From Hooves to Haute with Trixie and Katya

18:13Hi, today's episode of ball in the beautiful is brought to you by chime i saw a tiktok that said that um that people are very disturbed by the little girl voice and so um hi it's me a little girl chime is changing the way people bank free free and smarter banking built for you not like old school banks that charge you overdraft and monthly fees built for you, not the 1%. Um, my mom lets me drink 1 % milk with my cereal. Chime isn't just another banking app. They unlock smarter banking for everyday people with products like MyPay, giving you access to up to$500 of your paycheck anytime and getting paid up to two days early with direct deposit.

19:05Some old banks still don't do this, but they do at Chime. Chime turns everyday spending into real rewards and progress. Bank fee-free plus overdraft coverage you can count on. Build your credit history stress-free. Plus there's a new Chime card that helps you get cash back and build credit with your own money. Two things that don't typically come together until Until now. Chime is not just smarter banking. It's the most rewarding way to bank. Join the millions who are already banking fee-free today. It just takes a few minutes to sign up. Head to chime.com slash bald. That's chime.com slash bald.

19:49Chime is a financial technology company, not a bank. Banking services, a secured Chime Visa credit card, and MyPay line of credit provided by the Bancor Bank N.A. or Stride Bank N.A. MyPay eligibility requirements apply, and credit limit ranges$20 to$500. Optional services and products may have fees or charges. See chime.com slash fees info. Advertised annual percentage yield with Chime Plus status only. Otherwise, 1.00 % APY applies. No min balance required. Chime card on-time payment history may have a positive impact on your credit score. Results may vary. See chime.com for details and applicable terms.

20:09Katya Zamolodchikova:I'm heading to Austin this month for South by Southwest, and while half the country is still feuding with winter coats and dodging slush puddles, I'll be packing light layers and celebrating the beginning of allergy season. It's time for that beginning of spring energy when the sun is out, the air feels optimistic, and everyone collectively decides make-out-in-a-public-park season has begun. Austin just understands this moment, Especially when you booked an incredible place on Airbnb right next to the city's best barbecue joint. I'm talking morning coffee outside while the city wakes up, walks where you don't need gloves to avoid frostbite, and plates of brisket eaten outdoors with the Texas sunshine highlighting every bit of flavor in your dry rub.

20:47Katya Zamolodchikova:I booked my stay through Airbnb and honestly, it's doing a lot of the heavy lifting for this trip. I get space to sprawl, a real couch to decompress on after screaming lyrics with strangers, and a table where I can eat like a human instead of balancing food on a pillow in a hotel room. I can close the door when I need silence, throw open the windows when I want light, and enjoy privacy that feels like I actually live there, even if only for a few days. And if I'm traveling with friends, we can all stay together instead of coordinating lobby meetups like we're in a low-budget spy thriller. And while I'm dancing my way through Austin and riding that early spring glow, I'm already plotting the next adventure.

21:22Katya Zamolodchikova:This summer, it's Lisbon. Think ocean breezes, late night dinners that turn into midnight desserts, and perhaps a moonlit stroll with a charming local who teaches me exactly one Portuguese phrase and then disappears forever. Trips just feel better when you book through Airbnb, and I already know I'll be booking again and again. With Airbnb, every journey feels like it was made just for you. Oh, mama. Baby. Sweetie. No, no, no. Mama. I wish you were an alcoholic for one day. Because this... Am I a Mickey fan? I'm not a Mickey fan. No, not a Mickey fan. Don't do it. I'm a Mickey fan. Mickey Rooney.

22:00Katya Zamolodchikova:He called Jojo Siwa a faggot, remember? Who? Mickey Rooney? Mickey Rooney! On Celebrity Big Brother. He called her a faggot. Mickey Rooney? Who am I saying? Mickey Rourke. Oh, no. Mickey Blonsky. Mickey Blonsky. He called her gay. And by the way, he was wrong. Am I a Mickey fan? Mickey Tutorials? Absolutely. I love her red eyeshadow. Okay. Love Nikki tutorials. That bitch can paint. Yeah. I wish she could do you. She'd blow you out of your mind. Of course she would. Nikki, please. Please. I'm desperate. Step down. Desperate. From your tower. This meeting, I know, beginning of whatever. Went to a meeting.

22:39Katya Zamolodchikova:It was like Thanksgiving or holiday. Mary, the way the speaker was spinning yarns that were so, mama, you - What do you mean? I will tell you. Real yarns or like lying yarns? Baby, it was like, it was the, it was, it was like, Ginger could never. Baby, this is Kim Palmer. Robbie Turner could never. It was like, they would be lucky to enter an introductory course that this woman could teach at a college about how to spin a fucking yarn in front of people as if it were the truth. She was... You know what it is? It's like when a show has a second season unexpectedly and they have to make up story and they never imagined the show would continue.

23:17Oh, yeah.

23:18Katya Zamolodchikova:That's what it is. This woman was pulling things out of her ass like a fucking... Mad lips. Oh, pursued by the CIA after her modeling career. Well, that gives Pookie though. Well, we were in. But what do you think it is about the Pookie that makes people go straight to conspiracy? So, for all intents and purposes, I don't believe at this time that she was, I believe she was sober. Right. And that's why you go to meetings to fact check. No, but like, I was looking around. I was like, I was like, I was the only one incredulous. I was like, wait, everyone else was like, hmm. pretty much, pretty much.

23:53Katya Zamolodchikova:Say that. Yeah, period, period. I mean, after she was pursued by the CIA during her modeling career, maybe this was not no model. When I say, no offense to this woman, but modeling was not something on, yeah. It was the Russian mob, the Russian mafia, then the Greek mafia. And then there was - She's in the middle of a world war. Yeah, they're locked in a trunk, locked in a car, car goes off a hill. I mean, it was like literally - What were you doing? nodding i was like i was like i was literally like and people like and then they were like oh thank you so much for sharing your story so brave i was like i was like am i losing my motherfucking mind it was i i could not believe it it was just so far-fetched doesn't even begin it was like the challenge was think of the most unbelievable outrageous series of of events that could never have taken place in your life and then say them over 45 minutes to a crowd of strangers who are looking to get recovered.

24:55Katya Zamolodchikova:Interesting. Cunt. Cunt. Because people have war stories. I mean, I've never been to a meeting. No, but people have war stories. They call it a drunkologue. And sure, you know, you hear everything if you go to 30 meetings. Right. You hear it all. You know, like I missed my daughter's graduation because I was smoking crack on the floor of a crack house. Whatever. All this horrible war stories. That's really hard. But this was Mission Impossible dead reckoning part two. Not to make it serious, but I bet one of the worst consolation prizes of getting sober is the realization I missed my daughter's graduate.

25:29Realizing retroactively my old sponsor from Boston.

25:32Katya Zamolodchikova:Mary. It's also like in the movies you see, it's like oh yeah, I'll be there in 10 minutes. Oh yeah, I missed my... What's with that? What's with the tweakers doing the... I'll be right there. I'm just leaving the house now. what's with that? I don't they love it I don't know because I've never been that tweaker I know people where it's like oh she said she'd be here at 2 you know she'll be here until 10 she's going to call us every hour all day and then say sweetie I had drug dealers back in Boston who there's I'll be there I'll be there I'll be there at 10 on which day on which month you got to specify because they say a 10 I use a 10 on Tuesday 10 tonight could be 10 next month diabolical and they love to say like you just said I'm leaving the house I'm on my way Oh, I'm sorry.

26:16Katya Zamolodchikova:I just had to stop by blah, blah, blah. No, no, no. Not even that. On my way, you haven't even opened both eyes yet from the bed. Right. It's crazy. I don't know what that... I mean, I know with lying, obviously, I've lied a lot. But like, I don't know what that particular lies about. So where does that accomplish? Because it doesn't make anything better. The flip side of that is the pookie always goes to the greater conspiracies about God, the government, aliens. In 5G. What is that? 5G. That's just psychosis. That's just straight up psychosis. Yeah. That's magical thinking from psychosis. But it's always based from a place of, well, I've realized something that nobody else wants to accept.

26:52Katya Zamolodchikova:Girl, this dude who used to drive, used to get in his car, drive me around, and it was like - You guys would just talk? I wouldn't talk. He would, and we have to - Was he hot? Ah, no. But we would have to, I'd have to, we'd have to get past this area of WeHo because the 5G was so strong that he was pulled by the gravitational force of it. Love that. See, if I was in that situation, you'd lean in I'm not saying I'd make the most of it but my inner monologue I would have my hair up and I would be like in my mind like she was crazier than him and she was his queen like I would have a whole it would be very Lana I drive fast in the night I would be I'd just drive leg out the window it would be very Quentin Tarantino leg out the window and just this too it would be squirting now with the guy if the cop pulled me over not for texting but for juicing out the window in the 101?

27:45Katya Zamolodchikova:Juicing it hard and juicing it, squirting it? You know what I'm talking about? I don't know what you're saying. You know when the... Oh. You know that gif of the girls squirting it on the passenger? No. I have watched a lot of videos of the men jerking in the car, though. Oh, yeah. I mean, I saw... I love the men jerking in the car. Love the... Is someone going to see me? Of course, someone does. I saw that on La Brea, walking home from the gym. Happened to me on Santa Monica. crazy and he was live streaming so if one hand's on the dick and one hand's on the phone I'm getting pulled over for playing Bon Iver in a Volvo throw me in fucking Shawshank fuck God forbid I want to listen to Bon Iver best of Bon Iver not Bon Iver I know but I'm just saying any Bon Iver love Bon Iver oh yeah this is a Bon Iver type of day what is Bon Iver by the way it's an artist from Wisconsin Bon Iver local Bon Iver French for nice winter good winter yeah Von Iver, huh?

28:44Oh, sure. Sure.

28:49Katya Zamolodchikova:I wanted to, oh, fake dicks. Right, let's talk about it. Why not use the real dick? Because the actors don't want to do it. I think because, yeah, I think the... Because those dicks you showed, was the point of it that they're all so big? And normal actors, what are they going to do? I'm going to fluff? I'm going to fluff? Well, Jason Segel did that in Forgetting Sarah Marshall. Forgetting Sarah Marshall. He fluffed. He fluffed before the full frontal scene. But I do believe he is well endowed, right? I think that - I love Jason Segel. Yeah, he's nice. But I think the thing about it is like, well, you get the pussy and the woman's crotch is a little bit, it's not so much like, oh my God, you got a huge bush.

29:26Katya Zamolodchikova:Well, of course you can shave it. Oh, you got these giant, you know. We're not seeing that. It's more artful. It's not splayed. Yes. It's not archaeological. Also, the breasts are like, they're there. They're in the shirt too. You know what I mean? It's like, it's a different sort of like, I don't know. I'm imagining no Hollywood actor wants to be like, oh yeah, that's the guy with the peanut pecker.

29:49No. Because then they always have it. I would also allege that if you do have a peanut pecker, you might not want to show it. Well, yeah. If you have the huge dong, you're like, where's my full frontal? Let's do it. I mean, I...

30:02Katya Zamolodchikova:Isn't every actor's dream to be in like a hot, like a really deep, wordy, character-y, Oedipus, serious, and you get to show your cock. Oh, like Equus. Yeah. Isn't that the dream? It's like you're doing serious acting and here was my wiener. I don't think that's the dream at all. I think that's a nightmare. Oh. Would you show your weenie on camera? Depends what for. Science? I've been going to the doctor a lot. People see my under thing on a weekly basis. Under everything. They see everything. They see every hole. Every hole? Every hole. All four. All four. That's how many holes you got. Well, people think men only have two.

30:42But you really need to think outside the box a little bit here. She was dragging that horse to that restaurant and I thought, yeah. Something. Be careful driving. Don't text and drive. I wasn't even texting. I was playing a song.

30:55Katya Zamolodchikova:Don't play a song. I feel so passionate about this. And listen, sometimes I feel like I'm the only person on the road paying attention. Yeah. Ironically, me too. I feel like that now characterizes my driving. But I drive like a grandma. People give me the finger in Los Angeles every day. No, but that's dangerous. Because I'm driving the speed limit. Well, but see, that's, it's, it's like. But I'm driving 65 in a 65 and people drive by like this. Do you, are you on the highway? On Coenca Pass. Get out of here. The, the speed limit. That's the street where people drive a hundred. Mary. Well, see, I don't fuck with the highways like that because I'm, people are, people do not know how.

31:33Katya Zamolodchikova:I'm not going on a fucking thoroughfare where people are driving 90 texting and sexting. Fuck that shit. That's what they're in LA, of course. Doing rails off the fucking dash. Yeah, and then texting their grandma, whatever. I just, I don't like it. Afina's an aggressive driver. Oh, we always get there very quick. Oh, yeah. My friend David Mason, his Maserati, which was recently totaled. Andrew Yang. Death Wish. Death Wish. That's the terrifier. The killer. The terrifier. But if we ever need a ride, Andrew, forget we said that. If we ever need a ride, Andrew's going to be like, interesting, I heard the pod.

32:07Apparently I don't drive well. So now what? No, he knows he doesn't drive. Take the bus, bitch.

32:11Katya Zamolodchikova:No, but David would go downtown. Usually for an average person, it's like 40 minutes from where I live. He gets there in 12. Yeah, Brandon's not dangerous. Brandon is engaged. He's an engaged driver. He's going. He's going. If there's no window, he's taking it. You know what I mean? But he's not crazy. I feel the same way. I am a active driver. Brandon's active. He's a good driver. I'm not skittish because Mary, the way that my hypervigilance kicks in when there is a left green arrow present, baby, you know I am the, I am, I made that arrow. You're already gone. I made that arrow. You rear end someone.

32:43Katya Zamolodchikova:But those motherfuckers, it's, I just, if I were the mayor of the city, I would just, green arrow, left green arrow would be my passion project. My raison d 'etre would be my absolute number one platform. Right. You wouldn't focus on ice or anything? No, no, no, no. It's really important. Right. The arrows. Right. No, no, no. homelessness. Yeah. Right. No, but active driving. I, and not, sometimes I'm reckless. Sometimes I, I whip, I whip and I maybe shouldn't have, but hey. It's tough. I mean, um, I don't like grandma drivers. You don't like what? I don't like grandma drivers. That's me. That's me.

33:20Listening to Bon Iver in a Volvo going 40 miles per hour, getting pulled over and ticketed. It's fine. I want you to get it somewhere. To be honest, the only part of me that was like, I don't deserve this was, Have you been on the roads in LA, Mr. DJ? What did he look like? What was he wearing? Very handsome. Beautiful black guy with a mustache. Very handsome. He looked like a police officer from a movie. The outfit, the jacket with a fur collar, with the helmet. Did you say under your breath what that dong do? No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. But what I wanted to say was, thank you for pulling me over.

33:57Thank you for your interest. at this time I want you to know that we're at America's second largest city where people drive like they're trying to die so I don't know just thinking big to small right now you're worried about like one deck chair in the Titanic I encourage you to take this motorcycle and go get one of the people naked crazy driving 100 miles per hour on Coinga Pass that's the only thing I'm not a good, I mean I'm going to pay the ticket but whatever. How much was it?

34:26Katya Zamolodchikova:Fuck the police by the way They told me I have to wait three weeks and scan it and then find out. In Milwaukee, a ticket for something like that probably would have been$35,$50. I'm assuming here it's$11 ,000. Honestly, I bet it's going to be$800. Each minute you don't pay after the due date,$500. Oh, yeah. I got pulled over in Marlboro where I grew up driving my mom's car through a stop sign. Just rolled right through it. That can happen. That sucked. It's an accident. No, I was just like, and then I was like, ah. I looked and then I just went. big mistake. Huge. I was home for Christmas and I was, I don't know why I'm the family driver now when I'm like, oh no, I was home for Thanksgiving and I was the family driver because I like to rent the car because I want to pick the car and I always get a white F-150.

35:09I put nuts on the end of it and I'm like, you think it's tractor sexy? Oh yeah. Love it. Love it. You put lumber in there? I get the big trucks. I get the four wheel drive. I get the duallys. You can't touch me. You can't touch me. I get so red state and a neck cracking speed. You don't even know. But so I'm always the family driver. You put them all in the back? In the bed? Oh yeah. Nobody's allowed in the cabin with me. Everyone's dragging behind like the cans. Just married. No, they're Marty McFlying it. Just carry. Everyone's on... Rollerblades. Yeah, rollerblades. Rollerblades. So I'm driving and I take this left turn and I guess I didn't realize it was a red light.

35:44And my boyfriend's mom just goes, Oh. And I went, what? The whimper. It was red.

35:50Katya Zamolodchikova:And I went, oh, well, you know, but we're okay. If I had a nickel for every time Miss Andrew Yang would just... Well, I was like, do you want to get to bingo or not? We're going to church bingo. Do you know about Catholics doing bingo? I do, but you know what else? How are Christian people doing... Gambling? Lottery, yes. Mama, Christian people. What do we know about Christians? And by the way, this is the kicker. It's a fundraiser. For what? The church. So gambling is evil, but we'll take your money. So if you come to church, we'll tell you how bad gambling is. This is made up by big church. Let me clue you in.

36:21Big bingo.

36:21Katya Zamolodchikova:a big feature of Miss Christianity. Hypocris. Hypocrisia. Hypocrisia Marie.

36:32Katya Zamolodchikova:I'm heading to Austin this month for South by Southwest, and while half the country is still feuding with winter coats and dodging slush puddles, I'll be packing light layers and celebrating the beginning of allergy season. It's time for that beginning of spring energy when the sun is out, the air feels optimistic, and everyone collectively decides make out in a public park season has begun. Austin just understands this moment, especially when you booked an incredible place on Airbnb right next to the city's best barbecue joint. I'm talking morning coffee outside while the city wakes up, walks where you don't need gloves to avoid frostbite, and plates of brisket eaten outdoors with the Texas sunshine highlighting every bit of flavor in your dry rub.

37:11Katya Zamolodchikova:I booked my stay through Airbnb, and honestly, it's doing a lot of the heavy lifting for this trip. I get space to sprawl, a real couch to decompress on after screaming lyrics with strangers, and a table where I can eat like a human instead of balancing food on a pillow in a hotel room. I can close the door when I need silence, throw open the windows when I want light, and enjoy privacy that feels like I actually live there, even if only for a few days. And if I'm traveling with friends, we can all stay together instead of coordinating lobby meetups like we're in a low-budget spy thriller. And while I'm dancing my way through Austin and riding that early spring glow, I'm already plotting the next adventure.

37:45Katya Zamolodchikova:This summer, it's Lisbon. Think ocean breezes, late night dinners that turn into midnight desserts, and perhaps a moonlit stroll with a charming local who teaches me exactly one Portuguese phrase and then disappears forever. Trips just feel better when you book through Airbnb, and I already know I'll be booking again and again. With Airbnb, every journey feels like it was made just for you. Hi, today's episode of Ball in the Beautiful is brought to you by Chime. I saw a TikTok that said that people are very disturbed by the little girl voice. And so... Hi! It's me, little girl! Chive is changing the way people bank.

38:26Fee-free and smarter banking built for you. Not like old school banks that charge you overdraft and monthly fees built for you. Not the 1%. Um, my mom lets me drink 1 % milk with my cereal. Chime isn't just another banking app. They unlock smarter banking for everyday people with products like MyPay, giving you access to up to$500 of your paycheck anytime and getting paid up to two days early with direct deposit. Some old banks still don't do this, but they do at Chime. Chime turns everyday spending into real rewards and progress. Bank fee-free plus overdraft coverage you can count on. Build your credit history stress-free.

39:16Plus there's a new Chime card that helps you get cash back and build credit with your own money. Two things that don't typically come together until now. Chime is not just smarter banking. It's the most rewarding way to bank. Join the millions who are already banking fee-free today. It just takes a few minutes to sign up. Head to chime.com slash bald. That's chime.com slash bald.

40:02Hi. Today's episode of Ball in the Beautiful is brought to you by Chime. I saw a TikTok that said that people are very disturbed by the little girl voice. And so... Hi. It's me, a little girl. Chime is changing the way people bank. Fee-free and smarter banking bill-free you. Not like old school banks that charge you overdraft and monthly fees built for you, not the 1%. My mom lets me drink 1 % milk with my cereal. Chime isn't just another banking app. They unlock smarter banking for everyday people with products like MyPay, giving you access to up to$500 of your paycheck anytime and getting paid up to two days early with direct deposit.

40:55it. Some old banks still don't do this, but they do at Chime. Chime turns everyday spending into real rewards and progress. Bank fee-free plus overdraft coverage you can count on. Build your credit history stress-free. Plus there's a new Chime card that helps you get cash back and build credit with your own money. Two things that don't typically come together until now. Chime is not Not just smarter banking, it's the most rewarding way to bank. Join the millions who are already banking fee-free today. It just takes a few minutes to sign up. Head to chime.com slash bald. That's chime.com slash bald.

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42:26Katya Zamolodchikova:at least 88 pounds or 40 kilograms with moderate to severe eczema. Also called atopic dermatitis that is not well controlled with prescription therapies used on the skin or topicals or who cannot use topical therapies. EBCLIS can be used with or without topical corticosteroids. Don't use if you're allergic to EBCLIS. Allergic reactions can occur that can be severe. Eye problems can occur. Tell your doctor if you have new or worsening eye problems. You should not receive a live vaccine when treated with EBCLIS. Before starting EBCLIS, tell your doctor if you have a parasitic infection. Ask your doctor about Evglyss and visit evglyss.lily.com or call 1-800-LILY-RX or 1-800-545-5979.

42:59Katya Zamolodchikova:When I was riding home, when I was driving home, almost in tears from that Cutco MLM group interview, and doing 90 on the 495 in Massachusetts, just couldn't, can't wait to get home. Pulled over, belittled, berated, and yelled at by the cop. Did you take fucking drive? I don't think he said fucking didn't you take goddamn driver's ed that's unnecessary I didn't what I can appreciate by the guy who pulled me over it was a police officer truly almost reading from a script transactional yeah no one was mad at me yeah he said have a good day he said drive safe like we don't have to be mean I think that's mean it was extremely mean it was bullying and then I started fucking crying I didn't cry I would have cried I couldn't believe it and cry the other day well when I so when I was my friend Annalise would drive me to school sometimes and we got pulled over.

43:51Katya Zamolodchikova:She drove this huge fucking boat. We got pulled over right as we got to school. She had heaving breasts, right? Right. And her first name was Anal Ease. She started to cry and those big juicy droplets fell on the cleavage and she started to cry and of course the titties started bouncing a little bit and then you better believe that ticket was waived. W-A-I-V-E-D got scot-free. Why didn't I do that? Scot-free hot, wet, jiggling titties. It's catnip for those nasty cops. Well, I was like, you're worried about my phone. I have an open flame grill on the passenger seat. Like what? I'm shaving my legs.

44:25I have three bodies in the back. I'm getting LASIK. What are you talking about? You don't see my doctor from Turkey putting hairs in the front of my head? I just had eye surgery. Oh, I have the double LASIK glasses on. Oh, yeah. I'm looking straight up. And I'm possessed. So the eyes are rolled back. Like my boni bear. Boni bear. Boni bear.

44:47Katya Zamolodchikova:Not the white refrigerator. Wait. Not the black bulbos. Wait. More fake dicks. Oh, yeah. So it's just these. So this is from Spartacus. Of course, I saved a few clips and then I edited them just for reference. They are egregious, these fake dicks. I would implore Hollywood, maybe they don't have a huge budget. I don't know what the deal is. But if you're going to go to the fake dick route, because it's a full codpiece with a fake dick and balls and pubic hair, right? Full thing. Okay. I just would say why do you care? can I ask why you care? well I'm passionate about on screen nudity in mainstream film and television I love the lighting I prefer it to pornography it's important to you that the actor who's cast no no no choose their real dick no absolutely not no I don't want an actor to do something they're uncomfortable with however I would love it if the prosthetic and costume department would somehow maybe step their pussy up a little bit literally so to speak set their dick up too while they're at it set their dick and balls up right I guess I can see what you're saying if it's gonna be not real you want it to be uncalkable yes because look I mean we all saw the substance Mark Qualley's breastplate was pretty well done a lot of people didn't even notice she had a breastplate I didn't know there you go there you go I don't think it matters you don't think it matters like well I think what we're showcasing is a huge dong right in that instance there's and the other version season of Spartacus.

46:16Katya Zamolodchikova:What if the actors don't have huge dogs? Are you mad? No. Or you just want it to be really convincing. That's it. If it's not convincing, don't show it. Oh, okay. I see what you're saying because it takes you out of it. It takes me out of it. It's like kid actors. Make them really good or don't have them. Don't have them. There's so much you can do with an off-screen yell. Oh, my favorite thing is, I love this. You know babies on sets, it's like they have to be twins. They can work for eight minutes per day. It's crazy. and I love to watch for the actors having the fake baby because whenever it's a non-moving baby they'll do a lot more of this oh yeah and you can see it's rubber hand like love a shaken baby yeah it's pretty I love that shit yeah when I'm entertainment star my platform will be of course realistic fictics I'm gonna be an agent with an entire roster of reborn babies reborn the silicone babies oh so it's like oh you're casting the baby Let me see a picture.

47:12I've got a match for you. And then I got one of my, I call him, I'm an agent in this scenario. I'm like, we got a gig for you. You know, it's very like an old school TV agent. I call the reborn baby. I'm like, we're going to need you on the universal lot tomorrow. Dress casual. you're going to be able to pee

47:27Katya Zamolodchikova:and poop on command. No problem. Yes. And then I come in with the baby sort of as the handler. Do you know what was so crazy? Have you ever worked with a cat? Like in a TV setting? No. I did this thing for that movie Argyle a few years ago and I shot my shit alone. Like, you know, they interclipped it with clips in the movie. Obviously, I'm not there with Dula Peep and, you know, I'm on another shoot day. You were on Argyle, the movie? No, I did some commercials for them. Oh, okay, okay. Like during Drag Race. With Henry Cavill? No, during the Drag Race hour, one of the ads was me talking about Argyle.

47:59Gotcha. Nobody knew I was there, including me. I'm just happy to be involved. Yeah. Right. But there was a cat, a real cat. I don't remember his name. His name was like Gandalf or something. It was a crazy name for a cat. But all cat names are crazy, right? So they had the real cat for certain scenes. And up until literally action, they had a long stick with a plastic lid of like cottage cheese that they would smear like liver pate on. So the cat would stay in one place. And then as soon as I would say my line, they would yank that out. Because the cat, of course, when I start monologuing is like.

48:34Like the cat just leaped. So they got that scene a few times and then they had a fake, so believable cat that they put in for the wide shots in the same place. And I was like, when can we get the fake Trixie involved? No, it just was stuffed. Yes.

48:49Katya Zamolodchikova:In the same outfit because they had a little hat on it. It was pretty cool. I think that's kind. And I think that that is a wonderful second act, a business entrepreneurship opportunity for me. As a cat? No, no.

49:03Katya Zamolodchikova:As a background actor. Yeah. As a stuffed. No. I want real looking pussies, genitalia and animals. No, I'm going to provide all those. So I'm going to provide the ultra, ultra. Real stuffed. You're going to have to go to a lot of carnivals. No, no, no, maybe. And win a lot of. No, these silicone babies are going to be so unclockable. Oh, we're doing babies again. Yeah. Okay. And fake dicks. Everything's silicone. You and I can get some babies. Some silicone babies, reborn babies. Yeah. And these also, these dicks, unrelated to the babies, these dicks that I'm going to put on these men are going to be so unclockable.

49:35Katya Zamolodchikova:These men are just going to, they're going to want to take them home. I've been seeing a lot of TikToks of people taking their reborn babies to meet. Could you clarify what exactly that is? So it's a fake baby. I don't know if the word fake is offensive. It's a baby that they care for. A synthetic baby. That they care for, that they love. Non-human baby. Yes. And it's not real. And I think it's, for some people, it's a form of play. For some people, it's a form of maybe therapy. A mix of both. Maybe they left their baby in a hot car. Yeah. And they feel guilty. You and I dress like fake people for a living.

50:01I'm not criticizing anybody. I don't want fake babies. Probably compared to a real baby. But they take them to like Disney and like push them in a cart and stuff. And I think it's fun for them. Maybe the attention's fun for them. It's a victimless crime.

50:15Katya Zamolodchikova:Yeah. Like, oh my God, how old? Like, don't ask me that. How old? 20. Ageless. I've had this baby for 20 years. It depends. Oh, 90. It's actually a Benjamin Button baby. We've only got a few days left. Speaking of Benjamin Button, what in the world was that? I thought it was really moving. Is that awful? No, I don't think it's The end when she's caring for him as a kid with dementia. It was just. I found it. I want to know the elevator pitch for that movie because that was Mama Juicy Birth. But by the way, we're speaking of babies. Well, do you know what's coming up? The like 20 year anniversary of Brokeback.

50:47And they're doing showings. And I want to go, but I'm telling you, I don't think I can handle it. Why?

50:52Katya Zamolodchikova:Oh, because the no lube in the tent and all that shitty ass. Oh, the crying. Shit ass in the tent. The scene at the end when Heath Ledger, who's dead now. What? I'm just kidding. when he is talking to Anne Hathaway about like oh well he always wanted his ashes scattered at Brokeback Mountain. That came up on Reels the other day and I threw my phone like a horror movie like threw it across the room and backed against the wall and slid down it. I was like I can't go back there. Like I cried so hard at the movie theater. I've only seen it once. Wow. And it completely shattered me. Ugh. I love that.

51:27Katya Zamolodchikova:It is a beautiful movie. You know yes and Ang Lee yanked it, but I just, you know, the eaten beans on the mountaintop, no lube, just spitting and sliding. Have you ever fucked with no lube? Why are you actually brand new? I have never fucked with no lube. Oh, come on. I'm sorry not ran through. To be honest, sometimes the chemicals in any lube irritate me. Sometimes the spit is better. And you ran through. I wish. I mean, no. Not ran through. We haven't watched Cheated rivalry, huh? No. Once the zeitgeist settles down, take a look. Yeah. Maybe I'll watch it later. Like in years, honestly. It's like I'm going to wait for the dust to settle with Wicked.

52:09No. You know, it's like I'm just I need time. 100%. I need time and space. If it's good, it'll be good. It'll be good. Yeah. It'll be good. I watched a...

52:17Katya Zamolodchikova:Money exchange. Let's hear about it. Hi, girl. You're on the pod. Sorry. I just called to confirm that you did indeed have a foot feminization surgery. I did. I had FFS, foot femorization surgery. It's the best decision I ever made. They melted my bunions, they fixed my hammer toes and I have the most beautiful feet on the internet. I currently have a 4.7 on Wikifeet. Yeah. So Trixie, why don't you take that down to Fiorucci Boulevard and sell it? I thought everybody was pulling a prank. It sounded like they all made it up. I didn't know about this. I did. Yes, girl. It's a fact. I love it. Yeah.

52:51Katya Zamolodchikova:You better work. She's housing you on Wikifeet right now, bitch. So why don't you step up your foot game? That's good though because you do be showing your toes in drags. That's a good thing, right? Like if you and I had a surgery, we don't ever show our real toes, so it wouldn't matter for us. Mom, it's hammer time on these tootsies. Do y 'all have mangled ugly, nasty drag queen feet? I had those. She does. I do not have mangled nasties. Girl, she has yoga instructor feet. They look like they're made of fucking Legos. Yoga instructor feet, though? Those are eagle talons that can grip a girl. She looks like she moonlights as a grape stomper.

53:21Katya Zamolodchikova:Stop it! Alright, that's it. Thank you, Monet. Love you. Bye. Who is that? I'm just kidding. It's awful. Who else can be called out feet? Oh my God. Check your wiki feet. No. No, you control room. So who you wait, let's take a wager. Who do you think has a higher rating? Obviously you do. But if it's about size, do they like big feet? Cause that might help. It's a mystery to me. I have no idea. Cause I have, we're 13s. There's a lot. What? What's the rating? Wiki feet. There's like young photos of people. What? What's the rating? I feel so pillaged. Yeah. What? I'm out of here. You know what? I need the officer who pulled me over to go investigate that.

54:11Yeah. Excuse me. I know I was texting and driving, but what about WikiFeet? I was on WikiFeet.

54:15Katya Zamolodchikova:Yeah. That's crazy. You know what, though? People love everything. Listen, I'm deductive fierce and I have some questions. They do. And they always say don't give it away for free. Do you realize the way that I would have killed to have a foot fetish? Are you joking? Most people have feet. You know what I mean? I think sometimes, though, the foot fetish is attached to, I want a picture that I'm not supposed to see. Is it? I don't know that. Nobody's ever like, can I see it? They're like, can I secretly get it? Don't you think? I have no idea. Because it's all about accessing a celebrity foot, a foot we're not supposed to see.

54:46You know what I mean? People must be busting at the beach all day. But I think it's fine. Like, love a foot. Love a foot. I put him in my mouth. And foot go through hell walking. I go through hell walking. You know what I mean?

54:59Katya Zamolodchikova:I watched walk a mile on these wiki feet. Do I, am I not even on there?

55:06Katya Zamolodchikova:Shut the fuck up. Are you joking? You're kidding me. I beat her on wiki feet. I'm putting that in my Twitter bio. Her feet look like they're made of paper mache. Gorgeous feet. Cause I, Mary, I do have gorgeous feet. That's good. Well, all the toes, they're, they're not like, you know, they're, they're taper. Right. They're, I have, I have a beautiful arch. That's good. Dancer. That's good Dancer I'm gonna remember that Next time we're in choreography rehearsal No no no no No no All I said out was a beautiful arch Like a dancer I had the arch Of a dancer And it was my movement No no no no Right Still It's kind Right But the toenails look like little guitar picks Like lacquered coin chips Right So I watched this other documentary And the problem is I keep getting Really high And Watching Watching documentaries that I'm sure I think are going to be fun.

55:57Getting high and watching the Susan Powder documentary, I was like, my anxiety can't handle that. So the other one I watched, and this is like not a funny thing. Is it Sex Cult? No. Yes, kind of. I watched the documentary about the Boy Scouts of America because I was a Boy Scout for from like five to 15. Oh, I thought you were going to talk about the Ohio State one. So I was a Boy Scout for 10 years. Loved it. I loved Boy Scouts. My personal experience. I quit before Eagle. My personal experience is I loved it. I loved spending time with people. Loved going out in the woods. Loved the activities.

56:31It's fierce. The adults, Mike, everybody was nice to me. I loved it. This documentary, there were some other things going on. I'm not saying that Boy Scouts is evil. Men are evil. But people are evil. Let's say Boy Scouts could have done possibly a better job. background checking, et cetera, and notifying police when things happen. 82 ,000 people have filed claims against the Boy Scouts of America. And I feel bad because I know from the bottom of my heart when I was in Boy Scouts, I had leaders and scouting and all that who were good to me. Yes, of course. So the people who wanted to do good and they wanted to do it through the Boy Scouts, it's kind of overshadowed by these horrible events.

57:16Katya Zamolodchikova:Yeah, like for example, great priests who are actually servants of God, great gymnastics coaches who are actually wonderful leaders. That's what was heartbreaking is like these people saying like, I love scouting. Then this happened. My life ever changed when this happened. But up to that, there was like scouting for these people like they loved it. And then something like this occurs, permanently changes them for the rest of their lives. There were people giving interviews who their wife and kids didn't even know about this. This is the first time they'd ever talked about it. and it was so obviously these people are very brave and it's just complicated because I love I personally had a great experience and watching it and be like why do you join when you're a kid camaraderie you want to learn to do things yeah you don't join for anything bad the mission statement is actually wonderful and they're so young they don't know they don't even have a word for what happened to them until much later in life it was a really hard thing to watch but it was gripping gripping I couldn't I hardly made it through the Ohio State documentary.

58:15I would like this world to run out of material to make sex crime documentaries about. Mama. I would like us to run out of things to say.

58:23Katya Zamolodchikova:When the Larry Nassar, there's about two or three documentaries that came out, I think maybe during the pandemic or around that time, about the gymnastics controversies. I have never had so much, like, the empathy. I've never felt more empathic. Like I would, the rage I felt, it was as if it happened to my sister. Right. Like it was so, yeah. That's good. I mean, yeah, it's good. But I mean, this is like, I feel bad for people go through stuff. If my friends go through stuff, I suffer too. But like, this is, I don't know these girls. Yeah. But you're putting yourself in their shoes. And I'm a fan.

58:58Katya Zamolodchikova:I'm fans of them. They're so incredible. And just like the way that all stuff, that all the stuff shook down and the, you know, the gaslighting, all the manipulation and everything is like, it's so diabolical. It makes me, I don't have, like, I can't even compute. My brain can't compute the anger. I know. The anger is so visceral that like when that, when one of the fathers tried to rush him in the stand to, I was like, yeah. Right. You would have had to hold me back. Yeah. It's like so fucked up and it's just like evil. I know. Don't fucking, don't fucking do that shit. Yeah. God, damn. It's awful.

59:40I mean, I was watching it thinking like, ugh. Everybody coming forward, somebody even wanting to make this movie, like a lot of people had to really put themselves out there for this, you know?

59:51Katya Zamolodchikova:Yes, yes. They don't know, but no amount of money about what they would win in a lawsuit or what they get paid to talk. Nope. It's not about money. Nope. You really got the sense that these people were freeing themselves. They were letting something off their shoulders. It was very sad, but very beautiful. You could see them sort of grappling and just like the level of honesty in this documentary. was gratuitous. And wow, it was, I'm not going to say good. It's not a good movie. It's not a feel good film. But it was, but it really was well done. Yeah. And I think of like, when I was in the Boy Scouts, I mean, I listen for my home life situation, going on Boy Scout trips, I looked forward to it.

1:00:26Yeah. And so for me, it was like such a positive experience. And there were people in it who talked about all the positive things about it. There's 82 ,000 people coming forward. They said when they opened up this website, they thought maybe they get a thousand, maybe 5 ,000. 82 ,000 people. That is so fucked.

1:00:43Katya Zamolodchikova:You know there's more. And then what happened is the Boy Scouts of America, when all these claims happened, went bankrupt so that there's no liability. And they're explaining like bankruptcy is not created for people to escape sex crimes. Closing a business should not be a way that you can get a removal from the events that like, and so in some ways, bankruptcy can be used for people to not have to be liable for crimes, which I thought was like, I never even thought about that. Yeah, that's why. Anyway, kind of a fun thing to bring up on the pod. On our comedy pod. Yeah. 251, baby. Let's talk about sex crimes.

1:01:24But you know what? All of you driving out there, you better be careful because you better not pick up your phone. You better not change songs. No. You better say, Siri, play Bon Iver. You better do something else.

1:01:33Katya Zamolodchikova:And if she doesn't put it on, honey, you listen to whatever the fuck else she puts on. anything yeah or you can on your steering wheel you can go volume down right or you could go over to Apple Music and listen to a Trixie Mattel mix that just came out yes you could do the Little House one you could do the J-Lo one oh my god Jennifer Lopez it's just coming out this week wait Jennifer Lopez Jennifer Lopez J-Lo the 25 year album comes out this week and I thought what remix did you do play play play it all night long come on DJ So I was so excited. They let me pick the song and I picked that. And I thought it was going to be like an album of all remixes and I would be like one of 50, whatever.

1:02:16And I'm like the remix on it. I couldn't believe it. Are you fucking kidding me? I'm gagged. It's like the album with an extra song and then a Trixie remix.

1:02:25Katya Zamolodchikova:I couldn't believe it. You know, this is a faded thing because I actually, I don't know if you know this. I actually, you also, no, no, no. I got, I got this. This is so funny. I got those wheels in motion because I remember years ago when I put on my Instagram, I'm performing with Jennifer Lopez tonight. Her team, of course, contacted me to take it down. That's how she got to know you and then asked you to do the remix. So you're welcome. I'm performing with Jennifer Lopez tonight. You just tweeted that. Yeah, I tweeted that. And then about 25 minutes later, I get a call from our manager. He says, could you please take that down?

1:02:56Katya Zamolodchikova:J-Lo's team got in touch with us. See, now if you did that now to a pop star, if you did that to like Zara Larson, you get a call and be like, well, you better be here, bitch. Yeah, I know. Where are you? Where are you? Because now they're going to expect you. But so thank you. You know, you're welcome. Because I mean, you would never have been on her radar if she hadn't Googled you through me. Right. I appreciate that. You're welcome. Okay. Okay. Bye. Bye.

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