A Paranormal New Year's Eve with Trixie and Katya

10:16Trixie Mattel:And this was so scary. He's talking from the second level. She's in the kitchen. from the second level, you see her pop her head out and go, babe, who are you talking to? I knew it.

10:27Katya Zamolodchikova:I knew it. I knew it. I knew it wasn't going to be her.

10:29Trixie Mattel:And the whole audience goes, I mean, it was a, 2 ,000 people go, fierce. And he turns and it's her standing there. The blanket drops. She's gone. Oh,

10:41Katya Zamolodchikova:I love it.

10:42Trixie Mattel:It was so fucking scary. Sorry to scream. The sound design was so low rumbling when things like that happened. Big musical stings with blackouts that were so fucking scary. Oh, that's disgusting. It's a two-hour play with one intermission between each hour. That's one of the first scares that makes you like, oh, shit. So then they have a ghost hunter. I'm like ruining the play. Is that okay? Yeah, come on. So then it's sort of like almost comedic because now he believes her. And she's lived this her whole life. And her parents died in a fire when she was younger. She escaped the fire. And that's sort of the impetus of her seeing this entity was after her parents died.

11:22Trixie Mattel:She's like, this thing is with her. Right. And he's, she never told him. She didn't, he didn't think she would marry her. He'd marry her. So then they call an investigator. The parental investigator comes and sets up a bunch of equipment. And then like an event happens again. That is so fucking crazy. You want to know? Yes. No, I don't. I'm just going to go to bed. She tells the story of her parents dying. And, you know, they think they're talking to that ghost that her parents, they're not. That gets really crazy and scary. there's a part in the second act that scared me to my fucking core and if you guys are going to see the play do not listen to this okay okay tune out i'm so his mom his overbearing southern mother who's very religious the whole play they're sort of like his mom's a bible thumper and his mom's like maybe your wife needs to pray you know yeah he's on facetime and he rigs up facetime at the beginning of the play on the tv that faces the audience so whenever they're on facetime with the mom they can see the mom and the actress is obviously backstage doing the call who is amazing the acting was amazing i'm in the front row watching tears watching all of it it was like These people are television actors.

12:21Trixie Mattel:It was serious. He's on the phone with his mom. And his mom is like, it's getting a little serious on the phone. The mom's getting a little mean. And the pivot is so small to his mom being like, why don't you eat a bullet, Jimmy? Why don't you kill yourself and kill your wife while you're... I mean, it gets so scary. And then the door rings. And he goes to open the front door. The whole time he thinks he's talking to his mom on the phone. He opens the front door. his mom shows up. Surprise, I'm here. I use my miles. So then you're like, oh my God. So now she's here. And before the end of the second act, before the end of the second act, the ghost hunter runs out of the house and is like, if you have anyone in your life you love, you will not let them come to this house because you're fucked.

13:03Trixie Mattel:You've moved from Chicago. The ghost has followed you. You're fucked. So his mom's showing up. He's like, oh my God, Mom, you've got to get out of here, right? And the mom means well. She's super Christian. She's like, I just want you to pray. She sits with them. He's crying. She's standing across the room. She's she's like, I think having Bibles in the house will even make this worse. Like this is bad. And the mom and him are crying and praying and he's feeling better. Um, so during the phone call at the end of the phone call on the FaceTime, she, she, after she says bite a bullet and all that to her son and he's like freaking out, he goes, she goes on the phone, she goes, why don't you answer the door, Jimmy?

13:35Trixie Mattel:And the doorbell rings. And so that's when he answers his phone. It's his real mom. So then the mom is holding him and they're crying and he's sobbing. And it's this moment of like, I'm not really religious, but like his belief that things could get better. He's crying with his mom. His mom is really religious. And they're hugging. And you as the audience are like, thank God. And then she looks at him and goes, answer the door, Jimmy. And the doorbell rings. It was so fucking scary. It was the most scared I've ever been in my life. And he goes and answers the door and there's no one out there.

14:04Trixie Mattel:And the whole time he's walking to the door, the mom, who obviously is an apparition, is looking at them like, oh, no. It was so scary. He opens the door. It's no one. She stands up and she's like, there's nothing for you out there. Everything isn't here. And then she says peekaboo. And she starts going like this. And then the stage magic is so real. She screws peekaboo and pulls out her fucking eyes. And then there's a black girl. You have to go to. I need to see this. I won't ruin the ending because that's really the magic of what it all is. But I've never been so scared in my life. Wow. It almost went back around the way to not fun.

14:39Trixie Mattel:Because mind you, I live in a haunted house. Sure. So by the way, there's development on that. Tell it. Roz, the ghost hunter, text me. I did some research. We contacted a ghost called Evan in my house. There was a guy. Oh, go watch the YouTube video if you haven't. Thank you, Nick. $13. Always be selling. $45.

14:59Katya Zamolodchikova:$45, yeah.

15:00Trixie Mattel:Yeah. You want to do it? I'm an OF, an OF where I just bought ghosts.

15:05Katya Zamolodchikova:Tried it. Tried it.

15:08Trixie Mattel:So if you've skipped ahead, this is the moment where now you didn't miss the plot. Thank you so much for inviting me, by the way. like you would have you actually would have loved it but I'm afraid you would have been in the front like you would have been too into it no I would have been jerking it with both hands jerking the people next to me Roz calls me and says hey and you know that guy that bearded guy that you keep seeing in your house I said yeah she said there was a guy whose last name was Evans who was a guitar tech and he had spent some time in your house and after he'd left your house sometime later he was on drugs and got gunned down by the police so how about that so I go home to that house I get in bed go to sleep slept great but I don't fear the ghost no that movie was that play was the most scared of ever been in my life wow that is impressive kudos to them oh I hope I didn't ruin it is it illegal to illegal and the stage magic of props falling off the walls shadows sound effects that seems difficult it was so chilling oh I love that shit it was so chilling wicked found dead in the beginning of the play they introduced this bell that is like um supposed to be like oh if this bell is supposed to be like a bell that people use that for the dead to contact the living and that's on stage the whole play and you're like waiting for it to ring at some point it gets so escalated it was so scary by the end of it I was like shook I was like having a blood pressure full body chills full body chills I'm sorry was that too much to talk about

16:37Katya Zamolodchikova:what are you talking about I don't understand what you're talking about author is going to be like, people don't want to know they could just tune out or pay$13. And that was honestly,

16:45Trixie Mattel:I skipped the meat of the show is this people who are one year married, trying to do an impossible situation. The drama is the meat of the show. Yeah. It was a little bit Stephen King where you care so deeply about the couple. That's what makes these scenarios scary. Yeah. Things like her sleeping on stage and the blanket getting off her on its own. I don't even know how they're doing these things. Not to mention there's whole parts of the show where it's a two story doll house basically. and he's walking around stage with just a flashlight. Her appearing in different places and not remembering any of it.

17:16Trixie Mattel:Ooh, baby! Word for word.

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19:24Katya Zamolodchikova:Why have we asked our contractor we found on Angie.com to be our kid's legal guardian?

19:29Trixie Mattel:Because he took such good care when redoing our basement. that we knew we could trust him to care for our kids, all eight of them, should something happen to us.

19:37Katya Zamolodchikova:Are you my dad now? Uh, no, sorry, I do basements. Connecting homeowners with skilled pros for over 30 years. Angie, the one you trust to find the ones you trust. Find pros for all your home projects at Angie.com.

19:53Trixie Mattel:What's the most scary thing you've ever seen?

19:55Katya Zamolodchikova:I think probably, I mean, I want to say Candyman, but I dare. Huh? All-star. No, I think I want to say Candyman, but you know what? It's so, it's so lame, but Freddy Krueger really, really, really got me. Cause I, I watched that so young. My parents had no restrictions on what we watched as, as children. So we watched HBO like with three, four or five years old, seeing real sex, all these like basically soft core porns, horror movies, traumatizing. and I like when you're young your ability to be scared is very deep well the thing about Freddie Corrie I know he's so it's so corny especially the the sequels are so bad they're so so so bad they get worse and worse as they go but the dream thing the premise is so good the premise is so so good yeah that you can't when you go to sleep well like did you watch Black Phone 2?

20:53Katya Zamolodchikova:no but is he a ghost in that or something? is he a ghost

20:58Trixie Mattel:can I just can I just ruin it all I'm not gonna see that I'm not gonna see Black Phone 2 is hard stiff Christian propaganda you're kidding what he starts attacking them in their dreams like Freddy them flying around while the awake people are watching them sleep getting slashed and stuff it's fully Freddy and it's super Jesus-y why they're investigating murders at a Christian camp that he had killed people at the grabber he's called in those movies yeah and the first Black Phone was so good. With the black balloons and the mask? Yes. The first black phone was so good. The second one, I didn't make it all the three.

21:32Trixie Mattel:I turned it off. It was too Christian. It's so Christian. That's strange. And I don't mind Christian because The Conjuring is always like demons versus... They're pretty religious. They use the Bible. Right. By the way, The Last Conjuring...

21:42Katya Zamolodchikova:Oh my God, bring a book. Was that the Deli maybe do it? Bring a book. It was The Conjuring Last Rites. It was the most recent one. I don't think I've seen it. It sucks.

21:51Trixie Mattel:The pacing is so bad. Girl, have you seen that audio that the drag queens are all doing? the defiler and I do know your name you are Balak oh it's so bad but the gays are oh I did the Boston Halloween gig with Plain Jane and she did a lip sync to it with those big rubber boobs you are the defiler she's kind of like baggot I Mary the nun the nun do you know that did you know that I went that's one of the only premieres Hollywood premieres I've gone to the nun and I love those movies so they gave me an invite so I went and you know you walk the red carpet in exchange for your free ticket I actually felt bad that the actors were in the room while we were watching I was like this isn't good it sucks so bad

22:31Katya Zamolodchikova:it's just it's so film there's nothing to it it's all jump scares like when when the measure of the movie is just blood pressure that's not scary that's jolting do you know what I mean? Paranormal Activity

22:44Trixie Mattel:the stage show almost no jump scares real built momentum scares yeah

22:49Katya Zamolodchikova:actually like Candyman there's I don't think there's maybe two jump scares and they're not like actually they're fake outs like a dog or something you know what i mean all the all the the really scary stuff happens in broad daylight like it's not like you know what i mean it's like hypnotizing it that's really like it needs to be scary without um

23:09Trixie Mattel:i don't like a jump scare but i do like a like in this play when the mom is like answered the door and the doorbell rings that is scarier than anything well that's just scary and the shining the kid in the shining when he asks, is there something bad here? That's really scary. Oh yeah. When somebody says something like that, the, do you know what is terrifying? Opening the door and having the, the, the,

23:32Katya Zamolodchikova:the guy on the bed with the kneeling and then the other guy with the bear mat, whatever the costume. Yeah. That's a fucking, yes. That's fucking terrifying.

23:40Trixie Mattel:Very bad. The only, that's what I felt like when I fucked in drag. When I saw myself in the mirror, when I saw myself in the mirror, I saw myself getting my dick sucked in a wig and I thought I saw like great party. Like really? I was like, when I get out of the bathroom, when I get out of the tub with my unit on. And you tiptoe your gray feet on the dirty tile. Oreo cake stirs everywhere. Can't take it. Can't take it. Oh, baby. Do you like those holiday zebra cakes? I know. Those little Christmas trees? I do. No. What's your favorite Christmas cookie? Fina came over for the holiday special, which is out now.

24:14Trixie Mattel:And she made her beautiful homemade gingerbread and homemade sugar cookies with royal icing. That bitch can make fucking cookies.

24:22Katya Zamolodchikova:When she makes the chocolate chip cookies, I eat them all. She's my ass from my pussy.

24:26Trixie Mattel:She pulls them out of the oven and puts kosher salt on top. She eats. I don't even like chocolate chip cookies that much. To me, like a Chips Ahoy, I will never just eat one of those. Gross. No, dry? Yeah. That dry shit?

24:37Katya Zamolodchikova:Sick.

24:37Trixie Mattel:But do you like an Oreo?

24:39Katya Zamolodchikova:I mean, yeah, I like an Oreo. I like a soft, out-of-the-oven chocolate chip cookie. Yeah. Classic. Take it out. Put it right in your face. I use cucumbers for the eyes cucumber I'm trying to think what else is scary what else is scary what else is scary the first Conjuring scared me pretty bad it's just cheap thrills

25:02Trixie Mattel:really I watched it in college and I was so scared did you watch the Paramontal Activity where they go to the Amish village maybe it's good it's like the best one okay they're making a documentary this girl's trying to connect with her family she's not she doesn't know and she's related to the Amish so she's making a documentary staying with them very scary

25:23Katya Zamolodchikova:what is the scariest movie ever made what is the scariest movie

25:27Trixie Mattel:the um the visit

25:29Katya Zamolodchikova:when she goes those aren't your grandparents that is like one of the scariest

25:32Trixie Mattel:moments those aren't your

25:34Katya Zamolodchikova:grandparents yeah but it's kind of a slow burn but then she like she turns out to be like a yeah

25:43Trixie Mattel:like a vampire kind of and listen old people I'm fine with old people being crazy. It's fine. It's ageist.

25:50Katya Zamolodchikova:Yeah, like, you know what? I was thinking about like Barbarian. It's kind of like ageist anti-woman in a way. It's like, oh my God, what? She's a crazy lady, naked? That's crazy.

26:05Katya Zamolodchikova:That's me. Right. That's me. Just drink from my bottle. Everything will be fine.

26:09Trixie Mattel:So what else is the tea with you?

26:11Katya Zamolodchikova:Oh, I wanted to talk. Oh, I just thought about it in the parking lot. I just went to did you go home for Thanksgiving? yes that's what I wanted to say what did you do? okay so I went to my sister's in Atlanta to visit her your sister lives in Atlanta? yeah I didn't know that yeah she's been there for a little while she just got a new house direct flight from LA oh yeah thank you hello hello wait something happened on the flight hello what happened? it was I got surprised okay very relatable

26:44Trixie Mattel:this I got like like you got on the plane and everyone had those hats and blowers and said surprise no they just booed me they just booed and they made me go to the back of the plane yeah and you were like someone coming out on Maury they were booing and you were like shut up shut up y 'all fake I took my top off no I um it was screaming y 'all fake while you get on the plane

27:08Katya Zamolodchikova:Y 'all fake. You are not the father. I, it was a, like a, it was not a lay down bed, but it was something, it was an in between level of first class that I've never experienced. I know this is going to be great with the listeners. Like it was like a reclining seat. If you don't start flying in coach. In coach?

27:29Trixie Mattel:You do need to do a town hall.

27:30Katya Zamolodchikova:Steerage. I need to get in a, with the dogs. Yeah. I need to get with the crates with the dogs. Yeah. No, no. It was like, you know how sometimes it's like first class and it's just, you know, it's up in the front.

27:41Trixie Mattel:The UK? A lawn chair where they waterboard you? A fucking lawn chair? Weird. It's like, can I have a glass of wine? And they just throw it in your face. Not even. Yeah, it's crazy. They're like, did you want a Coke day out? And then they hear your accent like, you want ice? Yeah.

27:57Katya Zamolodchikova:No, bitch, I don't want warm soda. A thimble of warm soda that tastes like shit. Anyways, it was a recliner.

28:05Trixie Mattel:Right. It was,

28:06Katya Zamolodchikova:Oh, I loved it. I was smiling the whole way. I was like, love, love. And then I read, I read Missouri. And then I went over my, stayed at my friend, David, David, um, who does slick it up. He moved. Love David. Love slick it up. Shout out to slick it up. Shout out to slick it up. Shout out to David Mason. Um, he left under the cover of night, like a thief. I've, I've never felt so shocked and betrayed. What do you mean? He left LA under the cover of night. Like a thief. He moved. He moved. I feel so shocked and betrayed. Where is he now? In Atlanta.

28:36Trixie Mattel:Well, can I say, he's a small business owner and a designer and an artist.

28:42Katya Zamolodchikova:Doesn't change the fact that my shock and my betrayal are still very well. They might have better tax breaks for small businesses. It doesn't matter. I'm still shocked and so betrayed. Anyways, it's so funny because between me and a lot of my friends, me who will talk about something for about 15 years and never do it, he just casually mentions, I think I'm going to move to Atlanta next day, gone. But he has a great house. He should have consulted with you first. I feel so shocked and betrayed right now. And you did it at my birthday. Moving to Atlanta. But it was great. I know nobody cares. Whatever.

29:15Katya Zamolodchikova:What about this?

29:16Trixie Mattel:Opening a clock store at the mall. Sucking tick and clock.

29:23Trixie Mattel:Sucking tick and clock.

29:28Trixie Mattel:That deserves its own kiosk at the mall. A kiosk. You know what I see for you? Being one of those people that's, Ma 'am, can I ask you a question? Yeah.

29:36Katya Zamolodchikova:Oh, yeah, yeah. And I just throw up on them.

29:38Trixie Mattel:Or the gold face mask.

29:39Katya Zamolodchikova:The gold face mask.

29:40Trixie Mattel:The gold face? They love to sell the gold face mask.

29:42Katya Zamolodchikova:I just wanted to fix people's cell phones. I just put them in my mouth. Very helpful. I just put them in my mouth.

29:54Trixie Mattel:If you're tackling a home project, check out Angie.com. From roofing to remodels and everything in between, Angie connects you with skilled pros who do such a good job, you might trust them to do other things. Like pull out your tooth or be your kid's godfather. Well, don't ask them to do these things. Just let them get the job done well. Angie, the one you trust to find the ones you trust. Find a pro for your projects at Angie.com. That's A-N-G-I dot com.

30:21Katya Zamolodchikova:Why have I asked my electrician I found on Angie.com to bury my pet hamster Nibbles in our yard for me? Because I was so moved by how carefully he buried my electrical wires. I knew I could trust him to bury my sweet Nibbles after his untimely end. Huh. Nibbles. Gone too soon. May he scurry in peace. Hey, sorry about your pet, but I just wire stuff. Nibbles would have loved you like a brother. Connecting homeowners with skilled pros for over 30 years. Angie, the one you trust to find the ones you trust. Find pros for all your home projects at Angie.com. Why have I asked my HVAC guy I found on Angie.com to change my grandpa's trachea tube?

30:56Katya Zamolodchikova:Because I was so amazed by how quickly he replaced our air ducts. I knew I could trust him to change Pop-Pop's tube while I was on vacation. Make it quick, young man. Aw, see? Pop-Pop trusts you. Uh, I think we should call a doctor. Connecting homeowners with skilled pros for over 30 years. Angie, the one you trust to find the ones you trust. Find pros for all your home projects at Angie.com. But wait, my nephews, my sister's children, the sons of my sister. mama these motherfuckers are so cute I don't give a shit about children that's well documented I don't care about children my new thing is are adults that great no that's true human beings are all flops but these motherfuckers you love them Owen he's a little he's a little man now he's growing up hold he's gotta be fucking four or five or some shit I don't know he's eight or twelve I don't know no he's gotta be like he's three or four or five, six, seven, seven.

31:57Katya Zamolodchikova:He's like a young man. He's talking, he's moving around. We're playing with a lizard, a motorized lizard that climbs on the wall. We're having a blast.

32:06Trixie Mattel:Bob, kids toys now? Don't even get me started.

32:09Katya Zamolodchikova:Oh my, Mary, if I had a remote control lizard that could climb the wall. Do you know what we had? We had a wooden paddle

32:16Trixie Mattel:with a ball and a rubber string.

32:18Katya Zamolodchikova:We had kicked the can. Girl. And I'm not joking.

32:21Trixie Mattel:We kicked a can. I was in Kentucky and I was at some friends who have twins. their children have a 3D printer. I said, I'm sorry. Wait, what? They have a 3D printer? Yes. That's crazy.

32:31Katya Zamolodchikova:That's too much. I was like, back in my day, we had Jenga. I didn't even have a printer. Any printer. So Benjamin is, Ben is the baby. He's 11 months. He's almost a year. Cute. This motherfucker. You love it. I want to put him in the oven on 450 and just broil him and eat him. Right. I want to eat him.

32:53Trixie Mattel:There's a lot of great things about babies. The chubby legs. Mary, he's this motherfucker. The Michelin Man legs. The tiny little toes. The Gerber baby is so ugly by comparison. The razor fingernails. Babies have sharp fingernails. Razor fingernails. They're so small. Baby... Comment below. Baby finger... Adorable. Mary. Baby fingernails are fucking sharp. They're dangerous. This is what he thinks of me. Right. I don't see a resemblance yet, but... Not yet. You don't think so? Wait, look at this.

33:23Katya Zamolodchikova:Look at this motherfucker. Oh.

33:27Trixie Mattel:He's so fucking cute. So fucking cute. There's this great age where babies look like old men. Love that age. Oh, so cute.

33:36Katya Zamolodchikova:I just want to fucking eat him. I just want to eat him up.

33:39Trixie Mattel:Right. Wait.

33:41Katya Zamolodchikova:Well, maybe you should visit him and then you can do that.

33:42Trixie Mattel:This is me. Right. Have you thought about having more of a presence in his life? No. Right. Showing up once a year and taking some videos. Hardly parenting, you know. Parenting? No, I'm, you know, I am wondering. Why don't you take him down to the learning annex and enroll him in some classes? Take him down to the Brooklyn Adult Education Center? You should open some kind of savings account for him. Oh, mama. I'm way ahead of you. I'm way ahead of you. Right. I got, I got, I got plans. You're going to will him your bed. I already got him all set.

34:16Katya Zamolodchikova:Oh, good.

34:17Trixie Mattel:But not the other one.

34:18Katya Zamolodchikova:No, no, no. He's, he's, let me tell you about this motherfucker. I'll keep the nephew talk to a minimum. I think he's mine. My brother's son, my nephew. Right. This motherfucker is going to be president of the United States. Okay. He's so funny. He's so quick. He's so hysterical.

34:33Trixie Mattel:He could probably do it now and do a better job. I know. It's like at. He could win. He should run now.

34:38Katya Zamolodchikova:Seriously. He is so smart and he's so funny. Like at that age, it's like six years old. I don't know. They're like, he's.

34:47Trixie Mattel:Again, he's two or 12.

34:48Katya Zamolodchikova:I don't know. No, he's like. yeah yeah he's so funny I don't remember any child being that funny that young

34:57Trixie Mattel:right

34:57Katya Zamolodchikova:I don't know good for him he looks exactly like me which is very suspicious I did not fuck my brother's wife

35:02Trixie Mattel:right okay um but your brother looks so much like you this all makes a lot of sense no he's

35:08Katya Zamolodchikova:he's so cute he's so cute

35:10Trixie Mattel:my niece I stopped by home for Thanksgiving and I went to my mom's house and um she did something she does something very Wisconsin that I really appreciate she luck you out no I'm like I don't ask for anything I come over and she just sets up a TV tray with cheese and crackers. It's like, that's all I need. I love that. That's all I need. Yeah, yeah. You don't have to cook. You know, for me, if we're visiting my family, I'm like, we can go for three hours the whole weekend and I'm good. Love them. But I don't need to spend a lot of time with my family.

35:35Katya Zamolodchikova:No, that's what I was struggling with. First of all, my brother-in-law, Ian, is an incredible cook. He air fried this motherfucking turkey, air fried this turkey, air fried the turkey. It was so delicious. Ugh! Wow! He's such a good cook. it's incredible but I love the air fryer but David David and I went to my sisters and my my parents were there and I was like struggling with how long do we stay you were with David yeah oh yeah I stayed at his house and then we went to my yeah yeah yeah okay sorry I didn't get that hot tub fun hot tub hooligans around hooligans on the street on on oh drunk people on books no on bikes just like young kids oh kids kids hooligans getting wild yeah but I was like I don't know it's like I flew all the way here but I don't know when to leave

36:20Trixie Mattel:Sure.

36:21Katya Zamolodchikova:So it's like three, four hours.

36:23Trixie Mattel:Can I be honest? That's enough for me. I felt like it was okay. For me sitting with my mom and talking for like two hours, my niece was at church that day because her dad said the family's religious, so they've been taking her to church. And so honestly, getting to be with my mom without kids running around was really nice. Yeah. Different vibe. Kids love them. Annoying. Thank you.

36:44Katya Zamolodchikova:Also exhausting.

36:46Trixie Mattel:Messy.

36:47Katya Zamolodchikova:And also, Graham, when he was much younger, he was like, I think he slept about a half an hour a night. And then he ran, like his energy level was like crystal meth.

36:57Trixie Mattel:Devil child.

36:58Katya Zamolodchikova:Devil. The son of Satan.

36:59Trixie Mattel:And now he's mellowed out a little bit, but still very energetic. We have a child in my family who's at an age where isn't interested in any toys, just wants to take pictures off the wall, grab silverware. Everything that's not a toy is fair game. Is a toy, yeah. And so you're watching an adult pick up one thing. For every two things you get thrown on the floor, one thing is getting picked up. and it's a losing battle. It's a whack-a-mole. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think the newborns can't only make so much mess and then the older kids, but there's that middle baby zone where they have no responsibility.

37:26Trixie Mattel:Yeah.

37:26Katya Zamolodchikova:I don't know. Terror. Like two, three, four years old. I think I would be a really tough parent.

37:29Trixie Mattel:I think I would be really hard.

37:31Katya Zamolodchikova:I would have to, I would love like the newborn. I mean, I'm a born breastfeeder, but then I would like ship them off to boarding school until they're like 20.

37:42Trixie Mattel:I mean, do you think boarding school is bad? Do you think it's bad to ship your kids away?

37:46Katya Zamolodchikova:I don't think it's bad. I don't know anyone who did it. I do. So I grew up with a rich girl. Like we were not rich. Like one Stefani rich girl? No. Like she went to a 20 ,000. Okay. In the 90s, her high school was$20 ,000 a year. She did a whole year in high school. She lives in Spain? She loves it. Everything's great. No, but imagine that in high school. Right. Imagine your high school costing$20 ,000 a year in the 90s. These days, that same high school is probably$50 ,000. Think about it. I can't imagine. No. So she was rich. I think I told you the story where I got so drunk I drove her dad's BMW.

38:29Katya Zamolodchikova:Oh, no. I got so drunk at her house, face down, like dead drunk. We had to wake up her sister who was 14 to drive the dad's BMW to drive me home because I had my mom's car. Mary it was so wild it was so off the hook so off the hook my friend who was drunk drove my mom's car with me in it and then the 14 year old daughter was woken up to drive the Beamer to drive the girl back to the house oh yeah that was shenanigans we got into in high school Christina and I walked into the house my mother's in her robe having tea in the morning she's like oh thanks I need the car to go to work

39:16Trixie Mattel:does she know what the tea was oh yeah

39:18Katya Zamolodchikova:I mean I walked in dead drunk was she mad we had a discussion we had a discussion didn't take huh not about that just about other things

39:30Trixie Mattel:current events you're right I'm gonna quit on booze well I never really

39:34Katya Zamolodchikova:drank again after that you said I'm never gonna have an issue

39:37Trixie Mattel:movies with little bitches are always like

39:39Katya Zamolodchikova:I'll never tell a lie love that shit but I mean they really soured me on drinking yeah drinking is kind of disgusting why does it very love it

39:47Trixie Mattel:Maddie can you grab my computer you know what you know what I think is really the vibe do you remember that little bitch from A Little House on the Prairie no I never saw Nellie Olsen wait she's the one who got pushed down the no

39:59Katya Zamolodchikova:no

39:59Trixie Mattel:who's that in Green Gables that's not that that's not that show is it it is it is isn't it I love that clip I love that clip to watch Little House on the Prairie and recently I've been thinking about it a lot. I think I'm going to rewatch it. Michael Landon? Oh, the dad? Yeah. Hot! Well, yeah. I know. But I was thinking of the theme recently. What do you think about it? Let me just play this for you. What do you think about it as a disco remix? Hold, please. I know this is like not on anybody's bingo card today. I've been doing a lot of producing for other people. I can't say who, but I'm doing remixes for pop girls, real pop girls.

40:36Trixie Mattel:People in the car, would you gaze? would you bop around to the Little House on the Prairie disco theme?

40:47Trixie Mattel:One, two, three.

40:54Katya Zamolodchikova:This is horny.

41:00Trixie Mattel:Hey, everybody say one, two, one, three. Everybody.

41:05Katya Zamolodchikova:This is horny. horny I'll see you at the Grammys

41:10Trixie Mattel:I was listening to it I was like why is it this it's this dreamy

41:13Katya Zamolodchikova:it's this dreamy 70s it's almost like never ending story kind of it's this very like ooh you need to do Dynasty next please do Dynasty next

41:24Katya Zamolodchikova:girl you would fuck up Dynasty I was like

41:27Trixie Mattel:what about

41:27Katya Zamolodchikova:fuck

41:30Trixie Mattel:I live

41:30Katya Zamolodchikova:you do Dynasty next you have to maybe that's next what about a whole album of just disco TV no it's girl that is so fierce i had when i was like 16 i mailed away like because you know no internet i sent away a check in the mail and i got back um it was goth remixes of of exactly that theme songs like charles in charge charles in charge and then like all i forget what it's called but it was really fierce like it was a really fierce like concept all dark dark weave industrial like theme songs.

42:03Trixie Mattel:I love a reimagining. It's fierce. I have a two-part story to this. One is, one of the girls I just got to do a remix for, she hadn't heard the remix yet and she came to the studio and we were sitting in the studio with the big speakers and she, we played it and I was like, it was one of those moments where I'm like, she actually hasn't heard this and now she's going to have to either fake a response if she doesn't like it or I was like, this is awkward. She couldn't get enough of it. She was like, she stood up, she started screaming, she started dancing, she loved it and it was so gratifying.

42:31Trixie Mattel:That's fierce. So I was like, oh, thank God she likes it. Because she could have been like, it's a nice start. You know what I mean? And she loved it. Thank God. That's fabulous. Will you please do Dynasty next? Yes, I'll give it a shot. I want to finish Little House on the Prairie.

42:44Katya Zamolodchikova:Dynasty.

42:47Trixie Mattel:Twink Peaks. Twink Peaks. Sometimes the remix. You know that song by, do you know Pet Shop Boys? They're kind of gothy, right? No.

42:56Katya Zamolodchikova:No, not at all.

42:56Trixie Mattel:Because they're a little bit Depeche Mode vibes.

42:58Katya Zamolodchikova:They're like New Wave. Yeah, but don't the gods like that? I mean, it's like adjacent. Okay. But it's definitely not goth though.

43:05Trixie Mattel:Their version of You Were Always On My Mind. Oh, with Liza? Oh. No, you were thinking of the Dusty Springfield version.

43:13Katya Zamolodchikova:No, I'm thinking of the Petch Up Boy remix with Liza singing. It's so good. I forget what it is.

43:16Trixie Mattel:Oh, I haven't heard that. You know what I'm talking about? Oh, yes. I don't know what song that is.

43:20Katya Zamolodchikova:It's a cover.

43:21Trixie Mattel:Maybe I'm going and... Oh, that is what it is. Yeah, yeah. The Petch Up Boys. Maybe I didn't love you. Oh, I love them. I read... I was like, why did they think... they were doing in the UK, a holiday special in the UK honoring Elvis, where they asked all these bands to do their own versions of Elvis songs in their own style. And they were like, we all, we all likes you're always on my mind. It's widely considered the best like cover of any song ever. Really? Because it makes the song sound like that's the original song. Yeah. It's so good. That's fierce. And did you watch Veneno? Remember she's titties out in the club dancing to that song.

43:58Trixie Mattel:Oh, that's right. It's such a great piece of music.

44:00Katya Zamolodchikova:You know what else is a fucking fabulous cover? One of the best covers of all time. Due in time by Lana Del Rey. Yeah. Better than the original. The great heartbreak of my life, the biggest regret that I have for her is that she didn't do a whole album of covers. She still could. She still could. What do you want her to do?

44:23Trixie Mattel:This is time to speak it into existence.

44:24Katya Zamolodchikova:I want her to do classic rock. Sure. I want to do Led Zeppelin, The Doors. Black Velvet. Jimi Hendrix. Yeah. I mean, I would love for her to do all male tunes. Oh, yeah. I mean, Lynyrd Skynyrd. I mean, she could fucking rip that shit apart. She could fuck up Wild Horses. The Pink Floyd. Wild Horses. I mean, she could, like 60s, 70s classic rock, she would take down her bloomers, pull her butt cheeks apart, and just shit on it. Right.

44:57Trixie Mattel:As the time we film this, I think Wicked came out last week. Now, what do you think about all this? I didn't see it because I don't want to go to a crowded theater.

45:04Katya Zamolodchikova:I tried to watch it at home the first one. It's not for me. I'm not a hater. I know you told me a hater before. I'm trying to change my ways. I don't want to be a hater.

45:11Trixie Mattel:Right. But it's just not for me. It's okay. It's fine. I watched the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade when I was home for Christmas. And I don't normally get to watch it, but I had a really good time watching it. What's your favorite balloon? Mary. A Pokemon One, obviously. They were saying that go online and search for the comments. the comments are like, of course, this year's Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade is woke. All because they just had Cynthia Erivo sing and people are like, there used to be white people in this parade. Black Les. Nobody wants anything black or gay. Or it's like, Thanksgiving used to be great.

45:47Katya Zamolodchikova:What about her voice? Her voice is transcendent.

45:49Trixie Mattel:Of course.

45:49Katya Zamolodchikova:Transcendent. She's like a technically an incredible singer.

45:53Trixie Mattel:Yes. I mean, I was like, she's She was saying Feeling Good, which I thought was a universally loved song.

45:59Katya Zamolodchikova:Feeling Good is woke.

46:00Trixie Mattel:I'm feeling good. No, no, no. That's woke. And then there was one part where somebody was saying, like, baby, it's cold outside or some shit. And they took Bowen Yang's hand and did a spin. And I'm like, this derailed the Thanksgiving parade. Pikachu's flying in the sky. That's woke. Do you know what I mean? Also, did you know, I looked it up. Originally, the Thanksgiving Day parade was a Christmas parade. It just happened so close to Thanksgiving, it became Thanksgiving. but originally it was a Christmas holiday parade but I've always thought of it as Thanksgiving it's also a weird mix of people singing live and people not singing live and it's interesting to see which one it is

46:37Katya Zamolodchikova:because sometimes they do let me tell you something let me tell you something ask me if I felt shocked and betrayed when I learned that Whitney Houston was lip syncing to a recording of the Star Spangled Banner no I was not I was not shocked and betrayed because she recorded that. That was her voice. There were her vocals. I don't care. It's outside. The wind's blowing. It's not possible to do what she did in that. I don't care if they're singing in the parade. I don't care if they're singing ever. No, no, no, no, no, no. I care that it's their voice, but I've seen, especially with Russian singers, it's such a, they don't even bother with the farce.

47:13Katya Zamolodchikova:Why move the lips? Mary. They have air guitars. There's not a, there's not an outlet in the place. Oh yeah. They got a full band. No, no plugs. Nothing's plugged in. There's no batteries, nothing.

47:23Trixie Mattel:Have they have the songs play in the order of the album?

47:25Katya Zamolodchikova:Mary, the album version to the T on the CD. Every once in a while, they'll turn the mic on. They'll be like, you know, like, hello, my background singers, but I don't want it. Like I've seen singers who like Allah Pugachova in her farewell tour. She was like in her sixties, you know, she's got a voice these days. Sounds like, like a bag of nickels down a wooden stair, you know, like not great, but I, so I don't want her to sing live necessarily. When she did sing live three or four songs, it sounded like whodunit. Right. And it was like a little uncomfortable. So I want her to do the album versions or I want her to sing over a track.

47:59Katya Zamolodchikova:I want her and I want her mouth and I want her body there and I want the music there, but it doesn't need to come out of her mouth. Do you, does that, is that crazy? I don't think it's a crime. I don't think it's crazy. Some people, okay. If they're dancing on top of it.

48:15Trixie Mattel:Ben Platt is playing the same theater I saw at Purnimal Activity. It's a live show, Evening with Ben Platt. You go because you want to hear the singing. That's a vocalist. You want to see the same.

48:23Katya Zamolodchikova:So he's not dancing the house down.

48:25Trixie Mattel:I think we all need to like, like the Britney fans have never really cared if she sings. The Britney fans haven't figured out who cares.

48:31Katya Zamolodchikova:She's there.

48:32Trixie Mattel:She's there.

48:32Katya Zamolodchikova:It's her. And she's, you know, Mariah Carey. I don't even, those are her breasts. That's her gown. That's her. She's beautiful. She's there. It's her music. She wrote it. She's here. I need. I don't care. I want, I would lip sync. Well,

48:47Trixie Mattel:it doesn't matter. I don't think it does. I don't think it really matters. I mean, especially at the parade, who cares? I also, after the parade, the dog show plays, the Westminster dog show.

48:56Katya Zamolodchikova:Now that is woke.

48:58Trixie Mattel:Is it Westminster? No, it's the, what is it called? Yes, that played. Fun to watch. I never really watched it. It's weird that it just, Best in Show is, it's that. I know, I know. Best in Show is so close to that. Rhapsody in white. Who won? These are beautiful dogs being led by the worst dressed mannequins you've ever seen. I mean, these clothes are fucked. These judges are putting on the National Dog Show.

49:28Katya Zamolodchikova:They're wearing camel capris, three sizes too big.

49:32Trixie Mattel:One of the judges was wearing a brown knitted long sleeve turtleneck dress to the floor. She was dressed like a branchless tree. It was so crazy. Looking like the cat's ass. but they don't want to take away from the beauty of the animal the women's fashion choices are very debate team

49:51Katya Zamolodchikova:well when we're talking dog show we're not exactly thinking couture why not you don't want to take away from the beauty of the dog the more dog like you look the more gorgeous your dog is gonna be it's the log lady versus um versus Annie Wilkes yes like that yeah yeah yeah that's what I want though I don't want Gisele Bundchen. I don't want, you know.

50:17Trixie Mattel:They also, girl, they did this graphical graph where they broke down the most popular dog names by state. What is it? What is it? There are two main ones and they both piss me off.

50:25Katya Zamolodchikova:Is it Kelsey?

50:26Trixie Mattel:One of them is Luna. Oh, of course. One of them is Bella. Those are the two main dog names.

50:31Katya Zamolodchikova:Our producer's name is dogs and Luna. Is it? Yeah. Mark's dog's name is Luna. Fuck. Yeah.

50:38Trixie Mattel:Sorry, Mark. Wisconsin was Daisy. Kentucky was Bear. Ugh. But Luna and Bella, I was like, what are these, what happened in, what happened in culture?

50:50Katya Zamolodchikova:Is it? Well, Luna, Bella? Luna, Bella. Think about it. The moon. What is your, you got three dogs. What are their names?

50:59Trixie Mattel:You have a. Knowing me, probably Doggy. Doggy, Puppy, and.

51:03Katya Zamolodchikova:No, you have a Wymaranner. Doggy, Puppy, and Christina Aguilera.

51:08Trixie Mattel:Doggy, Puppy, and Xtina.

51:10Katya Zamolodchikova:You got a teacup Chihuahua. You've got a Weimaraner and then you've got a Shih Tzu. If I have a Chihuahua, what are the dogs? Teacup Chihuahua, Weimaraner, and then a Shih Tzu.

51:17Trixie Mattel:Probably knowing me, this is my Teacup Chihuahua, Teacup Chihuahua. Could be. Just Teacup Chihuahua. Yeah. Weimaraner is, oh, Simpy Sweepy. Simpy Sweepy. Simpy Sweepy. Simpy Sweepy. Simpy Sweepy. Oh my God. Cindy Sweeney. Cindy Sweeney. I saw a press thing that was like people keep telling me how much they connected with Chris Chrissy. Shut up bitch. Sit the hell down ho.

51:46Katya Zamolodchikova:What about that? I love jeans. It's so diabolical. It's fierce. Just like sip it. And then the Weimaraner. Oh the Weimaraner.

51:58Trixie Mattel:The Shih Tzu. Obviously Caleb.

52:04Katya Zamolodchikova:Fierce. What about you? I love like regular people's names. Linda, Jeffrey, and Curtis. Yeah. No abbreviations. Paco, Rocco, and Linda Evangelista. Yeah. No baby talk. Straight human language. Yeah. What are you doing? Yeah. Bella and Luna. I mean, you know. We got to look outside ourselves with names. Well, yeah. We also have to look at what are the top two female gymnastics girls' names. because it's like McNavy and McBrailin. Yeah. They're very like Midwest.

52:41Trixie Mattel:I don't want to I just feel like Bella and Luna also both feel just very Caucasian. Maybe that's not the case. Aren't they also women's energy bars? Maybe that's how they're naming it. This is my Shih Tzu Nature Valley. This is my cat tiger's milk. Oh shit. Oh my god.

53:03Katya Zamolodchikova:Nature's Valley.

53:04Trixie Mattel:I don't know. I just This is my dog, Nutra Grain. I feel like with dogs, because we don't have to use people names, the world is your oyster. You can't name your baby macaroni, but you can name your dog macaroni. It's like Anne, I think, Poopy.

53:16Katya Zamolodchikova:Her dog's name is Poopy.

53:17Trixie Mattel:Who's Anne?

53:18Katya Zamolodchikova:Anne Pine.

53:19Trixie Mattel:Oh, Poopy. Yeah. I think so, right? I had a cousin named Poopy. Shit. It was her nickname. But I have an aunt named Gooch. That's true. So we're doing all kinds of stuff. Oh. How many cousins do you have? Do you know? Who knows? You don't know. My aunt's, Gucci's 60th birthday was last year and I went. People I either have never met or have no recollection of. Hundreds. I don't know who was related. I know they're all related to me. I had no idea who was related to me in what way. On how many uncles and aunts do you have? Oh. I mean, just a couple, but I have great aunts and uncles. I have a lot of babies.

53:52Katya Zamolodchikova:No, no, no. Just uncles and aunts. I don't know.

53:55Trixie Mattel:Your mom? One now. I have one aunt. Just Gucci? Yes. Damn. But she got like four kids and they all got kids. So what is that? What are those first cousins? I guess those are second cousins. That's what I'm saying. I know we're related, but I don't know what the terminology is even.

54:09Katya Zamolodchikova:Would you have sex with them? Do you think that's wrong? Let's take a break. Actually, we got to wrap. I don't think it's necessarily bad.

54:21Katya Zamolodchikova:Is that bad? To fuck your cousin? Second cousin. Listen, if I roll up to the family reunion,

54:33Trixie Mattel:I mean we don't have I don't think my family has hot people so it's not been a big press it's not I mean it's kind of a dog show at my family reunion you know if somebody showed up at my family reunion and said did you know that your second cousin is Josh Hutcherson and is here and wants to talk to you like that's so strange I don't know because yeah we would be I know he's a little short but I don't know

54:54Katya Zamolodchikova:you know who else is really short Jeremy Ellen White yeah do you feel horny to that I feel neither way. I've saw him at the Rose Bowl, four foot two. That's right. We hope you enjoyed this. If you want to hear more, just tip$18. Shut up.

55:08Trixie Mattel:Honestly, I want to say I never know. When I listen to the pod, which I don't always catch them, I never remember talking to you or what we talked about. No, me neither.

55:17Katya Zamolodchikova:This is a repeat shirt, I guess.

55:19Trixie Mattel:Sometimes I think like, oh, I love to listen to my own pod, but I'm like, I don't know what we said. Me neither. And we tape them so far in advance, sometimes a month in advance.

55:28Katya Zamolodchikova:Who knows? Yeah, no.

55:30Trixie Mattel:How many days happen?

55:31Katya Zamolodchikova:You know what? You know what happens? There's a new day every day. Every day. Every minute. Something else. Something fresh. I hope your bladder's okay. Yeah, me too. Me too. I'll perforate my bowel just in solidarity. It sucks. No, I know. It sucks. Goodbye.

55:46Trixie Mattel:Bye.

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56:40Katya Zamolodchikova:Every day the world gets a little weirder and a lot more awesome. Cool Stuff Daily takes a look at everything from mining in space to the latest in the fight against cancer to how AI is basically changing everything. It's all the cool stuff you didn't know you needed to know. Join us for Cool Stuff Daily as we take a quick look at science, tech, and the wait what stories that make you sound way smarter at dinner. Subscribe to Cool Stuff Daily now because the future's happening fast and it's way too fun to miss.