A Motherforking Clusterfluff with Trixie and Katya

10:55Katya Zamolodchikova:I think she's got it this time I was just like it looks like it took this time. I was like, damn girls,

11:03Trixie Mattel:she just came to eat some sushi.

11:04Katya Zamolodchikova:That's crazy. Let the girls eat sushi without the urine test. I don't like that. I don't like that.

11:09Trixie Mattel:You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Supportive referrals. Not to mention, I follow Amanda on TikTok and she's always talking about the education she's getting when she's doing next. She's putting out music. She's getting her nail certification. She's booked and busy. She's been wearing wigs. Damn, she's singing your song. Anyway, I was kind of in shock that the server meant well, but was like - That is so funny.

11:30Katya Zamolodchikova:I think she's doing great. I was like, I think she's doing great. But even if she is, yeah, that's her business. Saying it like that felt a little, a little, what's the word? Intrusive? Just a little intrusive. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know? Yeah, absolutely. But it was exciting to see her. I love her. I would never say anything. Any celebrity sighting, I love that shit. I love it so much and it never happens here. That's why when we went to that, drop your name, Charlize Theron's, Christmas party, Charlize Theron's Christmas party. I was like, just like, I love it. I love famous people, movie stars.

12:07They just, they, they scare me in general.

12:10Trixie Mattel:But, and I say the wrong thing, as you know.

12:13Katya Zamolodchikova:Yes.

12:13Trixie Mattel:So good thing I didn't talk to Amanda. I almost screamed, love you, Amanda. I'm like, what is that? But you don't know her. That's alerting someone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's scaring someone. It's crazy. You want to see famous people? Franklin Village. Franklin Village. Really? All the like former CW chain smokers are outside La Pubelle.

12:28Katya Zamolodchikova:I love Franklin Village. It's where I used to get, you know, re-up my like 50, you know how at my old house I had like 50 candles burning at all times? Yeah. Yeah. I used to go to that candle store like just.

12:38Trixie Mattel:Oh, that one on the corner. Yeah. And it also has like bookstore. Yeah, the news.

12:42Katya Zamolodchikova:The news store has like magazines. I think it's called Daily Planet.

12:45Trixie Mattel:Yeah, something like that. Which is the name of the. Superman. The fictional Superman. Yeah. Yeah. That street. The other day I saw Dylan Minnette and Bam Margera. Oh.

12:56Katya Zamolodchikova:Just walking. So I was like, on the way here, I was like, why is LA so ugly? And no, but how could you say that next to the Scientology Center, which is gorgeous? Well, no, no, no. So the few exceptions that there are exceptions, obviously, is that half a block of Franklin Village, it's literally half a block. It's gorgeous. It's beautiful. And it's got the celebrity. It is beautiful. It has the whole torture chamber behind it, which is gorgeous. And Gelson's is beautiful. Yeah. Everything up to Clark Street Diner. Yeah. That shit eats. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That is some breakfast. Cunty. That's where you see other famous people, too.

13:30Katya Zamolodchikova:I saw Alfie something from Game of Thrones and also the skateboarder guy.

13:34Trixie Mattel:Clark Street Diner at Pride is coming. Let's do it. You and I should do a drag brunch at the Clark Street Diner.

13:39Katya Zamolodchikova:No, we're the only servers for the whole day. Oh, and we're also not doing numbers.

13:44Trixie Mattel:It's a drag brunch, but it's just shitty service.

13:46Katya Zamolodchikova:Yeah, super shitty service. I don't know how anything works.

13:48Trixie Mattel:For the first time, I'm wearing open-toe shoes in drag.

13:51Katya Zamolodchikova:No panty-hose. No panty-hose. No panty-hose. No panty-hose. Hair necks. Can I tell you, I do this all the time.

13:57Trixie Mattel:You know Violet used to work at Lips, right? Yes. Didn't she? Atlanta? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Imagine Violet. Nope. In a position of service. Service? Girl, what could you ask for that Violet would be okay with? Nothing. She'd be like, ugh. Her showing up, not exactly to promote eating at that point. You know what I mean?

14:17Katya Zamolodchikova:Fuck.

14:17Trixie Mattel:I just think it's - That's hysterical. I can see me as a server. I could see me as a server tomorrow.

14:22Katya Zamolodchikova:I could see her as a server ever. No. I could do coffee. I don't like, I could be one of those old, like, you want me to top you up, hon? Like that kind of like, you know, old Betty or like a Doris kind of vibes. But I, Mary, I could never be, I would get fired in like 10 minutes. The bookstores I worked at, they had a cafe. They put me in that cafe. I said, no, ma 'am. It's over. I'm not marrying them some mocha folk, mocha, locha, chaka, chaka, chaka, maha.

14:47Trixie Mattel:Were you sufficient making the tea?

14:50Katya Zamolodchikova:That's putting hot water in a tea bag.

14:53Trixie Mattel:But that's really all it was. You didn't have to make coffee or nothing?

14:56Katya Zamolodchikova:No, at the cafe. They had us doing like mocha frappers. Didn't you work at a tea store? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That was even, that was crazy. That was crazy, but it was easy. But that was crazy. People drinking tea like that.

15:06Trixie Mattel:That's the closest thing to a tea girl you're ever going to be. Pack it up, honey.

15:18Trixie Mattel:Today's episode of Bald and the Beautiful is brought to you by Thrive Market. So I have to tell you guys, if you watch the pod, you know that I came in here the other day with this roll of fruit leathers that changed my life. Because let me tell you guys, I'm a snacker. I'm a huge snacker. I'm a person who snacks. I'm always hungry. If it was up to me, I'd have five meals a day. And I've learned as I get older, the quality of the snack really affects how much the feeling to snack can be dealt with. So what I love about Thrive Market is it's this membership-based grocery store where you can shop from wherever you are.

15:51Trixie Mattel:Simply just get on the app, and then membership breaks down to just$5 a month. You get personalized shopping with filters. Like for me, I'm vegetarian, obviously, but I also love sweets. I got these double chocolate cookies that were soft that came in these mini packages. And some days I have to take a bunch of medication in the morning. and some days just having something in my stomach, even though it's like six in the morning, makes it so I can take all my medicine. And I have to start that with something somewhat healthy and being able to have like a fruit bar or a fruit leather or a healthier cookie at the top of the day really makes it possible to start the whole day.

16:28Trixie Mattel:Instead of paying fees on every grocery delivery order, you just pay once a year and you benefit from it every time you shop. There's no trade-offs for good food. You guys, these snacks blew my mind. these Mexican wedding cookies turned me out. They were salty. They were kind of crumbly, but kind of soft. I mean, I am obsessed. Now I swear I will stay with Thrive because I need to know how to replace these snacks. This membership gives you access to these brands that you love, delicious flavors that I don't even see in my store. And you guys, I came home from a long day of two days working on set and I had a bunch of groceries sitting in my kitchen, ready to be refrigerated and be eaten.

17:08Trixie Mattel:Some of it pushes me out of my comfort zone a little bit too, which is actually really good because I'm so not adventurous. I need to be more adventurous. And there's no hidden fees. You just pay once a year. There's no service charges. There's no delivery fees. There's no tips on the orders. It's just a membership and it bundles everything into one little cost. You could spend a lot on delivery or just pay$5 a month for Thrive Market membership. Ready to make some healthy swaps and become a member? Join Thrive Market with my link, thrivemarket.com slash bald for 30 % off your first order plus a free 60 dollar gift.

17:39Trixie Mattel:Okay,

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19:37Trixie Mattel:Do you know about, um. What? What? Okay. Oh, so you remember when Charlie Kirk died?

19:46Katya Zamolodchikova:Yeah, everything.

19:47Trixie Mattel:Think about it every day. So do you remember how people who loved Charlie Kirk were going to Starbucks and ordering this type of tea he got and they asked for them to yell Charlie Kirk? I did not know that. Okay. So that's crazy. This was a point of activism where Charlie Kirk passed and passed the bar. The bar. Yeah. Passed. And people who liked the things he said wanted to honor him by going to Starbucks. I think it was the mint majesty tea is what he gets. They would order his exact drink and then say the name was Charlie Kirk. And then they would sit there. Oh, so they have to yell at Charlie Kirk.

20:21Trixie Mattel:phone and wait for like the blue haired ND barista to have to say drink for Charlie. And sometimes they would say like drink for Charlie. And they'd be like why won't you say the last name? It was like so crazy. I hate that. This went on for like two and a half weeks but it felt like four years when this was going on. But now Leland and I were of course when someone dies you're like you're joking because you have to joke a little. We were like talking about getting Starbucks and we were like is it okay to show up to the we were a little early for the funeral. Is it okay if we show up with Starbucks?

20:49And I said I think we have to order

20:51Trixie Mattel:something for Gabe and then we have to order his order because they were like, Gabe loved two giant Trenticopies. I said, well, we're going to go order them. We're going to say these are for Gabe and we're going to film it.

21:01Katya Zamolodchikova:That is really weird with the Charlie Kirk thing. I hate that so much. I hate it. It's crazy.

21:07Trixie Mattel:Oh my God, Charlie's driving that Waymo. I made that up. They're not doing that.

21:13Katya Zamolodchikova:It's the same flavor. I hate it.

21:17Trixie Mattel:And what you do is I have no issue with ordering coffees and teas for yourself. But this isn't about that. No, no, no. Let's say your mom loved coffee and that day you said, you know what, I miss my mom. I'm going to get the coffee the way she used to drink it for myself to drink. Sure.

21:32Katya Zamolodchikova:But that's not what's going on.

21:33Trixie Mattel:No, no. It's a performance. And also

21:35Katya Zamolodchikova:don't videotape me about my job.

21:37Trixie Mattel:You're going to go to the most vulnerable LGBT people, baristas. Thank you.

21:44Trixie Mattel:You know, as if these people who are highly skilled, aren't busy making real drinks. Yeah.

21:50Katya Zamolodchikova:Do you realize at the airport, oh my God, when we're at the airport sometimes at those Starbucks, they're so deep and vicious because you can order ahead. I don't believe you should be able to do that. I'm sorry. I don't believe you should be able to do that. At those airport ones, I think you just go in there and get your coffee. I think it's crazy.

22:08Trixie Mattel:It's crazy. Well, like the LAX International Terminal, there's always a huge, there's a line of people waiting for coffee and there's a second line of people waiting for their pre-order so it does beg the question what is the point of the pre-order? Because we're all still waiting.

22:21Katya Zamolodchikova:No I know it just mucks up the whole thing. It's crazy. I really wish we had Dunkin Donuts over here.

22:27Trixie Mattel:You actually like that shit. Mary I've been vegetarian my whole life but if you catch me with a wake up wrap which I think is 89 cents it's a half folded like tortilla with an egg cheese and a strip of bacon in it. Okay you love it. Nirvana. I'm dying for it. Nirvana.

22:41Katya Zamolodchikova:What about Krispy Kreme? Wired. They don't do breakfast. Do they do a savory breakfast?

22:46Trixie Mattel:No. They don't. Krispy Kreme, I think, just does donuts. But they do it good. The way I want to shove all those donuts up my ass. There's a Dunkin' Donuts in Burbank. Is there a Krispy Kreme?

22:56Katya Zamolodchikova:Yeah, there's a Krispy Kreme like around the corner.

22:58Trixie Mattel:There's a Dunkin' Donuts over here?

22:59Katya Zamolodchikova:Oh, yes, there is. Wow. Wow.

23:02Trixie Mattel:Everybody pretends to be on a Zoom until they start talking about donuts. I'm the dream person to order coffee because they don't drink coffee. No, what I order is a plain iced tea, nothing in it. Oh, it's so easy. Or a plain black tea, nothing in it. I'm the dream. That is the dream. I'm the star.

23:17Katya Zamolodchikova:That's fierce.

23:18Trixie Mattel:And even though I love a lot of different drinks, when I go to gay bars, I always get the vodka soda. Because the girls are hurting. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The girls are tired. You're not ordering a mint julep. No. You're not having people muddle mint. Now, I love tequila. And we live in California. And so if I go somewhere where you have a promoted menu with a tequila drink, I'm going to take advantage of that.

23:37Katya Zamolodchikova:You like tequila?

23:39Trixie Mattel:Love it.

23:39Katya Zamolodchikova:Really?

23:40Trixie Mattel:Love it. Tequila makes your clothes fall off. You know what I mean? It's the Belvedere playing tricks on you.

23:51Katya Zamolodchikova:Take my thong off and my ass go boop. Have you ever heard the song Tequila? Tequila. Yeah. Love. Of course. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a barn burner. If you're ordering shots for the table, we're all going out for girls' night. What are we drinking for shots?

24:08Trixie Mattel:Well, the people I run with, they don't need a shot, but they want the experience. No, but we want shots. so recently I was in Jackson Hole and I ordered 13 shots for the table there was only two of those no I ordered 13 shots for the table and the bartender was gay and I didn't know it was a straight bar and he comes and he sees me and he goes like

24:32Trixie Mattel:he goes girl what are you doing here with these straight people and I said I don't know girl I said oh my god and I knew I was with straight people who I'm just gonna say it Can't drink. Oh. Can't hold their liquor.

24:45Katya Zamolodchikova:Oh, gotcha, gotcha.

24:45Trixie Mattel:Messy. The men start swinging and the women cry. Straight people are jammed up emotionally. Oh, that's true. That's true.

24:51Katya Zamolodchikova:Prince William just talks about it. Yes. Online.

24:53Trixie Mattel:The people have anger. People have hurt. They don't understand their emotions. Right. And they don't, you know, they could follow RFKs. Yeah. You know, they could do something healthier. You know what I mean? I just have a lunchable. Like they could do anything else. Whole milk. I just have a sip of warm milk and then sometimes I put a hot dog in my throat and then pull it out you know what I mean it's just like I eat up some Gatorade it's just it's all crazy it's all crazy but straight people when they feel a lot but they don't talk about it this is all people this is all people so then sometimes alcohol unlocks the pressure yes yes yes of course and I do this it's the classic thing in the ladies

25:45Trixie Mattel:That's why on a plane, one sip of wine and a remotely sad movie. Oh, yeah.

25:49Katya Zamolodchikova:I'm like, I got to call my mom. We got to land this plane.

25:52Trixie Mattel:Yeah.

25:52Katya Zamolodchikova:You know, I had to turn off ghost halfway through because the woman next to me was getting concerned.

25:58Trixie Mattel:Seriously. Did I tell you about the notebook? Oh, yeah. The person next to me on the flight was watching it. Oh, yeah. And I had no sound. And I was watching it like, like, just crying. And she was, I'm sure, like, ew. like she put up like it's the ACT she put up like a blinder I cannot watch

26:14Katya Zamolodchikova:other people's movies I can't help it

26:15Trixie Mattel:what was my what was that so the I'm sorry straight people they gotta go so I'm with all my lovely straight friends and they go what kind of shot do you want because you asked what kind of shot and I said do you guys have X rated what's that it's like a very light liquor because I want the camaraderie of the shot

26:30Katya Zamolodchikova:you don't want all the drama

26:32Trixie Mattel:we don't need to push the limits you don't need to I don't want to be sick tomorrow either I love drinking but I I I will not I will. But I don't want to be that girl hungover. So how do you avoid a hangover? You have to.

26:46Katya Zamolodchikova:There's a lot of strategies. So you do scotch, whiskey, red wine.

26:51Trixie Mattel:My old strategy used to be you skip the first drink and then I end the last drink. But what does that mean? So if everyone's having... I think a gay guy on a night of drinking could reasonably have four or five cocktails. Right, Nick? See? Yeah. Nick knows.

27:05Katya Zamolodchikova:It's the team sport. I feel like it's the team sport element that it goes south because everybody's not created equal on this team

27:13Trixie Mattel:right and I want to wake up tomorrow and have us be like half alive so let's have a shot for the vibe but we don't need the high alcohol content so usually for me although in Wisconsin the culture's very different you start the night with a shot Wisconsin you go to the bar people get a beer and a shot to start and then they start that's like Boston shot culture is big so I think it's regional

27:36Katya Zamolodchikova:beer is very large very um huge huge

27:40Trixie Mattel:yeah usually like a 6 to 9 % ABV do you like beer? no I know that's sacrilege what? because in Wisconsin it's so big yeah but I just have never got into it

27:51Katya Zamolodchikova:I just taste like shit to me and wine tastes like booty too

27:54Trixie Mattel:do you like cigars?

27:56Katya Zamolodchikova:yeah I mean I don't like I like the way they smell I don't would you ever smoke a cigar? I mean I have I don't it's not for me because it's like you don't inhale it

28:04Trixie Mattel:if you die and they're at the funeral open casket I'm gonna put the cigar in your mouth

28:08Katya Zamolodchikova:absolutely but you gotta keep it's gotta be one of those ones that keep like an incense burner knock chompa

28:13Trixie Mattel:knock chompa up the nose yeah

28:17Katya Zamolodchikova:no I you have to rig my open casket to like fall on somebody and vomit into their mouth like drag me to hell like everybody everybody who comes up that also happens

28:26Trixie Mattel:in Bad Grandpa did you see that no you need to watch Bad Grandpa

28:30Katya Zamolodchikova:wait is is there male nudity in that one it's fake

28:33Trixie Mattel:fake male nudity, I believe. It's like the old man, fake old man body.

28:36Katya Zamolodchikova:Oh, okay. Well, speaking of that, a night of the seven kingdoms, Mary. Jorkin. The dong of death. Jorkin, your paninas. The dong. I was like, this, this is really, really like, something.

28:52Katya Zamolodchikova:Did you see that?

28:53Trixie Mattel:Do I see it? How could I miss it? It's fake, right?

28:58Katya Zamolodchikova:No, that's real. Of course it's fake. Isn't that crazy? To the knee is crazy. Yeah. And then he pees out of it. Oh, yeah. He pees out of it. I was like, the movies are back, man. It's so fierce. It's so fierce. I love Game of Thrones so much. And this new, this new, I wasn't feeling it, but now I'm feeling it. It's so fierce. A Night of the Seven Kingdoms. The last episode was so bloody, I could not believe it. Really? It was a tournament with a jousting. Just absolutely just relentless violence. Relentless. Just like, oh, my God. It was like crazy. I like it. Love, it's fierce.

30:03Katya Zamolodchikova:our eventual demise. But mon dieu, the sugar in a regular Chalet Temple. My digestion was staging a protest in the streets and my pancreas was screaming Sacré Bleu. Then, like a miracle performed by angels wearing berets, Olipop released their new limited edition Chalet Temple flavor. It is the original mocktail but reborn, brighter, bolder and made with real ingredients that I can feel good about, especially my poor digestive tract. Olipop is a new kind of soda that combines classic soda taste with a functional ingredient blend to support digestive health. It has high fiber, low sugar, and none of the shame that once haunted my silent prayers after consuming as much sugar as a tartar sucre.

30:44Katya Zamolodchikova:Now, in my modest village in the Fouces of the Alps, Olipop's New Chili Temple flavor is recognized as the true nectar of the gods. We drink it for joy, for cheerly, and for a healthy dose of joie de vivre. Vive la Olipop! Get a free can of Olipop, Buy any two cans of Olipop in store and we'll pay you back for one. Works on any flavor, any retailer. Head to drinkolipop.com slash bald. Olipop is sold online, drinkolipop.com and Amazon, and available in the soda aisle and with the chilled beverages at thousands of retailers nationwide, including Walmart and Target.

31:18Trixie Mattel:Today's episode of Bald and the Beautiful is brought to you by NoCD. There you are, just living your life when a horrible, unwanted thought crashes the party. is that tiny sensation in my body actually a serious illness? Why doesn't my partner look as happy as I do? Why don't my partner look as happy as that other couple? Do I even love them? What if I'm a secretly violent, dangerous person, even though I don't want to be? And then to make matters worse, your brain grabs onto that unwanted thought and will not let it go. And now you're spiraling, replaying every interaction you've ever had, seeking reassurance from everyone around you.

31:53Trixie Mattel:And it never really helps for long. What's going on? Unwanted thoughts that feel sticky, repetitive, and impossible to shake like that might be signs of OCD, a condition that is way too misunderstood. OCD involves unwanted intrusive thoughts that cause intense anxiety and behaviors you feel driven to do to get relief, even though that relief is only short-lived. It can latch on to literally anything, your health, your morals, your relationships, and it can be completely debilitating. But it doesn't have to be that way because OCD is highly treatable with the right kind of specialized therapy. OCD needs ERP or exposure and response prevention, which is proven to be the most effective treatment.

32:31Trixie Mattel:And that's where NoCD comes in. NoCD is the leading provider of OCD treatment and all of their licensed therapists specialize in treating OCD with ERP therapy. In live face-to-face virtual sessions, your NoCD therapist will teach you how to take the power away from intrusive thoughts so you can spend your time and energy on things that will actually matter to you. Therapy with NoCD is covered by insurance for over 138 million Americans. They also provide support between sessions so you're never facing OCD on your own. If your unwanted thoughts are doing the most and you're tired, don't wait to get help.

33:04Trixie Mattel:Visit NoCD.com to book a free call with their team. That's NoCD.com.

33:08Katya Zamolodchikova:I just got back from a trip to New Orleans where I fully surrendered myself to Mardi Gras like a glitter-covered moth to a very loud, very humid flame. While much of the country was preparing for a blizzard, I was out there in the streets draped in beads, sequins, and questionable decisions, letting brass bands guide me like a spiritual compass. The best part of the trip was the home I booked on Airbnb. It was a beautiful house just far enough from the madness that I could reassemble myself like a haunted voodoo doll between outings. I could take morning slow with a pot of coffee and freshly made beignets, and then boom, back out into the French Quarter for continued cheerful chaos.

33:43Katya Zamolodchikova:Booking through Airbnb made the whole thing feel less like a chore and more like I was impersonating an eccentric local with excellent taste. The house itself was absolutely fantastic. My guests and I had room to sprawl, a real couch to dramatically collapse onto after a long night out, and a kitchen that witnessed some deeply unholy late-night snack behavior. But more than anything, it was perfectly serene. I could close the front door and have a moment of peace, then open it and immediately re-enter the tornado of fun. Traveling with friends was also legitimately great because we were all together in one house, not scattered across a hotel like lost luggage.

34:16Katya Zamolodchikova:Now that I'm back and ever so slightly recovered, I'm already plotting my next summer escape. Somewhere sunny, somewhere fun, and definitely somewhere with a view. Trips just hit different with Airbnb. It's like you're actually living somewhere, even if it's just for a few days. With Airbnb, every journey feels like it was made just for you.

34:34Trixie Mattel:I went for Valentine's Day. I went to my boyfriend. I feel like in LA, I keep getting TikToks saying, LA is so back and the food is better than ever. Back from what? I don't know. But the people making these TikToks are 23 and they're like, LA is so back. And I'm like, back from what? Middle school? Like, girl, what are you talking about? But of course I believe it. And I hate watch the whole thing. So now TikTok is like, here's what the 20 year olds say are the best food. And I go, great. I'm young. So my partner takes me for Valentine's Day to a restaurant we'd never been to, which in Hollywood is such a gamble.

35:10Trixie Mattel:Oh yeah, baby. Some of these restaurants that are good are trucks. Yes. The best food in Hollywood. Yeah. Sometimes it's on a truck. Yes. Also, but, but. And the fancy restaurants aren't good.

35:23Katya Zamolodchikova:Or the fancy restaurant with the week. You got to check out this place. The brunch is amazing. You go and you're like, hey, how long is the wait? It's about 14 days.

35:30Trixie Mattel:Literally. What I'm saying is. Oh, great. We'll line up now. I think in Hollywood, sometimes the cheap places are the fucking best food. Well. And then the places that are trying to be something. You're like, this is, this is just, this is just normal.

35:41Katya Zamolodchikova:Mama, tell me about it. So wait, you, where did you go for Valentine's Day? because now I just remember what I did on Valentine's Day.

35:47Trixie Mattel:I forget what it's called, but this place. And we go to the, the host was so nice. She was so pretty. And she was like, let's just go this way. And I swear to God, maybe I imagined or maybe I read the mind. She was like, let's put him in the overflow room because it's Valentine's Day. So it was like there was this extra dining room they set up for overflow. Damn. So it's like this big bustling Hollywood restaurant. And then they take me down a hallway past the bathrooms. And it's another room with just another couple in it and us. And it's like, no way. Double B. Are you serious? The songs they're playing are all about love.

36:19Trixie Mattel:So it's like, love me, love me. It's like all love songs on Spotify. Damn. Are you enjoying Pandora Radio? It's like, no, no, no, no. Then behind the bar, they've projected a video with a projector on the white wall. And the projected video is a loop of Paris with the Eiffel Tower. Now that's classy. That's classy. I got a picture next to it. That's classy. You're going to die. I look kind of potted out in it, but the, the, hold on. Oh my God. That's so elegant. That's crazy. The overflow room. But you know what though? The food was really good. And this is where it turned around. I was like, okay, whatever.

36:58Trixie Mattel:Where is it? It was in Hollywood. Oh. I got drinks and I was like, yeah, I'll have the watermelon martini. That sounds kind of fancy. Okay. I don't want to feel like a huge alky.

37:05Katya Zamolodchikova:Yeah.

37:05Trixie Mattel:But when you, when you drink at gay bars, these straight people drinks, this Capri Sun that was stored with hand sanitizer, like it ain't nothing. There's no booze in here. Oh, right, right, right. So for the second round, he comes back and he goes, do you want to get another one? I said, do you have anything with more alcohol? And the server was like, it's a martini. I was like, not where I'm from, bitch. Yeah, hello. You don't taste that? This is 100 % watermelon, 0 % martini, baby. That's crazy. But then truffle fries that blew my tits off. No, okay.

37:34Katya Zamolodchikova:What are truffles?

37:35Trixie Mattel:I don't know what a truffle is. I don't either. It's not important. Okay. I think it's chocolate.

37:40Katya Zamolodchikova:No, it's not. It's like a mushroom or something.

37:43Trixie Mattel:It's a mushroom. Yeah. Fungi. But I think that it gets turned into a spice.

37:47Katya Zamolodchikova:Okay.

37:48Trixie Mattel:Like, I don't think they're throwing mushrooms on your fries. No, I don't think so either. I think they season it with truffle oil. Yeah, maybe that.

37:54Katya Zamolodchikova:Underground fungus. Underground fungus. Underground fungus. Right.

37:56Trixie Mattel:Fierce. So, that's what the proctologist just scraped off. Underground fungus. So, then they bring out, I go, well, we kind of ate a late lunch, but we're going to see a play. I didn't know I was going to do a play. It was a surprise. Okay. three vegan sliders horny where were they tiny vegan sliders vegan cheese little mini cheeseburgers are all vegan delicious the buttery stunning warm hot the little fake meat was like crispy the bun was like warm and toasted and the cheese would melt girl fierce amazing so then I went to see the Book of Mormon at the Pantages Theater oh yeah had you not seen it before I've never seen it

38:40Katya Zamolodchikova:oh my god it's so good It was great. It's so good.

38:42Trixie Mattel:Beautiful music, laughing. I love the message. Yeah. Very much makes fun of Mormonism, but really all religion. I don't think it does. I think it was very reverent, in fact. But it also kind of shows weirdly the good that religion can bring when the guy starts just making up stories and then the people become very positive. I'm like, okay, sure. I loved it. It was great. Loved the singing. But something happened to the Pantages that I'm not sure if I can bring up because I don't want to be banned from the Pantages because I'm trying to see Phantom of the Opera. in October. Were you vaping? No, no.

39:13Trixie Mattel:Bobert. I was Boberted. Fully Boberted. It was me and Pam Bondi and we had a bong. We were taking rips off a bong. By the way, that last episode I said, let's put the pipe up to my pussy and queef out a crack cloud. I couldn't believe that that was in the episode. That's why I got age restricted. The top comment was like, queef out a crack cloud. I said, who said that? Wait, refrigerators? I was like, who said that? I was like, oh, me. Shit. Queef out a crack So we get there and luckily I have time to pee. My boyfriend gets in line for snacks. I said, you know, I can't see anything without a snack and a drink.

39:50So we're going to get, I took a half an edible.

39:54Trixie Mattel:So I was like, I don't need marijuana. I don't need a drink. I'm just going to have one little glass. I don't need alcohol. I'm just going to have a glass of wine. Whatever that is. Right. I'm not, I don't need alcohol. Just have a glass of wine. You know, my big fat Greek wedding, which is like, you're vegetarian. I'll make you lamb. Like, it's that. So we get up there and we get, oh my God, oh, they have red vines. I love red vines. And my boyfriend don't like chocolate. So I was like, I would get Raisinets. Love Raisinets. But I'm going to get red vines for the team. Go to go in the theater.

40:26Trixie Mattel:There are new food and snacks in the theater. Wait, what? Wait, wait, wait, wait. They sell snacks, popcorn, candy. But you can't eat it there. You can't eat it there.

40:37Katya Zamolodchikova:It's to take home?

40:38Trixie Mattel:So I go into the theater and I just sit holding my holding my red vines like this, like an NPC in a video game, the whole play. And then during during intermission, I went outside the theater to eat some licorice.

40:50Katya Zamolodchikova:That is I just think it's crazy to sell it. And then you can't eat it.

40:55Trixie Mattel:And I was like, maybe I'm just white trash. I don't know how things work. No, no, that's that is extremely bizarre. And maybe it's for crinkling because of acting.

41:03Katya Zamolodchikova:Then don't fucking sell it. Then don't sell it.

41:06Trixie Mattel:they should make movie theater snacks in quiet packaging um they should just fall from the ceiling a beer helmet yeah with like m &ms in it yeah i just was kind of in shock that's crazy

41:18Katya Zamolodchikova:that's insane what would you do i would not purchase it i would have to i would have to

41:23Trixie Mattel:eat it though but then i thought maybe it was like a semantics thing of like what they're saying is extremely quietly discreetly maybe that's what this is i think maybe that's what it is are they

41:32Katya Zamolodchikova:gonna throw you out i would do that by the way i would i would for once in my lifetime i would close my mouth when i chew yeah yeah but i i drew i remember what i did on valentine's day i drove to the studio the new studio that me and andrew have and i was mad as hell and um because i couldn't find parking and i i like drove past this long ass line it was like janet jackson must be doing a record signing or something like that it was like five blocks i swear to god it was bagels people were on an interminable lineup outside for bagels I mean I love bagels I love bagels I want one right now I'm not really willing to like wait an hour and 15 minutes outside for one what do you get on the bagel?

42:15Katya Zamolodchikova:I mean it's very ho-hum it's just butter everything bagel toasted with butter that's it I can't eat cream cheese I think it's disgusting

42:24Trixie Mattel:I get the vegan cream cheese and that's less weird for me. I like butter, but nobody ever I do love like a raisin bagel with butter. Yeah, I love it.

42:33Katya Zamolodchikova:Or I like strawberry cream cheese sometimes. Yeah, I wish I liked cream cheese. I was lamenting the fact that I am such a picky eater and I wish it wasn't that way.

42:40Trixie Mattel:Cream cheese makes me think of like, maybe it's my age. It makes me think of like commercials about like women being like, I shouldn't have that. It's bad. Like, I'm so bad. I'm so bad. Because all the ads were about how it's like less fat. So I think cream cheese is probably pretty bad for you. Because the ads are about, this one's less bad.

42:55Katya Zamolodchikova:Yeah, who knows? but I know it's bad. It's waiting outside for two hours for bagels. Get a life.

43:03Trixie Mattel:How good could they possibly be? I guess they're really good. The only lines I see now are, I always see a line at Supreme. Well, that's for a product.

43:10Katya Zamolodchikova:That makes sense. That's for a once in a lifetime product. That's like, you know, I can understand that retail situation, but something that you just have to, you just have to eat two hours later after that.

43:19Trixie Mattel:And then gay bar, like if you go through West Hollywood on Saturday, there's lines like the Abbey and stuff will have lines.

43:23Katya Zamolodchikova:Yeah. What's, I don't do lineups. I don't like lines. I really don't like waiting in line

43:28Trixie Mattel:often I'll go somewhere and then I'll just leave one time I was Heidi in closet and we walked to the back of the line because I was like I'm not cutting she was going to cut I was like I can't cut I know I can't do that either and then she brought me to the front and it was like I'm Heidi we're cutting that's how we cut but what I'm not going to do is go to the front and in front of 70 or 80 gay men in line say no one cares baldy get back and then what you have to leave the gay community the ultimate humiliation you have to leave the gay community Yeah, you have to turn straight, be a Mormon, move to Utah.

43:58Trixie Mattel:I just, the fear of like in a movie where you're not okay to be let in. Oh, I hate it. I hate it. Public humiliation is the worst.

44:10Katya Zamolodchikova:Fearful. Fearful. But there's the taco place across the street from the studio on Taco Tuesday, baby. Four tacos for$7. And you go in. I go in and I just, I fucking, oh, they're so delicious. They're so lovely and they're so cheap. I can't get enough of them. I can't get enough of them. $7.

44:31Trixie Mattel:Yeah.

44:32Katya Zamolodchikova:Taco Tuesday, baby.

44:33Trixie Mattel:My horny place is La Vaita Cantina over in Franklin Village.

44:36Katya Zamolodchikova:Franklin Village.

44:37Trixie Mattel:Girl. How much are they though?

44:39Katya Zamolodchikova:Expensive.

44:40Trixie Mattel:Seven. One for one taco.

44:42Katya Zamolodchikova:Yeah. Well. Is that expensive? Well, I mean, I get four for seven. Seven for one taco is really, that's a lot.

44:48Trixie Mattel:Have you tried paying people a livable wage?

44:54Katya Zamolodchikova:Oh, oh, oh. I want to ask, poll the listeners. I guess I, would you buy this shirt? He drowned. Does that make sense? I would. Yeah. This one. And then the other one was the Game of Thrones Teltrixie. I wanted to know it was me. It's like a Game of Thrones reference. You have to know that reference. Are you going to sell these? I kind of want to. I really think you should. Why don't you do limited runs? You could do like only a hundred or two of each. I think I'm just going to bring them on the road. You know, just physical merchandise. And then no, he drowned. Does that make sense?

45:25Trixie Mattel:No, like, um, you know, just bring them around. He drowned. Does that make sense? Yeah. When I die and they talk about who died and they get up there and they say, we're here to honor the life of George and Hazel Pinkering. That clip of her where she says, she tells this person you're being haunted by a George and Hazel Pinkering. Oh my God. and the woman goes well it's a new house she goes the land honey the land

45:50Katya Zamolodchikova:the land she's so quick on her feet

45:52Trixie Mattel:you gotta be when you're a griptor I'd be in my house high as hell and I'll be washing dishes George and Pinkering I'll just say George and Hazel Pinkering like I'm talking to the ghosts in my house

46:03Katya Zamolodchikova:Orlando Orlando Orlando do we have an Orlando here he's here he's here god damn it's autumn sunrise that

46:12Trixie Mattel:well you know what I watched the other day too what Now, I had an MRI last year, and in the MRI, they let me watch a Netflix movie. So I said, why don't you turn on that Ashley Madison documentary? It was good. Why don't you turn on Ashley Madison? Who was it good? So then a year ago, I watched part one. Last week, I watched part two and three. So you waited for the MRI. I needed time. Okay. So I watched part two and three, and they talked about this company that created this company. People that created this company, Ashley Madison, where people don't know. You sign up, and it's a website intended for you to be able to meet somebody to do adultery with.

46:43Trixie Mattel:Yeah. Affairs. And so, so many men signed up.

46:47Katya Zamolodchikova:Yeah.

46:47Trixie Mattel:So many men signed up. They had a data breach where all of the names of people who've signed up got leaked. Do you know about this? I don't even remember this. Of course. It's like, how? Oh God. So funny. Like one of the people they mainly interviewed was like this YouTuber who was like a daddy influencer with his Christian family. And he got found on there. And first he made an apology for, I just made an account. I didn't do anything. And then later had to tell his wife, nevermind. I've been at massage parlors for a year getting it jorked. Jorked. They jorked my penis off. Yeah. So then they talked about all the politicians and stuff.

47:20Trixie Mattel:And then this one woman, she was like, I love my husband. I just like found, I found out about it because I didn't even know Ashley Madison was. I just like found out about it because he came home and he was in the car, in the garage and killed himself. Because at his work, they found out he had an account and they made him retire. And then he knew he had to tell me and he just offed himself. So one of the things they talked about was like with a data breach that big, the danger that some people put with their, you know, might not be in a mental state to deal with something like that. So it was like, obviously parts of it are salacious because it's about cheating.

47:57Trixie Mattel:But parts of it were like, oh my God. And then they obviously allege that Ashley Madison didn't take the steps to make sure that their user's data was actually safe. the other thing they talked about was like the women they thought they were talking to they made it sound like it was like a 60-40 ratio women and men on the website you think 40 % of women are looking for an affair? I don't believe that is true so that's something they talked about too former employees are like, I mean, there were bots or, you know do you remember when I told you about that documentary about the jerking off class where they had employees get up there and get fingered you also gotta watch that girl what is that?

48:32Trixie Mattel:Is that NXIVM? no, it was like, it was Orgasm Inc

48:36Katya Zamolodchikova:Not orgasm, Inc.

48:37Trixie Mattel:Girl, orgasm, Inc. But the Ashley Madison doc was really interesting.

48:40Katya Zamolodchikova:Dark-sided.

48:41Trixie Mattel:The FAGs are hurting. Yeah. But the straight people are hurting. Everybody's hurting. That's a straight people website, right? There's not gay Ashley Madison. No, that's just called being gay. Yeah.

48:49Katya Zamolodchikova:You know, open relationship.

48:50Trixie Mattel:Shall we read some reviews? Oh, my God. Obviously, we have to read some reviews. We have to. Some pulse-pounding reviews from the critics. Is there a dragoon called Ashley Madison? That's a fun drag name. It is. Get sued. No. No. No, the girls get sued? No. Really? Lexi Love from Drag Race has problems with her name. Why? There's another entertainer named Lexi Love who's suing her.

49:11Katya Zamolodchikova:Oh, that makes sense. But I mean, if you're like that, I can see that. Because you're like creeping on her search terms or whatever. I mean, I'm surprised that Yelena Zemalichkova hasn't assassinated me. Mattel? I know. I know. But there's like, I have that woman's last name, you know, and I'm creeping on her search. Jujubee?

49:33Trixie Mattel:like that's a candy

49:34Katya Zamolodchikova:I know but I don't think she's bad that's crazy

49:38Trixie Mattel:like we're all in danger girl TD Bank North Garden right Patagonia is suing Patagonia that person who does activism for a living

49:44Katya Zamolodchikova:yeah I could see that but what is she acting against

49:47Trixie Mattel:that's the thing I don't even think she's a poor for-profit artist I think she's like flat out a philanthropist oh fierce what are you gonna do sue the earth the land honey the land the land ladies ladies

49:57Katya Zamolodchikova:you are so hilarious I'm starting with your first episode and you're such a great pair with a great podcast I'm just laughing uproariously. I can't say I know much about the gay or drag scene. Straight 65-year-old grandma here. That's right. But I'm hooked on y 'all. Looking forward to listening to all your podcasts and catching up on current episodes. Love you both, Teresa in Missouri.

50:17Trixie Mattel:I was going to say, 65 years old, I was in this straight. I was like, is this my mom? She would never listen. Thanks, Teresa. Teresa in Missouri. Love, love, love. Trixie and Katia are one of my favorite ways to boost my serotonin. Are we a medically? I guess we're like Are we a medicine commercial?

50:32Katya Zamolodchikova:We might as well be like

50:34Trixie Mattel:Merck Merck Pharmacy Two old people on mountain bikes Talking about side effects You know what I mean? Yeah Trixie and Katya May cause blindness I do think people who listen to us The side effect is They go to work And they like They jerk it They say things like The land And no one knows What they're fucking talking about Not that we invent these things No But our rattles become their rattles And then they're standing there At Staples With their shift lead And they say something

50:57Katya Zamolodchikova:George and Hazel Pinkerman Right

50:58Trixie Mattel:They say jerk in your paninas Or something Yeah Trixie and Katia are one of my favorite ways to boost my serotonin Love them on YouTube, love their books Love their podcast Great, that's the kind of love that I want

51:09Katya Zamolodchikova:Me too Let's see My favorite duo, honorable mention To whoever lets out a cackle in the background every so often They make me laugh out loud They normally hate Tracy

51:20Trixie Mattel:The comments are like, I hate that girl who laughs Tell her to shut up Put a boot in her mouth Like when they listen to the pod, they listen like this Yeah

51:29Katya Zamolodchikova:Not that girl again

51:31Trixie Mattel:Tracy has joy They're like This fucking bitch That fucking That mirthful bitch Shut her up Well when you say that You're silencing a queer Mexican Thank you A lesbian Mexican Woman Latinx lesbian In fact she should have She should have A megaphone That whenever she laughs The car battery Hooked up to mine Wired nipples Fries them into outer space George and Hazel

51:56Katya Zamolodchikova:Pinker Okay okay bye