Stockholm Syndrome: Live from Sweden with Trixie and Katya!

11:38Trixie Mattel:Specifically up the pussy I mean they're They're not even sunning the pussy They're sunning the area between the pussy hole The perineum Because that root chakra needs that sunlight To grow The sun is coming in You're having a hard time with that And they're just smiling They just love it So you saw their cons so I saw it once and I was like that's weird maybe they're evening it out then I saw it again so I saw it in a man a woman and then a group and I was like okay so are you serious why would I lie about this is my hometown I'm actually I'm actually from somewhere you're from Helsinki aren't you I'm from Skansen yes you're from Malmo absolutely I couldn't believe it I couldn't believe it and then I'll tell you this too I walked at six or seven parks in this city because I want to see it all because a park here compared to an American park American parks are for drug deals no one's out there

12:42Katya Zamolodchikova:American parks are for undercover cops posing as hookers drug deals and dog shit right that's about it and smoking

12:50Trixie Mattel:yeah and I was in Ireland walking around and you know Ireland this is their hottest time of year and I got out of the car and I told a joke the person was like so what do you do And I was like, well, incredible. Right? I don't know how to do the accent. I'm Swedish. Uncanny. It's crazy. And I said, well. Do that again. They were like, are you doing a show in town? And I was like, yes. And I said, well, I'm, you know, obviously I'm also here for the weather. Yeah. Because it's been cold and rainy every day. And it's peak summer there. It's wild. And the person goes, I know. We've been so lucky.

13:28Katya Zamolodchikova:that air that mary i'm telling you horrible that that little portion of the globe they are cuckoo bananas i know that nasty weather has got them all twisted up and upside down they are crazy

13:40Trixie Mattel:yeah you know we live in hollywood sure we have fascism but we have sunlight you know like

13:45Katya Zamolodchikova:we have something if you're gonna live under a totalitarian dictatorship you need an even tan Right. You know? It's the only thing that's gonna keep you grounded. You get that Pyreneum straight in the air. Oh, baby. I go up on that sun deck, I hit a downward dog with an acute angle.

14:05Katya Zamolodchikova:I let my fucking rear end have it.

14:07Trixie Mattel:Have it. Oh. All these beautiful, you guys have so many beautiful parks here. The other thing is - It's fucking gorgeous here. Gorgeous. Gorgeous. All of you are the hottest people Not a care in the world Nope You're just going about your business

14:24Katya Zamolodchikova:Being nines and tens Yep Quiet, capable, competent And you know their conservative parties

14:32Trixie Mattel:Like are moderate liberals Yeah I bet they have daycare too Oh my god I think woke here is like I don't even know what It's whatever Beyond Our Woke is Yeah, it's throwing a baby off a waterfall Right, it's anything Right, we're just, we're doing anything Really anything

14:49Katya Zamolodchikova:Sweden, Sweden How many, so you guys grow up speaking English?

14:55Trixie Mattel:That's funky and wild And get into this, if you move here There are free classes to learn Swedish Of course there fucking is

15:03Katya Zamolodchikova:God damn Oh, so I was in, I got in a An Uber yesterday and I was like Take me to the gay area Just kidding, I didn't say that And then, they knew I did ask him, I said, is this area the... Right. And he's like, what? And I was like, is it, you know, it's like, are there gay people there? He's like, I don't fucking know. And then, but he was very nice. He like, actually, he ripped me off, now that I think of it, because he took this really long scenic route that charged me about three times extra. But at one point he pulled up to this like beautiful vista. He made me get out. and take selfies. And I didn't want to.

15:46Katya Zamolodchikova:He's like, go, get out. Take some selfies. You're going to love it. Where was it? I'm like, okay. And I'm like... And then he's like, do another one. And then I got back in the car and I was like, he's wild. Where was it? It wasn't even that great of a spot. It was just like some water. Some water.

16:08Trixie Mattel:Two different parks I went to today have like gorgeous daycare pre-k facilities attached to it and you know in america you need like three lanyards and id and a blood sample to pick your own child up from school it's true i need to shoot your way in to get your own kid like it's crazy here i'm telling you it was a kindergarten where the fence was this high in america the pedophiles the traffickers would just jump right in there and do you know you guys really have a beautiful space here you should um

16:38Katya Zamolodchikova:well actually you're very grateful correct me if I'm wrong but I believe you know that that rope that the kids all you know hold on to while they cross the street that was invented here this is are you making that up that is a Swedish invention very very natural they also invented they invented children they did

17:00Trixie Mattel:until the Swedes children of the corn right well that's why they're sunning the perineum because they know when the baby comes it's going to be an adult yes

17:07Katya Zamolodchikova:And it's going to be evil. It's going to be evil. If it doesn't get that, you know, taint ray,

17:13Trixie Mattel:it's going to turn into children of the corn. Do you know about this? Like, I keep hearing on TikTok of girls calling people. Do you know about this, like, an evil gay? Evil gay? It's like a straight girl, but like, there was this evil gay at a party who was, like, trying it with me. So, a gay. I was going to say, any gay. That's a little redundant, yeah. It was an evil gay. Like, there was an evil gay talking to my boyfriend. I'm like, well, that's one of the nice ones, girl. I know. All gay is evil. All gay is very evil. Gay. Gay. Siamo tutti gay. Yeah.

17:50Katya Zamolodchikova:When July arrives, we as humans can finally live up to our full potential as sun-dazed creatures who say things like, let's go kayak on the open ocean, or I can absolutely pull off a straw hat and a floral shirt. This summer, I'm dreaming about a getaway to Traverse City, Michigan, where I found a beautiful home in Lake Michigan that I booked with Airbnb, the perfect headquarters for peak lake-based summer whimsy. I want to wake up slowly, make coffee in a real kitchen, then head out for cherry pastries, pumpkin pancakes, and a heroic afternoon of pretending I actually know how to kayak. After that, maybe we can drive out to Sleeping Bear Dunes, climb an enormous sandy hill, and then stare out at Lake Michigan like we're in a fancy shampoo commercial.

18:33Katya Zamolodchikova:Then, in honor of the season, we reward ourselves with ice cream. That is what the height of summer does to me. It makes every trip feel less like a vacation and more like a golden little movie where everyone is slightly sunburned and deeply committed to snacks. All with a home base that feels like somewhere you can actually settle in. That is why I love booking stays on Airbnb. I want a living room where everyone can collapse after a day in the water, a kitchen for late night sandwiches and lazy breakfasts, and enough space to feel like we are living our best summer lives. And if I'm traveling with friends, even better.

19:07Katya Zamolodchikova:We can stay together, eat dinner together, and play card games badly. And maybe that one great trip becomes three great trips. Maybe it's Traverse City now, the Outer Banks next, or a long weekend in Bar Harbor after that, eating lobster rolls and becoming emotionally attached to a lighthouse. However summer unfolds, it just feels more personal when you book through Airbnb. When July arrives, we as humans can finally live up to our full potential as sun-dazed creatures who say things like, let's go kayak on the open ocean, or I can absolutely pull off a straw hat and a floral shirt. This summer, I'm dreaming about a getaway to Traverse City, Michigan, where I found a beautiful home in Lake Michigan that I booked with Airbnb, the perfect headquarters for peak lake-based summer whimsy.

19:52Katya Zamolodchikova:I want to wake up slowly, make coffee in a real kitchen, then head out for cherry pastries, pumpkin pancakes, and a heroic afternoon of pretending I actually know how to kayak. After that, maybe we can drive out to Sleeping Bear Dunes, climb an enormous sandy hill, and then stare out at Lake Michigan like we're in a fancy shampoo commercial. Then, in honor of the season, we reward ourselves with ice cream. That is what the height of summer does to me. It makes every trip feel less like a vacation and more like a golden little movie where everyone is slightly sunburned and deeply committed to snacks.

20:25Katya Zamolodchikova:All with a home base that feels like somewhere you can actually settle in. That is why I love booking stays on Airbnb. I want a living room where everyone can collapse after a day in the water, a kitchen for late night sandwiches and lazy breakfasts, and enough space to feel like we are living our best summer lives. And if I'm traveling with friends, even better. We can stay together, eat dinner together, and play card games badly. And maybe that one great trip becomes three great trips. Maybe it's Traverse City now, the Outer Banks next, or a long weekend in Bar Harbor after that, eating lobster rolls and becoming emotionally attached to a lighthouse.

21:01Katya Zamolodchikova:However summer unfolds, It just feels more personal when you book through Airbnb. When July arrives, we as humans can finally live up to our full potential as sun-dazed creatures who say things like, let's go kayak on the open ocean, or I can absolutely pull off a straw hat and a floral shirt. This summer, I'm dreaming about a getaway to Traverse City, Michigan, where I found a beautiful home in Lake Michigan that I booked with Airbnb, the perfect headquarters for peak lake-based summer whimsy. I want to wake up slowly, make coffee in a real kitchen, then head out for cherry pastries, pumpkin pancakes, and a heroic afternoon of pretending I actually know how to kayak.

21:40Katya Zamolodchikova:After that, maybe we can drive out to Sleeping Bear Dunes, climb an enormous sandy hill, and then stare out at Lake Michigan like we're in a fancy shampoo commercial. Then, in honor of the season, we reward ourselves with ice cream. That is what the height of summer does to me. It makes every trip feel less like a vacation and more like a golden little movie where everyone is slightly sunburned and deeply committed to snacks. All with a home base that feels like somewhere you can actually settle in. That is why I love booking stays on Airbnb. I want a living room where everyone can collapse after a day in the water, a kitchen for late night sandwiches and lazy breakfasts, and enough space to feel like we are living our best summer lives, and if I'm traveling with friends, even better.

22:22Katya Zamolodchikova:We can stay together, eat dinner together, and play card games badly. And maybe that one great trip becomes three great trips. Maybe it's Traverse City now, the Outer Banks next, or a long weekend in Bar Harbor after that, eating lobster rolls and becoming emotionally attached to a lighthouse. However summer unfolds, it just feels more personal when you book through Airbnb.

22:44Trixie Mattel:Did you go over to Greenland? What? Is that, you know, the theme park across the street? Greenland. Oh. Yes. Yes. I thought you said Greenland. No, baby. No. I went. I bought fucking tickets. I bought the jet pass. Yes, I'm an elitist. I couldn't win the lines. Okay, whatever. No, you're bolstering the Swedish economy. You're doing great for your hometown. I'm trying. I mean, you know, bringing all the glory. It's up to me and Rebecca Ferguson. I mean, I guess it's just us.

23:12Katya Zamolodchikova:And the scars guards, of course.

23:13Trixie Mattel:And the scars guards, of course. They got a few bucks. They got a few folding cash, you know. And I also heard that Americans lean a lot. we're like known for leaning because we're like so fucking lazy that we're like I can't prop up my own spine you know what I mean that is frighteningly accurate so the Swedish people are in line for these rides like and I'm like I'm like fucking ungrateful sad and they're all

23:40Katya Zamolodchikova:waiting like so crazy yes it's that now that you think of it I oh god now I'm so embarrassed the cafe I put my not just my elbows and arms and hands on the glass counter my whole upper body and I'm pretty sure my breath made like fog on the thing and I was like

24:03Trixie Mattel:god I'm such a pig it's awful and so I'm so gross this is an odd time to travel the world because as if I wasn't always a little embarrassed to be American this is not exactly the moment like people I mean I just I feel the energy of like are you okay are you evil and if you're not

24:20Katya Zamolodchikova:evil are you okay yeah either way no no we're not okay you know what even regardless the political affiliation or the government taking over the world or any of that stuff my life is very challenging of course I wake up a woman so vulnerable it's hard wait when you've she's

24:39Trixie Mattel:barely adjusted to the time zone. When did you get here? I don't know. I feel like I've always been here. Right.

24:46Katya Zamolodchikova:No, I got here yesterday and then

24:53Katya Zamolodchikova:immediately tried to have sex and you guys are... What happened? You guys are doing something a little... You guys are playing this... They're playing a game. They're playing that age-old game don't have sex with Katya. It's like I know it's a Scandinavian tradition. It goes back tens of years.

25:18Trixie Mattel:That's one of the principles of Scandinavia.

25:21Katya Zamolodchikova:I think it's soldered into the plaque on the

25:24Trixie Mattel:palace and the constitution. Well they're not going to go fuck Russians. It sends a weird message. I know.

25:29Katya Zamolodchikova:I know. But the things she could do with her body.

25:33Trixie Mattel:Well the things she used to be able to do with her body.

25:35Katya Zamolodchikova:The things I could tell you about that I once was able to do and the adjectives I would use to describe that behavior would get you so hot, hard, and horned. Horned up. Horned up, gal. I have changed. What is that song? I'm changing. I am changing.

25:56Trixie Mattel:What is that from? It's from Dreamgirls, I believe, right? Dreamgirls. You faggots, no. Jess is on the Dreamgirls. Jennifer

26:06Katya Zamolodchikova:I bet in fitting rooms all across the world, theater students are singing that song. Of course. Because they're changing clothes. Because they're changing. Yeah. What happened with the sex? Well, I, this is, okay, so I don't have a lot of time here. We are pressed for time. We're on the move. We're on the go. We have, you know. So I get a little nibble and I say, do you want to fuck? Right. Then blocked me. Block. That was it? Well, that was my first try. I mean, you know, I have many overtures that I...

26:42Trixie Mattel:I was rebuffed brutally several times. Well, that was the overture where you introduced the themes of the songs of the evening, and then you kind of go sing the real song later.

26:50Katya Zamolodchikova:Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then when the B-side comes out. I mean, I don't really know how to flirt online. What am I going to say? Ooh. You know, ooh. Ah. Ooh.

27:02Trixie Mattel:Yeah.

27:02Katya Zamolodchikova:Or maybe I'll send a gif of somebody doing this. Right. And I say, I would like to suck your dick. If you would like to do that to me, that's great. I'd also like to eat your butthole. I mean, I just say what I want. And I think they think I'm joking because they just block me most of the time.

27:24Katya Zamolodchikova:Also, some people think it's not actually me, which is hysterical. Oh, none of them think it's us. But why would anybody choose us as their catfish? What is wrong with you, Dream Bigger?

27:37Trixie Mattel:Dream Bigger. Pick a scars guard. You know what I mean? Google search images. Anyone. Grab a black and white Abercrombie ad. Do anything. Charlie Chaplin. You're going to pick a bald cross-dresser who's pushing 40. Who's, by the way, pushing 40? Well, fell over 40 three years ago. Right.

27:55Katya Zamolodchikova:Yeah. And by the way,

28:01Trixie Mattel:if you pick a stock photo of just some gay guy some gay guy then later you can be like oh I look different now but if you pick someone the person might actually know like Charlie Chaplin what if then you go what if then they expect it to be us

28:16Katya Zamolodchikova:and if that happens you better do it good yeah you better do it good you better have a cigarette well I actually don't smoke anymore you better but you can hold the dick like this oh yeah yeah yeah yeah Oh, candy cigarette. Candy cigarette. Ratty hair. Pattern problems. Man and woman cologne. What else? Let's see.

28:35Trixie Mattel:Oh, herpes. Right. And that's kind of the big giveaway, right? If you're fucking a bald guy who you think is content and there's no herpes, you're like, something.

28:43Katya Zamolodchikova:Wait. Hold on. I'm having an Oprah aha moment. What is it?

28:48Trixie Mattel:Where are you going? Oh, just walking around. People in the car listening, she's just walking around.

28:54Katya Zamolodchikova:Sorry, guys in the car. pouring out for the guys in the car give it up to the guys in the car you know whether you're on the 405 the 110, the 2, the 5 the 495 or the I90 we just want to say hi the people in the Volvo

29:13Trixie Mattel:do you guys know I drive a fucking Volvo? represent, you're welcome ooh

29:19Katya Zamolodchikova:okay, so I'm going to shelve this but I want to put a button on the bulletin board so we don't forget Yeah. Mattress. Okay. I'll come back to that. So I had my Oprah aha moment when I walked around and I think it's because or it could be my. I, some would call, let's see, like, I don't know, shamelessly transparent admission of having herpes that might turn off some potential suitors who might not know that, you know, you probably won't contract it for me because I only had one outbreak and it was in the 80s. And, you know, it's a thing of the past. It's like, you know.

30:04Trixie Mattel:But you can't control other people's lack of information about that.

30:08Katya Zamolodchikova:No, so maybe I should include with my ass and dick pics a PDF from the CDC. From the CDC. For sure. Or like a pamphlet. Like if I have a pamphlet, why don't you come over and read it with me? Right. Great foreplay. Yeah.

30:24Trixie Mattel:And nice literacy check right off the top.

30:26Katya Zamolodchikova:Or I could do a little voice note because I love those nowadays. Do you really? Yes, I do, girl. Every time people send them, I'm like... You know why? Because you're busy and you're at work.

30:38Trixie Mattel:No, I'm like, put down the pukie, whoever it is. It's always that. No, no, it's Brazil.

30:42Katya Zamolodchikova:Every Brazilian I know does it. It's like an intercontinental thing. Oh, the Brazilians. Hello, Brazilians here. Any Brazilians?

30:50Trixie Mattel:I don't believe you. Guess how many Brazilians are here? A Brazilian. They're Brazilianers. They were telling me in Ireland that the Brazilian people clean up very well sexually there. What does that mean? I mean, those freckly bastards don't know what hit them. All these hot Brazilian people show up. They get horny. They get wet.

31:07Katya Zamolodchikova:I know. The Swedish people, yeah, they get horny. They get wet and they get wild.

31:11Trixie Mattel:They get wild.

31:12Katya Zamolodchikova:So I think, well, I guess it's too late to get laid in Sweden. How close were you to the sex? Was anyone coming over? That is a really great question that if you asked them, you'd probably get a different answer than my answer. I thought that there were several potential trysts literally on the horizon. Sure. You know what I mean? and I started shaving things that hadn't been shaved in a while. Right. You know what I mean? I started looking for those Sade vinyls that was, you know, sourcing a record player. Right. Oh, God.

31:45Trixie Mattel:I think if you put on ABBA, they'll just run at you here. That's very easy.

31:48Katya Zamolodchikova:Well, I think I blend in too much out of drag here. I mean, there's so many bald white guys in this fucking town. It's like, it's crazy. They are fucking everywhere. Y 'all are just bald and white. Bald and white. Boop-a-doop-boop. This is Stockholm. I'm just bald and white. Seriously. It's sick. Are you bald? Yep. Are you white? Definitely.

32:09Trixie Mattel:You got kind of a beard? Sure. People always be complaining. I don't know if this happens to you. People complain about they think they're losing their hair and they look me dead in the eyes and say it. It's really fucking crazy. It's really, it's like going to J.C. Dugard and being like, I think I'm losing my childhood. And it's like, do you see me like on death row or something? Do you look in the mirror pulling the hair back being like, do you think I need to go to Turkey? I'm like, do you think I should be buried? Yeah, I know. Like, do I have the right to exist? If I go to Turkey, I think they put handcuffs on me and send me the fuck back.

32:41Trixie Mattel:Girl. Seriously. Were they going to transplant the hair from my lower back? Yeah.

32:45Katya Zamolodchikova:It's sad. They'll get it from a nice Russian girl. Ooh. Yacky bundles. Yeah. Slavic bundles, baby. Slavic bundles.

32:58Trixie Mattel:Hey, I'm Ike Barinholtz. On my new show, Funny you ask, trivia starts the conversation, and then things immediately go off the rails. I ask a question. My guests think they know the answer. Sometimes they do. More often, they do not. And then the conversation takes a turn. One trivia question turns into stories about career highs, painful bombs, and behind-the-scenes moments that probably should have remained private. You'll hear confidence, misplaced confidence, bold guesses, wrong answers, quick laughs, and the slow realization that maybe this was a bad idea to say out loud. If you like smart comedy, sharp conversations, and trivia that exists purely to melt people's brains, this is Funny You Ask with me, Ike Barinholtz.

33:40Trixie Mattel:Follow Funny You Ask with Ike Barinholtz on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to podcasts. so I had the privilege of going to this fabulous theme park and I've always wanted to go about two years ago when I was here it was like February so it wasn't the right hours that I could go and then I went to the Abba Museum at the time it closed at 6 p.m. I walked up at 5 50 and they were like no no they did not they got to eat their sweets and get their rest yeah so I went home it had been dark since noon I just went you know I was out so this time I went across the street it was so cool with the Abba Museum no yeah I did that too but the very special theme park over here was so fucking cool.

34:16Trixie Mattel:The rides were amazing. Everybody was so nice and beautiful and nice fans came up and said, welcome home. Everybody says that. What was your favorite ride? Yeah, okay. So a girl, faggots coming up and going, welcome home. Then I was at that gay bar. What is it? The Secret Garden? Yes. It's not so secret. It's out in the fucking open and there was a bunch of straight people there so you guys need to work on that. I think it's just so woke here that the gays have scattered. They're not at a gay bar. They're just like, they're at Zara.

34:47Katya Zamolodchikova:Yeah, that's what my fascist Uber driver said. He's like, they're all, you know, there's not a gay district. They're all scattered up because it's not, I don't know, it's not really a, what do you call it, horrible place for gay people. Not dangerous. Yeah, super dangerous. It generally tends toward the tolerant side in regard to homosexuality.

35:07Trixie Mattel:It's almost like you guys believe that everybody deserves respect in the same chance. I don't know, it's very crazy. Yeah, it's a little fairy tale-ish to me. A little Hans Christian Andersen, if you know what I mean. So I'm over there and I'm riding all these rides. Monster, love it. All kinds of crazy. I mean, every ride gave me a neck ache. Every ride was some kind of... Did they beat you up? Are they violent? I lost the baby every ride. It was those rides for people who make smooth driving vehicles. I got like a black eye and a bum knee from that shit. Like it was so crazy. I love the rides that let you have it.

35:43Trixie Mattel:Girl. They let you have it. And plot twist, 50 % of them are drop rides.

35:47Katya Zamolodchikova:Ooh. Drop to your death. I love that shit. I love that shit. I mean, there was a famous case in the States where some guy, you know, died. But his family got$350 million in a lawsuit. So who's laughing now?

36:01Trixie Mattel:Are you talking about, which ride are you talking about? The drop. Are you talking about Kentucky Kingdom?

36:05Katya Zamolodchikova:Could be.

36:06Trixie Mattel:Do you know about this? Oh, legs chopped off? Oh, yeah. Oh, no, no, no. I don't know. Is that too much? You guys are like so pure. I know. You guys are like a kindergarten class. It's summer. The days are endless. You're so hopeful. And we're going to come here and talk about legs chopped off. I know.

36:21Katya Zamolodchikova:We're going to turn you into Americans. Or worse, Los Angelinos. I know.

36:28Trixie Mattel:Anyway, just watch your back and your legs. Okay. Watch your back. Girl, I rode all those rides. And there's one ride that I could not fucking wait to tell you about. First of all, there's a ride called. I can't read anything to signs. I don't know what any of them mean. Of course I can. I'm from here. Well, you can't. You got to play the part. Well, I'm with the group, and I don't want to make everyone feel stupid. So I'm like, what do you think you say? You know, I don't know. So for example, this ride had a witch voice and broomsticks. I'm like, oh, this is a witch ride. It's a witch ride. What did it sound like?

36:59Trixie Mattel:I swear to God, I'm waiting in line. I don't want to be difficult, but in roller coasters, I would rather wait longer and be in the front cart. I want the front cart. I want the wind in my hair You want to face death Or don't bother Yes so I'm waiting And the witch ride I'm assuming it's a witch ride The word for witch is like a K something I don't remember but Yeah that yes it's that I'm up there and of course all the safety Announcements are Safety announcements It's real people Real teenagers reading these announcements Telling you which one of your arms is going to fall off if you stick your hand, like, by the way, every ride has a sign that says, don't do this.

37:41Trixie Mattel:Don't put your hands up. I said, okay, bitch. So, I'm riding that shit like Mary Catherine Gallagher, hands in the armpits, terrified, because I'm like, but by the way, what a country to lose a limb. The healthcare. Oh, the healthcare. You know what? Girl.

37:57Katya Zamolodchikova:In America, they would put me down like a Doberman, okay? Mary, if you got your hands chopped off in Sweden, you'd probably go back to home, you'd go back home with like four

38:05Trixie Mattel:I would get crowned the prince. That would become part of the royal family. Okay.

38:10Katya Zamolodchikova:Okay.

38:10Trixie Mattel:So the witch ride is a witch voice that comes on. It's like a teenager being like, you know, this over it. And I'll be over it too. I get it. And then the witch, you know, I wouldn't say my Spanish is incredible, but the witch, I guess, on the ride is like, it's time to ride the ride. And the voice, so I'm waiting there and it's just all these children. And it's like,

38:33Trixie Mattel:And I was like fierce. so I go over the sign says don't stick your arms up or they're gonna get chopped off bald bitch so I put my arms like this ride the fucking ride it was so crazy so this other ride I should have known what it was because it was in English it said it said house of nightmares okay but it didn't dawn on me that perhaps this was a haunted house experience oh so I walk up thinking I'm going on like a tilt-a-whirl ooh you go in doors slam behind you. It's pitch black. Fucking love that shit. You're alone. You're alone. You're walking through. There's animatronics, people jumping out.

39:13Trixie Mattel:Oh, baby. It was so fucking scary. Blood pressure spiking. And nobody I was with was screaming. They were like, yeah, I mean, I was nervous. I'm like, uh... I'm like, I have inflammatory arthritis. I shouldn't even be here.

39:25Katya Zamolodchikova:Well, you know, I go into those things willingly and enthusiastically. You know why? Because I want to die. Because you want to die! I want to die either on stage in a haunted house or at Ferrari World in Dubai. Right. Or whatever. Abu Dhabi.

39:41Trixie Mattel:Shout out for Abu Dhabi, sure. Yeah. Getting excited. Poor went out for Abu Dhabi. It was a lot of excitement for that. Sweden. So then this other ride, there's another haunted house ride that's like the very classic must ride that's like spooky, creepy, you know, for kids more. Okay. Or you think. Oh. The outside of this ride is like, A giant pulling a girl's hair. Ooh. Or like there was a rubber fish who had human legs. Ooh. It was like very, very Norwegian does evil. A24 presents Blumhouse. It was weird. So I'm waiting to go in. There's a giant dinosaur. And by the way, all of these animatronics have nipples.

40:25Huge.

40:26Trixie Mattel:Hard, hard nipples? Giant, hard, pink nipples. Wired animatronic nipples? A pterodactyl like this with two nipples and a slit. I swear to God. I swear. If you guys Google this, I swear to fucking God. So I'm waiting in line and this animatronic is just sitting there with a pussy and two hard nipples. And I'm thinking over in America, they're saying that we're grooming the kids. We're sexualizing the children. Out here in Scandinavia, they're like, they got that shit roboticized. Girl.

40:57Katya Zamolodchikova:Mary, that is the beauty of living in a country that doesn't view the naked body as a crime. You know? Everybody take your clothes off. Take your clothes off. Let's see them titties.

41:09Trixie Mattel:Let's see them asses. Let's see the little tissues. Little ass. Little cut cut. Yeah. So I'm in, you know, there's little kids seeing it. I'm looking at them. I'm looking at the mom. Like, is that, I don't, okay, sure. We're all seeing the hard pink. That fish had a pussy? The fish had human legs. Okay, so it follows naturally that it would have a pussy. There's a giant head with human arms coming out of ears. Ooh, I love that. I was like, what kind of body horror weird? It's Sweden. It's Sweden. It's okay, it's Sweden. So then I go in and I'm thinking, based on the outside of this, it's going to be like a funky, wild, like little, ooh, something popped out.

41:49Trixie Mattel:Did they choke you? It's fucking terrifying. It's completely blackout. Has anybody ridden this ride? Woo! It's completely blacked out, and it goes from silent blackout to lights on, extreme noise, and different scenarios. So the first one is like a scarecrow, and you're like, oh no, this one is scared. You know, you're scared. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then the next, yes. Then the next thing was like rats. Ooh, rats, scary. When I tell you what happens next, I thought of you immediately, and it was so fucking crazy. so all the scares are like a witch a rat

42:29Katya Zamolodchikova:no was it a crackhead

42:30Trixie Mattel:um bitch a door flies open it's a small bathroom with a big fat guy covered in puke shitting going it was so crazy it was so fucking crazy like imagine you're on a kids haunted house ride and then there's an adult man shitting and puking. Stockholm, you've done it again. I couldn't believe it.

43:01Katya Zamolodchikova:That is, now that is cunt.

43:05Trixie Mattel:That is truly terrifying. It was so fucking crazy, girl. I just thought of you. It was so wild. Was it animatronic, right?

43:11Katya Zamolodchikova:Was it real?

43:12Trixie Mattel:Animatronic. Okay. But it's a kid's ride. How do we go from a scarecrow, a witch, a human adult man defecating and puking, screaming, and he's leaned over a toilet.

43:24Katya Zamolodchikova:But you know what, for the kids, it's great because then you don't, as a parent, you don't have to suffer the indignity of reading books like everybody poops to your kid. You just take them to that ride. They learn about, you know, pissing through your asshole. And, you know. Yeah.

43:39Trixie Mattel:I also like that in Sweden, the worst thing that could happen to you is that you like overeat to the point of puking. It's like, oh, my God, the horrors, you know.

43:46Katya Zamolodchikova:Yeah, yeah, yeah. we have people going to school with AK-47s and the worst thing that happens here is a little indigestion a little gas gas

43:57Trixie Mattel:gas I get a little gas but it makes sense what is that it's this like fundamental principle of Sweden it means not too much not too little what is it again totally it's a logo right or logo no wait one person

44:09Katya Zamolodchikova:you say it oh you you're not Swedish you're not Swedish get the fuck out of here okay everybody i want to learn i want to learn i can still learn

44:24yes yeah thank you thank you you stop filming now not too much not too little yeah okay thank you

44:35Trixie Mattel:and their whole thing is not too much not too little everything the right amount moderation and so I think they see I'm assuming that was the American part of it the person shitting and puking it was like overindulgence ah no you know I think that was it

44:51Katya Zamolodchikova:okay so I want to tell you something and this is I don't want to be

44:59Trixie Mattel:you're pregnant don't go ride those rides girl don't go ride those rides

45:06Katya Zamolodchikova:oh I need to talk to you about something and it might be it might be too much.

45:12Trixie Mattel:Do you guys want to hear it? It's dot com.

45:14Katya Zamolodchikova:Do you want to hear it? No. No. I have. I did something. I did something truly wild and truly reckless and I don't know if I regret it but it has roots, deep roots in fact, tradition in Sweden. Has anybody heard of a company called Heston's? Okay, girl. Sit down. Oh, great, good. Obsidian. Yeah. And I know what Heston's is, but for the people here who don't know, can you tell them? It's for the people in the car. Yeah. So everybody driving. Heston's is a Swedish company that produces mattresses. Now when I say mattress, I mean like the most luxurious form of a mattress known to man. These mattresses, I didn't know about them until about two or three months ago.

46:02Katya Zamolodchikova:They are hand-tracted. I want a mattress that feels like it's stuffed with a bag of hard cocks. Oh, baby. Maybe she's got you even better than that. Love it. So, you ever boiled horse hair? You ever boiled horse hair? No. Five times? No. No? To get it all nice and curly? No. Did you ever source some chunks and chunks of mohair? Wool? No. Yeah, well, they do here. And they stuff it into these mattresses. So I went to the store in L.A., and the first mattress I tested, I kid you not, this was the price tag $750 ,000 you're lying I'm not lying I'm not lying it's called the grand vividest I don't know if you'd pronounce it like that but $750 ,000 fucking dollars

46:54Trixie Mattel:see now

46:54Katya Zamolodchikova:can you believe that shit? that doesn't feel like La Gomme okay no no no that feels like a lot no but they do but they do so they do make cheaper ones and essentially here's what I this is my logic

47:11Katya Zamolodchikova:why we have been brainwashed okay by by the automotive industry for example where it is more like people have more of a desire to purchase a car as a status symbol but a car is really a death machine as we all we all know right i mean it's it's a it's a flying death machine Yeah. Not the way you drive. She's a very safe driver. I'm a very safe driver, but you know, I'm on the road with people who are insane. Well. Psychotic death machine drivers.

47:43Trixie Mattel:Well, you don't have a Swedish car. That's right. You can't crash it, you'll die. I think if you crash a Swedish car, you live longer somehow. It extends.

47:51Katya Zamolodchikova:Every injury you get, the bones get hardier. Yes, totally. So I, listen, I bought one of the mattresses. Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. I don't have any money, by the way. I'm broke. How did you get this mattress? Well, a girl has her ways. This man offered me 0 % financing for three years. I don't know if there's fine print. There probably is, but the point is, I am going... Let me tell you something. When I laid my fucking carcass on this bed, and he literally... So we had moon booties on. They give you little moon boots when you go in the store. I don't know why. And then they tuck you in, literally.

48:35Katya Zamolodchikova:Oh, wow. They tuck you in right to the chin. Cover my breasts, of course. Were you topless when you walked in? Well, no. But I mean, it's like... You wanted to get a deal. If I'm going to simulate the sleeping experience, I have to get totally nude. Right. Right.

48:48Trixie Mattel:And put on your breastplate.

48:50Katya Zamolodchikova:Yes. I tucked. Yeah, and tucked, yes.

48:55Trixie Mattel:It's the only way to keep you from pissing the bed. Yeah. You have to tuck.

48:59Katya Zamolodchikova:I've got a story about that, too. Okay. So talk to me in, and Mary, when I tell you the sensation was like 5D. You know what I mean? There was like, there's height, there's length, there's width, or depth, and then something else. Yeah, all those. All those. And then there's like time, and then there's something else. Then there's like vibes. Yeah, there's vibes, and then there's like barbecues or whatever. Riz. No, Riz is over.

49:33Trixie Mattel:Oh, Riz is over. Yeah, Riz is over.

49:34Katya Zamolodchikova:Damn. What took Riz's place? I don't know. Jizz?

49:38Trixie Mattel:No. Well, evil gay. Evil gay.

49:41Katya Zamolodchikova:I guess. So anyways, I'm telling you, I was transported to another realm. Okay. I had, Mary, I'm telling you, this mattress, when it comes in four to five months, because they make them by hand. Are you saying you really bought this? Well, so, yes, I did.

49:59Trixie Mattel:But bought is a little. I think you're an artist and I think you're a woman of careers. Where the fuck are you going to get$750 ,000?

50:06Katya Zamolodchikova:No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. It was not that one.

50:09Trixie Mattel:Oh. No, no, no. I was like, are you? And you're all enabling it. No one's speaking up. No. You're all like, oh, she's going to have to come back here. We got her coming to perform.

50:19Katya Zamolodchikova:No, so like, it's like a car. Imagine if a car, like, it is the whole gamut. So, like, you've got your McLaren or whatever you say, like, the Rolls Royces up there. Then you've got the tears. So you got like the 80 grand one. They're like, yeah, if you fucking hate yourself. Well, you poor bitch. That's what's funny about their marketing strategy, because the second best one is like, this is our second most exclusive mattress. If you can't afford the first one, you fucking poor fuck. Right. But I settled with this one. The sleep engineer or whatever the fuck they call themselves. He was so it was like it was like he was like a matchmaker.

50:59Katya Zamolodchikova:Right. You know what I mean? it was like Indian matchmaking except he made matches too no no he was like he chose he's like that's

51:09Trixie Mattel:I'm sorry stupid sorry that was like not worth it I'm sorry

51:17Katya Zamolodchikova:I'm telling you in the four to five months when and if I come through with the money I am going to have a 180 degree personality change I swear to God after three nights of sleep on this fucking handmade Swedish mattress baby mama do you even realize what's

51:35Trixie Mattel:going to happen and I guess you can trust the Swedes because sometimes it's you know 20 hours of nighttime they know what the mattress feels like after 18 hours

51:43Katya Zamolodchikova:yes because in the winter they sleep on average 20 hours a day absolutely they go into hibernation

51:49Trixie Mattel:yes no but like a hamster like a hamster like a Syrian hamster they hibernate in the winter have you seen these TikToks of people who have turtles who like put their turtle and hibernation in the fridge for the winter right swear to fucking god i need them to do that with us in the summer baby oh put me in the fridge to sleep cry oh oh and then put this on me hold on oh your little thingy i'm just gonna put this on

52:14Katya Zamolodchikova:real quick you know i want the audience to get some of the benefits of this technology right um and i think they can just do i have one of those too i didn't um choose to bring it So the front row, you will look about three months younger when you leave. You will. You will. I love this thing. It's so Hannibal Lecter, like Jason in space, kind of like.

52:37Trixie Mattel:I get really high and wear it while I play PlayStation. And I probably look. And it's, by the way, completely dark in the house. I'm glowing red from the face, not one light. It's cunty.

52:47Katya Zamolodchikova:When we first got them, it was a while ago. I used to smoke with it on. And it was just like so crazy. And the routine was better aging.

52:55Trixie Mattel:I'm like, love it. Two steps forward, three steps back. Love it. But they're not, they're not aging like us. I, the other thing I keep seeing here is adults in a city walking with ski poles. What the fuck is that? Wait, are you? Yes. Well, yes, people, they have two poles and they're in the city like doing elliptical.

53:19Katya Zamolodchikova:Are they getting ready for the, the cross country? I think there's so much winter here that they have,

53:25Trixie Mattel:like um and pot like um what is it when the when you have the when you think that what is it delusion no no no no delusion no like if you uh oh phantom limb they think the snow is there they're like season yes they're like skiing have you am i crazy have you guys seen the people with the sticks walking through the city what is for what what's the rationale there just for support somebody was outside of the secret guarding doing it i was like where are we like and get this outside of the secret garden, this was either a community theater play or something that really happened. Somebody had two dogs hooked around the leg of one chair and the person got up, right?

54:07Trixie Mattel:Because, you know, Swedish people, not too much, not too little. They're leaving, you know? No, go home. So then the dogs escaped and these two dogs take off fucking running. And this would never happen in America. As the dog passed each person, that person like pulled out their headphones and started running after the dog. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

54:24Katya Zamolodchikova:They dropped their infant and then lunched for the dog.

54:27Trixie Mattel:The entire community came together to find the dog. And we're waiting and we're like, God damn, that dog's never coming back. Ten minutes later, someone comes back with the dog. The entire street of all the people sitting outside stands up and starts clapping.

54:43Katya Zamolodchikova:Clapping. That, you know, that is the Scandinavian spirit. You just can't buy anywhere. It's the spirit. It's the whole spirit. So wait, I think I have a, I have a problem with this spending money that I don't currently possess.

54:58Trixie Mattel:Well, that, we keep doing this because if you guys listen to the pod, you know that she just got three Miele vacuums.

55:05Katya Zamolodchikova:Yes, you know what? And I'm going to return one. I'm going to return one. I'm going to just, I'm going to be wild and crazy because that was a little nuts. But I do want to briefly mention something only because I've been harping so endlessly about the fucking mold and my condo, yada yada yada i just want to say very briefly but very sexually right that my new bathroom is is um it's like infuses me with an eroticism that is inexpressible with language right i i it i i'll post you know photos of it but you just gotta be there and um i i took a gentleman into the shower, which has a long bench and with lights, and I sat him down, and we fucked in the water.

56:02Katya Zamolodchikova:And we had a waterfall coming down on us, you know, very dramatic. And then we had another water source kind of hitting us from the side to keep us alert. And then we had also the wand, which just turned on, and then squirting us with a very like, shh, in the face. So it was a very overstimulating.

56:24Trixie Mattel:Even the shower was like shooting pre-con. Yeah, yeah. Everybody was excited.

56:27Katya Zamolodchikova:Mom, and that shower got wet.

56:29Trixie Mattel:Got really fucking horny.

56:30Katya Zamolodchikova:But you know what I do? And the party doesn't stop once the water turns off. Right. That's when the things really get cooking. Because I got two squeegees. Wall-mounted squeegees. Oh, to get the stuff off. Because that water in LA is so hard. Right. And you really gotta clean that water. But when I tell you that, imagine me totally nude. I got my squeegee and I go, ah. Ah. And then it pools down here and I go, ah, ah, ah, ah. Okay. And you don't even want to know what happens when I get the Windex bottle out. I love my bathroom. I go through hell with my bathroom. Long story short, thank you for black mold thank you god bless black mold god bless black mold I know I'm sorry if you come to LA free tour and free shower free shower

57:29Trixie Mattel:I'm not joking hey Brandon can I get a powder puff I hate to ask this um lack of air conditioning has taken me out it's taken me out do you want a little juice

57:37Katya Zamolodchikova:do you want a little of this guy oh the fan that's pointed only at you yeah I don't know I'm hogging it hold on here watch this

57:43Trixie Mattel:oh thank you you know just oh and it matches my outfit oh shit there you go thank god it's a cunty it's cunty I am your father you know I don't think they weren't like that very that oh thank you Tracy give it up for our pod producer Tracy oh yes Tracy

58:04Trixie Mattel:she's the girl you guys hear laughing in the background sometimes she's so cute and the comments will be like I hate whoever's laughing and I'm like sorry about fun whatever happened to fun

58:14Katya Zamolodchikova:yeah oh sorry you ever had a good time you piece of shit.

58:17Trixie Mattel:Also like a diehard fan being like, I was there, I wouldn't laugh. Yeah, I listen to every episode, I've never laughed once. You're in your Pontiac Grand Prix on the 101 laughing, so shut the fuck up, bitch. Oh my God, where do you want to die? Well, obviously here. Okay. Obviously here.

58:37Trixie Mattel:Do you want to have like a Viking death? If I could snap my fingers, snap my fingers and have all my belongings sold and a passport, I'd be here tomorrow, bitch. Really? Yes, it's gorgeous. It's amazing. It's fabulous. And the only thing that I, well, there's been a few things I haven't liked. This isn't a part, as I understand, this is a country with a lot of churches, but not necessarily an obsession with Christianity. Or do you guys disagree? Well. Not like a moderate obsession, but not like other parts of the world where it's like, girl, it's game on the sequel, right? Mama, it's not where they take the little babies and go,

59:11Katya Zamolodchikova:donk, donk, donk, donk, donk. You guys have like

59:14Trixie Mattel:woke beliefs, like you know trans people are real you know crazy stuff you know yeah um

59:22Katya Zamolodchikova:it might even be worth living you know who knows human human human rights exactly how is that yeah

59:31Trixie Mattel:somebody came up to me today i went to one of the parks one of the different parks and um how many fucking parks baby this one i wrote it down i wrote it down this one was called look at those called and they're really humble humble humble humble guidance humble gunner sparkly was it free oh yeah it's free completely free gorgeous and a lot of outdoor workout equipment a lot of different types of bars you can climb on a lot of different type of rings just me just me and you know can't do much but i'm just there right right i recently gemini told me that my bmi is um gemini told me that i'm overweight so i'm recover i'm recovering from that.

1:00:07Trixie Mattel:Well, what does she fucking know? She knows. She doesn't even go here. She said for six feet, I'm supposed to be like 165 pounds. For what? I said, which half of me, bitch? Like, what are you talking about?

1:00:17Katya Zamolodchikova:165 pounds to what? Like, star in a movie about starvation? I don't know. The Hunger Games.

1:00:22Trixie Mattel:There you go. She thinks I'm gonna be in the new Hunger Games.

1:00:23Katya Zamolodchikova:Well, you know what I tell the, you know what I say to Miss Gemini? Girl, go fuck yourself. Right. You know? Right. Because I'm... Unless this episode is sponsored by Gemini. Yeah, in which case, thank you so much for all the info, babe.

1:00:36Trixie Mattel:in which case this story is that Gemini got me on the wellness

1:00:41Katya Zamolodchikova:track but you're a cancer which is tough it's tough yeah can others Scorpio like can a Scorpio use Gemini oh I get what you're doing yeah it's a horoscope show I get what you're doing all right I don't like it but I get it we have been watching wait have any of our season seven episodes come out yet wait can I tell you what happened in the park oh god Jesus of course two people

1:01:01Trixie Mattel:came up to me and spoke in some language they said um you know, peek up a gap. And I said, yeah. And they were like, oh, do you know the gospel? And at first I thought, oh, they're fans. They're making a joke about like, I'm here, whatever. And then I saw the two cross necklaces. Exactly. And I don't know what it is. I just don't respond to that. I find it very assaulting. I find it crosses a lot of lines. What did they look like? What were they wearing? Younger than us. Young, able-bodied, happy individuals wasting their fucking life. But I mean, maybe they just want to collect canned goods. And I'm such a fag.

1:01:50Trixie Mattel:They were like, have you heard that Godspell? And I said, Godspell? The musical? Like, I was like, oh, my God. You know, Evita? Sure. So I said, what? And they were like, do you know that Godspell? and I said, no. And I was with someone and I said, no, we don't really do that. And then we're like sitting and then they have like a flow chart of what to say no matter what you say to try to keep you going. It's like a telemarketer in real life. They're trying to keep you on the phone. Mary, they should, I wish they would have talked to me. And it like, it starts from no, no thank you to I'm uncomfortable to I'm gay.

1:02:26Trixie Mattel:You know, you have to just start. I suck dicks and cocks all day, you motherfucker. Is your God okay with that. Right. I even pull the dick out of the ass and suck it again. You know, like,

1:02:37Katya Zamolodchikova:just your God shit himself and puke and all. Yeah.

1:02:41Trixie Mattel:And it just, it really was like, ugh. Yeah. It's wild. Ugh. We want to talk invasive species. Like, how come I can't bring an apple on a plane to Australia, but Christians are allowed to go wherever they want and do whatever the fuck they want. It's crazy. It's crazy. It makes me sad. It makes me sad. And by the way, you don't know what someone's religious trauma is, so coming up and asking them if they know the gospel, it's like, uh, yeah, a lot of people knew it and are still recovering from when they knew it. Yeah. But it's just very re-traumatizing and psychotic.

1:03:17Katya Zamolodchikova:Also, it's a little vague because I believe there are several gospels according to many different people, like Luke, Mark, Sarah Jessica Parker, whatever. What is the gospel? gospel music thank you you know um you've already been to the water you know i mean there's a lot of um a lot of different avenues so what was their pitch i don't know like i wanted to like elevator

1:03:40Trixie Mattel:pitch i wanted to like vampire movie it like rip the cross off put in my mouth and just melt or something i don't know like i just found it it was just today and i was just like oh okay i have a

1:03:49Katya Zamolodchikova:suggestion this is what you do ask me so um i'm just alone vulnerable and i look like i need a friend. I'm fresh meat for you. The gospel. So I'm the Jesus person. Okay. Hold on, let me just get into character.

1:04:17Katya Zamolodchikova:Do you know about the gospel? Do I know about the gospel? Baby, I wrote it.

1:04:30Katya Zamolodchikova:It starts with rule number one. You gotta fondle these titties. Then the gospel according to Luke. rule number two you gotta finger this slit and then they have they have a long since charge the other way they're they're gone they're long right so you gotta eroticize these moments you gotta

1:04:49Trixie Mattel:sexualize them or you need to like completely left like whatever because gospel just means i was with someone and i said well what is what does gospel really mean i mean they said well they present it like do you know the truth and then i thought well you can say yes i know the truth about blank like You can say, I know the gospel of... RuPaul. Right. So it's like, do you know the gospel? It's like, oh my God, that Sarah Michelle Gellar and Alison Hannigan had beef.

1:05:13Katya Zamolodchikova:Yeah.

1:05:13Trixie Mattel:Or that Taylor Swift is a dyke. Right. Right. Like, yes, I know the gospel of something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But what are you talking about? And by the way, that jewelry is very cheap for someone who's chosen. You know what I mean? Exactly, yeah. You might want to rethink the jewelry hunt. Right. And by the way, walking... Today we're going to go to the park and walk up to people. What are you, in Hollywood Boulevard making TikToks? Get the fuck out of here. I think it's so crazy.

1:05:37Katya Zamolodchikova:Do they get, like, candy at the end of the day? I don't know what they get. I don't know what they get. You know what I mean? Because it's, like, it's kind of Girl Scout-ish. I don't know. Do you guys have Girl Scouts here? No. So we have this thing where, like, little girls go sell candy bars. Right. It's so weird. But they collect the money, and then it goes towards something. I'm not sure what. Do you guys know what Girl Scouts are? Yeah.

1:05:56Trixie Mattel:And you know they have to sell cookies to get money to do activities. Yeah. start them young in America you know

1:06:04Katya Zamolodchikova:and if they don't meet their quota they get a tractor drives over their head right exactly someone gets on a tractor they're laying down tied to the railroad right and they head chopped off right right I mean it's an epidemic it's an epidemic

1:06:19Trixie Mattel:it's an absolute epidemic and I don't know the day before I was doing tourism I went in a beautiful and stunning church I wish I could remember the name it was so beautiful here in Stockholm and I was like wow the pain painted ceilings. They had little rainbow buttons. I was like, okay, I don't feel embarrassed being here, whatever. Right? Because I don't know. I always think if I'm kind of noticeably gay and I'm in the church, aren't they kind of like, you know what I mean? Like, get out of here, you know? Right. Am I going to feel like how some of the misogynistic gay guys make a straight girl feel in a gay bar?

1:06:52Trixie Mattel:You know what I mean? Evil gay. Right, evil gay. I hate evil people, you know?

1:06:58Katya Zamolodchikova:What a drag. I mean, it takes a lot of effort to be evil. I wish that in my utopian version of the world, everybody would have one of these. We would all sleep on a Heston's and instead of, when every time we sneezed, we would squirt. Right. You would have a spontaneous, a brief, but extremely satisfying orgasm. Right. Have you heard the gospel?

1:07:22Trixie Mattel:Yes, I have two melees. Three. Three. Yeah. The gospel according to Heston's baby. Have you heard the gospel? Yes, I'm still paying off my Heston 80 years later. But you know what? It's supposed to last a lifetime. It better. It is. Oh, it is. It better. It will. You know those Tumi bags? Those Tumi bags. Is that Swedish? Maybe. Tumi. I don't know. So they are supposed to fix those for life. And my bag was ripped at the airport. And I walked right into the airport to me. And I slammed it on the table. And I was like, you guys work on commission. I don't know what I said. But I was just like, and they fixed it for free and shipped it to me.

1:07:59Katya Zamolodchikova:Baby, I did one better. I went in. I started crying. I was like, my two-meat bag doesn't work. They just gave me a free one. Completely replaced it. Everything good happens to this person. Yeah. Which is so crazy because people, like, why do people with money get free stuff? It's so fucking weird. It's bizarre. Do you even think about it? Like, it's crazy.

1:08:19Trixie Mattel:Anyways. I don't know. Poppy Soda just DM'd me and said, we're going to send you some soda. And I wasn't like, no, send it to someone else. I was like, I will take the prebiotic soda. I'm 35 years old.

1:08:30Katya Zamolodchikova:you know that gi tract oh she's oh i'll be having a grape soda just cracking the bowl

1:08:35Trixie Mattel:just blowing it out my god black toilet in my bathroom she got a black toilet you guys now i

1:08:43Katya Zamolodchikova:you know when when you have a dream and your dream comes true then you live with your dream it can become a nightmare right right so the black toilet i don't know about her i don't know about her we are in a trial period because why don't you like a black toilet that seems so glamorous Of course it looks glamorous. But I want you to imagine, over the course of some weeks, are you able to spot certain uncleanly parts? Basically, it's hard to see the shit in there. Do you know what I mean? Like, it's hard to, like... Because I clean the toilets with my bare hands. No, it's just, like, it's not as satisfying, like, oh, it's clean, because it's all black.

1:09:26Trixie Mattel:But there's always shit in the toilet. You open up the back, you go, there it is. And you put the lid back down. Right? Yeah. Yeah. I had a wall-mounted one, but I was too afraid. Not in Sweden. In Sweden, when you use the toilet, it shoots into space. They sing a song. Everything's perfect. Holland gets more flowers. Yeah. You know what we really got to come back for? We got to come back for St. Lucia. What's that? Do you know about this? Okay. These whores here, they get in their best drag, their best weird sacrificial drag long long white dresses in the dark with candles on the head oh okay I'm listening but obviously kind of a fire hazard too I was watching some videos of it and I was like I don't know that bitch you hate you're like you need another candle good luck whore

1:10:18Katya Zamolodchikova:evil arson

1:10:20Trixie Mattel:right I don't know damn

1:10:22Katya Zamolodchikova:so you really want to die here I want to die Of course.

1:10:27Trixie Mattel:In America, they'll sell me for parts. Here, we could have the Trixie and Katja Museum or something.

1:10:37Katya Zamolodchikova:I want to explode.

1:10:39Trixie Mattel:I want to explode on TV. Live TV. I mean this with all the love in the world. I don't see you dying old. No.

1:10:48Katya Zamolodchikova:Well, old, what is old? You know what I mean? Here, it's like 300. Right. You know, they live, I mean, life expectancy in Sweden has got to be like 106. Well, they get in the car accident. They live longer. Hello. Thank you. You know, I don't see you at 90. Oh, me neither. Right. You know what I mean? I'm hoping to kick the bucket before 60, but that's just between me and I. I was going to say 50, but it sounded crazy. That's a little crazy. Because that's in like eight years. Seven. Okay. Seven. Okay. Seven. Well, yeah. Okay. Seven. 55. But you know what? Listen, I do want to say something. This is the bald and the beautiful, and not to get corny, but I do want to reiterate, I think that we should mention this from time to time.

1:11:25Being bald is not a death sentence.

1:11:30Katya Zamolodchikova:It's not. It's not an affliction. It's not a disease. It's not a humiliation. It's not a handicap. It's not an obstacle. It's an opportunity. Right. do you know what I mean what are you looking at that weird piece of dust that just fell over oh I thought it was a bug do you know what I mean being bald is cunty it is you know it really is I mean like I don't and I don't understand this like crazy hatred of it because look at American movie stars we got Vin Diesel secretly gay by the way Cynthia Erivo Cynthia Erivo have a great year Mary that bitch is so fucking bald she is so bald not any hair never balded yeah we got Vin Diesel secretly gay already said that we got Dwayne the Rock Johnson Montel Williams Jason Statham Mr.

1:12:30Katya Zamolodchikova:Clean sure we have Charlize Theron in that movie exactly yes Natalie Portman in Beaver Vendetta in that movie yes we have a lot oh that robot

1:12:45Trixie Mattel:Well, we all have to go see Elio. Do you know about this? No. The girls at Disney are really mad at us because the Disney people said, well, if you are mad that we don't make more original movies, when we put out an original movie and you don't go see it, what is the truth, Ellen? You know what I mean? Jesus Christ. Because it's like their biggest flop ever. Oh, really? Yes. Well, you know what?

1:13:05Katya Zamolodchikova:They need to get it right.

1:13:06Trixie Mattel:I'm sorry. Do you know that I went to see 28 years later? Bitch, I did too. Yes. Oh, they're right. No, no, wait. Can we spoiler talk about it? Is that okay? What did you think of it?

1:13:19Katya Zamolodchikova:Listen, my brother, the monk, was in town, so we went to the movies a lot. We went to see F1, which... Stray people. Oh, my God. The guy should have died halfway through, but that's just my opinion. It's like Brad Pitt is going to drive a car. Right. He's going to drive it fast. You know there's going to be an accident. he's going to the hospital but wow big surprise at the end they win right you know so it was but I have to admit it was kind of high octane thrilling experience but two and a half hours really tested the limits of my bladder they're asking a lot at these movies okay they're asking way too much well I had a carafe of soda and an icy right and I chugged a water right before we went in there

1:14:04Trixie Mattel:the icy really hits yeah yeah yeah I love that shit 28 years later I was like damn living up to the name we are out here for 28 years in this movie

1:14:11Katya Zamolodchikova:Yeah, Ray Fiennes, the bald bitch covered in whatever the fuck, iodine. That was me. Right. That was me. Crazy. This was a...

1:14:21Trixie Mattel:Spoiler alert. I cried, mouth open, face crying. I cried like Sarah Paulson. I know. Like Claire Danes. Yes. It was so... And then the giant zombie with the huge cock. The huge zombie cock? If you guys are into zombie cock, this motherfucker has a tree trunk hanging out the whole movie. Yeah.

1:14:45Katya Zamolodchikova:If you want to suck some undead cock and dick. Right. It was huge. Flagrantly large with big old balls dangling. Yeah. I loved it. I thought it was so wonderful. It was good, but it was surprising. I went in expecting a lot of like, and it was a lot of, ooh. It was very sad.

1:15:04Trixie Mattel:Well, I was trying to see Final Destination, and I guess I went the first day. it stopped showing in the theater. Mary, you can watch it on YouTube. Well, I went home and it was like, it's on iTunes now. I'm not going to sit on my MacBook.

1:15:16Katya Zamolodchikova:No, no, no. You go on YouTube, YouTube.com, and you can get all the kills in one condensed video, because there ain't nothing helping in that movie besides that. You know what I mean? I like the story, too. You like the story? Of course. The riveting acting?

1:15:31Trixie Mattel:But you like the Saw movie, and that's the same shit.

1:15:34Katya Zamolodchikova:Yeah, but I go to YouTube.com and I look up the kills. I don't want to watch them say, hey, whoa, what's that? I just want to see the heads getting chopped off.

1:15:44Trixie Mattel:You're a movie pirater. You're a thief. And I cannot associate with you. Okay? You're the reason why Hollywood is leaving Los Angeles. Okay? But for every movie I do that, I bring a can of soup to the library. To the library. Shut up, you guys. I think we have some questions.

1:16:03Katya Zamolodchikova:We do.

1:16:03Trixie Mattel:We have some questions that we have to answer. We do.

1:16:06Katya Zamolodchikova:The people are clamoring for the truth.

1:16:08Trixie Mattel:And we're getting a little hungry. Can we bring out the reindeer and the root vegetables, please? Thank you so much.

1:16:12Katya Zamolodchikova:Does anybody know, personally, a Skarsgård? No, I mean, like, know them, not know of them. Which one? All of them. Are you, yourself, a Skarsgård? Did you fuck one of them? Damn. Yes?

1:16:31Trixie Mattel:Oh, come on. Oh, so delicious. you know I just rewatched that stunning film barbarian Mary so did I

1:16:39Katya Zamolodchikova:oh my gosh that is so weird

1:16:41Trixie Mattel:our cycles are synced up we are on the same wavelength cause I've just been like wait a minute wait a minute before we do these fucking cards do you guys know that I had yet another psychic phenomenon this is a little spooky and this one is fucking good so I was in Ireland last week yes Ireland home of bewitched c 'est la vie yes and I had a dream and you guys when I have dreams things happen okay I don't want to talk about it but about a month ago there was a natural disaster and I had a dream about the number of people that died and they did no no

1:17:14Katya Zamolodchikova:tell that in a little more depth because what it's crazy

1:17:17Trixie Mattel:there was a tornado in the United States and I dreamed I dreamed how many people died and then the next like the next day 27 people had died and I said there's going to be 28 I had a dream there was 28 dead people and the next day they found one more person so yes psychic psychic thank you Sweden yes

1:17:33Katya Zamolodchikova:Now, but was this dream after you saw it on the news?

1:17:38Trixie Mattel:No.

1:17:39Katya Zamolodchikova:Okay, okay. Just checking.

1:17:40Trixie Mattel:Just checking. Just checking. So last week, this actually happened, and I don't care if you all make fun of me, okay? I know I'm a national treasure here, but I can take a little ribbing, okay? We're apart. We haven't talked. If we're not working together, we haven't talked in six years, right? We have not hung out. Dead to me. I don't know what she's doing. I don't know where she is. I'm on some traffic. I don't even know if she has a phone, right? She's sleeping on mohair couches and stuff, whatever you're doing. I had a dream that she was in her house trying to hang a shelf, and she really regretted it because of the holes she put in the wall.

1:18:10Trixie Mattel:And in the dream, she was like, I shouldn't have done it. Now there's huge holes in the wall. I should have had a professional do it. So I wake up, and I text her, hey, I had a weird dream. Don't put that shelf in your wall. Don't do it.

1:18:20Katya Zamolodchikova:In my left hand, I was holding a shelf. Swear to God. And, and, and, because a lot of home renovations going on in my house, my dreams have been very mundane. banal you know just like hanging curtains they fall down oh you know and in the dream sure enough i had drilled very poorly three uh big holes into the wall and this fresh paint job started crying and then i had to call a gc to take care of it psychic psychic i said and then she said that's

1:18:53Trixie Mattel:actually weird and she sends a picture of herself holding the shelf yeah she was like i was about

1:18:57Katya Zamolodchikova:to hang this up but i wasn't sure about the holes isn't that weird that's very my next tour i will

1:19:02Trixie Mattel:be predicting all of your deaths. What? What's mine? Girl, I said 50. I said what I said.

1:19:12Katya Zamolodchikova:No, I know, but not when. Like, what? Oh. Exploded. Exploded. Exploded. Exploded. Or what about imploded?

1:19:19Trixie Mattel:Like a Titanic thing? Yeah, like a submersible. Oh, shit. Sexy submersible. Girl, you know what we have to watch? We have to watch that new Netflix program about the ship at sea with all the feces. Baby, I already watched that. You know I watched

1:19:32Katya Zamolodchikova:that? Was it fierce? The poop cruise? No. There was no real footage. Aw. It's like I know that we're going to get.

1:19:38Trixie Mattel:You want a triangle of sadness like shit on the ground.

1:19:41Katya Zamolodchikova:Of course I did. I do. I love a rich bitch pissing and shitting and puking at the same time.

1:19:46Trixie Mattel:Mind you guys, sometimes my psychic behavior is like, oh my god, I just remembered my locker accommodation from high school. Yeah, that's called memory. Yeah, yeah. So sometimes I don't pay attention. Like maybe you told me you were hanging a show. I think

1:19:58Katya Zamolodchikova:that's probably very likely. No, but I had also dreamed it that night.

1:20:01Trixie Mattel:So see there you go and all of you fucking make fun of me

1:20:07Katya Zamolodchikova:All right, the devil laughs wait, so how do you say the truth in Sweden you again?

1:20:17Trixie Mattel:Some name son Lincoln yes Talk the support that's incredible if in America if you just said truth people I Could have done that like audiences are not happy for each other. That's beautiful what you guys have here. Okay, San Lingen.

1:20:39Katya Zamolodchikova:Well, let's look at these questions. So let's see, first one, doesn't say who it's from, but here we go. Besides each other, who is your favorite queen from Drag Race?

1:20:48Trixie Mattel:Oh my gosh, what a fabulous question. What a great question. Who do I really think eats it up? Who do I really think eats it up and lets the girls know? I would like to divide it into two parts.

1:20:57Katya Zamolodchikova:Who is the fiercest queen and who's the fiercest girl? girl.

1:21:02Trixie Mattel:Oh, do you know what I mean? I mean, I think my favorite performer is probably Bob or Jinx.

1:21:11Trixie Mattel:Or you. Of course you. No, besides each other. And the girl who really eats it up and gives the girls what they need to know. Let's the girls know exactly what time it is, what the tea is. Who lays it out. I mean, do any of us matter but Plastique?

1:21:24Katya Zamolodchikova:Oh my God.

1:21:26Trixie Mattel:Do any of us matter?

1:21:28Katya Zamolodchikova:Mary, if you put me in a room with Plastique and Bosco that's how you die maybe the speed at which I would literally explode it would just be like like that oh my god those bitches how do they do it who's your fave I would have to say nowadays it's gonna be

1:21:56wait wait

1:21:57Katya Zamolodchikova:Wait, is it Drag Race? Was that Drag Race specific? Yes, I think so. I'm going to say, I'm going to be kind of, and say RuPaul. I know. No, no, no, no, no, no. It's hard to not say RuPaul. Only because of her Instagram. She will teach you how to parallel park. She will. She will teach you how to replace a tire. She will let you know that she just shoved a nuke up her pussy.

1:22:22Trixie Mattel:For sure. Do you know that Joe Joaquim from the heavy metal band Hammerfall is here, it says. Joe? It was a lie. Apparently it was a lie. How do you say? Oh, he's right here. Oh. Hello, hello.

1:22:39Katya Zamolodchikova:Stand up and take a bow, please. Take a bow, Joseph Marie.

1:22:44Trixie Mattel:Ooh, there ain't no other way. Thank you for supporting the girls. Do you two consider yourselves to be soccer girls? soccer grease? What? Soccer grease? Soccer grease? What is it? Is it sexy? Oh, is this like a... Is it like hot? Does it mean like tight but roomy?

1:23:09Katya Zamolodchikova:It means a sugar pig. Mama. I was born in that game. Sugar pig? I am the only sugar pig. Sugar pig.

1:23:21Trixie Mattel:I mean, I'm like... Oh, girl, please. Does it mean you eat special candies and stuff or is it like a sex thing? It's both. Okay. Sweet Tooth. Oh, are you kidding? Are you kidding? I've seen her. When we used to do, uh, she would send the PA to go to the 7-Eleven down the street and buy multiple candy bars.

1:23:41Katya Zamolodchikova:That is after consuming at least four or five liters of full-fat Red Bull.

1:23:46Trixie Mattel:And she would get those Starbucks drinks that are like chocolate milkshakes with crack cocaine in them. Those giant ice cream things. Remember? Oreo cookie. Yes.

1:23:54Katya Zamolodchikova:Whipped cream, chocolate ice cream. It's amazing.

1:23:58Trixie Mattel:I used to be, that was yesterday, but today Gemini told me I'm overweight. Different times. I wanted to try, there was a gummy in the store called a Ferrari, and it looked like a little red car. And I just had to say, stop it, you don't. Wait, not too much, not too little, you know. Y 'all, do they do this? Is it? Weed? Yeah, here. I don't know. I haven't been able to find weed anywhere.

1:24:24Katya Zamolodchikova:Are drugs legal here?

1:24:26Trixie Mattel:Can you just throw the joints up here? I'll probably go to jail for asking. Wait, wait.

1:24:29Katya Zamolodchikova:Are you ambassador to America, Swedish ambassador to America, what is the status of marijuana here? It's legal?

1:24:40Trixie Mattel:It's not legal.

1:24:41Katya Zamolodchikova:Oh, it's illegal. Oh, God.

1:24:42Trixie Mattel:Oh, God. Wow. That's why y 'all go to the park and show your pussies to the sun. Yeah, yeah. There's no weed. It's not legal.

1:24:48Katya Zamolodchikova:What about cocaine?

1:24:49Trixie Mattel:I'm just kidding. Yeah, yeah. What about propothol? No. Okay. What actually, wait, what gives you the actual full body chills?

1:25:00Katya Zamolodchikova:Oh, my God. Ooh. Well, first of all, do you guys know this, like, infamous interview with Meghan Markle and Jamie Curran Lima?

1:25:13Trixie Mattel:First of all, how are you?

1:25:15Katya Zamolodchikova:But second, so, like, thank you for coming, but also, how are you? Yeah. you always make it about me about me yeah and I just when you're my true friend and I feel that in my soul and then when people see it they'll also feel it in their soul

1:25:36Trixie Mattel:I know it makes me think of have you ever had like a fan I made you a charcuterie board have you ever had a fan come up to you and go like yeah yeah yeah but how's Brian it's so invasive and weird I'm like uh okay Robin Williams in 24 four-hour photo, you fucking psycho. Yeah, that's like RuPaul asked, but like... Do you know what it gives? Casey Becker, like, I want to know who I'm looking at. It's very like, okay, bitch, get out of here. Are you going to fuck me or not? Hello, yeah. If you

1:26:05Katya Zamolodchikova:lure me into a dark alley over the phone, mama, you better be fucking me. You better do it. You better fuck me.

1:26:11Trixie Mattel:What gives you the chills? For me, for me, that moment, have you ever seen that movie, The Visit, with the kids who go to visit their grandparents? Oh, when they find out there's not

1:26:21Katya Zamolodchikova:There's something not quite right with Granny.

1:26:23Trixie Mattel:Yeah, so the kids are like, here's Grandma and Grandpa. They're acting weird. And the mom, who's not Catherine. Catherine Han. No, it's not Catherine Han. Yes, it is. It is? Yeah. Catherine Han. Oh, I always mix up Madeline Kahn. That's right. Don't do it. Okay. Catherine Han goes, that's not your grandparents. And they've spent the whole winter break with these two old people, and it's not them. That gave me the fucking chills, bitch. Full-body chills, baby. Yeah, let's see. Where was that? I took a lap around the living room. I said, ooh. You gotta get up. Yes. Oh, girl. Like, I was just like, you know.

1:26:53Trixie Mattel:You got full body chills.

1:26:55Katya Zamolodchikova:Yeah.

1:26:55Trixie Mattel:Those are your grandparents. You got full body chills. How are you?

1:27:00Katya Zamolodchikova:So you want to get full body chills? I, oh, I got, oh. I get, I get full body chills when we're all at the red light. And we're all turning left. Uh-huh. and that green arrow appears and the person in the front, bam! They have premeditated their course of action and they are pumped and ready and we all glide effortlessly left to wherever we're going. Isn't that beautiful? And it's like, this is the America we could have every day, you know? That and also, I love a stainless steel butt plug up my ass. Does your car alert you if you haven't turned yet?

1:27:50Trixie Mattel:Wait, the thing on my ass? The Volvo. No, the Volvo will beep if the car pulls forward and I haven't pulled yet. The Volvo will say, go.

1:27:58Katya Zamolodchikova:You're kidding. Yes. God, what's next? Microwaves? You can go. Also, you know what? Full body chills. Pizza in an air fryer.

1:28:08Trixie Mattel:Wow.

1:28:09Katya Zamolodchikova:No, listen. Microwave days are over, baby. My microwave days are over. Do you guys even have microwaves here?

1:28:17Trixie Mattel:trashy no they're trashy they put the reindeer in the microwave yep what's your ideal meal are we dating sweden like what

1:28:34Trixie Mattel:well i'll tell you what what is it it's not the mexican food here holy fucking shit you guys yesterday I don't know what to say where it is because I don't want to bring down local businesses I love everyone not too much not too little we're talking chips from the store thrown on a plate salsa that is not spicy but just sweet and runny cheese thrown by a person who hates me next to a margarita that is in a martini glass number one with no alcohol with just lime juice tequila and rock salt here you go gal and then out oh my god at the theme park there was a place called mexican corner and the mascot was a guy with like a mustache and a big sombrero i was like i don't know anyway i don't know but we live like an hour from mexico so that's the only good thing about california is it's like oh the don't come get the swedish food in california i'm sure you'll be like yorkie pork you know you'll hate it go to the ikea

1:29:36Katya Zamolodchikova:and get the meatballs. Right. You go to Ikea, get the meatballs. No, mine is simple. Fruity Pebbles with half and half.

1:29:44Trixie Mattel:Girl, you better fucking work, bitch.

1:29:46Katya Zamolodchikova:I'm serious. Or if I'm in a pinch, Frosted Flakes. You know I'm getting that full fucking sugar rush in the morning. I am so gross. Yeah. I'm a 43-year-old man who eats Frosted Flakes, Fruity Pebbles, Cinnamon Toast Crunch with half and half and two full pots of coffee every day. But how does she

1:30:06Trixie Mattel:keep that figure. And then you have the nerve to tell me that I should reconsider taking vitamins. Oh, vitamins, shmaitamins. That stuff don't work. So, for Trixie, is Katya okay?

1:30:23Trixie Mattel:Do you know about this? Oh, my parasite? Is she suffering from dangerous food poisoning? There's a news article that Kennedy Davenport texted me this morning and said, is Katya okay? And I said, You got to be more specific.

1:30:38Katya Zamolodchikova:Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's several layers to that. Which level of okay are we talking about?

1:30:42Trixie Mattel:As she said, I saw online she has food poisoning. I'm thinking, wouldn't I know? The show's tonight.

1:30:46Katya Zamolodchikova:So this is a little spooky because I didn't tell you this. I really didn't tell anybody this because it wasn't that interesting. But I spent two days throwing up from what I can only imagine was some kind of food poisoning. And when I get stomach stuff, I never do. I have a cast iron stomach. but when I do, I become the most fragile, vulnerable woman about to die. And I grab the wall and I'm like, oh, oh, oh. I moan. And nobody's there. You know, like, I'm not, it's just like, oh, oh, oh. And then, like, fucking projectile vomiting, blood vessels broken in the eyes, coming out the nose. It's like the exorcist.

1:31:30Katya Zamolodchikova:And then that thing showed up. Who did that? I did you do it no would it how did maybe Facebook was in my house I don't the article was crazy I

1:31:45Trixie Mattel:was like the show's tonight if she's in the hospital I would have been notified right well or am I coming out here with the upside down mop like you know in a dress like hey I don't know Megan the Robot

1:32:01Katya Zamolodchikova:Megan the Robot I don't know I do take umbrage with how aggressively they're marketing towards gays it's like come on it's a little patronizing put the butt plug in and support the robots it's crazy it's like

1:32:12Trixie Mattel:hey faggots get the dildos out of your ass and go to the theater right it's a little crazy for Katya what's the capital of Colorado ooh is this real Colorado is very real no I know but oh well why do they want to know I think we should all know. Did you famously get it wrong?

1:32:32Katya Zamolodchikova:Well, I would have to say that it is... Should we say it on the count of three? One, two, three. Denver. It's Denver. Is it Boulder? No, it's Denver. Okay. Well, what's the capital of Montana?

1:32:43Trixie Mattel:Oh, I know it. What is it? I do know it. Are you going to say what it is or just keep it to yourself? I don't want to give it away. Okay. What is it? Well, this card is crazy. because do you guys know what headquarter is next to our hotel? Tell them. Adolph Klarna.

1:33:12Trixie Mattel:I walked outside of the hotel and was like, um, okay. It says, will you forgive us for Klarna? That's the question. Listen, I think we can forgive that because we have a lot on our plate that needs forgiveness. Yeah, in America, we would never prey on people not having money. That would never happen in America. Exploit folks who don't make a lot of money? Never heard of that. No kidding.

1:33:36Katya Zamolodchikova:Never heard of that.

1:33:37Trixie Mattel:Of course we forgive you. I mean, people are not a monolith. Don't forget, 70 % of the United States did not vote for Donald Trump.

1:33:45Katya Zamolodchikova:Yeah.

1:33:46Trixie Mattel:70%.

1:33:48Katya Zamolodchikova:And I think about 68 % of that 70 % know that the earth is indeed flat. Flat, right? What do you got? Mine are getting crazier. I know. Can you do your, can you please do your best Swedish accent? I don't know. Mine's not good. I feel like it's something else. I mean, it's like. I wouldn't say mine is good. No, but yours is,

1:34:10Trixie Mattel:yours is natural. Mine has enthusiasm. Give me like a sentence. I would like to have some reindeer and root vegetables.

1:34:20Katya Zamolodchikova:I would like to have some reindeer and root vegetables. I mean, that's pretty good. I think that's good can you have me

1:34:28Trixie Mattel:with the steel butt plug in my ass well did you guys ever see Trixie and Katya live do you remember Kelly Mantle's Swedish accent what planet was she fucking from

1:34:39Katya Zamolodchikova:yeah yeah it's one minute or one second it's Swedish another second it's like Brooklyn and then it's like she was so funny

1:34:47Trixie Mattel:one time we had to charter a plane to get us all to Dublin for our show because all the flights were getting cancelled and so we flew Kelly there to Belfast. And we're sitting down on the plane. I go, what do you think, Kelly? She said, we're going to Belgium. I said, no, we're not. Don't know what you're talking about. They want to know, do y 'all like Ikea? No. Okay. I don't. But you know what drag queens in the United States are addicted to? Those giant blue Ikea bags. Oh, baby.

1:35:19Katya Zamolodchikova:I will hoard those bags. The only thing I don't... Listen. American Ikea we just couldn't we can't have nice things because you know what people are doing in Ikea in America they're shitting in the toilets they're shitting in the toilets they're having sex in the beds they're microwaving things no they really are it's just it's my sister

1:35:42Trixie Mattel:she took one of the desks she does nails in there she takes clients I run a youth hostel out of the one yes it's a WeWork

1:35:51Katya Zamolodchikova:yeah it is very reasonably priced I don't know what the problem is. For sure.

1:35:55Trixie Mattel:I don't know. I actually have never bought anything from Ikea, but I would like to.

1:35:59Katya Zamolodchikova:I think that, well, see, here's the thing. The beds. Mary, the beds. I would give it all up. I would give up this gorgeous dress, these lovely shoes, the roof over my head. I would give up everything to have the bed of my dreams. Right. That's it. That's all you need.

1:36:20Trixie Mattel:A bed. Yeah I don't know The bed I'm in today At this hotel For some reason In some of these Scandinavian countries The queen bed Surprise It's two single beds It's Pleasantville

1:36:33Katya Zamolodchikova:What is that? What is that? I don't know In case I get in a fight With my spouse And we push like Just one Like I don't know I find that very off putting You shit one

1:36:42Trixie Mattel:And you can roll over I don't know

1:36:43Katya Zamolodchikova:I find it very off putting Who here Raise your hand If you sleep With your significant other Or spouse every night That's beautiful That is so horrifying. You are very... That is brave, and I will never understand the ability to do that. It's like... Don't... Ugh. This is what it's like. I go into a public bathroom, and somebody comes behind me and puts their arms around me. Right. That's what I did to you at the Home Depot.

1:37:18Trixie Mattel:Yeah!

1:37:19Katya Zamolodchikova:It's very unsettling. I don't like it. I don't want it.

1:37:22Trixie Mattel:and please, I never want to, oof. I'm very hot cold because sometimes I'm like, cuddle me. And then I wake up and I start screaming, I'm trapped! Like, so you never know what I want. You have to tune in.

1:37:33Katya Zamolodchikova:And Mary, with the amount of drool that I emit is just like, it's, nobody should ever know about that.

1:37:41Trixie Mattel:No. Nobody should ever know about that. If you weren't on season seven of RuPaul's Drag Race, which season would you want to be on? That's a great question. Honestly, can I say re-watching it, I would stay. Oh, yeah, yeah. No, no, no. But gun to your head, you got to choose.

1:37:56Katya Zamolodchikova:You have to choose.

1:37:57Trixie Mattel:We're talking about this. We're talking all summer. You guys were recapping. So we've been deep in it. We're like halfway through. It's fucking crazy to watch. It's crazy. We all have hair. Mama, she looks 12. You look 12 years old.

1:38:08Katya Zamolodchikova:It's crazy. It's, I mean.

1:38:10Trixie Mattel:Jazz Masters looks the same age. Still, yeah. 20 and 50. She's both at the same time. I don't know how she does it. Eight pack abs. Yeah, it's giving the orphan and Benjamin button. Yeah, yeah, yeah. season 7 is great I would say I mean there's so many stars from this season and the parts of it that are bad are fun bad yeah yeah yeah they're bad awkward when we when we yeah when we do bad on season 7 we do bad with no personality yeah it's the time of the show yes where we're gonna stand up and they're gonna play the pod music and we're gonna walk forward

1:38:42Katya Zamolodchikova:but can I can I can I can I just suggest something because I feel really gorgeous tonight okay and I think you also look very gorgeous thank you can we can we just do can we do a couple of runway walks just back and forth a little bit of course sure I just

1:38:59Trixie Mattel:well how about they play the music to play us out and we'll do some runway and we'll leave and then you and then

1:39:04Katya Zamolodchikova:do your spiel tell them what they gotta do tell them what they gotta do

1:39:07Trixie Mattel:oh so you're gonna clap until both of us are gone again clap until both of us are gone not the not the not the stop clapping while we sadly walk off stage I'm talking until you are sure we are back in America you keep fucking clapping okay If we are mid-catwalk and the clapping stops, I will kill myself. We're going to Oslo tomorrow. What do you think? Yes, no? What's the strategy? What's the strat?

1:39:32Katya Zamolodchikova:We know they're not going to be as hot as you. Ambassador, how do I woo a Norwegian?

1:39:39Katya Zamolodchikova:Have what? Go with nature. Go with nature. Stick some dirt on my pussy.

1:39:46Trixie Mattel:She wants us to go there and put our legs up to the sun. Oh, yeah. Yes.

1:39:49Katya Zamolodchikova:Okay, I'll, yeah, fistful of dirt in a sun-filled, sun-kissed pussy.

1:39:54Trixie Mattel:We receive so much unwarranted support from this country, and it means so much to us. Thank you so fucking much.

1:40:00Katya Zamolodchikova:Yeah, thank you for coming. Love you, love you, love you. So here we go, baby.

1:40:11Trixie Mattel:Woo.

1:40:15Trixie Mattel:Yes. Yes.

1:40:22Trixie Mattel:Yes, ho. Yes, bitch. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Yes. Keep clapping. Keep clapping, you motherfuckers.

1:40:39Trixie Mattel:Bye, bye, bye, bye, bye. Tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck.

1:40:49Thank you.