Second Helpings - Michael McIntyre

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1:35Hello and welcome to Table Manor's second helpings. And we had such a hoot with Alan Carr last episode. We thought we'd give you another stonker of a comedian. This time it was around Covid and we had the brilliant Michael McIntyre. I think it was the first podcast he'd ever been on. It was back in September 2020. It was when we were only allowed to gather in groups of six. Do you remember that time? Lenny, you made spiced chicken from a Sabrina Gaynor book, simply. Rice with green lentils and raisins. Yum. Oh, I must do that again. Yeah, and a tart to tan. Lovely. Did we go Alamo? Probably. And he arrived with a thermometer gun to check we were all COVID-free, which made us immediately giggle.

2:24He was very funny. So funny. So here is Michael McIntyre on Tabor Man's second health month.

2:34Michael McIntyre has come through the door with his thermometer. What are you, Jess? What am I? You've maintained a 36.3. Oh, thank God. Lenny is probably... It's like... Oh! You've shot up! Oh, it's you! A whole degree! Oh, my God! Since I've arrived! You are very attractive, Michael. By the time I leave, we might have to quarantine.

3:04I'll keep an eye on that, Lenny. You're at 36.3 and you were 35.5 when I arrived. Thank you. Mum! He's hot stuff. He is hot stuff. I'm not hot stuff, I'm 36.6. Oh, I'm hot stuff. You're hot stuff. Well, Michael McIntyre, you're here, you're fucking hilarious and you're about to say why you love a Jew. Why, I love a Jew. Yeah. Well, I live in North London, which is in a very Jewish area. Yeah. In Hampstead. Yeah. And I'm moving. I've bought a house in an even more Jewish area. You're going Golders Green? You're going to the suburb. I'm going to the suburb. Muscle top! Muscle top! It's a fire! That's all we have on.

3:47I've made it! Michael, you've got kosher kingdom near. You've got greenspans. Your chopped liver and your salt brief. I've got a new community. You've got a whole community. I've got a mezuzah. You see, do you have... You've got mezuzahs on the door. I didn't know what a mezuzah was until I bought my house from a Jewish man. And I thought it was... Because for listeners unfamiliar with a mezuzah, would you explain what a mezuzah is? It's got a parchment. It's got the scroll inside with a little blessing. It's like to protect the house. It's luck. It's put on a wonk, which always makes you think, did they mean to do it like that?

4:20No, it's got to go in some direction. Yes, why is it on the wonk? I don't know. And if you do it in the wrong direction, it's wrong. It's a direction thing. It looks like it's been put on wrong. Yeah, no, it's got to go like that. Right, so I thought it was just a feature on the door. I had no idea that it was a mezuzah. And the man who sold me the house showed up at the door a week later and he said, I've come to get my mezuzah. But of course I thought he was either drunk or having a stroke because I thought he was trying to say a recognised word that obviously began with N, but his face was just falling apart.

4:48And I was like, what is it, Eric? And he said, I need to collect my mezuzah. And I was like, oh, my God, something terrible is happening to this man. and then he started pulling at this thing on the door and I thought he'd gone mad. He took them away. Well, I didn't know. That's not very general. I've never heard of them as Uzzah. But anyway, incredibly excited to move in in my new community and this is a good... Fantastic. It's Jewish New Year next week. Yeah, get it right. You've got to WhatsApp me all the information so that I can keep up. You know what, actually, Michael, I'm actually, I'm a bad Jew, but I'm having a bad...

5:19I'm becoming a better Jew. I'm having a bat mitzvah because I have a family of my own and my husband is a goy he doesn't, you know, we had a Jew-ish wedding but I've decided to have a bat mitzvah to basically pass down all these things to my children for my daughter and my son and to be able to do Hanukkah God forbid when mum pops in, for God's sake my temperature has only gone up a degree God forbid where mum goes just see if I'm going no, you're still fine, you've slipped up a little bit we'll keep an eye we'll get you a mezuzah but I feel like that's going to be like I don't know would you give a mezuzah to like a neighbor is it like bringing in a baked bread no darling but it's lucky and I think it's bad form can I sneak a CCTV camera in it just to come yeah you could that would be that could be dual purpose I mean look there's protecting a home and there's protecting a home I mean I feel like maybe if there's some kind of that alarm thing you can get an app maybe we should go into business and develop mezuzahs that are also those sort of cameras that you know you can talk to the people.

6:25Maybe also with a thermometer for the Covid as well. Oh, please, this will be over soon. This will be all built into the mezuzah. Yeah, all in the mezuzah. This is amazing. This is going to be a mystical, magical... We'll go door to door. Dragon's Den. Sorry, hi. In the suburb, me and Lenny will hook up. We'll go door to door in the suburb. Selling... We're selling mezuzah. Tri-purpose. Tri-purpose mezuzahs. They're good for temperature. They're good for CCTV. TV. What's not to like? Another one of my favourite Jewish stories. There's a gentleman and he'll like that I'm telling this story because he knows that I was started to do it on stage a bit and I think, oh goodness, Anthony, I nearly forgot his name, Anthony and he is local and he like me, I mean I don't want to make stereotypical assumptions of Jewish people but there is a certain neurosis that certainly Jackie Mason would have played upon.

7:16Says the guy who brings in the thermometer but cool. And that's what I'm saying. I share the neurosis. So myself and Anthony would go and watch our sons play football on the weekend in the park, an organised football thing, and all the other parents would leave but me and Anthony would stay and would have camping chairs because we were so worried what would happen to our, you know, what would you, a bubble us. What would happen to our bed? You can't leave. We would just sit and discuss. Who could leave their children here? It's crazy. Are you a competitive football dad? No, not competitive. Just worried.

7:47Just careful. I discourage any kind of aggression on the pitch in case he would get injured. I was worried about him. I was worried about him. And he was worried about his son. So my son gets kicked in a game. And I lose it and I run on. And what I shouldn't have done, because he's getting a bit older, and I'm over him and I'm going, you poor dad, daddy's here, daddy's here. And he's looking at me like he hates me. All his friends are going, oh my God, your dad's so embarrassing. And I'm like, oh my God, I'm going to kiss it better and all this kind of stuff. and then he said to me afterwards don't you ever do that again, don't even come to the games you're an embarrassment, you're the most embarrassing dad in the world, it was tough anyway, it turns out that Anthony a little bit more embarrassing than I, the same thing happened to his kid Daniel, he gets kicked Anthony unzips his coat inside it he's got all these medical supplies and he's also got a spray you know this, I don't know if you've seen it Oh, when they're the proper footballers, they spray it to take the pain away.

8:48Yes, they freeze the injury. So he starts running on the pitch. Spraying, but he's so keen to spray his child that he starts spraying it while he's running. So he's running and spraying, shouting, Daniel! Daniel! And it's spraying all the time. And as he's running away, you can hear his voice changing. And he's going, Because he's breathing and it's frozen in his face. He froze his own face. so he ends up in the middle of the pitch with a frozen face basically going it started to sound a bit like anal so he's standing in the middle of the pitch shouting anal anal anal anal and I pointed out you know in hindsight that maybe he was a slightly more embarrassing father than I am Anthony yeah shouting anal in the middle of the pitch is Anthony allowed to go to the games?

9:41does Daniel mind? I know I don't think they mind. No, because they're all, you know, they're very protective. He's been brought up in the Jewish family. Yeah. Michael. Hello. When did you know you were funny? That's a very odd question. Did you used to make your family laugh when you were little? I like being funny in class, in the classroom, because that's kind of like an audience. Were you charming with it? I can imagine. I don't think so. I wasn't that popular. I don't even think I was that funny in the classroom. But I like the concept of it. Whenever I said anything and everybody laughed, I liked that.

10:14Felt good. And I've always been quite in my own head, I think. Funny. Yeah, thinking a lot. And then I just really like meeting people and making them laugh. And I don't know, when you're being creative, you're very creative people. But there's nothing more exciting when you find a little seam of something. When you're trying. I've started writing again another book. and I don't know how you experienced lockdown but my brain was melted. I mean, I had nothing. Didn't function. I didn't find anything funny because it wasn't funny. I was really scared. I was confused. My wife and I were losing our minds.

10:53I mean, she walked in one day and she said, I think I've lost it now. And I was like, what have you done? And she said, I opened the dishwasher. You know when you open the dishwasher and it's mid, in the middle and you interrupt it. Yeah. She said, I opened it and I apologised to the plates. I'm sorry. I'm terribly sorry. And then put it back up and said, I'm losing my mind. So little things like that. Like I was forgetting words. I spent a lot of time going, what's that word? It begins with a C. It begins with a G. It's really obvious. What is it? Just losing my mind. I went to take the dog for a walk.

11:29Because there's so much to remember. I got the, you know, if you have a dog, you need the lead and the treats and the poo bags. I forgot the dog. I was halfway around that. There was no dog. No, I could believe that. No, this is true. I was losing my mind. But then I sort of re-engaged and started writing, which was really, really hard. But then it sort of gets the juices flowing and then suddenly everything else, you start thinking a bit more naturally, a bit more flow to it. So what's your new book about? Well, I wrote an autobiography and it sort of stopped in 2006. You're carrying on. So I'm just carrying on.

12:03Yeah, which I thought would be quite hard. But actually, I love writing about the details of life and everyday stuff and remembering. It's really nice to remember stuff and take a moment to reflect and remember when the kids were little and when my wife was pregnant and where we were living. How many children have you got? We have two boys. Two boys. You don't have any more? No. No. I don't think that's possible. You're quite young. Is that possible? I don't know. Why? I don't know. Do you want to tell us? I think now with the age gap and the age of everything. Yeah. No, I think that we definitely just have two boys.

12:37We've done that. That's why we went into dogs. That's why we moved into dogs. Yeah, I just got two kittens this week. And I think it was a bit of a hold off to maybe have it instead of having the third child. Jessica. Yeah. So you've got two. I've got two kids and two kittens now. Right. More kids? Do you want lots of kids? Do you want more kids? I don't mind if you have more children. There's no pressure there. What are you? Are you one of? Oh, I've got a strange set up. I've got a sister and we both have the same parents but then I've got all sorts of half-brothers and sisters So big family?

13:14Well not really because they're half-brothers they're all over the place We want to know who you're going to choose for your two more people at Christmas Oh because of the six? The six, yeah I'm just trying to make it to six to be honest That was one of the benefits of all this Oh yeah You'll just be able to have the four of you I really just like hanging out together. So, yeah. No, I don't think there's going to be any kind of big lottery over who gets to come round. It tends to be my mother-in-law. So it tends to be five. It's always five. It's five. Yeah. So we have a spare, if anyone wants to say.

13:53If it's groups of six. I pushed out. If you're pushed out, you're very welcome. Well, I want to know what you think about this, because I have no kitchen at the moment. We moved into a house. We've got, like, a makeshift kitchen. it's not big enough for a turkey. But Jessie, we can do it here and you can talk. No, I know, but there's, you know, in-laws and as much, they love you. But you know, there's all of that. So my husband suggested having dinner, Christmas dinner in a pub. Have you ever done it? No. And how do you feel about that? I think we did go for a pub lunch once in the countryside.

14:24And was it good? In Somerset. Did it work? No, it's a bit weird because you spend a lot of time looking at... There's a thing that happens on Christmas Day itself where there's such a magic to the day because there's such a build-up. It's Christmas, it's Christmas. And then finally when it comes, everything looks a bit different. Like if you see someone drive past on your road, you're like, oh my God, look at them. Yeah, on Christmas Day. Yeah, on Christmas Day. Where are you all right? Christmas Day in the morning. Exactly. If you see three ships go sailing by, you're like, oh my God, there's three ships going sailing by.

14:54On Christmas Day in the morning. Wow. Even an aeroplane in the sky. Oh my God, where are they going? St. Lucia on Christmas Day? In the morning. But then when you're in a pub, you're so fascinated by everybody else sitting there. You're like, my God, look at them having their cake. Isn't that really fun? Yes. Well, it's a bit odd. It's really depressing. Too much overlapping of how they do it. And then it gets a bit competitive. I do get a bit competitive with wanting to, our tables will be having a bit more fun. Like we were just on holiday. We managed to go on holiday. And we had this, we were having breakfast in the mornings outside of where we, our room.

15:30and there were some people on the other side of the wall having their breakfast and they were having a lot of fun. Good big family. I mean, they were proper big family laughter. We were always arguing on our side of the wall. And it was bad enough we were arguing after five months of lockdown. But it just rubbed it in that the neighbours were having such an amazing time. Were they English? They were English. They seemed quite local. They were using sort of local references. I think they were from the suburb. The suburb. They sounded a bit... I used to go from the suburb. There's never been a TV show called The Suburb, has there?

16:02I think you should write a whole sitcom about The Suburb. I don't know how The Suburb would be. A mezuzah. I'd have to apply for planning permission to write that. The Jewish Chronicle, you'd have to consult them. I don't know. I want to get on with everybody. You're going to have to get a subscription to The Jewish Chronicle. Oh, yes, without a doubt. No, I've sorted all of this out. How exciting. I'm very excited. But, you know, it's a building site. Have you moved in yet? No, it's going to be months. It's a building site. I took the, on reflection, an extraordinary decision to buy a house one month before a global pandemic.

16:37Of course, nobody knew there was going to be a global pandemic. But I've been umming and ahhing over buying, over moving for so many years. We've been looking at places. And I suddenly, you know, there's a big sort of, I'm going to just do it. I'm going to take the plunge. Let's just buy it. Let's do it. Let's do it. And we'll do it up. We'll rip it up. And we'll build our own home. And then, of course, nightmares happen. It's just, you know, today I thought there's a global pandemic and we only had six people. It's kind of, you still kind of think, gosh, this is really shocking what's happening.

17:07It is shocking. It is shocking. And it's going to be a blur, you know, when it's over. And it will be over. When will it be over? I don't know. God, I wish I knew. I have to say, though, you... Is it in the diary? I don't even feel it's going to be over. You did your Netflix special at the beginning of March, just before lockdown here. March the 6th. It was unbelievable. God. So this was a tour I'd been doing on and off for like two years around the world. The Big World Tour it was called. And we didn't, I normally film it when I'm at the O2. And that was like, I don't know, a year and a half ago.

17:41When you're usually at the O2, you're so huge, Michael. No, don't be silly. No, it's like, it's just ridiculous, isn't it? You're huge, Michael. Leave all that in.

17:54So I normally record it there, but then because, you know, it's different with Netflix, you know, it's a new world. So, yeah, I just I had I was in New York at the beginning of the year. I did the Radio City Music Hall, which was just so exciting to be able to do something like that. What's the name of the girls that performed the Rockettes? Yeah, they weren't on that night. Yeah, no, I went to see them. I didn't perform. You've got the wrong end of the stick. I thought they were on before every performance. Oh, no, they weren't. Oh, no. I don't think so. So, you know, I just remember it like another world.

18:29That was in February. And then I came home, did a few warm-up gigs. And then at the Palladium, I recorded the Netflix special on March the 6th. And it was just starting around then. And I did a joke about it. I introduced myself offstage because it was all the hand-washing was starting. And I said, ladies and gentlemen, please put your hands together and wash them for 30 seconds. as we welcome Michael Magdalene. And, you know, because you were just starting and then I referenced it a little. I actually came on and said, this could be the last time we ever get together in a crowd. Fucking hypothesised this shit.

18:59I know. It's your fault. I said it as a joke. Your fault. My fault. Your fault. I should never have said that. You should never have said that. Does it stay in the Netflix special? No, I took all that out because, you know, I just, who knows what's going to happen. There is some more jokes in the Netflix special, which I'm hoping, which I'm hoping is still funny. But it's worried me slightly. I have jokes about face masks. But this was at a time when obviously no one in the world except people in Asia were wearing face masks. And it's a very silly story about me going for a massage in Hong Kong.

19:35And having to wear a face mask. Well, no. And, you know, when they give you those massage underwear, mistaking the massage underwear for a face mask and putting the underwear on my face and going in, which was a very big joke for me. but now it's like people are watching that joke thinking well of course of course you would have a face mask of course you would so it's like extracting all the humor out of it so apart from that very small bit i'd like to hopefully recommend the rest of the netflix special which should be still funny was um what's the difference i mean i've seen you talk about american audiences but are you like you're quite popular in america no no no no just started to try to be um and how's that going well i mean i just did radio city it was the first sort of thing it was the second gig i did in america but these are just you know a small number of people who know who i am i've i've not i've done nothing in america yet and i suppose i would like to a little bit i did the montreal comedy festival last year and i was flying to la afterwards and you you go through customs there at the american site in canada and i had one of those visas the 01 visa or something but I was travelling on a tourist visa so they're very serious very scary with the guns in there and he was like why do you have a you got an O1 visa?

20:52I was like yes you know how you always get so nervous at customs because you're like they could probably they're terrifying yeah and you over laugh and everything and British people lose their minds oh yes no we're fine and they talk too much and they really they just and they're so slow as well they slowly go through the passport and they're not and they're mean and they look at you they're mean and not bright yeah and they do that thing with the kids where they go which ones and they say the name and then the kids sort of aren't looking look at the man look at the man look at the man look at the man and you try and make a joke and they don't laugh you try and make a joke no laughter toughest door into the world so this guy goes why are you travelling on an O1 visa when you got an O1 on your passport but you're travelling on a tourist visa and I said yes yes I have a working well I can work in America but no I'm just I'm going on holiday anyway what do you do sir I said I'm a comedian he went tell us a joke he said he said would I have heard of you?

21:43Which is a really odd thing to say. Would I have heard of you? I have the same when I say I'm a singer. Let me answer that question for you. Obviously you haven't. I'm at passport control. You're holding my passport. You've got no idea who I am. So I'm not, I'm feeling at this point, maybe you don't know who I am. Anyway, then I said, I'm trying to break America. Now, the problem with the phrase, I'm trying to break America, is it means nothing to Americans. It's only British people who try to break America. People who live in America don't break America. He heard the words, I want to break America.

22:15He just literally went, you want to break America, sir? And I was like, yes, I'm hoping to. Not this time, but I'm going to come back and, yeah, I'll be breaking America. And I was, I'm going to, you know, I'm going to smash it. And I was getting, because all these hostile terms, you know. And he just, you know, he thought I was. A terrorist. Basically. It's mad. I was forced to go on a little diet after one of the, you know, the machines where you put your passport in when it's not a person, but you put your passport in and it opens. You know, the machine that the e-passports? Yes. One of those machines was quite rude to me.

22:51You're kidding. Yeah. What do you mean? Well, I go in the thing, right? And I stand, you know, you stand and you look in the thing. You've got to, you know. It's only your face. I had my glasses on, which was very boring, time-consuming. Because the thing comes off on the screen and it goes, take your glasses off. So you take your glasses off. I've got no idea what the next thing's saying. So that took a while. You know, you put the thing in the thing and it kept not letting me in. And then it came up. And do you know what it said? What? Only one person. That's so cruel. What do you mean so cruel?

23:25It was clearly a technological mistake, Jessica. No, they thought you were just people because you took your glasses off and then put them back on. No, because I was too wide. No, you were not too wide. No, they were definitely measuring the distance and they thought there were two people still. There were not. Which brings me on to, shall we have some dinner? Yeah. Oh, no! Sometimes I'll sit still. OK, I'll sit still. But we actually haven't asked you anything about food. I told you you were going to be asked about food and, you know, I'm really happy to be here. Good. You're such nice people.

23:59You're having a spatchcock chicken. It looks fantastic. It does look good. Oh, we have to say that the butcher, we go to Ginger Pig and the butcher said to mum, who have you got on? Because they give us... Oh, it's so fun. I said, oh, Michael McIntyre. He said, tell him Steve sends his love. And I said, do you know him? He said, no. Well, that's really appreciative, Justine. You're a man of the people, aren't you? Does everyone feel like they can come up to you because you're so kind of likeable and you talk about life? I like it when people do that. I like it when people just think they know me.

24:33I get a little bit bruised egotistically when they don't, especially when they're coming to the door and I have to sign for something. And I tend to open it in a quite dramatic, we weren't expecting this, were you? It's like, sign here, please. You know, that takes a little bit of coming back from. But no, I love meeting with people and I just, I love that. I love it when people think they know me because they do know me because all my comedy is just very much a reflection of what's going on in my life and my kids and whatever's happening. And my dog. Do your kids ever have an opinion on saying, Dad, you can't put that in?

25:08Like, it's not fair. No, they don't really care about what I do, actually. I've been desperately trying to make them think I'm remotely cool for years and I can't do that. I can't do it. I'm always playing catch-up, actually. We sat down years ago to watch TV on a Saturday night, and I realised there was... This is slightly overdone. Oh, well... That's my fault. No, well, it's... No, it's my fault. No, it's... What's that? It's upside down, like... It's called a taglet. It's called a rice cake. But I've slightly burnt it. Oh. Sorry. No, no. I left it on too long because I've lost my confidence cooking.

25:45Oh, forget it, Mum. You were laughing too much. Why would you lose your confidence? That is a remarkable-looking thing. And also, it won't be on... You just don't have the crispy bit, which is the best bit about it, but it's fine, you just won't have that bit, it's fine. So you've been trying to be cool to your children. Oh, yes, trying to be cool. Yeah, we were watching Saturday Night Telly, and there seemed to be nothing we were all getting into. We started to watch as a family. You know, you get into that section of life where, you know, they're not going out, they're not going to their room, we were all together.

26:13But that's why I'm doing the bat mitzvah, so that my kids have to stay in on a Friday night. Right, because they... I'm like, Friday night dinner, kids, you're not allowed out. We've got to, you know, rest. That's important. That's a great tradition. Do you like that? And Friday night is always the best party. It's sacred. I love that. So, carry on. So, that's why I started doing my Saturday night show, the big show. I thought, well, I'm going to do that. Oh, you know, they'll be proud of me. It's a family. I'm a family guy now. But then, of course, by the time it's made there, they've gone past that and they don't want to watch TV on a Saturday.

26:44Now they're all doing is watching YouTube. and so now I'm thinking I've got to get onto YouTube and Netflix. I mean, listen, why do you think I'm on Netflix? So that you try and impress my children who still don't care. I'm like, that's on Netflix, that's on Netflix. Are you ready for a glass of wine or are you still kind of... Well, it'll change me. Into what? I'll get very emotional. Jessie, do you want to drink it? I'm drinking. I'll get very emotional and quite quiet. Let's not have a drink. We'll have one at the end. I'm having a bite, is that okay? Do you want some green things there, if you want?

27:16That's very yummy. What's it like? I need to get you some juice. It's really yummy. Do you cook at home? Or is your wife? No, I don't cook. I've not cooked yet. Can you cook? No. So you didn't have a sourdough starter during lockdown? Oh, and I did a bit of... Everybody tried this stuff in lockdown. I tried to make... I made a cake. I did pizzas. I did make a cock-o... Van. Rysling. Rysling. That's what I'm doing to do this week. We were just talking about that before. It's just so yummy, that sauce. Is it just creamy, whiny sauce? Yeah, and onions. It's creamy and whiny and onion-y. I was pretty proud of that, to be fair.

28:01So I got into it in lockdown. Yeah, I did all this stuff. We cut each other's hair and all that rubbish. So, OK, you've tried a cock-o-rysling. Growing up, who was cooking in your house? Well, the staff, I'm joking. Yeah, my mum. My mum was a Greek. I mean, she was one of those... I mean, my mother, not Jewish, wants to be Jewish so much. Calls herself a Jewish mother, but isn't one. Her father was Jewish. Jewish Hungarian. We knew. Yeah, he was a Hungarian Jew. And I went to Hungary to meet, years ago, to meet some of my family out there. And I was shocked to find out they're all Jewish. I mean, like, really Jewish Jewish.

28:45Big bearded Jew. Oh, like the Moffat Jewish. I've never got on with people better. You know why? Why? Didn't speak a word of English. It turns out, if you are related to someone and they have a natural love for you... Yeah. ..but you can't communicate... What happens? All you have is love. It's just love. Oh, that's so sweet. It's just love. The problem is when you speak the same language, that's when the shit starts. There's no conflict with someone going you want, oh yes I love bye. So that went really well but yes they were Jewish. So she did a lot of that all the cooking and you know I had my favourites I don't want to be rude but I have a bad memory of this chicken pie there was a chicken pie made at school and I loved it, I don't know why I loved it but I loved it at school and my mum was trying really hard to make me my chicken pie because I really liked it.

29:43Did you go to boarding school? No. I went to day school and in the day... In London? In London. I would have occasionally the chicken pie and I said, Mum, I really like the chicken pie and it had flaky pastry. And I remember clearly... They made chicken pie for lunch? She made... Yes, it was good with flaky pastry. But she made that... What's the other pastry? The thick... Short crust. It was like a really thick... What, like a quiche? Yeah. Okay. Like that hard, thick, short, crusty... And you wanted puff. It was just horrible. And she always would make it as a treat because she thought it was my favourite, but actually it was my least favourite.

30:21Oh, couldn't you have just said that? And she would go, surprise, I've made your chicken pie. And I'd be like, ooh, God, not that chicken pie. I'd kill for the one at school. But other than that, she was an amazing cook. Although we did have an egg off once when my wife was my girlfriend and we went to visit my mum and my sister was there and I organised a little egg-making sort of master chef competition that my wife still brings up. And this must have been 20 years ago because she was victorious. Everybody had to prepare scrambled eggs, blind-tasted by the rest of the family. And your wife won?

30:55She won it. Why did you do this? Are you a big connoisseur of scrambled eggs? Just trying to inject a bit of fun in the day. Are her scrambled eggs really good? You have to do it slowly. My wife is an incredible cook. I love her style of cooking. You know, it's amazing how unique cooking is to people. Even though a lot of people just are following recipes, but it's their cooking. It's like, people are so unique.

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32:29It's happening. What? I think I'm going to go for the rosé. I thought you were going to make a joke. You looked at the spoon and I thought you were going to make a joke about the spoon. No, I did pick up the spoon, but it turns out that the spoon wasn't that funny. Do you like rosé? Well, I do like rosé. Yeah, me too. I'll tell you what I like about rosé. I like, well, of course I love the colour. I tend to like the bottle shape. Me too. That's a funny one for rosé, though. I like the word. I like it when it's nice and light like this. Yeah, me too. And I like it when it dawns on us when it's sunny outside that we should not have red or white and we should have rosé.

33:00and it's always suggested in a very excitable rosé. It's kind of, yeah, it's had a rebirth, don't you think? How about we have rosé? Yeah. Rosé? Yeah. It's lovely and sunny. Darling, have you got me rosé? Yeah, I know. Whereas red wine is quite depressing. Yeah. You have red or white. White's a bit more up. Because for me, red, I mean, sometimes I really feel like red. I really feel like red. Because I feel like red's a bit of, it's like a big hug. I'm not gonna move much. I can open the red if you want. What did you bring? No, I don't want a big one. What did you bring? I bought a red. I feel like that's what you bring as well.

33:39If you don't know somebody maybe you're safe with a red. Yes, I think you're right. It is a bit safer to bring red. It feels a bit classier. Mmm. Thanks. Is it a bit classy? More gravitas. Thanks. Yes, it is a bit more gravitas. What? Well, I'll be honest. I only really, I don't know much about wine. I just know one red that I know that I like. What is it? So I bought that one. Oh. It's the only one I know the name of. So I bought it. Chateau Neuf de Pap? That's the only one I know. Oh, it's fabulous. So do you have Chateau Neuf de Pap on the old ride, or do you not drink before a show? No, you won't drink.

34:10Many years ago, before I was successful in any way, and I wasn't funny on stage, I suddenly started having Jack Daniels and Diet Coke before a gig. I would have, like, a swig of it. Basically, I reached a point at the end of a festival, well, it would have been 17, 18 years ago, And I just was dying on it every night, getting no laughs at all. And I sort of gave up and I thought, and I always had to do the shows because they were every night. And I just had a drink before. I was normally having a drink after. And I just downed this Jack Daniels and I just felt, I just loosened right up and had a great show.

34:46So then I went into a sort of, then I felt like I always had to have one. That's a danger. If you do something and it has a knock on effect, you think, well, it must have been that. I'll keep, you know, superstition. Are you quite superstitious? Well, it turned out that I was with regards to Jack Daniels. So I had Jack Daniels before a gig for a couple of years before I managed to shake that. Do you still drink Jack Daniels? No, not at all. I mean, I've got, I've drank strange drinks. Go on, tell us. Well, I like a drink. I like a drink that every time I mention it, people like lose respect for me.

35:14Go on, what? I don't know why. Every time I say it, I know you're going to do it. Oh, she's in lemonade. Snowball. No, it's not that bad. And I don't know why it's bad. But people certainly have sophistication. Now, don't feel like I'm judging you if you don't now disrespect me as if you're not sophisticated. I've got you in a complete web here. No, go on. It's fine. I do like, at the end of an evening... Yeah. I will like a... I can't say it. A Bailey's? It's not as bad as that. It might be worse. I love Bailey's. What, Cointre? I like a Limoncello. Do you like it? Some people love it. I think that's quite chic.

35:49It's quite sophisticated. I think it's disgusting. It's just lemon and alcohol. I don't like it. I think No I can't drink it Look you see That's the face I get No it tastes Disinfectant But it's not cool It's not cool I think that it's quite Meditary I think it makes you feel Like a bit of a kind Of mafioso My friend Johnny Paws this on his ice cream Have you tried It on the ice cream Have you had olive oil On a pistachio ice cream No Holy shit It's like a whole new world Where did you have that There's finding a vaccine And just below that is pistachio ice cream. Where did you find that? Seriously.

36:26How did you know that? How did you come across it? I would love to tell you that I was reaching for my pistachio ice cream and accidentally knocked over the olive oil. No, what happened? Someone did it for you. I was in this Italian hotel and I said, I'll have a pistachio ice cream. And she stood there with the olive oil. I thought, this bitch has lost her mind. I was like, what the hell are you doing, babe? Did you grab her in? We've moved on from the salad. Hey, sleepy. What, first day, is it? And she went, excuse me, is it okay? Would you like her to try a little bit of olive oil on the pistachio ice cream?

37:05And I was like, okay, psycho. I think let's just go along with this and, you know, then report you. So she pours the olive oil on the pistachio ice cream and it is mind-blowing. Oh, my goodness. This is great. I've never even thought about it. It's mind-blowing. The texture of the oil and the pistachio. It's unbelievable. I leapt to my feet. And I would have hugged her if it wasn't for social distancing. Were you just in Italy, then? Yes. So this is a new revelation. A terrible thing happened. What? Are you supposed to be quarantined? The hotel gave us all the symptoms of COVID. What? But it was nothing to do...

37:47Why are you here? But it wasn't the virus, it was the hotel. So obviously it was very hot. So we were very hot. The air conditioning gave us terribly sore throats. The swimming pool, this is true, nothing I'm saying didn't happen. The swimming pool had too much chlorine in and my children came out of these terrible rashes. And the food was tasteless. And I said to my wife, we have to complain. And she said, darling, if we complain, we'll be quarantined for two weeks. Because loss of taste. They're all symptoms. No, but you think I'm making this up, but it's true. And I'm not going to name the hotel because it's cruel on them.

38:21But the food was bizarrely tasteless. How could it... I just know what this place was. Until this extraordinary moment. Was this in the hotel? With the olive oil on the pistachio ice cream. With the olive oil on the pistachio ice cream. Which was... It's one of... You know there are those moments that you will always remember. And some of them are very howering the death of Diana. I know. You always remember where you were. I will never forget. Hard Rock Cafe. John Lennon. I will never forget when that pistachio bathed in local olive oil entered my palate. And? I masticated.

39:03Now, I'm going to have a sip of wine. And then it's all going to go downhill. And this could go any way. Would you like some dessert? Yeah. See if I've done better than the rice. I still haven't had the sip. I might have it. I'm toying with it. While Mum does the dessert, which is a tart to tan, so you're going to get the puff pastry tonight. A tart to tan. Now, can we talk about the words tart to tan and how to say it without... Sounding like a dick. Yes.

39:39Oh, I think it looks magnificent. Look at the face. You're very judgmental of each other. We're published authors now, you know, cookbooks. So I have an issue with when people say ciabatta. Oh. Ciabatta. I'm more than happy to discuss this issue that you have. Now, you want them to say ciabatta. I just want them to say ciabatta, because we're from London. So basically, do you know what? I completely concur. I don't like it when people try to say things how they're supposed to be said... ..how they're supposed to be said. We don't have that accent. We're not from there. I think it's up to us to interpret any word how we see fit.

40:20So how do you say tzatziki? Do you say tzatziki? That does upset me when they don't say it right, though. I don't think I would say tzatziki. No, I'd say... Wow! We need to pause here and sit in tzatziki. There's no other word that goes... ..twice as well. You're going, fa-fi-ki. Sa-fi. So it's T-S. Sa. Because we're all about the S-T. Oh, you're right. T-S. We don't have any T-S words. You know what? I have to say, and you're going to learn this living in the Hamster Garden Suburbs, there is such a thing in the Hebrew language that says, what's it called? Anyway, I'm fucking... So, you love words, don't you?

41:03There are some words that I will always struggle with. I always struggle a bit with croissant. So what do you say? Croissant. I've got to be honest, whenever I get to the point of saying croissant, I freak out a bit. And I think, God, I don't know if I can do this. I get actually quite nervous. Because for me, it's more of a... It's just a noise. Croissant. Croissant. because some people go croissants don't they they go croissants you might not want to I've also got an issue with February because February it's got an R in it what is this R? is it supposed to be there? is it occasional February?

41:41is it because people go February and completely ignore the fact that it's February but then if you go February you sound like a bit of a weirdo so I just go Feb and then I just lose my mind I just go Feb delish Feb I just back out I just go Feb do you want some tzatziki in February. Now I'll have a...

42:01Mum, this is really nice. Really good. And the cream. It's fantastic. No, baby's not got any cream. What happened? Have the cream. I'm going to go for the cream. I have to say, if you like a bit of olive oil on your pistachio... It's not pouring cream. I'll be here a while. Try cream on ice cream. Cream on ice cream? Yeah. It's honestly the best thing in the world. What's going on? cream on ice cream on ice cream have you tried cream on ice cream with ice

42:35ice on ice cream cream have you had ice on cream ice ice yes no i see what you're doing knock it until you try it michael it's very delicious it's just heaven it's heaven why would you get involved in enjoying an ice cream and then adding cream as well because cream is the best thing in the world. So you put cream on everything? No, I can't because I think I'm slightly lactose intolerant but I love it so much. I can't have ice cream in cream after this conversation because I've got to be careful. Why? You've filmed Netflix. No, I'm naked. I've got this show. Can you say what it is? I've got this show in all...

43:09Yes. It's called The Wheel. I can't believe when I say that. What is it? It's a wonderfully fun show. It's a game show. It's a quiz show. I don't know what it is. It's my idea. I've come up with this idea and we were going to make a pilot and I was going to do my big show and do the pilot for this idea because it was really fun. But now because of what's happened, I can't do my big show. And it turns out that the format of this show that I've come up with is no one needs to be near each other. So we did a run. What's it on? It's on BBC One and it's coming out in November. Have you filmed it? Well, no, we just did a run through.

43:50We were doing run-throughs on Zoom, which was really weird. So yesterday was like a huge day because we were going to find out if it actually worked. And it was really fun. So we're building this big... I mean, I can't really tell you exactly how it works. Is it like Wheel of Fortune? No, it's a wheel. I'll show you a picture and then people can't see it, but you can see it. But basically, they're building it. It's a wheel where celebrities sit on the end of it and they spin around and they answer questions. Sounds like it's a knockout. It's not, it's quite, I'm not explaining it very well. Is it a quiz?

44:21It's a quiz. OK. But it's going to be on BBC One and... And you're presenting it? I'm presenting it. It's called The Wheel and it's going to be great fun. Fantastic. I hope so. It went really well yesterday. So I kind of always have this plan to lose weight. And you know, one year I did. I actually did it. How did you do it? Well, interesting story. Oh, God, sorry. Say tucking into the Hagen-Dazs. It was amazing timing. I went to that bloody clinic in Austria. I went to the Mare Clinic. Why did you do that? How was it? Because I wanted to lose weight. I thought enough's enough. So I went off to the Mare Clinic.

44:59On your own? Well, it's really awful. Because I took my friend. He's called Paul Tonkinson. He's a comedian as well. He actually does a very good podcast about when he goes running with his friend called Running Commentary. He's a very sweet man. and he's a very good friend to me and one thing he absolutely is and I must be honest about this he is slim and he came with me to keep me company and he lost so much where he nearly died and we also had a horrible moment and he won't want me saying this but they would give you I don't know if I should say this at this moment while we're eating it's a bit grim what they do there it's quite bad but I'm just going to go for it Colonic irrigation?

45:44There was some of that. Oh, God. Make you drink cement? You drink these Epsom salts. Oh, yeah, I've done that. Oh, God. That make you... Vomit. Well, then... Yes. Clears you out. Yes, clears you out. So you drink the Epsom salts first thing, and then within, like, 20 minutes, the whole of the clinic... Rush to the laboratory. Are all rushed to the laboratory. And then we went on a hike on, like, day one, and I said to Paul, I was like, God, those Epsom salts are pretty intense, right? and he was like nothing that didn't work on me he's not in all nothing happened actually mate I was like what are you talking about I was like everything everything I'm hollow I'm a hollow you're looking at a hollow person and he went sorry mate I did everything he said but it had no reaction anyway we're walking along and I kept talking talking to him and I turned around I realized he wasn't there he wasn't walking next to me anymore what he disintegrated he disappeared and I no he hadn't lost so much weight he was shitting in a bush wasn't he And then I just heard from the woods, he just kept shouting, Stay back!

46:45Stay back! And I was like, Paul? Stay back! Poor man. And I was like, Paul? Paul, are you there? Are you OK? Don't! Don't! Don't you! Don't you come! Don't come! Don't! Go back! And I just had to go back to the hotel, and I say hotel, I mean, it's a clinic. But yes, no, he did the shit in the woods. Poor bloke. I know, and he nearly died. and then I had enough. I lost a stone and we're only there six days. It's supposed to be there a week and I thought, I can't do this anymore. I was so emotional and depressed and confused and Paul was about, you know, he was about, you know, like three stone.

47:22He was like skeletal. He was Christian Bell in The Machinist. And I went round to his room and I said, Paul, I booked us a Ryan F. Like, we're going to get out of here. I can't do this anymore. He like dropped to his knees and burst into tears. He was so great. He was so great. He was like, fuck you, mate. Fuck you. No! Because he was trying to be loyal to you. He was just wanting to look after me. He's the nicest guy. He's so nice. Oh, my God. You need to tell us what your last supper best meal would be. Start a main pud and drink. I've always had an issue with the last supper question. It's a bit depressing.

48:02I know. There's quite a lot going through my mind right now. I'm going to die. Just don't think about dying. Right, you're going to the Mayo Clinic for six months. Oh, and it's my last meal before you go. That's a good one to do, yeah. Which may result in death anyway, but I understand what you've done. This is a very good question. I mean, I've always gone, played safe with what I think is my favourite meal. Because I do struggle to enjoy anything better. You might not, this is a very straightforward answer, but I might change it. Okay. But I do love a home-cooked spaghetti bolognese. Oh, spag bol, you can't beat it.

48:44It's just something quite magical about it. Yeah, I agree. With the parmesan and the big mince and the onions and it just, it works. Even though Italians aren't interested in it. No. And every time I've ordered it in a hotel, it's horrible. Yeah, it's not as good. If you order it, it's all watery. But a home-cooked spag bol. Yeah. Oh, this does taste very yummy. Who makes it then? Your wife? Yeah, and my mum made it, and now my wife has taken over the reins of the spag bol. She's passed the pasta. But what does she do that's special about hers? I don't know. There's a secret ingredient. It's just really yummy.

49:24The longer it sits, I mean, second day, dare I say. Second day. Second day is probably better than the first day. Does she put wine in? I think there might be a little bit of wine. I mean, I'd have it with a nice red wine. Yeah. Does she put milk in hers? I don't know what she's doing. What's it silly does, puts milk in hers. Yeah. Two sugars? I think he's mixing up his dishes here. Can I get some spaghetti with mayonnaise, please? Milk and sugar? Yes, thank you. So you'd have that. OK, so that's your main... Well, other things... I mean, I do... I do like... I think anybody's done spaghetti with mayonnaise, you know.

50:01And I really like that. It feels a bit go-to. Most people do spaghetti vongole to show off. I wouldn't go with vongole. I can't be faffed. I don't want to eat anything that involves more work. I know. I don't want to be finding things in clams. I don't want to be opening pistachios. I don't want to be getting the muscles and I can't get this one open and my fingernails have gone all funny. I don't want any work. You order a lobster and it's like you're going to... I know. There's a lot of surgeries about to happen. There's all these tools show up. It's like, you sort the food out and I'll pop it in my mouth.

50:34It's something they come over and go, would you like it off the bone? Why the fuck would I want it on the bone? It's like, what the hell, what do you think I am here? Yes, I'd like to risk my life as well as not enjoy parts of this meal. No, you prepare the food. The thing that always annoys me is when they go, black pepper? Do you remember they come over with the thing? I hate that. Would you like black pepper? I don't know. Am I the fucking chef? Why don't you ask the chef if it needs black pepper? And then I order the food, you cook it. Why leave out one ingredient and see if I know that it needs it?

51:02I've never thought of that. I haven't even tasted it yet. Back off with your stupid Big Pepper. I know, I hate Big Peppers. It's quite aggressively phallic as well. Yes, it's like a big show-off thing with the Big Pepper. It's stupid. Do you always say yes, though? Parmesan cheese, and they sprinkle it on the top and then leave. What, only the first bites? Get the parmesan? Why should I have first bite? I agree. I've got a whole bowl next. Just leave me the bloody bowl if it needs parmesan. I know. I know. You have to have fun for the little bit here. I agree with you. Yeah, I totally agree. That's an absolute mess.

51:31Also, if you have any pasta with fish, they won't give you any parmesan. You say to them, I'd really like that. I'd really like some parmesan. They go. No. Or everybody else hasn't had the pasta with the fish. And he goes around the whole table. Yeah, and does it all for you. And then he gets to you and he just leaves. You know, what the fuck? Yeah, I know. I agree. Do you ever take a cheeky little chunk of parmesan from the fridge? Of course. Yeah. Only when it's fresh. Oh, no, I don't like it when it's gone a bit dry. Tell me about your fridge work when you're alone and hungry and maybe you've had a drink and it's just you in the fridge.

52:09Cheese. How low have you been? How low have you gone? Cheese. Is it basically cheese? Wait, not straight in the mouth, not teeth marks in the cheddar? Anything. Any cheese I would eat. But you'd cut a slice off? No. Oh, yes, I do. What do you have when you go into the fridge, right? Well, I mean, I'm going to be honest, anything, everything's a suspect. I mean, I'll consider any option, cooked or uncooked. I have to say, I do work the mayo pretty hard, especially a squirtable. You're kidding. I'll work the mayo. No, no, I'm on, not on the table. Oh, okay, yeah, right. Guys, squirt on a bit of ham or something.

52:47Okay. But it's good or an egg or a hard-boiled egg or something. You know, I'll work a bit of mayo. But no, I suppose the thing I'm most ashamed of over the years, because I'm not a cook, and when I'm just hungry, and maybe if I've had a little red wine, or if I... Normally when I've done a show, and I maybe had a drink there, and I get back, and I'm just a bit peckish, or I'm feeling good about this show, and I think I will reward myself, but there's nothing to eat. There is something that I've done over the years, and I feel bad about it. It's pretty grim. Come on. It's pretty grim. I'll go Sweet Corn.

53:23I'll go, I'll leave it in the tin. I'll drain the water, but not even all of it necessarily. And I might add a bit of mayo ketchup to the tin. Corn and mayo ketchup. And I'll just eat out of the tin the sweet corn. So it's kind of sweet corn Mary Rose. That's exactly what we're talking about. Ketchup with tomato sauce. Now that you put it that way, it actually is quite appetizing. It sounds quite good. Sweet corn Mary Rose. And my wife's found that sometimes in the morning and just looked at me like, what am I doing with this bloke? Yeah. What am I doing with this man? Okay, so what's pudding?

53:56Do you need some more water? Pudding. I'm struggling with the pudding. Oh, God. Maybe it's the pistachio with the olive oil. Pistachio with olive oil. Do you know what? When I was eating it, I did think this is one of the best things I've ever had. Yeah. It really depends on the quality of the pistachio. And the olive oil. And the olive oil. Don't tell aftertaste. And the bowl. And the waitress. The spoon, the waitress. She has to have one of those deep olive tans. Those only Italians can get tan. That like, are you kidding, tan? Then I think that I would probably go for that, but that's a very new thing.

54:42But in general, I don't really get very excited about puddings. I just don't. I don't really like cakes. My family are... Oh, no. Do you know what this is? You know, it's fascinating for me that you've asked these questions and my answers are so childish. These are things I've clung on to my whole life. But I absolutely love chocolate mousse. I just love chocolate mousse. A good chocolate mousse. And I don't think I've had it for years. But I used to look at... I would have made you mind. Look at chocolate mousse in a big bowl and think... I used to say... I don't know if I would ever stop. If somebody gave me a vat of chocolate mousse...

55:19You would carry on. I don't think I could stop. Because it's light and yummy. And I don't think I'd ever stop. Until I just like exploded. It's really good. And it was coming out of my eyes. And with cream, that's also really good. Yeah. What's your karaoke song? Wow, so many. So many? Oh, really? Can you sing? I love karaoke. Really? I'm the only one in my family who likes it. I bought a£2 ,000 karaoke machine. Did you? No one will do it with me. Can we borrow it for Jesse's bat mitzvah? Mum, what are you talking about? You can absolutely have it. I mean, I've got it in storage. I went to storage today because I've had to put all this furniture in storage.

55:58And I saw it and I just looked at it longingly. But my wife will never let me put it up. Is it big? Well, I bought the wrong one. I didn't realise it. I said it like I'd invested in this money. I didn't realise it. Like you owned a pub? I did it wrong. I did that one. Even the guy who bought it round, he was like, you know, this is for pubs. So it's like a real system. The speakers are this big. There's two of them. Because you love it so much. But yeah, you can't get it wrong. If you get the wrong key, I mean, you know how to sing very well. Well, I try. But singing is, for most people, if you get the wrong song, it's just a disaster, isn't it?

56:37I don't know why I'm looking at you. How's your singing? It's okay. Yeah. So I suppose every time I listen to... Why can't I think? Are you rock and roll or heavy metal? Well, there is a song I always think I've seen. So there's a... I always think Bruce Springsteen's Dancing in the Dark I'd be pretty handy at. Yeah, that'd be great. And that's low. Yeah, I... He's dancing in the... So that's quite good. You're fine. You're safe. Check my look in the mirror. Yeah. Yeah, like that. I think I'd be good at that. Yeah, I think so too. I did carry a little while a long time ago. I sung a very weird song, but I nailed it.

57:12Abracadabra by the Steve Miller band. Oh, Abracadabra. I heat up like a burning flame Burning flame full of desire Really enjoyed that one You've got a great voice Well, and if it's the right song I know And then I did, but I won't remember it I had a great one Because we hire these karaoke women These parties to celebrate the end of the show And then, have you heard of this gospel okey thing Where they come and sing it with you There's like a gospel choir and they sing the songs Oh my God, so it's like Sister Act 2 Yes Oh, wow They're gospel okey They're really good I love that that's your background for parties so it means you don't get well you really like karaoke gospel okey this is amazing instead of having the machine and some cheesy guy you've got like five gospel singers which is so much better and they sing with you oh my god so you feel like the child in Romeo and Juliet Basil Ehrman's Romeo and Juliet brother and sister so you can have that, everybody's free otherwise you're bloody Lauren Hill I think I sung like a soul I think I sung like a your love that one is lifting me high Jackie Wilson than I've ever been lifted before and then you have the you're lucky oh wow fabulous your parties sound fun yes but not the year before because I chose the wrong song and it ruined the whole what was the wrong song oh god it was an 80s song and it was just it was a last minute swerve and it ruined everything because I couldn't get the key and it was very embarrassing.

58:49But yes, what's your karaoke then? I mean, your own... I don't like it. You don't like singing. But I do like the idea of gospel songs. I just kind of... You've got a great voice. Yeah, I've got a gorgeous voice. If it's the right song. No, you've just given us four different songs and they're all brilliant. No. At school? No. No? No, I wasn't. You could be. A choir boy? Yeah, but you kind of look a bit choir boy-ish. What do you mean? I feel strong. That little angelic face. You don't think it's too late? No.

59:21It is a bit late. I think I've missed that. Missed the boat. So, okay. We came. We managed to have you over for dinner because we are celebrating. Oh, hold on. The phone number's up. Am I okay? 36, nine. Oh, I've gone down. 36, dead. No, not dead. I mean, Fuck!

59:47That means 36 on the nose. On the nose. Not you're dead. Let me see what you... I didn't pronounce you dead. What are you, no? What's wrong with you? You'll have to tell me. 36.8. 36.8. I've gone up. Yeah, you have. Not much, haven't I? Michael, you are hysterical, you are brilliant, and you have your Netflix show that is out. It's out on Tuesday. It's the 15th. It was probably already out. So it's just come out. It's just come out. You can watch it now because I've seen the weather forecast and it's like a bloody heat wave. So no one's going to watch anything. They're going to be outside in the garden.

1:00:22So when you want to come in the garden, watch the Netflix special. It's called Showman. And that's you. How would you say it? Showman. Showman. Showman. Because some people go showman. Showman. What do you say? I don't know. Did you choose the title? Yes. So you must have an opinion. My opinion is this. What? I think I change sometimes between showman and showman. Showman. Showman. Would you say it's the greatest showman? Or the greatest showman? Well, I'm familiar with the word man, and I normally say it like man, so why has it suddenly become man? Showman. The greatest showman. I think it's showman, and it's on Netflix.

1:01:01And in order to watch it, I don't know how you find it. Type my name in. Because you know everyone's Netflix is individual to them. Yeah. So if you've never watched any other comedy, It probably won't come up. Well, you just... Yeah, put showman in. Put showman in. Put showman in. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it. It's been a pleasure being here. I've had great fun. Oh, good. I'm a little bit drunk now. But you're so fun. You're so nice. You've got a hilarious relationship with a pair of you. Well, thank you. You know, really. I really like both of you a lot. This is great. If my new Jewish neighbours are half as entertaining as you guys, I will be putting that house on the market.

1:02:00Jessie, I'm with Michael on this one. I think spaghetti bolognese would be my last meal. You're changing from a roast? Yeah. A Christmas can? Because I could not live without spaghetti bolognese at least once a week. Do you have it once a week? Yeah, at least. You're just making a little spug bowl for yourself. Yeah. I made such a good one last year. Last week. Did you? I made it with beef stock. But like, we usually just crumble in an oxo cube. I made it with like fresh beef stock. It was heaven. Absolutely delicious. Anyway, thank you so much to Michael McIntyre. Thank you for listening to Table Man's Second Helpings.

1:02:34We hope you're enjoying it. Let us know if you're enjoying these past episodes. Email us at hello at tablemanerspodcast.com. We'd love to hear from you. Thank you so much for listening, and we will be back next week for another Tableman's Second Helpings.

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