Tammie Brown's Tallywhacker Extravaganza with Trixie and Katya

20:59However summer unfolds, it just feels more personal when you book through Airbnb.

21:04Trixie Mattel:What's the rose and the thorn of the P-Town experience for you? Because you've done so many summers of this and you've become kind of a must-see item in the town. Well, I haven't gotten the cover of the little local magazine yet. Provincetown Magazine. Get on it. Get Tammy on the magazine, please. We want to have a nude centerfold. Oh, swell. right? Can you imagine? Can you imagine? Yes, I can. Are you looking right now? Oh, you're so beautiful. Well, you're in wonderful shape. I just gave Tammy, I mean, you always are in shape. Maybe you need to do porn. Would you ever do the out of drag sexy spread?

21:39You know, I do that stuff sometimes.

21:41Trixie Mattel:You do? I've already done that. Get out of here. Playgirl? Little by little. Oh, Playgirl. Remember that? I sure do. God, all I think of is Hugh Hefner making those girls suck the dogs off. Bestiality. in the documentary about how horrible it was up there in the mansion. And they have that little pool and they're floating around in there. God darn it. Well, it's true. He was having the girls suck the dogs off. No, no, no, Timmy. And the big dog. Oh my God. God, or a little chihuahua. Could you imagine? What is that? You know what? Some of those weird, rich, old men. So maybe I take the dog. Jesus Christ.

22:18Trixie Mattel:Creepy, old, rich men. Maybe I would just do the dog. Just do the dog. but when I play girls with the guys yeah I know I'm just being silly I guess what I like about the P-Town experience is you get to do a show every night without traveling and you get to leave your stuff at the theater so there's no suitcases it's like a residency how long do you take to get ready? oh it takes too long I was supposed to be ready today but I counseled one of my friends from Bulgaria on the phone he was in his mood and I said well let me help you out sir how did you help him out? oh maybe it takes three hours just talk to him three hours no i take about that because i shave head to toe what are you kidding i shave head to toe so you really get you put the whole body into it are you joking are you serious right now no i mean two let's say two hours but i would like a three hour well can i be honest when you have three hours you are in a totally different mindset you can relax take a break have a snack sometimes i get sick of the makeup i just want to walk around for a second I just like circle the room and stretch because you are doing this for hours I don't know about you guys I'm not sitting at makeup with perfect posture I'm like hunched and crunched and then you stand up and you're like ooh yes I prefer to stand because it goes quicker and it's like I don't know I don't know when I started sitting down I guess maybe when we started doing theaters but I felt like standing is better when I do all of my work too I stand anyways when I'm working on the dolls the rag queens or when I'm working on the embroidered pieces as I stand.

23:43It's easier and the blood flows better. Yeah. Or like on a treadmill. Oh, on a treadmill. Walking desk. That explains a lot. Yeah, walking desk. You do that? No, but I'm a pacer. I love to walk. I get my steps in. Pacing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, I do too. Upstairs, downstairs. I love stairs. Sometimes I carry my suitcases like this. You love stairs? I love stairs. Why? Because it's like you're going up, you're going down. Yeah, going up, going down. No, no. Okay, okay. Love it. The miracle stairs. No, because it's like exercise, but it's just integrated into your life.

24:18Trixie Mattel:I swear. You know, can I say, you know what the Sky Club, how they always have the elevator and the stairs? I always take the stairs. Well, yeah. Elevators is, I don't. You're afraid to get locked in there? Yes. And also like, I don't understand how some hotels or many buildings, in fact, don't offer a stairway option. Like if it's like four floors. Hold it though. For our friends in England, it's a lift. A lift. A lift. Yes, yes, yes, yes. but like why am I struggling to find the stairway and why isn't that an option well what about parking structures it's impossible to find a stairway and they want you to walk up the ramp thank you give me a break what if a fire breaks out in the elevator what are we supposed to do well hang in there oh my god did we ever tell you what happened to your colleague Kelly Mantle in Sydney Australia I believe it she wanted to walk to the theater she does half her makeup at home she does just her brows and foundation and then she'll walk to the venue and do the rest and she wanted to walk.

25:12Trixie Mattel:I'm surprised. She put the directions in maps but she put as if she was a car and not on foot. So she walks up the ramp of the freeway. Oh, she did? Merge onto I-495. It's her pull around suitcase and just half makeup calling the tour director being like, can you guys come get me? I'm on the freeway. Was she laughing? I'm sure she was. She's always laughing. I guess, but like kind of a lot lizard like her, I think she was like, well, if I make a few extra bucks, it is what it is. No, she's not that sensual. Well, she's married now. She's been married. Been married. She has a beautiful relationship.

25:46He is so sweet. He is so nice.

25:48Trixie Mattel:Shout out to Kelly Mantles. Poor man out for Kelly. James. Poor man out for Kelly. Yeah, she's fabulous. When did you figure out that you and Kelly had such a good like? Because you guys really are magical together. Yeah, it was like you two, you know. When was the rapport established? Oh, we did that a long time ago. Probably, man. we officially met in 2008 and we did that show queens collide and then we were we would do other little local shows around town jerrybird jones and these other things and at the casilla de campo and then in silver lake and then we had each other's numbers and we'd always hit it off and then finally i just called her up and said okay because we're always playing around and we're like well let's do a band we will always say this so let's do something so finally i said all right I called her up that's I'm like that persistent with people we connected and since then it's always been a really nice connection 2008 that's a long time yeah 2008 did you used to go to that place that she told us about the 2555 Peanuts or whatever it's called oh yeah I used to work there for Mario Diaz though but it was a different night hot dog it's called 7969 7969 Peanuts what is the Peanuts remember that's the bar Kelly was telling us about transsexuals oh with like the girls girls to meet the gentleman calling yeah The Tea Girls.

27:03Damn, where are those? You worked there? I used to work for Mario Diaz. And actually, Raja got me. Raja. She got me the job. Oh, no tea, no shade. Local egg cook. Yeah. Notable egg. Notable egg boiler. I'm a guy for Luton. That's sharp, isn't it? Notable egg boiler. I used to dance for him. And there was a pole. And I would dance on the pole. Pussy pole. And then I would work Big Fat Dick, the other one at the foo bar. you know I miss that party it's so funny

27:36Trixie Mattel:you say that again big fat dick well some parties it's like a suggestive name like swell like turgid I don't know swollen

27:53Trixie Mattel:even hot dog is like suggested this is just called are you guys going to come down to big wet pussies no more innuendos just straight back straightforward did you ever do the dick picture no please but one of those dick big guys ripped my wig off once what yes he did what is the dick picture so they go back in the back and they take the pictures of the ding-a-lings and they put them all up there they're tally-whackers do you know about that I don't know about this and they rate the number one biggest ding-a-ling out there well wouldn't it be so Mario's literally used to be in the DJ booth with like you know a spotlight that they used to like find deer at night like a deer spotting light and like ladies and gentlemen contestant number two They would take you in the back room Photograph your hard dick Put a glossy 8x12 of it No On a clothespin Wow What do you win?

28:45A handle of booze

28:48Trixie Mattel:You did not I got so drunk I left before it went up there Diana was like Trixie you cannot do that You don't know me She's probably encouraging you No, she was like, Trixie, you can't do that. I was like, should we go? Shit. Did she go with you or did she stay there? We left. Also, I don't have tattoos or anything. So how would you know it was me? Yeah, I guess so. Because my hands were like... Because your face is in it too. Like this? Yeah. Some people take it hard, I guess. I don't know. I only went a few times. But it was fun. And they have the go-go's, the gorgeous. Mario always has the best, hottest go-go's.

29:28I like that Johnny. You ever hooked up with a go-go dancer? No, just hang out with them sometimes. Draw their ding-a-lings. Trace them. You know at Club Cobra now, they have some hot dancers at Club Cobra. Now, where's Cobra? It's out there in the valley. That's where I'm doing a show this Friday, but this podcast will already have. Cobra. Cobra. Club Cobra. It's a Latin bar.

29:49Trixie Mattel:I'm looking for new gay bars, honestly. Club Cobra, it's out there in the valley. North Hollywood. North Hollywood. I want to go to. Is it Bolt? Huh? Is that where Fina goes? I have no idea. Bolt? Bolt? Bullet. Bullet. Bullet. Bullet. Bolt is that movie, that Pixar movie. Okay. Bullet is that gay bar that Fina goes to. I'm looking for more like Eagle vibes. Eagle vibes. A little trashier, more like a neighborhood watering hole. Not like a sexy West Hollywood drink. More like dirty men with BO taking shots. Okay. Well, I don't know too many of those right now. Okay. That's okay. That is okay. Would you ever go on All Stars again?

30:26You know, I would like to be, You know I was rated You were what? Entertainment Weekly rated me There's 25 of the best reality stars And I was number 20 Get out of here So maybe Celebrity Big Brother Okay

30:41Trixie Mattel:Do it I'm serious I would love you on a show like that Well let's get me on there Y 'all got some mojo Get her on Traders for Christ's sake people Big Brother looks hard Really I'll just sit in the house and say things do on Big Brother just you do challenges and shit like what it's a lot of doing nothing which I think would be hard yeah really can't watch TV and then you're surveilled the whole time assuming right but I can cook okay and I'll meditate okay and you win a million dollars at the end I guess you win a million dollars minus taxes I would love you on Big Brother yeah well let's get me on there let's do it tell your fans to write them letters get her on Big Brother but you know all stars again I don't think I'll ever be asked back to be on that show of course because you're so vocal vocal and combative.

31:28I wouldn't say I'm combative. I just speak the truth as one does. Yeah. I just don't, I find it actually rather frustrating because I hear that they're bringing other people back and stuff. They're really a fan favorite, aren't they? You know what I mean? Shit. Well, I mean, the truth is the truth. Yeah. And then there's also like, who has all the catchphrases? It's me. Hello, that's true. That's true. Wait a minute.

31:56Trixie Mattel:did you see oh my god I just saw this news anchor who said that he was going to work in as many drag race catchphrases into like he did into like a weather thing did you see this yes and he goes and Teletubbies teleport us to Mars no it's going to be sunny today yes for real yes he did on what the way it was like a live from Kingston Virginia oh damn that's fierce I don't know where was it at I don't I've never heard it you do have an endurance the things you say and do on television endure there's more to come They live in my mind and many of the fans of yours minds forever. You like that? Change that costume.

32:30Change it around. Change it around. That's one of my favorite ones. Acting? Uh-huh. Acting. Yeah, I love that. See, we got it together. The dead body. Oh, God. The dead body. That's your favorite.

32:42Trixie Mattel:No, my other favorite is you on the way to DragCon. Do you remember this? Have you seen this? Oh, and at the pothole? We recorded that twice. It was first recorded the first way and then... I was like, okay, let's just do it again. And then it ended up kismet that the pothole was there. It's early. DragCon is early. You have to go in early. It's early. Tammy's not thrilled about being in drag early. And she's in the car and she goes like, well, we're on the way to DragCon. It's early as hell, whatever. And they hit a pothole and she goes, another pothole. Wish I'd fucking fall in it. Which that is what you feel in day drag on the way to something.

33:18Trixie Mattel:You're like, I will just, I want to kill. DragCon is, no, that's not it anymore. It's dead, isn't it? Is it? That ship has sailed. I don't think they're doing it this year. They are not doing it. Why? Shout out to Marina, though. I do like her. Why are they not doing it? Who knows financially what it is. How about you? Would you do another All Stars? No. Hell no. No? No, no, no. Too much money, too much stress. Too much money. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's too hard. We don't have... I don't have good drag like that. No offense to all... No, no. Everybody who makes such a lees. It's true. The girls today.

33:52Trixie Mattel:are doing transformers sponsored by universal studios oh really jurassic world by way of yeah um it's crazy so they get sponsored little dresses they just are doing shit that i don't even aspire to do i know and spending hundreds of thousands of dollars on it it's wild it's a wig reveal once you take the wig off another person comes out of the wig and then yeah it's like they light the fireworks and you know it's it's too much yeah it's way too much it's way too What's that got to do with it, right? Yeah. I think that's a big part of it. What I think, the visual presentation has evolved into something that I don't think should include me.

34:28Trixie Mattel:Right. Yes. Also, I don't want to be like, oh, judge at that level. I could never. I could never do it. Ugh. Could never. I could never. But I would become like, now that I'm older, I think I would become mouthy. Oh, shit. When I was younger, I'd be like, oh, you don't like my outfit? I'm sorry. I'm going to cry about it for two days. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now at this point, I think I would be like Kennedy Davenport or like Shut your no drag knowledge mouth bitch. You know what I mean? Totally. Because I think the confidence that I didn't understand when I was younger is like a critique is like yeah, you gave it to me, but I don't really have to listen to you.

35:03Trixie Mattel:You know? When I was younger, I was like, okay, you don't like the shoes? I'm fucking sorry. I'm so fucking sorry. Internalizing. I would take it very personally. And I think now I would be like, I don't care. I liked it. and that's what makes you uniquely you yeah I don't know I just have such do you have positive I have such like not negative but arduous memories yeah long days it's not fun it's not fun it's like it's not fun that's the thing about it like I can't ever remember it being fun it's not fun it's awful hard it's just hard awful I've been there and other drag queens personalities I think we all probably relate I just sometimes they're on my last nerve immediately.

35:46And I also like, I don't want to have to like, sing and dance and all that shit. It's too much. We're going to sit down and talk out of drag era of our drag career. Okay.

35:58Trixie Mattel:You know? Yeah.

36:03When July arrives, we as humans can finally live up to our full potential as sun-dazed creatures who say things like, let's go kayak on the open ocean, or I can absolutely pull off a straw hat and a floral shirt. This summer, I'm dreaming about a getaway to Traverse City, Michigan, where I found a beautiful home in Lake Michigan that I booked with Airbnb, the perfect headquarters for peak lake-based summer whimsy. I want to wake up slowly, make coffee in a real kitchen, then head out for cherry pastries, pumpkin pancakes, and a heroic afternoon of pretending I actually know how to kayak. After that, maybe we can drive out to Sleeping Bear Dunes, climb an enormous sandy hill, and then stare out at Lake Michigan like we're in a fancy shampoo commercial.

36:46Then, in honor of the season, we reward ourselves with ice cream. That is what the height of summer does to me. It makes every trip feel less like a vacation and more like a golden little movie where everyone is slightly sunburned and deeply committed to snacks, all with a home base that feels like somewhere you can actually settle in. That is why I love booking stays on Airbnb. I want a living room where everyone can collapse after a day in the water, a kitchen for late night sandwiches and lazy breakfasts, and enough space to feel like we are living our best summer lives. And if I'm traveling with friends, even better.

37:20We can stay together, eat dinner together, and play card games badly. And maybe that one great trip becomes three great trips. Maybe it's Traverse City now, the Outer Banks next, or a long weekend in Bar Harbor after that, eating lobster rolls and becoming emotionally attached to a lighthouse. However summer unfolds, it just feels more personal when you book through Airbnb. If you have nothing nice to say, you can sit with us. I'm Suzanne Lambert, comedian, mean girl, and internet menace, and this is the Mean But True podcast. Every week, a special guest in the night will talk pop culture, current events, romance, whatever we feel like.

37:57I don't know, are you a cop? We'll be keeping it funny, playful, and petty, per usual. You cringe at the sight of people posting QR codes to fund their own bachelorette parties? You need to know how to respond to that coworker with a bad haircut who's always making digs or just need to get something off your chest. Make sure to subscribe to Mean But True wherever you listen to podcasts, unless of course you hate fun, in which case don't. I'm Suzanne Lambert, and this is Mean But True.

38:26Trixie Mattel:Hey, I'm Ike Barinholtz. On my new show, Funny You Ask, trivia starts the conversation and then things immediately go off the rails. I ask a question. My guests think they know the answer. Sometimes they do. More often, they do not. And then the conversation takes a turn. One trivia question turns into stories about career highs, painful bombs, and behind-the-scenes moments that probably should have remained private. You'll hear confidence, misplaced confidence, bold guesses, wrong answers, quick laughs, and the slow realization that maybe this was a bad idea to say out loud. If you like smart comedy, sharp conversations, and trivia that exists purely to melt people's brains, this is Funny You Ask with me, Ike Barinholtz.

39:08Trixie Mattel:Follow Funny You Ask with Ike Barinholtz on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Poppity brings you pop culture like you've never heard it before. Because let's be real, you don't just want the tea, you want it served with fries on the side. I'm Christy Cook from Spill Sesh. And I'm Sloan Hooks. Together, we're diving deep into the drama, the nostalgia, and the headlines everyone's talking about. Each week, we're breaking down celebrity drama, viral trends, and Hollywood's most talked about moments. Plus, in our Gossip on the Go segment, we will sit down with your favorite influencers and reality stars over their go-to meals.

39:47because the best stories, they always come with extra sauce. We're bringing you the debates, the drama, and the nostalgia you really care about.

39:55Trixie Mattel:It's more than a podcast. It's a pop culture community. This is Poppity. I think you should tell people what you just said. I think I might have a urinary tract infection. Okay. Oh, goodness. They say cranberry juice, indigenous food. I thought that was a wife's tale, but I guess I'll try it. I've never had one. Yeah, it's like, you know when you're on the airport, I mean in the airplane forever you're like you have to pee so bad and you go to the urinal and it's like even though you have to pee like really really bad it takes a while to come out yeah that's what it's felt like for the last two days oh like I have it feels like even now I just peed but it feels like I have a full bladder still yikesies that sucks it's kind of gross I wonder if you have gonorrhea or if you've been masturbating with a soap bar or that well I stick the soap bar up my ass have you ever gonorrhea oh look at you so clean I have no I hope I do I feel like that would be more treatable than a UTI my first symptom of gonorrhea when I had it was like feeling of having to pee all the time really?

40:58oh no no no I had a gonorrhea scare and they gave me like preemptive prenatal care no that's when I shit my pants well it's better to retain your fluids especially on a plane have you ever shit your pants before? no but I was recently with a friend of mine and they did right there in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico when I told the Uber driver in Spanish and then the Uber driver stopped and kicked us out of the car. So the next Uber driver we got into, I didn't tell him. Damn. And so you just rode with the shit? It was his white pants. No! Why is it always white pants? Don't ask me. When you shit yourself.

41:35Shout out to my friends Rob and Danny from P-Town. Tabby Brown and Robbie Brown. Robbie, yeah. Robbie Brown. I love Rob. Do you have a wonderful experience working in Mexico? I do, but I'm going to take a little bit of a break because they keep playing these little games with me. What kind of games? They're cheesy. Not paying in certain venues. And the other venue has me booked. They didn't put out the proper promotion, the proper advertisement. And as an artist, you're like, okay, this is my labor of love as well. And then you have to go through all this crap.

42:07Trixie Mattel:That's like, honestly, if we don't sell, because we were fortunate enough to sell really well. if somewhere doesn't sell well I never think it's our fault because I'm like if this is the first time in a year we don't have great sales I don't think it's us y 'all need to get some more posters out there get the staples get the kinko shit get a town crier showgirls showgirls you're going to have that anyways with those kind of shows sometimes you're not going to sell out but most people are struggling period to sell something Connecticut never was my Connecticut and Miami Connecticut Hartford and Miami Tough crowds, tough markets We were just playing in Connecticut And somebody on the tour told me Oh, this is where Katya had the worst show of her life Yes, it was like Oh my god But it was so bad that it was actually good One-woman show?

43:04Was it the audience? Was it you? Was it the vibe? It was both of us we were both none of us brought anything to the table but it was after like the Boston show which was the best show of the tour and then like so we were like schlepped to fucking Hartford or whatever and it's like half sold right or less like maybe 40 % of the tickets sold and I'm like okay well they're gonna get a 40 % show and we were all miserable and I think we all hated it and then we all just like just agreed that it was like we'll never do this again My issue in Mexico, though, is that we're performing for the Canadians.

43:41We're performing for the gringos. And the whole show's in English. Or we're not doing anything for the people, which I do have discounted tickets for paisanos or countrymen or whoever's Latino American can come and get a half-off ticket because their monetary value is different, right? So we work on that. But I am working with – I want to get into Mexico City. that's where I want to perform in Mexico City

44:06Trixie Mattel:we've worked there I know I know I would move there tomorrow that was one of the only cities where they had bootleg merch they were selling Trixie and Canta bootleg merch like a Beyonce I don't remember that that's how you know you've made it instead of being mad about it we were kind of excited somebody went and bought a bunch of it for us was it any good? did you keep it? it was just black it was copies of our merch they make copies of the real merch love that how wild that's what it had at Beyonce remember Mary have you seen Beyonce Beyonce this ain't Texas yeah we just saw Beyonce last week and we both transformed yeah Tamitha listen to me please listen to me listen to me with both your ears I'm listening I don't even listen to Beyonce I don't even like her that much that was the best fucking concert I've ever seen in my life it was amazing that was the best performer on planet earth it was incredible it was the best is.

45:02She is the most. I know it sounds crazy, but it's like she is.

45:07Trixie Mattel:No, Katya text me the next day. I know what you said about the show making you proud to be American. I truly, truly though. I've never felt patriotic. It made me believe in the human race. It made me believe in the possibility of America and women and the future and the promise of America. Especially like, I mean, especially since not to be corny, but like all this stuff that's going on in this country that's a little suspicious. It was like and there's a part in the concert where like she has clips of like I guess Fox News anchors who are blurred out kind of like poo-pooing her like foray into country music.

45:43Like

45:43Trixie Mattel:Beyonce allegedly doing country. That black bitch. I mean that was essentially the attitude. Stay in your own lane. Yeah which is what exactly Houston Texas native. Yeah country music comes from black people. Hello. So does rock and roll. The god daddy of rock and roll is Ike Turner. Thank you. How much of country music is folk music? Who are you to define who those folks are? Also, white people can do any kind of music they want. Nobody ever talks about it. I know. Eminem. Thank you. Oh, goodness. She was, okay, so she's 44. She's in 1981. The woman has no pores, no wrinkles. She looks 18. She looks, and she has a full expressive register.

46:25Her face. Black don't crack. Apparently.

46:27Trixie Mattel:she was the most beautiful looking thing I've ever seen the hair, the body the huge breasts, the tiny waist the hips the best singing I've ever heard in my entire life the live singing the singing one, D-dancing unreal, the interstitials between costume changes that were Oscar worthy and Tammy, she almost didn't speak at all she barely spoke she would say like, over here y 'all look good and then she'd walk over here and say, over here y 'all look good and then she would sing for 40 more minutes three hour show three hours it was so fucking cunt it was so cunt I've never done a cabaret style show in Puerto Vallarta how does it feel different than Provincetown because they're both kind of these vacation towns and Vallarta's gentrifying so much which is a major issue it's going to be like P-Town soon it's very expensive it's P-Town prices I took my friends Rob and Danny to lunch.

47:27The ones that shit their pants? Yes, yes, yes. Poor enough. I'll laugh about that.

47:32Trixie Mattel:What kind of lunch was it? Taco Bell? No, it was a dinner. Oh. At one of those fancy restaurants. I took them out to lunch and it was a dinner. Excuse me, excuse me. I thought you were asking about that. No, I took them to lunch at one of those tourist trap places there. And it was a hundred bucks. Damn. And in Mexico, lunch for four should barely be like 20 bucks in reality. That's true. When I was in Tijuana. four of us ate a lovely dinner for$25 American cash Caesar salad came from Tijuana, Mexico notable I've never been to Tijuana but I know you can like it's driving distance from LA right?

48:06you cruise right over the border with like just like free as a bird when you're coming back well that's the way to fly

48:14Trixie Mattel:that's where the male comedians go to do drugs and get prostitutes right? well they have the donkey show need I say more? what is it? It's where they get boinked by a donkey, a woman. You better believe it. They bring out dogs and do it all. I've never seen it, but I've only heard. Like in Matamoros, Mexico, where they found that white boy's head in the cauldron. Down there, too, Matamoros. And Matamoros means more killer, and they have a more killer statue in the Catholic church. So how about that? Follow the law of the land. It says in the Bible, but Catholics and most people don't do that. No.

48:48I'm getting a little political. We've got to be very careful.

48:50Trixie Mattel:Tammy, I'm happier here because I have a hard time balancing not being angry about the world. And we have to be careful. I know we're supposed to be funny and light. Oh, you're right. Yes, of course. Well, Tammy and I were talking about we're both very vocal and mad, but it's like I also don't want my YouTube channel demonetized or my, you know. This fear going on is really not cute. I see what you're saying. But also I don't want to be one of these fucking no spine fucking politicians just laying down and letting daddy Trump just have whatever they want. That's also not me, bitch. You just being you and us being ourselves encourages all those other people to get out there and pick it.

49:27But it's also like, oh, well, this is if Kathy Griffin was on the no fly list six years ago, what happens to us now? That's what I'm talking about. Come through security with my little makeup and stuff. Oh, God. Now you're going down to Guantanamo Bay. Have you ever gone through security cock caged? no but y 'all did right what's cock caged like with a cock on your dick a cage on your dick a cock on your dick

49:52Trixie Mattel:playing swords she's the infamous immigration queen yeah we know that top shelf transvestite it's top notch transvestite let's get it straight but I used to be like oh I'm a comedian I'm a whatever and now we just say I dress up like a woman and I act a fool. I'm going to put on these panties and these breasts and let the men look at me. And they give me the stamp so fast. Yeah, they're like, just get out of here, you ugly bitch. Whereas I used to be like, I do comedy, like, what kind? Where? Tell me a joke. Yeah, it's like, have you ever had that one? Tell me a joke? It's the most horrifying question I said, why don't you just turn around?

50:28I've got to go. Yeah, yeah. Horrible. Make them turn around and you go. It's a joke, you see.

50:33Trixie Mattel:But it's also, if it's like a straight guy, I'm trying to gauge what they would think is funny. My pronouns are kiss my ass. why don't they wear miniskirts in San Francisco cause their balls will show oh I love that that's the way to say it dingley dingley I was told that by a family member when I was a kid I was in shock and now I'm like it's kind of cuntic or like what did they play and strike the oil or something mud daubers are you a mud dauber mud dauber is that like a butt mud dauber That is so gross Have you heard people say Shitting on the dick is painting the dick I'm gonna paint your dick No more painting We're not painting anymore We're not Thomas K.

51:17K. We're not Thomas K. K. painter of brown No we're not doing that I think that is so disgusting Painting the dick with your shit Well you know what Y 'all reminded me of You remember my show with the guns I do She had a show where she had us all

51:35Trixie Mattel:Close our eyes and then she was like getting us to relax and imagine something and then played loud gunshots in the theater. But we're going to do this year. I have another one of those. I'm pulling it back to this in the Therial. We're going to have another story, but it's a different story. You'll have to come to the show. It's going to be the sound of painting. No, but I was thinking about Tijuana down there. And by the way, if you want to go to Mexico, go across the border. The airport's right across. You just walk right into the airport. It's genius. Okay. And, but we were there and San Ysidro, California is right over there and that's where all those kids went down and they were getting their soft serve ice creams and all that stuff and mass gun shooting in the 80s shot them all down and I think about the kids there and the soft serve and they got shot and that soft serve, the ice cream just coming out of the machine all over their body, chilling them oh my god so it's like all these drunk gay you know, white rich men is a very rich vacation.

52:34Trixie Mattel:Yes, it is. These white, older, rich men. They love Tammy and they all have their eyes closed and they're like waiting for the punchline and gunshots start. And they open their eyes and Tammy's going like this. Tammy! And it was like silent and shocking, which I'm sure is what you meant for it to be. Yeah, of course. It's a political statement on gun violence. And then she was like, and that's what it's like to be in America right now. And then she was like, hit it. And then it was a song. it was like I think it was Geisha Geisha was next oh Geisha Geisha across the sea in the land of a rising sun cherry blossoms cherry blossoms what's your can you without I guess spoiling the new show what's the narrative experience it's the it's a feeling of love ethereal so to speak and then there will be a fantasy I'm gonna put him in one of these trance again amazing and then we'll do mini hits will include, because I have so much material already, so many songs.

53:33And then, people want them. They do. Like their favorites is like, what is it? Porta Potty Prostitute. Love Porta Potty Prostitute. And then we have and like Daddy's Makeover. We're putting that one in this year. Daddy's Makeover. Porta Potty Prostitute is horny. Good stuff. Getting down like Cunanan on stairs. Bang, bang, Versace. Gun violence. Gun for real. Gun violence. I mean, I think about guns every day. And I'm moving the shows more into with visual. Okay. Visual with, you know, there's this visual videos playing behind me because I don't have a band or anything to back me up. So it's easier with the video.

54:14And I just play the videos in the background and get down to the songs. And then, of course, we do some conversation in between each song.

54:20Trixie Mattel:Yes. Can I tell you, that's one thing I miss about Provincetown is doing a show that really is just you and a light person. low tech on one hand it's more like oh god if this flops it's on me on the other hand if you can count on yourself it's kind of nice to be like alright it's a one person thing and people want that in Provincetown right yeah I guess there's the divas over there but the divas is a show out there oh yeah yeah yeah divas Delta, Miles Billy Jean oh there's that one too the other girls yeah Billy Jean Illusions Illusions Illusions shout out to them Fierce Thirsty Burlington Thirsty Burlington One of my favorite names And she was singing Cher at your house Shout out to Thirsty Thirsty Burlington Send her some love Well Diana would bring Thirsty home When I was living with Diana One summer She would bring Thirsty home After bar close Bars there close like one It's too early It's too early Two Why are they doing this?

55:13Trixie Mattel:I guess they're like Put these fags to bed Well it's like You know in Australia They close so early too Five o 'clock Bye good bed Five o 'clock Yeah in Australia If you're out in certain parts On the boonies or whatever You can't find anywhere to eat. Yeah, around five in the afternoon. It seems like they shut things down in Australia a lot. I guess I'm also Goody Proctor, though, because when I'm in New York and I'm like, did you say 4 a.m.? Yeah, mama. Are you out of your mind? And then you go to the after party till six. And who's at the bar at four? Tweakers. Tweakers. Yeah. Really? Absolutely.

55:42I'm used to New York style like that.

55:44Trixie Mattel:Oh, gosh. Gotta go to bed. Or like Berlin. When I see any clubs in Berlin. Oh, no, no. Hey, it's a Sunday. You're on at 2.30 a.m. No, that's when they go in the shit room and the pee room and all that stuff. and then y 'all come out and dance in it the cock room to the cock room use the gals bathroom in drag I always do I like it I do like that and transsexuals in sports how do I think of that I think of it as maybe like indigenous people would have this kind of a mixed thing and you would use them as higher level a higher competitor something special to add to your team there you go unfortunately she and I don't represent a high level of athleticism how dare you you notice we never get booked on ESPN which is so strange it's very confusing ESPN we have to start campaigning now to do something for the Olympics I know I know they're going to be in LA you have to do something for the gymnastics I know I want you but they won't let me you'll get it those whores you can get it there's got to be some kind of woke Olympics experience that you and I can talk about I don't see why not what is it a Kennedy award anymore poor Mama Ru won't be able to get one of those not that she'd be in drag anyways the Kennedy Center because they pulled their drag show right they're pulling that and people are afraid to go do the world pride there too I'm going I don't give a fuck did you already get booked for that yeah I'm going RuPaul's DJing oh she is?

57:25Trixie Mattel:I'm doing it but I'm doing Tuesday of World Pride so I think World Pride's more the weekend I'm like one of the opening but I don't know if we're too scared to go do Pride it sounds corny but like they win I know that they were supposedly pulling back backers pulling out and stuff like that well that doesn't surprise me now that it's not trendy they're all pulling their I don't know what happened and they don't want our disposable incomes anymore? No. When AOC or someone gets elected, they'll roll out the rainbow pride suits. They'll roll out the... Everything's gay, gay, gay, gay, gay. Gay, gay, gay, gay.

57:59Trixie Mattel:But for the next few years, people are going to be pulling all that shit and being like, what? Oh, we didn't notice. Oh, yeah. Oh, Lord have mercy. Prides are going to have to go back to getting sponsored by the low-level corporations. Yeah, like condoms. The US Cellular. Oh, I love condoms. Sign me up. Let's blow a bubble. The girls got to use more condoms. Yes, they do. Nobody's wanting to use condoms anymore. No, because it's all loads. Everybody wants a load. Oh, my God. Do you want, when you hook up, do you need the com? Well, I don't hook up, first of all. Oh. Okay. I just don't need all that business.

58:28Right. That's just not my style. You know, I was on, what was that dating site? The one that the straight people used to hook up on? Tinder? Tinder. Swipe, swipe. Oh, my God. That's okay.

58:41Trixie Mattel:I think Tinder used to be more wholesome, and now it's wholesome. No, it's just hook up. Yeah. I just can't do that. I don't know. I want to finesse. I want to talk to her. I'm a romanticizer good for you big time renascential I like that I like the connection that's most important to me is the connection I have with people that's what turns me on the most I have some friends that I see and I talk to and it's all about this connection I have with them that's why sometimes the hookups aren't giving because they might be hot but there's really no connection might as well just jerk off with a dummy let me stand here fuck a squash fuck a squash heat up some cup of ramen and stick your dingling in there yes fuck the cup of ramen actually I think it's called cup ramen cup ramen oh I didn't know that we all say cup of ramen oh wait it's cup noodles really?

59:38Trixie Mattel:it's not cup O? look it up Tracy I think it's cup noodles prick the dick or prick the noodle or what do they say? prick the lasagna it's cup noodles isn't that crazy what is that phenomenon where you think it's one thing but it's not written that way your brain just fills it in you know what I'm talking about and what do they do stick their noodles in stick their dingling in I saw remember last year this guy was like I'm gonna fuck all these different pastas and let you know which one's the type of pussy Nick do you know what I'm talking about damn the Mandela effect like Nelson Mandela fierce Tammy fans of yours obviously are so passionate.

1:00:17Trixie Mattel:They don't need to be told where to find you, but if they want to see you this summer, how can they get tickets? Well, oh, how they can get tickets at the Red Room. They're in Provincetown. Red Room. And please, let's push ethereal. I'm ready to be on Kelly Clarkson's show. Hell yeah. And how can they find you on socials? I want to go on Kelly Clarkson. Can you help me with that? Yeah. I've only been on it one time. Well, you were on there recently, Lillian, on the sofa. I could barely get on it. Well, I see Raja on there. We'll get you on there. I want to get on there. We'll get you on there.

1:00:41Yeah, Raja and a bunch of the other transvestites were on there.

1:00:44Trixie Mattel:there's this picture of me on there where I'm on the couch but I guess my legs are open and my legs are completely spread out oh shit porn and I'm talking to her about like I don't know yeah I thought you were laying like this is what I saw it was like that with the leg out can I be honest it was a weird day anyway because I was promoting Trixie Motel and we'd already separated and so I was like do you believe in the magic of love Kelly and I didn't know she had gotten a divorce either so we were all just like I said something like I said Kelly you know people get divorces over changing the wallpaper in the powder room you know what I mean and I didn't know she just got a divorce leave it to me leave it to me is that fair to talk about divorces well had I known she had recently had one I wouldn't have made a joke at all about getting a divorce but I do know that renovations stress people out so as you know well people like my Tammy Brown facial impressions they wrote about those in the LA Times I have all those yes you do in the bathroom can people still buy those yes of course I'm selling them right now where do they buy them best pieces of Tammy merch no I just do you go to Instagram okay and then DM me their direct message if they don't know what that is and I'm doing the embroidered ones fierce price on those and I just had the gallery show in Galveston Texas amazing and I sold all the rag queens and I sold all the facial impressions cunty they're one of a kind yeah and they're a good gift because like if you don't know someone's size, you don't know their t-shirt or whatever, it's one of a kind.

1:02:12Trixie Mattel:It's beautiful. You're one of a kind. I know.

1:02:18That's what I want to do. Oh, thank you. Kelly and I want to do this, what you two are doing. That's what she's building the show up to do. Get me on the road with her. Oh, like the little duo act? That's what we want to do because we have so much fun doing it as well. You guys are great together. Here we were. Did you watch the Saturday Night Live 50-year reunion special? I did. Good for you. I like to see Paul Simon. Paul Simon. Paul Simon and Jack Nicholson was sitting there. Oh, really? I love Jack Nicholson. Bye, Tammy.

1:02:50Trixie Mattel:Bye.

1:03:12welcome to only child with me your host bob the drag queen a multi-award winning comedian drag icon trader new york times best-selling author and incredibly humble person this is my first solo podcast that i'm doing without my annoying little sister every week i sit down with friends future friends and people i just met comedians drag queens reality tv stars broadway actors and many many more people. Every episode ends with a very important Bob coded question. What's the hell you're willing to die on today? We're gonna get real but I promise will also make you laugh so let's get into it.