Wear Your Virtue, Broadcast Your Bouquet with Trixie and Katya

7:26Katya Zamolodchikova:I know. It's diabolical. I don't think smelling bad is ever a called for.

7:32Trixie Mattel:No. It's uncalled for. And you know who's floating that? Big tea tree. Big tea tree. Big tea tree is telling you. Yeah, big tea tree. And big non-aluminum or whatever.

7:42Katya Zamolodchikova:Yeah, big non-aluminum. And then they want you to go into the redwood forest. They chip off a small piece of bark, very small piece of bark from the bottom. And then they wanted to rub it on your hairy armpits and then somehow believe and trust and fully get into the delusion that you don't smell like the cat's ass. It's too much.

8:01Trixie Mattel:It's too much. It's also very like, oh, who's that earthy? Like, I'm going to go tap a maple tree so I can douche. But they're not doing that, though.

8:07Katya Zamolodchikova:I would appreciate it if the effort was there, but they're not doing that. They're just not showering, and they're not using deodorant, and they smell like hammered shit.

8:15Trixie Mattel:But I think it's a calling card. I think it's a sex call. I think it's like, do you like smells? It's telling other people you like smells by presenting your own smells.

8:22Katya Zamolodchikova:Yeah, that is definitely a thing, and I have been in the middle of that once. And I appreciated the – it was a very open dialogue. But also it's like, are we kink shaming now? No, no, no, no, no. I'm not talking about these people. Because I'm sex positive.

8:36Trixie Mattel:So maybe I should be smelling them and being like, it smells really good. No, no, no. Love shit. No, no, no.

8:40Katya Zamolodchikova:Love shit. Love shit. Love shit.

8:42Trixie Mattel:Mmm. Gay rights. Gay rights.

8:46Katya Zamolodchikova:And be whiffing that canned chili smell. No, no, no. It's those, a couple of guys I hooked up with, they were into that. And they said they were into that. The warning was there. The writing was on the wall. There's no excuse. And I said, let me try it. And it was just not for me. But that, but I appreciated them. and they were lovely guys. Right. But that's something that they don't foist or hoist or thrust upon other people without the consent, such as other people who show up in your personal space who smell like the cat's ass and they know they smell bad and they either don't care or they're antagonizing you willingly.

9:16Katya Zamolodchikova:Yeah. I feel like it's really rotten. Yeah. That's all.

9:20Trixie Mattel:By the way, shout out to the Peasler. Yes. The people on the Peasler have called the people who don't do Patreon non-pea leavers. you are so fucking foolish that is foolish and we won't be talking about the peace slur here no no no because it's a slur I saw it on the news

9:36Katya Zamolodchikova:you did you did yeah KTLA oh yeah or BBC that we got a peace slur oh my god it was yeah Christiane Amanpour was live from the trenches that's why Lindsey Graham killed himself that's why Mitch McConnell's been missing for three months

9:48Trixie Mattel:that's why Mitch McConnell everybody's looking for girl girl tell me girl don't even get me started I had this DJ gig at the Roosevelt a couple weeks ago okay and i want to say i love the roosevelt i love bonnie mckee who invited me i am my own artist and nobody else's political opinions are mine right okay so don't be at that camera too but i have a big mouth and i i hate injustice yeah so it was like all these fags i'm d i'm djing it was a little hot but not too bad i'm sweating whatever it was a dry heat it was a dry heat it's the humidity it's not hot but it's humid i went through for 30 minutes oh yeah you know the roads of the slipperiest the first 30 minutes of rain, right?

10:32Diabolical.

10:34Trixie Mattel:So I'm DJing and I'm so, you know, Mr. Wonderful watches 16 hours of news a day. So I'm plugged in. I'm too plugged in.

10:42Katya Zamolodchikova:You're tuned in, tapped in, turned on.

10:44Trixie Mattel:And so I'm DJing and I'm feeling my music. I think I was literally playing the realness. I was like, real is what you feel. And I'm feeling my shit. I turn the music down. I'm just going silence. Where's Mitch McConnell? Bringing the music back. And then fans are going like this. And I go, yeah, where? I'm like mouthing the words. I'm like, where is he? And then there's gay people in the audience going like, dead. Like it was. And I feel bad because I don't want anybody to die. I want bad things to happen to people. But I have a really hard time. I do. I have a really hard time. What?

11:21Katya Zamolodchikova:Believing that. Believing that with these soul sucking ghouls who wouldn't know an ounce of public service. if it came in and it bopped them where the ladybugs are? Hello? Girl. Hello? If someone double-fisted that nasty hole, just burst through that field of ladybugs and just got him real good, that whore is in hell, and I say good riddance. I know. I mean, of course, hell's not real. And he unleashed hell while he was on Earth. That's the real. That's the thing. Hurting people. Hurting people. Hurting people. And also, again, it's the horrible irony of it, not a public servant.

11:59Trixie Mattel:No. Why? Why be in politics if you... Because it's fierce healthcare, it's job security. It shouldn't be. I'm sorry. Even the president should make minimum wage. Y 'all can fight me. I just feel like if we can't trust people to not do it for the money, then we're not going to get good candidates.

12:14Katya Zamolodchikova:Kickbacks, kickbacks, corruption, you know, all that crap. It's all corrupt, girl. No, no, it really is. And these horrible ladybug-ridden

12:25Katya Zamolodchikova:FAGs in private, in secret, Cloak and Dagger. Hello?

12:30Trixie Mattel:What does Cloak and Dagger mean?

12:32Katya Zamolodchikova:Ooh, I like that. It's a TV show. Cloak and Dagger.

12:36Trixie Mattel:Dagger. Do you know what I did after that pool gig? You ate a bagel. I went backstage, and they had brought back food. In drag, in a corset. I ate a hot dog. Do you know how fiercely I've been going off on hot dogs? Yeah, you mentioned that the other day. A smart dog is 60 calories and the keto bun is 60 calories. I had 120 calorie hot dog before I came here. It's like you're losing weight. It's like I'm losing weight. Do you understand? It's like you're saving money. You know, you laugh now, bitch. You laugh now. The devil laughed. It's like they're paying me to eat it.

13:13Katya Zamolodchikova:You know, these points, they just, I just, I don't know where, yeah.

13:17Trixie Mattel:I mean, does the keto bun taste like a kitchen sponge? Absolutely.

13:20Katya Zamolodchikova:Does it taste good?

13:24Trixie Mattel:Yes. Oh, good. The hot dog is made almost entirely with textured vegetable protein and vegetable starches. That sounds delicious. It's good. The ketchup is the highest calorie thing on it. Can you believe? No, lunatic. No, I'm not. I'm living large. No, you're very normal. I'm living allowed. You're abnormal. Oh, my God. You know which clip I have to watch every time it shows up on TikTok? that clip from that show girls with Andrew Reynolds, where she's like that fruity little voice. Oh, I have to watch it every time.

13:52Katya Zamolodchikova:that's such a great scene. It's such a great scene.

13:55Trixie Mattel:She goes, um, well, you know what? The next time I have sex with someone, I'm going to ask if they're gay. And he goes, good luck with that. Don't be surprised if they ask you, if you keep dressing like that.

14:04Katya Zamolodchikova:So fierce. And then she adds, does his father's gay? Yes. Fierce. No, he adds her father's gay. Oh, her father's gay. That's right. Yeah. She goes,

14:12Trixie Mattel:he's not gay. He has a, he has a, a stud in his ear. He got it on a trip with his male friends. So fierce. So fierce. So fierce.

14:22Katya Zamolodchikova:Ow! Ow!

14:31Trixie Mattel:You still want to have sex with girls?

14:33Katya Zamolodchikova:Is that still on the horizon? You said it the other day. Let me paint you a picture. I was at the Melrose Flea Market? Yeah, Melrose Flea Market. $6 to get in. and I was, um, yeah, they charged to get, oh baby. Yeah. It's a sick. I mean, they charged to get in there to get in.

14:51Trixie Mattel:It's outside. You can't, it's for the high school.

14:53Katya Zamolodchikova:No, no, I, I don't, I was like, if I, I, I was, I was driving around in that area. God, I've been getting up sore early. We'll talk about that later, but I was driving around and I was like, oh, and I park it and then I go and I was like, oh my gosh, if it's$30, I'm going to lose my mind. Right. I'm gonna lose my mind. Right. Because it's the Rose Bowl is about, if you get it, I don't know. It's like$30 or$20. It's$20 or$30. I feel that it's totally worth it. It's a fucking huge event. Huge event. I've been. Yeah. It's crazy. They have a lot of vintage Barbies there. They got a lot of everything there.

15:28Katya Zamolodchikova:Yeah. I mean, they have a whole other side, but just clothes. Furniture. I mean, yeah. Anyways, the Melrose one is like a lot of stuff, juices, whatever. And then walking around, I got rolled. I got this woman absolutely rolled me. She took me up and rolled me like a sushi and a carpet. And I for getting a silver chain, sterling silver. She she got both her. She took me up and put me on the slab, put her like elbow opera length latex gloves on and just started. Just started fisting me. She started going in there. She's like, I'm going to get why did you want the necklace so bad? It was just beautiful.

16:03Katya Zamolodchikova:OK, how much was it? It was. I'm afraid to say I'm ashamed. for sterling silver. Isn't that like kind of affordable? Yeah, but that's what I thought. And that's what I had previously because I sold silver at the shop and I got up there and she told you the price and you weren't, you got stuck because it's hard to say like, that's more than I thought. Bye. Well, she did with one of them and I was like, I was like, Jesus Christ. I said that. And then, yeah, it was, it was$300. It was sterling silver. Well, isn't that like affordable? Isn't stainless steel is affordable. Stainless steel is affordable.

16:36Katya Zamolodchikova:Well, sterling silver is up there. Oh, it is. It's not as quite as expensive as gold. Okay. Oh, okay. So I don't really wear any jewelry, so I don't know. Gold is very expensive. The same thing in gold could have cost$400. Now, but with jewelry, it's all a scam. Jewry's all a scam. Jewry's all a scam. They weigh it. So this is how she calculated the weight. She weighed it. And then I was like, aye, aye, aye. But anyway, so long story short, I was eating my stuff and I was having the time of my life. The snackatarian. It was a light dress. You were at the snackatarian. I was the only one without a little umbrella in the snack-a-terium.

17:07Katya Zamolodchikova:Everyone is a work of art. I mean, I'm stuffing the food into my face because you don't have that big new fat body that I love. I'm stuck in the food in my face and I just can't get it in fast enough. I'm trying to not choke. And then this woman came up to me and she was like, she was so hot. So hot. This woman was so gorgeous. She looked like a model. And she came up and she was like, my boyfriend says that you're famous. and I said as I like and I wiped all this stuff from my face I said yes I'm Julia Roberts and then we had a nice laugh and then I looked at her boyfriend and I was like I wanted to fuck them both so bad.

17:47Katya Zamolodchikova:Okay sure. And I fumbled the ball so this is what I would have said to her I would have said I'm so sorry I'm like oh that's so nice yeah I have to do this but whatever blah blah blah but it's like oh you know I don't want me to be like I don't want to be a sleazebag but you are you guys are the hottest couple I've seen in a while. And I was like, have a wonderful day. What if you said it like less, you guys are such an attractive couple. there you go. That's it. There you go. You guys are such an attractive couple. I don't want to be, I don't want to be gross.

18:12Trixie Mattel:But I'm glad you didn't say anything because knowing you, you might've said like, I was just looking at you guys and I was thinking that I could take my clothes off.

18:21Katya Zamolodchikova:No, I want to have you both on the bed, back on the bed, bellies up, and I want to eat your pussy. Have you guys ever seen an ice cream sandwich? I want to eat your pussy and suck a stick at the same time. go back and forth.

18:32Trixie Mattel:Would you be open to me sucking his cum out of your pussy? See? Now we're getting somewhere. And she goes, oh my God, is that sterling silver? How much did you pay for that? Was it over there? Oh my God, we just got wrong. You know what I would have said? Honey, if your boyfriend knows who I am, I might check his browser history. Thank you, Tootsie. Because he's jorking. Because he's jorking.

18:51Katya Zamolodchikova:So that, so,

18:59Katya Zamolodchikova:say it again, girls, say it again. because that was exactly the train of thought that I was hiking with my little – what do you call those? The sticks? Hiking sticks? Right. I was like, that's my – I was like, interesting. Then I looked him up and down like a restaurant menu and I said, there's something bisexual about that man, honey. Absolutely. Very bisexual. Yeah.

19:17Trixie Mattel:I'm bisexual. Buy me something, I'll get sexual.

19:21Katya Zamolodchikova:But I wanted to go – I know that bisexual erasure is a thing.

19:30Trixie Mattel:but I like that joke of buy me something I'll get sexual I know that that's that's funny to me it's stupid yeah but see what I wanted to be careful with bisexual people

19:39Katya Zamolodchikova:no no no and I love listen listen because they get erasure you're talking to be bisexual camera one camera eight camera two we see you yeah and we fucked a lot of you and I want to fuck I want to be I'm very jealous like a rat searching around for a food they're advanced species I believe yeah pansexuals I think are the advanced species well yeah because but that's just a state of mind yeah as in like they don't do the men and women thing. Oh my god, I was... Wait, wait, wait. So, I did a little... I had a meditation this morning about my new fat body. And I'm being hyperbolic, but let me say, I'm just going to...

20:13Katya Zamolodchikova:This is the biggest you've ever been.

20:15Trixie Mattel:It's true.

20:16Katya Zamolodchikova:This is your life. This is my life. Thank you. This is your experience. Don't try to negate my experience.

20:21Trixie Mattel:And don't try to tell somebody else how they can talk about their own body.

20:24Katya Zamolodchikova:That is, that's exactly what I want. I don't like that either. No, I don't like... So, I did like a little thing about it, and it was there was a there's some mental there's some serious mental friction between adjusting to this new because I'm carrying a lot more mass than I usually do like I'm talking about if I want to fold myself in half we're on a journey it's not going to happen right away oh my

20:47Trixie Mattel:god no I'm thinking like you've never actually gained any weight what the fuck was that no I'm picturing actual That was diabolical.

20:59Katya Zamolodchikova:I'm picturing flexibility in combination with like, you're bending around mass now. So imagine these big tittied women in the yoga class or jogging. Well, not really. Sometimes they don't jog. By the way, I was on a hike last night. I saw this woman coming up the trail with no bra. This woman, she was like - And no shirt. She was actually running for her life. She had big, huge pendulous breasts. That way, you had no support. I was like, you better work. You know what?

21:25Trixie Mattel:every time they bounced on her under boob, she had tattoos that keep looking. I saw this really cunty thing online. This girl had these big, beautiful boobs and she had rhinestone an arc shape under each boob. Almost like where the wire of her bra would go. And it was rhinestone. I thought it was so hot.

21:42Katya Zamolodchikova:Yeah, that's it. La Boda has a dress like that. It has an underwire that's jeweled. Yeah, it was beautiful. It's so cunty. Yeah, beautiful. I just was like,

21:49Trixie Mattel:what a fun way to wear stones. For spring? Are you kidding? do you know what I mean how are you

22:00Katya Zamolodchikova:god damn you always ask wait how are you you always ask me you're always thinking about me so I have my new fat body and I have this so 100 so 5982 okay this is unprecedented the largest I've ever been the largest I've ever recorded myself hitting the scale was 181 so this is undiscovered country it's a very exciting time for me right it's a very exciting time do your clothes fit because that gets less exciting when you start having to buy new clothes. But what a fortuitous time. What a fortuitous time. So all, you know, the only tragedy is, well, not the only tragedy. I sold all the drag at the drag sale.

22:36Katya Zamolodchikova:The drag is gone. It's all gone. The shoes I kept, the really expensive shoes didn't sell, thank God, because I love them and didn't really actually want to sell them. So sold the Louboutins that are like, did not wear, was never intending on wearing. They're so uncomfortable. Oh yeah, how did the drag sale go? Do we talk about that? no you had the drag sale oh it was great I had the time of my life I love playing shop girl I know you were so you were very worried that it was going to turn into absolute bedlam and chaos and it didn't

23:03Trixie Mattel:well I didn't go

23:04Katya Zamolodchikova:yeah you didn't that's why are you kidding I said if you showed up it would be really turned gridlock turned up times it would have been like it would have been the fire festival it would have been that the people would have got one square of bread with a flat piece of American cheese that's not cooked

23:18Trixie Mattel:well I would have had to call my friend Taylor and had her shut down most of the city.

23:23Katya Zamolodchikova:Take her private jet and just fly into the sale.

23:25Trixie Mattel:And shut down most of the city.

23:26Katya Zamolodchikova:Yeah. But it was great. Made a lot of money. And I got to - But did you get to connect with the people in a meaningful way? Because that's more important than the money. No, you're being funny, but I'm being serious. Yes, it was. I was playing Shop Girl. I was slashing prices all day long. I was - I was - And my - People - I was really upset with Amy Doan in a way because with Sugar Pill, Shrinkle because she was pricing everything so low and she's right. Her storefront is right by mine. I'm like, you can't bring down my real estate.

23:56Trixie Mattel:And her shit's cute. Yes. Well taken care of. And it was all,

23:59Katya Zamolodchikova:it was all looked like an actual store. If you didn't look at the edges, it was like the actual store and I got everything. I mean, it's just hung over. It's not been washed. Probably right. Some of the, no, nothing smelled bad. So then, uh, I had just put up everything. I was like, I'm going to triple the price, whatever you think you're going to sell it for, triple it or double it and put it up. because then you can do 50 % off. And that's exactly what I did. So it's like, everything's 50 % off. People are like, yeah. But then they look at the prices and they're like, well, it's still too high.

24:27Katya Zamolodchikova:So the psychology of it. But so for example, if something was$800, you better believe they're walking away for it with it for 150. Wow. And guess what? We get to have a lovely interaction. I put the, I put the TV up on the highest volume it would go. And we would just, Jim, I was screaming. You had the TV on? Well, music, music on the TV. Right. He was there screaming, sweating.

24:48Trixie Mattel:Piggy blinders on the TV. Piggy blinders on the TV. Watching TV. Fucking pig.

24:53Katya Zamolodchikova:And I was just, I need a stepladder so I could really do my floor show. Flat rolls hanging out. Oh my God.

24:58Trixie Mattel:Have you seen that episode of Portlandia with Audrey Plaza? Wait, Aubrey. Aubrey Plaza, sorry. Aubrey Plaza. And she's trying to buy that book and he's like, I can't reach it. And she's like, you're literally touching it. He's like, we cannot reach it this time. So fucking funny. That is the best. It was that kind of energy. They're just starting a pod. Fred Armisen and Carrie are having a rewatch a pod of Portlandia. Oh, that's nice. Oh my God. I did Kyle McLaughlin's pod. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Tell me. You should go on his because you know he was in that Twin Peaks you like. Yeah, no shit. Yes. Yes, he was in that Twin Peaks.

25:31Trixie Mattel:And I think he was in something else you like too. He's in a lot of things that I like. Yeah, and I was telling him how cool you are. He was trying on Sex and the City with his butt. He asked if he was in Showgirls. I said very.

25:40Katya Zamolodchikova:Yeah, yeah. I didn't ask about Showgirls. It's okay. I just feel like if you're going to ask anybody showgirls is elizabeth berkeley i don't think you can no you can't no no she's traveling around the world with it it's been a whole it's been a whole journey and she's doing okay i did i did a lot of research on it recently because i was worried about her yeah and uh no she it was it took a while because she didn't get any you caught me at a very showgirls time in my life two years dropped by her talent agency oh yeah i love her i do too beauty it's awesome um so wait drugs went well fat body was good i'm having i'm dealing with the dissonance of it because i bend over, I feel it there.

26:17Katya Zamolodchikova:And also it's a big addition to what I'm usually, uh, accustomed to, which is wild movement. Right. What's your plan for drag? Are you going to be able to wear a corset?

26:30Trixie Mattel:Um, I tried on the corset yesterday with Fina. Can you fit the, I'm not being funny. No, we took the corsets because I can't wear all of them.

26:38Katya Zamolodchikova:Fina was like, thank God you took this cincher in. So she took it out. We can't, we know the cinchers, the A cincher is no bueno. But the cincher, we're past the point of a cincher because where's it going to go? Right. It's going to spill over the top and on the bottom. So we're shifting the shape of the garment and we're exploring other options in terms of waist. Do you like A-line? Do you like - Where we're getting into empire. Is it umpire? It's not umpire, right? It's vampire waist. It's vampire waist. Vampire Chinese? It's vampire Chinese. Yeah. What is it? It's empire waist, right? It's not umpire.

27:13Katya Zamolodchikova:It's empire waist. it's umpire

27:15Trixie Mattel:we're getting into umpire have you ever seen you know Bible Girl yes have you ever seen this have you ever seen this have we met I don't know I probably told you this fucking story that's true but there's this clip of RuPaul saying Bible Girl tell it tell it you've said that you've told me the story like 150 times lately I've been saying that alone in my house Bible Girl tell it

27:36Katya Zamolodchikova:but she Frankenstein that together right I have no idea

27:40Trixie Mattel:yeah yeah yeah I'm in the kitchen cooking my 50 dollar my 50 calorie hot dogs. I go, Bible girl, tell it. Mr. Wonderful goes, what? Did you say something? You're like, vampire Chinese. Bible girl, tell it. I'll tell you later. Vampire Chinese.

27:57Trixie Mattel:So this is important. RuPaul answered the Proust questionnaire for Vanity Fair. And I have been wanting to talk to you about this for weeks. Proust? Oh, okay. What is Proust?

28:08Katya Zamolodchikova:Proustian.

28:10Trixie Mattel:Oh, okay. I would like to play the interviewer. and perhaps you would like to play RuPaul. Okay? I was born for this. I'm going to send it to your Instagram so you can open this because I love any RuPaul interview because my love for RuPaul crystallizes and christens itself and grows every day. This was wild. I love RuPaul. This was so wild. And when she wakes up and doesn't feel like doing an interview and does it anyway, clearly, I'm very into the answers. She talked to Miss Proust.

28:40Katya Zamolodchikova:Yeah.

28:40Trixie Mattel:And they said, yeah, Which living person do you most despise?

28:45Katya Zamolodchikova:All of them. Love. Love.

28:50Trixie Mattel:Pride month is over, bitch. It's over. Where would you like to live? In the moment.

28:59Katya Zamolodchikova:She is such a troll. Troll. In the moment. Not this one, though. In the moment.

29:09Trixie Mattel:Anywhere, but here. if you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what would you think it would be? By the way, this question is confusing. Like, she's not a person now.

29:19Katya Zamolodchikova:No, no, no. A different person.

29:21Trixie Mattel:If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what do you think it would be? That's ridiculous. And RuPaul hates whimsy. She hates joking. That's ridiculous. She storms out.

29:32Katya Zamolodchikova:That's ridiculous. She slams the computer shut. She shoots them in the neck. What is your greatest regret? Chasing affection.

29:38Trixie Mattel:I mean, that's probably real.

29:40Katya Zamolodchikova:Yeah, no, I feel like that was, so far, to me, that's one of the more real answers.

29:46Trixie Mattel:Yeah, and I guess I like these impossibly succinct answers. A quick read. Yes, a quick read. You know, who's your favorite hero of fiction? Jesus Christ.

29:57Katya Zamolodchikova:That's a cunty answer.

29:59Trixie Mattel:But I think that's weird because it means you like Jesus.

30:01Katya Zamolodchikova:Well, who wouldn't like Jesus? I love Jesus, the historical fiction character. Jesus is cunt. Okay. Jesus is Lord. You don't like Jesus? I'm not saying - I like Lord. The reality of him being real or not is irrelevant. But - Irrelevant.

30:22Trixie Mattel:Lord could do Jesus, but Jesus could never do Lord.

30:26Katya Zamolodchikova:I love Achilles. I love Odysseus. Okay, okay. I love -

30:32Trixie Mattel:Okay, you love the Bible. Good for you. You love the Bible. I love Fran. Bible girl, tell it. Bible girl, tell it. Okay, who are your heroes in real life? I don't have any heroes anymore. Oh, my God.

30:45Katya Zamolodchikova:This is so... This is like the... I love it. I love it. Heroes? It's incredible.

30:51Trixie Mattel:That's stupid. You should kill yourself. Because I love... I remember when RuPaul was interviewed by Judge Judy for Interview Magazine. I read that. I love when RuPaul does these real... Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't have any heroes anymore.

31:01Katya Zamolodchikova:Yes, that does track.

31:03Trixie Mattel:It's just fierce, girl.

31:04Katya Zamolodchikova:It's fierce. It's very fierce. It's all corrupt, girl.

31:06Trixie Mattel:It's all corrupt. I have to tell you, Leland was driving me around and we went, where did we go? We went somewhere. And Leland drove and I got in the car and Leland has this beautiful, I don't want to put him on blast, Porsche. Stunning Porsche. And I don't know anything about cars, but I know that that's fancy. And I only noticed it was a nice car because I got in and the interior was so fancy. I was like, wow, this is such a beautiful car. And then I looked at the name brand, Porsche Rich. Do you know what kind of Porsche it was? It had four wheels.

31:35Katya Zamolodchikova:but it was it wasn't one of the Porsche SUVs right was it

31:38Trixie Mattel:yes oh it was so it was like a cayenne I guess midsize at least yeah like a cayenne pepper cayenne or a micken yeah something like that it was not a car it was a it was a SUV yes Porsche makes SUVs now yes so we're driving and I go oh thank you so much and he oh I was going to the gay bar oh to do drinking yes been doing a lot of drinking designated driver

31:57Katya Zamolodchikova:oh we went out to gay night oh yes we hung out we're you did get drunk very drunk no i'm just kidding you i remember i drove us downtown to gay night

32:09Trixie Mattel:to gay club we went to maurice ow ow i look look ow to maurice yeah yeah mr wonderful keeps calling

32:17Katya Zamolodchikova:it maurice maurice well who is he who is maurice who is who is maurice yeah um we did our little

32:23Trixie Mattel:video we did a tiktok that's right yeah yeah okay but no what was my what was so leland porsche beautiful car and I'm like are you sure Leland you could drop me and my lovely boyfriend at the gay bar Akbar to do drinking I said thank you so much I get you know the curb is kind of high did you fall no bitch I opened that car door and she went

32:46Trixie Mattel:and I he looked at me and I was like three thousand dollars no because it's like you got it you know you got this girl I got became very empowering. I said, girl, you got this.

33:00Katya Zamolodchikova:It's your responsibility. You have a car. But also, I don't know. It was an accident. It doesn't matter. Wait!

33:08Trixie Mattel:You defaced his car? It's not like I took my key and wrote faggot on the side. I just, the underside got scraped. And besides, we don't even know if it already had been scraped. It's certainly, I think we all know, we all know I wasn't the first man in that seat. Okay? And I think normally they're not exactly, I don't even know which side. I'm just beating myself with it.

33:27Katya Zamolodchikova:So you trashed his car and you made him pay for it? You totaled his car. So she totals his car and she makes him pay for it.

33:33Trixie Mattel:And then I just was like, sorry, or congratulations, and ran in the gay bar. Like, ran. Too long, didn't read. Leland, I'm sorry. Leland, I'm sorry in the comments. Get involved.

33:42Katya Zamolodchikova:Get involved. Get involved in the community. Maybe I wouldn't be surprised if you got served by an ambulance chaser.

33:48Trixie Mattel:Sooner rather than later. I know we've talked about this. I just have so many things I have to talk to you about. Number one, this is like a power. This is like a lightning round. Quickfire challenge. Lightning Ryan. Yeah, yeah. I need every reality show to stop having flapper 20s parties. We have to stop with the great Gatsby themed parties. If I see one more of these fucking bitches. Oh, I am so. Charming Charlie's stupid fucking. And guess what? When you turn around, that rubber band, your back of your head is all puckered. You look like shit. Pinning your hair up. I'm doing a little bop. No, you're not.

34:24Trixie Mattel:You all look like shit. They all look like shit. Plastic pearls. They all walk in.

34:29Katya Zamolodchikova:Those horrible character, those T-straps.

34:31Trixie Mattel:They walk in, they're like, and their confessional's like, you know, even with all the drama, I just want to have a good time tonight. And they walk in like, it's so pissed off. Like of all the themes for parties, it's like I'm being, I'm in hell. And every time there's a reason to have a party, someone's like, should we do flapper? because I could put on my shitty headband and some shitty plastic pearls and fur in Los Angeles and we could scream at each other but it's not even like a housewives thing because every franchise of every show is like flapper party we're having a flapper themed funeral

35:08Katya Zamolodchikova:big little lies if I'm not mistaken big little lies the opening and the closing of that show happened in a costume party and I think it was Roaring Twenties themed they pushed them down the stairs It makes me so mad. Nicole Kidman trying to act through a flapper wig or whatever. Yeah, no, I 100 % agree with you.

35:25Trixie Mattel:It's just unimaginative. It's so played out and everyone comes dressed the same.

35:28Katya Zamolodchikova:Yeah.

35:29Trixie Mattel:They're not even doing, like, exploring the 20s. It's horrible. Everyone gets that Dorothy's plastic bag.

35:35Katya Zamolodchikova:Yep, yep. Where's the Dust Bowl divas? Girl, where's the Clara Bow? Yeah. Glue down your eyebrows and give me a stint. Yeah. Give me the real shit. Yeah. Do the crazy, like. Do the nasty little Clara Bow lips. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Give me the real shit. Do like the detox black and white full body paint and then like. And then give me the accent. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I don't give a damn. Yeah. Give me. Oh, Jesus Christ. I didn't know we were going to a flapper party. Exactly.

36:04Trixie Mattel:Exactly.

36:04Katya Zamolodchikova:Like what's it like singing in the rain?

36:06Trixie Mattel:You know, the other part of my lightning round. He just did. This is what he just did. He said, sure. He's like, you're really funny and you should keep talking about it. um cool fun that was the worst he hates you he's like whatever move on yeah yeah he's like he's like you're killing it girl everyone's laughing you're like oh my god oh my god girl

36:38Katya Zamolodchikova:i love when people do the descend into the very broad jerk off motion very broad honestly like

36:44Trixie Mattel:For me, it's like Mark Twain, George Carlin, and at the very top, like love, love, love.

36:52Katya Zamolodchikova:Wait, so I'm going to raise, so I see your flapper thing and I'm going to raise you something. I need, I, I, I, I, I watched, I started watching The Women, 1939, Wizard of Oz, incredible movie. Not that it's a different movie, but I'm taking it all the way back to the 30s. These, the most, Hollywood was yanking, yanking it off, Yanking it off. Yeah. Cut to fucking 300 years later. All the technology in the world can make anything happen. And we're still doing needles in the neck. You don't like that. I fucking hate it so much. I hate these action movies that are based in reality. And they're doing a needle in the neck.

37:33Katya Zamolodchikova:Right. Because your issue with that is that it wouldn't be fast acting. No. So like everything else about the, most other things about the screenplay writing are due, They're very based in a human earth reality. Sure. Except this. Okay. They love to do this. So whenever you're trying to sedate someone, if you're writing a screenplay, just fucking skip. Just stick to chloroform. Just do that. That's a really good point. Just stick to it. Also, prop wise, grab a rag. That's all you need. A rag.

38:09Trixie Mattel:Yeah, but I think the kind of base needle fear a lot of us have. it's a spike in entertainment to be like,

38:16Katya Zamolodchikova:ooh, in the neck. Yeah, but they're not doing that. They're not doing the close-up substance style shots of, when they're doing that, usually it's a close-up of a needle going at an angle into the vein somehow. And it's not happening quickly. It's happening quite slowly. Sure. Like the Pulp Fiction heroin thing. Just stop it. You don't take a giant cannula with a fucking 13-inch syringe tip and then plunge it perpendicularly into the neck because that's going to come out the other side of the neck or it's going to inject green goo into their esophagus or their trachea or their spinal cord, you fucking idiot.

38:56Katya Zamolodchikova:You are an idiot. I didn't make it. But these people are doing it. Why am I an idiot? But they're doing it. They're like, so can people fly?

39:03Trixie Mattel:Right.

39:04Katya Zamolodchikova:Can people fly? Why can't they just fly?

39:06Trixie Mattel:I mean, with you, why are you dressing like a flapper to go to a party where the theme is prohibition, not drinking. So stupid. Stupid. And you know, this is my lightning round too. I know that this is an oldie but a goodie, but I just have to talk about it. Talk about it. Because I was flying through Chicago O 'Hare, an airport that lives in the 90s. Everything about it is just the 90s. Hell.

39:28Katya Zamolodchikova:Hell.

39:29Trixie Mattel:So packed. That airport at any time of day is chaos. And it's so far. Nowhere to sit. So far. And so much walking. So far.

39:36Katya Zamolodchikova:Two miles of walking to get anywhere. It's like Heathrow.

39:38Trixie Mattel:Why, if you're in group nine. Oh, God, here we go. If you're in group T, L, K, TNK Live. Here we go. Why are you up here when it's time for me to board? Why do I have to?

39:56Katya Zamolodchikova:Because they're terrified. Like Waterboy run in football gear through you. Because the only thing that they could, the only thing, the only, all of their anxieties and fears and horrible feelings about life get reduced to this one specific paranoia. What if I have to check my carry-on?

40:19Trixie Mattel:What is the paranoia surrounding that?

40:21Katya Zamolodchikova:That's the only reason everybody does that, by the way. Because the seats don't change. It's the overhead space. So people are obsessed. They're like, well, I don't want to check a bag. Why? Because they don't want their luggage lost. How many times have I flown? Ask me. So many times. And I've never, I've lost a bag once. And I wasn't lost. It was delayed. It was delayed.

40:44Trixie Mattel:That's what I'm saying. Once. Out of like - Million, billion miler. Over a million. I maybe lost a bag once.

40:50Katya Zamolodchikova:Yeah.

40:51Trixie Mattel:Truly.

40:51Katya Zamolodchikova:It's not going to happen. So, oh my God. It's not going to happen. Oh my God. But then, but you know what they're going to have to do? This is really tough. I don't think you understand it. Oh. when they go to O 'Hare they gotta go to baggage claim or blue tag it

41:02Trixie Mattel:or whatever they call it

41:03Katya Zamolodchikova:yeah and they gotta go to baggage claim but so that's it but we all have to live in reality

41:08Trixie Mattel:and if it's not time for you to board why are you literally playing goalie yeah like trying to not let me pass

41:15Katya Zamolodchikova:yeah yeah like no I know well because that's so that I mean correct me if I'm wrong this is the only reason they would do that like so this is the only reason you'd want to get on the airplane first literally the only reason because everybody knows as soon as you get on the airplane, it sucks. You're stuck. It sucks. And the time until you take off is the worst part. It sucks. That's why if you ever have, when you do have the great pleasure and privilege of flying in a better seat, in a more spacious seat, you wait to the very last fucking second to get on the airplane. Right. You wait to the, I don't want a fucking margarita at fucking 6 a.m.

41:52Katya Zamolodchikova:I think they should board back to front. I think that they should do. Why are we walking by? Out to in. Window, middle aisle. Window. Back to front. Board all the windows right now. Back to front. You know what I've been really into lately? But do you think that people will able... Do you really think that people would be able to comprehend that?

42:11Trixie Mattel:No.

42:12Katya Zamolodchikova:Of course not. Not for one fucking second. Like, sir, you're in the front aisle. But I want to go now.

42:19Trixie Mattel:Right. What, am I supposed to believe woke Pete Buttigieg when it comes to transportation? He's gay.

42:25Katya Zamolodchikova:He doesn't even know how to drive. Woke. Thank you. The woke left has destroyed everything. Flapper parties, needles in the neck. I'm going to destroy flapper parties. And category zones on airplane flights.

42:37Trixie Mattel:A flapper party is going to quickly become a murder mystery party if I'm involved.

42:41Katya Zamolodchikova:You know what we do? Boarding zone five is a flapper party. And boarding zone six, needles. If you want to line up at the front of the gate, you have to be dressed as a flapper. Dressed as a flapper. In a T-strap character shoe. If the airplane loses your luggage, you get to put a needle in their neck.

42:58Trixie Mattel:100 % and then if they have to check your bag you do a tap dance a Thoroughly Modern Millie tap dance yes of course

43:04Katya Zamolodchikova:oh my god I didn't know I had to wait so long to get on the airplane it's like Lois from Family Guy that's how they all talk they hate it

43:12Trixie Mattel:yeah they really do

43:13Katya Zamolodchikova:I got another thing here's another thing so I watched this movie They Will Kill You it's one of the worst movies I've ever seen what's it about so derivative it's so derivative imagine imagine so Patricia Arquette's in it doing some crazy Irish accent Heather Graham is in it Tom Felton. I watched it. Oh, you did? I didn't know the name of it, but I watched it. Yeah. I mean, was it not the most derivative movie ever? It's like, oh, this reminds you of what? Duh. I love Hide and Seek. The Blood. Oh, yeah. The Blood's great. The Kill Bill Blood. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it was Kill Bill. It was Ready or Not.

43:46Katya Zamolodchikova:It was Kill Bill and Ready or Not. Did you watch Ready or Not 2? I did. And that's where the genesis of my fucking rant came from. Oh, okay. So they're in the chair. So Catherine Newton in Samara Weaving. Us. Us. I'm Samara. You're Catherine. I'm Catherine. So, oh God, they're just lovely. Amazing. Samara Weaving is just - She's so great. She eats. She's so beautiful.

44:07Trixie Mattel:Also, like, loved this continuing story. Yeah. Loved all these new characters. Picked it up right where it came.

44:13Katya Zamolodchikova:Picked it up, Elijah Wood. Amazing. So good. Sarah Michelle Gellar. Sarah Michelle Gellar. The only thing is, spoiler, spoiler, spoiler. I did not like the way that she - Yeah. Okay, so - It was very disturbing. Disturbing, but I was like, she deserves better than that. But it helped me hate the bad guy. Yes, totally. But so anyways, we get to the, so they are bound and gagged and tied to chairs. Right. Tied to chairs. And they're getting, the rules of the game are getting explained, but they have to be sedated in order to be placed in the maze or the mansion so that the game can begin. What happens?

44:48Katya Zamolodchikova:People come in in the frame with giant green needles and they go plop and then they go. I know this is a movie about satanic demons that don't exist.

44:58Trixie Mattel:But do you think that we as a viewer need to see like a nurse roll in, like IV, prep an IV and be like, how's your Sunday? And like, that's what you want.

45:07Katya Zamolodchikova:No, no, no. Okay. No. Why does everything else? Why are they walking on the floor? Why can't they crawl on the walls? Oh, you think it makes all reality. Yes. But also in that show there's magic. Yes. No, there's not. But there's satanic. But the humans have no magic. The ghost of Mr. DeMoss or whatever? But that's one ghost and everybody else is human. There's a very clear - They're exploding, bitch. But they're not doing any magic. That's very important in this world building. They are - It's like a devil cult. It's a satanic cult. They are benefactors of a supernatural power that they don't understand very well.

45:42Katya Zamolodchikova:Sure. But it's true. No, you're right. So they are thoroughly human and they are like, what would happen if a supernatural power granted power, the most destructive power to these human beings, they would be easily corruptible. And that's exactly what happens. But so there, so two orderlies come, shablam, chloroform on the mouth. Because when you inhale and inhale it, your bloodstream absorbs from the lungs in a matter of seconds. It's like smoking something. You just go, oh, nobody's doing a needle in the neck. You might as well have an Acme anvil come down and knock them out and have Tweety Bird like, I hate it so much.

46:21Katya Zamolodchikova:I think it's the stupidest, laziest, shittiest, immature, inelegant, and unsophisticated screenwriting. And it's so easily fixable. That's the problem. It's so easily fixable. Or just hit someone on the head. No, no, no. Chloroform. Well, so that doesn't happen either, though. So that doesn't happen either. Do you think the people get knocked out? Okay. So they do get knocked out, but they don't get completely unconscious, and then you can drag them wherever you want, and they stay knocked out. Yeah, they do. Also, nobody gets punched in the face and then gets knocked out. Yeah, they do. Unless they're in a...

46:56Katya Zamolodchikova:But you're right. They don't, like, stay asleep. No. And they're, like, if you're in a boxing match, maybe. And that's a boxer.

47:03Trixie Mattel:Oh, my God. This is on my list. I don't know why TikTok thinks I need to be watching Power Slap, that sport. Do you know about this sport? No. Okay, bitch. It's like there's a drum table. We're both standing... we're both standing at like a standing drum table. What's a drum table? Like a cocktail table. Okay. Almost like if you were going to do arm wrestle. Okay, gotcha, gotcha. And one person puts their hands down and the other one winds up, does like a few false starts and the camera's fixed on them, winds up, slaps them across the face so hard that tears, blood, they often get knocked out cold.

47:43Trixie Mattel:And the sport is them slapping each other until one of them passes out. and Mike Mike I'm just going to show you for context so we can keep watching keep talking about it because I know you guys I just huge funeral what if I was like let me just what if I was like let me just wait wine tasting but you have to oh it was TikTok is average hungover activities huge funeral huge funeral that's very true huge funeral huge funeral okay that she's on Dracula

48:13Katya Zamolodchikova:huge funeral is on Dracula huge funeral Look, this is real

48:25Trixie Mattel:And look, she's like, love it And they just Look at Girl, they be face slapping And it's not just, it's women and men I mean, they fuck each other up, girl Girl I mean, they fuck each other up Okay, so that one

48:45Katya Zamolodchikova:that one that's a sport so that they that's the world cup so for me that's the diva cup so that last lap was so thick and juicy um and that was great so my question is because i my

49:00Trixie Mattel:tiktok is like i guess hey let's be honest i got high and watched like 40 of them okay so now tiktok is like so this is your favorite sport yeah we will be serving this to you non-stop yeah i i

49:10Katya Zamolodchikova:really want to i did i okay so imagine this though you know so you have it you have a hero in a movie um or you have the main character you know they have a thing called plot armor right so it's like it's so it's another in the again in this ready or not too there's a whole i love this movie i loved it loved it i loved it too but when when the little boy who somehow found two giant um automatic pistols that shoot like uzis and she is 10 feet away in the same room and he he shoots like this

49:42Katya Zamolodchikova:like get ahead of the target you fucking idiot get ahead of the target okay no but i mean but i'm just saying like i know that's we're so used to this bullshit in action movies we're so used to it yeah but if you're really trying to kill somebody in the same room and you have two automatic rifles it's over it's done yeah they are not surviving you're you and they have no weapons so my I know this is so crazy for me just don't write that don't fucking write that

50:14Trixie Mattel:you and I will do a ready or not movie where people are trying to kill it'd be kind of porn though ready or not ready or not and I'm kind of Sarah Michelle Gellar too I play multiple roles Catherine Nutton I'm almost finished Catherine Nutton I'm almost finishing Buffy the Vampire Slayer watching with Mr. Wonderful he's never seen it is SMG riveting in that? can I tell you what she does every day on this show? she shows up, she clocks in she hits the slave button she puts her sopping wet pussy on the counter and says weigh it I want to know how many kilos it is because it's heavy because it's so incredible She's so amazing.

51:08Trixie Mattel:Put it on the counter. Bring it to the deli and put it in that scale and say, oh, wow. Nine pounds, six ounces. I don't think I can afford this. Yeah. Jeez. Could I have a half? Do you have a Groupon? Because the level of pussy that is delivered is so dense. You know what it gives? Her pussy is like those TikToks where the girls open their sourdough and it's too dense. And they're like, oh. that's how dense her pussy is and I mean that in the most like loving mother way loving mother dense pussy the acting, the hair she's just incredible she's incredible in this show except those baby bangs and I'm watching it and every time I watch it now that I've worked in television I work, because I kind of work

51:54Katya Zamolodchikova:I just auditioned for something Radio Not Three if they ever ask you to put a needle on somebody's neck say don't do it, I'm telling you you have a moral obligation you have a moral obligation to your sister

52:05Trixie Mattel:I probably won't get it in my experience when I do get a TV show it gets shut down I swear to god this happens so many times we literally did the first episode

52:14Katya Zamolodchikova:they can't take you

52:15Trixie Mattel:well it's supposed to be PG the advertisers aren't going to be happy that you showed up with your sourdough pussy and your nipples were jutting through your gown so anyway just watching it I'm like wow Buffy was 42 minutes is like an hour of TV. Yep. Producing that on a weekly basis. That's crazy. Almost all night shoots, vampire slayers. Oh, God. Monster makeup, martial arts. Yeah. She does, she's a brown belt Taekwondo and then she has the stunt double, obviously, but has to learn all the lines, the fight choreography. There's crying. And I'm watching the performance being like, damn, Buffy's really funny.

52:50Trixie Mattel:Anne has to cry her eyes out in the same episode. And then her mom dies. And then there's a cold open that's hilarious.

52:55Katya Zamolodchikova:Yeah.

52:56Trixie Mattel:An actress who can actually do all of that. I'm just like, wow, she eats.

52:58Katya Zamolodchikova:I think she's great.

52:59Trixie Mattel:She was great in Raternott. I loved her in the golf cart with that big gun.

53:04Katya Zamolodchikova:She was fabulous. Fabulous.

53:06Trixie Mattel:I watched that movie on a plane and I do this thing with, if I'm on a plane with a friend and we're watching a movie, we're watching it together and I like to queue up the movie and I take your screen and my screen and I go one, two, three. So that we're watching at the same time. Because what I can't do is be watching the same movie a minute ahead or behind you. Then I'm like, I can't stop looking. It's a great idea. And do it to the person next to you. Pick their movie. even if you don't know him. You're watching Ready or Not. Bob. Bob. We're watching Ready or Not. All right, listen, I have more to talk to you about, but I just have to save for another day because so much has been happening to me.

53:39Trixie Mattel:So much has been going on. Can I leave with one good story? One short one? Okay. Get into this. Nicole Byer, 4th of July party. And I had to DJ that event that I told you, Byer, where I was screaming, where is Mitch McConnell? Yeah, F-Royd. Right. So, in the middle of my song, turning off the music, where is he? On the 4th of July. although you don't happen at the end of my set fighter jets flew over some kind of like air show thing. Oh yeah. And I turned the music off and went, that's my ride. It was really cunty, really cunty. I'm so cunty. And then you know,

54:10Katya Zamolodchikova:my dream is for us a fucking ladder to drop down.

54:13Trixie Mattel:And I want to die.

54:13Katya Zamolodchikova:I want to fall. And you're like, no, you hang off my hemorrhoid. Oh, well that I was like, a cliffhanger for the next one. No more hanging from one arm. I don't care what universe we're talking about. Whether it's a Marvel cinematic universe or the regular Olivia Wilde universe or whatever the fuck. Nobody's hanging from one arm. What about catching someone? Oh, baby. That's the ultimate. I'd rather have a needle in all necks. That's what we're not doing is we're not. Okay. So somebody just needled me in the neck. Then I'm going to slide off a slimy cliff. But don't worry. I'm going to grab a branch as I fall.

54:45Katya Zamolodchikova:Grab a branch. And don't worry. The person who slid off after me, I'm going to hold them with the other hand. I like when they grab each other and it's a wrist grab. Yes. Okay. Sure. And a trapeze with a net and a circus. This is, nobody can do this. Not one person. Look to your left. Look to your right. Nobody can do this. I don't care if they're Alexi Nemov, sexy Alexi from the 96 Olympics. Gabby Douglas could do it. No, she couldn't. Yeah, she could.

55:04Trixie Mattel:Small bowels could do it.

55:06Katya Zamolodchikova:The female gymnast could do it. The funny thing is that the female gymnast can't do it. Not even the male gymnast at the high bar can do that. Nobody can. You might as well give them powers to turn everybody into like tulips and daffodils.

55:17Trixie Mattel:Okay.

55:18Katya Zamolodchikova:Okay. That's all I got to say about that. So go ahead.

55:19Trixie Mattel:So Nicole Byer and I, such good friends. Love her. And the other day we had a nice long phone conversation. I was like, you know what? I really miss Nicole. and you know I had that pool party where she came and said damn bitch two to four jump in the water get wet and go home huh because I asked people to leave my house at a reasonable time I love that though I don't care no I think it's great boundaries so I showed up her party was and I had to DJ at five so I was like either I go in drag right before I go to my party which is psycho to show up to someone's party and drag drop off a host gift and leave same no pictures I'm doing the rounds yeah crazy

55:52Katya Zamolodchikova:I got to do the rounds happy four show up in your nurse's outfit I show up with my megaphone where's Mitch McConnell I'm just here for the search party

55:59Trixie Mattel:yeah are you guys doing nipple piercing they have like some kind of piercing pagoda some kind of party activity you show up in drag get your nipples pierced and leave no I show up in drag and I bring a card table and I do face painting for people and I charge so much money Nicole it's another one it's gonna be another 350

56:20Katya Zamolodchikova:it's the shittiest job Nicole would you say I nailed it

56:25Trixie Mattel:She hates it. So I show up and I go, rather than going in drag at like 4.30, that's rude. I'm going to show up. And I gave her a heads up, said, just so you know, I have a party. So I have to come right when your party starts. And she said, okay. I walk in at one. No one is there. You're in drag. She hasn't even done her hair yet. She's still doing her hair and makeup. No, I'm not in drag. I show up there with Brandon. Oh. But Nicole is such a good fucking host that she has hired food people, bartenders, a grill master expert. I don't know what the word is if you're a griller. A griller? Grill master.

56:57Trixie Mattel:Okay.

56:58Katya Zamolodchikova:Yeah.

56:59Trixie Mattel:Veggie hot dogs, veggie burgers, and everything on the table, the food has been untouched. So I'm just - So you're the first at the buffet? I'm the first at the buffet. The only spot to be at the buffet. I'm touching everything. Everything sneezed on. Oh, absolutely. Yeah. And they bring me, and the food is so good. A veggie burger and veggie hot dog off the grill - That's incredible.

57:20Katya Zamolodchikova:It's the only way to eat one. Changed my life.

57:21Trixie Mattel:It's the only way to eat it. Changed my life. So then it's at one and then at one 25, I leave.

57:27Katya Zamolodchikova:You really knew what, you really knew what time it was. You really knew what to do. And I brought a bottle of tequila as a host gift.

57:35Trixie Mattel:And I'm also like indignantly mad when I'm places and other people don't bring host gifts. I'm sorry. You don't bring something. Okay.

57:41Katya Zamolodchikova:No, I agree. But what is an inappropriate gift and what's a great gift? Give me a couple of options. Three options. Wine. Bottle of tequila. If it's summer, bottle of tequila. Yep.

57:49Trixie Mattel:Beer.

57:50Katya Zamolodchikova:Beer.

57:51Trixie Mattel:A dessert.

57:52Katya Zamolodchikova:Yeah.

57:52Trixie Mattel:A small plant.

57:55Katya Zamolodchikova:Ooh, I'm going to ding you on that one. Okay. Ding you on that one. I don't want a plant. I'm not coming over to your house. We can't eat the plant. Okay. When the beer runs out, we're going to eat the plant?

58:05Trixie Mattel:I kind of forgot where the story goes. So you went to the DJ gig? Yeah. But I guess the whole story is that I was there for 25 minutes.

58:16Katya Zamolodchikova:I think that's amazing. I'm sorry. That's it. Okay, wait, wait.

58:18Trixie Mattel:If I remember what the rest story finished was, can I put it in a voice note? Okay. Okay.

58:22Katya Zamolodchikova:I know this is boring. You just got to let me say it. Can you please let me say it? I just need you screenwriters to stop flopping so hard. You're flopping so fucking hard in Hollywood. And I don't know, like, oh my God, you see the new horror movie? It's directed by a 12 year old. Great. Okay. Girl, we... Like, I don't, like there's so much hysteria about a mediocre movie that gets made that's not a part of the Marvel universe. So people go nuts for it. I love it. That's great. But you have to stop flopping. All you screenwriters, I know you're fucking using AI. I know you are. I can smell it on your clothes when you get home at night.

58:57Katya Zamolodchikova:You don't taste that shit? You get in the bed with me and I say, where have you been? I know you've been rolling around with AI in the writer's room. You need to stop it. You are fucking flopping. And it's a disrespect to Florence Pugh and Timothee Chalamet and Charlize Theron and Meryl Streep. And all these people are so talented. You don't deserve them and you should never be able to write for them, you whores. Okay, goodbye.

59:26Thank you.