Juno Birch Is a Little Less Blue with Trixie

17:06Katya Zamolodchikova:This episode is sponsored by Squarespace. Hi, I'm Taji Solstice. seasonal entrepreneur and the sole owner of summer. That's right. I acquired the intellectual property rights to sunshine, flip-flops, backyard barbecues, and the concept of the one and only place that's okay to wear a straw fedora is at a picnic. As the new owner of summer, I needed a website fast so the public would know that summer is not only here, but under the bold new management of Todd. Hence, I built the new site on Squarespace and with Memorial Day just around the corner, my web traffic is exploding. Their design intelligence made it weirdly easy to create a gorgeous custom site that looked exactly like my brand, which is warm potato salad meets melted popsicle.

17:44Katya Zamolodchikova:I also use Squarespace payments because when people are buying my custom line of beach chairs and sunscreen, I need payments in one place and I need them now. Setup was incredibly simple and customers can pay with all kinds of methods. This is important when your client base is as varied as people on boats, camp counselors, and mothers named Deborah. I even connected all my social accounts, embedded promotional videos, and used Squarespace SEO tools so people searching who owns summer now find me immediately. As the new owner of this glorious season, Squarespace has helped me promote and monetize the season of perspiration like no one else could.

18:18Katya Zamolodchikova:If you're like me and need a website, go to squarespace.com for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com slash bald to save 10 % off your first purchase of a website or domain. Again, that's squarespace.com slash bald. This ad placement is paid for by Bath & Body Works. The luxury scents and real benefits will take care of your home's wellbeing so you can take care of yours. This is a letter to the editor of the Fragrance Times, a newspaper that definitely exists. To whom it may concern, I write to you today with a trembling hand and a heart forever altered. For most of my life, I existed in a kind of sensory famine.

18:51Katya Zamolodchikova:I moved through gardens, bakeries, rainstorms, and candle aisles like a man barred from paradise, a man dimly aware that others were living in a richer, more aromatic world than his own. I did not know what it truly meant to smell, to truly feel a home rise up around you through fragrance alone. And then, like mercy in a glass vessel, came the White Barn Neutrals collection from Bath and Body Works. Suddenly, my life had atmosphere. Sweet orange and agave brought brightness to rooms I had mistaken for ordinary. Mahogany coconut gave my home a warm woodsy soul. Moonlit goddess bloomed through the air like a secret finally told.

19:22Katya Zamolodchikova:Pistachio milk and honey wrapped itself around me with the tenderness of a cherished memory. This is a home fragrance collection with heart, helping you to elevate your well-being with a home that makes you feel whole again. And dear sir, this beauty is not accidental. These are scents crafted with nature and science for exceptional performance. They feature consciously clean ingredients, thoughtfully chosen and tested, with effective formulas developed at US and EU regulatory standards for safety. They are responsibly made and they're never tested on animals. These amazing soy wax blend candles deliver up to 45 hours of room-filling fragrance.

19:53Katya Zamolodchikova:At last, I'm no longer merely a man in a house. I'm a man in a world. Bath and Body Works candles not only smell amazing, but are crafted with premium lead-free wicks for clean, safe burn. Shop the White Bar Neutrals Collection now at BathAndBodyWorks.com.

20:06Trixie Mattel:We were talking about your creative pivot a little bit because you've gone from being blue and touring this like concept space creature to doing stand up kind of closer to yourself. What has that been like? It's been really strange. I've been wanting to do that for such a long time. Right. But I was scared to do it because I built this sort of branded face, the alien face of the glasses and the wig and the marigolds and all that sort of thing. and I was scared to sort of step away with it because I felt people would be disappointed. And then there was one show that I did on the UK tour last year and they had no AC.

20:42It was 30 degrees Celsius, which is boiling hot inside the room. And I just turned around. I said, I'm not, I'm not doing it. I can't get in drag. So I did the whole show out of drag.

20:53Trixie Mattel:And I loved it. People don't realize when you do these special effects colors, you can't sweat. It's not an option. Oh my God. You and I did a shoot for YouTube for Pride two years ago. Oh my God. And the air conditioning was like non-existent. I know. And I would try to be cool about it. And I was like, you guys, I'm fine. And you, I don't know how to say this, but they were maybe more scared of me on set. Oh yeah. So I turned to them and was just like, she's not going to say this because she's too nice. She's like special effects blue. You can't even sweat. If she sweats, she'll probably have to wipe it off and start over.

21:27You can't, when you put talcum powder on top of that blue makeup, if there is a slight bit of wet or anything cracks, you can't redo it. It like freckles almost. Yes, it does. It congeals. And if you're beauty blending it on and you're already sweating through the pores, it will take it back off.

21:48Trixie Mattel:It takes it off. Whereas when it's skin colored, well, also the stuff you were making, you were using foundations mixed with pigment to make the foundation. It's not like you go backstage and have a jar of it. No, but I did do that once and that was a mistake. Oh, really? Because it's strong. You pre-mixed it? I pre-mixed it. I melted it into a Tupperware and then like put it in the fridge to like set it like butter. This is the first tour that I did. and the smell that came off it was just like the wax it was like bleachy mushroomy semeny it was just like and every show this is back when i was drinking on tour as well i'd be like putting on the like dry heaving putting on yeah and on that tour this is like five years ago now i was performing in venues that barely had any ac like rock clubs and it was and i was in corsets pads and everything yeah i was on my deathbed well you're also wearing because you're blue your costumes were it's sort of like the wig not with the wiggles it's sesame street where it's full body fabric coverage yes but this like wicked this was like this was like during the attack of the stunning tour so this was like the space the alien space age era where i was in space suits pvc pvc yeah fully i would have tights on underneath a full foil fabric catsuit that was also lined with oh yeah soaked pad because it was like nude illusion so you would see the skin through the pvc and your wigs are huge yeah how do i always wonder how you function with the glasses on because we dressed up as you once together you were working at foo bar yes she did you did get foo bar lady red was on the door yeah was it pre-covid or was it it was pre-code it was 2019 yeah it was maybe right before covet or something yeah yeah we yeah lady red was on the door and i think mario was djing and you were ray latre show ray latre show yes and i was dressed as you because we did a video together so then we went together and i remember i was standing there in your outfit and like the head wrap and everything and do you remember this the guy came up to me the stage manager and said hey just you know we're starting in five and i said okay and then they walked away and i was like i guess i'll go tell her because he thinks i'm you yeah so then i wanted to go to you i had no idea what time stage time was at that point so i was like whoo phil was going there was like this weird there wasn't a stage it had like a it was like a step up platform.

24:33Yeah, it was not like a proper stage. And Phil kept going to be, be careful of the set. Be careful of the set. Because I was already a little bit tipsy anyway. Right. And I was, I'm going to be fine. I'm going to be fine. And I went straight up there and completely pedant. Do you remember me falling over? Oh, yeah. There's something very, I always feel like as a performer,

24:50Trixie Mattel:if you warn me about a step on stage, I get really defensive. Like, you think I'm an idiot? And then you fall over it. And then I fall. Like, there's always some part of me that's like, you don't have to tell me. I've been doing this 17 years. I know. fall on the floor. It must be nice not painting blue because the times I've done that, you have blue ear holes. I know. Blue nail beds. Well, the thing is, the amount of hotels and Airbnbs I must have stayed in and left blue on everything. The thing is that when you shower it off, it doesn't, there's not really blue water everywhere. It's more the towels.

25:24You think you've got it off. But you don't. And then you'll scrub with a towel and you're like, oops. You know. But I don't miss it at the moment. I'm enjoying being able to write comedy as me. Yeah. Rather than as like, she's an alien from da-da-da-da. You know what I mean? I know. I totally get it. And I just feel a little bit like when I started that so many years ago, I felt like I was just in my own lane. And now when you go to DragCon, there's so many pastel blue aliens, 60s drag queens, that I'm just kind of like.

25:59Trixie Mattel:They really are out there. yeah it's fine i mean i'm sure it doesn't bother you does it no not at all let them live no i don't really feel precious about people when they have like a big black and white eyes or something and people say it's like me i'm like i don't think that no i don't see myself in anyone else no you will never be me they'll never be you but um what was i gonna say then i was gonna say um i the only thing that does bother me is when somebody copies my drawings or artwork oh yeah are you doing illustrations again i'm on a i'm i kind of go through phases of in and out doing artwork because i feel like when i'm doing stage work it's a different person to when i'm sat at home and don't want to talk to anybody and just draw a picture do you know what i mean watch tv and like yeah i'm comfy i don't answer my phone and also i can't sculpt with them oh my my God, do you miss doing your sculptures?

26:56Trixie Mattel:Yeah. I think, you know, David, my ex David is, I think the world's premier collector of Juno Birch sculptures. He probably has like eight of them. I know. They're amazing. Thank you. They're so cute. How did you ship those all over the world? They look so fragile. This was, this was going back even before I started doing drag, I think. Yeah, this was like, because that was how I paid my rent. Was making sculptures. Was making sculptures because I, I would, I would spend like seven days just locked in my bedroom making miniatures that were in little baggies. Which is a sign of mental illness. Yes, I know.

27:33Trixie Mattel:When you say it like that. I know. When you say it like that. I'm like, is she okay? No, I'm not okay. Is she going to jump from there? I've never been okay. But do you know what? It makes me money. Yeah. You did really. It was very exclusive. I feel like you would put one out like monthly and David would buy it. Yes. It was like always him. I know. But I, I remember seeing his name on so many receipts and I was like, who the fuck is David Silva? Yeah. He loves your heart. He's my new sugar daddy. Yeah. Totally. Totally. But no, I, I, I used to sell them quite a lot of money and I know David bought quite a few, but like there was, they sold really quickly.

28:14And I know I've always, I, what I've, I've launched a new merch website. JunoBurchLive.com JunoBurchLive.com It is solely just my artwork on merchandise. That's great. I'm not doing as much drag merch where fans make art and put it on shirts and stuff. I'm just doing just things I've done on my iPad or sculpted or whatever. And you know what I'm working on at the moment? Tell me. Bag charms. Bag charms! You know like that little vinyl plushie that you get? Like a LeBubu? Something like that. I want to do my sculpture heads but in like a little furry sort of like oh i love that and they all have their little bios and little characters storylines yes that's fun so i'm working on that at the moment and just looking for like manufacturers and stuff like that so i have a piece of merchandise for me

29:07Trixie Mattel:that i love it's your white shirt and it's a black illustration it has you on it but it's a lot of other stuff too i remember when i first came to stay with you in la in 2019 and you had that shirt on. It was a really, really old shirt. And I remember looking at it like, how the hell is that so white? And you were saying that you put bleach in the washing machine. Girl, you've got to get into it. When I tell you about bleach, let's take a break. Are you kind of like Danny DeVito when Always Sunny, when he goes through the quarantine and he just smothers himself in bleach? I'm like Danny DeVito in everything.

29:43Okay?

29:44Trixie Mattel:When you have white clothes and you put bleach in the wash, that Those clothes will come out whiter than you've ever imagined. Glowing white. What about the ink in the rest of the fabric? Does the bleach not make the black ink? No? No. It'll just do the natural fabric. I should be a bleach expert at this point, shouldn't I? Oh, my God. But I mean, like, my white socks, and I wear a lot of plain white T-shirts, because I dress like a Sim. I dress like too normal. Like a serial killer. You're the randomized button. Totally. And my white T-shirts, you've got to use bleach. White sheets, your white pillowcases and stuff, You probably don't wear white pillowcases.

30:21Why?

30:23Trixie Mattel:Well, blue. I don't, I haven't done that since September last year. Maybe now, but maybe not anymore because I had to wash the sheets in the Airbnb because I shat myself in the bed the other day. With Phil? A couple of weeks ago. Yeah, and it got on Phil's leg as well. He's in here. I told him he could come in here and watch it. He said no. Listen, no, no. Phil can answer. he's probably actually really fuming that I told you, but it was, it was that kind of, did, do you know shit on you? Okay. So nevermind. It was, I, I was very, very ill. I was drinking Pepto Bismol like so much. And it was just horrible, but it was leaking out of me.

31:12Sure. I was, I was nearly, after the watermelon incident. Oh, right. You got food poisoning. I got food poisoning from the sesame chicken. That's right. Open sesame, honey. I don't know this. Pepto-bismol makes your shit black.

31:25Trixie Mattel:It does. I thought I was internally bleeding. No, the active ingredient is like bismuth something that makes your poop black. Oh, my. Pepto-bismol's amazing. It did save my life. It really is amazing. I like the little tablets that you get. The tablets for tour are fierce. I sent some your way the other night. They taste kind of good. The tablets taste kind of good. Yeah Peptibism will taste different here than in the UK though In the UK I think it's more minty You gotta mix it with a little bit of gin Ooh Ooh Does it curdle? Ooh Love the colour Does it float on top? The colour's beautiful Yeah The colour's really beautiful Whenever I did pink makeup that was my inspiration It's a great colour It's very blue Blue pink Yes Bubblegum pink Yes It's very bubblegum male Don't wear as a lipstick because your teeth will look yellow Not you anymore Not anymore The teeth look incredible.

32:17Trixie Mattel:You're just in constant pain. I'm on a diet of Tylenol right now. How many do you take a day? Paracetamol. Maybe like four doses, three doses a day, maybe. How many you're allowed to. But do you know what I think it is? I grind. When I'm on stage or I'm doing something, I clench my teeth. I think that pushes the crowns a little bit, maybe. Think of all the gender affirming participations in medical field you've experienced and teeth was the one that got you. I know it hurt worse than getting my dick turned into a vagina.

33:00Trixie Mattel:That didn't hurt that much, actually. That's a credit to your surgeon. I know. Dr. Bellringer. That's right. That's right. You were telling me his name. His name is Dr. Bellringer. Dr. Bellringer. He's a sweetheart. Yes. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Do you know what he said to me? I remember I went in for a checkup because I had to go back down to London. You know, they check you up. He said, do you know what? You make a really great woman. And at first I was like, is this pervy or is this nice? But I thought it was lovely. I think I'm sure after the experience you had with him, there's a high level of intimacy.

33:37Trixie Mattel:He probably just feels very comfortable with you. He's seen me inside out. I don't know how much more familiar you can get with somebody. I know. Do you have a video of the surgery? No Okay well Whenever I have a surgery I always like weirdly go home And wish I could watch a video of it No no I wouldn't want to see that Even when I had my teeth shaved down I didn't want to see what they looked like Oh yeah people tell me they go in the mirror And they like in the middle of their teeth surgery They go to the bathroom and see their teeth and freak out I did do that I don't remember it I was that traumaed from the pain I don't remember looking in the mirror but I had this they send you home with like a um a temp in and then they fit because they make them overnight or whatever yeah and then during that wait of two days with the temp in was the oh my god the worst fear I've had in my life I had this fear that there was going to be like a hurricane or like a an earthquake or something and I was going to have to go home with sharp teeth zombie apocalypse and then you have you have little nubs for the zombie apocalypse imagine if I died and I had to haunt like with shark teeth?

34:45Trixie Mattel:Oh, yeah. Well, but you don't have asthma anymore. No. That's kind of nice. No. Right. Listen, NHS, I've got something to tell you. I was diagnosed with asthma many, many years ago. Why is it easier to get a pussy at the NHS than to get an accurate asthma diagnosis? It is not easy. I was on that waiting list for like five years from the age of 16 onwards. Yeah. And I was waiting so long and then they canceled my surgery on the day of the surgery and postponed it a year. Heartbreaking. Because my surgeon had left the NHS and gone privately. That was, were you upset? Oh, I was devastated. There's pictures of me in the hotel that we booked in London.

35:32Like just lying there staring at the wall. Like, cause I'd waited my whole life for it and everything. It was horrible.

35:39Trixie Mattel:But it sounds like everything worked out. Yes, it did. It absolutely did.

35:52Trixie Mattel:So you guys, I'm getting ready for spring. Prides, festivals, music festivals, flying, touring, etc. Club, another club. And I know for me, my personal journey of health, I have learned that everything, everything comes back to your digestive system. Your digestive system, your gut, the way everything is processing is like the tell-all book of what is going on with your mind, your body, everything else. And probiotics are the only way to stay in the gut for a few days or weeks at a time. So consistent use can help support the benefits. I take probiotics and I'm taking Ritual Symbiotic Plus and it's impacted me because I would buy all my vitamins at the stores, whatever.

36:34Trixie Mattel:And then I would run out and I would totally fall off the wagon of like, what was I using? What was I taking? What I love about ritual is I was able to just pick out my items online, have them sent to me, and they'll be easy to reorder in the future or keep them coming regularly. So for me, I'm trying to take better care of the pre and probiotic lifestyle inside me because I've noticed with my autoimmune flare ups, it's all directly connected to the way my gut is working. And so when I'm flying and traveling, food is inconsistent, sleep is inconsistent. I need to keep my, you know, Symbiotic Plus Biotic formula consistent because it's a three-in-one clinically studied pre-pro and postbiotic in clinically studied doses to support a balanced gut microbiome.

37:18Trixie Mattel:Get regular and stay regular. It's vegan. It's formulated without GMOs, major allergens, animal products. And it's just like a very light kind of mint vibe. Support a balanced gut microbiome with Ritual Symbiotic Plus. Save 25 % off your first month at ritual.com slash bald. That's ritual.com slash bald for 25 % off your first month. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Life is a journey, which sounds beautiful and poetic until you remember that one journey in 2008 where you had Pad Thai at a gas station purchased under fluorescent lights next to the windshield wiper fluid. I ate it in the rental car, questioning not just the choices that had brought me to that very moment, but my entire concept of life is a journey.

38:00Trixie Mattel:May is Mental Health Awareness Month, and it's a good reminder that whatever you're carrying, you do not have to carry it completely alone. Some nights it's what keeps you up. Other nights it's relationships, money, family, the future, or that mysterious feeling that everyone else in the world has it figured out, as if they've received a manual telling them to not buy Pad Thai on the side of the road at 1 a.m. Therapy can be a place to talk with someone who listens, understands, and offers unbiased support. BetterHelp therapists are fully licensed in the U.S. and work according to a strict code of conduct.

38:30Trixie Mattel:You start with a short questionnaire and BetterHelp uses over 12 years of experience to help match you with a therapist. And if it's not the right fit, you can switch any time. With over 30 ,000 therapists, BetterHelp is the world's largest online therapy platform serving over 6 million people globally. With an average 4.9 out of 5 star rating for live sessions based on over 1.7 million client reviews. Life is already hard enough. You deserve someone traveling that path with you. You don't have to be on this journey alone. Find support and have someone with you in therapy. Sign up and get 10 % off at betterhelp.com slash bald.

39:04Trixie Mattel:That's betterhelp.com slash bald. This episode is sponsored by HIMSS. Look, sometimes things feel a little off in the bedroom. Maybe it's stress. Maybe it's sleep. Maybe it's even getting older. Or maybe you've been moonlighting as a trapeze artist in the circus, swinging through the air in sequins, screaming internally, and wondering about how your 401k is doing right now. And honestly, it's nothing to be embarrassed about. ED is way more common than most of you guys think, and a lot of guys wait longer than they need to do something about it. The good news is getting real treatment can be simple, and through HIMSS, it's 100 % online.

39:39Trixie Mattel:HIMSS connects you with the licensed healthcare providers online, giving you simple access to legitimate ED treatment options from home. No awkward appointments, no standing in a pharmacy, pretending you're simply clocking all the new cough drop flavors that just dropped. All you have to do is complete a simple online intake and a provider will review your information to determine if treatment is right for you. If prescribed, your treatment ships directly to your door in discrete packaging. That includes silbenifil, also known as generic Viagra, available through HIMSS at up to 95 % less than the brand name version.

40:11Trixie Mattel:And if that option isn't right for you, there are additional treatment options available so you can find what works best for you. It's transparent, it's straightforward, and it's designed to make getting care feel easy. To get simple online access to personalized, affordable care for ED, hair loss, weight loss, and more, visit hymns.com slash bald. That's hymns.com slash bald for your free online visit. hymns.com slash bald. Prescription required. See website for details and important safety information. Sildenafil is the generic version of Viagra. Viagra is a registered trademark of Viatris Specialty LLC.

40:44Trixie Mattel:Hymns is not affiliated with or endorsed by Viatris. I always was laughing because we would make fun of you for smoking cigarettes and having an asthma inhaler and maybe some of the counterintuitive process there. And then you're finding out magically you don't have asthma. Yes. So I went and got diagnosed with asthma when I was maybe like 23. Okay. And I had a really bad chest infection. So I went to the doctors and they just were like, we're going to do an asthma test on you. my lungs were so weak from the chest infection that you'd breathe into the tube like this and because my lungs were weak she just went okay you've got asthma is this a thing where they try to make is it the ball?

41:25Trixie Mattel:you know when you blow that thing in the ping pong ball? yeah it was like that I've seen that on television and then I got the steroid inhaler and the blue inhaler and I used that for many many many years and my chest was always just wheezy and shit and... Albuterol? Is that what it's called? What are they called? I don't know. It's a steroid. I don't know. So then, you were telling me the other day that the inhaler was essentially keeping you needing the inhaler at a certain point. I think so. Psychological warfare. I think so. And they kept doing asthma checkups and they were like, you need to use your inhalers.

42:00I'm like, I've not used my inhaler in five months and this is the best my lungs have ever felt. Right. And they were like, okay, stop using it then. Love that. Also, I went on Manjaro. Oh, okay. And apparently that reduces inflammation in your lungs.

42:18Trixie Mattel:It does. I am on some kind of one of those because rheumatologists are using it for arthritis. My rheumatologist said that people who are on it are going off their, some people are going off their arthritis medicine because the anti-inflammatory side effects are so profound. It's pretty crazy. I had to stop taking it because it made me So sick Those shots made me so sick I was the same I kind of did it because When you take a lot of hormones You put on weight so quickly So I did it because of that But I kind of like a bit of a boobie And a bit of a bum bum And it was making me dead skinny In the waistline In the hip line It's a trade off I feel like and also the face like i feel like most people's faces look really pretty with something a little something yeah i look like i've had cheek filler you do oh yeah you were telling me that people are thinking i've never had cheek filler when i saw you for the first time a couple weeks ago i asked if you had maybe had a special trip to the dentist or something because you looked so but maybe it's the last drinking no it was the sesame chicken I come off the Ozempic because of the sesame chicken I was like this has snatched me so good that I should sue the restaurant not for food poisoning but for unrealistic body standards I went off the one go in the Manjaro and I just started having sesame chicken once a week blowing my ass out black diarrhea dribbling I have a question about doing stand up you go out there and do I'm trying to think one of the reasons you pivoted to your like normal look is because the audience if they know nothing about you you have to explain you have to kind of explain or you just make a joke of it like you just be like you're all like what the fuck is that kind of thing but i didn't like doing that because i felt like i felt like when i was dressed as the big alien costume i needed a big performance with it so to just sit there and just do stand-up comedy just felt a bit like i'm doing all of this look just to chat, you know.

44:30I totally relate to that. I felt like I needed a song, I needed a number, I needed something, some bit of Liza Minnelli, do you know what I mean?

44:38Trixie Mattel:Yeah, I think we all need a little bit of Liza Minnelli. Yeah. What are we going to do when she dies? I don't know what we're going to do. Probably we're going to do what we do when Katya dies, just hang, just celebrate. Yeah. Ding dong, the witch is dead. I have a question. We have all these things clipped on your head. You call them bird nest, right? Yeah. Do you ever, and then they just fly off? You don't have to, but I mean, are they expensive? No. Five pounds from Amazon. Good deal. I know. I've got, I've probably got about 35. No, I'm not joking. Do you ever just keep putting them on? Oh, yeah.

45:16But they start to discolor. Oh, from like where? No, I think one of the easiest hairspray, dry shampoo, cigarettes, bird shit, you know, like I feel like they start discoloring. Somebody was around my house recently and they were like, oh my God, you have so many. Cause I had them all lined up. I was about to give them all a bath and dunk them all in. What do you clean them with?

45:39Trixie Mattel:OxiClean? No, just shampoo and. Oh, like, yeah. Are they human hair? No. Okay. I like plastic hair more than human hair. I don't like human hair. And they came around, they looked at the lineup of all the birds nests. They went, oh, oh my God, you've got them all different shades. They were just dirty. It's not a gradient on a purpose. Yeah. This one's gray because, you know, I went out partying in this one. This one's green because, you know, it fell off in a pond. I don't know. You used to do this thing. When I first met you, you had like a, you did like the scarf wrap around the head. Out of drag?

46:19Trixie Mattel:Yeah. Yes. That was kind of your day look vibe. Yeah. I like doing it with this a bit. You know, sometimes if he's a bit too, too crusty, I'll just wrap a big turban around it. Yeah. I. Please be careful. Do you ever remember when I first ever walked into the Trixie Motel? Oh, and you broke something. In the alien room and I smashed the bedside table lamp. You did. First thing. First thing. No, what was I going to say then? I feel like I've got this thing that I've diagnosed myself with. Oh, great. Called small. Transgenderism. Maybe. I go back. Just kidding. I know it's like a small head insecurity.

47:01You think you have a small head? You've probably never seen me with like wet, flat hair. Oh, is it like a chihuahua? But it's like at the back of my head. It's like so small. It's like Pepper from American Horror Story. Let me see. It's really. Oh, wow. Yeah. Where is your brain? I know. It's in my nose. Crazy. But I hate it. So I feel like I have to always have something. something big on my head i remember many many years ago i tried doing like a long straight did you feel it no i hated it i hated it i felt like my face looked too big for my head

47:37Trixie Mattel:yeah you could do the amanda thing where you kind of she wears like a lot of half half hairs i think who's amanda middle poor because she's also that super high lift blonde do you know what i mean oh my god yeah was she does she use some of her natural hair yeah i I think she wears, because I read her book, Doll Parts, and she was like, I don't even go get the mail in my building without sunglasses, lipstick, and a headscarf. Yeah, well, I heard a story about her in Birmingham. Somebody who booked her in the UK decided to put her on a megabus. Amanda Lepore on the megabus? You do not put Amanda Lepore on a megabus.

48:14Get her the PJ. No. The private jet. People like that that just should not be on certain public transport. It's criminal. See, that sounds kind of discriminatory when you say it like that.

48:25Trixie Mattel:Yeah, it is. People like that shouldn't be on public transit. What do you mean by that? What do you mean by that exactly? Those transgender women. Ew. Ew. You know what? You don't want to go in the girls' bathroom? Ugh. I think, I think, I'll do you one better. All queer people should be exempt from public transit. Right? Yeah, I'm happy with that. I used to take the bus all the time in drag because it was just like, I didn't have a car. I needed to get around. When you're the biggest freak on the bus, people mostly leave you alone. Pause, pause, pause, pause. You got the bus in drag? I used to all the time.

48:59Trixie Mattel:To go to Hamburger Mary's. Wait, in what city? Milwaukee. Girl, I'd be on that bus in full drag with my suitcase with my stuff for the show. No. And people would, when you're that on the bus in Milwaukee, people wouldn't even be like, eye contact with me. I suppose they're probably a bit scared of you in a way. Oh my God. Yeah. Nobody would seat in the seats by me. No. Yeah. And it was nice because I could just, usually what I would do is I would get myself to the gig and then once you're in drag and the bartenders are closing up and stuff, you're like, can somebody drive me home? You could suck off a ride home.

49:32Trixie Mattel:suck off a ride home. You could, you could, you could leech off a ride home, but I would get myself to the gig. Yeah. I feel like in the UK, we all sort of don't get ready at the venue. no one gets ready at the venue yes I notice that and I notice people kind of go out in one look in one hair too that's kind of the vibe yeah we do one look for the whole well I know there's a lot of queens that do variations if they're doing different numbers they'll make a change but I feel like UK in a nutshell drag is just sort of we just live in it yeah it feels more like New York drag in that way where like you leave the house in character and you commit to the look till you go home yeah i think that's fine i mean the uk must be so proud of you you've gotten so famous and i feel like you um feel so british and they must feel so like into you maybe the thing is like gay people i'm not saying you're you know i'm gonna be on the next you know pound coin but i'm saying like the gay people there must be like you must be like there i don't know what you would have Are you like an Elvira there, kind of?

50:38Yeah, maybe kind, like a mascot. Yeah. Yeah, but I kind of, I get, I start getting recognized on the street now, but people don't shout certain things. Pause. No, now it's Mac.

50:51Trixie Mattel:Oh, from your videos. Because I started doing little makeup tutorials and somebody said to me, when Juno Birch says Mac, she sounds like a duck quacking. Oh yeah, I hear that. So I've just sort of ran with it. Mac. Mac love it. Well, you're also yelling Mac and then slamming your face. Well, I've got to get away. There's got to be a way for people to watch my videos. You know, it's like, who is this ridiculous tranny? Sorry, transsexual on this video slamming her head on the table. If you are transphobic, you're like, oh, good. Violet, you know. Yes. She's hurting herself. She hates herself. That's what we want.

51:28Trixie Mattel:You're bringing something to the table for everybody. that's how I feel when I do stand-up comedy as a trans woman I will bash the shit out of trans women and myself to the point where the trans folks in the audience are like yes she gets it yeah I always say that uh gay people and conservatives what we have in common is that we hate gay people yeah that is so true it's like so true oh my god but going back to what you're mentally ill I'm like I agree going back to what you were saying about um being in the UK and being very British. I feel like when I come to America people want to book me more and I sell a lot more tickets for shows than I do in the UK.

52:09And I feel like people see me as a bit of a cartoon character here. I agree. Compared to like the UK. You're normal there. I'm kind of normal there. In Manchester. I come here and I feel like people when they meet me for the first time I think is that a whole real voice? They kind of am a bit like, is she? I did get that recently. Somebody went, I didn't think Juno Birch actually talked like that. I thought it was a character voice. What did they? This is the real me. Yeah.

52:41Trixie Mattel:Like you have a secret. You're right, yeah. Maybe it's an American accent or something. It's me. My name's Juno Birch. I'm from Manchester. Any relation to Simon Birch? I don't know who that is. The movie Simon Birch with Ashley Judd? I know Thora Birch. Simon Birch is a film about a little person oh let's take a break I don't know I can't do this anymore I can't do this anymore I just wonder in Manchester are you the Beyonce of Manchester now no no no no I wouldn't say so they don't have like a mural of you in Affleck no I don't even get booked for Manchester Pride they're embarrassed of you I don't get booked in Manchester but it's not because of you it's because of your drinking yeah maybe I feel like they see me online you're the vanity of the UK I don't know whether we have enough carers like you know they probably just think she's too mentally ill there's an open bar we can't book her it's gonna get really ugly Phil just told us he got shit on we can't book her she's a mess have you ever been to Hull Hull yeah I don't know there's a river of mud that goes through hull that sounds about right yeah the uk is a mysterious place i hate the uk here we go i right listen listen listen listen if katya was here she would probably high five you okay always high fives me about paying the uk she is the only american i've been able to get on with about hating on the uk because every time i talk about oh i love manchester i do love try living there bitch okay okay i don't live there walk around hollywood with your wendy's and your your fucking don't get donuts i don't know people fucking bag up your groceries for you and say hi how are you air conditioning have a great one have a great one in the uk it's like fuck off yeah and no air conditioning no air conditioning the air conditioning well the uk has the best breakfast.

54:54Trixie Mattel:I think the breakfasts are so horny. Delicious. No. I don't like the eggs, but, or I don't like the beans. No, no, no. Have you ever had Dunkin' Donuts? In America? Yes. I think you would love it. I like the coffee in Dunkin' Donuts. Yeah, and the packaging is kind of pink and brown. I'm not a very sweet person, though. I like salty food. You do. I love salty food. Like the sesame chicken. like this. No, that was sweet. I can't talk about it too much. Cause I will actually drive me. But, um, I love salty food. Really? Yes. What's like the craving? If you like smoked weed, what's the food you crave?

55:37Trixie Mattel:Girl, you know what I had yesterday when I was at the hospital with Katya? What? First of all, she like couldn't, she, because of her treatment, she can't eat right now. So I was like, Oh yeah, that sucks. And she like was harassing them for ice chips. Truly being like, hello, Katya. So like, you mean like an ice cube? Just, plain yeah she because she's not a lot they're they're they're like you know working on yes um she literally has like a tube up her nose and she's just yelling hello hello somebody hello is she in like a special private hospital i wish i she was passed out and i told the nurse she was famous i was like they were like they were like do you know they were like how do you know him and i said oh we work together they said what do you guys do i said we do tv and podcasting and stuff and then i was like he's really famous actually and the nurse was like yes i said yeah and I pulled up the Instagram and showed pictures it was like they were like that's her it was a picture of Katina together and they were like that's her who's that and I was like that's me no they said what is that that's me I kind of blew up her spot and I was like I bet she doesn't even want people here to know who she is and then I accidentally told on her but yeah I was like we're in Los Angeles nobody in this gay hospital I know I would have thought you'd have people running around like crazy you have crazy fans.

56:52I know. I just, I rocked up here today. There was no gate on the car park. The door was swung open. I just walked straight in. I went up some random stairs and I just took a Diet Coke out of the fridge and made myself at home. Nothing safe.

57:06Trixie Mattel:You just took that from upstairs? Yeah. Work. You know what? I want to make myself at home. It's fine. I think you're owed it. Honestly, you came in to cover for Katya. So honestly, she owes you that Diet Coke. Yes. I've been here quite a lot since i've been in la this is a it's definitely a second home now i'm i'm i'm i'm i want to start a podcast oh god about what i want to do the juno show but like a series welcome to the juno show i want to i want to abduct celebrities and probe them for information that's a great idea i've been wanting to do it for so long but that's why i've not been doing YouTube that much because I'm tired of just doing like the little stupid videos and having an excuse to make a video like oh we're going to do makeup today or whatever I just want to chat shit because I've got so much to say yeah but I didn't start it in the UK because I want to I'm moving here so I want to start it here oh yeah I mean I don't want to leak the news but you I've been you've been doing a trial run of staying in LA what do you think of it I love it I don't want to go home We've already extended our stay for another week That's great, I love it here And I feel like it's going to get extended and extended The only thing stopping me right now From going, from From never leaving here is The cat I know, wasn't Neville or something?

58:29Trixie Mattel:What is it? You're the godmother, how dare you forget the name of you I know it, I know it It's like Artemis or some weird shit, right? You're just naming the cast of Always Sunny in Philadelphia for you right now. No, it's like... It's Cyril. Cyril. That is weird. Cyril. It's a cute little old man's name. Neville, Cyril. You don't think it's kind of... Neville is a cute name. When I do move here with him, I've got to get him a passport. How do you move with a cat? You have to get them a passport. Shut the fuck up. You have to have a little picture taken. You are lying. That is so cute. You're going to cry.

59:09I feel like I'm going to have to go and get him some like little, maybe like a little shirt and tie. How's he going to fly all the way to LA? I know. So this is why we've been doing research on it because I'm so scared about traveling with Cyril.

59:24Trixie Mattel:Isn't he going to pee on the plane? So yeah, no, what you do is you have to fly with a specific airline. You can't fly with, I think it's Virgin. You can't bring a cat into the cabin. Certain, I think it's KLM. You can fly with a cat in the cabin. You put the big carrier under the seat And then they have like It has to be a special one that has compartments Where they can have pee mats Gravel if you need it Anything like that You are lying I don't even know about this And I've been watching a lot of TikToks on it Oh thank god for the internet I bet you people make it really easy Because I bet you can hear from people who've done it Yeah and people I think a lot of people do it Not very often long haul because he's stressful for the animal.

1:00:08But people do it all the time with... And cats are so routine. Yeah. Yeah. And Cyril is an oriental shorthair, so they're very, very, very vocal. So he will scream constantly even when he doesn't want anything. I've never seen a cat that looks like him. He looks so different than other cats.

1:00:26Trixie Mattel:Yeah. It's almost like, is it exotic species of cats? And what I did is I made him in The Sims 2 and I warped his face. He does have that very triangle-shaped... People say I look like him a little bit. You know, I think that's kind of a compliment. Don't you think? No. We've got that sort of goddess profile. Yeah. You also kind of give Madonna. Did anybody ever say that? No, I've never heard that one. You don't think that? I've had, who have I had? I've had Maddy Morphosis. Maddy Morphosis? Someone said I look like Maddy Morphosis. People say that about me too, so. Well, they say that about you two out of drag.

1:01:03Out of drag, yeah. Yeah. Who else? One that was really weird was people kept saying I look like Adele. But when I was in blue makeup. People just need to. Do you know who I'm getting at the moment? Lily Savage. Who is that? You know who Lily Savage is? Lily Savage was an absolute icon in the UK. She was a drag queen in the 80s and 90s. Then became Paul O 'Grady. The Paul O 'Grady show. They've passed away now. But they were from Liverpool and they had this, like, they would talk like that. I don't give a fuck. Like, it was like kind of Pete Burns-esque.

1:01:41Trixie Mattel:I was going to say Pete Burns. It sounds like Pete Burns' accent. Yeah, since I've been doing stand-up out of drag, Lily Savage. Just Lily Savage all the time. Oh my God, that fierce clip of Pete Burns, which is like, I don't give a flying lump of poop. What is the clip about getting up at five? So it's the documentary you need to go watch on YouTube. It's called Unspun. and it's post when pete burns got bail from prison and had to go and live with a fan who paid for his bail and that was the terms and conditions but the fan was a psychopath in that lived in this dump this really happened yes and in the documentary they film michael and pete michael was pete's boyfriend slash assistant and they're they're talking about getting pete on the morning show this morning or something and pete's like i haven't got up at eight o 'clock in the morning since it was five yeah and he says something like i don't give a flying brown lump of poo what they've decided i want that coat back oh i also love jody marsh has got tits like saggy Spanielsy is.

1:02:51Trixie Mattel:One of my favorite things is to go watch like super YouTube cuts of Pete Burns on Celebrity Big Brother. Because she really, they didn't know what to do with her. No. And then my favorite part is when they do that, they'll do this sometimes on Big Brother will have like a talent show. My favorite part is she gets up there and sings and you kind of like, even though she's kind of like the Frankenstein's monster of the house, there's this moment where she kind of serves all of them as like, I'm a fucking rock star. Yes. And just in case you forgot, I wrote this fucking song. Yeah. And I think a lot of them in that room didn't realize it was Pete that wrote that song.

1:03:25And I remember that performance because Pete struggles to hit the high note. If I get to know your name. But then when he goes like, he goes like, he goes. Oh, yeah. He kind of just goes like. He's like, fuck it. He really didn't want to be there. He was he was there just to pay for like a construction on the lip, I think.

1:03:49Trixie Mattel:Really sickening Sickening face So stunning And I love the hair I love the way the hair gets clipped around the face Like rat's nest with straight hair around the face Yeah I wore my hair like that for a very long time It's a good look And it's kind of like you only have to really groom this And the rest of it it's like the bigger the better It's an easy Easy wig to have on the go Because you can have it in a plastic Like it doesn't have to be real hair Because you smooth down the sides Like that with the clips and when you take it off, it kind of stays like that. Oh, yeah. Well, here we go, girls.

1:04:25Trixie Mattel:If people, well, people can't see you now because you're on your little secret, Juno Birch's secret LA living trip, secret stand-up gig tour. It's not secret. But if people want to follow you or support you, maybe they could go to Juno Birch Live and buy some new art. Yes, junobirchlive.com. Go buy all my artwork. Support a trans woman. Jeff Prince. Yes, I'm Sally Prince. Love your Prince. Do you like some for your house? Of course. She has wonderful prints. And some of you who are renters, who have white walls, what you need is cool art. Yes. With color and line. With gorgeous alien transsexuals all over the wall.

1:05:03You could do - I forgot to ask you, how was Strange Journey? You did the Q &A thing the other night. Oh, it was really cool. Have you seen it yet? No, I've watched so many clips of it, but I've not sat through the whole thing yet. But I love Rocky Horror so much.

1:05:19Trixie Mattel:I do too. I saw it when it came out. It's a really moving documentary. And the interviews they have with Richard O 'Brien, so crazy and illuminating. And this person came out as trans like 30 years after Rocky Horror, which is crazy to think about. Strange journey. And the person who builds the documentary and does the interviews is his son, Linus. And so his son, Linus, is the interviewer like the producer and director of the documentary. And so it's so interesting watching through the eyes of his son, his son asking, interviewing his father about like, how did you basically change the world with Rocky Horror?

1:05:59Trixie Mattel:It's so interesting. And you have all these shots of Richard O 'Brien with his guitar, singing the songs acoustic. Like it's so cool. They did such a good job and I got to be in it. I got to do interviews for it. And I figured they're getting all these super A-list stars, but it's basically just me and Jack Black. Yeah. Because I think you had to be a certain level obsessed and me and Jack Black are obsessed with that movie. 100%. I love it. It's such a personal thing to me because when my uncle died, he requested that everybody at the funeral dressed in Rocky Horror outfits. And my grandma was about 70-something and she showed up with stockings on and everything.

1:06:38Wow. And when they lowered his coffin into the bit, you know, when they have the ceremony, they played... On the day I went away So that's why it's just such a moving thing for me. Like, I just...

1:06:52Trixie Mattel:I wish we could have gone to New York to see the Broadway show while you were here. Well, I... Why are you whispering? I want to be in it. You could be in it. I want to play Frank and First so bad. We have to get beyond the barriers surrounding your paralyzing stage fright, your inability to dance and sing, and frankly, the amount of money you asked for is too much. so those are kind of our barriers are completely false i work for it i i don't get paid i haven't been paid for any work that i've done here in la and you know what in order to make broadway more profitable we need to transition to actors paying to be in shows don't you think yeah i feel like that's what's gonna come to you could pay your way into it all you got to do is ask luke evans to step down yes do you know what they never cast like they never cast a feminine person as as frank.

1:07:43That's true. They always have to cast like a really butch buff person.

1:07:48Trixie Mattel:You're a shoo-in. They

1:07:52Trixie Mattel:Well listen, I love you. Thank you for coming on and covering for Katya. You have really shown me that maybe she should be permanently replaced because she brings nothing. I will step in whenever you want me. Look, I even brought a little cap to replace Katya. Well, hi there. Welcome to Bucky's. Have you tried our golden Nuggets. Beaver nuggets. Beaver nuggets. They're so nice. I love those. Have you been to Bucky's? Yes. What did you think? It's very MAGA. It's so MAGA. Goodbye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

1:08:41Trixie Mattel:Bye.