking forward to coming here today. What's going on? She's taking the fun out of everything. Oh, my goodness. Shall I just get stuck in? Get stuck in. Oh, here we go. And then how many potatoes? He likes potatoes. Love that. I mean, I'm not that fussed about fucking potatoes. Hold on, let's get some more juice on there. Oh, yeah, look at this. It's not a gravy, that's why it's a loose juice. Loose juice. Oh, look at this.

29:41Right. I've got a beer for you. Oh, right, let's have a look here. I think I'll go to Camden. Yeah, thank you. Look at this. Mum, can I get you some? Do you want a leg? I'm going to have a little go on this juice here first. All right, well, no, it's just... Jesse, that's huge, and he's only got a little bit. No, you'll have more. I don't know. Bloody hell, this is good. Oh, you're so sweet. This is good. That bread is amazing. Aw, thanks, mate. I've not even started on it on the rest of it yet. Get it on the lovely. Yeah, let's go on the... Yeah, anyway. And this is the thing about Northerners, I would say...

30:10Yeah. And I don't know how you've gone on when you've had any Northerners on before, but we do like a little bit of moisture on the plate. we do like we like it absolutely soft and bloody wet I should have done it in a bowl really shouldn't I do you cook when you're at home do you cook I've always done the cooking have you I've done the cooking yeah I was married for about 16 years and I was the one who did all that and I enjoy it but not to this level oh please no no I can do like I can do roast dinners and stuff and I can do spag balls and all the basic stuff. And I can put the chicken nuggets in the oven for the kids.

30:54What do the kids like? I've got two at 11 and one at 8. So you can imagine chicken nuggets, fish fingers, all the good stuff. But with my children, because of autism, They had a lot of sensory, different sensory needs at the beginning. But now, it's amazing. And this is the beautiful thing about autism. Every child's different. You can't just go, that's what's going to happen on that plate, and that's what's going on that plate. Every child's different, like every child is in any home. And they all love different things now. But like any other kid, you've got to put a bloody padlock on the biscuit barrel.

31:44because biscuits and chocolate and all that, oh, my God, they'll go to town. This is delicious. These spuds are fantastic. Mate, they are. You just like a spud because that isn't just... No, but if I'd have done them, they wouldn't have been as soft as that. Okay. They're delicious. Yeah. Oh, I'm so happy. They're a kind of potato where if I wanted and I was feeling a little bit flamboyant, I could mash them up with my fork and make my own little rustic mash. You can do that now. Knock yourself out. Don't hold back. I'm enjoying this as it is, honestly. He's feeling inspired. This is wonderful.

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34:32This is wonderful. Whilst you get some food down here, I'm going to tell you how much I love Tempting Fortune. And also how cushy that job was for you, Paddy. Let's be real. You weren't with the leeches. You literally are on a fishing boat and you go, this is what's going to happen. Good luck. Yeah. Did you get a good tan? Did you have a nice rest when you were in Malaysia? I got a really good tan, but do you know what was the matter about it? Because, when I'm covered with a film, it's like being in a steam oven. So it's like, you move and you're wet through in sweat. and I picked up this thing because I'm a person when I go on holiday I love to lie down me too no skiing for me we're going on a walk and all that no thank you let's have a drink and get a sunset I'm like David Dickinson when I come home but so because I was there and I had quite a bit of downtime in between when they were off doing the challenges so I'd have my shirt off and I was like a bloody lizard wherever there was sun I was laying it and I got this condition in your skin.

35:35We've all got this in us, apparently. What is that? It's this thing in your skin and I forgot the name of it now, but you get like little white patches all over yourself. Oh, yeah, I know that. And to get rid of it, you've got to get bloody fungal foot cream from the chemist. Oh, my God. And that's not a good look when you're in there and you go, have you got any dactari? So where was it? On your face? Not on my back. It was on my back. I've still got little bits of it somewhere on me. Sometimes I get it on my arms. But you've just got to, you've just got to, it's like one of the things, it's not contagious, but it just takes forever to get rid of.

36:10So I've not been out in the sun for a while till it properly goes and then I'll be back at it. The characters that they cast for these, I mean, they're real people. It's strangers. You probably, tell me if I'm right. It's£300 cash. £300 ,000. £300 ,000, sorry. 300 ,000. Hey, this isn't on Channel 5. This is Channel 4, Jess. Sorry, it's 300 ,000. We've gone budget. And there's 15 people? Yeah, so basically, the conceit of it all is they're playing collectively for 300 ,000 pounds. But along their journey, so they're out and about, they're camping, they're roughing it, they're doing challenges. Hikes.

36:55Every now and again, they get offered a temptation. Now, the temptation comes at a price. So let's just say it's that glass of beer there. You're red hot. You've been up. And we go, well, you can have a nice cold beer. But if you have that beer, it's going to be two grand. Which, if anyone's listening to this in London, it's probably going, and? Seems reasonable. But, and then that goes off the prize money. Do they collaborate and talk to each other? Well, it's almost, it's kind of a bit like a social experiment because in life, most people, some people squirrel everything away and save for a rainy day and other people live in the moment and just go, I'm getting it.

37:36Well, yeah, one person, absolutely. No, a few people lived in the moment. Yeah, the interesting thing about this series is we've got a vicar on there and I thought, right, how's he going to play it? Because obviously all his congregation are going to be watching. He's got to set an example. But he went... He's a naughty vicar. Oh, he's a very naughty vicar. But I mean, what I found quite interesting because it is a social experiment, you think about some people that are going, I'm doing this for the experience. And you see some of these people that have had really tough, well, journeys. And, you know, particularly there's a lady who I've only watched three episodes, but there's a lady who used to have a restaurant and she is working so hard.

38:13Yeah. She won't take anything. And she's getting so angry at this person who's a card entrepreneur who told everybody that her business had been prized, costed seven figures. So she's a millionaire. Yeah. And this girl's taking all the bloody chocolate and all of it. Whereas this other woman who needs this money probably more than Vicky. It's Vicky, isn't it? And the frustration. So I found that quite interesting. About some people being like, I'm here for the experience. And other people being like, I'm here for the money. I need the money. Exactly. And the tricky thing is, so you'll have that sort of debate going on amongst them.

38:51But then if someone's really winding you up because they're taking all the temptations, where you go, just leave. but if they leave 30 grand gets knocked off so you've got to sort of put up with them and try your best to pacate them and persuade them not to take any temptations but that is the beauty of show and that's pretty much like life when you're out in the back you'll always have a mate who goes oh I'm doing that you go whoa whoa save a bit but for me watching it all unfold and on day one we set them all off we were on this boat and they were all dressed up lovely smelt great and I went right start see you're gonna get to that beach over there there's a boat to take you but if you get on that boat it's 500 quid each or you can just jump in the river as you are now and swim there so they all did a big group over there we're sticking together we're gonna we're gonna not spend anything two hours later they're at each of us for holes and like you've done 10 grand in you've done a grand in so um and and watching it unfold as it goes along and watching people change the mindset as well as it goes along.

39:55That's quite interesting. It's really great telling. It's the second series, isn't it? Where was the first series? In Malaysia as well? South Africa. Where's the next one? I don't know. We might keep Malaysia because it's so extreme out there. It looks beautiful. Honestly, it's such a good... It's like being in a sauna, isn't it? Sorry, I'd lost myself in the sourdough for a minute and I'd gone off on one. That was so... This is such a treat. Oh, that's so sweet. The simple things in life are the best for me. Well, you've been on tour, so it must be tough. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Motorway services. Well, you know what touring's like.

40:31Yeah. And everyone thinks you're kind of in this big glamorous thing, but it's not. You come off stage and you're like usually in the back of a car, service station, and then in an hotel, and then you're up the next day and you're doing it again. But it's very seducing when you're on stage, especially doing comedy, when everyone's laughing, and you go, oh, yeah, this is amazing, you know. but as soon as I walk off stage, I leave it there. Where do you stand on hecklers? It's not too bad. I mean, when you hear the word heckler, you presume it's bad. But people are shouting stuff out genuinely nice as well.

41:06But trouble is when you're mid-floor and someone shouts whatever, a catchphrase or... And usually with me, they get all my catchphrases wrong. Like, like it a light. And I'm like, what are you actually on about? I don't say that. but it's just part and parcel of being up there. You're just doing it as long as I have. So it's just like they're involved. Yeah. The only time it gets bad with anything like that, and touch what has never happened to me, is like if someone's absolutely pissed out their head and they're just being a nuisance to other people, it ruins it for other people. You know what I mean?

41:40Someone's shutting stuff out and dealing with it, that's fine. But someone being blind drunk and just cocking it up for everyone else, that's when you go God we've got to sort this out now you know what I mean what's the content on this tour what's it what's it called the tour's called Nearly There and there's quite a bit of nostalgia in there and looking back at things as opposed to now it's like even I look back at colour like now everything's vivid there's every colour like you go into a paint shop now and they've got those big colour charts yes and there's that much colour now they've got new names for stuff yeah Like, is that grey?

42:19And you go, no, no, it's elephant's breath. And you're like, oh, right, that sounds fancy. So, and I'm sort of like, in the 70s, it was kind of like pretty much everything were brown and cream. So it's like talking about things like that, then I show stuff on screen. But it's pretty much like everyday life stuff. You know, we're not all, I think the world's pretty serious places it is. So I just like, we come in and we have a good laugh. like last night I was on stage in Eastbourne and it was really honestly just you really get a sense of people just wanting to have a good night they just want to have a bit of fun and they want to have a laugh and they don't want, I don't do political stuff you know, I just think I just think, leave that So you don't ever mention Donald Trump No I do a little bit at the beginning but I do it in a way where I just don't want people to think about politics and religion or anything when they're in it I want them just to laugh and I want them to have a good night because they've worked all week and then they go home and they go I'm in a good mood that were great and and life goes on you know you don't need me bloody standing up there banging on about politics and everything else I did I did question time about a year ago and that someone's going don't you mad you what you're doing I said Luke I've been asked to do it I said I'd never I'd never be able rest knowing I turned it down I said rightly or wrongly and I'm not a political person I said but I can see the NHS because I use it I can see what's happening with dentists because I use them so I said you know my opinions are just my opinions but they're not anything too heavy uh and I did it and I really enjoyed it it was terrifying you know but uh the audience responded well to it and and I did it and that with that and I got I got a message off the British Dental Association thanking me about what I'd spoke about with dentists and how they have to work and what have you and I just thought bloody hell you know and that with that so and then I left it there I got asked to do every political podcast there is after that and I was like I'm not interested because it gets too much and I'm genuinely not that sort of polished on politics and know loads of stuff so I know what I know and that with that Can I ask a cheeky question?

44:40Oh, God. Are you dating? Do you know what? Because, you know, Take Me Out was my favourite. Yeah. I'm very sad. Is it ever going to come back? I don't understand why it's not on the telly all the time. It was my Saturday night feature. It's the best. Yeah, they still repeat it all. Do you know the mad thing about Take Me Out is, when I'm out and about now, kids come up to me and ask me about it. And I'm like, have you seen that? But it's still repeated. So then that's an appetite for a new series, surely. I think, I don't know, it's, I think the way things are at the world now in media, we live in a very strange time where if you're saying something joky or something not serious or whatever, it gets taken out of context, put online and there's a spin on everything.

45:35and I think take me out because it was so kind of pure and lovely and fun and Saturday night and we had a laugh that was of its time I think if you did it now I hope I'm wrong but I think if you did it now there'd be that many bloody things going oh you can't do that you can't say this and taking things out of context and what have you because essentially it's a family Saturday night entertainment show you know what I mean and that's what I was brought up on so if they said like do you want to do two or three charity specials I'd be all over it you know what I mean but as a series I don't know and also as well you know I'm 51 now are you?

46:17I can't believe it thank you can you believe that Jesse? I don't thank you I can't believe it it's the light but you know at the time I was like late 30s early 40s and we had a really Is it that long ago? Yeah, we had a oh god yeah it's well over 10 years ago but we had a a good a good the demographic of girls was brilliant because we had we had women on the who we've had like 60, 70 year olds and then we have girls who are 20 but for me I felt like I could talk to every age every age and I think now at the age of my if I'm talking to a 20 year old girl and they ask me I'll be out dating. I'll be like, I don't really know the latest bloody trends or anything.

47:04You know what I mean? So, you know, it is what it is, but it was a lovely thing to be a part of. We did it for 10 years and I have a lot of good memories. But what's interesting for me now is I'll see a lot of the girls and the lads popping up on it, like married at first sight. And they do all that. And they're still looking for fame. Yeah, they do it all. And there's a guy, one of the guys who was on, he's got a massive his name's just gone out of my head he's got a massive YouTube channel and I'm like bloody hell he was one of the lads on Take Me Out you know what I mean so it's kind of like did anyone get married?

47:40yeah we are actually one of the world's most successful dating shows we've had I think it was something like six marriages five or six kids been born I should have gone on it yeah five or six kids been born from the show umpteen engagements still together now people because they met on Take Me Out. It's a really lovely part of my life. I'm very proud of it. And I've got good memories there. And we had a really good team. And everyone from the warm-up guy to the exec producer, it was just a real pleasure to be a part of. So you're all going to be in a hotel tonight? You're going to order room service, aren't you?

48:19I'm going to order room service. Last night, I come on stage in Eastbourne. It was a couple of hours to London. So I got to London at about one in the morning. I thought, I'm hungry because I've done the show and I was just coming down. And I found myself sat up in bed at two in the morning eating a French onion soup. Ooh, lovely. Watching the best of Peaky Blinders on YouTube. I've never been happier. I've never been happier. What does the best of Peaky Blinders entail? Because wouldn't it be so either very violent or very depressing? Right up my street. It's not a laugh, is it? It's right up my street.

48:57That's what keeps me going in life. Is that what you need? Depression and violence. Particularly after you've just kind of entertained and made everyone really happy. No, it was weirdly, because I love that series. There was an episode which, like, the American Mafia come into it and live it. And it was kind of, like, about that. And it was, like, the best bits of it and stuff. I just found myself... You know when you just go down a rabbit hole on YouTube? Is that what happens? Do you hear that a lot? Oh, I'm big into it. Is it cars a lot of the time? It can be anything. I lose hours of my life.

49:30I'm really into big machinery and engineering. Former Q ladies. Can't understand why I'm still single. What do you like? Big machines.

49:47So I start off searching things and then literally, you know what algorithms are like, but like also and I just I'll watch if it interests me it doesn't have to be anything in particular it could be about gardening it could be about American prisons it doesn't matter if I want to watch it I'll watch it and I'll like go oh I'm in so is that why you did Inside the Factory because you like big machines weirdly yeah because how that came about well what happened was I was filming the first series of Tempting Fortune yeah and the guy who was in charge of his production company do Inside the Factory.

50:26And just one night, you know, he'd been working with me for a week or two and I'm a kind of person, I love a laugh and I love a bit of fun, but I'm really like across everything when I'm doing it. So he said, oh, I've really enjoyed working with you. He said, have you ever seen Inside the Factory? And I went, yeah, yeah, the programme, like how things are made and what have you. Yeah, he said, do you like it? I said, yeah, it's all right. You know, I literally like that Did you not realise this was a job interview? I didn't have a clue. Oh, yeah, it's all right. I said, it's not an appointment interview where I must watch it.

51:00I said, but it's a programme that if it's on and I see what they're making, and I'm like, oh, and I'll sit and watch it. I said, because it's good, you don't have to start from the beginning. And he went, how do you feel about horse, did it? And I went, well, not for me. Honestly, this is like sat in South Africa in the middle of Norway having this conversation. Because I just thought, it's not really my shtick that, you know, I've done like Take Me Out, Phoenix Knights, Top Gear, Questions, it's all entertainment-less things. So he said, well, have a think about it. Anyhow, we got back to the UK and they got in touch again and it sort of, it had gone a bit further down the line with us talking about it.

51:43And then I went, nothing to do with the series like filming it. They just took me to a factory that made squashums. You know the sweets? The squashums. Squashies. Squashies and all that. And swizzles and drumsticks. Schwartz. Is it Schwartz? Delicious sweets. Old school sweets. And they took me and they had all this really old school machinery. They were still making sweets from 200 years ago. And I was that fascinated. And I thought, oh, actually. And I saw it in the day. I thought, oh, I could do this. Because I was genuinely interested. And that with that, my first one I did was quavers. And the crazy thing is, this is a BBC thing, is when you're inside the factory, you can't mention what the brand is, right?

52:32So I'm doing a link with about, I'd hazard a guess, 400 ,000 bags of quavers behind me, right? And I can't say quavers, right? So I had to refer to them as cheese-based mazed snacks. Oh, my God. And I'm going, this is not going to work. So now I just take the piss with it all. Right. And I go, oh, this round circle with jam in the middle, biscuit, is delicious. Everyone knows you're a bloody jammy dodger. But that's just some weird rule they have over there when they make the programme. But that little thing you did on the side there, that were delicious. Yeah, that mayonnaise. Yeah. You know what, Paddy?

53:15It's not hard. Do you know what skirm me? Eggs. Eggs skirm me. Why? You think they're a simple thing, but they're very, very complex. I tried to poach one the other day. I lost about four hours of my life. I'll never get back. Couldn't get it right. And when you're sitting about mayonnaise and all these eggs in there, I'm like, can't. Is it putting you off? No, I love eggs. It's just I can't seem to do anything. Apart from boiling them, I'm knackered I can't do anything listen Paddy I've got to be honest that was Hellman's in there you've got to find shortcuts Paddy I wasn't bloody I wasn't making a mayo good enough for me no but like good enough for me but um look at this my god I don't know if it's any good I've not made it before she always says this this is this is next level it might not be do you know what that reminds me if I had a cheesecake the other week it looks like it what's the name of the Spanish cheesecake Obask yeah that looks a bit like one of them I don't know that it is look at that right Paddy let's go good elf good elf where's your spoon where's your spoon I got both on the bag okay right here we go let's see look at this well it looks like a New York cheesecake Jesus that is really good it's very light tearing up here that's so light it's just light yeah it's not bad is it oh that is really good what a day On a day.

54:42What a day this is. Can you come every week? Here we go. Look at this. Oh, my God. So you'd say you've got a sweet tooth? Massive. Right. I always like a little bit of sweet after a savoury. Even if it's a biscuit, I've got to have something. How long did it say you'd make that? Not that long, I don't think. Today or yesterday, do you keep it in the fridge overnight? Yeah, you're supposed to. what's your kitchen like what do you mean well like you know people who can do stuff like this I always think I don't have the right tools for the job in the kitchen you know I only just got a wooden spoon last month I've never had a wooden spoon what were you doing in fact Chris Harris I worked at Top Gear with I was making some at once and I was using a metal spoon he went that's sacrilege he said get a bloody wooden spoon and it does make food taste nicer psychologically And you learnt that at 51.

55:38Yeah. I was like, wooden spoon, get in one. What's your favourite everyday sauce? I don't know. Like, what would you have on most meals? See, you two are accomplished in the kitchen. I like to add a sauce to it. I like, like, you know. Do you like a hot sauce? No, I don't. I'm partial to a salad cream. Oh, I've heard about this. What do you do with your salad cream? Er, so cookers, go down. I don't think I want to know after I've heard about this chafing. I'm telling you. What we used to have as kids was, again, because of money, my mum used to give us salad cream butties. So it was just a piece of dry bread with salad cream squitted on, spread, folded over, heaven.

56:26Nice. Heaven. Yeah. I'm just thinking salad cream or mayonnaise, which do you prefer? I would probably prefer salad cream, but I do love mayonnaise, like you were just saying then about the Hellmann's. Do you ever dip your chips in mayonnaise? I've dipped my chips in everything. Curry sauce. Do they make a good one in Bolton? If it can be dipped, it's going in. You see, I don't understand in the South they don't have curry sauce at chip shops. Yeah. As a matter of course. Not a fan of moisture down here, are they? No. Everything's quite bloody dry. I love, like I was saying before, drowned engraver.

57:06Everything. I love it. And I love, if you do a big Yorkshire pudding and use that as your plate and put everything inside the Yorkshire pudding and fill it full of gravy, just pick it up and eat it. That'll do me. Paddy, before we let you go, what is a nostalgic taste that can transport you back somewhere?

57:27Probably what we touched on before. chocolate sponge with chocolate custard takes me back to my school days there's a thing called a Manchester tart as well which is like, it's almost like well you cut a slice of that cheesecake then so it'd be like a slice but it's almost it's like a set custard with a little bit of coconut sprinkled on top and a little layer of jam underneath, it's like a real old school dessert in the north that's when things roll my it's amazing the power of food like even smelling something you just go it just takes you back like that so I'd say probably the chocolate sponge and chocolate custard or a Manchester tart takes me back to sort of my school days and when you think back to them days now where you're like when you're a kid you know you think like oh go out to school and everything else but my god happy times no bills no worries no nothing nothing it was just just wonderful I feel like you're an optimist I am I am and a romantic Do you need a bit more cream?

58:31No, no, I'm right with this. I'm right with this, honestly. Yeah, I like to see, it's like I say, it's kind of a weird thing if you go down that rabbit hole with social media and news and just badness. And I like to see a little bit of good in everything. I'm not walking around like I'm in a Murray Poppins. I'm not doing that. But I like to think like, you know, predominantly there's more good people than bad people or else you won't be able to walk around half at time you know so that's what i cling on to really and when you're doing live shows and everyone's laughing you're in that room and then you speak to people who wait at the stage door after and you think oh nice to be a part of that you know what i mean it's just that's what keeps me going or else otherwise i bloody go in the spiral like that you know what i mean so are all your mates comedians?

59:22no but like my friends in telly a lot of them are in comedy and what have you but most of my mates who I'm friends with now who I went to school with I used to work on a building site when I left school and I'm still friends with all those lads and they're really funny you know I'll be in tears laughing but it's difficult to do that on stage not everyone can do it on stage you know we've all got funny mates you go they're hilarious but you stick them with a mic in front of a room full of strangers it doesn't work so yeah I've got there's a lot of laughter with me and my friends and stuff like that but that's how I like it and then I like quiet days I like just, I love I love doing nothing people are always like oh I've got to do this, I've got to do that but if you can have a day of nothing, just pottering around the house and it just goes like the day.

1:00:19We've got to let you go. So thank you so much, Paddy. I have had the most wonderful day. Thank you very much for asking me along. Such a pleasure. What a treat this has been. Oh, that's so lovely. Thank you. It's been so lovely. I'll go back to my room content. Good luck with the rest of the tour. I'm staying in Soor. Nice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can nip out for a bit of action later. Look at your mums. Yeah. Got Moulin Rouge there. Oh my God, stop. enough thank you you give me a little wink as you said it they burnt later good luck with the new shows thank you very much for that your tour thank you very much and thanks for having me on it I've thoroughly enjoyed it and I am now a podcast fan oh that's so sweet yeah absolutely

1:01:22Well, I may just run off with Paddy McGuinness because I love him so much. He was absolutely gorgeous. He was so lovely and so generous. Appreciative. Appreciative. And called me Mrs Ware. I think because he didn't know your name, Mum. I think that was true, but I didn't want to kind of bring it up because I think he has the thing about being polite. Well, he was very polite, but we loved having Paddy McGillis on he's obviously like the nicest bloke that gets, I mean he's on every channel everyone likes him, everyone wants to work with him. Yeah I think he's a good bloke and we think he should do a podcast Do you?

1:01:59I do. The food was delicious your cheesecake was amazing mum Was it? Yeah I have to say, shout out Mob because that was delicious I'd make that for a main course for a dinner party. It was delicious right? Thank you to everyone for listening and we'll see you next week.

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1:04:13Thank you.