Bob the Drag Queen Heralds the Birth of Katya's Pussycat with Katya

17:42Katya Zamolodchikova:Try Wonderful Pistachios chocolate sea salt and chocolate toffee today.

17:46Trixie Mattel:Visit wonderfulpistachios.com to learn more. When July arrives, we as humans can finally live up to our full potential as sun-dazed creatures who say things like, let's go kayak on the open ocean, or I can absolutely pull off a straw hat and a floral shirt. This summer, I'm dreaming about a getaway to Traverse City, Michigan, where I found a beautiful home in Lake Michigan that I booked with Airbnb. The perfect headquarters for peak lake-based summer whimsy. I want to wake up slowly, make coffee in a real kitchen, then head out for cherry pastries, pumpkin pancakes, and a heroic afternoon of pretending I actually know how to kayak.

18:23Trixie Mattel:After that, maybe we can drive out to Sleeping Bear Dunes, climb an enormous sandy hill, and then stare out at Lake Michigan like we're in a fancy shampoo commercial. Then, in honor of the season, we reward ourselves with ice cream. That is what the height of summer does to me. It makes every trip feel less like a vacation and more like a golden little movie where everyone is slightly sunburned and deeply committed to snacks. All with a home base that feels like somewhere you can actually settle in. That is why I love booking stays on Airbnb. I want a living room where everyone can collapse after a day in the water, a kitchen for late night sandwiches and lazy breakfasts, and enough space to feel like we are living our best summer lives.

19:03Trixie Mattel:And if I'm traveling with friends, even better. We can stay together, eat dinner together, and play card games badly. And maybe that one great trip becomes three great trips. Maybe it's Traverse City now, the Outer Banks next, or a long weekend in Bar Harbor after that, eating lobster rolls and becoming emotionally attached to a lighthouse. However summer unfolds, it just feels more personal when you book through Airbnb. If you have nothing nice to say, you can sit with us. I'm Suzanne Lambert, comedian, mean girl, and internet menace, and this is the Mean But True podcast. Every week, a special guest tonight will talk pop culture, current events, romance, whatever we feel like.

19:43Trixie Mattel:I don't know, are you a cop? we'll be keeping it funny playful and petty per usual you cringe at the sight of people posting qr codes to fund their own bachelorette parties you need to know how to respond to that co-worker with the bad haircut who's always making digs or just need to get something off your chest make sure to subscribe to mean but true wherever you listen to podcasts unless of course you hate fun in which case don't i'm suzanne lambert and this is mean but true do you um do you when you're out in these streets on these gigs and stuff do you like hang out with the people and go to their stuff like you gotta come to this diner you gotta come to this lake you gotta come to this thing the girls do it they'll be like the local girls be like let's all go to the knick knack pediwack sinkhole girl no do you do the new beaches have you ever done a new beach

20:35Katya Zamolodchikova:I you know I um I have so okay this is interesting You didn't act like you didn't have a brief exorcism? No, no, I just, I was, I'm, gas. Got it. I'm a little gas from time to time. Gang, gang. I recently made my good friend watch Ghost for the first time. For the first time, he'd never seen Ghost. Motherfucker. It's a great movie. Whoopi Goldberg and Ghost. Yeah. You love it, right? You're not about to hate. I love it. Yeah. And she is, I've never, I've never seen, I've never, there's never been a Best Supporting Actress Oscar more deservedly won than that. I mean she should have won for Color Purple That's okay but vindicated Because this role she was Brilliant she was amazing I signed the wrong name How would you like it 10s and 20s Baby what you do to your man It's all Every line So good Anyways I have that outfit The one going to the bank Not the one but I have a recreation of the outfit from the bank I literally have it You walk like that.

21:42Katya Zamolodchikova:I know you don't think I'm giving this chick to a bunch. Although, if you really analyze, I've been thinking, they fucking used and abused that poor black woman. And what was her fucking reward? Nada. She got to see Patrick Swayze go to the... She was raped. Yeah, she was. Oh, that part. Yeah, she was. It was consensual, but they literally used her body. Did she know what she was consensual? Was she like, I'm going to let you hang out with Demi Moore. or she's like, I'm going to let you top Demi Moore. She said, you can use me. Go ahead and do it. So it wasn't great. It wasn't full great. I'm another polyamorous.

22:17Katya Zamolodchikova:But it was literal and figurative use. She was used up and spat out and almost killed. But then if the Whoopi Goldberg cinematic universe is continuous, then it was redeemed when she became a biggest headliner. And then she later went to space. You're talking about the character. I know, but the Whoopi Goldberg cinematic universe, if they're all tied. Okay. If Whoopi is the same person in every movie Once she is a scam artist Psychic Then she left that behind to go To work in Vegas And then she became a nun And then she went to space And then she became She was in Star Trek And then she became a hyena She died and came back as a hyena This guy seemed like a You have to do a lot of work to make it You know she was in Lion King I've never seen it What?

23:08I know. I know. What kind of millennial are you? The one that doesn't watch cartoons. You're also Gen X verging, though. No, I'm a millennial for sure. But you're on, you're on, because I think 45 is the cutoff. You're 82?

23:24Katya Zamolodchikova:82, yeah. 82, and I think 81 might be where the Gen X should start. I don't think so. Look it up, control room. 80. 80. Yeah. I mean, I don't think that has anything to do with me not watching cartoons. But you watch other ones like Little Mermaid Well I mean I've seen them when I was a child Yeah yes But Lion King didn't come out when I was a child It came out in 1994 Oh it did? Yes The one with Beyonce? No! I'm just kidding Oh my god I'm like sweating I'm sweating in here Willie Lopez? So in 94 you were 10 I was 12 12 years old Girl let me tell you what I was doing in 94 fucking four. I really want to know.

24:08Katya Zamolodchikova:I was sitting in the dark drinking blood. You think I was watching The Lion Fucking King? Why were you drinking blood? Because I was goth, bitch. Terrible, like thoroughly goth. Who's blood? My blood and my friends. We were in the dark. The more I learn about you. Pretending to be bisexual. I learned such interesting things about you that are so your child, was it a dark childhood? I just told you. Literally. In the dark. Was it dark because you were like, no one gets me but my family life is great? I was legitimately depressed. I was also, more than that, I was also very interested in, like, you know, I was goth.

24:48We had like maybe three white kids in my school and one of them he, actually one of them ended up working at a bar with me in New York City. I was like, oh my God, you went to Marlboro High School? That's crazy.

24:58Katya Zamolodchikova:Did you say Marlboro High School? Marlboro, like tomorrow. Marlboro High School, next to Camel Middle School and Newport University. she shut down too much aluminum exactly but this one guy he used to spike his hair with black nail polish that so that he only had to do his hair once a month well girl that's disgusting but I never forget I wore fishnets to wood shop once and that will not did you get caught up in the gears no it was just a little humiliating a little humiliating have you ever been into a humiliation kink no I'm the opposite I want everybody to feel good no I want everybody to feel great and proud and wonderful about themselves.

25:35I love that.

25:36Katya Zamolodchikova:Well, you know, I caught a ride home with this guy who had the teeny tiny little micro penis and I know that he wanted me to do that and I would not oblige. Oh, he wanted you to shame his penis? Oh, of course he did. But it would have made him feel good to make him feel bad. But I don't, but that doesn't make me feel good. That's valid. It's a two-way street and I'm not going to jerk him off like this like he's a fucking Lego. So what did you do? I looked at it and I was like, and he was like, and he drove me home. But how does that make him feel good? I think you gave him the kink shame he wanted.

26:05Katya Zamolodchikova:I mean, I do. I wasn't like Looney Tunes like that. I was like,

26:14Katya Zamolodchikova:and then I could just projectile vomit it the entire way home. No. I've looked up with a few men with micro penises. I've never been a size queen though. I mean, girl, you would be hung like an elevator button. It's all about what's in the back for me. Oh, nice. I know you were an ass woman. Oh, baby. Mama. Baby. Mama. What's your IG, what's your IG? Mama, baby. For you, Paige. Baby, mama. Let me show you this. I want to see because I love. Do you know the amount of times I have jerked off to this fucking clip? You have no fucking idea. This is just Trixie lip syncing on Drag Race. Shut the fuck up.

26:56Katya Zamolodchikova:Mary, watch, catch this. Oh, that's a wagon. It's a deep freezer hanging out of a minivan. Yeah, this man is dragging a wagon for sure. Mama, the way that I would clap those cheeks, like it was the fucking, I mean, it just. So what makes a nice butt? What makes a butt where you're like, that's the one? Hairless. Oh, actually, that's not true because I did have sex with a hooker recently and he had a big hairy butt, which I don't prefer. Only just because I don't like, I don't like hairy. I would like my dream butt is smooth. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But he was extraordinarily well-groomed in terms of hygiene.

27:36Katya Zamolodchikova:He had cleaned out like it was his last night on earth. And it might have been. Have you called him back? I haven't heard from him since. I don't think about it. I ate his ass like it was my last meal on death row. And it was lovely. But my dream ass is tan, huge, smooth, and like that. Jason Momoa's butt. I have an appreciation for a lot of different butts, right? I like a wagon like a big like sticking out the back of your like a shelf put a cup on it like just unbelievable yeah breakfast tray yeah the airline charges you extra for carry on it's the cart I love that as well but then also a little butt like if it's like a little butt I like a little butt I'm not into like a concave booty no no no no extended back we don't need that no I'm not into that but like a little butt like a little cuppage with a little baby shelf on the bottom I like a shelf on the top but if there's a little baby shelf on the bottom I'm also happy with that as well if you have a flat ass I prefer you have like lady like hips so then it looks like it's giving the ass more shape than it is but also if the ass is completely flat once they're like all the way bent over it kind of all just blends into one thing they gotta get on top I can't hit it from the back it looks like Mr.

28:50Katya Zamolodchikova:Bojangles with a skeleton or whatever but I actually it's funny you mention that because I don't go for skinny skinny guys but I did have a fuck buddy for a while who was very very thin but he had he had some dumpage yeah he had some major dumpage like you could really like get two handfuls which was like oh that's lovely and it was very it was genetic you know what I mean? The size of your hands pretty average size hands yeah yeah yeah yeah but they were like it was he had like are you short? You're not short I'm 5 '9 or 5 '10 that's average yeah I'm like totally average but he was like 6 '2 skinny as fuck but he had a little it was like oh lovely so I had like I feel like you have good your body is very resilient.

29:30Are you kidding me? All the shit that I put it through. I should have been dead 20 years ago. Aren't these like notoriously your real teeth? Yes. Yeah. That's crazy.

29:40Katya Zamolodchikova:I know. And it's funny. I have the teeth anxiety. So I told this story before, but in Boston, at the height of, I mean, I was very like everyday meth user, like very, very, very intense. Seven years ago, not going to the dentist. And when I got sober, I was like, I have to go to the dentist. And I was like, they're going to take out all my teeth. They're going to take out all my teeth. Not one cavity. They were like gang gang. They were like, these are beautiful. They just need to floss more. We're going to recommend your program to other people actually. I was like, they're like, keep doing math.

30:11No, I'm just kidding. I got to tell you this. When I first got sober, I talked to my sponsor and I was like, this applies to you. And it is a compliment by the way. But I was like, I remember talking to him, I was like, you're a little nutty. And then he looked at me and he said, well, I smoke crack every day for 10 years he's like so you're gonna lose something you just can't get back

30:34Katya Zamolodchikova:I mean I always say you know it's funny whenever I go to a meeting it's like I always have to remind myself if it's boring or if it's a little if it's not you know not dazzlingly entertaining I'm like it's a fucking miracle that all these crack heads didn't erupt into some kind of like ballroom blitz type of like rumble kind of, you know what I mean? Well, you haven't heard about the Perry Street meetings. No. New York City has a meeting called Perry Street where the legend is like, you go to Perry Street and you go, they didn't want to throw a chair? That's what they always say. They didn't want to throw a chair?

31:07See, I love that shit. Or midnight. I think one of the crazy guys I saw at midnight was this guy was like, he was basically like this. Is this 30? This guy was like, today's my first day back. I woke up in the hospital.

31:27and my foot was gone. I got drunk, and I fell on the subway platform, and then the next thing I knew, I woke up in the hospital, and I had one foot. This is one day back. My name is So-and-so. I'm an alcoholic. Thank you for letting me talk. And then I was like, you know, I think I'm done. I think it's a wrap for me. I don't think I need any more anymore. more. He popped that nub up there. Bam! In the chair in front of him. On the back of the person sitting.

32:00Katya Zamolodchikova:On their shoulder. It was on the chair and he popped the nub up and he showed us all that nub. Still bandaged. Mary, what if he was so flexible he was just like... What is the line in Mummy Dearest where she's in the mirror and she lifts her leg up to her face? I don't remember. I don't love Mummy Dearest like some gays do but that one scene is pretty iconic. Is there a gay movie that you're like, why do y 'all like this movie? yes yes yes Mean Girls who fucking cares about Mean Girls Mean Girls is a crazy take Mean Girls is a brilliant movie it's so good Africa you can't just ask people I'm from Africa she's from Africa Charlize Theron's from Africa South Africa but she was like a missionary or something wasn't it Charlize?

32:51No Lindsay Lohan

32:52Katya Zamolodchikova:Where? I don't know, somewhere there The country of Africa? You know what I hate about Epcot? I've never been Me neither We're in Epcot, they're like Alright, we're in China We're in Germany We're in Russia We're in Africa Girl We're in the country We're leaving the country Trying to go to the country The seat of civilization Which is crazy Because Africa What, are we in Egypt? We're in South Africa? Are we in the Zara Desert? Are we along the Nile River? Zimbabwe Madagascar Are we in the forest? The Congo Are we in Kenya? Kenya? Are we in Lesotho? Where are we? Pacific Ocean, Indian Ocean. General Africa.

33:28We're in Lion King. It's wild. I think Lion King's in the Serengeti. I couldn't tell you. How would you fucking know? Because you've never seen it. I couldn't tell you.

33:37Katya Zamolodchikova:Because you were too busy sucking blood from your friend's knee. My sister been in Africa, though, studying primates. Better believe it. Jane Goodall. Is she your oldest or younger sister? I know you don't care. I know nobody cares, but you don't have to suffer. Show me your Jane Goodall sister. My nephews. Oh. They are so... Look at this fucking... Look at that motherfucker. Are these some of her primates? Yeah. I mean, we are primates. They've been euthanized. To be fair, we are definitely primates. This is a very... No, this is a very cute baby. Oh, so cute. But look, mama. That's a very cute child.

34:09Katya Zamolodchikova:That is a... Mama, get him into pictures. Get him into commercials. I low-key have baby fever right now, low-key. You do. Low-key. How is that manifest? You're going to get somebody... Oh, come on. I think the chubbier babies are cute. A little kind of baby's not cute This is a doll That's a doll, bitch That's a doll This baby, listen, it should be on Bald and Beautiful I'm telling you If the tummy tuck goes south He's coming, you know We're gonna get it

34:42Trixie Mattel:Welcome to Rug Cuddle With Us A podcast For all of you creative weirdos out there I'm Kate and some of you may know me as Mr. Kate And I'm Joey, Mr. Kate's grounded in reality other half. You may have met us on the internet over the past decade. We have the largest interior design channel on YouTube, have decorated for thousands of people, have millions of followers, billions of views, our own furniture line, but life is more than pretty rooms and 15-minute YouTube videos. That's right. Every Tuesday, we're sitting down for an hour with each other, and more importantly, with you, peeling back all the layers of how all of life is really a creative project.

35:18Trixie Mattel:Parenting, relationships, all the things that inspire you in your daily lives. We'll laugh. We will cry. We'll learn. And my sister and I will gross Joey out with our Romantic Book Obsession. Listen to Rug Cuddle with us every Tuesday on YouTube or wherever you get your podcasts. We'll see you on the rug.

35:48Trixie Mattel:We're diving deep into the drama, the nostalgia, and the headlines everyone's talking about. Each week, we're breaking down celebrity drama, viral trends, and Hollywood's most talked about moments. Plus, in our Gossip on the Go segment, we will sit down with your favorite influencers and reality stars over their go-to meals. Because the best stories, they always come with extra sauce. We're bringing you the debates, the drama, and the nostalgia you really care about. It's more than a podcast, it's a pop culture community. This is Papity.

36:47Trixie Mattel:misplaced confidence, bold guesses, wrong answers, quick laughs, and the slow realization that maybe this was a bad idea to say out loud. If you like smart comedy, sharp conversations, and trivia that exists purely to melt people's brains, this is Funny You Ask with me, Ike Barinholtz. Follow Funny You Ask with Ike Barinholtz on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to podcasts.

37:11Katya Zamolodchikova:baldness runs to the family girl don't tell also you know I my maternal side well first of all I have 60 ,000 cousins on my dad's side none on my mother's side and my mother's side my grandfather my maternal grandfather died very young and terrible health and I have that whole gig did you hear about the woman I can't remember what country she was in i want to africa i want to say i want to say it was china but she she maybe it was the one of the guy or the woman married the other person but they had a lot of plastic surgery done so they looked really beautiful but that was not their obviously your your plastic surgeons care through your dna your dna is going to stay the same of course and then they she was like i had a baby with you and now i'm going to have an ugly baby but i thought you were hot but you're actually ugly i'm suing you for making me have an ugly baby and i think she won the case that's not it's not indicative like two hots don't make it hot you know it feels really unfair when when hot people have ugly kids to the child yeah if my parents were smoking hot and i was ugly i'd be like there's something here doesn't feel good maybe if they were hot and poor that's when you really got the bone to pick because you're gonna take that little fucking ugly ass bitch to the to the to the and being an ugly kid is probably only bad up until like maybe like well it starts being bad around five years old because no one cares if you're ugly and you're like three or four other kids don't really register you're not pretty I know a child I won't say who probably safe but and you know it's probably a good good tactic there was a child in the family who was in your family who was hit who was toe up who was in your family they know they all know who you're talking about.

39:03Katya Zamolodchikova:No, they don't. Because I told you I have 60 ,000 cousins on that site. This is true. And a lot of it goes. Mama, this child was, it was. It's crazy. Because I'm trying not to gender. I'm trying to keep it general. I'm trying to keep it general. But it was like, huh. Like, it was like a jump scare. Jump scare. It was a bird. It was a mama. Even as a baby? A baby. It was the ugliest baby ever known to me. How old is the child over 10 now? Yes. Still hip? No, no, no, no. Oh, that's nice. No, no, no, no. Not on the cover of Sports Illustrated or on Men's Health Magazine. But not on the cover of Monsters, Inc.

39:39Katya Zamolodchikova:Exactly. Scare mag. Yeah, yeah. Not in the Terrifier with no prosthetics. I have a cousin that I don't like. And it feels bad because the cousin is my cousin's child. So it's my baby cousin. Oh, girl, who gives a fuck? But I don't like... I've never liked this cousin. Who cares about cousins? But because they're a child. Because I don't like... Because I never... How old? They're now an adult. They're now a very young adult. I don't want to give the cousin's age. Let's say teenage, 20. Enough to have a conversation. Old enough to have a conversation. And I feel justified because I still don't like this cousin.

40:17I still think that they're super fucking annoying. And they never grew out of that thing that they had. And at first I felt bad because I was like, I don't like this six-year-old. Like, whoa, I hate this. And it wasn't like, this is an annoying kid. It was like, I do not like this kid. I hope this kid's not there when I get to the thing. I hate this kid. And now I don't like this adult. I do not like this adult. And they're so fucking annoying. But I will say now I feel justified because they have grown to an adult that I also don't like. But I did feel bad disliking this child.

40:51Katya Zamolodchikova:I understand that. I mean, like, I had, um, my nephew was, like, so, and it continues to be, my other nephew, my brother's son, was, like, a terror. Now he is one of the cutest, smartest, funniest, like, but he was a terror. Terror. Terror. The terrifier. From, like, the jump. Even in the belly. Terrifier. But now this kid is, like, so, he's just going to be amazing. You can tell. But it was challenging. Like, you go, I go visit. and he has, like, imagine if I took all the meth in the world, I still wouldn't be able to catch up with him. He was so energetic. When you weren't an amateur phlebotomist as a child, were you a terror or were you, like, lovely?

41:35Thank you. I'll be her all week. I'm amateur phlebotomist.

41:43Katya Zamolodchikova:Where does that fucking word come from? I don't know. It's so wild. Just say blood draw. It's very weird. Okay, I was, apparently I was a very quiet baby, and I was shy, and I kept to myself. I didn't, I didn't, I mean, apparently I kicked my neighbor, I need my neighbor in the balls because I didn't want to watch E.T., but that was the only thing I ever acted out on. You hate all the classics. E.T., Lion King. I've never seen it, don't want to, not interested. Boop. When I was a kid, apparently I was a monstrous child. My mother famously said, my mother famously said, if you were my firstborn child, your brother would never have been born.

42:19You were that bad of a child. Fuck.

42:21Katya Zamolodchikova:But then. Like how? Like noisy, I cried a lot. I used to snatch my mom's earrings out of her ears. And I don't mean like pull them with the back. I mean like through two flaps of skin dangling. You wouldn't have survived. I had an obsession with flushing things down the toilet. So you were the terrifier. I was a terrifier. I talked nonstop. Every one of my report cards said, Christopher is a great kid. He just will not stop talking. I had a nickname. The librarians called me the detective. They go, Oh, here comes the detective. ask a question watch out here come the detective y 'all but so you're like motor mouth baybell oh yeah but somewhere around seventh grade i became a i became a lovely child became exemplary around seventh grade and then my brother did a little flip-flop my brother was a quiet kid he did a flip-flop started running with the wrong crowd which my mother kept being like justin keep getting me something wrong cross that month he is the wrong crowd he is the leader of the crowd there's no way every crowd he's in is wrong justin is the wrong crowd we were all like me my brother, my sister and I were, were raised to, okay.

43:22Katya Zamolodchikova:So we were raised with some very, very core principles that we cleave to like, like nonstop politeness. We, um, I had friends who would tell their parents to shut the fuck up. That to me is unconscionable. That's what black kids, that's how black kids think white kids talk to their parents. Mary, it was, you would, you would gag because these two motherfuckers would talk to their parents. Like they, it was crazy. It's very Boston though. I don't know. This was evil. This was something more. This was, this wasn't like, Ma, what the fuck you talking about? This was like, you're a stupid fucking bitch.

43:58Katya Zamolodchikova:Like it was that crazy. But you all know what the rest of the country thinks about Boston though, right? You know how we feel about y 'all. Yeah. You're not better than me. Yeah. But, but so, but we were, I was like troubled in the sense that I was like smoking pot in seventh grade. I was doing drugs. I was like misbehaving, but not, but not like hurting anybody. Except when you were, when you were puncturing your friends. I would say hurting was just sensation. And they were consensually doing this, you all? Can you talk me through the process? Was it like slice, suck? So, well, there was a really - Oh, you scraped your knee.

44:31Can I hit that?

44:32Katya Zamolodchikova:No, I didn't love the taste of it. I was obsessed with vampires. And then, also, I wanted to be like an Anne Rice vampire, like hairless, bisexual. But I was in study hall once, and I had a straight razor. and actually I think you can still see I think you can still see where it is it was a huge gash you did it in class? I did it in class and it was very scary because it was is it this? oh no that's attention it must have been here you can see those you are so vascular Jesus Christ look at that phloblamis dream hello thank you I did like a super deep gash and it was like I could see the layers of tissue and that was kind of like because I loved biology and anatomy physiology I got A pluses and all those I love dissecting shit that was kind of the I didn't want to like hurt myself because I was troubled I just wanted to carve my shit up chop it up that's a little bit of a red flag it's a huge well yeah yeah it's a little dextery could you make it as a serial killer uh girl no I don't like hurting people not even to like help other people if they're already dead I'll fuck them no I don't like I hate pain I hate the thing that the biggest turn off for me is inflicting pain on someone else that is just so heartbreaking to me that's valid and fair like I don't so you can't spank I can spank I can spank but I mean girl my spank is so Mary Poppins like come on one time me and my partner were hooking up with someone else and this person liked to be spanked and I mean like brutalized like like like hurt me and hurt me bad I like spanking and grabbing because I wanted like It's an appreciation Yeah The ass And this person They were It's not a punishment They were They still are South Asian So they had very Like dark brown skin They were like You need to be able to see it So you have to work harder Because of how dark Their skin was Jesus Christ And I was like You know Giving it and giving it And they were like You do it too And he was not into it And I'll never forget Him just being like Girl That's like me When I tried to slap somebody Oh baby You wanna hear a crazy story?

46:44It was so pathetic One time during rehearsal Madonna slapped me As a bit Osha As a bit We were doing things It wasn't hard It was like this It was like She was like And we were doing the scene We were arguing in the scene And she was like Like that On the face Yeah And I was like And then she goes I'm sorry You can slap me back That's a set up And I said That's a set up I said okay And she goes And she goes No slap me I want you to slap me Slap me I slapped you And that was wrong So you slap me And everyone's watching And I was like okay And then I went She's like no slap me Slap me I don't like this at all I want you to slap me And then I did it one more time But a little bit harder

47:29Katya Zamolodchikova:Do it on my face I did like this And she was like no slap me Are you kidding me more than that And I was like I don't want to slap you And she was like whatever let's just keep moving like she wanted me to slap the shit out of her can I tell you what I was like so we were doing a choking thing which I'm so bad at can I do it so imagine like you're you're on top of me we're having sex and I was like am I writing you yes okay and then it was like it was so pathetic I like I kind of chickened out and I was like

48:05Katya Zamolodchikova:he was like no I'd be like seriously it almost came to that I was like, we're just going to move on. We're just going to move on. There was one time when a guy was riding me and I was like, choke me. I like if you're riding, just reach down and do a little chokey-chokey. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Get a grip. And he would pull some of your shit. He was like, I was like, choke me. I would rather put the fingers in the mouth or something like that. I could choke, but I don't know. But this, I can't do this. Oh, yeah. What the fuck is that? What are we doing? What are we doing? They want to feel exposed. Yeah, they want to feel exposed.

48:40Katya Zamolodchikova:What the fuck is that all about? They want to feel exposed. that they want you to see. Well, why don't you just put in one of those dental things so you can see all the teeth? I've been with one of those. All right. Yeah, I've been with one of those. You like giving head? Yeah. You don't? I don't. Not really. You like getting head? You want to eat the ass and then fuck. That's kind of all I want to do. And then top. I want to eat the ass so I suck the balls maybe. I want to, I love kissing. I'll suck a dick for sure, but like I'm not, I don't think I'm all that great at it and I don't like I can't like I love to suck dick I love to eat pussy I love to be down there giving someone head and just like making them happy with my mouth it really brings me a lot of joy it really does I can't believe I have not fucked a pussy I just wish I had a pussy oh my god if I had a pussy y 'all would not stand a chance if I had a pussy none of you would be here you would have all quit you would have all retired Everyone always says that if I had a pussy But like there are people with pussies who And we all are still around You know that gif of the girl With her legs out the window at the moving car Squirting Baby it would be water rolling Kevin Costner I was like if I had a pussy If I had a pussy honey but like You better thank your lucky stars Every day when you get on your knees you better say thank god That she don't have a pussy because it would be a wrap Simone Biles wouldn't be able to do gymnastics Girl nobody would be at the Olympics not with this fucking puss.

50:14Air traffic control has been shut down. Why? Because Katia has a pussy. Chicago O 'Hare, gone.

50:21Katya Zamolodchikova:JFK, no longer a service. Fashion week's over. LaGuardia never existed. What gives you full body chills these days? Full body chills. Not sexual, just intellectually. I caught on to what full body chills. I don't watch a ton of Bald and Beautiful, but I'm willing to catch on to the Trixie Cotty-isms. It's not a thing. This is not our thing. It's Jamie Lee. But y 'all have adopted it. It's kind of like you all adopt things. It's a very new thing, though. They become Trixie Cotty-isms. Yeah. For me, a full-body show these days, baby. Baby. Slap me. I went to the motherfucking The Hollywood Bowl And I saw Cynthia Eribo Oh I read the review I heard she fucking shut that shit down And Adam Lambert screaming at each other For hours Yes Let me tell you all right now First of all Cynthia was amazing When I tell you Cynthia was amazing It was amazing No one's talking about Raul Esparza The review did very much so When I tell you he was the best part of that show.

51:35Cynthia, retire. She was great. She was great. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No one is talking about Raul Esparza.

51:42Katya Zamolodchikova:No, they did in the review. Good. They really gave him his flowers. He was brilliant. I was like. Does he punch his pilot? Full body. Yes, punch him. Full body. Literal full body chills. You're like, uh. Vineurism. I got full body chills from Cynthia. I was expecting that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was expecting that. I used to listen to Raul Sparks on the Tick, Tick, Boom album way back in the day, the off-Broadway Tick, Tick, Boom. I was like, yeah, we love Raul Sparks. Was he in The Lion King? Yes, yes. He was Saravi. He played Beyonce's role in the original. But yeah, he was just so - He killed it.

52:12And it was his acting combined with his singing.

52:18Katya Zamolodchikova:Oh, see, that's the - Yeah. Incredible. Beautiful. Beautiful. Raul? Raul, you better do that thing. You better thank your lucky stars I don't have a pussy. Because you would not have the range, honey. You would not have the range. So I got to the Hollywood Bowl, and I sit next to this lady who— Wait, so first of all, hold on. Let me let me rub you. Are you in those tiny little fucking folding chairs in those cement blocks? I'm in the folding chairs. Where there is about a half inch between each person? Yes. Claustrophobia. Surrounded by snacks. My snacks. and then the guy behind me has the moves.

52:54I have to pick up my entire kitchen with me. Smush my chair up. It's the stress factor. It's the stress factor. How should I feel about this? Because the part of me that loves to say no to people was like the guy I show up, he's sitting in my seat.

53:09Katya Zamolodchikova:Oh, baby. So there's six of them. There's six in this little box. He's in the back left corner where the ticket I purchased, his seat was front and center. It is a better seat. but the part of me was like but who gives you the authority to take my seat because you want to sit next to your friends part of me was like you need to move but also i had a better seat so i let it go surrounded by my snacks this lady next to me she is this sweet lady and i was like she was like oh she spoke struck sparked up a conversation so i was like hey say do you love um i see i'm a big fan of jesus christmas i know every word to the show i love it i've loved the show since i was in high school i'm obsessed with this show and she was like i am a big fan of ronald esparza i said oh great that's really cool and then out of nowhere she just goes um she just told me this she was like my husband's gay but she like had tears in her eyes and i was like and i was like oh my and then she's like i've never told anyone that i have never i told her about we're here and then she was like i've never told anyone what i just told you before i don't know what it is i just trust you to tell you this and then her and i had this like really moving conversation about how she had a hearing aid in.

54:16I just recently, I'm finally in a point in my life where I can afford to go travel and see things, and I have a few years until I can't hear anything anymore. So I'm going to see every play, concert, every show. I'm going to hear everything. I'm so glad Cocktail doesn't have a pussy. I was just about to say, girl, it would be like... No. Helen Keller. And then, so we had this crazy conversation about her and her and I were like, having this great... And then, a seat over, I know you're not of Broadway girls, this name might mean nothing to you. I know a little bit. Marissa Jarrett Winokur was sitting in the booth next to us.

54:48She is the original Tracy Turnbull from Hairspray. Oh, oh, oh, woke up today. Not Nikki Blonsky. No, no, no. The original. Hi, this is Nikki Blonsky from Hairspray. Well, the original is Ricky Lake. The original Broadway. Yes. Nikki Blonsky's sitting in the fucking booth next to me. Wait, wait, wait. Bofa? No, just, no, not, no, I said Nikki Blonsky, sorry. Oh, oh. Marissa Jarrett Winokur. Marissa Jarrett Winokur sitting in the booth next to me. Behind Ricky Lake and Nikki Blackfeet. Yes, and John Travolta was there. I wigged. Divine was there. No, go ahead. Marissa probably does not want me to tell the story.

55:25Katya Zamolodchikova:Then don't tell it. Don't air her laundry out. What she said, I wish Katja didn't have a pussy. What happened? Well, me and Marissa J. Winokka, I was like... We can believe it if you really don't. I was like, do you know the drag queen Paige Turner? And she goes I know of Paige Turner I'm a big fan of Paige Turner And she described her perfectly I used to go to her shows all the time I was like yeah yeah I was like she used to be a roommate And she was like what? And she's like Paige Turner used to be my roommate I said Paige Turner used to be a roommate She goes wait I don't remember Paige Turner She's like what was her Her real name And I looked it up and I was like oh her name is Dan And she was like So Marissa J.

56:07Winokur had this roommate named Dan who they stopped being roommates and then like the next year he started doing drag. She became obsessed with his drag queen, went to all of his shows and literally had no clue that it was her roommate. Get the fuck out. And followed him for years. Come on. And had no clue that they were the same. She was like, I guess Dan just floated off the face of the earth. A tootsie? A real life tootsie Mrs. Doubtfire? Had no clue.

56:33Katya Zamolodchikova:That is crazy. Does she have cataracts? No. She, by the way, looks great Marissa Jera Winokur looks fantastic Poor Winokur for Marissa Yeah for sure But that is so funny That is crazy Imagine if someone was like Imagine if an old friend of yours Have you heard of this drag queen named Katya? I'm obsessed with her That would be strange You do so much out of drag But I could I would never There's so many drag queens I don't recognize out of drag that I've seen on the show. Oh, my favorite moment is when we were in my studio. I was like, hi, how are you? Who are you? The winner of Drag Race? I was like, no, this is what happened.

57:15I said, this is On Your Nerve. He said, oh, hi. And I said, On Your Nerve, just won Drag Race. Like a week before, the contest said, you won Drag Race?

57:25Katya Zamolodchikova:Literally, I was like, I just talked to Trixie about this because she had a similar situation with the queen. She just met, asked her who she was. Girl. It was the you won Drag Race? No, not late. No, I said, you what? It wasn't like, not you ugly bitch. It was like, wow. That's a great fact. Yesterday I had Irene in my studio. And Irene's wearing a dress that Violet used to own. And I text Violet. Should I tell you the story? I text Violet the picture of the dress and she goes, how did whoever that is fit into my dress? How did whoever that is? Mary, listen, Violet, you ain't no petite size zero.

58:06Katya Zamolodchikova:You got them big ass football shoulders. Have y 'all squashed the beef yet? What beef? You didn't hear the beef? They were like, I ain't no beef. She was like, oh, they asked me to have their assistant reached out. Girl, that ain't no beef. That's her personality.

58:23Katya Zamolodchikova:There is a, yeah, yeah. Like, I mean, please. If she ever returned one of my phone calls. Did she ever send the voice note? Huh? Did she ever send the voice note? She sure did. Oh, yeah. Salty as fuck. God. Brined. That was her constant state. That was a brined salty. I've known her for a year. I knew her before we were both on Drag Race. Really? Because we're both from Atlanta. Oh, right. Yeah. Okay. Years ago, Violet Chosky, me and her at fucking the other show. We were doing, Trix and I have been rewatching season seven. And it is truly breathtaking how talented she is. She was at 21. I mean, it was really something.

58:56Katya Zamolodchikova:She really fucking, that bitch had a fucking eye. you know because I always think about this like you know in terms of design challenges and stuff I need a lot of looking at stuff I if I'm if I fly those shoes in so we can talk about them sure but but that's just that's girl that's just gluing shit on a shoe I know I'm talking about but there's still a craft to it construction like I want to I'm going to look at Gautier's runway from like whatever whatever I want references you know what I mean I am obsessed with this shoe well you know what I love that they're a slingback and that this almost at the The bottom is...

59:28Katya Zamolodchikova:Because when you're getting fucked, you got them legs up in the air like a pretzel. Do you get fucked in heels? No, but I want to. You deserve it. I have my pussy so tight. It can't get... It can't get a dick in there. I believe that, actually. No, no. It's true. I can't get fucked, girl. It's like... Well, not with that attitude. Well, I mean, I try. It's a long story. We'll talk about it later. Okay. We'll talk about it later. Are y 'all having a conversation about what Jaden D.R. Fierce is doing these days? She's doing some of the funniest fucking shit. No. She's doing... I'm too obsessed with RuPaul's Instagram.

59:55Katya Zamolodchikova:I'm sorry She's the thing where she comes out like Mr. Krabs And does a whole Mr. Krabs mix Who the fuck is Mr. Krabs? From Spongebob I haven't seen that Have you ever seen a cartoon in your life? Ren and Stimpy That's what I grew up on That scans for you Ren and Stimpy In Rocco's Modern Life No Really? Rocco's Modern Life was a banger He's the Australian Beagle You can't do that on television That's not a cartoon But it was a kid show Did you ever see I watched Thundercats every day Love Thundercats Love Thundercats Before like whatever school And then Well Gemma and Holograms I didn't watch that one White gay They had a black girl I think I wouldn't know Ren and Stimpy was fucked up Did you like Camp on Awana?

1:00:37I don't know I think you would like Camp on Awana

1:00:40Katya Zamolodchikova:Is it like Nickelodeon? It was Nickelodeon yeah Ren and Stimpy was Nickelodeon Yeah but that was very like Very off the beaten path It was like Camp on Awana Ren and Stimpy was disgusting Ren and Stimpy was vile But they had the best It was like a little more tame down. What about this? What about their product, Log? The best advertisement ever. Log rolls downstairs alone and impairs, rolls over your neighbor's dog. It's fit for a snack. No, it's great for a snack. It fits on your back. It's Log, Log, Log. It's Log. It's Log. It's big. It's heavy. It's wood. It's Log. It's Log. It's better than bad.

1:01:14Katya Zamolodchikova:It's good. That's from Ren and Stimpy? Isn't that so great? That's from Ren and Stimpy? Yeah, they had a product called Log. It was just a log. Can we, okay, since we're talking about jingles, I want to have a conversation about the Toys R Us song. I don't want to grow up. I'm a Toys R Us kid. They got a million Toys R Us that I can play with. From bikes to planes to video games. It's the biggest toy store there is. Gee whiz. I don't want to grow up. Because, baby, if I did, I wouldn't be a Toys R Us kid. Bum, bum. This was a banger of a song. I don't want a pussy. That's for Katia. Because, no.

1:01:47Katya Zamolodchikova:Yeah, no. Ours on the East Coast was Water Country. When the sun is blazing and the summer gets hot Water country's a very cool spot There's no better place to feel beyond Water country, have some fun Bring back the jingle Where are they? The TV shows had Back jingle We were watching it for the What ever happened to Predictability The milkman, the paperboy And evening TV Fresh Prince Oh, and in West Philadelphia, born and raised on the playgrounds where I spend most of my days. Chillin' down, maxin' relaxin' all cool, not slappin' Chris Rock. I was out of school, and a couple of guys, they were up to no good.

1:02:29Started making trouble in my neighborhood. I got a lot of little flabbering in my best case, and you move on with the odds and you're not gonna be there. I whispered in the cabin, when it came near, the lights and praise the fresh air and the dice in the mirror. If anything else came, this cabin's where I thought it was to get it all the better. Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. I pulled up to the house about seven or eight in a year to the cabin. See you later. I was finally there. The king of ballet. The prince of ballet. Good.

1:02:53Katya Zamolodchikova:But what about the bait and switch with Aunt Viv? I did not appreciate that. That was gaslighting. That was television gaslighting. And no offense to the second Viv. I just loved the place. Oh, originally Aunt Viv. Did you see the reunion where OG and Viv confronted Will Smith? About? About how they treated her Baby she's hot She's hot like fish grease She was like y 'all did me dirty And we need to talk about it What happened? Y 'all replaced me with this light skinned woman Why did they replace her? Apparently she was difficult So according to her Will Smith got her fired According to her Will Smith said he didn't like working with her She stood up for herself too much She had too many opinions She was an established actor Will Smith was this brand new guy, this new hot young guy on the scene.

1:03:45And he was calling all the shots because it was his show. He was just a rapper at that point, right? Yeah, he was doing rap, yeah. And then he became, I mean, he was so bad on that show. There were moments where he would like, if you go back and look, you can see clips of him mouthing people's words as they speak. Oh my gosh. Like they're talking, they're just like. Oh, fuck.

1:04:04Katya Zamolodchikova:Probably cue cards too. Probably cue cards. Fuck. Like he's mouthing their words while they're acting. Damn. It was insane. It was insane. And they did her real dirty. And I do want to do a quick shout out to the Family Matters theme song, too. So good. Okay. Refresh me. It's a rare condition. No. In that age, did you read any good news on the newspaper page? Love and condition are the grand design. Some people say it's even harder to find. When Katja got that pussy, nobody stood a chance. Everybody killed themselves. They jumped off a bridge. Someone should animate your pussy video, but then it'll be AI.

1:04:44Someone will make an AI video of your pussy bouncing around. Can you describe your pussy to me in the dream scenario?

1:04:49Katya Zamolodchikova:My pussy is hot, tight, wet, and grips like pliers on the dick. Do you have big lips or do you have the squiggles? Whatever you want. They change all the time. Oh, my God. Metamorphosis pussy. Yeah, it's like Mr. Potato Head. Got it. Mrs. Potato Head. Mrs. Potato Crotch. Yeah. Mrs. Potato Pussy. Mrs. Potato Puss. There it is. It grips, it's like that lady song. Tight pussy, right pussy, fuck me all night pussy. Make you leave your wife pussy because it's what you like pussy. Fuck you so good, I'm moving in next week pussy. When she says lady, her name is Lady. Lady. Yeah, the rapper's name. The worst name you could ever choose as a rapper.

1:05:29Pre-Google.

1:05:30Katya Zamolodchikova:Yeah, exactly. But it's like Kaya. It's like grill. Wait, no. It's pussy like Pliers on the dick It gripped the dick like pliers That doesn't sound good I know it sounds painful That's what you have right now You have the pliers If I did a clench and a twist You're going to snap it right off And then you'll get that little blood On that note Thank you Bob We're out of time I always have the funnest time with you I do too Thank you so much. You fucking rock. And congratulations. If you're a fucking illiterate bitch who hasn't picked up this book, you better do it now. There's an audio book. No, you got to get the physical.

1:06:15Katya Zamolodchikova:You got to get the physical. You got to get the physical and then graduate to the audio for a dessert. There you go. And if you don't do it, I will kill myself. There it is. Okay. Noted. Thank you so much. Slap me. Off camera. Okay.

1:06:36Bye.