Let No Bannister Go Un-Cobwebbed with Trixie and Katya

19:12Trixie Mattel:And we're live on Match Day as Doug reaches for a buffalo wing. He's got it! Oh, and he's gone for a can of Pepsi too! What a finish! There's no doubt about it. It just tastes better. Match Days deserve Pepsi. Do you hear that? Sounds like breakfast is ready. Because Quaker's coming in hot with morning nutrition. 100 % whole grain oats and a good source of fiber to fuel the rhythm of your morning and kickstart your day and that sounds absolutely delicious fuel to start whatever's next quaker official sponsor of fifa world cup 26 let's talk about oh i so i want to give you a i want to give you a pull-up bar.

20:02This is riveting conversation for the people at home in the car or whatever. I want to give you a pull-up bar that I just want to make sure you have a door jam, a frame.

20:10Trixie Mattel:In my antique home? You want me to tear the door? No, in the studio. In the studio. Do you have one of those things? It's like a molding. You think I'm going to go to my drag studio to use the pull-up bar? Yeah. Not your drag studio, your guest house. I'm sorry. Oh, the guest house. Yeah, maybe in the guest house. Yeah. Because that's like newer than the home. It's got to have one of those little frames, right? That you could just Yeah, that's where I keep all my workout stuff anyway. Perfect. I'm going to install that today, whether you like it or not. Do you believe in Halloween decorations?

20:40I absolutely believe. They exist. I mean, yeah.

20:43Trixie Mattel:This is the year that I go the fuck off on my house with these Halloween decorations. Okay, now what exactly is that going to mean? Because I'm a little concerned. Well, you know, I go the fuck off for Christmas. Yeah, but that's like, that's much. Okay, yes. So my house is very old and spooky and dark. What about cobwebs? Those cotton cobwebs. I wish. Of course. I think I'm going to do them on the banisters on the stairs. How? I've never in my life seen them look artful. But that's not going to stop me. It looks like cotton candy. Like cotton candy. Your limited scope of what's possible isn't going to cap my possibility and my joy.

21:18Trixie Mattel:I have a very broad scope of what's possible. I'm a great Halloween haunted house enjoyer. You don't even have spiders. I know spiders. Some of my best friends are spiders. I know about webs. I just. Oh, wait. Don't tell me we got to talk about things on the floor. I'm not going to bite off spider culture without probably going to a spider owned business or like, you know what I mean? Yeah. Talk to Spider-Man. Go straight to the Spider-Man. My dermatologist, Lawrence Spider-Man. Spider-Man. Spider-Man. I've been really into Spider-Man as a last name. Isn't it great? What about Spichemin? Dr. Spichemin?

21:52Dr. Spaceman?

21:54Trixie Mattel:Spichemin. That's good. I've been really thinking about this year. my house, it just needs a little push to be not just a little witchy, but witchy. You need the 80 foot skeleton in the front yard. The balcony. What about the balcony? Oh, baby. It's a whole scene up there. It's a whole monster mash kind of scenario. What do you think about the guest bathroom downstairs? What about you? You walk in, skeleton in the shower with towel on the head and towel wrapped around. Screaming. Screaming. And then you try to flush the toilet. Blood comes up, like shooting up into the ceiling. That could be messy.

22:27Trixie Mattel:It's Halloween. my house is just old and spooky it just i think you have to go you have to go witchy you can't do it's all about it's jack-o'-lanterns and lighting it's jack-o'-lanterns and lighting you can't do like my house is not going to be um you know what i really hate the flattened witch that looks like it hit a wall with the arms and legs straight out oh i don't know her i don't think i want to know dumbest thing girl i don't unless you have one good for you at home but i don't know crash at my house. I think that Halloween tacky is a lot worse than Christmas tacky for some reason because it's like also when you put up the Halloween you got to take it down after November like November 2nd.

23:04Yeah November 1st has got to come down.

23:05Trixie Mattel:But that's why I believe that you have to start the decorations early too. Before October? I was going to start this month. Yeah why not? It's fall. Do you have to wait till the fall of the autumnal equinox? I gotta I gotta wait for the leaves to start to turn in Los Angeles. I was gonna say, I was gonna say wait for the leaves to turn, but I realize we live in California. We live in California. Oh, it's a horrible time to live in LA. Let me tell you what, Marianne. It's a horrible time to live in LA. The fall. It's always a hard time to live in LA. Yeah, but, oh, come on, please. The winter? I have a hair in my mouth.

23:45The fall, even in Boston, New York? Magic. Magic. Damn. Don't you think?

23:51Trixie Mattel:Yeah. I don't think it's ever magical to live in Los Angeles. I don't want to be a hater. You don't think in winter, mama, you don't think around February 12th? It's not delightful to walk out of your - It's you and the shittiest people you know hitting pause on the weather for three months. Right. No, Mary. The reason I decided to set up shop in this shit-ass bucket fuckhole of a town is for its weather. Oh, I don't prefer winter. I'm not going. In winter in Milwaukee, I say goodbye to everyone about Halloween. And I said, I'll see you in New Year maybe for like a day. But I'm not doing. No, no, girl.

24:31When I got caught in that gridlock moment, the gridlock crisis of Boston year, whatever the fuck it was, when we were all in traffic. It was the gridlock crisis. It was the gridlock crisis during a snowstorm. A major snowstorm took me eight hours to drive two miles. Boop. Had to get gas. Had to get gas. Shut the fuck up. I'm not kidding. we were everybody the city and the schools and the businesses all released at the exact same time it was like everybody in Boston will know about it I think it was around 2016 15 whenever I before I moved it was the winter running out of gas

25:05Trixie Mattel:in the street yeah I had to go I had to go like some people are pushing their cars in the gas station that's like the people trying to get into Coachella and running out of gas and shitting on the side of the road well that's different if you shit in the snow nobody can see that but I think at Burning Man once they're shit and they start shitting on the road trying to get into it, they're like, we were going to do this anyway. You know what I mean? They're like, oh my God, someone passed out shitting. Party started early. Do you think that those people get truly pebble and coal dust up their pussy?

25:33Trixie Mattel:You should ask Miss Thing over here. When you go to, Nick was just there. When you go to suck cock on day eight of that, do you just know that it's going to be a Slim Jim? It's going to be gravelly. You're going to pull back the foreskin. It's going to be sheathed in margarine. and you're just going to say sure. Margarine cheese. Oh, Lester blowing out the back too. A Lester? You know why I'm in spooky mode? Tell me. I started watching horror movies like a month ago. Okay, like what? Just the Criterion Collection per me. Do you have the Criterion Collection? No, per me. Oh, okay. My own Criterion Collection.

26:07Can I make a suggestion that's on the Criterion Collection? Yeah, sure. The Devils by Ken Russell. Oh, what's it about? Maybe. What year is that? 71 maybe. I'm not sure. What's it about? I'm going to send you the trailer and you will gag. But you won't tell me now? No, it's about, it's during the plague, I believe, the church. I think a nun gets rotor rooted with a motorized dildo. What? Maybe the imagery is off the chain. Ken Russell, I did like a little feature. I watched a featurette on him. He did the Tommy, the rock musical, the rock opera with Ann Margaret in The Beans. It's one of my favorite movies.

26:43Yeah, it was groundbreaking too. Love that movie. There'd never been in a rock opera like that before. Yeah, Ken Russell. Do you love that movie? Oh, yeah. Mary, the way that I want to recreate that bean scene with black sludge for black diarrhea. How have we never talked about this? I love that fucking movie. Yeah, you're going to love. I'll send you a list. It's on the Criterion Collection, Criterion Channel, or whatever it is now. And I can't wait to watch it. The Devils. That Tina Turner Acid Queen number is the best shit I've ever seen. The Tina Turner Acid Queen number. Are we a gypsy? Acid Queen.

27:14It's crazy. It's amazing. I mean it's like The bean commercial is crazy The bean commercial is nuts With the white carpet Girl Beans shooting Just And then she has And then she's on the bed Where there's like the long pillow And she's like grabbing She's rolling slowly It's fierce When she's going Oh with the hair yeah I was like Why is that me? Why is that me? It's fully you And Margaret is so kind Also Elton John In the big statues The giant

27:40Trixie Mattel:She all plays a mean pinball This motherfucker So good Ken Russell This motherfucker's got a vision Like nobody else Also the church where they all worship Maryland. Yeah. And then the masks. It's so kind, right? It's fucking great. It's incredible. I highly recommend it. But the devils with Vanessa Redgrave, that's on my list to watch next. I want to talk to you about something that is also diabolical, speaking of devils. Tripping on stuff that I put on the floor. Have you ever? Have you ever? I've never tripped. you know when RuPaul's she constantly talks about self-sabotage your inner saboteur is she talking about kettlebells and shit on the floor she's talking about Mary she's talking about everything on the floor that I put there I so just for example a water bottle a shoe a weight a piece of paper anything anything that I pick up from one place and for whatever reason I put on the floor I am guaranteed to step on it or kick it the next time I enter that room and I never fucking learn and it's driving me up the wall.

28:45What if we get you some pylons for the home?

28:46Trixie Mattel:What does that mean? Orange cones. But I, they'd have to be so high though. They'd have to be so high because I don't look down. I got my, I got my eyes on the road. I'm looking up. I'm looking forward. That's about it. Got it. What if we hire some young men, maybe hot, to be in the home and kind of the stop and slow kind of signs like Tret. Or I stop being an, like a fucking moron and just don't put stuff on the floor. Do you realize how many bottles of lube I have kicked over and then imagine? Well, I'm surprised there's any left. It's crazy. Well, here's what you need to do. You need to adapt my posture and you'll always be looking at the floor and you will never stub your toe on anything.

29:27Yeah, the problem is I'm always like super erect like this. Like, yeah. Love that. Yeah. So the films I watched. Okay, wait, wait. The last thing. The little miniature car. Oh, very Home Alone.

29:41Trixie Mattel:You should set up booby traps in your own home. I do, though, for myself. Inadvertently, it's so pathetic. Listen, some days you're a Kevin, some days you're a Marv. Okay? Yeah.

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31:22Trixie Mattel:I didn't mean to talk about Halloween, but they got this Halloween candy. Oh! Also, talking pumpkin is a must. A must. Gotta have a talking pumpkin. It's magic. do you think it's in Spanish I'm trying to do witchy but not doing cringe millennial hocus pocus Harry Potter core does that make sense I'm trying to do LA crystal core crystal core well good luck with that you have your house decorated for crystal all you need is some pipes I keep tripping on things like glass pipes hot glass pipes I have so many torches it's terrible terrible it's terrible yeah you haven't mentioned how lovely my hair looks today but it's fine I'm getting used to it this will be my second time seeing it we're gonna do it after the pod it's a little like beautiful commanding thank you it's commanding of the space she's she doesn't she's not she doesn't shrink under scrutiny no actually she asserts herself you being this tan too your eyes look super blue I yeah I guess I'm colorblind because I think they look they're green but I guess I'll trust everybody else's judgment you look like um the front woman for a lesbian band i know i look like i am co-producer of the lilith fair for sure yeah or maybe just an ap a pa yeah two years in a row though yeah um so oh um so movies i've been um trying to watch the classics so i watched well my personal classics i guess so i watched texas chainsaw massacre did you do you like that movie i do like it.

33:01Trixie Mattel:I just, it kind of is a slow burn. So much of the first half of it is just the group and nothing's really happened yet. The sibling relationship. But when it kicks off, Leatherface tears open that door, grabs that fucking guy and closes the wall back up. You're like, oh shit, this is lifting off. Yeah. I mean, it's certainly, that is a fucking scary, it's a scary house and a scary man to be pursued by. And the performance, the Marilyn, I believe her name is the main girl the girl who like makes it on the back of the truck at the end is turnt is it really hysterically screaming watched Halloween the original with Janie Lee Kermis so that's funny so it's interesting because I don't care for that franchise whatsoever and I'm curious like and I'm not I'm not trying to be a hater I swear to God I'm really not because I like some things that are so fucking whack but like like what do you like about it um also who stabs like this me no but like I was like, a director, wouldn't they realize that you don't move like that when you stand?

34:05Yeah, that's true. Like, it's a very strange detail that I didn't catch until the most recent time I viewed it. And it's a very weird error by a director who's pretty brilliant.

34:17Trixie Mattel:You know? I like the, like, there's like a lingering, someone's watching. The bush scene? Yes. Mama, that bush scene is, yeah, yeah, yeah. The part where she sees him in the backyard with the sheets. Oh, yeah. It's like terrifying. I like how long it takes for her to even see him. The daytime stuff is terrifying. Yeah. I like how long it takes for her to even see him. And then, of course, that incredible ab controlled. Love that. Wild. Love the doctor. Just talking about how evil he is. There's a lot of buildup. I don't ever love in those old movies the moment where the final girl walks into a room and everyone who's dead is in one room like I don't ever love that wait when does that happen?

35:01Trixie Mattel:It happens on like Friday the 13th it happens in this where she like all of a sudden at the end while she's running from the killer I ran into my dead friend's body oh I stepped over her dead body it's like her realizing everyone's dead I guess it's a good way to level up the oh my god everyone's dead yeah I watched that watched every scream in a row oh wow how many are there one two three four five I think six Rose McGowan deserved better I'm sorry that garage door thing was such a bookie, like it's such a biff it's so iconic it's gory, it scared the shit out of me I thought it was from a scary movie the first time I saw it no, I think it's you really don't think that's scary?

35:41no, I don't think it's scary at all and I don't think it's very, well I don't think it's like gory enough either

35:48Trixie Mattel:well, you're never gonna die that way honey cause that garage door can't pick your big ass up okay I wouldn't be able to fit my huge head through that thing. My Wiggles Wiggles. No, but I mean, like, I wanted her to be sawed in half. That's how Jimbo would die in, like, her boobs, her big boobs. But, like, I wanted a world where somehow he, like, undid the whole mechanism and then the thing went and sliced her in half. You know what I mean? Something like that. A guillotine type of moment. There's a part in Scream 5. Or Drilleder. Drilleder eyes out. He's in the garage, you know. Grab something.

36:21Trixie Mattel:There's a part in screen four where this girl is trying to crawl out of the garage door and he closes it on her. But does she get, but back break, come on. You just need to go to the chiropractor. What about, um, does she get like actually physically bifurcated? No. There's like a crunch noise. Ah, when you hear that crunch. When you get that crunch. What else did I watch? What's your favorite kill? If you had to, or top three favorite kills in those movies. In those films? I like it when the, the cold open with Anna Paquin and what's her name? And then it's kind of meta. Oh yeah, that's fine.

36:50That's fine. Yes, that's fun.

36:52Trixie Mattel:Love any name like Marnie. That type of shit. There's a girl named Marnie. Marnie. Marnie. You know what I mean? With love of horror movies. But wait, what does that mean? Is that a killer? Just the name Marnie for like a young girl. It's like, okay. You know. I wish that in horror movies, everyone had more interesting names. Because it is scary when you're like, Cindy, this isn't funny. But I wish it was like, everybody had funky wild names. Well, I guess now, like in the future, it'll be like, Mick Braylon. Yeah. Alethea. Alethea. Yeah. biblical names stop it Leviticus this isn't funny I'm sorry but Leviticus is a cunty cunty name also all the all the Latin the classical Latin names for the seven deadly sins they eat Gula love that Miss Gula this is my daughter Gula Gula my sister my sister Acadia this is this is what's it what's it called Luxur Luxuria.

37:51Love her. Luxuria. I don't know what you're talking about. So I'm talking about the seven deadly sins and their Latin names. Like lust is Luxuria or greed is Averitia or Averitia. It's like they all sound like really funky, fun names. Gula. Gula's kind of wild. Gula. What is the other one? Superbia. Love that. Superbia. Actually, they sound like car names. do the Honda Superbia or the the Subaru Gula the Subaru Gula yeah yeah yeah

38:27Trixie Mattel:something very Texas Chainsaw happened to me when I got to Milwaukee I have a I have something crazy that happened to me someone trying to try to cut your face off no I got to Milwaukee and I was like that's weird the lights in my apartment my condo are off oh that's weird the thermostat is off oh no the electricity is off mind you I haven't been there since December 30th and there was frozen pizzas and lean cuisines in the freezer so I was like a movie where I realized if X and Y then Z so like I creep to the fridge I open it the refrigerator is kind of gross because it's just stagnant air the freezer larva pupa dripping from the like alien flies coming out little like blueish yellow like bugs in the freezer I step away thank God for Airbnb I go on the Airbnb app.

39:20Trixie Mattel:I have an Airbnb down the street in 20 minutes. It was 530. I was in Airbnb by six. Thank God. That was fucking hell. So then I plan my attacks. The next day I go back. I call WeEnergies in Milwaukee. Shout out to WeEnergies. And I'm going to let you know what these bitches tried to do to me. So I called the building. Electrician's like, oh, it's got to be just your unit because all the energy in the building is working. Your neighbors, everyone else, the hallway. Call WeEnergies. So I call WeEnergies. I go, hi, it's me. And they go, yeah. When did you buy the unit? I said 2020. And they said, oh, well, I said, I thought it was included in the building because my.

40:00You've never paid an electric bill on the whole condo since 2020?

40:03Trixie Mattel:No. So my. Fierce. So my heat, my air conditioning and my water are all included. So I thought all things were included. Right. All inclusive, like Jamaica sandals. Right. I thought I was on like a sandals, Jamaica, all inclusive. It's very reasonable. flew it out yeah yeah yeah so condos are like cruises right right so i go well what about and she goes well this is a secure line or but this is a recorded line and you said that you bought it in 2020 so we are gonna have to back charge you and i said wait a minute i said i'm glad this is a recorded line because i need you to hear this so you will know and your children will someday know yeah my primary residence is blank blank blank and i was like and i'm not paying for she's like well looks like there was electricity used and i said by who there were no sparks from when I threw my baton into the air.

40:47Trixie Mattel:Yeah, I was just like, I was like, I'm not paying that. Also, where was my contract that I pay you that? What are you talking about? Where was the bill, Mary? So I guess I did get five years of free energy. So shout out to that. But where's the bill? Well, now I'm proud. At the end of the call, they go, and would you say that your experience with WeEnergy is as satisfactory? I said, well, this is my first day being a customer. So I guess we'll see. Yeah, TBD, bitch. I go, okay, now that the energy's on, I'm going to turn up the fridge in the freezer overnight. And when I come back, all those bugs will be dead.

41:19Trixie Mattel:So instead of fighting live flies and bugs, I came back and they were all dead. So it was a lot better to clean up. And after I deep scrubbed and cleaned it and bleached it and deodorized it. You make banana bread out of the bugs. It's like brand new. You can make banana bread out of those bugs. What? You can make high protein banana bread out of them. I won't be doing that. So then, now this has been happening for a while. Like two years ago, my stove went out at that apartment, but I haven't been there. and to get an appliance delivered, you need to be there for like a week because, you know, with windows, we're going to be there from between 12 a.m.

41:50Trixie Mattel:and 12 p.m. That type of shit. From Tuesday to Tuesday. Yes. So I also need a washer and dryer because the dryer went out recently. So I was like, this is the trip where I'm going to get this all taken care of. And I have so much Best Buy rewards coming to me. It'll make your head fucking spin, right? So I go down to Best Buy. I take pictures of all the appliances and this guy helps me. And I always love to go to Best Buy. Love Best Buy. I love the possibility. you will catch me buying things you will catch me walking through the fake kitchens just turning knobs like I love it bringing frozen pizza to put it in the oven yes I love the fake kitchens I've never seen them at Best Buy don't get me started on Home Depot baby love it I walk into those fridges and then just chill for a second hell yeah so I'm like I go to Best Buy I could say I'm going to the delivery by the way for them to bring your appliances and take the old ones is only$39 which I think is a pretty good deal The fact that they're going to take away the old ones.

42:45Where's the scam?

42:46Trixie Mattel:Well, I'm going to let you know. Because that sounds too good to be true, baby. So the people come to hook up the appliances, and I'm sitting there eating my sub away, right? Yeah, what are you wearing? Sutton Shemise, hard nipples? I've been wearing truly a Bugs Bunny t-shirt. Bugs Bunny t-shirt, no pants, no pants. And I'm drinking a Celsius. And the moving guy goes, do you have another one of those? And I said, no. Oh, he asked for a beverage, and you did not offer him one? That's interesting. So they bring the stove, and they go, we can't take it because the hookup behind your stove is a hookup for a washer and dryer.

43:15Trixie Mattel:And the hookup behind your washer and dryer is for a stove. And that's why both appliances shorted out. The good old switcheroo, freaky Friday. So then I had to call an electrician to come swap out both things. Damn. And then now they just got a text from Best Buy yesterday saying, we need you to schedule your pickup now that you fixed it. Because they're going to come get it. But couldn't you, I mean, couldn't you have just like made do with put your clothes in the oven and put your food in the washer? right I feel like I guess I was not pissed off but I was like kind of annoyed because I made girl I was there in Milwaukee for a week so I was like this is my trip to get this all squared away and instead of it getting fixed they were like Best Buy's like we need we need another week to discover your to do another delivery and I was like oh god mama hostage hostage give me another horror movie give me another horror movie well I watched Friday the 13th I love Friday the 13th You do?

44:07Trixie Mattel:I do. The first, second, and third I love. Why? I like it. I like the campground shit. You like the campground shit? I like the campground shit. I also watched, I know what you did last summer. Oh, the new new? No, the old one. Okay. And I, would Jennifer love huge taste? I didn't like it as much as I remember liking it. Yeah. Did you know it was a mystery novel? I mean, it certainly begs the question. A question. So it is mysterious. I thought I was going to go see the new one. So I was prepping by watching the old one. And then I just, seeing the old one with fresh eyes, I was like, it doesn't eat the way I remember it eating for me personally.

44:47Trixie Mattel:Yeah. The second one has Brandy and Jack Black's. Maybe that's the superior one. I don't know. It just seems like a kind of like a toothless, like nothing kind of movie. Rewatch The Barbarian. Yeah. And then fucking Weapons, man. Yeah. Well, watch Weapons. God I love Gladys I just can't get enough of her Did you see Bring Her Back? What? Did you see Bring Her Back? Yes Bring Her Back was cunty we talked about this I know I'm sorry I just worry and I love everyone

45:22Trixie Mattel:I always worry about a certain costume of the year annoying the shit out of me Oh the minute I saw, the minute she was introduced, I'm not joking. I'm not joking. The minute she was introduced and she performed the first spell, I was like, well, it's over. Here it is. Gladys is the Halloween diva and it's already started. I just mean if we're going to do it, let's do it with some dignity. And you better have 25 kids that's chasing you all around the neighborhood. Thank you. Great group costume. Glass broken in every household within a five mile radius. That's what I want to see. And I'll be the bitch in the nightgown with the two little braids.

46:00I'll be that kind of Gladys. I just always want people to bring it. Yeah. No, I know. And nobody ever does, so. It's going to be a lot of group costumes of that, I think. Well, what about that fucking year where everybody was the lost or the stuck Chilean miners? That was in such poor taste. What? Yes. Remember that? Remember all the Chilean miners that were stuck for so long and everybody like dressed up as them? It was like so crazy. Weren't we in some kind of show

46:23Trixie Mattel:where I had a joke, Chilean miners? Trixie and Katya live. Turns out they were all over 18. yes that's times change people change wasn't a good joke then it wasn't a good joke now willing to risk it all for a shitty joke that's comedy while I was in Milwaukee I also I was driving by it was like a movie it was August 31st I think 29th and I was driving by a billboard that said Joan Jett and the Blackhearts and Billy Idol at the American Family Amphitheater on Sunday and I was like holy shit you go of course I went I called up Gooch and Val I said get a sitter for the kids you're coming out because Gooch loves Joan Jett and the Blackhearts and so do I who doesn't and my first pride I ever went to Gooch took me when I was 15 to see Joan Jett Gooch and that was 20 years ago now 35 to 15 and so I said oh my god Gooch we're going to see Joan Jett and the Blackhearts I'm a gay man you're a gay woman and you took me to see Joan Jett and we're going to see her again in Milwaukee 20 years later.

47:28Trixie Mattel:Oh, I just love you so much. I'm so happy. And Gooch goes, yeah, I've seen her a bunch of times. Love. Love. She took your big ball of enthusiasm and just... Me and my family have this relationship. A little time will go by and I'll go, you know what? Family, love, meaning. And I'll put my hand out and they'll go... And then I go, ow, fuck. I should have known. Then a little time will go by and I'll go, Christmas is magical. What do we should all go to? You know, and then it's cyclical. You're like, you're hanging from the cliff and then you put that other arm up and they've just like walked away.

48:08But they did come.

48:09Trixie Mattel:And my mom, you know, my mom is ADA. And so I was like, do you want the ADA seating so you can sit the whole time, but it's further to the back? Sorry, what does that stand for? I'm so stupid. American Disability Act. Oh, gotcha. Okay. So I was like, would you like the ADA seating? But it's a little further back, but it's a little higher. so people who have to sit the whole time, because rock concerts, people stand. They do. Or would you rather sit and like, I was like, they got these fierce tickets, fourth row tickets, only$110. Are you fucking kidding me? Where are they playing? Where are they playing?

48:39Trixie Mattel:The American Family Amphitheater in Milwaukee. Oh, in Milwaukee. Yes. And if it was in LA, they'd probably be able to$850. Oh my God. To sit in the nosebleeds at Katy Perry, did they just drain your bank account? Oh my God, don't get me started. So we get there and Val's, she's ready, right? She took her good pain pill. she's on her edible she's getting the tequila she's going off right she's three sheets to the whip she's not going to feel that knee pain today she said she was ready she's doing the duggy and the stanky leg we went to play pool I haven't played pool with my mom in so long whooped my ass oh that makes me so happy she just threw the cue ball right at your face I just I think her arthritis has been doing better because she was very active and I was like good for her I forgot that you really eat at this and which goes yeah she hasn't played a while either I was like damn that rusty bitch smoked you so we're at the concert and it's us sitting there and it was perfect park sit down as soon as the sit down show starts oh baby got a boner boner boner boner pre coming my boner no waiting Val is really high on her gummy so she's like I have a dry mouth do you have anything so I have some Swedish fish and I give them to her and then she sees two other edible like marijuana gummies in the bottom of the Swedish fish because, you know, I'm always packing.

49:57Trixie Mattel:And she goes, are those edibles? Somebody say something. I said, no. Did you want something to drink? She goes, I'll have a tequila soda and Gooch goes. Ms. Val goes, she goes all the way up. But you know what? She's in the prime of her life. She's in her golden years and she's at a concert. So the prime of her life and her golden years are two very different stages. Why? Tell that to the golden bachelor. The golden prime of her life. Right. She's in the golden prime of her life. And Gooch loves Joan Jett and so do I. so we're losing it. Gucci is, I'm screaming the word. Oh yeah. I love Joan Jett.

50:29Trixie Mattel:And what's the, what's the demographic around you? Old. And I actually hoped that everyone was going to be so old that they would sit. And Gucci is like, no, no, everyone's going to stand. But what I saw B-52s, a lot of my favorite concerts are a lot of older people. These old people tear up. Their body gets reanimated. Yeah. You know, the music moves them. Music is life. Yeah. Joan Jett was incredible. She was so awesome. And I've, you know, I've seen her twice now. It's like, damn, 20 years ago, I love the shit. Today, I love the shit. You eat. And you know, her political affiliation, she's very blue and very loud and lesbian and queer and fierce.

51:03Trixie Mattel:And I just love her. And also her and Billy Idol, even though it's like old white people in the audience, they are rock music and freedom and they represent, you know, stick it to the man shit. And so it was a nice environment to be surrounded by old white people and actually not feel like you're at an APAC function. yes I was like these people can hang and also I like seeing some of these older gals in the audience who put on like the leather mini skirts and corsets and stuff and look great not even like a funny way like look great hair destroyed especially in you're in Milwaukee but I was going to say especially in LA I love that shit biker chicks love gorgeous like a heavy makeup with like not curtain bangs like new trend curtain bangs they've had for 40 years Like the ones that go boop and boop.

51:50Yes. Yeah, I love that shit.

51:51Trixie Mattel:It was so good. Joan Jett was so good. The music is so good. I'm listening to her. I'm like, she's in her 60s. I'm like, she sounds perfect. She's a guitar playing. In her 60s, that's all. But she was awesome. Well, the Runaways, she was 15, I believe. Oh, wow. In the Runaways, the band that Joan Jett and Cherie Curry were in, they were like 15, 14, traveling the world. Their parents, MIA, while they're all just doing drugs, traveling. Latchkey kids, just stroking it. can you check to see if I Love Rock and Roll was a number one during 1982 I believe it was I think I've told you this before 27 record labels passed on I Love Rock and Roll they all said it's not a hit well there could be 27 record labels in a room you knew I mean listen Rock and Roll I was born to love it fierce and also get physical by Livin Newton John I think was the most the longest number one she but you loved it she she eats she slaps she was so good i mean it's like obviously like cherry bomb bad reputation do you want to touch me and clover oh you did it on drag race such a good song it's hello it's such a good that's a banger the only thing is there was one part where she was like talked a little bit about america and she's like i have something i want to read And she pulled out something from Abraham Lincoln, I think.

53:14And it was very, the people are for the people, by the people, whatever that is. She pulled out the fucking.

53:22Trixie Mattel:But I also was like, I was waiting for her to tell all these old white people, like, I'm queer. And if you're here and you're not like liberal a little bit, you don't get to come here and vulture on my talent, you fucking pimply fucks. You know? Yeah. But it was very bipartisan. and so she said something very like for the people by the people and the guy next to me yelled amen and I was like I don't think she's saying what you think she's saying but I know why if you have probably a lot of older fans you probably have to take the Dolly Parton route where you say things like I believe all people should be treated good.

53:53Trixie Mattel:All lives matter. Yes. And the big superstars the Beyonce's and stuff they do take that sort of trying to bring the kids together. Yes. And I'm okay with that. I don't need everything to be a spit in the face. No, but I think it also depends on the particular artist. I think Beyonce is less... She definitely gets way more political in her imagery and stuff, but Dolly Parton... For sure. It's always been about love. For sure. Dolly Parton's always... She's like the real RuPaul. Right. Like, everybody say love. That's like Dolly Parton's thing. She's never straight from it. People have been critical of Joan Jett in the past about like...

54:26Trixie Mattel:I was reading this on her Wikipedia. People had said that she like... Groups would be like, if you really were looking out for the gay community, you would be more vocal about being... a lesbian. And she was like, how am I not projecting that I'm a lesbian? Yeah. What part of this? Is there any ambiguity about the, the silhouettes on the mud flaps of my truck? She's like, I'm in my leather pants singing about my love for girls. I don't know what you want at the front of the dyke march. I pride, you know what I mean? So I love her. And then Billy Idol came out and I love Billy Idol. And I was, go ahead.

55:01Sorry.

55:01Trixie Mattel:I didn't know what I would think of the live program. Cause artists are getting up there. I saw Iggy pop and live and I was like, woof. Yeah. These are actually getting up there. And I'm very, by the way, if you're an older artist, I do not expect you to perform like you were 20. I'm open and willing and able, right? I'm a safe space. Belittle did not come out there. No Walker or nothing. Damn. This fucker came out there, shirt open body. It's a pretty much he takes the shirt off and throws it in the audience. I mean, singing hot in the city, rebel, y 'all all that. He was so good. The visuals were so good.

55:38Trixie Mattel:He worked me out so fiercely. And I love him because, you know, he got some of his punk rock start in like gay clubs and stuff. He was so cunty. He was so hot. How old is David? I've never thought he was hot. I was jerking it. Oh, 69. He was amazing. He was amazing. He was so sexy. He was singing with like his fist like this. and like the guitar player Stephen Stevens would play all these crazy guitar licks and Billy Idol would stand there and do this. I mean that White Wedding song maybe. Did he play that one? Of course he did. Yes. I mean he was so incredible. Do you know he's never married?

56:18Trixie Mattel:Good for him. I think if you have a song called White Wedding you're like we can't. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's too cliche. Katy Perry would do it. Here's my Arbor Day song. Baby, she also do a divorce song. Right. Anyway. Well, it was great. Shout out to Billy Idol and Joe Jett. it was amazing shout out to performers who are in their um in their aarp and beyond years still turning and bucking and giving the children everything they want on stage it was incredible yeah talent is talent yeah wait one last thing quick thought um it was oh i went i almost i i like spent five minutes while i was in the waiting room with fiona like to to compose a tweet that was so unnecessary and not called for.

56:59It was about yoga. I just want to share this very briefly for the people at home and for the yoga teachers who are talking about detoxification through sweat. Is it fake? Yes, mama. The only thing that happens in a hundred degree, in 110 degree heated room where you're vigorously stretching is dehydration. When you, when you sweat to regulate body temperature. That's it. Point blank, period. And what's in your sweat is 99 % water. There's some minerals like calcium. There's salt. The amount of heavy metals or like toxic material is so minuscule, is so minuscule as to make absolutely no difference for your overall health.

57:44So what you're doing in those Bikram yoga classes or whatever, those hot power yoga classes, you're just stretching in a super fucking hot room for no reason.

57:51Trixie Mattel:Can I ask you, because I have two points of view, which is Brandon, who loves hot yoga, tells me how much he loves it. Yeah. I mean, I used to love it too. And Jason Wimberly told me when I was running and I was seeing Jason Wimberly and running, he was like, you know, if anything, run in the cold because your body burns calories trying to stay warm. And if you're, yeah. Also, if you go into a room temp room or someone that's just like regular, like you don't feel the temperature, if you're doing Ashtanga yoga, it's going to look like you're in a hot yoga class because you will be sweating to the oldies.

58:25So you think it's kind of just pageantry? It's a gimmick. It's pageantry. And it's also very dangerous. And it's ineffective because I can't tell you the amount of times I've heard yoga teachers say, especially during twisting poses, that you're going to squeeze out the toxins. I was like, Mary, like it's - I'm not a sponge. The kidney and the liver. That's who detoxifies your body. That's it. It's crazy. It just makes me so, it boils my blood. So everybody out there who thinks you're detoxifying through sweating at your yoga class, you're not. But hey, that's all. Take that. Take that, you fucking bitch.

59:07Bye. Bye.

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59:51Trixie Mattel:Upfront payment of$45 for three months,$90 for six months, or$180 for 12-month plan required. $15 per month equivalent. Taxes and fees extra. Initial plan term only. Greater than 50 gigabytes may slow when network is busy. See terms. Ouch. This knee is killing me. But I can't stop training. The marathon is in two weeks. Let's get on ZocDoc. and find a doctor to take a look at that for you. Okay. Here's a review. Dr. Crowder really takes his time? No, I don't have time. What about Dr. Charles? His patients say he can help find a quick fix, and he's in network. Great, now we're talking. Book it.

1:00:23Booked. One mile down, 19 to go. Bring it on. You've got options. Download the ZocDoc app today. Are you a lifelong learner with a never-ending hunger for trivia? Well, you might like our podcast, The Quizzer's Pit. Hi, I'm Shane Madej. And I'm Matt Riau. Oh, and we love learning.

1:00:41Trixie Mattel:And we love cracking wise and having a laugh. But what we have to tell you is very serious. Every single week we get sucked into a dungeon by an evil space wizard named the Quizzard. And we can't leave until we each give three of the most interesting and obscure facts we can find on whatever topic he asks. Sure, we get abducted against our will, ripped away from our families and lives as we know them. But we have a good time. And we get to learn. And we get to teach. And once we give the Quizzard enough facts, he sends us home. Big whoop. If that sounds fun to you, then why wouldn't it? Then why don't I get sucked up with us into the Quizzards Pit every single Monday?

1:01:13That's Quizzards Pit. Q-U-I-Z-A-R-D-S-P-I-T. You're going to like the way you learn. I guarantee it. Matt, that's really good.

1:01:21Trixie Mattel:Anyway, the Quizzards Pit, wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Only Child with me, your host, Bob the Drag Queen, a multi-award winning comedian, drag icon, trader, New York Titans bestselling author, and incredibly humble person. This is my first solo podcast that I'm doing without my annoying little sister. Every week I sit down with friends, future friends, and people I just met, comedians, drag queens, reality TV stars, Broadway actors, and many, many more people. Every episode ends with a very important Bob-coded question. What's the hell you're willing to die on today? We're gonna get real, but I promise we'll also make you laugh.

1:01:59So let's get into it.