IMHO's Darby and Alexis Summon Charcuterie Spirits with Trixie

21:28Trixie Mattel:Yeah, Decibel. Listen. Oh, is Berlin reopening? Yeah, it's reopened. It's called Restaurant, right? No, it's a club. It's already opened. Oh, good for them. Berlin was really fun and magical. Talk about a time of really like a free-for-all in drag. Everything was wild and crazy. Oh, yeah. This is the first time I ever tried Coke. Was Berlin? No. This morning. I just lied to you. It was, actually, it was in this guy's house that I don't know, but I didn't get to know him because he died. He jumped out of the, like his window and killed himself like two months later. You know, all of my drug stories are from Chicago.

21:58Trixie Mattel:Yeah, same. Yeah, that's all mine too. Same. To me, if you ask me, that is the cocaine capital of the world. I believe it. It's certainly like - It's so cold and all the snow. Yeah. Drinking for breakfast for sure. The drinking, the level of hangover, the puking on the Amtrak that I did in my life coming home from Chicago. Oh yeah, because you were training in from the Amtrak. Oh my God, after Berlin on Saturdays, I would get up, go get on the Amtrak, go back to Milwaukee, go straight to Hamburger Mary's and do bingo. Oh, my God. You didn't even stop at me. You were hustling, hustling, hustling.

22:31You know what I remember when I think of you meeting you before you went on Drag Race? Every day. Yeah. Okay. Can we be honest? We do, but it's not because of us. We are because we are two white women with problems. and sure, do I have the signature Chicago face that I never changed? Absolutely. Does it look a lot like Trixie's? It might. I've never thought that. I just think it's the black. I think that's all it is. People call us the T-Mu, Trixie, and Katya. Are you serious? Which one of you is Trixie and Katya? That's the thing. She's I almost said something so rude. She's skinny like Katya.

23:16No, say it. What? Skinny like Katya. I found out I might have a personality disorder. I found out. You found out? Yeah, two days ago. And she said, yes, you do.

23:24Trixie Mattel:Who told you? Everyone you've ever met? No, she's trying out a new therapist. There's no way you have two parents. She's in Palm Springs. No, my parents and I don't talk, but my dad's 82 because he's homophobic and whatever. That's why we don't talk. And he's sucking off one of his friends from high school. Makes a lot of sense. I knew you were either like had old parents or homeschooled or something. Yeah. Old parents who were gay. No, but we were in Berlin and we were chatting and timing is so funny because I remember hearing that you tap dance. Oh, yeah. And I also tap dance. And so I messaged you on Facebook.

23:54I said, we should do a tap dance number together. And you were like, oh, yeah, that sounds great. And then two minutes later, you were on track race. I think you were like on the way to the flight when you messaged me back.

24:03Trixie Mattel:Yeah, I think I think I responded like, I think I said, OK, loser. I think it was something like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Which was fun. Something nice. Yeah. Thank you for training her. Of course. Berlin was also a unique stage because you enter from the basement actually a nice dressing room for a drag club a dedicated space with a curtain had mirrors had an area to go get naked and that area had a drain so while you're tucking you could piss on the floor I have seen that happen a few fucking times I did that every time I was at Berlin also that was when Fireball launched it felt like Fireball was a huge moment and drag.

24:44Trixie Mattel:I remember it being the official sponsor of all these drag shows, which, shout out to Fireball, kind of pre-drag what it is now. Fireball was like, yeah, we'll sponsor your drag show. They gave us the money that paid us and free Fireball. Yeah, we did. We'd be drinking Fireball on the rocks. We were acting like it was Oh, we'd sip it. Have you ever sipped Fireball? A hot mug of Fireball. It'll warm your bones. Do you have a healthy relationship with others? No, you don't because you sip Fireball. Yeah. Fireball. I loved it though. I did too. And you didn't have to pay for it. Ooh, it's cinnamon.

25:18Actually, there was a moment at Berlin. We were doing a show and you were outside spray painting your nails.

25:27Trixie Mattel:I did do that a lot. Yeah, you were doing that a lot. And it was another moment where I was like, she probably can't afford nails. She was a teacher. I couldn't. She could. You were older than us and married and had a real job. Thank you. Yeah. It seemed like you were like a real person And I just remember, I always thought your husband was so beautiful And he still is What's his name, Ned? Curtis Yeah, Curtis Nedward Jackson Curtis Nedward Actually, sure, why not We went and saw him in a short film He premiered a short film called Kiss Spelled K-I-5-5 And he was wonderful in it That's great He's a really good actor I will say, thank you so much, Infinity he did an infinity commercial dressed as a bear and that has paid for so much of my lifestyle he looks like Jack Quaid and Jake Gyllenhaal together oh I could totally see that yeah he does have a Jack Quaid vibe Jack Quaid was a dad yeah do you guys watch the boys?

26:27I watched the first episode yeah yeah yeah I used to be one I like to say I was deep undercover as a dude you're not the tea mood Trixie you're the tea girl Trixie what? Wait, the end of that sentence was she's skinny like Katya, but she does her makeup. The best thing that ever happened. And then I tap dance, so we're basically the same. Because now I can say trans jokes because I have one. Oh. You gotta catch them all or you gotta catch the best one.

26:56Trixie Mattel:Well, I believe when you have a trans colleague, I do believe there's a closeness. There's a way you could speak to her that maybe other people shouldn't. So people at home, I will say, if you see her talk to her like this, That doesn't mean that you I've seen her pubes from behind on a cruise ship And that changes everything She bent over And the pubes were coming out in the back I think she's Are the pubes red? No They're dark brown Are yours grey? I do have some It's starting You still have hair though That's pretty fierce It starts a little further back But I am going to Turkey oh fierce yeah I want to get I want to get teeth like yours have you ever been to Turkey and I want to get hair like you used to have oh I haven't had hair in a very long time now probably 10 years and I got these teeth in America in Hollywood fabulous really my dentist well my dentist is in Beverly Hills Dr.

27:56Trixie Mattel:Sun okay there we go Dr. Sun unrelated cannot relate when I first moved here I had money to go to the dentist for like what the first fucking time and I just googled who was the closest dentist and she lived a block from me. Her dentist's office was a block from me. That's how I selected my dentist. Most people probably do research. No, you don't have to. No, no, no, no, no. Whatever's closest. You have to go whatever's closest. To be fair, we all, like our base dental care is pretty bad. For drag queens? Are you kidding me? Yeah, oh. Not to mention my upbringing. I'm like, I think Wisconsin paid for us to get a teeth cleaning once a year maybe or a checkup, which wasn't enough.

28:29Well, not for Wisconsin when the main part of your diet is cheese. Cheese. And Mountain Dew. I love the Mars Cheese Castle though. Girl. I miss it. What do you guys think of Milwaukee? Love it. We love it. We love Milwaukee. We've never had a bad time in Milwaukee.

28:44Trixie Mattel:The Chicago-Milwaukee sisterhood of the traveling gauchos is very - Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like St. Louis, New Orleans. And you guys at Milwaukee Pride is turnt. Oh my God. What's with Milwaukee Pride being so good? It's so fun. Can I tell a Milwaukee Pride story that may not be appropriate? Okay. First time I ever met Detox was at Milwaukee Pride. I was co-host - Inappropriate. exactly. Well, I was a twink and I was alone with her. Is that appropriate? No. No, she was really sweet. But we were this drag queen and I were co-hosting Milwaukee Pride and it was unreal. Like, it just blew my mind.

29:23It's huge. It's crazy. You don't do anything. You just jump up and down. It's like Coachella. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's crazy. And they're all drunk and gay. And there's one of those like gondolier swings that goes over the entire The dance grounds. Oh, yeah. To go look.

29:38Trixie Mattel:And you can like ride it in drag. They got food, deep fried everything, beer tents, multiple stages. That dance pavilion is crazy. Crazy. Thousands of people. Thousands upon thousands. And they're dancing for hours. Yeah. And they're not even, they're dancing while the sun is up. They're dancing all day. There are 10 furries in full fur gear. Oh, yeah. It's 100 degrees outside. They are out there for hours doing their thing. I'm in barely a dress and I'm like it's too hot I'll see you in a few minutes I'll be right back I was never on stage for more than five minutes well I also think Market Days is I think Market Days partners with Heatstroke they kind of partner every year because Market Days has a liability to something because when is Market Days July August of August it'll kill you yeah it's hot and it should and I have wished for it no but I was doing this thing and we were doing Milwaukee Pride and it was it was right it was the weekend of oh this is gonna be such a bummer sit down everything so far has been kind of sad okay i know my brand pulse nightclub in orlando oh it happened i don't know if it did yeah it did happen and we had milwaukee pride the next oh i remember this yeah and there was a big conversation about are we gonna do it do we you know who feels safe enough And Detox was supposed to be there that day, but obviously like she recused herself.

31:05She recused herself. And she's from Florida, I believe. Yeah. It really hit her hard. But she, before the park opened, the other drag queen, she died in a fire. She texted, she gets a text that Detox is here. She's about to leave. She just wants to say hi. So I came out and I stood like away because she was already crying and I didn't want to like get in that business. Yeah. And so they're talking or whatever. And then she goes, who's that? And then she brought me over and she's crying. And I go, hi, I'm Darby. And she goes, oh, you're cute. And then kisses me on the lips, smiles, goes right back to crying.

31:52and that just shows the resilience of the queer community yeah in hard times or compartmentalization healthy compartmentalization exactly well that's why that's how we have to do

32:01Trixie Mattel:with our childhoods and the such as well queer joy right unbridled queer joy and it's also very queer to be like like if somebody you know what I mean it's like something kind of sexual it's like oh it's also very um do you remember in me girls when she's like big fat whore it was like very that my niece was just a mean girl she played Katie she's too good for the program she's in oh wow that's tough I love to go see productions specifically I love a community theater production I saw a community theater production of

32:37Trixie Mattel:Legally Blonde a couple years ago it ate there's a Presbyterian church near us that does all the juniors like in the summer they have like a theater or do they do like Rent Junior where they all have diabetes where they have diabetes instead okay so my she's at a stripper she works at Build-A-Bear or something well honestly I think that's more immoral if you work at Build-A-Bear that's a scam you can get a bear so cheap you can rip it out and put it in yourself would you stuff my teddy it's a Build-A-Bear does she do that? something she does someone once said like I love Alexis she's so funny but I know it's gotta be hard like to see her every day and like oh she has to edit me every day yeah it sucks oh I actually don't think between Katya and I who has it worse well she's in the hospital no I mean like so her who me having to work with her her having to work with me I don't know who like who who wants to take the bigger bullet every day oh that's true oh this is interesting because working with your best friend I would say that's hard huh do you guys hang out because Katya and I don't hang out or speak.

33:46Trixie Mattel:Not anymore. We do. Yes, we do. We do, but only because I don't have a car. I live so close to her, so she can't avoid me. Right. No, but the good thing is she doesn't call me anymore. I know I don't call her because she's listening to my voice and editing my face for eight hours a day. I can't talk to you off the internet. Also, you need to go have, if you guys talk about your life, you need to go have separate experiences and you kind of need to, bravo, bravo, bravo, nothing you say matters unless that camera's rolling. Yes. And I don't think I think that makes it a bad thing. No. Katya and I always talk about, we just, because of this, we want to have the fresh discovery of a story.

34:24Trixie Mattel:Regis and Kelly, they never spoke to each other until they got on camera. Katya and I on tour literally wouldn't see each other until we're on stage. That is her dream. Okay, that is my dream. It's nice. It's just because, like, you require a lot of support. Who's the insecure neurotic one? Who's like the do I look bad? Well, no. See, I used to be the insecure neurotic one, and then I transitioned and I got on SSRI Selexa 20 milligrams. I've never been happier and I have a boyfriend. She cries now. Oh, you have a boyfriend? Yes, he's awesome. What's he like for over a year? He is a musician like you.

34:55Who would play him in a movie? The comments say Noah Kahan. What? What's that? Noah Kahan is a music artist. He's like long hair, beard, scruffy. Good for him. You know when you

35:08Trixie Mattel:play Who Would Play Her, you pick someone that everyone knows. That everyone knows. Yeah, that would be helpful. The Noah Cahan community is going to come for you Oh shit Now it's over, I'm sorry We're of a certain age, okay You're quite a bit younger than us, right? No, I'm 40, actually I'm 41 today You're 41? Yeah, today's her birthday You really have always had a youthful vibe That's because she's not good at sentences and words Yeah, yeah, yeah I thought when we started doing drag, I thought you were younger than me Thank you

35:42Katya Zamolodchikova:This episode is sponsored by Squarespace. Hello, I'm Dr. Lind Biscotti III, founder, CEO, and chief inhalation curator of Atmosphérique, the world's leading purveyor of small batch artisanal air in jars. Have you ever thought, I wish I could own the exact air from a couple loudly breaking up in the parking lot outside of Panera? Well, now you can. At Atmosphérique, we offer signature blends like awkward elevator pause between floors at an accounting firm, whispers from a haunted frozen yogurt shop in our bestseller, The Last Breath of a Man Listening to Smooth Jazz in a 1978 Buick LeSabre. Each jar is hand-filled using ethically sourced breezes and unionized labor.

36:19Katya Zamolodchikova:The product was blowing up a few months ago, leading me to the conclusion that I desperately needed a website. You can't simply shout premium air into the void and expect conversions. That is where Squarespace came in. Their design intelligence is like having a brilliant digital stylist who looked at my jars of artisanal air and said, Yes, this deserves a website that screams elegance. It helped me create a beautiful, highly personalized site that truly captures my brand identity as a man who sells bottled molecules. My website now feels like a curated luxury experience worthy of atmospheric. And Squarespace payments?

36:53Katya Zamolodchikova:Oh, they're positively divine. I was up and running in minutes. Customers can check out with Klarna, Apple Pay, ACH Direct Debit, Afterpay, literally all the ways people prefer to pay for a jar of air from a Pomeranian that just heard the doorbell. Money flows in as effortlessly as my product flows out. I also connected all my social and multimedia accounts so people can see behind the scenes footage of my product development team chasing breezes and capturing the next signature whiff. Even more importantly, my product catalog syncs directly to Instagram and beyond, which means someone can impulse buy, win from a stranger who briefly judged your fashion sense without ever leaving their feed.

37:28Katya Zamolodchikova:And thanks to Squarespace SEO tools, when someone searches buy fancy air immediately, I appear prominently. like a luxury respiratory miracle. So be like me and build the website of your dreams with Squarespace. Head to squarespace.com for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com slash bald to save 10 % off your first purchase of a website or domain. Again, that's squarespace.com slash bald. This ad placement is paid for by Bath & Body Works.

37:56Trixie Mattel:The luxury scents and real benefits will take care of your home's well-being so you can take care of yours. When I was a little girl living in Provincetown, Massachusetts, The whole town seemed steeped in oysters, clams, and that stern, nostril-cleansing sermon of low tide. The air itself felt permanent, as if I had been born into a destiny of salt, mud, and damp clamshells. I thought home was something briny, gray, and a little tragic. Then I grew up, fled to the promise of the West, and found Los Angeles, a city perfumed with possibility. And now, somehow, thanks to the white barn neutrals collection from Bath & Body Works, home has utterly transformed in my mind.

38:35Trixie Mattel:Gone are those heinous seaside scents, and in their place is the White Barn Neutrals collection by Bath & Body Works, a home fragrance collection for hearth and home. For me, it feels like a beautiful escape from the smells I grew up with, and proof that comfort and belonging can be chosen. Sweet orange and agave is as bright as California morning, washing every warm memory of low tide from the room. Mahogany Coconut is warm, woodsy, and quietly glamorous, just like the Hollywood Hills. Moonlit goddess blooms like the life I always imagined for myself, dancing amongst the glitterati at a fancy party.

39:10Trixie Mattel:Pistachio milk and honey is creamy, soft, and comforting enough to make anywhere feel like home, even a malodorous seaside town. And the best part is these are the scents crafted with a nature and science for exceptional performance. Consciously clean ingredients, thoughtfully chosen and tested. Effective formulas developed to US and EU regulatory standards for safety and always responsibly made. Never tested on animals. These soy wax blended candles deliver up to 45 hours of room filling fragrance. The White Barn Neutrals by Bath & Body Works, home fragrance that truly transforms.

39:46Katya Zamolodchikova:Bath & Body Works candles not only smell amazing, but are crafted with premium lead-free wicks for clean, safe burn. Shop the White Barn Neutrals collection now at bathandbodyworks.com.

39:55Trixie Mattel:Today's episode of Bald and the Beautiful is brought to you by NoCD. There you are, just living your life when a horrible, unwanted thought crashes the party. Is that tiny sensation in my body actually a serious illness? Why doesn't my partner look as happy as I do? Why don't my partner look as happy as that other couple? Do I even love them? What if I'm a secretly violent, dangerous person, even though I don't want to be? And then, to make matters worse, your brain grabs onto that unwanted thought and will not let it go. and now you're spiraling, replaying every interaction you've ever had, seeking reassurance from everyone around you, and it never really helps for long.

40:31Trixie Mattel:What's going on? Unwanted thoughts that feel sticky, repetitive, and impossible to shake like that might be signs of OCD, a condition that is way too misunderstood. OCD involves unwanted intrusive thoughts that cause intense anxiety and behaviors you feel driven to do to get relief, even though that relief is only short lived. It can latch on to literally anything, your health, your morals, your relationships, and it can be completely debilitating. But it doesn't have to be that way because OCD is highly treatable with the right kind of specialized therapy. OCD needs ERP or exposure and response prevention, which is proven to be the most effective treatment.

41:08Trixie Mattel:And that's where NoCD comes in. NoCD is the leading provider of OCD treatment and all of their licensed therapists specialize in treating OCD with ERP therapy. In live face-to-face virtual sessions, your NoCD therapist will teach you how to take the power away from intrusive thoughts so you can spend your time and energy on things that will actually matter to you. Therapy with NoCD is covered by insurance for over 138 million Americans. They also provide support between sessions so you're never facing OCD on your own. If your unwanted thoughts are doing the most and you're tired, don't wait to get help.

41:40Trixie Mattel:Visit NoCD.com to book a free call with their team. That's NoCD.com. I will say the cast of characters, when we started doing drag in the same, it was the arena. Vixen, Pearl, Shay, Kim. Yes. The drag world was developing and flowering in that area code. Yeah. That is, there was a moment where like suddenly all of Chicago, all of the girls we came up with were on the show. Yeah. And it was like, every year someone was on Drag Race. One or two of them. Yeah. For a good long while. Then it was me. Then it was Kim. Yeah. Then I think it was Vixen. It was like, no Shay. Don't forget Nisha Lopez Nisha Nisha during the Kim season Right?

42:23It's not for me to know Oh Gia I feel Oh Gia was six Nisha hosts Oh my god My niece is gonna be in We're Six Junior Oh Mean Girls Junior So they changed the line Where Regina goes Hey I'm feeling very sexy And his dad changed it to Hey I'm gonna take a selfie and then she pulls out her phone and takes a picture of herself

42:52Trixie Mattel:I don't like junior versions of things we don't need junior euphoria we don't need junior are you watching showgirls they're old that's a funny idea I don't want to see old people go to high school that's why I didn't see Dear Evan Hansen you need to watch Netflix showgirls junior but only performed by adults If you guys went to audition at Netflix today to play High Schoolers, they would tell you that you're too young. Thank you. So you haven't gotten your eyes done yet. I have a question. This list says Twin Uendo. What's that about? So they, despite my objections, they have a podcast. Who's they?

43:30Who's they? Her and her brother. Her twin brother. I love to hear her explanation of things because I get like a view inside her mind of like, what does she think we're doing? Yeah, and so they have a podcast together called Twin U.N.O. that I am not on. And I'm not involved with. You haven't been asked. I haven't been. Well, I've been on it one time, but it is a boys club. They don't have to do drag or anything. And they talk about their trauma. We're doing trauma, okay? It's trauma talk. You know, he was a pastor for almost 20 years. I was a drag queen. You know, we weren't close.

44:01Trixie Mattel:He was a boy. She was a girl. Can I make it any more obvious? It's very that. Yeah, yeah. And much like Avril Lavigne, I do hope to kill him and replace him one day I love Avril Lavigne Me too I liked the original one the best But I gotta say the one that she is now What's her name now Stacy or something Melissa Who do they think Taylor is Melissa or something She was in Law and Order SVU last week She played a lesbian Oh she was so good And that's okay She was amazing Are you and your brother identical we're Mary-Kate and Ashley fraternal did you know Mary-Kate and Ashley are fraternal? they look very similar we look a lot alike, I'm an inch taller and he's straight it's really fun with them on tour together because like she'll walk behind a pillar and then he'll come out the other side and I'll be like and that's kind of a fun twin hijinks you want to hear about twin hijinks she rented a car the last time we went we went to North Atlanta, Alpharetta and Orlando and we rented a car to drive the same the two.

45:06Well, we used to say Alana, and then we realized, no, we're North Atlanta. Alpharetta is a beautiful name, though. She bought a car, and then she was like, you're going to drive, I'm just going to give you my ID in case we get pulled over. Because she didn't want to put him on the thing. Oh, am I allowed to say that? Yeah, no, go for it. No, blow up her spot. No, but she's mad. I don't think either of you in a

45:26Trixie Mattel:financial position to get banned from Enterprise. We're absolutely not. And it was Sixty. I love that you think we can afford Enterprise. Have you ever heard of Sixt? You guys are Alamo. We're Sixt. No bitch We're six with a T Yeah You ever want to start a company? It's a number with a T What's the one where you rent someone's car? Truro? That's No I'm not doing that Where you rent You like You like If you have a Prius You could like rent it For people to come get it And use it for the day I have a Subaru That's Kind of a great business venture Oh yeah Zipcar got me around Chicago Yeah I used to love Zipcar But she was mad that I didn't put her name on it Because she just She told me I was going to Learn how to drive again No no no I'm a very good driver I just got my ID back We got in really late and I couldn't wait in the sixth line.

46:08You know, the sixth line is crazy. There was no one there. So we just went straight to the car. Yeah. And I was the only one on it. And because he's straight, he drives better. And he looks like here. Yeah. So I just gave him my license. Gay people really shouldn't be driving.

46:20Trixie Mattel:Everybody's like, are the Waymo safe? I'm like, the gay people are out here driving. I'm not gay anymore safe enough. No driver is better than gay driver. Technically, I'm not gay anymore. Oh. My mom was thrilled. Oh my God. You are the stereotype of a woman driver. A heterosexual woman. Apparently, yeah. Yeah. You're part of the problem. I'm sorry heterosexual white lady yes you should see her titties get on Facebook the nipples are bigger than you think hi mamas you should become a trad wife hey mamas you should can I tell you my current obsession the thing that helps my SSRI is hand sewing dresses and I'm going to the hobbit okay don't look at me like that I love sewing and I like I feel like you have more control with hands it's the most productive thing she's ever done and I can do it in the plane hand sewing you do do it I can do it on the plane I love it She doesn't care where her elbows end up You're telling me that you're back in 21C Doing some fucking for richer or for poorer I really am Yeah I have to watch out for the stewardesses Have you guys ever Don't be insane Well this next note from the show says Don't impress me much That's a song that I do It's the only song I do She has done that song I do it everywhere For about 8 years now And I'm not exaggerating But it's improv because during the part where she says, so you're a rocket scientist.

47:35I stop the music and I say, hi, what's your name? And he says, you know, what's your name, Daniel? And I say, what do you do for work? Retail. Okay, so you probably have to deal with like customers and like interpersonal relationships. The song is called That Don't Impress Me Much. So, and I can't change the lyrics. Janiya Twain is very litigious, as you well know. And then it comes in, that don't impress me much. Yeah. And now that I've said it on this podcast, I'm going to have to retire. No, nobody listens to this.

48:03Trixie Mattel:They're going to see this thumbnail. They're going to realize neither of you are Katya, and they're going to fucking leave. Yeah, absolutely. And you know what? Thank you for that. Thank you for realizing that, finally. You know what? The two of you put together don't even equal one vascular crackhead. How does that feel? Oh, we know. Oh, you don't know. We're very self-aware. I used to put drugs in my butt. And that is something that I have heard that people do. And I just, in my experience, I can barely have like a solid BM without injuring myself. So how are people putting drugs up there? Solid BM.

48:30We had a guy come to our meet and greet and give us Metamucil. Metamucil gummies. Are you ever doing any of that?

48:36Trixie Mattel:And it changed our lives. Well, I usually am oscillating between a Miralax experience, but I'm always afraid. I'm afraid that a Metamucil is going to stop things up more. What do you think happens? Because Metamucil, it does when you go off it. Here's the thing. I kind of know what birth must feel like. This very hot guy whose dad died in 9-11. His dad died in 9-11. He brought us Metamucil gummies. We don't always have to say who died in a story. Well, we're not supposed to. His mom doesn't like it when we say it. She did. I requested we talk. But she did. But she's not here. Yeah. She's not in Hollywood USA, honey.

49:11And neither is her husband. He's not anywhere. Okay. Sorry. I'm sorry. That's fucking horrible. No, but he brings us these gummies. We start taking them. We start having solid poops every day. It's wild. And then I forget to take them. But no one tell us. Like, he didn't say, by the way, if you start this, you can't just suddenly stop. Because then it'll lock everything up forever. What? Yes. And so at Christmas, I'm in my in-laws house and I rip my butthole wide open. Mine came a few months later. And wasn't it horrifying? Do you watch The Pit? Yeah. You've been to be in The Pit. I've never seen it.

49:44Trixie Mattel:I mean, I know, you guys, I know about ripping a butthole. I don't have to watch a medical show to understand. What are you watching? Do you watch? What am I watching? I've been watching Real Housewives of Beverly Hills from the beginning. My ex used to watch it all the time. And so I peripherally have seen parts of it. Yeah, you've gotten the gist. And I texted Lisa. I said, you never guess what I'm watching. I've been watching Beverly Hills from the beginning. And I was like, kind of like. Did she say she's so fabulous. Embarrassed to admit that to her. Like I was like. But then again, I'm like, she's always kind of scandalized that I haven't seen it.

50:16Trixie Mattel:What's she smell like? Beautiful. Yeah. She is exactly as you would see on the program. I'm watching the program being like, she really is. Maybe you just miss hanging out with her a little bit. So I texted her being like, I'm watching Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. she's like wow yeah yeah because it's like 15 years ago it's like hey i'm watching home videos of you it's pre-covid it's a different world oh we were just talking about that on the way over here do you watch matlock there's a new matlock with kathy bates yes with kathy i've never seen it i watched gypsy rose blanchard life after lockup it got discontinued now i watched what did she do in her life after lockup the show literally starts i feel like i'm the only person who watched this because i never hear anyone talk about this and it's canceled now okay the show starts with her getting picked up from prison and them going to buy her shoes.

51:02Trixie Mattel:Like, you guys, it's the... In a world of people moving into fake houses to be on reality TV, this is about as real as it gets. Gypsy Rose Blanchard at Chew Carnival getting paparazzi. Oh, my God. It's fierce, bitch. It harkens back to a different time in reality TV. Oh, yeah. Well, now, here's a beautiful question. You're released from prison. Where are you going first? She gets McDonald's and she gets shoes. I love that. I would go, you know what? Turn it on its head. I would go to jail. I would just make sure I didn't leave anything in holding. You're a pick me girl. I'm going to. That's a pick me girl.

51:36I'm going. I need attention because my dad doesn't love me. I'm going to Taco Bell and I'm going to a fabric store. Girl.

51:42Trixie Mattel:You want to go get a job? Do you know what they need to get for the girls, the dragoons? They need to get, you know how they have like a Long John Silver's and McDonald's Combo or whatever? Yes. They need to get a fabric store, Taco Bell. Yeah While your fabric is getting cut You go get your chalupa I would be in there I would get a job there I would quit drag and get a job Do you guys cook? No, absolutely not I'm married to cook I started making Crunchwrap Supremes at home on my own You just need to buy the ingredients The Paco Bell doesn't want you to know this You know they make one in What's the restaurant?

52:15It's a Thai restaurant in West Hollywood I can't remember the name But they make their own version of a Crunchwrap Supreme But it tastes just like it Only fresh

52:23Trixie Mattel:Yeah I mean all you have to do is get the giant tortilla You get the small crunchy tortilla And you layer it all and then you pan fry it Oh that's fabulous I'm a Mexican pizza girl Or it's better than the Taco Bell one I'm sure McDonald's makes a really weird case of beer I'm a Mexican pizza girl You are? Dolly liked that too Dolly Parton liked that too Mexican pizza Did you have it in school growing up? That was always my favorite day Mexican pizza at school? It was an octagon What? You're not talking about Taco Bell sanctioned Mexican pizza This is woke No, I'm talking about pizza day in school It's the big rectangle Back in my day there were boys and girls Not Mexican We, she, they, them, Mexican pizzas In my day people were Singular We were dealing with the plural Don't look at me, I'm her She was they, them for a week And it was terrifying That was hard It was really hard on everyone in her life.

53:20Trixie Mattel:I do think it's funny that about eight days later you said, so. Yeah. We're going to flip the script. Guess who's back, back, back again, you know? Yeah, yeah. Okay. Mom, I'm straight again. It's an evolving journey of self-discovery. It really is. About you for a second. So just know that. Do you want me to look away? Yeah, that would be great. Okay. She's a completely different person as her fully realized female self. She sucked as a boy. Did she wear nails? you know she does that. I'm growing them out. She says that every time. No, she's so much better. She's been growing them out for years, honey.

53:56Yeah, for years and years. And then she does have to cut them occasionally. I'm growing them out. We look over, she's sniffing them right now. I lost three when I was on the plane sewing my new stays. Okay. Yeah, she can't wear nails because she's doing her Amish hand sewing on the plane. I'm so sorry. Well, because she's on that technology, the plane, she doesn't, it feels like it's too advanced for her.

54:16Trixie Mattel:I have a question. the next note in your show says it's not that easy being mean okay now this is her time to shine that is that is a number I used to do I don't do it anymore but it seems like you do this is from what last week that is from last October she doesn't wash her clothes this was in your pocket since last October apparently this is velvet by the way that's fierce girl I do love that I don't know what they call that sequin where the inside is velvet yeah yeah it's hot though. It's so hot and that's why I only... So you'd think she would have washed it. Indeed. It was winter when we were in...

54:52Oh, it was winter. It was a different time. And we stayed in Times Square. No, but we went to Times Square a lot. It's hard to sleep outside. No, but Not Easy Being Mean, I sing the song Not Easy Being Green, but obviously... Parody. Exactly. Oh, parody work. Yeah, parody work. Kind of Sherry Bonte. Thank you.

55:12Trixie Mattel:And I always love poo. Or, you know. Is that her song? She's the queen of a poop song for sure. That's why you don't have her on. You hate poop stuff. You hate her. You absolutely hate her. She's like, just shit my, just shit my pants. Like, I just shit shit my pants. She's, it's always like I shit my pants. I shit my pants. Well, I shit a pair of tights once in an Uber. Anyway. Why were you wearing just tights? It's not your business. It was very fetal to sit naked with just tights on in the Uber. You never did that? Also weird. I would go completely ready for the gig. No clothes. You didn't do that?

55:44Trixie Mattel:Recovered memory. why were taxis so cheap in Chicago back in? Oh, yeah. They used to pay you to take a taxi. They're still a little bit cheaper than Uber's. Thanks, Obama. Thanks, Obama. Now what? Sleepy Joe. I gotta be honest. I'm not loving what Joe Biden's doing in office right now. It's tough. The world seems crazy. Right. Someone call your grandpa. Nope. Political humor? Great. I'll save that for Kelly Mantle. Oh, yeah. Kelly really watches CNN. that fucking bitch I'd love to watch her watch the news I bet it would freak her out girl she can only be in touch with what she's in touch with and what she's in touch with is very little and how did y 'all end up like having her a part of all of your live events because she's a perfect addition to you and Katya we were coming up with a character that would be like our manager and I was like who is deeply available.

56:49Trixie Mattel:And, you know, drinks on a level that can make my drinking seem kind of, you know. Are you a drinker? Not really anymore. Yeah, same. I mean, two glasses of wine at dinner last night that was me getting wild. Do you have a headache today? No, I'm okay. Oh. How old are you? 36. People think I'm older because I'm bald and I look old. You don't look old. Well, no, I just, we were coming up at the same time. So I thought we were both really young. We were really fresh and young. I started to drag at like 30. That's normal, right? That was crazy. Yeah, that's right. You were like, hey, I'm old. Hey, guys.

57:27Trixie Mattel:Yeah. You kept saying that. You kept kind of being like, hey, I'm old. We were all like, we get it. We get it. It's because I knew twink death was coming for me. And I was so excited that I was still on life support. So I was showing off. Can I say? For real, it will come for you. and you have to develop a personality. You got to pick up the dumbbell or pick up the wig. Exactly. Absolutely. And I wish you would put down the wig. I also want to say, I, I, I, yeah, you should say it. As an educator, former educator, do you think there's some skills that carry over to controlling like a drag audience?

58:03Trixie Mattel:Right? People management. Well, I taught special ed and so I had to deal with people on a daily basis who needed extra support And whatever I was doing, I had to have three or four different options for how I could communicate that idea.

58:18Katya Zamolodchikova:Right. When people are drunk in a bar, you have to be ready to either be like you say whatever you say, they're going to laugh or whatever you're going to say, they're going to cry or whatever you say. They're not going to pay attention at all. They're going to be in a different room. Right. OK. And that's working at a bar in Chicago. And yeah, you have to learn how to like talk to a drunk asshole in a charming way. although sometimes when I would get drunk I would become the drunk asshole the first time I ever met Katya I was wasted and I tried to fight her outside Roscoe's and then so you don't have to be drunk to fight her thank you but I needed it I needed the confidence and then the guy at 7-Eleven called the police on me

59:01Trixie Mattel:the one right on Halstead? you know but knowing that it was Katya I bet she was in perfectly sound mind can I be honest she was She's probably smoking cigarettes. Listener, she was. She was, and she was chill. And I went up and was like, I don't know why I started to fight her. You know what it was? Dominance. She will talk to anyone. I'm an alpha. Sorry. She'll talk to anyone as long as she can smoke at the same time. Yeah. Well, she won't fight them while she's smoking. If she's outside smoking, go up to her. She's in her happy place. She's at her best. I don't think she smokes anymore. I tell people that we smoke.

59:35It explains our teeth. Yeah. But we don't smoke.

59:39Trixie Mattel:Also, it's a great way. you know when I worked at like a real job I was always pissed off that smokers got all these extra fucking breaks. I was just thinking that. I had diarrhea so much. When I worked at the MAC counter I'm like can I go stand outside? I forgot you worked at the MAC counter. Remember when MAC was it? MAC's kind of that girl again. It is. It's coming back. Did you go back to MAC after you launched your makeup line and you said big mistake huge or whatever? No because I also got fired from there. What'd you do? Nothing. It's a whole story. We don't have time we're wrapping up There is one more that I want to talk about Are you really just going through a set list from October?

1:00:17Trixie Mattel:Well I'm Hopefully you're not doing any of this again No we're not You know we are So if you guys go see their live show make sure that you act I want them to overact how new this is Yeah Okay the sit down joke The sit down joke is really enjoyable So make sure you scream There was a moment in Orlando though when I was telling a story And I thought you've all heard this on the podcast, haven't you? And the whole audience goes, yes. I know. And sometimes they're too nice to say anything. Yeah. But Katya and I have absolute brain death so we don't fucking know. Right? Well, you just say like that's part of...

1:00:57Trixie Mattel:She just remembered she has an Adam's apple. I'm so sorry. That was that guy's dad coming to get me. There is one more point I want to hit. This is death equals lady. What's going on there? Darby early on in our IMHO the show journey Darby had a new death story every single time not on purpose I just find it really interesting when people die she likes to talk about death did you guys used to do lives yeah no our show started because we used to do your close and personal friend Soju used to do a live you used to do Soju's live right I remember catching you guys on live does Soju do drag still I'm not sure wouldn't you know I don't really know her honestly what she came up after she was gone no you're very close to soju that's what reddit says I've maybe met her a couple times I'm just kidding I'm fucking with you I remember her being extremely beautiful and then she did that show where she would get drunk on live extremely yeah yeah shot with soju and that's how she decided to do a show and I was like well I can keep going with that so then me and auntie Chan started IMA.

1:02:06I love Auntie Chan. She's the best. She's so good. Is she working? Yeah. She's Camara Hall's truly adopted daughter now.

1:02:13Trixie Mattel:She's fucking fierce girl. She's amazing. She's so funny. And then I got jealous and I said, please don't do anything without me. And so I elbowed my way in. Yeah. Chan said, you are a decade older than me. I'm wasting my time. And so luckily I have my silver medal ready to go. Yeah. Thank you. It's nice to be the second or third choice. Yeah. It's where I'm comfortable. I like to be in a supportive position. Because alone, you guys have nothing. Yeah. And together, this is, hey, you're here. Yeah. Thank you. And that's. And thank you. And that's what it's about. We're putting that on the poster for the next live tour.

1:02:49Hey, we're here. Yeah.

1:02:50Trixie Mattel:Well, how long have you guys worked together now? Oh, my God. Gotta be pushing dead in years, right? We started at Hydrate. Oh, we were, I think, 14. Wow. It's long. Because we started at Hydrate doing, there was like the Snow White and the Seven Drag Queens. I remember that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so we would do that. We did that together. Fierce. Yeah, so we've known each other for a while. But I got to say, knowing you as a girl is so much more fun. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But since we fought on stage at VidCon last year, and I called her a dumb bitch in front of a bunch of children. You heard about it?

1:03:20But I think it's because I have a personality disorder. So I'm really sorry, but I put in my time with you as an undercover boy. This is just my version of that. Of course.

1:03:30Trixie Mattel:We accept the love we think we deserve. So I don't know what happened to you. Well, thank God I have a boyfriend now and he's really lovely. And nice and hot. We're going to have to wrap up. Understand. She painted his penis green and put a hat, like a witch's hat on it. I took a picture. I had an Elphaba doll and I put the hat on it and then in Photoshop I painted it green. I would never actually do that. The second Wicked was so bad. Oh, wait. You know what? What? We're going to let Trixie run the show for a minute. But the third one was fierce. Yeah, I love the third one. The third one? Oh, my God.

1:04:03when the munchkins all start fucking. I'm sorry. I've been watching a lot of weird videos. I have to tell you this. I miss Dunkin' Donuts. Do you miss Dunkin' Donuts? I saw the funniest one yesterday. It was this guy, little hot twink guy, much like you, not you, much like you. And his whole thing is that his penis is small. Oh. And he loves that it's small. And I think that's beautiful.

1:04:24Trixie Mattel:I don't super care about you. I don't either. Thank you guys so much for coming. No, I was going to say. I was going to say, I really super do not care about small things. Oh, no, we don't either. That's the point. I love a small one. Get a fucking life if you care. Sorry, everyone. Get a fucking life. My dad cares. My dad has a micro penis. Nick Nixon. Anyway, so I click on his video because he's hot. And I'm like, yeah, let's go small penis. And he has his phone like here. And he comes. And then he goes. I'm sorry. Was this in Wicked 3? This was in Wicked 3. This is the climax. Right. Yeah. Goon News.

1:05:08So he comes and then he looks in the camera and he goes, I told you my little guy would make a mess.

1:05:17Trixie Mattel:If you guys want to see these people, they're online and you also can, you can actually thumbs down this video and maybe you'll never see them again. And maybe never see us again. We'd like to thank you so much for having us. Are you kidding? Thank you so much. And thank you to Katya for - Oh, can you give a message of hope to Katya? Oh, yeah. Well, I know that we share a birthday. Oh, is your birthday today? And my birthday is today. What? So I - Oh, thank you. We said that already. So - You did? Oh. You were in the throes of hosting. It's okay. And so I was kind of - When you told me that, I was like - Wait, is Katya's birthday today?

1:05:55Yeah. In the hospital? Well, and I was like, oh, sure. Katya's out sick on her birthday. and then she posted that pic.

1:06:02Trixie Mattel:Also, love that she posted a picture with tubes in her nose with no information and just said death comes for us all or some shit. I love that. You know there's a 14-year-old girl crying right now. Well, I hope you're getting stuck. I saw on Twitter, people have been Venmoing her. She's a millionaire. Love it. Just send her the money. And her Venmo's at Trixie Mattel. At Trixie Mattel. And at Alexis Bevels. Katya, listen. We hope you get better soon. Sorry, but thanks. And strong. And together, we can. Well. Do svidaniya. In My Homosexual Opinion is a fabulous program that you can check out. Thank you guys so much for joining me.

1:06:45Trixie Mattel:Thank you. The power of the Midwest compels us. Do I do that? I've never been a top. You have a special pink everything. Oh, yeah. I have this pink side and then you guys are on the devil side. Are you still doing that? Pink? Like in your house? Yeah. Everything's pink. Oh, I love it. You like it? I do. I've never gotten sick of it. You're a runner. That's nice. I can't run anymore because of my arthritis. It's a whole thing. We can't talk about me on the show. Oh, yeah. This was about you. Okay. I'm sorry. Okay. I don't have arthritis, but I do have, I did have a ripped butthole for a couple of minutes.

1:07:16I'll get your number and I'll text you all my questions. How about that? Please don't. Okay.

1:07:20Trixie Mattel:Bye. Bye.

1:07:30Thank you.

1:08:00Katya Zamolodchikova:life on the moon. With bold, chef-crafted flavors, fresh ingredients, and over 40 grams of protein, they're built to satisfy without slowing you down. Try wraps today in the app or at order.sweetgreen.com. Available at all participating locations.

1:08:23Trixie Mattel:Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile, with a message for everyone paying big wireless way too much. Please, for the love of everything good in this world, stop. With Mint, you can get premium wireless for just$15 a month. Of course, if you enjoy overpaying, no judgments, but that's weird. Okay, one judgment. Anyway, give it a try at mintmobile.com slash switch.

1:08:45Katya Zamolodchikova:Upfront payment of $45 for three-month plan, equivalent to$15 per month required. Intro rate first three months only, then full price plan options available. Taxes and fees extra. See full terms at mintmobile.com.