The Bride and the Betrothed with Trixie and Katya

20:35Trixie Mattel:So, we go to sit and then the parents dance, right? So me and the groom's mom are talking a lot because she owns an umbrella cockatoo. She's a big bird lady. So we're talking about birds. We're talking about birds. And all bird people talk about birds like this. They're like, it's a nightmare. You have to get one. It's like everybody with a bird is like, if there's anything I can do to dissuade you. But it's changed my life. And it's like my other child. I love it so much. I lived with a landlady who had a flightless bird on her shoulder at all times. The poop lady. Yeah. I know about that. I know about birds.

21:07Trixie Mattel:but what's weird is this is a side side note because I'm getting a bird this is a side note I'll get to it later you're gonna cry about the bird of course but people keep going don't you know how long they live I'm sorry do we get pets hoping they die yeah a pet that will live as long as I live why don't you talk to me in 13 years when your collie's dying and I'll be sitting here with my bird being like and she's a preteen she hasn't gone to middle school yet right I don't know why people are like the birds live so long I'm like when your dog dies I swear to God, you will wish it was living 50 years.

21:39No shit. Okay?

21:40Trixie Mattel:Yeah. Because I was there with that doggy death doula. Right. That was awful. Napoleon. Pour one out for Napoleon. Nappy. Little nappy. So cute. But that woman, I'm telling you. Kelly Mantle? No. Kelly Mantle has a similar service. She has six or seven bottles of wine. She comes over. She takes your border collie in the headlock and chokes a life out of it while she watches you. And then just walks out of the house like that? leaves all the wine bottles and then just drags it down to Santa Monica Boulevard. So then we're sitting, we're eating. The food was great. Love a wedding with good food.

22:16Trixie Mattel:Then it's time for the dancing. And I cry when the son and the mom dance to that song from that Stephen Sondheim song. Nothing's going to harm you. Not while I'm around. Not while I'm around. Beautiful song for a mother and son. Love it. And then the father and daughter dance. the bride's parents are both modern dancers. So an older man who really can dance, whenever there's an extension, the arm is out. It was like a Fred Astaire swagger. I'm crying from that. I'm crying from all of it. Damn. That was the last time I cried of the evening, but just the three times. Just the three. Just the three.

22:53Three longer sections.

22:55Trixie Mattel:Yeah. Were you wearing makeup? Did you have to repowder your nose? I put makeup on. Yeah. That's what I mean. I cried so much. I think I had white streaks down my face. Damn. And there's something I did do because I'm not flexible, but if the situation calls for it, I can like the grudge out of any situation. So I hear that, oh, they're about to, it's about to become a cash bar. Extreme backbend. Backflip. Backflip. Sprint. Spin move. Velvet rope. I can get these chunky thighs over that. In five minutes, it's going to be a cash bar. I'm going to need three tequila sodas. Cash bar at a wedding?

23:25Trixie Mattel:Well, no. At a certain moment, it turned into a cash bar because they're closing. Who? The bar. Oh. The venue. The wedding was over at 930. Nice and early. but right before that cash bar, I said, I will get in there. Oh yeah. And you brought your own, um, pale. Right. I brought my own, forget my trough. I had one of those gumball machines. You put a quarter in, I put my mouth under it, splash in the mouth. You know, those love, uh, Oh my, it was a great wedding. I love weddings. What was the theme? Marriage. The theme of the wedding was marriage. I mean, what's the love? Well, I did just watch this tick tock saying that, we're experiencing the trend in wedding right now is classic wedding.

24:08Trixie Mattel:Elegant, classic, timeless. And the TikToker was saying that we're all going to regret that because weddings are going to all look too wedding-y. I think that might be crazy. I feel like a lovely plain wedding is lovely. The thing about things is sometimes that they are a certain way. And we identify those things because of those qualities. Right. If there's a tux, a white dress, and a white cake, that is a theme. No, it's a baseball game, right? It's a baseball game. I'm okay with a wedding-themed wedding. Also, what it does is it relieves a little bit of burden for the attendees. Of course. The theme is like Balkan Baroque with orange.

24:47You know what I mean? It's crazy.

24:49Trixie Mattel:It's not crazy, but it's like classic never goes out of style. That's why they call it classic. Yeah, I love classic. I do too. But the person on TikTok was saying like, I think the response to this is, in a few years, we will see more of those fucking dances down the runway. No, we will see like one of the, one of the themes that was pitched, not a theme, but like an aesthetic was freaky, like vintage prom in a gym, fabric streamers. I actually really loved that. I like that for a party, a birthday party. You don't like it for a wedding? No, I, I, no, I don't. I like, I want the church in the, yeah.

25:28Trixie Mattel:So I don't know. To me, when I go to a wedding, in my mind, I'm picturing some kind of altar, two people, sides of a family. I want the Love is Blind wedding to watch. I'm thinking at least 13th, 14th century Gothic architecture cathedral. Right. Latin. Incense. Service is probably around three, four hours long. We do my train. Catholic, of course. Catholic, of course. Oh, the Jewish wedding. Stomp on the glass. Yeah, yeah. The woman. Okay. Did she get it on the first time? the earth. Rabbi Janet was taking no prisoners. Rabbi Janet. She roasted people? No. She goes, oh God, what was she talking about?

26:07Trixie Mattel:There was a part of a prayer that's in every wedding. And she said, what these other religions don't know is they actually got that from us. And everyone laughed and she goes, is there something funny? And then she cited the passage that I guess gets used a lot. And she's told a story in the middle of the wedding about the time a priest gave her a tip to say, use this passage. And she said, well, guess what, honey? I'm a rabbi. I knew it before you knew it. Pussy so tight like a nun. Right. So anyway, she was fun. A lot of acapella singing. Very good job. I was like, okay, work. I love the stepping on the glass.

26:44Trixie Mattel:I guess it signifies that just like this glass can't be reassembled, I think it signifies that now that this is a union, your world has changed forever, this marriage. Do you know what they do? I know a lot of Jewish weddings in the Midwest, they just use pukies.

27:04It's really easy to crush. And they're easy to come by. In Hollywood? You just put it in a sock. You don't even need the -

27:09Trixie Mattel:You can walk through Hollywood with a push broom and go home with about a dozen pukies. Mary, I went, I passed the little smoke shop. I was like, do you have gum? No. Just pukies. No. Just pukies and lighters. We have cold glass and hot glass. Pukies, lighters, a little thing on the La Brea, a little stand. I was like, they have to have gum. I guarantee they also have - Gatorade. Gatorade and Monster Energy, like an energy drink. Oh, they had a million of those like rocket fuel, like gonna kill you with drinks. Oh yeah. At this point, I think the straight men are cracking open like a D battery and they're just drinking that.

27:38Trixie Mattel:Well, you know what? And this is sad. A lot of parents I know who have like tough schedules and stuff, they bypass the coffee. Maybe they go straight to those fucking monsters because they need energy. I've climbed down the ladder. I'm hugging the organic black tea more. Oh, see, that wouldn't even register in these people's lives. And they're not drug users. People who have autoimmune disorder, we don't need to be mass-consuming energy drink. Well, sure. And certainly if you have any type of anxiety, the last thing you want to do is introduce more cortisol as your looks maxing. Right. Can we please talk about that for two seconds?

28:17Trixie Mattel:We can, but I have to finish the wedding talk. I'm sorry. Okay, so then my other favorite part was the part where they throw the people up in the chairs. Oh, so they have the two people in the chairs. They throw up on them in a chair. I pictured like an eject thing out of a, you know? Oh, she never came down. She's gone. Well, they go, we need four big, strong people. And I thought like, I'm not going to be responsible for dropping a, or a bride or a groom or, or, or lifting her so high. She, you know, she hits the air. Yeah. Um, so, and then everybody holds hands and goes around in opposite circles.

28:50I

28:51Trixie Mattel:nobody up in the chairs looked relaxed no it's a trust issue I don't think and this isn't about my body I would be scared of people who've been drinking in slippery dress shoes holding me up on a fucking folding chair or whatever the hell she stood on a chair when it acted I started screaming get down from there get down I'm not Jewish but I'm going to say that maybe at the Jewish wedding, we put helmets on the bride and the groom. Green Bay Packer helmets, just in case. I'll do you one better. Invisible bungee cords. They don't even need to be on. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. The chair is a very light foam.

29:32It just attaches to the dress. And then she just goes up and down.

29:35Trixie Mattel:Absolutely. I think instead of the chair thing, they should do pink, we're all going to start a fight, rubber bands. So what? And also, I don't want my dad to walk me down the aisle. It's like, as soon as you hear the music, Right to the altar Yeah Weddings Weddings Sorry you were just going to talk about something Ow What were you going to talk about? I forgot Oh fuck No no no Looks maxing So this is so This is so okay You know I don't want to like be okay boomer Baby I got Baby I got one step ahead of you The other day I tweeted Before we looks max Can we make sure we personality bare minimum There you go Hello Thank you Thank you But you know what's real I watched a TikTok saying that you can call these men like a pedophile protector or like a fascist.

30:21Trixie Mattel:The worst thing to be called is a beta because they really believe that the alpha beta thing. So I'm not as, obviously I'm not, whatever. I'm not like chronically online anymore and I'm also not a fucking sociologist, but like, and I'm not that smart, but like the, it's just, And it just seems so a product of just chronic online, weird incel, lack of socialization. I don't know. It's like these guys are... Talk about it. It's incel related in a sense that like they're... I don't even want to like dignify it when they're talking about their names. It's like they're so loathsome. but the idea of looks maxing to me is so stupid the thing is choosing to like put a little concealer on well it goes further than that of course wanting to look your best that's what it is is quite far from I think looks maxing but it's it's like a sign of I think health when someone like does their hair and puts a little perfume or like you know This is a very historic phenomenon that has existed probably since the days of the boneyard.

31:41Right.

31:41Trixie Mattel:The cave people are probably putting on the fancy flowers in their hair. You know, even the primates are taking ticks out of the, you know what I mean? They're grooming each other. Yeah. Grooming. But it's so funny. It's like, I don't know how to describe it, but they're like breaking bones. They're doing trend. They're doing, do you saw the guy get his wig snatched? What's trend? It's a very powerful steroid. Tren is one of the testosterone supplements that gives you all the back knee and makes you crazy. Tren is like really serious. So it's like HGH, testosterone. Tren is like the... They're also taking meth to get skinnier.

32:19Well, yeah. I've heard about that. That guy, that is... I was like, that is... I mean, it does make you skinny. Yeah, it also ruins your life. But like... How do you know? I'm not... I've heard. I've heard. I've heard. But like, why don't you just... Anyways, that's...

32:32Trixie Mattel:You're not going to be able to inspire the masses if you keep living your dream. You're out here living your dream on a podcast. It ruins your life, by the way. Look at me. Let's take a break. Let's do some ads. No, no. That was, I think it's a rumor. It's a rumor. No, they're doing it. Like all? Well, do you listen to, what's that pod? I think it's from Vox. They did a whole segment on it. Okay. And that's literally what they're doing. I listened to it last week. So, okay. Interesting. So that's another, okay. That's an interesting thing. it's like where do we draw the line between healthy self care and this is I think where the term makes more sense now looks maxing not health maxing not optimizing how do I at what no matter the cost how do I get my shell to be a certain way right to attract whatever whatever and yeah looks masks maxing is just about physical appearance and it came from male in cells back in like the 2010s.

33:29Oh yeah,

33:30Trixie Mattel:because I think it comes from the alpha beta. Like you're trying to cheat genetics to be an alpha if you aren't an alpha and sort of like the self pressure of like don't be a beta look like this so you have access to this. But I don't get the sense that women like this. Well, that's the thing. It's kind of not about the women. Oh, it's the femboy people. No, it's they're all getting together on their little party buses with their little meth and they're fucking and rubbing their dinghies together. I mean, I just made that up, but I think that is the vibe. It's wild.

34:08Trixie Mattel:Today's episode of Bald and the Beautiful is brought to you by Wayfair. Wow. Okay. Your home, my friend told me that your home is your sanctuary and the more you can feel recharged and beautified at home, the more you can be better in every other area of your life. And I actually really believe that. But is it possible to have quality pieces that really upgrade your space, but still have a budget and still not have to wait months and months for something and still have easy assembly. The answer is yes. Okay. My house, we have things in my house that are vintage. I love antique. I love vintage, but some things you do just want new.

34:41Trixie Mattel:And we have pieces in my house, my studio, my house in Milwaukee, we have wafer pieces everywhere because it's like my little condo in Milwaukee is like industrial loft. So it's like, I wanted some new stuff for that. But then my house in LA is, you know, a little more gold and brassy and animal print. And it really, it really called for specific pieces. My dining room chairs are all Wayfair, sit in it every day. And it was very easy. I mean, when I was doing, um, Trixie Motel season two, when you're doing a TV show, you have to furnish everything on a budget in a small amount of time. And Wayfair really, really saved the day with things because I could have a lot of different options and get it very quickly.

35:25Trixie Mattel:And I always want pink furniture. And so I need like a vast selection to pick from. I also loved it because my dining room chairs were super easy. They came in a box. All I had to do was put the legs on. The legs had been on for years. No end in sight. What I also love is that at Wayfair, you can do installation and assembly services because those are available for really a seamless experience if you don't want to do anything. My makeup station at my studio that I put together in like 2018 was one of the hardest things I've ever done. I will never put together a large piece of furniture like that ever again.

35:55Trixie Mattel:Find furniture, decor, and essentials that fit your unique style and budget. Head to Wayfair.com right now to shop all things home. That's Wayfair, W-A-Y-F-A-I-R.com, Wayfair. Every style, every home. This episode is sponsored by Rakuten. It's 8 p.m. on a Tuesday. I'm standing in my kitchen, glaring at my soapy sponge, thinking, if I'm gonna scrub this cursed fork, I should receive tribute. Or a parade. Or at the very least, a tiny velvet pouch of 17th century doubloons. Frankly, I believe everything in life should be rewarding. From buying a laptop for your dachshund to selecting a reasonably firm avocado.

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37:06It's an absurdly easy way to save money while spending money. And to answer the most important question from a recent letter from my favorite fan in Austria, Heinz Dupeldorf, Yes, I love stacking cash back on top of sales and coupons like a greedy little savings goblin. So you may be wondering how it works. You just sign up for free with an email, shop, and let the rewards accumulate like destiny. Then you can redeem those rewards however you want. PayPal, check, built points, gift cards, or if you're an ineligible American Express card member, membership rewards points instead of cash back. But for that one, terms and conditions apply.

37:39So go ahead, book that trip, fill that cart, order some decadent dessert, and let your every earthly errand drip with glorious rewards. Rakuten is without a doubt the most rewarding way to shop. Join for free at rakuten.com or download the Rakuten app to start saving money today. I'm heading to Austin this month for South by Southwest, and while half the country is still feuding with winter coats and dodging slush puddles, I'll be packing light layers and celebrating the beginning of allergy season. It's time for that beginning of spring energy when the sun is out, the air feels optimistic, and everyone collectively decides make out in a public park season has begun.

38:15Austin just understands this moment, especially when you booked an incredible place on Airbnb right next to the city's best barbecue joint. I'm talking morning coffee outside while the city wakes up, walks where you don't need gloves to avoid frostbite, and plates of brisket eaten outdoors with the Texas sunshine highlighting every bit of flavor in your dry rub. I booked my stay through Airbnb and honestly, it's doing a lot of the heavy lifting for this trip. I get space to sprawl, a real couch to decompress on after screaming lyrics with strangers, and a table where I can eat like a human instead of balancing food on a pillow in a hotel room.

38:48I can close the door when I need silence, throw open the windows when I want light, and enjoy privacy that feels like I actually live there, even if only for a few days. And if I'm traveling with friends, we can all stay together instead of coordinating lobby meetups like we're in a low-budget spy thriller. And while I'm dancing my way through Austin and riding that early spring glow, I'm already plotting the next adventure. This summer, it's Lisbon. Think ocean breezes, late night dinners that turn into midnight desserts, and perhaps a moonlit stroll with a charming local who teaches me exactly one Portuguese phrase and then disappears forever.

39:20Trips just feel better when you book through Airbnb, and I already know I'll be booking again and again. With Airbnb, every journey feels like it was made just for you. but speaking of the the bad bunny one no the alpha no the alpha I saw 28 years later the bone temple

39:38Trixie Mattel:okay I saw your tweet because you didn't like the previous one did you no no I enjoyed it I cried my eyes out yeah it was it was a different vibe it was good I loved it it was you will love it I keep driving by the billboard being like baby well my thought was the response to the one before was mixed even though I loved it so I thought I could see that. How are they doing another one? I could see that. Oh, mama. There's two majors. How would you compare? If I saw that one, what is this one? This one is balls to the wall. It's so intense. And there's an alpha zombie who is a... I cried. I remember with the big dick.

40:16Yeah, and I cried. Isn't that awful? No. No. He had a big dick. You're just saying he has a big dick. I would fuck that zombie dick. Well, mama, you're going to love this. so there's two like sort of different storylines going on but Ray Fiennes is like this crazy doctor he's covered in it's not blood it's iodine and the guy with all the skeletons exactly so he's got his own little like you know underground bunker da da da da the alpha he tames an alpha via morphine and I won't give that's I won't spoil anything else about that

40:48Trixie Mattel:morphine love Dion she's in the movie your daughter My daughter. Yeah. She fucked the alpha. Of course, because she knows. Well, she's warming up for me. Yeah. So then, but then there's - Ew. Do you think people want to fuck alpha zombies? Do you think that I'm like morphine? I think the resemblance is almost, I would say sisters, not mother-daughter. Yeah. That's what I would say. Okay. Okay. So, but the other storyline is so harrowing. So there's this guy, Jimmy, who is a psychopath. Okay. Regular character. New character. Regular. Spoilers, by the way. No, no, no. It's all in the trailer. Oh, everything's in the trailer these days.

41:34Well, no, no, no. I mean, you can see that there's this blonde guy and he has a couturier of like, he's got his little cult gang and they're all called Jimmy. And the way that they gain entrance into the gang is they have to kill one of the members and they become a Jimmy. He's a psychopath. and there's a scene where they go to people's house, humans they've protected themselves against the infected they do this thing called they have this thing called he believes he is the son of Satan old Nick and they're like what should we I forget the term he uses something we should do for these guys I think we should take their shirts off and that's a metaphor.

42:21Is it skin?

42:25Trixie Mattel:Are they living people and they de-skin them? It's so fucking disgusting. It was so hard to watch. Okay. It was so, it's so nasty. Okay. You're gonna love it. Girl, I didn't even watch the last Saw that you said was good because I didn't know if I could take that. Well, that is, that's splatter. I feel like that's splatter gore. You know what I mean? But I'm watching Real Housewives of Orange County. So how do I pivot to that? Oh, easy. It's just as vicious. Maddie from, Maddie has me, I said, well, you know, I finished New York. New York was incredible from the beginning, finished New York. Now what?

42:59Trixie Mattel:She said, well, you're going to have to watch Real Housewives of Orange County. The first three seasons are, it's not the Housewives you don't love. It's not like hot rich bitches screaming at each other. It's like. Dumpy Republican women's. it's like gated community people and their families. It's really, it hasn't turned into the housewives yet. Vicki Gunderson. Like they're, they haven't realized what it is. They are, they think it's about children or like, and also it's weird. Cause old TV like that, when someone has plastic surgery and is open about it, it's like so crazy. Yeah. I had my boobs done crazy.

43:35Now it's like,

43:35Trixie Mattel:whose boobs aren't done? Thank you. Go visit the bone temple. Go to the bone temple. I'm serious. The boob temple. The boob temple. It's, it's, it's, it's cool. I'll go watch it. I will. And it's. I probably won't go to the movies. It's streaming. Oh. You got to buy it though. That's fine. Yeah. Movies. I will say movies at home when you want to see them. $38. Mary, how about this? I wanted. I was like, you want to rent it? 20 bucks. You want to buy it? 25. I accidentally. Why are they doing that? Because they're trying to antagonize me. They're trying to piss me off. Well, I'm not pissed off.

44:08I'm pissed off that I chose to rent it by accident.

44:11Trixie Mattel:For$5 more, I could have just given it to you. yeah that would have been nice I don't think you can do that though I can give you my computer you can plug it into your giant TV like I want your computer history in my house no no no I'll be using I'll be at the switchboard making me watch some certain things our show is free no it's not all these ads right no I'm serious watch that and then when we launch the Patreon we will be doing a shot for shot remake of the Bone Temple yeah charity he calls them And I was like, charity, that's interesting. Mary. For a while, we were calling you the lovely bones in drag.

44:48Trixie Mattel:I think we got to pivot to the bone temple. Yeah, the... The boner temple. The bone temple grandin. Did you... Wait, so you saw 28... Was it 20 weeks later? It was 28 years later. That's what came out about a year and a half ago. And Spike was in that? The little boy Spike? Yes. He's in this one too. And his mom is sick. Oh yeah, Jodie Cole. That was very hard. It was so tough. So he's in this. He gets recruited by the Jimmies. Okay. And it's just... Oh yeah, it ends with that. It ends with him getting approached by... The blonde guy? It ends with him being assaulted by some guys. It's like a cliffhanger.

45:31Oh my gosh, I didn't even remember that. It's so... It's really fucking good. It's really good.

45:37Trixie Mattel:What is the speed they're going down this street here? Do you hear that? Well, it's nothing compared to what they do outside my house. Crazy. Except they have no mufflers and they are screaming and have boom boxes in their cars. They put up across from my house. They put up like one of those, you know, LA is obsessed with those modern duplexes that are built in 13 minutes. Thank you. Is it the four story flop house? It's two. It's three, but it's cut down the middle. So it's two townhouses. Whatever. That's a trigger word for you. I know. but it's straight people and I came home from that Super Bowl party and straight people at a Super Bowl like on the patio at a Super Bowl function like people in their 20s now LA is back no it isn't I'm I've been told many times that I'm a hater I'm trying not to be I'm trying to be less of a hater I know I am you hate joy you hate queer joy no no no I I like queer joy straight what football football, I can get into a lot of sports.

46:39I can appreciate, like tennis, for example, I could get obsessed with tennis really easily. It's one of the most incredible, difficult sports ever. Even golf, I could sort of, I can appreciate the precision and, you know, basketball, amazing. Hockey, whoa. You know, the list goes on. Football? Girl, it's so much. American football.

46:56Trixie Mattel:It's so much of nothing happening. It's literally like. When they see a hot, hot hike, the play goes for four seconds. And most of the time they don't catch the ball. No. And the most exciting thing about it is seeing the veins bulge on the necks of the coaches and the managers on the sidelines screaming into those headsets like their wives are getting tortured at home. There are so many incomplete passes, so many fumbles. I watch it being like, are you guys that good? I don't want to be a hater. I'm like, this sport should move more. And basketball, they're not constantly stopping. Mama, what happens in soccer or football?

47:28Right. They are never not moving. Those whores are in such incredible shape.

47:32Trixie Mattel:It would be like if it was tennis, it was like half net shots. There's so much stopping and starting in football. It's like, how many minutes are left in the quarter? Two. Oh, so we'll be here for four hours? First down. First down what? Exactly. Why don't you just score it? Is it seven points if you get a touchdown and then one extra if you kick a field goal, right? And I think it's 33 if you do. I have no idea. It's corny, girl. Baseball, thrilling. It's like, oh, yeah. I love baseball. It's like a great American thing. American football to me is just so stupid. Although. Baseball players are hot.

48:08Yeah. They get some. Well, sometimes they're not, which is also fun. Like I like a. I like the outfit.

48:16Trixie Mattel:They have big arms. Could be throwing balls and shit. Yeah. And I kind of like when they have a little bit of like a dad bod thing going on. Yeah. Sometimes the athletes grow their hair long. It's like a fun thing with the team. And then. So then everyone looks worse, which is kind of fun. Everyone grows like beards and long hair. And then you actually. I'm not a super fan. I know that they're not the same people sometimes, but they all have long hair and beards. And I'm like, who is anybody? Hillary Clinton. Do you remember when Hillary Clinton grew her hair very long? No. It's weird. Oh, oh, oh, so the gig, I had to do this gig.

48:47Trixie Mattel:Oh yeah. So the next day, 5 a.m. Like we leave, Fina picks me up at 5 a.m. Get in the Uber at 5 a.m. We go. Which, which she's been up for hours. But Fina? Yes. Oh yeah. She's been, it's like a 4am. I know she meditates it. She meditates. She's at the gym by seven. She's fucking crazy. Getting that Uber is like death. And then, um, fall asleep on the plane. We go to DC nonstop. So we have, we arrive. I have to be at the venue on stage at six. We can't, I have to get ready at the college show. Yeah. I have to get ready at the hotel. Um, the, um, American university of something. University of Phoenix.

49:30Yes. Trump University. It felt very, very like for profit. No. Yeah. It was. It was. So anyways, we get to the hotel at 440. I heard about the meet and greet. Oh, yeah. Oh, the meet and greet was rotten. But the point is, I. I beat my face in like 35 minutes and it looked amazing.

49:57Trixie Mattel:I bet. Girl, it looked amazing. We talked about it before. put down the brush and move on with your life. You were in my head the entire time. You can do it. You can do it. It's possible. And no, T, your makeup is - It's not like, we're not doing Chuck Close. I mean, it's not like intricate. You can just do like a black eye. Well, she was like, she's like on the, she was really worried for me. Did you do it? No, no, no. But she was worried on the car ride there. She's like, just remember, red mouth, black circle. You can do it. Honestly. But I did more than that. I did like a whole thing. And as long as you were just - I saw the picture.

50:29I wouldn't have known. right it wasn't like it was good it wasn't amazing but like it wasn't bad foundation looked a little flatter than usual yeah cause she usually does the whole and I didn't have enough time also I tipped I dropped the powder

50:44Trixie Mattel:thing your foundation looked more one color than it normally does normally you have more highlight contour yeah yeah yeah cause she's been doing more yeah yeah yeah well we do that thing from I think it's from you the the yellow the brown oh the the bronzer sticks Yeah, yeah, yeah. But yeah. It's easy too. Oh, and it's creamy. Love it. But if you don't, yeah, I saw the picture. Your eyes look like your normal eyes. You had less on the bottom maybe. Yeah. I like you with a lot of horror color on the bottom. You know what the problem is though? My age and the tissue crepe skin under my eyes. Collects the shadow.

51:18Yes. And also just anything is accentuated all the, it doesn't wear that well.

51:24Trixie Mattel:Have you ever used liquid or cream instead of powder under there? no you have liquid or cream like shadow so that it's not powder because powder will move what about like a liquid or cream like black or brown to smoke out the bottom and you don't have to worry about it do they does it does it actually blend out well yeah you could use the black play pigment from trixie lip black liquid and then there's no fallout because it's not powder I don't experience that because my under eye is here gotcha but I would assume if it's closer to your eye this is like the finest oh it's horrible would you do like a talk back I did it was just a moderated Q &A so naturally of course I made them do the pledge of not the pledge of allegiance we stood for the national anthem at the end did you sing I sure did and then yeah it was fun it was fun and easy and I was like, I can't believe I got, I can't believe I got ready that quick.

52:23But I wasn't stressed out because you just do it. Yeah. It's kind of like when you have that, timing with drag can be tough because like if you have like too much time, it can get a little weird sometimes. Then you're late. Do you know what I mean?

52:35Trixie Mattel:Yes. I try to now, like, I don't want anything about the day I have to be in drag to be that. Like just yesterday I took a wig home and I, before dinner, sat and styled my updo topper for my DJ gig this Friday because I said, Friday, I don't want to go to the studio early to style this hair. I want to show up knowing some part of it's done. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because to your point, if you just want to economize the time you're getting ready, you just got to cut corners. You can't do everything you've ever wanted to do. No. But the funny thing is though, so I had a high neck because my problem area is also I didn't have to shave all this, which is great.

53:13But when I get in that shower, I'm ready to hit it. I'm ready to hit the ground running with that razor. The water pressure was like, three adult men peeing on me. I was like, you gotta be kidding me. Veterans. Yeah. It was like, I was like, veterans with prostatitis, prostatitis. It was like, this is my rush. This is the shower. I have to rush. This is going to take about 45 years. It was so, it was like comically. It was Mitch McConnell's peace dream. When is he going to kick the bucket? Girl.

53:40Trixie Mattel:When? Girl. It's going to be so funny. Yeah. I mean, I don't wish anybody died. He died. I'm going to be like, thought he was like, you know what I mean? Like, yeah. What's the difference? Man, he's been... There have to be. We cannot... But evil can sustain you. No, yeah. People who die, it's never who you want. No. I don't know what it is about the universe. It's never who you want. I wish that when it was time for someone to die, death would go like, hi, Trixie. And I go, I got a list. I go in here at this other room, my whiteboard. It looks like a phone book. I have it all worked out for you.

54:12So, top.

54:14Trixie Mattel:Pam Bobby. Right. And then we're going down. You know what I mean? And if you take Bad Bunny, before I say, you can't take Bad Bunny. You take him to my house. You take him to my hotel room and make him do sex to me. Right. I love him. Love him. The other thing was, this is America. And the halftime show should be on English. So, you know, we don't know what they're saying. We speak English here. I know, I know, like, there's like 40 billion Spanish. Megyn Kelly, shut the fuck. Megyn Kelly can suck it. She can suck it. She can truly suck it. She can suck it. Not any dick. She can just suck like a big frozen turd that they get in those weird German nightclubs.

54:52Nasty, wet rat. Violent.

54:56Trixie Mattel:Violent, violent person. Horrible. Hater. I hate her. I do too. I hate her. It's a weird commitment to the bit of being a liar. Well, I think what, I mean, my only, one of my guesses would just be that people know in this horrible day and age that vitriol is profitable. Girl, she's assembling nuclear warheads with Nicki Minaj and Mar-a-Lago. Yeah. That's what she's up to. God, if Nicki Minaj gets on one of those subs that they have with all those Satan 2 nuclear warheads. Wait a minute. I wish I could have handpicked the people on the Titanic thing that exploded. Imploded. I wish I would have been able to handpick.

55:37Trixie Mattel:I would have done it like a pyramid, like Dance Moms. Oh, my God. Revealing who's going to be on it. And you'd be like, you guys, this is going to be the most unforgettable. It was like the opposite of the trip to space. Yeah. I saw they have, what do you call it? De-assified her, Miss Menard. Oh. She just has flat hair and she looks like, it was just like interesting. Pierce. Interesting. Come with me. And I don't want to belittle people for their weight or whatever. But there was this funny, this guy I follow on Twitter. Big off. When she was walking into the thing, the ground was shaking. Oh my god.

56:15I saw a picture of her

56:16Trixie Mattel:with Trump and she was in that big coat and it said they're having a big off. Love that. I think it was probably the same guy and it was like it was just, yeah. I mean, you know. I think if you're like, I think it's like I'm not into body shaming unless it's somebody doing evil. You better come for that bald head. Yeah, it's still a cheap shot. You know, I feel shoot me in the eye, bitch. I don't like talking about people's you would never catch me saying mean shit to someone about how they look. Don't roll the tapes. That's well, but so I think they have plenty of. I don't like this happens on the housewives a lot.

56:48Trixie Mattel:I don't I don't like when they say someone has a little dick as a bad thing. No, no. And I think what it means, because I Googled it. I think what they're meaning is this person exhibits behavior of someone who is insecure about having a little dick. When you say someone's little dick, you're talking about their behavior, the way they act. Yeah. So that's an that's an imprecise. But I don't like making fun of things that people can't change. People's bodies that we think should be bigger or smaller. And I feel like it's up. I kind of feel like it's up there when being bald. People are like, people online are like, and your hairline.

57:22Trixie Mattel:Not to me. I don't care if I'm bald. But it's weird to like. I'm all about slam dunking on men. But I kind of think like, and your hairline. It's like, okay. I have a mirror. I know what's going on. Yeah. I just. And maybe there's no answer to this. No. But the way we. I love when people are coming for people they don't like. Let's say you hate this young Republican. Their character, their actions, the things that they stand for and that they promote. We're all very loosey-goosey about saying men have a small dick or they're bald. And I just feel like that's also making fun of someone's physical shit.

57:57And it also doesn't matter. And I feel, I regret when I say, you know, that fat bitch. I mean, I think if you roll the tapes, I do appear incredibly fatphobic, and I swear to God I'm not. But I was at the supermarket, and this woman walked by, or no, it was at the mall. And she had some very interesting surgery done to her face. Interesting in what way? I would probably like, it was. Aftermarket light switch nose. It was extreme. It was extreme, extreme, extreme. And, and I, and I looked and I, and I, my immediate reaction was what a freak. And I was like, Oh, I stopped myself. I was like, you know what?

58:36There's so many people in this world. They look the way they do. Let them live. Let them fucking, live. I look like a goblin often. I often can get confused for Gollum from Lord of the Rings. It's like I people look all I mean

58:48Trixie Mattel:I either want surgery I can't believe I can't even tell or I want Riley from House of Evalon or who knows. I want the dolls the goddesses or I want like Restylane I would have never known. You know like I want that but also we don't know anything. I didn't know anything about this woman. I don't know you know and my mind goes to like the bullying for like congenital herpes? I'm not joking. Oh, I thought you said genital herpes. Congenital. Congenital herpes. Well, that's a thing. Look it up. Queen. But like, I don't know. I just, like when I watch a movie where a person gets bullied for being overweight, like especially a girl in high school, it like takes a knife into my chest.

59:33Like I almost can't watch it. It's so tough to watch. Yeah. Like just bullying in general,

59:40Trixie Mattel:I think you and I, when we're being huge bitches, it's not unwarranted. I mean, yeah. I mean, I'm not a great person, but I try not to be a shitty one. No, sometimes when I listen to the pod, I'm like, oh, I was a little mean to that person, whoever, whatever. Like someone like Pam Bondi. We speak unscripted full time for 10 plus years. It's really impossible to stand by everything we've ever said. Exactly. that is a really good point in people. It's not to excuse bad behavior, but because I try to evolve intellectually. When I listen to this show sometimes, I'm like, oh, I said that. Okay, well.

1:00:19Yeah. But I mean - Does your hat say thanks a lot, bitch? Yeah. But like, you know, I don't know. It's some people in this world are actually doing evil. Right. And it's - Monet. Yeah. And Bob. It's Bob and it's Monet.

1:00:35Trixie Mattel:And I don't want to - It's fierce. love drag you know what I mean I love drag I'm in an era right now where I love drag once they get not always but right now because I'm not overworked I'm just like oh my god I love it I can't wait to wear some gowns it's so easy to do drag when you haven't done it in a while and you're just feeling it girl I love feeling it I love feeling it I love to feel it yeah as long as I got a good front facing shot and no profile I'm good oh that was the last thing about La Bada the camera, live camera, often from below mama that bitch looks incredible from every angle from below every angle, profile, every angle cunt beautiful there's some more reviews on your side tables I have one more thing I wanted to bring up I guess you just let it go no no no don't let it go I had a new injector you doing it right now no just kidding my old guy ross he retired from that location so i haven't gotten botox in so long but music festivals are coming and it's more for the sweat so if i get that works do you do do you do a different type of botox injection for the sweat no i get all the way up here into my scalp so that my wig glue don't get sweaty wait a minute baby you think it's a lie?

1:02:03No.

1:02:04Trixie Mattel:No, no, no. What's wrong? I've got something for you. The pills. The glycopyrate. I'm not taking the pills. Girl, music festivals, I need to sweat for health. No, you don't. You're the one who told me that it should only be for on-camera gigs where you're not sweating. No, event-specific hyperhidrosis. You don't take them every day. You don't think if it's 100 degrees at Bonnaroo, I should be sweating a little? Uh, you will, if I overheat, what are you going to do? Have a heart attack? Yeah. No, you wouldn't have a heart attack. Yeah. Oh shit. Really? From overheating? Yeah. So I go to this new injector.

1:02:44Trixie Mattel:Um, and I always feel dumb saying this. I say, cause they always are telling me about other things I could do. And I was like, I just want the Botox for the makeup. And that, and I said, I like to look really natural and really male. So I don't want anything softened or blown out or out of drag, like out of drag. That's not important. Yeah. not here for how we thought I'd try. So I get all the needles. Hurts like a bitch. Doesn't matter what they do. Doesn't matter what they do. It always hurts. Yes. It always hurts. I'm like drop-dead gorgeous. I'm like, ow! But they have a sale of dull needles at Kmart.

1:03:15Trixie Mattel:And they have like a stress ball. That's my hand. There's a needle in my face. They give you a stress ball. So it hurts like a bitch and I'm just They did that for the tattoo removal. It don't do nothing. So then they go, talking about my arthritis, and they go, have you done cryo? and I go, well, I used to do cryo at this location when I was like 25, but I quit because it's awful. And they said, why don't you try it again today on the house? I just want to see if you like it, see if it helps. I forgot how bad it is. Oh, it's three and a half minutes in like negative whatever, 100 degrees. Yeah, no.

1:03:50Trixie Mattel:And I believe in the science that it can shock your system into like a survival mode, like a reboot. It's so unpleasant. It's so unpleasant. I was in there jumping I'm thrashing so I'm in there jumping my eyes are rolled back I'm like what about a cold plunge isn't it I get out after two minutes and I go she goes how was it I said I remember why I don't do it anymore it sucks it sucks yeah but I believe that it helps you I bought a cold plunge it's at my house I got in it twice for how long never again oh yeah about 10 seconds you gotta do about at least 20 minutes it's awful yeah 20 minutes yeah in an ice bath what are you nuts I can't do that Brendan Fraser and Sino man bullshit.

1:04:29Sweetie, when they numbed, these little guys numbed, they would put ice on them to numb them. I was like, girl, what the fuck are you doing? Just zap them. Just zap them. Performative. That hurt more than the zapping. Right. I was like, numb them so you can't feel it. What are you talking about? You just iced me.

1:04:44Trixie Mattel:It's like alcohol in the skin before you shoot me up with a dirty needle. Okay. It's like, what are we doing here? Also, it's not numb. It's freezing cold and it hurts. It's like wiping back to front myth. I put the shit in my pussy. And on that note, I think we have some reviews. Let's have 20 minutes of ads. We have reviews. My go-to happy place is from Val Torrey. A better way to spend my time than doom scrolling. True. Fierce. Funny and entertaining conversations with each other and love the occasional guest and guest host. Honestly, we doom scroll so you don't have to. We'll keep you updated.

1:05:21I don't want to doom scroll.

1:05:22Trixie Mattel:But you do. I don't want to. What you want to do is not necessarily what you're going to do. Katya's pussy says, bloop. Oh no, boop. Sorry. Just boop. That's the whole review? Yeah. Wordsmith. Shakespeare. Best podcast from

1:05:46Trixie Mattel:Tingle Greeny Frog. Love listening to Trixie and Katya on my way to work, getting ready, or whenever. you could have chili or chili with noodles this feels like it was written by a bot she's writing them all vacuum as a person who is the court as a person who is the court of the Mila it really does make the difference now my vacuum opinions have shifted somewhat and we'll get into that in the next episode can we talk about Mila next time yeah okay top of the episode we're going in because I'm thinking of getting a second one okay and so so okay not before you consult with me okay we'll talk and last but not least it's 2025 so happy I can binge for days I love it oh the pod stay happy topless bye

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