Bobby and the Ice Queens with Trixie and Katya

11:01Trixie Mattel:She's always wet. Wet, small, and lying. It's like Fina. I can't even have a conversation with Fina anymore. Fina just walks in and flexes her arms and leaves. She doesn't even talk to me. That's what she did the other day. She doesn't even talk to me. No. She's like, get out of here. Just feel my bicep and punch it. She looks great. She looks great. Fina is, I don't want to shout her out. I don't want to tell her story. Well, then why are you doing it? Her commitment to personal betterment.

11:23Katya Zamolodchikova:Transformation.

11:24Trixie Mattel:She do therapy. She go to the gym every day. She has a tight bedtime. She gets up early.

11:30Katya Zamolodchikova:She does that thing where she wraps her body in cellophane, like in fried green tomatoes, to please her husband. Yeah, she's awesome. Fina's awesome. She's great. I believe she is what you call the definition for me of a ride or die.

11:42Trixie Mattel:I tell everybody, you're my ride and die. I'm your bride or dyke. Bride or die. If I don't get married to you, I'm going to turn into a lesbian. Somebody recently told me, they said, how come you guys don't say dyke anymore? I said, we can't. So to those of you who liked it when we said that, we can't anymore. But if we say lesbian, just in your mind, drop it in. Listen, I'm not a woman of sapphic experience.

12:07Katya Zamolodchikova:Not a monolith. Not everyone feels the same way about that word. Well, exactly. Same thing with a lot of different words, like beautiful, gorgeous, lovely. But we've got a person who I believe identifies as a... dyke dyke it's not that it's not like i have black friends you know whatever i am because you don't no i don't but i have enemies um thank you the n-a-c-p always out to get me no no no no no no no bob and i have sex every week um but like you put the a-a-n-a-a-c-p

12:40Katya Zamolodchikova:N-A-A too. N-A-A. That's fierce. Okay.

12:46Trixie Mattel:No, what was the point of that story? Oh, we were talking about Fina. People aren't a monolith. Some people have approached me. Right, right, right. It was at the airport and somebody said, how come you guys never shout out the dikes anymore? Say dikes only. And I said, well, we got really... We got a lot of fun. I was made aware that not everybody feels the same way about that word. So I haven't said that in a long time.

13:07Katya Zamolodchikova:Well, I was shocked. So I know, have we talked about our, did we touch on the Jillian Michaels thing?

13:15Trixie Mattel:We touched on it last episode a little bit.

13:17Katya Zamolodchikova:Can I just touch on this very quickly? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so I was shocked as a viewer when she was, so the change or the evolution of like what is considered to be an offensive or a slur, that's always changing, right? And it depends on which group you're talking to. For sure. Certain things other people were completely uncomfortable with the O word, which was obese. Right. Or overweight because they were like, well, what weight? And Jillian Michaels was shocked and appalled to hear that they preferred fat or fat bodied. Yeah. Which that was news to me, too, because I'm not sure. That's not everyone.

13:50Katya Zamolodchikova:Of course. Of course. Because I've had, again, it's going to sound like I have black friends, but like I have had many fat friends who called themselves, if they were to describe their body shape, they'd be like, I'm fat. Right. Like, excuse me, I'm fat.

14:03Trixie Mattel:Yes. I have a, I'm thinking of the same friend. I mean, I had someone who told me like, yeah, just cause she's like, I prefer fat.

14:10Katya Zamolodchikova:Yeah. It's like, I don't want to, I've had a, let's see, like one, two, three, five, um, very, very close friends from high school up into college who are so funny. I mean, these are like cherished best friends, kind of like see them every day, talk them every day. And they, um, smart people who are like, they don't want a euphemism. They don't, they want, they don't want it. They don't want it. tiptoed around. It's like, I'm fat, so you can call me whatever. And I know, no, but not everybody feels that way. And of course, they're not going to.

14:34Trixie Mattel:When I was doing Trixie Motel, because I was an executive producer, I had to take from the network extra training modules, because technically you're in charge on set. Crazy that I was in charge of anything. But we had to take extra training models. One of the things I learned, and this is going to blow your mind, let's say I'm gay. I am gay. And let's say we're on set together. And I say, oh, I love this fag. If a, let's say a heterosexual man is working behind the camera, he could file harassment because we even though we are gay we can't speak for how everyone in the room feels about that word in a professional setting i had never thought about that i haven't either and i continue to won't i've never thought about that um i had a similar experience when i was on a pride shoot once that's great that's interesting and the um the sound guy was trans and i mean i didn't know sound guy was trans and i'm just so used to in drag calling everyone girl and he was like hey I don't prefer girl and I was like oh I'm sorry I'm so used to it and then later in the day I accidentally said girl again and I apologized I just was so used to it I mean I call my straight band members girl so I just you know I consider myself end stage woke and it's very possible to call someone the wrong thing

15:44Katya Zamolodchikova:you are nothing of the sort you are so insane I actually am I just would Gatorade every day I'm not woke because I never go to sleep I think you should go on the road with that Tracy what do you feel most comfortable with? Fat dyke

16:03Katya Zamolodchikova:Overweight lesbian is a slur That's for her would be obese lesbian How very dare you Can I just share when we were on the road in Kansas City Me and Miss Thing over here were getting coffee And there was a break in the conversation Everyone's looking at their phones And then she turns to me and goes Oh do you know Oh no you're a dyke never mind And then walks away I just assumed I didn't know what was the thing that a lesbian wouldn't know I don't know Hassan Piker Hassan Piker yeah who's that thank you it's cause you're dyke it's cause you're dyke probably a lot closer right he's a very I think so he's a very well he's a twitch streamer very active on twitch he's a oh okay Mary I don't want to thirst over him be the 4 ,000th obnoxious person thirst over him online but yeah

16:46Trixie Mattel:I think thirst is different than listen it's a blessing to have five senses including sight it's a blessing to be able to notice something beautiful and say, that's just beautiful.

16:54Katya Zamolodchikova:Yeah. I just don't want to add to the annoying din of people online like thirsting over him. I don't know. I just want to be unique. I understand. Yeah. But I would suck the shit out of his asshole. Boom. Let's take a break.

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20:00Trixie Mattel:Save 25 % off your first month at ritual.com slash bald. That's ritual.com slash bald for 25 % off your first month. we've never talked about not saying dyke and i think i liked how we just talked about it which is like yeah if anybody's ever wondered because people have asked yeah i mean i you know it's

20:16Katya Zamolodchikova:it's it's interesting when you say like that i i now i like i'm like thinking back to like my on uh or in between whatever i yeah i've said so many inappropriate things that i shouldn't have said and i haven't been taken to jail or but i also know that i'm not sensitive enough because somebody who's you are not because they're completely insensitive somebody who's even

20:32Trixie Mattel:vaguely queer they come up to me and say i love you fag i'm like i'm fine with that it's all you

20:37Katya Zamolodchikova:I know. I mean, I'll never forget Andrew and I walking around 8 ,000 Sunset and this guy in a pickup truck screaming faggots outside to us. And we just were like, huh? We're like, and what kind? Like fierce? Or like, you know, it's like, you think you're slurring us?

20:52Trixie Mattel:AOC was like, I just love you faggots. I would be like, I know you do, bitch. If Bernie did that, I'd be like, Bernie, Bernie, Bernie and the men being like, faggots. Faggots, you're great, faggots. Love that.

21:05Katya Zamolodchikova:Or even RFK. I love you, faggots.

21:09Trixie Mattel:I used to do a lot of mess with the faggots.

21:15Trixie Mattel:I was a bit of an ice queen. I was a bit of an ice queen. myself.

21:20Trixie Mattel:RF Canna Pride saying I was a bit of an ice queen for a while.

21:24Katya Zamolodchikova:Ice queen on Vaseline Alley.

21:26Trixie Mattel:God damn it. Pam Bondi. Oh my god. Oh my god. So, you know, we're filming on a Friday and normally it's a hustle and bustle in here. There's no one in here. It's kind of nice. Okay, something crazy happened last night. I got home and I was feeling really good. Normally if I get home from filming and it's about sunset, I'll want to go for a walk just to end the day with a nice walk. Oh. Because I'm in this weird place with my arthritis. I thought I had sunset boulevard.

21:52Katya Zamolodchikova:I was like, what the fuck you should talk about?

21:53Trixie Mattel:No. I'm in this weird place with my arthritis where a little bit of activity helps, too much inflames it. A little bit of movement often is really good. I've been a lot more into low impact, which sucks because I've basically had to give up on running. But guess what? Now you can enjoy a stroll. Now I'm into stretching, restorative stretching, and strolling. Stretching, strolling, and streaming. Yes. And I love my little bands, my rubber bands, all that. I can't afford those. I just have a scrunchie. Do you do the, um, do you do the rubber band, um, guns and shoot my people? Oh yeah, for sure.

22:24Trixie Mattel:I take it out. Um, basically I was like, let's go for a walk, which for me means, Oh God, I guess let's walk towards these Hollywood and stuff at high tops. And just have 14 margaritas. Not even my arthritis. I'm so sick lately of my arthritis medicine. I had two, I had two tequila sodas and some nachos went home, threw up, love it. I'm trying to pivot to just drinking smoothies of calories because I'm like if I'm not hungry I gotta eat it's not good to not eat no no no no and if you can't rely on your body to tell you when you're hungry you gotta like you gotta basically like your medicine you gotta be like we gotta eat it's soiling it's horrible oh I should get into that a little bit

22:58Katya Zamolodchikova:no I'm telling you after it's a godsend only like after a show like you know this 3 o 'clock in the morning or whatever like after those club gigs there's nothing open you're fucking starving and you don't want to eat trash well you can't there's nothing open you know what I mean or like you've gotten food and it's ice cold and you're like I don't want to eat, you know, two Soylent's 800 calories, go right to bed. Great for the body. Great for the body.

23:21Trixie Mattel:Great for Soylent Green.

23:23Katya Zamolodchikova:Hot, creamy meal straight to bed.

23:27Trixie Mattel:So I go to, I stop in a high tops and I go, oh, I hope it's not busy because I love the gay bars, but I hate when there's people in there. You should try going to like

23:38Trixie Mattel:to Africa? It sounded like you were going to say go to

23:40Katya Zamolodchikova:africa i was gonna say afro caribbean nights at like um like a um you know a honky tonk bar or

23:46Trixie Mattel:something would love that some vinyl bar something no one likes oh which a place that plays vinyl something no one likes there you go um i oh i you should go to griffith bar oh so i walk in and i was like god there's so many people what the fuck is going on here right even the security guard which never happens to me on high tops looks at me and goes you're good didn't look at my id which is like, fuck you, oldie. I was like, okay, got it. Because normally at every bar, they just card you.

24:11Katya Zamolodchikova:Oh, I see what you mean. You look so old. There's no possible way you could be anything under than 50. We can get you a booth, Grandpa.

24:17Trixie Mattel:Yeah, yeah, yeah. Plus your arthritis. What the fuck is going on in here?

24:21Katya Zamolodchikova:And what is it? What's going on in there?

24:23Trixie Mattel:Something called March Madness. Mary, you don't know what fucking March Madness is? I've heard of it. But I just want to say people watching college basketball with any people experiencing madness surrounding college basketball. I think of it like the people with the Reborn dolls. I'm like, it doesn't hurt anybody, but it's weird.

24:44Katya Zamolodchikova:No, no, no. I'm going to disagree with you. I'm going to disagree with you. I know High Tops is a sports bar.

24:51Trixie Mattel:Yeah. But it's still a gay bar. Get the fag off the TV. I'm not. You know what I mean? Get the sports off the TV. Get the sports off the TV. I'm not watching that. Can we put on some Martina Travonado Chilova? Can we put on some Venus and Serena? Like there's sports that's. Can we put on some Johnny Weir?

25:05Katya Zamolodchikova:That's not sports. That's Johnny Weir. No, I mean, you got to realize that sports are, we're the outliers here. Do you know what I mean? Like most people love sports and many, many gay folks love sports. Lesbians, dykes, they tend to love sports. Hello. There was a lesbian turnout.

25:19Trixie Mattel:This girl came in. Well, I don't know their gender expression. This, this, this person came in. Yeah. Very flagging. Okay.

25:28Katya Zamolodchikova:Flagging.

25:30Trixie Mattel:Flagging sapphic.

25:31Katya Zamolodchikova:Okay. Gotcha.

25:31Trixie Mattel:Flagging sapphic. Really flagging strap on like that level. Okay.

25:34Katya Zamolodchikova:She had a huge packer in. Yeah. Yeah. Huge Packer with a strap on over it.

25:39Trixie Mattel:March Madness is playing. They walk in with a huge fucking pitbull on a leash with a Hannibal Lecter mask on the pitbull. Oh, thank God. In the bar. At the gay bar. And the fags gather around, lay on the ground in the gay bar and start petting the dog. I was like, this is the gayness I came for, not the sports. Right, right, right, right, right. Get it off the TV now. I came for the giant dogs and the gay people laying on the ground rubbing the belly. That's why I'm here. You're Miss Cat Cafe. That's what you are. Yes. And I don't see many pit bulls. I don't know many people with big dogs. And it was giant and massive and very cute.

26:16Trixie Mattel:Scary. Scary. Terrifying. The terrifier. I try not to be. I don't know. I try to be open minded to the idea that the stigma around pit bulls could be unfair. Based on truth. Oh, oh. So I try to be open to like. Well, yeah. I mean, you never know. I try not to be like, oh, Pitbull, aren't those dangerous? Based on what? Colloquialism? I don't know. I haven't done the research.

26:39Katya Zamolodchikova:Okay. I've had the experience.

26:40Trixie Mattel:I'm not walking to the bar being like, that's a crazy dog. No, but I mean, I've just had the experience.

26:44Katya Zamolodchikova:Well, yeah. Sometimes they get the cuter.

26:45Trixie Mattel:The Hannibal Lecter mask on the dog kind of made it scary.

26:47Katya Zamolodchikova:Yes. Because it, well, right.

26:51Trixie Mattel:Because it's like.

26:52Katya Zamolodchikova:Because I don't think it was for fashion. No, I think it was to prevent it from ripping your face off. One of these Twink's legs. Mama, their face. Latched on. Snatched like the chimp. Gone. Face. brother was it mom dad brother sitter gone

27:04Trixie Mattel:but what I like about going to bars gay bars where there might be more women you get the animals which are kind of the star of the show so you want animals in the bar in California these bars that are indoor outdoor what's the difference oh I suppose I don't mind the animals in the bar what about pet dander I wonder if the animals like it

27:24Katya Zamolodchikova:it's loud it's crazy I don't know I mean I think it's animal dependent I've known most dogs to be quite antisocial, but other dogs are very social. But listen to me right in my mouth.

27:35Trixie Mattel:You're going to bring a parrot to a club any minute now. My Hans McCaw has hatched. It's going to be picked up in Florida. My bird was hatched is being carried from Florida in an RV to California where I will be able to visit it for weeks and hand feed it. Do you have to breastfeed it or whatever? Do you have to do breast pumps? No, I have my breastplate. Your wind chime and your breastplate.

27:57Katya Zamolodchikova:I think you should do that as a YouTube series.

27:59Trixie Mattel:love me back to life I know you never watched Real Houses of Beverly Hills but there was an episode where somebody breastfed a parrot no that was the witch it wasn't a parrot either it was a goat it was a crow there's a crow that lands in my fountain in my front yard huge and black it's the size of a fucking collie they're crazy it lands in my fountain it drops peanuts in it gets peanuts from god knows where drops them in the fountain lets them soak and comes back later and eats them wet and it stares at me the whole time and I've read that crows are very smart so I've been leaving seeds on the step being like love you love you that's smart because they hold a grudge for life but sometimes it shows up with the bones and feathers of another bird and it like eats a hummingbird in my bird and I kind of am like damn girl you're going to sit here where all these other birds because we have a lot of trees in my yard.

29:00Trixie Mattel:All these other birds are watching while you eat a smaller bird and just stare at them like what do you think that crow is doing?

29:07Katya Zamolodchikova:She's showing everybody who the boss is and she's showing you that she knows you, she recognizes you and that you across her, it's a wrap.

29:14Trixie Mattel:Well I was reading this because I've been doing what I feel like is a collegiate course I already know too much about parrots but I've been doing a lot of research on macaw species specifically so I can learn so much and it's, listen, I don't want to be corny. Knowledge is not corny. Learning about animals, gross economy,

29:33Katya Zamolodchikova:hurts nobody.

29:34Trixie Mattel:You know what I mean? It's lovely.

29:36Katya Zamolodchikova:Animals are amazing. Don't you ever, don't you ever presume that any kind of knowledge is corny ever again, you bitch. Right. You bitch. I'm sorry. I apologize. Thank you.

29:45Trixie Mattel:But, I forgot what I was going to say.

29:47Katya Zamolodchikova:Macaws, parrots, the crow. Crow. Facial recognition, okay? It's like when you steal five dollars a day from Target, It accrues because they get your face. Once it goes into like over a certain amount, grand larceny, they nab you. That's the crow.

30:02Trixie Mattel:Oh, I follow so many subreddits about birds. Oh. Conyers, all kinds. Yeah, yeah. So one thread I read was, what's the strangest behavior that your bird exhibits? And of course, birds are so smart. Many of the species are estimated to be like three or four year olds. I read this book called Alex and Me by Irene Peppercorn, who is the woman who found out She's the one who proved that not only can birds, up till her, she's a scientist, people believe birds can only mimic. She is the person who proved that they don't copy us. They also, some species, learn the meaning and the syntax. These birds learn thousands of words and apply them in strings like sentences.

30:42Trixie Mattel:Amazing. That's so terrifying. Amazing.

30:43Katya Zamolodchikova:It's crazy.

30:44Trixie Mattel:Right? I mean, the dogs do it too. I love you.

30:46Katya Zamolodchikova:Oh, yeah. Blah, blah, blah. Whatever. Dogs. Yeah. So I downloaded a bird app the other day. Okay. Because, you know. Twitter? Shut up. It's X now. Oh, right, right, right. I downloaded X tube. I started jerking off. No, the I because. OK, so you've never been in my condo. You never will because it's horrible. I hate it. It sucks. I can't wait to get out of there. Um, and when you, the, the, I know I've talked about this ad nauseum, but when my brother and his wife and my lovely nephew stayed, they were able to, to witness firsthand soberly in, um, sound mindedly the, the noise problem that you open any window and it's like Armageddon.

31:28Katya Zamolodchikova:It's like T3 Terminator three. It's like, it's like the end of the world. It's crazy. So we have a mockingbird or what I thought to be a mockingbird. I was like, what is going on with this fucking bird out there? I download the bird app, which is something called, you probably have it, I'm sure. It's called Merlin Bird ID. So you, it's like Shazam for birds. It's cunty. I just came. Yeah, I know. Change your panties because I'm about to blow your mind again. Cornell Lab, I think it's, so.

31:58Trixie Mattel:You submit a photo and it identifies it or no?

32:00Katya Zamolodchikova:No, you record it. You record the song and it gives you a, so let's see, what did I not know? I wonder if I can have a history. It was...

32:10Trixie Mattel:Los Angeles has a lot of cool birds. We have wild parrot species that are invasive.

32:14Katya Zamolodchikova:I don't doubt it. I don't doubt it. I don't know... East Hollywood has those green parrots. Silver Lake. Let's go. So anyways, I don't know what the... Hold on, hold on. I don't think it has... I'm sure it has a history. Whatever. But it was a mockingbird. It was a specific type of mockingbird. And it was... They could imitate car alarms, house alarms, like other birds obviously it was like crazy because i was like what the fuck is this noise i was like is it a bird or some kind of weird app or something like uh it wasn't like tweet tweet it

32:46Trixie Mattel:was like fag yeah yeah it was like the fgs are hurting right right terror remember remember

32:52Katya Zamolodchikova:your old one hoot oh the cartoon of an owl i was like that that is a man up there that's a man that he hoot

33:01Trixie Mattel:too good hoot hoot so I was reading the weirdest thing people's birds have done some of them were weird but kind of funny like oh my bird likes to break its pellets in half put one in the water eat the crunchy one and come back later for the wet one a lot of birds like to use the water to change the texture of the food very interesting don't we all yeah right you like to shave straight guys asses before you lick them thank you and then get robbed right so one of the craziest ones is they said I don't know where my bird got this because none of us watch wrestling. I said, I'm reading. I'm continuing.

33:36Katya Zamolodchikova:Let's get ready to rumble. No, they said our bird is obsessed.

33:39Trixie Mattel:They said our bird is obsessed. Wait, let me just read it.

33:42Katya Zamolodchikova:Read it, read it, read it. It's hunting.

33:44Trixie Mattel:I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. But they recited the full Gettysburg Address. No. Okay, this is great. What's the weirdest, most baffling thing your bird has done? This one says, somehow my green cheek Conyer is obsessed with Macho Man Randy Savage. That's incredible. I don't know how it happened. We're not a 90s wrestling household by any means. But at this point, we can ask her if she wants Macho Man Randy Savage. And yes, you have to say the whole thing. And she loses her mind until we play clips on YouTube. That is so fucked up. That is so fierce. That's so specific. I mean, listen, I remember Macho Man Randy Savage.

34:20Trixie Mattel:I do too. There is some appeal.

34:21Katya Zamolodchikova:It's kind of drag. And it's also kind of drag. You know, in retrospect, and I think, correct me if I'm wrong, I remember when it was WWF, not WWE.

34:31Trixie Mattel:Wasn't there also a WCW? I remember when Sting was yellow and blue. Remember Sting is all black and white, but it used to be like yellow and blue. Is that wrong? Who?

34:40Katya Zamolodchikova:Oh, I don't know that person. I mean, I'm thinking. Who they got? They got Goldberg? Oh, see, I don't know. I was like, I'm way back. Papa Shango? I was way back. Oh, okay. Like Hulk Hogan, Mary. My brother liked wrestling, and we had it for Sega. We had it for Sega. So we would watch, my brother and his friends would nut over the pay-per-view, like whatever you call them specials, we have to pay-per-view them. And like it was WWF, not WWE. And it was at a time when it wasn't clear that it was entertainment. We thought it was real. Oh, same. When I was a kid, I was like, wow, how are they doing this?

35:10Katya Zamolodchikova:How are they doing this? This is crazy. And it was so very soap operatic. But now I believe it's a lot gayer. They lean into the gayness. They lean into the homoeroticism big time.

35:19Trixie Mattel:And what I can appreciate about wrestling and what I understand peripherally, people in the comments, you better know.

35:24Katya Zamolodchikova:Yeah.

35:24Trixie Mattel:There is a, it's a lot like drag where there's strong local following, strong regional following. Yes. And it's a lot like drag where their characters are like.

35:33Katya Zamolodchikova:Mascots.

35:33Trixie Mattel:They have an accent.

35:34Katya Zamolodchikova:Yeah.

35:35Trixie Mattel:And they have a whole backstory. Yes, yes.

35:37Katya Zamolodchikova:The rival reason, all that stuff. And a lot of the guys are hot. Mary, you think I've jerked it to The Undertaker? Is it The Undertaker? Who is it? Tempest du jour?

35:47Trixie Mattel:Is that what you meant? No, it's... James Mansfield, I know, loves wrestling. I know so little about it. But whenever I'm scrolling and I get a wrestler, I always watch it. I think it's cool.

35:56Katya Zamolodchikova:There was a great... There was a family. I think they were Latin. I think maybe Puerto Rico or Mexican. I'm not sure. But Bad Bunny guest starred in one of these episodes of the matches. And I just lost it. Because Bad Bunny, I would just... I don't know. He's just got that thing. I would just do anything he asked me to.

36:13Trixie Mattel:I saw this gif of him that made me so horny. It's him like this. And then he goes, and just smiles like that. And I was like, love.

36:21Katya Zamolodchikova:He needs to be in more movies. I feel like his onscreen charisma is just off the charts. And you know that dick is a hammer. You know. It's the big ears. It's, it's. You know that dick is a hammer. It could be a peanut and I would still rock my world. A peanut. A thumbtack. A nonpareil. I get it. Let's take a break.

36:48Katya Zamolodchikova:This episode is sponsored by 1-800-Flowers. This Mother's Day, I'm thinking about my mother, Esmeralda Jingleheim-Rizamo, a woman of supernatural patience, iron will, and the emotional stamina of a perimenopausal wildlife documentarian. She raised me without once abandoning me at a Dunkin' Donuts, dropping me off at a monastery or running off to join the circus. If you knew me as a child, all of these options would have not only been understandable, but strongly encouraged by any sane individual. My mother has always had that very specific mom talent, where she can look at you one time and know you're lying, dehydrated, or not wearing freshly laundered underpants.

37:23Katya Zamolodchikova:She deserves everything and more. That is why flowers are the number one gift for Mother's Day. But choosing the right ones can feel like botanical roulette. Luckily, for 50 years, 1-800-Flowers has been helping people send beautiful bouquets mom will love and express all the gratitude you've been too emotionally stunted to actually say out loud. Right now, when you order one dozen roses from 1-800-Flowers, they'll double your bouquet to two dozen for free. That's twice the flowers for the mom who gave you absolutely everything, including her youth and vitality. And 1-800-Flowers really knows the details that matter.

37:55Katya Zamolodchikova:Every bouquet is picked at peak freshness, carefully packaged and backed by a freshness guarantee. They actually sent a bouquet to me, and when I opened it, I almost gasped. It was lush, vibrant, and so shockingly beautiful. It made my hovel look like I'd finally turned my life around. And for my fellow procrastinators, you'll be glad to know that 1-800-Flowers has same-day delivery. So even if May 9th sneaks up on you, they can still make May 10th count. This Mother's Day, send her something worthy of the woman who somehow managed to keep you alive. Go to 1-800-Flowers and show that poor woman some love.

38:29Katya Zamolodchikova:Mother's Day is Sunday, May 10th, and bouquets are selling out fast. Trust me, don't wait. To claim your double roses offer before they're gone, visit 1-800-Flowers.com slash bald. That's 1-800-Flowers.com slash bald. 1-800-Flowers.com slash bald. April is a dangerous time for me because the second the weather gets even a little flirtatious, I start behaving like a woman of a certain age who has simply had enough. Suddenly, I need a spring trip. A trip where I need soft pants, dark sunglasses, and a destination where I can walk around at golden hour pretending I have secrets. That is the power of April.

39:10Katya Zamolodchikova:It thaws the pavement, reawakens my allergies, and fills me with the completely irrational confidence of someone who thinks a weekend away will fix everything. So this spring, I'm planning a trip to Savannah, where I found a home on Airbnb that is draped in both moss and charm. I want cobblestone little squares. I want to drift around in the spring sunshine like an ant who's on an eat-pray love trip that includes grits and barbecue. I want to do some light strolling and maybe buy an impossibly impractical piece of jewelry in a local boutique. And at night, I want to sit down to a dinner that is so good, it makes me briefly forget pretty much everything.

39:45Katya Zamolodchikova:This is the kind of trip where you need a place that matches a fantasy. That's why I love booking stays on Airbnb, because when I travel, I do not want to be crammed into a hotel room with a view of a parking lot. I want a real place to stay. I want a living room where I can decompress after a long day of wandering around and judging southern architecture. I want a kitchen for snacks, a table for my frosty beverages, and enough space to dramatically collapse on the floor like Julia Roberts in Something to Talk About. And if I'm traveling with friends, it's even better, because then we can all stay together instead of scattered down different hallways in a hotel.

40:18Katya Zamolodchikova:And of course, once I start planning one trip, my brain immediately escalates. Suddenly, I'm looking at Carmel next. Then Malta. Then Hokkaido Island. A little ocean air, some seafood, and maybe even a long walk where I pretend I'm processing something deep, when really I'm just thinking about Russian pop music. Whether it's one quick spring reset or the beginning of a full, warm weather spiral, trips just feel more personal when you book through Airbnb. This episode is brought to you by Lisa Mattresses. Behold mortals for it is I, Hypnosa, famed goddess of sleep. It is I who glides above every place of rest, whether that be cradle, palace, or humble house on Main Street, USA.

40:56Katya Zamolodchikova:Throughout the millennia, I have witnessed every living soul surrender to the night. Over ages uncounted, I've seen kings toss and turn upon miserable horsehair bedding with wild peasants dreamt more sweetly than emperors on a mere patch of dirt. Which is why I beg of you to begin your annual spring reset with one secret act. Replace your old, rotten mattress with the legend chill from Lisa. And divine heavens, what a revelation it shall be. I myself slumber on the legend chill and it is, dare I say, divine. I had grown so accustomed to waking amongst the clouds with aches, earthly stiffness, and the dull curse of unrest, I had nearly forgotten how truly deep, meaningful sleep is meant to feel.

41:33Katya Zamolodchikova:But now my bed has become a temple of restoration where I fall asleep faster, stay asleep longer, and rise renewed with celestial ease. Lisa crafts beautifully made mattresses for every kind of sleeper. And with premium comfort, full body support, free shipping, easy returns, and 120-night sleep trial, I decree this unto all creation. Take the Lisa Sleep Quiz, find your perfect match, and claim the rest that God's intended. Go to Lisa.com for the spring sale with 20 % off select mattresses. Plus, get an extra$50 off with promo code BALD, exclusive for our listeners. That's L-E-E-S-A.com, promo code BALD, for the spring sale with 20 % off select mattresses.

42:12Katya Zamolodchikova:Plus, an extra$50 off. Support our show and let them know we sent you after checkout. That's lisa.com, promo code BALD

42:21Trixie Mattel:Do you think that when people are like, I want tight pussy the truth is if you got a big dick, it's all tight So when you're saying you're looking for tight maybe you need to take up more space That's true, but they also need to consider Get the silicone injection

42:34Katya Zamolodchikova:Your dick brick hard like a metal I got three holes like a pretzel Tight as a virgin boy, don't get nervous Tight, I'm here to give you customer service, right?

42:44Trixie Mattel:Did you write that?

42:45Katya Zamolodchikova:I saved dick by giving it CPR Is that train?

42:48Trixie Mattel:It's cup-ca-ca.

42:49Katya Zamolodchikova:Oh, cup-ca-ca. Cup-ca-ca. Cup-ca-ca. Cup-ca-ca. Who some feel is an industry plant. I'm very, I'm very, that's a conspiracy theory. I'm very invested. I've seen that online too. Very invested in that conspiracy theory.

43:00Trixie Mattel:Is that kind of a compliment? To be like, it's so flawlessly executed, it must be a team of scientists.

43:04Katya Zamolodchikova:Yeah, actually, that's how I would take it. Nobody thinks we're a plant. No, no. No, we grew up in the trash outside the lab. They think we're a fake house plant. A fungus that was in the biohazard way.

43:15Trixie Mattel:As the other drag race queens say to us regularly, You guys are just doing what you do.

43:19Katya Zamolodchikova:I love how you just go out there and wear whatever, girl. You can just go and do whatever, girl. You and Katia are just doing your thing.

43:26Trixie Mattel:And you guys can just do anything. They mean it as a compliment. So many people have said to me, you can just go online and just fart and people love it. And I go, okay. Yeah. Well, you try your best and people don't love it. So what is it?

43:36Katya Zamolodchikova:Sometimes I feel like I can telegraph my farts. Like I know if they're going to be funky or not. See your eyes? Just like Janet Jackson's. That was Tyra Banks. You don't know that clip? I do. Yeah. it's truly diabolical Miss Banks really was off the chain no you know what was

43:51Trixie Mattel:diabolical the inspector jacket the inspector gadget jacket what the fuck is with that jacket girl I've been thinking about it a lot

43:58Katya Zamolodchikova:oh oh oh in the doc

43:59Trixie Mattel:yes no shit who did she think she is and it never came off what it gave is drag queen um reveal number like thunder yeah yeah yeah lightning yeah it's like

44:08Katya Zamolodchikova:I wonder if she's gonna take it off well I mean Labrador on the other hand I wonder if she's gonna put something on she sure did girl there's nothing worse

44:15Trixie Mattel:than that drag queen choir robe with two stones. Baby. You have my heart. No, baby. And I'm everywhere. What about doing

44:22Katya Zamolodchikova:a good 45 second intro with a dirty bathrobe? A dirty bathrobe.

44:29Trixie Mattel:The Roxy Andrews makeup dress.

44:30Katya Zamolodchikova:It was like, I was like, not I wonder if she's going to take that off. Please take that off right now because it's so, it's not a review. It's not a cover up.

44:38Trixie Mattel:Wasn't Bob selling those makeup dresses? I don't know what you call it. It's straps with fabric, but it's like, it's like very baggy legs. It's like a tank top that goes into very vague legs. Oh, like a jumper. It's like a gender affirming.

44:51Katya Zamolodchikova:Like a caftan? No. Caftan is like a. It's like leg holes.

44:54Trixie Mattel:It's like pants and they're very. Bob, I don't. Bob, write it. Oh, like harem pants. I'm not sure what you would call it, but I think Bob was selling them for a while. An ugly as hell outfit. I don't know. But they look good for getting in drag because you don't want to be naked, but you want something you can get off easy later. Because I hate when you put makeup on, you got to pull a t-shirt over the makeup. You ruin the color.

45:13Katya Zamolodchikova:Oh, yeah. I always do makeup shirtless with my robe on my titties out.

45:16Trixie Mattel:Yeah, always do the robe because you will... A white shirt? With how much brown I put on my jaw? Please.

45:20Katya Zamolodchikova:My black chin strap? Thank you. Please. Also, yeah, sliding... And also, I hate... Yeah, white shirt. White shirt. White shirt. On makeup.

45:29Trixie Mattel:White refrigerator. Let's go get you a home. Girl, I saw something incredible on the way here. We're currently looking at a new studio to move my dragon to. I hate you.

45:38Katya Zamolodchikova:I hate you so much.

45:39Trixie Mattel:We're looking at the studio over here because there's a lot more space over here in Burbank in North Hollywood. And I drove by it today, Nick. Can you rent me something? It's a nice facility.

45:47Katya Zamolodchikova:Can you rent me a room in there? No, we should get them side by side. Don't fucking edge me, you faggots. I'm dead serious.

45:53Trixie Mattel:It's right over here. And it's by the airport. It's by the Planet Fitness. It's by a bunch of shit. By the airport. Oh, Burbank. Yes.

45:58Katya Zamolodchikova:I was like, LAX. Don't edge me, you faggot. Are you for real?

46:01Trixie Mattel:And so you could keep your drag there. Go get it. Go to the airport. Whatever. Yeah, no shit. Okay. Don't yell at me. I'm sorry. I'm just getting emotional. I'm getting emotional because I'm hurt. I went over there today and I saw a FedEx truck, F-E-D-E-X. And there was like a four lane highway over there by the airport. You know by the airport, there's big open fields. And by the Spurbank airport, there's a lot of like land with nothing. The land, honey, the land. This FedEx truck, you want to talk me hitting my own driveway every time I come in the driveway? My boyfriend came on the other day and bought one of those.

46:34Trixie Mattel:I was sitting there in drag, Crossy. and he bought one of those markers that's fat back cd those mark fat back cd for for markers for removing scuffs off cars oh damn he put on the table he goes did you want to do it or should i and i go i guess i'll do it you faggot so um this fedex truck huge long fedex truck they pulled out to block like all four lanes and all the cars they put it in reverse smoothly, quickly, deftly backed into an alley with maybe two feet on each side. I looked in the window to look. It was such a good park job that I had to get a look at that fucker's face. Yeah, what she looked like.

47:12Trixie Mattel:I was like craning my neck. What she looked like. Calm, calm. Calm. She was turned and tapped and turned on. Do you know me calling the garage door guy and say, hi, it's me again. I hit the door again. Can you come fix it? No, but what did the person look like? Just a normal guy. Attractive, maybe 40, Latino, big sunglasses. glasses. And he just was like palming the wheel. Perfectly backed it up.

47:34Katya Zamolodchikova:And you know I thought it was going to be a lesbian. Yes, of course. That behavior to me is so sexually attractive. It was amazing.

47:39Trixie Mattel:I was almost like

47:40Katya Zamolodchikova:10 and 2. Thank you. So I couldn't clap. That is so sexually attractive to me. Such a turn on. Such a plus in the pro category to me. Parking is...

47:51Trixie Mattel:Parallel parking is the only skill in driving that I really lock in on. Every other part of it, I think I I could take a remedial course probably every six weeks.

48:00Katya Zamolodchikova:You should see me do a 16-point turn out of the studio parking lot. It's really, it's really, it's really impressive. It's like, oh, did that person not only like not have a license, does that person actively forget and unlearn driving skills every time they get in a car? You pull out.

48:16Trixie Mattel:After that 16-point turn, you get hit by Carlos, one of those food delivery things. Yeah, Cassandra comes and bowls me over. And then a Waymo T-bones you.

48:24Katya Zamolodchikova:Yes.

48:25Trixie Mattel:But yeah. Me yelling into the front seat of a Waymo. I think we should exchange information. No one in there. Me flirting with the Waymo. So when you bumped into me, was that kind of like hot coffee?

48:39Katya Zamolodchikova:Hot coffee? I did have something I wanted to bring your attention right away. I don't watch porno. I know we talked about this anyway. I don't watch porn and I have... But you listen. It's like I don't smoke, but I inhale. Well, that's a funny thing you should say because you literally just read my mind.

48:59Trixie Mattel:Dare you to talk about this? No.

49:00Katya Zamolodchikova:Oh, okay. What if I'm psychic?

49:02Trixie Mattel:I know you're psychic. The way you will not even loft the idea that I might be intuitive in some way.

49:08Katya Zamolodchikova:No, I know you're very intuitive. Excuse your mouth. I know you're very intuitive. You have a women's intuition that is very over the line, much more than most women. But psychic is a little bit of a stretch.

49:20Trixie Mattel:However, on the count of three, we're going to say a number from one to ten. It's going to be one, two, three, blank. Okay. And we're going to, and I'm going to lock in and I'm going to say this number. Okay. One, two, three, eight.

49:30Katya Zamolodchikova:Oh, I almost said seven. That was so close though. So that was into it. That's the difference between psychic and intuition.

49:35Trixie Mattel:Six, seven.

49:37Katya Zamolodchikova:Seven, eight. She ate.

49:40Trixie Mattel:That was like, did I tell you what? I was in DC and I was walking with my friend and my friend is like, I say, you know, I'm psychic. I'm always trying to like confirm it. And she was going to show me a house where there was a murder. and I said, I said, show me what block it is and I'm going to tell you what house it is. And she goes, okay. I know what you're thinking. It was the one with police tape. I'm like, I think it's this one. Murder house. Tor is at 11. Or the guy's actively with the knife. Yeah. But I walk by and I go, it's this one. And she goes, oh, close. It's this one. So I'm like, I got it.

50:11Trixie Mattel:There's only three shoes on that. But you didn't. Like, that's not it. There's like three houses on this street. But I'm thinking because it was next door, I'm like, But I got it.

50:17Katya Zamolodchikova:I got it. Yeah, you got it. This is going to be so gross. And I'm just going to, I just want to say it. It's okay. Ask them. So I think I've already talked about it. I'm so sorry if I have. You can just stop me because it's gross. I don't want to watch, because porn to me is very overstimulating. It's very overstimulating. And I get, as a person who has, I know this is a shock, who has had a history of compulsive sexual activity or behavior around porn. I try to, I get, I want to, I don't want to get desensitized and I don't want to get, I want to reset my nervous system in terms of like what is, you know, titillating or whatever with my, also because for me, just for me, it has ruined sex sometimes where like I can't be in the moment.

51:05Katya Zamolodchikova:I can't be like turned in, tapped in, turned on. I don't, I'm not conservative or traditional, but.

51:11Trixie Mattel:You believe it? People make claims that a break from porn yielded a healthier sex life in their marriage or something. I do believe that that could be entirely possible. Oh, yeah. Person to person.

51:23Katya Zamolodchikova:And it's not a broad stroke against porn as some moral judgment. Are you kidding? I mean, I think they should all go to hell, but that's just my opinion.

51:30Trixie Mattel:How come they never ask us to present or host at porn awards? They do.

51:34Katya Zamolodchikova:Yeah, they do. Oh, my God. We were nominated for a porn award. And maybe they have asked us to present at the Gavians in Las Vegas. What's the award? Best Double Anal Angels. I don't know what it was.

51:46Trixie Mattel:I think it's funny that we can't get a Golden Globe for a pod. But we can get nominated at the audience. But we can get a Horn Award for a pod.

51:51Katya Zamolodchikova:Because when we do pods, people get so horny. And also, just take a look at the breasts, how they grow throughout the episode. I can't control that.

51:59Trixie Mattel:Can I tell you guys what happened to me yesterday? I was filming. Wait, wait, wait. I'm not done with my story. This is part of it. Okay, got it. I was filming with Nick. What is it? The International Content Creator Awards, which is a primarily adult film. and we are obviously nominated. Obviously. But I'm filming with Nick yesterday and you call, you call and I go, I gotta call Katja back, you know, it's probably important because God knows you would never fucking call me. You call, you call and you go, I just want you to know that you could never do anything to ever take my wet pussy. And I go, okay, I gotta go.

52:31Trixie Mattel:I'm filming.

52:32Katya Zamolodchikova:That's the kind of dismissive attitude that I receive from you on a daily basis, which is why I rarely share those moments of vulnerability. I know. And that's okay. That's okay. I've learned, I've grown and I've learned from it. What's the nasty gross story? Well, okay. Is it about your body? No, it's what somebody else is. Okay, so I deactivated, deleted my OnlyFans account. Not my one that I share, the one that I view. Thank you. Because I'm trying to curb my financial situation to take myself out of dire financial straits. Actively taking steps to save and be better with money. now of course I just did a just for fans account so I have you ever done Rocket Money?

53:14Katya Zamolodchikova:I love Rocket Money it's fierce it's$10 a month but it will tell you what shit you're subscribed to it helped me avoid$129.99 Microsoft Office Suite like I've ever done a goddamn Word document in my life with my hunt and pecking ass I would love to see you open Excel oh a spreadsheet, a what? I can spread my legs, that's about it put a dryer sheet in there. And so anyways, the, I, I'm tuned in, tapped in, turned on. And, uh, there's this guy who famously makes this, this is so, this is really vulgar. Just, I'm just letting you know at home, this is vulgar. If you have children and, or you have parents in the listening, if you're eating lunch, they have children, they've had sex.

53:55Katya Zamolodchikova:No, no, no. But maybe not sex like this. Um, so this person is famous for making their ass talk. And what I mean by that, it, no, it's not farting necessarily. okay it's like remember when Luscious asked if you've ever creamed you've ever creamed your ass it sounds kind of disgusting but so there our producer's looking at me like you should kill yourself um it's like she's been looking at you like that for a few years why haven't you done it

54:24Trixie Mattel:she holds up a sign that says why haven't you done it

54:27Katya Zamolodchikova:yeah I don't say let's take a break I said do it a noose has been coming I love in

54:33Trixie Mattel:Waterboy and Faruza Balk holds up that sign that says Do you want me to kill them? Love that shit. So this person is sputtering.

54:39Katya Zamolodchikova:It's squelching. It's a very, very lurid, lurid, highly sexual ASMR experience. So I don't watch it. I listen. I put on Miss Noise Cancellor. Okay. And it's so... Which you don't want to watch. Well, I do want to watch, but I say no, no, no.

55:01Trixie Mattel:Can I clarify? It's not an audio. it's a video that you're using as audio.

55:05Katya Zamolodchikova:Exactly. Because I don't want to become overstimulated. Also, because I have not ejaculated in over three months, catch that truth. Catch that. And I'm not joking. I can't believe it. I can't believe it just as you're sitting there incredulous. As am I. Yeah. White pee. Brandon called ejaculate white pee.

55:26Trixie Mattel:That's so gross. Mine is a little... It's going to come out chunky and gold. like like like probably like gallstones kidney stones it's gonna go out chunky and like thai

55:36Katya Zamolodchikova:iced tea no that's my regular pee clotted it's gonna go out clotted well when my eyes like i i bought a big jug of fiji water at the studio yesterday because my morning pee was like barbecue sauce so i was like maybe i should try hydration gave it a shot it's doing good for me but back to the nasty the other nasty thing it's a squelching it's a sputtering and it's a very very um It's a very, for lack of a better word, nasty in a good way, like sex sound. You know? How is the sound being made? It's made from the dick going in the butt and coming out. And then once it pulls out, because there's so much lube and come in there, it's like sputtering.

56:20Katya Zamolodchikova:It's like... Wow. So there's actual sex occurring? Oh, yes. This is very much so. Very, very penetrative and very, very like... Okay. very hard hitting tonight at 11, you know, kind of, I think of like the famous people who love our pod.

56:36Trixie Mattel:Like I think of Amy Poehler at her desk right now, listening to you tell the story.

56:39Katya Zamolodchikova:And how is she going to listen with all those lights in her face?

56:41Trixie Mattel:Oh my God. My, my friend Vanessa, the DJ who I make a lot of music with, she said, Oh my God, my friend, I told her, I said, I listened to Baldwin, the beautiful in the car when I drive. And her friend said, I watch it while I drive. Her friend said, I put it on my phone and I put it in the cup holder and I watch while I drive. I said,

56:56Katya Zamolodchikova:love you. I hope you do your mascara and red lights too. I don't recommend that, but I said work. Yeah, that's fierce. I watch the road while I drive, as do you. Thank you. No, I don't watch it. I am a - You survey it. I survey it. Yeah. Yeah, I've got - Yeah, anyways. So I tried that and I thought it was interesting and I actually became hypnotized and it became so - It's so lewd and it's so like - I don't mean to - It's not a judgment. I'm just saying it's so like, so sexually almost trans - It's just too much. It's so much that I become like, okay, I got to stop. This is a little too much. Just from the audio.

57:34Katya Zamolodchikova:Just from the audio.

57:35Trixie Mattel:Now I'm back to just GIFs. When I was into straight porn for a while, I watched a lot of extreme close-ups. 8K.

57:42Katya Zamolodchikova:Yes.

57:42Trixie Mattel:8K. With extreme noise and 8K of the dick in the pussy hole. This is exactly what I'm talking about. I found that exciting and I found myself confused by why I liked it. Why? Because it was just so medical.

57:55Katya Zamolodchikova:It's so medical. Oh, well. I don't appreciate it. It's like, you know, Valerie Cherishes to come seeing red. I don't like that. Seeing red, I don't like that.

58:04Trixie Mattel:What do you mean?

58:05Katya Zamolodchikova:Well, you know what I mean. An anal. When you're seeing red, I don't like that. Right. But that's another story.

58:11Trixie Mattel:I also love it in season two of the comeback when she's watching her acting reel. Oh, it's the scene where they're watching a clip from seeing red and Valerie's all insecure about it because the reviewer's like, I think people are going to see in a whole new light. And she's like, what does that mean? And Mickey's watching it and it's her like, I want you to it's like I want you to think about killing yourself when you put that shit in your arms about like drug use and Mickey goes after all these years Red you can really act that is one of the best redeeming things of the comeback is that every time they yell action Valerie's good yeah like it would be so hard to root for her

58:49Katya Zamolodchikova:if she wasn't

58:50Trixie Mattel:great

58:50Katya Zamolodchikova:but do you know how difficult that role must be for an actor for Lisa Kudrow because there's so many layers to the performance. You know what I mean? There's the real person, the person who's putting on the thing, and then there's the actress. You know what I mean? There's so many different... I don't know if this one sounds corny or pretentious, but I find it a very multi-layered...

59:10Trixie Mattel:I find the way she's able to inhabit it and live in it and play with it but stay anchored to it. It's a real gift.

59:19Katya Zamolodchikova:She is so talented. No, you are. I only can do what I do. No, you're inside the actor. You're very Uta Hagen, very method. I can't be other people. Yes, you can, and you do it better than Daniel Dave Lewis.

59:31Trixie Mattel:I was in a community theater, no, I was in a community theater production of A Night Out with the Rat Pack at the Apple Holler in Sturtevant, Wisconsin in my sophomore year of college. Did you play Old Blue Eyes? I was super famous. And this woman, her name was Lori Minetti, she used to read the lottery balls in Wisconsin on TV. In the 90s, where you had to actually pull the ball and some hot bitch would have her perfect manicure and be like, here's the ball, here's the ball. she said Brian people like you and I people hire us because they want us they want us to play our personalities oh I see and I remember going home being like is that bad and then I just am like all the other years later I was like well sometimes you play yourself and that's okay and guess what nobody else can do it nobody else can do you but Lisa Kujo can do anyone

1:00:17Katya Zamolodchikova:I mean Valerie is not Lisa no it's funny I had not a casting agent, but a casting agent assistant tell me like, you know, after the hacks thing, they were like, you know, they they wanted you. But mostly like, let's be real. Like, I was like, I'm not an actress. Like, I know you're not an actor. They wanted your legs. They wanted your huge fuckable tits that grow a size every hour. That's what they wanted. And they got it. So take that down to Fiorucci Boulevard and sell it. Let's take a break.

1:00:57Katya Zamolodchikova:I'm a Scottish size 12 and the UK 14 and my breasts won't stop growing. That would suck. No, I, that was, that was such a, I was blindsided. I was blindsided by that. Shocked and betrayed. I've never felt so shocked and betrayed. Thank you. My question is, does she have to get them reduced like regularly? Is that what happens? No, the trouble was that she like, so her doctor would say in order to get that operation, we need you to lose weight but she can't because she'll lose weight and then her breasts will grow. It's a real catch 22 or catch 38 double D if you want. Wow. And I've never felt so seen.

1:01:34Katya Zamolodchikova:I've never felt so validated because I didn't even know that I had a condition.

1:01:37Trixie Mattel:You know I hate to get political but I've been thinking about this a lot. The people who don't believe doctors the people who are the Maha people the RFK people if you really think this shit But when you get sick, don't go to the hospital. You can't play both sides of the street, bitch.

1:01:54Katya Zamolodchikova:No, no, no. But let me tell you, I am not defending anti-vaxxers or whatever. But one thing we do have to address is that just because you have an MD does not mean you are... Like, don't trust every doctor. No one knows everything, of course. Nobody knows everything. But I was raised, I don't know about you, but I was raised with blind faith in medical doctors.

1:02:15Trixie Mattel:but doctors when they take money from let's say a medicine who's paying them to speak on behalf of this drug they not only they legally A they're under the oath where they have to only do good as a doctor and B the hippopotamus they have to be very open about the money they might receive to endorse a drug and they sometimes they're not but politicians etc really have no they're not they do not have any like I have to be completely transparent about this big pharma paying me

1:02:45Katya Zamolodchikova:That are lobbying me, taking me to golf, whatever. Right. But doctors are courted all the time and paid by a huge – and taken out to lunches and Aspen ski weekends with pharmaceutical companies. They're up their ass. They're giving them blowjobs, handjobs, all kinds of jobs. You don't have to think about a lot when we watched – I'm not saying – but I'm just saying like nobody's perfect and no industry is – because that was a bias I grew up with. Trust doctors no matter what. I'm like, there isn't – like doctors sometimes suck, have terrible bedside manners.

1:03:14Trixie Mattel:That was the other thing. But why is one bad doctor experience? All doctors are lying to me. That's not fair. That's not what I'm saying.

1:03:19Katya Zamolodchikova:That's not what I'm saying. But I had the opposite bias that all doctors are infallible. And one of the things I agreed with with the body positivity folks was like, I was like, the insensitivity of doctors. I was like, that's not news to me. Name a doctor who has good bedside manner.

1:03:38Trixie Mattel:Right. And it's very, you would think, bipartisan. We've all had a doctor say the wrong thing to us.

1:03:43Katya Zamolodchikova:Mary, I can count on three fingers the amount of doctors I've had who have been not only like made eye contact with me while they were telling me what's wrong with me or whatever, but like made nonjudgmental suggestions or even like listened without, without, you know what I mean? Yes. I mean, I. Or like who didn't send the nurse in to tell me something.

1:04:01Trixie Mattel:Yes. I have ankylosing spondylitis. That's the disease I have. The number of people that take years and years and years and years, decades, sometimes, long time to find diagnosis because many doctors don't know enough or don't believe or whatever. Go home. You're just making it up. You're sick. Like people having chronic pain and like their body, when they get diagnosed, they look back and they're like, wow, these symptoms started when I was a teenager. And they kept telling me it was nothing. I understand that these people get very, you get so lost when you're like, does anyone fucking believe me?

1:04:36Trixie Mattel:Like, why would I be in the doctor's office if I'm not in pain? It doesn't feel like something's happening.

1:04:40Katya Zamolodchikova:Yeah.

1:04:40Trixie Mattel:So I understand that too. I really do.

1:04:42Katya Zamolodchikova:It's, it's, it's, and also, and I think. And people of color don't often get the same treatment.

1:04:48Trixie Mattel:Of course.

1:04:49Katya Zamolodchikova:And girl, fat people get immediately prejudiced against. yeah because a lot of so many doctors should we go to med school i've been i don't know about you but i do have a medical i am a medical doctor no but um the uh the the thing is like health care as a business there's your fucking problem number one when health care is a business there's it's a it's it's a market they're decisions made you know with uh the market in mind it's just it's a whole

1:05:14Trixie Mattel:fucking piece of shit one of the other problems is giant pharmaceutical companies it's like doctors might have to give a certain amount of transparency. Companies who make the drugs don't. They don't have to say, this is how much it costs and this is how much we're uptriving, whatever. That's not happening. And the FDA is in bed with the FBI.

1:05:29Katya Zamolodchikova:The FBI is in bed with the CIA.

1:05:31Trixie Mattel:The FCC won't let me be, let me be me.

1:05:33Katya Zamolodchikova:CIA is in bed with MIA and she's on tour. And FKA Twigs won the Grammy for Best Dad's Album for Eusexua. Thank you. Good for her. All right, I'm going to see Mother Mary. I'm going to go to the premiere. What are you talking about? The new film with Anne Hathaway and Michaela Cole, where it's very witchy. Oh my God, it looks amazing. You got to watch the trailer. I'm trying to, I told our agents, if you don't get me a seat at the premiere of this movie in LA, it's curtains. I'm leaving here and I'm going to Disneyland.

1:06:01Trixie Mattel:Incredible. Thank you for the invite. I feel almost insecure. And shame is a landfill emotion, right? I am a millennial white gay and I'm going to Disney. It feels a little on the nose and I'm sorry. Guess what? Everybody's got, most people have a nose. Boop. I got my girl Caitlin, my tour guide from last time.

1:06:20Katya Zamolodchikova:Oh, you do the secret pizza gate thing underground.

1:06:23Trixie Mattel:I'm not going to feel bad for that. It's just great.

1:06:26Katya Zamolodchikova:Don't feel bad for about it. You're super rich. You're part of the Illuminati. It's fine. We worked all weekend. We're going to Toronto this week. We need a break. We need to unwind.

1:06:33Trixie Mattel:You have arteriospanglitis. Absolutely. You know what I mean? And I'm really interested in going on a week-long trip to... Really interested in going to Walt Disney World. I've never gotten a nice... Florida. I've not seen Animal Kingdom. Florida. I've not seen Epcot. Epcot, all of that. Me neither. So I really want to go. I want you to go. And I was just in Dollywood. Yes. And I also want to go to Universal, Orlando, because they have a lot of stuff that we don't have here.

1:06:58Katya Zamolodchikova:Will you come to London to do a bald gig so we can see Catherine Tate and O'Mary?

1:07:01Trixie Mattel:Yeah, of course. But also...

1:07:03Katya Zamolodchikova:Have you heard about our John?

1:07:04Trixie Mattel:I've never been to Six Flags Magic Mountain. Well, it's closing, so you better go, bitch. Well, we have a Six Flags Great America outside of Milwaukee.

1:07:12Katya Zamolodchikova:Who cares about her? We go to Six Flags... If they're doing Out on the Mountain.

1:07:16Trixie Mattel:I've been feeling very rollercoaster horny lately.

1:07:18Katya Zamolodchikova:You've never been to Out on the Mountain. No, you go every year and you don't ask me. That is the most patent. You have never uttered a falsehood so patently untrue in your life. In our 12 years together.

1:07:29Trixie Mattel:Somewhere in a game of telephone between you not saying it and me not hearing it, I never got invited. It's your arteriospangliitis, which prevents you from picking up the phone.

1:07:36Katya Zamolodchikova:No, no, no. No, you can never go. You can never go. Because I'm not gay? No, you're booked and busy. Why can't we get booked? No, you get. Okay. Do you think that Six Flags could pay us? They have asked us many times. And it's not. Plus, you don't want to perform there. You want to ride the rides. I want to DJ.

1:07:53Trixie Mattel:And then I want to ride rides.

1:07:56Katya Zamolodchikova:They have asked you to DJ.

1:07:57Trixie Mattel:I'm just going to ask directly to camera. Six Flags, any of your gay parties, please let me DJ during the day or at night and then go ride some rides. No, it's at night. My dream is that you and I can be in drag and ride a roller coaster and have a video of it. Okay, so that I have.

1:08:10Katya Zamolodchikova:You wanted us to bungee jump and drag. That's totally different. that's the most extreme scary thing you do in your life and it happens once I'm talking about multiple roller coasters I'm talking about climbing up hills I'm very into these videos of people on slingshots passing out oh I love those I love those too but wait we have a final final final thought fuck my ass and I just forgot what it was I'm sorry no no The Bald and the Beautiful will be in Florida in December Orlando we can plan for Disney then and what a great time to go to Disney World Orlando We're at Walt Disney Theater. We're performing so we can maybe stay an extra day.

1:08:45Katya Zamolodchikova:Oh my God. See, you give it up to God and God gives it to you.

1:08:49Trixie Mattel:We're playing Bald and the Beautiful at the Walt Disney Theater in Orlando in December. Yeah. We, I want to, I, I, you can go. It's okay. You can go.

1:09:00Katya Zamolodchikova:Start crying. Start crying. Okay. Final thoughts. I don't have any. Well. Thank you so much. Bye girl. Bye girl. Incest.

1:09:23Trixie Mattel:you

1:09:42Thank you.